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 No.236498[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread

 No.236499

I posted in the otherone and no wonder it did not get bumped we needed a new one. life sucks I am watching some anime and not really enoying it I miss being able to actually enjoy things even music just sounds like noise to me I hate it all. Looking forward to trying to get some heroin this week hopefully I OD

 No.236501

The security guard at my school hates me for some reason (I'm homeless) yesterday I think I overheard him talking about me saying, "I have no pity for that kind of person," so obviously he's classified me which makes me feel shitty. The dude is also incredibly close-minded and reactionary so it's unsurprising

 No.236503

>>236501
Security guards don't like smelly homeless people coming in to use the bathrooms to wash. Who would have guessed?

 No.236505

File: 1613583484400.png (35.22 KB, 800x482, 400:241, ciliaflagella.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>236503
I bathe at the gym, asshole. You're a lot like him, lol. I literally come into the building to study/view entertainment occasionally.

 No.236506

>>236503
Why are you being abusive rather than understanding to your fellow users?

 No.236507

>>236505
Sure you do, just a homeless guy roided out at the gym. Do you even lift bro am I right?

 No.236508

>>236507
The reason for your doubt alludes me. The gym is only $21 a month (shower, temp. shelter,) my public storage unit up the street is only $27 a month (I store everything not necessary; sleeping bag, etc.) and it's all right next to my school, so this smelly homeless guy is probably living better than you, lol. The most I pay for food for a day is $3 if I HAVE to, and usually I just raid the food pantry in the school or wherever I can get it.

 No.236513

Saying that you need to embrace suffering, struggle for improvement, get a job and healthy lifestyle is like saying you need money to buy a house or you need to eat to stop being hungry. It's stating the obvious that everybody knows. It's like saying just be happy when you're depressed. It's not helpful at all. I don't get how such posters even end up here.

 No.236514

im going to channel a spell of destruction that is fueled only by own hate and have it blow up and destroy the entire universe

 No.236515

>>236513
You don't need to do anything but if you don't plan on killing yourself in the near future then it is a good thing to get used to suffering and to try to improve yourself.
People here let themselves get too soft. They need to be reminded that power is everything in this world and that existence is a constant competition. Some posters here are so far down the drain that they believe that their weakness is a virtue. I don't know whether it is sad or funny.

 No.236516

>>236508
>Usually I just steal food
I can go for a shower any time I want, sleep in a warm bed and people don't ask me why I look like road kill.

 No.236521

>>236516
You are a very contemptuous person, and I'm not your therapist so go fuck yourself. I feel sorry for anybody that has to deal with you

 No.236522

>>236516
Enjoy it while you have it. Fate can take it away at any time and leave you crippled and miserable

 No.236523

>>236516
Why are you here spending your time trying to make other people feel bad? You are showing yourself as a more degenerate and detestable person than the person you're mocking.

 No.236524

Do you think wizchan will still exist in 10 years from now?
If not can we get a regroup bunker setup? I don't want to lose you guys. :(

 No.236525

>>236524
>Do you think wizchan will still exist in 10 years from now?

Will you?

 No.236527

>>236525
>>236525
Depends on whether or not my country tries to maintain welfare or a UBI system or if they pull the plug and everyone fends for themselves. No way am I going to work.

 No.236529

>>236513
Getting even a part time job is pretty difficult though if you're autistic. People generally hate spergs and want them dead, why would anyone hire them? The answer is that nobody does.
I hate that this site has become so normified that the improvebruhs are now regularly invading /dep/ and spreading their nonsense about how self-improvement is universal and works no matter what.
To them I say fuck off.

 No.236535

>>236530
Fuck you normalnigger troll, you don't even know what autism is

 No.236538

>>236530
>>236515
No, you come here because you find joy in harassing poor souls and sucking from their grief like a vampire. You're the evil impersonated and pretend you're here for a honorable cause. You're probably honestly thinking you're doing the people a favor here and don't realize that you only want to feel a little bit of power in your sad life.

I'm tired of leading this conservation. You fucking won. I will not respond back. Have fun in believing you're the winner in this. Because winning and losing is the only thing that matters to people like you so you went here were you can win against the lowest of lows. Congrats.

 No.236539

I'm trying to learn programming (Java) using an online course I found, I find it entertaining but sometimes it becomes too hard, and this is only the basics, I have no idea how people even manage to learn enough to make those big and shiny one person projects on github, they all look like absolute geniuses to me.

I wonder if I will ever learn enough to have even an absolute bottom code monkey tier job somewhere.

 No.236541

>>236539
Schoolfaggot, here. I would recommended going to school. Being around smart people, professors, and the right itinerary will make everything smoother and easier than doing it manually. Getting certified in even small ways is also extremely helpful as that is what colors your resume.

 No.236544

>>236541
I already went to school in something totally unrelated, it was hell but at least the degree was cheap/free.

I'm not going back there, I either "git gud" on my own or I drop it.

 No.236546

File: 1613614209801.png (53.91 KB, 1376x1007, 1376:1007, 2021-02-18-020143_1376x100….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>236539
Honestly, it's probably easier write your own virtual machine and assembly language to learn programming. Try recreating something like a 6502 to your own tastes.

 No.236547

>>236539
Starting from scratch with Java probably isn't a good idea, you should probably learn the basics with a procedural language like C and then move on to OOP. I'm not saying you can't but it'll probably make your life easier.

 No.236567

What do you make of the following. Do you think his complaint is appropriate? I can't believe it. Sounds like a spoiled child. From sanctioned suicide of all places.

"Who's like me?

Have every physical thing you need to live a very comfortable life.. and more.
Have the ability and money to do anything you might want to do (go to any school, travel, hobbies, good jobs, etc..)
Have a family that loves you and supports you.
A perfect life.
But with all of that you miss stuff that are kinda important.
The ability to be satisfied.
The ability to care.
The ability to love.
You're basically a plant. You have everything, you want to do everything (and you can) and you want to feel. But everything you do doesn't satisfy you. You get all the bad without any of the good. You want to enjoy the view but a second later you just stare at it and feel nothing.
You want to die not because you had a shitty life or you have depression or feel bad about yourself. You want to die simply because you understand there is nothing this world can offer that will make you feel anything.

Just wondering… Surely I'm not the only one.. Right? :)
BTW.. I'm 20."

 No.236568

>>236567
Seems like an ironic copypasta, but the antidote to this existential dread is just keeping occupied w/ hobbies/studying/working. My intrusive thoughts become very overpowering when I vegetate.

 No.236569

>>236567
Smug as hell but beyond all that I sympathize with him since he feels empty.
Makes sense, the suicide rate for the richest people is just as high or higher than for the poorest people in most studies.

It's like everyone else is fighting and struggling to achieve their goals, get to the top, become rich, become whatever.
A minority of people finally get there, or are handed such a life on a silver platter by their parents, and realize even with everything they're still unhappy and depressed with this hollow existence.
Perhaps chasing the carrot your entire life gets you nowhere.

I can imagine a typical depressed wizard winning a lottery for 2 million dollars. At first he is ecstatic but quickly he returns to his regular thoughts. How everything is pointless, all that crap they bought is unnecessary and that pain is just as painful. And your health deteriorates all the same. And at the end you die regardless of the size of your coffers.

 No.236570

>>236567
Seems like you belong on r9k.

 No.236571

>"18yo doomers"
>teenage crabs
>r9k tourists
>20yo """wizards"""
Wizchan 2021 Now this makes me depressed

 No.236572

a long time ago a guy named f scott fitzgerald wrote a book called the great gatsby, and his point was that in america there are no second chances. and it really seems like to me everything i do to sustain myself and my liveliehood is just to escape previous bad decisions and missed opportunities. and i am completely conscious of all the ways i can fuck up, and if i do just one of them i am screwed. there is so much people in the work force and so much competition that you really cant afford to let your guard down or trust people, so i feel like i am skating on thin ice a lot and it sucks

 No.236573

We should learn how to isolate emotions via precise chemical introduction into the brain. Could you imagine? The ability to spontaneously feel every type of human emotions imaginable? I'm sure pleasurable emotions would win the popularity contest, but even emotions of horror or embarrassment can be felt at the click of a button. Why are scientists not working on cool shit? I should bride all of Elon Musk's employees to clique with me instead and offer them infinite pleasure in my emotion chambers for them and their families whenever desired

 No.236574

>>236573
As much as I'd love to have my very own Penfield Mood Organ, the possible (ab)uses for such a technology are manifold, and would ultimately strip us of the ability to feel anything outside of a narrow range of emotions (in effect making us the perfect worker drones).

 No.236575

>>236567
I love it when weak normgroids kill themselves. Let them continue to die off, and let us TRULY struggling wizards inherit the earth they leave behind.

 No.236576

>>236573
Isn't that what they always try to do and always fails? You know legal drugs by the doctors and illegal drugs and shit

 No.236579

How unlikely am I to get a gun license if I've been committed before for suicide ideation? This was over 10 years ago in a heavy gun-control state. What if I moved to a state with extremely lax gun laws?

 No.236580

>>236514
I'm counting on you.

 No.236592

>>236513
They're just normalfags that come here for the novelty
>>236514
Hurry up before I go to work.

 No.236607

>>236514
i'm so excited

 No.236612

Feel a strong recurring urge to leave my minimum wage job and walk around Europe aimlessly for a while and living as poorly as possible. Not sure if it's just my brain trying to urge me into a position where suicide becomes easier to accept, or if it's some kind of purifying motive.

 No.236613

>>236612
Europe is over run with criminals from the third world. You will end up beaten and dead.

 No.236614

>>236613
Nothing wrong with a bit of excitement

 No.236615

Feels like my life has already ended but I'm still somehow here. Like I was not supposed to get this far.

 No.236616

>>236615
bit melodramatic mate

 No.236617

>>236616
Thanks

 No.236619

I've spent my entire adult life trapped in a completely unlivable stressful living situation and there isn't a single person on earth who cares that could help me. Just constant stress of living with parents who are abusive and toxic people and the world offers me nothing but shitty minimum wage or near minimum wage jobs that aren't enough to pay rent. I don't have a college degree and I have a learning disability and mental illness that made trying to succeed in school absolute hell for me. I barely graduated high school and the teachers all treated me like a scum criminal for being there and accused me of being lazy for not getting good test scores.

I haven't had any friends since I was 15 years old and I'm almost 27. No escape from this except to sit on the computer all day and try to dissociate from reality, and then I am judged in the world for my actions. For trying to not suffer endless stress. Obviously I spend most of my time in my room, it's not good outside of my room. It's complete hell and the people who claim to have empathy for others really only care about abstract people the TV tells them to care about. My older brother is a millionaire with a high paying tech job and knows that I'm stuck in this situation and have been suicidal and he doesn't care. Meanwhile he joins the DSA and talks about socialism and helping the needy. What a joke.

 No.236620

>>236619
Contact the local media about your story. Millionaire leaves disabled sibling to rot while preaching how he wants to help the poor is 100% the type of story they would eat up. You could make a lot of money burying him in the media.

 No.236621

>>236620
He isn't famous at all. He's just a six figure tech employee who has made some money on investments as well.

 No.236622

I'm autistic and homeless, but nobody wants to help me get out of this situation. I seriously think I will die within the next few months. This shit is fucked. Hope my death is at least painless.

 No.236623

>>236622
Where are you located/posting from?

 No.236624

File: 1613793484981.png (49.41 KB, 320x212, 80:53, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

So weak and emotional. One small negative social interaction and mental break.

 No.236625

I just quit 4chan and I plan on quitting here too

>you're here forever


I am, which is why if it gets bad I will block the domain on my router. I just can't take it anymore, I need to do something else.

Thank you all for the stories that I've read and listened here, I know some never gets replies but I have read them.

 No.236626

>>236622
There's charities for autists to get support. You can get in social housing.

>>236625
Godspeed wiz. May you find the gf of your dreams.

 No.236628

>>236625
See you next week.

 No.236629


 No.236630


I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
—The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear—no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Philip Larkin, "Aubade"

 No.236632

Harmony, order and perfection are ureachable. Let chaos reign.

 No.236641

>>236632
Harmony, order and perfection: even if they were within reach they aren't worth it. Peace always comes with giving up your freedom and individuality. Conflict and suffering are natural parts of life and only fools fear them.

A world of order and law would be a plain and boring one. If there is a heaven like the christian one then I don't want it. If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either. Hell sounds more fun than most descriptions of heaven.

 No.236642

>>236641
>Nirvana aka nothingness
>If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either
fool

 No.236643

>>236641
The way your claimed love of suffering and overcoming is unavailable to many people here is the same way the contentment and vitality from peace and harmony is unavailable to you. Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things; you are just alienated from it.

 No.236644

I've been reading a lot recently about modern slavery, specifically the sexual slavery of eastern european succubi from towns and villages in poor nation. It is absolutely heartbreaking, and makes me so blackpilled and angry. This world is an absolute horror show.

 No.236645

>>236539
It's good when it's hard, if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth doing, you wouldn't get anything from it.

 No.236646

>>236645
True, truth-seeker. Forcing the ego to do something is difficult, especially when vice is involved. Myself included, I have difficulty getting studying done due to my newfound anime addiction. So basically my escape is trying to dominate my existence. Sometimes you really gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself, or before someone else does. Life doesn't slow down in sympathy for your pleasure-seeking and poor choices.

 No.236657

>>236644
I find very hard to feel empathy for gírls and fémales, I had to endure laughs and humilliations from them all my life, and I learned that almost every single female would probably end up being an absolute bitch to people like me if they hand the chance.

Every time I would try to help or talk to a gírl in trouble or something they accepted my help or talk only when they had no other choice, the second they're in a better position I suddenly become repulsive to them, they have no sense of decency or loyalty to anyone but themselves, some males are like this too, but pretty much every female has been this way to me at least.

If I tried to help those eastern europeans I couldn't ignore the fact that they would probably backstab me after they're in a better position,it's sad but it's true, people aren't born cold and lacking empathy, people starts losing empathy for others because they don't usually return that empathy.

 No.236662

>>236642
>>236643
I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering. You mask your true desires by saying you would want to be without desire.

Go ahead, though. Continue living in your delusions. Choose the easy way out, the garbage-tier easy answer. Yes, the problem is with how you perceive the world, yes. It is all in our mind. Let's kill our ego and feelings, let's degrade ourselves into primitive life forms or even to the level of plants and stones, after all they don't suffer. Right? God, how low people can sink?
Wake up, people. Don't you realize you have fallen for a disgusting and evil ideology? You chase after some fake happiness, contentment or peace or whatever you name it. You are ready to sacrifice for the sake of avoiding suffering anything that makes you unique and human.
>Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things
Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything. Therefore, someone who has found peace can't grow as a person, he has locked himself into a permanent state. To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?

The meaning of life lies in the battle. The battle against oneself, the battle against our environment, the battle against other humans, the battle against nature, the battle against life, the battle against God and the battle against existence itself. Struggle and it is a paradox but you will find happiness - true happiness, not the fake one that life-denying and ego-denying ideologies offer you.

 No.236664

>>236662
>Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything.
I say the opposite, I have experienced something close to that state and I have also experienced the overcoming and domination of the world you describe. I know they are state dependent and some people are simply excluded from access to them. A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself. Material information pulsates within a positive emotional state, it is not static but also not deprived. There is action, intention, and will in contentment - it is not dependent on depravity. You can't imagine heaven as anything but boring, you can't understand a place where boredom does not exist because deprivation does not exist. It does not need to be craving for escape in emotion as you think, despite being an intellectual escape.

You denigrate peace as the state of the primitive self. I don't know how you can look at the world and not see suffering as the equal element of the already existing world. Suffering, fighting, striving, and breeding are easily found in nature; you can watch maggots each other in a fly trap and pump out offspring in to the corpses and faeces beneath them. Overcoming is state generated in the human mind, a state separate and different from the striving and battle for survival that the mindless partake in.

You can find a positive mental state in overcoming but it isn't some truth. If you need to believe it's the sole truth then you are on insecure footing like the depressed here who cannot understand the mental state of overcoming because they've been excluded by material basis.

It doesn't really matter. Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming, or feeling vitality in constant battle of a will that feels like fire expanding from your inside. I don't believe there's any reconciliation - and that's why I like /dep/ safespaces for my fellow low vitality depression wizzies who cannot access these other mindstates, and accusatory language somewhat like yours cannot move them to.

 No.236673

I can't even read long-form posts here anymore, let alone write them myself. Nothing in this world is of any value to me, not politics culture travel sports nothing[, [[[. The only stirring of feeling I have is seeing eloquently worded posts, and all they elicit in me is jealousy. I wish I could blather on about nothing so sweetly. Dunno whats happening to me

 No.236690

>>236673
First step of enlightenment. You notice how all these post are nothing but rhetorics and eventually only words that make no difference.

 No.236699

If there is any god out there, give me the courage to kill muself and then destroy my soul. I can't take it anymore.

 No.236701

File: 1614014127935.png (12.3 KB, 840x560, 3:2, fat kapkan.png) ImgOps iqdb

I managed to break free for a few months. I felt good, I had some peace of mind, hell even some optimism. And now it's just fading away. I don't know why. I didn't change anything, nothing happened, but I just feel myself sinking lower and lower and lower and lower. I hadn't even thought about suicide for 4 months and today I just wanted to not exist again. I was enjoying things again and now it's just gone again.

 No.236702

>>236699
Why not be a crab and take out some innocents with you?

 No.236708

File: 1614017235962.png (1.43 MB, 900x1200, 3:4, ichirin.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>236662
>I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering.
Desiring to avoid suffering would be a form of desire, yes. Desiring to extinguish desire itself is a desire.

>To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?

Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes. These too are said to be part of samsara.

 No.236710

>>236708
Hello I am interested in eastern philosophy where should I start I have read a bit but not any specific books I remember.

What you wrote makes sense I have accepted myself and life knowing the hedonic treadmill will never be overcome and feel at peace a lot despite being depressed etc

 No.236714

>>236710
I like the Daodejing and Genjokoan, but it's up to you.

What The Buddha Taught by Rahula and Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Suzuki are good introductions to Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism, respectively.

 No.236718

I love daydreaming. I daydream all fucking day and live in my own tiny fantasy world. The real world has nothing to offer me. Not sex, not money, not fame, status, or success.

 No.236734

>>236718
Have you read The Book of Disquiet? If not, you should.

 No.236740

>>236718
Try psychedelic drugs you may just enjoy them if you like daydreaming.

 No.236752

>>236664
It isn't about overcoming anything, it is about the fighting first of all. Sure, if you actually overcome things then bonus, good for you. But failure can be beautiful too and we can learn more from defeats than from victories. Our age suffers from the sickness of being too afraid of failure, loss and defeat. The destination is only secondary, the important thing is the journey.

>A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself.

You are mistaken, this isn't contentment at all but desire and will. Peace and perfection are always constant and they refuse any movement or change. A perfectly content and satisfied being has no need or drive to do anything. Perfection equals non-action and basically non-existence.
If we think about this in classical monotheistic, abrahamic religions then God must be imperfect clearly. A creator always creates, and to create one needs desires, will and passions. And by your standards this means imperfection. Abrahamic religions say God doesn't need anything and that He is perfectly content with Himself. However, He clearly isn't since He is a creator, He felt the drive and need to create the universe and everything in it. Hmph, the abrahamic god is more human than we were led to believe, so it seems. You can ignore this part of my post freely, I just found this interesting.

>primitive

It is simply a lower way of existing or rather not existing at all that you people advocate for. Even flowers and plants are competing with each other and strive, the accurate state you guys want is something like being a rock or another lifeless object. I'm just saying that even being a maggot is better than this, at least they are alive, fighting and living every second of their life to the fullest. Giving yourself to life-denying ideologies will degenerate you into something nonhuman and extremely wicked, like a robot, a statue. It isn't you who lives and occupies your body any longer but the ideology that you are sacrificing yourself for.

>Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming

I was one of the most eager guardians of asceticism, life-denying and peace-finding some time ago. However, I realized that it is no way to live. Man needs some things he considers worth fighting for and needs conflict and suffering too. Suffering makes us feel alive, makes us experience the joys and pleasure more strongly too. Asceticism and abstaining from pleasure and pain of all kind will only take you down the road of despair, anhedonia and misery instead of the peace it offers. You are better off literally killing yourself than living out a hollow existence like that.

>>236690
You can reduce even the most brilliant works of philosophy to nothing but rhetorics. But you will still end up with the need to construct a worldview for yourself. We simply need basic thoughts by which we can live and through which we can interpret life.

>>236708
>Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes.
I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".

>>236710
Eastern philosophy originates from India mainly so that is where you should start. Start reading hindu texts, the Vedas and all that. Most asian thought uses hinduism as its base.

 No.236756

>>236740
I’ve done weed before, but I’m afraid psychedelics will really fuck me up. How much harder are they?

 No.236761

>>236752
I didn't separate the process of overcoming from the achievement, you did. And in doing so you're moving your values towards the mundane. Failure has value in reference to the context around it not by itself; it is valuable in reference to the will that disregarded or didn't care about that possibility and the will that responds to it. You're trying to imbue human mental states in to concepts of mindless struggle such as failure in itself; you can't really call anything else robotic when you assert that your valuable experience can be enacted by biological automata.

Total contentment in the human experience is not the same as divine simplicity or impassability of God. I didn't argue specifically for life denial, not-suffering is not the same as life denial. Contentment maintain will and intention without deprivation. In turn if you consider desire as a response to deprivation that doesn't exist in the same way. There's nowhere to go with this. Can a human maintain what I describe? I say yes, you say no, only the entire future will prove it. Until then it's just chilling.

 No.236767

Sometimes at night I pray to god or whatever that I could develop cancer so I could die without killing myself.

Maybe if I had cancer my family would treat me a bit better even if only for a few months.

This fucking life is way too fucked up sometimes, don't you think?

 No.236768

>>236767
I wish I had something to look forward to beyond eating icecream everyday

 No.236773

>>236767
Since guns are illegal in my country and I can't just blow my brains out, I think the next best thing would be to have one of those spontaneous brain hemorrhages that can happen to healthy people at any age. It seems like once you have it, you pretty much drop dead without feeling a thing. That would be like winning the lottery.

 No.236778

>>236752
>I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".
It's an old problem. I wrote a little about it here >>>/lounge/258251, but you can also read about the synthetic nature of self in Beyond Good and Evil §16-17.

On one hand you have an idea that all is subjective material flux, hence why only struggle creates value, and on the other hand that objective metaphysical identities like self exist, regardless of struggle. This is a contradiction in your worldview for you to resolve.

 No.236788

Starting to think that I might be a pedophile for enjoying loli. I never once made the connection between lolis and kids until someone told me my thoughts were still "seeing kids in a sexual light, by getting off to the concept of a child", and I now find myself filled with doubt. Whenever I see a picture of a kid (a real kid) I try to test myself: I ask my mind, "Am I attracted to this?" "Does this image arouse me?" "Am I lying to everyone I know?" and feel literally sick, actually nauseous. I hate that I even spoke to them, because now I wonder if I am a monster. I want the blissful blindness I had before we met.

I've gone 23 years without caring about it, but now I just want help. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I just have nobody else to go to.

 No.236790

>>236788
you probably got brainwashed by imageboard culture into liking loli and don't actually like it

you became a spambot posting lolis for actual pedophiles

 No.236791

I work in a minimum wage job and today they fired an older man who has been working there for about a month, because he is too slow. They also fired other people and will be firing more this week. It really changed my perspective on things. Since starting earlier this year I have gone out of my way to help others (especially this older man, who I helped climb from the bottom of the leaderboard published each day) and do my best at my work. I no longer care, and yet I have no options and have to pay rent.

The strange thing is that while people in general are fine with the idea that certain things aren't "for" other people, e.g., drinking alcohol, partying, being talkative, there is a kind of collective pressure to at the very minimum be okay with being alive, and to remain alive and find work in order to prolong one's existence. Statistically speaking, there are bound to be a minority of people who just do not feel that life is "for" them, and yet they can't unsubscribe from consciousness without being judged harshly and without their family etc suffering immense psychological pain due to their having unsubscribed without having been forced to do so by a natural death. I just want to clock out. I've seen enough. However I probably won't, due to the bond with my mother and sister (neither of whom I relate to on a personal level).

Best wishes, for what it's worth, to fellow wizards struggling with life at the moment. I wish there was a secular monastery where we could go and spend the rest of our days in silence and humility.

 No.236793

>>236791
Yeah, something doesn't feel right when you see people treat eachother like they're expendable. It ditches a sort of compassion that is supposedly the trademark of our species. It's one of the many hard facts of this commodified and overpopulated age, I suppose.

 No.236797

>>236793
Indeed, the laws of economics apply to the value of an individual's life too.
Today, we have an abundant supply of people, and little particular need for every one.
And we can always make more, if we need them.

 No.236810

It's one of those times that I just wish I've never been. I want to pass away peacefully, painlessly in my sleep. I was not meant to be.

 No.236811

File: 1614226720069.png (88.73 KB, 271x198, 271:198, Freca.png) ImgOps iqdb

I have no money to fix my teeth, fuck.
I have like 9 cavities and my molar is fucked and dental implants are too expensive. One molar's almost completely gone but when I remove it I'll basically remove part of myself. And all I'll get is a gaping reminder that I will rot and decay like that fucking tooth.

 No.236813

shitty night im farting a lot and my body is all itchy, i already took a shower and my skin still feels itchy and im farting too much. i think it's my diet of beans, fish, and milk. im like a fart machine right now.

 No.236814

>>236813
I come to this website to read posts like yours

 No.236815

>>236811
Also, now I'm paranoid about other molars with tooth decay, it's been years I don't have much time left I need to fix them asap but first I need to remove my broken molar.

 No.236822

>>236811
Don't wanna sound like a crab, but you should try brushing your teeth or drinking milk more. But it could be genetics that your teeth fucks up a lot, most fuckers never brush for weeks and haven't had any problems, lay off the sugar too.

 No.236828

>>236822
I brush it twice a day but it's too late now.

 No.236836

Most people are jealous of those who have fancy cars, a big house, and riches. I'm jealous of people with cancer.

 No.236840

>>236836
Why not suicide using a painless method?

 No.236842

>>236811
Also also
Apparently dentures cause bone loss, in the long term they make you look like shit and it'll be increasingly harder to chew food with them. My grandma have them and all she can eat is soup and other shit like that. Life's hell. I already have four dental fillings and I need 9 more, they are not even permanent. This is insane.

 No.236851

>>236842
upd3
Just couple of weeks ago I had a massive depression concerning my future. I have no skills, no job experience, no college degree, I live with a min wage slave single mother, I'm an asocial, spoiled retard. I can't even rot in peace because it's too painful.
And now I've truly realized how fucked my teeth are as I begin to actually lose it which gave me yet another depression. My mom used to pay for it but she simply doesn't have money for implants/crowns.
This is the beginning of the end.

 No.236852

Eating healthy feels so bland and boring and it doesn't fill the void inside. I want to stay at home 24/7 and order junk food daily instead of cruising through the entire city (i have to for my job) and going madder everyday at the sight of this subhumanity. Of course non white people make it 20 times worse. It's cliche but my reality feels similar to the Taxi Driver movie. I can't cope with how shitty this town is and i have to experience it all alone so everything i witness even as a spectator affects me in some way and is piling up.

 No.236853

>taxi driver
that movie is really good :^)

 No.236862

File: 1614370847105.jpg (Spoiler Image, 188.04 KB, 755x1100, 151:220, autop_14022016.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

A quarter of human misery is toothache.
Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)

 No.236871

I am banned everywhere else. Fuck those motherfucking shit platforms and forums. Fuck 4chad. Fuck kndls. Fuck whores. Fuck bitches. Fuck chads. Fuck normals. Go to hell you little fuckers. You have no fucking idea what this is about. Let me launch a nuclear missle. I'll hit launch any time. Motherfuckers. Fuck!

 No.236882

File: 1614400183658.jpeg (1.34 MB, 2700x1794, 450:299, 081011-F-7169B-106.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

Any wizards with dentures, what's your experience?

 No.236885

>>236871
How did you managed to get banned in all of the worst shitholes of the internet?


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