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 No.214090[Last 50 Posts]

Anyone else feels like not made to function?

I was never good at anything. Period.
School was a nightmare to me and I'm not even talking about social dramas or bullying but because I sucked at every single subject you can think of. I still think from time to time how I managed to get a high school diploma. Maybe because some teachers there actually pitied me since I was just a quiet student that never bothered any classmate. My life hasn't progressed much since then. I'm still the same, almost mute person like I was 15 years ago.
I envy NEETs that are smart enough to have something they are good at, like drawing, video editing or 3d modelling and are even able to make some good cash out of that thanks to people commissioning them. I've been doing nothing but randomly browsing the internet for many years and nowadays I don't have enough energy to play videogames anymore. Normal people feel like super-humans to me.

Putting this text together was such a huge mental effort to me.


How old are you, wiz? Do you plan to NEET until the bitter end? I do. I'm over thirty, hikki, and live off autismbux. I don't really have any talent or aptitude for anything. And I'm a very slow learner. But one thing that's helped keep me sort of sane is reading. It helps give my day shape and purpose. It's also relaxing to fill up notebooks with detailed reading notes.


I'm 25 and I don't have an answer for that yet. I live under my parent's wings and I'm very anxious about the day they will die and I become absolute helpless.


I also feel helpless and useless. My main problem is anhedonia. I mean you can learn anything. The only thing you need is persistence and I don't have that due to anhedonia. Everything is hard for me because I feel pure unlust.

All I do is pretty much what >>214093 this wizard wrote. I am also reading and take some notes.


What you takin notes on?


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OP, I share the exact sentiment you have.
I have never found a fulfilling hobby or passion in my life and it's eating me from the inside.
I have tried and given up on so many things that I lost count because they lacked the spark and I lacked the talent and motivation to pursue them fully.
I have a handful of internet friends who probably just put up with me as they never initiate conversation with me, and every single one of them has a defining character, a hobby, a skill that makes them happy, I don't.
One guy in particular is pretty much a carbon copy of me, he's depressed, has ADHD, is forgetful, we have the same tastes in media, the difference is that he has several hobbies that he enjoys and that I gave up long ago and feel guilty for until this day, and whenever we talk and he shows me what he made I retch and get angry, because whenever I talk to him I see a version of myself that has something that makes them happy and fulfilled despite being depressed.
I'm a terrible person, bitter, envious, and it's all my fault, talking to them makes me feel ill but being alone makes me insane so I have to swallow my hate and let them walk all over me.

Anhedonic as well, I feel like I'm going insane from not enjoying anything anymore.
I do absolutely nothing apart from watching random youtube recommendations all day, I can't find the energy to download and watch anime, I don't enjoy video games anymore, any worthless consumption activity doesn't satisfy me anymore, and I am too stupid and worthless to do anything valuable to myself, my character, anything.
I don't want to kill myself just yet but I guarantee you that I won't anyway because I lack the energy for it.


Lol I'm in the same situation. You're not alone.


Whenever I read a site that I liked I am copying that passage. You can say it is a collection of quotes I like. I also do that whenever I watch an anime. Whenever an anime character says something that inspired me I am copying that quote.

Very rarely I also write a small summary after I read a book. In this summary I am only writing down why I liked the book or why I don't liked it. And maybe I write down the key message I took away from reading that book.


I can relate to what you are saying and there might be no way out of this.

From a physical perspective, the brain develeops best until you turn 25 when it is fully developed and after that it will start to decline. After hitting 25 it will take even longer to learn something and it will be almost impossible to work on your personality etc. of course these problems existed before 25 but after they will be "set in stone" since there seems to be no real way to make any effective changes anymore.


You can learn stuff if you are forced to. I've been able to learn a trade (have almost finished my apprenticeship) because I was put in a setting where I had the option to either practice, or do literally nothing for 8 hours a day. Before this I was a neet for 3 years and basically just masturbated and browsed chans/youtube.

The thing is that learning stuff is boring as fuck in the beginning. I would say that it gets fun/fulfilling when you have mastered it to a certain extent, unfortunately this takes quite a bit of time. Anyway, this experience have shown me that I am capable of doing a whole lot more than what I previously thought.


I'm not particularly smart or motivated but I got into web development looking to do freelance work. I'm in a 2nd world country and I'm looking to score jobs both here, posting ads online, and through international sites. That may be hard for a 1st worlder if you are one, if you look on fiverr you'll see 3rd worlders working for peanuts. But this may be the best thing for you if you want to learn something.
What you'd need to learn:
CSS - Bootstrap library is widely used and makes it a lot easier
JavaScript - jQuery library is widely used, moreso than pure JS
Torrent Photoshop and learn how to use it for graphic stuff
Back-end (server side):
To learn these two you'd need to install a server, I got WampServer which also installs them automatically.
There are others but these are the main ones. You don't need to learn back-end programming, I'd like to but would rather get good at front-end first. It's real easy to get started, in no time you'd be looking at a company's site and be able to say "I could have done that".


Where and how do you learn that stuff? Do you use khanacademy or something else? I don't know how to start


I started with https://www.w3schools.com and https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web
You need a text processor for formatting and highlighting mistakes, can't just use Notepad.
If you want to examine a page's source and it's all in one line like view-source:https://wizchan.org/dep/res/214090.html and parts of https://wizchan.org/main.js copy-paste it in https://htmlformatter.com and it will format it for you.


that code is so cringe


Wish I could make some internet friends. Only managed to get a few when I was like 14, playing yahoo chess, and we were talking through yahoo mail/messenger


I don’t even have internet friends. That’s why I like this site, makes me fee like I have all these friends I talk too. I never understood how people could get yo the point you did though; becoming so tired of everything that you can’t even download a file if it means killing that boredom inside of you. Is it a lack of wanting too? Or do you feel like it’s not worth it because in the end it will do nothing to better your situation? What is it wiz?


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>I don’t even have internet friends. That’s why I like this site, makes me fee like I have all these friends I talk too.
Would be nice if we had the traditional Email field, I'd fill up mine and if anyone wanted to contact me I would gladly respond. Whether anyone would and whether it would go anywhere, that would remain to be seen since I'm not the talkative type, but you know, the possibility would be there.


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Several things which I'll shit out below.

I don't have the energy to do anything whether it's consumption of media or personal growth, I'm lethargic as hell.
I can sleep for any range of time from 6-10 hours and I still feel tired all day, but when I try to lie down and sleep before my usual time to indulge this feeling, I get cold sweats and stay half awake for extended periods of time.
Things don't provide me with much fun anymore so I have trouble coming back to them once I started, when I don't leave things untouched, I leave them unfinished.
Nothing really screams out to me "this interests you, you should do this", unless it's a sudden spike from ADHD that fades quickly, I have started and given up on so many things I lost count, and I've become so emotionally dulled that I don't even feel the spikes of interest anymore, just static in my brain when I try to concentrate on something.
That's why I am apprehensive about starting any hobbies, because I don't have a "real" wanting or interest towards them, and I can't stick to them long enough to go beyond the "wasted time" stage, or I just can't wrap my mind around things required to progress.
I don't know if I have a low IQ or not, I had an IQ test when I was in Kindergarten and I had 113, I had straight As from primary school that visibly deteriorated as I grew older until I left high school with a barely passing grade.

Something that defined my life up to this point is that I am incapable of growth, knowledge, maturity, experience, all these things are alien to me, nothing sticks, everything fades.

It's a lack of wanting because it doesn't fill the hole in my soul, it's a feeling of wasted time because I can't stick to anything, it's a feeling of guilt because of all the things in the past I have given up and all the time I have wasted, it's a feeling of hopelessness because of my lack of confidence and inferiority complex preventing me from being proud of something or desiring a pursuit of something because other people succeeding just makes me feel discouraged.

So far I haven't visited a psychologist properly and I'm going to try visiting one next month, because my life currently is complete hell and I want the pain to end, I feel that I'm going insane and I had a panic attack yesterday.
Maybe I'm lucky and the drugs I'm getting will actually work, but some therapy to change my horrible personality and view of life is going to be necessary as well, swallowing all this bile is melting my insides.

Might not sound wizardlike to be this desperate about becoming a better person, but god damn it, I just want to feel good about something, I could be a wageslave living in a box and I wouldn't care, if only I had something in my life I could feel pleasure or fulfillment from afterwards.


That would be a great addition, being able to talk to fellow wizards in privacy sounds nice


>I have started and given up on so many things I lost count
What kind of things? I think everyone has something he has an affinity for, I/we could recommend you other things that you might actually be suited for but it would be lame to recommend you something you already tried and given up to.
Maybe you'd be interested in playing guitar, theory is real easy: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/lessons/for_beginners/how_to_read_tabs.html


Question is why was it replaced in the first place. Could post a thread in /meta/ but maybe someone knows why.


No wonder you don’t feel fulfilled in life, you don’t give yourself enough time to get good at something. It sounds like it’s something you can’t control or is really hard to control. The only person that can help you is you, but it’s hard as fuck to help yourself. I don’t think this is something you can fix because your brain has become so accustomed to it. but you definitely have more than enough time too… unless you plan on killing your self anytime soon


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>I think everyone has something he has an affinity for
I'm currently split between the idea of "I don't have an affinity for anything because I'm soulless/have ADHD" and "I probably have an affinity for something, probably something I have already tried, but my whole host of mental problems is burying it from reaching me and giving me some sense of fulfillment".
I'm trying to hang onto the latter idea because if the former is true, then that's that, might as well shut the light off at that point.

To come back to your question, many things, drawing, 3D modeling, programming (in Uni and failing at it, had interest in it since my youth but it faded away almost completely), game development, learning japanese (interest in japanese media faded away, but I have some residual beginner skill left, enough to read porn or manga with a lot of effort), off the top of my head.
You can notice that a lot of these are related to creative activities, I have things in my head I want to make exist in the real world, but it feels like I'm cursed to have them trapped.

Your recommendation, I used to be terrible in music class in HS, I don't really have an interest in playing music, making music would be nice but music is too esoteric a field for me, I don't understand how it's made or how one even gets ideas for it.
I can think of a picture in my mind, or a game, or a 3D object, but I can't imagine things like melodies, those are alien to me.
I'm also scared of wasting money for an instrument, when I inevitably give it up, it's just going to sit in a corner of my room, taunting me at my failure and waste until I throw it away.

>you don’t give yourself enough time to get good at something
Yes, you're 100% right, but the thing is that I am also extremely slow by myself, and I can't really remember or keep doing things because of my scattered brain.
The journey matters more than the goal, and people pursue hobbies because of the journey, and because they want to reach or approach their goal.
But if I don't feel anything from the journey and the goal is distant, then my pursuit just feels rotten and fated to failure.
It's a journey of a thousand steps, but I'm out of breath at the 10th and my knees blow out by the 50th.

I honestly don't think that I can help myself out of this, I tried a lot of times and it failed (starting to see a pattern?), that's why I'm hoping to go to that shrink, the worst that can happen is that I get my mental problems written out on a sheet of paper to understand myself properly.

I have "enough" time, I'm still an apprentice and not as hopeless as proper wizards can claim, but time is running out, the brain crystallizes at your mid-late 20s which makes any change in personality or skill acquisition extremely difficult.
I'm not killing myself anytime soon, I lack the means (gun control in my country) and the energy (see my posts) to do so, I'm also still scared of death, and I don't want to make my parents suffer from having their oldest son end his life, at least before their retirement.


Forgot to add to my last line that I am aware of all the other suicide methods apart from gunshot, but suicide by gun is the only method that I could see myself going through, since it's instant and completely lethal, which prevents any regrets or turnarounds once you actually pull the trigger.
I know of the stories of teenage succubi swallowing a pill bottle's worth of drugs and getting it pumped out in a hospital, they can't stitch your brain together once there's a golfball-sized hole in it.


And misquoted that chinese proverb, it's "1000 miles".


>the only method that I could see myself going through, since it's instant and completely lethal

It's definitely not completely lethal, many people fail (depending on the gun, and the placement of it) It's a good method but if it fails you're stuck with a fucked up face for the rest of your life.


>programming (in Uni and failing at it, had interest in it since my youth but it faded away almost completely),
I dropped out so it's not like I don't understand the struggles one can face but you should try to pull it through whatever it takes, if not for the job prospects then for the standing and sense of fulfillment. Maybe that psychologist can help you in that regard.


It's finals period already and I expect to fail every single one of them, I fucked myself on that front by being tired all day and unable to concentrate when it mattered.
I'm going to have to contact some faculty at some point for advice on how to salvage my degree, dropping out now would be another regret weighing me down for the rest of my life.


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This is me, it was pretty expensive but I got my domain and hosting for learning purposes after a cool domain name came to mind, thought of it as a sign. Got this idea though, would anyone be interested in some sort of wizard site?


Yes. Every day. I've started tons of things and can't get good at any of them. Someone else can just pick them up and be way ahead of months of work. The walls are closing in and I'll be an official wizard soon.


I feel I was but I am cursed, nothing ever works out or falls just short. Any potential I had ruined at birth long term. If I ever start getting my shit together with anything at all life takes a magical turn pushing me back down. I feel like the picture often because the omen will not leave me alone. If I want to get anywhere with anything I need to be so flawless that it closes all near possible timelines in which it can ruin it the easiest.


have you considered editing wikipedia? it's not as daunting a task as you might think, and there's a great need for people who read things and can summarize. even if it's just books.


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I see a lot of people here think/have been diagnosed with ADHD.
I've been convinced I have undiagnosed ADHD/ADD/whatever since freshman year, and the only reason I haven't been given a diagnosis was because I was a good student in elementary school and elementary school.
When I got checked out in high school they flat out told me that since I was older than 8 they didn't really want to do much, so they just asked my dad a few questions (none of which he answered) and charged us 400 bucks.
What do I do?


Just ignore it. Maybe use it to your advantage. Who cares if you got ADHD or ABCD?


because i've lived my life with the ethos of an academic. i've never learned to enjoy anything but learning, but i haven't felt even that for years now. just a sort of restlessness.


It's the same for me. I'm not good at anything. I was a history nerd so I came off as being more intelligent than I was. To be honest pretty much the only thing I'd be good at is jeopardy but I'd get screwed on the buzzer.

I basically decided to cut out "fun stuff" and try to learn after my last few attempts failed and it just makes my head hurt. It's sort of making sense now that everything has failed and I'm close to graduating to full wizardhood that I now realize I was doomed to fail. Well I always knew but I always wanted to believe if I just "applied myself" I'd be able to do so something. Apparently, based on all these symptoms for fitting for Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, my right hemisphere has been fucked all along and it all makes sense now.


Why would they keep someone slow if they could find some other more well-adjusted person?


That's the way I was too. I still enjoy history but every time I try to fall down a Wikipedia rabbithole I just get discouraged by all I don't know and how I can't apply it since I'm not in school anymore.


That's sort of the issue. Just remembering stuff you enjoyed learning that isn't process-oriented isn't useful. Even in a history major, you'd have to be able to bring something new to the table. I have a degree in something else just as useless but I only barely got it. Everyone else who did well was getting As and doing clubs/outside activities. After Uni I invested a lot of effort into trying to learn to program and I gamed my way into a bootcamp and I learned a lot but the other people were running circles around me since they were able to problem solve while I was just relying on trying to rote memory responses/google fu and it would burn me out trying to do what was needed. Someone who had never looked at programming before was running circles around me even though I had prepped a full year. I always also had issues with attention span, so after failing for years with HMOs. I spent all my money on an expensive place where they give ADD meds and now I'm just addicted but it hasn't done much since the attention deficits were only half the issue. The real issue is unfixable. If I had a perfect memory, then it'd compensate more, but it's not good enough to make up for not being able to do shit.



What kinds of trade do you do? What would you recommend? I’m in the process of starting a trade but not sure what to learn


The only thing that I am even remotely competent at is philosophizing. And after years of philosophizing, I have come to the conclusion that I should probably just kill myself.


>I have come to the conclusion that I should probably just kill myself.
How did you come to this conclusion?


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I struggled at every level. As a child, I was bad at sports and games, bad at the actual academics of school work and even worse at socializing. I still struggle to tie my shoes, and it took me a lot longer than most to even wash myself and use the bathroom properly. I am however "all there" and aware of this, all in real time. I knew how fucked I was, even then. The school system ignored me because my mother refused to accept their offers to have me diagnosed with anything.

All of this, it's almost surreal for me to relive, and even more so when I think about how I masked it all the best I could. When you're so clearly behind everyone else around you, but forced to go with the current, man is it ever an obvious sign that the game was rigged from the start. I was once bitter, but now the ability to function is such a pipe dream, I can't help but look at a normal person as OP said, superhuman.


Yeah this is the worst. In my case the schools didn't want to diagnose me because I seemed too verbally proficient. Being self-aware and hopelessly fucked at the same time is the worst.


This describes my experience to the fullest. During childhood I always fled through dreaming and fantazising throughout the whole day to isolate myself from all the terrible and alienating realities out there. I did this since I can remember and I don't remember very much from my life. Also never got a diagnosis although today I am sure that I should have gotten one but like your mother my mother didn't want to have anything to do with that and never saw my failures or pretended to not see them. Never knew what others were up to or how they did the stuff they do so fast and seemingly without problems. I always knew that there was something wrong with me but daydreaming and pointless past time activieties kept me from giving in to this insight to the fullest. But once you reach adulthood it's over. There is no more escape that truly works. You have to face reality at its purest form. And all those horrible realities began to dawn on me. It induced years of derealization and depression and now there is only emptiness left. When I look at other people I always ask myself how would it be to experience life like they do? They really are superhumans. In relation to them I am like how a normal person is to a fictional super hero. But this question is pointless. I have enough to suffer from enduring myself. Existence does not get easier when you are slow and dreamy.


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Yes, my life is a lot like the manga Nande Ikiteru ka Wakaranai Hito Izumi Sumi 25-sai except in that manga she makes friends and has a hopeful ending and I'm just alone all the time.


Yeah, it basically seems like the only way learning disabled people do well is by being succubi since partners are less judgemental and the man is expected to make more/provide. So if you're not normal or a succubus, you're just SOL aside from family helping. My family is next to useless in that regard and will eventually be on streets.



>Yeah, it basically seems like the only way learning disabled people do well is by being succubi since partners are less judgemental and the man is expected to make more/provide.

Yep. My brother's girlfriend has a lot of mental health issues, also doesn't work, and apparently has a lot of tiring & exhausting hang-ups. But it's all good because she's a succubus and is therefore given a pass on such things. My brother is more than willing to look after her and is literally about to marry her. Maybe he gets off on it, being the big strong man who can care for her, I don't know. The point is that succubi are allowed, in the eyes of society or otherwise, to be weak & useless. Men are not. Nothing is more off putting to people than a weak & incapable male. This is simply a reflex of nature. I'm glad that my mother understands this at least, since she fully admits to this double standard being the case. Still she sometimes slips into more conventional opinions at times, since she somehow believes a succubus will be able to accept me for being weak & useless, despite the fact that I'm a wizard and, besides it being impossible for many reasons for a succubus to do so, I wouldn't want such a thing in the first place.


Well he has less risk of losing her if she's dependent on him. Most succubi don't want to take care of men unless the man is perfect looking and the succubus isn't desirable physically.

It's not as transactional in the USA as it is in China where as a man you have to own property to be considered but it's not too far off.


im the same, reached 25 this month and im still living with my parents.

its painful when the people you knew from better days leaves you behind in pursuit of their dreams.

Meanwhile u realize that you are getting older and u havent acomploshed anything in life

today my cousin will start an animation business n i just want to die


I'm sick and tired of succubi complaining about their issues when they can always find some poor asshole to protect and provide for them and I can't stand succubi on YouTube etc. talking about their personality disorders to appear special and to get attention. If you are really affected by your disorders then the last thing you want to do is acting special because of it. I hardly doubt that any succubi can feel the suffering of a man who suffers from mental problems, they don't even know how it feels to be truly alone.


I feel the same way.
I have no confidence in myself. Every decision I've made has been the wrong one. I have no skills or talents. No matter what I tried to learn, I sucked at it. It seems it takes me 4 times as long to learn something simple as an average person.
I try to throw myself into work to avoid thinking about anything but I'm just as shitty at my job as I am at everything else.
Looking back it's clear that I've always been a burden on others, on my parents, on my coworkers, on my acquaintances. Just someone to begrudgingly deal with because it's considered impolite to tell someone to please just curl up in a ditch and quietly die so that you don't bother anyone else.
I remember feeling like this as a small child and I still feel like this now. I tried many self improvement regimens and took advice from many people but I couldn't apply it in my life due to low intelligence and no self esteem, and even if I did improve a small amount it would not be enough to catch up to where I should be at this part of my life.


Yeah it sucks. I'm nearing wizard graduation and it's pretty awful being in this situation. The past five years have flown by. It's getting too pathetic. I finally know why this has happened though or at least have gotten closer. Only way to be 100% sure would be a brain scan to show the white matter in my right hemisphere is fucked up but all the stuff I've had to deal with would instantly be explained if that's the case.


That's exactly what it's like for me. The only thing I'm capable of doing is just lying down and doing nothing.


I can not stress this shit enough, maybe if she is a very VERY ugly succubus but otherwise it's life on easy mode. Be an undesired male and make one mistake no matter how small in your image and you're the worst human on earth. In fact scratch that, worst entity in the universe.


>be autistic guy
>eww creepy!

>be autistic succubus on youtube

>owowowwwwwwoooooo so cute kyaaa!


Honestly, this has been me except the work part, but I always deluded myself into what other people told me deep down. I held out hope that this was psychological and not the limit of what I could do. At this point I'm pretty sure I was born with an abnormal brain.


Is it just me, or do I think she looks completely normal? There are no hints of autism or anxiety. People with such diagnoses do not behave so openly, and this is added to the fact that it is filmed. Even I, a person who doesn't have any of this diagnosis, would feel damn nervous.


She's autistic yes. Except her behaviour and weird sense of thinking that comes from autism is encouraged by her parents and everyone around her. Not the case if she had been a boy.


I'm autistic and I think she has it. You can tell if you watch how her eyes take things in and also the way her facial expressions are a bit slow to form, which is because she doesn't make them automatically like a neurotypical.


It's a superpower. go succubus!


damn if this is "autism" then I am an undiagnosed super autist or sth. I don't know what a meme diagnosis.


If you think that this is bad have a look at this dumb attenion whore.


I can't swallow pills, so I can't be healthy, so I can't work, and I can't deal with people, or do normal chores and solve problems, so I can't enjoy anything in life. It's simple. There's no life for me.


i relate to what OP is saying
people used to say i looked like a total nerd back in school and kinda wish i was one because at least i would have something to compensate for my lack of social skills and such but i'm dumb as a box of rocks and i still can't do basic math while all the turbnormies in my class had better grades than me


Are you me? People always assumed I was smart because of how nerdy and ugly I looked, but I wasn't really smart at all and dumb as a rock and can't get through college. Why did God create me, why am I here just to be a punchline?



since i know myself as a person i could never be good or average when it comes to literally anything in life


This is me. I feel like I need my hand held to do incredibly basic things. I'm not capable of anything except mindless consumption, and I can't even do that right. I never finish anything, I just get halfway through and download 10 new things to half finish instead


Same, beyond worthless. At least I can keep myself entertained pretty well, that's about it.
If I wasn't taken care of like I was a 12 year old I'd be long dead. Though rather than gratitude for this I just feel humiliation.


yeah i just take up space. no one has ever found me fun to be around and i have no skills.


Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. useless concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person





My mom's boyfriend was at our house and he wanted to show me some basic judo moves i.e neutralizing hands and such, i don't give a flying fuck about it but didn't say no for the sake of being nice thinking it will just last a moment but after 4 minutes of it i had a severe pressure drop because of this fucking asshole. I often had pressure drops in my life, sometimes out of nowhere. These last days i eat much less which makes me kinda weak sometimes and just before it i smoked a cigarette which makes me a bit dizzy so standing still for so long with this cunt applying some pressure on me was the last straw i guess. I think he wanted to make me scream in pain according to how much power he put on his wrist locks, me not reacting (i'm not vocal enough for screaming and years of NEETing made me flegmatic) must have frustrated him or something. He was constantly justifying himself "i could do it harder but…"

But still, he made me feel and look inept and pathetic in the end, just as always when other people are involved, i swear it's a pattern that follows me every time wherever i go or if i interact with others, there's always an unfortunate combination of events that find a way to make others feel better about themselves at my expense because this snake seemed really happy with himself. I overheard him saying to his son that "this is what happens when u stay too much at home"


Fuck now because of this my mom piss me off about eating more, acting oblivious to the fact that the only time i managed to lose weight in my life i had pressure drops, even when eating much more than now, probably because i'm 6ft6. The difference was that it was barely noticeable and not a big deal because i didn't had to stand on my feet for a few minutes despite starting to feel dizzy in order to please some snobby fuck insufferable music teacher, god i absolutely hate them with passion.


you know what to do


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I'm feeling it
the pain


are you me?


Yup ugly too, so can't get away with it. I knew at a young age the only way out was aptitude, damn.


Yep that's me,I don't know how everyone else gets shit done while I can't,I can't do anything right,I'm 24 and never had a proper job (Not that I really want one anyway…or maybe it's just Fox and Grapes again,who fucking knows?) people I go to school with already have high paying jobs and know tons of shit about programming and tons of languages and frameworks and shit I couldn't even understand if they explained them to me.

It makes me feel bad really,but on the other hand sometimes I ask myself "If I had all those skills it would make me happy?" and the answer is almost always "no" it would just make me a better wagecuck for sure (probably with tons of money,but I don't really care about selling my soul for money I don't even need that much)

I like how everything dies when you die,it doesn't matter how successful or rich or anything else you are,you die eventually and none of that shit matters at the end,this kind of thinking makes me feel at ease.


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I feel quite the same, however, I'm not bat at everything, actually, I have better skills that the average people at drawing and math, but not enough to be good since I need practice. My problem is that I need money, I owe the bank like 425 usd, and this makes me waste my time looking for a job instead of practicing my drawing skills. I know that quantity would mean nothing in the first world but here, were the average wage is around 330 usd per month and were my bank charges 20% intests, you can imagine how bad my situation is. Even if I got a job I'm sure it won't be possible for me having time for improving my skills as the average work schedule is 10 hours plus 2 to 4 hours wasted in public transport. I'd like a home office job, but they need bilingual people (with 5+ years of experience I don't have), top-tier programming skills, and a long list of ridiculous skills that I must choose from among them an focus on a single one that even if I master it there is no waranty I'll be hired as I don't have a degree, and if I go into more debt and buy a drawing table that would mean I had to pay like 1000 usd when I finally became good enoght to earn 50 usd per drawing. This is a fucking uroboros: I need to improve an umpleasant skill in order to get a job that won't let me improve my desired skills.


I guess I'm only good at being bad on anything.
Perhaps I'm the best in the world when it comes to that.


I have 0 drive to pursue any sort of productive goal. It doesn't matter if this is steadily leading me to live in the streets in misery. I just sit in front of the books and just stare blankly without retaining info. I've tried every fad, dopamine detox & whatnots but in the end I always did nothing. Perhaps some people simply don't function for a reason or another.


What kind of stimulants?


like adderall. while it partially alleviates inattention, i focus on stupid shit and it doesn't improve my cognitive ability and now I'm hooked. the withdrawal is awful, though. if you have a book open, you should be able to read it well, but that won't translate into utilizable knowledge. I'm going to experiment with eating more before taking it.


it's a strange sort of bittersweet to stumble across a post this sad which could well have been pulled from my own brain. I hope things turn out okay for you one day because there is no hope left for me.


stimulants are a one way ticket to easy addiction. adderall and or vyvanse are drugs you can get easily addicted and plus they fucked up your brain chemicals in the years to come if you plan on doing them for years.


Not everyone has easy hookups for that shit.


>Just do stimulants
>You have nothing to lose
Not true. I had this mentality when I was suicidal at 20 and so I did a bunch of drugs. I'm still somewhat miserable now but with a heart conditioned caused by excessive amphetamine abuse and made worse by pectus excavatum.
If you're legit going to kill yourself then sure, but if you're on the fence about what to do then hard drugs are the worst solution.
Remember that no matter how bad you feel mentally or physically it can always get worse.


why do they deserve your help?


I think I've gone through something similar. My mind has deteroriated quite a bit since high school. A lot of it was intentionally by myself. At one point I really wanted to forget stuff that happened in the past, so I let my mind fall apart so that I could forget.

For some years I was living without purpose, just enjoying myself because I thought I'd die any moment now. Now that I'm in a slightly better place, I feel lost, there's no direction in my life. I don't want to waste time anymore, but I also can't get myself to do anything productive.


succubi just aren't bullied as much.


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I was really bad even at videogames even though I spent most of my life on them. Normies who play once in a while still manage to beat me with almost no effort.


This really must be some kind of Wizchan's Grand Classic. I have read it so many times here that it became familiar and funny in a pathetic way. I also can relate to it, i play some games for more than 10 years but i know i would get my ass kicked if i ever ventured online.


This is me as well. I have 3000 hours in css and I still suck, same goes for every other game I have put some time into.


This but anything. It's really dismaying getting trounced in everything you spent time on.


I enjoy studying some things but I always end up encountering a difficulty that is very hard to overcome and start feeling useless.
Today I attempted to study, but as soon as I opened the book I remember that I can't solve an exercise and it made me close the book feeling like I would be better having a min wage job in which I don't have to feel this sense of useless the entire day.


depends on what job. they can be pretty stressful and the feeling of useleness and interacting with customers is the worst. felt like moe syzlak


>I was never good at anything. Period.

I feel so sorry for you mate. Your mission in life should be to just find happiness.

Lots of talented people are miserable. Plenty of people with learning disabilities can be happy. You don't seem dumb to me.

Just live your life and aim for happiness. Don't let others make you feel small.


I agree.
There is no difference to society whether you are a SAD useless person or a HAPPY useless person.
So do the things and think the things that make you happy.


Trying to achieve something feeling useless is a nightmare. Knowing that whatever I do or wherever I go, I am going to be a barely productive deadweight (or worse) makes me want to give up and never achieve/do anything


well tbh sometimes it's better to give up. every time i've tried to do something, it just digs my hole deeper. it's hard for a lot of people to understand but for me any period of optimism and effort ends up in complete shit.


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They won't.
In 2018-'19 I had a job. They just gave me more and more tasks (w/ no extra pay or hours) until I broke; constantly sick due to stress (I thought I was allergic to my cat, but I stopped having sinusitis shortly after I quit), unable to sleep, horrible brainfog for hours and hours after work. Asking me why I couldn't handle the hours when the boss worked 60hrs/week.

If you do get a job. ALWAYS GET A CONTRACT. No matter what. That way when they start giving you extra shit, you can just say it's not in your contract to do that. I even liked working at the start, but at the end it was hell. My boss gave me another "chance", I told him no.


Pessimism and defeatism is what keeps me alive. It's what I am and I am not ashamed of it. It's how I was supposed to be and I am okay with it. I don't think I miss anything.

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