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File: 1590101341158.gif (89.92 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, brokenrobots.gif) ImgOps iqdb

 No.220682[View All]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
255 posts and 59 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.222818

>>222777
Not that i praise la resistance, but what you wrote is stupid.

 No.222851

I don't want to live but at the same time I feel that killing myself would be a too drastic move.
FUCK!
I want nothing. I want absolutely nothing. I've never wanted anything from this life. Why?!
I don't want to die but I have nothing to live for. I'm so empty. I cannot change this. I don't care about anything. I want to care about something… I want to love something… I want to do things because I like them. I want to look forward to my future. I want something and yet I know there will never be anything. Why? Why?
I want to want to live. I want to so much. I want to love something in life. If I cannot, then I might as well be dead. Why am I living if I don't have any interest in the living or their works?
I don't even think that it's because I've been alone my whole life. I've always been like this, I realized that at the age of 14. I've never felt enough human or alive. This is so bad. Perhaps others are like this but don't realize it and that's how they enjoy their lives? But I cannot enjoy a life I don't want. It's absurd to try. I cannot believe this. I cannot believe that one day I am gonna have to kill myself because of this.

But not so long ago I had a dream… but I knew it was just that. Why? Why can't I have something to live for? Why was I born to be like this and therefore to have to feel like this? I cannot believe it. It's just not fair. Neither my mother nor my father have this problem. Why do I have to be the only one?

I know that life is not fair, but that's not enough of an answer. I'm not interested in making others suffer because I am the way I am, but if I was… I'd love to kill everyone. Especially the liars and hypocrites.

I have lost all hope. Haha, if there's a thing that I care about is the fact I cannot change and that I am unable to enjoy life. I cannot go like this knowing there are people who are indeed having fun doing things while I feel nothing and don't want anything. This state of affairs is unbearable and depressing. My future will be so bad unless a miracle happens. People would help but people cannot love someone like me. I'm boring after all. There's so many bad things that I cannot change about myself and my life and zero positive things. I just want to enjoy life. That's all. I want to have some genuine interest in something but I can't and I see that it all leads to nowhere and nothing in my case. God…
God.
True friends. Real Love. Family.
Lol.

 No.222852

>>222851
Just so you don't feel as if you're shouting into the void, and that you aren't alone with this plague of a world, I am leaving a reply.

Never wanted anything either. Just always want "out" instead.
I wonder how it must be to feel a progression. A narrative.

 No.222853

>>222851
well, you posted an anime ost so I guess you still enjoy anime? I stopped enjoying shit like 3 yrs ago, the only thing that kinda makes me happy is vidya

 No.222865

File: 1593002768206.jpg (29.37 KB, 501x603, 167:201, ETSmhPuUwAIkzKV.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Found a 40 year old autistic wizard from Cuck Island through kiwifarms, still living with his mother and getting welfare. He's me when i'm older, did nothing with his life for 4 decades, wizards, a man of inaction. Beautiful.

 No.222866

>>222865
Does he has a YT channel? It's really hard to find cozy, loner yt channels by using the search bar alone.

 No.222867

>>222865
I have an honest question as this seems to be where I'm heading as well: How do you survive day to day life for so long? I feel all this inaction is pure torment, there is not a single moment where I feel at peace, I feel like in constant panic and discomfort.

 No.222872

File: 1593008461921.gif (1.9 MB, 500x375, 4:3, 1592841430159.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Therapy is a fucking meme. It's just buzzwords. Psychiatry at least actually does something. Therapy has not helped me one bit. The only therapy who ever made me feel better afterwards than before is this succubus who would just listen to be rant. That can feel nice, though I'm not sure how helpful it really is. Unironically, just go for a walk everyday and try to find a comfy job. You need to keep busy mentally and physically. It's nice to have money too, which I why I mention finding a job. If it's a shitty job it's probably not worth it though.

 No.222875

>>222867
it's your special case
most people who choose inaction find peace in it

 No.222878

>>222875
Guess I'm doomed then.

 No.222879

How do I stop overthinking everything?

 No.222882

>>222872
I have negative experiences with "therapy", but that's all that free healthcare will get. Anybody worth a damn has a private practice and selectively chooses patients on whims charging hundred or more an hour. It's a funny thing, the people who could actually help you are all out of the price range of where people end up when they need the people who could actually help. Hilarious rib m8.

 No.222883

>>222882
That could apply to anything to life, for example succubi who could help the crabs are out of their league

 No.222884

>>222879
make friends with death

 No.222885

>>222883
chose the best example of that "anything"

 No.222894

>>222884
How to do this?

 No.222895

>>222883
The title of "therapist" is someone there specifically meant to help you yet are ineffective; succubi aren't failing and doing a shitty job when they just don't fuck some people, not really equivalent. But, I get what you are trying to say.

 No.222896

File: 1593039714519.jpg (52.4 KB, 748x639, 748:639, asdfasdfs.JPG) ImgOps iqdb


 No.222903

>>222457
Even in these cases, you are still called a hypocrit, pretentious or something idiotic like a buzz kill.

 No.222904

>>222903
Why do you care what people say?

 No.222982

>>222457
>Yes, you can create art
If only!

 No.222983

>>222982
Forgot to sage

 No.222997

>>221426
I've had numerous nights without any sleep or just 1-2 hours in the last couple of weeks.
To be honest I have slept poorly for years, mostly not enough time and waking up many times during the night.

I know it's bad for my health but there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Some things help for a couple of days but then stop.

 No.223006

I hit rock bottom. I spent 2 entire days doing porno videos in a well known mod friendly western rpg but the arousal i experienced in the process made me unable to focus so the creations were nowhere close to what i wanted, it all just resulted in me touching my penis for 10 hours straight for 2 days. I uninstalled everything after realizing what a degenerate i've become.

 No.223026

>>223006
You'll come back to it or find some other degeneracy to edge too. I know because I am also a porn addict.

 No.223027

I feel like I'm an NPC incapable of critical thought

 No.223032

help

 No.223037

>>221799
Why do they make them colored like that?
So the earwax stains are less noticed?

 No.223062

File: 1593189145568.jpg (238.71 KB, 960x960, 1:1, 1535689716795.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wish starvation was a viable suicide method. (It's not)

 No.223063

>>223062
Hopefully the crossbow works out, wiz.

 No.223064

>>223062
Dehydration is though

 No.223067

I work nights. As such, my sleep schedule has been screwed up since I started this job about three years ago. My dad woke me up shortly after I got to sleep, because the hospital phoned about rescheduling some appointment I had booked but was rescheduled because of covid. He then gave me shit for "looking bewildered."

I wasn't expecting the call today. No shit I was bewildered

 No.223075

>>223074
Thank you wiz,I think I remember you,you are the lithuanian wiz that used to post the same anme picture every time? the one that gave you comfort or something,some years ago you said that you were going to kill yourself,I'm glad you're still around.

 No.223086

All that I'm living for are those five minutes of peace before falling asleep. The day is nothing but a bleak passage I have to endure.

 No.223170

>>223138
My God, we have a light walker among us!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion

 No.223192

File: 1593367899922.png (1.14 MB, 862x623, 862:623, t0da-samurai-4.png) ImgOps iqdb

Life is determined by chance. All kind of horrible may happen to anyone. Anything at all, at any time. There's no safe way out of this nightmare lottery

Only solace I have is: sooner or later, it will end

t. Just had a not-so-sudden light panic attack

 No.223200

File: 1593371143134.png (529.19 KB, 1152x482, 576:241, 46287648276.png) ImgOps iqdb

Dug myself another fucking hole. Why can't I just let things fucking go. It's so ridiculous and frustrating to be bothered by things which demonstrably don't matter, but that I cling to and hyper focus on and make worse due to my own frail sense of self. And even when I do, it still shouldn't matter, since it has no bearing on my life whatsoever. I really hate my brain.

 No.223220

>>223086
I don't feel any peace at all, not even before going to sleep.

 No.223221

I just broke down and cried in front of my mom like a little fucking succubus

 No.223279

File: 1593463979775.jpg (75.07 KB, 750x675, 10:9, yeah.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>222807
i dont know myself.
im a complete retard. not the worst type of person on earth because im below that, on a category of my own.
is there a practical text guide to life for complete retards? i need to learn very basic stuff like personal finance, health, nutrition, even hygiene. how long does it take to turn life around? i estimate that i wont feel less anxious or that i have the time for videogames before im 40.
how long does it take to go through all the /sci/ and /g/ book lists? to become proficient in half a dozen languages?
should i go to an university right away? or should i wait until im confident?
how is the world going to look like in 20 years? will ordinary people still work ordinary jobs?
do ordinary people even exist? isnt everyone secretly an evil genius? even here on wizchan, im probably the only unironic retard. as in downs syndrome stupid.
im trying to study hard but my eyes kind of hurt. ive tried messing with redshift and my monitors settings but migraines and stuff remain a problem. im thinking of getting a projector asap and using my walls as a monitor.
also my room is hot, i cant think as clearly here as i can when im in the living room or the hallway or the kitchen. i cant realistically move my computer elsewhere. my windows have to remain shut because theres too much light, noise and pollution outside. theres a fan right next to me 24/7 and i can drink water but thats about it.
is there a way a subhuman like me can make it out of this world? will there ever be a meaning to my life? is there a right way to live? there isnt a divine, non-man-made secret i should be looking for? i dont like being like this. i want to be good, whatever that is. is living and thinking for myself wrong?
right now the most i can realistically shoot for is living in my own little wicked world, far away from tech and everyone else. ill die completely ignorant. i could spend my life reading a textbook after the other and i still wouldnt know some of the most elementary things. i owe most of what i know to imageboards like this and it was pure luck that i found them. how can people know and do so much? i cant imagine there not being something practically magical involved, like injecting knowledge directly to the brain through chips or whatever. is reading the web the only way to find new things that i never imagined existing?
i probably will never amount to more than a grocery store cashier. is that all that there is? i dont want to accept it, maybe i never fully will but i dont see the alternative. i dont understand anything. i cant shake the feeling its not supposed to be like this and that i should be different.
please help.
this time ill try to stop shitposting for good. i think interacting with others makes me weak. and there has never been anyone that has not been tormented by the mere concept of my existence or the sight of my posts.

 No.223313

I don't believe in God or the supernatural but on some days I just can't help but think that I am cursed.

 No.223315

>>223279
The number of people I know who do mundane jobs and are incredibly intelligent (either in terms of conversations with them, or in terms of their credentials) is staggering. The misuse of the incredible intelligence of each and every one of us is a fundamental characteristic of modern civilization, it seems to me.

Anyways, are you seeking proficiency? Is your goal here for someone else to say, "Ah, that anon, he's really good at X."?

 No.223321

wasn't sure where to post this but i was skipping around this vid randomly and came across this part

https://youtu.be/Xk8Wxlqc_7w?t=2303

people live their whole lives believing in spooks

 No.223324

>>223279
If you need someone to talk with or ask questions I could potentially provide this




















Just pick a medium of communication

 No.223330

>>223279
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a grocery store cashier for your entire life. As long as you make your own goals and accept yourself for who you are that is ok. It doesn't matter one bit what other people are doing.

 No.223345

File: 1593566599563.png (132.27 KB, 301x246, 301:246, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

It doesn't matter why but there was a scenario I might have had to move my computer in to the living room and spend a lot more time around my mother. I wasn't against it but she told me she was because I get so angry with her. She said it was a bad idea for us to spend lots of time together.

She is getting old and she does frustrating shit like when I'm helping her on the computer randomly clicks things, or just starts wildly clicking without reading things. Normal frustrating stuff and I know I get frustrated but I try so damn hard to contain it, I try so damn hard to be compassionate and kind. I breathe and accept it happens, I wait patiently, I even say encouraging shit afters like a god damn parent. I try so hard to just be nice and it doesn't matter because the days come where everything hurts and I can't hide how much mental pain minor frustration causes me.

All I want to do in life is my chores and to be a nice person, can't even do that despite trying every day. The world is such a joke that this much effort gets nowhere for the simplest shit. Euthanasia needs to come quick for fuckups man.

 No.223346

>go to do something
>dad picks it apart
>call him out on it
>goes on for ages about how he is always rational and never picks me apart, while finding new ways to pick me apart

Fuck this

 No.223364

No sleep again for me last night. This is the norm now. Only high doses of sleeping pills can get me anything and then it's usually just a couple hours tops. I don't even know how I'm alive right now to be honest with you. I wonder if I'm dying.

 No.223367

>>223364
For me it's the opposite. I always sleep too much and then feel miserable and drained the whole day. And no kind of alarm gets me to stay up earlier, even when I have to stand up to make it stop I just rush to bed again and fall asleep sooner or later.

 No.223557

>>222904
Programming mostly


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