I feel like I'm already half-insane as it is and I'm not even truly on my own yet. Both my parents are still alive and I've lived with them my whole life. Over 12 years now as an acutely agoraphobic hermit. In my case, I usually exchange words with my mother each day about this & that, which, however paltry it might be, keeps me at least somewhat grounded. Good thing is that, opposed to the parents of most other wizzies here, I can pretty much talk about anything with her and, every now and again, we have some pretty satisfying, in-depth conversations. Having said that, without her around, I'd probably go off the deep end in many different ways (begin talking to myself incessantly, self-harm out of control, just generally start to lose my grip on myself & everything around me, etc.) Like I said in the beginning though, I feel quite bonkers as it is and already suffer from the things I just mentioned, despite the fact that I haven't even faced true & complete isolation yet. For quite a while now, I've barely been able to tell the difference between mundane dreams I've had & what my actual memories are, coupled with an acute dullness & sleepiness of my senses & grip on what should be the familiar. That sort of intense disorientation, of both the temporal & psychological variety, gets to me pretty bad as it is. Without my parents, and more specifically my mother, around to help partially ground me to an immediate sense of time & place, I'd imagine I'd begin to lose all sense of it completely. Perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it will be. After all, one can often be surprised by what it is they can get used to in the end. Either way, it's safe to say that what I can expect is for what I feel now to be worse & more painful. The lows will be lower, the depression deeper, and the general & near constant sense of displacement to be that much more disorienting. I've sometimes wondered if I'll even become a paranoid schizophrenic in the end. I've suffered from paranoid delusions all my life, both large & small, even feeling like I've been on the verge of hearing voices at times. My parents are a bit of a bar on the door to this I feel. Without them, it would just come spilling out like a torrent of sludge. Nothing to do, but wait & see, I guess.>>204683
>You are better off alone.
This is true & I've often reminded myself of the same sorts of things, but I feel it only applies up to a certain point. I mean, personally speaking, I can say with utter confidence that I definitely wouldn't be better off without my parents around. Quite the contrary, that would fucking suck. Full stop. Maybe if your parents are assholes, one might feel differently, but, even so, being totally alone & isolated takes its toll in a big way. Hell, I've long been feeling that toll as it is and, again, I'm not even fully alone yet. I'll admit however, that loving & understanding parents are really the only sorts of ones who can fill this role as far as company is concerned. You certainly couldn't expect the same thing out of 'friends', or whatever other self-interested strangers might be out there. It comes with far too much baggage & bullshit, as you already pointed out. I've never even had friends and yet I know that much. Even Wizchan itself might as well be like talking to a wall. It's tragically grim to consider how this website will be all I'll have left someday. That itself is quite frightening/hilarious to think about in equal measure.>>208969
That's essentially been my entire life as well, barring the presence of my parents.>>208972>>208975