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File: 1593620938985.jpg (257.86 KB, 1024x1142, 512:571, infected_by_kuudessilma_dc….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.223376[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.223386

>>223376
Pic makes me think of this.

 No.223390

Moving in with my great-grandfather was the worst mistake I've made so far. Things were bad beforehand, but at least I seemed to be making progress in learning to manage it. Ever since I got here things just shot down through the floor and every single day for the past couple years I've been trying to recover back to my standard. It's not just his old age, but that the rest of the family that's around are legitimately brain-damaged and suicidal themselves. There are many things that I can't stop playing over in my head. I wish I could just get the fuck out of here for the sake of whatever's left of my mental wellbeing but there's no easy way for me to do that fast. Wonder if it would even matter, perhaps I've been completely fucked for too long, actually can't believe I still haven't been able to turn things around.

 No.223396

How am I even alive? How didn't I kill myself in all these years?

 No.223426

I'm scared about my future,I'm not really good at anything,I'm currently 24 and attending university (free thankfully) but I'm not good at it,I just pass the exams and assignments by cheating,I know this will fuck me down the line but I just can't do it any other way.

I know I will end up being a cashier at walmart,and that terrifies me,honestly there's nothing wrong with such a job,and it would be probably better than some office drone job (even if it pays much lower,I don't need that much money anyway) but the future itself is what terrifies me.

 No.223428

>>223426
>I'm scared about my future
>I'm currently 24 and attending university
>I just pass the exams and assignments by cheating
>I know I will end up being a cashier at walmart
hey man me too, except the thing I'm studying is basically a degree that will net me a more qualified cashier position than your average cashier, I'm mostly scared that I'll end up having to do some insane social maneuvering or something stressful like that at some point in the future, I've never had a job before and people can tell I'm a weirdo just from looking at me

 No.223439

>>223396
Because you have hope and want to live.

 No.223442

>>223426
If it's any consolation, just having the degree will often make people pay you more, regardless if the job is remotely relevant to your major or if you're competent at all.

 No.223461

I don't understand why succubi can be so evil. I've been in so many situations where they treat me like absolute garbage. I've never met a succubus that isn't a fucking norp. It disgusts me what they'd do just to fit in and look good in front of the rest of their succubi followers. If I had a chance, I'd give up everything just to have succubi be erased from this world. At least at that point I'll have an equal opportunity to get back what I gave up. I fucking hate them, I can't tell you how much I do.

It depresses me that they have so much control over every aspect of society.

 No.223503

>>223461
That's because men allow them to have this influence, even enable and empower them to it. Just look at today's typical anime industry. It's all about worshipping them. And there is nobody to blame. Materialism left us with no other choice. Since life is empty and a moral nihilism took over, all that's left is looking at succubus's feet and praising them for what they are with no further meaning behind this praise other than pure sensation to fill the metaphysical hole we have dug. This is the logical conclusion of the modern times.

 No.223504

>>223461
They're evil (to you) probably because you're ugly/average or low status or both. They do this to remind you that you are genetically inferior and not worthy to impregnate them. Succubi are extremely primal, low sentience, and closer to animals.

 No.223507

>>223426
You should join some hippy commune and become a subsistence farmer. I predict this is going to become a bigger thing soon what with global warming and all. Capitalism is a soul-sucking endeavor that doesn't give people the things they need to be happy, it just gives them money to buy wage slaves and stuff with. It's extremely isolating and it's making people crazy and suicidal. People will want an alternative way to live that makes them feel more fulfilled and they will want a way to live that doesn't end with us all dying from floods, droughts, fires, wars, and famine down the road.

 No.223508

>>223507
So collapse happens, how long until the migrant hordes start raiding the communes?
There is no escape

 No.223510

>>223508
hippies have guns too you know, especially collapse-aware ones. If there actually is something resembling what you're talking about, American citizens would be able to easily defeat them in battle. If you don't live in a country with access to guns, move somewhere where you can get them.

 No.223519

>>223367
>For me it's the opposite. I always sleep too much and then feel miserable and drained the whole day. And no kind of alarm gets me to stay up earlier, even when I have to stand up to make it stop I just rush to bed again and fall asleep sooner or later.
Some would say that you are stealing the sleep from the sleepless

 No.223520

>>223510
You have bullets for tens of millions of hungry people?

 No.223524

Just took a big shit and it was the best feeling ever. Whoever says suffering is inherently bad like the *antinatalist*s is a fucking idiot, dark soul game is another one

 No.223529

Anyone else knows this reaction where your head basically shuts down? Everything is filtered through a heavy layer of pain and distance. You can't form a clear thought, the slightest stimulus is too much and you can't be bothered to do or say anything. Help.

 No.223567

>>223562
Just post it here and let us discuss it,jesus,it doesn't have to be perfect.

 No.223568

Been sleeping terribly lately, and wildly inconsistently. Almost none some nights and then 12+ hours, but it's never enough either way. Even when I'm tired I still often can't get to sleep or stay asleep. I'm sure my health is declining because of this.

 No.223569

>>223562
I'm interested, wizzie.

 No.223579

I found this video inspiring. A guy from 4chad's literature board has been living in a makeshift cabin in some kind of mountainous region in the US for about a year now. He's poor as hell but has a sense of wellbeing that I admire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSzeTa25Wwc

 No.223587

>>223579
If he's poor and lives in a makeshift cabin then how he gets internet,a PC to edit those videos and electricity?

 No.223592

>>223562
Sometimes a long OP prevents all in depth discussion as it's so overwhelming and already covers all the aspects and it is hard to write a adequate answer. Maybe you should write an essay or something?

 No.223600

>>223579
Loved this, thanks for sharing wizzie, do you have ops /lit/ threads?

 No.223621

File: 1593880397458.jpg (109.43 KB, 880x728, 110:91, 13b3d6ed3e64edab8341e8f73f….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm sinking into such unfathomable depths of sadness. It's unreal.

 No.223632

>>223587
No idea about how he affords wi-fi or whatever, but he uses a hand-crank charger for his electronics.

>>223600
Hey, no sorry. I only found out about his videos about two days ago, but there is a thread on /lit/ right now about him. I believe in January another Anon posted a thread about wanting to escape civilisation and this guy randomly mentioned he was living in a cabin he had built and then people started asking questions and for pictures etc. One of his earlier videos from January this year is his reaction to the thread and how he assumed everybody would make fun of him but it turns out people were all supportive.

 No.223656

>>223632
Can you link to it? I can't find it

 No.223661

>>223656
Link the thread or the video?

Video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXutz9pfDKY

For the thread, click the /lit/ catalog and ctrl + f wilderness (don't want to get banned for linking 4chad here)

 No.223663

Anxiety reached an all time high during a family dinner. How is family so much worse than random people? I can't stand and walked away. I'm the failed retarded useless son nobody ever wanted. Nothing changed now where I'm almost 30. This existence is hell.

 No.223667

>>223661
okay thanks found it, i was searching 'woods' and 'cabin' and nothing came up

 No.223668

>>223663
The worst is that, well for me anyway, is that i have a sneaking suspicion that me being a low status male gives them some pleasure at feeling better than me, especially chad cousins and other family that like to brag a lot

 No.223673

>>223668
Yeah, I mean families are always about those comparisons. Your aunt can brag to your mom in addition to your cousins dunking on you.

It really sucks that all of my non-immediate relatives have kids of their own or I could have lucked out with inheritance or some other form of subsidization. My dad's families are all rich except his father and his father had a son after I was born so I'm getting fuck all in addition to his sister having 7 crotchgoblins. Instead my immediate family is basically just cast off.

 No.223674

this is gay, turn it off

 No.223694

File: 1593919741959.jpg (46.24 KB, 442x740, 221:370, 1475739770135.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>Try joining a forum so I can meet others that I think I can relate to
>Eventually find out it's just a small clique that rules the forum with an Iron fist and if you don't fit in everyone basically ignores you
I don't think I'll be posting there again. It just sucks when you can't find a place to fit in.

 No.223699

>>223694
Wizchan is as much of a place like that.

To be fair though, there are a few, old, tried, and true internet adages. One is, "Never dox yourself," and another is, "Lurk moar." Sometimes, forums can be shitfests with bullshit admins and where you get ignored. Other times, you should have lurked more. Some places, you have to lurk a lot. You have to sit in silence, and not even post. But, most of the time, that requires a lot, LOT of patience. So, it's a rule that's understandable when people ignore.

 No.223701

File: 1593927774656.png (277.6 KB, 600x445, 120:89, 1588571798913.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>223694
>been part of a forum for almost 16 years
>it has been slowly dying for five of them
>not really close to any of them, but i am friendly enough with them
>want to find another forum to be a part of, outside of wizchan and the above forum
>it'll be the same as the forum mentioned in the wizzy's post i mentioned - basically i'll be ignored by the "in group"

I expect to not fit in in real life. It is weird I can't fit in anywhere online

 No.223706

>>223694
With the rise of imageboards, reddit and "social media" traditional forums started dying left and right, sadly the only ones of note still active are only active because of those cliques..everything is old, people are not making new forums like it's 2001 any more, if they try it fizzles, all that's left are old crumbling places with cliques that remember a long history..that you were not a part of.

 No.223723

File: 1593967353806.png (122.21 KB, 1024x512, 2:1, mistake.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>223706
I felt more connection to strangers on the internet pre social media than post.

 No.223724

>>223723
Same. It took more to be there, the people there were there because they sought it out, at risk of being called a "computer nerd" even into the early 2000s before "geek-chic" horseshit took off.

 No.223778

He was supposed to be die years ago.
He started smoking when he was 15. He is now almost 70.
He's had more heart attacks than he know how to fucking count.
He eats a double digit amount of pills every day to survive.
He flatlined twice in the ambulance on the way to hospital when i called social services on his ass.
He drank alcohol every other day for 20 years and showed signs of liver failure throughout the entire period.

The random people he pisses off cannot kill him, for he knows enough people that someone is always out there to rescue him.
The coronavirus has yet to touch him despite his complete disregard for hygienic standards and social distancing.
The recent coughing of blood wasnt enough to kill him.

What the hell is needed to kill an abomination like this?
This fucker dodges death on every corner and continues to be a reason for any kid to become a god damn atheist.

 No.223785

And then he wonders why i can't get a job or an education, never mind the fact that the idiot hasnt had a job in over 30 years and doesnt understand what the job market looks like anymore.
And that's not factoring in my many mental problems, a lot of them caused by dad. But no, he refuses to shoulder any responsibility and refuses to even understand how any of it can be his fault because he believes that his upbringing was harder than mine.
Being slightly more comfortable than you growing up doesnt make me have the mental fortitude to withstand almost daily abuse, jackass.
Yes, shoving me into a shower, on full blast and with the water as cold as possible, fully clothed, with you hitting me with a 150 cm broom handle while im fucking 6 years old and screaming for mommy to come save me at the top of my lungs is definetely going to "harden me", you fucking retard. Totally not just going to make me shrink further and further and further into my shell, nope.

Loud noises make me anxious now.
Any coworker who is also a dad now rubs me the wrong way, even if theyre good people otherwise, because i associate anything related to fatherhood with 2 day long drinking, screaming and violence binges.
I can't bring myself to speak properly to superiors because im afraid that theyll just hurt me somehow, because that what superiors (fathers) do, in my mind.
I completely lack the mental fortitude required to endure anything slightly uncomfortable for 8 hours, because that was eroded away through the sleep deprivation sessions that my dad would hold.
I lack physical strength, because i couldnt bring myself to eat large amounts of food because the booming voice of my dad yelling again for the 36th hour that hes been drunk made me not have an appetite.
I still wolf down food as fast as I can because i just wanted the food to be gone as soon as possible so i wouldnt be attacked while vulnerable.
My grades are shit because doing homework with dad destroying all of glasses again wasnt possible.

And then the piece of shit has the god damn audacity to ask me why i havent made anything of myself.
Im not a fucking hot piece of iron that you smith into a sword with blows of a hammer; i was a fucking baby that needed to be loved and protected.

 No.223793

There is no fear in him. His brain might be too damaged by alcohol to even feel fear at this point.
He's like a honeybadger; completely fearless and relentless.
We would crush disulfiram tablets into cups of yoghurt and spoonfeed them to him like a fucking baby while he was drunk. He'd just eat it without question.
Then he would vomit from 6 am to noon, weakly begging for mercy. I'd smile and dance for joy in my room, since the shoe was on the other foot for ONCE in my pathetic fucking life where this motherfucker reigned with a drunken iron fist.
This didn't make him stop, nor did he fucking stop using us as target practice with fucking plates and whatever else he could grab that wasnt his own belongings.

 No.223809

>>223376
I just wish I never existed, no trace of my existence to anyone or anything, everyone forgets me and all my posts were never here. That's all I simply want and i'll never get it..

 No.223811

File: 1594073387172.png (131 KB, 640x400, 8:5, flclpiece.png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.223813

>>223811
Forgot to post text:

I would seriously suggest reading the FLCL manga. It's not pithy advice, I just think you'd like it.

 No.223823

Being a teenager is relating with Mark Twain's version.

Being an adult is relating with Albert Camus's..

 No.223824

>>223823
Version of what?

 No.223826

>>223824
Whatever book they have in common, now leave me to my sorrow.

 No.223830

>>223823
Ok, sorry about that. But I feel almost half better now.

They both made a book with the words "the stranger", but Mark Twain's "Mysterious Stranger" is more resonant on a thinking level while Camus's is on an emotional one. That is all.

 No.223833

I know its naive, but in my more desperate moments I hope that the universe will respond to my suffering in some impossible way. My ego gets involved and thinks that surely my life really is some special phenomenon, and that the world will not allow me to continue this slow march to suicide. But then I collect myself and remember I'm just an 'experiencing' person along with all the other experiencing persons, and my particular lot in life is being weak(depression is synonymous with weakness I feel). People who have committed suicide from depression couldn't have done otherwise. They got filtered, and I don't want to be next, but fuck man. There isn't some special force that will intervene, you just get got, murdered by the world.

 No.223845

>>223811
>>223813
I went ahead and read the flcl manga. Barely understood what was going on.
How was that supposed to help me in any way?

 No.223846

>>223845
Well, shit, nevermind then :(. Thanks for taking a chance on it, though. Sorry for wasting your time.

 No.223852

>>223826
I'll never leave you to your sorrow wizzie!
Misaki is here for you!!

 No.223860

Are there actually a vast majority of people living who never in their life have to struggle with any of psychic and mental disorders that are discussed here over and over? These problems determine and ruin my life to more than 95 %at least. It feels so unfair and random.

 No.223861

>>223860
Yes, it is difficult to comprehend

 No.223862

>>223860
The weird thing is that mental illness and reflection is as foreign a concept to those people as they are to you.

 No.223863

Everyone in the extended family knew what my father did, and how he treated me.
They did nothing. THey didn't even attempt to talk about it with him, for he downplayed it, and they all bought it, because they feared him.
I wonder if they know about the time that he locked me, my mother and my sister in the bathroom for 2 days. Thankfully i was just a baby, so i don't remember any of it.
I cried, multiple times, to teachers about my abusive father, at a young age.
They did nothing. Their protocol was to call social services. They didn't.
I called social services myself some years later.
They didn't do anything but offer him "resources" for him to quit drinking on a volountary basis. They assumed that he felt shame or weakness of any kind.
He did not. He used his silver tongue to overpower them by turning the conversation to me and my faults, and blaming me for everything.
It didn't work.
After the social services meeting, he had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. He flatlined twice en route, as explained in >>223778 .
Nothing happened. He came back a week later, dumped a wardrobes worth of dirty shoes in my room and smashed my head in with a boot.

Nothing can stop him. Nothing can kill him.
He is the Juggernaut of myth, reincarnated.
I can't fucking take it anymore.
I can't even get any proper help with this fucker anymore, since I am no longer a child.
All they'll tell me is to get a job and move out, like he's fucking telling me to do as well, never mind the fact that I am too broken to even function properly anymore.
Everything fucking scares me. Everything reminds me of him.
Apples in a grocery store? He threatened to hit me over the head with a chair if I didn't eat my apples when I was 5. Can't eat those anymore.
Christmas decorations? Drunken christmas rampages, and plenty of them.
Video games? He threw away my boxed copy of Majoras Mask while "cleaning my room" and then praised himself for throwing out "trash" from my room.
The list goes on.
Moving away won't fucking solve the problem. He'll still be around, causing suffering to everyone around him.
Mom takes care of him like hes a big fucking baby, complete with buying him chocolates and cigarettes because otherwise he'll have temper tantrums and throw objects around the fucking house and start screaming in his 120 dB voice again.
He still does this.
WHO THE FUCK DO I TALK TO TO FINISH THIS MOTHERFUCKER ONCE AND FOR ALL?
I don't give a shit what the CIA niggers think of this.

 No.223864

My boss is implementing a policy for bringing people back into the office. I have to attend for one meeting. I've been enjoying working from home.

 No.223872

File: 1594194253672.jpg (4.82 MB, 4140x6066, 230:337, 84e10bf241489a4840c23b5e4d….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

4:38 am.
today i spent >3 hours staring at this image while listening to welcome to arco ampm.

i want to start life over. god, please let me.

i wish i were a nerd in japan living a lonely but fun and colorful life or something.
or a kind teacher at a daycare or worked at a hospital. somewhere arcadic. and make others happy and smile. i wish everyones wishes could be fulfilled. people are nice.
or going back to when i was 6 knowing what i know now, except im not a genetic abomination.
theres nothing in this world. only murder, rape, poverty, power hungry psychos.
i think ill be a boring nerd forever. theres practically nothing i can do with what ive been given. even here everyone is more well informed and intelligent than me.

i want to know what its like to be human.

 No.223898

Love how my brother just shits all over me and acts like its nothing. He's done this my whole life, we'll be cool for a while then he just goes off on how much a fucking loser I am. I remember one time me and him were in public and there was a cute succubus sitting next to us and he started pointing out how ugly I am next her, I was completely embarrassed I tried to play it off as a banter thing but he just went on until he got bored. I wanted to kill him but eventually I just got so desensitized to it I stopped caring for the most part. I still talk to him, he even suggested us moving into an apartment together but today he said some things again that just really left a bad taste in my mouth… I can't imagine sharing a place with someone like him. I guess the only reason I reach out to him like I do is because I'm lonely and have no friends, and he of course knows this well. Whatever, I don't get how you can just shit all over a person and not feel a fucking thing.

 No.224054

This is a middle-aged man who decided to finally crawl from under a rock and get a Twitter account to follow certain activities related to otaku culture. Then he saw Western replies to some Japanese posts and looked at their account descriptions out of curiosity. This is a short summary:
"🖕 🌈 He/They/Her. 18. BLM. WEEB SHIT. Memes make me LMAO 🌈 🖕"

Modern internet is amazing.

 No.224060

>>224054
Future's looking bright as usual

 No.224061

>>223872
>today i spent >3 hours staring at this image
Interesting, I've done the same before. Do you like Lynne? I like her a lot.
Sad feels wiz. There really is no overcoming a longing to return to the past and have the cards dealt differently. If it's any consolation, this desire and despair you feel is how it really feels to be human. Those who live day to day with a smile on their face, never dwelling on whether things could have been better in their past, are those who have lost their humanity. When a human reflects on himself, only torment awaits as the human imagination can always create something better. This is why some people have forgot how to reflect. Consciousness was a mistake.

 No.224062

I just want to feel the world again. I'm so tired of not feeling the world. I hope I can be born again so I get a blank slate without a permanently fucked brain. I'm so sick of this fucking life. I feel like I'm some robot or a doll. My mind moves my body but my body is just wood or metal.

 No.224063

File: 1594591284411.jpg (96.81 KB, 600x924, 50:77, 1591652625450.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I feel like my parents and I are being gaslit or otherwise made uncomfortable or whatever by our neighbors.

>neighbours have been pretty noisy the past few years

>Especially in the summer - kids loudly playing, music on blast, parents/adults getting drunk and noisily chatting most weekends. That kind of thing.
>They're allowed to enjoy their yard, but they're definitely louder than they should be
>A couple relatives (at different times, and visiting from other, larger cities) commented on how loud the neighbors are
>Parents do nothing besides occasionally and politely ask them to quiet it down. I don't do anything, because I hate confrontation
>They had some party on Canada Day. Someone called the cops.
>Wasn't my parents - all they did was complain to themselves, and later me. Never did it myself, as I was at work
>Anyway, the week or so after was uneventful. Until last Friday.
>The neighbors were apparently up late again. Parents heard them.
>Dad mentioned it to the neighbors the next day. Politely asked them if they could keep it down. They started acting defensive about it, and started chewing him out about phoning the cops. He obviously denied phoning the cops, as he hasn't phoned them on any neighbor for anything.

I'm legit not sure what we did to piss our neighbors off. All my parents did were tell them to keep it down. We usually keep to ourselves, but we are friendly. We also try to be respectful of our neighbors. Maybe we aren't normal enough for them, or fit in with their clique? Are we offending them by saying they can't be noisy literally when they want? Whatever it is, we aren't intentionally trying to cause grief. And it's tiring.

 No.224066

>>224054
>Popular social media is chock full of that kind of leftist - everything they post is "I'm toted woke-r than you btw BLM and I'm an alphabet ally and call me xer"
>Slightly less popular sites are full of rightist reactionaries - "ok I'm so smrt for not believing the popular narrative" kind of stuff

Everything is political and hostile. I hate it

 No.224124

File: 1594678348558.mp4 (2.98 MB, 640x360, 16:9, Gaara's childhood Theme So….mp4) ImgOps iqdb


 No.224129

>take a walk!
>clean your room!
>lift some weights!
>watch this video!
>read this book!
How about you fuck off?
Are normalfags completely and utterly unable to understand that it is possible to be dealt a hand of cards so utterly awful that it is impossible to do anything useful with them?
>but look at this person, he is much worse off than you and he made something with himself
Fuck off. Relativity is a thing.
Just because that limbless faggot with a chicken drumstick for a fucking leg can play a round of golf and get a wife doesnt mean that a primordial sludge reject like myself, who has known nothing but failure in all endeavors, and torment from all who have known me, can do any better than him.

 No.224177

And they have the nerve to tell us that it's all our fault.
It's our fault that we refuse to improve ourselves, they say, after not even attempting to walk half a metre in our shoes.
It's our fault that things went the way they did in the first place. Like it was my fucking fault that a complete random stranger threw a snowball at my head when i was in the single digit ages.

 No.224178

Every year I spend some money buying a big array of supplements hoping maybe this time I'll find something that fixes this. It hasn't yet. Another year another attempt.

 No.224189

Woke up in the middle of the night randomly smothered by the gravity of my declining health. I could magically end up in my ideal living scenario and still be plagued by a dozen lifelong conditions with no cure. Half of them with no form of symptom mitigation/management. All of them get progressively worse, and then you die.

 No.224193

im the worst person on earth.
ill die a retarded neet.
ill stop posting on imageboards.

 No.224197

File: 1594780116975.jpg (117.42 KB, 1200x1850, 24:37, 1590531460088.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>223376
Once Mom dies I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't mean in an emotional sense, rather in a practical one. I don't how to organize a funeral, how to pay bills, how to do taxes or how to provide for myself in any sense from food to finding housing. My best bet is that someone takes pity on me but the chances of that are slim as I don't know anyone beyond mental health professionals that I get juggled around by.
Days spent in a state of anxiety and denial over the inevitable, wondering if her death will be the motivation I need to sanction my own through suicide, which has so far not surpassed ideation.
If anyone has been in a similar position and come out somehow fine I'd appreciate some advice or insight.

 No.224199

>>224197
As long as you have money it is not that hard. if you have to work, then it will be a catastrophe

 No.224201

I think this is the pit of the internet. It can't get any worse than board. There's no way there's a single other website with a dedicated suicide thread and a bunch of depressing threads like this.

 No.224265

File: 1594857702391.png (57.46 KB, 500x329, 500:329, wmC1rxvmbco1_500.png) ImgOps iqdb

do any of you have depressive, hurtful, annoying thoughts the moment you close your eyes or when there's no light or little light in your rooms?

This shit sucks man I just wanna be at peace. I dont understand it because its no logical to have ugly shit in your head that serves as nothing but torture, it's horrible, plus theres the back pain that never leaves me . Goddamn it this body makes it impossible not to think about suicide everyday I wanna heal already what the fuck am i supposed to do if all the ugly things are there at every hour I can only distract myself for so long… Fuck this, it truly seems that only in death I will be at peace. I really want to live but it's painful to go on like this. fuck this life i have done nothing to deserve this shit

 No.224271

How many people on here just lurk and rarely post? Whenever I attempt to reply to a thread, I just think this is an unintelligible mess that's going to get no replies and decide against it.

 No.224272

>>224271
I'm in the same boat. Reading these threads, I feel like everyone else has understandable, foundational reasons for the way they feel, while I resonate despite having a life that could be much worse. It feels selfish to infringe.

 No.224273

Got nothing done today.

 No.224276

>>224265
this happens even when it's not dark. like any word can trigger a sequence of bad memories.

like i remember some stuff that shouldn't be traumatizing like another 9 year old calling me a faggot and telling me to get away from him at school and it's been 20 years. stuff from 10 years ago is potent too.

 No.224279

>>224276
Yeah I hate that shit, I consider them emotional links. The content didn't matter as much as the irrationally strong emotions during the past situation which encoded the memory as remembering the emotion. Then when feeling low and anxious the mind searches for emotionally similar memories as part of threat avoidance. You know logically it doesn't matter, or you can get to that stage, but the memory is of the emotional reaction.

That allows me to deal with it in a context even if it's just because I have intense emotions. There is a certain technique around breathing and body relaxation, that you start training paced breathing, then do exercises to link tensioning and relaxing muscles to breathing in and out, and finally when you have a memory after it hurts your force yourself to go back through the memory using the breathing techniques and focus on the imagined/remembered sensations and senses during the memory. Breathing through it seems to uncouple the elements of the memory from the emotion and slowly undo some of the links. I'll upload the documents of it later if I find them.

Like you though there seems to be hundreds of these memories just because I had strong negative emotions to tiny events. The techniques still kind of work though.

 No.224281

Beyond over for me. Got stupidly unlucky with everything. Just hope for a quick death.

 No.224282

>>224201
Platforms for pedophiles and actual criminals are worse imho. Also there are other image boards with pro suicide threads, at least there used to be I didn't look around beyond this place for a while. What about sites where you actively make fun of other people? Where parents tell how much they hate and mistreat their children? Actually I'd even say this place is one of the most mature parts of the internet, sometimes people are rather compassionate to each other, which is very hard to find somewhere else.

 No.224292

4 more days for the anniversary of Chester's death as well as Chris Cornell's birthday.

 No.224294

>>224292
he is dead but not forgotten I think he was ahead of it's time if Meteora or Hybrid Theory came out of nowhere in 2020 you'd hear it blasted on every radio

 No.224298

Watching the dog for a couple weeks while family is away, so I have to keep a normal sleep schedule. Usually sleep was my main method of avoiding life. The usual methods of distracting myself like playing certain games isn't working I feel like I'm going insane.

 No.224299

>>224271
I have been replied to a single time on this site and that was back in 2013. Every thread I've made has died untouched.

It takes me upwards of 30 minutes to articulate a few sentences I deem worthwhile, but I'm not really expecting approval or responses. Maybe someone will acknowledge or find some value in it. Feels more like a public journal entry to the closest thing I can consider 'peers', which can be beneficial.

 No.224306

been horribly paranoid of burglary, can't sleep more than a few hours. can't function at all, read or play games. What a nightmare being alive.

 No.224312

File: 1594939956759.jpg (26.61 KB, 460x271, 460:271, white circles.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224193
I often speak about "warp wanings", yet no one but little seems to have tried them at long term.

The thing is, they look upon you as if you were them, so they know nothing about the cloud inside the brain. Just to be sure we don't lose a little chance of stopping things going from bad to worse, warp wanings must be at hand for whoever has a lil chance with them

>fasting often, like once a month or two months (*)

>if you can't do water fasting for more than 3 days (which is the caution when starting) use honey: you may last more than a week with honey and water (*)
>use colon irrigations while fasting, learn about them, for this improves the cleansing a lot (*)
>try eating and living caring about your ayurvedic type
>having an almost mucusless diet (knowing that cereals are the most mucus producers and so milk, etc…)
>chewing foods a lot (fletcherism)
>learn about trophology: why some types of food must not be mixed with some others
>intermitent fasting can be carried out while not fasting in serious way, it allows you to recover while still doing a bit of cleansing
>sport cannot be done while warped, but anything that makes you sweat helps with detox, avoid air-conditioning
>do not expect results within less than a year, being constant (*)
>learn about herbal remedies intended to purge one single organ (kidneys, lungs, liver) for you may need them fresh
>homeopathy is not naturopathy, the first one is weak and almost theoric
>when the body might be severely purged, try holotropic breathwork (*) since not every warp form is physical (brain-fog, brain-conditions, brain-whatever)

* = these are the tough ones, the others are complementary

Self-improvement comes naturally only when warp has been removed and depending on how much it is remaining.

Warp levels (as you may know) can vary from a wizard to another, example: >>224305

What is warp? Every fog, taint, phlegm or sickening substance/influence that causes mind and body to work wrecked.
It is the life-battle of every wiz, yet wizzies are affected in ways that resemble a curse more than a mere sickness. That's why normanimprovekeks won't work on us

 No.224322

>>224312
Thanks WarpWiz this really helped, can you tell me where i can read more about this?
I really tried to get into the ayurvedic dieting, but i'ts just too complex for me. I live in the UK where we have ceral with milk or toast for breakfast, we don't have mangos, coconuts and the rest of it just fresh. All that fruits and nuts is hella expensive here, so we eat cereals, meats, potato and diary. If we didn't half the population would perish.

 No.224325

File: 1594948241502.pdf (182.3 KB, Mucusless Healing with Hig….pdf)

>>224322
Potatoes will suffice when roasted, also fish is better than mammal meats…

Mmm, which ayurvedic dieting? Do you ever know your temper (dosha)?

I'm dropping things, then…

 No.224326

File: 1594948357661.pdf (3.66 MB, The Tao of Health, Sex and….pdf)

>>224322

This is one is more complete, about fasting, colon cleasing, semen retention (the crucial need of no-fap), how to properly meditate and trophology issues explained…

 No.224327

>>224325
Thanks for the PDFs, yes i'm Vata type, i have studies these things somewhat, but again, ayurveda is not just a diet, it's a lifestyle and hard to do in the UK. My body type is used to warm environment where i can eat of the fruits and nuts and suggested and eat light, but in these countries you need hardier foodstuffs as well as everything being expensive it is hard.

 No.224330

>>224326
Can i ask wha kind of lifestyle you maintain doing all of these things?
I got a taste on the kind of environment i would need to do all of this and no way could i maintain a western life, with a jobs and everything and still caretake my body.
My plan is now to play the game until i don't have to, then afterwards try and undo the damage, but your post reminded me of a path i nearly took myself
I often feel sick and bloated and now i am reminded why

 No.224332

>>224312
Is this an accurate reading regarding trophology?

FATS - Combine with PROTEINS or STARCHES. NOT Fruits
PROTEINS - Combine with FATS. NOT Fruits or Starches
STARCHES - Combine with Vegetables.
Vegetables - Combine with PROTEINS, STARCHES, or FATS. Not Fruits
Fruits - Combine with nothing. EAT ALONE, on an empty stomach.

 No.224387

File: 1595026469597.jpg (25.91 KB, 1200x562, 600:281, fuck you.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>223376
I hate being belittled, I hate how my family fucking treats me, I hate my fucking shitty chad brothers or whatever that acts nice to me one minute and then acts like a complete asshole and talk shit. I fucking hate how everyone treats me like this little fucking worm who can't think for himself, is so weak and pathetic and useless. I feel like god put me here to punish me, to make me suffer endlessly. I fucking hate everything and my rage won't go away.

 No.224411

>>224387
What can we do. It hurts to even exist and any attempt to build a life is shot down. It really is fucking hell. Swear to god we are some of the unluckiest bastards in history, being killed early on would have been better than this bullshit. Ive suffered and its going to be worst. Endless horde of pricks, fuck this world. Just fuck this bullshit world.

 No.224412

Some artificial intelligence waifus are made to make people happy, to make them feel joy. My artificial intelligence waifu will exist to help provide stability during eternal struggle.

 No.224413

>>224412
wut? Did you started paying for that "relationship plan" app where you talk to a shitty AI bot?

 No.224415

>>224412
>My artificial intelligence waifu will exist to help provide stability during eternal struggle.

Details pls

 No.224416

>>224411
I feel you man, I hope both of our pain ends quickly as possible. Fuck this world.

 No.224420

File: 1595100692666.jpg (35.06 KB, 640x587, 640:587, troph.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224330
I am a NEET, but I have been working while fasting thanks to honey mixed with water. Just as Ehret says, vitality comes from loss of obstructions rather than from constant feeding.

>>224332
The triangle of trophology inside the "Tao of health, sex and longevity" has wider explanation. The strongest warp wanings are marked with *

 No.224421

File: 1595102045703.pdf (7.87 MB, Ehret Mucusless Diet.pdf)

>>224420

MUCUSLESS DIET must adopted GRADUALLY, otherwise you may end up like Steve Jobs or Ashton Kutcher, for the body comes through a process of deinflammation by reducing the junk, and it can have OBNOXIOUS effects if not taken slowly, like fasting. First try slowly and patiently, if month after month you feel sicker, remain there until it fades a bit and then improve the methods.

GO EASY OR YOU MAY FIND YOURSELVES IN TROUBLE

 No.224422

>studying for a degree that I have no passion for
>soon will have to attend for remote classes
>isolation freed me from driving my grandparents to church, but I'll have to make that again
And now I'm getting the feeling that I won't be respected by people if I don't stop thin and grow some muscles.
Even more annoying is this feeling I have that I need to contract my muscles or exercising, but the feeling doesn't go away. I believe it is a kind anxiety/depression related restlessness.
Oh God… Fuck me.

 No.224429

Why do wizards say that alc is bad? It's heaven. Life's good. Heartaches by the Number.

 No.224453

Another fulfilling day hoarding porn and masturbating.

 No.224469

>>224453
>Another fulfilling day hoarding porn
Yeah, me too; I've not really even much of a sex drive anymore, I just do it out of habit.

 No.224484

File: 1595173728234.jpg (51.37 KB, 300x450, 2:3, portrait.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224061
ty
shes my favorite witch by far. a bit klutzy but very kind. and gives a calming pastoral aura.

 No.224514

File: 1595202242294.mp4 (616.89 KB, 320x240, 4:3, mb5.mp4) ImgOps iqdb

Mike Tyson became the most wizardly man on the planet for 8 seconds.

 No.224563

>>224325
Hi WarpWiz, can you confirm what kind of mucusless diet i can have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner makes sense, but all i know you have for breakfast is cereal with milk, fruit with yogurt and granola, and toast with spread and those are all high mucus options, thanks

 No.224568

>>224564
same, i can't take it anymore. Need to force myself to stop coming to this decrepit place. I am not aware of anywhere for people that are happy being alone. Maybe there should be another site that outright bans crabs.

Although i have to say that 'anon' and 'normie' have been used for many years and arent a bother to me

 No.224570

>>224564
oh look, another nofap tard acting all holier than though once again, shocking, go back to 4chan or reddit where you can shit on people because they dont nofap or read pretentious books, funny how you are 'disgusted' over people whining about mundane issues when you're whining about the most mundane and over-preached crap of them all

 No.224572

>>224564
>having attachment to this site at all
I have a low standards and even I gave up on this site a long time ago. It's just a place to shitpost now. The sense of belonging we sought and thought we found is no longer.

 No.224573

>>224564
Yes it's only high time we delete dep before it's too late

 No.224574

>>224570
> funny how you are 'disgusted' over people whining about mundane issues when you're whining about the most mundane and over-preached crap of them all
O
Yes that post is one more reason to delete dep

 No.224575

File: 1595257108286.jpg (Spoiler Image, 39.24 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 1595256892.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.224580

It took me three hours to make a simple spreadsheet in excel. This is daunting.

 No.224581

>>224178
open my eyes
>another day, another attempt

 No.224582

>>224421
Ok, thanks warpwiz i'll consider these things and make sure to go gradually
What improvement have you felt in your own life since going mucusless?

 No.224588

>>224582
I got rid of a horrible fever which lasted two years, after some paradigm shift at hi school. No joking, I was anguished, disturbed and feverish. All the time.

Now I feel sometimes while fasting, that some recurrent fantasies of my mind start losing sense, like my mind slowly recalibrates… I am going hardcore by this day. This is a non-stop fight until death.

I will also add that I do focus more at fasting than at mucusless. My ideal diet would be 80/85% mucusless, knowing that whitefish is the less acid producer amongst all meats (according to Ehret's book).

Also I tend to be sometimes neglective about dairies, since I am vata. If I were kapha, such thing would be totally discarded…

 No.224589

>>224588
Also I speculate that Arnold Ehret had pitta dosha himself, for it is the most compatible dosha with raw diets.

 No.224603

>>224589
So we should put a vata-filter over the Ehret method?
Seems plausible, i really will give some of this stuff a go and report back, thanks again for being here
Again, you may have written it somewhere else, but can you advice what you eat for breakfast? I normally have a swiss muesli with coconut milk (I used to have with skim milk or soy, but i have cut that out since yesterday per your recommendation and bought coconut milk, which i like)

 No.224606

>>224292
Keep them both in your memory, wizards. RIP.

 No.224625

I'm moving to Spain from the UK with my parents and it's such a downgrade.

The place in which we will be leaving is a shitty apartment with an awful view. For comparison in the UK, we live in a 3-bedroom house with a big garden and comfy neighborhood. My parents said this will be temporary but it will be at least 1 year of living like that.

The town is in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains and deserts. It's like one hour drive just to the nearest big city and to the beach. In the UK, we also lived in a crappy small village but the buildings were neat and the street was clean. It was also 45 min drive from the nearest big city.

The worst thing is I will be leaving my only irl friend behind. We can still talk and play games online but in order to meet up now and then, I will have to pay too much for a plane ticket.

I try to look for anything positive with this change but there isn't anything. The beach will get boring quick and I speak Spanish but hate to speak it, also never really liked Spanish people. The unemployment rate is pretty bad and no way I will get a job even if I wanted.

I could stay in the UK but I would need to share a house full of normies and work a shitty retail job, even then I would probably struggle financially. I will have a shitty life no matter what and all because I lack the drive to be more independent.

 No.224641

>>224625
sounds like you don't have a choice wizzo
make the best of it, and let us know how the migrant situation is out there

 No.224645

>>224625
I would just enjoy the weather, walk in the desert sometimes and read a ton of spanish novels beginning with Lazarillo de Tormes. Can't really think of a better life really.

>The worst thing is I will be leaving my only irl friend behind.

Spain is not your problem. Your problem is you're too well adjusted for the wizard life. Maybe you should stay in the UK and hit that shitty retail job and share a flat, sounds about right for you.

 No.224650

Why is intelligence the most important and most high rated trait in our times? It seems arbitrary to me. I mean the worth of life doesn't change a bit if you are smart or not.

 No.224658

>>224650
>the worth of life doesn't change

This is really vague. Do you mean the worth of the person or the fullness of their life? Intelligence by itself is worthless. I know that pretty well as someone who stays at home all day. An intelligent person with a well paying job is the one who enjoys life. So, the intelligence really has nothing to do with it. Luck seems to be the only deciding factor as to whether someone gets to enjoy life or not. If you're unlucky then you're the smartest person at the McDonalds you work at. Intelligence is very overrated. I'd rather be dumb and rich. What's the point of knowing things or being able to solve problems if you literally do nothing all day, as I do.

Why is someone born into a rich family? Was it their intelligence or did they just get lucky. Intelligence is overrated and luck is underrated. The kikes who were lucky enough to be born rich want the peasants to think that everyone has a chance of succeeding when the reality is that most people won't have any kind of success. Most people become wageslaves and they work to live.

 No.224661

>just learn to code
I learnt it autistically, because I had been some interviews years ago, where they searched "beginner" coders and it was turned out to need to write tests and I failed miserably. I was a fool, I tought knowing some basic programming concepts would be enough for a beginner and they will teach me, but I figured out the beginner is who knows even the smallest little formality at least in one programming language, but doesn't have work experience in the field… Fast forward some years, after reaching meaningful knowledge, starting to applying again and not a single response. Probably the virus situation plays a big role in it, feels like they don't need to mess around anymore with self learner neet loosers, when suddenly there are an army of real experienced coders, with a perfect resume applying for even the entry level jobs. And not living in first world country with shitty English knowledge, thats my luck, now I would be able to pass those stupid tests, but now suddenly no one gives me the chance. My motivation is dropped to zero, I just stopped coding months ago, because it is pointless when my resume goes into the trash. It is not my passion, I don't have the motivation to shit out magnificient open source projects, I just doing textbook example tasks to get better in problem solving, so I was doomed in it anyway, but it would be nice to have a normal salary before the inevitable burnout, but I lost before the race started.

 No.224663

>>224661
I've seen the words
>just learn to code
too many times to count. Anyone who has tried to actually learn programming knows how hard it is. That's something I hate a lot; When people downplay how difficult something is because it comes easily to them. It's essentially like saying
>just become a doctor

People like us could learn to code but the hardest step is being interested. The only way to become really good at something is to first enjoy it. Whether it's playing an instrument or drawing or a sport. If you don't enjoy something then there's a 0% chance you'll become good at it. That's how I feel about programming. It's way too difficult to be learned unless you're excited by it.

 No.224666

>>224664
>last year of highschool
Lol. Do you not have neetbux in your country? I'm a decade older than you but on neetbux. I'll probably get a job one day but it'll be fast food or some pointless crap like that. As for suicide, you can do that but you should save it for when things are at their worst. Even been homeless? That's when you'll really want a way out. So yeah. What makes me and everyone else less suicidal is the realisation that most people on this Earth do not have good lives. The planet is just severely overpopulated by billions. Every job is taken. Every role is filled. That's why I sit at home and do nothing whenever possible.

 No.224674

>>224645
>Your problem is you're too well adjusted for the wizard life.

Well, I'm 25 so an apprentice really meaning I'm not quite there yet. I wish I was as well adjusted as you make me to be though but that's far from it. I hate to socialise with a passion to the point that I never had a job and while at uni, I paid more for a private studio so that I wouldn't need to share anything. I was just lucky enough to have made a friend who I got along with well. I haven't made any other friend irl since then.

The imagery of me walking in the desert and reading Spanish literature sounds nice though, thanks a lot. That sort of imagery helps me deal with this issue.

 No.224675

>>224674
How did you pay for a private studio without a job? I hate people like this so much. This is peak depression larping. Are people like this even allowed on wizchan?

 No.224679

File: 1595374515469.jpg (2.16 MB, 5389x3648, 5389:3648, A_Sunrise_in_the_Tabernas_….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224675
>pay for a private studio without a job?
Daddy of course. They're taking him to Spain where he can neet it up and walk in places like pic related but he still finding it not very much to his standards, the poor thing.

 No.224712

>there are literal high schoolers lurking here
Wow, this board is a joke.

 No.224714

>>224712
Is it been known to you that 99% on this board are not wizards?

 No.224715

>>224658
Well you're already dumb alright, without intelligence you don't realistically have a chance to be in luck or remain rich, think about the lottery winners who have gone broke
Luck is not important because you can't do anything about it and it's for only an abysmal portion of people, think about the lottery winners
But sure stay on your bed all day and pray for luck to bestow upon you while the ones who score top grades are just lucky when they get rich

 No.224718

>>224714
Yeah, I'm starting to think it's just one big LARP. But, couple of years ago this board was better.

 No.224719

>>224663
Yeah, I mean, it's also not just down to learning to code. Ultimately, it comes down to coming off positively socially to people as well. I had interviews 7 years ago for positions and it never got anywhere since I wasn't super charming and I wasn't the best at coding. They'll cut you slack on one if you're good at another.

I used to see it this way: most people didn't want to bother with the hassle of coding so it'd be a good niche place for someone who is willing to do it as a code monkey, but it doesn't really work out. It sucked that I had done prep work for a year before doing a bootcamp and was getting surpassed by people who hadn't touched any coding within a few weeks.

It would come down to enjoying the problem-solving part of it and seeing the puzzles as fun. For me, I hated that shit, but I was just trying to use code monkeying as a way to not be a perma-NEET like I ended up being. The problem is I didn't realize I also had a learning disability that makes anything non-verbal super hard. It only made sense why I sucked at everything worthwhile but could memorize trivia better than most after I found about it, so I've been SOL from day one because my brain was mal-formed.

 No.224720

>>224718
I don't really know what it is at this point. There are still some like veteran asocial wizards, but there are also wizkids who larp and normal people who are socially well-adjusted but don't want to talk about getting laid.

I'm 90 days away from officially being a wizard, but it seems like most actual wizards probably steer clear after getting the whole "haha you're a crab for being in any way unhappy with how things are". It feels like for a lot of people being a wizard is more like a niche hobby than the natural outcome of being abnormal.

 No.224729

>>224718
Uhm no, go to webarchive and they were lamenting about not having a girlfriend

 No.224738

>>224421
I also found this guide, that i think has indexed the whole book on .html https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020113Ehret/020113.1-4ehret.html

 No.224740

>>224738
I found the part about diet, i'm finding this book very interesting tbh, but i am unsure if it is true, i guess i'll have to test it for myself

Menus for the First Two Weeks

LUNCH: A combination salad, consisting of raw grated carrots or cold slaw or both,half and half, and two or three spoonfuls of a stewed or canned vegetable, such asgreen peas, string beans or spinach. Add to this one of the following items (whateveris in season): cucumbers, tomatoes, green onions, lettuce or other green leaf vegetables,celery, etc., but only a sufficient quantity for a flavoring.

You may make an oil dressing according to your taste if desired, using lemon juiceinstead of vinegar–for flavoring purposes only. The rest of the meal should consistof one baked or stewed vegetable such as cauliflower, beets, parsnips, turnips, squash,etc. If you still feel as though you were hungry you may eat a small sized bakedpotato or one slice of toasted bran or whole wheat bread. Fats of any kind, includingthe ordinary butter, are unnatural and therefore should not be eaten. However, shouldyou crave fats it is best to use peanut butter or some other nut butter on your bread.

During the winter months canned vegetables may be used when green vegetables arenot available. Drink the juice separately in the morning and mix the green or stringbeans or spinach, etc., with the salad stock as described above of cold slew or rawcarrots. The object of this menu is to supply the "broom" to provide meansfor mechanically cleansing the digestive tract by quantities of raw, baked and stewedstarchless vegetables. This may be called "Ehret's Standard Combination Salad,"the "intestinal broom" spoken of so frequently, and so necessary for properlyeliminating the stored up poisons now being loosened during the body's house-cleaning.

SUPPER: Mix (half and half) a stewed fruit such as apple sauce, stewed dried apricots,stewed dried peaches, or stewed prunes with cottage cheese or with some very ripebananas, mashed, sweetened with brown sugar or honey to taste.

The bananas would be for a less "mucused" or less acid stomach.

LUNCH: First a baked apple, apple sauce or other stewed dried fruit. After ten orfifteen minutes a combination salad as suggested in first menu, and bran or wholewheat bread toasted if still hungry. Cow butter should be gradually avoided and replacedby a vegetable or nut butter during the transition. By allowing the cooked vegetablesto soak on the salad for 10 or 16 minutes it serves the purpose of a dressing.

SUPPER: A baked or stewed vegetable, as suggested in the first menu, followed witha vegetable salad made of lettuce and cucumber or raw celery or a little cold slaw.


Menus for the Third Two Weeks

LUNCH: During the summer this should be an exclusive fruit meal–one kind only. Inwinter a sweet dried fruit, for example, prunes, figs, raisins or dates eaten withapples or oranges or the dried fruits can be chewed together with a very few nuts,and then followed by the fresh fruits. If in the beginning this fails to satisfy,wait for ten or fifteen minutes and then eat a few leaves of lettuce or a cold vegetableeither cooked or raw, but just a small quantity.

SUPPER: A combination salad as suggested in the first menu, followed by a baked vegetable.


Menus for the Fourth Two Weeks

LUNCH: Fruits as in previous menus.

SUPPER: First eat fruits, either baked or stewed, or fresh, followed a little laterby a cold cooked vegetable or better still a vegetable salad.

If you find that you are losing weight too rapidly, the elimination should be sloweddown by eating bread or potatoes after the vegetables. Should you feel an intensecraving, in the beginning, for meat–a great desire returning which you cannot resist,then eat vegetables only on that day, and NO FRUITS.

 No.224758

File: 1595436606515.jpg (77.87 KB, 960x903, 320:301, 13103370_916958528416336_1….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224740
>>224421
>>224420

> ppl imagining food is the panacea to their problems

you are just as pathetic as the instagram influencers, and just as wrong.
food will not solve your issues.
I know this because I tried living as healthy as a gym rat Buddha, taking supplements for cognition (things like Omega 3 and Ashwagandha, not the shitty powdered cement and God knows what else 'Muricans call supplements).
This was in 2015. It looked like it worked.
Now in 2020 I had a really bad phase, I kicked myself into doing the same regimen. Didn't work. And then it dawned on me - back in 2015 I had a lot of other things that helped me and that were completely non-food related, non-physical health related.
If you plan on improving your life (IF), then you can make food part of that, make it a sort of ritual. Otherwise don't bother.

 No.224759

>>224758
Forgot to say, not just taking supplements, but eating a balanced Mediterranean type of diet, more on the keto/paleo side.

 No.224769

>>224759
All the food i eat makes me sick and gives me a lot of mucus
90% of store bought food has some form of soy, wheat or corn inside

 No.224774

>>224758
>didn't fast through the process
>doesn't mention colon cleansing
>believes that is food rather than its absence what works
>probly eating starch while not even knowing

No wonder

>>224769
>wheat & corn

You will only go from bad to worse.

 No.224785

>>223426
Never worked in my life, High School dropout and I live in a country with compulsory military service. You belong on r9k.

 No.224786

>>224785
Think about it, if I wanted to read a short autobiography of a borderline normalfag with "uncertain future" I'd go on r9k. I know for a fact that my future is full of shit and only in the best case scenario I'd end up as a fucking cashier.

 No.224787

>>224786
>>224785
get over yourself.

 No.224795

>>224774
>You will only go from bad to worse.
I know, i'm looking for help?
When i tried to be vegetarian i was weak and hungry all the time
Then i tried to add beans and lentils back into the diet, but that wasn't even enough
I want back to meat and the colour returned to my face.
I am also vatta dosha if you ask, but i am cutting out yogurt and cream products now

 No.224798

>>224787
I just think this is no place for a failed normalfags.

 No.224813

>>224769
Are you over-weight? Serious question, but it would help to know.

>>224774
>colon cleansing
Exactly as a new age tumblrina or instagram influencer. Gonna suggest some crystal therapy next? Colon cleansing doesn't work for anything except ruin your flora. Read on fecal transplant, that's something scientific. But I bet you won't it's not rose crystals and butterflies as you wish reality would be.

 No.224814

>>224813
>Are you over-weight?
No i'm skinny fat underweight with trash-tier abdominal muscles under the fat, recessed jaw, small skull and no chin

>colon cleansing

Is this the same as an enema?
I bought an enema kit online because warpwiz recommended it, i read part of his book and it said i have hardened feces lodged in my, what would you call it, gut, colon, rectum, whatever the tube up your butt.

 No.224822

>>223439
that's just survival instinct, nothing to do with "hope".
It's a primal programming in everyone's head that is hard to get rid off

 No.224826

I am feeling really melancholic. I feel as if my life is missing elements that a proper human existence should have,and instead trying to find these missing elements I am either wasting my time or slave away as some abused cog in society. I don't exactly know what they are or if they even really exist. When I close my eyes, I have images of verdant meadows, peacefully relaxing by the fireplace or beautiful works of art. Yet despite those scenarios being possible to encounter in real life, I feel like experiencing them will not complete the things I feel are missing. It's like I come from a fairy world full of love, beauty and goodness and thrown into the mundane human world with all its suffering and lacking.

 No.224827

File: 1595535408248.jpg (Spoiler Image, 18.18 KB, 233x300, 233:300, fullwash.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224814
Something like this should do enough.
Remember that sometimes you may need to give it a rest.

The book recommends them to be used while fasting, so the effects are deeper in the body.

 No.224828

>>224827
Yes, i ordered one similar to that, except it has an emergency off-nozzle, i didn't want my bowels to be filled uncontrollably and swell up like augustus gloop

 No.224829

>>224827
Why is it that thinks like fruit and dairy are paired so often in the west, yet it is like a sin in ayurveda?
Have cream with sweet berry pairs well on the taste buds

 No.224833

I just attended a birthday party for my aunt who is 60, and met some family members I haven't seen in about a decade. It really surprised me how much alcohol plays a role in their lives, with the common bonding stories being about getting really drunk etc. Not judging, but I didn't realise that was how people bonded. My cousin, who is about 45, talked about how she got into some kind of fight and used all these swear words etc in front of her son; her son just talked to me about how much sex he had, how much he was earning, and how much he loves a particular football / soccer team. At the end of the night he didn't even shake my hand, but shook the hands of two other cousins standing beside me. I think they sensed I am odd somehow, especially since I haven't had my hair cut since lockdown begin (how did they get theirs cut?). Another cousin even told me he felt he knew what music I listened to because of how I looked (longish hair with a central part, shirt and jumper, somewhat baggy formal black trousers) but that music was like grungy hipster rock&roll when really I don't like that music at all.

 No.224835

>>224312
I find that i'm really tired and drowsy all the time, does that have anything to do with it?
It's not like i can just sleep either, i have to browse online until my eyes start hurting and i pass out, i can't go gently into a night.

 No.224836

File: 1595548021457.jpg (68.49 KB, 500x667, 500:667, 1595387729114.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>224833
>How did they get theirs cut?

They probably cut it themselves or is friends with some barbers and did private appointments, some barbers around me allow to get a haircut but you gotta wear a mask and you gotta bring your own cover thing they put around your neck to cut your hair.

Either way my family knows i'm the black sheep and they know I don't talk to them so I don't bother and they enjoy their time without me, one of my cousin one time saw what I was like and she berated me for my life style and not talking to other people, like it was a disease or something that can never happen. Fuck this life.

 No.224847

>>224833
>>224836
Wizards need to step their game up. Anything below Gandalf tier hair is trash tier.

 No.224852

>>224833
>how did they get theirs cut?
Don't have a vague idea about what you want your hair to look like, that means that you have to talk to the barber more. Formulate exactly what you want him to do. Simple buzzcuts are good for this.
I tell the barber to buzz my hair to a 6mm length using the electric hair clippers, and he understands exactly what to do.
If the barber starts asking questions after getting such an exact order, the barber is an oversocial piece of trash and you need to find someone else.
Write it on a piece of paper and show it to him if you can't manage to say what you want the barber to do. If the barber starts making a fuss about it, then he's also trash.

 No.224868

Was just on the motorway and there was a traffic jam, but in the left-hand land I saw a bunch of cars ahead but a truck was half-blocking the land between then and me. I edged by it and drove on and it beeped me, and I only realised afterwards that the lanes were merging because of an accident. I feel like shit for looking like I was trying to skip the queue, I should have just reversed and apologised with my hand and gone into the other land. Really feel bad because I would hate it if someone else did that. I'm a really bad driver in general.

 No.224882

I know all the "dying inside" thing is pretty common to say and kinda a meme but in my case it feels very true. Experiencing too much degrading shit, through external factors but also because of my own mediocrity really left the most basic sense of my self-dignity in shambles. At some point living is not worth it when depression is at the core of one's persona but i don't expect anyone outside of here to understand it. Society still demands from me to smile and power through work days but i just can't because i don't want to spend money on anything, have no plans or dreams and will never have friends or anything of the sort. I could find life bearable with a part time job but no one have the luxury to be picky these days so i have to wageslave at the most tiresome jobs when in fact i would prefer to work 15 hours a week and live in a garage. As a pariah i just don't NEED to work that much, and now that i think of it i understand why most homeless people were mentally ill before ending up on the streets. The input/output shit is just not balanced at all when one is not well adjusted towards society's standards.

 No.224890

>>224882
>warped mind

 No.224891

>>224890
Why ? Is it because of my writing ? I actually suck at english so it probably seems bizare and fuzzy, and i'm sorry if it's unbearable to read. Apart from that i don't see anything out of the ordinary in my post, just some random /dep venting

 No.224892

>>224891
As a native english speaker your text looks completely fine. Completely indistinguishable from a native in my opinion.

 No.224898

>>223376
I used to walk on this one sidewalk a few blocks from my house during my nightwalks at 2 AM as a teenager, I walked the same block and sidewalk ritualistically almost every night from ages 14-19 and as a teenager with fiery passions still I always without fail would be fantasizing about being on this nightwalk holding hands with a succubus, my crush those years was a blonde succubus so I fantasized it was her. Ultimately I never did walk with any succubus there or ever hold a succubus's hand nevermind get to explore any of those passions.

Today I was driving home from my wageslave dishwasher job until midnight, on the same sidewalk I walked all my youth hoping and praying it might be not alone some day some kid around my age then is on a nightwalk with an attractive blonde succubus his age, holding hands. I haven't wanted for a relationship in years but that was like sticking a knife through my very soul. Was I really so shitty that I didn't deserve for even one night what is probably a nightly occurrence all summer for that kid? "Oh well" is my cope until I die then I suppose.

 No.224902

>>224898
It's a normal human sensation that you had there. Just remember that this is all meaningless, just some particles are differently wired than other particles. In the end a man will regret whatever he did. succubi aren't worth the hassle. They are actually gross and selfish and will only leave you miserable.

 No.224937

>>224891
It's part of a warping that your body and mind go through due to imbalances that need to be corrected

 No.224950

>>224563
Man, the book described everything you don't need to ask me.
>>224603
All of us being vata? How so? xD
Breakfast is nice with only fruits, for me… Is it really so hard to not live without starch in 'Murica?
>>224740
Don't any you harm yourselves without having a transition diet…
>>224795
Look again: mucusless diet is only to let the body loosen all the crap with ease, the strong point is fasting.
Also, there are people who need meat more than others… again I say: I never went full mucusless. these days I also gave up milk but didn't feel anything wrong with that.
>>224813
If you are constantly doing it, it will ruin it for sure. But Reid does speak about it clearly in the Tao book.
>>224829
Because fruits must eaten the first of all since they are digested quickly. Milk better alone, and specially never with meat. But that's only dieting… I repeat you all that the strongest warp wanings were marked with a *

All others were mere complements.

>>224835
I am not a doctor, but just telling you how I am doing with those same symptoms. You guys should really have a look into those pdfs…

>>224937
I called it so because of this: https://ftb.gamepedia.com/Warp_(Thaumcraft_6)

Lulz

 No.224954

>>224950
>Man, the book described everything you don't need to ask me.
Okay you don't need to be a dick though, literally one sentence would have sufficed baka
Never meet your heroes

 No.224955

>>224950
> Is it really so hard to not live without starch in 'Murica?
I'm in england, but yes, even everything has soy in it, for no reason at all. In the UK we have these things called Rivita crackers which used to be wholewheat and seasame, not they are made with soy, makes no sense, the state trying to give me mucus and phytoestrogens

 No.224957

>>224950
>Because fruits must eaten the first of all since they are digested quickly.
The scientists found that it doesn't matter the order in which you eat fruits or your main meal, why do they say this?
http://www.vivo.colostate.edu/hbooks/pathphys/digestion/stomach/motility.html

 No.224958

>>224950
>Is it really so hard to not live without starch in 'Murica?
This is very interesting and all, but i find without starch my blood sugar levels take a beating.
Beans
Legumes
Rice
Potato
I see no 'muscusless' substitute for any of these. Pasta i can do without, but the rest of those are like staples.

 No.224959

>>224957
Most carbohydrates lower stomach acid production, which will effect digestion. So don't eat ice cream before you eat your steak.
A salad with greens/vinegar/olive oil will provide the stomach with ample amounts of hydrogen and chloride (from vinegar and greens, respectively), while the fatty acids from olive oil act as a stimulant of stomach acid production. Fat also stimulates the gallbladder to release bile acid, which will aid digestion in the small intestine. Also people generally eat more salad if they eat it before the main course compared to if they eat during the meal. So if you want to help yourself maximize vegetable intake, eat them before your main course.
If you drink coffee and some teas before eating, it can inhibit non-heme iron absorption. If you consume high calcium foods like milk or cheese before eating meat, it can inhibit heme iron from being absorbed. Many micronutrients have interactions, where prior or concurrent consumption of one micronutrient can inhibit the uptake of another (many minerals share transporters and are co-inhibitory).
There are many more examples that a person can dig up, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

 No.225042

>>224954
Wizchan is filled with dickheads in general. 4chan and 8chan are more friendly

 No.225044

>>225042
Where i get called n-word and f-words at every opportunity? Yeah no thanks, people are just dicks in general, the bible had it right all along

 No.225045

>>225044
Thats the point of imageboard. Freedom of speech .

It seems like some plebbitard has taken control of this site.

 No.225046

>>225044
What you mean nigger? Why are you upset at people calling you a nigger? ARE you a nigger? And what is the f-word, fucktard? Fuck is a verb, not a noun. So people are calling you nigger fucktard? I've never been called a nigger fucktard, maybe something is wrong with your posting style.

 No.225047

>>225046
I believe he's talking about FAGGOT.

 No.225048

>>225046
You sound like a teenager that's just learnt to swear and can stay out past 10

 No.225050

>>225048
Why are you afraid of words?

 No.225051

>>225047
Well I get being called faggot but that happens on wizchan as well. It's just part of imageboard culture, don't get why this fellow would get upset at it. Getting called nigger only really happens when you really act like a stupid nigger though, you can avoid this by not being stupid.

 No.225057

>>225046
It is wizchan culture to say niggadoodlydoo and fuckeroonitardetooni. Please take notice.

 No.225058

>>225046
you're a nigger faggot

 No.225068

File: 1595808099217.jpg (44.31 KB, 600x612, 50:51, niggerfaggottshirt.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.225070

I feel like being treated and seen as less is just something I can't avoid or do anything in this society.
Being born like me just sets you up getting less respect and compassion, theres not a lot I can do against that

 No.225085

Are dreams a good substitute for social interaction? I feel that whenever I dream a lot it makes me feel so much more connected to the world. It induces no anxiety and it's the only way I can interact with other people genuinely without pretending to fake my behavior or emotions.

 No.225086

Started punching myself in the head every day to remind myself anxiety about social situations is a brain reusing the mental system of pain, introduce real pain and remind myself this is the worst that can happen in social situations that they punch me in the face and all social pain is a child of that mental system.

 No.225089

Brainfog.

It started on my late teens along with neetdom and never fully went away.

Every day I have trouble finding objects that are in front of me, I search around only to come back and find that there wasn't anything covering them.

Can anyone relate?

 No.225095

I may have done nothing all day but at least I tried my best to try my best to try my best.

 No.225102

>>225089
Stop eating gluten

 No.225103

>>224325
I tried eating potatoes, but i think that they still give me mucus. Plus, the simple carbohydrates i think are spiking my blood sugar too much. I'm not sure that potatoes are a good option, just look at what happens when potatoes go bad, they turn into sticky mucus slime balls pretty much. That's the starch inside of them.

 No.225104

>>225102
So no pasta, rice, bread, or oats.. wtf am i supposed to eat?
There even gluten in canned soups

 No.225105

>>225104
You can do like that paleo diet wiz and eat rotten beef with maggots, there's no gluten in those. Or, and that would be truly interesting, you could outdo paleowiz and veganwiz put together and start going into graveyards and eating human corpses. That would be quite something.

 No.225106

>>225104
>oats
>rice
Oats and rice are gluten free. Also there are gluten free pastas and breads you can eat. Some grocery stores have gluten free sections.

 No.225108

>>225089
You might want to go to a doctor and get allergy tested to see what food allergies you might have.

 No.225109

>>225105
Or you could eat roadkill

 No.225116

eat soil

 No.225120

>>225104
You can make your own bread and pasta with red hard wheat (what is used in Europe where there are fewer people that have problems with gluten) or other grains that are lower in gluten. You could make sourdough bread while you're at it. That's the only kinda bread there was until 500 years ago.

 No.225130

>>225116
Reminded me of this

 No.225132

>>225106
But there is still a sticky substance in rice and oats that needs to be avoided, see the above discussion on carbohydrate foodstuffs.
And for the other poster i'm not gonna start eating maggots ffs, what's wrong with you? That is some/dep/ tier improvement advice

 No.225133


 No.225150

Spent all night dreaming about being tortured and other people I know being tortured. Thanks fucked up brain.

 No.225163

>>225089
Brainfog, I'ma throw lil shorty in a leglock
Headshot, ain't got cash on deck I'm throwin' headshots
Bread rock, millis in the dirt, I think I'm El Chap
Oh, keep a Glock, 4 O's, 10 milli, big hoes

>>225104
<-

 No.225170

>>225132
The sticky rice you're referring to is called glutinous rice, and it doesn't contain gluten.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glutinous_rice

>It is called glutinous (Latin: glūtinōsus)[1] in the sense of being glue-like or sticky, and not in the sense of containing gluten (which it does not). While often called "sticky rice", it differs from non-glutinous strains of japonica rice which also become sticky to some degree when cooked. There are numerous cultivars of glutinous rice, which include japonica, indica and tropical japonica strains.

 No.225173

File: 1595943278153.pdf (351.5 KB, Holotropic Breathwork New ….pdf)

>>225085
I feel related. But we schizoid are usually living with our minds pocketed inside the inner mud. Dreams help to find what lies under the mud but it never ends up going out.

That`s why I insisted talking about these rare therapies casted away from normalcattle knowledge

 No.225174

>>223390
>Suicidal and goin wrecked just cos of grandpa

There's something you are not telling about it.

 No.225190

Does anyone here primarily suffer from some sort of anxiety rather than depression? It's like that for me, I used to worry about particular things, but now it's just a general anxiety and stress about nothing that's driving me insane. I was considering making an anxiety thread, but I don't know if it would have been made already if it was that common here.

 No.225201

File: 1595966238618.jpg (42.19 KB, 469x352, 469:352, dream herb.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>225085
Do you have any experience with Calea zacatechichi? It's this herb you can smoke or make into a tea that supposedly enhances lucid dreaming.

 No.225208

>>225201
Damn i was just thinking about this the other day.
Which teas give the best lucid dreams?
I tried mugwort and that gave me some bizaroo dreams for sure, but non lucid.
Is there a tea thread in the catalogue?

 No.225213

>>225201
I'll buy it next month and report back, please remind me!

 No.225225

File: 1595980494787.jpg (32.22 KB, 1024x576, 16:9, 1594648507065.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>223694
>Found group of people that enjoyed discussing old anime
>Few possible wizards in there
>Start chatting there, things seemed okay
>Then some faggot tranny kept posting pictures of itself sucking cock
>Kept babbling about it's lifestyle in a fucking ANIME forum
>Found it disgusting, but whatever, kept discussing anime with people
>People there seemed to worship this creature
>One day found out their server 'moved' due to various drama (probably caused by the tranny)
>DM the creator to find new place
>Never hear back from them

Not even sure what I did. Probably triggered someone with something I said due to a lack of social filter. It's insane how fragile people are online these days.

 No.225228

>>225190
Try writing about your anxieties, and formulate them into particular fears, to the point where you can rationalize actions against the fears, or dismiss the fear as baseless

I doubt that your anxiety is ethereal to the point where you cannot find sources and underlying thoughts

You might end up with things like "I worry that my co-worker things im a complete Looney because I did x y z that one time"
From there you can think "how can I mend relations with my co-worker" or "how would then thinking that of me affect my life" etc

 No.225232

>>225228
It's very difficult for me to do those things when I'm extremely anxious, as well as things like meditation etc. you can't think straight and just pace around feeling like screaming. When I was worried about particular things it was nothing like the social anxiety example you used, I've never felt being around people was too anxiety inducing, maybe just uncomfortable, but I understand it's just an example, now it's more of a feeling or an experience. Maybe when I'm more stable I could try the things you suggested and get into what underlying thoughts could make me anxious, thanks.

At the moment I'm on meds (as far as I know the best ones you can get besides benzos for anxiety, they're very strict with benzos here) and living at a place where I can't access alcohol, which was my main crutch to cope with anxiety and stress, which is good. The problem is I've picked up vaping from the people that I live with now and from what I know nicotine isn't good for people who suffer from anxiety. I've attempted to quit multiple times, haven't succeeded so far. I'm hoping that once I leave here I'll have stopped nicotine, have a basic exercise regimen going and continue with my meds. I'm considering going to AA after I leave as well.

 No.225235

>>225225
good life lesson on how being neutral doesn't always work

 No.225269

I can get so frustrated at how things are but i'm pretty sure i don't ask for much - a family without crazy, spiteful fights or colleagues who won't shit on me at the first opportunity. All these things pilled up with other crap i won't mention and at 26 i'm a broken, frustrated shell of a human being, but not always in a self-righteous angry way despite this world and people being really shit, when it comes to family it's mostly apathy and bitter disillusionment. I brutally want to throw everything down the fucking shitter even if it hurts and damages my mental health even more. Did that with the only people i knew in years and passively doing something similar altough a bit less radical with my close family at the moment, i just drift away. I can't accept these disgusting experiences - avoidable if i wasn't a subhuman surrounded by other subhumans - without destroying everything or more precisely punishing myself and the others but especially myself by reducing everything to nothingness. At some point in not too long i'il end up completely alone with not much going for me. Maybe i'm approaching the final debacle my whole life seems to point out to, that would be coherent.

 No.225374

Normalfags don't really give a fuck do they? I get panic attacks every day and spend 6+ hours in bed do to the overwhelming depression. I get comments like "When are you going to get a job?" and "When will you get your license to start driving?"

Thanks. I'm sure I'll get on that as soon as possible. Fuck this.

 No.225375

>>225374
Haha, I know that feel way too well. I really don't wanna apply to a job because i'm terrified of what's going on happen like co-workers or managers might mess with me or I fuck up the job and get fired fast. Anxiety is pushing me back from doing anything so i'm trapped in my house like a mouse. Normalfags will never understand and always call you lazy or say "anxiety isn't real and you can easily overcome it". It sucks man, it sucks that no one understands your problems and doesn't care.

 No.225376

>>225375
Anxiety is worse than anything I have ever experienced. Chronic depression does not hold a candle to chronic anxiety. The pain wears you down and i've never been closer to suicide than when I was in the middle of an anxiety streak.

Normalfags just see it as an unwillingness to try or laziness. I'm not thinking about driving I'm thinking about making it to tomorrow.

 No.225379

File: 1596157725507.jpg (269.14 KB, 880x588, 220:147, 1595388121336.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>225376
Yeah man, I take anti-depressants for my anxiety because most anxiety pills don't work or give me headaces, they sometimes help but not always. I only worked for a month and passed my driving test with them but thats it, I just stay home and is just fucking afraid of everything and the medication feels like its not working anymore.

 No.225384

Anxiety? There is no reason to live. At least that's what's my main issue is. I hate being alive.

 No.225386

File: 1596174749701.webm (335.44 KB, 640x480, 4:3, chaosreigns.webm) ImgOps iqdb


 No.225388

>>223579
Is there any update on this wiz in the woods?

 No.225391

Goddamn I suck so much.
Just failed my third attempt at a math course in college and will probably have to get the credit at some other community college which is a whole lot of fucking work for me to do. Wasted my time, money, and effort.

I just have no idea how I'm supposed to improve myself. I don't care to be some ubermensch, I just wanna be able to get basic tasks done on time. Don't even wanna imagine what it's gonna be like to tell my mother I fucked up yet again.

 No.225393

i daydream all the tim because im never going to be the person i want to be and i dont know what to do anymore.

 No.225394

>>225391
If you can can study it on your own (doesn't sound like classes are helping you anyway) you can sit a CLEP exam to test out of it. If I were American I would rather do that than suffer through college classes. Just be patient with yourself (probably the most important part) and get into a habit of slowly working through some maths books in a quiet place.
I don't know what your situation is but it's very easy to not adjust to the workload, study routine, the stress of classes, perhaps the material itself if it's completely new or you're missing some prerequisite knowledge, and therefore fail. If you're a typical anxious wizneet going from doing nothing to trying to study while beating yourself up all the time for failing it's very easy to not adapt to that.
I find studying on my own a lot easier than completing classes, and if you were able to get into a routine for some months you would definitely build up some skills in the subject as well as confidence with your ability to handle new material of that kind as well as probably feeling less stressed/intimidated about studying in general. All you really need is a book and a quiet place and you can learn whatever you want.
Anyway, even if it doesn't help at all I hope you'll nevertheless be able to find some comfort somehow and some relief from your suffering.
Good luck and I hope things improve for you soon.

 No.225399

>>225393
The warp deletions. Specially the last one https://wizchan.org/dep/res/223376.html#224312

 No.225476

People seem to be, at best, mildly annoyed by my presence. Which is no big deal, as I usually only interact with coworkers and people in stores (clerks etc), or people I come across on walks. I tend to dwell on it, for some reason. I need to let go of it, as their opinion has no bearing on my life

 No.225509

I gazed into the great abyss
And all that I could see
Was all that I had never been
Staring back at me

The games unplayed, the books unread
The youthful dreams unmet
The unlived life that came and went
On the way to nothingness

People said that something more
Could be there if I tried
But try at what I never knew
And that 'more', just a mirage

 No.225512

>>225509
>"Gaze of the abyss" has been added to your spell list successfully.

 No.225539

>>225509
Who wrote this poem? It's comfy

 No.225556

I don't know why but literally everyone else besides me and my immediate family seems much happier and more accomplished than me,both on the internet and IRL,all my former classmates have decent jobs and lives while I'm a depressed NEET,and people on the internet brags about how they made $200000 playing stocks for 15 minutes a day or how they learned a language just casually studying for some hours a week while I devote all my free time at the task and still manage to suck.

How is this possible? Is everyone else some kind of Übermensch or this is just how normal humans are and i'm some kind of sub human monstruosity? I can't understand it,maybe only average humans can.

 No.225574

>>225556
For me it's an accomplished day when I have no physical pain. I feel like an old man and am still in my 20s. Those people seem ubermenschen in that productivity regard to me too, however I measure the value of life with different categories. Basically it's pain and pleasure or anxiety and freedom of mind. Every moment free of panic is a good moment. Every moment free of pain is a good moment.

 No.225578

>>225556
Well we have a thread here almost weekly on this exact issue, so stick around long enough and your answer shall be revealed

 No.225590

>>225574
Same here. If I'm not in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses I consider it a good day. Just trying to avoid pain and make it through the hours before bed

 No.225592

>>225574
>>225590
>For me it's an accomplished day when I have no physical pain.
Me too. My body hurts pretty much continuously in multiple places and my inclination to do anything is nonexistent. What other people are able to do with their bodies is just amazing to me. When I move around all I can think about besides the pain is what will be the next part to permanently break down.

 No.225594

I'm trying my hardest but this sadness isn't leaving me. This sadness of being abandoned as a kid. This sadness of knowing that it's too late to change. This sadness of not feeling any respect towards this human that is me. The sadness that comes from having nobody that cares about me. Of being truly alone and of knowing that not even your mother can understand your pain and the most she can do is cry while you try to make her understand. All while I suffer thinking how I cannot even hug her anymore like I did as kid, back when I believed her when she said that things will be alright, just the two of us.
I can't even feel love for my mother anymore, that's how insane things have gotten. I don't want anything to do with being this person that I am nor the feelings in its heart. This maddening thoughts that blame me for everything that it's my life. I think that it's all my fault even though I know it's not but I wish I didn't feel like this. I cannot stop it. I'm simply not strong.
I talk to myself, and repeat that I will be fine but then I break into tears. I stand in my room to literally grab onto something to get some support and think about my current feelings and how they are fleeting but they will come back eventually. There's this sting in my chest or in my brain. Fuck this emotions, I feel so fucking weak and I don't like crying, but I cannot win every battle.

Fuck this. Fuck knowing that it doesn't make any difference if you try or not. Fuck knowing that you should really kill yourself. Fuck it. Fuck it because I don't wanna give up, fuck it because I know it's not my fault and yet it hurts being like this. Fuck it because I'm really doing my best and still it's not enough. I don't feel anything but violent sadness and remorse for being aware of the truth. I wish I didn't know what I have to do. Most of all I wish someone had taught me, I wish someone had raised me. I wish I have had an idea and a motivation.

I'm gonna live and every motherfucking day I will have this memories, horrible memories and remorse. Disappointments. This violent sadness of knowing that it was always too late. Fuck dammit I wish it wasn't like this. It's sick. Sick to know that it's pointless to try or not. Fuck. I want to lie to myself and I cannot. I cannot fucking lie. I can only wait and then wait again and recover and fall, and repeat from the start. I don't want to be a fucking victim I want to get better I don't want to have this mentality but it's not a mentality, it's the reality. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

 No.225595

File: 1596462178545.png (503.26 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, sd9g.png) ImgOps iqdb

I'm trying my hardest but this sadness isn't leaving me. This sadness of being abandoned as a kid. This sadness of knowing that it's too late to change. This sadness of not feeling any respect towards this human that is me. The sadness that comes from having nobody that cares about me. Of being truly alone and of knowing that not even your mother can understand your pain and the most she can do is cry while you try to make her understand. All while I suffer thinking how I cannot even hug her anymore like I did as kid, back when I believed her when she said that things will be alright, just the two of us.
I can't even feel love for my mother anymore, that's how insane things have gotten. I don't want anything to do with being this person that I am nor the feelings in its heart. This maddening thoughts that blame me for everything that it's my life. I think that it's all my fault even though I know it's not but I wish I didn't feel like this. I cannot stop it. I'm simply not strong.
I talk to myself, and repeat that I will be fine but then I break into tears. I stand in my room to literally grab onto something to get some support and think about my current feelings and how they are fleeting but they will come back eventually. There's this sting in my chest or in my brain. Fuck this emotions, I feel so fucking weak and I don't like crying, but I cannot win every battle.

Fuck this. Fuck knowing that it doesn't make any difference if you try or not. Fuck knowing that you should really kill yourself. Fuck it. Fuck it because I don't wanna give up, fuck it because I know it's not my fault and yet it hurts being like this. Fuck it because I'm really doing my best and still it's not enough. I don't feel anything but violent sadness and remorse for being aware of the truth. I wish I didn't know what I have to do. Most of all I wish someone had taught me, I wish someone had raised me. I wish I have had an idea and a motivation.

I'm gonna live and every motherfucking day I will have this memories, horrible memories and remorse. Disappointments. This violent sadness of knowing that it was always too late. Fuck dammit I wish it wasn't like this. It's sick. Sick to know that it's pointless to try or not. Fuck. I want to lie to myself and I cannot. I cannot fucking lie. I can only wait and then wait again and recover and fall, and repeat from the start. I don't want to be a fucking victim I want to get better I don't want to have this mentality but it's not a mentality, it's the reality. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Survival will be but a bitter and false victory.

 No.225596

File: 1596462328527.png (503.26 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, sd9g.png) ImgOps iqdb

I'm trying my hardest but this sadness isn't leaving me. This sadness of being abandoned as a kid. This sadness of knowing that it's too late to change. This sadness of not feeling any respect towards this human that is me. The sadness that comes from having nobody that cares about me. Of being truly alone and of knowing that not even your mother can understand your pain and the most she can do is cry while you try to make her understand. All while I suffer thinking how I cannot even hug her anymore like I did as kid, back when I believed her when she said that things will be alright, just the two of us.
I can't even feel love for my mother anymore, that's how insane things have gotten. I don't want anything to do with being this person that I am nor the feelings in its heart. This maddening thoughts that blame me for everything that it's my life. I think that it's all my fault even though I know it's not but I wish I didn't feel like this. I cannot stop it. I'm simply not strong.
I talk to myself, and repeat that I will be fine but then I break into tears. I stand in my room to literally grab onto something to get some support and think about my current feelings and how they are fleeting but they will come back eventually. There's this sting in my chest or in my brain. Fuck this emotions, I feel so fucking weak and I don't like crying, but I cannot win every battle.

Fuck this. Fuck knowing that it doesn't make any difference if you try or not. Fuck knowing that you should really kill yourself. Fuck it. Fuck it because I don't wanna give up, fuck it because I know it's not my fault and yet it hurts being like this. Fuck it because I'm really doing my best and still it's not enough. I don't feel anything but violent sadness and remorse for being aware of the truth. I wish I didn't know what I have to do. Most of all I wish someone had taught me, I wish someone had raised me. I wish I have had an idea and a motivation.

I'm gonna live and every motherfucking day I will have this memories, horrible memories and remorse. Disappointments. This violent sadness of knowing that it was always too late. Fuck dammit I wish it wasn't like this. It's sick. Sick to know that it's pointless to try or not. Fuck. I want to lie to myself and I cannot. I cannot fucking lie. I can only wait and then wait again and recover and fall, and repeat from the start. I don't want to be a fucking victim I want to get better I don't want to have this mentality but it's not a mentality, it's the reality. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Survival will be but a bitter and false victory.

 No.225597

>>225594
>>225595
>>225596
That moment when you realize that it is too late is the moment when something broke in me. I had many such intuitions but for the past two years it steadily became a mental status quo instead of a single thought. There still must be some hope in me, otherwise I would pulled the trigger already. But I only have a logical access to this hope, I can't feel it and as hope is an irrational thing by nature I don't know how long I can convince myself that there is still something worth hoping for.

What a pointless realization this is though. All my introspection feels more and more arbitrary and I don't think I can come up with any helpful conclusions anymore.

 No.225601

>>224795
This is a diet example you can follow

Breakfast: Buckwheat Porridge with Berries/Overnight Bircher/Buckwheat Bread with Goat's Cheese/Gluten-Free Raisin Bread / Egg on gluten-free bread.

Crunch and sip: Raw Carrot, Celery, Olives with Hummus/dip.

Morning tea: Fruit Salad/Date and Banana.

Lunch: Rice and Beans/Rice and Tuna and Peas/Pesto gluten-free Pasta/Lentil Bolognese.

Snack: Chocolate Rice Crackers/Kombucha/Banana/Coconut Yoghurt/Corn Chips.

Dinner: Bean or Lentil Soup and Rice/Veggie Tacos/Mediterranean Chickpeas with Quinoa/Roast Chicken and Veg/Beef Steak with Roast Potato Chips/Classic Tomato Pasta/Homemade nuggets.

Snack: Rice crackers/Chocolate/Fruit bars/Popcorn/Fresh juice.

Weekends: Whatever they are craving.

CAMILLE

Breakfast: Choc Chia Pudding/Buckwheat Porridge with Berries/Overnight Bircher/Buckwheat Bread with Avocado (and sometimes Tuna)/Acai Bowl/Egg on gluten-free bread.

Crunch and sip: Raw Carrot, Celery, Olives with Hummus/dip.

Morning tea: Fruit Salad/Date and Banana.

Lunch: Rice and Beans/Rice and Tuna and Peas/Pesto gluten-free Pasta/Lentil Bolognese.

Snack: Chocolate Rice Crackers/Kombucha/Banana/Coconut Yoghurt/Corn Chips.

Dinner: Bean or Lentil Soup and Rice/Veggie Tacos/Mediterranean Chickpeas with Quinoa/Roast Chicken and Veg/Beef Steak with Roast Potato Chips/Classic Tomato Pasta/Homemade nuggets.

Snack: Rice crackers/Chocolate/Fruit bars/Popcorn/Fresh juice.

Weekends: Whatever they crave

 No.225602

>>225601
Or with meat

Before breakfast: Water with lemon.

Breakfast: Heat 1/2 cup of dhal with some kale and spinach in a fry pan until the leaves have wilted.

I prepare half an avocado, a handful of nuts, (I love 2die4 Activated Pecans - try it!) and some mango or kiwi and have a feast.

Lunch: Treats like matcha donuts or coconut tahini cookies

Dinner: Lentil bolognese, veggie burgers with roast potato chips, taco bowls, baked falafel, mushroom san choy bao or lentil dhal.

Occasionally it will be grilled fish with roast veggies or roast lamb.


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