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 No.218943

How was your childhood like? How was your birth? How was the health of your parents? At what point you "realized" you were no longer a kid and society had expectations of you?

I've just realized, this goes deeper than a shitty childhood and just being socially awkward.

I was born preterm, at 7 months instead of 9. My mom could no longer bare children or some shit like that. Mom had me at 30, dad was 31. Mom was very visibly mentally disturbed, enough for me as a kid to realize she was pulling her hair, smashing her head against the wall and that this was far from being normal. Ever since I was born, I was a sick child.

I don't even have to give you further details of my childhood. My point is, there was never a choice for me. I was designed before I even was born.

 No.218954

My parents fought a lot and the marriage didn't make sense. I threw a lot of tantrums for toys and shit. Mom worked for minimum wage. Dad lost teaching job. Went downhill from there.

Figured out expectations at like 13-14 but tbh I was hoping I'd have killed myself by now but I'm almost 30 due to being able to NEET. I'd be dead if I couldn't just hide.

 No.219852

>>218943
I was born at 6 months instead of 9. This was fairly new technology in the mid 80s so perhaps if it was a year earlier I may not have been born. My mother was 41 or 42 when she had me. I spent 3 or 4 months in an incubator and weighed 1 lbs and 11 ounces. My mental problems hit me hard at 16 and I've never been the same since. My mother died when I was 21 and my cousins stole everything from me. Theres a lot more to the story. Life has been hell. I believe succubi should never have children that late. It is an affront to nature and inhumane.

 No.219879

My childhood was so uneventful and dull that I barely have any memories of it. My parents fought a lot, like really a lot, but thats more a fact that I know rather than a memory I have. otherwise, it's like that part of my life never really happened, like I got flashed by a neuralized from MIB

 No.219880

>>219879
I barely remember my childhood too. I told my sister once and she said that it’s because I’ve repressed it.

 No.219888

>>219880
It could be the case for me as well, I've never thought about it this way.

 No.219890

>>219888
Yeah. It's a weird thing to start mistrusting your memory. Maybe I really did have a fucked up child hood and just wiped it from my mind.

 No.219910

>>219890
Never remembered much of my childhood neither except there was a lot of fighting going on between parents and my siblings which I for some reason was never a part of, just a neutral observer which I am till today in regards to other people can't sense connection to anyone. Anyhow, if our memories make up a huge part of who we are wouldn't that mean repressing them equals repressing who we are? Would make sense, I always thought of myself as a nobody, I have no character.

 No.219911

>>219910
> wouldn't that mean repressing them equals repressing who we are?
If you're "daywalker" wiz like me that's pretty much a given. I hide my interests and hobbies as well as I can and put up as much of a fake persona as I can muster. It's worked pretty well.

 No.219915

>wouldn't that mean repressing them equals repressing who we are?
That makes sense, but I don't even know who I am. Like >>219910 I have no character, and would add that I'm also a ghost, and unlike >>219911 I have no hobbies or interests to hide from people to begin with, and it's been like that since a very young age. I wonder how much of that has to do with my childhood (which I barely have any recollection of).

 No.219916

>>219880
>>219888
Same for me, now im questioning things

 No.219917

not great, but not the worst, parents would fight a lot like many itt, my early issues with social anxiety would get me in a lot a trouble, parents thought I was rebellious and liked to disobey authority, but really they just didn’t recognize that it only seemed so because I was/am afraid of social situations. Dad liked to call me a sissy/pussy/girl a lot which definitely fucked with my sexuality, I’ve tried talking with therapists about this but literally no one wants to touch that with a 10 foot pole. The point where I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore was 15, that’s when responsibilities start, first you have to learn how to drive, then when you know how to drive parents expect you to get a job or be able to go out and do stuff for them. 24 now never had a job, all I have to my name is a high school diploma and $6. Really there should be nothing holding me back, but somehow I grew up into a complete failure, and honestly I knew I would become this from an early age, the first time in school when they ask you what you wanna be when you grow up was when I realized I am going to be a complete loser. Hoping I die but too much of a wimp to really consider suicide.

 No.219918

>>219917
>the first time in school when they ask you what you wanna be when you grow up
Yeah my whole life I never had an answer for that. Even as a young kid people wanted to be a fireman or whatever but I never knew

 No.219928

My parents physical health was not that bad but they were both anti social and had some other mental health issues. nothing too major but enough for a diagnosis at least. I was born c-section and have had a bad immune system because of this.

Parents were pretty much just doing their own thing during child hood. They had minimal interest in what I was doing or into but enough to not leave me entirely to my own devices. Was making most my meals and doing all my laundry at the end of elementary school.

Had friends until about age 12 not many but a few good ones I guess. ended up moving to butt fuck nowhere and my new friend was soul crushing loneliness. Spent my days just playing the same SNES and later playstation games over and over again. Probably beat ff6 (ff3 on US SNES) about 20 damn times. You would think my only friend being video games they would of bought me more and they did but it took them about 2 or 3 years to acknowledge this fact.

Anyway growing up isolated and then getting bullied pretty well fucked me over for life. Can't function well normally for long to really get anywhere in life now. Also my mom had me at 30 and I beginning to think this may have had a negative impact as well.

truth be told while my parents did try based on the way they are they probably should of just never had kids and stuck with dogs.

I knew society had expectations of me as early as middle school. Or rather that they would have expectations. I also realized this society was garbage and what ever they want me from me they can fuck off. I will give them only what I want I wont do anything for this failed civilizations sake. Only my own and anyone or anything I happen to care about.

 No.219942

>>219928
Yeah, I fucking hate that my parents had kids at all. They should have just gotten snipped as this has been a disaster.

 No.219944

>>219942
I agree. I would definitely not recommend the life experience to anyone or anything.

 No.219947

>>219928
This sounds pretty brutal. Some parents just don't give a shit about their kids. I have a succubus cousin like that who has just made their daughter watch netflix for her whole life. It's like there's no connection or parental instinct at all. The main purpose of the kid is to brag on facebook and make it look like she's doing something with her life, because she's a useless piece of shit

 No.219957

When I was born I almost died. I don't know the full complications, but when my mother's water broke there was blood and stool mixed in.
Other than that, I was a relatively healthy kid.
My parents, at the time, didn't seem abusive, but looking back with what I know now they (particularly my mother) were very controlling and strict about stupid shit. My mother didn't accept me because of how I chose to dress, talked, walk. She wanted me to be "normal" and resented me for not living up to her sitcom-family standards.
My dad was pretty cool, though. I still love them both, but I'm able to see a lot of shit that's wrong with me that I can directly tie back to them.

When I realized society had expectations of me I first moved out of my parents house (22 years old). But I don't think society and what it expects of me has a big bearing on my life. Instead I have my own expectations for myself: who I want to be. What I want to do. How I want to live my life, and my values.

 No.219958

Not bad. Teenagehood was awful though and set the path for my failures.

 No.219993

>>219947
I wrote that post but here is the kicker. My parents actually love me and want me around. But their love is like loving an emotional support dog or something. The me they love isn't the real me but a fabrication of me they constructed in their own minds where I like this lifestyle and have the same beliefs as them. They cant even fathom the fact that I keep telling them I don't want to own dogs anymore even if I was a billionaire I am done with that shit. They tried to say that because we have always owned dogs I would always need to own one as well even If I moved off on my own. Don't get me wrong I loved the dogs I had in the past but each time they die its taken a toll on me. They never give me time to deal with it and run off to get another dog immediately longest they ever made it was one month. Every time A new dog shows up I just think of it is already dead. But you see that need that false love the dog gives them because its their emotional crutch but saying I need to continue this bullshit just because of their mental illness they can fuck off with that. Low and behold my dad died recently and the beloved dogs didn't even fucking care what a surprise its all fake and instinct based like programming your phone to say "I love you" when you turn it on.

Sad thing is I love my parents. But there isn't a lot of logic as to why I love them. Dependency and maybe the fact we get along well enough to not be fighting all the time even passive aggressively.

 No.220203

>>218943
>While on womb mom got low food, and mentally abused by father and familly
>born thru Caesarean cause i was hanging myself with the cord
>First years of almost no nureshment
>Grandma with schizophrenia, pedo granpa, aunts sick aswell due to pedo granpa
>Born malformed, fingers sticked together needed surgery
>Needed glasses since 5 yo
>Hyperactive, Short attention span, small and girly looking thanks to mother genes, white in a 3rd world country
>Bullied thru out all life till one year before middle school when i learned that being gross is a magnificent weapon
>Mother humiliated in home and work all day, i was suppose to stay under the cutting table for 5 hours after scholl so mother could work
>Molested by granpa, and one classmate
>Fell in love with a succuby that turned out to be a whore and got cucked
>Depression, repressed homosexual urges, and a weak not manly body, plus rage epísodes out of nowhere
>Finally getting paid enough, getting adecuated pills in the best psychiatric in shitty country, about to move out
>corona chan.mp3
>About to lose job do to shitty internet cover
>Unsure of what or who am i due to psychiatric suspending appointments due to corona chan so i cant get my medication
I dont like myself nor the world, why am i here for?

 No.220214

>>220203
To suffer, just like the rest of us.

 No.220215

File: 1589395331407.jpg (138.56 KB, 1050x788, 525:394, chandler.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

childhood sucked! was alone and isolated for most of the time,eventually made friends but was made fun of constantly by them, it took me ten years to realize that they were not really my friends and they just kept me around to make fun of me and to feel better about themselves.
Parents were very overprotective,they never let me do anything by my self like learning to drive,traveling alone,buying my own clothes,making my own decisions….etc and as a result I have no confidence/self-esteem.Even though I had "friends" but I never learned any real social skills as all my social interaction with them was as a Lol-cow,they encouraged that behavior and I thought it made me likable and cool.

I used to daydream a lot to escape reality, spent hours zoned out & wasted countless years of my life staring at nothing just sitting in my room.I never learned any useful skill and now I am unable to support myself. Eventually I became self aware and stopped fooling around lost all friends immediately.It destroyed me psychologically and Later on in life I developed a humiliation fetish.Not only I was psychologically wrecked by my childhood I also inherited mental illness from my mother I sometimes talk to my self & my mother dose that all the time, now combine that with the humiliation fetish .If I ever think of something sexual I tend to say it out aloud, its involuntary and I never realize that I have said something embarrassing aloud .Imagine being in public or traveling in a bus and you say something retarded or embarrassing and everyone laughs at you and you never understand why people are Laughing at you or staring at you weirdly.
Now I am trying to undo the curse that my childhood has put on me by living as a NEET with my parents in self isolation trying learning some skills to support myself some day, might take many years…..Sometimes I daydream about being a normal person and live a normal life.

 No.220216

born premature low birth weight,
never made 1 friend in primary or secondary school.
major mental issues in last few years of school leading to hospitalisation

 No.220219

>>220203
>>born thru Caesarean cause i was hanging myself with the cord
wizardly

 No.220245

>How was your childhood like?
My childhood consisted of psychical and mental abuse, I was born prematurely with liver and kidney problems, had to be hospitalized for two years straight and according to my mom I was given lots of meds just so I can stay alive. Left the hospital at the age of three.
Started elementary school by the time I was six, I was always alone, made fun of, and punched by the males in class. That fucked with my mental health and self-esteem. I was also obese due to my ignorant parents, they almost fed me only junk food and lots of sweets so I developed a sugar addiction from an early age.
In middle school, I was obviously morbidly obese so I was an easy target for bullies, some of them even pushed me into the bathroom and jammed the door, I was trapped in a dark disgusting bathroom for 5 hours. Hence I started skipping school I'd stay in my room for days crying or using my pc, My grades deteriorated, parents fought almost everyday over me I would tell them to stop and that it was hurting me but they never did.
In highschool I hit my highest weight at 270lbs, I managed to lose most of it though, and everything was going seemingly well for a while, I wasn't an easy target anymore I made two friends and started getting out of my room, buying new clothes, and fixing my relationship with my parents. They didn't seem to be happy that I was changing, it was the same as always junk food, work, and fights. I refused to eat junk food so there were times when I went through extreme starvation and was beginning to be anorexic.
Somehow I relapsed after an argument with my brother, (a bit of information about my brother he's a chad had multiple gfs and is probably getting married soon)
My mental health was at it's lowest and I became severely depressed and schizophrenic, have been seeing a psychiatrist for five years now, I take a handful of medications two times a day.
>dropped out of highschool after repeating two years due to mental illness
>Currently am 300lbs and I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I feel disgusted and depressed
>Living in a third world shithole so I can't even get a wagecuck job without a highschool diploma
>Sever suicidal tendencies
>Taking over 12 pill a day just so I can somewhat function through out the day
>Almost no friends both online and irl


>How was the health of your parents?

You can already tell that my parents weren't very healthy from the aforementioned details. I believe my dad has mental issues because he's always paranoid, angry,and doesn't have any motives or motivation to do anything valuable with his time, just smoking and watching the news, mom on the other hand has always been a horny bitch she cheated on dad multiple times and lately I told him everything, I even showed him screenshots from my mom's Facebook in which she was obviously cheating and all he did was talking passive-aggressively with her and went on smoking. My parents fucked me over for life on top of inheriting their shitty genetics.


>At what point you "realized" you were no longer a kid and society had expectations of you?

I'm 20yo, never had a job in my life and never been to a very far place from my hometown, I probably never realized that society had expectations of me and I don't live according to normal expectations anyway, I haven't left my room since last winter and I don't feel like ever going out again soon

 No.220252

File: 1589457109699.jpg (50.24 KB, 1080x608, 135:76, I have given up.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Wasn't the worst compared to things i've read, but it was just enough to fuck me.

I was born into a blue collar southern evangelical family and my father was very stern to both me and my older brother. We were both forced to play little league baseball to "build character" and were belted when we underperformed, mostly me because I would have meltdowns/panic attacks before going to practice/games because I knew i'd be humiliated and publicly chewed out/belted. Dad died when I was 13 of a brain tumor and things just started going downhill. My brother never seemed as affected, but he was actually good at playing and was normal socially. Nowadays he has a nearly $70,000 public relations job at 26 while I make $24,500 at 23 laying pipe for the company my dad worked for, which makes me wonder if I am just a born pussy. I was never able to talk about anything with family or friends because my dad was loved by nearly everyone in our community and it's taboo to speak badly about people who have passed. With all of this considered, I've been diagnosed avoidant by a shrink and the only reason I have something somewhat resembling a life is because of my dad's connections.

 No.220254

File: 1589465495311.jpg (111.47 KB, 800x450, 16:9, fat fuck raccoon on comput….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>220252
>>220252
damn we have a lot in common

 No.220277

>>218943
I was born a healthy weight at a normal date but somehow flipped upside down and wrapped the umbilical cord so I couldn't emerge head first, no C-section so the cord couldn't have been that badly wrapped up. Apparently it took a few hours to get me reoriented and when finally pulled out the pressure from the grip on my head had deformed it. My Mother says it was traumatic and blames some of my current condition on it but she obsesses about her social image and I don't think she likes the thought of other people coming to the conclusion that I am partly a reflection of her parenting so it serves as a convient excuse.
My Father wasn't physically abusive but was very often in a negative, unapproachable and easy to anger mood. This would be punctuated by bizarre infrequent bursts of affection. I realized at a young age that this was unusual, the other boys seemed much closer to their fathers, enough to trust them while I wanted to avoid mine for fear of upsetting him or being punished for something.
My Mother still thinks of it as just teasing but Father and her would tease me relentlessly about succubi my age, before I was even old enough to be interested in any. Every Valentines day there would be cards by the front door from 'secret admirers'. I found it extremely embarassing to be the subject of the subsequent hooting and hollering, played up as much as possible and with no truth behind it from my parents. It went far beyond expressing their hopes for me or some misguided attempt to boost my confidence, they knew I hated every moment of it. They would show them off to everyone who came over, sing K-I-S-S-I-N-G as if they were children in the schoolyard and on more than one occasion sent valentines letters to succubi in my class 'on my behalf'. For years just waking up, going to school or coming home on that day would give me anxiety. If it wasn't for my parent's divorce when I was 12 I don't think it would have stopped so abruptly. Writing this I'm torn between the feeling that it's completely trivial compared to the cruelty that other wizanons have had to face, and the resentment that I still hold towards my parents for betraying my trust with this yearly torment.
I think it plays a part in why I don't feel myself unless I am alone, I don't trust people enough to be honest and relaxed. Finding imageboards and being anonymous has been an addicting outlet for it, even if nobody reads the posts it feels good to put it out there for once.

 No.220296

>>220252
If it can make you feel better I have 0$ income at 26. So you're doing better than me.

 No.220299

There was nothing specific just lots of stress that was there in the background. Dad had a mental breakdown threatening to kill us all and went to prison for raping kids ( not me ), brother had mental health and severe behaviour problems ( couldn't keep knives in the house etc), we were an isolated family with few ties to other people, lived on welfare. My mother started getting sick in my teens. My mother did everything right focusing on education but she was raised in an explicitly abusive environment and her issues with handling her emotions and mood passed on to me, along with my fathers mental illness. For whatever reason we just didn't have much support, people didn't really like us, and we're still isolated quiet people.

There was no flashpoint that I could blame, there was no actual abusive environment, nothing other people have had worse. It was just a background unpleasantness for most of my life and thinking of my past is quite unpleasant. I was just a neurotic depressed kid and the environment pressed all the right buttons to break me, so I'm 28 and struggle to move most days.

 No.220328

>>218943
Nothing special happened to me when i was a child. Never had friends since in the street where i lived the only people around were old-aged people, family didn't have much money (3rd world country) and i got sick quite often, i got mocked in school and the only person i considered my best friend just told me to fuck off and stop bothering me. My mother's a schizo and whenever we get into an argument she just tries to gaslight me and get my father (whose a manchild as in he never had a father and still acts like a kid to this day) on her side. Some years i can't remember like they're all muddled up thoughts that won't surface

 No.220330

Mother was almost 40 and father was around 42 when I was born. Apparently they were already arguing a lot around that time, but my mother had miscarried her third child and they wanted three children so here I am.

Siblings were both 10 years or more older than me, so I've never really identified with that family, which broke up due to divorce when I was around 4 years old. My father would sometimes wreck the house, drank a lot, apparently hit my mother and almost strangled her to death once. We've never gotten on that much, and he is a business owner, athletic, ladies' man chad while I am more sensitive and quiet. My older sister would hide with me in her closet if my brother came home and mother wasn't there, since he was angry and I don't know maybe controlling or something. It was a fucked up state of affairs when I was growing up, although I only remember a little of the arguments that used to go on outside my bedroom door. It was hard on all of us, and in the end it was my sister and mother VS brother and father.

Then my sister moved away to college, and my brother was pretty much kicked out so went to live with my dad. Mother sold the family house and we moved in with my grandmother, sleeping in the bed where my grandfather had died a few months previously. I was quite absurd as a child and still am, quite wild and eccentric although I've just internalised it now. In my early teens my mother already seemed really old, and she was getting treatment for depression. She sometimes threatened suicide and we often argued and she took out all her anger on me, as if I was my dad. She left school at an early age due to poverty, and isn't very intelligent, reflective, analytical etc - you can't sit down and disagree about something calmly because she'll just freak out and accuse you of being a bully. She can be quite cold, and has no friends. But I love her and she has always trusted me to make the right decisions and go my own way without pressure, which hasn't always worked out but I'm grateful for her trust.

 No.220341

My parents had me young and i was healthy overall but insecure and with strong asocial tendencies since kindergarten so moving to another country so suddenly, losing contact with my father at the same time and having a mother awfully bad at parenting really screwed me over. The only thing i experienced in life when in contact of others is downright humiliating social defeat that stripped me of my dignity at a very young age which made me a very anxious jaded person but the nightmare is still going on at workplaces and stuff. Really tried to "cope" but it never gets better it seems, i'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time or i just suck too much. I realized society had expectations of me at 24. I don't mean by that the wageslave part because that's pretty obvious but more about "acting like an adult" and all that. I NEETed a good half of my life so i'm a manchild at hearth but a very depressed one.

 No.220418

I don't really know much about my birth, but I know I was born via a c-section. Both of my parents came from Mexico. My mother was an illegal immigrant and my father was living in the United States through a workers visa. I've always had trouble talking with my parents, I don't even know what years either of them were born in. I had a brother that lived with us, he was my mother's from a previous relationship. He was much older than me and moved out when I was still very young. My parents mostly ignored me and left me to do my own things. They both had to work, my mother as a house-cleaner, and my father as a landscaper. This meant that I spent most days home alone. I found it odd how other kids at school spoke so highly of their parents. I didn't hate my parents, but they felt distant, like I barely knew them, I couldn't talk about them the same way others could talk about their parents. I spent most of my time online, watching TV, and gaining weight. Because my loneliness left me awkward and fat, I was ridiculed a lot in school. I learned nothing from my parents. They never taught me how to tie my own shoes, or how to ride a bike, or how to drive, or how to do much of anything. I realized that I had to fend for myself when I got out of high school. They didn't instill a work ethic in me and right now, I don't know what to do. I've managed to lose a lot of weight just by refusing the food my parents give me. I don't hate my parents, it just feels like they were never there. My childhood wasn't as bad as other wizards, but it just feels so confusing. I don't feel like I have very many positive or negative memories, everything in my past just feels like a blur. I'm convinced that a lot of the memories I do have weren't even mine, that they were just things I saw on TV, or memories others have described that I have misremembered as my own.

 No.220438

I can’t remember it

 No.221643

>>221642
Harry was there staring the whole time. Very evocative image.

 No.221644

>>221642
LDAR the image

 No.221646

>>221642
What happened in that image?

 No.221649

>>221646
I presume a NEET died and his body was found, leaving that impression in the carpet.

 No.221660

>>221646
remains of the portal to gensokyo

 No.221663

>>221642
Looks like they desecrated the NEET King's tomb, the bastards

 No.222356

>>221649
Why is there an impression though? An impression of what? Was he naked?

 No.222357

>>222350
Please tell us more and feel free to blogpost, i find these tales cathartic

 No.222368

>>222350
>stillbirth between me and my older sibling
same. how do you think this affects things?

 No.222370

File: 1592364854953.png (1021.13 KB, 1326x5254, 663:2627, antinatalism.png) ImgOps iqdb

This deserves a repost.

 No.222442

My mother was/is severely mentally ill and had made my childhood a living hell.

>Ran into my school screaming that the school teachers are trying to kill me and steal me from her (atleast 10 times)

>Started arguments with my dad and ran away with me to her parents house where gang members would abuse my grandparents in front of us (They were my uncles friends)
>Hopped between 6 different houses/rooms with my mom and not being able to see my dad.
>Mom got the police involved and had lawyers given to her for free, my dad wasn't able to spend 300+ dollars an hour for what could have been 100+ hour court cases to get full custody of me
>Mom had been in mental hospitals 3 or 4 times when I was growing up
>She can rack up 10's of thousands of dollars of purchases when she has one of her manic episodes, luckily most of the time we can reverse the purchases with the stores due to her being a fucking nutcase.

I'm old enough now to fully be in control of my mother, I discipline her and if she acts out I lock her in her room. It's not good I know, but there's no other way to control her

 No.222443

>>222370
Sounds like a regular fucked up family to me. You could replace the succubus sister with a guy and the same thing still happens if someone has substance addiction.

 No.222455

>>222442
Do you whip her too wizzie when she get's out of line?
Need some more stories of this, these are comfy for me

 No.222456

>>222443
What ever happened to that wiz who had to tape his uncle in the basemen because of his drinking?
Are you still out there wiz?

 No.222459

>>222370

nah. I always go out of my way to say never abandon your family. Sorry, with that one. I would just wait til the house got really quiet, go out for a night walk, and then never come back. Head for another state. That family is going to destroy itself within 5 years.

 No.222461

As for me. Well, it was not good. my parents, who i dont want to re hash, mom just barely passed high school, dad was a mental case loser high school drop out. My moron father who knew he had no business havign any kids ran out to find my mom and they fucked and produced me:
2/10 face, skinny fat weak, 90 IQ. My parents got divorced about 5 months after my birth cause my 'dad' made it clear he was never getting a job and he was gonna NEET at home, while mom worked. Why would someone want to be home all day in the 1970s? Good Question, never got an answer, so dad gets thrown out. Grow up in trailer homes, shitty apartment complexes, eventually settled in one of the worst ghettos in the world.

No food, lights off half the time, having to wear the same shit everyday,

I just found out i had a sibling that was given away when i was 5 to RESCUE THEM

They got to grow up in a nice happy family in a nice quiet suburb. And, me not so much

Abused in every way a child can be abused. Get to school, only to be tortured by my peers for my hideous face, my moronic IQ, and my weak pathetic body.

My last psychiatrist said i was amazing, the only one of his patients who had a fucked up childhood so bad who had died of suicide or become a hard core drug addict. He wanted to write a paper about me for a medical journal. I declined. He asked me, "anon, what keeps you going" i dont know really.

I'm like the dog in the fly 2, the failed experiment that should of been put down decades ago, but just keeps going out of some weird built in survival instict

 No.222462

>>222461

that should read,

"the only one of his patients who had been through so much abuse they hadnt committed suicide or become a hard core drug addict that then died of an OD"

i went to see joker in last November. it was scary how much that main character was like me, like someone was looking at my life and just changign minor details about the names and places and times.

Anyways it is what it is i guess

 No.222464

>>222461
>My last psychiatrist said i was amazing, the only one of his patients who had a fucked up childhood so bad who had died of suicide or become a hard core drug addict. He wanted to write a paper about me for a medical journal. I declined. He asked me, "anon, what keeps you going" i dont know really.
Why would a psych tell you that? It just strikes me as incredibly narcissistic.

 No.222484

>>222461
Are you in the third world or the west? Having that built survival instinct sucks. My mind wants to kill myself but my body does the opposite out of instinct.

 No.222485

>>222462
Man I felt so uncomfortable in the Joker film too because I have notebooks that look exactly like his with crazy handwriting of different sizes, but with less of his anger and no jokes. It felt uncomfortable as a similar down and out loner writing incoherent notes to keep sane.

 No.222486

>>222461
>My last psychiatrist said i was amazing
Are you the same wiz whose doctor told him he was special?

 No.222534

>>222485

Burgerland. I dont even know what i stick around for anymore. When i was young i wanted to see what the 2020's would look like. Its the same bullshit, with nicer phones, and i dont own or use a phone

>>222485

same. I dont know what it is, i just like to keep journal notebooks. And, the finding out i had a secret sibling that was just given away to Rescue Them , that s pretty much how i felt when he was at that hospital. Like oh yea, your upbringing was so bad you had siblings you didnt even know existed that were rescued and raised in nice suburbs that turned out perfect normal. And then there is me. It was so weird watching that, like someone was watching my life, and just changing things here and there. And, i rememebr reading people sayign wow no ones life could be that fucked up,

well um actually

 No.222592

It was terrible, my parents were in an abusive marriage and my mother was becoming ill with a chronic condition, i missed most of school, ended up dropping out and had no hobbies. Even this is better than my current dead end job, guaranteed shit future however.

 No.222670

>>218943
Had a regular childhood, no abuse or anything.
Mother and Father divorced when I was 5 years old or so.
I stayed with my mother since then. She's a good person I guess, she didn't talk bad about my father after the divorce, even encouraged me to visit him.
I still turned out a trash loser with no skills and no future, so the fact that I didn't suffer through any abuse (aside from bullying at school), makes me even more of trash.

 No.222671

>>222670
I meant, the fact that I didn't suffer through such bad abuse as many anons here in this thread, and I still turned out like that makes me even more of a trash.

 No.223240

Dad died of a drug overdose at 18 before I was born. Mom was 7-8 years older than him, horrible alcoholic. After that she dated the most vile sociopath ever I hate him so much I try to forget he ever existed. Even now my mom says he was a good man and I want to lay a fist on her stupid drunk face.

 No.223241

>>223240
>Mom was 7-8 years older than him
Not often the succubus is older than the man.

 No.223242

>>223241
Happens when succubus is getting too old and man is a horny loser.

 No.223243

>>223241
My mother is a perpetual child. She was actually neighbors with my Dad and in my opinion spermjacked/groomed him because he was from a rich family and the youngest sibling. She didn't count on him dying. She would constantly shittalk my dad's siblings once I got older. They didn't help us out but I don't blame them. They had their own families and my paternal grandparents were already dead. They didn't trust her and my aunt hated my mom, they were in the same graduating class

 No.223245

To answer the OP at around 9-10 I understood what my Mom's boyfriend was doing to me my whole life was mental torture

 No.223256

File: 1593450683530.jpg (1.02 MB, 1109x1600, 1109:1600, AgniHomonculus.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I was born in a wealthy family, and was a disapointment to them, at some point we had a fight, I don't remember the reason why, and my dad put me in a mental institution because of it
>Be 16
>Spent 3 months in mental ward
>Got drugged hard there, lost most of my memory, basically amnesiac
>Get back to school, everything feels hazy have trouble working, friends are supportive but I fear they pity me
>Everytime I was hanging out they would try and make me remember things, at some point I just acted like I did so they don't feel sad about it
>Anyway my parents throw me out a few months before highschool exams
>Have to stay at friends house and constantly move, occasionally would stay outside
>Fail, become highschool dropout
>Parents take me back in, treat me like shit
>I was in the drama club so I pass the entrance exam for a drama school
>Lose all friends because they say they can't take care of me anymore
>Now on second year of drama school, still living at parent's place
>No friends
I've lost 16 years of my life and I don't even remember why, my parents threaten me to put me back there if I don't behave, so I'm scared shitless of losing another 5 years.

 No.223258

>>223256
>Be 16
>I've lost 16 years
You mean you're 32 or 16?

 No.223259

>>223258
I'm 21, but I don't remember anything from before the mental ward, so I did lose 16 years

 No.223260

>>223245
>what my Mom's boyfriend was doing to me my whole life was mental torture
Did he touch you somewhere?

 No.223269

>>223256
>wealthy family
>drama school

Interesting how a person under such circumstances ended up here.

 No.223312

Mom had me when she was 40. She's a wonderful succubus, well-respected in her field of work, rational and caring, though she's been very overworked for the entirety of my childhood (that's just the profession, though). Father was (and still is) a chronic alcoholic wreck, which caused a lot of discord at home and eventually a divorce when I was around 14 years old.

Mom's age means that she was already not in perfect health when I was born, and it was also pretty likely that I would be born with anomalies. In fact, as I learned later on in life, she had 2 miscarriages before me, and the docs were worried I might be born with Down's. That one didn't happen, thankfully, but my general health is markedly worse than that of my peers, and always was.
At some point after I was 13 years old, my spine started doing its own thing (during the drowth spurt, I assume), and got entirely fucked. Very heavy scoliosis and kyphosis, I developed a mild hunchback, and was in almost-constant pain. Needless to say, it invalidated any kind of physical activity and also caused me to be "the weird kid" at school, socially isolated and awkward. At 18 years old, we managed to get a surgery to fix it - the spine was straightened out and fixed in palce by titanium rods bolted on along its whole length, for life. I gained 8 cm of height from the surgery, and look pretty normal to an untrained eye - at the price of being completely unable to bend or twist my spine. So, the physical difficulties remain until now, though a bit better than before.
Another consequence of that surgery was that at 18 years old, I was bed-ridden for about two months, then had to go through lengthy rehab, including having to learn to walk again, among several other things. I made the mistake of attempting to go through uni at that time, which I simply had no strength for, and flunked out in the middle of the second year of a 4-year degree.

I'd say that's about it for what I'd consider "childhood-to-early life" phase of my life, because by that point I couldn't ignore the financial implications of all that had happened so far, and my mother was already 60 years old, with no father in the family, so I had to find a job that would accept a disabled dude with no higher ed. I found one after half a year of searching, and have been there ever since. The pay is very low by the local standards and by the profession's standards, and there's no career prospects or anything of the sort, so I've been stuck in a limbo ever since.

 No.223942

Mom kicked me out, called me a disappointment, been living at grandma's for a while, mentally preparing myself for homelessness.

 No.225270

>>219928
>Had friends until about age 12 not many but a few good ones I guess. ended up moving to butt fuck nowhere and my new friend was soul crushing loneliness.

My life had played out just like that except at 13. Just got sick of moving around over and over before then and by that point I just gave up on life and stayed inside being homeschooled and playing WoW until GED.

It's incredible, really. I don't think that I was born to be a wizard. What could've been?

 No.225271

>>223312
stories like this make me so mad. Feminism is one of the worst of mankind's inventions. People have become so self-centered over the past century.



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