>>214301>I think everyone has something he has an affinity for
I'm currently split between the idea of "I don't have an affinity for anything because I'm soulless/have ADHD" and "I probably have an affinity for something, probably something I have already tried, but my whole host of mental problems is burying it from reaching me and giving me some sense of fulfillment".
I'm trying to hang onto the latter idea because if the former is true, then that's that, might as well shut the light off at that point.
To come back to your question, many things, drawing, 3D modeling, programming (in Uni and failing at it, had interest in it since my youth but it faded away almost completely), game development, learning japanese (interest in japanese media faded away, but I have some residual beginner skill left, enough to read porn or manga with a lot of effort), off the top of my head.
You can notice that a lot of these are related to creative activities, I have things in my head I want to make exist in the real world, but it feels like I'm cursed to have them trapped.
Your recommendation, I used to be terrible in music class in HS, I don't really have an interest in playing music, making music would be nice but music is too esoteric a field for me, I don't understand how it's made or how one even gets ideas for it.
I can think of a picture in my mind, or a game, or a 3D object, but I can't imagine things like melodies, those are alien to me.
I'm also scared of wasting money for an instrument, when I inevitably give it up, it's just going to sit in a corner of my room, taunting me at my failure and waste until I throw it away.>>214304>you don’t give yourself enough time to get good at something
Yes, you're 100% right, but the thing is that I am also extremely slow by myself, and I can't really remember or keep doing things because of my scattered brain.
The journey matters more than the goal, and people pursue hobbies because of the journey, and because they want to reach or approach their goal.
But if I don't feel anything from the journey and the goal is distant, then my pursuit just feels rotten and fated to failure.
It's a journey of a thousand steps, but I'm out of breath at the 10th and my knees blow out by the 50th.
I honestly don't think that I can help myself out of this, I tried a lot of times and it failed (starting to see a pattern?), that's why I'm hoping to go to that shrink, the worst that can happen is that I get my mental problems written out on a sheet of paper to understand myself properly.
I have "enough" time, I'm still an apprentice and not as hopeless as proper wizards can claim, but time is running out, the brain crystallizes at your mid-late 20s which makes any change in personality or skill acquisition extremely difficult.
I'm not killing myself anytime soon, I lack the means (gun control in my country) and the energy (see my posts) to do so, I'm also still scared of death, and I don't want to make my parents suffer from having their oldest son end his life, at least before their retirement.