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/dep/ - Depression


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I've had various depression blogs since 2009, before that I used to mope in the misc sections of various forums. A few of them had a decent readership, relatively speaking. One because I somewhat self-promoted it commenting on other blogs. The other because it touched on issues besides my personal life.

My most recent blog, I think I started it in 2018. idk for some reason I'm still very private about sharing personal details. And so I keep it relatively abstract and philosophical. Don't touch on biographical details. In some ways its the worst of both worlds. It has virtually no readership. And yet it fails as a diary, since I keep shit rather vague, can't really explore the personal stuff in intimate detail.

idk I just feel like theres so much emotion and thought, a volcano exploding within me, that I just want to get out and have others read. But otoh I don't really see the point or know what the goal is. I ask myself who the intended readership is? What do I want out of it? Normies to pity me and offer me useless advice I wont follow? Or maybe fellow wizard-types who do understand to co-miserate with. But then if I just want an audience who understands my specific lifestyle that's what wizchan is for. A post on wizchan that gets 5 wizreaders can be better than 500 normie readers.

I feel like theres so much I have to say and get off my chest. And yet maybe it is egocentric. Its just the typical rants of /dep/. I really loved Wizchan the first years I found it after 2014. And idk if the quality has neccesarily gotten worse, or if I'm just bored of the same topics over and over again. Even the more intellectual isms of /dep/ have been done to death. Anti-natalism, gnosticism, schopenhauer, cioran, ligotti. So maybe theres nothing to say.

Whats the point? I'm not looking for practical advice. Normie sympathy? If I just want to comiserate with similar lifestylists, I already have Wizchan. idk maybe there is the fantasy of being the next Cioran, able to turn pessimism into literature that can appeal across lines. But I don't have the talent for that. The opposite of a Nietzschean aphorism quip. Long, rambling, without a point.

Its pointless, useless, worthless. I have nothing to say. My whole biography is the story of not a single human being able to relate to or understand me. Theres no reason any reader would relate more to my words on a screen than they have in person. Writing is after all an act of communication between persons.


make the blog if you want to


>Whats the point? I'm not looking for practical advice. Normie sympathy?

Having your thoughts in writing and being able to come back to it whenever you want and be like "oh yeah I relate to that" or "wtf was I thinking" is really helpful for figuring your shit out. On the other hand, if you're intensely negative all the time, it can be a sucking negative experience to read and write, so there's a balance between letting it all out and trying to make a good piece. Combining those two things makes a really interesting read in my opinion.

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