Am I the only one who can't find the willpower to improve?
I've been browsing some depression forums and there even people who sound heavily depressed have tried almost everything to deal with their depression: they tried like all available meds, experimental stuff, drugs, supplements, special diets, meditation, yoga, regular exercise, cbt, all kinds of different methods from self help books…
Meanwhile I tried only 2 different meds so far because I'm too scared of the side effects, have no drive to cook and almost only eat premade food, only managed to keep up any routine for 2 weeks at most and can't get myself to read a 200+ page book.
It's just that putting in any effort feels so painful to me so I default to whatever is the most comfortable in any situtation even if it leads me to a life that gets progressively less comfortable each day. I don't know how to improve since any kind of improvement requires effort.
Suicide is the only true improvement.
>why don't I want to do things that I don't want to do
because it's all pointless in the end.
Healthier food? Great you get to live slightly long in your shitty life. Read a book? For what, what do you hope to gain or learn from that book? As if there's some kind of golden paragraph awaiting you that will change everything even though most books are either purposefully packed with excessive amounts of filler and unnecessary detail or too dry and technical.
Taking a pill won't solve your problems either so fuck the meds but I'm sure you know that too.
I'm impressed people here takes antidepressants. Don't you have to tell your life to a physician, retell it to a psychiatrist to convince both of them you are depressed, and then pay the ultra expensive drugs?
Some days I have to move one finger at a time to start doing something. There can be a long distance between intention to act and your body or mind not responding. I often had the experience in my early 20s of sitting there knowing I wanted to do something but my hands and body weren't responding. If you bring your attention to the fact you may have to focus on parts of taking action that others humans don't have to then you may make progress. Most people don't have to break down taking action and I know this because I get periods of non-depression now where everything is easy - it's a different form of living. It took me a long time and it's not a great life, but on bad days I can move my focus and slowly and somewhat inefficiently do tasks or movements. Looking in to things like avolition and other psychological aspects will be more productive that reading forums, if you have biological motivation deficits and/or cultural ones focuses on the inbetween is useful.
not OP but where i live (arizona) my normal family doctor has tried pushing antidepressants on me a dozen times that i didn't even ask for. i never even complained about depression, i complained about anxiety.
i fill the scripts because they're free and i'm scared that if i don't she'll find out and be mad at me. but i just throw the pills out the window of course.
anyways no, in america pills are just handed to you and you don't have to go through any normalfag interrogation or heart to heart moments or pay a lot of money etc. my pills are free.
One time I went to my doc just to have a wart on my foot looked at and to acquire some topical medication for it via my insurance. But since I have a history of “depression” before I even knew what was happening the doc brought in 4 additional people who all started asking me if I was having suicidal thoughts n such. I ended up just repeatedly telling them to and I quote “fuck off” but before I knew it they were pitching random SSRI’s at me despite the fact I had horrible reactions to them in the past.
It took at least 20 minutes to get them to leave and at no point did I request anything related to anti-depressants. So later that day when I went to walgreens to pickup my ointment it turned out my sneaky doctor added a 30 day supply of jew pills to my order which my insurance ended up getting billed a shit pot for.
My mom called the doctor back to try and get a grasp on the situation but by that point I had already emptied the bottle straight into our cats litter box which my mom then had to inform the doc about. There is no doubt in my mind that doc got a kickback in some form from the company who produced that garbage medication.
Nah man, that describes me pretty well too. I am great at coming up with plans and strategies to try and get myself out of depression but then I can never make myself do them. I basically just stopped eating anything that wasn't premade also and because we don't buy a lot of that every week I was borderline starving for a while from eating once a day before my mother started cooking me breakfast. Thank god my parents enable me or else I would have a much lower quality of life.
As a matter of fact, i've just a few days ago managed to break out of such apathy. I simply forced myself. I forfitted any search for mental comfort or sentimentality, and i let myself be fed by pure spite. So far, i feel as horrible as i have ever felt with the exception that i have to endure the mental pain of having to work on things i despise. We'll see how long this will last, i can already see the effects dying off with time.
The only thing I'm forcing myself to do is the very basics I have been and cleaning my room. and keeping my clothes clean and organized. I feel somewhat better when I do despite the fact that anything I can do at this point is futile to my situation. I can only hang on for my life to my low end job saving as much as I can from it and the rest is a shoulder shrug. At least it's easy though, it's how mundane and lifeless it all is that kills you. But I also know if I just drop it all right now and walk away then my life is gonna get far worse.
> willpower to improve?
what would that even be good for?
I often think what my perfect life would look like and I cannot imagine anything really
I don't even know what I would like to do or do differently if I had a fourth or fifth chance got a second and 3rd but fucked those up too
I haven't washed my blanket in 5 years. I will compromise my morals and sink to abyssal depths to avoid small amounts of "work", "chores", or other not-comfy activity.
I can't think of a time when making any amount of effort at something caused me improve at it, let alone an overall improvement in my life.
When everything you have ever done has been an unfortunate failure I don't see why you would think you could still get better at anything. At some point it just seems like wishful/delusional thinking.
>>210431>Healthier food? Great you get to live slightly long in your shitty life.
It's about feeling good while you're alive, and only secondarily about living longer.
>Read a book? For what, what do you hope to gain or learn from that book?
Books have lots of small things that can genuinely change your outlook on life. It's not that you'll find a golden page, but there are golden sentences or golden stories that may resonate with you and change you as a result.
>Taking a pill won't solve your problems either
The best advice I can give is for you to embrace suffering. Understand that anything that's going to bring you happiness is going to cost comfort in return. Understand that suffering is happiness, or at least the feeling you get after you've suffered. The biggest misconception of our times is that we need to live life always feeling bubbly and comfortable and happy, and that couldn't be further from the truth. succubi can afford to be comfortable all the time, but if we, men, are comfortable all the time, we will inhevitably fall into depression. It's a matter of recognising that the circle of stagnation -> depression starts at stagnation and not at depression.
It all comes down to make a choice if either you want to keep living or if you want to end it. Only if you really accept the fact that you want to keep going then your advice to embrace suffering comes into play. However I feel betrayed with this solution. The demiurge always wins no matter what we do.
Can't speak for others, but for me my hand was forced. Family basically gave me a choice: doctor or the streets. Luckily I live in a country with access to free treatment. Can confirm there are many humilating sessions of spilling everything to multiple strangers. Sometimes I wonder if i made the right choice.
I can't get over weak willed I am.
I slept for 16 hours just because I didn't have the drive to go outside to buy some food and I was all out so I just slept instead to avoid hunger.
Welcome to my daily life
Damn this sounds like me. I've been putting off running some errands literally all week and instead of doing them today I just slept. I haven't even been able to get up the drive to shower or shave. Idk how long it's been now, weeks probably.
you obviously have very strong will, your will is to sleep
You still can try with this, but the ones who carry these workshops are such an expensive individuals…
Trying this thing on your own (knowing what you're doing first) without paying them could totally help.
For me it was about finding the willpower. At 24 I had an epiphany. I spend most of my waking day devoted to work both directly and indirectly. Between getting ready for, commuting, and actually working takes up the majority of my time. All I wanted to do in life was just play video games, and I can't even do that when wage slavery steals all my time and energy. I can't imagine myself doing that for another 50 years. I can't even imagine myself doing this for another 5 years. Nowadays I spend even less time playing video games because I exercise and am trying to learn programming, but now I have a bigger picture mindset. Makes life easier to imagine past 30 years old.
Yeah I've tried everything I could. Nothing worked for me and the things that might have worked I couldn't keep up the strength and commitment required to see them through. I think some people are just literally incapable of helping themselves at any level and need some kind of external force to kick them in the ass. Unfortunately for most of us our parents are too busy with their own lives to intervene in ours so we'll just continue to deteriorate until death.
Whoa wait.>At 24 I had an epiphany. I spend most of my waking day devoted to work both directly and indirectly.
Interesting way of thinking about it.>All I wanted to do in life was just play video games, and I can't even do that when wage slavery steals all my time and energy.
Got it. I feel very similar.>I can't even imagine myself doing this for another 5 years.
Very understandable and logical given what you previously said.>Nowadays I spend even less time playing video games because I exercise and am trying to learn programming, but now I have a bigger picture mindset.
HOW DOES THIS FOLLOW FROM THE PREVIOUS LINES OF THOUGHT?
Maybe he's learning to code in order to find a job that gives him more free time? The last line is rather jarring and unintuitive though
Doesn't explain the past 30 bit, though
Because I work a dead end job that gives me no hope for a real future. As it stands right now I'm not saving much of anything.
Then it would make sense to spend even more time play video games and fuck learning anything new because you have a bigger picture mindset.
I dont have much willpower and I am not very good at anything.
Take my advice with that in mind:
I think the key to doing anything is to have the energy and a goal.
Say you want to learn python, tell yourself you want to read and practice a book on doing that for a hour a day.
I think for a lot of depressive people like myself it seems pointless to anything.
That is where stimulants come in, caffeine or nicotine give me the energy to power through regardless of the fact that I think what im doing is pointless.
I tend to need a use for immediately or in the near future. I keep a journal full of all the information I ever need in my day to day life that I keep around and occasionally add anything relevant to. It gives me something to do and has everything I need to know ever in it. I have no reason to do anything outside of that.