[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

Depression
Email
Comment
File
Embed
Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]   [Catalog]   [Return]   [Archive]

File: 1590714246936.jpg (326.3 KB, 1673x1918, 239:274, 013018-22-2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.221144

What did you want to be when you were a child?

I wanted to be a lawyer, wear a fancy suit everyday. Probably not going to happen at 34 years old.

 No.221145

I wanted to be a programmer,make lots of money and create my own OS for the people to use, and work at Amazon or Google or something like that.

But in university I realized that I'm a retard that can't do math and with subpar programming skills.

So these days I just want to be dead :D

 No.221146

File: 1590714966087.gif (58.33 KB, 530x401, 530:401, 3753573737.gif) ImgOps iqdb

Nothing. I can't recall wanting to be anyone.

 No.221147

I wanted to be a janitor, specifically night time janitor at my (then) school. I remember looking at night, it was pitch black and the bright lights shined out from the windows and doors of the school building from the janitors doing their nightly cleaning. To me that seemed like the best job ever, I was in 4th grade and already had severe social anxiety and no friends, I imagined the janitor was just the perfect job for me because I wouldn't have to talk with anyone. Still today I want that job, but I have no idea how to find anyone looking for cleaners like that, seems like everyone wants people with 3+ years experience and a bachelors in cleaning science to do that crap. I just want to be alone in an empty building at night with a cart of cleaning supplies and tools, it can't be that hard.

 No.221150

I don't remember that I wanted to be anyone ever. Life just happened to me and here I am.

 No.221151

>>221144
Poet, painter, novelist, musician. I still can… but I don't find any reason to.

 No.221152

>>221151
Same here. I'm wondering if it's even worth the hassle of getting my stuff out there or if it wouldn't be better to just lay it all near my corpse when I inevitably suicide

 No.221155

Scientist due to jurassic park, but then my math grades went to shit. There's also lawyer, basketball player, baseball player, wrestler, politician, and so on. To be frank, though, I never wanted to truly grow up. I didn't realize i also would remain shrimpy so I couldn't be Michael Jordan or anyone big.

 No.221156

>>221145
I'm okay at math but otherwise like you minus the wanting to be dead part.

 No.221166

>>221146
Same here. I distinctly remember that, when asked, I could never think of anything that I wanted to be. I must have known even then that I wasn't capable of anything, that nothing was within my reach and that there just wasn't any point to even want anything.

 No.221171

I never knew what I wanted to be. Even when pressed to make a decision and other kids were saying astronaut, fireman etc

>>221145
Interesting how many zoomers must be like this

 No.221172

I wanted to be a Astronaut or a scientist but I’m too dumb for that.

 No.221173

Veterinarian, painter, animator, gamedev concept-artist.

 No.221178

File: 1590755043525.png (94.08 KB, 588x529, 588:529, 1487891644788.png) ImgOps iqdb

When I was very young I wanted to be a scientist and study space. At about 7 years old I wanted to be a web developer / programmer. I was introduced to microsoft frontpage in 1998 time I guess and it really made an impression on me. I was also amazed by computers because we had emulators and ROMs which made life great.

I kind of achieved being a web dev but severe depression cycles have fucked me up. Technically I've been doing web development for 22 years, but in reality maybe a few months/years cumulative time. I had a mental breakdown doing freelance, I failed out of university comp sci by not attending so only know basic theory, I'm not a great coder. I'm nowhere near where I should be.

I was lucky I developed a passion before the true depression hit me at 13. I've been riding that initial inertia this entire time. I don't really want anything but at least I was already on a path. Living the dream hey.

 No.221179

File: 1590755416779.jpg (54.57 KB, 1600x800, 2:1, Batman.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wanted to be Batman.

 No.221184

>>221179
Are your parents still both alive?

 No.221185

>>221184
Yeah, and I have a heart problem and can't throw a punch in the air without my wrists getting sore. Also I have like 2 digits in my bank acount and I don't know how to drive. I guess there wasn't much hope to begin with.

 No.221186

File: 1590759881768.jpeg (86.46 KB, 456x412, 114:103, EBDACEF3-0F74-4B6A-A297-6….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

I wanted to be a scientist, but as I got older I shifted into engineering and robotics. Especially cause I started playing games like deus ex and thought they were cool. I got to uni and couldn’t handle the competitive nature of engineering. So I switched to a science, and now pursuing a PhD in it.

 No.221220

I don't think I ever really had strong convictions about what I expected from my future. My parents have always been so controlling, I guess I just expected everything would be fine so long as I had them watching over me. I never really had much room to be authentic/independent, so I just left the thinking to them. Obviously it didn't work out, but it was just more comfortable for everyone at the time.

 No.221221

File: 1590785190050.gif (1.37 MB, 224x178, 112:89, 1346365365457.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>221144
Hollywood stuntman, with no particular regard for my own life I would probably make the perfect stuntman nowadays

 No.221222

I want to be a suicide bomber and blow up a crowd of normies. I want revenge

 No.221225

Didn't want to be anyone, but I fantasized about selling CDs, MP3s and DVDs at the record shops.

 No.221261

never eVen thot about it but id like t0 be an e star now

 No.221284

The first thing ever? A pilot.
Now I would probably say working as an engineer here: https://www.bbc.com/news/business-33167009

 No.221302

Nothing.

And nothing, I became.

 No.221306

When I was younger and had birthday parties, I wanted to work at McDonald's. I just thought it was cool they had an ice cream machine, and I wanted to use it every day.

The kicker? I had an interview McDonald's about seven years ago. Never heard back, despite having some retail experience. I was in university at the time, so I told a classmate about it. He said it was probably because I never had a criminal record. I would have hated working there. I still work in retail, just the same

 No.221307

I wanted to be a helicopter pilot. I flew helicopter as a passenger a few times in my childhood and those are still some of my best memories. I loved to fly. I applied for the pilot program but didn't pass the medical tests. Too flimsy. I still dream of flying regularly, both at night as as a daydream.

 No.221310

I wanted to be Darth Vader, a ninja, a rich person who doesn't work or a serial killer.

 No.221311

I think it is interesting how many of us just always lacked ambition. I think this personality flaw plagues a lot of aspects of my life.

 No.221317

Graphic designer, philologist, but finally graduated as an anthropologist.

How can a graduate in anthropology be a wizzy… It's complicated and would be hard for me to explain, especially since English is not my native language.

 No.221346

Architect or screenwriter while in primary school.

NEETbuxer from high school and onward. Unfortunately I failed because I am a wageslave.

Advice: Turning your passion into a job is the quickest way to ruin it. Just ask any game dev. Passions should remain just that: passions.

 No.221349

I wanted to be a cop, not that i liked cops in particular or anything it's just that i hated people that do bad things with a passion and still do.

I lost the will to do or become anything around 3rd grade and haven't recovered since

 No.221352

I realized at 18, during the preparation for high school graduation, that I had no future.

 No.221353

>>221311
>many of us just always lacked ambition
That is pretty much it. I gave up at a young age.

 No.221355

>>221144
always wanted to be a professional athlete

 No.221356

>>221355
I daydream a lot about being a professional cyclist, also, a rock/metal musician. But it's something I developed in my adulthood.

 No.221367

>>221346
Buy some amphetamines and stay up for a few days without sleeping, you will have a psychotic breakdown and be diagnosed as schizophrenic and qualify for NEETbux

 No.221368

File: 1590972258689.png (592.31 KB, 830x664, 5:4, 1590424597024.png) ImgOps iqdb

A magician.

 No.221373

File: 1591005107357.jpg (60.98 KB, 500x432, 125:108, 2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Ghost succubus sans butthole

 No.221374

File: 1591010666141.jpg (25.33 KB, 700x525, 4:3, 1428194614130.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>221144
I'm still trying to figure out what kind of job I want, as an adult.

 No.221375

>>221367
Nah, they might think you're faking.

 No.221386

>>221144
>What did you want to be when you were a child?
Forest keeper or whatever. Not gonna happen because it's one of those jobs where nepotism is a thing.

 No.221389

File: 1591026586266.jpg (194.89 KB, 823x1024, 823:1024, 823px-Margaret_Hamilton_-_….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>221186
>I got to uni and couldn’t handle the competitive nature of engineering
Same. I still managed to graduate somehow but I will never work as an engineer.
>So I switched to a science, and now pursuing a PhD in it.
Is it really better? As far as I can tell academia is a dog-eat-dog world as well.

 No.221395

>>221389
yeah, especially now. it's getting downsized.

 No.221413

>>221375
You won't be faking. After a few days of no sleep you will start to experience psychosis.

 No.221415

I wanted to be the best at everything as a kid so I grew up to be good at a lot of things and the best at nothing.

 No.221416

>>221389
So far it really has been. I mean I guess if they're huge fields like physics or chemistry or if they're a hot topic they'd still be bad.

 No.221452

>>221389
yeah. Lot's of career opportunists and people from the third world who would gladly stab you in the back for a position on a well funded research team. Far from the idle monk world I wish it was.

 No.221485

I wanted to

 No.221486

>>221485
Sorry about that accidentally pushed post

I wanted to make Youtube videos like smosh but now I work at Walmart and want to die.

 No.221487

I wanted to be a neuroscientist and work on brain-computer interface. Wound up in engineering and I still want to work on BCI.
>>221186
How far into PhD are you? I got into an Engineering PhD program, and I have no clue what the fuck I'm going to do. Any advice?

 No.221489

>>221487
I only just got started as well.

 No.221494

>>221144
I could never answer this question. All I ever wanted was to hide in my room and read and play video games, even in first grade. I never really wanted to be anything.

In high school I discovered I was fairly talented at math so I pretended for a long while that I wanted to be a mathematician, but eventually mathematics gets difficult enough and requires enough creativity that you need to have real passion driving you in order to do it, and that was where I realized I couldn't keep up the charade anymore.

 No.221495

>>221485
Me too anon, me too.

 No.221522

31 years old, into my last year of phd in history.
I hate it. I enrolled into a lower ranked state school and I know I will be jobless at soon as I graduate.
It was not worth it.

 No.221526

>>221522
academia is especially bad now. maybe you can do a history podcast with that phd cred though. reinforce larper buffs preconceptions for patreon money

 No.221534

>>221526
doing my phd in midwest, I'm from MENA.
If I can't find an academic job with a contract (so no adjuncting either) I will be shipped right back.
and I don't want to expose my face/my voice etc to public. I don't have the confidence of many people. I still keep my online personality seperate.
I just accepted the fact that I will be unemployed and will go back to my homecountry.

Its not that I have it bad, my parents are making good money, even by US standarts they are upper middle class, let alone the standards of middle east.
Its just that well its in middle east so you are always one bad dice roll away from civil war / invasion / collapse. Thats the only reason I'm enduring living on grad student sallary here.

But meh I made a wrong decission
-Canada has far better working laws than usa, you can study and stay to work easy, In usa its study and gtfo. USA as extremely strict immigration laws concerning legals, and organizations only give a shit about illegal immigrants here, so yeah don't come here legally.
-NEVER EVER EVER apply to any place below ivy league (or ivy league level schools, mit, berkeley etc)

 No.221537

>>221534
Isn't Canada just friendlier to like STEM people? US has the H-1B and most of the shilling for legal immigration goes to that. The other option for rich people is usually a visa buying program like spend x amount in midwest and they give a green card, but you'd have to be fairly well off.

But yeah, the reason I didn't go to grad school is I wouldn't have gotten into Ivy, Stanford, Berkeley for grad. GPA wasn't high enough and asociality led to no recs.

Can't you apply for asylum somewhere on the basis of being gay?

 No.221541

>>221537
Canada is very friendly to everyone, concerning immigration.
USA is EXTREMELY strict, its one of the most difficult countries to migrate to.
>But yeah, the reason I didn't go to grad school is I wouldn't have gotten into Ivy, Stanford, Berkeley for grad. GPA wasn't high enough and asociality led to no recs.
Very wise of you, wish I had your wisdom. Sad thing is it was my advisor who got me in, and I'm sure he would have got me in if he was in yale or something too, and funny thing is he had just transferred from and ivy to a shitty school. Go figure, fuck my luck.
>Can't you apply for asylum somewhere on the basis of being gay?
I wouldn't dare to fraud the government on that, yeah if shit hits the fan in my country I will deffinetly try to stay out but I won't risk going to prison here just to not be in middle east.
Again I'm quite comfy in middle east, can live off as a neet till eternity, but seeing syria I fear I might suffer the same fate as many rich syrians who lost everything a decade ago.

 No.221543

>>221534
> NEVER EVER EVER apply to any place below ivy league
That is some awful advice.

 No.221544

>>221543
yeah I agree, I apologize.
NEVER EVER EVER apply for humanities.
You can go for STEM and try to work in industry though I also see people who couldn't found jobs with STEM phd's.
For humanities its just suicide.

 No.221545

By the age of 15 I didn't want to be anything. Wanted to be a paleontologist as a kid then an astronomer. Got older and learned engineering was the way to go. In reality I never thought past age 18. It was like I had a terminal disease my entire childhood and I just avoided thinking about it. Around 15 we did some trips to engineering places and I saw how life was gonna be living in a lab from now on if I went that way. Also doing engineering extracurricular solidified it was not for me. So now at 25 I work in a factory, live at home. Was on and off neet and part time. Being a neet is great. I only started waging again out of shame.

 No.221559


>>221413

Not him but when I went to a psych first thing they did was drug test me and lecture and school me on drugs to try to get me to confess or squeeze some evidence of drug use out of me so they don't have to do their job of actually figuring out what the fuck was wrong with me
The THC marker just barely turned red but it was so weak they couldn't use it.

I think that you can fuck yourself over if they detect drugs

 No.221575

>>221150
same for me, I could never set my mind to anything

 No.221937

A Firefighter for some reason, probably just something I said due not being self aware at all, now I want to be nothing.

 No.221980

I've never had any goal or even direction in my life and I think that is/was the problem. I vividly remember my Dad telling me I needed a goal in life. Should probably have listened but by that point I had already decided I wanted to kill myself very early on and that I would spend my youth coasting through education with as minimal effort as I could put in without causing any agro and just kill myself after that. Got the first part down, years later still not got around to the latter so now I live the wagie life.

 No.221982

why most people say they wanted to be X profession on their childhood?

When i was a child i wanted to be a power ranger, a pokemon , and basically everything i thought it was cool i would point it with my finger and say: ohh i wanna be like that when i grow old.

You know, i was a child. theres nothing wrong with wanting to be a doctor or a police officer only to realize, years later, that you dont really like medicine or that the life style that comes with being a police is absolutly trash for you.

why does the choice i take when a child with no knowlodage of how the world and its jobs really works needs to be the only factor upon deciding a career?

i did never thought of what i wanted to do till the very end.
and you know what, im almost sure most people neither, even the ones that say: ohh yeahh since i was a child i was all day thinking about storys on my head.

im almost sure they did that because it was funny back on their days, not because they were thinking something like "if i keep practicing it i would get some ground on my profesional path".
what kind of rotten world we live on would be, if even a children would prioritize a future written in stone over the fun they are only capabble when still are childs?

or what, are we supossed to be basketball players because we won at a street game when 11 and thinked "ohh i wanna be a basketball player".
how is that diferent to impose the career of a father over their childrens.its all the same if those children cannot change their jobs someday!

humans should be cappable of changing thier minds. if now we are supossed to be on the same job or in the same line of job for ever till we die, then we do live on a uggly world after all..

or at least one in which they sell the lack of freedom to change jobs as some lame romantic discourse… thats absolutly trash

what if i wanted to be free, to learn how to love, to live whitouth pain?

 No.221992

File: 1591944646995.png (185.26 KB, 909x584, 909:584, 1523348789198.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>221144
I wanted to conquer the earth and enslave humanity while reshaping the world in my image. I wonder if neetdom and megalomania are related.

 No.222032

>>221992
M-Mr. Rogers i-is that you?

 No.222053

File: 1592008988039.jpg (59.53 KB, 612x405, 68:45, gettyimages-72461607-612x6….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I wanted to be a paleontologist because of the 90's dinosaur craze. Also because I thought paleontology was about living indiana jones esque adventures

 No.222054

I always wanted to be a wizard that cast some sick spells.

 No.222207

>>221144
>I wanted to be a lawyer, wear a fancy suit everyday. Probably not going to happen at 34 years old.

It's for the better. I'm sure you'll see with a quick Google that there is deeply entrenched depression and drug (mainly alcohol) abuse in the legal community in Western countries. Litigating effectively with a hangover is a legit skill. Law is an elitist and if you live in a common law jurisdiction structurally adversarial you-live-they-die profession. From the LSAT to law school to practice your value is completely gauged relative to that of your peers expressed in rankings. The cost of legal education has ballooned with the market saturated by grads in the USA and elsewhere. It's only worth the investment if you're in the top of the pack at a good school or have the connections to end up in "Biglaw" (firm or large corporate) or clerking for some high court.

I miss being a child completely ignorant of the stark realities of the profession and others I had wanted to join. Hell mental health problems are ironically prevalent in the "healing profession" of medicine as well. Doctors have the added bonus of knowing how to properly do it and ready access to potent things that will hurt/kill them.

It's funny how such professions idolized by society are much more ruthless and stark.

 No.222220

A dog catcher, I was strange.

 No.222233

Never wanted to be anything and still dont, I only work because I absolutely have to, and as soon as I don't anymore I'm quitting. That is, if I'm not fired for incompetence first, which is likely.

 No.222240

File: 1592176255267.jpg (9.29 KB, 255x204, 5:4, desiretoknowmoreintensifie….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>221144
God this sounds so stupid now that I'm saying this.

I wanted to be a sniper. I remember this only because when I got glasses when I was a kid, my first thought was, "Oh no, now I won't be able to be a sniper."

 No.222251

>>222240
This does not sound stupid to me, anon. Kids are like this, it's fun to remember these things

 No.222302

>>221144
I always fantasized to be one of these guys who hit it lucky in the lottery or with stocks or some shit like that so I wouldnt need to work or pick a job.
going somewhere and doing something for 8 hours every day, living after a schedule that another man made for you doesnt matter if you are a janitor or a doctor sounds unbelievably cucked to me

 No.222320

File: 1592286962571.jpg (48.99 KB, 632x380, 158:95, doctor.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

dream died when i realized being a doctor is just a really overqualified customer service job.

 No.222624

File: 1592755259127.jpg (13.18 KB, 320x240, 4:3, sadbarney.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

When i was a kid i wanted to become an astronaut/astronomer, then i wanted to become a paleontologist, then i wanted to become a scientist, then i wanted to become a fisherman, then i wanted to become a navy officer, then i wanted to become a park ranger… then i had to chose and had no idea what to do.
Ended up going to history and droped out because i couldn't cope with college life, spent the next few years between neeting and wageslaving in horrible minimimum wage jobs. After plenty of years, i decided to enroll in comp sci, not because i like it but because it's better than spending the rest of my life working in retail/restaurants with the worst conditions.

It started surprisingly well but then covid happened and i droped out again because i failed all the courses in that semester

Now that i lost my last opportunity i've been thinking about taking the truck driving license because i like driving and at least i don't have to listen to anyone.

I know this may sound pretensious but i just can't do menial minimum wage labour. It's just too soulcrushing for somoene who, at least used to have, a curious spirit.

 No.222656

>>221144

1. A pilot; my guidance counselor laughed at my face because of my messed up eye sight , and told me No You will never pilot anything

2. robotics field, horrible at math, couldnt do that

3. a cameraman, shitty at taking pictures.

wound up as a janitor, now working in a phone room

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPWRQ4xT_JA

 No.222673

Paleontologist.

 No.222820

>>221144
Something science-related, I liked computers when I was a kid, but I've always been trash at math so becoming a programmer is a pipe dream for me. I have a vague idea of what I want to do as a job but it pays so little where i live

 No.222821

>>222673
me too, but gave up once I realized you need to know Latin to memorize all those dinosaur names. Still geology is a good way to seq-way into the oil industry where the money is better.

 No.222824

>>222821
>gave up once I realized you need to know Latin to memorize all those dinosaur names
Wiz that is a horrible reason. You should've pursued it. Also it's segue.

 No.222829

>>222820
Programming doesnt require math

 No.222846

>>222624
>spent the next few years between neeting and wageslaving in horrible minimimum wage jobs
I'm in a similar position right now. Did your parents complain about you "not having a future", anon? If so, how did you deal with their criticism?



[Go to top] [Catalog] [Return][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]