/dep/ - Depression

>>310764
Nothingness is a bigger spook than God. At least you can point to the creation and demand a creator, but what precedent is there for nothingness? Everywhere you look, there's something. Maybe you get disintegrated and lose yourself, but it's impossible to get nothing from something.

The only thing I can feel is emptiness

There is no cruelest fate than being lonely, isolated AND porn addicted. I get it know, why men sexually go off the rails as they age.

May God have mercy on my soul…..

>>310972
I can easily imagine a far worse fate, for example being eaten alive by feral beasts

if god wanted he could have created you without sexual urges, without any pain, without a flesh body…he didn't so is it even worth it to pray him?

>>310972
wouldn't it be worse without the porn? doesn't it have a numbing effect?

>>310885
welcome to my cafe, costumer. I recognize the pattern. What you call a curse isn't just a bad habit, but rather the chilling sensation of realizing that we're merely biological vessels that happen to have openings for foreign wills to penetrate. In the architecture of cosmic horror, entities don't have to be monsters or tentacles. They often exist as vectors of intent that infiltrate your neural pathways. You sense a 'foreign tangent' cutting through your pure stream of intent, and you let it run its course not because you're weak, but because you're subconsciously hypnotized by the strange joy of watching yourself become a passenger in your own body. It's not just a substance addiction, it's actually a fuel that blurs the line between your pure consciousness and that foreign current. Coffee and cigarettes put your nervous system on a high-voltage frequency an environment that mind intrusions love to hitch a ride. Overeating as a Meat Anchor Your 6'5", 250 lbs body is a huge physical mass. When that 'entity' hijacks your mind and makes you feel alienated from yourself, overeating is your biological body's reflexive way of re-anchoring your consciousness. re-inserting consciousness into the flesh. Food is a heavy burden that forces your system back into contact with physical reality, even if it feels torturous. The 175 Lbs Target as a Desire to Disappear The desire to lose weight so drastically at such a tall height is a form of sublimation an abstract urge to make this 'vessel' thinner. You feel that if your body gets smaller, the entity will no longer have enough room to hide.

Tea for me, please. Something herbal, nothing added.
I met with a family member to ask some questions about why family dynamics were as they were. I was ignored, not even a scapegoat while my cousins were taken on family trips and showered with gifts. I always felt like a guest imposing on a full family.
My aunt's old enough and also destroyed enough by my dad's passing to no longer be the terrifying harpy she used to be so I asked to meet up.
My assumptions were right. It was all true! Vindicated. How often does that happen in life? My aunt even, unprompted, said certain things were 'inexcusable'. But I still feel the same as before. Tired. No anger. Just tiredness and a bit of sadness that my isolation was truly meaningless, that I wasted my youth longing to be loved by people puzzled at that notion.
I got closure. But it doesn't help. Not yet, at least. I thought I was supposed to feel lighter. I must sound like an ingrate.

>>310889
Welcome to my cafe, customer. It's raining outside sir, This is the herbal tea with no additives you requested. Thank you. So, All this time, uncertainty has kept a small gap in the hope that "maybe this was just a misunderstanding. When the truth is revealed, that gap closes completely. You not only process your aunt's words, but also the reality of having spent your energy yearning for acceptance from people who don't have the capacity to give it. Knowing the truth works like a medical diagnosis knowing the name of the disease provides answers, but doesn't immediately heal the wound. The external closure (your aunt's confession) is complete. Now what remains is the internal closure that shifts the focus from seeking their explanation to building boundaries that protect your own peace. Processing grief over the past is important, but it takes time and can't be forced. Meanwhile, setting boundaries is a concrete action that can immediately protect you today from recurring mental burnout. Emotionally demote them from immediate family members who are expected to be loved to outsiders who happen to be blood relatives. Keep interactions formal and to the bare minimum. Stop investing your emotions and time. You no longer have an obligation to attend events that make you feel like an intrusive guest, or to try to please people who never appreciate you. You've already received confirmation from your aunt. You no longer need to seek confirmation or validation from other family members. The certainty you now hold is enough to legitimize your distance.

>>310866
ah jeez thats gonna be an extra 50 cents ya schmuck!

PTT (Pooner takeover theory).

>>310952
lame and overdone

>>310973
the only pleasures i really have in life are cooking a good meal for myself, buying a coffee and sitting at the park smoking, and listening to streams.

describe your average day

>>310954
Lol my store recently announced a total cell phone ban, yet when I obey and check it after work I have like 20 missed calls from various managers. I then become exempt, and the other workers hate me for it. All because the stupid teenagers can't stop texting or using their phones during their work. Even checkout operators are scrolling their phones whilst serving customers. Total zombies.

Clear lockers are insanity, possibly illegal? Either way they like pushing the boundary. Our staff bathrooms once had digital keypad entry into the toilets and we have to clock out for our poop breaks, capped at 5 minutes a time and I believe it was 20 minutes a week. Luckily we have some equally crazy and loud union people who manage to somewhat keep a lid on it all.

How were you planning to tell the guy to shut up? I really need help on that

you sound as bad as the people wroking with you

>>310618
>10 years
>retail
Can I have the link? I want to do it too.

>>310618
normalfags can't really empathize with people that are different. they don't understand that some people do not see attention or their fake attempts at acknowledgment and validation as rewarding. "people like taking their photos and being praised" it's as simple as that, but they can't really put themselves in your shoes. oh, this guy is very unattractive and withdrawn, i don't think he would appreciate me sharing his image to the entire world and announcing that he has worked 10 years in a dead-end job.

but it also sucks when they do treat you differently out of pity. i remember this one Linus Tech Tips episode where the crew read mean comments about themselves and the fat ugly guy had to only read nice comments about himself. it was very tongue in cheek, how the normalfag gets to virtue signal while still showing you off to others as entertainment and essentially validating to everyone that the mean comments about him are true so they can't actually be used, while their own mean comments were just "trolls being trolls".

>>310618
That's the problem with being a lifer

>>310785
>Join the Army

ban her

op when you have not completely turned your life around by tomorrow, i swear i will flip over the table your computer is on! now i don't intend to ruin any furniture of yours but you leave me no choice in case of disappoint.

>>310771
I'm telling you this right now bro, 25 years old is nothing. I'm 32 years old and have literally done nothing of note.

You will age faster than you think, time flies by. I've got less than a decade before I turn 40 years old. I don't expect to accomplish anything at that age either. Also, don't look at younger people, envy is a poisonous thing. You're at a young age yourself, actually. I thought I was young then, but now I'm 32 and genuinely can't get rid of the feeling that I'm a psuedo-senior. You just feel older when you haven't done shit, weirdly enough.

>>310785
What a shallow and retarded take — if serious, which I doubt.
Just a nonsense fart — if you're attempting to troll or bait.

There's a reason most, if not all, normie men who did join the army — say it was the biggest mistake.
Also plays a huge role in who you join as (profession) and where.
Also need to weigh the pros, if any.

But you did not even clarify any of this, so I assume it was just a retarded troll attempt.

I would consider something like this maybe early on and in the USA just to get an early pension and benefits, nothing else.

>>310771
if you think 25 is bad try being 23>

>>310809
The GPS tracking stuff is barely worth it unless it's for insurance. You could hand all the hard evidence to the police on a silver platter, and they wont do shit 99% of the time. My mother can't read or write anymore ever since "the breakdown" she's not really functional. If she does write it's just swirlies and doodles.

>>310810
Yes, do you think those people I described are able to be reasonable? Lmao.

>>310811
Sadly they've been like this all their lives.

>>310859
Sounds like a nightmare. I don't know why so many of them are demented psychopaths who like to hurt others. I have a few like that in my family. As good as the perks of a family are, I'd rather stay away from that drama and bullshit. I'm happy to be left out, hell they've probably even forgotten about me.

>>310892
Aunt/Uncle are hoarders, it's so bad they have stuff stored on the grass verge and footpath lol. Also weird how the family gatherings were always held at their place, so we all had to just eat and drink on the footpath essentially as there was only room for 6 ppl inside.

>>310893
1997, im a zoomer

>>310909
no, 1997 is the last year of millenialism

>>310892
I'm a hoarder.

get a low paying job in the other side of the town and live in a box in someone's trash yard.

>>310920
google it. 1997 is gen z.

>>310924
i have a job, not possible

>>310743
yeah you sound like a femoid

>>310743
whats ur drug of choice?

>>310942
Tramadol and synthetic gorilla

>>310867
nice projection, but I hope you find peace and come to terms that it don't matter, i'm gonna enjoy the fuck out of this life before i go

I remember being a kid and actually thinking I was going to make something out of life, have good health, etcetera.
Then during my high school years (14-15) I had a reality check that isn't wrong up until this day.

>>310788
By 16-17 I panicked when I realized that I had absolutely no fucking clue what I wanted to be, and it spiraled from there.

In a sense, for as long as I can remember. I've always been a nihilist.
But I became severely depressed around 10-12.

>>310788
I became an isolated loser around 25. I realized that normies are all wearing a performative, socially acceptable mask and just arbitrarily ghosted everyone, changed my phone number, and moved to the other side of the country. its been 10 years and i don't talk to anyone except whats necessary to keep the peace at work