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 No.217938[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.


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I feel dead


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I feel like a empty husk, it's not fucking fair that I won't enjoy my games, I built this expensive computer only to play and feel fucking depressed and empty playing it. Curse my brain, curse this vessel of suffering and curse this existence.


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what other sites do you browse aside wizchan wizzies? i only lurk chans with youtube background musics, fuck what a waste, i feel like i don't deserve using that greate invention internet is.
i still can't believe my pc serves me just for that but most of all i can't believe that 99% of my days ar spend doing that.


My father is talking to himself in the middle of the night in the other room again, I have to leave this fucking house, I did it before and fucked it up with alcohol, won't make the same mistake again, this is hell, I hate it when I can't even have some silence to relax and take my mind off things, when I wake up tommorow I'm making a plan to get myself out of this mess, I have a mental illness and have to learn to survive in the best way I can while I'm alive without fucking up the little progress I've made, I can't stand being around people who make noise


The chans I used to browse are all dead or ruined except wizchan, which now is my only socialization,


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If you have only 1 week out of depression you forget entirely what it feels like. That's how different it is from living in the real world.


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Anyone else too mentally deranged to leave your family house and fend for yourself

Yet, also too rational to stay around these people either?

Daily i feel like walking out of my house barefoot and just keep going until i die

no larp


I am scared, I want to not be ill anymore, I dont care if I wake up in the morning, death dont scare me anymore


My gums have been bleeding for the past few years. It started as just coming in waves localized to one area of the mouth and I was able to make it go away by using special mouth wash and brushing and flossing really good, but for the past 2 years I have been brushing after every meal and before I go to bed and flossing every day and it has just been getting steadily worse and worse. Now it has spread to every surface of my mouth, the roof, the tongue, every single part of my gums and I can't go to the doctor because of coronavirus. My mother is a doctor but she is of no help. My entire life anytime anything is wrong with me she will just hand wave it away and say it is nothing because she doesn't want to believe anything could be wrong with me. She keeps just telling me it's because I'm brushing my teeth too hard, but I know that is fucking retarded. It is some sort of bacteria that is out of control and I need to go to the doctor but I can't because I would get coronavirus for sure and give it to my parents and kill them so I am suffering in pain. Each day flossing my teeth is one of the most painful experiences of my life. Every day. It is wearing me down, I spent half the day for the past couple days just sleeping. I want this to be over but I know it will be years before it is safe to go to the doctor again so this is my hell for the foreseeable future.


I wish I wasn't so fucking boring. How do I become a more interesting person?


Do interesting things


have a hobby that you can talk about, study sports


Being boring means you're not being engaging enough. Practice asking other people questions and seeming genuinely interested and relating with your own experiences but not if they contradict the other person too much. Most people just want an excuse to tell you about their life or share some experience and if you act genuinely interested, they're gonna love talking to you.

In my opinion, debating, discussing, pondering difficult questions is much more interesting conversation, but 99% of people will be off-put by it and they will find you rude, arrogant, obnoxious or be too intimidated to have a conversation. Being an agreeable person makes you much more popular than just being the most "interesting" guy in the room.


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It sucks when people treat me like a retarded freak. Whether it's online or in real life. The worst sort of feeling is when it's proven to be true and I really am just a retarded freak. I wish people being mean to me on the internet didn't still hurt but it does. It's especially bad in situations where I just make myself look like a moron and dig myself a hole and can only realize that I'm just a fucking idiot like everybody is saying I am and that I just deserved being shit on. Even wizchan doesn't really cut other wizards any slack for this sort of thing. Somehow after all these years of message boards and periodic abuse while using them I'm still just a dainty thin skinned little snowflake. Message boards can be so rowdy and aggressive and unforgiving. But I can also be a pretty bumbling and reactionary person myself. There's just no mercy for fools anywhere. What do other wizzies do when you realize you fucked up? Do you just dig your heels in deeper and make yourself look like more of an ass or do you just hide the dumb posts you made and try to pretend you never made them? What about when other people are just horrible to you for no reason? Do you bother to defend yourself or do you just leave and forget about it? Both sting pretty bad for me and it's hard to say which is worse but it'd probably be the first one since in that case I'm just as much to blame as anyone else for what I get which just makes me feel even more dumb and shitty since I just end up feeling like some wretched Gollum like creature that's hit with brooms and rakes simply for being what it is. Just some guy everybody hates and is always in the wrong on everything and is just a dumb whipping boy who never has a leg to stand on in anything. It seems to me that idiots with aspergers and emotional weaklings are basically the ultimate outcast freaks who remain outcast freaks no matter where it is they are. I also just hate being reminded that the internet isn't my friend and I feel like even more of a dumb dumb for slipping into subconscious thought patterns that want to try to think of it as if it is and that only get violently popped when I suffer a series of shitty encounters online leaving me nothing more than butthurt and sad and hating myself since I have nothing else in my life but the stuff I deal with online. I've found that getting shit on a bunch can be an easy way to swear off most of the internet for a while but it's not really worth the shitty feelings and it doesn't last anyway.


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>What do other wizzies do when you realize you fucked up? Do you just dig your heels in deeper and make yourself look like more of an ass or do you just hide the dumb posts you made and try to pretend you never made them?
I'm ashamed to say I do the latter. Tho this becomes quite of a crutch since you can't do this in places which are not anonymous.
Thing is, after years of discussing things with strangers you can see when the discussion is going to turn out into a pure shit flinging where no conclusion gets reached cause both parties refuse to acknowledge the other. This thing has become more apparent in the latter years, even more so when the other party just responds with reactionary shit (t. whatever and other stuff).
And I don't see any signs of the internet become less hostile in the future.

I'm no fan of hugboxes where people compliment each other over nothing, but at the same time im not a fan of people shitting on each other to the point the subjects threads want to discuss gets derailed over some petty stuff either.

This is true. Tho be aware of not confusing being agreeable with being an evident yes man.


Why would he care about being seen as boring, rather than actually being boring?


Because he obviously meant it in an interpersonal sense and cares about how others experience him.
Otherwise he'd phrase it as having a boring life or having boring experiences. Instead it's clear he cares more about the appearance of being boring rather than some higher, authentic existence.


You clearly have some sort of delusion. You probably are actually being too aggressive with your mouth as your mother suggests. Maybe tone it down a notch and see how it goes. If in your view it's been "getting worse" as you've ramped up your teeth cleaning, what do you have to lose by trying the opposite?


No room for change or honing of your interaction skills anywhere here? Thinking something along the lines of gaining experience and impressions through every encounter, learning from mistakes whether they're social or practical.


You learn from successes, not mistakes.


>touch flame
>fire too hot hand burns
>"don't touch flame" learnt


That's the opposite kind of learning to what is suggested above - aversion to the situation rather than hypothetical constructive approaches. Applying that to social situations means learning to avoid doing things that trigger negative reactions, and obviously to avoid others entirely. Which is really the correct response to normalfags, but not helpful if your goal is to improve your communications with them.


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I hate my country, it's impossible to get a job even for the lowest shit, the unemployment rate is almost 15% and i live far away from where most of the jobs are, i apply again and again and again and again and i don't get a single call, i don't understand what am i doing wrong, i can keep being a neet but i don't want that, the guilt of being a leech is killing me, i've been looking for 4 years now.


What major and what type of job are you looking for?


>i can keep being a neet but i don't want that, the guilt of being a leech is killing me
wtf is wrong with you people

get yourselves that belt with spikes to wear on your leg like some retarded cultists

with everyday pain you'll get the right perspective on this piece of shit reality


türk müsün


Nobody can get a job currently. Have you spent any time in the 4 years actually improving your skill(s), even writing a better resume? It's good that you're applying a lot, but without a proper resume you're just shooting blanks. Work on making that thing look professional since it's the primary thing they use to judge you. Some places use automatic filters so if you lack a specific keyword, they automatically throw you in the trash.

>i don't get a single call

Check if your phone number and contact info is actually correct.


I doubt anyone would take someone with a 4 year gap even without considering the current economic conditions.


post in the fucking wageslave thread


>Check if your phone number and contact info is actually correct.
This is actually very rude.


I think it could be useful in learning how to phrase oneself along the lines of "if X approach didn't work, then try Y instead the next time" gradually honing ones communicative skills. I'd say you learn from both successes and mistakes. Keep what works, purge what doesn't.


I got my first job cleaning dishes after a 4 year gap

Had some once a week volunteer experience at an animal shelter however


i fucking hate there's a fap thread
die retards


I see. Did they have any screening test or interview for the job or they selected you right off?


The thread is pretty tame though, they don't post actual 3D porn there and just some hentai/ecchi stuff.
Mostly loli, furries and gay though.


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I can relate a lot to this wiz even though i'm not that old.
It's like i'm looking at future me


develop some self-discipline


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I live with my two brothers. One of them has a kid. I didn’t mind at first but now it just annoys the fuck out of me. I know it’s unreasonable but I can’t help it. Little kids just need so much attention and just kind of constantly endlessly make noise. I can’t focus on anything. Makes a huge mess. I never even want to leave my room because his kid will immediately start following me around and stuff. It’s endearing sometimes but it’s beginning to get obnoxious. I have really bad food aggression and always have. I find eating around others almost intolerable, I hate people even being near me when I eat, I get very angry and aggressive if people start staring at my food while I’m eating etc.

Every time I am eating, his kid will wander over and start bothering me and lingering closer and closer. If im eating chips she will keep telling me “stop” because she wants them. The other day I was eating a hotdog and she kept saying “my hotdog! That’s my hotdog! That’s mine! My hotdog!!!” I said as nicely as possible that it isnt, and she went under the table after that and started crying for like 5 minutes straight.

I know many people grew up in big households where dealing with younger siblings/their siblings children was normal, but I didn’t grow up that way and I find it very annoying

I never made any babies, so I keep thinking how stupid it is that I have to deal with this all day every day. If someone wants to be a parent that’s fine but I shouldn’t have to put up with it.


This isn't 4chan.


I hate kids and the breeder propaganda too.
"yOu ArE wOrThlesS iF yOu dOn't have kids"
Fuck off, this is an option, not necessary thing.


My head hurts. I have to remember myself that every single possible thought, idea, plan I have during these physically painful episodes which can last for days is worthless, stupid, not worth of pondering about, only a result of inhibeted thinking processes due to the physical pain.


Just borrow one of your brother's smartphone and give it to the kid. Electronic pacifier.


Almost 27, haven't been employed in almost a decade and I've got no fucking clue what I want to do with my life.


develop your asshole


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I feel so empty and lifeless, why everywhere I look is gray and shitty? All I want to do is sleep and stare at ceilings all day, I can't even enjoy my video games anymore, i'm literally dead.


When will this meme die finally?


when will you?


I don't know but it is likely I will kill myself before any of you Ligotti-fanboys and roleplayers will actually do anything of the sort.
Continue reading his overrated book, posting on image boards about how vile existence and life is while you are preparing for your next masturbation and meal. Really consistent.


Yes, let the butthurt flow through you.


Very mature and witty response, you sure have many enlightening things to share outside of your fake existential Angst.


wow you got us all ligottikids, you can sure be proud of yourself bruh


I love how wizards discuss the nature of what it means to learn something, like skills, and what it means to have a fulfilling life, while norms just say fuck it, have children, and put the burden on them to achieve what they had and to have a better life while. And yet wizards here talk as if this must be attainable by everyone. Sure right, just have children and don't think of your own shortcomings.


*what they never had


well it's a silver lining, those who find their life meaningless find, those who already found just do


you cant, humans are inherently boring .


Is anyone else just in a constant state of panic


I was doing better. Thought I was building mental control. I was going for a few days. Then I wake up 3 days in a row dreaming about child porn and fucking kids. That's never happened before. My mind really does sabotage me.


You're doing nofap?
This is pretty common. Next comes traps/shemale fantasies. Just hold on.


>This is pretty common.
Deranged psycho, loke all you reddit cultists.


It's like how the government suddenly bans alcohol and alcoholics in a desperate attempt seek paint thinners and shaving lotions to get off the high they get from consuming it.
Good thing is it will pass off if you hold enough.


I am incapable of enjoying anything I like without getting addicted to it. Any time I found a great game or anime, I can't do anything except consuming it 14 hours a day until I finishes it. I am incapable of forming a healthy relationship with my interests. Once I have a taste of it once, I cannot stop. I am like a monkey paw version of some anhedonic wizard. I have fun, but I cannot do anything else. I do nothing beside sleeping, eating and playing games. I played until I get light headed and then kept going. I used to think those stories of people dying after playing video games for days without stopping as freakish, but I understand them now. It's just the video game version of OD'ing. I think I'll try to stop completely since that is much easier than trying to reduce my entertainment time. Starting a game or anime is like a pavlovian trigger for binging. It requires so much energy and willpower to go against it that it's simpler to not do it at all. The problem is, if I give up my anime, games and other entertainments, then what the hell do I live for? I am a fucking child. I don't give a fuck if the days of reckoning starts tomorrow. I don't give a fuck about anything else.


help me


whats wrong?


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Anyone else think that some people are just predetermined for success. Like being the kid of a wealthy athlete who starts them off from a young age. Meanwhile most of us end up kids to alcoholics, control freaks, mental cases, impoverished, or with physical or mental disabilities. Its like well gee no wonder you're at a six figure job when you HAD A FUCKING HEAD START IN LIFE FUCKFACE. FUCK THIS DETERMINISTIC EXISTENCE.



No. You decide what success is.


Success literally is a predefined word. Your only choice is to not care about success.


>the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
Yes, you can decide what your 'aim or purpose' is.




I exist out of my parents hubris and narcissism, don't start with that 'life is what you make of it' tripe. Its like being tasked with making a work of art and they give you a bucket of chicken shit, when every one else gets the finest marble and sculpting tool. What the fuck am I supposed to do.


This is just another coping. Nobody is predetermined for anything, there are many people who come from worse environments than us and they can achieve "success". The "problem" is mainly with us wizards.
Also, this >>218216.


They have strong metabolisms, which manifests in an abundance of energy that forces them to be constantly doing things. People like that simply can't help but go through life doing things. It's the complete opposite of the average depressed wizzie who struggles to stay awake most of the time and has a memory like a sieve.


You're doing things too. You're posting on this site, probably more stuff. It's not about motivation, it's about purpose.


Remindes me of a known part from Goebbels diaries, goes something like this;
"Whats the point? Nothing to look forward to, no reason to step out of the bed in the morning…"
As a person you need goals and purpose to strive forward, its a mix of an emotional feeling of bonding and the manifestation of your labor into material reality, which turns what has benn haunting your mind into a physical object for your internal admiration and external acknowledgement. Even if without valuing what you do mucj, just a pad on the shoulder "good job" is worth so much you will eventually grew attached to what you do. So I dont even think doing what you want is that important in this regard as you will like doing anything you turn out to be good at.
Now if you fall into the wagecuck/NEET trap you drop into a secluded existence and as you just live from day to day you will have to question why to even stand up in the morning, suicidal ideation and depression follow suit.
Abusing men like this is the true evil of society and the only way to help yourself is dropping out, which will just further seclude you…
So I guess we will have to get used to it.


Also be, with more intrusive thoughts daily

Are these literal succubi of the mind?

What does it mean for a mother to steal a child's mana?


>wizards discuss the nature of what it means to learn something, like skills, and what it means to have a fulfilling life, while norms just say fuck it, have children, and put the burden on them to achieve what they had and to have a better life while.

Yep, they mostly just pass the existential buck down the line then act as if they have done humanity a great service


i went to the supermarket today to buy food. when i was done picking up everything the manager told me to get out because im not allowed to get in there without a mask so i couldnt buy anything. i feel so helpless and humiliated, have a headache and i want to kill myself.
i hate this life and this world.


Which country? Austria, Australia?


I hate that even places for wizards are controlled and infiltrated by normans who want to hurt and humiliate us.

You can tell because they spend all their emotional energy directing it toward hurting us, rather than talking about how they are hurt.


After you already went through all the supermarket picking stuff up, THEN he told you that you couldn't be there?
What a dumb bastard, he may as well had let you go with the stuff already

Here's hoping. Most of the time I think it's Wizards with such lack of self-awareness they think I'm bad but not as bad the dudes at /dep/


Should have started coughing at him and then coughed on his produce then induce vomiting and mess up the main doorway


>"How can you continue to try to mine some ephemeral pleasure from this husk if you hate it so much?"
>"I am very smart!"
Utterly useless. As much shared wisdom as that generated by a see and say.


Yeah, I think a lot of the successful nerd type like to punch down on dep.


>What a dumb bastard, he may as well had let you go with the stuff already
maybe the manager just liked to fuck with him


yeah if you seem "off" people will fuck with you


I have come to a similar conclusion. Or at least a similar theory. I think you are on to something with metabolism being a huge part of it. I notice if I go a long time without fapping I feel more energetic and sleep less. I feel more alive in general. my senses feel more accute, my mind is clearer and I experience emotions with much more intensity. But ultimately it only increases my negative emotions and I feel depressed and anxious instead of my normal comfortable detached apathy. I have always found it interesting that most people sleep way less than me, they seem drawn forward by an indefatigable energy that motivates and drives them at all times. Many normal people view sleeping as an annoying necessity that they want to get out of the way as fast as possible so they can keep on “living”. By contrast I find waking life to be a bit of a slog and sleeping is the thing I look forward to most


Yeah, this makes sense if it applies to brain metabolism as well. tbh when I was in university, it seemed like absurd to me that other people could have jobs and extracurriculars because I didn't have any energy for that shit. Same in school.

I'm also pretty sure with the brainfog/lethargy/lack of learning speed it is an issue with connections in the brain. Other people seem to be able to hold a lot at once and just apply it. Even in like non-smart jobs, a bartender is expected to be able to make like 8 drinks at once from memory.


so, now is like the season that's known for regular flu, cold or allergies
a lot of people gonna catch it and think it's covid
inevitably there's gonna be a thought "oh, this is how i die"
and… how do they even brush it off later?
the moment they think of their corpse they should instantly have priorities ranked in front of their eyes, and inevitably tons of shit like career should be seen as ridiculous worthless crap - even when they cure their flu.


Give me a reason to think otherwise. Otherwise, accept that people are going to see you as a roleplayer only (which your kind is).


Yeah there may not even have been a strict policy but he just wanted to abuse his power. I've had things like that happen multiple times in my life but every single time they would imply I'm stealing and never stop bothering me. One time I was just browsing a store and was told to empty my pockets, just because I only had a vague idea of what I was looking for, never been there before, and looked pretty aimless which was half true since I do that sometimes to pass time in stores. But at least that time they got right to the point with how they felt about me existing around them. But I'm 99% sure it's just because I have "the look" whatever the look is that makes everyone on planet earth hate every move you make. I wish I had super hearing so I can also hear all the shit they all talk about me in everywhere I frequent because I know that must happen too.

I have allergies around this time, it fucking sucks. My head feels like various levels of balloon and my sinus is routinely clogged or just closed until its over. I also blew my nose and somehow fucked up my right ear. It's been 5-6 days here and it still feels slightly full/blocked and ringing quite a bit. Don't know what happened but I listen to a lot of music and it's ruining everything.


Theres something about listening to other peoples' bad drug trips that seriously fucks me up. Been like this since high school, the first instance was a video in our health class where we saw a video of someone at a rave on ecstasy or something. Was listening to a podcast today and the host started talking about an awful trip he had when weed became legal in california in 2018 and I had to pull over because I was really close to just barfing all over my car.


hard to not let the hysteria get to me. whenever I feel anything in my throat, start sneezing, or feel stomach sickness I get a little paranoid.


Anything about drugs makes me feel strange. How do these people even get drugs? I have never seen an illegal drug in my life nor had any idea how to obtain one.


maybe living with a single hateful parent is agony
maybe living with parents who tried their best for you, and watching them getting more and more sick, losing memory and any joy in life - is another level of agony


I feel really apathetic towards my mother, sometimes i hate her. She never really gave a shit about me and my sister and i'm not the only one to realize it, and i had to endure her shitty choices all my life. I was probably bottling up these emotions but i can't anymore and i grow tired as i age. She's now in her third "serious relationship" which means that i had to share my home with 3 different dudes (not counting my father) in my lifetime and suffer everything that goes with it (the dramas, the "parties with friends" , complete lack of attention from my only parent, the lack of space since we're working class with small houses etc).

Now that she's getting older she found some uptight asshole, very different from the guys she had until now which is a typical desperate roastie move but it's even worse than before because this another degenerate irresponsible breeder, already being an insufferable normdog himself and taking way too much space, has a 10yr old son and he constantly bring the little spazz here, i'm just fucking baffled by all this. To add insult to injury my mother and her new boyfriend were weird as fuck at the beginning and pretended that we were some kind of new recomposed loveable family and she really expected me and my sister to put-up with this bullshit altough she could never even take care of her own family, it's downright insulting. Fucking despicable how normies have zero self awareness when it comes to morals, decency or whatever you wanna call it. Now she's constantly with them, being so devoted and treating this boy like he was her son altough her 2 biological kids (me and my sister) are both fuck-ups but she never dare talk to us and has been completely uninterested in what we do since forever. Worst part is that she pressures me to be nice to them but i can't act for very long so i'm just stuck in my room and can't even go to the kitchen to eat something. Anyway it's going to be interpreted as passive-agressivity when in reality i just can't be physically around this disgusting charade, it's just stronger than me.

Just as i was writing this the dumb cunt entered my room and started asking me questions like why i won't exit my room and so on. Tommorow i must eat for Easter with all of them and i guess they will be sleeping here again tonight. It's really great time to take a big boy decision and get the fuck out of here but i struggle with finding a job and now with the virus it's almost impossible to find one.


You have a full moral pass to hate or ignore her.
Just don't talk to anyone, indulge in escapism.

Whenever i read something like this i think wtf you people don't know what freedom you have.


Family heard my suicidal tourettes today where I compulsively say about killing myself. I'm doing better with the depression as well, they still happen though.


>Family heard my suicidal tourettes


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I have intrusive thoughts about incest. I don't like the fact that I have these thoughts and I realize if I don't act upon them I'm not a bad person. But, I'm tired of seeing those images in my head. They make me want to kill myself. Maybe I should, I don't think I deserve to live.


Leave this website.


world without end


Which family member?


Why is everything so boring?
nothing i do gives me joy
i just want it all to end




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can't even mod a game with a mod manager without struggling just end it I give up if I try to kill myself I will just fail again


do you have ocd too?


What mod manager are you using? I found mod organizer pretty easy and you can store mods in your hard drive with your game installed on your SSD. Just simply install mod organizer anywhere then change the mod path to your hard drive and create any folder you like on the hard drive and put the mods in, it will detect any game no matter where it is and you're basically done. Hope this works out for you wizzie.


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This one but I load the game and is only Leon and the other hag so I might aswell delete the game, tried with older versions and moving forward a bit in the game and nope nothing.
Doesn't help how my body feels in low depression mode and parents are crazy.


Oh fuck I hate those mod managers, I recently tried to use it on Devil May Cry 5 and couldn't load up any skins, yeah man idk how to use that shit, try out youtube or some retarded mod information sites.


My dad has dementia or something and talks to himself, I drink


That sherry is fucking hot.is it worth playing re2 for her?


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No matter how much progress I make I find myself back where I was many times before. A little boy who can't handle his emotions and hasn't really changed in decades.


>relieved that I can see my doctor with no bullshit because of the stupid virus going around
>doctor calls my mom today
>he all of a sudden wants to do a "virtual appointment" instead tomorrow
>I am deathly afraid of phones, voip, and video chats
>can't even message him like usual because the doctor's website is conveniently broken for some reason
I feel like shit, completely stuck, actually started crying out of frustration, I don't know what the hell to do, fuck this world, I want to shove a knife into my face


>>I am deathly afraid of phones, voip, and video chats


Why not? I am afraid of them too.


I dunno yet but she's only playable with mods that have been banned in all sites and can only be found in a pack a reddit guy uploaded


>he's not afraid of them


My dad and sister have been home 24/7 for the past 3 days, I'm at my wit's end here, it's not like they do anything particularly annoying or anything, but I just can't take it, I want to be alone, this is like some kind of torture experiment and I feel like I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown


> it's not like they do anything particularly annoying or anything, but I just can't take it, I want to be alone,
My feelings exactly.


I don't even have anything much to do that I would need to do alone, I guess it's just the presence of others constantly every day for weeks on end is just violating somehow. One time I had the whole place to myself for a week though, I didn't know how not peaceful things were before until I experienced the contrast.


So, can I get an actual answer?


There's no "reason" for it, it's instinctual and unconscious. People probably developed negative associations with various social tasks when they were young. The anxiety is the natural result of internal conflict i.e. your body telling you talking on the phone is bad but there's an external demand for you to do it.

Either you get good at ignoring it or you finds ways of avoiding the task. It's easier to dismiss the external demand than it is to change your instincts i.e. my health doesn't matter so I don't need to see a doctor; I don't like people so I don't need friends etc.


I feel compelled to constantly write notes to myself on how to improve my life that I never follow.


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I wonder if this is true…


>my health doesn't matter so I don't need to see a doctor


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Is it worth risking my life to go out and get a bottle of cola?


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I keep reloading the same threads, rereading the same posts, rewatching the same videos, listening to the same songs, over and over, no energy whether be it mental or physical to do anything more than this and cope with my own existence staring the ceiling. I can't even sleep anymore. And somehow it's getting worse every day that pass.


STFU crab


Life is le gift picture :^)


So what's in the refrigerator?


i don't have one


Not only is it not true, its retarded. Do you think its succubi who sit around all day discussing Plato, music theory or crystal structures?


For the majority of men, yes it is absolutely true.
>discussing Plato, music theory or crystal structures
Let's not pretend that these are your average male's favorite hobbies.



Only posting because I'm honestly worried about you:

I strongly suspect you are genuinely brushing and flossing too much. No bacteria should do that to your mouth unless you live in fucking west africa or something - it sounds like you're brushing your teeth so much you're irritating your gums (my dentist says he's seen a few people do this).

Try brushing twice a day, and flossing gently every other day for a week and see if it gets any better.


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Only posting because I'm honestly worried about you:

I strongly suspect you are genuinely living too much.


I just drank 250 ml of 40% vodka and it seems to have absolutely no effect on me. It's like this every time i try to drink. Does it mean i have parkinson's or someting? Fuck this shit, i just want to feel good for the first time in many years.


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what is it called when you got depression on daily basis for a few days at the same hours a day, in my case depression hits me in the afternoon but in the morning and night i'm fine.
i'm in this state since a few days, what sucks the most is that it had to occure when i wanted to finnaly better myself and abandon my toxic habits.


Pretty sure feeling better at nighttime is common for depression.


Weeks feel like years to me because my mood varies so much. I thought I made a post here like a month ago and it's only been 6 days. Your experience of time gets fucked by this stuff.


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After feeling fucked up and suicidal for weeks, I think I finally cracked and feel emptiness, I just don't feel anything anymore and probably just going to sleep all day until I die, see ya wizzies.


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i've tortured my brain in a way i overthink everything too much, i'm emprisoned in my body, conciousness is the worst thing that was given to me it's hell, i should have been born an animal living purely by instinct, wait no no, i should have been NOT born. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
fuck fuck fuck fuck , i can't do anything, waking up is hell, thinking of doing something is hell, doing nothing is hell, thinking is hell fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!! why was i born this fucking waay!!! fuck!!
worst thing is that it is not going to get better after writing this post, it never fucking gets better!
never never never FUCK!!!


We can be friends if you want.


Dang, is it just me, or do I just do absolutely nothing for hours, scrolling through youtube, watching videos, all that, instead of actually committing to any hobbies? My life is just work, do nothing on the weekends, and not trying to improve my situation by getting a better job or finishing college. I will just keep on doing this until I fail all my classes, fall into sadness, and then recover until my parents get tired of my crap and I hit a new low and execute myself.

I hate this limbo of both not doing hobbies because I should be trying to get a better job to move out and support myself as well as not wanting to put in the work. It's like two people pulling on a rope and being completely equal, so the rope never moves.


> is it just me, or do I just do absolutely nothing
certainly not, this is dep
> until my parents get tired of my crap and I hit a new low and execute myself
no you won't, you will post in the suicide general thread instead


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life is so fucking boring and awful jesus christ, theres no fucking purpose, no true goal but to make more stupid shits of ourselves, theres nothing, just empty space, fucking nothing nothing FUCKING NOTHING. Are we here just to seriously rot in pain?


I unexpectedly ran into someone I knew from my schooldays while shopping for groceries, a nerdy kid who used to be friendly towards me. He was with a girlfriend and acting very smug, trying to find out what I was doing with my life after highschool and how much of an outcast I am.

I thought I had stopped caring about such things but running into someone from my childhood looking down on me brought back a lot of negative feelings. Been feeling awful the past few days.



Yeah, I'm happy I don't run into one. I get tons of flashbacks all the time without that.


What's your situation?


dropped out of hs and all that stuff


Wizchan 2020


why was his post deleted?


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I don't have the strenght for anything, browsing this site wears me out for different reasons. I'il just stick to /games because it's not like i could deal with anything less trivial than video games, been this way my whole life plays out it's the same on the internet.


What are the circumstances surrounding your current position in life? Being as vague and non-identifying as possible, obviously.


It depends entirely on what sort of interest you want people to take in you?

What are your most prized features? Or perhaps, abilities?


Remember always, keeping alcaline/keto diet & some distributed fasting periods can help against schizo statuses at a long term.

Yet you may feel a very slow progress, it feels constant somehow…


problem is being interesting is hard. the stuff you need to be able to do isn't easy or practical to learn necessarily. people like people that 'bring something to the table' like musical talent or just being super normie e.g. hard partying


Yeah, I remember times when I was annoying little shit as a kid. One time my dad took me when he was meeting up with a female friend(doubt it was an affair since my dad was a loser) who was some mid-30s cat lady who never got married. At the time, I thought she was an icy bitch, but I can understand it now that I'm closer in age and don't want kids.


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I get really pissed when in abstinence of porn and masturbation. I just thought about punching my mother right in her chin. Everything becomes annoying and I can feel this dark energy in me. I don't even blink and I feel it coming through my eyes. The need to kill.


I choked on water. even worse i felt like i couldnt swallow but i forced myself to drink the rest in my mouth and only then coughed it out. now im afraid that ill get pneumonia from choking. normal people dont even know this kind of illness exists. fuck me…


For the the other wizzies who post about experiencing suicidal tourettes when thoughts of social failure invade their mind I have made small progress. I found that outbursts about me committing suicide in third person were from me emulating the other person's emotional response to me and judgment of me during those during emotional events. It's part of my overactive empathy I'm trying to reduce. Also the feeling that I have caused someone else the intense emotional pain I feel during those situations, when they aren't feeling such pain. The feeling that I was hurting them, and emulating them hurting, was causing the third party suicidal tourettes.

Depression and intense emotions warps empathy in inaccurate or pathological ways if you experience intense mental distress during normal events. Reminding myself not to emulate the other in my mind when that hits helps. There are factors apart from just seeking suicide to escape in those memories, a lot of it related to interpersonal elements and apology. Saying I will commit suicide feels like it will that fix this social situation where I have inflicted the pain that makes me want to commit suicide on the other - probably why we tourettes it out as communication.

Stopping the emulation cuts short the third party ones anyway so that seems accurate. I feel like reworking these memories and replaying them saying the other isn't experiencing our strong emotions and saying we are allowed to fail and cause negative reactions in others may help too.


Why does life have to be so damn boring?



I only know psychosis as in pure chaos of thoughts or depression as in a constant lack of thinking. Life's great.


Also over the last years my psychosis slowly went away and depression took over. As I prefer this kind of 'peace' it leaves me dumb as a rock.


This is a site for sad and bored teens.


>t. sad and bored teen


>nextdoor neighbour and his kids soend hours in the daytime loudly playing basketball
>sometimes blaring shitty classic rock or top 40 pop
>it's when i'm trying to sleep, as i work night shift

I should start blasting drone music or the most brutal metal i could find or something

No, sad and bored 30 somethings. You're mixing us up with 4head. Easy enough to do if you're a tourist.


>No, sad and bored 30 somethings.
you actually believe this


I am one. I keep forgetting this godforsaken site is full of 4kids users, though


>No, sad and bored 30 somethings.
Dude, there are probably at best 50 spread throughout the entire site.


You are not only the one. But this site is a shithole sadly.


Have you tried talking to your neighbour?

Please don't let the anger bottle up inside you, because that is unhealthy and you may act in ways you regret. Just explain you work the night shift, chances are he will understand and turn down the volume.


I can't live without xanax, or some other benzo, but xanax preferably as it works best. It's not that it's a symptom of addiction or anything, I was hooked from the first pill, the pill that made me feel normal again after I've been an anxious wreck since 13-14 years old. I feel bad that I need these pills, but it's the best tech we've got in this era of humanity. Maybe one day in the future people won't have to struggle with drug addictions and they can just get their brain modified on the hardware level to function correctly. That would be a miracle.


Simply put on the wrong planet. I should be living in a storybook world.


wtf is this. if he were understanding or reasonable he wouldn't do it in the first place.


A lot of people don't realize what they are doing is causing other discomfort. How would he know his neighbor works the nigh shift?


Why does he need to know that to figure out that he is being rude? A more likely response is they crank up the volume and start bouncing the basketball off his wall.


>Why does he need to know that to figure out that he is being rude?
Because it wouldn't be rude if that wiz was not home and at work or school during the day, like his neighbor probably assumes.


Exactly, he does it because he doesn't see it as a problem, trying to convince him that it is a problem will just cause resentment. And why would he assume the wiz isn't at home when his own kids are, and are old enough to play basketball and stuff.


> trying to convince him that it is a problem will just cause resentment
Or he would just stop, knowing that what he is doing is disruptive.
>And why would he assume the wiz isn't at home when his own kids are
Because I assume this wiz has no kids of his own, and because he sleeps all day the neighbor probably assumes no one is home as he doesn't hear anything and no lights are on. Furthermore he has probably never seen the wiz leave his house as he works night shift and starts after his neighbor has put his kids to sleep and is home.

Why is is so unfathomable to simply use basic communication? If he says nothing then the neighbor will continue his music. If he acts passive aggressively like blasting his own, then the neighbor will resent the other wiz and is less likely to turn his own music off now that any good will he might have had has vanished. Either asking him to not play music or buying some earplugs is the best solution.


Why would he stop because he is told it is disruptive when he doesn't care to begin with?
If he has never seen the wiz leave his home there is no reason to assume he isn't there,, therefore the conclusion is that he doesn't care about the noise. Normals don't respect wizards and are vindictive when they feel slighted, such as when they are asked to change a behaviour.


>Why would he stop because he is told it is disruptive
Because he does not wish to be a nuisance to his neighbor.


But he already doesn't care about being one.


You don't know that. He likely does not think he is being a poor neighbor.


If he is so thoughtful and considerate why did he fail to anticipate that making noise all day might be a nuisance? It's because he doesn't care and telling him it is a bother will just antagonise him. People who never think about others to start with don't change their behaviour to accommodate them after a complaint.


Wiz I just spent like 5 posts explaining to you the ways he could've anticipated his music and basketball causing zero disruption.


They all came back to not having any consideration for others


My brain is Swiss cheese.


Mine is the holes


Probably the same in my case by now. I haven't gotten an MRI in a long time, but my brain probably looks like Chris Benoit's.


Anyone else suffer from tinnitus? I've been thinking about it lately and I realised that I completely lost the ability to imagine real silence. There is always noise in my head, regardless of the tinnitus, and it seems that the tinnitus is the punch line of the joke, where even when my mind is calm and relaxed, there's still a ringing in my head. What bothers me isn't even the ringing itself, it's that I've gotten used to it. Now I don't mean that I'm content with it or anything, I still sometimes think to myself "well this sucks", but I just can't get angry about it. I've been dealing with this for so long that I forgot what I'm missing out on. I can't conceptualize not having tinnitus. My mind is such a fucking mush and I'm just sitting here like a braindead retard instead of being angry at myself.


I have tinnitus too,the best thing you can do is forget about it,unless it is so loud that you can't hear anything else you should just ignore it.


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Having no purpose, goal or any life inside of you is a worst curse than death, yet i'm still afraid of death and rather rot in my room doing the same bullshit everyday. I only think about death and nothing else, just a empty void all day long, it's so fucking tiresome.


ive had tinnitus since i was 5 years old its really not a big deal dude


found out i failed my chem course by 4 percent, why do I fail at anything I do


Having no purpose is a good thing, you are free to do anything. Purpose like a meaning to life would be a constraint. No reason to stress when there is no goal to fail at.


fuck. that reminds me of the 4kids changes to the original yugioh series. I am almost 30.

I hated 4chan when I learned about it in 2003 or whenever it came up. crazy how it's still going.


This is bullshit because I always get reminded by others I'm a failure to their game even though I refuse to play. Biology also reminds you of that. Philosophy cant change how I feel. Not at the degree I would want at least. Maybe drugs is the solution or leaving all my family ties. But that woukd require money and that requires to wageslave. Fuck …


How is that any good when there's nothing you want to do or are capable of doing?


Yeah and if you aren't good at anything you won't be able to afford to move out and do drugs.

Most low cost of living places have less work and it's mostly shitty stuff like warehouses or applebee's and the latter type of job will be gone soon enough. There are a lot of stressors to living outside the house too. Like if you have to rent a room instead of being able to get a 1 bedroom, it fucking sucks because normalfags are hyperjudgmental and you have less legal protections.


You can only get over something when you replace it man.
I know is not easy, but try finding something else to replace these thoughts. Something that catches you attentions.

The fact that you utterly despise having these thoughts (instead of trying to justify them) shows me that you are not such a bad person as you think you are.


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You can only get over something when you replace it man.
I know is not easy, but try finding something else to replace these thoughts. Something that catches you attentions.

The fact that you utterly despise having these thoughts (instead of trying to justify them) shows me that you are not such a bad person as you think you are.

Keep on fighting brother!


Anybody else drinking everyday, I'm at about half a bottle a day, I can do a full one but it's a bit unnecessary and increases the risk of me doing something stupid, if I'm going to abuse substances I need one where there isn't a risk of me embarrassing myself on it, hopefully I find something else


I drink a little every evening and listen to my favorite band. My alcohol tolerance is very low so it's enough to keep away the most intrusive thoughts and calm down a bit.


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“Earth is a pedestrian planet orbiting an unremarkable star in the suburbs of an ordinary galaxy. If we’re taken out by an asteroid, the universe won’t so much as blink. In the grand scheme of things, it just won’t matter.” ~Brian Greene, physicist, _Until the End of Time_ (2020)


I have one and only one question. Why you guys are so serious?


do you take drugs?


fut the shuck up


"diurnal mood variation"


I hate cops and wiggers.


If you were to become a great philosopher and endure nightmarish, incomprehensible suffering, like we did you would understand. Only dumb normies can laugh.


Time passes far too slowly, and things hurt far too much for this to be a comfort.


I don't think that quote was meant to inspire comfort.


I can't sleep, anons. Rhinitis is killing me. Can't even enjoy my favourite activity anymore aka inactivity. Fuck fuck FUUUU


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>. If im eating chips she will keep telling me “stop” because she wants them. The other day I was eating a hotdog and she kept saying “my hotdog! That’s my hotdog! That’s mine! My hotdog!!!” I said as nicely as possible that it isnt, and she went under the table after that and started crying for like 5 minutes straight.

Kids are always transparent and honest with their emotions and feelings. I still remember growing up there was a time when I had to spend the holidays with my little cousins. I don't know why maybe they had watched a stupid kid show on tv, but they began to pursue me to steal a kiss from me and after failing I heard them scheming to trap me. The funny thing is that they just withdraw into a position that wasn't even far, so I could listen to everything they say. It was scary how they behaved like villains "hehe i will grab him when he is distracted and then you can kiss him" I was what? 10? The youngest was 7 and the oldest 8. I also remember one of them talking about penises, the penis of her father in particular. It kind of shocked me because she said "my dad has a big penis I saw it when he came out of the bathroom after taking a shower." I didn't know how to react because I wasn't even making conversation with her since she was just a dumb kid. I looked at her and she just smiled at me and blushed. I'd blocked that memory of her talking about her dad's penis. It gave me lot of anxiety being around them because they were always mean or playful in the wrong way and said lots of lies. The little shits also picked up the habit of accusing me to their dads for doing nothing. They cried a lot and for the DUMBEST things, and when they didn't accuse me of doing absolutely nothing but cried because something upset them, my uncle will come into the room to know why his child was crying, asked the kid what happened and they will never respond, so he will immediately think that I did something wrong to them. Why? Because I was the boy so they assumed I was being mischievous. And my uncles gave me a really scary look that made me feel anxious all the time. Like they were going to kill me I think they screamed at me too, I don't fucking remember. All I know is that it was stressful to be there so as a way to escape I spend my time alone or in a room where they were not present so they couldn't blame me for anything. Fuck kids, honestly. I don't know if boys are better, but they probably are.
Years later I remember as a teenager I had to visit one of my uncles and having a good time with his little son who played on his psp. He was a 9 year old boy fascinated with science and star war games. He wasn't annoying at all unlike my stupid female cousins I had a horrible time with.


I think it is meant to inspire comfort by making the reader think "none of my suffering matters because nothing matters in the grand scheme of things"


The question is not HOW do I break my bad habits. That's the easy part. The question is do I WANT TO break my bad habits? That's what I struggle with.


I'm in bed whispering to myself like a fool to let things go, i just want to feel lighter and better. It's strange that this destructive feeling of complete hopelessness used to give me panic attacks when i was younger but now it just sticks with me constantly without ever reaching some kind of excess level altough i have even more reasons to worry. It makes me think that my mind/body simply adapted to more extreme levels of emotionnal misery and suffering, more than i could endure naturally. I wish i die in my sleep but won't happen.


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I was thinking "how can there be bullying in USA when there every kid has access to guns? Shouldn't the bullies be more afraid of treating others badly? The threat of a very possible and easy retaliation should be enough to refrain everyone from acting like a bully, but then I realized that the ability to be good and stop themselves from being evil is something that doesn't come naturally to humans. That they need to work hard to be that person who is ethical.


Or maybe it's cause most kids can't get a gun and also know that the repercussions of threatening someone with death or grievous harm comes with worse repercussions.


You think too small.


The proles are taught to hate on each other because it distracts them from the real threat of the bourgeoise. The bourgeoise is the source of all evils in Amerikkka, for the healthcare the economy, the propaganda brainwashing programming, the police brutality. But gook. People would rather drag down a person down to their level instead of uplifting themselves and another person. Crab in bucket mentality causes gook ton of suffering in this gook world


His name was Arty, he was a crab who would constantly pick on me so that he wouldn't end up as a target for bullying. He redirected all of the negative hate towards me. As a mute with no social skills or ability to speak out against the injustice I simply endured. I hope he gets hit by a car and nearly brain dead and his family has to take care of his aging rotting body for years shitting in his hospital bed. He was all talk all bark and no action, I was all action and no bark, he was grating like an annoying fly taht wouldn't leave. I didnt want to do anything because my policy was to avoid normgroids and mind my own business but he wanted to prey on me like a degenerate inbred lion cub with fucked up jaws attempting to bite at a muscular bull with seven horns and blessing of Karna. God Amen. Please isekai me.


>have headache
>take aspirin
>aspirin causes nausea
>still have headache


Most kids can't get their parents guns and in big cities, they're more restricted.

The message taken from school shootings doesn't usually focus much on the bullying aspect. Usually easier to say they're just nuts/anti-social/etc.


The problem isn't le evil greedy men, it is modern industrial society in general. Your life wouldn't be better if you lived in some fictional socialist utopia, you'd still be a wageslave cog living in an artificial environment cursing your life.


pre-industrial isn't great either. being human will just always suck for the vast majority


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All this huge flow of info about the chink flu, lockdown, china, conspiracies and whatever is making my whole family even more paranoid than they already were.
Some are even watching Q anons videos.
This shit is wearing me out.


They're pushing the pro-marriage pronatalism and anti-single policy
Pray for me wizzies, succ are coming


Where is this?


Yeah, I don't know where this is, since in the US as succubi earn more money, they just don't get married unless they can find a high earner.

It's worse in China, so there are always going to be tons of unmarried guys.


I slept from 1:30 PM to about 10 PM then from 6 AM to 3:30 PM. That's like,

8:30 + 8:30 = 17 hours. I slept for 17 hours. My bed was so comfy, and I'm in it right now. I almost felt tired again and wanted to go to sleep. Why is this happening to me? I have actual real life dreams and all I can see are my sleeping dreams.



You somehow lack physical energy to do stuff. It's good you got dreams and goals to achieve, that means your mind isn't fully broken yet. Try changing your routine, eat healthy food and maybe work out a bit. Vitamin pills should also help.


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You're evolving.



This isn't a problem for me, since I've never had any reason or wish to be awake and all I do when I am is just kill time until I can sleep again. I nap/sleep at least half as much of the total time as I'm awake. If anything, I only wish I could sleep more. My actual dreams, the ones I have while asleep, are a thousand times better than anything I could experience while awake and it would be wonderful beyond words to simply remain in a lucid dreamscape of my own design until the day I die, instead of awakening to this shitty and dull little universe that we happen to call traditional existence. I can honestly only have contempt for those that would spurn or regret the merits/benefits that pleasant dreams and a restful sleep bring, versus preferring to be awake for whatever bizarre materially minded reasons they might have for doing so, which are really all just as fleeting as dreams themselves, if not moreso.


Even when I feel a bit better I'm still basically in constant fear knowing I could experience another terrible mental state again, that door is open and can't be permanently shut, some chain of events could lead my brain to cause me to suffer again, it's horrible.


wizards lives are used as fuel to run this normalshit world. Normalshit kills the wizard to feed himself, and at the end of the day he never pays the price for wizard's death. Normalshit pisses on wizard, but wizard dies without pissing on normalshit.


What do people mean when they say that one should do productive things? It's acting in a way that has a positive impact in both our physical and mental health or spending our time developing a skill that can improve our life or result in a job that gives us enough money to survive, right? It's so easy to say that, "do something productive", but to be productive, to get results, good results, to put some effort in living, that's a lot of work, be productive is the same as saying "work".


One thing with normies is - and they often don't realize it themselves - that they don't care about the person they are talking to, even though what they are saying and how they are talking would make it seem as so. Under the surface the only message these people carry is:
>I don't care.
>Oh look, I'm better than you. Nice.
>I'll take this opportunity to pretend toward myself that I'm a caring individual (later I'll tell others about this as well, so that they'll know I'm a good person).
>What's in it for me?
Also, they probably assume that the satisfaction from doing things will make you happy. Then again maybe what they trying to say is rather:
>I never have such problems (I'm strong and healthy), because I have a good work ethic and many other desirable traits.


I recently have been having short moments of total serenity where I just sit still and think for anywhere from 15 min to an hour. The grand scheme of things, that the world will keep on existing when I’m gone and existed before I came into it. I know it sounds super retarded but as a diagnosed autist it’s hard to explain in words.


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I hate that even when I try my best during episodes of deep depression minor problems create reactions that negatively influence others. I don't really shout, or moan, or do anything active but I can't hide the feeling of it stabbing through my brain and my grimacing and the deep breath I have to take to endure an irrationally strong emotional reaction. It comes off as passive aggressive and making a big deal out of things when in reality, I know it's an irrational negative reaction and am just trying to breathe through it.

The futility of it is quite a downer.


its not retarded


I know what you mean. This is true hell.


Why would anyone talk to a person though who is truly depressed in real life and doesn't even try to hide it? Conversation would die after a minute.
>hey, how are you?
>well why so?
>that sucks, hope you get better. Now, want to do something?
>no, I'm depressed
>well, then, I must go now, you should look for therapy
How else would you imagine such a situation?
Also I wouldn't want to listen to someone whining about how he hates everything. My life is bad enough as it is, I have zero energy to put up with the bullshit of someone else. Here on wizchan it's different obviously, but here I can just lurk or whatever.


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Heh, honestly you're right. I used to be that depressed faggy kid in high school who told people how depressed I am and a lot of people hated me or just wanted to avoid me and learned a pretty well lesson. No one can truly help you but yourself, they don't have anything to say to you but to say some normie shit and be on their way, no one likes listening people whine 24/7, it will ALWAYS get old, no matter who you are talking to.


I mean, I know the struggle of not being able to fake it, because as Sartre would put it, you ARE you depression before you can think about it or before you can try to act differently. Sometimes when I have dinner with my parents it's just like that, I sit there, eat my meal, and don't say more than one or two words, but it's my parents, they understand. If I would act the same to other persons there would be no conservation, no connection, no nothing. What I just want to say is that it does not make sense to hate normies because of this. Because if someone would act to me like that I would not respond to him neither beyond normalfag advice. I mean I could try to say some more deep or insightful stuff. But what would it change really? It doens't change anything on here and it doesn't change anything in real life interactions. At least I don't see it. Anything beyond work interactions is just not worth it for me, but I have given up on life pretty much, so what do I know, if you actually want to do and learn stuff and have a perspective in life and want to improve, then real life interaction has much more value I guess, but again it always requires faking, even for most normies, that's how it is, that's what normalfag interaction is based upon, acting as if things are cool even when they are not. And the real life affirming normies out there, unironically believing in the 'get fit and fuck succubi' meme, might as well go to hell, I couldn't care less about them.


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What he calls retarded is something buddhist monks spend decades trying to perfect, yet, a simple autist can master it within a number of hours


>that sucks, hope you get better. Now, want to do something?

Well looks like you blatantly shat on this hypothetical depressive person confinding in you, totally dismissing what it told you so i wouldn't expect that person to be very happy.


I suppose i were somewhat of an unwilling clown. People would make fun of my autism and stupid shit and in return I would not be bullied by most of the people. It was probably the hardest part of my life, trying to keep up a facade of being a happy guy while my grades were slipping and my mind was breaking down.


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The whole faking to normies is what made me stop talking to them or anyone at all. It's annoying how I can't show my true colors to someone because they will obviously be bored or feel like shit so I don't bother. My family always bug me of how asocial I am but they're full of extroverts and i'm the black sheep. Life is just fucking annoying, I have too many dumb problems and just want out already.


Did I ever receive pity in my life once? No. I don't owe anything to nobody.


from where is that picture, anon? It looks so fucking cool.


my back starts to hurt when I sit to play guitar. Fuck… I thought I was just lazy and that's why I stopped but the real reason is that I'm actually in pain whenever I try to. What a fucking sad existence.


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It's from fire punch and the guy is named Agni, it's a pretty good manga.


i wish i was good at something



I'll admit that I wouldn't necessarily want to spend time with someone like myself either. However, this assumes that I'd just be constantly dumping all of my most negative feelings and thoughts on them/me and nothing else. Isn't that kind of unfair to assume that? I can recall an old adage that basically goes like, "Nobody likes a buzzkill". It's true of course, but to write off depressed people as being annoying, irredeemable buzzkills feels as one-sided and generalized as saying that all normals are irredeemable narcissists who don't care about anyone and who only want to pump their ego and self-image. I'd consider myself a severely depressed person, but if another individual sincerely wished to engage with me from a place of kindness then I certainly wouldn't disrespect that kindness by just trying to abuse their ear and whine incessantly about my own problems, since that'd be rude and I'd like to show such a person like that the same sense of respect and kindness that they've chosen to extend to me in good faith.

I'll agree however that a large part of the reason why I don't wish to interact with others is due to potentially having to hear their woes about this and that and nothing more. Like you said, I can barely handle my own bullshit and certainly couldn't handle listening to or sharing with another person's bullshit in real life. It's not like I could offer anything other than a few empty words of encouragement anyway, but often times just listening is enough for most people. It's also pretty common for most people/normals to dump their own bullshit if given the opportunity and certainly isn't restricted to just depressives.


Me too, what would you like to be good at?


dunno, something beneficial i guess


Such as..?


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fucking virus. I want to go back there so badly… Every time when sadness gets me, my thoughts are wandering there.


Going through old files today I found an old journal entry from August of 2014. I never posted it at the time, just kept it to myself in a journal folder I meant to keep up on but did not. Hard to believe closing in six years already. It comes off as some "cringey" whining now to be honest, but it's a depressing insight into my personal insignificant past. I feel like posting it below this line anyway.


As I left McDonalds with my 4:30am coffee I was approached by a normie who was inside, accompanied by a succubus. They asked me to buy them smokes from the gas station. I was hesitant, but I accepted.

As we walked along they prattled on about partying and people they knew. A scowl found its way to my face and I felt like a ghost walking beside them both. A being on another plane, a separate, lonely plane. For most of the way there I was silent as they prattled on. One instance the male rigged his pants to be baggy and asked the succubus “would you still talk to me if I wore my pants like this?”
She said no.
I thought that was very telling of the normie way, all about image and status, all the time. Look a certain way and you are unworthy. Near the end of the walk I joined in on some talk about cigarettes, one of the few subjects I can relate to. How telling too, how objects of slow death are what I can bond with.

They handed me money when I got there, and I bought the smokes for them. No issue. They were not unkind to me, let me keep the change, but it was clear to all just how separate I was to everything. I stood and smoked with them as they continued to talk to one another. I asked if they had some weed to sell, but they did not. I wouldn’t give out my number for this kind of connection. Oh well, that is how it goes with me. After more silence as they talked about how the succubus’s scum brother is in jail, I parted ways and walked a lonely walk home down Windsor. Theirs is a world I am wholly separate from, removed from, and always will be. While I don’t much desire to be a part of that world, the feel of this separation struck me just a little as I walked. I will probably be talked about with their friends, this weird guy who bought them smokes. The weird silent guy, something odd, “like some creepy serial killer or something XD”.

When I was nearing the corner of Hood I saw them again from a distance as they walked noisily up the hill. I put up my hood and walked in the other direction to avoid another meeting, and them knowing where I live. I walked up a bit I went down a side street. There I saw a cat and tried to call it over and befriend it. It didn’t move, but stared at me. I heard the jangling of tags as another cat walked down the sidewalk to greet me. I pet it as it purred. It had no tail.

I stayed there with the cats for some five minutes or so before leaving and walking slowly. Cats I enjoy more than people, more than normies such as that. We are much better suited for each other.


Interesting post Wizzie. I read all of it.

Which authors do you enjoy reading?


>it had no tail
Now this is where this gets interesting. Why didn't the cat have a tail? This all sounds like a great intro to an increasingly more weird getting setting, maybe a dream or something. You go on and people turn out to transform into cats and cats turn out to transform into humans and finally you live in a world where humans are good because naturally they are like cats and cats are stupid because naturally they are like humans. I would read such plot.


dad has liver failure and will die soon and im a worthless old NEET wizard. dont know what to do now. maybe die on the street since i live in a shitty apt that he pays for and no one is hiring because of fucking endless lockdown. havent been "happy" since i was 13. dont knwo where to post this


I wish I could extend the life of your father using the lifetime of my "father" because this old pig shit completely refusing to die despite having internal organs decomposed from smoking and eating garbage. And there's no one in this world I wish death to except him. I really wish I could.
I hope you at least have any relatives even though I doubt any relatives would care about grown up man.


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How to live happily knowin world is a fuck


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Quadriplegic Begs to Die, But Hospital Refuses
Hospital says Dan Crews is depressed, but he says his life is not worth living.



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reminded me of pic related, only he was able to commit suicide at the end, although his case case seems to be objectively worse unlike that of the old fart.


What would you do in this situation?


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If life has no meaning as a cripple, then how can it have meaning otherwise?
Either the cripples should bear their pain because their suffering has meaning, or we should all have access to euthanasia
You can't have one of the other.
If i suffer, the cripple suffers too.


Meaning is walking.


I was originally looking up quadriplegics to see how high their suicidal tendency rate was vs normal people, since so many people talk about how you need to move the body and engage with physical activity to break the cycle of negative mood. Turns out the rate isn't that high in quads, 3/4 times normal but it's still quite low and lifts after a few years of being in the state.

Meaning isn't walking it seems. Meaning is the right genes.


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Is it very arrogant to be annoyed often or upset by things people say on the internet? Almost all things. For example, you read something and think: "what the hell did you type…why". Can't get rid of this shitty feeling for so long.


Wrong again frendo.
Heard of Dr. Hawkins?
He didn't do much walking in his day, but came up with some pretty interesting ideas
Asking me to be NT and enjoy life is like asking cripples to be Hawkins


He was already a well respected scientist who had a wife when he started losing mobility. Not quite the same as someone who never had use of their limbs to begin with.


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I just can't anymore


so break the chain , raise your kids right


It started raining just after I got up. I want to go for a walk, but I hate going outside/for walks when it's precipitating.


i thought i had online friends but i guess not. they dont give a shit about me. i have no hope of ever finding a little obscure nook or tribe ill fit in with.


Online friends aren’t real


Any community of people who have experienced repeated negative exposure to online communities will always be apprehensive about bonding or getting too close.


I lost my ability to taste due to coronavirus. My only pleasure is gone.


I've run out of things that look appealing to watch and it scares me.


How can I get out of suicidal depression?


You know the answer.


Go for a walk?


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Via suicide. Or by embracing life. Choose what you want.


I mentally suffered so much these last 2 years that i start to experience a weird feeling of acceptance of myself. Maybe it's ego death ? Nothing seem to matter anymore and these awful experiences at the hands of others seem to slowly vanish from my mind, i'll sleep good tonight.


Nah, with a dead ego you won't even be writing this here.
I had same experienses and like you have this "enlightment" every time before sleep, like ok, i sorted this shit out.
But then i wake up next day - the feeling is gone. thoughts get cluttered with routine bullshit, fears, doubt, desires.
Most people can't rewire theit lizard brains with just thinking.


I really want to quit my job, but I have "wanted" to for years yet I haven't, which either means I am lazy or lying to myself, both of which I can see as likely.


Yeah it was much more diminished as soon as i woke up, but still there somewhere and i can feel it, it gives me strength, i started this day good. Wish i could feel like this for ever, now that i think of it it wasn't the first time i was feeling like this and i'm fooling myself everytime it happens. I was also post-running and tired so it probably rewired my brain for a moment and i also had plans for the following months. I really felt ok, enough to sleep without a pill. I won't neglect that temporary state of bliss we experience and try to make the most of my days. I hope you wiz brothers get better too, God bless.


I went for a walk and over the course of 20 minutes I felt at least five different pains at different parts of the body, food, knee, hemorrhoids, chest, head. Also it was really hot and I could barely keep a straight line. My hate for loud obnoxious cars and random people standing in the way reached a new height. I am done for this day. Life out there is hell.


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>God bless


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I'm grinding down those around me with my anxiety and neuroses. I'm turning them in to versions of me, broken, empty, and unhappy. I help them do a lot of things they need but I'm grinding away their soul. Maybe I'm not helping them at all in the long rung.


How does your anxiety and neuroses manifest?


Just avoiding doing stuff because I am anxious about it hurting, saying stuff might be a bad idea, getting angry if something someone does may cause me frustration later. Arguing with them angrily not too do something when my only argument really is I disagree because i am anxious about the outcome. Essentially limiting them by what I limit myself since I have a large influence over them.

It makes me sound like a selfish ass and I am one really.


How do i manage extreme anxiety? Should i start smoking in order to cope? Will it help if i stop drinking coffee? I can't even go out and buy something or find a job, fuck.


cbd helped a lot with social anxiety for me.


I can't afford anything stronger than cigarettes or alcohol and even the latter has almost no effect on me.


if a person has mental illness and can't afford medicine that's qualified for bux, no?
depending where you live
idk, if i were you and wasn't able to sell (ask relatives to sell) property to live off for some time, i would kill myself


>depending where you live
>idk, if i were you and wasn't able to sell (ask relatives to sell) property
They're too unintelligent and socially unskilled to carry something like that out. And i'm no different.
>i would kill myself
That's what i'm definitely going to do sooner or later. Wish i could have a proper method on my hands though.


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Existence is tiresome


>lose about 25lbs because I stopped drinking, and started eating a little less
>Still about 35lbs overweight, but whatever
>Parents just reacted to it like I cut off a limb or something


Smoking probably won't help. A few years ago I was hostile towards the idea of smoking, but now I smoke ten cigarettes a day and it just makes me feel worse.


Well today my (online classes) started again and again I just sat there in front of my PC during a calculus class while understanding pretty much nothing as always,sometimes I wonder why I chose a fucking career in IT if I'm a fucking retard when it comes to math,but then I remember,I only go to university to avoid work and to keep my parents off my ass for some time,I know I'm destined for some shitty job at walmart or similar (I wonder how many people with degrees work as cashiers at walmart,maybe I'll be the first one if I manage to pass this shit lol) I don't really care though,I've always lived without a lot of material cravings,as long as I have a roof,a videogame console and games I'm set for life.

But still it makes me kinda sad that this shitty world expects you to do lots of shit and know lots and lots of garbage in order to survive decently,this is way too fucked up.


Yes, that's me it is selfish because you hold them back unless you have confidence in what you're doing and have mastered it otherwise you're drag and will get yelled at being a net drain, once you're comfortable being that way its hard to change.

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