I can't give any advice here, this is just a comment to say I am in the same boat or at least a similair one, and to make a comment on addiction itsself. >>234073
It's not like we haven't tried this self-improvement.
I'm fairly educated, very well-read, living a life I know some would envy. Yet, I don't want to live sober. I think this has always been a fundamental problem of life. I don't think there is a solution now nor do I think there ever has been or there is one around the corner.
The only solution to a drug addiction is a shift in desires. If you want to change what you want then some serious self reflection is due. I am simply procrastinating.
Religions and societies will preach happiness - teach to replace the drugs with lies and false hope. Falsehoods for us to waste away our lives believing - or at least pretending to believe.
And for most, their drug of choice is alchohol. This is fitting becuase it is suited to the lifestyle of a man who spends all of his time in denial. Wether he is simply telling himself he is on a path and he will be gifted with happiness when the time comes. Or he is looking down on those in that system, claiming he is better at coping with the lack of understanding of the world - while entirely coping on the bottle that he sips throughout the day.
The drug addict employs a different school of thought. The drug addict will knowingly reduce thought istelf - often subconciously - with help from whatever drug he uses. Thus not even giving a person the chance to be in denial.
Acceptance is easier when intoxicated.
That being said, this is only the case while high - and I am more talking about downers (benzos, opioids, ketamine, and of the like) than anything else. This observation about drug users effectively attempting to achieve surpressed thought in using substance doesn't apply to their concious desires.
Seeing as it's very individual, I'm going to start speaking like Ben Shapiro im mystic maybes and ifs. So let's say, hypothetically, a man's subconcious desire is to be happy - then their concious desire would be more of a method to achieve that goal. A seperate goal, employed to serve the real, deeper needs of said man. For example, he may attempt to pick up a hobby, or to educate himself, or get out more, excercise more, eat more well. He may even pick up a chosen path, focus on it, have the funcional life, all before discovering drug of choice or drugs as a category. Which shall, in hand, become the most effective path to achieving the unconcious desire of happiness, whether the man likes it or not.
This is at the root of all addiction. It is the conflict between what someone wants and what someone wants that causes the problems.
And this will mean, in hand, that in sober hours, an addict could try their hardest to find an alternative escape but nevertheless fall victim to the part of themselves that is okay with it.
In my own opinion, the person addicted to uppers or psychadelic substances tends to be more on the side of being comfortable and accepting of that need as a part of their own life. They will effectively think "yeah, I'm okay with it". Whereas the person hooked on downers lives in ignorance and insecurity during their high, where they will have no doubt achieved nothing, and done nothing, and then forgotten about it. I have even referred to binges that could last for months on benzos and opioids as a long sleep, and that is to be found favourable to a user.
"And the fact that life is depressing. The fact that I am just a small man in a cruel and unforgiving territory", the user may be saying to themselves. As infact this is what I would say to myself. I would like to reitterate that I too struggle with addiction. I say that the world is bleak as a truth, and I believe humans are fundamentally put into that boat. If this is a lie to enable an addiction, I couldnt't even know myself.
I find that the more I have found out, over my life, and learnings I still make in my life, lead me only to a more rigid belief in a depressing truth. Thought in itself becomes uncomfortable. And the truly sad part is that the drugs fuel this discomfort in sober life. The lack of general awareness when intoxicated will make obvious the brain activities of noticing and thinking found when sober. Making a user's need to use even greater - and after using substance, the inner conflict thrives, unnoticed by the user who is more focused on his back itch he can't get to because he is struggling to move at all.
I also have come to find a narcissistic twinge in the uppers addicts. The uppers being their drug of choice down probably to the fact that they love themselves to begin with. They have to love themselves to the point where they pride not being ok or accepted to the point where it is maybe one of their favourite features of themselves.
This is coupled with an insecure and uncomfortable consistent of a downer addict.
All in all, this shit not that simple man. not everyone can be happy being depressed. addiction has always existed and will always exist for a reason. theres no fixing it!