[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

Depression
Email
Comment

File
Embed
Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]   [Catalog]   [Return]   [Archive]

File: 1584303534467.jpg (32.99 KB, 639x768, 213:256, untitled-307.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.216525[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.216528

>>216505

I'm more depressed & envious by the opposite. People who can be on point & say what they want to say without rambling on & on (like I do), or that they have something of intelligence or substance to say which they can get across clearly & concisely. I can write walls of text, but they're just tedious, repetitive, and just generally substanceless for anyone else to read or take in. Like this wiz pointed out, >>216513 here, most walls of text, mine included, are usually just verbose, hyperbolic & unnecessarily long winded. I talk a lot, but I ultimately say nothing at all. I envy wizzies like these ones, >>>/wiz/165846 here & >>>/wiz/165800 here, who can write, what I consider to be, ideal posts. Long, but not too long, and both provide a meaningful observation. In all my time on wizchan, I'm not sure I've ever been able to do that. I can go on & on about my own bullshit like nothing else, but I can never actually say something of merit, nor have I ever provided any insightful analysis or advice that might help other wizards in their own situations in a potentially constructive way.

>if i try to post something related to one of my interests i.e on a forum my post will either get ignored or someone who is much more informed than me will have my ass handed for it.


I can relate to this a lot. My mind really is like a shallow puddle. I'm not really knowledgeable about anything in particular (even when it just comes to random trivia), so I almost never say anything beyond my own venting, since I know I'll just get smacked back down by someone who can argue & construct an opinion far better than I can. This why I can never post or reply in threads on wizchan which deal with heavy philosophical or psychological ideas. I can't present any case one way or the other because I can, quite honestly, barely think clearly enough to just vent my own bullshit. Getting into a substantive discussion, or debate, on any sort of in-depth topic is just beyond me. I could try, but I'd just be immediately put in my place by more intelligent wizzies who'd judo throw me on my ass for my dumb & poorly thought out ideas & opinions. Well, it's just depressing is all. Sometimes I wish I could just write low brow zinger posts, but I'm not clever or funny enough for even that. Not that, that sort of thing stops other wizards from trying.

Well, I'm a very broken & stupid individual. For whatever reason, browsing wizchan & reading the posts of others seems to strongly & fairly consistently reinforce this fact for me. There's a certain indignity & shame in not even being able to understand myself, or articulate anything of merit, but seeing others who are similar to me that can. It just makes me unshakably disappointed in myself and, even on wizchan, I feel left behind & stunted intellectually/emotionally.

I also feel very alone in the fact that, beyond my mother, wizchan is all I have. It seems to me that most wizards here have internet friends, or discord channels, or other websites/message boards. Wizchan is literally the beginning & the end of what I browse online. I can't even lurk a place like reddit. I sometimes browse wikipedia, but only because of the threads which pop on wizchan that involve sharing articles from there & such.

 No.216529

My first time on antidepressants. Libido has been dead for over a week now. Is this how eunuchs feel? I feel absolutely no lust, my libido is completely dead, dry, barren. My penis has been limp for days. Quite intriguing, I miss fapping as it was pleasurable, but it also feels like one less of a chore gone.

 No.216532

File: 1584310893891.jpg (773.33 KB, 3024x4032, 3:4, d30352cd5f9d953440f182f635….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Memory of an experience in totality is the subconscious
The subconscious is selected for by demiurgic selection,
To the ends of demiurgic selection

So I must always be suspicious of my subconscious, as it works for the demiurge.
It only produced me by mistake.

 No.216542

Humanity's crime is furthering the suffering of intelligent beings by reproducing.

 No.216543

>>216542
it depends
trump's kids enjoy being born into his family

 No.216544

>>216543
It does depend, but they can always regret it later if they fall upon some calamity. The ethical question is whether bringing someone into the world carries the risk of pain. Ethically, it'll be better to not procreate and avoid the risk. Probability-wise, someone born into Trump's family will do well, but there are usually bad eggs in terms of disorders in the best families to born into. It's ultimately the only reason that disabled kids aren't left out to die anymore since as people had less kids each individual one gained more value.

 No.216545

>>216544
> they can always regret it later if they fall upon some calamity
yeah and the poor can always celebrate life later if they win a lottery
you just want to drag everything into your doomed worldview to justify your loserness

 No.216546

>>216545
it's a fucking cope
blah blah everyone is miserable even the billionaires, i'm not a loser

 No.216548

>>216545
That's not what I said at all. It'll usually be better to be born to a billionaire than to other people. The world is however a shitty place for most people, so I can't see it as being good for most people to procreate.

I mean if you're happy being a CEO and see it as good to have kids, then idk why you're here. Objectively, a billionaire kid has a better life. Most famous rich families have some defective kids though.

The original Trump comment was responding to the guy talking about humanity. Humanity is more general than the tiniest portion that will be a billionaire or a millionaire. If all of life is worth living because a small percentage of the population gets to live the high life, then it's just a conventional hierarchical worldview and I'll take a doomed one over it any time.

I don't deny being a loser. Most people are losers, however. They're just not self-aware.

 No.216549

>>216548
it's kind of weird that people are still mocking pessimistic/doomed worldviews with full knowledge of how the world is going to get worse rather than better

it feels like you guys are expecting to go to space or something

it's hilarious people are still taking so happy go lucky views when a virus can grind everything to a halt and climate changes will disrupt daily life at some point too

keep on thinking it's all good

 No.216550

>>216548
> if you're happy being a CEO and see it as good to have kids, then idk why you're here
you reek of reddit's echochambers, everyone must think like me and feel like me and suffer like me

>>216548
> I'll take a doomed one over it any time
>>216549
that's why i said it depends, losers are gonna suffer, as it has been since ancient ago
but yeah, keep on thinking everyone is a loser like you

 No.216551

>>216550
anyway, have you two hoard the toilet paper yet?

 No.216552

>>216550
"I'm not a loser but I'll waste my time mocking depressed people on an obscure image board."

WIZCHAN2020

 No.216553

>>216552
> obscure
it's on the news baby

 No.216580

Heard the pharmacist commenting about someone who just got their pills. She displayed she didn't didn't really understand mental illness. I hate seeing that stuff.

 No.216588

>>216543
alt right faggots are fucking cancerous vermin ruining everyplace.

 No.216599

>>216580
Most people don't. Poor people who have always been poor don't typically because they prefer to cope with substance abuse and religion and see a shitty life as natural. It's usually either that or they end up homeless if they're schizophrenic.

People who attain a professional career understand it even less. Keep in mind pharmacists are people who have experienced a steady progression in their lives and make a lot of money. Their experience is the opposite of someone who isn't able to do well and is aware of it.

 No.216621

File: 1584426278506.jpg (17.11 KB, 390x280, 39:28, 89048920384902.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

A pistol being slid to me out of the darkness across a partially illuminated table. That particular scene I just described has been stuck in my head for a little while now, lately. Especially the sound of its sliding and seeing it come to rest in front of me. Well, I've had lots of random morbid thoughts over the years, but there's just something uniquely peaceful & cathartic about this one.

 No.216640

File: 1584446509234.jpg (31.61 KB, 496x699, 496:699, ......jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>216525
i just want to die.

 No.216653

>>216621
Cause it's a blank check of a scene. It could be offering you anything. Freedom from life or an offer of a dangerous and exciting life.

 No.216665

I cannot think straight. I can't find a reason to get out of bed. The whole day disappears in a blur. Everything is tiresome. I don't care about the people and things around me. My head is empty. Emotions are numb.

 No.216667

>>216665
> I don't care about the people and things around me
Too bad you don't get to use the muh family excuse

 No.216668

>>216529
Do you want to impregnate succubi or what is a hard dick good for?

 No.216669

>>216668
>I miss fapping as it was pleasurable,

 No.216672

I really don't understand what modern internet generation is talking about and how they talk.

 No.216676

>>216672
It's all nu-speak and mindless babble. You're not missing out on anything.

 No.216707

>>216653

Hmm, close, but not quite. Something about whatever, or whoever, it is that slides this gun over feels especially poignant in the scene to me. Whether it's in indifference, or in acknowledgement of my suffering, or whatever else. It doesn't matter. Even a slight variation on the scene, with me sitting across from some amorphous & blurred out other person, them looking me over & knowing my story, giving a sigh to themselves, pulling out a pistol, sliding back the hammer & readying it, placing it down on the table below and then pushing it over to me, before then just getting up & leaving, seems to elicit the same sort of catharsis in me. I guess it's just the fact of someone acknowledging, in an unspoken way, how hopeless & pitiable my life is. Whether I use the pistol or not, doesn't matter. I could simply sit there twirling it, but just the fact that someone placed it there makes me close my eyes & nod to myself in knowing resignation. Like a wizened bartender passing down another shot of strong alcohol to some hopeless patron. We both know, on an unspoken level, that it's what I need.

 No.216708

>>216672

I don't really understand what anyone on the internet is talking about, or how they talk, even here. I just feel disconnected & isolated from any sort of communication basically.

 No.216720

Do you ever get so depressed that just the thought of other people makes you sick? I'm on the highest dose of antidepressant possible, two actually, and I feel physically sick with disgust for everything. Going outside is fucking disgusting and just adds uncalled-for anxiety to the mix. It's all a fake disgusting joke. This angst is unbearable, and I have no where to channel it, it's just this fetid miasma of shit that follows me around like the piece of garbage I am. If I had a gun I'd surely kill myself.

 No.216741

Life is such a BORING and MEANINGLESS experience. I wish I was on drugs right now.

 No.216743

>>216708
Yes, that would be more accurate than my original post. Especially when they touch things I care about.

 No.216747

The only way I'm able to focus my mind is to remind myself there is a hellfire coming. That the waters are going to rise and I need to be ready for it. That is the only motivating factor and for many periods it doesn't work, but some days, I remind myself it's coming and I can start putting my mind back together to struggle to do shit.

 No.216753

>>216747
survive… for what?

 No.216766

File: 1584532077029.gif (2.67 MB, 414x322, 9:7, ki87.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Now is the time for your parents to die and finally set you free from the burden of keeping your piece of shit body functional.

 No.216769

The Dunning Kruger effect is the world's most cruel joke.

 No.216802

File: 1584581067953.png (8.76 MB, 1576x4504, 197:563, NHK_1.png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.216813

>>216766

What a horrible thing to say. Why would you wish for your fellow wizards to suffer such a fate as that? Sadist.

 No.216819

My parents are in all possible risk groups, 60+ smokers have diabetes etc, if they die to corona im done as well. I wonder if my time is up soon. To be honest I'm such a weakling I wish something killed me cause I had a decade to do it and failed.

 No.216821

File: 1584608950433.jpg (597.37 KB, 1920x1440, 4:3, cockroach-15093_1920.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I think that normalshits are better than me in every aspect, every single thing you can come up with and it's sad when I notice this painful fact. I'm no content either with what I am and I don't think I can improve.
Retards will take pride in being losers, but those aren't real losers. They are resilient and that's a good quality to have. You can learn to laugh at yourself and endure, but it's really not funny when you can't enjoy yourself in the long run. It's a curse really.

I can't accomplish anything that will bring me satisfaction in the way other people can. I think all I do is just waste my time.

It's quite over.

I wish this was a lie, I still can ignore my problems and distract myself, but I know this will be my life and what's in the past has already determined who I am and what little I can have, and those things waiting for me are boredom and misery and a bit of pleasure.

I'm not being pessimistic here, just realistic.
You can invent lies to make yourself feel better, I can see through all that. I won't buy that everyone has problems, that everyone's life is hard. Bullshit. You don't know. You never will.
What's the point, I can't even kill this person that I am. I'm too accustomed to life.

You win normalshits, this world belongs to you.

 No.216825

>>216821
I used to have a holy their than thou mindset, but yeah I've felt like this as of late. Though I still think the majority of people are stupid for having kids they can't afford. At the same time, they're still capable of functioning to some extent.

I feel like being on the internet sort of limits me to seeing people who are middle class and up, but when I go outside I often wonder why the fuck most people who are performing day to day services are alive like the 50 year old security guards getting paid minimum wage. It could be they just don't get as worn down as I do.

 No.216831

>>216821
If you can post here then I assume your life isn't fully horrible yet - meaning being homeless or living in extreme poverty. It is never too late to start enjoying yourself.
>I'm not being pessimistic here, just realistic.
This should be the catch-phrase of pessimists/depressed people in general. They always delude themselves with the feeling of objectivity and the feeling of being realistic while you are as far away from being realistic as your average normal.

 No.216839

>>216831
Think of it as more of a looming inevitability rather than a permanent arrangement. I notice over time a lot of people who are reclusive in the US aren't from major urban areas or at least it doesn't seem like that so they usually have the security of their parents owning property. For urban recluses in rental situations, it's always a ticking time bomb that we'll be priced into homelessness/ghetto accommodations.

 No.216858

>>216839
>worrying about the future
Spare yourself the unnecessary anxieties, ignore the future. If you can do something to make your future better then do it, but if you can't then just stop caring about it. You just ruin the present for yourself too.

 No.216863

>trolls start to spam this board with the idea that depression is a matter of free will

If you really have to do it in /lounge/ or /wiz/, I don't care, but stop fucking up /dep/ with your nonsense.

 No.216864

>>216863
>everyone who disagrees with me is a troll
Nah, chill.

 No.216865

When I inevitably get the question "what do I want," I want to reply that I wish I had never been.

 No.216866

File: 1584645986626.gif (1.57 MB, 280x200, 7:5, Jws3dXe.gif) ImgOps iqdb


 No.216867

I thought IRC would be better than discord or whatever mainstream social media outlets there are, but I was wrong. People on IRC are such jerks. I've decided to quit all type of social media/chatting services, I hate being treated like an idiot

 No.216869

>>216831
>They always delude themselves with the feeling of objectivity
Shut your whore mouth.

 No.216875

>>216864
>disagrees
It's just made up bullshit. If depression is not real to you then you shouldn't come to this board.

 No.216906

>>216867
It's already been said before, but the gist is that the real world is not an antechamber which leads to the internet. The internet itself has taken on that role. The only company you will have on the net will be the passing shadows of those who walk the light, aka normal members of society (and their slightly quirkier counterparts). They are all just manifestations of the same rotten human nature, so don't expect anything different from the more obscure channels of communication. You're alone, forever.

 No.216908

>>216906

>You're alone, forever.


Not yet. Mother is still alive and is my friend and she looks after me. Once that goes then yes, I'll truly be alone forever. Also, I'll say that wizzies who gallivant around anywhere else besides wizchan are just asking for trouble. Either way, I don't understand them at all, just like I don't understand sociable normals.

 No.216912

Just wasted an hour reading the Daily Stormer. It's good for comedy value.

 No.216917

wasting money and still no Nakoruru

 No.216918

no reason to fight
except to get money
needed to survive
but that fight is no real fight
it's just work you're forced to do
Like doing some boring homework
homework that your life depends on
Unlike Kenshiro
who fights for a reason
whose life has a solid ground
and unlike him
I see that whatever ideals I have exist out of my fear
along with my good intentions and morals
My principles were born the moment I realized that I am weak and will always be
That I cannot change
So if I were to erase those principles
I would be the same person that I am today
So they might as well not exist
It makes no real difference
But if said thing happened to Kenshiro
then you will get a total different person
That's how much of a loser I am
you can change my set of beliefs
and it will have zero impact in my life
because they are in fact just who I am

It's sad how everything that I am matters so little or rather nothing.

 No.216924

Ever get that feel like you could actually taste life? Just a glimpse, but brings to mind a lot of images and scents, like memories that never happened.
In a different time and place things could've been so different.
Meanwhile, it's the thought of suicide that brings a smile to my face and a chill down my spine.
If I would throw out every thought that reminds me of myself, maybe then at least I wouldn't add to the whole lot of suffering. Does it ever get any closer to disappearing completely?
Serve others and when finally no one remembers you, you take the rope and find yourself a place that nobody will ever go to.

 No.216938

Every once and a while I will imagine something happening with a strong sense of foreboding and then a little while later it actually ends up happening. It happened right before I got hit while riding my bike, I imagined getting hit not 30 minutes before it actually happened. Then there was coronavirus. I felt strongly for months leading up to 2020 that 2020 would be a plague year. I remember debating whether or not to make a thread here to talk about it and deciding it was crazy and it was just my imagination. It's honestly starting to get kind of spooky. I keep imagining I have cancer now in the same way but I'm like 99% sure my mind is just fucking with me.

 No.216968

>>216831
Not him but nothing in my life has ever improved above some minimal level. I know that things won't get better because if they were capable of improving they already would have. Things getting better is for other people; in the end I agree with him that normshits are just better than me in every regard and the only reason that I keep living is because I am already alive and killing myself is too much of a hassle.

 No.216973

>>216968
Yeah, this is pretty much it. Short of like all my relatives dying at once, I'm pretty SOL. Every time I delude myself into thinking I can improve things, I get a rude awakening and end up in an even shittier situation. The lesson I learned over time is, it can always get worse. It's always been easy for me to adopt some sort of magical thinking as if I were a character in some movie. Things look bad for them and then someone or something bails them out.

The 90s were really bad about that but it's a recurring theme. Field of Dreams is a good example. For an older example of how entertainment inflates expectations, there's that classic "It's A Wonderful Life". I was always open that I'd rather be dead and my dad would say me liking it was because I wanted to live. The reason I liked it is because the protagonist was in trouble and everyone came to bail him out. That isn't happening for me.

 No.216974

>>216973
Things degrade for me when I do nothing but they degrade more when I try to do anything. I am powerless in every aspect of life other than passively minimizing the range of things I do in order not to make things worse. That's all there is. I simply can't relate to the people who go on about doing this or improving that, as if I have some power to control the outcome of anything like that. All the times I have tried that stuff are exactly what led to my current situation.
I kind of know what you mean about the magical thinking. I think it's easy to think that way when real life sucks and the only real way anything would get better is something external and fortuitous.

 No.216977

We are trained to look at life as a story that is expected to be interesting, special and so on.
Expect nothing. Life is a misfortune. No regrets, no envy. Just like everyone, you're killing time before your cadaver gonna lay in a pit right beside those who thought their life is a movie.

 No.216978

File: 1584781177695.png (377.61 KB, 466x885, 466:885, 75.png) ImgOps iqdb

never had anything
never been anything
my only and last dream
went like the wind
now it barely feels like it existed
it's a shadowy corpse
no, it's not even there
it's no more
It's completely gone
Was it even possible?
I thought… No, I dreamed

 No.216981

I have just been on an official forum about depression for some time and reading those posts convinced me that either I have something far far worse than depression or most of those persons are kids-having, successful, regular-lifes-living attention whores.

 No.217014

>>216981
Well, some normal people get seasonal depression, but I would imagine most people here are developmentally challenged in some way so the depression is far worse.

 No.217015

>>217014
But yeah, the number of dysfunctional people who post on those forums is pretty low since they know they'll look bad. Most of the people on those depression forums do live normal lives. Think of this way: for them depression is their main problem while for asocial people who are inept at everything else too it's just a manifestation of underlying neurological deficits.

 No.217018

>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5705114/
>Because the eyes hold a major source of communicative information, avoiding or ignoring the eyes of others can result in repeated missed social and emotional learning opportunities during early childhood that compound to adversely impact social cognitive development
Anyone else experience major psychological pain when trying to make eye contact with other people for more than a second? I think this is my main problem, even my parents notice all the time that I can't look them in the eye, they'll shove their face really close to me and hold my eyes open to make contact like it's some game to them. To me eye contact is stressful and threatening, that must be the source of my downfall as a human. Like imagine being born as a species of animal but lacking the right equipment to communicate correctly with your own species, it makes you feel like a real alien at times. Though me and my dog make eye contact all the time and it's not painful, somehow it's different when its with people.

 No.217022

>>216875
Depression is real but it isn't an illness, in the way you think it is. It is a product of your mind and emotions and you can make it disappear easily.
>>216968
Don't expect your circumstances to improve, instead improve yourself. We can barely have an effect on external things but we can influence ourselves to a great degree.
>normshits are just better than me in every regard
Don't compare yourself to others, your only rival should be yourself. Those people who always anxiously look at others and compare themselves to others are bound to be unhappy. Besides, what do you really know of other people? They keep showing how happy they are but you would be surprised how many of them are dissatisfied with life and how miserable they really are.

 No.217023

Must of woken up around 8-9am today, am on day my 5th day of being from alcohol, I am 22 and have been drinking on and off since I was 18, I struggle to get absolutely anything done everyday, trying to quit vaping as I feel like it stresses me out and is preventing me from getting things done, it is pleasurable at the same time, though even when I had been sober previously and not doing anything I wasn't getting anything done, I've suffered with anxiety and depression for years, there are a few options for me here, 1. I live with my father, stop trying to get sober, enjoy my addictions and annihilate any consciousness I have until my father dies and then kill myself 2. See if I can use benzos or weed to somehow fix myself and live a normal life, doubt it will work. 3. Commit suicide 4. Start believing in God and hope that that will trigger a change in my mood and I can live a reasonable life. How I'm living life right now is I'm ignoring having to pick a choice, because I kind of subconsciously know realistically it will end up being one of the negative options, or number 2 which I'm having a hard time getting done because I don't believe it will work. I have to do a lot of introspection and see what is going on because as I said my default mode of being is looking for things to distract myself with. Analysing my options here, number one could be done but atm all I have access to is alcohol and it doesn't do it for me anymore, if I try heroin it will fuck up my whole living situation eventually and I'd run out of money eventually etc so that option is out of the window, option number 2 I don't have faith in but should probably try, definetly before killing myself, option 3 obviously seems like the easiest solution, option 4 I don't think will work but might be worth giving a day or two to work, idk, I'm fucked, sorry for the shitpost.

 No.217024

>>217022
>Depression is real but it isn't an illness, in the way you think it is. It is a product of your mind and emotions

Agreed.

>and you can make it disappear


It's a commitment and not certain yet I can agree with this sentiment. It DOES matter what you decide to do with your day to a certain extent. There is no sure method to make depression disappear though it's rather random and lots of trial and error for years.

>easily


Ok now I just plainly disagree. If you think of this condition as 'easy' then you do not know what you are talking about, then you weren't hit by depression severely.

 No.217025

>>217023
From writing this post I realise I should make a journal I write in in the morning and night, and maybe post here a bit more, so I can get my thoughts clear.

 No.217026

>>217023
>Must of
Must have. Please never make this mistake again.

 No.217027

>>217026
I've been noticing people misusing 'of' and 'have' a lot lately, its been bothering me so much and I don't know why

 No.217035

>>217023
hey, its ok sometime we need to vent to let go of things.Im sorry you feel this way. youre soo young this situation wont be your reality forever. is there someone you can reach out to? would talking to someone on regularly help? like a therapist? i remember feeling the way you do and it got better. Please dont think you wont get better. i wish i could help you more :/ please take care !! love you!!

 No.217037

>>217022
>we can influence ourselves to a great degree.
No, I can't relate to that at all.
>Don't compare yourself to others, your only rival should be yourself
I don't even know what that means when I'm not capable of altering anything about myself.
>Depression is real but it isn't an illness, in the way you think it is. It is a product of your mind and emotions and you can make it disappear easily.
It's not some mental choice, just a state that reflects how things are for you.

 No.217038

If depression isn't an illness why do they give you pills?

 No.217039

Was reading the symptoms/signs for "vulnerable narcissism", otherwise known as "covert narcissism", and I pretty much tick all the boxes for it. Even watching this prick in the video break it all down only triggers me, since, deep down, I feel like I'm special/different & that some normalfaggot psych who's probably just some full of shit drone couldn't possibly understand or deconstruct what I am, even though that's basically what he does. Fucking bastards thinking they got someone like me all figured out & pinned to the wall & classified in some stupid fucking book. It just hurts to know that pretty much every aspect of myself has already been drawn & mapped out by these bastards and that it's actually me who's the fucking drone.

 No.217041

File: 1584851286590.jpg (54.93 KB, 474x722, 237:361, d197cacdbde14034185b1d3b58….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217039

As an aside, I guess you could say that my indignation mostly stems from what I perceive to be an attempt to file, index & number who I am as a person. The funny thing being that it only further proves how narcissistically wrapped up in my own self I am. I'll also say that a part of me just wants to shoot that guy in the head, or more specifically, I'd just like to torch all these precious books & designations that sorts like them cling to and that they think can define someone like me. I don't care how petulant & "cringey" that sounds, but it's still how I feel about it.

 No.217043

My parents will never understand I'm having really hard time to get a quality job on my own without any references or experience and now this Corona virus shit is the last thing I need.

 No.217052

>>217043
Haha yeah. My mom never had to deal with the real world since she's worked at the same place for years. She seems to think because I know more words than she does that I should have been able to accomplish a lot and it's just that I'm lazy and setting limits on myself when it's very likely I have a deficient brain that imposes those limits.

It's really frustrating since extended relatives are in a position to help, but they pretty much cut off everyone else to protect their inheritances. If I had been lucky to have a childless uncle or something, I'd be in a much better position. Doesn't help that my paternal grandfather remarried and had a kid after I was born.

 No.217054

File: 1584869189555.png (46.38 KB, 500x250, 2:1, Oekaki.png) ImgOps iqdb

I thought it was possible but then again i might have been dreaming.
I never had anything. You were right my friend, no, we were both right because I already knew by then. You always know… Still I don't like to give up, not when it feels like you can win. But the mind creates illusions… So I thought that I had it with me but it all disappear in a second. THAT'S SO FUNNY!!!!!! And I was left with nothing but my tears to cry alone.
Would things have been different if I believed in myself?
haha but isn't that what I did?
oh, maybe I should've been myself. But isn't that what I've been doing since I have a memory?

It can't be that there wont be anything in my future.
This fate is inescapable.
And I can't go back… I can't move forward either. There's really nowhere. Except this room. And where exactly should I go back? When I was a kid? Fuck do I know…
I don't think I will like to go back either way…
Because I don't know what would I have to change. That's how fucked up things are. I wouldn't know…
What would I have to change? There's no answer.
Hey brain!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I change exactly? What could I have done for things to turn differently?
—…
I don't know why do I ask myself this when I don't want to know anymore. I don't feel like fixing anything. There's nothing to fix. It's a dead loss.
being 6,14,18,20,25,30,34,40. it's irrelevant.
I always knew. A dream remains a dream.
I cannot fucking change. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to be anything. I don't even care about some pleasure I can get by doing things. What that fuck am I doing existing? What the fuck do I do existing? I don't care about books, music, sports, games, family or anyone, what the fuck do I exist for? When I don't even care about myself. haha what is gonna happen if I keep living like this… I need to accept this life already.
But fuck isn't it funny? No one would believe that someone like me actually exists. I'm so boring.

 No.217068

it's ridiculous how little do we need and how impossibly hard it is to get

 No.217069

File: 1584876265294.gif (3.97 MB, 480x270, 16:9, They deserved it. Kill mor….gif) ImgOps iqdb

I hate browsing or lurking normgroid sites. I really, really do. Every now & again I'll be driven to do it in a desperate attempt to try & stymie my wretched sense of boredom and it only takes about 10 minutes before I become noticeably irritated, sometimes to the point where I start to fantasize about the greater virtues of mass shootings. Normalfaggots are scum, I tell you. Scum. Their thoughts & interactions are grotesque beyond imagining. Just look at the front page of reddit, or anywhere else that's similar, and try to tell me I'm wrong. Let them all choke & die of the plague, or be gunned down in the streets. These cretins are no better than a pack of tuskan raiders, or otherwise incoherent, hooting savages. I honestly can't begrudge anyone who eventually decides to go Anakin Skywalker on this unending normalfag filth.

>In before some random tourist decides to call me an edgelord.


Trust me, I'm 100% serious. If that makes me some sort of psychotic lunatic by a normalfaggots standards, then I don't really care. Not like it matters since from my point of view they're the ones who are a pack of psychotic, filthy lunatics. Maybe, in the end, I truly am lost as a human being. The Star Wars comparisons just keep coming, hey, hey.

 No.217071

>>217069
Not that i'm defending groids, but give an example of what would you like to browse and find it interesting.

 No.217073

>>217039
You can not be a wizard unless you're a narcissist. Let alone a neet truwiz.

 No.217074

>>217073
here we go again

 No.217075

>>217071

I honestly can't, unless wizchan itself counts as an example. It's not perfect, far from it, and some of the happenings here get on my nerves just as much sometimes, but it's still the only place I can tolerate lurking or interacting with day by day. Ideally, I don't really know what I'm looking for. /wiz/, /dep/, /jp/, /hob/, and /games/ are the main boards I refresh & browse here. To be honest, I don't even mind the pace. A low user count & slow pace suit someone like me perfectly. I fundamentally want a place where I can say what I think, and express how I feel, no matter how ugly, and all the normgroids are far, far away in their disgusting landfills of shit like reddit. Again, wizchan isn't perfect on this front (since normgroids still sometimes wander in here), but it's all I have and mostly gets the job done.

 No.217077

>>217069
Nah, you love hating them.

 No.217091

>>217024
> It DOES matter what you decide to do with your day to a certain extent.
It is the only thing that matters, really.
>There is no sure method to make depression disappear though it's rather random and lots of trial and error for years.
I agree it can take years but only because of laziness or not wanting to get better.
> If you think of this condition as 'easy' then you do not know what you are talking about, then you weren't hit by depression severely.
I hate this stupid line of thinking: if you got better then that means you weren't really depressed at all - this is just a plain excuse. I was depressed for at least 6 years and had severe depression yet I won't say that it is hard to overcome depression. I was suffering this long because now I realize that I didn't really want to get better for a long time. I refused the thought of getting better and I wanted to be miserable. Once I put my mind to getting better though I got out of depression very quickly. It is only a matter of how much effort you are willing to put into this.

>>217037
>No, I can't relate to that at all.
Relate or not, it is true. You are influencing yourself right now to be in a bad mood.
>I'm not capable of altering anything about myself
Lies and you know it. You aren't a machine or an object, you have a will and you can use it. You weren't created to be miserable, you can make choices.
>just a state that reflects how things are for you
Is this what you tell yourself just so you don't have to make any efforts? You are choosing to be depressed every minute. There are many people who are in worse situations than you yet they aren't depressed. Interesting, right? Depression actually reflects how you are, not how "things" are for you.

>>217038
Lazy solution. Pills make you artificially content but they wear off in time. The real solution comes from within you, when you face your monsters and overcome them.

 No.217093

>>217091
Don't get me wrong. It's great that you have overcome your depression. But it's a logical fallacy to conclude from your experience to the experience of other people. Think about it statistically for now. There is a great amount of a normal distribution among the population but then there are the extremes that don't fit with the normal probabilities. Such cases are here on wizchan, like it or not. This is not very descriptive of the problem but it explains that your perspective is very prone to misconceptions. Science does a good job to try to abstract from that subjective perspective even though it cannot be excluded when it comes to fields like psychology and sociology and so on.
Also accusing wizards of laziness is just mean. If you think that you we're lazy during your six years of depression, fine. That is just self hating. Some people are stuck in depression because they have no power over themselves, which again does not count for lazy people who could do something about themselves if they wanted to. There are people out there who simply cannot help themselves and it is not a matter of discipline. This is why we have social institutions to catch such cases. Stoicism is a meme for normals to go full improvebrah. But their problems are very different form the problems of a depressed, isolated, mute shut-in. It's not comparable at all. Oh well. Now you will write that I am just lazy of course. There is no help. People have their opinions and their is nothing to be done about this.

 No.217100

>>217091
I'm not in a bad mood, this is a normal mood for me. I think it matters that I don't have any meaningful control over how things are in my life. Nothing I have ever experienced gave me the idea that I could do that.
> you have a will and you can use it. You weren't created to be miserable, you can make choices.
I don't believe in fairytales.
> Interesting, right?
Not really.
>Depression actually reflects how you are, not how "things" are for you.
I don't see any distinction.

 No.217102

>>217077

Love & hate are diametrically opposed to one another. Your statement makes no sense.

>>217073

Do you consider him to be a narcissist?

 No.217105

File: 1584957651846.gif (6.35 MB, 500x546, 250:273, 1582655393197-0.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217091
While I'm someone that believes depression can be overcome, simply telling people to try harder and just get over it is ineffective. It's important to understand that depression and other mental problems are the result of unconscious, automatic processes that people have little control over. Especially when they're trying "harder" to ignore their experience, the equivalent of busting your head against a door in order to open it.

Even something trivial like your attitude towards depression, whether you instinctively feel or perceive it as possible to overcome, is not something that you can "will" based on rational judgment. That initial instinct is crucial because it makes the fight compelling and possible. It's easy to take it for granted when it's part of your experience, but most people without it will not be able to make much progress or find your words compelling. Something happened to you after 6 years that gave you that instinct, but it wasn't simply an act of "will".

 No.217109

File: 1584970589088.jpg (47.59 KB, 356x450, 178:225, u-g-F58ER80.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

the word "Depression" misleads these threads into bullshit discussion about how it's an ilness or not
we need a "chamber of despair" thread or something
also, the guy spamming about muhstoicism - fuck you

 No.217111

The world is not equal in any form. The worse your dysfunction is the more alone you are, the weaker you are, and the less language is relevant to your experience. There is no upside of it and you are more alone, you must scramble for a solution from a culture which is barely relevant and pick through the writings of others on the edge to find something. You are different and you are alone. Nobody will consent to you describing your experience that way. There is no use in community for it.

 No.217125

>>216525
Call me a schizo or what, but this morning I woke up feeling so fucked that I felt like I was gonnna die and everything looked pixelated, objects flickering or something when I felt death was near, my heart was beating fast and my world was spinning. I keep getting feelings of being stuck in a simulation of some sorts, fuck me man.

 No.217126

File: 1584987695882.jpg (28.41 KB, 400x524, 100:131, 7c831d1f6bb3aee21a3a2e4f70….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

A freelance job just came in, I really need the money but I can't bring myself to even open the fucking briefing. I can't give a SHIT. Unbelievable. I'll really regret this later.

 No.217128

I regret posting this on the internet in the past. If someone was dedicated enough (there is usually at least one person bored enough) to doxx me they could, and that would mean my name would be associated online with the retarded things I posted.

 No.217132

>>217125
panic attack

 No.217133


 No.217134

File: 1584992293171.jpg (62.05 KB, 640x852, 160:213, 1584755376150.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

An apprentice wizard took his own life this month after jumping into a lake and no one cares. In life he was mocked on 4chan and ostracized. In death he was mocked and then forgotten about. I'm a bit taken back with the callousness they treated him with, not because it violates my understanding of how society treats rejects but because this was done by rejects themselves and not even in death would they forgive him.

There's nothing left but for him to fade into obscurity. I'm going to link his blog and YouTube channels for any curious parties. He obviously had some mental issues but made interesting videos surrounding his thoughts on quantum mechanics. I'll also link an article about him being 'missing'.
>News Article about his disappearance:
https://patch.com/illinois/libertyville/man-22-depression-reported-missing-waukegan
>His blog:
https://vitrifyher.com/
>Youtube Channels:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtMZ_0fwv-IiRlctf_pl90A
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzuwHaHrA7_ClPjfeiVj1yQ
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeLURmm1ICIg46GkQpWOhIw/

In my view this was his best creation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w13yLq16QiM

 No.217135

>>217134
why was he making videos with a naked torso?

 No.217136

>>217135
That was part of his autism and part of why he wasn't accepted on /sci/. He went over it in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRzyN0wK32Q

 No.217139

>>217136
Why are you calling it autism, if he explains it as fucking around with ordinary people's stereotypes.

Well, if such a genius killed himself - another proof of the world being a shithole.

 No.217142

>>217139
I don't want to detract from the thread too much, but I don't think that video explains the full situation so I simplified it with autism. He wanted his videos to get watched and thought he was being unfairly ignored by the world so his true motivation for going shirtless was deeper because he knew it would have discouraged views. He built that body because he sat down next to a succubus while in school, didn't speak to her, fell in love, and winning her over of that became his only major goal in life. Perhaps he thought he was signalling to her if she watched the video, I don't know. Later on he started believing that other people weren't real entirely since they had so many abilities he didn't have and he couldn't imagine how the world still operated with all the stupid people.

I don't even know why I'm posting about this or why I care at all. Perhaps how quickly he was forgotten and disregarded bothers my worldview and shows that no one outside your immediate family will care if you die. Your life's work will no longer be relevant, it won't even get a passing view. The essence of what you thought and how you interacted with the world fades within days, not years.

 No.217143

File: 1584996315113.png (203.56 KB, 1800x623, 1800:623, imageboards are not your h….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217134
>but because this was done by rejects themselves and not even in death would they forgive him.

 No.217144

>>217142
>how quickly he was forgotten
Every time i read something like this i instantly recall (for a split second) a video i saw years ago - a child succubus in China crossing the road with heavy traffic and a truck running over her splitting body in half. The truck stopped for a few seconds, then whent on.

 No.217145

>>217093
>But it's a logical fallacy to conclude from your experience to the experience of other people.
Experience doesn't have anything to do with this. You can come from the most horrible background and you can be happy if you want to be. Same way you can have the most wonderful life and still be miserable if you look at things in a negative way.
>Also accusing wizards of laziness is just mean.
It would be mean to say to them what they want to hear instead of being honest with them. A good wake-up call can do wonders for depressed people.
> If you think that you we're lazy during your six years of depression, fine. That is just self hating.
Admitting your faults or weaknesses isn't self-hating. People here could try it sometimes instead of blaming others constantly.
>Some people are stuck in depression because they have no power over themselves
>There are people out there who simply cannot help themselves and it is not a matter of discipline.
With this mentality it is certainly impossible. If you go up against a problem believing that it is impossible to solve then of course you won't solve it. And no, depression really isn't something you can't have power over. I'm not asking you heal the sick, to fly or to resurrect the dead. Only to change your perception and mentality, which anyone is capable of. If you have power over anything in life then it is you yourself.
>This is why we have social institutions to catch such cases.
We have social institutions to treat people who are actually sick, I mean literal retards and schizophrenics, not depressed people. But of course it is easiest to just dump anyone in there instead of bothering to understand why they are depressed and helping them recover.
>Stoicism is a meme for normals to go full improvebrah. But their problems are very different form the problems of a depressed, isolated, mute shut-in. It's not comparable at all.
I'm not a stoic, at least I view myself rather as a hedonist. But you could argue that all philosophies and religions were developed by normals for normals. It is stupid to judge an ideology based on who came up with it. You should study them and take what you consider useful from each.
I've never read any of the stoics before, I came to the conclusion on how to be content and get rid of depression on my own and I was a depressed, isolated shut-in (it is still true, except the depressed part).
>Now you will write that I am just lazy of course.
I don't know whether you are lazy or not but it is obvious you would rather be depressed than try doing something about the issue at hand.

>>217100
>this is a normal mood for me
Depression speaking, not your real self.
>I think it matters that I don't have any meaningful control over how things are in my life.
You have control over yourself and your perception. You can't influence your surroundings that much probably but you certainly can influence your mind and emotions.
>I don't believe in fairytales.
What do you mean? You don't believe in free will? You do have one, you aren't a piece of stone. Stop pretending to be so helpless.
>Not really.
Why do you think people in worse situations than yours are happier than you? I'm curious.
>I don't see any distinction.
I meant that depression reflects how you think, feel and perceive instead of what circumstances you are in.

>>217105
>simply telling people to try harder and just get over it is ineffective
People have to be reminded sometimes that they have power and can fight if they choose to.
>the result of unconscious, automatic processes that people have little control over
Haha, what? There is nothing unconscious or automatic about depression. If you look into yourself and you are honest with yourself then you can easily figure out what is bothering you. And put an end to it.
>Something happened to you after 6 years that gave you that instinct, but it wasn't simply an act of "will".
It was getting tired of being a depressed, miserable loser who couldn't enjoy anything, that is what happened. After that I decided I won't feel miserable ever again and I got better. There was no magic tricks involved or big things happening to me or external circumstances changing for the better. Sorry, Lain-chan.

 No.217146

>>217142
>Perhaps how quickly he was forgotten and disregarded bothers my worldview and shows that no one outside your immediate family will care if you die. Your life's work will no longer be relevant, it won't even get a passing view

That's true in general, especially with today's world in which billions of people are online, competing for attention and status by relentlessly promoting their own work, making the entire thing overwhelming, numbing and ultimately worthless by way of overabundance. However, Mario was a pretty florid schizophrenic, so his "work" mostly amounts to some shirtless calculus videos - everything else would only ever be of interest to people who view it as an outsider artist thing…it was incoherent and unproductive, so…big surprise it's gonna be forgotten. It's still sad though, I left a comment on his blog asking him about his drug use a few months back and he was nice enough to give a lengthy response - now he's dead. RIP.

 No.217149

File: 1585000946196.png (996.75 KB, 1000x1047, 1000:1047, 1580645213177.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217145
>People have to be reminded sometimes that they have power and can fight if they choose to.

Sure, but that comes in the form of actual insight. Most people have tried brute-force willpower and they trust their own experiences over your words. At some point, people realize it's not working for them and stop hitting their head against the wall.

>Haha, what? There is nothing unconscious or automatic about depression. If you look into yourself and you are honest with yourself then you can easily figure out what is bothering you. And put an end to it.

>It was getting tired of being a depressed, miserable loser who couldn't enjoy anything, that is what happened. After that I decided I won't feel miserable ever again and I got better. There was no magic tricks involved or big things happening to me or external circumstances changing for the better. Sorry, Lain-chan.

I wish it were that easy. Is depression simply the result of external problems? Many people can tell that this isn't the case. Rather, depression itself has a way of amplifying problems, seeking out bleak, unmanageable, difficult perspectives, making even otherwise mundane lives seem like Herculean tasks. What makes people experience the world like this? No, they do not simply choose to view the world like this, but they are "compelled", by something you might call automatic, unconscious processes that affect perception, mood and ultimately behavior. Going against such processes requires energy, creates friction with yourself and seldom leads to lasting change.

I'm not saying that people have no power over this, but the mechanisms at play are much more complex and subtle than "I just decided not to be a depressed loser one day". Before that decision came some internal change, something which shifted the otherwise consistent automatic processes (easily lasting you 6 years) and allowed you enough leeway to hold such views without cognitive dissonance. Before the belief that you could be better, there was something which made it believable, tangible in your mind. Creating those kinds of shifts isn't easy or very obvious to anyone, but clearly just brute-forcing it doesn't work. I also believe you that there wasn't anything big that happened to you, nothing external or easily noticeable (otherwise you'd be aware of it). No, it was much more subtle and implicit, an internal shift that only makes it self known by its effect on how you experience the world - like suddenly deciding, perceiving as possible, to be different.

So, should people just give up and/or wait for change to happen on its own? Not at all, just saying that there's more elegant paths towards betterment that don't necessarily include going against yourself, spending tons of energy you probably don't have on solutions you've already tried for the nth time. I don't have a quick, easy fix like you, but I believe a good path is self-understanding, the kind that you get by paying close attention to yourself, how you experience the world and the ever-so subtle ways you can influence that experience.

 No.217150

>>217149
improvebrah vs perceptionfag, the showdown of 2020.

 No.217160

>>217150
Would be more entertaining if improvebra wasn't so full of himself which makes it inconvenient to read more than one line from him, while perceptionfag is humble which makes him a nice read.

 No.217161

>>217150
Ah, my arch nemesis, namerfag. No idea or posting style is too obscure for his pattern matching abilities and clever word play.
Also known for not believing in anything and being completely unfazed by gym advertisements around him. Some say he hasn't improved a single day in his life.

 No.217162

File: 1585012250521.jpg (265.09 KB, 857x1200, 857:1200, 796d91cea4dfbff26a0e067d81….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

You can never really take back any of the horrible things you've done or said. Try to ignore it, and even if you're successful most of the time they will crop up in your mind and instantly make you feel like shit. I imagine it will be this way forever. More than anything, I wish I could go back and make different choices.

 No.217163

>>217162
That's a nice image.

 No.217164

>>217134
F
I've seen some of his videos and I couldn't comprehend

 No.217182

File: 1585040387680.gif (1.84 MB, 320x180, 16:9, 9qcSoF.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217134

That's, that shirtless guy some wizards have posted videos of around here, isn't it? The thumbnails of his videos just made him look like some dumb, overcompensating norman, so I never watched them. Still weird news to hear, though.

Well, it can be said that at least he managed to kill himself. That's something. It's always surreal to me when these young kids can go on to do something that I've been so morbidly fixated on for years & years, but will very probably never do myself because of how spineless & weak I am. Not to mention that, although it's infinitesimal & meaningless, he still did something somewhat unique with his time, as opposed to myself who's basically just a dull drone. Although I can certainly understand why other people would find what he did dumb & annoying, especially since the whole shirtless thing seemed pretty obnoxious for starters. Either way, all I ever do is sit around playing video games, browsing the net, sleeping & jerking off. I'm also dumb as shit and can barely even remember how to divide numbers properly, let alone comprehend crazy shit like calculus. Compared to this young wizkid extraordinaire, I'm basically just a drooling mongoloid playing with a pack of crayons. It's just profoundly depressing being reminded that even when compared against some young toddler like this guy, they might as well be some ultra overachieving adult norman that makes an old fart like me look like some brain damaged 10 year old by contrast. Even when it comes to suicide these fucks overachieve & are capable. Meanwhile, I just drift on as the stupid, useless drone I've always been. Again, at least he put something out there into the world, even if people only mocked & derided him for it. Maybe someone will find his videos later on and he'll be lauded posthumously as a genius, or something. Literally the only thing left of me will be the ass indent I left in my old recliner. This sort of thing really doesn't matter all that much, but I guess I can't help feeling the sting of my own age & useless, when compared to this guy. I'll even be as honest to say that I'm kinda glad this asshole is dead since, on some level, even someone like him just makes me feel like a useless retard, so the fact that he's dead & will soon be forgotten now just makes me feel better about myself, despite still wishing I could also kill myself. My life is simply pathetic, consisting of one indignation after another, to add to the weight of all the others.

 No.217185

>>217182
You don't have to make a competition out of life. Be content with what you are. There will always be people to whom compared you will like a retard; it's a matter of specifications. Like compare Albert Einstein and let's say a professional jazz musician. Einstein would act like a retard in comparison to the musician when he tries to play the same instrument as good or better than him, and the musician is a retard when it comes to physics compared to Einstein. Now this young dude that killed himself might have been a smart ass but when it comes to life he must have been a retard as he killed himself so early, stop idealizing him because he put out some videos.

 No.217186

>>217185
>You don't have to make a competition out of life. Be content with what you are. There will always be people to whom compared you will like a retard; it's a matter of specifications.
Not the guy but he simply doesn't mind that he isn't as good as him in physics, it's just that he isn't good at ANYTHING (except videogames?).

 No.217187

File: 1585050440712.jpg (164.48 KB, 639x359, 639:359, 478628746872.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217185

But I'm also a retard when it comes to daily life. That's why I pretty much look like a useless, nincompoop when compared against practically anyone, aside from mentally deranged schizos or bipolar lunatics, or whatever, such as infamous lolcows like Chris-chan. In that sense, there's really nothing particularly different about this guy other than that it just reminded me about how old, empty and useless I am. Having said that, I don't disagree with you about what you said. Even though I'm dumb and pretty useless, I'm doing the best I can as the person I am. Motivated wizkids, or normans, or whomever else, shouldn't factor into how I feel about myself. It's just that because I never do anything it leads to this sense of surreal stasis where I remember how old I am and that young kids, even eccentric crazy ones like this guy, are doing more in just one year, or even one month, than what I've done in over 15 years. Even them committing suicide is still an act of their can-do abilities as far as I'm concerned. Something about them being young kids really triggers a sense of uncanny feelings in me for whatever reason. It's like, this kid wasn't even born when I already knew how fucked & awful life was going to be for me and yet he lived and died his whole life doing random nonsense and I'm still here. Does anyone know what I'm referring to here? It's just weird how the passage of time reflects in stuff like that, I don't know.

>stop idealizing him because he put out some videos.


I didn't think that I was, so that's weird, but, when you put it that way, I guess all this does sound rather silly.

>>217186

>it's just that he isn't good at ANYTHING


Yeah, that's pretty much it. I wouldn't even really say I'm all that great at video games either, despite playing them all my life, which I suppose is pretty sad in and of itself. I certainly couldn't play anything online, since I'd just get trounced by people with faster reflexes in shooters, or people who are smarter and can think further ahead like in strategy games or whatever.

 No.217188

>>217187
I think you're a really cool guy for the way you write. I also think I will never find someone who is as fucked up as I am. I isolated myself because I was a failure and now I'm even more of a failure than back then. It's strange because I stopped caring but when I come to the internet you can't help but see all these normalshits and compared to them you're… you're not human. And those reminders are not only in the internet but everywhere that has a human in it. Even here on wizchan those guys in the wageslave thread, those are super human to me. It's as if I stopped growing as a man when I entered puberty or maybe before when I turned 7. I can't do anything about it but feel uneasy. I don't wish for a change either. I just want to exist in peace.

 No.217189

>>217187
Sadly I know what you are talking about as I have had these thoughts also for a long time and still have to struggle with this, just wanted to add my more positive wisdom to this problem when saying that life is not a competition. It's very hard to overcome this evolutionary point of view ingrained in our ape brain that it's all about being better, stronger etc.. However whenever I have a clear mind I feel that simply being alive, even when I don't have much to show for and nothing going in my life, can be called somewhat of a strength, a virtue even, as stupid as this sounds. Having beared all this suffering and pain doesn't make me a better person but it shows me that this is what it all comes down to and having learned skills, having interests, having knowledge, having social circels and so on can be all a great achievements and something to strive for, still it all comes down to nothing. Not only because we die (which is the obvious conclusion of younger people I think, who say that it doesn't matter because once we die everything ends with us and all the philosophy behind this idea) instead all our abilities and success disappears to nothing the moment we are (or think we are) alone, when a close family member dies, when we have to sleep, when we sense the futility of it all, when normals do drugs and spend all their money on hedonistic things coming out in debt, the moment we wake up and don't want to go through another day, when an artist dies young because of hedonism, when a person dies randomly or has a serious accident because of sports or risky behaviour, which are things every person in one way or another has to struggle with.

 No.217190

JUST READ LIGOTTI'S MOTHEFUCKIN CONSPIRACY

 No.217191

>>217190
What's it about?

 No.217192

>>217191
You would understand exactly how pathetic you are and everything else and stop bothering about shit like "you're not human", "dignity", "happyness" etc.

 No.217193

>>217192
Intersting. I'll check it.

 No.217194

Stepped on the cable of my headphones while standing up and ended up yanking the bloody thing.
Now I'm fairly sure that the left speaker is quieter than the right speaker and the sound quality there has worsened. I fucking hate this shit.

 No.217195

>>217190
Just read ligotti in general, his fiction is awesome too.

 No.217199

>>217188

>I don't wish for a change either. I just want to exist in peace.


That's all I wish for as well. I'm a stunted manchild, with a rotten brain and a miserable disposition. Next to waifu fantasies, peace from myself is all I truly desire. Respite and nepenthe from these dumb posts I write, respite and nepenthe from my dumb self, respite and nepenthe from my dumb brain cells, my dumb thoughts and my dumb everything.

>>217189

Hmm, yeah. I guess that's true. Everyone's their own worst critic, I guess. I've also thought that maybe just enduring where I'm at and my position in life is enough to show my own strength, but it's often hard to look at it that way and to actually feel it to be true, rather than it just being a deluded cope. As you said, even neurotypical people and the most high functioning normans are never satisfied or, if they are, that satisfaction can very quickly disappear overnight, like with the examples you provided. Is it better to have something only to then lose it versus never having anything at all? I really don't know, but it seems I'll always be in the domain of the latter.

>>217190

You know, it's funny because despite reading TCATHR front to back, along with also reading some of Ligotti's short horror stories, like "The Bungalow House" and such, with the addition of having listened to his collaborations with C93 a number of times (like embedded), despite it all I still tend to feel the way I've already described at times. I guess I'm just truly that hopeless. Somehow Ligotti's stuff, while I acknowledge it rationally and fully endorse it, just can't seem to fully penetrate my subconscious ape/lizard brain and I can't help, but feel the way I do at times, which itself is reflected in the posts I've made.

 No.217200

>>217164
Admittedly they're still difficult for me to understand and I've watched dozens of them, but perhaps the most interesting idea he had was that he thought he was immortal and that he had previously survived other suicide attempts because of it. The idea of quantum immorality has been around for decades now but this was the first time I've ever heard someone say that they tested it.

Now my understanding of math and physics is weak so please take this with a huge grain of salt, but basically their are two main interpretations of quantum mechanics. One of them called the many-worlds interpretation is less preferred but has rising popularity and has some very strange implications. It asserts that the universal wave function is objectively real and that the wave function doesn't collapse. To put it more simply, particles don't just appear to be in multiple places at once, they are and only when you entangle yourself with them will they decohere and appear to be at a single point but all the other positions they were in are still real and still happening in another reality. The universe is getting sliced down into smaller universes constantly. This is also known as branching and it implies that you would be constantly branching as well, at least thousands of times per second. Every time you chose to do something, there would be another world where you chose to do something else instead.

If you put an old revolver to your head with 5 out or six rounds in the chamber, spun it, put it to your head, and pulled the trigger, according to many worlds there would be a reality where you survived ever single time no matter how many times you did it. The question becomes, are you in the reality where you survive? You may intuitively think that probability of you being a survivor in this situation is very low, as would most people, and you are most likely someone who dies, but the issue is that branching seems to be influenced by time so someone who lived to be a hundred years old would have many more branches of himself than he had as a baby. One would think that a baby would have branches where they lived to be a hundred as well by sheer probability so while there are countless realities where they die young, there are many more where they don't. Things get even stranger if you consider the possibility of life extension and that a few among us could live to be thousands of years old. If that were technically possible, one would think that the same situation as above applies and that the old man is like a baby compared to the thousand year old being and is much less likely to die in their reality than to live on. You can keep going with this argument to where the chances of you being in a reality where you die young are tremendously low.

 No.217202

>>217200
Just to be clear, most proponents of the many-worlds interpretation don't believe in quantum immorality and that last paragraph was just my own take on it.

 No.217203

>>217199
I don't recall it vividly but I remember Ligotti saying in TCATHR that there are only very few enlightened persons out there who simply are content with being. Not monks or buddhits, if I recall it right he talked about persons that have had incidents that could have killed them or that could have given them brain damage or something along those lines.

 No.217204

>>217203

Yes, I recall that as well. UG Krishnamurti is one such person I can remember him mentioning in regards to that and the "calamity" he experienced which resulted in apparent ego death for him. Also a succubus who referred to it as the "vastness", or something like that, which only eventually instilled in her panic and anxiety from what I recall him mentioning. Well, you made a good point though and it's actually something I had forgotten from TCATHR, so thanks for reminding me that. It doesn't take the struggle away, but more just frames it as an inevitably, short of a scant and lucky few who are able to suffer the death of their identity and ego.

>The next day U.G. was again pondering the question "How do I know I am in that state?" with no answer forthcoming. He later recounted that on suddenly realising the question had no answer, there was an unexpected physical, as well as psychological, reaction. It seemed to him like "a sudden 'explosion' inside, blasting, as it were, every cell, every nerve and every gland in my body." Afterwards, he started experiencing what he called "the calamity", a series of bizarre physiological transformations that took place over the course of a week, affecting each one of his senses, and finally resulting in a deathlike experience.


>U.G. could not, and did not, explain the provenance of the calamity experiences. In response to questions, he maintained that it happened "in spite of" his pre-occupation with – and search for – enlightenment. He also maintained that the calamity had nothing to do with his life up to that point, or with his upbringing. Several times he described the calamity happening to him as a matter of chance, and he insisted that he could not possibly, in any way, impart that experience to anybody else.

 No.217206

File: 1585079004676.png (207.17 KB, 353x320, 353:320, wergwerg.PNG) ImgOps iqdb

>calamity

 No.217207

>>217204
This video reminds me of /dep/.
>Depresison is real
>no it's not
Ad infinitum.

 No.217208

File: 1585090914215.jpg (327.08 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, 1578962737346.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>216525
i feel suicidal but not depressed, then i feel depressed but not suicidal. i fucking hate this ride.

 No.217217

It'll be a week since I started taking antidepressants. I feel so numb, I know the sadness is still there but it's like some security inside my head is blocking those feelings to come out. Thats pretty fucked up cause depression was the only thing I felt for the past few months, without it I feel nothing more.

 No.217223

Does anyone else feel like "time has stopped" for them? I barely remember anything past the year 2014 mark. My life has always been uneventful, but everything from 2014 till now is like a grey mush of loosely connected things that happened, to which dates barely apply.

 No.217224

>>217223
since i left high school and that was on 2012.

 No.217227

>>217190
>everything is shit The Book
Nah, I'd rather rather read something more exciting, hopeful and uplifting. Currently reading Beyond Good and Evil, better than Zarathustra that is for sure, I'd even say that I enjoy it despite not agreeing with everything the author stands for.
>>217194
I'm always super careful about these things since I had the exact same thing happen to me a few years ago. Order a new one on the net, wizbro.
>>217208
Why didn't they make an anime adaptation of the game? I read the translated texts from the game and I liked it much better than the actual Lain anime.

 No.217228

File: 1585128806766.png (12.33 KB, 503x123, 503:123, 可愛い -.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217227
l-lady baby

 No.217231

My balding is a reminder I'm growing up, only on a physical level.

 No.217234

>>217145
>Admitting your faults or weaknesses isn't self-hating. People here could try it sometimes instead of blaming others constantly.
But when someone does that you attack them for even thinking that they have any weaknesses.
>Depression speaking, not your real self.
It is my true self, "depression" isn't some external factor and I don't have some secret alter ego who has been hiding for decades, waiting to be revealed when I finally lift the veil of "depression" from him. Really, depression is more like a state the body enters in order to protect itself, when it doesn't have the energy to cope with other factors beyond its control. I just think it is ridiculous to think about lifting the symptom without treating the cause, which ultimately is an inability to function to a satisfactory degree.
>What do you mean? You don't believe in free will? You do have one, you aren't a piece of stone. Stop pretending to be so helpless.
I think free will implies being able to exert it somehow, otherwise it's more like free imagination. But the thought of having the ability to act meaningfully upon the world is so foreign to me that I can't even imagine it, so I don't even have that. Just reading about what other people are able to control leaves me dumbfounded, they might as well have superpowers.
>Why do you think people in worse situations than yours are happier than you? I'm curious.
I assume they have more control over their situation, or at least think they do because they're used to that. Maybe their situation looks like it could improve. Really, there are lots of reasons why that might be the case.
>I meant that depression reflects how you think, feel and perceive instead of what circumstances you are in.
It's all a product of the circumstances you are in and how your life has been until now. I just don't see it as being separate at all.

 No.217235

File: 1585143845372-0.jpg (13.67 KB, 374x374, 1:1, D8CRtMS_d.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217193
I found a copy at archive.org but the first few pages of the book was really hard to comprehend and I gave up.

 No.217236

File: 1585144009137.gif (1.75 MB, 500x284, 125:71, 1502178771_wiztumblr_olfb7….gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217235
>first few pages of the book was really hard to comprehend and I gave up

BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 No.217237

>>217235
That's good. As soon as that shit starts "making sense" and seeming "reasonable" is when you know you went off the deep end.

 No.217238

File: 1585144529950.jpg (1.63 MB, 2531x3444, 2531:3444, mke.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217227
The game was pretty dark and fucked up for normals so it wouldn't really sell well, but it would be nice to see one anyways.

 No.217239

>>217236
>>217237
Fine, I'll continue then.

 No.217241

>>217227
>>217238
Watched all the animated clips, is it worth playing the game or nah? Thoroughly enjoyed myself watching it.

Also the show that was adapted seemed to be rather dark overall, incorporated many instances of suicide maybe just not as graphic as the ps game.

 No.217242

>>217190
>>217235
I can't be the only one that can't take a pessimist seriously if they are 66 and haven't killed themselves. Regardless of that I find his writings to be tedious.

 No.217244

>>217242
>I can't be the only one
Yeah, you can.

 No.217246

>>217244
I already googled it, I can't and I'm not!

 No.217247

File: 1585158720732.jpg (14.07 KB, 352x550, 16:25, sdfsdfsdf.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217246
Sucks for you.

 No.217249

>>217247
woe is existence, buy my book

 No.217251

File: 1585162924600.gif (2.12 MB, 498x264, 83:44, 84267847298.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217235

I pretty much felt the same, but it's more because it was the literally the first book I'd read in over a decade. I also have a very short attention span and having to follow and ingest long chains of thought can be fatiguing for me. I'd recommend persevering, though. The key is to just keep reading, I think, even if not everything sticks. The large strokes are really all that matters and while I don't remember or understand everything 100% from that book, the general gist of it was still cathartic and pleasing to go through. I actually liked the random tangents he'd make on horror fiction the most, to be honest. Also his constant use of the word "vehicular misadventure".

 No.217252

I bought The Conspiracy Against The Human Race four months ago but gave up about 30 pages in. I'll give it another shot, though.

 No.217253

File: 1585164856052.gif (5.25 MB, 520x390, 4:3, 4628468294982.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217249
>>217237
>>217242

Such salty contempt from deluded lifeist wizzies in denial over reality, so you just shoot and tar anyone that says something about it as being nothing more than a whiny curmudgeon. I bet you all feel the same way about Cioran and Zapffe too and the fact that because they didn't hang themselves on a stack of their own books like Mainlander that this just makes them a pack of "hypocrites". It bears repeating that lifeist wizzies really are barely a step away from being just another groid. Their stance, or at least assumed stance, as a volcel is really all that separates them from just being another life worshiping, ego-gratifying norp ape, rolling around and pounding the ground with all the other norp apes out there.

 No.217256

Remember how Rust Cole's character was instantly remade into a meme.

 No.217259

File: 1585168541129.jpg (205.85 KB, 796x1236, 199:309, 1580095937952.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217241
Yeah it's worth giving a shot to play if you got nothing to do.

 No.217261

File: 1585168796690.jpg (108.71 KB, 735x920, 147:184, 1583778533615.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217253
There is a paradox that young pessimists such as yourself simply can't bring themselves to understand. It is possible to write nothing but undeniable facts about life, like in the works of Cioran and Zapffe, and yet at the same time, be completely wrong about life.

It is rather simple. The pessimist perspective is but a mere part of the truth, which taken by itself is as deluded as the naive "norp" perspective. Truth is seeing beyond appearances and their works, while compelling to depressive individuals, are like taking a microscope and examining a great work of art. Being a human, a biological machine, alas, you cannot help but see the world through a limited perspective, but in my opinion, rising above the apes is about transcending that limitation, part of which is seeing through suffering and looking beyond it.

 No.217262

>>217261
>rising above the apes is about transcending that limitation, part of which is seeing through suffering and looking beyond it
>look at me, i'm the best ape, i dominate you all

 No.217263

>>217252
Am on the second chapter, bought it a while ago like you, it's all about antinatalism so it's a bit boring for me so far because I'm already an antinatalist, so reading arguments for it is a bit tedious for me, I did find when he was talking about the philosopher who brought up the idea that God killed himself which somehow created this reality/universe kind of fascinating.

 No.217264

Am getting kidney pains from drinking, will have to see the doctor if they're still open with the virus to get the OK to keep drinking everyday.

 No.217265

>>217253
"there's no reason to live but there's no reason to die either" says cioran as he actively prepares for his next meal, what a cop out.
They are a pack of hypocrites. Words are the weakest representation of truth, and these are a bunch of idiot nerds faffing around with words. Of course you need to embody what you say if you don't want to be a hypocrite.
I fully believe that osamu dazai felt disqualified from being human, since well he did his best to stop being one. It's interesting not because of how he arranged those words, but because of the background of his life.
I'm disturbed that there's people shallow minded enough that when they read Ligotti they have a deep change of outlook in life. As if his work consisted of anything more than adding dramatic terminology to very sloppy philosophical axioms and very common introspective thoughts.

 No.217268

Bipolar sucks balls.

One week you are a functional human being who can get lost in these philosphies or self-help ways of thinking and they all work, but you get lost in it. Thinking you are in control and this stuff will continue working. Oh wow I'm trying this new thing and it really seems to be working! Then it slowly starts disappearing underneath you and words stop making sense, the techniques are pointing to spaces in your mind that aren't there anymore, and you get lost. Then you have to catch yourself and say - oh yeah, I don't have the capability of wanting things right now, that's why this isn't making sense. I have to go in to this space of sitting with the suicidal desire for a few weeks.

You have to reign yourself in both ways. Stop yourself getting lost in the depressing loops, stop yourself getting lost in thinking you are in control because you won't notice everything swapping back. It is an unpleasant confusing mess.

 No.217270

>>217265
https://antinatalism.fandom.com/wiki/Home
There's also an FAQ that includes every shit gotcha you idiots like to come up with.

 No.217271

>>217263
>philosophy is boring
>fairytales about God - fascinating

 No.217272

>>217270
huh that faq addresses none of my positions.
The fact that I'm not even against anti-natalism is probably a reason for that

 No.217277

File: 1585172244742.jpg (6.76 KB, 257x196, 257:196, dfgagf.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.217286

Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you and me
Well I remember, I remember, don't worry, how could I ever forget?


This will be my fate… I cannot change it. I can't change who I am and I can improve so little that you cannot call it improvement.
I live in a cage, like a small rat.
When Phill Collins sung "it's all been a pack of lies", he was right.
I'll never dream again. I will never.

 No.217315

>>217228
Rei's new band, BRATS is also awesome.
>>217238
I didn't think it was that much darker or more fucked up than the anime but I liked it better. The therapy sessions were very enjoyable.
>>217239
You shouldn't force it though. Come, I will tell you the gist of it: life is a nightmare. That is all. Philosophy is just another way of ego-stroking and spouting cool-sounding sentences. Before image boards were a thing, before shitposting existed, there was philosophy. That is philosophy basically: a long shitposting battle, people trolling each other over centuries and from the grave.
>>217241
>>217259
Wait, is there an english patch for the game? Last I checked years ago only the text parts were translated on the net.
>>217271
Fairy tales at least tell a story, they have points usually they back up with characters and the plot. Philosophy on the other hand is just empty intellectual masturbation and meaningless words.

 No.217323

>>217259
Alright, then I shall be giving it a go. I've heard numerous times that it can hardly be called a game and is more like an unusual horror game.

>>217315
I found an English Translation here http://psx.lain.pl/ while looking for the game

 No.217324

>>217265

>very sloppy philosophical axioms and very common introspective thoughts.


So, tell us then, what would be examples of philosophical axioms that aren't "sloppy" and introspective thoughts that are sufficiently "uncommon" enough for you? I'd also consider TCATHR to be a book that was written with the intent to more or less preach to the choir, since most who read it and gel with what's being said are usually already either antinatalists or efilists. For those that aren't, they tend to just blithely dismiss it as the inchoate ramblings of a depressive, just like some wizapes here have done. There's really not that much middle ground there. To someone who's not receptive to these things, such as those who succumb first to deluded, self-serving ego trip fantasies about exerting their will to power over the world, or just gluttonously indulging in blind hedonism to justify the miserable horror show of life to themselves, TCATHR and really anything else of a more sobering and honest slant about life, will do little to change their already norman-centric minds.

Wasn't that Osamu guy the dude who tried to kill himself like 5 times and failed every single time? Didn't he also have children and was often adulterous with succubi? If so, someone like Zapffe blows a cretinous nip like him out of the god damned water, at least in regards to adhered consistency to their own words and ideas, which would seem to be lack thereof in the case of Osamu.

 No.217328

>>217324
>what would be examples of philosophical axioms that aren't "sloppy"
What I mean is that he should do what you are asking me to do. For example, describe what a BENIGN AND USEFUL existence would look like.
I find it hilarious the implication that he has a "sobering and honest slant about life"("you just haven't thought about it duude"). He is completely insincere, all of his "horrors" stem from a love of life, and he is still here because he enjoys it. His neocortex is weakly complaining, but the rest of him is in love with life.
We don't need to live, and if you fully have this realization there's nothing to dread.
Which is what I appreciate of Osamu, I got to read a sincere account of someone really disagreeing with life.
>tried to kill himself like 5 times and failed every single time
No he succeded the last time! He had a miserable mess of a life, seems pretty consistent with his ideas.
And I'm not a hedonist nor do I have any "will to power" ideas. I simply don't feel a need to justify my existence, in neither a positive or negative way, that's for people like Ligotti to do.

 No.217329

Has coronavirus made anyone else's hypochondriasis worse?

Now that I know I can't go to the doctor without risking coronavirus, the anxiety is worse. My penis has been doing strange things; all the veins are much larger than they should be and some are getting wavy curves like a slow-flowing river and my urethra has been itching mildly. I even had pain when I ejaculated a few months ago. I'm worried something is wrong and I will not be able to get an erection and masturbate anymore, but at the same time I can't be sure I'm not just imagining the whole thing and there's nothing wrong. I don't know why I torture myself like this.

 No.217336

I wish therapy was really being fed pills and being brainwashed. I would happily be brainwashed and zombified if it worked.

 No.217339

I fucking hate my parents but ma mother because shesore conscious since she's not mentally ill like da but an evil cunt anyways

 No.217345

File: 1585270010266.jpg (43.04 KB, 860x484, 215:121, 1f261a804691792b704e53bc9c….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Is he the living proof - presumed he is still alive - of our modern times that self discipline and the improvebrah narrative is self destructive and basically a big delusion? His whole psychology or philosophy turned out to be a meme, a joke that costed him his sanity and maybe even life. It's tragic that it got thus far with him, I don't wish this to anybody, but now he proofed that everything he stood for is at best a short termed fashion that will disappear soon. He makes all his former followers look like idiots.

 No.217347

>>217345
how in the fuck did you fall for this tool in the first place?

 No.217361

>>217345
Who is this?

 No.217363

>>217361
https://www.insidehook.com/daily_brief/books/jordan-peterson-treatment-russia

Jordan Peterson, improvebrah advocate extraordinaire

"clean your room and accept your place in the lobster hierarchy"

 No.217365

>>217361
Juden Petyrstein

 No.217368

this guy…

 No.217369

File: 1585295333564.jpg (270.69 KB, 1219x1517, 1219:1517, 7564af3991047bdda56baf8c2f….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217328

>describe what a BENIGN AND USEFUL existence would look like.


How is this relevant? Also, I'm pretty sure he repeatedly advocates for asceticism in TCATHR. Is that not "useful" enough of a solution for you? As far as how Ligotti himself adheres to something like asceticism, I'd say he seems to do a mostly good job, since he appears to live a fairly modest life free of both ever having entangled himself with succubi, or ever having released crotch spawn (aka children). Both things that Osamu guy you're in love with was guilty of not abiding, by the way. He seems to be the bigger fink here if you ask me, since his writings seem to mostly boil down to some degenerate norman, complaining about their degenerate norman life. At least Ligotti, et all, take a look at things from a broad perspective, instead of just a series of petty, norman-tier complaints about their own life, with no larger connections or observations being made about why life is actually bad as a whole.

>all of his "horrors" stem from a love of life, and he is still here because he enjoys it.


Explain how this is the case and in what way does he secretly love life, beyond claiming that if he truly hated it he'd kill himself, or at least attempt to kill himself. Either way, this is just the usual stance of people who have contempt for depressives, or even non-depressive antinatalists or efilists, for being supposedly inauthentic and inconsistent with their statements about life. That being, "If you really thought life was so bad and irredeemable you'd kill yourself. Heh, heh, heh. Checkmate, life haters!"

Funnily enough, I feel like Ligotti himself gave the best sort of answers for shutting down this sort of tiresomely overused criticism/observation. Also, in before you shriek, "cop out!!! excuses!!!", at the top of your lungs.

>Of course, it’s not really possible to avoid affirming life, even when you’re writing a horror story defaming it. The act of writing is an affirmation, as is the act of suicide. Both are vital and idealistic gestures. They express the conviction that it matters whether one lives or dies. I can tell you from my own experience that a true zombie of depression doesn’t see the point in suicide—it doesn’t seem to be a solution to anything. Some psychiatric researchers have contended that prescribing an antidepressant drug to individuals suffering extreme depression can revitalize them to the point where suicide seems a viable remedy for their condition. But no one has ever been cured by committing suicide, which is probably the best argument against it.


>But disillusionment can be glamorous too. Anything can be. I would go so far as to say that something absolutely negative, something that has no affirmation whatever at its base, is an impossibility. Even murder and suicide are very positive, very vital and affirmative. There really is no way to escape being pulled into the machine of human existence.


>Even pessimists for the most part follow this course. It would be suicide not to, and committing suicide is really hard to pull off in cold blood. Almost no one kills themselves because they think nonexistence is preferable to existence, or because they want to avoid any extraordinary psychological or physical suffering that may be awaiting them. Suicides wait until things are so awful that they can’t stand being alive anymore. Sometimes they’ll kill themselves when it looks like things are going to become really awful in the near future, but there are a lot of pressures against being a proactive suicide. And when it comes around to facing the facts, almost everyone is afraid of death, so they do what they can to hang on as long as they can. They choose the path that they perceive to lead to the lesser of two horrors and keep following it until they keel over dead. And no hedonistic philosophy is going to convince them or anyone else that this isn’t the way to go.


Also, another quote, but from a random anonymous user a while back responding to the usual, "Kill yourself", nonsense. It also does a good job of summarizing why people like Osamu are really just attention whores in the end and kill themselves, not out of true authenticity to their convictions, but to basically "prove themselves" to the norps in a petty display of self-annihilation, orm outside of that, to escape their own sense of pain with no other reasons driving the act other than that, making them equally no better than a norp.

>​I would never try to live my life as an exemplar of a polemical position. What an absurdity. It would be like making your life into a Reality TV show, playing the role of yourself as embodied polemicist for an audience of voyeuristic pricks. We can think there should be some meaningful connection between conviction and practice without insisting on turning life and philosophy into performance art. I prefer integrity to authenticity, anyway: the former runs deeper and isn't necessarily looking for an audience; the latter seems to need to prove itself to somebody – why?


>Since I find it bizarre that anyone would commit suicide for such a demonstrative reason (though some evidently have), I also find it bizarre that anyone would expect or challenge anyone else to commit suicide for such a demonstrative reason. Suicide – the actual act – is primal, existential for the person who does it; surely philosophical arguments and ideological identifications, no matter how seriously one might want to take them, have fallen away at that point, or, if they haven't fallen away, aren't the real reason for the act.

 No.217377

File: 1585299460460.jpg (148.11 KB, 645x960, 43:64, 1585255896797.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I've become sober recently. I joined an outpatient rehab to get better but I'm not allowed to go because of this coronavirus quarantine. All this isolation is making me depressed. I use to do drugs alone, that's how I coped, but now that I don't have drugs, it's that's been on my mind. I was using all kinds of drugs including meth, so my feel good chemicals are done. God I want to do meth again. I relapsed earlier this night on nasal decongestant pills. I took like eight of them and I was surprised that I actually felt a mood boost and slight euphoria. I'm thinking about robotripping next, maybe even tonight. I would do "real drugs" but I've cut off all of my dealers and I don't live in an area where I can buy meth anymore (I've moved recently). I just want to get fucked up. I'm getting tired of this shit, being sober fucking sucks.

 No.217383

>>217347
How did you deduce from my post that I ever followed him? Learn some reading comprehension.

 No.217384

File: 1585307425353.png (991.97 KB, 1247x550, 1247:550, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217345
you missed the whole point, his narrative was not about improving, self-discipline or whatever, it was about making money.
And no, he did succeeded, he was and is very successful in that regard.

 No.217387

File: 1585310344731.jpg (128.05 KB, 1195x960, 239:192, 1522959658208.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217384
Uncle Ted said it best

 No.217396

>>217369
>How is this relevant
I'm saying he couldn't illustrate a contrasting view of existence because he is saying nothing to begin with.
I'm not claiming he secretly loves life, it's pretty overt, as I've been saying words are extremely weak and tell very little compared to what you actually do.
As for the quotes:
Living takes active effort, eating, drinking, caring for yourself. That he doesn't notice this shows how hollow his words are.
His view is stupid even with active suicide in mind "positive, vital, affirmative" that he can even say this illustrates my point, all he writes about is a network of words and representations. From actual experience suicide would make him very much not vital and not caring or knowing of any affirmation. So much worrying about appearances.
As for the second quote, I'm not expecting anyone to kill themselves to prove a point, I'm saying if it hasn't occurred on its own then you didn't have a point, you are just talking.

Jesus, well to summarize: words are cheap, Ligotti is insincere.
As for Osamu, he is a sperg out of water. The tragedy of an antisocial thrown into society. and that he was trying to prove himself to norps with suicide is a baseless accusation:
> “Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing." The thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.”
His writings are beautifully sincere, and his life reflects them. A single sentence of his holds more value than the entire "thesaurus of negative adjectives" these other hypocrites are playing around with.

 No.217397

File: 1585323290721.jpg (65.35 KB, 1200x627, 400:209, 5e09e6741bce93325c20e9d9.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wish this would have never been invented or at least that they only sold them to people after they present a certificate that prove they're no niggers.

 No.217401

I want to be suicidal again so that at least I'm not depressed. Right now I don't have the energy to seriously consider suicide.

 No.217402

>>217401
I want to commit suicide to stop being depressed, I keep switching over the fucking two in my head 24/7 and it's driving me insane.

 No.217403

>>217396
Not the person you replied to. Doesn't the statement “Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing"" imply that he factually answered something else, something more life affirming and interesting that normal people could relate to?

 No.217407

>>217401
Same. idk how the fuck everyone else has all this energy all the time.

 No.217408

>>217383
you keep using phrases like "turned out" that imply that his ideas ever had validity
maybe taking an english class would be of use

 No.217410

>>217407
i cannot imagine a life in which someone wakes up and has the ability to do creative labour out of passion instead of need of money

 No.217412

>>217410
I felt that for 2 weeks when they changed my medicine before my body caught up with it and returned to normal. It feels amazing.

 No.217413

>>217403
He probably did. My point in bringing him up was that he was terribly inept at life, but since he was good at being self aware, reading him gives you a good insight into what the horrors of life look like.

 No.217417

>>217408
For the people who bought into his ideas his ideas had validity. In contrast to you I seem to be more able to abstract from my personal point of view and can imagine how others perceive the situation.

 No.217421

My mother is being hysterical because my father trashed the dinner table so she has to hit and insult to relieve herself I guess she expects me to be aggressive with father like she is but I cant

 No.217423

>>217396

>he is saying nothing to begin with.


What would be an example of "something" then and why is saying "something" important in the first place? You say talk is cheap, so what exactly makes Ligotti any different than anyone else who writes their thoughts for another person to read, whether it be about philosophy, or science, or whatever else? Or is it that literally anyone who expresses a sentiment of "life is bad" is guilty of saying "nothing", unless they kill themselves?

>it's pretty overt, as I've been saying words are extremely weak and tell very little compared to what you actually do.


So, to put it simply, what would you rather have him do then? Shut up? Die? Put on a happy face?

>that he can even say this illustrates my point


And what point would that be? I'll also strongly contend this notion that suicide is somehow supposed to be less of an effort than simply doing the bare minimum required for daily existence, so therefore anyone who doesn't avail themselves of what is perhaps one of the most difficult things a human being could ever do means they're just being a tsundere for life. Again, Ligotti pretty much demolishes this argument in that third quote, which, as expected, you seem to have largely ignored and handwaved away as just another supposed "cop out".

>I'm saying if it hasn't occurred on its own then you didn't have a point, you are just talking.


Yeah, and who isn't? How exactly is this a condemnation of Ligotti, or any other depressive writer for that matter? A depressive "walking the walk" of their stances or ideas doesn't need to lead to suicide, as you so insistently seem to claim that it does.

Expecting a pessimist to willingly embrace one of the harms of life (death) assumes that pessimists see, or should see, death as good. But they don't necessarily see the death of a living creature as good; they see nonexistence (never having been born would be ideal) as good. Suicide might nullify your existence but only via one of the harms of life (having to experience death in order to accomplish this). Everyone will eventually suffer this harm anyway, but choosing it would only be sensible if it were (in the current evaluation of harms made by the specific person) lesser than other harms which would likely be experienced by staying alive for the time being. In the mental/emotional calculation of most people, pessimists included, more immediate suffering would be caused by anticipating and committing suicide than by staying alive for the time being.

Also, putting a belt around your neck, slitting your wrists, gassing yourself, (etc,) does not in any way make you one iota more authentic than another individual. Stupid people have done it, intelligent people have done it, it is simply another act.

>Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing."

>Goes on to get married and have kids and be a complete degenerate norp, while also writing about his woes repeatedly despite supposedly not "wanting anything"

Yes, very sincere indeed. What a paragon of integrity and authenticity. You claim Ligotti is a hypocrite, but, by that same token, this guy was just as much, if not more, of a hypocrite. I'm really quite curious, what exactly separates him in your mind from Ligotti, aside from suicide? Would you be referring to this Osamu person as another contemptible depressive assuming he were still alive today? So, in other words, the only way to redeem a depressive retroactively is for them to kill themselves? Or is it that you simply find Oasmu to be a better writer? Even on that front, the man seems to hardly have been consistent with much of what he was talking about. Saying one thing, yet constantly doing another. Ligotti, outside of suicide, seems to be very consistent with his own ideas and philosophy. On the flipside, someone like Osamu was extremely inconsistent with his own ideas and philosophy, (eg, "I'm not human and I can't exist in society. Allow me to exist in society and have a wife and kids and to norp it up and whore around and to continue to literally do all the things which constitute a typical norp human being.") barring until he eventually killed himself which, as I've been pointing out, can hardly be deemed as having to do with being consistent in this regard in the first place.

 No.217424

>>217423
>expresses a sentiment of "life is bad" is guilty of saying "nothing", unless they kill themselves?
>I'll also strongly contend this notion that suicide is somehow supposed to be less of an effort than simply doing the bare minimum required for daily existence
Well that's the root of our disagreement. To me it's pretty obvious that living requires active engagement.Addicts, catatonics, anorexics, many of the homeless. These people have neglected this active engagement and this severely shortens their lifespans. It shortens your lifespan proportionally to how much you disengage.
Even with active suicide, it is not simpler to run a website, sell tshirts, get book deals, for years than it is to buy a few available chemicals off of a store and end it all in an hour. There's many incidents in one's life that require more engagement than most forms of suicide.
If life is bad, then death absolutely is the cure, it really is that simple. Even if death is a harm(harm to what?), simple math will tell you that death+decades of other harms is more harm than death now.
>[suicide] does not in any way make you one iota more authentic than another individual
It does if you are claiming life is bad, of course it does, regardless of being stupid or smart.
All the philosophizing he does and his bias towards negative adjectives in the book really only tells you how he feels, it's not particularly insightful towards a broader living condition. Which is fine but then Ligotti says he feels bad but outwardly he can live a perfectly productive life. What does him feeling bad mean then? Is it just a dialogue thing? Is it a sensation that has no effect in his behavior? Seems rather fragmented(which is why I say hypocritical). His writings are not an account of a miserable human body like Osamu, but a miserable… what?
All I said about Osamu is that he wrote very sincerely, it's very easy to see looking at his life what his words refer to. Had Osamu not lived a rapidly decaying life, then his writings would be mere fiction, the books wouldn't have manifested at all, since they manifested out of his decaying life.
I'm someone that is pro suicide(in any circumstance), pro euthanasia(in any circumstance), pro abortion, pro culling the disabled, and I think existence is ALRIGHT and all right and I'll admit it, I don't understand what he is even getting at. Yes it's probably the way he writes, that he references a new philosopher every other page makes me think he is just having fun with philosophical fluff and not describing his reality. His books are a manifestation of him liking writing, that's all.

 No.217425

Can't do another decade of this, have to get a routine I stick to strictly everyday this week

 No.217426

>>217423
>>217424
P.S. Just to illustrate how I feel, how would you feel about reading 100+ pages of some unremarkable wageslave talking about how excellent life is, mostly writing about theories on why it is so excellent?

 No.217443

>>217424

>If life is bad, then death absolutely is the cure, it really is that simple.


It really is not that simple, so let me re-post part of my rebuttal to that assertion, since you seem to have chosen to ignore what I've previously said (again).

Expecting a pessimist to willingly embrace one of the harms of life (death) assumes that pessimists see, or should see, death as good. But they don't necessarily see the death of a living creature as good; they see nonexistence (never having been born would be ideal) as good. Suicide might nullify your existence but only via one of the harms of life (having to experience death in order to accomplish this). Everyone will eventually suffer this harm anyway, but choosing it would only be sensible if it were (in the current evaluation of harms made by the specific person) lesser than other harms which would likely be experienced by staying alive for the time being. In the mental/emotional calculation of most people, pessimists included, more immediate suffering would be caused by anticipating and committing suicide than by staying alive for the time being.

>It does if you are claiming life is bad, of course it does


Yes, yes, as you've said and, as you also mentioned, is itself a fundamental point of disagreement between us. Take it, or leave it, life itself can be a formidable jailor. Imagine an inmate at the most heinous prison you can imagine, with walls 50 feet high, that made their escape from said prison enormously difficult, if not impossible. Them lamenting the shittiness of the prison would seem fairly straightforward and undeniable, being that they are incarcerated within it and need to suffer it on a daily basis and that their escape is next to impossible. A prisoner, trapped in prison, condemning the many horrible aspects of their imprisonment, seems hardly enough to consider them a hypocrite, since, in their case, it's as easy for them to leave it, as it is for some guy in a supermax somewhere. Also consider that Ligotti might ideally prefer to commit suicide, assuming he were able to. Is not the wish for suicide enough to remain "consistent"?

>His writings are not an account of a miserable human body like Osamu, but a miserable… what?


So, in other words, because Ligotti doesn't have, or has suffered from, a demonstrably awful life, (according to you, course), he therefore has no basis for saying any of the things that he's saying and is just roleplaying as a depressive for shits and giggles. Well, sorry, but I gotta say that's a disgustingly norp-tier way of sizing someone up. That's really no different than saying, "If I can't see it, then it isn't there, or at the very least I can't respect/understand it", which is about as normalfaggot as it gets. Funnily enough, pretty much the same sort of mindset that dismisses any sort of depressive as simply being delusional or whiny, when compared against an "actual" injured or suffering human being. What's more, Ligotti has clearly spent his life in a great deal of mental and physical pain, and if we're going to take him at his word, frequently resides in a state of anhedonic near-paralysis. How is this any less of a justification for condemning his stance on life or his writings on the matter versus, "Woe is me, I'm a norp sperg, flinch in horror at all my norp sperg antics.". Does everyone have to be a degenerate norp sperg, or simply have a flaming trainwreck of a life, for you to take them seriously enough, or buy whatever it is that they're saying on depression and the miseries of life? Personally, I have much more respect for and connection to a "quiet" sort of suffering like Ligotti, versus the relatively loud antics of an Osamu, or anyone else that's similar/"louder" on that front.

>I'm someone that is pro suicide(in any circumstance), pro euthanasia(in any circumstance), pro abortion, pro culling the disabled


So, you think everyone should kill themselves, "in any circumstance", no matter who it is they are then? If so, then doesn't that just make you somewhat of an efilist yourself? Such a stance on suicide would suggest that life is irredeemably awful and that suicide/death is the only answer. Or is it that anyone who wants to commit suicide, by extension of having nothing good to say about life, or being in an otherwise awful predicament, should do so and stop whining?

>and I think existence is ALRIGHT and all right and I'll admit it, I don't understand what he is even getting at.


That's weird considering what you just said a moment ago, since it seems to suggest that, generally speaking, existence is anything, but alright, or that anyone who doesn't view it as alright should simply kill themselves as soon as possible? Well, if this is what you truly think, then why are you even here posting on /dep/ in the first place? Just to have fruitless discussions about things you will never agree with or understand in the first place and to claim that any depressive who condemns life, yet keeps living or is otherwise not outwardly suffering, is a contemptible hypocrite? So, in other words, by condemning Ligotti in this way you're basically calling out anyone else who's similarly minded or in a similar position, a good deal of /dep/ itself I should say, for being themselves also inauthentic and hypocritical? Say you have a wizard who feels the same way as Ligotti, but lives a life of total seclusion and isolation, so as to disengage from life as much as possible. Would such a person be consistent, similar to the prior examples you listed of sufficient disengagement from life such as an anorexic or a heroin addict, or would they be considered a walking contradiction and hypocrite as well, especially if one led an otherwise dull life, yet suffered no extreme outward calamities/norp melodrama?

>His books are a manifestation of him liking writing, that's all.


Obviously Ligotti enjoys writing and self-expression, that doesn't mean he is affirming life as a whole. Just because a prison inmate plays table tennis for distraction it doesn't mean he enjoys being incarcerated, or is 'affirming' prison.

>>217426

Well, that's pretty dumb. Why on earth would I (feeling the way that I do), or anyone else who's of a similar mindset, read such a thing as that in the first place? Why would I then go to a positivist wageslave forum or thread and then proceed to make the claim that they actually all overtly hate life? Another example would be like forcing myself to read Ted K's manifesto, or what have you, before then going on a primitivist forum and trying to tell all the users there what a two faced idiot Ted K is, coming from the position that I enjoy civilization and wish for it to continue and that anyone who says otherwise is in some way deluded/crazy or hypocritical, since they're using the internet and a computer, and that they can only achieve consistency unless they abandon civilization to live in the most remote location possible and never bother to interact with civilization ever again. Something Ted K failed to do since bombs/retaliation, writing manifestos he wanted published and read by others via the mechanisms of civilization, only to inevitably end up going to prison are all still interacting with civilization. My point being, why waste your time with things you fundamentally disagree with, unless it is you just enjoy being the devil's advocate/contrarian in any area you're in?

 No.217445

>>217443
>you seem to have chosen to ignore what I've previously said (again).
But I did address what you just reposted:
>>Even if death is a harm(harm to what?), simple math will tell you that death+decades of other harms is more harm than death now.
Seriously, harm to what?! An abstract?
>more immediate suffering would be caused by anticipating and committing suicide than by staying alive for the time being.
Where does this suffering stem from if not from a love of life? The act is not physically more strenuous. If you go buy food instead of life ending chemicals, then you are choosing life + death later instead of death now. You are only adding life by doing this, that's not the action of someone that thinks life is bad.
>A prisoner, trapped in prison, condemning the many horrible aspects of their imprisonment, seems hardly enough to consider them a hypocrite
Suicide is not enormously difficult and nowhere near impossible. Yes I'd think the prisoner was dumb and hypocritical if he didn't want to escape because "well the escape door is still inside the prison, and everything in prison is bad so…"
>Is not the wish for suicide enough to remain "consistent"?
Would he just sit there wishing for food too?
>frequently resides in a state of anhedonic near-paralysis.
How many screenplays and books has the average anhedonic wiz written I wonder, now those cases are more believable. I wonder why you think a functional writer, website and brand owner, is less of a Normal Ordinary and Respectable person than the trainwreck suicidal alcoholic.
Also publishing books is not quiet at all, requires a lot of organized effort, and is loud enough that some people in wizchan are arguuing about it.
>So, you think everyone should kill themselves
No I meant as in, it should be facilitated for anyone that wants so.
>Ligotti enjoys writing and self-expression, that doesn't mean he is affirming life as a whole. Just because a prison inmate plays table tennis for distraction it doesn't mean he enjoys being incarcerated, or is 'affirming' prison.
Writing is a life exclusive activity, ping pong is not a prison exclusive activity. Writing affirms life, ping pong does not affirm prison.
>or thread and then proceed to make the claim that they actually all overtly hate life?
You could if everyone there was making decisions that killed them way early.
Ted is a bad example of a hypocrite, he explicitly planned to use the fruit of civilization to end civilization because he thinks civilization is bad(akin to committing suicide using life things if you think life is bad).
To clarify I'm not being a contrarian, I'm a depressive. But I know I'm still here because there's things I care for or even hope for.
I just find this particular example of writer to be quite ridiculous, and I'm trying to make my case on why reasonably.

 No.217446

>>217443
>>217445
Dammit I skipped a paragraph:
>then why are you even here posting on /dep/ in the first place?
You can condemn your situation without condemning existence as a whole.
How many depressives here would gladly take living in an Isekai anime? Or a rich neet life? A fair amount.
I'm not saying anyone discontent with their situation that keeps on living is inauthentic.
I am saying anyone discontent with all of existence existence that keeps on going is inauthentic and really fragmented.
A life of seclusion and isolation is not disengaging from life at all, it's disengaging from society but not from life. Disengaging from life will inevitably lead to calamity, someone that stops engaging in their basic life preserving needs won't last long.

 No.217447

>>217446
It's not really inauthentic since it's still instinctual to stay alive.

Your thing about not condemning all existence is easy to reverse: someone could acknowledge theirs' at the top of the food chain, but disparage the whole thing existing.

 No.217448

File: 1585413099023.png (18.54 KB, 592x275, 592:275, c87888886346363.png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.217449

>>217447
>It's not really inauthentic since it's still instinctual to stay alive.
Even animals can get depressed enough to waste away and die early. It's less authentic than the depression of a dog that's for sure. Instincts aren't an external force, if your instinct for survival is stronger than your words of misery, as a being you love life.
>someone could acknowledge theirs' at the top of the food chain, but disparage the whole thing existing
And they'd be hypocritical to do so while continuing on.

 No.217451

File: 1585421699627.jpg (24.02 KB, 540x403, 540:403, 1478018221726.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217445

>harm to what?! An abstract?


Death itself is the harm. Death might be the doorway to a potential state of painless non-existence, but the getting there still requires an extreme amount of harm to be committed against oneself, especially if one doesn't have access to guns, or proper drugs, or whatever else. Existential panic can also be an enormous harm in and of itself. You might say to get drunk or to otherwise tranquilize yourself, but even that merely shifts the existential dread back a post and does nothing to really address it directly. As in, the panic to pull the trigger, is simply replaced with the panic of pushing down the plunger on the tranquilizer. Among other things, our bodies are programmed for self-preservation and it can be a struggle, sometimes a massive struggle, to overcome that. A body, as a bundle of simple nerves, doesn't care how much you, as a consciousness, are suffering and it can very easily exert its own force of will in situations like these to prevent the action one otherwise desperately wishes for.

To be clear, I also support suicide. If someone decides to do it, then more power to them. What I don't support is acting like suicide is, even when one is leading an empty and dreadful life that they demonstrably don't enjoy, the next logical and obvious course of action for them to take. An anhedonic zombie can very easily feel paralyzed and unable to move in any direction whatsoever. Crossing the veil between life and death is a massive threshold and one can find death just as unattractive and awful a prospect as life itself. It's called being stuck between a rock and a hard place. It simply feels dishonest to paint Ligotti, or really anyone else, as having a clear desire to live given their reluctance, if not complete inability, to grapple with that threshold when it simply represents yet another miserable aspect of life itself, albeit the final one. To an anhedonic zombie, grappling with the existential titan of self-annihilation can in fact be equivalent to merely shuffling along in a hopeless and terrible haze. It's just that the effort required for one, is far less than the other, even though both are miserable and horrible to deal with.

>You are only adding life by doing this, that's not the action of someone that thinks life is bad.


Life can still be bad, despite someone going through the motions of base survival. And again, this is also treating suicide as if it is simple as going to a grocery store, divorced from any sort of the struggles and panic that would be involved in actually doing it. You're trying to divorce suicide from the real, tangible, visceral cost it actually has. If humans had bodies where every unconsciously driven nerve was under our complete control and we could simply act with our rational intent, then yes, you'd have a point, but we don't. Being stuck between the two blazing infernos of life and death is a very common and intractable reality for severe depressives and anhedonics. Claiming that this isn't the case and that they can, in the case of depressives/anhedonics who hate life, and ideally should, merely boils down to yet another variation of the tired old, "Just do it, brah", style of advice or way of looking at the world, which places humans as masters of their own fate and capable of following suit with their desires, should they "truly wish them", in the first place. It just seems extremely flippant and willfully obstinate to me to not acknowledge that someone can still find life a miserable chore and almost entirely not find it to be worth living, while also finding suicide to be just as much of a miserable chore as well.

>well the escape door is still inside the prison


That wasn't part of the description, though. You define the picture as a prison where all the gates and doors are open. I define the prison where the walls are 50 feet high, covered in spotlights and barbed wire, with a literal demon sitting at the very top as a sentinel, making escape next to impossible, or at least requiring a great deal of effort. It'd simply be disingenuous, not to mention insane, in that sort of scenario, to expect and say to an inmate to just, "Go climb that wall if you hate it here so much, bro". One can claim that the walls and the demon aren't there and, perhaps for them, that's true. Whereas another can very clearly see that the walls and demon are an utterly intractable reality. Some can easily just pass through the wall, while others are simply forced to climb it, which, in most cases, they'll very likely fail to do, making the prospect of climbing it in the first place even tougher to consider doing, only to then jump into the great unknown on the other side, should they succeed. Whether it's the wall or the prison, one is met with a miserable predicament on both sides. Milling around the yard, or killing time playing ping pong, are also not enough to make up for the many beatings, empty meals, and otherwise awful conditions which makes existing in this prison a torment to otherwise experience.

>Would he just sit there wishing for food too?


That doesn't answer the question, but given your "talk is cheap" mentality, I suppose the answer would be "no", you don't find that enough to remain consistent which is, again, nothing more than you being stubbornly obstinate about the criteria.

>average anhedonic wiz written I wonder


Probably none, but anhedonic wizards still post their thoughts and interact with others on wizchan. What's stopping one from painting anhedonic wizards with the same brush merely because they still exert that sort of effort required to do so? You claim Ligotti isn't really anhedonic, but it seems very arbitrary to qualify anhedonia in the way you've just done. Who draws the line there? Are wizards who masturbate, or even just browse the internet, "truly" anhedonic? Anhedonia is simply a state where you reap no pleasure from what you're doing. One can still pass the time in certain ways to widdle away the hours, it's just that they get no, or very little, pleasure from the actual act of doing such things.

>why you think a functional writer, website and brand owner, is less of a Normal Ordinary and Respectable person than the trainwreck suicidal alcoholic.


Well, it might sound petty to mention, but he's far more wizardly for one thing. Acting as if him writing a couple obscure short stories, and one somewhat controversial non-fiction book that most people have never even heard of, is hardly grounds enough to consider him in any way "loud". On the matter of him being "functional", I don't see how that's relevant. He's roughly equivalent to someone like Christopher Thomas Knight, as far as norpness is concerned. Like CTK, he lives a highly secluded life mostly consisting of quiet reflection on the world and everything else. Calling him a norp because he writes books is just silly. That would also, by your own admission just now, automatically make Osamu a norp as well. An alcoholic, sex having, crotch spawning, norp. Gee, I wonder which one is actually the bigger norp here? The crotch spawning alcoholic sperg, or the guy who sits quietly alone in his home writing books.

>Also publishing books is not quiet at all, requires a lot of organized effort


And drinking, whoring around, and crotch spawning somehow are? Give me a break. Osamu killed himself. Big whoop. He has about as much integrity as a depressive as a succubus like Virginia Wolf does. Both were depressed writers/spergy norps who killed themselves. Trying to elevate sorts like that over Ligotti or Zapffe, who were/are both extremely modest, childless, and wizardly individuals, merely because those norps committed suicide and posturing their apparent struggles with their own normalfaggotry like, "Woe is me, I don't understand my wife and kids. I just want to be human", means more than the struggles of more wizardly individuals is just both insulting and disgusting to write with a straight face, especially here.

>Writing is a life exclusive activity, ping pong is not a prison exclusive activity. Writing affirms life, ping pong does not affirm prison.


If a prison inmate is enjoying their game of ping pong then, by extension, they're also enjoying their time in prison and therefore affirming their time there by virtue of said enjoyment. Acting as if writing has any more significance than ping pong is simply assigning too much arbitrary value to writing. The point being that both are merely a means to kill time. We also can't know whether Ligotti truly enjoys writing or not, since to him it might simply be a way to kill time, the same way a prison inmate plays ping pong to kill time.

 No.217452

>>217451

>You could if everyone there was making decisions that killed them way early.


But why would I want to? Why would I even be there in the first place, if I wasn't a wageslave or a positivist type of person? It'd simply be stirring up shit for nothing which, granted, is a favorite past time of many on the internet, but it's hardly equivalent to having a real discussion that tries to unveil the truth, or at least some semblance of the truth, as it applies to us as individuals.

>But I know I'm still here because there's things I care for or even hope for.


Yet you keep trying to act if that's an ironclad rule for everyone, when it simply isn't. You continue to keep living because you hope for it to get better, others keep living simply out of anhedonic riddled habit or fear and are, in essence, passively suicidal. To you, the latter simply doesn't exist, or is just a cover for the former. You decide that to be the case, but that hardly makes it true for anyone, but yourself.

>I just find this particular example of writer to be quite ridiculous


Yet your issues with him can basically apply to any depressive writer, or person, that doesn't eventually commit suicide. In that sense, Ligotti is mostly irrelevant here.

>>217446

Condemning existence, also doesn't necessarily mean that one is condemning their own life. Just that existence is fundamentally unsatisfying and uncompelling, no matter how it's arranged. In this sense, death really is the only way out, since there's nothing that could possibly improve what can never ultimately be improved from someone who sees no value in life, even under "ideal" circumstances. If all those who feel this way could die suddenly right this moment, then I don't believe they'd have the slightest concern about it. How many depressed wizards, assuming they weren't aware it was going to happen, would be OK with dying painlessly in their sleep tonight? At least as many as those who would otherwise opt for those norp-tier lifestyles you mentioned, I'd wager. Suffering death through an utterly unknown event, taking all of the hardship and misery out of suicide, is an altogether different affair than needing to step into the ring and grapple with that demon directly. Case closed.

 No.217453

>>217451
>>217452
I'll start repeating myself if I go for a long response again.
I don't have much to add, the disagreement continues since we can't even agree on what even exists. I say there's no wall or demon, and I'd think that anyone seeing the wall and demon would see they are an illusion as soon as they saw someone else go through them. But this isn't the case apparently.
"I don't like it here, I won't like it anywhere, my body keeps going on its own base survival"
^what even is this entity? I generally use language to describe physical bodies and actual actions. That's what I think people are. I'm clearly talking towards another sort of entity here though, one that suffers for the body but has no will to manifest beyond words. I've been talking about my above definition of people, it was a mistake. I don't even know what you are.

 No.217456

File: 1585426929063.gif (425.23 KB, 496x255, 496:255, giphy.gif) ImgOps iqdb

I hate my dad so much. Whenever he asks me to do something, I do it, no complaints, no backtalk. Whenever this fucker asks me to do a chore I've never done before, I do my best to do it. Even if I have no knowledge or anything on how to do it, never done it in my life, no one ever showed me how, I try my best to figure it out. Now - Every. Fucking. Time. He'll check on how I did, and find anything, any small thing I didn't do correctly, or exactly how he wanted it, and then I'll hear him screaming and yelling for me from outside or across the house. So I'll go and see whats up with him, and every damn time he found some small detail or some bullshit he can blow out of proportion and start hollering about how "lazy" and "bratty" I am because I didn't do the perfect job that he supposedly would have done on something no one ever taught me how to do. And then he always uses these cliche boomer lines, like "when I was your age I cleaned the damn floor with a toothbrush!", "we didn't have power tools back when I was a kid!", and all that, I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. Fuck this cunt, he has been like this my entire life, I'm so glad I will not be breeding, so glad I get the pleasure to end his shitty dna and family line.

 No.217483

I feel so inferior to everyone in every place I go,even here,I see people who is more sucessful,handsome and just all around better than me all the time and it's torture,even in places like Wizchan other wizzies have tons of money,they go travel,they have tons of NEETbux money,powerful PC's I can only dream of,a hobby,a skill etc while I have nothing at all,I don't have a lot of money,I live in a 3rd world country (and I never travelled anywhere),I don't have any good skills,no interesting hobbies…nothing fucking nothing.

Even among losers NEET's and hikkis I feel like an outsider,like a fucking speck of dust that can't even get the scraps,I hate living so much,I hope I can manage to get the courage to kill myself one day.

 No.217484

>>217483
I'm just like you.

 No.217487

>>217483
Same.
Another 3rd world shithole resident here.

 No.217514

Fuck wizchan.
A million new posts a day, each the size of the fucking war and peace.
All threads derailed in poltardery.
Can't say a word without some fucking smug smartass self-affirming. Truwiz and crab theories.
Rot.

 No.217516

File: 1585497161214.jpg (28.89 KB, 480x360, 4:3, hqdefault.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I was going to masturbate but started to think about the world and the human condition and ALL THESE THOUGHTS made my stomach turned, I swallow it up and then my anger turned into sadness. I didn't allow myself to cry, but I almost teared up. I evaporated the tears because it's all lies.
I'm so fed up with this life and I'm angry and this feelings of pain and remorse I WILL NEVER CALLED THEM SADNESS.
THIS IS FURY BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.
I'm not the one to blame you pieces of shit. I'm not the one with a problem. You are.
Now I'm gonna masturbate and have a good time. HOPE ALL OF YOU DIE A MISERABLE DEATH AND BEFORE THAT SUFFER LIKE A PARASITE WITHOUT A HOST.
I SHOULD KILL YOU MYSELF BUT THAT'D BE A WASTE OF THIS LIFE.


your good intentions and good hearted bullshit is a facade. what are you striving for you pieces of shit? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? WHEN YOU SAY THINGS THAT YOU DON'T MEAN YOU PIECES OF SHIT. WHY DON'T YOU SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK.
You all lying humans don't deserve to live, hiding in your words. Ignorant of the mass of pain you cause.
And even when you speak the truth, you don't live by truth. You do evil.
You can easily prevent doing harm.
But you choose to do evil.
It's so simple.
It's so easy to understand.
So why the fuck do you do evil stupid human?
Why do you choose to make others suffer?
What do you need to understand that you're making others lives a living hell?
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND HUMAN, WHAT'S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
WHY WOULD YOU PUT OTHERS IN AGONY?
WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO DO EVIL?
WHY?
WHY?
I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE SO DIFFERENT THAN ME
I WANT TO TRUST IN YOU
I WANT TO BELIEVE IN MY FATHER AGAIN
I WANT TO LOVE MY MOTHER
I WANT TO LOVE YOU BUT YOU'RE SCUM
YOU CHOOSE TO BE EVIL
EVERYDAY
YOU CHOOSE TO BE EVIL

Maybe you shouldn't share this world with me.
I FUCKING HATE YOU BECAUSE A GOOD LIFE IS POSSIBLE BUT YOU RUINED IT ALL.
YOU RUINED IT ALL. YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR CREATION. YOUR CHILDREN. YOU BASTARDIZED THEM. YOU CORRUPTED WHAT LITTLE BEAUTY THIS WORLD HAD TO THE POINT WHERE HOPING FOR PEACE IS NOTHING BUT A MADMAN'S DELUSION. I HATE YOU ALL YOU'RE ALL HORRIBLE PIECES OF SHIT. WHY DID I EVEN LEARNT TO SPEAK OR WRITE OR ANYTHING WHEN NOT EVEN MY SCREAMS WILL CHANGE THIS REALITY.
Lying scum don't deserve to exist.

 No.217518

>>217514
Yeah, it's so tiresome since it just basically seems if you're not some white nationalist powerlifter who is comfortable in office settings and life-affirming, you're not a truwiz. It's almost as if ironpill is the standard for wizardhood now.

 No.217520

Is the goal to become the old guy in American History X who gets teenagers to beat people for him?

"Saving myself to educate the volk"

 No.217521

>>217516
This dude has no chill at all.
How about you start DOING things with your life Instead of contemplating things out of your control? Screams don't change reality. Actions do.
I know this is depression crawl thread but you need some positive vibes my man.

 No.217523

>>217521
you need to shut the fuck up

 No.217524

FUCK I CAN'T EVEN MASTURABTE WHEN MY MOM'S TALKING OVER THE PHONE I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON I CAN STILL LISTEN TO THIS BITCH FUCK YOU WHOTRER FUCK YOU WHORE SHUT HTE HFUCK PUP
fuck you CORONA SHIT FUCK YOU SUTPID WHOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 No.217525

>>217524
why not masturbate to her voice?

 No.217529

>>217525
Not everybody has a convenient oedipus complex.

 No.217530

>>217525
Subhuman.

 No.217535

File: 1585515258856.jpg (876.11 KB, 1066x1500, 533:750, Sigmund_Freud_LIFE.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.217538

>>217231
>holotropic breathwork
>alcaline diet
>fasting
>leave grains

This has somehow worked to me, with the inconvenient that I find myself in a situation I am not to practice these things anymore…

 No.217540

File: 1585520258463.jpg (97.8 KB, 960x960, 1:1, Avoid modern medicine - al….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>216529
Beware of olanzapine and friends because they diminish your brain size.

 No.217550

There hasn't been a single good day since 2012 and it is getting worse and worse still. Why haven't I killed myself yet?

 No.217568

>>217550
Human will to survive is the strongest will to ever be created.

 No.217581

>>217483
I feel like that

I born in a fucking place, I hate my life so much

 No.217656

I sincerely wish I had some sort of creative talent. Being a professional artist/musician/3D artist and working from home would be absolutely brilliant.
Too bad I don't really care for the actual creative process, it's pretty annoying, actually. Not to mention that my brain actively resists learning art. Back to daydreaming, I guess.

 No.217665

why do i have to fail in everything? at least let me have one victory.

 No.217667

>>217664
that is really depressing, makes me wonder, as someone with a mental disorder that hinders my social ability, how am I supposed to even compete with all those normal people

 No.217668

>>217665
You succeed at failing.

 No.217669

>>217667
Wizards types do have some advantages. For starters, you won't have wife and children to take away all your money. You're alone and whatever money you do make it's yours. Second, your anti-social tendencies makes you save a lot of money. No need to get fancy shit to impress anyone, no going to parties or traveling with other people, no friends to invite you to restaurants, bars and whatever else socials spend money on. Third, wizard life pushes you to frugality, you can exist on less of everything. You can save money even making very little of it, and since you shouldn't worry about social pressures, any job is good enough. Lastly, there are many positions out there that regular people don't want, not because of the pay, but because it interferes on their social/family life. Work with odd hours and such. Those shouldn't be a problem for you.

 No.217670

>>217669
>wizard types
what is that?
>anti-social tendencies makes you save a lot of money
Wizards are antisocial?
> wizard life pushes you to frugality
what is a wizard life? I don't understand any of this. Could you explain? You're making so many assumptions.

 No.217672

>>217670
>I don't understand any of this.
Well move on, then, you're clearly lost. And no, I won't bother explaning the obvious.

 No.217673

>>217669
Guess it feels nice to give encouragement advices about wageslavery in /dep/ thread couple of weeks before The Great Depression 2.0

 No.217674

>>217669
The reason people don't want those jobs isn't only because of social status. It's because they suck. Most shitty jobs are ones where you are reminded constantly of your inferiority and most people working shitty jobs have kids as kids are the main incentive to take them. Most shitty jobs aren't designed for an adult to survive on unless you're talking dangerous ones like mining or oil rig work which are fading. I really would rather die than work a normally shitty job because I hate dealing with people and I'm clumsy so they will yell at me and it's hard not to snap.

 No.217676

>>217673
I didn't meant to come out that way, believe me. If you can figure it out how to live without having to work then by all means do that instead. I would certainly prefer it myself. Working is fucking hell on earth.

>>217674
I agree with all that, still, I found that the things I mentioned in my post really work in my favor and I thought I would mention them.

 No.217697

File: 1585695932964.gif (Spoiler Image, 696.2 KB, 457x640, 457:640, bac61d12f6e7ae8b1074de36d7….gif) ImgOps iqdb

I've decided that I will take a 140 days break from the internet. I'll dedicate myself to find peace in silence and meditation, and some hobbies like reading and writing in my diary, although all I will have to write there will be the the things I do in my room alone and my thoughts on the books I will read. Please take care of yourselves and the few people that are important to you. Don't let hatred rule your life and try as much as you can to escape from the madness of pain and violence that reigns freely in this world, if that means secluding yourselves then so be it. You're not at fault for many of the bad things that had happened in your lives.
I honestly don't think I will find peace but maybe something close to it. I just want to forget how cruel life has been to me. Well, see ya!

 No.217708

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/04/jake-millison-colorado/606790/

Another depressing death. This guy was a NEET, likely a wizard, who spent 20 years working on his family's ranch without pay and in exchange they told him he was going to inherit it. His Stacy sister and boyfriend moved in despite already inheriting a house, decided they wanted the ranch for themselves, conspired with his mother, and they shot him in the head while he slept. His mother took the fall for the murder, knowing that she would soon die of cancer so they only got convicted of tampering with a dead body and could be out as early as 2025. They will get to keep the ranch as well.

I feel like a lot of us here are tied down with similar obligations, waiting for some ship to come in, maybe for our life to truly begin, but we're decaying in the process and may never find peace regardless of what happens.

 No.217709

>>217708
Yeah, I mean, that's the thing with the way inheritance is set up. People will screw anyone they can to get more. My great great aunt's kids took control of her assets since she didn't have a living will when she had a stroke and it meant our side of the family got nothing.

 No.217710

>>217708
If it was inheritance, why did the mother have to conspire? Couldn't she just put them in her will? Or did she not own the ranch?

 No.217711

>>217710
His mother owned the ranch and had cut him out of her will weeks before so the murder seems to be unnecessary, but perhaps they thought they were tying up loose ends or were worried about getting sued for years of unpaid labor. Another possibility is that his sister didn't know that their mother changed the will and committed the murder without the mother's involvement. Either way, the feud ran deeper than the inheritance and I can't begin to understand what goes on in the minds of these human pieces of trash.

 No.217726

>>217708
> NEET, likely a wizard
> shot him in the head while he slept
how is it depressing? depwizzies crave for this peaceful death

 No.217735

>>217708
> could be out as early as 2025
to the empty world with waters rised 2meters and a 40celsius temperature

 No.217736

>>217708
It's not a good idea to read shit like this when you're already depressed

 No.217737

There's this documentary "Greed" made by DW channel. It's ok, but the part with a shaman guy preaching his deep shit about nature, uuuugh. Earth doesn't give a shit about being dirty, people don't give a shit about animals and ofcourse other people. They don't even care about their own tomorrows. And it's the way things are, none of your wisdoms with piano music on the background won't do shit, you're patting yourselves on the back.

 No.217750

I never thought I'td start browsing wizardchan unironicly. But it is creeping up fast.

If anything I don't feel depressed. Rather a slight comfy joy.. I finally found another home.

:bbbbb

 No.217751

>>217750
browsing wizardchan ironically is pretty retarded

 No.217753


>>217736
This is normal. We've all been symbolically shot in the head, by someone that supposedly cares about us.

Sure they care! For our sorrows is their hope. And our screeching hope os their blessing.

All alone is all we are.

 No.217759


>>217756

Cleaning is a womans task. You are not evolved to do so. You are being punished for no gf.

 No.217762

>>217761

 No.217763

>>217762
From what Ive seen they seem to enjoy it and therefor will.

That kind of thing happens alot. We are forced to act in a way that constantly damages our soul

 No.217766

File: 1585775988227.png (38.54 KB, 179x181, 179:181, bern milk.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217708
My mother is a lawyer and I've seen it many times.
You can always expect a family tear itself apart or members hurting each other (either physically or emotionally) and leaving grudges when it comes to an inheritance.
To the many of you who have aging parents repeatedly tell them to sort their shit in life so the process becomes less traumatic. I say less cause there's always someone who will accuse other of hoarding some non-existent shit, we humans can be so fucking ruthless when we think there's something to self-rightfully gain.

 No.217768

>>217697
godspeed wizzie see you tomorrow

 No.217769

>>217763
So you have seen
>their smelly diseased vaginas loosened by years of fucking niggers
? Get the fuck out of here.

 No.217770

Fuck it I can't even have a goddamn drink to forget that I exist without my bitch mom complaining about it. Fuck this quarantine, let me have some booze outside dammit

 No.217773

>>217524
I actually relate to this, my mom never shuts the fuck up and is always talking loud on her phone to her retarded old bag of friends, she screams like a hyena and I only just fap around midnight, but my dad always makes grunting noses and walks around the place cleaning dishes or just do something annoying as usual, I fucking hate this place fuck I need to move out.

 No.217795

>>217697
Why not just take a break from image boards or communication in general? The internet is very useful to find good escapism, I don't see the point in taking a break from it.
>>217726
This. Whether you are murdered or you commit suicide if there isn't much pain involved then it is OK. I'm not saying the killers shouldn't be punished but that guy got off the hook relatively easily by getting shot in the head while sleeping.

 No.217797

>>217795
yeah, it's like the suicidal wizzies and antinatalists don't actually want to die
what a surprise

 No.217801

Noticed a lot of posts lately are denigrating depressed wizzies. It's really a shame to come here and read that sort of stuff.

Also noticed lots of normtubers being posted and it made me wonder how many people are like me and just don't watch or subscribe to any of those channels. I'm not even sure I could name any normtubers if asked. I guess it has turned into popular culture and I'm too disconnected even for that.

 No.217802

>>217801
>denigrating depressed wizzies
Ligotti nailed it: they see any worldview different from theirs - they take it as a personal attack.

 No.217803

>>217802
depressed wizzies shouldn't take it as personal though

 No.217804

File: 1585830325140-0.png (126.9 KB, 247x219, 247:219, ptsd.png) ImgOps iqdb

NEVER do a dopamine fast unless you want to remember and feel things time and memory has helped you forget.
This would prove to be a really useful tool for someone who had achievements in their life with minimal suffering but for someone like me whose life had been just a train of bad memories this is a sure-fire way of ending up feeling suicidal.

 No.217805

>>217801
Some users spend a lot of time on youtube. It’s ok. They just shouldn’t repost videos almost no one will bother to watch. I don’t understand why they do this.

 No.217806

>>217804
Isn't Dopamine Fasting just torture?

 No.217808

Is the Meiki no Syoumei 05 a good onahole to buy? It's got really good reviews, but I guess I just want to be sure. This is the only place I can ask, so please, if someone could answer seriously that would be appreciated. I'll probably get a USB warmer for it as well, but how important is lube? Would it just be dry and abrasive without it? How easy are onaholes to clean and how often should one do so? Is it possible I could get an infection, or something?

Most important question, but how stealthy is the packaging on these things? Is it literally just going to come in a sex toy box, or something? Ideally, I'd like it to arrive in a big Amazon type cardboard box, so I can just pretend it's something else in case one of my parents asks what it is. If anyone could recommend me a site that does good stealth when it comes to this sort of thing I'd very much like to hear it.

 No.217809

>>217808
why is this in dep

 No.217810

File: 1585835064423-0.jpg (220.88 KB, 1242x2097, 138:233, 9sl6qluqesa41.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217806
Depends but this could end up disastrous for a typical wizanon.

 No.217811

>>217809

Because I honestly didn't know where else to post it to. The /lounge/ crawl thread is a fucking shit show. I guess I could've just made this questions its own thread there, but then I would've just gotten responese from asshat spouting "Wizchan current year" at me, or "very wizardly". This site can reallly be up its own ass with its own assorted buzzwords and other random bullshit that some obtuse pricks on here like to rake others over the coals for, even if its just for looking to purchase some random piece of plastic and silicone. I'm just really tired of it, having to deal with the retarded "truwiz" factions. "Onaholes aren't wizardly!", "Wizards who masturbate aren't wizardly!", "Wizards who aren't 100% asexual aren't wizardly!". To those obtuse pricks out there, just leave me the fuck alone and let others answer my question. Also, you're a bunch of retarded fucking trolls who have been a cancer on this site since its inception.

Why the hell was my image delteded. It was tagged as a spoiler and was just a picture of the box for reference. What the fuck? Since when did spoiler tagged images get deleted?

 No.217813

>>217811
>I honestly didn't know where else to post it to
you're either moron or troll
fuck off

 No.217814

>>217811
Simply post this anywhere but dep, why is that so hard to understand? Are you sad or have problems getting a retarded onahole?

 No.217815

>>217813

So where should I have posted it to then dipshit? Also you're the one who needs to fuck off. Fucking warlock, normnigger scum. I just wanted to ask a couple simple question and now I have some warlock asshole flaming me over nothing. God damn bullshit of it all. I fucking hate my life.

 No.217816

>>217815
/games/
you're playing with a toy no?

 No.217817

>>217816
>Last Fap Thread
>Hobbies that don't deserve their own thread

 No.217818

File: 1585840704453.jpg (32.25 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 9sbxj9ks1si21.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.217819

>>217818
now apologise to me you dumb cunt

 No.217820

>>217819
ok sorry

 No.217821

>>217815
Grow a pair retard. You sound like you've done your fair share of flaming too anyway.

 No.217822

File: 1585843025363.gif (1.43 MB, 200x200, 1:1, 1585831379172.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>217804
>>217806
>>217810
Pain is just weakness leaving your body

 No.217825

>>217804
Yeah, to be honest, if I'm not 100% focused on some wikipedia rabbit hole, tv show, or something else, I just get a train of bad memories being triggered. It even gets triggered when I am watching but it's not immersive enough to not hit the flashbacks.

 No.217826

>>217825
Even when I'm walking outside I'm usually introspecting and memories pop up and then people get upset with me for the facial expressions I inadvertently make. This doesn't seem to happen to most people.

 No.217832

File: 1585855192880.png (104.09 KB, 497x350, 71:50, 1478385631679.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>217814
>>217816
>>217817
>>217821

What the fuck is with all this snideness and hostility? All this over me simply posting about something as innocuous as an onahole in /dep/, and the /dep/ crawl thread no less? As far as how it relates to /dep/, the fact it's come to this for me does in fact make me somewhat depressed. What led to this being an issue here is that, in my observations, I've always associated /lounge/ with needless flaming and being the main bastion of truwiz bullshit so I never tend to even lurk that board, yet here I am being flamed just as much in /dep/ and perhaps funnily enough if I'd just posted this into /lounge/ in the first place I may not have been flamed at all. So fine, I admit it. I fucking miscalculated. Great. You fuckers are gonna crucify me just for that? Fuck the lot of you. God damned pricks. You're all no better than normalfaggots. Even on a place like wizchan, people are nothing more than vicious, shit flinging apes. Why don't you bastards save your bile for people who actually deserve it, like shitchan tourists or self-righteous self improvement nuts? No, let's rip the depressed autistic wiz who posted about the onahole a new one. Clearly he's the one stepping over the line here.

>>217143

You want evidence of what that screencap says? Just take a look at those replies. There it fucking is. Apes, aping each other to death, just like he said. Any community, whether they be on the fringe or not, anonymous or not, can get even social outsiders acting as much of an unrepentant cunt as the most vile normalfaggot. That itself being a not so insignificant reason explaining why this site is such a fucking garbage heap sometimes. Like right now, for instance. A pack of disgusting cannibalistic apes pouncing on me with unwarranted hostility. Doesn't get more shitchan, or reddit-tier than that. Thanks for making wizchan the current hell it is you slimy, normclone fucks.

 No.217834

>>217832
>misplased post about onahole
>literal non- accusing response: why is this in dep
>>217811
>answered with a shitstorm on everyone
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PICE OF WORTHLESS MEAT.

 No.217883

It's funny how i'm not the person to belive in bad luck, but that's exactly what is happening to me.
I fail in everything i try.

 No.217885

>>217883
I mean, it's bad luck as in your brain probably isn't fully in tact if that's what's happening. When I described some symptoms years ago to a shrink, they brought up lesions, but the thing about lesions is you can't do anything about them.

 No.217888

>>217885
>it's bad luck as in your brain probably isn't fully in tact if that's what's happening
Does this sentence make sense or i'm retarded?

 No.217891

I'm the only person with decent posts on this board, I'm just posting this this to remind me to make a post later on

 No.217892

>>217891
Fuck I said this twice

 No.217893

>>217891
a hero we we deserve

 No.217901

so from this thread i should conclude antinatalism wiz is based and hopium "wizards" are gay and literally retarded? I mean imagine typing a book to try and discredit a philosopher when your own conclusions on his thoughts make you sound like a vapid sheltered retard who belittles the human suffering felt by most of the members of a community your present in, in favor of "but there some good feel".

 No.217902

>>217901
>so from this thread i should conclude
Sounds to me like your reached your conclusion long before this thread was made.

 No.217905

>>217902
I've read the hopium types comments all over the site, they're like a cockroach but each thread convinces me more so than the last that he's literally a normalnigger in spirit sent here to argue forever and divide and conquer, while ruining most discussions he infects.
I guess in a way I have, but this thread was the perfect deciding factor.

 No.217906

>>217901
> typing a book
does it exist in your imaginary land?

 No.217907

>>217906
is wizchan mine and imaginary? I guess so then.

 No.217912

File: 1585994105842.jpg (33.5 KB, 620x330, 62:33, image.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>217901
Your conclusion is correct.
Take this noodles as a reward. Good wizzie.

 No.217926

>>217832
Let me put this simply because you don't have the social ability to understand why people would respond so negatively to your posts. Most of the hate you are getting isn't because you made that post about onanholes, it's because you keep making off-topic posts while trying to defend it and won't shut the fuck up about it. Instead of playing victim and still arguing your case, you should have just stopped posting like most of us try to do when we realize we are in the wrong. It's ruining the thread and stalling the momentum.
>you're all no better than normalfaggots. Even on a place like wizchan, people are nothing more than vicious, shit flinging apes
Ironically your defensiveness is an purely animistic reaction and you're projecting that onto us. We're not apes for protecting board culture and keeping discussion on topic. You may think we are being harsh but there's a true purpose behind it. The reason these chan sites function relatively well despite little oversight and order is because of the aggressive social shaming. Wizchan just seems more orderly than others because depressed people are more sensitive to not starting conflict, not because 'reeeeeee normies'

Please don't respond to this.

 No.217946

>>217708
>>217766
I go through same shit with my brother right now. I cant wait to die on streets.

 No.218191

>>217708
He had friends no one would look for us if it happened


[Last 50 Posts]
[Go to top] [Catalog] [Return][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]