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 No.203095[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Please, be respectful to each other.



Previous thread:
>>202204 >>202204 >>202204


I stayed home two days avoiding a task I had to do, now I'm afraid of going out and being scolded by my superiors, which adds the huge anxiety that made avoid the task in the first place.
This isn't funny.


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Call me a normalfag for this but it really bums me out how there is no one that understands and cares about my suffering.

Talking to a therapist feels like talking to a chat-bot that doesn't really understand your entire sentence and only looks for keywords.

Expecting strangers to read a 1000 word personal rant is silly. And it's even less likely, that the few people who see your post in the short timeframe it is on the frontpage, can actually relate to you.

It's told to be unhealthy but I admire people who are able to keep their problems bottled up and function and even put on a happy face. I am constantly walking around with a visible sad look like I have a desire deep down that someone will ask me what's wrong and hear me out and understand me. I wish I could just "man the fuck up" and "stop being a whiny entitled pussy".


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I read all of the posts in this thread but I don't reply to all of them because I just don't know what to say most of the time. I think it's the same for most people on this board. But believe me, it helps a lot to read posts that you can relate to. :)


Just took an anti-anxiety pill. It's not as strong as Xanax and other similar strong anti anxiety pills but this knocks me out. I really hate its side effects but I have no choice. My anxiety is just too strong and these pills are what the doctor prescribed.


I am not blaming anyone btw. I too try to read most posts since this site is so slow and but some are just so out there I don't know what to say.


make it a 500 word rant and i'll read it


I like your cats


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There's one more year in school for me. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Just seeing people brings me pain.
There's nowhere to hide from them


Don't go.


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>Have a shit job
"Go get a degree you fucking idiot. You settle for less so it's you're fault!"
>Go get degree, have to take out loans in order to pay for it because I wasn't born into a rich family
"You want the upper class to pay for your fuckups? Shouldn't have went to college, there's PLENTY of other options you could've taken!"

This world is so unkind to anyone at the bottom of the hierarchy. Fucking forbid if society's "losers" ask for help after they get routinely fucked over again and again. People say we live in a dystopia and it's the truth. The more I think about this shit the more I just want drive to the nearest river and jump like that eceleb did the other day. The only things that keeps me sane is consuming media and sleeping.


i fucked up replying to the post from the last thread oh fucking well


It's almost 40°C and I'm dying.



stirnerpilled, enjoyed reading.


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Stop being an hedonistic faggot.
Read some (truly helpful) books, try self-improvement. You might even be right about being a selfish person, but there's not need to go around acting like a psychopath to gain people's attention. If you didn't care about what others think, you wouldn't care about how they'll react at your reckless behavior.
I highly doubt he's read Stirner, but he's good at English, I bet he reads a lot of horror fiction or something like that.


you forgot to tell him to M-M-M-MEDITATE


can you post a photo of your scars with a date on a piece of paper?


Didn't recommend memeditarion because meditation doesn't seem to fit his personality, I think.


Anyways, listen to this.



>blablabla fuck God blablabla obvious shit
everything before 20th century is crap


So much condescendingly preaching normalfaggotry in this thread. Tourists from some good samaritan subreddit?


>God cares only for what is his, busies himself only with himself, thinks only of himself, and has only himself before his eyes; woe to all that is not well-pleasing to him. He serves no higher person, and satisfies only himself. His cause is – a purely egoistic cause.
very good.


I'm not trying to tell anyone what is good or what is evil, I'm giving him advice for HIS OWN sake, not because I care about what he'll do to others. He won't be able to enjoy his lifestyle for long if he keeps indulging in hedonistic activities. Just saying. I think we're here to listen and try to help each other, aren't we?


>Please, be respectful to each other.


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Because that'll bring you more suffering in the long run.

>I deny myself nothing - if I want to vent my frustration by stabbing my leg and writing nonsense on the walls with my blood then I do just that, if I want to eat a tub of icecream even though I just ate a big meal I don't even think twice, if I want to fap I won't deny my desires even if I end up fapping 15 times that day and leave my dick sore. This freedom of doing whatever I desire whenever I desire and however much I desire is impossible to describe in words, yet I have nothing but positive things to say about it

'Been there, done that.

You're acting as if you were a slave of the Will.
Powerful drugs such as heroin can give you the most pleasurable sensation you'll ever be able to experience, but then after a few minutes, you'll be suffering again, but now at a higher intensity than before. Sugar is addictive and harmful. If you keep eating sugar for a certain amount of time (a few minutes, even), you'll notice that it no longer provides you that pleasurable sensation we get from eating sweets because you fucked up your dopamine receptors. You weakened your senses.

We need more self-control and discipline in our lives and less addictions or irrational behaviors if we want to live a truly fulfilling life. You'll feel victorious every time you notice you were able to overcome a difficult task or when you achieve something out of your struggle.


>if we want to live a truly fulfilling life
"we" don't


Watching this reply chain play out is like one of those philosophical cartoons where the message at the end is that everyone thinks they know but no one's got it. We need this, no we need this etc. Anyone looking at you two would not see a lot of difference in how you live.


Then you might as well kill yourself.
The difference is that I'm right when I say that indulging in hedonistic activities, such as taking drugs, for example, generates even more suffering in the long run.


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Holy fuck, noisy people and noisy sounds make me so fucking angry. Aaaaarrrh! Shut up, shut up, shut up. Quiet. Silence. Don't speak till I tell you to.


It just doesn't feel like I have a choice in much of anything.


Why do I feel like shit if I'm doing everything right…


I've done the same thing before. You eventually have to face the music


Anxiety pills are terible for you, they can become so addicting. Thats one of the reasons why i got into the world of medical marijuana. Im a loaner, i have a room in my house with a little indoor garden. Tending to plants seem to keep me calm.


Also try triggering your fears


They keep talking and talking and talking. Their words lack any meaning, as they don't think at all before saying anything. Listening to them is like torture…




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burn the boring world
burn the boring world
burn the boring world


i'm bored to tears.


Stop posting this shit, you retard.
You're not fucking special.


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So, all the "godlike self-cutter" walls of texts were bullshit? Nice.


>constant pressure on left side of skull/eye socket
>increasingly frequent and severe migraines
>random mood swings
>random intense suicidal episodes
>disorganized speech
>memory problems
what's happening to me?


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Anon, make an appointment with a doctor if you're so concerned. You're not going to get help here and webmd is just going to make you paranoid.


My brother just got diagnosed HIV+(says he must've gotten it from a minor surgery).
Now for my self-centered complaint:
He was already ruining everything since he came back home and I don't think that's gonna help.


I think I already posted this but I've had weird semi-tourettes for a while. I used to say "kill me" and "kill me please" randomly, I started recently saying "Wiz wants to kill himself", or "Wiz killed himself, sorry" in third person with my name. And now it's morphed in to "Sorry mom. Sorry". They just kind of jump out and they're not loud and take into consideration the social situation so it's not serious, but lately the "Sorry mom" has been coming out in public and when I'm driving with my mother. It stopped for a while and I'm getting better but it's coming back. It comes out of nowhere. It's strange.


Sounds like God has given you the gift of a brain tumor. You're finally free my friend.


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What? No. I'm just upset it will definitely put a strain in my NEET ways since it's affecting my whole family.


We should all just kill ourselves, you know…. put an end to this bullshit.


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just imagine Schopenhauer walking on a beach wearing soyboy glasses, holding hands with his gf, sipping grande latte, motherfucking ukulele music on the background




You're making me imagine I am elliot rodgers sipping my vanilla late, thinking about murdering schopenhauer and his gf as I watch them from my car parked in the parking lot of that beach.


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Why do I hate people who enjoy life and do so loudly? And I can't say I'm envious or anything like that, it's more of condemnation mixed with inexplicable disgust, I just don't want them to exist, or to at least shut up and go live in overly happy people's ghetto or something.


Didn't Schopenhauer have poodles? He'd be walking his gay ass poodle too.


>The World as Chill and Recreation


Based and wizpilled


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Hello, long time no see.
Lately I've been working like crazy taking every overhours and additional days I could. Some extra cash is always a good thing, but it was mostly to keep my mind occupied, away from depression. It worked for few weeks (I even enjoyed to be around my co workers) but lost it's effect at some point.
So did my hobbies long time ago and I feel like I have nowhere to run.

Right now I'm "enjoying" my 3 days long weekend drinking, looking at high school photos and wondering where did I make a mistake that turned me into a 30 years old loner.

Funny thing is that when I was a kiddo I wished for that kind of solitary life.

Should have joined 27 club when I still got the chance. Suicide after you hit 30's only conforms the fact of being a looser.

Anyway I hope you guys holding up somehow. Cheers, fellow wizards.


>I even enjoyed to be around my co workers
>looking at high school photos and wondering where did I make a mistake that turned me into a 30 years old loner


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For several weeks by now, every single day I've felt like I desperately need to make a thread about something very important, but whenever I try to put it into words I just press "New Thread" and stare at the screen until I get tired of trying for the day. It's always in the back of my mind, like some sort of itch, this painful and urgent desire to type something out. I wonder if not using my vocal cords for communication is starting to have a negative effect on my mind. I cannot even sleep properly, I often end up lying in bed without falling asleep for even a little bit - ever since this started I've only been able to fall asleep once every 2 to 4 days, all other times I lie in bed and repeatedly try to figure out what is bothering me, only to be answered by total silence.


sounds like mental illness, I get that in hypomania, it’s just random dopamine zapping in your brain making you think you got something super important about to come out, you gotta find something to channel it on, like a big shitpost or something


> I wonder if not using my vocal cords for communication is starting to have a negative effect on my mind

Sing. Sing alone like a retard. It works for me.


>Right now I'm "enjoying" my 3 days long weekend drinking, looking at high school photos and wondering where did I make a mistake that turned me into a 30 years old loner

Failed normgroid. I just wish normgroids left me alone in high school, instead of bullying me or being snide


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I think I'm not doing any good to myself dwelling in nostalgia, revisiting all the old 2007 youtube videos, newgrounds games and websites. I'm trying to figure out my life, seeking high and low for meaning and the last time I felt truly happy was playing dating sims on Newgrounds, long before I knew about wizards and before I knew I was one as well. Even now I don't know what I'm doing in this life, I could never connect with people my age, never had friends in school, but I was content with being a misanthrope and cherished my escapism with a sense of being above others. Suddenly when I was fifteen, at a cultural festival my school hosted, in a shocking moment of clarity, I realised that I had no talents, no skills, nothing interesting in my life happened, I wasn't smart, nobody liked me, the "friend" I had was literally retarded, humiliating himself in Chris-chan fashion everyday on normanbook and I didn't even notice until that day, that he was the only one hanging out with me. Going home that day, seeing a known delinquent sell cigarettes to underage succubi, I saw proven before me that this world I live in is the worst one and that I belonged to it; not with the talented people, not with the intelligent and interesting, no with the scum. I am scum, born at the bottom and belonging there, unable to ever leave it. I laid down and felt the worst I have ever in my life. I'm useless, I'm worthless, I have lost at the game of life before it began. That day the depression which has haunted me ever since began, from that day I've been afraid to leave my house, nobody missed me, and all things that happened afterwards felt unreal, quite literally meaningless, people and interactions felt fake, staged, completely ingenuous. things that happened felt like bad movies, my grandmother's death felt so remote and far away, like she never existed inmy life. Now I'm clinging to my last shreds of humanity, replaying old flashgames and it only makes me feel worse.


I've had this too. I used to say "kill me" and some other things which I can't remember and I noticed the more depressed I was the worse it got. It would be in private but I did almost get caught a few times saying it in front of other people. It's gone for now but I think it's because my mental state is better.


I feel like my entire life is spiraling out of control, I don't know if it's true or just the anxiety disorder, I can't even leave my house without being in fear these days, sometimes I feel like the only person here that is afraid to leave the house


For me, it's just watching people be cheerful in their ignorant bliss. I look at these cheerful people and I think to myself "Why are they so happy? What possible reason is there for them to be happy?"

As for me, the only people who care about me in my miserable life now are just imaginary people or anime characters I pretend to talk to in my head. It's not quite tulpa status, but at least I imagine having fun interactions with these thoughts in my head.


have you ever been so depressed that you feel physically sick? tonight I contemplated killing myself once again, I even came up with a good note for my parents, but it would be bad timing, maybe one or two more nights like this will finally push me over the edge, this pain is so stupid


I experience a lot of anxiety and bouts of OCD. I am afraid that I will neglect to do something and have negative consequences. I have taken to checking the alarm on my clock a dozen times for assurance it is ready and set. I have four alarms on my phone spaced ten minutes apart. When I close a fence gate, I make the latch click against the post eight times. I tug my zipper frequently to make certain my dick is not whipped out. I ask the same question multiple times even though I heard a person speak clearly. It is like my brain cannot accept that something is at a given state and is not confident. Fuck being an adult. I am so stressed.


Yep. It is not fun to be so sad that one becomes queasy.


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I feel uncomfortable all the time. My body feels heavy and I feel exhausted just by existing. Think I'm gonna see a doctor to see if they can help me.


I came home from work this morning at around 6:30am and had a conversation with my neighbour from across the street who informed that a group of young men had driven up to my house in a black car less than an hour earlier and entered our property. When he went to check on what they were doing they fled the premises and he called the police to alert them to this occurence so in case a car gets stolen or something happens to our house in the near future they are aware of it. Now I'm worrying about what the crud they were up to and what would have happened had they intercepted me at the door. I love living in a sketchy neighbourhood that gets worse every passing year so much.
And this just great for unwinding and trying to sleep.


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>half the time starving, cant afford anything better than what mom is cooking which is shit
>other the time living with sharttard father who doesnt bother with hygiene

and now I found out he will quit his work and just stay at home on senior welfare so I will have no privacy, will have to be with him most of time and we will be even more poor. great.


I spent hours last night crying, then this morning I woke up in a mania, I feel like my mind is going crazy racing, can hardly think, feel so confused, irritated and itchy, clumsy, unfocused energy, I have this phenomena where I keep "forgetting" something really important, other times this happened I just took a benedryl or something, now I have anxiety medication that I should take, but maybe later, zoning out thinking about this important "thing" feels meaningful. I think it all started yesterday with a mild confusion, then seep into depression and now back up to an extreme, I've been tracking my mood recently and the last week has been really turbulent for me, just constant up then down, one day I felt normal, slightly anxious and then into today


Why mod keeps deleting my posts?


I had the same experience with therapists. They really seem to not want to face any pain and hurt, and have no problem lying to you that things that happened to you are your fault. Because it makes them feel better. 'Just world' fallacy and such.


absolute lunatic dad.
I am worried he might try to kill me in sleep for saying he is shit dad (which he really is). He gets incredibly angry at any critical words aimed at him while he bullies people around him.

If I call police they will take me too right?


My brother is coming home for a 3-week visit soon. I fucking hate when that happens, even less freedom in the home. Hopefully I get a lot of overtime at work this summer so I barely have to be at home. I always try to make my siblings feel unwelcome when they come here, but the retards never get it. Why they would even visit this dead household is so beyond me. My parents are sick in the head and I'm just waiting to GTFO, now this stupid fuck have to show up for 3 weeks as well. Just fucking why? Leave us the fuck alone and ust let me slowly grind my way out of this shithole in peace. God I fucking hate everything about my life.



I like your cat picture.

Bottling shit up DOES help. Whadyaknow it turns out that all the 60's shit about "letting it out" is just that - shit. It just means you concentrate on those feelings.

Bottle it up and you get so good at doing it, and dropping the bottle down deeper and darker wells that you can send depression away to a certain extent.

You'll never be exhuberent, but the ability to get quiet enjoyment out of things returns.


>got job recently
>quickly urged by the family to move out of the nest
>feel like shit of course but try to cover it up and look for a place to rent
>found a potential place but landowner is a huge groid and has zero patience for anything
>go ahead and try to work it out anyways
>something happens and the room is not immediately available like he led me to believe
>tell fam it'll be a little while longer until I can move into the place
>they are obviously disappointed and upset
>they pretend to be "understanding"
>feel like shit even though I've tried to please them enough to leave me in peace
>thankless groid LARP is eating me from the inside out slowly

Really thankful I am born into this shit world. I really won the lottery. I am so close to not giving a fuck and just camping outdoors by myself. At least then I'd not be a bother to anyone.

I am close to e-begging for a place to stay in. God. I wish there was someone I could relate with somewhat and have a place to stay.




Why does everything has to be so hard in a dysfunctional family? I remember reading a therapist who said the number one way to treat a childs anxiety and emotional dysfunction is to treat their parents first.

Today I was driving my mother to a shop. It's in a giant shopping village so I needed to know where to park so she didn't have to go far, since she's in a wheelchair. So I ask where it is and she raises her voice, gets angry, and barks at me "WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?". She's always so aggressive like I have all these malicious conniving plans when I do nothing but help. It's so tedious. If it was direct abuse like these children who get called stupid or worthless all the time it would make things easier to fuck off but it's just her being crazy in random moments throughout the day. It definitely breaks your ape brain though experiencing all this interpersonal aggression. I'm glad none of my brother or I will reproduce.


dont feel bad about it. chances are your family fucked with you and is part of the reason why you ended up like this. leech off them as long as you can

my mom is the same way. since i was a child she would pass on her anxieties to me. i blame my dad for not keeping her in check


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Jesus Christ not this again. My neck is in pain, it feels like something has been stuffed under the back of my skull, and the muscles are strained and the disks in-between the vertebrae are fucking inflamed or something. I try to tilt my head to crack my neck but it's nothing, just a slight grinding sound with an uncomfortable sensation like I've just sliced my artery open with my bloody spine or something like this.
I feel like I might've obstructed the bloodflow, or it could just be health anxiety, I don't fucking know, I can hardly focus and feel like shit. At least it's not a stroke. Yet.


have you tried doing streches? im terrible and it and lazy but it usually makes me feel better. my posture has been fucked for a long time


There are only so many stretches that I know and do. Most of them are pretty basic and I'm not sure if they even work. Can you suggest some that you usually do?


i dont know much myself, but anything targeting the upper back and neck makes me feel a lot better. i feel like i can actually breath after


a growing sickness in the heart


today I skipped class because I was supposed to present a project today, I emailed the project already to the teacher a few days ago, I hope he understands, I feel terrible though still, school is so overwhelming, but I have no success in finding an asocial job because I'm mid twenties and never had a job before, so my parents sent me here. medication hardly even works, I'm so stressed out I feel sick


Saint Bowers was very wizardly.


Anti-loner propaganda.


I wonder how much progress I would make if I found a way to take all of the thought and energy that goes into relentless rumination and redirect it into a hobby.


why not trying my friend ?


In school I knew a person born with a lethal illness who naturally died at the age of 19. Seven years later I envy that kid. All the needless suffering he had been spared off that comes with adult life. At the time I felt bad for him. If only I knew how much better he'd have it than me from that moment on.


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>been interested in the same things for over 5 years
>but have no knowledge on them because I can't get myself to read books or take courses

Why am I such an embarassment? I can't explain it to people when they ask what I'm interested in and then want to talk about it.


I've been trying to study French on Duolingo and some other websites, but I've noticed that it takes a lot of patience and focus to keep on studying and decorating words and some grammar rules.
I've learned English by using Duolingo and studying almost everyday. I don't know how I was able to do that because I'm a very anxious/fidgety person. My English is decent and I must not take what I've learned for granted.


Have you tried exercising the neck? When you exercise muscles the way they are designed to be used, it has a healing effect on the nerves, joints, ligaments, etc. Exercising can be damaging when done incorrectly, but when done correctly it only has positive effects.

Class presentations were always torturous and humiliating for me. I would start shaking uncontrollably and stutter through the entire presentation.

>I wonder how much progress I would make if I found a way to take all of the thought and energy that goes into relentless rumination and redirect it into a hobby.

Very much, but it is not easy. It requires a lot of discipline and consistency. The grind is important. One day you might feel completely hopeless and frustrated, but you continue nevertheless. You need to force yourself to do it every day for X amount of hours no matter what. Have a good strategy and put in the effort, and the results will come.


I had plans to read certain books for nearly a decade, and all I've done is spend a year and a half grinding through 200 pages, and listening to a podcast on the subject. Not really learning anything from either, just very, very shallow knowledge.
So I go nowhere. All of my projects are loose plans of tomorrow, next week, month, year type of things.

It's been a year since I had a job, and I've been in a program that is supposed to help me get a job, and that I should apply for jobs myself. I don't know if I'm even able to have a job like a relatively normal person.

I feel so ashamed of myself, and my parents keep shaming me for my life. When they call, I feel like shit, with the nagging questions, the need for details of my life, what plans I have with case worker, doctor and what-not, if I'm not addicted to computers, if I should get a proper education, work as a chef, work as a cleaner, IT man, whatever goes. Always some "why don't you do this and fix your life and become happy"-type of questions.
It's so tiresome, and I don't see a way out of this rot. I have no ambition, drive, initiative to do anything and everything leaves me exhausted and drained of energy.


>I had plans to read certain books for nearly a decade, and all I've done is spend a year and a half grinding through 200 pages, and listening to a podcast on the subject. Not really learning anything from either, just very, very shallow knowledge.

Damn. I used to have such plans myself, but I have up on them eventually. I've sunk so low now that I wish I merely had the drive to become a gamer. I don't really have plans anymore because my health is shit, so I don't even wanna live anymore. Plans are a privilege for me now. I'm just hanging around because my condition seems to be improving. If I get to a point where I'm healthy I'll have the luxury of making plans.

Sure, I could still do things despite my shitty health, but I don't really care for living unless things are working properly. I'm just not enthusiastic enough about life to deal with this kind of bullshit. If I lost an arm or a leg I would just kill myself immediately, I just can't live such a degrading life. My whole life has just been shit, I'm just waiting for the day where I can finally start living. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. Who knows what happens in this shitty life game where most things are randomly decided.


I wish I had never become a NEET
being a NEET fucking sucks


I haven't masturbated for 6 days now. It's weird how it's really more of a habit rather than a daily natural urge. It's also odd that I haven't soiled my bedsheets once and had only one semi-sexual dream.


Why though? It only sucks if financial problems are ahead or your living situation with parents/ other inhabitants is obnoxious.


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>too anxious to read, play games, learn anything at all
>only scrolling and viewing funny pictures make me calm

I just wanna do something fulfilling for once.


Day after day of grueling boredom, nothing satisfies me for longer than a couple minutes but I force myself to continue doing it for as long as possible just to stave the boredom off for that little bit longer. I'm genuinely considering stabbing myself or going out to kill some dogs/feral cats or just anything no matter how stupid it is just to feel something other than emptiness. Anything just to stimulate my tortured mind with a burst of joy or pleasure or simple prolonged interest, something to make me shiver with excitement once again like I once used to, something I can gaze upon with awe and wonder as if I'm a child, ANYTHING




Try wrestling


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I hate that feeling of knowing something terrible is coming and not only do you have to endure it knowing you're weak and it might break you, you also have to endure your family having an emotional breakdown screaming and shouting during it. Negative events become twofold with emotionally unstable families. Everything happens on two fronts and you have to literally cling to the shreds of control and sanity, cling with all your might as the entire world crushes your mind.


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Why are we like this? What can we do about it? Although for me at some point looking at funny pictures is painful because I want to do something else but I physically can't.


I absolutely despise the current state of art and art community. Artists who draw NSFW, follow the latest trends/memes/make fanart of things that are currently popular become popular themselves. They steal the limelight from artists who do their thing that's infinitely more interesting, whose skill is higher, who are less obnoxious than them. It's fucking nauseating. I hate them and the people who support them.


Are you talking about shadman? Hes an asshat.


is that spiderman?


>Damn. I used to have such plans myself, but I have up on them eventually. I've sunk so low now that I wish I merely had the drive to become a gamer. I don't really have plans anymore because my health is shit, so I don't even wanna live anymore. Plans are a privilege for me now. I'm just hanging around because my condition seems to be improving. If I get to a point where I'm healthy I'll have the luxury of making plans.
Is it your mental health, or physical health?
For me, it's mental. I'm just passively consuming things that aren't important. It doesn't matter if I miss a thread on an imageboard, of if it 404 or anything. It doesn't matter if I miss 5-15-30 minutes of whatever stream I got running in the background. I am not invested in it in any way. IT's just mindless shallowly listening to or watching something.
If I could play a game and enjoy it, I would be thrilled - not for the game, but for the ability to enjoy a game. Now I'm dreading considering it, and not doing any constructive things in hopes of some motivation another time. It's been 15 years or so, and things haven't improved in any way, quite the opposite, and I'm tired of even that. So I don't see a positive outcome for me in life longterm. Hell, being able to work a shitty and stable job would be an improvement.
I can't activate myself, so might as well get paid for someone else to do it, but who would hire me in the first place? Would need a babysitter or some shit to even do my job…


yeah, because working 8 hours a day is soooooooo much better


Being a NEET isn't really a choice in my opinion. I think smug NEETs are a clear minority and most NEETs are simply incapable of handling work life. You don't become a NEET because you are some monk who rejects consumerism and wants to focus on his studies. You don't become a NEET because you think you can trick the system. You become a NEET because you are an anxious, awkward, fatigued, wreck. And while you are NEET-ing you aren't enjoying yourself but trying to cope. You don't play video games because you are interested in the story or the challenge, you don't watch tv because the plot is so interesting but because you want to distract yourself from all the negative feelings.

Idk maybe I'm projecting.


>Idk maybe I'm projecting

I little bit, yeah, there are cases such as you describe but there are happy NEETs, myself included. If I could, I honestly would live my whole life like this, I'm currently supported by my parents and they provide food, shelter and everything else. My life is nearly perfect. I have the entire day for myself which I spend reading old novels, drawing or simply reasearching whatever calls to my attention. The world has so much interesting stuff going on. Everywhere you look there's something intriguing to know about.

I see a lot of NEETs waste their time doing nothing, playing games they don't really enjoy or lack energy in general. I don't have any of those problems. I just have an honest enthusiasm about the world that doesn't run out I guess. Add to that the fact I lack desire to socialize, that I have my own bedroom and a decent relationship with my parents. Yeah, I really enjoy it. My only fear is knowing it's going to end sooner or later. Then I'll be having to work some shit job I don't care about just to get home exhausted and colapse in bed and prepare for the next day.

I do believe in the sentence "You die if you work" and reading the wageslave thread just made me more certain of it. So much to know about this world and you're stuck in some meaningless activity for hours on end, getting your soul sucked out of you. The fear that I'll have to waste my day working some day is the only sad part of my life.


I'm visiting the US for the first time (I'm from England). I'm in a dark hotel room and I can't stop thinking about hanging myself. Any recommendations of things to do in Venice California?


I felt the same tbh. I feel much better having a part time job. Full time job was shit though, you have no time to yourself and you feel too tired to do anything productive after work.


>I have the entire day for myself which I spend reading old novels, drawing or simply reasearching whatever calls to my attention

Thing is that most people like that usually go to college and then get a job in the area they like. Like they would be going to art school, or studying literature/history or something STEM.


That's actually what I did. Then I had to do 6 months of a teaching program to get my degree which I never even started. I should've done it though because now I'm in my 30s without a diploma, no work experience or anything else really. Ah well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.


Clearly, you're one in a million guy without strong "endorphin blockage mechanism".


Sometimes i dream about visiting US just to try all the fastfood chains there.


In n' Out was very tasty, though the fries are pretty plain.


I reckon I'd agree. Started skipping school around 6th grade as I started to think about the world and reality and what I really wanted for the future, dropped out fully after 10th grade and went straight into hikki-dom where I've remained ever since. Never even worked, but everything I've read indicates that no matter how much I dislike my current situation, working in any capacity would be even worse and so my life is as good as it can get now, even if all I do each day while awake is try to find something to distract myself from reality, more often than not failing, yet the months and years keep disappearing before I even notice.


youtubers say "Five Guys Burgers" is the best


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Just played Heroes of newerth for 16 hours straight, have work in 3 hours, haven't slept, want to die. Video games in general are a complete waste of time but the fact that I fucking love heroes of newerth depresses me even more. It's over a decade old, has a very small community of players, and is basically a dead game. I'm sure it will shut down soon

Fuck everything about this world


I'm sorry.


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Ok so in all seriousness i think suicide should be a business like abortion.

Say you fucking had it. They give you a long rant session psych interview with a very understanding actor. If you feel relieved at the end you get kicked out to outpatient treatment because you are just a whiny fag.

If after bearing your inner despair you do not know why you should feel anything, and if you've got some money, you walk up a nice long staircase with your "therapist" and she pushes you off at the top.

Thats all I want. Or a nice helicopter ride.


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Spending all day trying to keep my mind together. All the effort and intellectual energy without all to keep a brain together. I will never specialise in any skill, I will never get good at any hobby, I will forever be stuck holding together a broken mind. I'm spending all day inside my mind trying to get the engine started; focusing on shit everyone else does automatically. I'm getting blamed because nobody else understands and hey, I'm an ugly retard so they don't want to believe it isn't all my fault. What a fucking waste of fucking life. I don't even enjoy it, my brain is broken so I can't feel pride or happiness. The dude over there recovering from brain damage is feeling some pride but here I am managing a broken machine and there is nothing here. Sometimes I'm depressed and sometimes I'm sad, training myself to differentiate between different negative states is like learning the nuanced taste of others people's turds; it's complex information but you're still eating shit. I will watch my body and mind fail as the suffering comes over the hills. Nothing makes sense and nobody else is saying anything useful to me. Another morning spending an hour just to get my mind to remember why I should get up and move. Hey my body reacts when people are screaming at me but it can't just spend 1 minute to do something to prevent them shouting, welcome to retarded land. Just waiting until I can kill myself struggling on the invisible not to make mommy sad. Fuck fuck fuck.


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I just wanted to say how tired I am from everything needing maintenance. It's so overwhelming. And the longer you neglect to maintain something the harder it gets as the issues pile up. Like how it's easier to clean the dishes right away before everything dries up. You can never relax.


Keep your personal belongings to a bare minimum. Go over them one by one and consider what you actually need. The more stuff you have, the longer you need to keep them clean and in working order. Why one person needs more than one blue ballpoint pen at a time? And yet most homes out there will have several of them.


So the e-whore that's been selling the water from the bathtub she takes baths in has sold all of it. A single small jar costed $30.
I've never been so fucking livid about Internet happenings ever before. This must be some sort of joke.


Awake in the middle of the night again.


Are you really so jealous it's easier for succubi to be whores? Why would you even want to be a whore anyway?


he's so dumb that he thinks that easy money=good life


It was a joke, though. She has found a way to get easy money - I see nothing wrong with it


I'd crucify, disembowel and stuff you with hay if I could, so you would be the strawman fucking incarnate to be made an example of.
Disgusting acquistive thinking. This is why we can't have nice things.


>Just waiting until I can kill myself struggling on the invisible not to make mommy sad


I lost my ability to think about complex issues in a systematic way. Or to put it straight to the point I got dumb. This makes life easier and more difficult at the same time. It's better as the negative thoughts are rather unimpressive and shortsighted now. It's worse as I can't deal with intellectual themes and cognitive challenging tasks like it used to be. There is no redemption.



i don’t know what to do. my life is falling apart rapidly. I wageslaved many jobs over the years but my social skills deteriorated too much. I am an awkward, jittery, weak, ugly fuck. I can’t hold down a job anymore or even a short conversation. I lost my ability to feel pleasure and my sex drive is heavily distorted or gone. I can’t live with my parents, i live with my brother and his 2 friends who are engaged to be married. I just hide in my room and avoid them all. My body is deteriorating. I feel like I should leave but i have nowhere to go. I go outside and just walk but it’s an endless stream of restaurant/shopping plaza/housing development/parking lot. I feel like i’m trapped in an elaborate people farm. I went into a gas station on this road and asked for a job. The owner hired me and after just 2 shifts he called me a retard and said something is wrong with me, then he fired me. One of the niggers who worked there robbed me for $100. I went outside yesterday and saw him with 2 of his nigger friends. We walked by on the sidewalk. I should have stabbed him right then and there but I am a weak coward. The two guys with him said if I try anything they’d jump me, but i should’ve just acted without hesitation.

I had a job interview at another place but I couldn’t even manage to pretend I am a normal human for that brief time. I went in the room and it was filled with HR and business succubi, I was the only male. They seemed incredibly disturbed about how weird I am. They smiled but i think they were just creeped out by me. I don’t think i’m capable of living in this type of world. I am too dysfunctional. I’m always paranoid that everyone can read my thoughts and are laughing at me.

i’ve been in community college for multiple years now and have made no progress at all. i fail many classes and i don’t even know if they’ll let me continue my major.

I tried to become an hero about a year ago but I pussied out. I wish I had just finished the job. I really think suicide is probably the only real option left, unless there’s some other way out I haven’t considered.


You should write your own "No Longer Human", send it to Black Sparrow Press, those high-class fuckers gonna "discover" you, and the nights will flame with fire.


How do you guys deal with the urge to kill yourselves in the middle of an anxiety crisis? I'm having this feeling right now and the only exit i can think of is killing myself. I got nothing to hold me back but lack courage. How do you guys calm the fuck down?


If I was brave enough, I'd just kill myself. No need to deal with urges


jeez so feel paranoid as hell, it all started when some random person added me on steam and then he logged out right away, stomach was turning wtf is going on or had to purge everyone seriously the stress of it all is overwhelming, hopefully a nights sleep will help I’m glad I have depression meds for sleep too otherwise I’d be up all night


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I've had this uncomfortable feeling lingering in the back of my head for quite some time now; it can't be described with one word, it's a whole new sort of anxiety that stems from the thoughts I'm having. I feel this sporadic apprehension about the world's inevitable demise, not the cosmic one, where the Sun will stop shining, explode and consume the entire Solar System or anything like this, but the one where planet Earth and everything on it dies by the humanity's hand.
When I imagine this, it's not some sort of worst-case scenario where we wipe ourselves and everything else out as a result of some major conflict or man-induced natural disasters, but something more insidious. I look at the progress we've made as a species, at what we currently have, and instead of feeling eternal glee for humanity's ingenuity, I feel dread; it's as if everything we've ever achieved is a facade, theatre curtains, glittering and bright, that grow with every scientific and societal advancement, as if to hide something, and I got to peek inside, seeing the sheer horror that lies behind, growing as the curtains grow, slowly seeping through. The worst part is, it won't reveal itself entirely until we're all long dead, but the humanity will get to see the curtains opening, frightening epiphany taking its roots in some, while, terrifyingly enough, the rest won't care, their attention diverted by the ever increasing sheen of the stage until the thing is almost shown, obscuring everything, turning past splendor lackluster, by which point it'll be too late for us to do anything.
Everything we've achieved, the small period of material abundance that has barely lasted for a hundred years, we will pay for it thousandfold. Greed, gluttony and stupidity, despite pushing progress, eclipsed our minds and will be the end of us. Death shall come dressed in stylish clothes, wearing a smile of a fashion model, entertaining us as best as it can while feeding us arsenic.
I don't want to be here anymore.


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Happiness always feels like I’m deceiving myself.


Shit, I'm on the same situation. Having experiences as yours one feel like being a cockroach. When you mere presence and behavior is a nuisance to everyone around you…


I quit playing videogames altogether so I wouldn't, as I thought, waste time.
Shame that now instead of mindlessly playing vidya I mindlessly refresh YouTube and Wizchan in hopes something new will come up, despite me having disabled YouTube watch- and search history, so the main page is near-blank half the time, and the speed of posting here on Wizchan decreasing significantly when it's night in the US.
I hate this so fucking much.


Try taking care of a dog / cat.


So i'm getting kicked out.Bright side is, i'm not gonna see any more of this turd


Yes, validate the legalized slavery by funding it as well as burdening yourself with responsibilities you cannot escape for many years without guilt unless you're incapable of feeling it. Great advice.

Better yet, go breed some groidling filth too - if you're lucky, you get to care of them for the rest of your life as they NEET away in your house!


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Realized today that I was using my old experiences to emulate what others were feeling in error. This idea that you shouldn't think you're different is a big mistake because you make errors in assuming others are the same. When I am depressed and my brain goes crazy all social interaction feels like a burning knife in my head. Social pain is a natural phenomenon that is exacerbated by depression and it really did feel like negative or awkward social interaction was strip mining my spinal column with a chainsaw. I was having real disproportionate pain and suffering to simple and regular environmental cues. So now I act with the impression that other people are experiencing the same and they really aren't and they never did. The feeling that social interaction is a huge cost on other when social interaction is nothing to them, and even awkward or unpleasant interactions are not causing them suffering. All of that was automatic and I didn't realize I was still doing it still. I used to cringe or get very anxious when my mother asked awkward or weird questions to people, putting a social imposition on them, because I was emulating the reaction that I used to have in my suffering; but in reality they are not experiencing anything like I did. My mother is not actually making them suffer and her innocent questions with good intention are not having intense negative outcomes on the other, so I have to remind myself that this is just normal communication.

Don't think you are like other people or that we are the same. It pollutes and breaks your mind.


Oh, fuck off.


What are you going to do?


Move in with one of my grandparents, get on welfare. Dunno but in a way glad the shit did it


Sounds good, why didn't you do that before?


I will now, would die to right now was I not bedridden for back problems. Guess I'm just retarded


But jn all seriousness ,neurotic ,scared and never had a "case" for my other relatives since he never actually kicked me out straight forward


(In my adult life)


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Hope everything turns out ok for you.


>too afraid of eternal punishment to kill myself, too tired of life to attempt to improve it.
I must have been a motherfucker in previous life, because this is a well crafted personal hell.


usually I have no sense of smell but every so often i experience the ability to smell for a brief moment. I keep noticing that I smell very strange, and not in a good way. It’s almost like a weird chemical odor coming from my sweat and it’s actually rather strong. I wonder if maybe it’s a sign of some illness or something. My physical health sure has been deteriorating but i always attributed that to my poor lifestyle habits. I take lots of showers but I still notice the smell occasionally.


What denom are you? I know protestants are scared of heck of suicide but not catholics


I am pretty sure suicide is seen as a mortal sin. Mostly because its literally impossible to confess to committing it before you die.


My memories are getting more and more fragmented, I'm no longer sure what really happened in my life and what was a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I wake up completely amnesiac, I even forget my name, but it takes half an hour to remember at least basic stuff on who and where I am.


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Depression shrinks your Hippocampus, region of the brain responsible for short-term memory, creating new and (as some say) recalling old memories, by up to 10%.

A shame, isn't it?


Calm down.


Good advice, although it isn't easy to not give a shit when you have OCD.



Does anyone have any material on how depressed people use language?

A big problem I have is that I've spent most of my life in situations that are probably familiar to many, another person trying to regulate your thoughts and words to have a different framing. Trying to think positive or frame your own language differently. Sometimes when my depression isn't strong now I can use language that way, so re-framing a judgement or thought will change my emotion. But other times my language or mental language does not change my thoughts and I am instead describing my experience so I can deal with it, and, when I do that with other people they inevitably try to rewrite my thoughts. I've internalized this repression of my own language and experiences and it has seriously damaged me. A regular one is this view that you can't pity yourself or say "why did God do this to me", or something similar, when you're really describing your emotional reaction to having so many things out of your control have huge negative influence on your mental experience. Other people want you to repress that and are quick to chastise you, but, without it you cannot express your feelings or how to navigate the experience you're having.

Right now I am having the issue with being trapped; I want to die really strongly and the only reason I'm not is because I cannot make the decision to kill myself because of my family. For other people deciding not to die changes their desire to die whereas for me I am just trapped by the decision that I can't make, and can't want to make. If I describe this situation as trapped other people want you to reword it or change the thought to something like "this is an obstacle" because they don't actually listen to what you're describing as an experience and just think it's language that if you say something different it'll change your feelings, and I know that is sometimes the case when I'm less depressed but it isn't what I'm using language for now. I find everyone is unable to understand how I'm using language and where I'm using it, and that I'm not always in the states where language has an effect but is merely descriptive.

I think of it in terms of descriptive and creation language, and some other forms of language. But is there any information on this because it would really help me navigate my own head and thoughts. Other people seem to be pretty inaccurate with their claims and have wormed their way inside my head. If someone else had written about it better it would be helpful.


If it concerns you, start doing memory exercises before it's too late. I didn't care about it, and by now my memory is completely untrustworthy - earliest memory from when I was ~14 years old, and the nearly two decades between that and today are filled with vague fragments that may be true or may just be my imagination, and I have little to no idea where most of said fragments fit into a linear progression of time. At some point I completely changed as a person (started using and addressing myself by a completely different name with no surname, by default think and type in english instead of my native tongue, became convinced I had no family and did not know who my parents were and so on) and yet I have no idea why or how that happened. Daily diary entries, then an unexplained month of silence and then suddenly I become aware of these changes all at once having already forgotten everything related to that change. To this day I default to using that different name and etc., and forcing myself to use the old one feels wrong, unnatural. I don't mind this change, but you may so beware of the dangers of letting this fester unattended.


Already did that felt very sick the whole time. American food is like none other in terms of greasyness and how it makes you feel after.


Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way. Coming from a Europoor country, American cuisine is like cheese and grease galore topped with a couple sugary drinks.
How Americans manage to survive on such a diet is a mystery to me.


I work full-time in a physical job whilst being severely damaged. I am tormented every day. I don't tell anyone because I don't see much of a point. My parents are despicable people, there's no point in telling these disgusting fucks anything, I've learned. I have confessed other problems to them in the past, the responses has been dismissive or even mocking. I don't tell my boss because I don't think it would do a whole lot of good. No one is forcing me to work.

I won't quit the job because I would lose to much. The hatred for my parents is too intense. I would prefer to just be on disability and live in an apartment on my own, but I don't care to go through the process of trying to get that (they probably wouldn't grant me that shit too). I will kill myself anyway if the damage doesen't heal, so I might as well continue the job until I end my life. The thing is that the damage has healed a bit. There is a possibility that it will fully heal, and this is the only thing that is keeping me alive right now. I'm not really a suicide kind of guy, but I know that I will get the courage to go through with it once all my hope is taken away.


It's my opinion that if you fuck up your formative years you should be given a free suicide by the state.


I feel so too, or at least be entitled to disability benefits. So much depends on the development taking place during childhood and adolescence, and everything about reality presents too many possibilities to impair and potentially destroy future lives, especially if it has to do with brain development. People who had concussions or suffered from clinical depression will forever remain below average in their social, academic and work performance. What pains me the most is that activities which can lead to these adverse afflictions are often tacitly encouraged, like college/high school football and overworking, among other things.


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Can't wait for my back to get better and get away from these people


I started getting my life back on track this year after being a NEET and hikikomori for a long time. In addition to that I set goals for myself in other areas. I stopped drinking Soda and I even started exercising.
Now the problem is that I don't feel any better. Hell, I probably feel even worse than before since I now have responsibilities. Feel like shit? Tough luck. I still have things to do.

This is the worst. I want out. I want to die.


>I started getting my life back on track this year after being a NEET and hikikomori for a long time.
Your life WAS on track, you idiot. There is literally no reason to quit being a NEET/hikki unless you have no other choices.


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The mark of vulgar people - not in the ordinary sense or simple impoliteness, but truly vulgar - is that they have no sensibility for higher values, for things above them, and furthermore they insult the beautiful and spiritual, they cannot understand.


So now it is crab-like to advise other wizards to stay NEET/hikki? Wizchan 2020 I guess.


I am going to join the army tomorrow. Hoping something will change and i get my confidence back instead of playing video games and watching porn all day.There is anxiety but its either army or suicide at this point.Good luck to all of you guys.


When I decide to go through with it I am going to make the site seem so serene.

I will write s farewell letter to all the closest relatives and tell them that they should cherish this moment for it is and end to my suffering. In the first half I will make it seem like they couldn't possibly have known but in the latter half of the letters I will describe how they should be overjoyed due to me escaping the pain of these morons. I will list several examples of where their ignorance and stupidity led to all this.

Imagine reading a letter like that and first feeling the biggest sorrow and empathy only for it to turn into a stone in their stomach when they realize how their mere existence contributed to my demise.

This all sounds like some 13 reasons why fanfic but it gives em some goal of satisfaction.


I went through a circumcision almost two months ago and now I'm kinda regretting it. Did it because even after phimosis was kinda cured after I used a steroid cream, I still couldn't even masturbate right because my foreskin was too long and inflexible, but jerking off without it is even worse now.
The lube I bought from an online store is about to come to my adress, I just hope it helps me a little.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i have depression again and it hurts ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont like it you guys

fuck im contemplating injecting testosterone just to end the depression
i know if i inject test the dep will go byebye

i probably should just be meditating instead as meditation has comparable but much harder to achieve effects

it used to be a lot worse but its still bad

it hurts on the inside you guys dying on the inside it fucking hurts, im a fucking mentally ill 28 adult virgin you guys im dying on the inside everyday it hurts

i want to see the world burn so fucking deeply at this point. just end my suffering and let me be done with it

i hate god, he is a ruthlessly cruel demon


I always end up looking suicide methods on lostallhope and reading the stories but never have the balls to go through with it or buy that one medication from Mexico that can kill you peacefully. Fuck I'm a fucking failure even at suicide.


did you kill your testicles too? iktf. I got some kinda bipolar disorder though, currently riding high after a couple weeks of severe anxiety and crying and depression every day. testosterone does make you feel good and safe, but screw it, I don't want everything else it gives me. also ssris help a lot with the emotional shittery of having basically no hormones, I keep switching from one to another because they stop working after a while and you need a new brand

also I was researching progesterone as a replacement to testosterone therapy, I was gonna ask my doc about it but I keep pussying out


dude what the fuck is wrong with me? why did i even remove my testicles? seriously i dont even know why i did it… i just remember i felt like i had no choice. fuck all of this is just so surreal and depressing and it feels like god is reveling in my sadness and pain and thoroughly enjoying all of it. why couldnt i just be normal and live a happy normal life having normal thoughts experiencing normal fucking pleasures

like why is my life so fucked up i dont understand it. why is everything so fucked up

i just want the world to burn. okay mr god, whatever you did me dirty, i dont even care at this point anymore, i just want everything to end

i just want an ai apocalypse to burn everything, me included


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Depression truly is self-perpetuating. I just tried to remember what made me slip into depression in the first place, and these reasons seem so insignificant and trifling from where I am now; and yet over the years of depression so many more things have heaped themselves onto me, warped my perception of reality, and now practically everything serves as a constant irritant for me, causing intense unpleasant feelings, which, paradoxically, make me numb — to everything, it seems, except them, I'm not sure. Depressed brain is absurd incarnate.


He is clearly talking about trying to overcome a depression with different methods and how he isn't feeling better. This is /dep/ the place for wizards to talk about depression, I doubt anyone is here because they enjoy depression.
You called him stupid, you didn't advise him. Also being a NEET,hikki or depressed doesn't make you a wizard, and you don't have to be any of those to be a wizard.


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Nothing saddens and worries me more than the feeling of getting old and missing out. I'm 21 but feel like I'm 30 and I look 30.


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I hate my surroundings so goddamn much. The day I live this house will be the happiest day of my life.


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Had another breakdown and cut ties with all my online communities because they were making me miserable.


Anyone know if assisted suicide in Switzerland is worth pursuing?


All the people with "solutions" should just get the fuck out of this thread.


>He is clearly talking about trying to overcome a depression with different methods and how he isn't feeling better.
It comes off more like he is talking about how he can't become a good normal.
>You called him stupid, you didn't advise him.
No, my reply was clearly an advice. That is, he shouldn't care about working and leaving the house because these things don't cure depression, they only make it worse for our kind.
>Also being a NEET,hikki or depressed doesn't make you a wizard
I agree. But being a NEET and/or hikki is much better for us, that is if we can afford it.


Just…why would you do something like that? What is wrong with playing video games and watching porn all day??

What are you missing out on? lol Friendships? Relationships? Working? Studying?


>What is wrong with playing video games and watching porn all day??

You are doing nothing but consuming. It gets tiresome after a while. Also unless you have rich parents that leave you behind a big inheritance you will have to do something eventually to provide for yourself. Even if you live in a country with welfare it comes with strings attached and policies may change at any time.


>finally have some progress fighting off mania and fixing my sleep schedule
>got a call telling me that the part time job application I sent a month ago was accepted
Guess what happens now when I try to sleep.


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I sometimes come out of my depressed states and get lost. I have to remind myself that the concept of passing through time and enjoying it is a real thing, that feeling good exists. "Now what?… er… you can feel good doing things you know…. feeling good, is… good". Long term depression really fucks with your brain. You completely forget entire sections of human experience exist because you lose access to them for so long and so regularly.


I'm feeling awful. Terrible. Extremely depressed. I just want to feel good.


>What are you missing out on? lol Friendships? Relationships? Working? Studying?

I live in a third world country and I've never felt happy. I'm missing out on anything good this life has to offer.


I am finally set to move out of my breeder's house. Even though it may be a good thing in the long-term, I feel terrified and victimized. I've lived elsewhere at times, but those were temporary stops and I returned like a boomerang back to the nest. Really, the only reason I am moving out is because I am being urged to. I'd settle with paying rent to stay with my breeder - it'd cost less and at least I'd be around familiar faces. The world feels so hostile and cold. One moment you are growing up without a care and all the time at your disposal, and the next moment you have a steady job and have to pay the bills. It's not so bad, I admit, yet this change feels so drastic. I cannot help but resent my situation in some way.


My room has become a hoarder tier room, i got a new desk a few years ago and there is so much trash and junk blocking the old one that i couldn't even begin to assemble it without hiring a skip to dump all this trash, which i obviously can't afford.
I don't even know how it got so bad.
This is all so tiring, every day is another eternity in my own personal hell.


have you ever woke up at night having the conclusive thought that you should end with your life because there's nothing, absolutely nothing to live for? I did today, I think, twice. It's as if I somehow pondered in my sleep about this life and what course of action I should take, and when I had finally found the definitive answer I immediately woke up to say it to myself so that I can't never forget. After that, I catch some sleep and dreamt, I dreamt of things I've never experienced, and those things I'm sure aren't as beautiful or able to generate the same sentiments or joy in reality as they can in the dream realm. Then near the end I got bored, I was in a bus going somewhere I didn't want to go, discussing with some succubi what do they think is better, to be born a succubus or a boy. The question never got answered and I couldn't care less so I woke up. My dream was of a vacation in a place that doesn't exist with people that do exist but are nothing like I see them in my dreams, actually, I don't really know those people.


Entertainment is a dangerous thing, it becomes your anchor because it is available in all states of depression. Even if you don't enjoy it the constant flashing of information distracts you enough up until the point suicidal desire is ringing in your ears. When depression takes your sense of self, your sense of body, your sense of want, your will to live - everything that normal people can use as anchors in this life - entertainment is always there as long as you can open youtube and watch mild content to distract yourself. And then if you are having a period of feeling better you return to the anchor of entertainment that sucks up all your time, not creating an afterglow of pleasant feelings but just helping you zone out. Not for any outcome, just to pass time. Entertainment is a dangerous anchor because in the times you could do more you find yourself automatically coming back to it, the only anchor you have. Building alternate anchors is hard especially in modern alienated society and being outcasts, especially when the current focus of mindfulness doesn't work if your depression destroys the sense of self. Entertainment is a dangerous anchor though - need to be aware of it and how it's manifesting in your mind.


Things will never get better and I will never be happy.

It's important to tell yourself that from time to time. Otherwise you might develop "hope". And "hope" only leads to more despair.


>You are doing nothing but consuming. It gets tiresome after a while.
For some people, I guess. Still seems like a better alternative than living with a bunch of ultra-normals or working with them all day.
>Also unless you have rich parents that leave you behind a big inheritance you will have to do something eventually to provide for yourself.
This, I can understand. I haven't worked a single day in my life yet my mentality is that "we will cross that bridge when we get to it".

>I've never felt happy
Isn't this an exaggeration?


Hope can also lead you out of despair. It is a gamble, a double-edged sword.
>bound to be forced into choosing wageslavery or death within a couple years
That is in the future, wiz. Everything is uncertain except the present. Who knows what will happen? NOBODY. Don't give up until the match is over.
>everything is just so shitty and I don't even know why I'm still alive
Find a meaning, then. CREATE a meaning then.


Screw individualism. Wizcommune where wizards keep each other strong is the future.


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That really hits home.


Quit my job because i hated it. Now I have to go to the job centre tomorrow. Dreading it. Dont wanna wagecuck.


>Hope can also lead you out of despair.
most delusional thing i have ever seen


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Wish I'd never bitten on the Buddhist apple to the point I let go of my materialist pessimistic past mind. You absolutely have to carve out your corner from the world clinging to it. And if you start off from a bad position with a mental health issue it becomes clearer and clearer there are mental dependencies that must be carved out first that others already have. Power of mind is entirely limited and those who are already happy or mentally sound get to believe all kinds of stories about their own minds the mentally unwell cannot because they must confront them against a mind that needs accuracy. Need to read these western atheist and materialist buddhists.

"There is some wisdom in taking a gloomy view, in looking upon the world as a kind of Hell, and in confining one's efforts to securing a little room that shall not be exposed to the fire." - I should never have let go of this line from Schopenhauer.


Why not serve yourself? Be your own god, your own idol. You don't need anyone else. People only serve themselves anyway by serving others, I mean you want to serve because it makes you feel good on some level. You want to please because you want to them to please your ego in return. There is nothing wrong with this but it is problematic for our kind, the solitary type. That is why I believe it would be easiest for you to serve yourself directly, not through others. I hope you get what I mean, sorry for the bad english.
>I've tried creating my own meaning, and it has always lasted only as long as I could bear to keep up the charade. I cannot dismiss the knowledge that it is fake and each attempt inevitably ends once I just give up on willfully deluding myself, leaving me with a little bit less hope afterwards.
Why would it be fake? Why would it be a charade? You are the center of your own world, your meaning is absolute. Don't underestimate yourself.

I know it is comfier to be depressed and just dwell in despair instead of doing something about it. I was like that too.

Weakness, delusion and hypocrisy - nothing more. Instead of pursuing some non-existent tranquility you should focus on what exists: this world and its pleasures.


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Religions has always been a fuckin joke.


based and priestly


I'm the same way. Even picking something up from the supermarket gives me crippling anxiety.


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Holy shit. You can be as hedonistic as you like while still being able to become a Catholic priest? At least after you finish the necessary schooling and training. What a crock.


I'm the most depressed I've been in my entire life, I actually unloaded everything to my mom tonight, she says that she's sorry that I have to suffer so much and whatnot and some more things, it made me feel better to let someone know how I feel.


My mom just tells me to fuck off and start working


>I know it is comfier to be depressed and just dwell in despair instead of doing something about it. I was like that too.
"just stop being depressed bro!"
Wizchan 2019


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Why does literally fucking everything gives me anxiety holy shit


I'm very afraid of that


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Didn't you read the part of St. Augustine?
You can become higher than a priest, you can become a saint.


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It is the creative force itself you have to tame and restrict. Through my life everyone has used the term creation in a positive sense of affirming life or a positive thing. They talk about thoughts and reactions as objects that stand alone and not as what they are - a subset of the things created by the creative force. Creative energies can be negative and you have to restrict them and tame them, the concept of creation itself is what you must focus on. The whole point of an intentional mind is to eliminate the creation of certain mental states; not the experiences which can be contained as a defined object like emotions or external causes but the actual total experience that is to be annihilated from your future. We are to stop things being created and acknowledge not all creations have value, some of the things we create must be destroyed and never seen again. Our creations must be destroyed and our urges to create them must be quenched. Not all creation is good. These created experiences have no place in existence and our whole goal is to make sure they do not get created again for us. Creation is the force you must resist and dominate. Focusing on thoughts without that knowledge is getting lost in the second step.


And that guy dared to talk about the cathars


Nobody can cure your depression except you yourself. You can take the pills, cry in front of people who say how much they care about you (they don't) like your family, your psychologist but nothing will help. Because only you can help yourself.

Cathars/gnostics, christians or buddhists - who cares? Same hypocrites, same delusions, same life denying weakness. They smell the same to me.


Fuck Youtube and it's clickbait morons


If you don't work, you don't deserve to live. How… this is way too cruel. Even to die painlessly you need some money. Hell


Oh no, we got a Nietzschean Superman here. So wise and strong he has to tell everyone about it.


Getting butthurt because I dared to insult your precious gnostics?


Kill yourself already retard or at least go spent your angst on something healthier than trolling imageboards.


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there are no gnostics here, you poofter, it's just a maymay.


>Kill yourself already retard
Hmmm, who is the real troll here? I wonder…

Either way, gnosticposters are cancer.


>Either way, gnosticposters are cancer.
Amor fati posters too.


What are you doing in this board for depressed people and losers, Mr. Übermensch?


Whether like it or not, Nietzsche has some useful ideas and concepts for us wizards.

Just spreading the seeds of knowledge a little and you know, actually helping depressed wizards instead of letting them drown in their self-pity.


How are you helping? You're not providing any real insight and your general attitude is more likely to discourage wizzies than inspire them. Judging by your posts, you're likely just experiencing a manic phase or you're using superiority in a compensating manner to dissociate from your own depressive feelings.


I actually find huge value in Nietzsche and think his discussion of how we're raised to sacrifice ourselves to "truth" in Christian culture as a starting point for understanding our freedom is essential for thoughtful outcasts who have been oversocialized in to those values. However! However, I know first hand the ability to manifest the energy and sense that the world bends to your will is entirely dependent on my biological state and depressive symptoms. Some days I cannot even access a sense of will as vitality or desire, some days I can.

>>203037 I outlined this in the 3rd paragraph of an old post how transient this vitality is. If Nietzsche helps you I agree that it is one of the best paths but depression has many different levels and types, although your posts might be an outpouring of that feeling of vitality and language there are people here where biology and materiality dominates their ability to experience those states - and that does not make vitality itself any less amazing. It is a problem of lacking a serious exploration of the different types of depression and one day I hope we have it so we don't get lost in these arguments about what works for each of us - but I promise you some people here have tried and it just doesn't create anything in their brain or experience because the biology can't generate those states for the time being.


2&3rd paragraph* ( I cant delete posts )


Why do men want gfs?


because they're lonely and horny


I still don't understand what the no gf complainers really want. When they say "tfw no gf" is it like saying "tfw you are not a millionaire"? Like sure I would love to be a millionaire but I don't want it enough to actually try to become one. Are they actually taking efforts towards getting a gf or do they sit at home all day and wonder how awesome it would be to have the gf of their dreams?


Long time since I last posted here.

"Depression" is going to get real this time, can't see myself alive in the next month or so.

Anyone else feeling the same?


Everything is so tiring…
Life demands a lot of you, and gives back so little.
wageslaving, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying rent and bills.
All for what? So I can continue this depressing existance?


Pretty much all religions were created and then fine-tuned by groids for groids, almost everything about them reflects this fact. When you look at the work missionaries and preachers do and have done for ages, you see that the primary selling point of religions that gets people to convert is the promise of eternal life after death, abundant and glorious, provided you follow the religion's teachings, of course. Another thing that resonates a lot with people seems to be Absolution, it's a quick and easy way of ridding yourself of any guilt, grief and pangs of conscience you might have had for your wrongdoings.
Groids love life, they want to live forever, and religion gives them that, even if all it stands on is sheer belief; it lets them feel good about being insufferable, too "I might have killed that man," says the knight, "but I bought an indulgence and told the priest about it and prayed a couple of times, now I'm okay." "I might be exploiting poor people, succubi and children," says the robber baron, "but I donate to charity, and I told the priest about, now I'm okay."
I hate this.


I knew what your arguments were going to be after reading only the first line of your post, and I believe we are correct.


I help by giving them hope. I help by giving them back their self-confidence and will to fight. I help by teaching them to enjoy life.
>not providing any real insight
The real insight is that everyone should solve their own problems, not rely on God or society or whatever.
>Judging by your posts, you're likely just experiencing a manic phase or you're using superiority in a compensating manner to dissociate from your own depressive feelings.
Nice armchair psychology there, buddy! But what would you say if I told you that not everything is a coping mechanism, that there are people who are happy without being delusional at the same time and that - plot twist - you are responsible for yourself? Shocking, I know. I bet reading this makes you infuriated and angry. You better go and crawl back into your misery otherwise you might actually be happy and then you won't have anything to complain about.

I don't accept the chemical imbalance meme. I'm 100% sure the depression can be cured via willpower and determination. Looks like we have to agree we disagree.

>All for what?
Find the answer for that and you will stop being depressed.


I feel like if I had talent for any kind of art my depression would at least be less horrible, as I'd have a way to channel all my thoughts and negative to emotions to work and maybe even profit off it. Sadly, I have no patience, no talent and I can't be bothered to get to know the ropes because last time I tried I felt so inept and pissed I injured myself.
Fuck me.


Don't feel any comfort from anything other than eating.


I've had days like that.


>One of these normalfags who doesn't believe in depression and all it takes is getting over stuff to being happy.

Just go the fuck away already, you people are the most annoying useless fucks that doesn't help anyone but stirs up a bees nest.


>I don't accept the chemical imbalance meme. I'm 100% sure the depression can be cured via willpower and determination.

Even if chemical imbalance is a meme, this doesn't make depression automatically a thing of willpower. Such attempts at a "cure" are short-lived as the brief energized uptick in mood eventually returns to its baseline. You can feel that energy in your posts and it seems you have something to prove, you're 100% sure it can be solved like that because you need it to be true and to convince others. You're psyching yourself out with motivational triviality and have no real insight in how depression or any other mental illness operates. This is ultimately just dissociation from your real feelings, even if it is an honest attempt at getting better.

>Nice armchair psychology there, buddy! But what would you say if I told you that not everything is a coping mechanism, that there are people who are happy without being delusional at the same time and that - plot twist - you are responsible for yourself? Shocking, I know. I bet reading this makes you infuriated and angry. You better go and crawl back into your misery otherwise you might actually be happy and then you won't have anything to complain about.

I'm not personally depressed. I'm all for people taking responsibility, but merely yelling at them to use brute-force ineffective tactics won't help them get better. I'd have no issue with your posts if you were providing any actual insight, but you're ultimately giving "solutions" that are as elegant as banging your head against a door continually in an effort to open it. Even if such techniques might make you feel better in the short-term, dissociating brings you further away from what you really need to do in order to get better - focused self-observation into your feelings, getting at the heart of the internal structure of meaning that is causing this chronic low mood. Depression is the result of how you look at the world and you have power to change that, but it requires deep introspection rather than using "willpower" to run way from your feelings.

I do sincerely hope you're actually "happy" rather than delusional, but if you do eventually crash down, you should look inward instead of outward, because that's where the answer actually lies.


95% of people posting here are just venting out, and don't need any of your helping crap.


I am a virgin and intend to stay one until the day I die. I also don't have any friends so why do you call me a normalfag? Just because I overcame depression?

>Such attempts at a "cure" are short-lived as the brief energized uptick in mood eventually returns to its baseline.
What you describe is an emotional state, I'm talking about willpower. Willpower is independent of how you feel currently.
>and it seems you have something to prove, you're 100% sure it can be solved like that because you need it to be true and to convince others.
Or maybe you want to make depression into a bigger thing than it is because you are afraid of solutions?
>You're psyching yourself out with motivational triviality and have no real insight in how depression or any other mental illness operates.
I know how it works because I overcame it, unlike most of you.
>This is ultimately just dissociation from your real feelings
More armchair psychology and trying to drag others down into your own misery.
>but merely yelling at them to use brute-force ineffective tactics won't help them get better.
Maybe it will, it is still better than licking their wounds and saying "I know that feel wizbro" or other stuff like that this hugbox is used to.
>focused self-observation into your feelings, getting at the heart of the internal structure of meaning that is causing this chronic low mood. Depression is the result of how you look at the world and you have power to change that
So you do agree with me.
>but it requires deep introspection
Introspection is an important first step indeed but it isn't enough to get you through depression. That is where willpower kicks in.
>but if you do eventually crash down, you should look inward instead of outward, because that's where the answer actually lies.
I'm way past that period. I've found my answer and encourage other wizards to find their own too.

You aren't the whole board, you don't even represent this whole thread. Your opinion is irrelevant.


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These types blow in every now and then. There was the Jordan Peterson spammer several years ago, and the CBT guy from last year. Just another egotistical pseud with a savior complex who think that anyone who doesn't buy his advice or points out how stupid it is deserves to be depressed.
Ignore him and he'll go away.


I tried stopping the medication, and for months afterwards I kept thinking I feel this bad because of withdrawals, but it can't be going on this long, I feel like shit and starting my medication again I feel like more shit because I'll have to go to these stupid pharmacies for my entire life or kill myself, I hate my brain, ever since I was 6 or 7 years old I became broken, and all that's left is a shitty, moody, and over-emotional faggot


The only thing that'd truly help me right now is some good drugs to numb the pain.


I call you a normalfag for bothering and giving shitty advice to people who aren't having good times, let them vent and shit, it's what the threads for, not to hear some fucking joe peterson faggot advice to clean your room and get over it, i don't give a fuck if your a virgin, just leave some people in peace.


I'm pretty sure I'm missing a part of my brain. My body only moves to do something when I think about specific things like preventing my family from experiencing the suffering of my suicide. I literally cannot move my body to do things apart from pleasure seeking unless I focus on that thought. I can't move my arms if I focus on doing a task, I just sit there and my body doesn't move. If I focus on that thought that this is to prevent suffering I can then move. Feels bad being a retard.


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Got a nasty cut on my finger tonight after I had to get involved with my parent's dispute in the next room, as she had a knife pressed against her arm threatening to kill herself. She jerked away from me as I went to grab it, so that's how the cut happened. Now I gotta worry she's gonna kill herself at any moment, claiming she's ordered a scalpel off Amazon and is going to slit her wrists with that instead when it arrives. I really don't need this shit man. I feel so very powerless & so very tired. It just frustrates me how little she seems to care about how monumentally fucked & alone I'd be, if she ever did such a thing. It's probably just her usual melodramatic antics, but I'm so autistic that I can't tell the difference about whether she really means it or not. Damn it all. I'd rather she just stab me in the neck instead and at least give me that mercy before she goes.


Is your mom a wiz?


She won't do it, succubi just want attention and suicide threats are a good way to get it.
I feel bad that you have to go through bs like that routinely though.


succubi that genuinely hate life exist too /:


I typed the w-word and it changed into succubi. Scared the s outta me D;





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welcome, enjoy your stay


They are free to vent and I am free to give advice to them as long as I don't break the rules. Don't try to make wizchan into your personal hugbox.

>She won't do it, succubi just want attention and suicide threats are a good way to get it.
So she is your average /dep/-poster? I wouldn't be surprised if it was revealed that most posters here are actually succubi.


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>so she is your average /dep/-poster?
> I wouldn't be surprised if it was revealed that most posters here are actually succubi.


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I have been a lurker here, never posted anything but I can relate to many people here.

My name is Mohamed. I am 19 years old and born and raised in Denmark, but my parents came from Somalia. I am a devoted Muslim, I have all the answers to the Big questions, but I am still depressed. I have been quit empty at times, but I just feel hopeless right now. School ain't working, I am taking a driving license but I can't seems to focus, I am addicted to porn and I have brainfog must of the time. I am in Egypt right now on Vacation but when I come back I will be dropping out of school and I would eventually be kicked out of home and I would not be able to finish and obtain my driving license.

School is shit. I go to Business Gymnasium/Secondary school. Its literally bullshit. I want to be entrepreneur, because 9-5 Jobs is too depressing for me. I thought I would learn how to be independent. How manage your money, save up and invest. How to start a business as a business from scratch with no help from rich parents, but no no, that is not what we learn. We learn useless theories and isn't relevant for a person who hasn't learned what I just thought we would learn. Its bullshit. Its all bullshit. Somalia is bullshit. Corrupt politicians, unelected anti democratic clan leaders, terrorist, warlords and Pirates are rooming Somalia. Its bullshit and now I am depressed in a country that don't even like my kind. For real the hate against immigrants and especially Muslims is growing.

I actually wants to improve Somalia and life comfortably there. We have the resources our we have one of the most strategic locations in the world and our coast cities are naturally beautiful great for tourist attractions, but its circus over there and a Somali Journalist that actually wanted to do something for her country was killed by Al shabaab Al Qaeda linked terrorist group. They bombed a hotel in Kismayo. Its bullshit. Please I need some life advices I am tired of beating my meat and crying. How the F-word do I become rich and Independent from society and bullshit. I am devouted muslim so I am against dealing with usury.


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>asking wizchan for advice on how to become rich and Independent from society
Come on now. Well, there is no way to live without suffering like a dog. If you want something you have no choice but to suffer to get it. To be an entrepreneur for example means that you have to gather funds and support by working and expanding your social network. Running a medium or larger business without modern loaning system sounds like a bad idea but there are islamic banks or some shit that can lent you money without breaking sharia law. It's either deal with society's bullshit or die. You can't escape it.


Wizchan isnt a good place for advice on how to be successful and rich


Go join ISIS.


ask the rich software programmer wiz in the wageslave thread. He's rich and successful.

Also if you're a devout Muslim you shouldn't really be here. Islam teaches and afaik forbids celibacy and encourages procreation.

You can still join Al-Shabaab and just go nuts if all else fails.


Well don't expect anyone to actually give a shit about your retarded advice, good luck with your journey Jordan Peterson.


Back to discord bro


This. It may suck to be part of society, but it's worse to try and live 100% independent of it


im devouted autism me englihs good danes racis how i do shot web


I'm talking from experience here, eventually consuming media stops helping you escape and sleeping becomes more difficult.


I’m 25 and living with my parents who constantly fight and treat me like a child is ruining any chance of happiness in my life, but I don’t make enough money to support myself. They are people who are full of hate and resentment at the world and each other. They give me no privacy and have huge fights over the smallest issues. My mother screamed and threatened to kill herself because my father put their bedsheet outside to dry and she didn’t want it to get pollen on them. Any time I feel like I’m making progress in life and start to feel happy they ruin it. Everytime I leave the house they ask me where I am going, who am I doing it wih etc. When I try to pick up a hobby or make healthy changes in my life they make fun of me for it. For example I started working out and my father laughs at me and makes fun of me saying things like “ooh mr. muscles” and laughing. Sometimes I wish they would get in a car crash and die. I’ve been trying hard to get a better job so I can support myself but due to mental and physical health problems and high cost of living it’s very difficult. Just wanted to post this to vent while I hide in my room from them fighting. Hopefully they go away soon so i can go to the kitchen and get something to eat.


God is not real, kiddo


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>When I try to pick up a hobby or make healthy changes in my life they make fun of me for it.

I hope that doesn't discourage you since it's clear they are the fools for making fun of something positive.


It's sad that parents are often unaware of how they affect their children. As a kid, you soak up everything like a sponge, especially implicit emotional things. Your father sees your genuine interest in something and his first instinct is to mock you and shut you down. As an adult, you can be self-aware and deal with this by realizing you don't need your parents anymore, but as a child, you're so dependent on this primary relationship that such signals are often extremely damaging, do it enough times and you'll be sure you'll NEVER try to take interest in anything or at least have enough trust in anyone to share it.

On the one hand, it enrages me that such people have kids. On the other, I understand that they have no idea what they're doing. How lucky are people that had parents that encouraged them, gave them undivided attention and support. They think it's enough they don't beat you, but then they complain their kid's a loser with emotional issues. I've spent most of my adult life trying to undo my parent's shitty parenting.


did you listen to veganwiz on 8chan's r9k too much?


Actually in a quite good mood today, but at the same time, am not, I don't really know what you call this, I certainly feel more energetic than usual, but it only feels that way, I guess it's like watching cartoons at a funeral or something else inappropriate
I suppose at least even in this state of mind I have the constant of my inarticulacy


Maybe you're manic


There is a different life I could have led where the world wasn't hostile to me and an environment which had stability or competence. Looking for help is an endless parade of people who had a world that cared about them or valued them. I am to rot here and die.


>Online money exchange that doubles as my bank account changes the currency to my native one
>Suddenly realize it's chump change


>On the one hand, it enrages me that such people have kids. On the other, I understand that they have no idea what they're doing.

It sounds like his parents are downright assholes fully aware of the fact that they are making his life horrible and discouraging every glimpse of positive energy he tries to act upon. His parents must be miserable and regretable fucks who unwillingly gave birth to a child to whom they now fail to be responsible for. Even worse, unable to accept their own situation they shame their own child and project all their despair on him in a hateful and cynical way to prevent any chance that the child might live a worthy and decent existence overcoming his own parents' failures. These kind of people are life sucking parasites nourishing themselves from the mental suffering that they inflict on their looked down upon flesh and blood to ensure that he doesn't get any better than they have ever been. I really hope that he will find a way to free himself from these psychic vampires devoid of any love for their own child.


that seems to be exactly it
will most likely be gone by tomorrow and I'll most likely forget it ever happened by thursday in any case


File: 1563202701869.jpg (89.37 KB, 1080x720, 3:2, OldMan (1).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I seriously think life has traumatized me. I have always suffered hugely just existing and taking part in the world and this constant emotion quite clearly fried my reward systems and so on. I realized today that I've been training myself to dissociate just to do chores or take action in the world; I go outside my body, stop my mind thinking, and being mindful or paying attention to my body shuts down my body. Placing myself inside my body freezes it and it doesn't want to move. I learned recently this is what disassociation is when people do it to avoid trauma or have to engage in traumatic things. Has just moving and participating in the world been so much suffering that existing has traumatized my brain - it sounds like a thing people just say but it might be true. My brain associates getting up and doing things with the burning pain in my head of suffering and the demiurge has broken me. At least this disassociation stuff works.



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