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File: 1567625414019.jpg (61.42 KB, 700x400, 7:4, 73.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.206983

How do you deal with thought based OCD?

I have a fucked up one, its damn scary.. it forces me to think on things I dont want. Whenever I calm one subject my mind decides to obsess about (and it always has to be something that will cause me all kinds of bad feelings).. It will insist jumping to another fucked up subject. It will even come up in my dreams.
It especially loves to bring up episodes from my awful past, my mistakes, guilt, fears, imagined stuff, even schizo stuff and even "what ifs" if my luck would be even worse than it already was.

Pic related: depiction of how it physically feels like (more or less)

 No.206984

Instrumental music helps me not go fully insane

 No.206986

>>206983
I have autism and OCD. I deal with this everyday. Diet and excercise help a little. I also say "stop!" outloud, which works fairly well. And staying busy helps keep it at bay, of course.

 No.206987

if you're talking about some fucked up bloody gore then go to doctors.
if it's the common thoughts about past failures before falling asleep, well in my case sometimes valerian root helps, but the best solution is being obsessed with something else - a hobby project, videogame etc.

 No.206988

File: 1567627702339.jpg (133.29 KB, 680x1284, 170:321, 133-artistes-expriment-leu….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My OCD is severe case. Music, hobbies is not enough. Its very damn stubborn. There are times I somehow manage to keep it off for a little while then it comes back and rapes my mind hard. Reasoning with it is of little use.

 No.206989

>>206988
I was diagnosed with same (amongst other disorders) and ssri work pretty wel (fluvox). good luck Anon. I know thought-OCD is hell.

 No.206990

>>206989
I tried various pills.. The only thing to help me is high dose benzo but it is not worth it with the price you gonna pay.. I am speaking of a daily situation

 No.207006

>>206983
What the hell is that in the picture? Is that a starfish?

 No.207056

File: 1567739483393.mp4 (10.38 MB, 854x480, 427:240, My brain.mp4) ImgOps iqdb

Besides anhedonic depression, I can't think of anything else that's caused me as much pain & misery as my particular flavor of OCD has. Blog post activate.

For most of my life, I've suffered quite a bit from my many random obsessive compulsive rituals and, even to this day, sometimes still do. My OCD used to mainly manifest in the form of thought rituals where I'd need to think of three good thoughts to get rid of a bad thought. The thoughts themselves usually revolved around one of my many irrational fears/phobias. Sometimes it would be as arbitrary as having watched a scary movie or played a scary game and having something from that stick in my head for ages afterwards (like that one scene from Looper where that guy is having all his limbs disappear). In the case of Looper, to stop the panic I'd think of three other time travel movies that weren't as scary (for me, anyway) like BTTF, Star Trek IV, and The Terminator. Unfortunately, doing this would only embed the negative thought further as I'd finish thinking of three good thoughts only to think of what was upsetting me which then followed with me being force to redo the thought ritual and so on and so forth. The only physical manifestation of these thoughts would appear as me often resisting the urge to swallow my spit before I could make three full repeats of three good thoughts and then swallowing to serve as almost an exclamation point to the ritual. Also, when I'd go to sleep I'd often have to face a certain direction before, again, swallowing my saliva to complete the ritual.

Embracing whatever the negative thoughts happened to be at the time certainly helped sometimes, but more often than not it wasn't much more than a minor palliative to what I was going through. The ritual was everything and resisting or embracing it didn't change the palpable discomfort I felt from not completing it. I simply had to do it.

Fortunately enough for me, I don't get these thought rituals much anymore. Sometimes when I'm playing a game I'll force myself to do certain weird things to fulfill a random ritual, like running back a good minute or so to touch a certain item and then leaving only to run back a minute later and touch it again, or turning the camera just enough from a random enclosed space to feel like I've properly moved past it, so it doesn't trigger my claustrophobia and become another annoying thought loop, which would happen if denied the ritual. Like I said though, it's super random and times where you'd think I'd be bothered by it I'm not, and then other times I am.

Right now I actually have a bit of a rather annoying thought loop in regards to a crappy game I finished a little while back. The crappy game will pop in my head, which will then follow with me envisioning a fast forwarded version of the final level, which then follows with me thinking of the names of the three games I finished immediately afterwards, and then, finally, envisioning the name of the game I'm currently playing now, and then swallowing my saliva to complete the ritual. The frustrating thing being that once I finish the ritual, that crappy game, or whatever else, will tend to pop into my head instantly afterwards, which leads to me needing to fulfill the ritual again & again until at some such point I manage to exorcise the feeling of needing to do this from me, or I get sufficiently distracted by something else, or a new thought loop, with a similar skin (new crappy game, or film, or whatever else that makes me uncomfortable to think about), comes along to supplant the old one. The whole process is, needless to say, very mentally tiring, emotionally exasperating, and just generally distractive & painful. Always managing to give me a rather nasty headache if it goes on for long enough.

As all this is happening, I'm basically like a computer that's suddenly locked up. Working through a wasteful maladaptive process that consumes almost all of my mental energy & attention. Sometimes to the point where I just sit there motionless, internally muttering to myself, as I'm taken under the waves of all this, for however long it happens to go on for. I often think about how much easier my life would be if I'd never have needed to suffer from this kind of thing. Even as a very young child, I can recall all the thought loops & neurotic fears, working in tandem with each other, that would constantly torment me. So many years of near sleepless nights and profoundly uncomfortable moments due to all this. What moment, and at what time, could have caused my brain to act in such a way as this? Was there even a moment? Was my mind just genetically predisposed towards this sort of thing? Like a creature with teeth so long they constantly tear into its own flesh? Or, perhaps more aptly, like a person cursed with a hideous disability of some kind (limbless, skinless, or something equally frightening), and they, like myself to some degree, simply just had bad luck? As if I don't know the answer already.

I've also always been bothered by how the whole concept of being prone to OCD has become erroneously synonymous with fastidiousness. It goes much further beyond simply being some kind of obsessive perfectionist or unrepentant neat freak. It's the insanity of the ritual itself, the worm niggling in the center of one's brain as it were, keeping one locked in place as if they were a defective machine or a marionette tangled in its own strings, stuck in an endless repetition of the same actions, whether they be mental or physical. Instilling, at worst, the debilitating, heart stopping panic that can come from not being able to fulfill these same rituals that spin round & round with such fevered relentlessness that you truly start to feel as if you have no control over yourself any longer and that the ritual will just go on repeating itself. Fortunately for myself I've only been the victim of one near nervous breakdown due to all this, so I guess I should be somewhat thankful for that, given the severity of it at certain times.

I've also experienced palpable moments of "Harm OCD" as well (the fear that your thoughts will lead you to spontaneously enact physical harm to those around you). I've never felt this way towards my family, thankfully, and it has, essentially, just been something relegated to the few times I've been outside within last 12 years. It would usually only present itself when I'd be forced into a crowded area or, worse, be in a position where I'd need to interact with a stranger. I'd often find myself with the overwhelming fear that I'd give into this enticing urge to scream at the top of my lungs, or go sprinting like a madman with my arms flailing or even, in some instances, physically assault the stranger in front of me. As if I'd completely lose control of myself and do something I absolutely didn't want to do. Like laying in the chair at the dentist's office and feeling like I'm just going to leap up and jam a drill in someone's eye. The urge itself can be so strange. Unbelievably strong, yet also undetectably subtle. For a while I had no idea this was related to OCD, since my thought rituals never came with any sort of bizarre urges to act out physically. For the longest time, I just assumed it was latent psychotic tendencies and that I was slowly becoming a deranged maniac. Luckily, it was fairly easy to ignore given that I very rarely leave the house. That being once or twice a year, if that.

This could also simply be a form of intense cognitive dissonance, similar to HPP (high place phenomenon). HPP itself being used to describe either the spontaneous urge to suddenly jump off a dangerously high location yourself for no particular reason, or to even randomly push someone else to their death, should you happen to near enough to them to do so. Two things that, funnily enough, I've felt quite strongly when in that sort of position, being in a high place.

As an aside, I can remember hearing a story a long time ago about this succubus who had to hide the knives in her house because, otherwise, she was terrified of the possibility that she'd end up spontaneously stabbing her husband to death. Kinda similar to what I felt in my own way, frankly, and still do.

I've also sometimes experienced a variant of Harm OCD except, strangely enough. towards my physical possessions. In those times, the anxiety/fear can be quite unpleasant. It feels like all I'd have to do is lose myself for a split second. Just long enough for me to throw my wireless mouse against my monitor, or to do something equally disastrous. The feeling of panicked precariousness in those moments is constant and unbearable. Like a subconscious part of me wants to fuck myself over in the most heinous way possible. Again though, it comes and go. Just like a lot of things tend to in a pitifully deranged mind such as my own, I suppose.

 No.207059

>>207056
With personal differences, this post is so incredibly relatable.

 No.207060

>>207056
Much respect for those that have OCD and other things going on..

#Onelove

 No.207065

>>206983
I had extreme bouts of this for a couple years, like from when I was 18-19. I would go into thought loops and just have insane anxiety spikes.

how I beat it was I would just purposefully dwell on the idea that popped into my head and just dwell on it, for like 15,20,30 minutes at a time, just as long as I could. It seems like resisting it feeds it, and you just need to not resist and let the thoughts play out, after a while your heart rate goes down and stuffs ok. I think CBT is a similar concept if not the exact same thing, I'm not sure.

A big part of what was weird to me I think was not knowing what the hell was going on. It was so insane that I could never explain it to anyone and I also thought that I was totally sane.

today it seems like all that stuff happened to another person. I haven't experienced it in years.

There's hope for you yet man.

 No.207099

>>207056
this sounds horrible. idk how you've dealt with that for years. I suffer from thought loops sometimes if my sleep is disturbed enough or on certain sleeping meds and its scary to say the least. you say you've dealt with this for years. u must be very messed up wiz and not in a good way

 No.207101

The most important thing is to recognize its happening, tell yourself it’s an irrational thought, tell yourself everyone makes mistakes, and that it will pass.

Talk to a dr, there are drugs and cognitive strategies that can help.

 No.207142

My OCD could be decribed as an auto-immune disease. In auto-immune disease the body is attacking itself. My OCD would be like thoughts, visions and images poppping into my head with the purpose of torturing/attacking my psychological sanity.

 No.207159

>>207006
Moldovian brain slugs. They crawl into your nostrils while you're swimming.

 No.207319

>>207142

Yep that's my OCD. It has no purpose but to literally TORTURE me.
It goes against my struggle to feel better, it is an opposing force to every step I try to do to help myself.

 No.207811

I have the most fucked up intrusive thoughts due to childhood trauma (don't have urges to act on them and they fully disgust me hence the term "intrusive thoughts") but I noticed if I just let them pass they eventually go away. If I obsess over them then they continue to bother me ironically enough.

 No.207830

Are you sure that's not just normal?



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