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return to tradition edition

previous >>264658
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sounds awesome


I just finished a 16 hour shift yesterday (Fri) out in the cold with sub zero temp with wind chill. My head hurts and my body is sore. I definitely can tell how someone could die doing this consecutively. This was a one of thing though thankfully. Normally it's just typical 8 to 5.


16 hours? Are you working in an amazon warehouse or wearing scrubs?

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 No.267681[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

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i'm uneducated, braindead from years of isolation and depression, so i hope that my post makes sense
my father is as big of a narcissist as your mother is, starting from indoctrinating you into believe that they are great people only for you to reach adulthood and realize how mentally ill they really are, being dismissive of your terrible mental health to avoid taking blame, single parent that thought of himself as a hero even though he's the reason why my mother left in the first place (she's a terrible person as well), when i confront my father about these issues he would respond to me with "would you rather have been fucked in the ass in an orphanage?", when i tell him that i want to die he tells me "you're just like your mother" because my mother tried killing herself before (in front of me as well), or "you're possessed by the devil, just like your mother!", it's all about shifting the blame away from them
these people are mentally ill, they are legitimate narcissists, the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot nowadays but these fuckers are the real deal, them being mentally ill means that they are not fully responsible for their actions… despite that i can't help but hate him
i wish i was capable of splitting his head in two with an axe but i'm not a violent person by nature
i'm slowly making steps towards cutting off contact with my father entirely and never having to be subjected to having an imbecilic pointless conversation with him ever again, if i fail i'm killig myself, i can't stand the thought of being in contact with him for the rest of my life
there is nothing you can do to save these people from themselves, there is no way to have them understand the amount of irreversible damage that they've inflicted upon you, they're drowning in a pool and if you try to save them you'll only get dragged to the bottom along with them, so i suggest you cut yourself off from her


I kinda just hate myself.


Yeah brother I hate myself too


Reading Sneneca the younger on suicide is refreshing

>life has carried some men with the greatest rapidity to the harbour, the harbour they were bound to reach even if they tarried on the way, while others it has fretted and harassed. To such a life, as you are aware, one should not always cling. For mere living is not a good, but living well. Accordingly, the wise man will live as long as he ought, not as long as he can

>It is not a question of dying earlier or later, but of dying well or ill. And dying well means escape from the danger of living ill.


Thanks for sharing.
>13. Men are foolish who reflect thus: "One person will say that my conduct was not brave enough; another, that I was too headstrong; a third, that a particular kind of death would have betokened more spirit." What you should really reflect is: "I have under consideration a purpose with which the talk of men has no concern!" Your sole aim should be to escape from Fortune as speedily as possible; otherwise, there will be no lack of persons who will think ill of what you have done.

[Last 50 Posts]

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Are the effort to being alive worth it - all the pain and suffering? Once in awhile there might be joy and happiness… In the end we live and we die without not much more to it. One could argue that learning, art, love, or money is the true purpose - ones meaning of life?

Darkness only exist within the thought of light.

What do you find meaningful in life?
What was once important and "meaningful" which now are lost and forgotten?
Will death give meaning to our life?


I only remember going through school and college so I could gtfo and play vidya all my free time. After graduating and playing vidya fulltime for three years I burned out and never enjoyed anything else.
I don't think I've ever enjoyed anything else.


I devoted majority of my life to escapism, but the thought of whats meaningful never stops bothering me. I keep searching and finding new things to replace the old with, so be gaming, anime, reading books, learning unity & blender etc. It's a circle of "important" things which are rather shallow. Only thing i admit to be meaningful for now are inner reflecting and meditating as it give me some depth to myself. But i'm not sure if any of it is worth while, as death might just as well be around the corner.


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Like in the case of you people my meaning lies in entertainment too. Things that entertain me and make feel some kind of enjoyment I consider as good. I indulge in lot of "escapism". I read a lot and watch many things, days fly by way too fast this way. I keep lists of manga, comics, books, movies, cartoons, TV shows, gameplays, anime, VNs that I read/watched. Sometimes I read my completed lists and feel a sense of achievement and peace that I spent so many of my time on things I like to do. I've been a NEET for five years now and I still have so many things I would like to enjoy in the future. My only concern is that NEET-ing is something that is limited in time and will end sooner or later.

Whatever you consider worth your time is worth your time. It's not more complicated than that. Do what you want. For my part I don't consider meditating and inner reflecting to be of any value. Daydreaming is a much better way of building an inner world. Studying philosophy and seeking ""knowledge"" aren't that fun after you get disillusioned with these stuff. If you agree with someone then you will be bored because of that, if you disagree with someone's opinions then it will be annoying to read his works and ramblings. Once you more or less found an ideology that you agree with there is no more reason to read philosophy or study unless you want to wither away studying some obscure and pointless ramblings so that you can show off before others how learned and cultured you are.

A word of advice from someone who cooked his brain on philosophy and inner reflections: don't study or learn to give "depth" to yourself. Do it if you enjoy learning and reflecting on stuff but otherwise? Spend your time on things that are actually fun. You won't live forever so choose carefully what you spend your time and energy on. There is nothing more pathetic than all these imageboard, reddit and generally internet type pseudo-intellectual scholars who read philosophy and study stuff for the sake of appearing intellectual before others and to boost their own almost nonexistent self-esteem.
No need to fear death or to think it takes away meaning from anything you like doing in the present. Death gives meaning to life because it sets a limit on it. You have limited time. As I said above, be wise about how you spend it.

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to truly die,I must die IN the life.I will please myself all I want for a few months now;doramas,webnovels,animes and comics. I will marathon,vidya all night,days in a row etc. and THEN I will un-become. it will be incredibly painful,brutal, destruction of the Self.
Ive been researching organs a human doesnt need and others which one can live without(not stricly neccesary vs totally unneccesary organs/bones).I will abandon language,IQ, entertainment,patriotism…I will get rid of all 18 sense(daz right,we dont only have 5 sense). I will get rid of property,of shame,of money ,of dreaming and of Time.
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Nietzsche ranked existing moral systems according to his taste but he wasn't a moralist. So for example he viewed islam morality as higher quality than christian morality because he thought it was more life affirming and manly. But he advocated for destroying all tablets and all existing morality systems and making up your own above all.

His preference for heroic morals or manly morals was just his taste, he never said everyone should live according to master morals. He made a difference between master morality and slave morality and while clearly liking master morality better he wasn't naive enough to suggest that everyone is the same and should live by the same values/standards. In the nietzschean opinion nihilism comes first, that is where you start out. Then you make up your own values and decide what you want to live for.

Morality is by its nature objective because it is concerned with prescribing a way of life where acts fall into black and white categories. For example, eating pork is bad if you are a muslim. If you are a muslim then it doesn't matter what you think, your moral system forbids you from eating pork. Eating pork is bad under all circumstances. Not eating pork is always a good thing. Nietzsche opposed this black and white and simple way of thinking of moralists. He recognized that moral statements always boil down to the individual ultimately and what he feels or desires instead of logic and abstract concepts. If you are a weak person by nature then of course you are more likely to accept a moral system that is protective of weak people or pacifist in nature. Just one example…
If you don't go for universal morals then what makes you a moralist? Subjective morality = nihilism. If you let everyone decide what is good or bad then there are no morals. Morality is absolute or it isn't. Either it applies to everyone equally in all circumstances or we are talking about subjective morality/nihilism.


Thanks! Ill have to revist my Nietzche. An aside, but I don't think hes a good role model, so I'm wary to want to follow in his system. I don't like the idea of an objective moralism, because I like to believe in iteration, progress and it doesn't seem like this view allows getting better morals. I think an idea of coherence could allow subjective morality, and not imply that there is no objective moral. If the moral system has a central theme, you could add and subtract morals, but still aiming towards some objective.


Nietzsche was responding to Schopenhauer more than anyone, who made the case for morality due to open individualism. You probably have never looked at philosophy of personal identity seriously though, so just ignore this!




How can you respond to a dead man, though? Schopenhauer was already dead by the time Nietzsche began writing serious philosophical works. It doesn't matter who influenced him or didn't, the important thing is what he came up with personally. Schopenhauer was an overrated fraud if you ask me and the less said of him the better. Luckily, Nietzsche realized this too and distanced himself from Schope's influence later on.

From what you write it sounds like you want too much and will most likely end up with empty hands. It's just a way of looking at things, nihilism isn't something scary or something to be avoided, mainstream culture just likes to demonize moral relativism because most people are hypocrites.

People also tend to be critical of Nietzsche because he was the most honest philosopher of all time basically. Nobody likes honest people who tell the hard truth into your face.

I wouldn't say he was a proper NEET because he lived the intellectual life. He wrote books, he kept exchanging letters with his friends, etc. That kind of can be considered his job. And let's not forget he was actually a professor at unis.

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What's your most severe symptom? Sum it up without writing a big wall of text.

Basically I have triggers. Real triggers, not reddit-tier "trigger warning" shit. If something triggers me and I don't manage to disengage and stabilize myself within immediate hours, I can end up dead or in ER. And I have severe bad mood and mood swings, they cycle through hours multiple times a day every single day.

If I'm in the middle of bad mood (or a mood swing) and something triggers me (both situations at the same time), if I can't stabilize myself within immediate minutes I end up in ER and/or hospitalized for weeks.

What about you? We can have a dick measuring contest about who is more miserable.
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>gore vids while I jack off my
stop doing this wizard this is how the CIA is making u depressed


Not what I meant but applicable in its own right.


This has been one of the toughest and wildest years I've ever had. I went extremely radical with avoiding other people and my mental health significantly changed. I started getting a different perspective on what symptoms aren't caused by having to interact with other people. Like, I realized my mood swings will always happen, even if I'm completely isolated.

I had to admit I'm a severe patient too, which was hard. But with that admission lots of things improved through the year. At this point my symptoms still happen every single day, but I've learned to manage them with healthy habits. And I do "unhealthy" stuff with moderation now, or completely abstain from it.

It's crazy, I was in a harsh moment after being discharged from the hospital, but my survival instinct kicked in and I started sorting my shit out of survival instinct, and now I'm at a decent place in life.


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I feel hopeless. I find no solace in death, and various forms of escapism are gradually losing their effects. I barely possess enough energy to articulate my feelings; it's all in vain.


>We can have a dick measuring contest about who is more miserable.
I'm too fucking scared of confrontation, I can't handle anything.
I immediately look away when someone stares at me (as happened today, yet again). Too scared to get into any fight.
Don't know if it's worse than your issue or not.

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I think I'm finally going to kill myself. what are the best methods for a painless suicide? I think normalfags put oxygen into helium tanks now to prevent suicides so that's kinda not an option. any better ideas?
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that toilet is just like mine!


I believe the most painless recorded way to suicide is to use a 12 gauge 00 shot and put the gun in your mouth aimed at your brainstem. I think you die in like less than a half second if done correctly but we all know just like usual this is an attention thread. Can’t say I blame you though I think about it a lot too


The lungs dont sense oxygen, only CO2, exit bag should be drowsy drift of to death, and no foul, expensive clean up.


Exit bag seems to be the clear favourite but it is a long wait and the suspense drive's you nuts
I hate being British, I want a gun


Don't know about painless but
>fuck off to a seaside during the night, drink alcohol half into a coma while moon/star/seagazing, tie something to your foot and jump in
Thought of this while walking the seaside today, immediately after rain. It's obviously not ideal but it gives me the same vibe as jumping into a volcano.

 No.264708[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

So, uh, state your best excuses to not suicide here. Seems like no one bothered to make a new thread
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What are my chances with a .22? is it strong enough to pierce my skull or it will turn me into a retard?


75-25 success-failure, have you considered a cheap, simple and effective exit bag?


Statistically, .22LR is the most fatal cartridge produced. Though that's mainly a result of its accessibility. Yes, from a 6" barrel, a standard weight, round nose, supersonic .22LR will penetrate the skull, and continue on through the brain, wrecking havoc as it tumbles and bounces around. There's an old adage that "A .22 enters the head then bounces around within several times, causing more damage than it would if it had exited the skull".

Here's a video on the subject, though not lindy it still clarifies some things about rimfire.

As always, suicide depends more on your preperation than your method. Take OTC blood thinners, drink much alcohol, be where no normals look, and consider combining another method with the bullet such as shooting yourself while over a tall ledge or in deep water.


i work night shift at a job that is situated right next to a river
it's winter so the water gets very cold
how long would it take me to pass out if i stripped naked and jumped in the river? i don't know how to swim so even if regret and survival instinct were to kick in i would be trapped


The skull isn't a ping pong paddle LMAO

No bullet is going to bounce around within a skull


[Last 50 Posts]

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A good portion of us are drug addicts and alcoholics. But no one talks about that. We know our habit is a big portion of our life, but we never talk about that here.

Let's talk about it here.

This has become my main substance of use. I started collecting the vials some months ago. I've probably trashed like 50 vials (over a few months) before I started collecting them.

I got something in my system as much time as I can every single day, I just do it in a sustainable and non-lethal way now. My immediate health has actually considerably improved. I'd prefer I wasn't using, but I love using so much and life just sucks, I can't bear being sober.
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Bhante V has recommended thinking of the time you've interacted witha puppy or a baby if you have difficulty with the spiritual friend. Also, note that it is not a "speaking meditation" the wish on your spiritual friend is a feeling of intention and a sense of focus on the warmness in your chest. if your memory if a spirtual friend doesn't bring up any warmness in the chest (which is the main object of meditation), then you have gone astray. All that to say, the repetitive wishing langauge is not the meditation, rather the feeling of emotional warmth/joy and the wishing whilst focusing on the feeling. A dog is not a bad spiritual friend, but the best examples are same sex human adults that we find virtuous, admirable, pleasant-to-interact.

Good luck, hope to hear back from your practice.


I'm not a very good explainer, but I would recommend watching more videos from the TWIM dhamma sukha meditation center linked above, as well as reading some of their free (e-)books

Here's another view from the same organization from an older monk of the metta instructions. I used this one at first, so perhaps it's easier for beginners.


another powerful meditation, if you feel urged to speak, is just repeat small mantras. but i think this is a little head-fucky compared to the smooth, warm glow of getting high on loving kindness. just chant the three syllables of ohm and a beat for silence, do that for 10 minutes a day.

unlike drugs you dont notice the effects immediately, but after a few days of doing either of these for a few minutes a day you should be able to notice a shift in baseline perception, depending on which one you do


I think I officially relapsed to heavy use. I'm not using deadly drugs but I started arriving at work somewhat high every single day. I've started doing my routine habitual use the last hour before leaving work, not exclusively after work in a safe place. I've gone back to being high at least half the day every single day.

This is an insane feeling because things have actually been improving. Because I'm already somewhat high at work, I am extremely more willing to finish more tasks appropriately, than just rushing them to get home sooner to use more drugs. Basically, drug use is positive the way I am handling it.


Instead if drugs,have you tried the wim hof breathing technique?

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Gentle wizards, I invite you all to talk about the subject of hatred on this general. Abstract hate, concrete hate, big hate, small hate, whatever you are hating right now, why you hate (the list goes on).
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life is responsible for your existence and the rest of this damned world, so as the root cause of hatred you should hate life itself first and foremost.


How could anyone but ourselves be in charge of our world?


Oldman get off my lawn tier take but i fucking hate the way zoomers interact and talk with each other online. I guess i'm curmudgeonmaxxing.


The reply was an accident


Relatable. The way they interact outside internet is not any better. They're disgusting.

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В лучшем случае 70. Главное чтобы пиры были для материнской платы. Откройте материнскую плату пожалуйста. Вон восемь двадцать четыре плюс четыре плюс восемь всё куприте подороже.


Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher; vanity of vanities, all is vanity.

What profit hath man of all his labor wherein he laboreth under the sun?

One generation goeth, and another generation cometh; but the earth abideth for ever.

The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to its place where it ariseth.

The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it turneth about continually in its course, and the wind returneth again to its circuits.

All the rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full; unto the place whither the rivers go, thither they go again.

All things are full of weariness; man cannot utter it : the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

That which hath been is that which shall be; and that which hath been done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.

Is there a thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been long ago, in the ages which were before us.

There is no remembrance of the former generations ; neither shall there be any remembrance of the latter generations that are to come, among those that shall come after.

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