I feel confident making this thread because I've already told the mental health system, and they're not contacting the police. So I guess if they're not too worried, it's fine?
I'm not well lads. I've been on the brink of killing people over the last few weeks. I have really bad autism and my flight/fight instincts are stuffed up. Whenever people confront me, I don't handle it too well. I try to rationally talk my way through it, and if that doesn't work, I freeze up, and from there it becomes a binary thing where I'll escalate things to murder or I'll fall apart.
A few months ago I had a succubus break into where I live, she was in love with the person I live with I think. This was at one in the morning, I tried to kick her out and tell her to go. She looked at me smugly and said 'oh, you work for so and so right, well you won't be for much longer'. Then she started saying she'll tell the cops I deal drugs and touched her. She left after that, I was standing there horrified. But I almost, fucking almost, smashed her head in against the breakfast bar. I wanted to smash her face in so hard she'd never be able to smile or look presentable again. I wanted to leave the entire kitchen besmeared with her blood by the time I deformed her.
I cried for hours with these thoughts, my hands were shaking and I couldn't sleep. I had a work shift in 5 hours at the time and I remember just crying at work.
I'm having similar confrontations. People yelling at me, screaming at me. Just recently almost stabbed the people to death, walking right up to where they lived with a pile of knives in my hand from the kitchen. I was so close to doing it, but instead I fell apart and destroyed the house I was in. Screaming profusely and expressing pure visceral anger.
I'm deeply sad and broken friends.
You are not in the wrong, they are. No good answer for this one. All the choices are wrong. Do whatever.
I know, i know. But because of my assburgers I only have this form of escalation. I straight up told the medical professional, a psychology major the situation. When I delineated the exact process I went through in the medical system, the results from the ward, outpatients, the GP, emergency room, crisis team respectfully. Delineated exactly what the likely probabilities are, me ending up carrying this stress further into depersonalization and psychosis, becoming the psychotic guy on the sidewalk smashing his head against the window of a bus stop, quoting bible verses. Or I do it, and end up in a more vulnerable state in prison, or I end myself.
She actually knew I was right, and told me yeah, that's the way it seems. Because I have, I've gone through the entire system here.
i understand what you are dealing with.
these pos fucktards are 'life unworthy of life' as the jews say.
i see people every day who use their looney lefty limpdick lickspittle loser bs to destroy other people.
you are not alone in your rage, wait, for the day is coming when these assholes will suffer.
What makes you so sure you'll be able to actually kill them?
It's hard not to want to kill people when they're threatening you with ruining your life. What you felt was completely natural and you shouldn't blame yourself for it. It's good that you didn't acted on it.
Everyone comes up to me with the same criticism, as if that 'oh yeah, I better not do that'. I'm not certain, and it never was about being certain, I just wanted to do it. I was going to snap.
>I try to rationally talk my way through it
God I hate the savage apes we share this planet with. This is what I try too because goddammit it should work, but they're doing this thing that is some sort of animalistic interaction not governed by reason.
>>208931> Everyone comes up to me with the same criticism, as if that 'oh yeah, I better not do that'
I want to kill people too, or, at least, make them disappear somehow, because just hearing them speak is like slow torture. What's stopping me, though, is my lack of strength & fighting skills. That's why I asked you that. I didn't mean to criticize at all
Not OP, but it's also a matter of opportunity. If you do go through with it, you either need to double down and go the full length or you will be easily chaught and jailed. You really only have 1 opportunity to do it, and otherwise you will be forever "stained" by society if they every catch you, so your life is essentially fucked.
As such, I'd say you should really consider who needs to go or who doesn't. If you ready to neck a bitch, be ready to commit.
Also OP if something like that happens, grab your phone to record, or just buy a shitty voice recorder and an sd card for it. Remember to have defenses beyond your own self that can be used if shit does go down.
I'm actually taller than 98% of people and in good physical shape. I'm not a fighter, but with a weapon I could easily take out the average person. Especially if I take them from surprise with a weapon.
You really should have killed her. If she was breaking in there'd probably be no one who knew she went there. You could dispose of the body and no one would be the wiser.
A few hours later apparently she was threatening suicide. I think she was a classic case of borderline.
A few weeks, she did the same thing minus the attempted rape threats to someone I work with. A middle aged man in his forties, whose son was seeing her, she tried attempting that shit when she attempted to lie his way into the son's bedroom. She tried the whole "You know your son deals drugs, right" angle when she got thrown out.
That is def a borderline. Those people destroy themselves. Letting her live is punishment enough
Violent thoughts and fantasies, well, I wouldn't go as far as to call them “normal” but it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. No matter how vile they are, they’re still just thoughts. The only person they can hurt is yourself.
Violent thoughts just mean you are less domesticated than the average person. Aggression is a product of evolutionary pressure and there is nothing wrong with having it. Do not feel ashamed of them.
You should only feel ashamed when you let your violent thoughts turn into violent actions, especially if it occurs impulsively. Never lose control of yourself. Violent thoughts should only turn into violent actions if it has proper moral justification and is in defense of something, never out of impulse or anger.