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File: 1600459785332.gif (476.87 KB, 400x290, 40:29, burn.gif) ImgOps iqdb

 No.228904[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Thomas Ligotti - The Conspiracy Against the Human Race:
https://img.fireden.net/tg/image/1518/55/1518559287999.pdf

 No.228905

/DEP/ REIGNS

 No.228907

Each night brings the death of the last wizard ever closer. Our time is coming to an end, but even after our kind becomes extinct, our suffering will resonate throughout time as an unexpected freezing wind in the hot summer days, we shall be as the sudden rain from a clear blue sky that brings all groid activities to a halt, our collective cry of agony will echo for an eternity and beyond. We are already immortal!

 No.228913

File: 1600464549640.png (341.87 KB, 500x536, 125:134, 1600353840.png) ImgOps iqdb

This is your wizlife and it's ending one minute at a time (Thank the Monad)

 No.228916

>>228913
Uhh.. Thanks?

 No.228928

Cruelty is a normie trait.

 No.228935

Had a weird dream last night:
I attempted suicide but failed. Then on the next day(in the same dream) I forget about the reason why I wanted to kill myself in the first place. Even forgot what method I tried to use to kms. Life went on as normal but I had a nagging feeling that something is missing. I tried asking people around me but nobody even remembered that I tried to kill myself. I start searching for the answer and notice that I start forgetting more and more. Adventure ensues, and then as I'm about the find the answer and also as I forget the reason why and what I was looking for…
I wake up. Well, better than some of my other dreams, I suppose.

 No.228942

i’m stupid

 No.228947

File: 1600528535403.png (781.54 KB, 1161x671, 1161:671, 1599993392.png) ImgOps iqdb

A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

how right the biblecels were.

 No.228948

It's insane that you have to do everything by yourself. Every little thing you have to decide. Everything you have to experience by yourself. Everyone expects you to be perfect all the time. You have to cross your fingers by yourself, get a job by yourself, get out of bed by yourself and so on. What if don't want anything? This is insanity.

 No.228957


 No.228965

>>228947
Dude, I just flipped the bible at proverbs and pointed to a random page and that was the exact line I got to just 10 minutes ago. Maybe God is speaking to me, especially with the way I'm lazing about right now.

 No.228997

>>228965
What does the line mean though?

 No.228999

>Mods deleting posts on a whim

This platform is dying quickly.

 No.229004

>>228999
>2016
>wizchan became shit and is going to die soon!
>2017
>wizchan became shit and is going to die soon!
>2018
>wizchan became shit and is going to die soon!
>2019
>wizchan became shit and is going to die soon!
>2020
>wizchan became shit and is going to die soon!
>2021
>wizchan became shit and….
Unless there is a radical change in the moderation team, wizchan will stay the same.

 No.229008

I don't know what I want to do with my life. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I don't really want anything– I have no ambition at all. I want to feel good and that's it. To this end, I seek instant gratification through alcohol and video games and food and anything else I can throw disposable (unemployment) income at. I know that I want to feel happy, as every human does, but I don't know how to reach this beyond surface-level dependencies and addictions. I've had multiple jobs but they didn't make me feel satisfied or accomplished– they just made the moments I spent sunk into gratification at home more satisfying because they were rarer.

I feel like a poisoned human being, sick and rotting and something far removed from what I was really meant to be. I'm in my early twenties and my parents keep bringing up that I should go to college instead of back to work next year (due to the pandemic). I've placated them by promising I'll go to college in autumn 2021. Maybe it's a lie or maybe it's something I really mean. I'm not sure. Probably not. The more I consider this, the more I sink into thinking it won't happen. Regardless, this is a mixed bag for me because I don't like work but I have no idea what I would even go to school for either. I want to become something more than what I am now, but I don't know what. I have no earthly idea. Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe I don't want to be anything more, maybe I'm too used to this. I am completely dispassionate. I feel like a grub munching on leaves and refuse: subsisting, but not becoming something higher. I don't want to be a normalfag. I don't want a wife or a girlfriend or a child or a boat or a big nice house or a new car. I don't need traditional milestones from traditional means, but I also don't want "happiness" given to me in the way that I've become accustomed to and bored of: sitting here, collecting checks and masturbating and doing the same thing all day months on end but very slightly different each day. I want something new. All I've felt for a while now is anger or sadness or blind, numb ""happiness"" from playing the same games and watching the same anime and shows and drinking and mixing painkillers all day. It mirrors very closely what I felt when I was a teenager or even before that: it's all a distraction. It makes me think that my mind is incompatible with real, genuine contentment. It makes me feel very young and it makes me feel like I'll never be satisfied and it makes me feel very hopeless.

I've been low: when I was a teenager I lived with my family, homeless in motel rooms and our car. I spent most of those years living in an SUV with four other people and a dog, helping my mother shoplift for food money and pissing the bed (car seat?) and still spending my free time on a phone seeking escape through the internet. My point beving, I have gone from that low point to having everything I thought mattered to me: I have money that I've spent on everything from a nice computer to furniture for my basement (in the house we now have) to nice meals for my family every night to any other number of brief and expensive distractions (there's a lot of them). But no matter how much of this money I spend, or how much time I waste, or how much I think and think and think I still feel terrible. Call it depression, being a whiny faggot or rjust melodramatic but I can't stop trying to figure out what I'm missing. The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that I am simply not meant for this. Like I've been put in the wrong place at the wrong time and I am alone and the only other people here I see are hostile and pressing down on me harder with every minute.

I'm posting this here because in the end I always considered this website to be the closest to my 'peers' as possible. I've felt a deep affinity for the posters here over any othefr forum, chan or website because it feels like I can relate to them (you) the closest. I do care what you think above anybody else so I'll post this here and read what you have to say when I sober up about this uninteresting summary of my life. Thanks

 No.229010

New meds make everything I eat taste incredibly bitter. Not taking them.

 No.229011

File: 1600623736425.jpg (73.91 KB, 881x717, 881:717, [DVD] Lucky Star 04 (1280x….JPG) ImgOps iqdb

>>229008
Evil elites suck our energy, regular people don't suppose to be happy, we are losing the game of power, our enemies stay invisible.

 No.229012

>>229008
there's no "happyness"/something higher/accomplishments/being true self, froget all this shit, thinking about it is what irritates you half the time.
instant gratification is all you have now, just keep doing it, nothing better is going to appear.
read the book in the OP.

 No.229019

File: 1600638785909.jpg (111.01 KB, 836x543, 836:543, 1598576487530.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i've come to the conclusion that it's impossible for me to change, the best i can wish for is that as i sink deeper in depsair day by day my life will transform itself in a such a state that it would be by spite considered a change and make me move on in its own way, but at what cost? serious mental illness (i'm beginning to think that i'm not far)? homelessness? fucked up tribulations? prison?

its over.

 No.229021

I feel like a living corpse,when I was a kid I used to have dreams,hopes,goals,I wanted to be a programmer and work in some great company like Microsoft,Google or IBM,I wanted to form a nice family living in a decent house with a car and everything,I wanted to be happy.

Now I don't want anything,I just want to be as comfortable as possible without any effort and forget about my pain for as long as possible,when it becomes to much down the line I will kill myself and escape this prison called life.

 No.229026

File: 1600654787689.png (432.87 KB, 512x499, 512:499, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

It's never ending. I have nothing else to do but keep going until my mother dies but Jesus christ it's been like 12 years as an adult trying to get better every day I can and there's so little to show for it. I am only just able to do daily chores reliably and that's using extensive external reminders and an hours mind preparation each morning. I believe more than ever some people exist in a subhuman realm where euthanasia is the only real option. To struggle as a human being in the world seems to be enough for people, to struggle to even be a human being is not fulfilling. It is an existence below the capacity for meaning. I'll be here for decades more and I'll keep going like a paralysed man trying to walk. It's not a good life though.

 No.229027

>>229019
I can relate, I won't change any of my self destructive behaviours until there are serious consequences, and even then two months down the line I'll go back to it, I just hope I can walk this tightrope for long enough until I somehow die before it ends in homelessness or jail.

 No.229028

>>229019
Also part of me has kind of accepted failure, death, etc. so there isn't something strong enough to repel me from certain things, apart from more suffering, but even if I behaved perfectly there would still be suffering, maybe less of it but at this point I can't tell if the difference would be that significant.

 No.229029

Is anyone here constantly stressed out for no reason?

 No.229043

>>229008
It is the alcohol, friend. Get rid of that poison quickly or at least use it less frequently and in less quantity. Believe me, you are better off without it. I was never much of an alcohol person myself but I see how many men it makes miserable. You are paying to dumb yourself down and to ruin your health needlessly early.
Find another vice that is free (or at least doesn't cost so much) and doesn't damage you so much mentally-physically.

Also, stop expecting things from yourself. You have too high standards towards yourself. It is all right to be a good-for-nothing who just wants to enjoy life instead of trying to fulfill some nietzschean übermensch goals you don't care about in order to feel how superior you are to others. Fuck achievements, seriously. Life doesn't have to be a competition, your only goal is to have fun. Do what gives you pleasure, find hobbies. In these days you don't need anything but a computer and internet to occupy your thoughts.

And lastly,
>I do care what you think above anybody else so
Don't care, really. We are only a little more self-aware than normals, we are all a bunch of idiots, I mean the human species collectively. Don't care about anyone else's opinion, but your own.

 No.229047

>>229008
>Regardless, this is a mixed bag for me because I don't like work but I have no idea what I would even go to school for either
If you're not sure about the career path after uni, not sure if you can get AT LEAST above average score, and not sure if you can graduate on time, don't bother. This is the lesson I paid for with 7 fucking years of my life. I graduated, but for what exactly? Still jobless and depressed.
>I've felt a deep affinity for the posters here over any othefr forum, chan or website because it feels like I can relate to them (you) the closest
I'm glad you still find a place and people you care for. I don't think you or I will find any kind of answer here, but knowing there're people we can still considered as "peers" is very helpful.

 No.229053

>>229028
>can't tell if the difference would be that significant.
there's a possibility, therefore it would
stay low

 No.229058

>>228948
Since I was a little child in the age of 5 I had the fear of "If I stop doing the thing I do like going to school, talking to people, playing even leaving the bed?"
I didn't where this idea came from but I always though as a possibility of my mind and body simply turn off for no reason.

 No.229060

>>229058
The bad news are that your mind and body will not turn off either way. You do things or you do not things is not that much of a difference. You still have to bear yourself as in you always have to experience the fact that you are here right now. That is what is called existence. But the present is constantly undermined but the future which shows itself through pain and desire. That is why no matter what you do it's never enough, not for yourself and also not for others. You always have to do more than what you are doing right now.

 No.229063

>>228997

If you laze about, you'll be poor and want for everything.

 No.229064

>>228999

Has Netcraft confirmed it?

 No.229065

Why I have the feeling that literally everyone else (including people here on wizchan) is much happier than me? Is my life such a degrading sad shit that I may actually have the saddest life in existance?

Are normalfags having a blast every single day while I wonder if I should kill myself? I was thrown into this absurd world just to serve as some kind of experiment to measure human suffering?

 No.229067

>>229065
If your lawn is filled with dead grass, the other side will always look greener.

 No.229070

>>229067
Because it is.

 No.229075

>>229065
Nah, you just desperatly seek for any meaning in this shitshow and the perverted one you found is being exeptional in suffering, and guess what - you're not.

 No.229076

There are many people talking to themselves, do you think there are people here that reply to their own posts as if it was a conversation?

 No.229077

>>229076
I never reply to my own posts, unless it's to add something I'd left off; I certainly never have conversations with myself. That said, I genuinely fear my thoughts are so unoriginal and/or devoid of relevance that my comments may be interpreted as another user replying to himself, or perhaps worse, that they're "AI generated."

 No.229091

In the past 10 months I've many times seriously contemplated and even planned ascending to a higher dimension. I've obviously not done so yet, and it's with the help of being able to isolate so greatly. Still nothing changes and it seems as though life only gets worse, never better no matter what happens. I've become unable to do anything of value, and the little things I do happen to do are just ways to pass the time. I waste time posting or arguing topics I don't really care about, pacing around my room, or more recently I've been collecting movies, anime, and books. I haven't watched or read any of them, and I don't really intend to. It was just another activity that caught my mind and now I'm waking up and spending the day mindlessly downloading whatever enters my list.

In any case, there's not really anything that I want besides being able to wake up without wishing I were gone or feeling some new existential paralysis. There's just no way to be happy. Every day I have fewer opportunities and care even less than I did the day before. I have no intent to improve in any way; simply put, there's nothing in this world I care to gain. This is how it has been for years, since I was 16 at the very least. I have not ever in my entire life tried to go to school(nor have I, I was "homeschooled"), or get a job, or learn a skill(besides just doing it to pass the time as stated), or advance in any way. To outside observers I can manage a working façade. What my mother likely knows of me is that I'm a very eccentric and probably schizoid type still beset with interest and drives. That's of course a lie. Whenever I have to go to a doctors appointment or speak to my family, or whenever I have to be around someone, I begin acting completely automatically. It really feels as if I am not doing things out of my own volition.
For example, when I was a teen and lived with my mother I was the conspiracy type, and so I keep up that attitude just because that's how I am supposed to act. The same could be said for essentially every person I have ever had to speak to, I just automatically began acting how it seemed I should act and then built a "customized" personality gradually.

Well, there's nothing I can do. It's just another day in the crawl. I think I'm going to try to watch something that I've downloaded soon. For some reason finding the motivation to watch a movie is too much these days.

 No.229105

I like it when a fly lands on my skin. It's the only sort of affection I've known for a long time or even since ever. I like how it moves over the hand and my fingers. I always keep totally stoic whenever this little thing drops by to say hello, it feels great that something is touching my skin which is not myself.

 No.229107

>>229091
>seriously contemplated
>even planned
Obviously not seriously enough if you are still here. Really, stop with the suicide-fantasies. Most people here will never do it, I am one of those people too, I simply don't have the guts to off myself. At least not in my current situation, but probably I'll never do it. It is too much effort and there is no proof that you will succeed 100%, it is very likely you will just cripple yourself for the rest of your life or end up in the psychiatry like I did when I tried to kill myself last time. What a waste of time and effort, I could have just consumed more media instead. Nah but yeah, either do it or don't do it. If you know you will just fantasize about it then my advice is to spend your time on other things, things that take your mind off of real life and its troubles. Start on your list, watch movies and anime and read books. Once you kill your sense of reality and consciousness nothing will matter anymore.

 No.229111

>>229107
You're right, I've attempted suicide a few times before and the most that's happened was ending up in the icu.
>am one of those people too, I simply don't have the guts to off myself.
Same, I guess (something like)getting hit by a train is ultimately terrifying for me. It's the only thing that I would do now though, as you said suicide is just a total waste of time if you don't succeed.

 No.229112

>>229111
what's your sui method?

 No.229113

>>229112
If you're talking about now, I'm only really interested in getting hit by a train. There's one just a couple streets away so it isn't a big deal. (I'm not saying I'm planning on doing it just so you know. Just that if I did I would do it there.)

 No.229118

Hasnt been posted in a while

 No.229126

>>229065
Be aware of not having a disease by concurring into such indulgence with some other creature

 No.229127

>>229107
but since i started to just fantasize about killing myself nothing is interesting anymore i hate gaming and thats the only thing i liked, how many movies can you watch a day ? yesterday i watched 6 pretty long movies didnt get out of bed because why should i ? to watch funny pics on imageboards? 5 years ago i set my alarm clock for 8 in the morning to play witcher 3 all day every day, then played nier all day, then persona 5 and so on what a magical year it was, now i am sitting here and thinking about killing myself everyday nothing is fun anymore, yeah movies are ok, but if you watch so many movies like me you will get to the day that you get anxiety just looking movies up because you just saw every movie you wanted to see more than once, how many times can i watch sergio leone movies or scorsese movies until they lose there magic or i even start to hate them ?

 No.229128

>>228948
Do you remember the warpwiz? Well, followed some things he said…

I sometimes feel like an enormous, cold crust inside my head, ears and neck. My ganglia hurted a bit… as if everything had a connection. Like a giant mire inside me.

Weird sad thoughts, too…

 No.229139

>>229127
>yesterday i watched 6 pretty long movies
No wonder you don't enjoy movies that much anymore, anyone would burn out if they watched so many movies in a single day. Even in my prime I could watch at most 4, now it is only one per day and I think this is all right. Consuming media is like eating food, it is better to eat a small amount every day and to savor the taste than to binge-eat everything at once. If you consume that much amount of entertainment in such a short time then you will barely remember what you watched yesterday or the day before and everything will blur together.

I would say the same about video games, try to play only 4 or 5 hours a day at most. More than that will only make you into an anhedonic shell of a human being who doesn't enjoy anything anymore because he overloaded himself with constant pleasures.

>you will get to the day that you get anxiety just looking movies up because you just saw every movie you wanted to see more than once, how many times can i watch sergio leone movies or scorsese movies until they lose there magic or i even start to hate them ?

Watch other movies, there are plenty of movies out there, I bet even someone like you wouldn't be able to watch every single movie that interests him even if he would do nothing but watch movies all his life. Keep an open mind and try out new genres, don't limit yourself. I watch almost every kind of movies including superhero movies, obscure horror and thriller movies, art movies, drama movies, action, adventure, even romantic movies and many more.

 No.229140

File: 1600893880923.png (359.25 KB, 627x448, 627:448, EfR1Jm2UEAASKCW.png) ImgOps iqdb

Very often I am surprised by the amount at which I don't meet up to society's basic standards. An ever increasing bar with a speed I couldn't possibly catch up to and was never equipped to chase or made aware of it's totality by those that raised me.
I try to be happy with what's in front of me, and sometimes I'm successful for a while. But there are constant little demons around every corner, waiting to ambush me.
They all scream the same thing, they tell me what I have is not enough to be happy about. I hope one day I can immunize myself against this propaganda.

 No.229146

Sometimes I wonder "Why me?" "Why I had the bad luck of being "me"? "Why I couldn't been born as someone else?" Someone who is happy like all the people I see being happy online or IRL.

Is not that I want to be a normalfag,but I just want the pain,the horrible depressive thoughts and the absolute bottom tier self-esteem to stop,If I was born as someone else maybe I would have been happy NPC like everyone else,but no I had to be born in these circumstances and endure this hellish live until I either die from some accident or I just can't endure it anymore and kill myself.

I would have liked to be a happy guy,I really do,but I can't be happy,I'm way too broken to even know what happiness is anymore,I just want the pain to stop but since the pain is pretty much a part of my body right now it won't stop,it will never stop.

I just wanted to be happy as everyone else…

 No.229149

>>228904
Ah so the suicide thoughts start to form once more, I haven't though about suicide in a couple of days lately but of course it has to come back and I have to be depressed, just the way things are. I don't know why I even complain about this anymore or say anything here, i'm finished and fucked and i'll never be truly happy, i'll never meet the expectations from my peers and family. I'll always be the laughing stock, the clown, the jester who everyone just loves to pick on because he's weak, ugly and stupid. I try to talk to my family members more often and I just start to hate them cause all they do is make fun of me and not in a bant way, it's fucking annoying and not enjoyable. Fuck this life, fuck everything, just let this end already.

 No.229153

>>229149
Kill them all.

 No.229154

>>229149
You do not need to keep up with any others' expectations. Forget that soul extortion and make your preparations for when every income from them starts to be reduced.

Stop talking to them. Maintain formal courtesy and avoidance

 No.229158

>>229154
First of all I agree with what you said and I probably would say something similar. That said, consider the following:

Sometimes I doubt that any advice or life philosophy I ever saw on wizchan was good for me. Maybe I would have been better off never finding this board. Where I think of it maybe I would have been better off never finding any image board at all foremost 4chad. I think image boards Rob you of a lot of naive thinking and trustful feelings about the world and other people. That is not all bad, it's closer to the truth. The first time you see those rekt threads and other disgusting shit you realize what kind of world you live in. Then again, do I really need to know? It doesn't make my life any better. Nor does any of the pessimistic and negative world views you find here despite agreeing with most of it.

By the way wizchan isn't what it used to be. Recently I checked the fap thread and it's full of alpha virgins (aka "I could get as much pussy as I want but I'm just not interested bro") and literal faggots. What is this. But I'm ranting again.

 No.229166

>>229158
Pessimistic philosophy is the best thing imageboards gave me.
I've trained my brain, i got rid of delusions and expectations. Without all of this i certainly would have been crushed by some events in my life and ended up drowning in mental pain, probably in psych ward.

 No.229171

>mom claimed me as a dependent so i cant get my 1200 from the irs
hell yeah

 No.229174

>>229166
There is a point to this I guess, maybe without image boards I would have been in a psych ward for years now. But I will never how things would have gone differently. After all it's pointless to speculate. I am where I am now.

 No.229183

File: 1601008050331.jpg (8.56 MB, 2766x4149, 2:3, Oinochoe_Wild_Goat_Louvre_….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Why do i do the autistic things i do? Why cant i quit smoking? Honestly i've given up on people and myself. I use to think there was a point but ive realized im insignificant and its pointless to try and better myself. Everyone has problems and there personalities affect my own i just want to be alone with a roof over my head but thats asking too much.

 No.229198

File: 1601060598453.gif (788.79 KB, 320x168, 40:21, c67066160dbf59e1898f4533d4….gif) ImgOps iqdb

people treated me badly and abused me and all i can think of to get closure is revenge but it will come at a high cost

 No.229200

>>229166
>Pessimistic philosophy is the best thing imageboards gave me.
Or maybe the worst. Maybe without it you would have been better off, living your life with hopes and a slight amount of optimism, maybe you would suffer much less. Just some food for thought.

 No.229201

>>229200
In that same post i explained how it already has been beneficial for me, and continues.

 No.229203

>>229200
This. All it did was make me anticipate criticism from people who don't exist and further drive a social wedge between me and the people who actually mattered by giving me a perpetual negative outlook. You enjoy life a lot less by being online all the time.

 No.229204

>>229200
>maybe you would suffer much less
But you'd be living in untruth, a delusion, at least pessimistic philosophy opens up one's eyes to the truth of this wretched world, better to suffer and to live in truth than to live a sort of doltish happiness in a lie.

 No.229205

>>229204
No truths but what you make.
Pain is absolute, suffering is a choice.
I would personally rather focus on the things I like and enjoy than not.

 No.229207

>>229204
This is where therapy falls apart at. It is just a system of lying in order to get someone to as you say "live a sort of doltish happiness in a lie".

 No.229209

>>229205
Pain is unavoidable and strictly bad at its core. Agreed.
At its concentrated form depression is nothing but pain. No mental or psychic tricks allowed. Fuck all of the jew psychatric terms and explanations. Hearing alien voices is not bad. Felling like you don't belong in this world doesn't count. Wanting to have sex with your mom is not illness. The only thing that's undoubtedly bad and horror at its pure form is pain. Want to go through a night of pain? A week of pain? You won't stand it. It's unbearable. Death is the only solution.

Suffering on the othe rhand is a a two-edged sword. Suffering is not purely bad. That is why many people say that suffering makes you stronger. Suffering has a counter part. Suffering has an aim. You suffer to get better. Suffering is the weak and poor man's excuse to go on living. Suffering is boring and lasting for years. But suffering is not real. Suffering doesn't meet the critaria of pain. Every man can suffer for decaeds and not kill themselves. But you can only endure pain for a week before you kill yourself.

 No.229239

>>229209
> Pain is unavoidable and strictly bad at its core.
Masochists would like to disagree with you.

 No.229269

>>229239
A masochis's pain is his pleasure, thus we are not talking about pain. The primary quality of pain is that you did not want it and that it comes without your agreement or intention. Accidents and actual torture will break the masochist at some point.

Another interesting case are people who seemingly are physically or organically unable to feel pain. When you read about such people it seems like they suffer from a variety of deficiencies in personal and mental development. So pain indeed has learning purposes. I think it's just when we don't learn anything from it, like a long lasting depression or torture, that it's the essence of pain.

Last thing are painkillers, medication, science etc.. In today's society, at least for the rich people, it seems like we have an antidote to every imaginable kind of pain. We live in a time where no one is forced to endure it anymore. Yet, it's still not gone. Physical pain might not be so much a problem anymore for most people, but the mental one remains or is even amplified through this.

Whatever, I get distracted by pointless semantics, bad habit of me.

 No.229382

My mom literally cant stop talking for more than a minute. It is the worst thing ever. I just want quiet. Why must I be tortured like this.

 No.229383

File: 1601403045863.jpg (21.4 KB, 337x480, 337:480, 1600949732854.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

People talking about being depressed, having a rough time in life, "going through a phase" sounds like childsplay to me. Try living with the ineluctable sense of doom and anhedonia all your life. People telling me that I'm alright, trying to talk to me about "self-confidence" – what is that even supposed to mean, needing confidence in what you're doing, you don't think about breathing or eating, you just do it, but I've had no incentive to talk to people and all my experiences have been repulsive when trying. I don't want to talk to people, it's not a matter of confidence. I've had no joy with other people in my life, no I am not enjoying life. I prefer making tea, reading history books and walking in the woods.
I don't enjoy life, I'm unhappy, but at least I want to have some hours of tranquility.

 No.229385

>>229383
For someone who’s so miserable you seem to think very highly of yourself.

 No.229387

>>229385
what do you mean?

 No.229390

>>229387
The first part of your post speaks very much to someone who wants to downplay the suffering of others and highlight his own, ultimately to feel superior because you must endure greater suffering and therefore are someone of greater mental or emotional caliber.

To put it simply you seem to be engaging in some kind of depression olympics, and have declared yourself the winner.

 No.229391

>>229201
And I'm asking: is it not just another way of coping? Instead of being a hyper-optimistic normal you go off to the other end of the spectrum to justify why life (your life?) sucks so much. Not that there is anything wrong with coping, I just hate it when people go around praising pessimism like it is the ultimate truth or enlightenment and pretend that it is different from other worldviews and philosophies, or have any more ground than other philosophies.

>>229204
First, is it really the truth or just another delusion? Second, even if it is the truth, why should we choose truth over blissful ignorance? I don't think the truth sets us free in any way or helps us. I would rather be happy and delusional than to be enlightened and miserable.

 No.229404

>>229383
You sound like a complete fucking idiot. YOU are the problem, not other people.

 No.229413


 No.229425

>>229390
I suppose you're right. I come off very supercilious and haughty. Perhaps I'm somewhat narcissistic by not noticing how arrogant I am, I'll work on it.

 No.229433

I try hard to be friends with someone online, but when I talk about the things I love I always end up being overbearing and they don't always reply. At the same time I don't want them to reply just because they feel like the have to. I don't want to be so fucking annoying. I wish talking to someone would just come naturally to me like it does for >99% of people without all this added stress of "how am I coming across", "God, I hope I'm not annoying him". I feel like an idiot.

 No.229434

>>229433
Or is it just normal for people to not reply sometimes if your last message isn't phrased like a question or something that can be directly added to? I really don't know these things so I conjure up the worst case scenario in my head, always.

 No.229435

does anyone sometime feel happy but the depression get worse after?

 No.229438

>>229383
whiny melodramatic loser

 No.229439

>>229433
Let them talk. Ask questions. Comment on what they say. When they are intered in what you are doing you are free to answer. The sad truth though is that most people are just plain boring. They are not capable of getting into deeper arguments and topics. So stay superficial to not overwhelm them. Only when you by accident find a common interest, like drawing or philosophy, make in depth answers. They will probably respond gladly.

 No.229440

>>229438
>>229390
I think what they mean is that people experience different levels of depression. Some slut saying shes depressed because her boyfriend left her is not nearly equivalent to someone feeling disappointed they woke in the morning instead of dying in their sleep.
People often do downplay the suffering of others as well. I told my mom I wanted to kill myself and her response was "oh you do not"
Its the kind of dark awareness that most people cant wrap their head around.

>>229438
where do you think you are

 No.229443

>>229440
Succubi with "bi-polar depression", most people on xanax et cetera, are mostly just whiny groids psychiatrists sedate with drugs. Actually depressed people like Kafka for example are rarer.

 No.229445

It seem death will come for me sooner than I expected. Corona positive people keep popping closer and closer to me.

 No.229464

>>229440
>I told my mom I wanted to kill myself and her response was "oh you do not"

Do I have to lay it out to you? The only way to prove it to her that you want to is by doing it. Otherwise she will always be right. Having thoughts of suicide, suicide ideation, is very far from the final deed. Actually, many people here on /dep/ say (or maybe it's just one really dedicated person), that people who say they want to kill themselves will never go through with it and it's only for attention. Often times that seems to be the case. We don't know about the cases where it's not only attention. There is only confirmed suicide annoucement that was posted here.

 No.229476

File: 1601522627748.png (300.82 KB, 528x714, 88:119, dUcwWj6.png) ImgOps iqdb

When I was a kid/teenager I dreamed about having a high class job at Intel/Microsoft/Google/whatever and making tons of money and being respected by my peers.

Needless to say those dreams are dead now,I don't have any ambition anymore,partly because of depression and partly because I recognized that being very successful wouldn't make me happy,the "young and wealthy" normalfag style is just not for me,specially if I have to work very hard to mantain it.

Now I just want to live a comfy life until things go bad enough and I have no other choice but to kill myself,I would be happy with any easy part time job that gives me enough money to buy videogames and various gadgets.

I know that frogs are not well received here but I want to post this one because this is exactly how I feel.

 No.229477

I feel bad for wasting my life.

 No.229491

File: 1601552921947.jpg (56.55 KB, 500x500, 1:1, onlygoodmotivationalposter….jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.229496

I just don't want to feel so bad all the time. My depression gets worse as I get older.

 No.229498

>>229477
I wouldn't ever said that there was anything there for you to waste. You must be feeling like some soulshard inside you, saying things like "oh, it could have happened like this and that" while destroying your temper…

it's a liar. And it doesn't deserve to be ever listened to. If you ever find what it wanted, destroy it, reject it. It's a complete liar.

Nothing happened = there was nothing to ever happen.

 No.229562

My dad is about to die of organ failure and my mom just got diagnosed with fast growing cancer. Hell of a week.

 No.229563

>>229562
hopefully you don't need them to financially support you

 No.229580

even 4chan have rejected me and my absolute low

maybe I ll go below minus 100 and then return to 100 because the bar exist in a loop?

i'm not listening anymore, I'm out of energy to comprehend anything

 No.229592

>>229391
>another way of coping
For me it is a worldview that's as close to reality as possible. No cognitive dissonance.
>I just hate it when people go around praising pessimism like it is the ultimate truth
You people either live in a palace you never leave or have a psychopath ability to look at or experience agony, then brush it off and act happy-go-lucky.

 No.229595

>>229562
My dad just recently died from an infection from breaking his neck.

He was pretty good to me.

 No.229601

>>229580
If you're not even at -100 yet then you have a long way to go until you get to an underflow. But once you get past -2,147,483,648 you'll be feeling pretty legendary.

 No.229604

>>229592
>You people either live in a palace you never leave or have a psychopath ability to look at or experience agony, then brush it off and act happy-go-lucky.
And I guess you people grew up and live in motherfucking Africa, you experienced constant war, poverty, diseases and hunger and that is the reason why you embrace pessimism so willingly and as the ultimate truth? No? Cut out this pretentious crap about being some kind of an ultimate being who feels empathy for everyone and everything. You don't give a fuck about the suffering of others, you only cling to pessimism because you need it for justification. You need to justify why your own individual life sucks and why you don't enjoy life.

 No.229610

>>229604
>Africa
no, but third world
>poverty
yes
>diseases
yes
>hunger
eating poorly half of my life
>You don't give a fuck about the suffering of others
One doesn't need to give a fuck to aknowledge that there is suffering, but i do

What's your next shitpost, cunt?

 No.229611

>>229610
So you are a pessimist because your life sucks. But that doesn't mean life in general sucks. There is a big difference.

 No.229612

>>229611
You one reallly dumb cunt.

 No.229622

>>229601
You need to be more optimistic. The value could be an eight bit signed type, which underflows at -128.

 No.229632

>>229611
Like >>229612 said, you're really fucking stupid. He's a pessimist because not only his life sucks but there is unnecessary suffering around the world like third world countries, poverty and so many horrible things. Life generally does suck and it's not as bad to take a pessimistic worldview, pessimism helps you not to believe in stupid shit and watch for your ass. Anything bad can happen so you should always expect the worst.

 No.229648

>>229604
Did you ever watch a documentary about the people living in such conditions? In my experience 90% of the people in these documentaries look quite happy with their life's. For whatever reason that is, at least they got a concrete struggle and something to do in their life, nihilism isn't much of a problem for them. The other 10% are suffering but not really any more or differently than a depressed NEET in a rich country. It's universally regardless ok f living conditions. Some people just are happy with what they, no matter how bad it looks on the outside. Some people are always unhappy no matter how good it looks on the outside. Your argument is superficial and doesn't hold any substance.

 No.229653

>>229632
The only thing pessimism helps to achieve is more suffering. It makes you miserable even when you could be happy. Didn't you ever consider this? And you can be careful without being a miserable cunt, by the way.

>>229648
Indeed some people are always unhappy but at least in those conditions it would be justified if someone was a pessimist. The fact is, most people here are really better off than lots of other people, they just like to whine endlessly.

 No.229655

Was recalling all the bad shit that happened in my life. I think I now understand why people turn to religion. A person with no prior contact with religion, a pretty good life and clear-cut goals has no reason to seek god.
Simple and obvious thought, but it is thoughts such as these that can change one's entire mindset.

 No.229660

I started doing therapy and it just made me hate myself even more

 No.229662

Sometimes, when I look outside and see the people going about their lives, I am struck with a peculiar and depressing curiosity. When I see them leave in the morning for work, or come back home with friends or family, I wonder what it is like to be like them. More precisely, I wonder what it feels like to be "alive". I have a strong feeling, perhaps an instinctual knowledge, that I have never lived; That is not to say, of course, that I know what it feels like to be dead. It's just that when I see people go about their complex lives with relationships, and children, and jobs, I understand that at the very least I have never felt what they feel.
It's hard to explain, but normal people go about their lives with goals. Even without clear ones, they make decisions and at least move towards some outcome. They have things to do, and reasons to want to do it. They wake up each day with goals on their mind, or outcomes to pursue. Even when they want to do nothing in a day, it's still their desire to rest and revitalize to do the things they want to do.

I have never felt this way. I have never awoken with a desire to be alive. I have never awoken from sleep with a goal or purpose. My actions each day were and are always routine and always the result of doing something to not do nothing. The only time I preempt an action is when I am trying to reduce my contact with people. Things have been this way since I was young; As a child I didn't go to school, so I didn't even have that to work for. My days then (and now) consisted of waking up and doing whatever there was to do in my room- many times this meant waking up and playing video games or reading until I fell asleep, every single day, and this routine would only be broken very rarely by certain events, like moving into a new location, or my family doing something or another.
I existed then and exist now simply to consume. I never had friends either, even as a child. The first time I clearly remember speaking to someone outside my immediate family was when I was ten years old, so even on this front there was no outside force giving me some objective. I never had to do anything, and I never began to have a drive to do anything. I never had a desire to go out and talk to other kids, or to go to parks, or Disney, or whatever else. I simply sat in my room and played.

It seems normal people live life making all of these decisions that they aren't sure the outcome of to some vague goal, but that doesn't deter them. To me life always felt like watching a suspenseful and uncomfortable movie; I just watch the scenes transition to the next, wonder what new "surprises" await.
There's just a peculiar "realness" to their lives that I will never be able to experience.

 No.229670

File: 1601886060232.jpg (32.76 KB, 704x480, 22:15, download (2).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>229653
I'm sorry for calling you out wizzie, this life exhaust me and it's hard to have hope and stay optimistic. If you think optimism is the way to go, power to you, it doesn't hurt to try to look for any good sides, even if they aren't any at all, its better to stay in ignorant bliss then suffer in silence all day.

 No.229681

>>229670
That (assumed) wizard you replied to confuses the optimism /pessimism dichotomy with how one feels. You can feel good and be a pessimist. You can feel depressed and be an optimist. Optimism does not equal happiness and pessimism does not equal depression.

Optimism and pessimism is more of a rational choice or abstract philosophical attitude although as it is with every choice it depends on subjective experience and your past in general. How you feel on the other hand is not a choice. It's not an intellectual decision you make. You just feel how you feel and there is not much you can do against it. You can take pain medication against pain, antidepressants against depression, go to doctors, therapists and so on, yet nothing of that has the power to suddenly make you happy. They for the most part can suppress your pain and suffering, make you mindless, numb, at best neutral, but none of that stuff makes you happy. Because happiness is not a choice, it's a coincidence.

 No.229682

>>229681
Or to be more to the point regarding what the other wiz said :I was the happiest and most compassionate and helpful in my life once I went full blown pessimist. Then depression strikes again and I have no energy to be compassionate, but that has nothing to do with pessimism.

 No.229685

>>229662
I wonder if they ever think about the fact that they're going to die. That all the things they accomplish in their lives will fade away to nothing. That the current moment in which they're happy, when they're comfortable at home with their family, is just a blip that will be wiped away as their body decays, dies, and passes from all memory. When you see some random picture from 100 years ago with some random person walking down the street, that's you: the meaningless peon, long dead and forgotten. All your struggles, hopes, dreams, and accomplishments will disappear into the void along with everything else. I'm often conscious of this but I wonder if they are.

 No.229706

>>229670
No problem, fellow wiz. Once you hit the absolute bottom you can only go up from there. Pessimistic feelings and philosophies only drag you down needlessly and after you realize this you will leave these things behind yourself, probably.

>>229681
There IS a relation between pessimism and depression, sorry. Why do you think so many /dep/posters worship pessimist philosophers and embrace the philosophy of pessimism so fully? What you think about daily and often, what you believe in has a great deal of influence on your feelings and emotions. The world of emotions and the world of thoughts aren't two completely separate worlds, so to speak. If you believe that the world is inherently horrible and every good thing in it is just coping like most pessimists do then don't be surprised that you get lethargic every few hours.

 No.229710

i don’t find lurking in imageboards interesting anymore. i have done it for like 10 years now i guess it’s time to quit.

 No.229711

>>229710
I agree. It mostly makes me angry these days. Even here on wizchan normie attitudes don't stop. The only good post I remember the last days was this one >>229662 but the guy writes from the view of a dying out kind of human spirit. Hostility took over and people say you can be happy by thinking happy things. I wonder if the person who wrote that post still feels at home here. I have to doubt it.

 No.229716

>>229029
Me. I can't remember the last time I was completely relaxed.

 No.229721

>>229008
I can definitely relate to that first bit before it gets into personal details. Although I don't drink as much, I have a very similar feeling that I'm sure, deep down, that there is more to life that I'm missing. I don't know where I belong, what to do, or where my calling lies. I just keep stumbling forward hoping I do something right.

 No.229739

>>229496
*pats back* I have dysthymia but so far I've got it under control now, for a while. Hang on Anon.

 No.229766

File: 1602006464637.jpg (330.03 KB, 1200x780, 20:13, DZbCokSUQAAzsfj.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

As someone with autism, part of me wonders if their is a level of comprehension required to truly understand the consciousness of normal people. I have never had goals, retreated into my room early and never left, could never visualize myself in the future or even think in that way. I see it as the way a colorblind person sees the color red. If he can't see red, you can't describe it to him. I have observed normal people from afar, and it's much like someone telling the colorblind person red is a darker version of orange. The pieces are there, but that doesn't bring understanding.

 No.229792

i sent an email about being sick so i can stay home for a few days, even so, i will only waste my time doing nothing meaningful. i got a bottle
wine which i will open before lunch and let my feelings pour into the sink which is a reflection of my life, a hole that darkness asends beyond the abyss, the water express the meaning of my life as it flees down the sink as the wine pour downs my spine.
even my attempt to write is bad

 No.229885

I'm done here. This place is officially dead. 2020 was the last nail in the grave. I will come back in 2021 but I expect an even worse

>wizchan 2021

 No.229904

File: 1602189668369.png (1.27 MB, 872x1024, 109:128, binx.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>229885
Don't let the door hit you on the way out

 No.229907

File: 1602198314853.jpg (107.08 KB, 551x600, 551:600, 1599183778473.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.229909

How do my parents expect me to take care of myself when I can barely get through a day? I don't know what they expect of me. I can't do anything, especially not work a job and pay bills

 No.229916

File: 1602218930120.jpg (697.63 KB, 698x869, 698:869, Kokou no Hito2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>229008
Been poor like that myself, slept in an empty construction house before. In the first place I managed to pay for rent my bed was the carpet and my blanket was just a pile of extra clothes. It's nice that you have parents and a family that push you to do somethings, or maybe not I suppose. I don't know much about family stuff like that anymore, nearly 10 years since I was kicked out.

As for your problem, sounds the same as mine. You finally have a stable life, living is easy and without stress. Your mind was stuck on survival mode, so when survival basically guaranteed it just wants to rest, or possibly doesn't even know what to do with itself at all. I certainly don't know what the next goal is after that. Every human being knows by his 20's if hes on the path to being #1 in something, and lets be honest, it ain't us. If you still have hope for that you should read the lives of the "best" of humanity, by age 15 they were already ahead of most of the planet.

So whats the play for the people without such innate ability? Breeding? I guess biologically that would make sense, not really my thing though. Spending colored paper on shiny rock collections to show off to other non-superman? Certainly we both agree that seems ridiculous. Maybe the answer is just to "feel good"? Personally I find life is relative, so the pursuit of suffering and of happiness are the same thing. "Happiness" is a mirage that never gets closer, nor further. One answer is that just putting effort in things to waste time and feel contentment is the end goal. I myself have begun enjoying making longer posts rather than the usual single paragraph. Are goals and effort just artificial "suffering" similar to what Ted Kaczynski says? Probably. Fake and artificial "power processes" feel better than feeling nothing at all.

My shitty advice at the end of the day is just this: Do anything and make any goal regardless of achieving it or not. If you fail then you get temporary depressed, which leads to temporary happiness from the conquering of said temporary depression eventually. If you succeed you will gain temporary happiness which will lead to temporary depression after you realize the goal was pointless and you must set up another goal yet again.

What can I say? Reality is a meme.

 No.229924

>>226635
I return after months to see that you're insulting yourself! Poor thing. Why didn't you say that to Inmendy when he discombombulated you? It might come as a shock to you, but efilism isn't that perfect as it sells itself to be because it hinges on being rational and reasonable, a little spot in his thousands of videos that admit that it all sums up to "It's absolutely true, rational and reasonable because I say so. If you don't believe, here's some jargon to hide the fact that its validity is based on something arbitrary. If you still don't believe it, you're a dumdum because I'm right". It's ok, you don't have to reply or try to argue, feel free to keep believing if that makes you wake up in the morning. If Inmy saw this, I don't think the old man's heart would take it. After all, efilism is just his coping mechanism for his severe anxiety and unfortunate life, you know. It's his linus blanket, the only thing he has left. If you'd break it, he'd die!

 No.229953

Anytime I experience good emotions I have realized that it makes me feel guilty.

 No.229954

>>229953
Same thing happens to me. if I'm playing a game or listening to music and enjoying it I think "I shouldn't be doing this, I should be trying to learn a useful skill or fix my life" then I just go back to browsing the internet while being unhappy

 No.229958

>>229954
are you me?

 No.229960

>>229958
No, he is the metaphysical representation of you from another dimension.

 No.229961

>>229958
Are you a chronically anxious NEET who thinks of suicide often? if yes, then we probably are

 No.229963

Why the fuck do I feel sick all the time? I eat healthy, don’t smoke or use drugs or alcohol, I exercise a normal amount, but I feel fucking awful. Constant stomach aches, no energy, dizziness and headaches. Doctor tells me there is nothing physically wrong with me but I feel awful almost every day.

 No.229967

>>229963
>le happiness is le choice

 No.229971

>Mom and dad screaming at each other and crying over some minor incident again
>Put on headphones and blast loud noise music to drown out the cries and screams
It's sad that this is my life as a 26 year old man, but I don't know how else to deal with it. I can't stop them from fighting, and I don't have enough money to live alone.

 No.229976

>>229963
Probably depression symptoms due to being a loner, no more no less. I also tried the healthy lifestyle and all that but i never feel energized and strong for too long and always feel at the mercy of another burnout. I wasn't like this when i was a teenager or in my early 20's but i never capitalized on this prime vitality so it might be too late now.

 No.229984

>>229476
>pic
I always knew that, even when I was a kid. Never had any ambitions at all.

 No.229994

>>229029

My brain creates problems out of nowhere. Mental peace has become a very rare thing for me. It's like there is a daily quota of stress/suffering that I need to go through.

 No.229995

>>229435

Me, whenever things get good, I feel scared because I assume that something worse will happen.

 No.230015

Is it likely that in the coming years we will witness governments unfold advertising campains against suicide (cuz there gonna be lots of them)?

 No.230024

File: 1602337127947.jpg (26.95 KB, 442x524, 221:262, 387a7c528230c35d2a283920a8….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>230015
the demiurge wants us trapped in his realm it seems.

 No.230028

are wizards midwits? too smart for low IQ too dumb for high iq

 No.230029

>>230028
who gives a shit

 No.230031

File: 1602349270948.jpg (111.6 KB, 900x889, 900:889, erwsdaf.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>230015
This has actually already happened in multiple countries. South Korea has suicide as a disproportionately high cause of death for almost all age groups and began a campaign in 2018. The United States began their in July.

https://www.reach.gov/

I find it very telling how the website lists one of the "protective factors" as "belonging to a faith-based community." It seems one of the best ways to get people to not kill themselves is to scare them into thinking eternal damnation is on the other side… perhaps that's why Muslim countries have some of the lowest suicide rates in the world.

 No.230033

>>230031
I think it has much more to do with purpose in life than fear, even religions that don't preach damnation usually lower suicide rates.

 No.230034

>>230031
Jews don't believe in an afterlife yet they still have a much lower suicide rate than average

 No.230063

>>230034
Uh, Jews do believe in an afterlife and it's prohibited to kill yourself. The afterlife just isn't emphasized as much. I would say purpose in life/better material circumstances/covering up suicides probably would factor into it.

https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/afterlife

>>230033

Yeah, but also there's likely to be more fudging of the statistics there.

 No.230087

Every day is a battle to do the bare minimum and it's not fulfilling.

 No.230091

>>230087
You can do the bare minimum?

 No.230092

>>230091
If he's still alive and posting here that means he has access to clean water, food, shelter and an internet connection. Sometimes just having your parents not kicking you out and eating enough to survive is the bare minimum.

 No.230093

>>230092
Do you think you can reach a point of apathy where you don't eat and you just die of starvation

 No.230094

>>230093
People with major depressive disorders stop eating to the point of starvation sometimes, or at least I read it does happen. I guess it's possible.

 No.230095

>>230094
I think my parents would shove food down my throat before I got to that point. Man, even typing these posts is a pain. I need to get a stroke and die right now

 No.230100

>>230099
I just want to sleep in. So comforting and care free. I have plans to get out of this.

 No.230104

I'm almost 20 now, I've never had a job and I'm living with my parents. I wanted to study at university but I was missing a single course, so all I have to do all day is study a single highschool-level course… and I'm failing it right now.
Honestly increadible how hard things can be if you have depression, I don't want pity over how hard my life is, because I know how lucky I am in life. But if I wasn't depressed I would be in uni rn, probably with good grades, instead I'm failing at the most basic tasks you could ask someone to do.
The only interest I have at the moment is mycology, maybe I will try to grow some edible mushrooms like oyster mushroom, can't really see any other hope.

 No.230105

>>230104
Depending on where you are and what you want (can) do, just getting a job may be better. Going to uni when you can't manage to finish a high school course is not gonna turn out well.

 No.230108

>>230099
I only work a couple of days and it's the worst, waking up early is the worst feeling ever. normally i wake up at noon lay around around for at least an hour till i'm fully awake
I spend my afternoon on my pc or just laying around till it's dark, if i work my day is literally double the amount of hours and i spend it working the whole fuckin day.

My only hope is too find a decent job working night shift i sleep durning the day and work at night that fits my pattern, ever since being aa kid i hated waking up in the morning

 No.230137

My mother said something like whatever she does lately makes me cross. I try so hard to not hurt others with my shitty mood but I guess it shines through, only reason I'm not killing myself to spare them and despite my best efforts, actions, and training I seep negative energy. It's such a fucking joke.

 No.230144

>>230105
Good luck getting a job without a high school diploma or GED. Fast food places won't even hire high school dropouts. Not that you'd want to work there anyway.

 No.230145

>>230105
>>230144
Oh I got a highschool diploma (atleast the equivalency in my country), finished with mostly A's, but that just makes it much harder to explain to my parents that im failing rn.

 No.230146

I had a sex dream today. I was playing videogames in a campsite when out of nowhere a bikini fitness succubus came out of a portal and told me and the guys that the winner will get a prize. I knew then that I was dreaming so I left my controller to check her perfect tanned body. I haven't fapped in a while so it must have something to do with that. Anyways I was admiring her fine body when I decided to fuck her because it was a dream after all and she was happy to do it. Right after I creampied the dream ended and I woke up feeling like a new man. I thought I had stained my pants but I was wrong, I felt no wetness in my underpants but pressure that went away after 5 minutes. I sat in my bed and reminisce about the dream I just had and how realistic it felt. It was a sunny day and I had sex with a bikini fitness succubus out in the wilderness. Hell yeah!!!!!
The bad part is that now I'm tempted to masturbate and watch naked chicks on the internet. I don't really feel like I need to fap, so I will do other things.

 No.230160

File: 1602470254050.webm (4.22 MB, 1920x1080, 16:9, iman.webm) ImgOps iqdb

It's almost over.

 No.230161

>>230146
>I had a fun experience that I enjoyed and caused me no grief or ill-will and has no lasting degenerate effects
>better brag about it in the depression thread

 No.230172

>>230160
Luck on your way to Jannah!

 No.230173

>>230146
>Hell yeah!!!!!

Your enthusiasm made me chuckle, as well as the prospect of someone describing their sexual conquests through a loophole of dream journaling.

Similarly, I bedded a young succ the other night, pounded her tight little pussy and asshole and came many times. She asked me to stay over, but I just floated away into another dream scene. It made me remember when I lost my dream virginity and the way the dream succubus looked at me, all blobby and unfocused as dreams tend to be, and how weird our sex position was, very non-Euclidian.

 No.230196

Have you guys ever had a moment where things just clicked in your brain and you took steps to change your life in some meaningful way (even if they fell through)?

What happened and what was the end result?

I'm sort of feeling that right now, but I don't want it to just end in failure again.

 No.230197

>>230196
Yes, but it was just an illusion simply because my life was just objectively easier for a while and I thought I was making changes or whatever

 No.230227

I'm so demotivated to do anything, all I can do is sit in front of the PC and rot all day every day.

 No.230240

>>230227
Same, but I've learned my lesson that doing anything else results in me being worse off.

>>230196

It failed miserably and I just had a ton of debt and nothing to show for it.

 No.230250

>>230240
>It failed miserably and I just had a ton of debt and nothing to show for it.
What did you end up doing?

 No.230251

You know I keep thinking about how some (not all) drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. sometimes just all of a sudden make a firm decision to change and it actually works and they live the rest of their life sober.

Like if you're addicted to cigarettes, all you need to do is just stop. It's such a simple task, but takes so much effort for an addict.

From a normies perspective, one of us fixing our lives is such a simple task, but for us it seems so difficult.

I wonder if something can just happen where we can just get out out of this shit and everything just makes sense intuitively.

 No.230254

>>230240
>I've learned my lesson that doing anything else results in me being worse off.

word.

 No.230261

>>230250
Learned to code, went to coding bootcamp. Had to pay rent and shit. Wasted money travelling for interviews as well.

Before that I had gone to University as well(transferred from community college) but to be honest I didn't know how to code then and I wasn't normal enough to maneuver socially and maximize the benefits of University which are mostly networking if you're not an engineer or other STEM person.

 No.230322

>>230260
Fixing your mindset would be the main thing. Something clicks where you have some goal that makes doing everything okay and you have something to look forward to and to want to continue living. I think for a lot of people this ends up being having children. There is some evolutionary impulse that just let's people with children keep sacrificing and being okay with it.

 No.230337

I had a very nice dream last night, I was sitting with a very beautiful gírl talking about my hobbies,and she listened and replied happily, she wasn't like the absolute monsters that you find IRL, she was nice pure and happy to see me just like a waifu, it was very nice and I felt at peace and I felt happy.

I should have died right there in that dream, I should have been taken away by the etrnal oblivion while talking with that succubus, a last peaceful happy dream, the last moments of my life living in a pure absolute bliss and just drifting away forever.

Instead I woke up into this horrible life that I hate so much.

 No.230344

File: 1602714205781.png (478.67 KB, 504x680, 63:85, 90 years human life in wee….png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.230353

I hate when I go to eat something in the kitchen and my parents start making food at the same time. Just wait until I'm done. I just want to eat alone. There's no point trying to talk to me we both know I've been sitting in my room doing nothing and we don't have anything to discuss. Why do they insist on making me feel uncomfortable sitting around the dinner table in silence? Just let me eat alone.

 No.230355

I always felt kind of privileged when it came to working, I'm 24 y/o and I've never ever worked a single day of my life for real, while my classmates at university were working at McD's or some other shitty retail job after classes I was watching anime or playing videogames after school, not even studying because I never even cared about my career (Software engineering) so in my case my parents paid for my tuition (not that expensive mind you it was a cheap public university) hoping that I would learn things to make a ton of money in the future but I never learned shit and just cheated my way out with various tricks until I got my degree.

Now the same classmates that used to work at walmart got nice and cushy developing jobs where they make a lot of money from home and since I never learned anything I don't know shit so I can't apply for those jobs,they started working at walmart and climbed into a good job while I stagnated and did nothing, now that I finished my education with zero skills to show for it I will probably be the one who works retail shitty jobs for the rest of my life.

Life is such a fucking joke isn't it?

 No.230356

>>230355
This is a pretty common life path for millenials and zoomers. Just go to college because your parents told you to and pretend to study something you don't like while you're really focused on playing video games or whatever (or partying is the normalfag equivalent). Basically we are guided by a generation who made good money by following the rules and going to college so they just assume that will work out for us without putting any thought into it. My parents are similar, threw money at me but never taught me anything or instilled values into me that would benefit me. Basically if you ever want to achieve anything or have nice things you have to realize that nobody in the world is going to help you and all the advice you get is probably wrong or useless even if well intentioned. Actually most of the things that people tell you to do are actively harmful. If you look at home many people do what they are told and have bad life outcomes its obvious. You have to try things and figure it out for yourself.

 No.230361

>>230337
My last dream a plant with thorns grew rapidly and tall with thick vines while I was in the shower. It push me up against the wall. I was sort of semi-conscious that it was a dream and hearing before that you can do whatever you like within a lucid dream I shouted FIRE expecting a fire ball to shoot from my hands but nothing happen so I ended up calling for my mother which is when I woke up.

 No.230373

>>230355
It's just some people have way more energy and can both work and learn at the same time. I was similar to you, but tbh any effort I put in had diminishing returns and I always felt mentally tired while the overachievers were working and doing well in school. I've never figured out a way to have the same level of energy others do and I'm 30.

 No.230374

>>230355
>not even studying
>get shitty job
surprised Pikachu face

 No.230379

>>230355
This is how it played out for me. I'd be struggling to do the work while the other people would be doing their school, extracurriculars, work, and had active social lives. Even when I maximized the amount of studying I did I would still perform worse than they did.

 No.230380

File: 1602758594101.gif (510.04 KB, 450x254, 225:127, 21126335_1663753443666252_….gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>230379
same here, first told myself that I am just lazy and everything will work out in the end, then wondering if I was just too stupid to study the right way or if my anxiety was to blame so I am afraid to even try studying something new only to fail, this seems like a cope but in the end it makes not really a difference anymore because my drive is gone anyway

 No.230397

File: 1602795671783.jpg (53.97 KB, 546x896, 39:64, 1457432647016.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm very close to finishing college. I'm not good enough at whatever I might've "learned" or "improved", I have zero contacts because I never talk to anyone, and I feel nothing but dread and despair when I think about the future.
My only half-realistic plan is to get a shitty wage job to save money, then go on a trip to cross shit from my bucket list and kill myself when I run out of cash. The problem is that I have no idea how to get even a shitty job and even then I don't know how long it'd take to save enough for what I want to do. I don't wanna be too old when I die.

 No.230399

File: 1602801628332.png (1.45 MB, 1000x700, 10:7, 1600889953876.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230397
Heh, you're exactly like me. I'm almost finishing college but I just cheesed mostly everything. I didn't really learn much and probably won't find a good job anyways. My future looks awfully dark and I'm probably going to wagecuck until I finally kill myself. What a terrible fate we have met huh?

 No.230401

>>230355
I flunked out twice because I couldn't handle the depression so I wasted my parents money and have absolutely nothing to show for it. I wish I had just faked my way through it like everyone else.

 No.230402

File: 1602803095241.jpg (85.46 KB, 640x781, 640:781, 3128125.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>230397
>>230399
>finishing college, such dark future

 No.230407

File: 1602814700605.gif (1.78 MB, 500x357, 500:357, download.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>230402
if you honestly think a degree will get me any job nowadays, you're surely mistaken

 No.230408

>>230402
You can have a great master's degree with amazing grades but it doesnt mean shit when you have no work experience, no references, no social ability

 No.230409

>>230407
If it wasn't in engineering or IT then probably. Everything else is a meme.

 No.230410

>>230409
Ironic, IT is what i'm doing but I still don't think i'll find a job anyways, my town is ass and I can't afford to move into another city. Oh well who knows.

 No.230411

>>230410
I think you'll make it wiz, you'll find somewhere that needs IT. Even country folks need IT work done.

 No.230412

>>230410
>graduate college
>search job sites
>every "entry level" position requires 4+ years of work experience
>apply anyway with shit resume
>zero interviews
jdimsa

 No.230417

Just apply to a job that doesn't require any work experience then. It might not be the job you want, but it's a job.

 No.230418

>>230417
But imagine the kind of job that doesn't care about experience. It means they're really desperate for anyone since it's such a crappy position, or it's some kind of internship/training thing where you get paid very little, if at all.

 No.230419

>>230418
If every job you want requires work experience, and you have none, how do you expect to get it exactly?

 No.230420

File: 1602872558690.gif (344.09 KB, 500x283, 500:283, 1503240341_zets.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>230418
wizchan 2020, not getting a first job that requires at least 4 years experience, but won't even look at jobs that don't require one

 No.230421

>>230419
>>230420
Real funny seeing this shit here. Every job wants you to have experience. There are no “entry level” jobs anymore. Entry level now means being an unpaid intern, a literal slave.

 No.230422

>>230421
Every year millions of people start their first job. How do they do it?

 No.230424

>>230422
>>230420
Oh you mean burger flipping and lifting boxes for peanut money? Yeah those are real jobs, really real good fucking jobs.

 No.230425

>>230424
And yet they make more than you.

 No.230426

>>230425
> they make more than you
As do literal male prostitutes. So, what? That still doesn't make food service or logistics a wise career move, particularly for someone with an IS degree.

 No.230427

>>230426
You're not offering a solution to your problem.

 No.230428

File: 1602884251957.png (5.25 MB, 1920x1080, 16:9, gta v fat is the new sexy.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230420
>wizchan 2020
The expression, "Wizchan current year", is meant to call out normalfaggotry or some utterly unwizardly post.
To use it in response of a wizard who is complaining about the job market isn't a valid use of the expression.

 No.230429

File: 1602884648021.gif (1.41 MB, 280x210, 4:3, 1501822024690.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>230422
>Every year millions of people start their first job. How do they do it?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/new-survey-reveals-85-all-jobs-filled-via-networking-lou-adler

"New Survey Reveals 85% of All Jobs are Filled Via Networking"

—————————————–

https://www.payscale.com/career-news/2017/04/many-jobs-found-networking#:~:text=Some%20estimate%20that%20upwards%20of,through%20all%20those%20listings%20online.

" Some estimate that upwards of 85 percent of open positions are filled through networking. If you’re looking for work, it might be better to put your time into building your professional network rather than pouring through all those listings online. Could networking actually the best way to find a new job?"

—————————————–

https://www.businessinsider.com/at-least-70-of-jobs-are-not-even-listed-heres-how-to-up-your-chances-of-getting-a-great-new-gig-2017-4

"At least 70% of jobs are not even listed… Some experts say that 70% of people ended up in their current position thanks to networking. Others say it's more like 80% or even 85%."

 No.230430

>>230429
Most of this is people changing jobs because of an offer, not actively looking. Actively looking for a job has it 50/50 applications / networking.

 No.230431

>>230429
Oh come on, you seriously think shelf stacking in some nigger ghetto convenience store or delivering packages requires a "network"? Getting your first job is difficult but after that you will wonder how you ever struggled finding these jobs when they were straight under your nose.
Networking doesnt mean anything, its a normalfag meme from business school.

The problem is that most of us are untrained dropout fuckups with mental issues and there seem to be less wizard jobs every year.

 No.230432

>>230430
>Actively looking for a job has it 50/50 applications / networking.
source?

 No.230434

>>230431
>Networking doesnt mean anything, its a normalfag meme from business school.
You are ridiculous. Networking is how most professionals start off their career.

Obviously to do minimum wage low skill work like stacking shelves in a grocery store doesn't require networking or extensive references but to get your first job in a certain industry, like IT, requires connections in 70%+ of new hires.

Also working a physical labor job doesn't help if you want to get into a professional field. The employer won't care how many years you spent stacking shelves if they want you to debug code or manage an IT infrastructure.

 No.230435

File: 1602887242268.png (49.48 KB, 351x254, 351:254, qOOTExO[1].png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230432
the one he linked

 No.230436

>>230435
Yeah red = networking. Blue = applying without networking.
That graph proves my point because it shows that more people get jobs from networking than from applying.

 No.230437

>>230434
IT has gotta be the least networkish profession out there, literary every company is looking for an IT guy at this point, the fuck you need a network for.
If you wanted to get into a "professional field" you should have stayed in school, sorry.

 No.230438

>>230437
Because the IT industry is over saturated. Every year there are much more graduates than there are entry level positions available.
This leads to a large amount of unemployed or underemployed college and university graduates.
Sure the IT field is constantly growing, with more jobs available each year worldwide, but the amount of people in school or upon graduation trying to get into the field doesn't guarantee everyone a job.

IT has one of the highest turn over rates with the average IT worker holding a position for an average of just 3 years before being laid off or fired. This leads to a tremendous amount of overskilled or overqualified IT personnel who are willing to take on lesser positions.
There are guys with 10+ years of experience applying to entry level jobs because they can't find anything else.

I graduated back in 2016 with a degree in comp sci, I got a CCNA cert and other IT certs, and I couldn't get hired anywhere.
On forums and imageboards I found people in the exactly same situation. Educated but no one wants to hire them because they lack work experience and have no connections.
It's tough being autistic and trying to fit in with the normals. They can see it right away and reject you.
So eventually after working shit jobs in factories I quit everything and went on welfare. Now I can live free and easy.

I regret going to university or high school. I should have stayed at home all day and played starcraft instead of wasting my life chasing some career no one wanted to give me a chance on.

Anyone who says it's so easy to get a job in IT obviously didn't struggle like this or face my sort of challenges.

 No.230439

>>230436
You're acting as if 40% is super difficult number to hit. If 40% of people get a job through an application, why can't you just be one of the 40%?

 No.230441

You know if you guys didn't choose to live in big cities you wouldn't need 100k+ salary just to make rent. Minimum wage is enough money to live a normal life in a small town and retire at a normal age. You have to be pretty degenerate to stay at that salary your entire life though. 1.5x minimum wage is enough to retire early (like 45). This is with higher paying "shitty jobs" that don't require any more work experience than working at Walmart for a couple years.

Move out of the city and be frugal and you can get a mortgage for a house in 5 years and pay it off in another 20 and at that point you're paying like $50 a month for property taxes and the rest just grows in the market.

Fucking retards trying to get IT jobs in a high cost of living area lmao. Life is actually super easy, you guys are just dumb. Enjoy your debt.

 No.230442

>>230439
>>230439
40% is less than half. 60% of people don't get a job just through applying.

>why can't you just be one of the 40%?

Because I am not super talented, highly intelligent, did not graduate from a top prestigious school, and suffer from health problems both mental and physical that impair my ability to function in society which renders me unemployable because being an unhealthy autistic nerd with zero friends isn't what employers are looking for and there are tons and tons of better candidates who get the job instead of me.

 No.230443

>>230441
>Life is actually super easy, you guys are just dumb
I was typing up a response to the earlier portions of your message but I can see you're not serious. You're just here to bully people on /dep/.

 No.230446

>>230443
You're right, I'm saying that from my perspective now. I was a high school dropout NEET until almost 26. At that point I would not have ever thought that.

But a few years later and I'm almost 28 and I have a shitty low paying job, that is how I feel. It isn't some hypothetical math equation, those are my thoughts after having joined the work force at a super late age. Those are my thoughts making basically minimum wage. Life is way fucking easier than I thought.

 No.230447

>>230446
What do you even work? You seriously own a apartment with computer and food easily with your shit job? Do you live in a flyover state or some shit?

 No.230448

I think I have bipolar disorder but I don't know what to do about it, doctors always give me antipsychotics but they make me feel worse so I dont like discussing my problems with doctors to avoid the medication, usually I just talk about my anxiety so I can get benzos for leaving the house, today I peaked in mood for most of the day and now I can feel I'm starting to crash as predicted and I feel terrified, sick and sad, but more scared than sad, I just feel bad in general, I wish I could act normal or something, there's just something wrong with me

 No.230450

File: 1602897311225.png (288.52 KB, 480x360, 4:3, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

I like wearing masks. I look like an ogre and scare people I think. When I wear a cotton mask with a cute fabric or a baby blue colour people seem to treat me nicer, and my politeness is well recieved. Not a threat and others are fine.

 No.230451

File: 1602902885343.png (305.84 KB, 480x360, 4:3, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230450
This is the only mask I will wear

 No.230468

>>230447
it must be a flyover state with super low costs but still like a 7.25 minimum wage wouldn't pay for shit. minimum wage here wouldn't get you shit.

 No.230469

>>230442
yeah, this is something a lot of the more social wizards don't really get. when you are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent and aren't good at passing, normal people can see through you pretty quickly.

most of the engineers/programmers I went to school with networked well enough amongst themselves and landed prestigious internships during the summer like someone did one at roblox and someone did one at trendmicro. and those weren't their only internships. this was like 8 years ago, but there are enough people in those fields with the social skills where most firms don't need to hire autistic people. i think a few have programs to hire autistic people but they're probably getting paid way less.

 No.230472

>>230450
Hm, maybe this would help me a bit. I like wearing masks too for the same reason, but it feels like people still see me as a creep anyway, but it helps give me more anonymity especially since I wear a cap too.

 No.230474

File: 1602947633641.png (293.54 KB, 700x396, 175:99, ec8a68c.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230442
40% chance for a single jobapplication, and how long does it take nowadays to apply, how about applying for two jobs then? you realize people before the internet had to actually get off their asses and apply via different newspapers or had to show up in person for the first step, while you only have to send a prewritten email in a few minutes jesus, sure that means more competition, but there is absolutely no drawback in getting rejected then

you can search for exuses all you want, sooner or later you have to make a choice on your own or get in situations forced upon you, i also doubt 60% have all the qualities you listed

 No.230482


 No.230492

File: 1602957297863.png (290.34 KB, 720x400, 9:5, 1579908339251.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>230482
Classic.

 No.230494

Minimum wage isn't even as bad as you guys think it is. You look at people who have shitty jobs and they are living paycheck to paycheck and their lives are horrible.

But guess what? You want to know why these fabricated stereotypes in your mind are different than your situation? They all have a wife and kids and have vices like cigarettes, alcohol, lottery tickets, fast food, etc. And on top of that in general they lack understanding the importance of compound interest, whether it's investing or debt.

You don't (or shouldn't) have any of these things. That is why minimum wage for a wizard is actually not that bad. You just need to stop comparing yourself to normies and do calculations based on your own life. If you live in a big city, that is the first change you need to make. Just do a little bit of research for yourself and you'll see, it is sustainable long term with actual real savings.

 No.230496

An interesting note about compound interest. If you take the average market return rates for the US stock market, something really safe like S&P500, and adjust for inflation, $1 today will become $10 in 40 years.

If you are 25 right now, and you retire at 65, every dollar you spend is $10 later. That means if you eat 60 cents worth of rice instead of getting a big mac meal at McDonalds, in a way you are saving $70 for yourself down the road. And that IS adjusted for inflation. $70 in today's money value, just 40 years from now. This is why savings is so important. Don't fall into the paycheck to paycheck trap. Save money.

 No.230497

>weekend off
>parents are fighting about dumb bullshit
>again
Imagine how surprised I am about this

 No.230519

The more i think about my life the more stressed out i get so i daydream about the person i want to be. but the more i daydream the more i realize ho unachievable my ideal life is so that stresses me out too.idk what to do really

 No.230523

My teeth are all ground down, my intestines pushing out my abdomen because I'm so fat, my brain is broken, and I'm trying my best. This failure is the best I can do. I should be euthanized damn it.

 No.230533

File: 1603030669204.gif (7.95 MB, 600x450, 4:3, cry.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>230523
>and I'm trying my best.

same. hold me wizbro

 No.230555

>>230523
You must keep trying.

 No.230575

Fuck my life. I feel awful.

 No.230577

Being a slave to your genes is something painful and hard to put into words.

Even as a kid I remember growing up noticing how others had a natural looking body type, height, fat distribution, mental stability, minor skills that came off naturally for them, and a long etc.
Always questioning myself why I looked and felt so strange, and I'm not referring to social standards, so-called beauty ideals, or situations regarding social aspects of life that normals talk about all the time when mental health or personal image comes up as a topic.
I'm talking about feeling comfortable within yourself and for yourself, inside your body and inside your mind, not only when being forced to interact with others.
Feeling "right" about who you are and the way you look, your every day thoughts, your body form, something simple that pretty much everyone took for granted was already an uphill battle for me since childhood.

 No.230578

>>230523
>I should be euthanized damn it.
Post your address and I'll see what I can do.

 No.230632

File: 1603257704354.gif (1.51 MB, 400x250, 8:5, confetti.gif) ImgOps iqdb

I have entirely accepted my failure and inability to function. I am utterly incapable of doing something such as "fixing myself" or being happy, my personality forbids me from such things. The only thing that still keeps the dying embers of hope alive within my mind is the prospect, however minor, of some life changing event magically falling into my lap, such as winning the lottery or finding out i will be inheriting many millions from a lost relative.
Unless something akin to this happens within the next 10 years, or before my parents die, i will probably kill myself. For what use is there to prolong my life after that, when all that relies on me is gone and only certain failure, poverty, and struggle await me?

 No.230633

File: 1603261247246.jpg (66.09 KB, 960x720, 4:3, .jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Ha-ha!

 No.230645

I don't like this aging business. When you do nothing all day every day the time goes by so fast. I'm like a teenager in my head but actually I'm already past my prime physically and it's all downhill from here.

 No.230646

>>230645
me too, I want to be peter pan

 No.230651

File: 1603298482819.png (1.92 MB, 1800x1289, 1800:1289, Back then.png) ImgOps iqdb

I feel like a 15 y/o I'm actually 24 but in my mind I still see myself as a 15 y/o teenager stuck in 2008 or something.

I can't understand social media (I had to use a tutorial to learn how to use whatsapp that I need for my online classes) when that's second nature for people my age.

I can't understand how professional work or interpersonal relationships work, in my own little bubble only videogames,consoles and anime exist and even in that regard I'm stuck on things from the past decade, and on top of that I have to accept the fact that the happiest days of my life (when I was actually a 15 y/o playing vidya all day) are way past behind me.

 No.230652

>>230651
people think I'm mentally retarded because I act like a kid but I'm 25 years old, I feel like I missed something in my life

 No.230664

>>230651
Same. I even have a full-time job but I can't relate to the people around me. I have nothing 'normie' to talk about, no close family, no kids, no significant other to talk about, etc. I don't consume pop culture and don't listen to any pop music. My hobbies are way too imageboard-y to god forbid ever bring them up to any normie. So I just try to hide under the radar and keep work conversations to a polite minimum "hi/bye/how was your weekend?/etc."

 No.230672

>>230651
Neeko wa Tsurai yo is such a disappointment. I've never seen an author steering from his own story just to draw cute succubi for cute succubi sake so quickly as in this. Do not recommend.

 No.230683

>>230672
I like it at least is not like watamote where Tomoko became a normalfag suddenly for no reason.

Neeko is a loser,a NEET struggling with deep mental issues and that shows in every single chapter, basically every chapter is she suffering in some way.

Yes she's a cute succubus but that's perfectly normal in manga and anime and her struggles are real.

 No.230685

File: 1603316752078.jpg (288.07 KB, 720x1098, 40:61, screenshot_2019-05-28-08-4….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>230683
Forgot pic.

 No.230693

File: 1603321001010.jpg (360.02 KB, 713x900, 713:900, wizardart-05.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>Reconnect with an online 'friend' after a couple of years of not talking
>Things seem to be fine at first, we mostly just talk about vidya and an MMO we play
>He also complains about how shitty his life is as a married man who is raising another mans kid and working a dead-end job
>A month and a half after talking, I remember why we stopped. He's a needy, toxic asshole, and he knows too much about me irl. (I have a facial deformity and I'm low IQ) and starts making little diggs at me.
>One day during banter he calls me an *ncel
>It pissed me off because I don't even act like one. I never talk about succubi in general because I have no interest in them
>Stop talking to him for a couple of days
>Ignore all his messages
>Finally decide to check them
>The messages get more hostile every day I don't respond
>His last message he sends is an image of a monster and says I look like it
>Decide to just block him so he can't contact me anymore
Why is it so difficult for a Wizard to make friends? It's like we are a different race that can't connect with others.

 No.230696

>>230693
Don't believe any of that shit.

 No.230697

>>230696
Well don't. I don't know what to tell you.

 No.230703

>>230355
Fuck you.. Stop bitching and get at it what the fuck? You have a degree, you have valuable time and experience provided for a competitive skill in the workforce. Go and do you stop fucking playing… Im a stoner too so I dont get depressed

 No.230713

>>230693
normies are usually a good judge of character since they're so we'll socialized, he may be onto something here

>tells you he got married and works since that's what he assumed you do

>tests to see if you're a crab or not
>you crack

 No.230719

>>230196
Well im on the path. My eye contact and self esteem has improved but everything else is in progress. If you believe in yourself and work smart you can get there.

 No.230721

>>230719
Excellent! Give it some more time and you will finally work up the courage to ask succubi out and get laid.
Keep it up champ.

 No.230730

>>230721
no and no and no
feck off

 No.230744

>>228904
I can't pass exams no matter what and this is making me insane. When people say depression doesn't affect cognition they're so wrong, sure It doesn't affect some but anyways…
I've tried all study methods, writing down notes and flashcards and stuff but nothing works. Everyone thought I was a slacker but I studied as much as the others, now I simply no longer care If I fail, the outcome is the same every single time.
People think studying is the same as losing weight, you put in less calories and get the result but this kind of approach simply does not work when it comes to education. Just work harder! yet it all leads to failure… I'm tired of this shit

 No.230756

>>230693
Sounds like a fucking loser. He needs to feel proud of himself for getting a fat suckubus to suck him off (once a year) and raising a kid that isn't his, and working a dead-end job (as you said). That you got heated over being called a crab possibly represents insecurity on your part but I wouldn't worry much about it. To normfucks, even trying to say "I'm a wizard" and explain what it means will be "cringe."

>>230713
Nah that normie sounds like a loser who has a shit life but can't admit it to himself so he probably made loads of cracks at the wizzie who eventually lost patience.

 No.230763

If you take away my video games, internet and porn I am left a drooling retard who thinks about death all the time. I just don't have the will to do anything else but I am constantly in fear of what will happen if I keep doing nothing.

 No.230775

I've been feeling like crying this last two days. I think I know the reason for this sadness but I am not sure. It comes and goes. I can do fine for 2 weeks and then it comes again. I think I cried yesterday for one second, I don't know. I want to feel human. I want to believe that something matters, that something is worth living for. I want to believe that my life will be good.
I want to escape the bad feelings, and the uneasiness. I don't do anything bad so I shouldn't suffer like this. I know I only have to wait but sometimes I really want to end it. I think it's cool that there is nothing or no one in my life that will miss me except for my mother. There's solace that if I go now there won't be nobody suffering besides her. I will live though. I just wish I could be more human. I feel that I am merely a carcass.
I wanted to be a person who can offer his help and make this world a better place, but I am too weak, and it seems that I will always be the one that will need the help of others instead.

 No.230783

>>230713
most normies are deeply insecure and probably dont like their lives even

 No.230789

>>230775
I can relate to some of your post. I've been trying really hard to "improvebruh!" with studying and programming but it obviously never worked to improve my mood.

 No.230806

>>230789
I never understood how people enjoy doing the improvement, it's annoying and just makes me awful. I simply don't want to do it but I got no choice and the reward isn't that great besides money to live a little bit.

 No.230807

>>230763
Same except without the video games/porn. At the same time, there is nothing to do. I've tried everything that could work out for someone like me.

 No.230815

I had a plan to kill myself 6 years ago but it ultimately failed, I think if I killed myself then I wouldn't have missed out on very many good things at all, and I would have missed out on a lot of suffering.

 No.230817

>>230815
Same but 8.

 No.230819

>>230815
I would have killed myself 11 years ago if it wasn't for my mother. I have enjoyed some TV shows, I have been some nice places, but to be honest I don't feel like I would have missed out on much. My life has actually got better yet the thought I wouldn't have had the last decade doesn't really trouble me or evoke a sense of loss.

 No.230835

Had to cancel the carers allowance that the government gave for caring for an ill family member because managing the letters and updating them on things was too stressful. I am a total failure subhuman.

 No.230849

>>230775
>I wanted to be a person who can offer his help and make this world a better place
I still can't really accept that I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. I can't defend myself, I'm emotionally weak, I'm unhealthy, and all of this has happened while believing I could improve myself and that I had equal potential to others. I truly believed in always taking responsibility, always striving to improve, and acutely away of things like locus of control. Other people have power over me because I'm weak, I can't really apply my will to the world because I'm weak, I struggle with the basic things. It is a delusion I can't let go of that I have the responsibility and capacity to do something. Fatalism and accepting I have no control would be more sane to accept. I am weak and at the mercy of others. I should give up and just accept shit knowing this viewpoint is poison to the people who could make things better.

It's funny seeing the futility of the same beliefs everyone claims turn their life around fail for me; they become a measure I can never reach. Culture wasn't built for the failures.

 No.230850

>>230819
Yeah this is sort of the thing. I can't say anything has been worth it; it's just been inertia. My father got me into trouble several times due to my suicide ideation when I was younger because he just didn't want to sustain the psychological damage. It was all about him and my life has been shitty. He's a schizophrenic so it sucks that he was able to pretend to be "the good father trying to help his son" when it was bullshit.


>>230849
I can really relate. It sucks. it's pretty bad since I'm totally dead to everyone de facto and my family just expects things to work out or for me to just endure suffering in some low-end shit. It's the fucking worst. I'm not inheriting a dime or anything and I can't do anything. It's insane how I struggle with basic things everyone else handles stress-free like driving or or anything having to do with hand-eye coordination. I'm not able to learn well like the people who are able to do stuff, but I was always just seen as a klutzy but intelligent kid growing up but as an adult, it's been a disaster as I just crashed and burned in any hard pressure setting.

It's hard to relate to anyone even on here since these types of side tend to have a lot of people who just make things work out somehow and get a cushy IT/programing job. I never realized like how upscale people on nerdy websites were compared to me until everyone started bragging about their lives.

Yeah, it wasn't.

 No.230869


 No.230874

>>230450
I like wearing masks for the same reason. Hides my disgusting face

 No.230882

>>230874
The boofloo was the best thing for ogre-magi. Everyone thinks I care about the coof, actually I just like in-person anonymity.

 No.230887

How do I deal with constant stress? I don't really have anything in particular to be stressed about, and yet I feel my guts being twisted and squeezed, my head being filled with panic and my thoughts being fogged exactly as if I were stressing about something constantly. There is no relieve, just the same feeling of stress 24/7. It's awful, unbearable, what do I do? Anyone with the same experience?

 No.230888

>>230887
Same. I cope with constant stress by drinking coffee, playing video games and posting porn on anonymous imageboards.

 No.230892

File: 1603740746870.mp4 (1.13 MB, 400x400, 1:1, 2pac_TheRose.mp4) ImgOps iqdb

2pac talking about the lack of compassion and the hypocrisy that disadvantaged people have to face in this world. His words resonate within me and I wish he was still alive. Rest in peace 2pac bro. You will be forever remembered and missed. You truly were the rose that grew from concrete.

 No.230893

>>230892
If he didn't like it in America he should have gone back to Africa.

 No.230917

>>229498
nicely put

 No.230919

>>230887
Indulge in escapism and stop caring about this life and world so much.

 No.230943

The book in the OP reminded me of this https://legacy.gscdn.nl/archives/images/suicide_note.pdf

 No.230958

Does anyone else get a tinge of anxiety around their birthdays after another year spent without progressing in life? I know it's not exactly a long term plan to just live off my parents and every minute I spend not progressing my career means a worse outcome for me once my parents die and I have to support myself. I've started exercising and learning a language but that's not a plan that's just something to help me cope with the anxiety. I feel like I'm falling into a pit of no return. I'm not sure I can go back to slaving mindlessly and meaninglessly as society collapses around me without becoming suicidal again though.

 No.230960

>>230958
Hello past me, I'm future you. It doesn't get better.

 No.230991

I really really want to go back to bed instead of forcefully getting up for the day. Fuck wageslaving.

 No.231020

>>230958
Stop caring about the future.
Carpe diem to the extreme.
Do what you enjoy until you can.

It is better to live a short life doing whatever you want then to live a long life slaving away. Just give yourself to your passions, hobbies and interests and stop caring about the results of your behavior. Tomorrow will take care of itself, you just focus on reaping pleasure after pleasure and having a great time while you can.

 No.231033

How many of you wasted your youth on video games and internet browsing, with only physical decline here on in?

 No.231036

>>231033
As opposed to doing what?

 No.231037

>>231036
Doing something productive.

 No.231038

>>231033
but of course

 No.231039

>>231037
What would be different if you were productive? You'd feel a little bit more proud of yourself? Maybe get a bit of money - to do what in the end? Have more free time to play video games?

Time that is enjoyed is not wasted time. Being able to idle and become fully engaged with a virtual medium is the pinnacle of luxury today. Wageslaves work for months just so they can afford to do nothing at all.

 No.231067

I'm a piece of shit and boy do I know it!

 No.231069

>>231033
I thought tourist season was over. Which website did you crawl from?

 No.231098

>>231037
I don't really see myself as being able to do something productive. Usually I'm not good enough at doing anything where it ends up being a waste of time and pursuing productive things usually just burns me out due to the constant failure. It's super demotivating and it's just better for me to call it quits and veg out with internet browsing as much as possible.

It's not like I'd be painting the Mona Lisa if I was trying to be productive.

 No.231115

>my social interaction is split between work (bare minimum of interaction with coworkers), my family (my parents, then) and a few forums
>Everyone hates me or is annoyed with me, except my parents
>This is causing me more anguish than it should

I really shouldn't let it bother me so, as I'm schizoid. I enjoy my own company more than interacting with others. However, some primal switch in my brain is eating away at me for not fitting in. Being an asocial human sucks

 No.231232

>>231115
bro why you telling my life story

 No.231235

File: 1604322678854.png (287.74 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 0B52638A-C813-4077-804B-73….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>231115
>>231232
I too, feel that emotion.

 No.231240

I'm so distant from all people I know, all people I've read of in books, fora, boards, news. I hate the mediocrity, the contentment, the superciliousness, the oneupsmanship, the shallow disregard for other humans without trying to from another's PoV. What most disgusts me is knowing how much better, everything could be for everybody.
But noooo, can't have that. Can't have nice things. Eveything has to be suboptimal to a degree describable only by arrow notation. Worse yet, broadly speaking, things are, on the whole, going well for humanity. The fucking speed and efficiency of it all is infuriatingly disappointing, infuriating.
I want to live outside the context of humanity. That way my priorities will realign with what comes naturally to life, survival.

 No.231242

I spent a lot of time engaging in escapism, living vicariously through fantasy characters in fantasy worlds,I've spent so much time doing this that I already feel envy for these characters, why they go through all these worlds, meet great people and engage in all those activities while I can't? I think I should have been a fictional character instead of being born and forced into my horrible hellish life, I should have been a character in a book, or a MC in a harem anime or something like that, ironically I could have been way happier as a fictional character instead of a living breathing person.

I know that this sounds like weird nonsense, but when people that don't exist have much better lives than you (even in their purely fictional worlds) it means that you've had enough of this shit, and trust me I've had enough.

 No.231244

File: 1604345759858.png (455.03 KB, 700x720, 35:36, 1601646945478.png) ImgOps iqdb

just as I'm starting to hate myself a little less ZOG decides to shut everything down

 No.231250

>>231244
On the bright side you are not alone in the misery this time… of having to be locked in with your family, wearing useless cloth pieces in your face like a true slave and worse yet you cant even plug off by breathing fresh air outside, you are constantly reminded and bombarded with the message of submission.

 No.231257

I keep thinking things can't get worse and I've hit bottom, but now I realize they only ever get worse and there is no bottom. I don't even know what to do.

 No.231269

I didn't take care of my teeth when I was a teenager, and I lucked out and got horrible cavities on the sides of my teeth, instead of the tops where most people get them. So I can't smile anymore. I was about to go to a dentist and get fillings/have teeth pulled, but the only dentists in my area do compulsory COVID-19 tests and false positives are common.

 No.231294

>>231250
I just wanted to go to the gym
that's all I asked for…

 No.231503

>>231020
thank you, wiz


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