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File: 1604627418360.png (499.49 KB, 596x660, 149:165, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.231433[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.231445

want to cry but forcing myself not to at the same time, i want to get drunk, i want to die, god why does life suck ass

 No.231446

File: 1604646520791.png (205.19 KB, 1100x806, 550:403, nceldefinition.png) ImgOps iqdb

I went to youtube and in some video the most liked comment was of a guy criticizing a certain behavior and mentality because according to him it was typical of crabs. It's not the first time I see this, normalfags are using the word crab more frequently to insult and argue, so the things they disagree with, are now crab.
I wish they used the word misogynist like in good old times because sometimes they misuse the word, but if given the opportunity I understand why they would use a word that includes virgin in its definition, and that is because virgins are weirdos by default in the normalfag mind, so crab comes as a more powerful insult.

Crazy times.

 No.231447

Have something to say in a thread but decided not to make a post. People are so quick to argue when I just want to say what's on my mind. I don't care if I am proven wrong but people are so combative and if they misunderstand or reply another thing I disagree with I feel a responsibility to respond even though I never wanted to get into a debate to begin with so I just leave and make it looks like I've lost.

 No.231448

>>231446
nothing crazy about it, eventually all those meme words become mainstream, hugely mainstream. To the point where it's same as fortnite dance or some shit.

And they were invented by the normalniggers to begin with, so value lost

 No.231449

>>231448
*no value lost

 No.231450

>>231446
normies will always be dumb and close minded

 No.231451

>>231446
crab is the go-to insult on wizchan as well, really makes u think…

 No.231456

File: 1604652016548.png (932.92 KB, 650x592, 325:296, fc9d7900-614f-11e9-954b-10….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>231433
I fucking feel nothing, I don't feel anything, what the fuck is happening, fuck I hate feeling nothing at all.

 No.231463

I just want it to be over. If I could stand my own company it would be different, but I can't.

 No.231510

>>231433
Is feeling nothing and getting no joy from anything some advanced form of depression?
I use to feel so terrible each and every day that I couldn't even move my body but this year I've shifted into being void of any notable sensation.

 No.231512

>>231510
Apathy, she calls for you. If sleep is the cousin of death then apathy is the sister. You will long to go back to suffering as the days vanish, months come and go, eventually years disappear entirely with only a pure nothing to show from it.

 No.231513

>>231512
Nice comment and insight, thank you wiz

 No.231516

>>231510
I sometimes get like that. But it seems that I'm mostly just feeling terrible and feeling no pleasure from things that should be fun. So half and half.

 No.231519

>>231516
Anhedonia

 No.231524

File: 1604751390912.jpg (37.58 KB, 369x879, 123:293, batman.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

So I recently started collecting toys because it's something to do to distract me from real life. I joined an online community for talking about collecting toys and to my surprise, most of the people were completely normal, some even very successful. Because I'm a 30+ virgin 'loser' with no friends, I stuck out like a sore thumb and had to leave. I just wish there was some place in this world I belonged, but there doesn't seem to be.

There are no wizard hobbies anymore. Even the most nerdy hobby is filled with normies and succubi. Anime, Vidya, Manga, card games, even collecting toys..

 No.231525

>>231524
most people end up having a social life and breeding or at least getting a partner, even the most ugliest fattest disgusting people, being a wizard is truly a rare thing

 No.231526

>>231524
I think there's a chance that I own this batman figure and some similar. Seeing toys gives and undefined and severe shock of sorrow. I don't know why, it just makes me sad, like longing for a lost innocence, it reminds of the happy times with my mother as a child, watching Harry Potter especially makes me sad. Whenever my father makes me angry, afterwards I feel sad about my mother.
As for your hobby wizzie, don't let norms ruin it for you. Just make a thread on /hob/ about toys. I rarely talk to someone about my hobbies.

 No.231533

In constant pain.

 No.231556

>>231524
>There are no wizard hobbies
Everything can be considered a wizardly hobby that doesn't involve social interaction. You sound like you just want to find some excuse so that you could talk to people instead of being interested in your hobby itself. Anyway, you kind of got what you deserved. Hopefully you realized that communities of any kinds aren't for social outcasts and outsiders and will keep to yourself in the future like a proper wizard should do so.

 No.231557

>>231556
You know wizchan is a community that has a hobby section right?

 No.231564

File: 1604797650131.mp4 (2.67 MB, 640x360, 16:9, 遊戯王の海外の大会が面白すぎたwwwwww.mp4) ImgOps iqdb

>>231556
>no social interaction

how are you gonna play yugioh and trade cards with other wizards then?

 No.231569


 No.231573

>>231524
I can relate to that, but I don't think we're small minority as it seems to be in the hobby. It just that normalfags are more vocal as usual.

If you're interested there's an imageboard dedicated to toys outside of 4chan - https://prolikewoah.com/toy/

>>231526
>Seeing toys gives and undefined and severe shock of sorrow
>it just makes me sad, like longing for a lost innocence, it reminds of the happy times with my mother as a child
For me it's the opposite, due to the same reasons you mentioned. Toys enables me to go back to simpler happier times even if it for few moments.

 No.231592

File: 1604914891261.png (948.68 KB, 897x639, 299:213, wow.png) ImgOps iqdb

$650,000 for a tiny piece of land in Miami, Florida.

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/7731-Miami-View-Dr_North-Bay-Village_FL_33141_M69037-03836

I hate this world. Normies occupy everything, claim it all. The land, the resources. Then they markup the price consistently until you get people charging $650,000 for that.

 No.231593

File: 1604915042498.png (367.23 KB, 466x276, 233:138, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>231592
I like how they marked it on map, crossing other houses

 No.231609

>>231592
what are you, thinking about buying land or something?

 No.231610

>>231592
>lot in big popular city costs a lot
why are you surprised? If it had a house it would probably be over a million

 No.231611

>>231592
>lot in a wealthy area of a big city costs a lot of money
Fucking normies! This world sucks, this random lot that doesnt impact me in the slightest made me hate humans!

t. wizkid

 No.231614

>>231557
>wizchan is a community
Debatable. A community of loners can't really be a community. Wizchan isn't a community in the sense that there is basically nothing that links us together, people here are very different from each other except for the fact that they are social outsiders and outcasts. And then we didn't mention the fact that it is an anonymous imageboard where you can't really who is who.

>>231564
Collect the cards and read the manga and watch the anime.

 No.231615

>>231614
>tells you to just collect the cards
>game is about dueling each other with monsters and spells and traps but he wants wizards to miss the fun just so he can larp as a true wiz with true wizard hobbies that involve no social interaction

Aylmao some people should have never come to this site, it really has a bad effect on your brain.

 No.231617

>>231615
What is your point? Many people collect cards for the sake of collection only. By the way, I'm not a yugioh fan so I don't really know that much about it but I'm pretty sure there are yugioh video games so you could play that too.

 No.231619

>>231615
You could make it your day job like Cr1tical.

 No.231681

My uncle died last week. Just found out yesterday. I wasn't close at all to him, as he caused quite a bit of trouble for that side of the family. My brother and I included. Haven't spoken to the guy in years. When I did speak to him, it was him demanding I help him, then him getting angry because I refused to. Very strange and negative relationship.

I thought I'd be at peace when it happened, but I still feel safe. Now I have to deal with that on top of my parents (and the rest of the family) bickering about funeral arrangements and other petty shit. I really hope it boils over soon.

 No.231684

>>231524
To be honest, I feel this way on this site a lot of the time. I stopped browsing for a week after reading a thread where some guy dunking on some reclusive hikkineet for being a "mentally ill loser" and saying he's just a failed normalfag.

But yeah, that's true about hobbies. It's really hard to distract myself for this reason.

 No.231691

>have night off because of Remembrance Day
>parents spend it yelling at each other
Should have worked. At least it's less stressful than hearing my parents argue about literally nothing, repeating the same talking points ad nauseum

 No.231694

>>231446
>virgins
Male virgins*

 No.231695

I'm too depressed to want to sleep. I can only get tired and sleep by taking melatonin. What the fuck I have all the other symptoms of depression except being asleep all the time. Fuck me I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

 No.231708

File: 1605073539051.jpg (40.08 KB, 450x600, 3:4, 1461522-Mummified-monk-wea….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Every breath we experience is part of a countdown towards our last breath and the end of this conscious experience. Makes it easier to meditate when the breath has meaning.

 No.231710

>>231695
Sometimes I want dreams to go on and never end simply because reality sucks so much.

 No.231715

>>231710
Comfy as f

 No.231723

>>231614
> except for the fact that they are social outsiders and outcasts

Not even that, there's a lot of improvebruh normies here that are completely normal in every sense except for being virgins and even that is just based on what they tell us.

 No.231732

>>231723
>here's a lot of improvebruh normies
I just saw some exercise thread full of that sort. It was disgusting
Just sit, rot and accept it. Why try to do anything, you know you'll fail, you fail everything that's why you're here
Just sit and wait and hope the end comes sooner rather than later

 No.231733

>>231732
>I just saw some exercise thread full of that sort. It was disgusting
Just sit, rot and accept it. Why try to do anything, you know you'll fail, you fail everything that's why you're here
My personal philosophy is to rot until you CTB but what is the problem with other people using fitness to help make their life more enjoyable?
We know that all desires are bullshit which only harm us yet in our own ways we still do what we desire just as much as others.
Thinking being fit cures real depression is a huge meme though.

Why do you have to shit on other people anon?

 No.231734

>>231733
>Why do you have to shit on other people anon?
> in our own ways we still do what we desire just as much as others.
I believe you answered your own question.
Though to get more in depth, I have been going through a prolonged low and am lashing out at everything in a feeble attempt to feel anything

 No.231737

File: 1605117246094.jpg (77.97 KB, 640x800, 4:5, 91377245_304925843814169_1….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>231734
I respect your honesty and thank you for the post.
Would you like to have a discussion about why you wanted to lash out at the notion of other people doing meaningless things?
I am also entirely numb, I remember being a cryfag and am jealous of my past self.

Being numb from depression and life fucking me at every turn has shown m that what hurts the most is not emotions of sadness (which we learn to enjoy) but simply existing itself.

Wiz I suggest alcohol as it can help you actually feel something when numb.
Selfharm does not work, life changing incredibly cruel injustice does not make you feel anything when you are this numb either and believe me it is true. Apathy is so strong that you can literally become homeless or have someone ruin your life further and you do not even care.

 No.231756

>>231737
>Wiz I suggest alcohol
I have tried it and am not a fan.
I'm also broke as shit and living off of food stamps
>Apathy is so strong that you can literally become homeless or have someone ruin your life further and you do not even care.
believe me I know. I'm one step above homeless myself

 No.231762

>>231756
This may sound like meme advice but even meme advice can have an effect anon.
Try to introspect deeply as to why you cannot feel emotion. This did not cure me but helps I think.
>can I ask something
Did you used to use misery as a cope because you learnt to enjoy it at all wiz?
Do you have PTSD even if it is prexisting.
Did you have an event that caused you to become so depressed your mind actually shut down emotions to try help you?

Being homeless sucks. Do you think your situation is making you feel fucked?

 No.232029

File: 1605440620942.jpeg (115.74 KB, 533x800, 533:800, 15ED4D1E-F65D-4531-9F78-9….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>231708
“No matter what happens, is happening, or is about to happen - every breath brings me closer to death and the end of this.”

 No.232030

Tomorrow is my birthday , i will be 25
I think 25 is far more than enough

 No.232032

File: 1605455576647.jpg (44.4 KB, 477x640, 477:640, 1604253370801.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I've come back to drinking. I started in early July, having never drank in my life, with 1/4th a bottle of jack daniels to get plastered. By August I was on half a bottle of vodka a night and by September I was drinking a full bottle daily. I stopped in early October after a ""wake up call"". For the last week I've been slipping back hard into half a bottle of vodka a night again. I don't think this is something I can stop at will anymore. I haven't gotten physical cravings yet but the mental desire to have a drink when I'm bored or feeling awful are so strong it feels like it doesn't even matter.

I haven't even had a job while drinking yet. My unemployment money just ran out and I'm terrified of having to juggle alcohol with actual responsibility. Holding a job sucked bad enough without this. The further I go on the more it seems like my life is becoming more narrow, speeding towards a conclusion that I've indirectly chosen with bad choices. Maybe this is me giving up on responsibility for my own actions or maybe it's self awareness of what I've done to myself.

The funny thing is that my first taste of alcohol was a six-pack of blue moon beer a few years ago, and I hated it– it tasted like piss and barely got me buzzed. I discarded the notion of drinking entirely until I found half of one of my dads old bottles of jack in the garage and mixed it with coca-cola. I wonder how I would've spent these last few months if I had never found that bottle.

 No.232033

>>232032
I should addendum this by stating that bottle of jack wasn't my first time ""drinking"" but rather getting completely drunk and enjoying it

 No.232044

>>232033
have u tried jacobs ghost?

 No.232052

>>232030
happy birthday

 No.232054

>>232030
happy popped out of my mommas cunt day, you drinking or doing drugs?

 No.232220

>>231762
>Did you used to use misery as a cope because you learnt to enjoy it at all wiz?
I wouldn't say I enjoy anything about this, but it is a familiar thing to me and a pain I have grown to tolerate to an extent.
>Do you have PTSD even if it is prexisting.
Not that I'm aware of.
>Did you have an event that caused you to become so depressed your mind actually shut down emotions to try help you?
I had to take care of my grandmother as she slipped further and further into dementia for two years. After that I couldn't really be bothered to summon up much of any feeling for more than a few minutes at a time.
Mostly I feel this "muted sameness" if that makes any sense? I can't really tell what it's supposed to be, but I have a hard time identifying most emotions. I usually just think of them as + or - but what I usually feel isn't even that. It's this lack of value, not even zero just an absence, I feel like I'm on auto pilot sometimes, barely even thinking because even that's gotten to be too much most of the time.
I really don't know what to do. Most things these days either don't make me feel anything or they cause me to experience bouts of extreme panic or depression. It really is on odd way to go about things but I have no particular desire to do much of anything anymore, even trying to change seems pointless sense I feel assured that nothing will be better and everything can only get worse. So I suppose just ride things out and see what happens.

 No.232225

File: 1605767054230.jpg (31.85 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 1577336374730.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My fagpad just deleted all my tabs out of blue and all because safari decided to crash.
Who the thought that, this is good idea and more importantly who greenlit this inane shit.
I am mad and sad at same time.
There no words that describe, how i am tired of life and how i wish, i had balls to end it already.
Fuck this gay life.

 No.232259

>try wagecucking for doordash
>sends me to 2 places without giving me any orders to do
>wants me to go to another place literally on the other side of my city
>say fuck it and walk my bike back home
>wasted like 300 dollars to try to do this shit (new phone,bike,clothes etc.)
everything i touch turns to shit lmao

 No.232260

>>232259
New phone and bike are still handy things to have, the money wasn’t entirely wasted.

I nearly tried driving for Uber once, but I was put off by all the horror stories people kept posting back when it was seen as an easy way to exit NEETdom if you had a car. Apparently all those jobs are pretty awful money anyway, which is why it’s mostly desperate immigrants who do them here.

 No.232261

At the point where I am just trying to hold off suicide. In a really bad place but it's made me realise how so much of my life has been spent feeling depressed and cynical. Just don't see a future.

 No.232281

I wish there was a thing such as "wizrefugee" so that I could escape into a country where I could get permanent residence to live happily as a male virgin.

 No.232282

>>232281
Say you come from a country and culture where denying arranged marriage is punishable by violence or imprisonment, and that your folks hooked you up with an EVIL RACIST and also that you're gay which is also discriminated against there.

 No.232292

I am stuck between crushing anxiety and depression and anger.

 No.232293

My back is killing me, i dont want to sit behind the computer it hurts so much and can't concentrate on my school work. I started lifting weights a few months ago and it hasnt helped at all. Anyone know any drugs i could maybe use? Its interrupting my studying i can't do this anymore please help me. Its the upper back, shoulder blades and neck. I always have a good posture. Only laying down in a certain way on my back helps to not feel the pain. Help me please

 No.232304

>>232293
Pain pills and opiates

 No.232305

File: 1605894588839.jpg (168.12 KB, 960x720, 4:3, 1589401344105.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My self hatred had plateaued these past couple years, now all of a sudden I've broken through a wall and am deeper in the pit than ever before. Just waking up in the morning can send me into an autistic rage.

 No.232312

>>232292
Same. Anxiety ruins my life. I can't relax or enjoy myself because I know it will come back and send me into nihilistic overthinking and self destruction. Drugs work temporarily then you build tolerance.

 No.232332

>>232293
ibprofen works for my back pain, but beware of using it for too long

 No.232371

>>232312
Me three

 No.232377

HEY it's wizardchan. Haven't been here in a while. How is it going? Becoming a wizard is awesome. The worst thing you can do that makes you suicidal? Visiting this place. I have been off for 3 months now and it's the first 3 months I knew in years where I was not suicidal. Fuck this place. Love this place. It's the onyl real thing around but it's the worst thing around at the same time. You motherfuckers. I hope you get better. This place only makes you revolve your whole existence about being virgin or not. There is more in life. Virginity doesnt mean a thing, deprression doesnt mean a thing. Fuck. I want to kill you all now except killing myself like I used. And with killing you all I mean the people around me. Killing others is so much bette rthan suicide. Fuck.

 No.232391

I have come to think that i have "Diogenes syndrome".
Every room in my house is full of trash, nothing in my house is functional anymore and i don't intend to get anything fixed.

 No.232392

I wish I could understand why my anxiety comes and goes seemingly at random. Felt dizzy and panicky just making the two minute journey to the store today, and couldn't stop obsessing about swallowing. If getting a doctor's appointment wasn't so hard these days, I'd try and get a diagnosis and apply for anxietybux or something, since I feel like I'm slowly becoming non-functional.

 No.232399

>>232304
>>232332
I know NSAIDs can help against the pain. But i don't want to numb my bodies pain system in the fear of sitting in the wrong position and making my back pain worse, which means i will have to take more.

I already went to a chiropractor and she said its muscle pain because of inactivity. Which is bullshit because i go to the gym and sit straight. now i am bed bound and cry the whole day. Please kill me

 No.232403

I feel so depressed today and since last night, I literally can't eat, even my favorite food tastes awful and I dont know how to fix it, I keep crying and I want to hurt myself, I felt fine a couple days ago so why do I so suddenly feel like this, I took my medication this morning because I had a panic attack and I still feel terrible and in such a dark state of mind

 No.232404

My life is still horrible.

 No.232405

>>232392
Anxiety is so fucking horrible and debilitating. I know what you mean. I spend probably 80% of my time trying to deal with it

 No.232444

>>231433
I am always so certain that I'll be dead by the end of the week but I always turn out alive.
I've had more energy than usual and I have been doing random things like watching anime, studying, and avoiding posting depressing garbage but hasn't helped at all. Actually, recently I had a period where I was going out of breath randomly even while lying in bed, and my heart would randomly skip beats causing me to enter a fit of coughing. One night of this I had sharp chest pains, I felt confused and disoriented, and I really thought I was going to die. Nothing happened, I woke up, and then played some FF5 and watched an anime.

 No.232445

>>232444
What have you been studying and what animes have you been watching?

 No.232446

>>232445
The most recent anime I watched was Denpatenki na Kanojo and I've been studying linear algebra and Scheme.

 No.232486

i'm on a downward spiral
things were going alright for a while
my job is so mind-numbing but i need the cash
i just want to be comfy
life feels empty and hollow

 No.232492

>daydreamed that I am some kind of military commander
>made up some tragic backstory about how my friends were killed or something
>unironically cries in real life as if it actually happened
This can't be normal.

 No.232509

>>232492
Walter Mitty

 No.232510

>>232492
Well? Did you win the war?

 No.232511

>>231564
Yu-gi-oh vidya gaems. try to beat my cheese burn deck
>>232445
Also try to be subtle
>>232032
I was briefly homeless and slept under a bridge and in a condemned crack house of some sort(the kind with needles all over the floor) and a homeless guy offered me some alcohol. Tasted like shit. I wish I could drink.
>>232225
Don't worry, you never would have used those 2000+ tabs of furry pr0n

 No.232513

>>232510
Of course, I wouldn't daydream about losing.

 No.232569

I normally don’t care about comparing myself to other people but I came in contact with someone I used to know. It’s absurd that everyone else has managed to become functional in life. I remember discussing depression with people online 15+ years ago and they all managed to be content in life. Yet here I am spending every day trying to function and failing most of them.

 No.232600

>>232029
I got some prayer beads that I use to remind myself now. They're made of bone which helps remind me of death better. Every bead is a breath closer to death.

 No.232601

>>232569
Yeah, I was friends with someone back in university, he was probably one of the few people that was even in a worse position than me.

He was a fat ugly weeb (that was also into CP/loli shit) that worked as a cashier at walmart and came from a poor family, didn't have a laptop or a phone until his last year of uni.

When we both finished university he got a comfy developer job that pays a good wage and with a very relaxed job atmosphere, most of the time he works from home, the other day he posted some pics of him in Japan during vacations.

Meanwhile I'm a depressed useless broken NEET that will probably end up being a cashier at walmart when there's no other choice, that's if I don't kill myself first. :D

 No.232614

>>232569
>It’s absurd that everyone else has managed to become functional in life.

How would you know? If their Normiebook profiles or whatever gave you such impression, most likely is false.

 No.232617

>>232614
Not him, but being "functional" is a really low bar. If you're reasonably independent, can hold down some kind of a job or attend uni and have a couple people you can call "friends", you're "functional". It doesn't mean you're successful or that your life is somehow impressive, just that you've figured the basics of living in the world.

 No.232623

>>232617
>being "functional" is a really low bar.
>If you're reasonably independent, can hold down some kind of a job or attend uni and have a couple people you can call "friends", you're "functional".

I can't do a single one of those things,so the bar isn't that low really.

>just that you've figured the basics of living in the world.

So I can't even achieve the absolute basics, basically confirms that I'm a subhuman.

 No.232624

>>232623
lol what are you doing comparing yourself to other people? Don't you know about genes?

 No.232625

>>232624
You mean there's no such thing as bad genes worse genes, subhuman genes?

 No.232626

File: 1606378337857.jpg (189.18 KB, 986x985, 986:985, 1593243104589.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Came back after a few weeks without visiting this place. You know, life was alright. Still had bad things, but I could go on a day without having any depressive crisis, I wasn't hopeful but I was comfortable. Well guess God doesn't think I'm even worth of that . Shit happened, it broke me down to my core. My grey life turned deep black. Almost killed myself yesterday. I'm so tired, I gave up on hapiness, just want to not feel destroyed.

 No.232627

>>232617
Fuck off norman

 No.232628

>>232626
May I ask what happened?
As for me honestly i don't value my life all that much, I don't think I will kill myself soon but I have absolutely 0 problems with suicide, if shit gets unbereable I can just neck myself and get this over with, life used to be a pain but now its more like a chore.

I just wish there was a safe and painless suicide method.

 No.232635

>>232623
>>232627

Maybe the term "low bar" has some negative insulting quality where you're from? I read it as an objective level of stability in life.

 No.232683

>>231433
I want to go to the gun store and buy a gun so I can end my pathetic existence, but I'm nervous as fuck. How do I stop being nervous?

 No.232686

>>232683
Alcohol/Benzos but don't drink/take too much or they won't sell you.

 No.232687

File: 1606454505213.png (5.27 KB, 225x128, 225:128, pramiracetam.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>232686
Pramiracetam also seems like it has decent emotion dulling effects

 No.232699

>>232683
>>232686
Dark web, maybe

 No.232727

I have a hard time bringing myself to doing anything aside from the bare minimum to get through the day. I dislike being put into situations where I have to confront reality, so I hide in my bedroom and waste away time on my computer. It feels strange having to interact with the outer world. I don't like it. I wish I could be insulated from reality and be carefree - no responsibilities nor pressure to act in certain ways, and no reason to face others in-person. If I cannot have the world to myself then I want to be left alone in my fish bowl. It's tiring just to do the bare minimum to be a functional, independent person.

I want to be far away from this world.

 No.232734

>>232699
Sounds risky. I would rather buy a gun the legal way than risk getting caught ordering a gun off the dark web.

 No.232735

File: 1606534457890.png (873.59 KB, 888x666, 4:3, 1604346713281.png) ImgOps iqdb

i don't really go here but any advice on the despair? haven't had a friend in 5 years now, i at least have a job now but my mental situation is going steadily downhill. rationally there's probably some chance of hope for me but it really doesn't feel that way. in the past thought i could cope with being alone but apparently not now, frequent episodes of misery in the evening. working takes more than all of the energy i have and i spend the weekend just recovering, so no time/energy for hobbies, in fact working is the only escape i have. i figured this would be the only place to ask that might actually give decent advice. i feel like i understand the situation well but i'm still so powerless to escape it

 No.232762

Being angry and stressed out has just become the default way that I feel and I cant remember the last time it wasn't this way or the last time I was actually happy.

 No.232770

>>232735
> working takes more than all of the energy i have and i spend the weekend just recovering, so no time/energy for hobbies,
change up what you eat

 No.232774

>>231433
I feel scared for no reason whatsoever now. Happiness as a state seems so distant.

 No.232775

>>232628
I wonder if active euthanasia is legal anywhere.

 No.232776

>>232614
Social media only showcases the good things of a person's life usually. And stuff like Instagram take it to the extreme.

 No.232779

THERE IS NO PAIN YOU ARE RECEDING

 No.232780

Finding media to consume that is enjoyable is time consuming as my parameters for what I'd enjoy are growing smaller and smaller so I tend to waste my time on shit I don't enjoy but can quickly access like youtube videos that I don't enjoy, should I pay for a streaming service or something, idk, there are literally no good games being made anymore so why bother with gaming

 No.232787

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 No.232789

>>232780
Pretty sure Netflix or Amazon has a "you don't pay for the first month" deal. Try that and see if you watch a lot

 No.232804

i have a lot of hateful, violent fantasies where I hurt people but in reality I am so sensitive that getting into an argument makes me cry.

 No.232805

>>231433
I don't want to jack off to either gender anymore. But being celibate makes me angsty. I don't know what to do. NNN is over soon at least.

 No.232807

>>232305
God is make my gums bleed again, and scratching my face.

 No.232809

I'm waiting for when i can go to bed because i have nothing to do and my life is meaningless, oblivion awaits me.

 No.232826

I find incredibly sad and terrible that the only decent and acceptable parts of my life are the ones that allow me to escape being myself for a while, playing games, watching anime or reading manga, reading a book, all those things make me forget about myself for a while and make me escape into other worlds.

As soon as I start focusing on myself again I just want to hang myself and get this over with, "escapism" is not just an escape from the real world, but also an escape from ourselves.

 No.232829

File: 1606674877672.png (1.62 MB, 1280x720, 16:9, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

Whenever in movies I see the storyline of an abusive father who toughened up their sons through relentless and heartless abuse I kind of agree that's what is needed. Of course I might have been a weakling who got broke by that training, since I have been broken by the world, but some people do just need to see the world as a harsh and unforgiving place because their future is suffering.

 No.232865

Today, we haave craftsmen in our house. My anxiety peaks and I can't leave my room. Literal moment of I have no mouth but I must scream.

 No.232869

>had bad dental pain 6 months ago
>took 4 days to see a dentist despite it being so bad I couldn't sleep or even lay down
>went away after I had an emergency root canal
>pain is starting to come back again
Dental work was only half done too because of coronavirus, I only have a temporary filling on the tooth. They probably won't even agree to see me until I'm in agony again.

Only thing I hate about this shitty lockdown is how difficult it is to get any kind of medical treatment.

 No.232871

>>232829
>abuse
>that's was is needed
Do you suffer from stockholm syndrome?

 No.232885

Why does life suck so fucking much?

 No.232891

>>232885
How else would the organism strive if not to avoid pain

 No.232898


 No.232913

>>232885
Because otherwise people would suspect

 No.232920

File: 1606860953227.jpg (70.66 KB, 639x595, 639:595, 1240393095655.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

today I woke up feeling really gloomy for no reason and while listening to some sentimental music at work, the lyrics of a song reminded of the wiz who committed suicide and made a thread here some years ago, and I started to cry thinking about what his life must have been like and his final moments… All the pain that led him to end his life.
Why life's gotta be so brutal and filled with strain.
RIP wiz, I will always remember you.

 No.232925

Seeing my family try things and never succeed in being happy is quite unpleasant. Different paths, different amounts of effort, and different obstacles but everyone is lacking vitality. Lots of my ancestors and family have committed suicide. Poisoned genes.

 No.232935

Does anyone else here suffer from this condition?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_snow

 No.232940

>>232935
>>232935
I can see floaters. They look somewhere between worms and amoebas or cells

 No.232941

>>232940
Yeah but it's not the same. I can see floaters too but I also see almost transparent dots everywhere, even when I close my eyes.

 No.232958

>>232935
Sometimes when I feel like i'm actually dying or when I was having a panic attack. Everytime im in some danger, I always see that shit.

 No.232980

File: 1606943938207.jpg (40.33 KB, 1079x720, 1079:720, 1604296681722.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I graduated in May and I'm still unemployed. I've been psychologically harassed by employers all year playing mind games. They tell me they'll call me and never do or send job details in a email I never get. They should not legally be allowed to lie to people about employment - their lives. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've applied to employment agencies with no luck and no call back. Nothing. I have crushing student loans as well. Nearing 30 and I don't think I've ever felt despair like this. The system is beyond fucked and I don't understand how everyone isn't starving and homeless.

 No.232987

>>232980
What'd you major in wiz? When I graduated I applied to all sorts of "entry" level jobs like cashier and security guard but none would even give me the time of day. But then out of the blue I got into grad school. So don't think there's some objective measure for this shit, most employers are retarded too.

 No.232993

>>232980
I know this feel exactly. Although I'm a bit younger than you, I graduated 7 years ago and have been mostly unemployed ever since then. I've never worked any jobs that require degree-level education and about 2 years ago, I finally resigned myself to eternal NEEThood. To be fair, I did choose a shitty subject to get my degree in (English), so maybe I got what I deserved.

Feel bad for anyone graduating in this current climate though. I thought I had it rough because it was the tail-end of the recession in my country and new grads were struggling to get jobs back then. Now, you need nepotism and connections more than ever.

 No.233043

>>232935
I do. I've had it since I was a kid. Thanks for the info, because I never what it was called until now.

 No.233052

I think years of untreated ADHD has disadvantaged me, so I'm going to fix that by taking drugs when I can get to the Doctor next year. He's all booked for this year sadly. I have a class that I will fail with the possibility of two more. My best bet is to pass the two classes, get the drugs, apply for some jobs, and finish school while doing entry jobs. Otherwise, my other best bet is continuing wageslaving at a minimum wage job, wait another year and… just kidding. Just might as well straight up kill myself if that happens. I would hate to do this stupid job and still go to school. I hate the concept of being a student. I'm a 25 year old student. You're 3X year old pile of meat. Don't call me a goddamned student. I hate that label. I hated school and I hate associating with any school. All school is horror. I hate the teachers, curriculum, the culture, all of it. That's just till high school. I don't like college much but it's better than primary school or whatever it's called. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

I don't want to live with my parents any more. I don't like them controlling my life and I don't know if I love them. If I continue on this path I will happily end it. I'm so glad I condone suicide.

I don't want to do any more assignments or even learn any more. I don't know why but the concept of taking time out of my day to learn something new is an abomination to me. I will end up dead or a loser but being dead is better than being a loser and being unemployed is better being in a wageslave job. Those who are in wageslave jobs might as well be dirt. I would call it a waste of talent but humans are just meat in the meat grinder. We don't need more talent. We need less people. If people can't get careers we have too little jobs and too many people. Can you even have a lack of talent in Capitalism? Corporations always lie about it so never trust them. Communism isn't any better though but fuck off with that politics crap.

Anyways. I project myself to hopefully be employed by next year. Wageslave jobs aren't employment of course. Or I'll be dead or something. I can't do it.

 No.233065

How the fuck can I learn anything if every single subject is full of people that know much more than me with less than half the effort/time I've spent learning?

Doesn't matter if it's about learning a language, programming, drawing or any other shit I want to learn it seems that literally everyone else just spent a week or two learning and they're already experts while I almost kill myself trying to pass the "absolute beginner" stage only to fail as always.

I'm very envious of normies, not because they have gfs or sex or shit like that, I'm envious of them because they can learn anything they want easily and quickly it's like "yeah dude I want to learn programming" they go to a boot camp or some shit and they get a comfy dev job in 2 months, that's something completely impossible for me.

Why I can't do the same? I'm so angry, everyone else got cheat codes in life except me! Fuck everything.

 No.233066

>>233065
Welcome to the brainlet club.

 No.233067

>>233065
How ironic i'm seeing a post like this when I truly failed my fucking I.T college classes and fucked up my life. While others got on insanely easy and probably got certs, I don't even know what to do anymore cause i'm not gonna get anymore money for my classes, i'll just drop out and wagecuck in shame. Shit fucking life.

 No.233068

>>233066
The sad thing is that I'm not even stupid enough to live in my own happy fantasy worlds like a downy or an autist and get benefits.

I'm just smart enough to consciously know and realize that I'm stupid.

 No.233073

>>233065
>How the fuck can I learn anything if every single subject is full of people that know much more than me with less than half the effort/time I've spent learning?

(1) You have no real clue how much time and effort people put in or their learning history
(2) Other people doing better than you doesn't stop you from learning, unless you have an emotional/inferiority problem
(3) If someone is indeed doing better than you, this is an opportunity to learn from their methods and ask for guidance
(4) If people being better than you stop you from being interested in X, then you never really cared about X in the first place
(5) Anxiety about your performance is probably the biggest detriment to your ability to learn since:
(a) You will be consistently distracted and hyper-vigilant about making mistakes or looking stupid
(b) You will avoid learning by trial-and-error because of the error part
(c) You will avoid reflecting on your mistakes properly so you will never establish practice routines that amend them
(d) You will seldom find learning rewarding, just momentary relief from your anxiety until you realize you are never really done

In short, try being less of a cry baby.

 No.233074

>>233073
You sound like a brainchad

 No.233075

>>233073
go back on 4chad, faggot

 No.233077

>>233073
fuck off nigger

 No.233078

>>233073
If you had just removed the last sentence, your post would be much better. Anyway, I agree with your points.

 No.233085

I feel an increasing sense of dread with each day that I grow closer to 30 while still having progressed zero in life since high school ended. I want to purge myself of these impure normalfag feels but I can't. Actually maybe that's a lie, I'm not sure I want to just accept never doing anything and living an empty meaningless life in isolation until I die. If I just accept life as a neet it means my experiences will stay limited to what I already know and never expand. I want to like, change the world and shit to make it not so needlessly awful and insane. That's all I've ever wanted to do but the truth is I still have no idea how to do that because I'm still a broken person who can't actually function in the world.

 No.233090

>>233073
This is the kind of "advice" that would work in some places but not here. Truth is most people here have depression/suicidal thoughts and that puts us at a massive disadvantage against the rest of the general population, learning things or doing things is much harder for all of us, it's like trying to be competitive with others while running a race when you're on a wheelchair while everyone else can't run, the guy on a wheelchair is at a massive disadvantage and it's not because he doesn't show interest in winning the race or because he's lazy, he has an actual handicap that makes everything much harder while trying to compete with people that don't even understand what being born like that entails.

 No.233091

>>233090
*while everyone else can run using their feet

 No.233092

>>233090
Very accurate. Depression hurts everybody… But it hurts the host the most. Most things don't remedy it. Life won't give you advantage. Normalfags will think you're a big joke… But to exist in society, you must remain symbiotic. Don't lose hope or the normalfaggots will crush you under their boot-steps

 No.233099

>>233085
The source of your problems is the desire for greatness-Just accept who and what you are. You don't have to be a scientist, artist or other big thing to help the world and others. It is enough to be kind and do good when you can, trust me.
Also, study religions and philosophy. Contemplate, meditate or pray - whatever is closest to you. Practice mercy and gentleness on those around you.

 No.233100

>>233090
The point of the post was that emotional problems are often a bigger barrier than any real intellectual or inherent deficit. These things get better when you gain some insight into your own psychology and start to question the way you react or experience things. It's obvious from your language that you see everything as some kind of "competition" and doing worse than others is clearly very distressing to you, to the point where you break down and give up on any kind of progressing. On top of that, you have a victim mentality and believe everything is stacked against you because you aren't immediately superior to others in some kind of "race" you think is going on everywhere around you. You also simply moved the goal post from "I can't change my abilities" to "I can't change my emotions".

You're immature, not "handicapped". You have a personality deficit, a chronic habit of tying your own shoelaces before the "race" starts and a little too much enjoyment of the "woo is me" variety of masturbation. Fortunately, people can grow out of their conditioning with enough self-awareness. Unfortunately, it's not really a thing someone can transfer through a book or imageboard post.

>>233092
>But it hurts the host the most.

How do we stop the spread of the depression parasite?

>>233074
It's true, I'm one of the people OP was talking about. It takes me several nanoseconds of time to learn things and in terms of effort, it's a lot less than the effort I need to stroke my giant cock (it can be a curse sometimes). Don't even bother learning programming or calculus cuz I already passed those classes, as well as millions of other people on this planet. If you downloaded a .pdf, you already lost kiddo because you're relying on another brainchad to give you scraps of knowledge, predigested for your tiny brain. Face it, you're at the bottom of the hierarchy of WINNING you're like a guy in a wheelchair and everyone is asking themselves why you are at the RACE FOR WINNERS when you're not even top 100 in the LEADERBOARDS of LIFE.

 No.233101

Fucking sick of people telling me I should be "grateful" because I have a job, fuck that people and fuck working

 No.233112

>>233100
You dont. You kill your life.

 No.233113

>>233101
But think of the starving Africans or whatever!

 No.233151

>meant to go get my meds today
>sleep in until the pharmacy is closed
Why does my pharmacy close at 6? Why am I complaining when I could have set an alarm, or not work overnights

 No.233154

If I'm lucky and take the right drugs I can feel great for like 15-30 minutes. But no, the chemical machinery of my mind grinds to a halt again and I'm miserable.

I am a slave to the tiny pieces in my head. I hope one day they will allow me to be happy

 No.233157

I shouldn't exist. I shouldn't be. The fact that I am here is not right. It's like a glitch in the matrix. It isn't supposed to be. There has been a plan when the universe was created and I was not calculated at it. In fact, most humans weren't but thats besides the point. Life is an occurence that was never meant to be. There is nothing we can make from this. There is notinhg we can draw from being here, no knowledge that excuses our existence, no belief that makes us happy to be here. Biologicals randomness and metaphysical determination, either way it's all the same. Having to deal with existence is the biggest fraud eternity ever pulled on us. ANd then we become suicidal and it changes nothing. We dealt with pain and anxiety our whole life and guess what? We get cancer and pain overrolls us on a whole new level. After all none of our practice did anything of value. Fear of dieing fills us again and there is nothing to do against this. Nature is stronger than our biggest moments of feeeling freedom. Freedom was ahoax brought to us as a bait. There we sit again looking at death and biologicals fallicies. We see fish getting out of water, molecules doing atom driven activities, humans reading esoteric self help books: It's all the same. We intermediater us with things around us. The more we interact with things, time and quality, the more we become them. We are more digital than we were 300 years ago. Humans become digital while at the same time our demand for more naturalism grows which results in paradoxa of wrong lifes. A wrong life is a life of working till rent and no satisfaction. A wrong life is forever in terms of human lifes. A wrong life is the best - and only - we can appreciate. Have fun with trying to do it differently. Reflection won't get you anywhere. Be your own God. Witness God while not forgetting yourself to get to know God.

 No.233159

>>233157
It just is anon. It doesn't care about you, there's no right or wrong to it. No such thing as "meant to be".

 No.233164

>>231456
I also feel completely numb. with some weird melancholy for whatever reason

Wanted to leran japanese or some shit. I have no motivation to do anything. Now I'm here again. This is where I belong after all.

 No.233165

I hate myself

 No.233175

>>231433
I know i'm a wizkid but what should I fucking do after i'm about to fail and drop out of college? Will wagecucking in min wage help me survive and get me an apartment in the future? I'm fucking lost in life and feel like the biggest failure.

 No.233185

>>233175
Do you have to fail? Why not channel your negative emotions into working hard?

You aren't a failure, stop shitting on yourself mate. Working min wage is okay if you can live with parents or save up money over time (e.g. small town), however there is a point in your late 20s / 30s when having to live with strangers etc is depressing.

 No.233187

>>233185
I did this to myself, I been procrastinating too long and realize how hard the course was, if I don't pass with a C+ and a other C, i'll just get kicked out and won't be able to pay for it. If I fail my exam tomorrow, it's over. But thanks for the encouragement and I don't mind living with strangers aslong as they don't bother me.

 No.233188

>>233187
just take online classes, I didn't study one second of my life, I stumbled through highschool on Cs and Ds and just now I cheated on my final exam and put just enough cheating effort to get a C and now I'll be awarded my degree for doing basically nothing but using google occasionally

 No.233197

>>233188
That's what I been doing the whole time, but my final exams are randomized and the answers might not be online, I also screenshoted some practice exams questions and answers just incase, if I don't make it, i'm gonna be so pissed and miserable.

 No.233217

>>233100
Leave this site, normalfag

 No.233223


 No.233226

the only person you can trust in this world is your meow meow

 No.233227

>>233226
I trust a woof woof more

 No.233249

The cure for depression is simple: stoicism, buddhism, philosophical pessimism, and spiritualism in general (mainly gnosticism).

Once you let go of your expectations of life and your individuality, nothing will bother you anymore.

 No.233258

>>233249
There is no cure for depression. Only more elaborate delusions.

 No.233278

Woke up from a dream last night and it was just dogs being ripped apart by monsters and yelping for help. Thanks brain, that is really useful.

 No.233279

>>233278
If you think like shit 24/7 then nightmares always comes, it happens to me a lot too.

 No.233281

Getting into science, how can anyone experience sadness other than personal choice. How can anyone be sad?

 No.233282

>>233281
I like feeling sad, I love being miserable. It feels awful and great at the same time and it ruined my entire life :)

 No.233283

>>233282
100% it can feel great I agree.
Being numb is worse than being sad as you can feel alive and enjoy the emotions when sad but numb is just like being dead.
Awful.

How long have you felt sad for because after years of using this cope you become stone.

 No.233284

>>233283
7 years straight, i'm still young but I don't think i'll change overtime of how my life is going. My teens were the worst time of my life, child life was kinda shit because of abuse and other stupid shit.

 No.233286

>>233284
Look I cannot claim it will change but I can assure you that circumstances mean nothing when it comes to becoming stone and actually the worse you are the more likely it is for you to cease feeling.

Your mind it tries to protect you and stops letting you feel.
We cry for cope in the end; I actually try hard to cry constantly.

I wish you luck wizzie.

 No.233292

Feeling empty.
I start to feel maybe I am normal and then realize actually I am having awful thoughts constantly plus have people coming to my apartment soon to check how retarded I am mentally.
I feel hot the air is sticky with banality.
Everything feels useless even killing myself which I feel I need to do yet at the same time my mood shifts constantly and I can never be sure of myself.
All I desire is someone to care about but this broken brain wont let me.
I cannot stand being near family.
I feel anxious constantly.

And that is all *clink*

 No.233300

>>233258
Depression is a delusion itself, friend. It stems from an even bigger delusion, your individual self.

Being depressed means that you still expect something from existence, you cling to your desires, dreams, hopes and expectations one way or another.

 No.233301

>>233300
I understand the philosophy fine and this does not help me when I am laying in bed feeling physical like pain as dread radiates through me from my core.
Not all depression is meme tier at all and it is a little belittling when people claim it is all how one views life.
Explain how my anhedonia is caused by desires?
I can do nothing I literally exist and lay in my bed as I said lisetning to some noise as it does not even resemble music anymore and wish I could KMS.


>hurr durr desires

Yeah we are all aware of this.. not true depression.

 No.233303

>>233292
Relatable post

 No.233318

I can't get my pillows to be comfortable lying against my headboard which is made of bars, I'll have to kill myself

 No.233320

>>233301
Understanding it and embracing it are two different things.
>meme tier
You misunderstand me. Depression itself is simply a conflict of how you personally want life to be and how it is in reality. Depression is always the result of expecting too much and having too high standards.
>anhedonia
Like I said, you probably have too high standards. You go through life expecting to find something that will give you pleasure, joy or happiness. But you fail to find this thing, so the result is anhedonia and depression.
>I can do nothing I literally exist and lay in my bed as I said lisetning to some noise as it does not even resemble music anymore and wish I could KMS.
Stop wishing you could kill yourself. Either do it or don't. You torture yourself pointlessly.

You aren't even aware of how much you are ruled by your emotions and desires. Sad.

>>233316

I post here in case someone, I don't know, would actually like to get better or get out of depression? Most people here like to feel sorry for themselves and complain, I know. But I'm pretty sure there are wizards who are sick of being depressed. My advice goes to them.

 No.233341

>>232865
Yeah I hate that shit. First the house "needs" new floors, now it "needs" new countertops and a new roof. Absolute waste of money. Plus my dad has been working home the past year. I miss quiet alone time.

 No.233375

Reaching the point of life where it seems the final piece of innocence and dreams of a better life is lost.

 No.233376


>>233375
>Reaching the point of life where it seems the final piece of innocence and dreams of a better life is lost.

No: You are just realizing it for what it has always been.
It will only get worse and we only feel better to feel worse later.
Such is life.

 No.233390

>>233335
Imagine ego bragging in /dep/s crawl thread. I swear, people preaching Buddhism, stoicism and the like are the worst people on the planet. Their narcissism is endless and they hide it behind a wall of self-proclaimed wisdom while presenting themselves as higher beings. For my sake they can all go to hell.

 No.233391

>>233300
Do you expect to have a home? Do you expect to have running water? Do you expect to have access to internet? Do you expect to have electricity? Do you expect to not get shot when you go outside? Do you expect to have a working toilet? Do you expect to have a heater in the winter? Do you expect to still have your job or money next month to pay bills? If only one of these things ticks the box you have no idea what you're talking about. And I bet you would due miserably alone in the streets.

 No.233393

>>233390
Buddhism is a meme and just another way to kill yourself through not reincarnating.
May as well just kill yourself if you want to be buddhist but do not beleive you reincarnate.

 No.233394

>>233335
>>233390
Funny, you calling me egoist, egobragging and self-important. You guys are projecting so hard. You aren't different from normals at all, you are still bound by your emotions and desires.
You let your anxieties, fears, complexes, envy and bitterness dominate your life and then you complain about how you suffer so. Then when someone comes along and offers advice to help you people you lash out against them like rabid dogs. Then afterwards you complain again about how insensitive or cruel others are.
I forgive you, though. There was a time when I myself acted childishly like you do.

>>233391
I have no expectations from this life and world at all. I accepted that it is chaotic, evil and full of pain and suffering. Anything good that we have or experience is only temporary and unnatural. I also know that I am nothing more than a piece of dust floating in the desert. I have many flaws, weaknesses, defects. I made lots of mistakes, sinned many times in my life. Based on my virtues alone, I couldn't be considered anything. I believe in a gnostic god who is merciful and forgiving, anything good I can accomplish is only through him and from his power. Glory to him.

 No.233395

File: 1607522884324.png (86.84 KB, 350x200, 7:4, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>233394
>Funny, you calling me egoist, egobragging and self-important. You guys are projecting so hard.
We are literally on this here board >>>/dep/ where we are posting in a depression crawl thread.
We quite literally hate ourselves and existence itself.
I really do not think it is accurate to say we are projecting that we think we are ego bragging.

You seem to not understand the difference between "depression" and the real gloom where you are sometimes literally incapable to move out of bed even to kill yourself.
You do realize that with serious depression those who suffer the most are the least likely to kill themselves because they are unable to do anything.

The problem with your advice is that it is meme tier and we are not ignorant monkeys we (i am guessing) have read philosophy we are aware of these ideas and seem quite obvious to the depressive that is not a reatrd as being realizations that arise on their own.

Your advice was shit and you got shown how you do not adhere to it yourself.
>if you were truly content and not desiring anything
You would not have even made this comment you would have rejected the will and slowly starved to death without moving you fucking retard.
>smug.png

We are chanfags we are not saying you are insensitive but rather retarded.

 No.233397

>>233394
You desire a lot of things you don't even realize. You desire that we listen to you, you desire that we praise your 'advice', you desire to have the last word, you desire to help people that you don't know at all, you desire to let others know about your ideas, you desire to drink water I suppose, you desire to let others know that you've made it out of the woods. The best way to make yourself believable is to not reply to this post. Or to anyone in the thread for that matter. As you don't desire anything that cannot be difficult, right?

 No.233400

>>233399
Looking for another ban?

 No.233404

I wish I skipped town, lived in the country as a NEET and just collected welfare from a young age. I feel as if I destroyed my mental health trying to fit in as an aspie.

As a kid I was happy, as in, really happy. Even at 18 everyone used to comment on how upbeat and positive I was. Slowly over the years through negative experiences and hardships, I've become miserable to the point of suicidal.

I regret now just having a small country house that I rent out for like $80 a week in the middle of nowhere, biking to the library for books, going fishing, having a garden, looking after the old folks in the small towns and maybe doing a lil' work for cash here and there.

 No.233405

>>233395
Sorry to burst your bubble but /dep/children aren't different from normals who post on social media or desire pity and attention from other normals. You are self-important people, just on the other end of the spectrum. You are angry and frustrated at the world and people because they don't conform to your wishes and expectations. You are like a toddler who cries, bawls and shouts when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real.
The world isn't a Hollywood movie or some anime. Accept it and deal with it. Whining on anonymous image boards won't change anything. The only thing you can do is adjust your perspective of things to match reality.

>You seem to not understand the difference between "depression" and the real gloom

O, the infamous "you don't know what TRUE depression is". I love this one. But I suppose you know what true suffering, despair, pain and depression is. Right? This is a prime example of what I mean when I say that most /dep/ posters are self-important people. Narcissism flows through you like it does through teenage succubi and children. Yes, only you suffer truly! How could ordinary people like me understand the deep levels of pain you are in? Because obviously anyone who overcame depression didn't experience it to the extent you did.

It is a nice self-defeating argument that you can use to justify why you don't do anything against depression. Keep putting in zero effort and expecting high-quality results. I'm sure it will work out real well…

>that it is meme tier

And you think your "depression is unbeatable" argument is any more original? You adhere to the memes of this community and hive-mind. You refuse to even contemplate that maybe, maybe, you are wrong. Hide behind your hugbox memes. And not everything is a meme, my gen-z friend. Try to offer an actual argument or don't bother replying.
>read philosophy
Reading philosophy and trying to live according to a philosophy are two different things.

>You would not have even made this comment you would have rejected the will and slowly starved to death without moving you fucking retard.

Thanks for showing that you don't understand anything. Why would I desire starving to death?
>anime pic
>passive aggressive tone
This pretty much shows which one is more emotionally invested in the discussion, I think.

>>233397
You are assuming a lot of things there about me, friend. Also, you have a flawed conception of what it means to conquer your desires and emotions. You can play around with words, but it won't change the fact there is a great difference between the lives of stoic and buddhist sages and the lives of ordinary people. One practices self-denial while the others embrace their selves, wishes, hopes, passions and emotions.

 No.233408

>>233405
I don't know how a man can become this delusional to defend his solipsistic bubble this hard. But I know for sure that ALL religious, God believing people act like that. I can't express the contempt I have for religious persons. You are not different from a muslism. I can't take you people seriously.

 No.233411

File: 1607551819768.png (666.33 KB, 800x800, 1:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>233405
>Sorry to burst your bubble but /dep/children aren't different from normals who post on social media or desire pity and attention from other normals.
You misunderstand that we actually do not benefit from pity by and large and in actuality seek to find solace in the company of other miserable people so we can relate it helps us cope.
>You are angry and frustrated at the world and people because they don't conform to your wishes and expectations
Sure some of us hence warlocks manifest within this realm of pain yet I cannot speak for everyone but personally I do not hate the world or anyone but myself.
>Whining on anonymous image boards won't change anything.
I just explained how it can help others to be in a bucket of crabs and not the IN CEL kind.
> I suppose you know what true suffering, despair, pain and depression is. Right?
You realize that even if I were to reply it would be arguing in bad faith because that would not grant me authority and is anecdotal.
You realize true gloom depression which I spoke of is real and witnessed around the world so is for a small amount of people real yes?
Now you must realize it is possible that some posters here are or have suffered in this way.
Moot argument on your part.
I am wasting my time addressing your other erroneous points but I never claimed only I suffer I am not conceited enough and I personally feel that the lower animals suffer much more so in their own respective ways.
>And you think your "depression is unbeatable" argument is any more original? You adhere to the memes of this community and hive-mind.
You are falsely presupposing that I have formed my view due to group think within /dep/ and other such places which is not true and I gave no indication of this.
Are you trying to argue against the collective and if so how big? just /dep/ or humanity as a whole as being non valid when they have treatment resistant depression and if so explain your reasoning.
>Thanks for showing that you don't understand anything. Why would I desire starving to death?
You actually misunderstand the entire premise of eastern philosophy you are spouting or maybe you read some footnotes from schopenhauer?
Does not matter as the result is the same.
You must relinquish all striving of the will to attain satisfaction and as long as you desire to do anything you are bound by desires not yet enlightened as you claim to be.
The other poster pointed this out yet you actually replied proving once again you are ill infromed.

 No.233415

>>233412
Please engage in constructive civil discourse opposed to what you had done thank you.
Maybe you can raise some points I may not have considered?

 No.233418

Had enough of this place. Where does a sad 30+ in cel anon go to find a more kindly and supportive environment? I don't need to read any more of those sermons by fanatic haters, smug stoi-boys or epic for the win true wizard volcel chad bros.

 No.233419

>>233418
Crabs never belonged here in the first place.
Want to talk about your feelings I am all ears?

 No.233437

File: 1607582401208.png (551.28 KB, 516x484, 129:121, wizchhuckle.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>233419
>Crabs never belonged here in the first place.

Involuntary celibates are OG wizards, ignorant motherfucker. And the only denizens who truly matter.

 No.233438

>>233419
You were never a part of the original Wizardchan were you?

 No.233441

>>233438
of course not , it came from crystalcafe last month.

 No.233443

>>233437
Nice, you just admitted to wanting sex.

 No.233444

>>233404
Just as I said you desire lots of things without being aware of it. Did you read Schopenhauer? He claims 'The Will' not only expresses through acting but Is acting. Breathing is desire namely the desire to live. You crave social interaction when you post here. Buddhism, at least in the meme way as you as a western person frame it, inevitably can only mean death. To live means to desire, there's no way out of it. You are the one playing with words. Empty words like 'nothing' are not part of practical life. I'm not telling you to kill yourself but if you wanted to meet your own standards you'd have to. It would be stupid to kill yourself over such nonsense though. You better admit that you are trapped in the cycle of desire as everyone else.

 No.233445

>>233394
>>233444
Meant to reply to this post.

 No.233446

I hope the schizos keep fighting and fill every thread with their cancer so I can always be reminded how shitty this place is and hopefully stop coming here one day.

 No.233447

fuck I was about to grab a fork to use for my breakfast when I saw that there was a small cockroach walking in the silverware. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
now what the fuck am I supposed to do. It's probably walked in the dishes too, do I have to wash them again? This is sofucking bad and I couldn't even kill the cockroach because it hid too fast. I'm going to tell my mom. We haven't had cockroaches in 13 years, maybe it's the neighbours fault or who knows, we are pretty clean how does this happen. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

 No.233495

Being totally unreadable is the most useful trait that I have. Most people have an external affect that reflects their internal condition in some way. The I term "external affect" is the behaviours and expressions of a given person, and this external affect is a reflection of that persons internal condition- the emotions of a person, for a bit of an oversimplification.
An angry man might for instance find himself raising his voice, clenching his fists, or scowling. A sad man might find himself speaking tersely, isolating, or even crying. A happy man find himself smiling, energetic, and harder working. There are also times where the absence of a behaviour can be a reflection of the internal condition of a man. An angry man may not bother to say hello, or a sad man may not bother to brush his teeth.
While the ways people reflect their internal condition are different from person to person, it is typically easy to acquaint oneself with the behaviours of a given person in their given moods. Just by spending time around someone who is angry, you can tell what they are like when angry. That's a part of the usefulness of an external affect that reflects internal condition.

My external affect does not reflect my internal condition. This is not conscious effort on my part. I never attempt to mask my feelings, they just do not ever show naturally. That isn't to say that I do not display anything that could be read as an "emotion", just that these affects to do not have any correlation to my internal condition. It not uncommon, in fact, it is par for the course that people comment on how they think I feel at a given moment and they are always wrong. I have been told many times things such as "You look very happy today!" while thinking absolutely nothing and having a totally unremarkable day, or even while actively planning to commit suicide. I have been told "wow, are you angry or something?" while idly wondering what flavour of fig newton I just ate.
There has never been a time when someone correctly guessed by the expressions and behaviours I display what I am thinking or feeling at a given moment. I have also noticed this about myself, and it simultaneously relieves, depresses, and angers me that I am so abnormal that a trivially basic component of human nature is entirely absent from me.

I will use a specific time in my life that occurred 11 months ago as an example. It unfortunately cause me to end up in the ICU rather than dead; I had planned out an attempt to commit suicide- I knew I was going to die and I was ready for it. In the supposed final days of my life I shitposted on sleepychan, played Harvest Moon, and memorized some latin verbs. I even downloaded the book "War and Peace", although I had no intention of ever reading it. My counselor commented on my behavior, saying "You've been doing so well, wiz! You look so happy!". I wasn't any happier then than I was before. My mood had actually remained constant for the entire time that I had known them and had remained constant for years. I did not have ups and down or mood swings. My behaviour also didn't seem to change from my perspective, as everything that I had been doing right up until that point was the same: Downloading e-books, playing emulator games, and studying random topics. Knowing that I was to die in mere days had no effect on my behaviour(besides, of course, obtaining what I was going to use to kill myself and writing a note), and no effect on my emotion.
Why then did people think my mood was changing like anyone else's? It's because my affect is totally arbitrary. I said in the beginning that I am unreadable, and that almost implies that I do not have affect at all. Perhaps one would be lead to believe I behave like a robot, but that isn't true at all. Instead, my behaviour and expressions are random at any given moment and have no correlation whatsoever to how I am feeling(although there are minor exceptions). It sounds strange and it's impossible for me to accurately explain in any case. I have what amounts to an internal set of emotions, but they are only extremely rarely reflected in my expressions, body language, or behaviours except when they necessarily must. For example, if I were to be depressed enough to attempt suicide then my behaviour must necessarily coincide with my internal condition, if only for the single action of suicide. At all other points before then, I would be going about life as usual.

This leads me to another point. I mentioned earlier that I do not experience mood swings. It is usual for the clinicians to assume I have mood swings because of the fact that I can behave in a way that indicates someone is not experiencing extreme emotion, and then very soon after do something indicative of a person experiencing extreme emotion. After my attempt to commit suicide 11 months ago it was assumed that I had an extreme mood swing, when as I have explained here my mood had been that of baselined depression and suicide fantasy. There were no ups and downs, only arbitrary displays of body language and behaviour characteristic of my being.

I just got bored of this autistic stream of conscious blogpost so seeya later wizchan.

 No.233498

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 No.233499

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 No.233501

>>233411
What you are describing is still seeking pity and attention, just in another form. You do not gain anything by posting on anonymous imageboards for depressed people, you only weigh yourself down more if you are depressed to begin with. Depression isn't something outside your control, despite what most say here.
>warlocks
It's not just them, it is a general trend here to be envious and bitter in order to qualify as a "true wizard".
Why do you hate yourself? Nobody should hate themselves unless they did very immoral or cruel things, and even then it is only good for a period of time when you practice penance for your mistakes.
>You realize true gloom depression which I spoke of is real
I know because I was depressed for years. And not the kind of "meme" depression you accuse me of. I spent time in psychiatry too. And I know depression is only as strong as you allow it to be. It is only a product of your desires and reality not matching, to begin with. Once you tame those passions or get rid of them then you will be free.
>Are you trying to argue against the collective and if so how big?
I'm arguing against the false conceptions people develop here. I don't have a problem with hiveminds generally, only when this hivemind is destructive and harmful to people. /dep/ generates more suffering than it cures.
>You actually misunderstand the entire premise of eastern philosophy
Go up to a buddhist and say to him that you have to starve to death in order to be a true buddhist. He will laugh at you, I can assure you. You are the one who has false and childish ideas about eastern philosophy. It isn't written anywhere that you have to starve to death or burn yourself alive to be a buddhist or hindu or anything related to eastern philosophy and religion. And what makes you think that I post here out of desire?

>>233444
Read what I posted above to the other wiz. You state absolutely ridiculous things. It is like saying "you can only be a nazi if you kill jews" or "you can only be a christian if you get yourself crucified".
I'm familiar with Schopenhauer but I don't consider him as anything "canonical" or whatever, on some things I agree with him, on other things not so much.
Like I keep saying, you have zero idea about what you are talking. Getting rid of your passions, emotions and desires doesn't require one to starve to death. Passions aren't everything, we have mind, thoughts, rationality, logic. The goal is to find peace and tranquility. Most buddhists, even including the monks, don't burn themselves alive or starve to death. There is no requirement of doing things like that to be a buddhist. Killing yourself wouldn't change anything, you would be ruled by desires. Desire to escape from life.
Existing without passion and acting without desire - that is what I am after.

>>233408
Your words praise me, wizard. But don't be frustrated just because someone here has found a way to live his life and to be free. Continue clinging to your depressive nihilism, I am sure it will help you.

 No.233507

>>233501
Then why do you do anything? Existing?

 No.233518

I'm getting really sad lately, bros. Even more than usual. Suicide is something I've settled upon three years ago but I am just damn too compliant being a NEET and feel too much guilt towards my family to do it. It frustrates me beyond my emotional capacity and many of the few times I've mentioned this people told me it was just an excuse and I don't want to kms. Well I obviously don't but I know it's my only option. I just need something to push me. Or make it look like and accident. I have an idea with chugging down a shit tonne of caffeine and collapsing from that, I've seen a news report on YouTube of a kid doing this and an article of a dude getting a heart attack from preworkout or something. I have a primary option of hanging myself with a belt which is on my computer desk half a metre away from me.

This is the closest I've been to crying for years barring the abdominal pain I had back in March. I genuinely feel my connection to this world thinning. I feel like I'm reaching the horizon of my departure. I know some bad things will happen when I die but we don't all get what we want.

 No.233526

>>233518
do not try to od on caffeine that's extremely unlikely to work, you will just feel like complete shit for an entire day give yourself diarrhoea and become dehydrated. Any kind of stimulant is probably the worst class of drug to overdose on.

 No.233527

I wish SSRIs helped my anxiety but all they did was kill my dick. I don't know anything anymore. I can't function

 No.233569

>>233527
glad i didn't fall for this meme, i almost did tho

 No.233577

What do you do when your brain is just slow? I can't react and think fast. I live life with a 300 ping always lagging behind others.

 No.233578

>>233518
May I ask whether you can trace the root of your unhappiness, e.g., to a mistake, regret, insecurity etc?

 No.233580

>>233578
Mental issues, for sure. Anxiety and brain fog. More issues arose later on but those always remained. Right now I keep thinking of foids on Instagram I used to know or could've known as well as the fact that I still don't see my end. I really don't know what's going to happen tomorrow and I'm quite worried for that. I wish I didn't have any loose ends on this Earth. I could end my suffering with no other causalities.

 No.233587

>>233577
Focus on things that don't require fast reaction times I guess.

 No.233597

>>233580
Thank you for explaining further. May I ask if you are looking for work?

This may sound sentimental, but if you have a clean conscience then there is no reason to want the best for yourself and to demand some position of contentment in this world. If you are a good person, or try to e, then everything that is good in this world will tacitly support your efforts to "make it", however you define the term. I understand the temptation to give up, wallow, close yourself off, place the world beyond you, convince yourself that you are pathetic and weak, etc. but please, for your own sake, do not let this perspective ruin your life as it has mine. I always hoped and quietly expected my life to "change" due to some benevolent force from without (fate, etc) but it doesn't happen that way. Please try to believe in yourself and your potential. All this negativity, anger, hatred, self-loathing etc is a form of energy that you can use to propel you out of the darkness. It sounds cliched but it is true. The average normie does not have access to such intense energy, and at the moment you do but it is exists in a negative form for you. It doesn't mean you have to start going to bars or whatever, or acting like a happy-go-lucky guy. Please try my friend.

 No.233601

My brain is fucked. What I need is a total reprogramming of my psyche to make me functional and no way I am letting drugs or a therapist near my brain so it's up to me. Went to sleep yesterday vowing to cut off internet and masturbation completely and relapsed as soon as I wake up. Now it's time to sleep again and nothing has been done. I am just a low iq low impulse retard who wants to be mediocre but even that is beyond my reach. I'll try again when I wake up but I'll fail just like the countless time in the past. I need to really put myself in a position where I can't access any skinner box simulation. It'll be painful and it may not cure me but I need to do something fast. Time is running out.

 No.233603

Anyone else get real fucking tired of the same old self righteous dare I say 'boomer' quotes?
Oh well we put a roof over your head
you should be grateful
oh theyre just doing that to protect you
we worked hard to get where we are

These people are so up their own fucking ass, you did the bear minimum AT MOST; which is what every other adult was doing at the time. Yeah you had to walk uphill both ways, you know how many people have that same fucking story growing up!
The unbelievable amount of narcissistic shit these people fucking spout is insane.

 No.233608

>>232935
fuck that's a thing now
i've had it since i was a kid, only see it in the dark though

 No.233609

>>233603
Boomers get really defensive if you give them shit about how they had it easy, but part of that defensiveness is because they know it's true. Most boomers did what Millennials do, they fucked around until they were 26 and then started taking life seriously. The difference is that with a year of savings as a boomer you could buy a house and settle down. The idea that Boomers didn't spend all their money, go to parties every Friday and just drink and fuck around is a bullshit one.

The ones that worked hard for it, and had nothing to show for it were the Silent Generation. A lot of them retired in poverty and just with a pension, basically every second boomer is reverse mortgaging their home in order to pay for retirement. A family member of mine is insistent on having $50,000 a year every year from 65-85 to "maintain my lifestyle", that's a million dollars.

 No.233613

>>233609
Boomers lived during the post war era, during that time every single other economic power was in ashes due to wwII and the USA who was not bombarded monopolized 80% of the global economy.

American boomers lived life on tutorial mode, they had everything easy, any asshole who worked any unskilled job could buy a house and 2 cars and fuck around because of that particular context in american history not because they were more hardworking , cunning or smart. The only "rival" of the usa was a crumbling failed state that was the soviet union so for decades what boomers considered the default was an amazingly priviledged lifestly no one else in the world could achieve nor pose any threat to their market monopoly and it was something that americans prior didn't achieve either, their parents only knew america as a backwards nation on deppression in a time when the world powers where european. This is why every hicks pipe dream is an american sitcom from the 50s.

Boomers are the most entitled generation, raised in a bubble of easy living with little effort, they will do anything to retain their fantasy of having raised themselves by the bootstraps into millionaires even if it means fucking over every other generation after them. The world is not the same as in the 50s , the world today is fucking brutal and competitive and the us can't simply coast, unless they nuke the entire asian hemisphere and go back to having europe on a leash then americans will never see anything like the 50s or 80s ever again and they will only decline and have the same quality of living literally everyone else in the world has, no more spoiled brats.

 No.233629

God I hate most people so much. The only thing that makes life bearable is power. Imagine you had the power to just sentence someone to prison at your own will. Imagine you could ban someone to a shitty third world country with no support. Imagine you could execute Sinatra in public and people will clap for you. I just imagine this and get a warm feeling inside.

 No.233631

>>233613
I despise zoomers just as much as boomers. The wiz generation is in between and has to live with the worst from both worlds.

 No.233635

>>233631
boomers and gen x are the faggots who run everything now, they are at the age bracket to be most corporate heads and upper management, people calling the shots.

Zoomers are still faggot teenagers and college students, the older zoomers have barely even started independent life so they are still anoying brats who don't know shit but all media and entertainment made by boomer and gen x corporations cater to them and their cancer current year culture.

And in the middle millenials, who get shit on both ways and are not in any meaningful position of power, most are still wagecucks and will be for decades before boomers and gen xers finally keel over.

 No.233638

>get an e-reader so I can start reading again, instead of wasting my time on the internet
>read shitty thrillers or murder mysteries instead of stuff I actually want to read
At least I'm not wasting my time online

 No.233652

>>233634
People blame them for things they had no part in. Internationalism started long before the 1950s, the second war world is very much a battle of nationalism vs internationalism. When internationalism won it no longer had a rival and saying you supported nationalism got you the shit eye from the elites the same as it does now. The boomer generation were never asked about most the things which ruined countries, they were told it was happening and that was that. Each generation has it's own problems and what's easier for some is harder for others. There's also sub generations within each like pre-smart phone millenials and post-smart phone millenials. One is very adapt with tech and the other can't use anything outside of an app store.

>>233638
What have you read?

 No.233653

Does anyone ever recover from serious depression? I don't mean the odd anxiety or panic attack, I mean the type where you end up institutionalized regularly.

I feel like I'm being lied to and that this is it, I'll always be on this level and there's no getting better.

 No.233686

>>233653
depending on what made you become depressed, which there can be many factors and can be very complex. I have long term depression called dysthymia. In my experience, its basically in my genes and how I was treated growing up that made me like that. I was hospitalized a couple of times. So either you get depression long term or you either leave that behind or fall through the cracks, depending on your situation and mindset, good luck wiz.

 No.233696

>>233653
It's probably forever. It might get better and worse but it probably won't ever go away. Or maybe it will. The brain is a strange thing

 No.233697

>>233638
Similar but
>got table with the excuse I'll use it to read/learn something
>only use it to read manga
>berserk of all things, which is pretty much guaranteed to never be finished

 No.233702

my life is 400x times better than it was a few years ago but I still feel depressed and I'm still self sabotaging and I still feel horrible
Imn back in my irregular phase of feeling no joy from the things that usually make me happy like eating or drinking or playing video games or watching anime
sometimes I think humans are incompatible with satisfaction, you always need a goal or you will degrade like a knife becoming dull… only difference is that I have nothing to work towards so I am always degrading
I deeply hated when I had a job but I wish I had one now just so I could feel secure in that I was doing something ""right""/working TOWARDS something and that my free time was valuable
it's like I've already seen beyond the veil so even if I were handed a job right now I would know it were arbitrary and didn't mean anything
I want my happiness but I don't know how to get it and I couldn't name one thing I wanted right now. I don't WANT anything, I'm not MOTIVIATED to GET anything… I feel poisoned like a limb that needs to be amputated, too sick to save
god I'm ready to go, there's nothing left here for me

 No.233793

Being the responsible one in a dysfunctional family sucks. Trying to sort out money and budget with welfarebux while getting screamed and shouted at. Doesn’t matter how calm and collected I am it’s just screaming. I’m not functional enough to leave so I’m dependent so really I’m just moaning.

 No.233797

Went for a walk and somehow a 50€ bill I had in my pocket wasn't there anymore when I got home.
My life already sucks so why do I still get punished with shitty situations like that? It's almost funny, like beating a dead horse.

 No.233826

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 No.233827

i am so afraid. i am in uni and have good grades but i am gonna have to be a good goy system babby and do extra cirriculars or volunteer shit to be able to get a job. like if i want to survive i have to sell my soul and work. and there is no other way, i cant go out and live in the woods like ted. i am damned in this purgatory. fuck me man

 No.233828

>>233827
>have good grades
Already more functional than most of this site.

 No.233829

>>233827
>i am in uni
>>>r9k

 No.233830


 No.233832

>>233826
I need a shirt like that.

 No.233859

Was having a lunch with family today, about 8 people on the table. My brother mentions that he woke up late (9:30am) and I say I woke up at 11:10am. My other brother says "wow that's late" and I respond "well it's sunday so it's ok", then he says "yeah, you need to rest sunday, right?" sarcastically because he knows I'm a NEET. Such an akward moment, I felt so embarassed. Why is he such an asshole, why joke about something like this in front of everyone?

 No.233860

>>233859
Dont let it get to you wizzie just try to ignore him because life is full of bullies like this and we cannot let everything get to us because simply waking up is fucked enough as it is.
Keep chin up wizzie

 No.233864

>>233859
Well he does have a point, the day of the week doesn't matter to neets. Why did you even mention it was sunday as an excuse? Should have just accepted that it was late time to wake up compared to wageslaves.

 No.233865

>>233859
You gotta up your game and do the "waggie waggie get in your caggie" routine. Imagine making fun of someone because they can sleep in if they want.

 No.233866

>>233865
He was eating with his family. I don't think that routine works when you do it in front of the people who allow you to live with them, aka breeders. Sounds like a quick avenue to "wagie wagie I'm fucking homeless"

 No.233867

>>233859
I woke up at 9:00pm today

 No.233868

>>233859
should have asked him if he enjoys spending most of his waking life being someone else's bitch

 No.233869

It's weird. I had a religious experience and for a time I really believed in God and his love. But slowly pessimism came back and now I hate god and wish for oblivion. Funny how the truth always comes back.

 No.233870

>>233869
It's cyclical. I had a religious experience too and then couldn't access it a few days later. When my depression lifts I can remember it, but otherwise I forget it ever happened.

I am still quite unhappy how even God and religion didn't seem to withstand mood swings. Materialism all the way down.

 No.233873

Whenever I watch a TV show where the dad character loses his temper and yells at the kids he always catches himself and apologizes right after. It makes me feel kind of envious because my dad went off almost every week and he never once apologized after, just pretended he didn't do anything wrong, like he was entitled to treat us that way.

 No.233875

>>233873
I'm not that guy. However, I am feeling kind of rough lately. However, I've been having religious thoughts lately, too.

I'm working if it goes hand in hand. Like "I'm hungry, let's eat," but for muh feels

 No.233876

>>233873
i remember watching other kids get talked to by their parents as if they were actual people, it always made me so jealous, if my dad talked to me was exclusively to berate me and he would snap and yell at me constantly for the slightest provocation and without even talking to me first.

For example If he could not find a spoon while eating he would yell at me, no matter where i was and what i was doing, pulled me to the kitched and start insulting me for taking his spoon as if i killed someone and was the worst human being ever. After several minutes he would find the spoon behind some plate he forgot he put it in, go "oh, here it is" pretend he didn't spend half and hour screaming insults at me and then i'd had to go back to wathever i was doing hoping he would not snap again and i could get some concentration for at least a few hours before another round.

 No.233879

File: 1608553579753.jpg (68.94 KB, 600x600, 1:1, 1608470917965.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Just let me die already.

 No.233885

>>233873
My dad loses his temper for the pettiest bullshit, like someone opening the fridge, and of course he never apologizes. I think that only happens on tv. In some cases he even doubles down.

 No.234013

File: 1608845658352.jpg (74.63 KB, 699x521, 699:521, 1594089145136.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm enjoying my UI benefits for now but it will dry up sooner than I think. I will have to go back to waging it at some shitty low income low skill job because I didn't go to secondary school. This is my life until either I am too old and infirm or I commit suicide, which the former is more likely. By then all my family will have died off and I will have no one. They will scrape me off of the floor either when someone notices a smell or another tenant needs the space. I would be lucky to leave an outline that the cleaners couldn't remove. Despite this looming overhead I still have delusions that this is not my fate.

 No.234018

>>234013
Where does this post comes from?

 No.234019

>>234013
Destroying the culture of normalfags is the only mission. Surpassing their ranks to command them off of cliffs in the most gruesome and perilous of fashion. Making them amiss their vices as they fall onto hard boulders on the ocean floor is my sacrifice. I will cause them to escape off of cliffs into concrete water, then smattering them I to mischief..

 No.234026

>>234018
Dunno, saved it a long time ago.

>>234019
That's nice. I mostly just want UBI and single-payer insurance so I don't have to give my labor 40+ hours a week just to survive. I am content to just create and consume for myself until I kick it. I don't even mind contributing a little now and then to a larger society or social project but, as it stands, my labor doesnt benefit anyone but a handful of rich assholes. And that likely won't change in my lifetime, so for now just give me the NEETbux.

 No.234027

File: 1608866235691.jpg (128.36 KB, 562x640, 281:320, tn.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Does anyone else feels like his main problem is just laziness?
I know I can get a degree, working out, the skills to make art, etc if I worked hard enough but I'm just too lazy.
Maybe it's lack of motivation, it's hard to serperate the two.
Should I try anti depressants?

 No.234029

Tried to be a good boy and cleaned the whole house from the bottom up, water filled bucket thrown on the floor included with a scent of lemon for extra cleaning…

I was hyped doing that when some water got inside my pc case, I rushed and disconnected it ( it was off but with the power connected) thinking it was nothing I went to do some errands and when I returned my loved companion won't start up, I think I fried the mb.

Does this lvl of incompetence happens to you?
Is this why I'm a loser? When i try to fix something i broke something else? I'm confused and angry of the waste of 80 usdolla on this, I will be a phone fag for some time

 No.234030

>>234027
I've been thinking this. I have so many things to do and I do none of them. I think all day while doing nothing instead.

 No.234031

File: 1608878721110.jpg (192.1 KB, 800x600, 4:3, o4DGNOz.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>234029
Damn, that sucks.

 No.234032

i like to be alone but i also get very bored of it and sad…

 No.234110

>>231433
It's going to get worse. It always does..

 No.234111

The only way for freedom is to stop giving attention to other people's opinions and advice especially on the internet and specifically on wizchan.

 No.234112

>>234032
Whenever I felt like that, I went to my family's home and a couple of hours of interaction with sisters and parents would make me remember how great being alone is. Now I don't have a choice and spend every minute wishing I was alone

 No.234116

I wish there was a place where I could be put to sleep and kept in a warehouse pod. A coma or just kept asleep by drugs. Then I wouldn’t die so family wouldn’t be as sad but I wouldn’t be conscious.

 No.234117

>>234116
You can probably do that with drugs

 No.234126

>>234117
wonder if there's an opposite of nootropic communities in to supplements that make you in to a braindead zombie

 No.234130

I have terrible brain fog when I do not I am reading books and writing my own thoughts out and also being creative with my poetry hobby. because I cannot think I just shitpost all day and talk to some people online which I cannot say I especially enjoy talking to it is just a distraction. I honed skills for years when younger and they have gone to waste but what does it matter. I try to hang myself sometimes and chicken out there is a need for death but a lack in motivation.

 No.234131

>>234130
Extremely similar wizseppi

 No.234132

>>234131
Does anything help for yourself? I think it is neurological and not psychological I have talekd to a shrink about it nothing helps I have tried. I cannot even watch anime or read manga at the moment since I cannot concentrate. I wish I was not the type to enjoy philosophizing at all because feeling myself become so dumb for periods of time really sucks.

 No.234133

>>234132
I've spoken with a shrink in the past and nope nothing helps but I'm not going to make any /dep/ posts anymore just gonna げんそうきょう when I げんそうきょう.
The thing I do is just shitpost on wizchan and study random useless topics. I can't concetrate on anything that takes real effort though.

 No.234138

Ran into a former friend's mom today. She said he's living in a big city and already has a 13yo son. She said he wanted to visit me a few years ago but couldn't find the time. When she said that I started panicking already. What if this guy shows up some day and finds out I'm a NEET while he already has a family, it's going to be awkward as hell. I hope he never comes, I don't talk to him since middle school anyway. But the thought in the back of my mind that he might show up some day is unnerving already…

 No.234139

>>234138
I don't think he'll show up, when people say stuff like "couldn't find the time" they're usually full of shit. Even if he does, why would you care what he thinks? It's not like you have to deal with him everyday

 No.234142

>>234139
Well, it just so happens he was a bully of mine. I was scared that he would actually show up and beat me up.

 No.234143

>>234142
stop trolling nigger, you're not me >>234138

 No.234145

>>234139
I have bad experience with him. This guy used to humiliate me in the gym shower and I feel queasy thinking that I will have to meet him again.

 No.234147


 No.234148

>>234145
>>234142
No hijacking other people's posts to indulge in gay fantasy! Bad pervert! *Whacks on head with fishy 🐠*

 No.234151

I cannot complain about wasting my life and time as I feel it is all useless I just wish it was more than what it is and I did not see through all the bullshit. Laid in bed yet again playing sad music and posting on imageboards and I have done this for many years now. Highlight of my week was actually feeling sad over an old friendship I had (online) and making some eye water. Know I should kill myself but lack that emotional drive and I am such a coward I seriously am pathetic,

 No.234159

Psychology locates illness in the individual and its pretending to also include the individuals social relations and life circumstances always centers around the individual perspective on these things. Psychology with other words disregards any truth that is independent from the individual. This kind of thinking makes people sick, they'll start to believe that they are actually mentally ill while in fact the universe and society is what's fouling around them. The ontological path is eventually healthier than the psychological one because it's concerned with truth, not subjective fallacies.

 No.234171

>>234142

Prepare for a fight and also for defeat and maybe to comeback (some enemies must not be taken vengeance of but others just end up closing up your guts and hopes in life and must be defeated at any cost, lest they may leave you marked with fear, etc) may you find the enemy or not.

Make thy fear fear you. It all I used against such situations…

 No.234172

>>234151
>wasting my life and time as I feel it is all useless

Accept the hidden sight: there was nothing to be wasted. There never was anything available, it's just this world, seducing you, then fleeing from you, so you may punish yourself with the false guilt and remorse of a fate that never was under control.

I see you are all here thirsty for company and following such anxiety will inly get it worse. I used to suffer for it, until I deliberately despised all "joyful" relationships. Today I have no interest in anyone.

 No.234183

>>234172
> Accept the hidden sight: there was nothing to be wasted.
This is the single biggest truth and also the hardest to swallow. Everyone their whole life is told that x is useless and waste and that y is worthwhile, and so it gets ingrained in your psyche. This is the hardest thing to unlearn, and I myself still can’t let go. But I believe that truly internalizing it is how one reaches “enlightenment”.

 No.234199

>>234183
>rejecting society by making yet another society
no thanks, i don't relate to the concept of society and colectivism in general not just this or that particular society. A society of wizards is a total oximoron in my view and in any case i wouldn't care in belonging to that either.

 No.234201

>>234199
Did you mean to reply to someone else? Cause I don't follow.

 No.234242


 No.234264

When did the entire world get so hostile? Everyone seems very self centered and dog eat dog. I don't remember it always being like this. It's everything from face to face conversations with people at a store, or with people online. Everyone is just an asshole.

 No.234267

>>234264
Probably everyone pissed off about corana or honestly it's always been like this and no one really notices half the time.

 No.234283

>>234264
It's always been like that.

 No.234289

I remember the abounding sense of comfort I would get when I returned home from school and laid in bed in absolute silence. Ever since I started suffering from tinnitus, late night activities, which used to be the most enjoyable part of my day, have become the time when my tinnitus is most noticeable and most debilitating. The irony.

 No.234291

File: 1609539097073.jpg (332.82 KB, 800x800, 1:1, 1599038635189.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i'm jealous of japan, must be cool to be part of a culture that the whole world admires. me on the other hand live in a country that will probably hunt me for sport when the far-right will inevitably take control and that the race war will be declared. and appart from my blood and small family i have no ties to my culture of origin. this is why i can relate to mulattos; too black for whites, too white for blacks.. and nowhere to belong.
what is there to fight for?

 No.234293

File: 1609546581572.webm (1.18 MB, 640x424, 80:53, 1604323728986.webm) ImgOps iqdb

being unemployed is infuriating me, I never had a job in my whole life and i'm living in extreme poverty right now and my parents pressing for me to get a job is frustrating, I was studying programming but now my old notebook's hdd broke and I have nothing to do all day besides reading and watching porn on a smartphone all day. Seeing everyone with their jobs and normal financial situation makes me so envious and mad, because for them it's so easy but for me is the hardest thing in the world, I already tried applying for low wage jobs but I had no success. I guess i'm stupid enough to never get be able to get a job in my life. I want to live a normal life, I want a job.

 No.234296

>>234293
Have you tried indeed right? Apply to any factory or ware house jobs. Can you maybe try to go to a job agency? I think it's fucked up people can't get a shitty min wage job, like how are you supposed to survive? What the fuck?

 No.234306

I've been thinking about my life lately, about why I'm still here and what's in store for me 10 years or so in the future.

Honestly I think that the best days of my life are gone, I can't see how my life can be happy or even tolerable in the future, I try to think of options but I feel trapped, like I'm physically trapped in some fucked up prison that is psychological too, how can a life like that be worth living? It wouldn't be better to just off myself and avoid the pain and bad experiences that await for me? Is such a painful life worth of being called "life" at all?

Suicide should be a right, everyone should get an exam at 25 or so so people can decide if they want to keep living, 25 years is more than enough to see if your life is a shitty road with no happy ending.

 No.234309

School, work, forced social interaction is hell. This has been by far the best year of my life because I've been NEET. If only I could afford this forever I'd be happy.

 No.234310

File: 1609575124452.jpg (357.4 KB, 897x1336, 897:1336, 1595388164672.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>234306
>>234309
I feel you guys, 2020 was actually the best year for me, I literally got a new computer, played so many games, ate many junk food and lived like a king. But now it's going to be over because I have to wageslave all this year and even more. I'll fucking miss 2020 and how it shook the world and made normals perish.

 No.234311

I'm tired of wasting my life, but I know I've already lost so much of it the chance of recovery may as well not exist.
Part of me just wants to die so I don't have to watch myself waste any more of my life, but at the same time I just can't be assed to actually do it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

 No.234317

I think I'm reaching dangerous new levels of cope. Just yesterday I must have spent like 3 hours daydreaming I was a really rich hacker, living in mansions and having super cars, trying to evade the police. My life is so boring that I'm daydreaming a lot more now.

 No.234323

>>234317
Daydreaming is healthy. If I could I would do it all the time. For those moments you are not so different from the rich hacker. Stop using the word cope and stop thinking in a way that supports the cope narrative. It's useless internet lingo, it's zoomers 'philosophy', it's trash and makes everything that's good into something bad. Eventually the cope narrative is 100 % social shaming which you now apply to yourself meaning the copiers achieved their goal which is to destroy everything not applauded by normalfags. Apply your own standards. The world is rich.

 No.234442

sometime ago I realized that I have 2 choices, either I go through a painful and horrible life until I die of old age/accident or I kill myself, that's it, there are no other choices, I can't be happy, I just can't either because of external problems or because everytime I get somewhat happy my self-destruction mechanism inside my brain ruins everything and I end up worse than before.

I used to favor the choice of existing but some days like today I find myself wondering if killing myself wouldn't be the logical choice, I don't think I'm fit for 50 years of this shit, may as well end it all and save myself the trouble.

 No.234450

File: 1609935189923.png (498.21 KB, 2116x2160, 529:540, 44153207-A575-407D-BD50-C4….png) ImgOps iqdb

In my dream my mom bought me a ps5 as a surprise even though it’s expensive af in my country because of taxes. Dad kinda got angry for it but we all settled after some arguing.
I held the box and told my sister about the time when I got my ps1 back in time and held its box just like this. I teared up. I was so happy back then. Everything was so easy. Now I’m 24 and still rely on my parents to buy me a console.
I opened the box hoping there would be two controllers but there was just one dualsense and extra 5 ps3 controllers. I guess it was a secondhand. Weird.
I actually don’t care about a ps5 but I’m saddened at the fact that I still depend on my parents. and I’m still a gaming addict.


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