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File: 1571632746966.png (567.4 KB, 1366x768, 683:384, down.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.209618[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.209619

Can you delete this thread? It's not necessary at all

 No.209620

>>209619
I'm pretty sure the last thread reached the bump limit and some people still like to post here.

 No.209621


 No.209624

Does anyone just pretend this whole world is a simulation?

 No.209625

Just eating food feels tiresome, and if I don't then I won't have energy to do anything, so it's pretty much required and I don't find joy in it at all. it's been like that for more than three weeks now I think, but I'm not depressed.
Even if I go to places to eat, without me cooking for myself, even then it feels like an obligation, something that you NEED, rather than want. How do you deal with this?

 No.209628

>>209621
>>209620
There's already a board for depression. It's just daily whining whiners do is going to be posted in this thread. Though I don't really mind shitpost.

 No.209633

>>209624
you're the main character wizzie

 No.209635

>>209628
There's been a crawl thread for nearly two years now and it has produced lots of great posts. It just works with wizchans culture.

 No.209636

>>209635
It's not a depression crawl thread but will see. I know it isn't going to produce anything good but I hope it will,mod

 No.209638

Nothing more depressing than meta
https://wizchan.org/meta/index.html

 No.209639

I was wondering, why am I wasting my time. Why am I not working for my goal? Then I realized. I don't have a goal anymore. I don't want anything

But apathy is not enough for suicide. You have to hate life to do it

So what should I do now…

 No.209641

I had a goal and I achieved it by hard work. Then, I realized it's torturous and not for me, and now it feels good I'm giving up and will be free of the pain it causes to me on a daily basis. The only problem is I don't have another goal, so I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.

 No.209642

File: 1571668308811.jpg (32 KB, 588x500, 147:125, bug-fact.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

It feels like my life is a film that should have ended a long time ago

 No.209643

I've failed at everything I've ever tried and it just makes waking up even more exhausting and depressing.

 No.209653

File: 1571679803680.jpg (20.78 KB, 400x200, 2:1, 1469953573519.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>209619

Wrong. The /dep/ crawl thread is one of the only worthwhile & tolerable threads left on this site. Some of the best posts I've seen recently have sprung up from here and, even outside of that, is just generally a very comfy & welcoming thread. It's good to see how other wizzies will keep it going no matter what given its obvious value. The /lounge/ crawl thread by contrast is much worse and has been, from its very inception, awash in pure mental diarrhea and is a senseless waste dump of dumb shitposts & hostility with very little examples to merit it otherwise.

 No.209655

I wish I didn't have agoraphobia, but I don't know what I'd be like without it, it's basically part of my whole identity at this point along with all my shitty mental problems, it's all a mess

 No.209656

>buy something online
>have a game of 20 questions with my parents when it comes

Jesus Christ

 No.209657

>>209656
why not just lie and say it's a computer part or something

 No.209661

>>209656
This is why I always place my orders so that it'll fall on a day where no one will most likely be there at the time and get the mail myself. I've become a master at it.

 No.209664

I've been thinking…isn't Joker just a wagie going ragie? He isn't one of us.

 No.209666


 No.209694

>>209657
It was a controller for my Switch, so I guess it's technically a computer part.

They still went on about how much it costed, why I bought one when I already had a pair (plus how my old pair of Joycons developed drifting, etc), why I never checked at the shop in town, etc.

Like, I know it isn't a huge deal. It's just tiring.

>>209661
That's not a bad idea, actually. It likely won't work for me, though. Mom doesn't work, so she's home most days. Dad's schedule changes each week, but he's still home about half of each weekday/mail day. I work nights, so I am usually asleep when the deliveryman comes.

>>209628
I've always seen this thread as being for basically "short whines that don't really deserve their own thread." Bigger topics can be discussed in their own threads, but this thread is good if you want to complain about something quickly.

I'm probably oversimplifying it, but it works.

 No.209695

>I work nights
I never understood this. You work, but they still pester you over your purchases? I can somewhat understand if a NEET was getting scorned for spending his parent's money, but your earnings are yours to do what you will.

 No.209704

>>209664
The joker is an asspull of a movie. Really shitty how they try to profit from crabs while also shitting on them.

 No.209709

>>209695
I don't get it, either. I ask why it matters what I spend my money on, yet they backpeddle by saying how they aren't telling me how I should spend my money… only to nag me the next time I buy something for myself.

I'd understand it if I were completely wreckless with my money. I have a bit saved, I pay off my debt/bills on time (early, usually), and I help with bills and groceries. A video game every month or two won't leave me in debt, despite my parents' attempts at gaslighting me about it

 No.209711

>>209704
Crabs are eating it up, too. It's funny

 No.209713

>>209711
>>209704
is it even remotely crab related though? These guys said no, it's not.
The only correlation is the dumb joker memes, that internet masses somehow linked with crabs.

 No.209714

>>209713
Not gonna watch that. He has a "gf"

 No.209715

Wizchan's been completely abandoned.

 No.209716

>>209715
I'm still here.

 No.209717

>>209715

It really does feel that way, to be honest. There are many times where I can honestly hear the proverbial crickets chirping over on the /games/ board, just as an example. Even those that post there are very often the sorts of people who barely play any video games at all and, more or less, identify themselves as casuals. It literally feels like I'm the only wizzie of my type on that entire board (someone who plays games regularly and finishes 15+ games a year) and all the rest like me just aren't here anymore, either abandoning gaming as a hobby completely or just the site itself. It sucks and I feel more like I'm typing into the digital version of an empty graveyard, or an abandoned warehouse than ever.

 No.209718

I don't even know how I can get by with this little sleep. Maybe I'm getting more than I think I am, but I remember being conscious the entire last two nights in a row without a wink and I usually get like 2 or 3 for months and months now.

 No.209719

>>209714
he doesn't though it's him hallucinating.

 No.209720

>>209719
Dat shit is a spoiler, nigga.

 No.209731

>>209719
He's not.

 No.209732

>>209731
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joker_(2019_film)
>Frightened, Sophie tells him to leave; their previous encounters were Arthur's delusions.

 No.209734

>>209732
You edited that wikipage.

 No.209735

>>209734
you're lying! LYING!!

 No.209736

>>209735
you don't have any proof.

 No.209737

>>209736
wheres your proof that it happened the way you claim?

 No.209738

>>209737
you are who is giving false spoilers and editing a wiki to prove that your lies aren't lies!

 No.209742

File: 1571753004250.jpg (58.15 KB, 832x960, 13:15, 1571576084376.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

It's all so tiresome.

 No.209743

>>209738
let me put it this way, im right, youre wrong. deal with it

 No.209744

>>209742
gay and fake

 No.209745

File: 1571753948228.jpg (44.46 KB, 300x250, 6:5, 1571683244453.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Man I fucked up, should have tried to move away as soon as possible. Can't believe the rate I'm balding at and it's two years before I hit Wizard status.

 No.209746

>>209745
Move away from what exactly?

 No.209747

>>209743
I've watched the movie and that's how I know you're a liar!

 No.209748

>>209747
ive watched the movie 3 times and you were wrong each time!

 No.209749

>>209748
Says you! Anyone can create a false spoiler and post it on the internet!

 No.209750

>>209749
i would never stoop so low. it would take a criminal mind to even accuse me of such a behavior

 No.209751

>>209750
and there you go lying again. Don't you get tired of it?

 No.209752

>>209751
no no no, you see lying is what YOU'RE doing. im just trying to spread the truth to all the innocent wizzas who would be led astray

 No.209753

>>209752
now you're just shitposting.

 No.209754

>>209753
im sure i don't know what youre talking about.

 No.209755

>>209754
you're a succubus who comes here to post >>209743
>let me put it this way, im right, youre wrong. deal with it

go away seriously, this site is for male virgins.

 No.209756

>>209755
well, you can say what you want about me and slander my good wizname, but you'll always be a liar troll- and that's the TRUTH

 No.209757

I like how this thread is basically a chat now, something that females would come up with. You can see this type of posting on their site for example.
This place is now infiltrated with succubi.

 No.209758

>>209757
>starting a post with 'i like how'
>when you actually don't like it
fe-male detected.

 No.209759

>>209758
n-nno, it's you a fe-male

 No.209760

>>209756
what good name you're giving false spoilers in site for virgins you whore, leave this site and never come back.

 No.209773

my daily fantasies about suicide have really removed my ability to deal with stress. Even the tiniest thing just makes me want to kill myself so bad I can't think of anything else and I can't deal with whatever I need to deal with.

 No.209774

>>209773
maybe I should tell my parents I need to go to the mental hospital again. I really want to die and the only reason I'm not dead already is for their sake. Maybe if I go in the hosptial at least I would stop having to deal with things. If I have to deal with one more thing I think I will just fucking end it. The endless sea of pain and misery is only tolerable when there is nothing causing me to feel bad on top of that.

 No.209780

File: 1571766610449.jpg (5.93 KB, 261x150, 87:50, 1510212083726.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>hear cop sirens
>think they're after me
>get scared

Hold me wizkids

 No.209782

>>209780
What did you do?

 No.209783

>>209782
Weaved dark magic

 No.209794

Ants on my bed.
Flies on my windows.
Cockroaches in my kitchen.
Fuck my life.

 No.209795

Can't get rid of phlegms

 No.209796

>>209794
You can wash away the pheromone trails of those ants with vinegar. And if you dust the legs of your bed with cornstarch they wont be able to climb up onto your bed any more.

I don't really know what to do about those other things though.

 No.209798

>>209795
Getting hysterical with it

 No.209801

File: 1571783878899.jpg (23.07 KB, 480x360, 4:3, hyrh_6u.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.209802

>>209801
-5/10
do Berserk OP

 No.209811

File: 1571822229111.gif (41.74 KB, 192x224, 6:7, 1570924428630.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Dunno why, but I was thinking about how easy it nowadays is for people (rather, big corps/governments/whatever) to gather information about literally everyone in western society while at work. Doesn't matter how many precautions you take, or even if you leave the house.

I'm not usually a paranoid, tin foil hat type. It's just sad that your every movement is tracked, and it's been getting worse even within the past 15 years or so.

 No.209814

>>209653
Sure it is,m*d

 No.209815

>>209746
Creatine

 No.209816

I turned around on my bed so my head was normally where my feet are to sleep last night and it was a revelation. It felt like my legs were sinking into some depression but the rest of my body was getting supported much better than usually. I got like 4 hours of sleep which was a godsend. I guess it turns out I destroyed my bed by sitting in it all day every day.

 No.209818

I'm definitely losing my marbles. Long-term isolation, stress, depression and all the experiments with altering my default mode of perception have taken their toll on my brain.

 No.209819

>>209816
you're supposed to turn your bed around every once in a while, didn't your mom teach you that

 No.209820

File: 1571832952554.jpg (124.71 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, such is life.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>209811
I feel you. Unlike you, though, this does make me increasingly paranoid, as my country is anal about Internet regulation. Nothing is worse than visiting a booru or some other site and seeing it blocked the very next day by Big Brother. This makes me sweat profusely and shudder at the sound of sirens or someone walking in the stairwell of my apartment building.

 No.209821

File: 1571834904762.png (22.04 KB, 289x310, 289:310, 1557657566881.png) ImgOps iqdb

It's surreal to me how oblivious normal people can be to the way they put others down. Like when you share an interest and they shoot it down, as they then force you to consume whatever media/product/hobby and get mad at you it you don't treat it like the most interesting thing ever. Feels like sometimes, I'm playing by a different set of rules.

This is all online interaction, not like I'd have the ability to even get that deep into a conversation otherwise.

 No.209822

>>209821
>It's surreal to me how oblivious normal people can be to the way they put others down

are you new to life or something?

 No.209823

>>209816
Try sleeping on the floor on your back and without a pillow. Worked wonders for me

 No.209824

>>209822
Yes. I have lived probably a total of 15 minutes in my entire life. So the moments I interact with peoppe in any capacity are new territory for me.

 No.209825

The realization I have no escape from suffering and my life is a dead end hit me like a truck today. Yes. I'm going to kill myself

 No.209826

>>209818
The worst thing is I can't lose them cause they have nowhere to roll in this little box my life has been forced into. It feels like I'm having a never ending hangover. Always uncomfortable, , never satisfied, and sometimes see little glimmers of hope or feel some sort of comfort in the delirium that are just mirages every time. The only weird comfort I have now is that it's so overwhelming and endless that nothing gets ne too uptight anymore. Suffering burn out utopia.

 No.209833

>>209820
It is rather worrying. My internet and purchase histories are pretty banal, but it is rather alarming how easily it is gathered. How they can profile me, my tastes, purchase habits, even where I am.

I'm not sure what precautions we can take to protect ourselves. There isn't any, most likely.

>>209821
It's tiring. All of my coworkers are interested in a handful of things. Hockey, Game of Thrones (when it was on), and superhero movies. One guy is obsessed with Rick and Morty, and is somehow offended that not everyone has an encyclopedic knowledge of the cartoon. Even the people who share similar interests as me differ. I like video games and music. Apparently it's dumb that I mainly like old video games and JRPGs, and fairly non-mainstream rock and electronic music.

I'm not saying I'm any better or worse for my preferences. I've been put down because of it for some reason, despite not judging others about theirs. It makes social interaction boring and stressful

 No.209839

I feel like shit

 No.209848

My heart feels as if it's going to just completely stop shortly. Years and years of depression and lonliness have taken it's toll. Every beat hurts, as if it's struggling just to continue.

I'm not old or anything (29 yo), don't drink sugar/caffeine/etc. It's just depression. I want it to be over, I want to die.

 No.209849

File: 1571887684009.jpg (23.31 KB, 480x360, 4:3, molten ball of hate.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

For no particular reason, I'm at the moment experiencing an overwhelming amount of searing hot hatred & anger that at once feels undirected, yet at same time applicable to essentially anything I can manage to think of. The hate is so intense right now it actually physically hurts. I just can't seem to help feeling this way at times. These crashing waves of hatred. The sheer hatred of everything. Sitting in me like a ball of ice, yet burning bright like a piece of white hot molten lead. I'm either so apathetic & depressed that I can barely feel anything beyond boredom and an excruciating sense of anhedonia, or, like now, this quietly raging sense of inconsolable anger & hate that downright exhausts me given how universal its scope. I hate each website I go to, I hate everything that enters my senses, I hate each passing moment, I hate every single last thing that skitters & sputters for air on this shitty planet. I hate normalfags, I hate wizards, I'll literally find a reason to hate anything & anyone. I even hate that I hate. I'm very easily disgusted & driven to feelings of complete acid covered contempt, due to much comes across to me & what anyone else I see says or does as either fake, stupid, or just plain revolting. Another thing I can say is that feeling this way sure is heavy. It's like I have 100 tonne anchor on my chest. I just wish for death to free from all this human garbage. To never feel these sensations of disgust or anger ever again. A final blissful relief from the wretched & unavoidable pain of it all. This hurts a lot & it wears me out quite a bit when it happens. The best thing I can do is try to sleep it off, since that's honestly all I can do, beyond pounding my fist against my head begging myself for some respite.

 No.209884

I can't write properly… I need to write a literary analysis of some pages for College but I can't write. I have no capacity of expressing and explaining myself. Everything I write is too little. I don't know how to develop a subject in an academinc way.
I don't even know why I'm still here. I don't like writing nor reading too much. I will probably turn in this work and die because of the anxiety that the professor will see what a idiot I am for not knowing how to make 1+1 in a text.

 No.209886

>>209833
>I'm not sure what precautions we can take to protect ourselves. There isn't any, most likely.
I've always been under the impression it was already too late when word got out. You can make peoples' search queries from 2012 say a lot about them

 No.209888

Therapy seems like a really messed up thing. Nobody gives a shit so you pay someone to pretend to. I never understood why people do it
Wonder if people will ever realize that you can't just talk all your troubles away, they require solutions. Solutions that are often impossible or illegal to do.

 No.209893

>>209886
It was likely too late even before word got out. I'm not sure what you mean by the second sentence

 No.209896

>>209893
Even if you take extreme precautions now, you cant cover up what tech giants already know about you

 No.209897

My mom made me an appointment to go see a doctor about some $10,000 magnetic brain stimulation treatment we can't afford. I asked her to cancel it many times but she is insisting so I'm going to go and just waste the doctor's time and my mom's money on the appointment. I have come to terms with my plans to kill myself. I don't view it as a bad thing to be avoided, I don't want to avoid it. I am only staying alive for the time being to humor my parents, but this is too far, this risks altering my personality without my consent, it risks making me delusional again like the antidepressants did. I am completely sane and I value my sanity. It's the only thing that sets me apart from the normalscum.

 No.209924

File: 1572061149184.gif (266.3 KB, 220x220, 1:1, hex.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Recently I've been having very vivid, nonsensical, yet interesting dreams at night and before waking up.
These dreams are so great they make me look forward to hitting the sheets every day.

 No.209925

>>209897
>magnetic brain stimulation treatment
Is that to treat depression or autism, wiz? I read a book a few years ago about Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) called "Switched On," in which the author tries to get his autism cured or at least its severity lessened.

 No.209927

I have an unlegit non legit slightly krgit actually lrrgit briin dumage

 No.209934

>>209896
Ah, got you. Yeah, they have us down to a T. Both tech giants, and whatever alphabet government organizations and ad agencies and whomever else

 No.209936

drinking my blood to dispose of it

 No.209945

>>209897
>$10,000 magnetic brain stimulation
I have zero medical knowledge but my gut feeling tells me it's a scam. Everything from the high price tag, fancy scientific words and procedures that doesn't intuitively tells you how it works sounds like snake oil to me. It's probably one of those things that has mild positive effect on paper but is then exaggerated and pushed to make more money for the healthcare industry.

 No.209947

>>209945
It looks good in theory, but then again, so did everything else I looked at before I tried it. I think it's mostly just placebo, these drugs they give you, they do do something, they change you a little bit and then people who are sensitive to placebo take that and run with it and become happy little normies again. I think the TMS stuff is similar but it's just an even more effective placebo because they put you in this big machine that clacks real loud and gives a sense that you're really being fixed. The actual effects are minor but for people who can be treated by placebo it's enough.
>>209925
In my case depression

 No.209948

>>209947
The doctor also mentioned ketamine. He says it might be cheaper, but he said it would be like $500 for 4-6 treatments and the depression might come back after that and need more, and he said insurance can't help with the cost because the drug isn't on patent anymore, although they made a nose spray which is. So who the fuck knows. All I know is this shit is expensive and I've tried it for years with no success. I'm trying to convince my parents I can fix myself with exercise but I know I can't, I just don't want them to waste their money.

 No.209949

>>209947
>>209948
Oh wow, the health industry is a joke. Everybody is charged an arm and leg for something that doesn't even work. Searching online only yield positive results about these drugs and health articles online always recommend going to the doctor instead of explaining the diseases or treatments. Money grabbing bastards.

 No.209952

>>209949
>Oh wow, the health industry is a joke. Everybody is charged an arm and leg for something that doesn't even work.
Better later than never, huh?
I believe some of this stuff only works because of placebo, but I don't have any real proof.

 No.209954

I will try to disconnect from the internet

Seeing other people happy depresses me even if their happiness is fake still hurts
because I know that at least they have had some life experience while I haven't done anything yet

from now i will only use the internet to download movies, books, music etc i will create my own world fuck human interaction

 No.210003

I'm experiencing fits of unfounded and loosely directed anger again. I've gotten better at controlling these, but God do I feel so much shittier when I'm not cussing out loud or punching things.

 No.210035

The thought of reaching old age and carrying all the regrets, awful memories and mistakes of your past that will haunt you until you die along the way is a terrifying one. I'm still relatively young, but I've already had more than I'm willing to deal with for decades to come, not to mention all the additional problems that are bound to appear later should I continue to live and are bound to add to the already existing emotional baggage.
I know how trite this thought is, it's just that when I think of the future I usually don't see future me as an extension of current me, as weird as that sounds. It's usually a fantasy version of myself existing in a sort of vacuum: if future me lives to an old age, he never had any past; if future me is successful, he didn't have to work for it, nor did he have any success story; if future me kills himself out of despair, it's this separate event that had no build-up and won't have any denouement. Looking at it from a more realistic, continuous perspective is oddly refreshing and revelatory for me personally.

 No.210036

last night i was thinking about my existance and stuff.. so a just cut my dick , useless piece of meat.

 No.210037

>>210036
Based. This what every wizard does at the end of his journey.

 No.210042

File: 1572287567296.jpg (28.09 KB, 620x349, 620:349, 47298748927498.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wish there were more wizzies like me to talk with on the /games/ board, or just more wizzies there in general. It really feels like no one here bothers to play games anymore and that, even if they do, that it's a very passing thing for them. Even those few that do post there don't seem all that invested in gaming as a hobby and are pretty much just flagrant casuals for the most part. I wouldn't even consider myself "hardcore", but wizzies like me whom still engage in gaming regularly are pretty much non-existent & extinct on that board. I can also respect that anhedonia might be a factor, since I suffer from it as well, but, even so, the wish to keep gaming in spite of it, and to even persist in doing so seems to be pretty rare. Moreso to those wizzies who don't suffer from anhedonia at all and still manage to play as many games as they can, as frequently as they can. I'm not sure I've seen a wizzie who matches the latter description on /games/ for probably over a year now at least. There also seems to be a lot of both spoken/unspoken contempt & disdain for gaming as being an "unproductive waste of time" on this site, which feels very norman-centric & generally distasteful, in a very shitpost-tier, obvious contrarian troll looking to bait, mock and punch down on people they see as beneath them sort of way. I honestly wonder if wizzies like me either just gave up on gaming altogether, or just don't post on this site anymore. Probably a bit of both, but I'd like to think that it's mostly due to the latter. I'm quite honestly a total fool to keep posting on this site in spite of not just this, but many other annoying/alienating things present here as well. I really should just leave and, by doing so, follow the example of these other wizzies I have in mind whom also probably got fed up with the farce of it all, left wizchan, and accepted their isolation from the world completely.

 No.210047

>>210042
I was into VR which was shat on here more or less, been moving back to regular games a bit more.

 No.210048

>>210042
I play games sometimes. Takes me forever to beat one. My speech is incoherent and my thoughts are jumbled up so I refrain from posting on the /games/ board. Most of the time I simply enjoy games for being games, I could never write a good criticism post some wizards manage to write.
I actually liked the small, abandoned wizchan we had some time ago. The fast pace of some boards/threads is too much of a sensory overload for me. After reading too much I have to lie down and stare at the ceiling for about an hour just to get my thoughts in order. Not a pleasant experience, most of the time.

 No.210049

>>210042
This place has been somewhat of a husk for a while now.

 No.210050

>>210042
I don't have any money for video games unless it's free

 No.210051

>>210042
I play games a bit. Mostly RPGs and some Nintendo games. I wouldn't consider myself hardcore, despite it being my favorite hobby.

Even so, I don't fit in with /games/.

 No.210052

File: 1572294831686.jpg (271.75 KB, 2896x2896, 1:1, 1562204993326.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>mom invited door to door internet salesmen from a large Canadian ip in
>as I was getting breakfast
>this was after I was woken up twice - once by my neighbor's kids playing basketball loudly, then dad loudly talking to his sister/my aunt on the phone

Here's hoping I can get some rest tomorrow after wageslaving, but I don't think I will. I'm on a walk now, so I hope the salesmen left. I basically vacuumed my food down and left before I could be roped into the conversation

 No.210056

File: 1572301784734.jpg (324.94 KB, 1600x900, 16:9, file.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>210042
Shall we revive /games/ with this gem while it's on sale?

 No.210060

>>210042
I wasn't much of a gamer to begin with. I had only stuck to a couple of online games before quitting gaming completely. I did spend thousands of hours playing them, though.

 No.210074

>>210048

>My speech is incoherent and my thoughts are jumbled up so I refrain from posting on the /games/ board. Most of the time I simply enjoy games for being games, I could never write a good criticism post some wizards manage to write.


Yeah, I struggle with this as well. Even though I just complained how dead /games/ is, I also have to acknowledge how reticent even I myself am when it comes to sharing my thoughts about this sort of stuff. In my case, I can sometimes manage to write a decently sized "review" of sorts, of the kind you already mentioned, but only if the game in question left such an impression on me that I then feel compelled to compile & share my thoughts on it. Usually this only happens with long-ish games, like RPGs, but, even so, I'll still on occasion manage to write in-depth about a short game, assuming it happened to piss me off and or intrigue me in some way, so that I then feel the need to vent or talk about what it did to either piss me off or what it did well in its design that I found interesting.

Personally speaking, I finish quite a lot of games each year, but rarely do I feel the need to ever say anything about them, let alone bother constructing a critique of some kind. It can be a very exhausting process and unless there's some catharsis to fuel it, then it's pretty much impossible. Sadly however, reviews or critiques don't often generate much discussion on /games/, which makes writing them somewhat discouraging as a form of trying to talk about this or that game. I can't really blame people for that though, since, naturally, why should anyone care about what I played, or what I thought about it? In the end, I essentially just do it for me and fully accept the fact that it won't lead to any sort of additional conversation taking place. It might sound totally egotistical, but I guess I just wish that other wizzies did actually care about what I've played or finished recently and would respond with their own take on my thoughts. I honestly don't how else to generate discussion there, since I have no ideas for threads that would speak to others in a more broad sense, beyond just me and my own habits.

>I actually liked the small, abandoned wizchan we had some time ago. The fast pace of some boards/threads is too much of a sensory overload for me. After reading too much I have to lie down and stare at the ceiling for about an hour just to get my thoughts in order. Not a pleasant experience, most of the time.


Yes, funnily enough, I actually agree with you and I know exactly what you mean about that particular kind of mental fatigue you expressed as it relates to feeling overwhelmed when too many people start posting. In some sense I feel that if wizchan, or even /games/, were any faster than it currently is, then I'd just either start to feel left behind, mentally exhausted or both. I don't even know how people can post on places like 4chan's /v/, or wherever else that's similar, given how fast they move and how impermanent they are. At least if I write a long review on wizchan, my thoughts can at least have some sense of resonance and lasting value that I can end up looking over at a later point, whereas anywhere else they'd just be shuffled off into oblivion before I could even bat an eye. In that aspect of things, I'm kind of torn. Each approach has its drawbacks, but still, if /games/ were just a teensy bit faster & more active in the right kind of way (less MMO or Minecraft talk and more talk about interesting indie or older games and more feedback given to reviews like mine), I think that'd be ideal.

As an aside, it's really depressing when I notice some errors or easily debatable points in some of my posts or reviews on /games/, but then I realize that I'm basically the only one who's bothering to notice them in the first place since, again, nobody else cares. Not even enough to point out when I'm wrong, which itself makes me feel like the lone inmate of some dark dungeon scribbling to himself in isolation along a wall, fully realizing how painfully useless & pathetic the whole process is. No one around to agree or disagree with me. Just me.

>>210049

>This place has been somewhat of a husk for a while now.


Yeah, doubly so if you're like me. In my case, I've gotten into the frequent habit of hiding most of the threads that crop on this site due to their often depressingly recurrent crappiness & low quality. As a result, most days the site doesn't even feel like it's moving at all to me. The only boards I visit are /games/, /dep/ and occasionally /wiz/. Between just /dep/ & /wiz/, I probably have like 90%-95% of their threads hidden at this point. That fact alone seriously makes me question why I still bother even coming here, when so much of the site is this nauseating to me. /games/ is a bit different. Outside of threads that pertain to MP-related stuff, I try not to hide anything over there. Even still, the board is essentially glacial in its movement & general activity.

>>210051

>Even so, I don't fit in with /games/.


Why? /games/ can certainly be quite /v/-tier & hive minded at times, so, if that's the reason, I can understand.

Anyway, I guess what I can take away from all this is that those few wizzies who are still here and who do still consider themselves somewhat active gamers are simply disinclined to post about it. I still think a lot of wizzies, gamers or otherwise, have simply abandoned the site at this point and don't bother coming here anymore, therefore leading to the lack of discussion. Whether they still play video games, or not, being itself a mystery, I suppose. Again, I'd like to think that they simply chose to make the only rational decision available to them and forsake this site, devoting that additional time they'd otherwise spend here towards gaming, or whatever else. Either way, I still feel like I'm just hearing my own echo on this site and especially so on /games/.

 No.210075

>>210048
I also struggle to post coherent thought on anything. Every posts I've made on anime, movie, games, or anything ended up like a shitty stream-of-consciousness styled post without any substance or conveyed meaning. They're verbal waste. They waste the time of those who read it and give a negative value to a discussion. At least a one liner shitpost can be easily ignored and some find them funny. My posts just clog up the display. I am sorry you have to read this post too.

 No.210077

>>210075
I'm ESL so I always used to blame this on lack of language immersion preventing me from being able to form clear and concise sentences naturally but it would make far more sense for it to be a product of social isolation since I tend to get lost in descriptions a lot in my native language too. I always fall into the trap of tacking more and more details onto the shit I write to make sure I get my point across with as little ambiguity as possible and it always ends up being much harder to follow than it should be as a result, I can never tell if the extra flair actually helps or not because I have no idea how people receive the stuff I say or if keeping it simple and straightforward is truly enough

 No.210120

Just heard my brother in his sleep call me abusive names and threaten to kill me. He was sleep shouting. I look after him and he dreams about killing me. Fucking demiurge world.

 No.210144

I hate it when escapism and other distractions no longer work or have their effectivity impaired and I'm again confronted with how shit my life is.
It's a special kind of distress and disappointment that I can't explain with words.

 No.210147

>>210074
>Why? /games/ can certainly be quite /v/-tier & hive minded at times, so, if that's the reason, I can understand.

That's it, more or less. That, and they'd probably think my taste in games is rather pedestrian, despite it being a few notches "I enjoy COD/sports games/other normgroid games".

>>210048
My thoughts are scattered and my speech is generally incoherent, too. I feel more comfortable talking online, though, as I can take more time to better articulate my thoughts.

 No.210167

>>210074
>As an aside, it's really depressing when I notice some errors or easily debatable points in some of my posts or reviews on /games/, but then I realize that I'm basically the only one who's bothering to notice them in the first place since, again, nobody else cares. Not even enough to point out when I'm wrong
That's self doubt playing tricks on you. It's the same phenomenon as when someone cooks for a group of people and they won't stop apologizing about the sauce being thinner than they would have liked, etc. even though everyone's perfectly happy with their meal.

The impersonal nature of imageboards has a lot to do with that as well. There are probably a bunch of people who appreciated the things you had to say at some point or another but there's no way to tell for sure because people don't really bother replying to stuff they agree with in the first place. I've capped posts I liked without letting anyone know more times than I can count and I don't believe for a second that i'm the only person who's guilty of doing this. I would actually be more concerned if I was getting a decent amount of replies every time I post something because the most likely scenario would be that i'm wildly off the mark and rub a lot of different people wrong every time I open my mouth.

 No.210168

>>210167
>I don't believe for a second that i'm the only person who's guilty of doing this
I do that all the time, too.

 No.210169

>>210167
"Like" systems where you can give someone recognition without having to engage with them verbally were basically designed for this express purpose and they would make even more sense on an anonymous imageboard where it couldn't be used to fuel cults of personality. You'd have countless people screaming "normie shit" for even making the suggestion though and even then the retards who spent most of the decade making wojak edits would absolutely find a way to exploit it and drag shitposting quality down to a historical new low if it ever got implemented

 No.210182

My mother and brother are trying to rope me into going to see a movie with them right now and I don't know what I should do. I haven't been to a movie theater in years, plus the thought of having to potentially talk with my brother about it afterwards wearies me, since I barely ever engage with him. I guess I'll go, but I'm sure I'll fucking regret it.

 No.210204

Didn't sleep again last night. It's so frustrating to wait and wait to fall asleep only for the sun to come up.

 No.210225

>>210182
How did it go?

 No.210226

>>210204
Practice dissociating your point of consciousness from your train of thought.

 No.210227

Yep, internet is garbage. Just found some serial experiments lain memes on some facebook teen meme page. Won't be too long before they ruin everything I hold sacred in this world.
>hurr durr, entry-level pretentious anime
Yeah, I don't care what you think, I like it anyways.

…Social media is full of retards who enjoy things the wrong way and force this wrong way of enjoying things onto me. Imageboards are guilty of this too. There are some good recommendation posts on /jp/ and /games/ but they're buried in this fucking shit ton of trash.
I'll try blocking social media for 2 weeks and hiding shit posts on wizchan. The quality of my life will improve for sure.

 No.210235

>>210225

Surprisingly well actually and I'm surprised you cared enough to ask. We left quite late and the movie we ended up seeing (Joker) has been around for a little while now so, fortunately as a result, there was only like 5 other people in the entire theater. The film was pretty enjoyable and afterwards me & my brother had a nice back & forth about it, with us both agreeing about how much we liked it. Despite what I said before, it's actually really great when I can have a long & stimulating conversation with my brother since, beyond my mother and to some extent wizchan, I have no one else to talk to. My brother doesn't visit us all that often, so I get used to just not really talking with anybody, besides my mother. When he does show up it feels like a lot of effort to engage with him, due to a partial sense of anxiety and knowing how overboard I can get in regards to wanting to talk about 100 different things once I get going, being that I feel so thirsty for discussion about TV shows, movies, gaming, anime, or other random stuff. In the end, it just feels easier to avoid it, but the catharsis & partial sense of happiness that comes such situations when they do pop up are nice while they last, only to then lead to months upon months of not really talking again. I actually talk a lot with my mother as well, but I can't really talk about more general or hobby related topics the same way I can with my brother. Conversely I could never talk with my brother about how I feel, random thoughts or moods, or about my philosophy/politics, but I do so all the time with my mother. In the end, I'm lucky to have the both of them, but I guess I just wish it was easier for me to do these things, like leaving the house or talking with my brother, or others. For many years now, I've also gotten into the habit of roleplaying conversations of the sort he & I very rarely have in my head out of desperation for a voice, usually with some amorphous & imagined other person whom is meant to be a friend I regularly speak with. Sometimes it can manage to fulfill the same thing, but only if I don't catch myself first and realize that I'm only thinking and speaking alone to myself and that nobody cares.

Anyway, we actually went out again tonight to a local restaurant. Another place I hadn't been to in years. It was a pretty slow night, with very few other people there, so that was quite fortuitous. The meal I had was OK and things were generally fine, but it's not the sort of thing I think I'd do again. In this case, I just really didn't want to be there, so outside of us maybe seeing another movie some time, I refuse to do anything else. I've been locked up in this house too long now. It's the only place I can feel comfortable & safe in, even in the face of depressed & awful I feel most every day. The visible disappointment in my brother & mother when I turn them down can also be a little sad, but it's too much of an anxious inducing affair to leave this place. Only on the very rare occasions can I actually feel moved enough do it.

 No.210236

>>210227
>facebook
Fuck off, normgroid

 No.210237

File: 1572763711625.png (179.37 KB, 480x360, 4:3, 1572212215513.png) ImgOps iqdb

It's late fall and my hands are becoming chapped because of the colder weather. You guys said winter was supposed to be comfy or some shit

 No.210238

File: 1572767816369.gif (839.16 KB, 500x650, 10:13, 1567423668133.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>210227
>tfw deleted my faceberg exactly 10 years ago and never looked back.

 No.210244

>>210227
Ok boomer thats been happening for 6 years now. Also whats your wizbook account name?

 No.210250

Just killed like 25~ cockroaches, size ranging from half a cm to an inch. They're fucking everywhere: under the fridge, on the walls in the bathroom, in the kitchen sink etc. Normally they would only come out at night, but they started to grow bold and now scurry around in broad daylight. Fuck my life.
If you have hoarder parents, move out or kill yourself, for your own sanity. Otherwise you'll have to live through hell every fucking day.

 No.210252

>>210237
You probably don't live in Florida, it's still fucking hot as shit here.

 No.210253

>>210250
Did you look out for then smacked them one by one? That must be a bit tedious

 No.210254

>>210250
If you clean your house it will get rid of their food source and force them to leave.

 No.210255

>>210250
Im not sure about roaches but I know how to kill an ant infestation. All you need is honey, borax and some water. Mix the borax into the honey with a little warm water on a paper plate or something along that line. Place the mixture on the floor around the house and it will poison anything that consumes it.

This works really well for ants, might want to google if it works on roaches. But like another wiz already said, getting rid of their food supply is the only sure fire way to get rid of them.

 No.210256

I cannot decide if being able to contemplate my own existence makes me an evolutionary miracle in an absurd universe or a soul confined in this hell until I die. My only comfort is that the pain may inevitably stop in either case.

 No.210257

>>210256
It's not your existence, you're just an ineffable angel looking in on some matter. Life and reality are illusions, the only true real thing in this universe is the unipolar I.

 No.210258

>>209633
Its true. Just dont take it too far…

 No.210259


 No.210265

>>210147

>I feel more comfortable talking online, though, as I can take more time to better articulate my thoughts.


I've always wished this were true for me, but even online it still feels like a lot of effort to order my thoughts & say something coherent. The challenge in ordering my thoughts & expressing myself, whether in a written or verbal form, can be a real struggle, even with the advantage of extra time & thought present in the former. Detailed posts can take me fucking hours to write and even when I'm done and have proofread them, there's still grammatical errors, or words missing, or things I wish I could've said differently or better, and it always makes me feel like shit and totally mentally drained. As an example, I'm already feeling this way as I type this very post and I'll undoubtedly notice all the little errors or things I could've said better once I'm done writing it and have already posted it.

>>210167

I appreciate your comment and the sentiment behind it, but it's still kinda depressing when I take the time to write a long review/summation of my thoughts about a particular game, such as is the case with this one, >>>/games/47680 and a reply like this, >>>/games/47715 is all I get back, assuming I get any at all. It's like c'mon man, hasn't anyone else played this? Doesn't anyone else have some actual feedback to give in regards to what I said? Can't anyone at least acknowledge how great, or otherwise bullshit certain aspects of it are, or at least sound on their own, even if they've never played it, or ever intend to play it? I know that last one sounds somewhat silly, but whatever. It's a very egomaniacal desire obviously and it's a courtesy that even I myself don't often extend to others so, having just said that alone, I really shouldn't complain so much. It just still sucks is all.

I've never posted on somewhere like /v/ and I have no desire to, but would a review like mine, of the kind I referred to and used as an example, even get a proper reply or feedback in a place like that? Would people just go "lol, wut u sed is dum fagjot", or just want to otherwise shit with me in general just because they can, or would I actually get some real honest to god feedback on my thoughts? If it's the latter, would that simply make wizchan just a really bad place to discuss gaming given how little interest there is in doing so here? Assuming that's the case, then I'd really feel foolish for even bothering to do so for so long now when I could've gotten much more elsewhere.

>>210169

A "like" system in this sense would be kinda nice, but wouldn't it just descend into reddit-tier internet point crap, or the engendering of cults of personality, as you already mentioned? A large part of the reason I actually detest reddit or even just regular forums is because of their respective like systems. Upvotes on reddit, or so & so user liked so & so's post on a traditional forum, and the popularity contest bullshit it creates in each. In an anonymous setting however, if I could just look at my posts and see that people acknowledged or liked what I had to say somehow in a non-intrusive "like-esque" system, without it becoming an overly abused eyesore somehow, then that'd be ideal. On the other hand, I don't want useless "likes", I want someone to, in the case of /games/ at least, actually say something back to me, not give me a "like" or a (You), whatever the hell that is. Of course discussion of this sort can also lead to senseless arguments, hostility and general shit flinging taking place, so I don't know. Maybe it's better none of us say anything to each other.

 No.210270

File: 1572866091428.jpg (23.78 KB, 800x560, 10:7, wolf-spider-on-floor-main.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>210250
Bring in wolf spiders to wage war on the roach menace. When I lived in the basement for years I had roaches getting in through a drain and gaps in a back door but these guys rooted them out and got really big. Yeah they'll crawl in bed with you and skitter around but at least they're not fucking roaches.

 No.210271

I seem to suffer from exploding head syndrome. Occasionally when I go to sleep I get these extremely loud exploding noises that seem to come from inside my head, and I don't feel any physical discomfort afterwards, which fits the description perfectly.
What I'm concerned about, though, is the fact that these auditory hallucinations may be caused by minor temporal lobe seizures.

 No.210272

My dad died.. possible poison he was only 58. My brother is trying to steal all the inheritance im so fucked as a wiz in this situation. i have no support network to help me fight this

 No.210273

File: 1572872189829.png (2.3 KB, 237x32, 237:32, wer.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>210272
i wish i was you, wiz, i've been wanting my breeder to die for more than a decade now when he got lung cancer but he managed to survive unfortunately.

 No.210279

>>210272
sorry to hear it wiz
I can understand why some super rich people often just give away their entire inheritance to various charities and leave nothing to their heirs. It's disgusting sight when people who are supposed to be family start to fight amongst themselves for money.

 No.210280

>>210272
Do you live in the third world or something? in north america/EU theres free help to get with this.

 No.210281

>>210265
you're creating an unusually high barrier to entry for replying because i have to read a large post in order to reply. it's easier to reply to a short post because it doesn't take as much time and energy to read. so any replies you get are more likely to be surface level

i don't know if you'd get better quality replies on /v/, but more eyeballs might mean more replies, and a higher chance for someone willing to put in the effort to figure out just what it is you're trying to say

 No.210282

I hate it that I don't understand what I feel most of the time, that I can't express these feelings in any proper way.
I know how pretentious and fartsy this may sound, but I don't care. For all things I don't and will never have I wish I at least had that.

 No.210287

>>210281

So it's a, "tl;dr, lol", sort of thing then? Well, the simplest answer is often the right one, I guess. Still though, it's not like I don't take the time to make my posts presentable. It's not like they're just some long unbroken wall of text, without paragraphs or any sense of structure. In the case of the post I mentioned and linked to, somebody could just read my first paragraph and treat it like it's, its own short kind of post and reply just based on that, since a lot of what I felt about it is simply present right there and, what's more, it honestly doesn't take reading the whole thing to be able to make a reply back.

>i don't know if you'd get better quality replies on /v/, but more eyeballs might mean more replies


The same could be said of reddit as well, I suppose. Or any other predominantly gaming related websites. You know, maybe that's what other wizzies have been doing all this time. Talking about gaming elsewhere, even if it's on mainstream websites, since doing it here is such a waste of time given, as you said, the low amount of eyeballs who'll ever see what they have to say, or even less likely from there, who'll then feel compelled to want to potentially reply back. In that case, I guess I'm just the fucking idiot here for not realizing the obvious. If I want actual discussion, or at least a higher chance of it taking place, then I should just go to reddit or a gaming forum, even if it means having to talk with normans. It's just common sense really, even if it's a less than ideal solution, since whether it's /games/, or other boards, the atmosphere of wizchan lends itself well to certain aspects of conversation, such as, for example, complaining about certain aspects of a game or film that have to do with what are generally no-no topics anywhere else (transgender crap, succubi crap, romance crap, and whatever else rubs me wrong that is considered sacred by normans, etc.)

>and a higher chance for someone willing to put in the effort to figure out just what it is you're trying to say


What's there to figure out exactly? I feel as if my posts are fairly clear for the most part. What's so hard to get about them beyond their length?

 No.210288

>>210280
Argentina. They want to declare me legally insane to take over my portion lol. ill have to go with unknown lawyers ill get ripped off hard

 No.210289

>>210287
the length is what makes it require more effort to understand. because now i don't have to focus on reading and paying attention to just one, two, three sentences, but instead dozens. and more sentences also means more context to be aware of as the post continues on. if i am trying to put together a sensible reply of the sort you are looking for, i have to consider the totality of your post, or at least the totality of the portion(s) of your post pertaining to what i'm trying to reply to.

>it honestly doesn't take reading the whole thing to be able to make a reply back.

but, i don't know that until i've finished reading the post. i don't have a way of knowing in advance which parts are discrete, and which are optional reading, unless you make it explicit somewhere beforehand. maybe some later paragraph will qualify an earlier paragraph in an important way. maybe a detail will be mentioned that i haven't read, that makes a portion of my reply foolish or pointless.

but really, it comes down to, and no personal offense intended of course- why should i expend the effort of processing a big long post about something i care very little about to begin with.

 No.210290

File: 1572904010720.gif (15.53 KB, 130x206, 65:103, ParanoidHomer.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Anyone else feel like the world is against them? Everywhere I go, I sense hostility

 No.210292

>>210290
You're not alone, wizbro. I feel like this almost all the time, besides knowing that's probably all in my head. I feel so weak and inferior as well…

 No.210293

>>210289

>why should i expend the effort of processing a big long post about something i care very little about to begin with.


Well, truth be told, I guess you shouldn't. I'm no better in this regard since, as I said already, it's not like I often extend this same courtesy to others. As a result, it's hardly fair or even rational to expect preferential treatment for myself when my posts are just as forgettable as anyone else's.

Anyway, whatever. I can't force people to reply to me, or give me feedback when I'm looking for some, but it'd just be nice if they did, beyond the very odd occasion here & there when they actually do. Again, I guess I could just always repost these, apparently, ridiculously long essays of mine to reddit if I feel that desperate about potentially getting someone who can bounce their own thoughts off of my own. Maybe that'd be expecting for too much even there. I don't know.

 No.210300

>>210293
if they were posted to the right sub-reddit i wouldn't be surprised if you got some decent replies here and there

i wouldn't describe your posts generally as ridiculously long, just long

 No.210312

>>210290
The hostility of the world doesn't feel aimed at one specific person or a group of people to me, it's universal and spares no one and nothing.

 No.210313

>>210312
But I want to feel special

 No.210315

Anyone here age really badly and ended up being super ugly later in their life? Like hair falling out, etc? How do you cope?

 No.210318

>>210315
Only crabs and metrosexuals care about their appearance. If you unironically think that being ugly is worse than being beautiful(for a wizard), then you have some serious mental health problems.

 No.210321

>>210318
you get treated differently and don't get hit with lookism.

 No.210322

>>210318
Metrowizards

 No.210323

>>210318
>then you have some serious mental health problems
’m sure everyone here is a mentally healthy and well adjusted normalfag just like yourself

 No.210328

>>210321
That's why I added "(for a wizard)". People who refuse to participate in society(i.e. wizards) have no reason to associate themselves with other people. Lookism is a crab meme and it only matters when you're chasing romantic, sexual or platonic partners(none of which being desirable to wizards).
>>210323
There's nothing wrong with good mental """illnesses""", like schizoid pd or tulpaism. But you have no right to call yourself a wizard if you're suffering from crabby mental illnesses, such as social anxiety(what's to be anxious about, if you never leave your room?), inferiority complex(you don't interact with people at all, so there is no reason to compare yourself to them) etc.

 No.210329

>>210328
>Lookism is a crab meme and it only matters when you're chasing romantic, sexual or platonic partners(none of which being desirable to wizards).
it matters in job interviews and how you get treated by your normalnigger coworkers.
there is no way you can survive without getting job unless you want to live a really precarious life.
the halo and horn effect are real.

 No.210330

>>210328
Ugly wizards get treated worse by the government worker deciding if they get bux.

 No.210332

>>210329
>Job interviews
You can become a freelancer if your ugly mug bothers you so much.

 No.210333

>>210332
that requires agency.

 No.210334

>>210328
>good mental """illnesses"""
>crabby mental illnesses, such as social anxiety
larping normalfag

 No.210343

Im going to die one day not knowing what true happiness feels like. Im going to die and my mind thoughts and feelings are going to cease to exist and my soul will return to the nothingness that birted it.

why

 No.210352

File: 1572994669351.jpg (54.35 KB, 960x639, 320:213, 73364143_2520363704746263_….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My life is a loop of the same mistakes I've been doing over and over again for the past ~12 years. Wizardry is a curse indeed and one cannot simply break it.

 No.210354

>>210352
have you considered that it may be your fault?

 No.210356

File: 1572998890345.gif (728.79 KB, 480x360, 4:3, ZdjpwTu.gif) ImgOps iqdb

I have 5,500 in crypto and 3,150 in my checking account.

Am I going to make it wizzos?

 No.210358

>>210356
Through February? probably.

 No.210364

File: 1573003278815.jpg (80.82 KB, 1200x675, 16:9, 1566741656062.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>210354
Looping my own mistakes? Who else's than mine?
However sometimes I feel like my life is scripted to cut off all the loose ends through which some glimpses of light may shine. Getting used to it slowly - my despair/depression intervals seem to be shorter and I endure them better.

 No.210396

I realized that I never really try, if I can’t do something the first time then I just give and cry, I feel like I never learned how to do things any differently

 No.210397

all went to shit when I dropped out of HS, wanna know why? It was a small school, teachers and a nurse got this idea that I was doing some drugs, word got out and there was this entire thing and social workers got involved, after three weeks I agreed to talk to a doctor, just said flat out that I have severe anxiety and my sleep is affected by it, gradually getting worse as the week goes on until I turn into a zombie on thursday and friday. Had to drop out, it was too humiliating, obviously no one believed I was just a nervous wreck, had to be drugs. I hate this dumb world. that was 10 years ago, time flies huh.

 No.210404

>>210397
> It was a small school, teachers and a nurse got this idea that I was doing some drugs, word got out and there was this entire thing and social workers got involved,
Pretty funny how people exaggerate whatever you do. Projecting their own insecurities on you. Making up rumors. Had to deal with the same shit in my HS before I got suspended then dropped out. If I could give 1 piece of advice to younger me it would be to never tell anyone you're getting bullied and kick them square in the nuts when no one's looking.

 No.210406

>>210397
people thought I did drugs too, normals just can't imagine people have problems inherently

 No.210428

Election time in my country. Everyone lying and getting emotionally worked up. My mother shouting at the television. People trying to spread their propaganda to you. I hate politics.

 No.210436

I think I just had a mild panic attack. I don't normally get those. I was thinking about the implications of the universe being on a loop of big bangs and big crunches. Even if it's not the same every time given enough time every scenario that is possible will repeat infinitely many times. I got this strange sense of the entire universe being an infinitely branching fractal God that was trapped in the neverending curse of existence, able to form self awareness, but unable to ever change out of the physical forces that drive the process on and on. I just started to feel this feeling of dread and had to get up and pace as my heart started thumping like crazy. My parents asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with them and i had to tell them I didn't feel well and they asked me in what way and I couldn't specify and just went back to my room. It's passed now but I still feel strange.

 No.210437

I have to put my cat down today and I'm extremely devastated

 No.210439

>>210437
You can atleast have a sense of peace knowing it's going to go peacefully and with a loved one by it's side.

 No.210443

>>210439
I think I needed this cat more than it needed me

 No.210445

I am at family war with my little brother who is even more fucked than me and uses suicide as his blackmailing tool.Rest of family is on his side.

 No.210458

>>210439
When they put my cat down it struggled and writhed on the table. It was very distressing.

 No.210466

Why bother living if we die?
Why bother with happiness If I can just pop a pill?

 No.210469

>>210445
Are you Billy?

 No.210470

I don't understand what to do as an adult. I don't understand how other adults think and I don't understand how they deal with life and why they want to keep going. Nothing seems important to me what bothers them. I just want it all to end. If after 28 years I still feel the same as 10 years ago then obviously I don't fit in this world. I will kill myself this year. Have had enough of this nonsense.

 No.210491

I'm trash and I don't deserve love.
I'm trash and I don't deserve love.
I'm trash and I don't deserve love.
I'm trash and I don't deserve love.
I'm trash and I don't deserve love.
I'm trash and I don't deserve love.

 No.210492


 No.210494

I really want to work for my own happiness but its hard when I am incompetent at everything and very little improvements come at an extremely slow pace.

 No.210495

File: 1573311232660.jpg (36.2 KB, 665x385, 19:11, 1571716445232.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>210470
Feel the same way. After a certain point I just stopped "growing" mentally. Things that matter to me, just don't to others anymore, maybe they never did. Good luck to you, wiz.

 No.210496

>>210436
I had the same 1 year ago and then 2 years ago. The scenario was the same, arguments were the same and the route and monologue of my mother during the walk were the same. The season was the same. And in both those periods I went to the same clinic for blood pressure related problems. My mother didn't remember the latter. The meds, doctors' words and anecdotes were the same. The routes I took twice for a walk were the same. Me stopping at the school to look at the flag and think about stuff were the same. One journalist said about the desire of never-ending sitcoms for the sitcomfags. Innocent anime slice-of-lifes are obviously better. But hell is different.

 No.210498

>>210494
>incompetent at everything
I think this is the thing that bothers all of us for the most part
everyone else seems to be talented in something. People like me just cannot do anything well.
On top of that sloth and then you have the perfect recipe for disaster

 No.210502

It's all so hilarious. I've been a hikki for 4 and a half years and about to take my last high school exams a week from now in french and other subjects yet i haven't studied at all. My parents don't even consider me a Hikki/neet - they're too delusional. I don't know what they think about my situation but either way they're completely wrong. They have invested a lot of hope in me passing my exams. I wonder what they will do once they realize I failed.

 No.210503

>>210498
Talent isn't even the problem. All I want is to be a generic white collar drone, doing boring work all day so he can go home to masturbate to anime or whatever but that's too much for me. I can't work. I can't talk to people. I can't keep my emotion under control. Can't drive. Can't find my way around. Doesn't even know where to look for food if mommy doesn't put it in front of him. All I want is to be mediocre but even that is above me.

 No.210504

I thought I would have overcome my low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness. And normally that is the case. But every time when my siblings arrive as I am the only one living still at home with parents and when it's basically family time my whole past comes back again and destroys me. Suddenly I am the autistic shit again that nobody wants to have around and whose existence is a burden to the whole family. I cannot stand this. This is soul destroying.

 No.210522

I feel like vivaciousness, actual joy of living corresponds to active engagement in life and is thus measured in the amount of curiosity one has for what life has to offer.
The moment one begins losing curiosity for life one's life becomes bleak.
All the people who are glad to be alive are massively invested in life, whether they acknowledge it or not, whether they admit it or not. Escapism, although believed by definition to "defy" life, defies only its negative elements and in doing so affirms life.
I've been thinking about this quite a lot recently. From my observation and knowledge, it's people who are genuinely curious about how the world works, who are interested in all the latest developments and such who are the happiest about life and being alive.
Personally, it's amusing how open most people are to novel experiences, it's as if they have scarcely any preconceptions about things.

 No.210563

>>210522
now that was very deep, thank you
I feel like you did make a good point here and I do also feel that I lost all curiosity I had for life. I remember around age 16-21 I was very motivated. But at some point I lost my hunger for more and all interest in life. don't know why it happened though

 No.210578

File: 1573461252962.png (101.57 KB, 364x270, 182:135, this reality has crushed m….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>209618
I dont like myself, i really cant get to love myself pure hatred, anger and fear is all that i feel in day to day bases either on the streets, subway, or work, and even though im doing well with money i still get sick, or my teeth start feeling wird, or i have a mess in my room. At this point i feel like life is just an endless cycle of preparing for the next horrible situation over and over again, and i cant fully prepare myself.

 No.210584

i fucking hate my job

 No.210590

Going up and down through bipolar mood swings and the different levels of depression it becomes clear most people aren't even talking about the same thing. I see in different states what people mean at different times, their words mean different things and their advice has different effects. The language and culture is just not there yet to describe these experiences and people are too quick to insult and abuse others when their advice isn't working. Maybe human beings can not deal with that complexity because it seems so absurd how simplistic everyone is while screaming. I have little hope for it changing really.

 No.210591

>>210590
I have bipolar as well and that same experience, at least the medication helps a bit though

 No.210622

I hate my life bros

 No.210626

Everyone screaming at each other because they can't follow a basic conversation between themselves. Living with low-functioning people is hell.

 No.210632

>>210622
Life is suffering. It is worth hating.

 No.210636

>>210632
What is suffering?

 No.210637


 No.210638

>>210637
circular aka meaningless

 No.210639

>>210638
Just like your life lol

 No.210641

File: 1573593901388.jpg (73.7 KB, 896x504, 16:9, WWE.Crown.Jewel.2019.PPV.W….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Read in the news how a man undressed himself and jumped from the bridge recently. HE SUCCEEDED.

 No.210663

I remember once when driving I pulled out in front of someone because their car was the exact same color as the road and it blended in and he almost hit me when I looked and I was so upset that when I got home I yelled at myself and punched myself in the head for 45 minutes

 No.210666

>>210663
Driving errors fuck me up too. I hate it.

 No.210702

A long time ago a wizzie posted about how personality has a heritable component, and he posted about "Highly Sensitive People" - people who had a specific trait around deep sensory processsing. The argument is that most species have a natural split between people wtih deep sensory processing, like the natural split in chronotypes where a certain percentage prefer to be awake at night. If it's true and there's a lot of evidence it provides a framework for understnnding why we're so overwhelmed by the norman world.

 No.210703

>>210702
being sensitive is tough when you're male

 No.210706

File: 1573742254692.jpg (720.71 KB, 2579x1934, 2579:1934, OBldd.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Lurker here, just wanting to type out my feelings, not expecting any responses. After living with my parents for the first 27 years of my life, I bought a condo last week. I had been looking forward to this for so long, gaining my independence, but now I am fully realizing what I have done. This was a serious decision and commitment that I have to live with, at least for the foreseeable future. If I or my dog have an emergency, I don't have anyone to rely on. I've never had to maintain a serious budget before. And most of all I feel guilty, like I abandoned my parents. I've been crying a lot, which I normally never do. I'm actually looking forward to work since it's one of the only normal routines I have now.

 No.210711

>>210706
Are you on good terms with your parents?

Weirdly, I moved into a place of my own earlier this year (renting) and I spent the first two months crying frequently. I'm still depressed but cry less.

 No.210721

>>210711
Yeah, I'm an only child and we have always been close. They keep telling me how proud they are of me, and I know they're being sincere, but I still feel like I made a huge mistake. Did you just eventually come to terms with your new situation?

 No.210723

my tooth turned grey and hurts i can't go to the dentist because if opens late in the morning and closes before i get back
i hate this garbage life

 No.210725

File: 1573784832069.jpg (225.32 KB, 1134x1001, 162:143, 1463266372325.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I can't fucking think. I can't string together two sentences. I'm unraveling. At work, a radio loudly replays the same ten songs I've heard for years and then my family loudly argues the same arguments while I'm at home. Cars outside, police sirens, a helicopter every few hours as if on a tight routine It's a constant stream of noise and I cannot get away from it. I just spent 15 minutes in the wageslave general trying to write a coherent post before giving up entirely. It's like my brain has shut down and the rest of my body just doesn't know it yet. Can't concentrate, can't enjoy anything, can't bring myself to even get angry or do anything but sit here.

It's almost physically in my head akin to a presence I can feel in the back of my skull. It's thin but very heavy, exhausting fatigue but only for my mind. The worse it gets, the more I feel disconnected as if I were viewing everything through a screen, as if I'm not really there. It's like I'm fading away.

 No.210727

I'm a NEET, 28 and Have no highschool Diploma. I spend the entire day daydreaming about being a superhero in various fantasy worlds.

Could be homeless tomorrow. Does it matter? Nah

 No.210728


 No.210730

>>210723

Sorry brother.

Sounds like the nerve died and a root canal is in your future.

So likely when you finally do get to the dentist he'll do the tapping test on you to make sure the nerve is completely dead and then prescribe you some antibiotics, then after the infection is cleared next comes the root canal procedure then drilling and filling.

Don't worry about root canals being painful though bro.

The "pain" part of things is what you're experiencing now.

 No.210786


 No.210812

Spending all day every day trying to hold together a broken brain and do simple tasks. This is not a good life.

 No.210833

>>209618
I lost my ID. I cannot drink.

 No.210842

Every week my depression is different. Trying to predict it or deal with it is hell. Even knowing where I am on a scale is hard. Today I got this intense dread and foreboding that something is deeply wrong, you can't treat that the same as intense sadness, or intense pain, or mental breakdown. My mind seems hellbent on exploring every corner of negative emotion and I cannot hang on or know where I am.

 No.210857

I walk around the streets and imagine a timelapse of everything i see. This metal was mined somewhere, made into strings and ended up in this fence, and it gradually rusts and gets broken by some drunks, than it's under the soil and dissipates into dust.
This kid was born, gonna age and die, his body will feed the worms and they gonna shit it out dirt.
Walking corpses, hair and flesh falling off of their bones.
All the malls getting empty, dust covering every iphone they were so hyped about.
All your libraries, statues, knowledge, politics, achievements - all turns dust.
Then fire burns this planet so even dust dissapear.

 No.210892

>>209618
I fucked up badly today, fucking hate driving so much, was on a unprotected green and just been waiting to cross but there's so many cars, then it went yellow and I see a couple of cars but was too scared and just stayed, then some asshole behind me honked and my fucking instincts just made me go through a red light, didn't get caught but it was pretty embarrassing, I just hate driving so much.

 No.210894

>>210725
I have known this experience for too long now. More and more I come to the conclusion that either I'm just stupid or my brain is overloaded with external stimuli while I never learned to filter reality as effectively as others do.

 No.210898

File: 1574113705567.png (49.01 KB, 200x175, 8:7, 200px-Behelit_scream.png) ImgOps iqdb

>2020

 No.210905

>>209625
I have trouble eating as well but thats because im picky and too retarded to make something that isnt meat taste good, but too poor to buy it.
As for solutions starve yourself for a month you spoiled brat.

 No.210906

File: 1574122342886.jpg (96.42 KB, 680x615, 136:123, D_Ln_sEWwAA2s54.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wish I had the mental strength and motivation to realize my dreams.

 No.210907


Maybe tomorrow succubi will not exist anymore, then only wizards will remain, as normalfags whose only purpose in this life is to love and live for pussy will start taking their lives one after another due to the disappearance of the object which gave meaning to their concupiscence lives.
With no hint of a sudden return, normalfags and just about every male who isn't a wizard will follow succubi into the nothingness. As a result, wizards will be happy and have to fear no more, for what made the world a scary place will be forever gone. In this period there will be nothing but peace and harmony, those things that were unthinkable for a multitude stained with normalfagcy.

 No.210909

I was lazy and stupid, and packed my washer and dryer to the absolute max with heavy winter sweats and hoodies. And then I left it in the dryer on heavy duty for like 6 hours and it was still wet and cold.

And I started panicking that I had ruined the dryer. And then my brother came down to do the wash right after me. And I was just laying in bed in the dark in deep depression. I guess its a relatively minor thing compared to everything else. But just all the trouble it was going to cause me for being stupid. Reminds me of how I grew up on all these cartoons of fat, stupid, lazy characters doing idiotic things and not having to deal with the consequences. If Homer Simpson does it, its hilarious to see the watersplosion and not the fixing afterwards.

Anyway I've been periodically checking my brothers' wash in the dryer. And it appears to be drying. Although I'll cross my fingers till its done. I feel like everything in my life has to go horribly, so I'll count my blessings if I get away with this.

I'll learn to keep Murphy's Law in mind stronger. I know especially for me, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong horribly. And yet sometimes my laziness can overcome my pessimism. I did briefly think woah, this is the most packed I've ever had it. But then I figured its no worse than when we do bedding.

 No.210911

You know when something shocking happens and you get flashbacks of the sensation some time after? Like a flashback of something painful or tasting something terrible.
I'm getting "flashbacks" of the sensation of strongly hitting mouth and losing many teeth, tasting blood and feeling my empty gums. This hasn't happened though, I just have the sensation as if I had lost my teeth with an impact on something.
My teeth are fine, good thing I don't believe too much in premonition

 No.210925

As soon as one bad thing is over, another bad thing begins. Now I think I have a bunion on my right foot. A fucking bunion, it matches all the symptons. One day I was fine, next day pain.

 No.210932

I'm so full of anger. I don't know why.

 No.210933

>>210911
Could be a premonition. I'd start wearing a mouth-guard if I were you.

 No.210935

Is it just me or is wizchan pretty much dead nowadays? Not even referring to the quality of posts. It feels so empty here. I don't know. This doesn't feel like the place it used to be. Not that it was ever great but now the final lights are tarnishing.

 No.210937

>>210935
Post rate had increased for a little while but now it seems the site is back on it's slow track. Not sure what happened, I thought maybe it had to do with school or something.

 No.210946

>>210935
The site has a suicide general and you wonder why posting is down over time?

 No.210966

CAN'T FAP WITH THIS NOISEEEEEE DAMNNNNN

 No.210973

Wish I wasn't dumb as a brick. I'm just so slow and things take forever for me to understand. I wish I wasn't a low IQ retard.

 No.210974

File: 1574292999742.jpg (296.15 KB, 1024x1143, 1024:1143, download (2).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>210973
Same, I wish I did better in school and actually try really hard, i'm in some shitty community college and i'm failing my classes already that i'm paying for, i'm a complete fucking mess and a retard, at least I got a job but it pays shit.

 No.210978


 No.210989

Shame at moral failings has really reduced me to a mixture between a soulless mute automaton and a child. I obsessively think about things I've done and regret doing, to the point where they dominate my thoughts completely. It's strange to live inside a body and to be in control of a mind that you don't really like and don't want the best for. "Your own worst enemy" rings true.

 No.211010

I have finally stopped taking zoloft. I decided I wanted to get off at the start of this year. Slowly tapered down from 100mg at no real constant rate. Just depended on how I felt. After a dose reduction I would often get horrendous anxiety and would have to reinstate the previous dose. Got down to 25 mg around about September - October and then stopped taking it a week and a half ago. I have felt alright so far. Only real possible withdrawal symptoms I have noticed are ringing in the ears and dizziness when I turn my head too fast. None of the dreaded brain zaps.

I'm not even really anti-ssri. They took the edge off of the crippling anxiety and panic attacks at the time and I was able to return to work. You just feel weird all the time despite whatever benefits there are. Can only describe it as emotionally castrated sleep walking.

In relation to the OP. my favourite off the texhnolyze ost

 No.211011

Well, this is the last day in this house. Parents have finally had enough. First it was simply good enough if I could find a job, I could stay. No luck. Been trying for a month to find a job but none contact me. Then they tried to force me into college, of course by taking out a loan or working. Nothing in college interests me. Can't find a fucking job, and even if I did, it probably wouldn't be enough to move out and survive on my own on. Been entertaining the thought of just leaving and travelling across the states. Don't want to call myself homeless like I'm some degenerate bum, just someone who needed time to escape and think about what the fuck I'm doing. Probably going to just end up getting robbed and or killed. But honestly I'm really curious to how life would be just walking and never stopping. Anyone have similar thoughts - just dropping everything and leaving home?

 No.211013

>>211010
I've yet to watch the anime but I've been listening to the soundtrack and it has this special lonely melancholic feeling that I haven't heard anywhere else.

 No.211014

Back on anitdepressants. I feel fucking nothing. I don't care about anything. This is just stupid.

 No.211017

>>211014
maybe you got the wrong med wiz, my antidepressant makes me driven and passionate

 No.211030

File: 1574495434815.png (125.06 KB, 450x450, 1:1, 1574029605406.png) ImgOps iqdb

Can't even follow a book on how to draw without getting frustrated and wanting to stab myself with the pencil. I'm incapable of teaching myself how to do anything that doesn't involve mashing buttons and watching colors pop up on a screen.

 No.211033

I bought some books, hoping that the fact that I paid for them would spur me on to actually read them. It didn't. I can't read more than 10 pages before losing all focus. I also get extremely agitated, my legs become restless, thoughts race through my mind, I get an urge to listen to music, daydream, watch a YouTube video, skim across my Internet browser tabs, masturbate, drink some water or soda, pace across the room. My head feels heavy, my chest feels tight, my arms feel like jelly.
The modern world has finally done it. I'm now a dopamine addict.
>>211030
We're in this together.

 No.211043

>>211033
The best ways of I found of increasing "productivity" is just removing myself from distractions. Of course, depending on what you do to "remove" yourself also requires some willpower. It was easy for me to read through books when I had to visit my brother and there was no video games and spending all day on imageboards on a phone was tedious due to having to type stuff on a cellphone. But if I were at home, in a room where my laptop is right in front of me and video games are at my side, reading would be practically impossible unless the book was really engrossing. Reality is so shit and alienating it's difficult to not just turn your brain off and go for the quickest pleasures.

 No.211044

>>211011
I'll probably have no choice if all shit hits the fan too early and I plan on doing just that because there won't be anything else to do. I also don't know how homeless shelters work and would need to learn about them in general. Finding safe places to rest would be one of my number one priorities though next to getting the food/supplements I need to keep going even while going somewhere else. The US is so much more hostile to homeless people than anywhere else I think especially if you're in any remotely urban environment. Then comes land transportation to other places out of state, navigating that with any confidence that you're going to end up where you want to be next eventually is probably the biggest hurdle. Plus above all it takes money, everything takes money to keep you alive. At the very least you would probably need to find something that meets your most basic needs outside of food/resource handouts that barely give you enough to survive if they even meets that. I give myself a headache even thinking about this.

 No.211054

File: 1574579013440.jpg (23.29 KB, 460x345, 4:3, dumb cat.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>211030
I had the same problem so I thought the solution was to take drawing lessons but then the problem remains that I can't focus on learning because I keep thinking thoughts like "you're so pathetic, you can't even do a simple exercise right" and being supervised also makes me anxious as it puts pressure on me as I am afraid to look like an idiot and do something wrong or take too much time thinking.

 No.211066

>>211033
Same here anon. It's awful.
My daily routine:
>lurk on /a/ - /co/ - /mlp/
>listen to the radio and pump up the volume is there's a song I like playing
>smoke Marlboro
>go out to get food or some fresh air
>come back home and repeat the process

 No.211070

>>211066
Sounds "comfy".

 No.211078

>>211070
Thank you anon but I do feel lonely and depressed a lot. Also money is getting a bit tight you know. I force myself to think of anime and cartoons all day but negative feelings keep getting my attention.

 No.211080

>>211078
I highly suggest nightwalks. Also, having been a neet and now being a wageslave I crave the freedom of being a neet again. The desire for the greener grass never diminishes.

 No.211084

Why is everyone a noisy nigger, my mom is a noisy nigger, my neighbours are noisy niggers. I just want to read in silence.

 No.211085

>>211084
Dude, you shouldn't say that word even it's your own race. Be proud being african american.

 No.211087

>>211080
I couldn't live without them, I need to wander. Get a little side money all the while on them every day collecting cans and bottles so it's not entirely useless. I don't even know what else to do with myself, maybe if I wasn't wageslaving from week to week some little flicker of creativity might come back because every day I go in I need to become another person and it leaves imprints on your mind. Even if you aren't there you still are to some extent because it's always in your immediate memory.

I remember when I was a neet and had no more than whatever scraps I could pull from doing some random yard or wood cutting work for people in my pocket occasionally. The place where I work now was not that same place to me then. I never even shopped there unless I decided to let myself be dragged there with my mother. The whole association net was not there and it was just loosely connected to the rest of the atmosphere of that plaza. The greener grass is the experience of everything around me without these hard ties to them. Yeah it's all great when you first get one and you actually have more than a hundred dollars to yourself that you can even save and build if you live with your parents. Never lasts, you just want more. I had the most valuable time in the workplace when I was getting paid shit rolling silverware and doing a little back end kitchen work in a restaurant I didn't mind the atmosphere of before going home and doing the same things I always have anyways just with less money and less misery.

 No.211089

>>211080
>Also, having been a neet and now being a wageslave I crave the freedom of being a neet again. The desire for the greener grass never diminishes.
Fucking this. I started as a temp Christmas job with very low hours which I pretended to be sad about but I was more than happy with that much since it meant I had a couple months without going to the job centre and also decent handful of money for minimal work. The thing is I'm doing ok at it and from the conversation I have had it looks like they want to keep me on permanently, but I'm too much of a loser to say no to anyone so I'll undoubtedly be there forever if they so much as ask.
That's the worst part, I didn't mine the 16 hours a week but getting into 35+ hours is fucking awful and that's just how the world works. I know I need a job and I know I'd hate 90% of other jobs more than this one so I should be happy and grateful right? Why do I instead feel impending doom constantly with no fucking climax so it just gets bleaker and bleaker forever.
I suppose the climax will either be my "natural" death or my suicide. Fuck I hope it's the latter, I don't know how I would mentally cope with many months of this never mind years. There is still that glimmer of green grass in the distance though. I'm sure it doesn't exist and it's the same illusion I have seen since I was like 10 but maybe…

 No.211090

some sort of skin rash appeared on my feet and start to go up my legs
went to the doctor, he looked at it around 30 seconds and without being sure what it was prescribed me antihistamines
the rash has already crawled to my inner thighs

 No.211091

>>211090
Cant wait for when the alien is gonna claim your wand

 No.211092

>>211089
Same 4-5 hours a day max 4 days a week was doable. I'm now working 8-9 hours a day and most of the time is pretending, my brain can't be active for so long.
I don't know why normies are so obsessed with keeping people at the workplace as much as possible. Also they don't care much about the people who come in earlier but really like those who stay late (and promote doing it).

 No.211095

>slowly turning schizo on top of anxiety and depression

 No.211098

>>211080
Thanks anon. I'll take your advice.
Tbh I've never worked nor I want to but I need to shake up things a bit in my life.
I'll try going out by night with my cigs and my Walkman (sorry, I like listening the same station the entire day most of the time)

 No.211099

>>211095
Me too wiz me too =\

 No.211102

Had such a shitty weekend which I spent most of it on the floor just laying there. Then over the period of a hour I decide I feel better and return to my computer for the first time in like 3 days. Still haven't figured out if it was my decision or my mood just changed by itself.

 No.211103

>>211102
That sounds awful anon. What happened for you to feel so terrible?

 No.211118

<Blog>

ive been taking ssri for about one month now. dont feel many emotions in my body, its more mental suffering now - but not as intense. rather i feel suicidal and incredibly lonely and hopeless, but i can go outside now, still very inhibited though.

 No.211126

I can't even take out the fucking garbage without fucking up and getting yelled at by my dad.

 No.211128

>>211126
Stab him with a kitchen knife.

 No.211131

I fell asleep listening to a videogame rap playlist on Spotify. I'm pathetic.

 No.211132

File: 1574701887920.jpeg (63.26 KB, 445x626, 445:626, EKKMdOAWoAAg9EJ.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>211126
genocide the jewish race

 No.211166

File: 1574718657380.jpg (4.4 KB, 323x246, 323:246, 081814.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


>stream

>neck starts to hurt
>stomachache
>shoulder pain
>headache


well…

 No.211167

I'm starting to get depressed again, I hate it, I feel so rotten inside, like something in me died, I know it's just mood swings, but that's what my medication is supposed to help with, well it's not helping enough

 No.211197


 No.211200

I highly insist that depressed people be considered handicapped. Personally, I'm not even asking for monetary benefits, all I'm asking for is a reduced workload, lower expectations from others and an ability to take a week off once a month without having to make up for the leave period.
Why must it all be so tiring?

 No.211215

No matter how much progress I make, I get lost for days in a depressed brainfog where I don't know where I am. Fuck fuck fuck.

 No.211246

Do cigarettes and beer help you to stop anxiety or just make it worse?

 No.211248

>quit smoking
yet all it has done is
>increase paranoia
>comfort eat constantly
>isolation more frequent
>gain weight
I want to be proud that I don't smoke but literally nothing has improved for me and its just me fucking up over and over again.

 No.211254

>>211248
aaaaand I just relapsed

 No.211263

This is probably self diagnosis faggotry but I've started considering if I have cluster a schizotypy recently and suddenly all of my weird behavior made sense.

 No.211272

File: 1574857493088.jpg (59.82 KB, 640x570, 64:57, floating-sign.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I really hecking need someone to talk to. I'm all alone online and IRL and slowly going insane from isolation :c

 No.211273

File: 1574858431874.jpg (112.21 KB, 800x600, 4:3, jesuschrist.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>211272
Talk to Jesus Christ. Literally do so man. You aren't actually alone.

>I am with you always-Matthew 28:20



>Psalm 25:15-18

 No.211275

>>211272
If only there is an entire website where strangers can talk to each other.

 No.211278

File: 1574867910622.png (1.81 MB, 1920x1080, 16:9, 489237489274.png) ImgOps iqdb

Was forced into a position the other night where I had to actually speak to another human being all by myself for the first time in 12 1/2 years. My speech was quite stiff & awkward sounding probably because, as one might assume, I wasn't all that comfortable considering the situation. Still, it certainly confirmed, as if any further confirmation was needed, at how stunningly incapable I am at talking to others besides my parents. In this case, this other person happened to be a police officer of all things.

My mother went to see my grandfather who just had a stroke and left me all alone here, which itself is a pretty rare thing to have happen. She was supposed to go pick up my father since the two of them were going to go together, but she never arrived at where my father is currently staying. As a result, my father freaked out and phoned the police since he couldn't get a hold of her anywhere and, on top of that, I'd managed to miss a number of calls from him since our answering machine doesn't automatically play messages and hasn't actually for the last little while for whatever reason. Anyway, on a whim I decided to check the messages and heard my dad say to my horror that that he had just phoned the police to "simply drive by the house". My father, as is often the case with him, not realizing the obvious fact that the police are also obligated to knock on the door as well. Anyway, this put me in quite a panic and since I didn't know how to re-dial him back, I sent an e-mail to my brother instead, who then sent an e-mail to my father to call me back here. Keep in mind that neither me, my father, or my mother have cell phones. Literally all this could have been avoided if we did. Anyway, my father phoned back just in the nick of time before the cops showed up at the door, so, for the first time in almost 13 years, I had to actually answer the door and speak to another human being. I brought the phone with me and put in on speaker so my father could do all the talking. Fortunately there was only one police officer at the door, a female one funnily enough. I just stood there staring at the wall in front of me as I held the phone while my father droned on & on needlessly about this & that, all while I was in one of the worst positions I'd ever been in for a long time. The phone actually started cutting out at one point and then followed with my father needing to phone back, which took like 5 minutes. In the meantime, I was simply left standing there twisting in the wind. The lady cop had asked if it was alright if she could come in and shut the back door, which she was standing in the frame of, with me positioned at the top of the steps above, since it was cold and our families cat, who's actually my brother's cat, but we're looking after for the time being, had poked her out curious to know what was going on. Anyway, I just retreated into our kitchen out of sight and she asked me a couple questions from beyond, as she had the courtesy to remain by the back door at bottom of the steps (what my name was, what's my birthday, etc.). My brother's cat jumped up and sat in my lap as I was sitting in the kitchen, which really helped to calm me down, since I could just focus on her purring as I pet her. After what felt like an eternity my dad finally called back and so I stood there once again at the top of the steps with him on speaker phone. Not long after all the talk of "is your wife mentally ill, sir?", "would you like me to put out a missing person's report for her, sir?", my father blurted out that he hadn't even bothered to phone the hospital where my mother had gone to see my grandfather, which just about made me want to fall over due to sheer the absurdity of all this. With that said, he said he'd call the hospital and then phone back here again and, wouldn't you know, my mother was there and none of this had even needed to have happened in the first place if my father had just phoned what was logically the first place anyone would have phoned. In his defense however, he had phoned some of my relatives who were also at this hospital and they said they hadn't seen her, which, for whatever reason, he took as definitive proof that she hadn't been there, with him not even bothering to phone the actual hospital itself and ask for her. Anyway, after calling back and saying this, that was that, and the cop(s) left.

In a weird way, as uncomfortable as I was throughout it all, I was also quite calm. By rights, I should've been extremely anxious, but I wasn't. Then again, that's mostly thanks to my father being on speaker phone and doing all the talking. Although I didn't feel super anxious, it was pretty clear to see how uncomfortable I was in my highly stilted sounding speech & enormously awkward body language. And yes, in case anyone's curious, I do in fact have a clinical diagnosis for autism, so I suppose this sort of unnatural seeming behavior is only to be expected. Anyway, mother still hasn't returned home yet. I hope she does soon. It'll certainly be quite a hoot telling her about this and all the shenanigans that took place therein. Aside from that, all this happening makes me wonder whenever the next time will be where I'll find myself having to speak to another person by myself. On the basis of just talking with someone in the flesh it was quite a first for me, but given the formality of it and only being asked like 2-3 questions, I still haven't really spoken with anyone by myself, at least on a one on one basis, so I suppose my long standing record remains intact in that sense.

 No.211279

>>211278
Nice story. You're actually good with the thought process at least, problem is just face to face interaction. In the worst case you can just take paper and pen and write down and show it to a person.

They're going to return tomorrow to question your mom if they physically/sexually abuse you.

 No.211280

>>211279
>They're going to return tomorrow to question your mom if they physically/sexually abuse you.
Not him, but I'm also a mental case. Why do people always think we were raped/molested/sexually abused? It's like the first or second question every social worker asks me, and then it's always like "are you sure? did anyone touch you inappropriately and do X or Y".

 No.211281

>>211280
a. Because it's the easiest explanation, much harder for people to question their fuckin happy-go-lucky sunny reality, woah, shit just happens without a reason, people can be born fucked, there's no soul but brain in the scull.
b. In a rare(?) case someone were abused, those questions can actually save that person.

 No.211291

File: 1574875179257.jpg (150.91 KB, 500x360, 25:18, 7e8ee8f82cbd72cc4b8b711761….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>211030
I once stuck with practicing drawing for a few months straight, I didn't improve at all during that time, I bought some books and even followed online guides spending a few hours on it each day, and yet still after months everything I did looked just as terrible as when I started. I feel like I'm just incapable of learning.

 No.211323

How does one start giving a shit?
For the past couple years I have been a NEET, which suits me fine because it allows me to sit and browse the internet. (The one thing that still holds my attention) My Mother has made me aware that I will not be able to do this forever. I am vaguely aware that being homeless will be bad for me since it will make it more difficult to browse the internet and jerk off

Unfortunately, I cannot care about being homeless, or anything at all really. I have no desire to change. No desire to improve. No desire to learn or change anything. Intellectually I know this path leads to a difficult situation, but emotionally I feel no impetus to change. How do you give a shit?

 No.211363

>>211323
People generally only change when circumstances force them to.


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