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File: 1568147570660.jpg (326.85 KB, 1200x1203, 400:401, Alex Colville.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.207386[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous thread: >>205910

 No.207388

Viruses are demiminions too

 No.207390

Not even with all those pills I'm taking I can get these animalistic urges (intrusive sexual thoughts) out of my mind. I just want to study. I don't want to masturbate.

 No.207391

Father keeps farting and laughing at it mother is buttmzad angry and I feel like sick like almost always

 No.207392

>>207391
My mom pisses and shits with the door open and while she's at it she talks with the dog. She used to fart and burp all the time too. Don't know what possessed her do act that way, now it's only shitting and pissing with the bathroom door open.

 No.207393

>>207392
They all do that here and you can be shitting or peeing and someone comes. If I may ask is your mother mentally ill too?

 No.207394

>>207392
my dad started doing that recently too, I think it's a sign of mental deterioration

 No.207395

>>207393
>If I may ask is your mother mentally ill too?

No, she just thinks that since it's her house she can do whatever she wants and so she behaves like a stupid ape.

 No.207396

>>207388
Are demiminions something like minidemiurges? >>207388

 No.207397

File: 1568158445349.jpg (215.52 KB, 1290x1103, 1290:1103, OSC_Microbio_06_02_RepAnVi….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207396
I don't think so minidemiurges would be breeders, demiminions are programmed effects to cause suffering and spread oh wait

 No.207421

>have hardcore interracial cuckold fetish
>probably one of ten people in the country who browse this one obscure pornsite
>tries to open the site today
>censored by the government
>someone in the ministry of communication learns that some people masturbate to a foreign race raping their succubi of his race
>they probably know it's me
While nobody has been arrested for watching porn, it is still technically illegal here and they can persecute me if they want to. What if some self righteous fuck decided to do something about me. Some people are irrationally belligerent towards fringe fetish. I live in a conservative muslim country full of freedom-hating brownskins. Even sending a warning letter to my parents will ruin my life. Holy shit. These people would think that making me a news material and shaming me publicly as a good deed for Allah. I acknowledge that I am being paranoid right now and the chance of this happening is small but it is still not infinitesimal. The thought of transitioning from your average recluse to a complete anathema is disturbing to me. I think I finally understand why so many people care about privacy. The chance is small but it's catastrophic if it actually happens.

 No.207429

File: 1568193684902.jpg (47.77 KB, 351x304, 351:304, 1531102760154.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I sometimes wonder what it's like to be a normgroid. Going to parties or coffee shops or something on the weekends, have a boring office job and house or whatever. It's more of an idle curiosity, though. Like how I wonder what it would be like to live in Japan or be in a mildly successful rock band or something. Kind of neat to think about, but not something I'd want.

>>207421
I'd imagine watching fairly generic porn is like jaywalking - technically illegal, but the government/cops don't give a shit.

 No.207430

>>207421
you are disgusting not just for that but for thinking privacy is trivial in the past. Based Arab mods did you good.

 No.207432

>>207421
I hope you get arrested and they throw away the key tbh

 No.207433

>>207421
See you in the news bro :)

 No.207443


 No.207451

>>207421
Well thanks for the laughs on this dismal Wednesday morning, good luck wizcuck.

 No.207452

File: 1568205477821.jpg (8.14 KB, 268x188, 67:47, download.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

kill me

 No.207464

Does anyone self harm here? I recently got back into it after being clean for months, I think I made the deepest cut I’ve ever done today, the skin split apart and I could see my fat, it didn’t bleed right away, but it was just a big white chasm before blood eventually started to spill all over. I’m a bit scared though, maybe I’m losing my soul or something, this isn’t something good boys do. It felt good, but now I’m sad because I promised my mom that I wouldn’t do this anymore.

 No.207465

>>207464
I used to cut as well so I understand how you feel. But I eventually realized that if I want to hurt myself, might as well do it by tearing my muscles by weight lifting. It will make you feel accomplished, give you confidence and help get rid of depression. Do that next time please. Would you cut someone you love? No you wouldn't. Tell yourself you love yourself even if you don't believe it right now. Eventually you'll convince yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend that you love more than anyone.

 No.207466

>>207465
it's not about loving myself, I just get this feeling of lack of emotional comfort and it helps me

 No.207470

File: 1568243939368.jpg (55.56 KB, 552x668, 138:167, 1563579133709.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207421
Which country? if it gets wild then refuge to another country for political/freedom of speech persecution?

 No.207471

>>207464
I don't want to personally offend you or anything but I think cutting is the most emo and self drawing thing you can do, it just makes people look at you weird and people will forever judge you. i'd just keep it quiet

 No.207472

>>207471
self harm would really really ironically be more like self branding than anything else. why this interpretation will make sense to you: your scars wont disappear ever.

 No.207475

>>207471
I do it on my thighs so no one sees

 No.207487

>>207386
I want to be happy when I grow up.

 No.207488

>>207487
how old r u?

 No.207493

File: 1568268899125.jpg (245.82 KB, 867x630, 289:210, all out of yay.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Its pretty late anybody up?

 No.207495


 No.207496

>>207495
You must hate your life if your here then

 No.207499

File: 1568272683436.jpg (80.14 KB, 1024x682, 512:341, D_zrCgHXsAIZlws.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Without a God there is no ultimate purpose, and therefore no reason to keep continuing perpetuating life, all these means and goods serve not to satisfy a final end, and that's why they have no reason to be in the first place. Creating life then, if you don't believe in God, it's the biggest and most unjustifiable crime you could ever commit, what else would you call bringing someone into a meaningless world where there's hope for nothing and in result only eternal despair?

 No.207502

It's one of those days again.
Everything annoys me to death and I feel nauseous from just thinking about life and my place in it.

 No.207505

File: 1568286346749.jpg (126.35 KB, 860x420, 43:21, five-years-of-high-school-….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207499
Good point, Timmy. Does anyone want to add anything else?

 No.207507

>>207505
I know it might have sounded funny in your head, but believe me, it was not.
Back to /pol/ to LARP as a Christian.

 No.207516

File: 1568295927375.jpg (220.21 KB, 1000x1000, 1:1, dead-cover.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm slowly going insane

 No.207517

>try to do simple 2 digit addition problem in my head
>it takes me so long to do each individual part of the calculation that halfway through I forgot what numbers I was even trying to add

 No.207518

>>207488
Mid-20s.

 No.207519

I fucking hate anyone who defends life while admitting is full of suffering my piece of garbage of a doctor admitted it when I said I'm sick of being mentally and physically ill and I wish I could get euthanasia then the fly brains said that's good we have bring children to the world when my mother told him my piece of shit sister is pregtarded again bastard didn't give me pills I needed until he considered I was suffering enough fucking get what you deserve breederscums you haven't tasted enough suffering so you might as well be motherfucking rocks

 No.207523

>>207502
Yeah. One of these days where breathing is too much of an effort.

 No.207526

>>207499
You're right. Without God, there is no universal reason/purpose. The God delusion was a useful one, the death of God lead to the death of meaning. Nihilism becomes our God. Nihilism is the god of our age.

 No.207529

File: 1568317296147.jpeg (748.01 KB, 2505x3898, 2505:3898, F11FD03A-CDC9-408F-BD6F-8….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

Why must all roads lead to suffering? Why must all rabbit holes be so shallow? Where do I go from here? That’s not a rhetorical question; I’m really asking.

 No.207530

The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I recently lost a lot of weight and got a job but all it did was highlighting all the things wrong in my life I cant fix. My face, my personality, my family situation, etc.
I regret not killing myself all those years ago.

 No.207534

Is Ligotti’s TCATHR the depressed man’s bible?

 No.207546

My dad is threatening to kick me out again if I don't get a job, even moreso, I have oliguria and dehydration and he's a doctor

Says it's just anxiety and I need to drink more water, that I don't have anything wrong with me

 No.207548

>>207529
>Where do I go from here?
Where do you want to go?
If you don't know where you want to go then you can follow any random path. Good or bad.

 No.207550

feeling depressed again, also my wrists hurt

 No.207562

If wizardry is good, and others don't live or strive for the wizard life, it is your moral obligation to instruct them in wizardry matters in order to help them live the good life.

 No.207563

File: 1568358747930.jpg (388.82 KB, 3840x2160, 16:9, 2380976-Andy-Warhol-Quote-….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207546
The nerve of breeders is sickening and to think our health is on the hands of such fucking psychopaths

 No.207570

>>207563
I like both of these quotes, anon.
Yours and the pic.

 No.207571

>>207529
towards FUN

 No.207575

>>207562
>if

It either is or it's not. I'd say for some it's good for others it isn't. It's not for everyone.

It's like teaching ideology. The ones who teach it are not happy with themselves so have to execute force on others and control them. The ones who teach their way of life and their opinions and want other to live the same way or have the same views are the always the bad guys who understood nothing.

 No.207578

>>207575
> I'd say for some it's good for others it isn't

Why? What makes Wizardry(celibacy) only good for some and bad for others? Isn't wizardry good in and of itself?

 No.207579

>>207529
Towards less suffering I guess? Some people probably become a masochist.

 No.207581

people commit suicide, it happens. tons of great people have done it and will continue to do so. life is unjust, unfair, unkind - just a bunch of biological automatons too addicted to the scraps life throws at us, the driven work themselves to death, the violent sucks the joy out of life, the liars paints the world black and the psychopaths revel in it all. seeing a frail, angry and bitter old person should scare you, that will probably be you… like some street dog who pathetically ekes out an existence until some terrible disease or accident or violence snuffs you out.

some boring thing i had to get off my chest.

 No.207582

File: 1568404479542.jpg (34.9 KB, 620x330, 62:33, 1454145.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Wiz friends, I've blocked all imageboards from my browser. I'm fed with them. All I have now is you. Instead of wasting my time talking about meaningless things, insulting random people to boost my fragile ego or sharing stupid memes that I no longer find funny, I'll apply my free time to learning new things (because it distracts me and MAINLY because it's useful), but since humans are social creatures by nature, being completely isolated would only do harm to me so I need a refuge, a place to express myself and I've chosen Wizchan. Please, be kind to me. This is my home now and my only home. I'm also on /hob/. I like that board, but I'm not a big fan of the board /wiz/ so avoid even opening that board. I want to use this board, this thread in particular as my personal diary (as a matter of fact, I'm the OP of this thread).

I suggest you to do the same. Draw, paint, read, study. Do something productive/rewarding, something that'll provide you long-term pleasure. Just do it. Don't think if whatever you're doing has any meaning or not. Life has no objective meaning and creating your own meaning should be your main focus on life, your most important task. Stop wasting your time on imageboards, pornography, hedonistic activities that'll provide you short-term pleasures but a long ass time of self-loathing and a sense of worthlessness. I also can't stand politics, not because I have no knowledge about it, it's just because I think all politicians seek power and nothing besides. The Will To Power is all there is.
Imageboards and pornography are poison to the mind. Quit it cold turkey. Don't wait till tomorrow. Do it now. If you long for social interactions, human relations but hate spending time interacting with the so-called normies, do jiu-jitsu, muay Thai or any other activity that involves physical force. Direct all your anger for society on the ring. If you're young, heed my advice. Once you're 30+ you'll want to thank me.

Also, I know most of you guys love video-games, anime and other forms of entertainment provided by technology and capitalism. But please, for the love of God, reduce the time you spend on those things or quit it entirely. I know life is tough and we just want to escape from it, but the more we engage in this thing called real life (and I know it's painful and unpleasant) the tougher we become. The more time you spend on fantasy, the more alienated you'll feel once you have to face the real world. Death, discomfort, suffering, diseases are inevitable (and I'm very familiar with all that). You should always be prepared for it. My grandmother passed away recently. I was very closed to her but I didn't even cry. My understanding of death, human suffering is far more acute than that of my surroundings. Be prepared for life and death, don't run away from it. There'll always be people better than you at something, but you're not God. You don't and you can't master all things, but you can be an expert at something. You can exceed at something. And when you do that, you feel like you worth something. You'll feel life like you're not just an insignificant speck of dust tossed into an uncaring universe full of random tragedy.
I'm not a big fan of Camus and Sisyphus was obviously not happy simply because he did nothing but roll a boulder up and down. Humans need to do something, exceed at something and then do something else. Boredom is suffering, life is suffering and boredom is sometimes overlooked. Schopenhauer was the first serious philosopher to look at boredom as an extreme form of suffering and despair. So avoid boredom at all cost. Keep being productive.
I'm not a writer, I don't want to be a writer, I've learned English on my own and I'm still not good at it, but I keep trying to improve it everyday. I'm really happy with I'be accomplished so far, even though I'm still not perfect at English I can understand spoken English and read books in English.
I like Fernando Pessoa because his writings sometimes feel random, like he's talking about something then he changes he subject about something totally different. That's why I like him. I just feel this need to express my thoughts because it helps me to alleviate suffering and that's why this thread is about people who don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
My post isn't about something in particular. It's just some random thoughts and some advice that's more directed at me than at you. Otto Weininger said that you can only understand a person if you a little of that person within yourself. I understand racist people, I understand drug addicts, I've experienced self-loathing to the point of attempting suicide, so I understand people who hate themselves. I understand hedonistic people and I understand people who won't read my post because it's too long.

 No.207585

File: 1568406373865.jpg (112.81 KB, 800x559, 800:559, 4666425878_3182908a25_b.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207583
Did you even read everything even I wrote?
It seems like not even Wizchan is a place for me because of people like this guy.
Bye. I'm out. Enjoy your website and keep belittling others to (artificially) boost your ego.
I'm tired. Sick and tired of people like you. Posts such as yours should be removed to keep this website clean. If you have nothing to say, shut the fuck up.

I think this guy is totally right >>205042

 No.207586

>>207582
this is the only place I visit for like 3 years now

 No.207587

>>207582
>life should
>you should
>quit cold turkey
>less escapism
>stop wasting your time
>totally not an improvebrah, just friendly advice :^)
Escapism is the best thing in my life. When the time comes to face reality I'll welcome death with open arms.

 No.207588

>>207587
How young are you?

 No.207589

File: 1568409364737.jpg (134.26 KB, 448x326, 224:163, 5tht56.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207587
>Escapism is the best thing in my life. When the time comes to face reality I'll welcome death with open arms.

Lol at you thinking you can enjoy your escapism nonstop

pic related you when you're not shitposting.

 No.207592

>>207582
Good post but my biggest fear is leaving my fantasy land and doing something out of my bound, I've been doing fantasy for so long that it's the only I know how to do. I recently had a talk with parents, and I'm over it, best thing I can do right now is escape to my fantasy

 No.207593

>>207582
>just do things for no reason bro!

yeah, nah. I like knowing why I'm doing the things I'm doing and what I'm actually trying to accomplish by doing them. I think ted kaczynski was onto something with the whole thing about technology and civilization taking away our natural primary motivation in life: survival. It's not healthy, now we're aware that everything we do is meaningless. The illusion of God no longer works to spur people to enslave themselves to the societal elites, so they've resorted to taking all sort of meaning and identity out of people's lives so they can sell it back to them through consumerism. We are a nation of addicts just living for that next hit of dopamine and nothing more. You poo poo the capitalist forms of dopamine hits for your own somehow supposedly superior hits, but what's the fucking point? You just have some self image about yourself you're trying to cultivate that allows you to claim superiority over everyone else but you're accomplishing exactly as much as anyone else in this insane hellhole of a world.

 No.207595

Well looks like another online group fucking hates my guts.
Guess this is why I shouldn't move past imageboards.

 No.207596

>>207595
What did you do? Express your unfiltered opinion?

 No.207601

File: 1568412367993.jpg (18.79 KB, 800x450, 16:9, jsxpeeaib22yz0izrolg.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Here we >>>/dep/206612 go again. It's yet another day where I get easily & overwhelmingly stressed by the littlest of things to an extremely painful degree. An annoying fucking gnat buzzing about my head, playing some shitty game that everyone seems to like except for me that I feel obsessively inclined to finish, being a little too annoyingly hot or cold, or any other assortment of arbitrary crap that, should enough of it happen to add up, will often send me spiraling down into experiencing agonizing wave after agonizing of debilitating stress, as is where I'm at right now. On days like this when I'm particularly high-strung, I'm completely tense & frustrated to such a degree that I can do nothing, but try to either sleep it off, or sit here & stew in my own corrosive juices hoping & waiting for it to eventually pass, which it almost never does until I force myself to sleep. Sometimes I get these intense coinciding heat flashes, followed by a sharp prickly feeling all over my body, when the stress get particularly bad. I just can't fucking relax, man. I just can't fucking relax. I got such a throbbing headache. It's all so excruciating. Thank christ, for painkillers. When I'm this stressed, I also become a bit of a bumbling klutz, which leads to even more stress, which leads to even more bumbling, and so on, until I basically want to crack my head open on the edge of the plaster wall nearby to make it stop. I'll tell you what though, I sure am glad I don't have to work for a living. Considering how little stress it is that I can handle as it is, dealing with shit like that would almost undoubtedly give me a full blown aneurysm.

Also, before anyone mentions it, yes I've tried weed. It fucking sucked & gave me panic attacks & bouts of derealization. That shit is fucking poison as far as I'm concerned. I've tried both Sativa & Indica strains, even CBD. It either effected me badly or not at all. Take that literal devil's grass & shove it up your ass for all I care. It would at least do you more good than it did me, that's for sure.

 No.207604

>>207601
lol drink alcohol then.

 No.207607


 No.207608

>>207607
Watching this now, thanks.

 No.207609

Since taking medication, depression has actually begun to feel bad. Before, I reveled in it.

 No.207610

I thought I'd made enough progress that I could discuss my different depression experiences with my therapist and explain how they are different. Instead I sat there struggling to even think or explain things, getting more and more lost as we tried to write out a system of these moods. My mind went blank and I didn't know what words meant even though a few seconds earlier I explained something with those words. I will probably have to scramble and cling to systems and notes I leave myself to get through the world forever, I am a disintegrating mind. Without my notes available to search through I'm not really complete and my grasp of what's going on is tenuous. I'm a crazy fucker I guess.

 No.207611

File: 1568416741200.jpg (145.37 KB, 1200x792, 50:33, o_1b3d59ef2lg81b7410h13le1….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207593
Right now I'm trying to learn French because I love French literature and I want to move to France. Am I doing it to escape suffering? It depends on your perspective. I'm doing it because I see it as a goal, a task I must fulfill. Do I feel good when I feel like I've made a progress? Yes, I do. Do I feel superior, as you described, yes I do. And it's not something I can escape from, as Nietzsche brilliantly explained in his Will To Power theory. Just as The Will To Power, The Will To Life (Procreation) are things we must learn to control for our own good. We need to look at Nihilism as a disease and say fuck you. We must look at our sexual urges as an enemy and say fuck you.

But you see, I have enough money to spend it on all sorts of drugs or alcohol and I'd feel extremely good for a moment and the next day I'll be feeling miserable again. When you put effort into something rewarding, you feel the opposite of miserable. You feel great. I'm not what you would call a "Chad" or a Jordan Peterson disciple (Because despite the fact that I've never read his books, just watched some videos, I think I'm sounding like a pessimist version of him unintentionally).

>We are a nation of addicts just living for that next hit of dopamine and nothing more


And that's when suffering comes into play.
And that's why suffering is important. The future looks very bleak to me because people want to feel good all the time. LIFE IS SUFFERING. Running away from it, is like running away from life itself. Have you seen a crack addict or a heroin addict in the streets? Well, that's what I see when I see my brother playing that stupid game called League of Legends all day and getting mad because of that stupid (I can't think of a more degrading word to describe my feelings toward that game and the people who are addicted to it) game.
I do indulge in what could be interpreted as hedonistic activities. I enjoy (but don't love it) watching some specific movies and listening to music, but I'm not an addict. If I spend 1 hour listening to music, I'll spend 6 hours studying. And you might wonder why do I study if nothing matters in the end. Well, because I want to be the best person I can be while I'm on this earth (Nothing matters, indeed, but only in a metaphysical sense. This world, the world of experience matters). I want to feel naturally good about myself. I want to wake up, clean my room, study a little more, read (useful) books and go to sleep with a sense of accomplishment, instead of waking up and spending the whole day eating junk food and playing League of Legends. You see, life is short and whatever you accomplish will disappear. Shouldn't that be a motivation to live a more fulfilling life and also shouldn't that be a motive to take care of yourself and put yourself above everything else and stop worrying about trivial things?

I don't watch the News, I don't worry about my looks (that much), I don't worry about so many things that worries the average person. A succubus was raped by some loser in Angola? Why should I care about that? Does it affect my personal life? A celebrity was caught sniffing cocaine in California? Who cares? Will it affect my life in some way?

You see, my mother keeps watching the News and saying things like "what a monster", "this is so terrible", "he should be in jail". But I feel nothing.
Have you guys watched Fargo? Have you understood the show?

I'll leave this scene for you guys to watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-Dp0QogUI4

It's one of my favorite parts of the show. Fargo is a show without heroes and villains. It's a show about human feelings and what is important in life. And why does it have to do with any of these things I'm talking about? Because for me, life is about feelings. Feelings are real because we can feel it. Love, hatred, fear are all real. But I can't say for sure you, as an individual is real, you could be just a product of my imagination, but the feelings are real. If I feel threatened by something, it's because an unpleasant feeling aroused me.

My whole point is stop wasting time with games, political ideologies, useless information, stupid Youtube videos about people making stupid things. TAKE AN HONEST LOOK AT LIFE. ASK YOURSELF WHAT IS LIFE. ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU DO THINGS YOU DO. DO THINGS INTRINSIC VALUABLE. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is feeling. I feel alienated, unable to make friends in real life because my outlook on life is so different from that of others. A simple "good morning" for the average person is just a good morning, but for me it's an enigma. Why does that person wished me good morning? Did he really mean it or he just wished me good morning because he's used to do that to everyone and don't think about the word "good". But nonetheless, I still treat him as a fellow human being, or as I like to call it; a fellow sufferer.

I think life shouldn't be the way it is. I sometimes consider tribalism as an alternative. I sometimes think about total annihilation, human extinction. Or I think about a future where life would be something so wonderful, so perfect that everyone would know how to deal with human suffering in a good way.

I advice all of you to start reading Philosophy instead of playing video-games and/or wasting time discussing things that won't affect your life in the slightest. People who say Philosophy is useless are people who can't understand Philosophy or, in most cases, simply have no need or curiosity for the unknown. Books can change who you are and how you react to certain things completely. For some it's a curse, for me is a blessing. Nothing in this world fascinates me more than the pursuit of meaning in things and that's why I've grown to despise things that I used to like such as (most) Japanese cartoons.

But whatever. It's your life. Do whatever you want with it. I write for myself. When I complain about vices, I complain about my own vices. When I criticize addicts, I criticize myself first. Because when I look at a junkie in the streets I imagine myself in that position. I could be one of those guys. I am not the man I wish to be, I have many vices, many problems to deal with, I'm a benzo addict, I'm unemployed but I am a man. I'm improving myself, little by little.

 No.207612

>>207611
what a load of shit

 No.207613

File: 1568417978766.png (56.76 KB, 461x971, 461:971, dont be a faggot.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>207611
Never give unsolicited advice because you will always come off as a narcissistic self important asshole, and saying "But whatever. It's your life. Do whatever you want with it. I write for myself." is not gonna change it.

 No.207615

>>207608
My pleasure, hope you find some medium of peace in the thresher of existence.

 No.207616

>>207534
Have you read Mainländer's Philosophy Of Redemption, I just checked and it seems to have finally been translated into English. Apparently the underlying principle of his work is that suicide is our only salvation from the suffering of this world. The refreshing part is that shortly after its publication the madman actually commits suicide, hangs himself using a stack of the very same book no less. Certainly has the makings of a depressed man's bible.

 No.207617

>>207616
Very good suggestion. If memory serves, Ligotti mentions Mainländer in CATHR so I can assume his works must be of substance.

 No.207618

File: 1568420308552.png (56.89 KB, 1200x1200, 1:1, max-stirner.1200.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>207613
>Never give unsolicited advice because you will always come off as a narcissistic self important asshole, and saying "But whatever. It's your life. Do whatever you want with it. I write for myself." is not gonna change it.


But I didn't say I wasn't a narcissist. Neither that I wanted to help anyone.

Did you read my first post?
>I want to use this board, this thread in particular as my personal diary

Look, everyone is an egoist, some are aware of it and some are not. That's life. YOU try to defend your point of view because YOU think of yourself as an important person. YOU think YOUR opinion is above mine. Am I an asshole who doesn't care about anyone? Nope, I'm a person who's conscious of the fact that everyone is an egoist. I will help you if I feel like it will also help me someway, whether psychologically or materialistically. I give advice to you guys because as I said here >>207611 I write for myself. When I complain about vices, I complain about my own vices. When I criticize addicts, I criticize myself first

And egoism, as well as Will to Power is something you can't escape from.

Why did you make that post in the first place? Because you think you're right and I'm wrong. This world is nothing but Will to Power.

According to Nietzsche, the world would reach a point (we've already reached that point) where bad/inferior/poor things would be regarded as good and anything great/superior/grandiose would be looked down upon and considered bad thanks to Christianity and its twisted morals. And that's what's happening. As someone who, unlike many posters here, self-analyze myself a lot and try to fix things that ails me without projecting my insecurities onto others (imageboard users love do that and that's also why I'm trying to avoid them).

>>207612
At least I can write more than one sentence, you parasite.

 No.207620

>>207618
>i-it's just an entry in my personal diary bro!
>a personal diary entry that i happened to leave on a public forum, in reply to someone's post, giving specific advice to all members of the board and addressing them directly!

 No.207622

>>207620
If you want a serious conversation, can you please stop with the sarcasm?
That's one of the reasons why I abandoned 4chan. Can you please act as human being instead of a living meme?

 No.207623

>>207622
then how about you start writing clearly and concisely if you want an actual dialogue rather than this weak "just a diary" excuse when you're actively engaging with ppl

and stop writing 50 contradictory things in every post so you always have some excuse to fall back on "nuh-uh! see in post #484832 i wrote something that disagrees with you! nevermind that it's the opposite of what i wrote a few sentences ago!"

 No.207625

>>207618
shit is shit no matter how many sentences it has. take your advice and shove it, normgroid, you don't belong here

 No.207626

File: 1568424012344.jpg (108.3 KB, 750x1334, 375:667, 0821161561113_n.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207623
There's nothing contradictory about what I've said.

When you try to help others, you consciously or unconsciously is actually trying to help yourself. Get it? Why do you feel good and a sense of justice when you give money to a starving kid in the streets? Because someone forced you to do it? Because you're a good human, so good that you'd be able to give up all your things for the sake of humanity? NO! You helped that kid to feel good about yourself. To feel as if you've done something important.

I, of course did not write that text with the intent of boosting my ego. At that moment I wasn't conscious of that. At first I wanted to make people more aware of the meaninglessness of life and how much time we waste on things of no value, but as the thread went on I've realized that was I just was trying to boost my ego (again) by heavily criticizing, nay, berating people who play League of Legends due to my personal relation to my brother. I loathe that game as much as I loathe football fanatics. Even though I try to avoid it because (maybe) I'm the only one to blame for my unavoidable misanthropy.

I'm not an "asshole". I try to be as kind as possible to others because I want them to treat me the same way. Again, it's also a selfish act because I'm putting my feelings above others (you can't act in any other way. Put this in your mind. You can't escape egoism. Even Buddhists are egoists because deep down they want to erase suffering from THEIR lives, but they know most humans are incapable of achieving the so-called Nirvana. They are worried about themselves, not about others).

There is no escape from egoism.
So I'm not trying to help you guys after all? No, I'm trying to help myself and feel like I'm above you. Does that mean I'm an asshole? No, that means I'm a human being.
So is it futile to try to help others? Only if you won't get ANY benefit from it. I'm not from an English speaking country, so just by chatting with you guys, it's helping me to develop my English skills.

I just realized I've wasted hours on this thread when I could've been doing something else. So guys, heed my advice, stop wasting your time on imageboards and do something else.

 No.207627

>>207625
Read a book, philistine.
You can't even write a sentence without committing 100 mistakes. You belong on 4chan's /b/.

 No.207628

>>207626
you keep mixing up "you" and "me" and you can't make up your mind whether you're helping us or not

 No.207630

File: 1568425589693.jpg (44.23 KB, 386x470, 193:235, william-adolphe-bouguereau….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207628
Read "The Ego and Its Own" by Max Stirner.
Whether I'm conscious of it or not, I'm ALWAYS trying to help myself. That doesn't mean I'm evil, that just means there's no alternative. You can't escape egoism. You can't act in any other way. Good things might come from my advice and I might help others, but that's just a consequence of my selfish/egoistic act. A nurse can spend a whole day trying to save your life, but would she still help you if he had to do it for free? Or to put in a more harsh perspective; would she help you if HER child (which is an individual much more important for her) was suffering from the same disease as you at the same time?
Now think of a "war hero". That "war hero" might kill himself to save his country, but did he do that because he wanted to save his country or because he wanted to FEEL a sense of importance, even if it meant taking his own life? A "self" is nothing but you. What is you? I don't know. Is there anything in this world more important than you, nay, is there anything in this more important than YOUR feelings? I don't think so. You might say your mother, but that's because she makes YOU feel good. Her existence makes YOU happy.

That's why I encourage you guys to engage in Philosophy instead of things such as games or anime. You start to see the world from different perspectives. But if you go nuts because of it (which isn't something that uncommon among philosophers), don't blame it on me. You chose this path because you thought it would benefit YOU.

 No.207631

>>207630
>That's why I encourage you guys to
we're not buying what you're selling, now fuck off

 No.207632

>>207630
>Whether I'm conscious of it or not, I'm ALWAYS trying to help myself
Don't see any reason to expand beyond that to be honest. Stirner writing a whole book about it strikes me as shallow.

 No.207635

File: 1568428311993.jpg (151.25 KB, 545x768, 545:768, medium_80114bb58150730b594….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207631
You sound like an angry teenager.
You keep saying I don't belong here, but it's YOU who obviously don't belong here. Wizchan is an imageboard for adults. If you're incapable of engaging in any serious discussion, go "shitpost" somewhere else, you simian.

>>207632
That's okay, Wiz.
You at least are familiar with what I'm talking about. Unlike some annoying users who prefer to insult others because they're too stupid to know what I'm talking about.
I'll end up this conversation by saying this; Life is suffering. If you try to avoid suffering AT ALL COST by hedonistic activities or mindless distractions, escapism, it will come back to bite you. I'm not saying this because I read in a book, I'm saying this because I've experienced it myself. I'm familiar with addiction, self-loathing and nihilism. I've successfully overcome some of it. Just try it. Do other things other than sitting around all day insulting random people on imageboards to artificially (and I use the word ARTIFICIALLY strongly because as a channer myself, I understand other channers. I know you crave "yous" as a normie craves "likes" on social media. I know you like to say edgy things because you know (theoretically) there'll be no consequences to whatever you say). But you need to realize that's an illusion. You've built a whole world of fantasy, just like in your video-games. Maybe you're content with this kind of life (I doubt it) but I'm not. If are also tired of this life, heed my advice. Go on /hob/ and try to find something interesting there.
I have no friends and don't want to because that's the path I've chosen to go. I can't relate to people. I am depressed. I am addicted to benzos. But I can't live an artificial life anymore, I can't spend my whole life consuming whatever garbage the Jews or the Japanese want us to consume. I don't want to be the "last man". I honestly would rather commit suicide than to keep on living like this.

I've also decided to quit this imageboard as well.
Gonna take some Valium, go to sleep and study all day so I can distract myself and learn something. I live in a shithole country and my top priority is to leave this hellhole. I hate this country more than I hate League of Legends.

 No.207636

File: 1568429001862.jpg (72.71 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, float-lantern.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207635
> I hate this country more than I hate League of Legends.
Funny, did laugh. No, really

Also, thanks for the inspiration. Such a quality post

 No.207637

There is nothing more nauseating than a person who thinks and acts like he knows it all. Yes, including supposedly wizards.

 No.207639

>>207636
Stop with the sarcasm dude.

 No.207640

>>207639
It's not sarcasm, I'm just bad with words sometimes

 No.207644

>>207635
>Gonna take some Valium, go to sleep and study all day so I can distract myself and learn something. I live in a shithole country and my top priority is to leave this hellhole. I hate this country more than I hate League of Legends.
Better not be bumblefucking around with philosophy and persuing a lucrative career then, lest you forget that literature can be just as powerful an escape as anything the jewish japanese anime cartel could cook up to arrest your development. I mean fuck, doesn't matter what rock you crawl under there's always someone there ready to lecture you on time management and aimlessness.

 No.207650

File: 1568440555825.png (297.87 KB, 497x382, 497:382, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

So a depressed Wizard who's also the guy who makes the Depression Craw Threads comes from 4chan with the intention of using Wizchan as his abode because he can't bare those immature retards from 4chan anymore, make long and thoughtful posts, call you guys friends and gets bland replies from shallow people such as these:
>>207612
>>207625
>>207631

No wonder he wants to stay always from chans. You guys need to honestly take a look at yourselves and wonder what the hell you're doing with your lives, but it seems like you're too busy distracting yourselves with pornography, games or whatever. If life was as bad as you say it is, you would've killed yourself already but your meaningless distractions seem to hold you back. So you build and artificial world where the rejects are the good guys and the successful people are the bad guys. Where the dark-skinned people are the villains and the light-skinned people are the super-heroes. So you can feel a sense of superiority - I'm talking about imageboard users as a whole now -. So instead of actually trying to improve your lives some way to live a more fulfilling life, you chose the life of a monstrous vermin (Kafka) but with the illusion of grandiosity. We're no longer teenagers (I assume) is time for us to grow up.

It's been a long time since I've read posts as good as these:
>>207582
>>207611

4chan's lit is shit. 8chan has always been shit and I'm glad it's gone. Reddit is for succubi and other contemptible creatures. Wizchan's /hob/ is still a good board. Think I'll stick around there for a while. I've also been saving money for a trip somewhere far away from my country.

I also would like to acknowledge the mods' efforts to keep this imageboard free from undesirable people (the so-called shitposters). I know it's a difficult task. I dislike many things about this website, but I don't even mention what it is. Just take a look at some of the posts here and you'll know what I mean.

 No.207651

>>207650
>muh intellectual discourse
>muh accusative psychoanalysis
>muh fellowship of smart people
Get a load of this faggot. I think you have your head a little too far up your ass but I won't argue about that. Just an advice, you probably should give up trying to look for those things on wizchan. It has more of the things you're looking for than 4chan but that doesn't mean it's the optimal place for it.

 No.207652

>>207651
>Just an advice, you probably should give up trying to look for those things on wizchan.

I actually should abandon imageboards for good as well. That's an wonderful idea. I'm too old for this website. Enjoy Wizchan, kids. Have fun with it. What else can I do anyway. Anti-intellectualism has become the norm. This place is full of complete imbeciles.
It's the price I have to pay for not having a double digit IQ.

 No.207653

File: 1568446001075.gif (1012.1 KB, 500x370, 50:37, 84894798273498.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>207604

Man, fuck you. If stupid shit like that is all you have to say, then why don't you just do me the courteously of leaving me the hell alone instead? So many fucking brainless pricks like yourself on this website shitposting for laughs & looking for a cheap "lol", at someone else's expense. Just why the hell do I keep coming here when this is, at least half the time, the result of me simply trying to vent & look for a bit of sympathy? A place where almost everything someone says that's longer than two sentences is either mocked or ignored by ignorant shitposters, with kind or well thought posts/replies being almost certainly the exception to the rule. But oh yeah, I know the answer already. Pure desperation for some semblance of communication & release from my thoughts. That's why I keep coming to this dung infested watering hole. How could I forget.

>>207652

Hear, hear, my man. Fucking cesspit this place is, filled with dumb shit children, philistines proud of how retarded they are, and random assortments of other drooling mongoloids belching out their endless inanities like a pack of lobotomized cattle. I wish it'd just fucking die at this point, simply so I'd never have to have the misfortune of browsing this nauseating crap chute, chocked to the brim with shit-flinging chimps, ever again. As it's been pointed out before in the past, practically anything else you can think of doing, even simply sitting motionless & staring at the wall, would be, in the end, a better use of one's time than coming here would be. And yet people here still makes threads like this one, >>>/dep/207403 scratching their head, wondering where all the wizards went. Gee, what a mystery. Couldn't simply be that this site is shit & an affront to the senses 99% of the time, so they got fed up & left. No, of course not.

>Cue these same brainless retards resorting to old tired remarks like, "lol, butthurt", that may as well be like shooting a flare of their retardation into the sky for all to see.

 No.207654

The fact that most worthwhile ideas in fiction and media in general have already been largely explored depresses me.

 No.207655

>>207611
You say don't watch anime and learn French or do Muay Thai instead because you'll feel better, but let's examine the reasons why you feel better from doing this. It's because you have conventional normalfag views about the world which say that anime is for losers but being productive is a good thing. Why do you want to be productive though? Because when you produce something you can show it to normalfags and they will praise you for it. You want to learn French and move to France so when you come back normies will say "oh that's soooo interesting, what is paris like?". You feel like shit for watching anime because you say to yourself "watching anime is what losers do, so I'm a loser". You have the basic narcissistic psychopathology of normalfags where all your happiness in life is centered around gaining the approval of others.

It's not running away from life not to do this, it's just a choice, one that most of us here have made and we don't really take kindly to you coming in here and telling us we're all morons and cowards for not contorting ourselves into narcissistic caricatures of human beings just to gain approval from normies like you. Basically you can go fuck yourself normalfaggot.

 No.207656

I can't imagine having any actual control over my life.

 No.207657

>>207656
I was just thinking about this and how it's a consequence of society growing out of control. In the natural world you can still hunt and gather for yourself, you can control everything of importance to you by learning about nature and using your intelligence to overcome it. In a civilization you are dependent upon the civilization for everything. The time period when we learn new skills easily, childhood, is spent learning how to fit into society rather than how to survive in nature and as a consequence we become wholly unable to do that as an option. All power and control over our lives was robbed from us from the moment we were born. Everything was handed to us from someone else, we had to learn how to please them to get what we wanted and it just keeps going and going until we die. Society has robbed us of all our personal sovereignty and agency, we are just slaves, no longer even wholly our on organism, just a cell in this giant beast that pays as much care for it as we do for each of the cells in our bodies.

 No.207658

File: 1568460416734.jpg (331.81 KB, 2048x1536, 4:3, dard.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

One day I will defeat obesity and binge eating.

reduced my zoloft does by 25% week. I feel like shit.

 No.207659

>>207655
N-n-n-n-normal fag.
The guy is a benzo addict, he has no friends and has basically abandoned all imageboards because of low IQ monkeys such as yourself and you call him normalfag?

This is the stupidest post I've ever seen on this website.
This is your brain on anime. Being a normal human being is looked down upon here and being a loser is something to be proud of.
Yes, anime is for children. It's stupid childish garbage. Look at this guy and imagine him in a war situation. It's kind of laughable even.

I'm not glorifying the normalfag lifestyle (what is a normalfag anyway?) rather I'm saying you should seek a more fulfilling life, do something. Create something. Go out (muh anxiety). Anti-anxiety pills exist for a reason.

Guys, you're not better than anyone. Grow up. The term normalfag was created to make you feel like being a normal human being is bad but being an obese loser is good. Am I offending you with these words? Are you a pussy who doesn't want to be called out for watching too much "kawaii" things and will report my post to keep your space safe? Go on then.
Look, we're not "normies", we, I assume, are just old people. People with more experience in life than you. But if you enjoy your life the way it is, then good for you. But there are lot of great things out there that you and I are missing out on. I barely leave my house, I'm a complete loser and I'm not proud of it. But unlike some of you, I do not glorify or find it okay to live that way. I'm a pussy. I've wasted my life. If you're young, get the hell out of here.

I had a dream of visiting Japan but now I don't have the strength to leave my bed.

 No.207661

>>207659
Ook eek

 No.207663

>>207659
He is just preaching normalfag values, he comes off to me as a normalfag that made bad choices in life and thinks that everyone is like him and will benefit from his 'advice'. A lot of people here are legitimately mentally ill and doing 'productive' crap like he says will not change a thing. I suffer from horrible bipolar mood swings, the depression episodes have probably ruined my life, and I can't help that, its got nothing to do with the fact that I play video games occasionally and browse the internet, my brain is screwed up and he's trying to preach me this peppy advice that I know won't change a thing.

 No.207664

Why do you to infect every place you have literally all the Internet except here to do it leave us alone fuck sake

 No.207666

>>207663
Have you considered medication? All memes aside, I suffer from bipolar disorder and the antipsychotics I’m on help me feel more emotionally neutral. It feels a bit boring but it’s better than the endless mania/depression cycle.

 No.207667

>>207666
all medication gives me unbearable side effects, currently suffering from insomnia from the most recent one, I can't take antipsychotics because they cause me severe extrapyramidal symptoms in me

 No.207668

File: 1568468821939.jpg (11.68 KB, 221x255, 13:15, 1461625756398.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.207674

I wish I was never sired/conceived. I wish my laughing-stock butt-of-jokes disgusting inferior country never existed. Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person

 No.207675

>>207650
>So a depressed Wizard who's also the guy who makes the Depression Craw Threads comes from 4chan with the intention of using Wizchan as his abode because he can't bare those immature retards from 4chan anymore, make long and thoughtful posts, call you guys friends and gets bland replies from shallow people such as these

lol what

I also hate 4chan's /lit/ though. Lots of proselytizing Christians who just want to shill the Bible and can't address actual arguments. crabs who make thinly veiled succubi hate threads and /pol/ types making racial bait threads. Several faggots who spam trans and trap propaganda threads daily. And almost all the rest is retarded meme spouting, shitposting, and parroting of accepted opinions there about literature and philosophy. Maybe 1 in every 1000 posts there is actually somewhat decent and insightful.

Also philosophy and literature in most cases is just another form of escapism, especially for wizards. I enjoy reading but I don't hold any delusions about it being "useful". It's helped me understand things more and I love playing with ideas but I don't believe it's made me any happier than I was when I was just watching anime and playing video games for 16 hours a day.
Actually practicing philosophy might be different. Stoicism or Taoism might be useful for example. But productivity is a meme IMO. Not doing anything is not the problem. Becoming accustomed to instant gratification is.

>>207659
>This is your brain on anime. Being a normal human being is looked down upon here and being a loser is something to be proud of.

This is not an issue stemming from anime at all really, it's just the mindset that's come about due to the evolution of this site and its community. Excessive escapism like anime may be a symptom but it's not the originator of this kind of value system.

>Yes, anime is for children. It's stupid childish garbage. Look at this guy and imagine him in a war situation. It's kind of laughable even.


Well this is really just idiotic. I hate this tactic people use where they have to point out how someone isn't a warrior or whatever like "your ancestors" and somehow this makes them pathetic. It's primitive and stupid.

>Go out (muh anxiety)


I like nature and architecture but I fucking despise most people, 99% of them are dumb fucking apes, and so that soils the enjoyment of most places for me. I don't really know what you expect people to get out of going out.


Also you and the other guy (I don't know if you're the same person or not, too lazy to check) seem to be working off the assumption that everyone here is engaging in some sort of worship of anime, games, and porn. While a lot of wizards do have these hobbies a lot of people here don't and just spend time mindlessly refreshing. Trying to treat things as the root of the problem because "they're juvenile" is really a dumb way to go about trying to help people.

 No.207678

It's absurd that you can spend 10 years working on yourself and systems to make yourself functional and you're still struggling to clean the fucking house.

 No.207682

File: 1568485909736.jpg (57.47 KB, 550x413, 550:413, 85937985798347598.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

The eustachian tube in my left ear is acting up again for no particular reason, leading to a persistent sense of my left ear feeling full & plugged, the roof of my mouth is partially burnt & stings as a result, since I ate something a little too hot yesterday, the lower right half of my gums are partially inflamed, and, to top it off, my testicles are aching like crazy since my last ejaculation due to the fact that I was edging for like 3+ hours straight. Never usually have this many bodily problems all at once, which I suppose I should be grateful for. Makes me wonder how many more issues, both large & small, that I'll have to deal with as I get older & more decrepit.

 No.207683

File: 1568486760786.jpg (18.59 KB, 236x354, 2:3, 393c34699412d99d3aa9e4f350….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207675

Nice try in larping /pol/tard.
But you are still so transparent.
Boooo…

>>207679


>Wizchan 2019 can't get any better

 No.207684

>a narcissistic improvebrah is shitting up the crawl thread. again
I swear to god, this happens every month or so. How can an imageboard that prohibits attentionwhoring be a host to so many narcissists?

 No.207687

Every time things start going well for me I fuck it up and wind up in a worse position than I started in. Every time it looks like I'm going to improve, I regress to a new low. I can't tell if it's good or bad that I haven't stopped trying. I know my life would be better if I laid down in bed and stayed there, but I'm too stupid to learn from my mistakes. Too stupid to stop the cycle.

 No.207689

My lazy eye keeps hurting so much I keep getting intrusive thoughts about tearing it apart

 No.207701

>>207668
I'm pretty sure everyone but you isn't a fucking retard, please kill yourself and go back to 4fag. thank you.

 No.207702

File: 1568523170852.jpg (86.35 KB, 700x982, 350:491, download.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I don't even get this thread anymore, it's suppose to be a crawl thread for depression and suffering, yet everyone just bickers at each other and start faggot flame wars.

 No.207708

>>207701
Well no he's correct. That guy he was referencing is an arrogant poster insulting mentally ill wizards while saying that he is better than anyone here.

>long thoughtful posts

Yes those posts can be of high quality and add to some sort of discourse of thought. However all that intellectualism in the end is pointless and creates a distance to wizards that never had the opportunity to learn therotical concepts or think about things in a certain elaborate ways. While this isn't a problem per se the thing is that that wiz expects other posters to answer in a way that is adequate to his writings. But this is /dep/ not /hob/. People visiting this board have all kinds of issues and often are at such a low level of energy due to many different reasons and living situations that they simply can't care about philosophical levels of argumentation especially in the crawl thread dedicated to the worst feelings of hopelessness and random expressions of pain and existential despair. The description literally says that it should be too depressing for the general crawl thread. 'Intellectual discourse' must not necessarily be misplaced here - not at all - but it's not everything and most times better placed on other boards and threads.

Saying that you are better than people who post one line answers or simple statements of disagreements without providing arguments works in the philosophy thread on /hob/. Here it does not. This not your personal filter bubble. People either agree with you or they don't. If you think that everyone here that doesn't agree with you are kids not worthy of your age and attention then you simply don't belong here. That's a kind of solipsism that only leads to hate and frustration on a board where people are way too different to affirm all your shit and negate what you negate.
And depression isn't the best precondition for Reasoning. One liners always have been a part of /dep/. This needs to be respected. If you think that a retarded monkey is the author of such posts you lack basic common empathy or have never suffered from severe depression. The reality of depression at its core negates all valid forms of rational discourse. In other words every reasoning and expression of depression has its justification as long as it's not pure insult.

 No.207709

>>207702
We have Vice News to thank for that, I suppose.

 No.207712

I'm so fucking tired of waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep. I can't even remember the last time I slept until it was light outside.

 No.207713

File: 1568545823915.jpg (23.12 KB, 560x347, 560:347, 4634cbd03f3763774564f5d006….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

So I was helping my mother organize the clean sheets and there was this so tiny lizard in my blankets and she hates reptiles so the thing goes to the ground and she tells me to get rid of it so I pretend I follow it to kill it but I was just following it out of curiosity because I have never seem such a tiny lizard only bigger ones so when she came I pushed the lizard under a piece of furniture since it's not only smaller but slower than the average lizard I have seem in the past I'm keeping check it doesn't go out but can't do much for him or her if my mother sees it again also don't want it to get rid of the spiders in my room to get rid of society based insects fuck

 No.207716

>>207713
Hey, I have those little lizards around my house too, my mom and I think they're cute. One time some kind of beetle or roach flew at me and scared me, it landed on a wall, then one of those little lizard jumped out from a crack in the wall and grabbed it and pulled it into it's lair to eat. They are pretty cool, I like them.

 No.207727

I feel so conflicted. On the one hand nothing makes me happy and I have no motivation to do anything and I hate working so much, but on the other I feel like there's something more I need to do with my life but I have no discipline to do it.

 No.207742

File: 1568588305238.gif (954.81 KB, 500x281, 500:281, tumblr_mpxz9r9u5M1qdpneno1….gif) ImgOps iqdb

I had a dream last night that me and my brother were children and happily playing in the yard of my maternal Grandfathers home when all of a sudden he went quiet and went inside. I followed him and asked him "[brother], what's wrong?"
He was silently sitting at the bottom of the steps looking down. eventually He said he doesn't feel good. I said "what do you mean you don't feel good?" Then I woke up.

I was close with my brother when we were children but he developed a nasty case of schizoprenia when he was around 12. He started being quiet and distant or irritable and we would take longer and longer to make up after "fights". eventually then our lives were just seperate. And we didn't talk since then through our teen years.
I think he was the only person in my life who was ever a "friend" to me. Sometimes I feel regrets or like it is my fault for being non-sympathetic or a jerk. I wish I could go back to having someone to grow through life with and share experiences with. So much has happened that was funny or cool or interesting but I am always laughing alone now.

Those few moments I was lying in bed were the first time I felt a deep guttural sadness in… since ever. I can't remember the last time. Maybe never.

 No.207743

feeling depressed today and since last night, also having trouble breathing from anxiety

 No.207744

>>207727
What I did when I felt like that was get an easy braindead job (security guard) and spent my shifts reading and daydreaming until an urge hit me.

 No.207745

Each day passes so slowly. I spend each day waiting until I can go to bed.

 No.207746

File: 1568596512080.png (620.78 KB, 1000x500, 2:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

I HATE THIS WEBSITE.
I HATE CHANS.
I HATE THIS ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM THE WORLD HAS EMBRACED. But yet, I keep coming to this shithole because I have nowhere else to go. Imageboards make me angry. I can't stand you guys. I'm fed up. I'm tired of making thoughtful posts to get a reply such as "lol nice". Fucking imbeciles. I tell you.
Plus, at the end of the day, none of this matters anyway. ALL arguments are basically "I'm right and you're wrong." So I can only assume that arguments/discussions, most of the time, are also pointless and a waste of time. It's just people trying to boost their sense of importance at all cost. Knowledge is power, not because it will help you succeed in life, but because knowledge is just another way to feel superior to your fellow human beings. It's another survival mechanism. You see, animals aren't rational creatures, but their instincts are far more acute than ours. Our intellect then was given to us due to our fragile natural instincts. It's just a way to increase the Will to Power. Knowledge doesn't seek truth. It seeks power. So what I'm looking for is a place where I can talk to like-minded people and feel a sense of belonging but it's such a difficult task. I can't relate to anyone. I can't stand human beings and their manners. I can't stand small/trivial talk. I can't look at life any other away. I'm a pessimist. I can only have fun when I'm on drugs. I'm not blaming you guys, everyone is different. I encourage you all to read Nietzsche to understand what I'm talking about. I feel lonely, extremely lonely but it's MY loneliness. It belongs to me and I no longer want to mitigate loneliness by pointlessly debating with people on the internet, who most of the time, can't relate to you. Can't take you seriously and love insulting others (I must confess; I'm sensitive to insults. I don't like being insulted, but God I love insulting others, especially with specific words that mean something to me. It probably has something to do with all the bullying I went through in school). Freud probably knows more about this than me.

From now on, I'll write for myself and myself only (Kinda ironic because I could've been doing this right now). I hate debating with people who try to outsmart you without the necessary knowledge. I, however, have no problem with listening to people more experienced than me. I don't talk to people, the few exceptions are old people. I'll be old someday so I want to hear some advice from them.

>>207653
I'll try my best to leave this place and never return. When I feel a need to express myself, I'll just use Word or a notebook like writers used to do in the past. I can't stand philistines. They make me angry. It's like a human trying to have a serious conversation with a monkey. Some fellow channers called me narcissist and I don't deny that. I am selfish, narcissist, egoist because I can't bear other people, so I must act like I'm all that matters. I (my ego) is the only thing in this world valuable because it's all there is. I experience times of self-loathing, I'm depressed after all and then I think to myself if I should keep trying to better MYSELF or SHOOT MYSELF. I'm not worried about how my relatives will feel. People who use family as an excuse to avoid suicide don't really have to balls to do it.
I also would like to talk a little bit more about the word "pity" and similar expressions. This word has always bothered me. "I feel bad for him", "poor guy", "it's such a pity". I've always looked at these words as insults. Who am I to them? An inferior being? They're above me so they feel bad for not being as low as I am? Fucking hypocrites pieces of shit. Humans are disgusting creatures who hide behind a mask, a persona (Carl Jung). So instead of taking part in this theatrical life, I've chosen the path of solitude and authenticity. I feel free when I'm alone. And to be even more sincere to myself and to you guys; I don't know how to escape solitude. Sometimes when I'm taking walks, I come across some simple but yet interesting people, a lot of times it's people walking with their dogs. So they say something with a smile on their faces like "don't worry. he's docile". And then we start chatting about dogs, I feel human in these rare occasions. But most of the time I feel despair' and emptiness. I'm a walking quotation mark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgUAeLuLfXc

 No.207747

>>207746
You have an over inflated sense of ego and cannot see the problems in yourself and choose to only see the fault in others. Your whole spiel reads like a very basic, common midlife crisis from someone who just discovered nihilism. The pic you attached almost makes this seem like borderline trolling. You are exactly the type of person you hate. You claim to have some sense of knowledge, a higher understanding of the world, urging others to read works you have decided to embody. But I guarantee your knowledge does not even scratch the surface of the field you are trying to display mastery over, you lack experience both in academics and life. Drop your ego and try to embrace the world with an infants mind

 No.207749

>>207747
If you had actually read what I wrote, you'd notice that I admitted that knowledge is nothing but will to power. You know what your post sounds to me? "I'm right and you're wrong". Human relations are like that. That's why I like that quote from Schopenhauer.

 No.207751

I dropped out of grad school, so now I finally lost my pseudo-neet life. I had hoped that my parents could do something genuinely useful for me in my life (other than being a glorified atm) and just get me a menial job. Nope, they're gonna dump that on me. They're just gonna "point me in the right direction" or whatever.
My plan now is to hopefully get through the hell of applying to wageslave positions and hopefully get one. I don't even care about the money, I just need something stable and easy to do as an excuse. Then I can finally move out of the house, it makes me feel so shitty being here. Get a cheap apartment and work for a while. If/when I get fed up working, I can just go neet. They can't stop me if I'm moved out. I have a trust fund that apparently has 200K or so, I can use that and whatever money I save up to live until they die and I inherit the rest. Or I can go on autismbux or something.

 No.207752

>>207751
why don't you have access to the trust fund?

 No.207753

>>207752
I never had a good reason to ask for it. I think it's in my name, so hypothetically I could get it on my own, but I have no idea how. I need them to tell me how to access it. Moving out on my own would be a legitimate reason for asking, and I want to get out anyway.

 No.207754

File: 1568602458734.jpg (8.44 MB, 3168x3814, 1584:1907, Rosa_Bonheur_-_Portrait_de….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Farewell, Wiz.
I (who am I anyway? Just an anonymous? Just words?) had some entertaining times here and on 4chan as well but I can't no longer be part of these communities. Hope some other dude can keep on making these Depression Craw Threads. I'll sniff some cocaine (I've reached my limit. If I had a gun I'd shoot myself right now) and disappear from imageboards. I've successfully removed pornography from my life so I don't think leaving this place for good will be that difficult. So what will I do next? Anything but argue with strangers online who communicate through memes and seem to be unfamiliar with the amount of suffering I go through every second of my existence. (Have you guys noticed how people prefer to use the word "life" instead "existence"? It seems to me that the latter scares them).
We're all alone in this world. Only you can understand yourself. I'm just tired and too depressed even for Wizchan's standards. Most people in general concern themselves with petty, trivial and unimportant things. While for me, the only things that matter are love and death. Every discussion, whether it's football or politics, are all the same. It's just "I'm right, you're wrong". People don't seem to notice that. So that's why I don't care about so many things and can't stand politics. My only concern is my well-being as an individual. Not even my family is that important to me.

>you sound like a nihilist!


I might be interpreted as such, but there are still a few things in life that I won't mention here for particular reasons that are valuable to me.

King Jeremy the wicked
Oh, ruled his world

 No.207755

>>207751
>I hope my parents can be more to me than an ATM
>I have a trust fund with 200k

are you trying to make everyone think you deserve every bad thing that happens to you?

 No.207756

>>207755
I know it could be worse. I have nothing in my life except some money, I could just have absolutely nothing. That said, money doesn't make me happy. It just placated me as a kid, now buying shit makes me feel nothing. I just want to eek out an existence with that money for as long as possible, but a couple hundred thousand won't last forever. Maybe if I came from multi billionaires I'd be fine, but as it is this money is just enough for nobody to give a shit about me because I'm "privileged", but also not enough to rely on indefinitely.

 No.207759

File: 1568607662349.jpeg (334.22 KB, 1200x1611, 400:537, fhgu0pvwflq0ckggc5zi.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207582
I also understand you very well. There are very brief moments in my life where I wish there could be some sort of indication-of-quality system on image boards, but replies and walls of text do just fine it seems. Its's very nice to see a post that you could imagine making yourself at some distance in your life, or in some self that's not exactly you; it's like what Proust meant when he said that if find on someone's bookshelf Stendhal and Emerson, how could you not think that you were in the presence of some kindred spirit?

To paraphrase a poet whose name I do not remember, what I would like most would be to take a step out of myself and go walking beneath the azure sky.

 No.207760

>>207668
Tada! It's dialectics as it's known, yet instead of a superstructure, what's gradually revealed the more adamantly one defends their own views, refusing to budge to one side or the other, is the poster's innate personality.

 No.207761

>>207760
I am really sorry for you brah. The idiots here can't understand the wisdom of a Man of Letters such as thyself. I bet they don't even know what diabetics means, but it's the fate of all genius to have their worth unnoticed by the intellectually inferior masses. What a shame that nobody else except the few can recognize your brilliance. What a shame that your potential is cut short by an environment that won't give you the attention you deserve. In a perfect world, the the cognitively able will stand on top of the unwashed men but alas it is not meant to be. Instead you are surrounded by fools who call you a faggot and tell you to pull your brain out of your rectum. I feel you brah. I feel you.

 No.207763

File: 1568612981114.jpg (17.92 KB, 320x444, 80:111, save.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I just really wish and hope I die at this point. I can't make it through college, i'm too fucking retarded and can't even find a job because no one will take me, my life is always ass even before and after high school, just release me already.

 No.207764

Give this guy a chance… Jordan Peterson

 No.207765

>>207763
I am exactly in the same situation as you. I also don't want anymore. Everyday new humiliations, disappointments and infamies are waiting for me to destroy me again and again.

 No.207767

>>207746
In a few years you will remember these posts and feel regret and shame for yourself that is if you male it that far. There is a certain kind of dark despair around a person who only recently found those central pessimistic views about life and the world which makes that person isolated from the symbolic realm of common human interaction including wizards. Which is why you experience this hate towards chans and this place. You will need to find a way to process your pessimism into a livable form of beliefs. Displaying your views as absolute knowledge which everybody has to embrace to be a decent human being is just insane. It's not much different from a religious guy saying that everyone who doesn't follow his beliefs is wrong and disillusioned.

>but this is pure logic and an existential truth nobody can deny even Schopenhauer/ Nietzsche etc. said that…


This is empty referencing. Neither of those persons were Gods. They were just man like anyons else with maybe with a more genious mind than most other man but the same goes for Einstein or Elon Musk. They relied on language to display their ideas and while being masters of language every language is flawed and limited thus expressions of absolute truth and metaphysical reality always is reductive and what's more important - not necessary. Early Wittgenstein helps to understand this.
Schopenhauer himself knows that all what he writes is nothing but his personal understanding of the world and while we can say that he has a very refined way of structuring reality and while I agree with some things he says there is no necessity to this specific order of things which is why philosophers love to contradict each other while pushing their own image of the world. It's an interesting game to engage in but it doesn't hold more truth than someone who doesn't know anything about this game and has his own view of the world. We can't know what is better or worse.
It's like learning a skill or even better and Schopenhauer knows this it's like art. There is no final point and it's completely without any interest. You just want to express and structure your world be it through music, writing, architecture, painting or philosophy. There is no fundamental difference and the so called will to power does nothing but disgrace all other forms of communication other than the form you like. Which again leads to an arrogant person nobody likes to relate to and who himself can't be around anyone else. If you want evidence for this just look at Nietzsches life.

 No.207768

>>207754
>I'll sniff some cocaine
so that’s where your over-inflated ego is coming from

 No.207769

>>207768
Damn and I wasted a post on a drug addict

 No.207770

>>207763
I know that feeling. Understanding that you fail at everything and later the difficulty of suicide will make it worse for you each passing day, but at least after a while you might be able to cope with it.

I remember this thing 2-3 years ago, when i saw how i'm no good at literally everything i was interested in (like hobbies and such) and how everyone else is already doing it better than me. It's simply demoralizing, especially when you try to look for a way out of this misery and you see how it's being safelocked away from you.

 No.207774

>>207746
>I HATE THIS ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM THE WORLD HAS EMBRACED
>I can't stand philistines. They make me angry. It's like a human trying to have a serious conversation with a monkey.
Intellectualism isn't this single, clearly definable quality universal for all human beings who possess it that also sets itself apart from and stands unwavered by other variables, external and internal. There's a number of reasons why certain variations of intellectualism were, are and forever will be frowned upon and mocked.
Self-contradiction, absolutism with a weak/non-existent evidential basis are some of the biggest offenders regardless of the field in question. Snobbery and self-righteousness will only exacerbate the derision in case the first two things are present.
And we're talking about Philosophy here, the most subjective of all fields, some branches and facets of which don't even bother with evidence and empiricism by their nature. It's near impossible to write a philosophical essay and not have your ideas poked and prodded ad nauseam, let alone write it with a haughty attitude and expect approval.
Anti-intellectualism you've described is essentially criticism, it's not as sophisticated as a philosophical work aimed to attack the system of values you've created or hold on to, but criticism nonetheless, a part of philosophical discussion that should be judged as one and not dismissed outright on the basis of its length, wording etc.

 No.207775

Still haven't rid of virus completely goddamnit this worthless body

 No.207792

I am so depressed, not like anyone cares, what am I even supposed to do, the only choices I have right now are sleep or try to play pointless video games

I guess I am going to sleep, I hope I have happy dreams

 No.207793

>>207792
get on antidepressants, go to a therapist, try to have a friendly conversation with someone every day, do 50 push ups a day. Do these things and I guarantee that you will stop feeling depressed.

 No.207803

>>207793
fuck off

 No.207808

What do socially inept people at my age even do?

People like me it seems are either in nut houses, they are home alone with their parents never leaving the house, they have successfully suicided, they failed suicide and are now vegetables, they managed to get a shitty job compatible with their social ineptness and learned to make money through their autism, they take antidepressants and sedatives to somehow pass through the day, they fully embraced their mental illness and became schizophrenics or develop lifelong psychosis, they go on rampages and get shot, they live their life feeling like they are caught in a bad dream, they hide behind thoughts of upcoming apocalypse and eagerly expect the downfall of humanity and have cynic political views to justify their existence, they became antinatalists totally denying everything society has to offer, they are so bitter that they fell into a fatalistic state of mind not caring about anything anymore while slowly rotting away waiting for the sweet redemption which is death.

I'm lost here. If you didn't make any connections at my age nobody will ever care about you. You might as well have been dead and that would have been better. Seems like I missed the right time to do it. Now I don't want to suicide anymore but I have no idea what to do with my time here. Everything seems to be too late. The past has made me an incapable person who is unable to learn new things. It's not about the fact that I miss contact to other people. I'm also not depressed. But why am I still alive? This is not a question of purpose. It's so boring to be alive no matter if you found purpose. You are always by yourself and for yourself.
I don't feel like dreaming anymore as in the past. Now that I came to terms with reality it's like the dream repeats itself on another level where I share the dream with other people who knowingly live the same dream yet unable to wake each other up.

 No.207810

>>207793
I do this and I still feel depressed.

 No.207817

I am on holiday with my family and I've been feeling OK for the last few days, but, I still occasionally have whisper-tourrettes where I involuntarily say "kill me please", "my name is [X] and I want to die", "sorry mom I want to die", or "[my-name] killed himself, sorry". It's really fucking weird. I've been saying it more and more around people and having to say "Nothing sorry talking to myself" so I don't know if it's getting worse. Is this a true mental breakdown?

 No.207822

>>207810
Doing that obviously doesn't stop you from being depressed, it only works for normals, there really is no way to cure it but to suffer along with it or find a very deep point in your mind to solve and fix on your own.

 No.207826

Piercing my chest and stomach with a diabetes needle because Im going crazy thanks the intrusive shit brain keeps playing SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 No.207840

Why am I like this?
Why can't I just enjoy things?

 No.207843

>>207746

I can appreciate the fact that you took the time to write this very long post.

I partially agree with you but I think you should also consider the possibility that some people seek knowledge because it allows them to achieve "flow" or scratch the itch of wanting to know because…well you just find something interesting and can't help it. I've had experience like this and, while it's possible that this was all just the "will to power" as you term it in your post (in the same way I am deceived by my sex drive, which in an unexamined way makes me think I want to stick my dick in things but MUST be an evolutionary trick to get me to reproduce) is it not not somewhat acceptable provided it isn't KNOWINGLY just the will to power?

If someone wants to know something and they understand they're doing it to fuck someone over doesn't that make them ten times more unpleasent than someone who is just looking for "flow" of understanding because it scratches the "you want to know as much as you can for power over people, survival power, possible unexplored economic possibilities" etc?

I guess the reason WHY might not matter so much to you and I'm aware I'm rambling.

I appreicate the points you're making but I still like that "flow" and I like seeing other people learning things as I like learning things.

I'm aware that most of that is "omg i fking lov scienece check out myt nerd credentials" but in some people it's genuine.

I hope you find the world increasingly tolerable as time passes.

 No.207847

Some days I just feel restless and bored to the extreme. Everything bores me. I just end up scrolling through the few sites I browse refreshing over and over reading the same shit over and over. If I try to watch something I make it about 10 seconds before giving up because I admit I'm just too bored and uninterested to exert the effort it takes to pay attention to it.

 No.207848

>>207847
This is called anhedonia, it's chronic for me. I find alcohol helps a bit with it.

 No.207850

>>207793
Done it all before and it never works.
It never works.

 No.207852

>>207792

>I am so depressed, not like anyone cares, what am I even supposed to do, the only choices I have right now are sleep or try to play pointless video games


This is the dilemma I'm faced with every single day as well. And every single day it's just as tiresome a predicament as the day as it was before. A part me keeps hoping that one day, somehow, someway, I'll finally wake up & manage to shake off my nearly half a decade long struggle with anhedonia, as if I were wiping away a deep layer of dust that has been accumulating on top of me for ages. But, of course, it'll never happen. It's all an uncomfortable hassle &, from now until the day I die, it probably always will be. I really wish perpetual ennui wasn't such an annoying inevitability past a certain point. All I desire is to be happily drunk on escapism until the day I die, but not even something as modest as that can I avail myself of thanks to chronic anhedonia.

Sleep, mindlessly browsing the web & refreshing a handful tabs, or just laying on the couch and staring off into space are all, when taken together, a good 90% of what I do. The other 10% being left to the daily maintenance of living, or when I can actually manage to force myself to play a game or watch something, even when, again, it often feels like nothing more than a teeth pulling hassle to do so.

>I guess I am going to sleep, I hope I have happy dreams


Me too. More & more often I'm simply resorting to sleep. I often chastise myself for being so grossly inefficient with my time so as to squander it away so much to sleep, but so what? Damn everything else. Damn the backlog of games I have & all the various things I haven't watched yet. It's all a chore, and has been for ages, and I'll never get through it all anyway. It's easier to simply sleep & dream.

Most days I just want to fall to my knees and have someone hold me the same way Kris from Solaris does at 3:48 in the video. I'm just so worn out, defeated & tired. Life is such a cruel & unceasing grind. I shouldn't even bother getting out of bed &, if it wasn't for the staticy radio of my mind, I almost certainly wouldn't.

 No.207872

My sleep schedule is fucked. I've just been sleeping at random points, sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. Just got done sleeping from 6pm to 12am. I think this started when I just started getting too bored to do anything else but sleep. Now if I've been conscious for too long eventually I just can't keep refreshing the tabs so I stop and just lie there doing nothing and eventually sleep takes me.

 No.207882

File: 1568807166372.gif (800.82 KB, 1024x1024, 1:1, bg_dark_anim_0_08.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>207872

In my case, I've had quite an inconsistent sleep schedule for many years now. Sleeping throughout the day, or consistently sleeping for 10+ hours at a time, or having tons of random naps, that themselves, sometimes stretch into me snoozing for hours & hours. At this point, you'd think I'd be used to how disorienting the displacement can feel from all this, but, for the most part, I'm sadly not.

>I think this started when I just started getting too bored to do anything else but sleep. Now if I've been conscious for too long eventually I just can't keep refreshing the tabs so I stop and just lie there doing nothing and eventually sleep takes me.


Damn, that's relatable. For the past year or so, this has been my exact situation, described to an absolute tee. Sleep is simply my last resort of escape from myself. I could just as easily play a game, or watch a movie to achieve the same thing, but overwhelming anhedonia often crushes the possibility altogether. Like yourself, I just lay down defeated on top of my futon, sometimes not even bothering to pull out the bed itself, and I just lay there & lay there, almost always daydreaming about suicide or some other random nonsense, interspersed in wondering with intense self-loathing why I can't just motivate myself to do the things I should, and used to, enjoy immensely. Then, at some point, sleep will take me for however long it lasts and I'll often awake bagfaced & disoriented later, ruing the fact that I had to wake up at all. This whole process of stewing on the couch, or in my recliner, & sleeping out of pure desperation & boredom happens every day without fail. Every. Single. Day.

 No.207883

File: 1568807243187.gif (1.01 MB, 400x232, 50:29, 6edf5c7a26f5945b06a0f4d8dc….gif) ImgOps iqdb

>tfw I'm a hikikomori who has all the time in world to either indulge in various forms of media, or to just learn & develop random skills
>tfw anhedonia makes it impossible

To paraphrase a quote from the great Doug Stanhope, anhedonia is a disease worse than cancer.

 No.207884

>>207883
That is my favorite episode in the whole series. Years later I found out it was Rod Serling's favorite as well.

 No.207885

Why won't it simply go away? Why did it come in the first place? Why must everything feel so shit and empty? Why?

 No.207886

File: 1568813310819.jpg (195.05 KB, 1435x1080, 287:216, The-Twilight-Zone-And-When….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207884

Yeah, I really like it too. In my case however, my favorite would probably be "And When The Sky Was Opened". It's such a fantastic premise and the ending is fucking amazing. When that one dude goes running in the end & you hear him make his final scream just before he disappears. Chills, man. Just chills. His monologue beforehand about accepting his fate & letting it happen, also felt kinda wizardly as well. "Five Characters in Search of an Exit", "Kick the Can", and "The Hitch-Hiker" are also all really good too. So many great episodes. It's hard to pick a favorite.

Still though, why does it have to be this way? I have all the time I could ever want, just like he did, but it just slips through my fingers all the same. It's such a fucking cruel joke. Again, why does it have to be this way? It's just not fair.

 No.207889

>>207886
I think it's a senseless way of looking at things. The world is not fair or unfair, you have to build your own happiness. Some times you can do it, like the time you had fun watching Twilight Zone, other times you can't, like now. I guess my only advice, if I'm even qualified to give one, is to be patient about everything.

 No.207891

>>207709
I warned you

 No.207892

those wall of texts are just one guy or what the fuck is going on here

 No.207893

File: 1568828966067.jpg (143.79 KB, 960x601, 960:601, 1468268325394.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>207889

>I think it's a senseless way of looking at things. The world is not fair or unfair


Splitting hairs, to be honest. There's no justice either, but it doesn't mean that injustices still don't happen all the time. Things like "justice", or "fairness", are as flawed as anything else humans have devised in their collectively inane minds, no doubt, but, at their heart, they describe a very real & very cruel world, overflowing with suffering. Mere chance & luck, being the only two factors which will decide how much & to what degree you will suffer. Sometimes much moreso than others and in such, let's call a spade a spade here, dismally unfair ways where you can do nothing, but pound sand at the sheer overbearing & inescapable reality of it. Still, having said all that, a better way to describe it would be that the world/universe is simply indifferent. Pitilessly indifferent. Again, not exactly much of a better difference, frankly.

>you have to build your own happiness.


Like I said already, anhedonia makes that impossible. I'm in a perpetual bind here and I already know full well that there's no answer to it. The grim comedy of my situation being that, again, I'm living a cushy life as a hikikomori. I've got all the time in world, nobody's bothering me, with the additional means to play/indulge in most any solitary activity I want and yet, STILL, every day I get up, I can never seem to do it. Even matters of escapism, feel like pulling teeth to indulge in. Just like how ole'Henry there from the Twilight Zone busted his glasses right when he was in a perfect position to finally enjoy everything he'd always wanted to, anhedonia has done the same to me, in my own way. The world didn't cackle in glee at it nor have some sort of malicious design for it, but how is that still not the most cruel, and yes unfair, joke there is?

>Some times you can do it, like the time you had fun watching Twilight Zone, other times you can't, like now.


I wouldn't exactly say I had a ton of "fun" doing that either. Not as much as I could have had, had I done it much earlier in the past, when I wasn't stricken with anhedonia dampening & next to ruining practically everything around it, thanks to its near constant presence. These alternative moments of pleasure you speak of used to exist a long time ago, but don't any longer. Haven't for years.

>I guess my only advice, if I'm even qualified to give one, is to be patient about everything.


If one has gangrene, being patient about it won't make it go away, nor will it bring you any brief sunny moments later on, since it will never dissipate long enough to allow for that to happen. Indeed, as the years go by, the putrid sickness of one's condition will only get worse & worse. You'll hit new, ever reoccurring rock bottoms of emotional agony you never thought were possible. You simply become incapable of ever experiencing anything in the way you would like to. You're trapped in feeling like shit all the time with almost zero respite or relief, almost like someone who suffers from chronic pain like multiple sclerosis.

Anyway, I don't mean to be an asshole by saying all this. My life is a fucking non-stop nightmare thanks to chronic anhedonia and I wish people would realize how devastating & irreparable a state it is to be in.

 No.207895

>>207892

Which walls of text specifically?

 No.207897

I love this final scene so much. I've watched it so many times now that I actually have it entirely memorized at this point.

 No.207898


 No.207899

>>207895
from 13th

 No.207901

>>207893
Try weed it cures anhedonia

 No.207905

>>207897
I love this film.

 No.207908

>>207897
The movie is too theatrical and has lots of overacting, but ok.
Once you read enough pessimistic philosophy, anti-religion rants seem like unnecessary edgy bullshit. Wow, you defeated dumb scared kids, how fucking smart you are.
It's 2020, ignore this retarded crap.
I used to re-read Cioran's works compilations with "God" in the word-search so i could skip entire paragraphs.

 No.207914

>>207908
>its 2020
You're scaring me wiz

 No.207917

File: 1568871991360.jpeg (74.57 KB, 474x711, 2:3, vegetables.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>feel terrible and suspect that eating junk food has something to do with this
>yet cooking healthy food sounds overwhelming

How do other depressed people do it? You get told how eating healthy can help with depression but if you are depressed how do you get yourself to do it?

 No.207918

Eu to com tanta raiva agora que se eu ouvir a voz da minha merdamãe, eu juro que espanco aquela vagabunda até a morte. Desgraçada. Toda mulher é vagabunda.

 No.207919

>>207917
Don't cook healthy food. Just eat vegetables raw or steamed in bags with some light dressing or seasoning. Or drink some kind of Soylent. I found a salad dressing I really like and have been eating bagged salads every week with some croutons and cheese. A rice cooker that you can throw pre-cooked chicken and frozen veggies into the steamer on top is also good. Just add salt and pepper. It's not as easy as making a microwave dinner or eating a bag of chips but it's a victory if you can add it to your weekly diet at all.

 No.207920

>>207919
what if it tastes like shit and i dont eat it

 No.207921

>>207920
Then you wasted some money and can go back to eating junk food knowing you'd starve otherwise. No harm done beyond a hit to the pocketbook, and you can ignore all healthy diet shit in the future.

 No.207922

>>207917
In my experience it doesn't make a difference. I think it's a meme.

 No.207926

>>207908

There's a helluva lot more to what he says than simply shitting on religion. Touching on stuff like re-iterative cycles of pain, how futility & suicide is the endpoint of all sentient life, the uselessness of any human interaction (etc.). Trying to reduce this sort of excellent & memorable monologue to be the ramblings of an edgy new-atheist is what's actually retarded here. Also, the movie isn't excessively theatrical or overacted at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 No.207927

I have severe insomnia and also nausea from my medication, it sucks so much, I am so tired but I can hardly sleep, I’m getting about 3 hours of sleep a night

it makes me want to stop taking meds again but then I’ll be depressed

 No.207928

File: 1568896303247.jpg (18.21 KB, 400x266, 200:133, birdy-400x266.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Let's assume both cases have similar small budget. And you can't kill yourself for some reason.

a. You deprive yourself of the smallest pleasures and hopes, materialistic stuff, give up on your future, sustain only your body's basic needs, constantly think about futility of everything (basically meditate on TCATHR) and death. That is not some relieving "enlightenment", you just endure this shit through endless days. So when the inevitable suffering and death comes, it won't hit you hard, maybe you won't be scared at all, maybe you will embrace it or laugh at it.
But there's a chance fear and pain gonna be there nonetheless, cuz you can't fight human nature.

b. You dive into all sorts of hedonism (materialistic or mental, alcohol or daydreaming etc.) you are able to reach for as long as you can, you minimize all discomforts in your life, living a NEET dream. Let's say your endorphin levels are higher than average every day.
Your happy days are over very soon, hedonism probably fucked up your health. Diseases and mental pressure of waking up from escapism wreck you hard.
Despite the ending is pure horror, at least you have something nice to remember. There's a chance you will regret not preparing for this, or you will be happy you had some pleasure and didn't torture yourself for nothing, cuz it all ends the same.

Which do you choose?

 No.207929

>>207928
I want to go monk mode like in "a" variant, but I always end up doing "b", because I have the willpower of a fucking slug

 No.207930

The days feel so long. Especially since getting on medication.

 No.207933

>>207917
>cooking

just buy pre cooked healthy alternatives

 No.207936

I hate nature and I hate my body with a passion, not because it's ugly, crippled or deformed, but because it's imperfect, weak, because it ages, because it's limiting in the most perfidious sort of way, giving me the illusion I can do and accomplish everything just to immediately back away and hurt like hell, fall ill or not be able to memorize and learn the most basic things.

 No.207943

Is anyone else having trouble dealing with the knowledge of global warming? I can't just ignore it like everyone else. I'm at that point in my life where I'm no longer a kid and I have to decide what I want to be in society, what I want to do with my life, but I keep plotting the trajectory of my life and in 30 years or so knowing that all hell is going to break loose by then. I do not see any realistic way to avoid irreversible climate and ecosystem collapse. Say I was suddenly imbued with 100 intelligence, 100 charisma, all the best stats and was some super capable normie who could charm everyone and shit, what hope would I have of literally controlling the entire world and making them all decide to stop polluting and live like 17th century peasants? The answer is none, and as I am barely able to communicate in real life I have even less than zero chance of doing anything about the situation.

Even if I just wanted to feel like I was doing something, to be honest, there's no money in it. No one is going to pay me to do activism or research or whatever useless task people who worry about this shit do to make themselves feel like they're "doing something". That shit is reserved for the elites, the intellectuals who have money for college and grad school and can manage to get one of the rare positions actually being funded. So I sit here doing nothing, knowing that no one in society will ever respect me unless I do the same shit they're doing, ie scurrying about burning hydrocarbons so they can earn money to buy more shiny shit that was produced in some big factory somewhere spewing out more CO2 so all their friends will think highly of them.

I look at everything normies are exposed to, the music, the ads, the movies, all of it just reinforces this shit, all of it sends the message that this is the ideal and everyone who isn't meeting it is just a loser and those who fancy themselves as winners, as close to the ideal, will always take every opportunity to flout it over those they view as losers. You get no respect in this insane world until you have a big pile of money and stuff and wageslaves to order around, but all that is just pointless aggrandizement of the ego. It's shallow and stupid and I have no interest in it when there are all sorts of actual real issues like climate change that we all need to be focusing on because they take collective action to fix.

So what am I to do? I really have no clue.

 No.207944

>>207943
>I have to decide what I want to be in society
be a GAMER

 No.207945

>>207917
Try finding the most hands-off cooking you can think of, and prepare it in bulk when a rare productive mood strikes you. I got that meme pressure cooker when it was on sale, it helps when every recipe is a one-dish 'throw everything in and input x minutes'.

If your enjoyment of food has dwindled as much as mine, use it to your advantage and eat a lot of bland bulk foods like freezable soups. I also like to drink meal shakes, make your own with protein powder or buy the brand name powder mixes on sale.

 No.207960

Thought about this earlier today. Many of us have enlarged and hyperactive amygdalas, this is what SSRIs are basically remedying, making it shrink because the regular signals aren't getting through. Without an hyperactive amygdala one can live a relatively normal life. Too bad I've lost over 10 years to anxiety.

 No.207964

>>207930
Life has become a waiting game for the sun to set so I can hide away in my room without being disturbed and finally succumbing to sleeping in order to bring relief from this unshakeable monotony.

 No.207977

last day on anti-virus meds but my throat is still full of phlegms I can't get rid of so I should keep taking it

 No.207982

Every person i come into contact to drives me fucking crazy. i've always been a irritable person but it just gets worse with age. I wish i could just isolate myself in a cabin in maine or some remote place.

 No.207986

just realised I had my TV in mono mode all this time since I have bought it goddamn it I'm such a retard

 No.207989

>>207960
Pills are essentially a voluntary chemical lobotomy you pay for out of your own pocket.
Also, an enlarged amygdala is good for your memory and learning, as far as I can remember.

 No.207990

Has anyone ever quit gaming and move onto "real hobbies" and then regret it and go back to gaming? I don't see how the happiness from gaming is any different than happiness from real life hobbies, the personal progress in both are wiped when you die so why would it matter which you pick?

 No.207991

>>207990
anybody talking or pushing "real" or "authentic" experiences is high on their own supply of bullshit, especially with selfish pursuits like hobbies. I've tried having "real" hobbies before but I just give up because they aren't what makes me happy. and that's what hobbies are for, making you happy. nothing makes me happier than a good FPS, and nothing else ever will.

 No.208000

>>207991
>nothing makes me happier than a good FPS, and nothing else ever will.
a good 2D isometric RPG lol

 No.208003

File: 1568983511566.png (356.04 KB, 1311x748, 1311:748, 890890890809809.PNG) ImgOps iqdb

I really hate the fact that gaming can still manage to make me feel like such shit & can practically ruin my day over the most trivial of happenings, as is often the case when I find myself under preforming in otherwise easy games when there's really no excuse for it other than that I suck ass &, consequently, deserve to be flayed alive as a result. When I do badly like this it just painfully reminds me that not even gaming can allow me to salvage any sort of self-worth and that, despite engaging with the hobby for over 2 decades, I'm still so painfully average and that's at best. All this only getting worse as I grow older. And this in relation to SP games only, (not being able to solve a puzzle everybody else could, dying to some trash mobs because I wasn't paying attention, just playing like a sloppy drunkard in general, etc.). Can't imagine how much more shitty a MP game would make me feel, which, next to the fact that I torrent everything, probably explains why I haven't played one of any kind in years. Anyway, I know this is retarded, but I can't help it. Gaming gives me a sense of validation and doing badly undoes it all, revealing how much of a farce it all is, always was, and always will be.

 No.208010

>>207989
There's some truth to that lobotomy thing, but I literally can't do anything because im too anxious, like I have to starve for 2 days before getting the courage to go to the store. Its totally crippling, nothing will change so I'll have to get on the pills again. If I fail, well at least the pills will make suicide easier.

 No.208030

Every time I think something has improved or that I have raised my standing in life, I am cruelly slapped by fate and slide backwards into the void.

I live in an apartment with my family. We pool our dual income and pay almost $2500 rent a month for a two bedroom apartment. No hotel will allow 'locals' in to prevent homeless filling up their rooms, and no other apartment will tolerate previous evictions. Ergo, it is our only option.

This does not bother me because I am content to work at a good job and get to sleep on a nice couch and fritter my time away with video games. This isn't quite a high point in my life, but it has been enough for me. My father has spent the last year convincing our kind landlord to let him pay the exorbitant rent a few weeks late each time since he knows we're reliable payment and he'll get his money anyways. Only now the landlord has been told by his own employers that agreements of this sort are no longer allowed and payment must be upfront. Under a week after he enacted this policy, the parking lot was almost completely empty.

When I was told of the payment issues I had my first panic attack since last year. Paying upfront would be impossible for us. With luck, however, we quickly found another, more affordable apartment that would accept our applications. We would be able to pay upfront every week, and on top of it all even be saving more money. It got to the absolute last stage of review and was denied. They refused to tell us why.

My savings will be dried up terrifyingly quickly once we're evicted. My mother has an upcoming surgery that they will refuse to perform if they find out we are homeless. We will not be able to afford medication or food as all of the money will be burnt on gas like last time. I spent nine months saving up $800 and it will surely be gone within two weeks of being on the street or in a motel out-of-town. Before this apartment we were homeless for a year, five people living in a single van (though over the summer we were in tents). The smallest things, the simplest tasks were an ordeal. I was miserable, but still I endured, finally got a job and was rewarded with a home and money for the first time in my life. Now I'm on the brink of going back and I can feel my mind bubbling over like a cauldron as horrible memories come back up. I feel frustration and regret and anger and I am afraid.

The only light at the end of the tunnel is the prospect of a second job, an offer I will be receiving in the next few weeks. If we can stall long enough for me to attain the job, I will be working 8 hour shifts from Monday-Thursday from my current job and 12 hour shifts from Friday-Sunday from the new one. I will be nearly living to work, but we would be able to stay.

Regardless of what might develop, I have already devised an exit strategy in case the worst comes to pass. I will die before living in a car again.

 No.208031

>>208030
Best regards, wiz. I hope things turn out good for you and your family. It probably isn't possible, but can you move someplace cheaper to live?

 No.208033

>>208030
2500 for a two bedroom, my god.

 No.208042

File: 1569033497546.png (29.41 KB, 843x156, 281:52, From the book Doctor Glas ….png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.208045

File: 1569042407632.jpg (118.54 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, cat hug.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>208003
I relate to this but how many time you spent playing video games doesn't matter as much as how much focus you put into it.

Personally I played video games as escapism so I didn't put too much effort into trying to be good at them. Sometimes I even play them passively while watching tv. Meanwhile I imagine normals who are good at games focus on them so they are able to get good with minimal time investment. That's how some good looking guy who only plays 3 hours a day can beat a fat nerd who plays 14 hours a day. Also people with a healthy social life tend to have a healthier mental state which allows them to perform better at video games too. As much as I would like for life to be balanced it isn't. Being a shutin sadly doesn't give one nerdy powers.

 No.208047

File: 1569057439942.png (166.6 KB, 271x261, 271:261, 1517874368185.png) ImgOps iqdb

Is there such thing as mild anhedonia? I may have it. I do have a couple pastimes, mainly surfing the internet, playing games and going for walks. While I do derive some pleasure from them, they are starting to feel rather routine. Like, I'm still doing them because I've had the same three or so hobbies for decades at this point, so it would be weird to not do them. It doesn't necessarily seem like work, just something to kill the time.

>>208030
Good luck, wizbro.


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