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File: 1569933265771.jpg (22.88 KB, 692x481, 692:481, 2n7rxy.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.208610

First of all my stats:

27yo
KHHV (haven't had any physical contact with a female in 8 solid years, but at this point I am to depressed to even care.)

My life is currently in shambles, it already started breaking in childhood, despite me trying to prevent it from doing so ever since I was around 13years old.

My childhood was fucked from the get go, mom was extremely lazy and a horder, 90% except my room and bedroom of our 200m2 house until recently (9months ago) have been unlivable. Clothes, rotten food, trash and used female hygiene products everywhere. If i tried to clean up anything she got hysterical and screamed at me/pulled my hair out.

Parents were constantly fighting, about the trash (my father got into tirades every second day but never did anything), about my father cheating (partially my moms paranoia/partially real cheating), her not cooking any food, my dad not giving her enough money (he gave her 2k per month, she spent it all on clothes).

My mom never cooked, when she cooked lunch, it was 3h after i got home from school (4pm) and she just threw some pasta in a pan with cheese (no vegetables no meat, literally just pasta and cheese) or something simmilarl. She stopped cooking altogether when i turned 13, had to cook for myself ever since, in a kitchen, which never got cleaned or had its dishes done. Parents provided me with no knowledge on nutrition and I didn't learn anything about it in school either. I also lived 5 miles from the nearest store with no public transport to get there, so I couldn't even get any groceries etc. Basically was forced to eat the trash my parents fed me. I got to eat a meal that had lean meat in it maybe 1 a month when I was at a friends house, but thats about it.

No friends in high school, constant bullying and physical abuse (got beat up so bad once, that EMTs had to be called and i had to be transported to a hospital). Told teachers, they didn't care, told parents, mother didn't care, father told me it was my mothers problem and threatened to beat me up if I refused to go. Grades dropped because of falling apart mentally, parents punished me by restricting my computer access (at this point the only window to the outside that I still had), teachers constantly targeted me specifically to motivate me to use my bootstraps, which obviously backfired, grades+mental health dropped further. I finally had a breakdown and refused to go back to school, which resulted in my father attacking me. I hid in the bathroom and he broke down the door to attack me.

Yet somehow i managed to complete highschool. But my mental and physical health was in complete shambles at that point. I had hit 250lbs at a height of 6foot and couldn't even leave my room anymore. Yet I still tried to get my shit together and get ahead in life. Lost 70lbs, fixed my nutrition and started studying for college.

I even started college last fall, but instead of attending classes, I had to clean up my mothers trash during the last 9 months, because I just couldn't take living on a trash dump anymore. But no, I wasn't allowed to just throw away the garbage, no, I had to put every used tampon and every piece of trash nicely sorted into boxes and put it into her half of the house (which she now claimed as her own). Yet she would still scream at me hysterically and threaten to call the police on me, if I touched her stuff while I was cleaning up, all this despite the fact, that she previously had given me permission to clean up the other half of the house (even in writing) It should be noted here, that due to complicated circumstances it is impossible for me to move out at the moment, so I bascially was forced to tunnel my way out that way since it was the only option for me to get out of this mess. However, I still had no kitchen or any place where I could eat, since the rooms that I had cleaned of her trash were completely barren beneath the trash. So I had to build my own kitchen from scrapwood due to being financially to depleted to buy one. I just finished building the kitchen, but I am broken to the point where I cant even eat anymore, let alone cook food. Needless to say i failed all my classes, because I spent the last last basically sorting tampons and shit stained clothing, but it was the only way for me to ever live in a place that is not a rat infested landfil.

The reason why I am writing this is, because I have fallen so during the last few weeks, that my agitated depression won't even let me sleep or eat in peace anymore. I am constantly exhausted and in pain, I am haunted by flashbacks. Flashbacks of bullying in highschool, but mostly of my mom screaming at me non stop for the past 9 months while I was crawling around in that stinking heap of trash. I get jumpy at every sound and wake up at 3am with severe anxiety attack, that keep me up all day and night to the point where I am so exhausted, that I don't even know which day it is anymore.

I have spent the past 4 hours trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, but none of them were accepting new patients. I called every number in my shitty backwater of a country except our equivalent of 911 and nobody could help me. They all just told me to go straight to a mental health clinic if it was that urgent. But the problem here is, that I have such severe anxiety, that it is impossible for me to go there. It should be noted that I am also not suicidal, just severely depressed, so I cannot just dial 911 and ask for help there.

The breaking point for me was when the last psychiatrist told me "You are a little special aren't you?". Which was after I had asked him to whether he knew somebody that handles urgent cases, since he only had one free 60min session in November, and I was too anxious to go straight to the ER of a psychiatric hospital.

So guys, if somebody has read his, just talk to me, just say something, I am all alone in this world, no friends no "family"….nothing.

 No.208612

Nice story but it seems you've touched a succubus at least once so burn at the steak and whatnot, you filthy lady toucher

 No.208613

You already know what to do to end the pain.

 No.208615

>>208613

I know but don't want to, I wont let the normies win on this one.

 No.208616

File: 1569936612571.png (2.7 KB, 500x250, 2:1, Oekaki.png) ImgOps iqdb

I don't read your wall text , but it hope you get better.

 No.208617

>You are a little special aren't you?
I think he may be right but if you know this and are trying to change it's fine but what a shallow cunt to just hit you with it when you're trying to get help,he saw your call for help as a call of attention. what do you personally think about the statement he said?
on the family mess, it seems to be common among broken families, had experiences that are similar myself.
also people on here never touch female did you even read the rules?

 No.208619

If I were you I'd have probably killed both my parents, shot up my school, making my priority the bullies and teachers who turned a blind eye on the bullying and abuse from my parents.

 No.208622

>>208617


It isn't my fault that a succubus in high school pushed on my shoulder to get me out of the way.

Who the fuck attempts to makes a 250 usd appointment with a psychiatrist, while stuttering and being almost unable to form coherent sentences during the call, as a call for attention.

 No.208624

Im here, my friend. I know this will probably sound "generic" to you, but you just need to start changing the way you think and the way you act. Change your habits, change "your friends", stop worrying about what the others think about you, change your appearance, change the things you don't like about yourself. It's all about changes. Change yourself as whole if you think you need to. Do it for yourself, not for the others. You're not a wizard, though.

 No.208625

>>208624
wait so you have to have a happy joy joy life to be a wiz now?

 No.208627

>>208622
I didn't say you did it for attention but, and I hate to use it 'normies' would think so, 100% sure that's what he thought

 No.208628

>>208624

Thats what broke me. Every time i change my ways, I fuck up myself even more. Sure, viewed from the outside, my body and life situation might have improved, but on the inside I have died more and more with every achievement.

But what else should i have done? Dropped out of high school and fucked up my life? Continued to live in a heap of trash until I go mental?

 No.208631

We are words on a screen. We can't help you.

 No.208640

why haven't you called the cops and reported your mom for being mentally ill severely ill and incompetent to be a parents she needs to be a psych ward.

 No.208641

how about killing your mom???

 No.208644

I don't know. Maybe go on a killing spree? At least it shows normals what they do when they give birth. To intentionally breed is the biggest crime in the universe. It causes suffering no other crime even comes close to.

 No.208645

File: 1569949725951.jpg (860.26 KB, 1277x950, 1277:950, 17309375_962870717180468_1….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm really sorry for your life. Can't say much, that's how this planet works. Some people are lucky to be ignorant for the rest of their stupid lives others end up suffering since childhood.

My advice: stop crying for yourself. Are you mentally ill? Accept it and learn to control your triggers. Are you alone now? Get used to it, don't let the lack of human contact push you to the bottom. We were once born alone as individuals, our evolutional history as society rooted this "social necessity" in our DNA.

Do what you want, focus on what brings you joy. Life is meaningless, that's why you need to create one by yourself. There's no god or help out there, you're by yourself.

>haven't had any physical contact with a female in 8 solid years, but at this point I am to depressed to even care.


And of course, you don't belong here. It's not because you had a shitty life that it makes you a wizard. We opted for the volcel path, whilst you unfortunately still have norman urges. Please, leave this land.

 No.208646

dude kill your fucking mom shes worthless even jail has to be better than living in those conditions.

 No.208657

>>208646

The thing is, that I "fixed" the living conditions. I at least have 3 empty rooms now, a makeshift kitchen and a table where i can eat. But I am too broken to even make a meal now. I know it sounds whiny, but I just can't take it anymore.

I know that no matter how hard I try, it will never get better. I might be able to keep my area of the house clean, but every time I wake up in the morning, there are numerous fruit flies sitting on my toothbrush, they come over from my moms part of the house, where they sit on rotten meat and trash.

As soon as I sit down to eat, they start swarming my plate etc. Its not the fruitflies themselves, I don't hate insects, but the thought and emotions i associate with them.

 No.208658

>>208645

Thanks for the empathy. at least a quality post right there.

>Do what you want, focus on what brings you joy. Life is meaningless, that's why you need to create one by yourself. There's no god or help out there, you're by yourself.


Thats the problem. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I might still be physically alive, but I am dead on the inside, basically a zombie at this point. I already learned the second part on my own when I was around 14 years old. Thats why I tried to get my shit together, but willpower only gets you so far until you run out of fuel.

 No.208659

it sounds like you still want to try and save this. one little thing at a time. dont keep the whole picture in your head at once or youll be overwhelmed. how about dealing with the flies. for example, can you set traps to catch them?

 No.208660

>>208659

Yeah, thought about that too. You know what, I am ordering one of those fucking fly zappers off of amazon right now.

You know what the funny part is? I know that if I buy one it is going to result in another fight with my mom, since she believes in pseudoscience like "electro smog" and that devices like that give you cancer. So she will scream at me to no end.

 No.208661

>>208660
flies everywhere definitely ain't good for your health or your mom's. regardless, there are bound to be multiple solutions to this problem.

 No.208662

I don’t know how things work in your country but have you thought about calling the council/environmental health department? If there are used tampons around that probably constitutes a health risk and it sounds like that parts of your house are a fire hazard. If it meets the threshold then the council might come to clean it up whether your mum likes it or not.

 No.208663

>>208625
No. Who said that? Changes have nothing to do with happiness. Not necessarily.

 No.208666

>>208610
>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BnIyHuZ7I8

watch this. think of the fact that there is someone right now who is spending the rest of their natural life in a prison locked up without the chance to see/do/go anywhere on their own volition. life is beautiful my friend. I'm in Kenya, what passes for a 3rd world country but I'm happy. Meditate. Life is what you make it. I love you anon. you are loved. please learn to love yourself.

 No.208667

>>208666
Serial killers only needed a friend.

 No.208675

Get your revenge by living well. Start working, save up enough to move out. You don’t owe your parents anything. Once you’ve done that, get back in school and work towards a better job. Disregard the distractions along the way, focus on the goal, and take pride in what you have made for yourself. Don’t listen to these retards saying that you should kill yourself or go on a shooting spree. You’re worth too much, and I mean that. Disregard the thoughts that try to seduce you: thoughts of sex and thoughts of death. You can move forward. I really believe that, anon.

 No.208681

>>208658
I know how you feel, the empty cold feelings inside of you and the creature looking at you making your emotions miserable. I feel that everyday and think of dying every single fucking day and yet for some reason I still try to survive, do my college work and try to find a job, hoping that it will be worth it one day.

 No.208697

File: 1570038545444.jpg (53.83 KB, 474x712, 237:356, The Crow and the dragon.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>208610

>I get jumpy at every sound and wake up at 3am with severe anxiety attack, that keep me up all day and night to the point where I am so exhausted, that I don't even know which day it is anymore.


If you have some form of small smart phone or ipod touch, ipad or even a laptop computer or someother form of being able to watch youtube videos in bed while trying to get to sleep and defeat or at least largely surpress your anxiety I'm going to tell you what worked for me right now.

Simply put it was winter camping vids that I found or perhaps stumbled upon as I think I was searching for calming/peaceful type videos and ways at the time to help defeat my at the time increasingly severe anxiety.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF8HpP-lEx8W9OlMSOW6kGA
Matt Posa

This guy's videos helped me the most out of all of them and probably because not only do I love snow and winter but also this guy is an intensely goofy fuck and has goofy dogs that he'll often take with him on his camping trips and outings, plus his videos are unusually and uncommonly long for a youtuber. Typically they are around the 1 hour and 30 minutes to 2 hours mark but he's at least one or two times gone to 4 and 5 hours with them. Incredible.

Anyway this guy's videos defeated or at least surpressed my anxiety so much that whenever I watch them when I need to get to sleep I damn near end up sleeping like a baby almost every time.

https://www.youtube.com/user/josephallen19
Joe Robinet

Anyway if you prefer more of a balance between just plain calm silence with only a bit of goofy foolishness tossed in for good measure, Joe Robinet is a good alternative to Matt's videos or if you like Matt's videos Joe's content is then a good compliment to them.

He also takes a dog out with him but unlike Matt I think he usually only takes one. His dog "Scout" died so he then got a new one. I forgot the new dog's name but I think it begins with a "T".

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfMgKSxyQ9KnbjY6L6JKKiQ
Erik Normark

If you prefer almost total silence with barely any talking whatsoever and more focus on the splendid beautiful view of nature's surroundings Erik's videos are for you moreso than either of the afforementioned gentlemen.

Anyway for more suggestions to help with your anxiety I've also found those lengthy weather calming for sleep videos usually in the 10 hour range to be of some help/benefit. I've watched the nighttime drive through snow ones and I think a nighttime drive through rainy weather one which were both excellent. Also I'm pretty sure the ones I found weren't CGI crap that some of these channels use but an 11 or 15 or even 20 minute video of actual driving in bad weather content before it loops to keep the video going for however many hours the creator set it up for.

Anyway sorry OP that you had to run into so many dickheads here.

Wizchan is unfortunately filled with communist cocksucking bugmen, bored sociopath cocksuckers and related dumb fuck griefers and faggots all competing with eachother in the troll tard brainlet olympics.

For that reason alone you may want to consider leaving this shithole and join
h t t p s : / / i n c e l s . c o /

Just backspace the above link and follow it to get there.

I'm the one the bugmen faggots here refer to as "Fat Link" and I post over there on that same name as Wizchan's unofficial emissary to their community.

 No.208701

>>208610
Do you live in Argentina by chance?

 No.208703

>>208658
>Nothing brings me joy anymore
start breaking shit, especially your thinking in any way you can. that's your new path to life.

 No.208746


 No.208810

File: 1570218400089.jpg (35.27 KB, 479x720, 479:720, 429536d781acf825e4a25bc832….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>no friends
>bullied by classmates and my teachers
>skipped school a lot because fuck them
>didnt attend graduation
>lived in mother's hoarder house
>had 120 cats
>shit everywhere
>junk everywhere
>hoarded mice, rabbits and cats
>wouldnt let me clean her hoard
>gave up
>now house is condemned
>had to work shitty part-time job to save up to buy car to get out of there
>bullied by my co-workers
>move in with my brother
>had to move out 3 days ago because he's having a baby

Now I'm renting a room in some stranger's house, where I don't want to be. The nightmare never ends.

I also have a video where I forced her to get rid of all the mice.

https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=2eb_1466865116

 No.208848

>>208610
>at a height of 6foot
Aaaand tread disregarded

 No.208849

>>208848
>disregarding the thread when OP mentioned being 6 foot and not when he measured his merit by amount of years since last physical contact with a succubus
Holy shit, wizchan 2019, everybody. Crabs really do think that wizchan is a crab site just because it's for male virgins only.
Go cry about being short on crabs.co like that schizo suggested, you fucking creep. Wizchan isn't a hugbox for future mass murderers like you, loser.

 No.208853

>>208849
Lmao at that projection. Maybe you should take your faggot normalfag ass back to /r9k/.

 No.208855

>>208853
But he's right, OP makes mention of wanting female contact. Not only he's a crab (and very /r9gay/) but this thread should've been already deleted

 No.208856

Gettign real tired of people like this. I don't come to wizchan to talk about succubi.

 No.208868

>>208855
Agreed. But that still doesn't change the fact that height is incredibly important, even aside from the female stuff.

 No.208873

>>208849
>Wizchan isn't a hugbox for future mass murderers
speak for yourself pretty please

 No.208874

Wizchan 2019

>KHHV

>haven't had any physical contact with a female in 8 solid years
The fuck does this mean?

 No.208887

>>208874

He means ANY contact, that means handshakes, friendly hugs, high fives etc.

 No.208900

>>208874
He has never kissed or held hands with a succubus in his life. The last physical contact he has had with a succubus is when one shoved him 8 years ago. Reading comprehension here is not good.

 No.208903

>>208900
It doesn't matter what he did or what he didn't do. He is suggesting he wants female contact because he says "at this point I don't even care". This goes against the rules

 No.208904

File: 1570385298533.jpg (168.35 KB, 1024x768, 4:3, Ian_Usher_Christmas_Island….jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.208905

>>208903
No, he is not suggesting that. It is you who is reading that in his words.

 No.208907

>>208905
First, I'm not the guy you were replying to. So it's not only me

Second, the rules are clear

 No.208908

>>208907
>KHHV (haven't had any physical contact with a female in 8 solid years, but at this point I am to depressed to even care.)

He says he is so depressed he doesn't care about the fact he is KHHV and that he hasn't had physical contact in a long time with a female.

What else is there to read?

 No.208956

>>208908
it means 8 years ago he did

 No.208957

>>208956
I've kissed my mother in the cheek and been hugged by her. Should I be banned too?

 No.208961

>>208956

Yeah, some dumb thot bumped into me at school.

Big deal. That was in fact the most intimate physical contact that i have ever had with a non blood related member of the female sex.

 No.208966

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT succubi FOR??!!!!! HELP THE POOR MAN FOR FUCK SAKES!! FUCK THE BULLSHIT succubus CONVERSATION TOPICS!!!

 No.208967

>>208966
>>208610
You literally cannot do anything without a lot of money and you need a good job for that which means some educational degree. You can't do better in school unless you get a job and GTFO of your mom's. Getting a job and saving money to move out is your priority.

When my mom kicked me out I got a job at a call center used the money to live in an apt then moved out and got into law school where I am right now.

 No.208968

>>208967
NOW thats good helpful advice for the guy!

 No.208980

File: 1570564286197.jpg (36.94 KB, 575x411, 575:411, download (14).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>208967
This, no one realizes the importance of money, I fucking hate richfags claiming their lives are so woe and dreadful yet can survive and do whatever the fuck they want, go on vacations, eat so much food and snacks, have the best computer in the world and play any game they want, get into hobbies of any kind they want, and don't have to deal with people or work anymore after they're insanely rich, it's fucking funny.

 No.208989

File: 1570590347248.png (219.64 KB, 400x500, 4:5, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>208610
Anon, the world has been cruel to you… returning the favor is more than justified.

 No.208990

>>208610
Kill them…no…killing would be too mercyful to describe it.
SLAUGHTER THEM
MAKE THEM PAY
DRINK THE BLOOD OUT OF THEIR SKULLS
>make sure to buy an axe if you don't have access to firearms

 No.208999

>>208980
you know you're not starving not like an african child right?

 No.209013

>>208610
fellow wizards aren’t “nobody”

 No.209028

OP, I think I relate to you but can only offer advice which has helped me:

1. Detach yourself momentarily from any ambitions, desires, needs, etc beyond food, warmth and shelter.

2. If there is anyone in your life you respect, even an uncle or something, then reach out and speak to them in person: internet posting won't achieve much.

3. Do not let anger, resentment, vengefulness, hatred etc dictate your behaviour or thoughts. I have been in that situation and you can easily end up behaving recklessly which can get you injured, arrested, doxxed, or worse.

4. Accept that your past is your past, and that at the very least it has taught you how not to behave. The fact you can view hoarding, poor parenting etc with a critical eye suggests you know how things should be in ideal environment, which means you can be one of those people that helps secure such an environment for others generally speaking.

5. Make sure you get enough sleep.



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