I don't know how I can be so utterly terrible at handling even the smallest responsibilities. I don't know if the anxiety I feel is just much worse than other people or if I'm just much weaker, it's probably some combination of the two. The thought of making a simple phone call has me sweating and pacing and knowing I have to make or receive a phone call makes it impossible for me to relax, I feel constantly on edge with my stomach tight.
Broke down recently for similar reason. Realized I am really non functional there is no conspiracy against me some true Sato delusions.
You're not alone
Every time I try to do anything a voice inside me tells me it's all pointless and a waste of time.
>>240487>the voice of reason
In my case
That's the Cosmic Ghost beckoning you to return. Embrace apathy, shed your husk of a body and prepare to become God once more.
After 32 years, I'm finally giving up. Started the process of applying for disability. I'm not very knowledgeable on the process, just learning as I proceed. I expect rejection, and will likely need to appeal the decision. Applied due to "depression" and "anxiety" diagnoses. Can't help but feel like my issues run deeper, but it's all I have to work with. If this doesn't work in my favor, I'm glad I at least have nembutal ready as a contingency plan. I'm escaping one way or another, I can't take it anymore.
Consult with advocacy group in other crawl thread I posted about it.
Thanks, looking for it now.
If you're in america, it's not gonna work, they only give disability for literal retards, maybe in europe depression and anxiety could work but fuck no not in america.
If its severe enough as in cannot work catatonic at times you could. Real bad true depression
Where do you find nembutal?
Not him but I got mine from a "J" in China. I overdosed on it (accidentally, was using it for sleep) and think I got a bit brain damaged as a result. Knocks you right out, though. Not painful, true to its reputation.
Impending doom mixed with dread here. Worst thing about it is that I'm doing nothing about it, besides engaging in passive activities (like posting here) and/or getting high.
Have you hit the point where you feel you are simply unable to do anything about your passivity? I'm just a deer in the headlights.
Nothing wrong with throwing in the towel, but only if you are content with this decision and won't regret it later on. I can't seem to do the same. I want to finish my studies and get a PhD first, then if my life still hasn't improved or even gets worse, I will give up completely. But at least I can say I tried and will have no regrets about the decision later on in life. Guess I'm just weird like that.
A guy I know online for some number of years is going to kill himself tomorrow. Hes getting kicked out by his parents. I sort of knew it was going to happen at some point but im still pretty sad about it.
If you still give a fuck about anything you are doing OK embrace the rot.>>240520
No regrets make peace with failure let go and feel bliss. This poster gets it
mentioned, there is "J" from China that is a reputable source. Mine was sourced from "B" (formerly "D") from Mexico. If you're located in or near Mexico, there are a few vendors that you could visit in person to score the product for dirt cheap in comparison to the online order. Sanctioned suicide has the current PPeH pdf available for more direct information on how to order.>>240520
Honestly glad to hear that you have a goal to work towards and the will to not give up quite yet, nothing weird about that. I sincerely wish you the best anon. As for my decision,I feel at peace with it. Truth be told, the only reason I even have those diagnoses is due to a failed attempt last year with CO. No one knew and I had no desire to be found, but a police officer of all people found me in my car before I could expire. I tried to give things one more shot, even gave big pharma a chance with their anti-depressants.
I'm self aware enough to know that my situation is predominantly my own fault. I've been dealt plenty of shit hands, but it seems I played like shit anytime I managed to get a fair deal. I had to figure things out quick as a teen after being kicked out of my parents house at 17. I've lost track of how many jobs I've had over the years. It has to be approaching 40 different companies. I've scored multiple certifications, no degrees however. Jobs ranging from retail and food service, to towing, forklift driving, multiple management positions, call centers, insurance (both provider and beneficiary services), even became a certified DSP earlier this year just to try out something different that slightly interested me. I just can't pull off the mental gymnastics to make me feel like working for peanuts is supposed to be rewarding. The social side of it all is the final nail in the coffin for me though. I'm at my best when I just stay inside and avoid everything. The sheer banality of every social exchange I partook in or observed, coupled with all the degenerate behavior was enough for me to realize that I'm just plain fucking tired and not really cut out for the dog eat dog world we live in.
Financially, I was never getting anywhere. It's partially due to drug addictions, and also not knowing what to invest in or how to go about learning without being led astray. It's practically impossible to do anything but just scrape by every month, even after curbing the vices. The savings are too slow and all it takes is a major car repair to undo several months of saving. If you don't have the backing of your family somehow, you're pretty well fucked unless you've got an amazing head on your shoulders. I'm going to stop before this becomes a novel.
I've hit that point at least a decade ago. Not sure what keeps me going. Probably passivity itself
im so alone
im a mentally ill brain damaged high school dropout and i still have trauma from bullying
ive never had a friend in my life, been to a social gathering had a job or even had online friends. someone please say they are like me and im not alone
what does this mean? whos post are you quoting or what are you referencing?
When feeling like complete shit I stay in bed watching rpg book reviews. It helps me somehow, not sure why. Do you have any behavior you can retreat into when feeling completely miserable?
I read wikipedia articles about technology, or cold war, or interesting things, it's therapeutic to read about something that happened decades ago when you just want to drop dead.
It sometimes pays to ride out the misery. You will unexpectedly have days that aren't so bad. I had a horrible day yesterday. Almost passed out from the pain of a kidney stone. Turns out, I was probably unwittingly poisoning myself with high levels of oxalic acid from my food. Changed my diet and it resulted in a sudden burst of energy to work on hobbies.
I was taking an online class/webinar by someone who is just a couple of years older than me (25 vs 28) but he has way more knowledge, experience,looks and good things going for him than me, he described complex programming and math concepts as if they were childs play while I could barely understand what he was saying at times, at the end everyone was impressed and everyone taking the class agreed that he was very good, very knowledgeable and charming.
I like the guy, but I can't stop thinking how I would like to be as good as him, I would like to be good at math, programming and others things even if I stayed a NEET forever at least I could say that I'm good at something but I suck at everything I try, I'm fat, ugly, with a horrible personality and no one wants to be around me or listen to my opinions, my own mother tells me that I should just shut up because she doesn'6 want to hear my opinions about various topics.
I wish I could just die, It's not my fault to be a complete human waste, If I knew on the womb that my life would be this horrible later on I would have killed myself right there before enduring all this shit.
I just want to stop suffering, why I have to keep this shitshow going on?
I love that guys videos, he used to do so much insane terry trap doom vids, it was funny as fuck.
I can't stop thinking about my uneventful, unfulfilling childhood and adolescence. The bombardment of suggestive narratives from media like anime, movies, books and TV only compounds the problem and makes me long for a way to turn back the clock. I'd like to watch the hands swing backward, watch myself grow younger and get a second chance to do things over, but I know there won't ever be a second chance and even if there were, I'd be doomed to live out the same ordeal in repeat. It wasn't the choices I did (or even didn't) make which haunt me: it's my being in total. Everything from my stature and my intelligence, to my upbringing and natural temperament, are laid around me not unlike a circle of binding salt in some magic ritual, circumscribing my fate.
That just makes you a sensible human being. Enjoy the times where you can still care about the past before your body and mind fall into parts and you're trapped in the painful present.
So according to the pic there's only anger and sadness while happiness is an imaginary construct of a time that never was real?
This comic is somewhat true as the best years of my life were the worst and I fondly reminisce on them but life has gotten much worse. We are broken creatures and I sometimes wonder if I adapted to being isolated since it started in childhood and then embraced it. Either way life is horrible the good never makes up for the bad.
Pretty much, it's also somewhat a self-fulfilling prophecy because I anticipated stuff becoming worse and hoped there'd be a death squad and credits roll after my graduation.
It never fails to amaze me how others on this board manage to sum up exactly how I feel also. There is great suffering here but also great wisdom and self-awareness. I wish you well, OP. We're all fucked
And as far as I know it, he is gone now. I don't think I will ever really be able to know for sure about if he has died or not beyond never seeing him online again. All i can do is look at the 'last online X hours ago' as the number grows higher and higher. Ill miss ya wizard sempai.
I continually shift between negative and neutral to somewhat skeptically positive states when it comes to healing myself and taking control of my life. I will shift in moods multiple times even during a therapy session and I know I need help but I need to want to help myself and seem to deny it.
I'm 40 next year. This past couple of months have been rough. I thought I'd start to care less as I got older but the opposite is true. My motivation to even attempt improvements in life and enjoyment in things is close to nil. At least when I had a bit more natural youthful energy I could cope for periods with deluded shit like working out, even though I never got in shape. Now I just don't give a fuck but not in a good way. I still have almost constant stress and anxiety and the existential angst gets worse. There is no point to me being here whatsoever yet I know I will never rope.
I just sit and do nothing. I don't watch TV, I don't participate in any websites, forums etc. I don't play video games, I have zero interest in them. I'm not remotely into anime or other common wizardly interests. I occasionally read but usually give up pretty quickly, I'm not smart enough for philosophy. I don't create. I have half a dozen guitars that I never play. I just fucking sit in silence and talk to myself in whispered tones. I need to start wageslaving soon but no idea how I'll get a job or how I'd cope if I did. The same mental hamster wheel over and over again.
There is probably some philosopher who put the torment into words very eloquently, Nietzsche or someone, I dunno. It's a deep self-awareness that you are nothing more than a genetic fluke governed by neurochemicals that happen to dictate that you will always be miserable. You didn't get the NPC gene, you are not attractive or born into money. You are simply a futile. Then you realise there are billions worse off than you, not that you give a shit. But it just brings home the suffering of existence for most people. I envy those who genuinely believe in a religion. Whatever gets you through. No matter how much I sit in a state of anxiety fretting about WHY I am the way I am, understanding absolutely nothing of psychology, science, sociology, history etc, I can never ACCEPT it. The insanity of the life lottery.
If only I could reach the point of genuinely not giving a shit and just fucking rope. Sadly, I'm inflicted with some kind of OCD circular thinking and highly neurotic. It eez wut it eeeez
why are people such sociopaths who need to bully naive people who arent corrupted and why is it encouraged
why is it only antisocial behavior if you dont have friends
>>240744>I envy those who genuinely believe in a religion. Whatever gets you through.
This hit me, anon.>There is no point to me being here whatsoever yet I know I will never rope.
Too powerless to live. Too powerless to die.
Why do they need to bully the losers we know we are low on the social order what do they gain do they do it for fun what is it they are hoping to do? Do they know it does not feel nice?
Please learn how to punctuate your posts properly and avoid run-on sentences. Thank you.
all the halfway interesting parts of me are the things i prefer to keep private. being a paranoiac (due to past trauma), i board up my windows and encrypt hard drives, and generally avoid being seen in public–that is, until someone, some heavy-handed authority figure looking to pummel me into submission (in the name of preserving my "health" despite contributing to its decline in some way), forcibly removes these stopgaps. it's like a kind of fog settles over my brain then. i can't indulge in the few strange, disreputable activities i enjoy; no anime or weird hentai or comic books, nothing. so i sit there and now i see myself as every normalfag sees me in public, just a vast expanse of nothing, an absolute nonentity of a person.
it must be absolutely wonderful to be a normalfag. they can share every trifling thought that passes through their head, every detail of their lives and interests, and for the most part evade criticism. nothing about them warrants suspicion, or disgust, or sanctimony from the "respectable elements" of society.
>>240779>it must be absolutely wonderful to be a normalfag.
Yes and no
Yes in that they are able to get what they want much easier by knowing the right people (connections) and can get by with the help of others (family and friends)
No in that they are trapped in a hamster wheel, working like slaves to attain material things and constantly seeking approval from those around them (their social circle)
anyone so much of a loser they cannot relate with losers since they are not as fucked up as yourself? even on here I do not relate to most.
Yes I guess it's not that different from those psychology forums where the posters are surprisingly, relatively functional. The most fucked-up individuals simply don't participate or are squeezed out by the general normalcy of the average poster.
My brother is a disgusting garbage human being. He has aids, abuses drugs and is an angry dramatic piece of shit. For decades he's made hell at home every day stealing things, yelling at our parents and begging for money, and being woken by his shit at 3am was routine. He's 24 years older than me and I've lived with this my whole life. Well, he got progressively worse over the years. His fiance left him 20 years ago after finding he has aids and his son has it too, and so he lives as a failed normieshit angry at the world and uses this as an excuse to forever be a parasite living with parents. When I was a kid I spent all my days watching TV with him. At 6yo I was being taught to sit in front of a tv and get late to school because I was watching thundercats. He taught me to masturbate and encouraged me to do it, turning me to a cumbrain degenerate with no sense. At some point he started playing fart games where he held my head and farted on my face while I was sitting watching tv. Only at like age 18 I realized I could not sit there watching TV and what a disgusting manchild he is, which glitched his dumb manchild mind thinking I was a robot destined to sit there with him.
All his drug hell literally killed my dad. My dad was over 75 and my brother kept steadily with his behaviour, raising hell every day, fighting my dad etc. My dad was literally getting ill and depressed and literally got some degenerative illness because he couldn't bear existing anymore. He put a chain on his bedroom door so that my brother couldn't break in. I fact, for over a decade everything on that house is always locked with doors and you can't move freely, everything takes a key. So, Im much like my dad and as my brother was abusive of me too I felt the same as my dad. His disease wasnt natural, it was his body responding to his desire to leave. It was fucking awful to watch all that. Then he withered on a bed for two years until he died. On the same day my brother started talking about doing parties at home and acting and talking like he's the man of the house now. He spoke about how he shamelessly and cluelessly bragged one day at his construction job when his boss wanted to restrict his amount of lunch (my brother eats like 3 or 4 people) and he bragged proudly about how he can eat any much he wants at home, and left work to eat that lunch at home. While it's my mom that spoils him while my dad gets mad that he's a fuckin parasite, sleeps on the tv with the tv turned on wasting energy, eats like a pig while refusing to give a single cent for the bills. It took me 4 months of this bullshit to grab a steel stick and beat his head. I wrote all this because I wanted to say that he's becoming loud again, talking loudly at 7am, talking nonstop at night between the time we get home from work until I go to sleep, even talks to himself, and it's fucking annoying, yesterday he made a little joke about me, and I want to beat his face with a hammer like a gore video. When he talks, it makes me very anxious, nervous, with a fight of flight response, and depressed and disturbed. He doesn't just talk, he fucking yells all the time, spreading out all the shit that goes on his head, anger, resentment, drama, will to destroy, to bully, to provoke me so that I get angry and destabilized, the response he loved to get from me when I was a kid and that I stopped by cutting all words with him, but now he sees this lack of response as passiveness and just increments the abuse, so the choices are leaving forever (I don't have a career so I would starve), living bearing this shit like a rat, beating him up again so that he stops for a few months, and killing myself and let my family have the misery that they love.
That's fucking awful wiz. Is there anyway you can move out?
Only if I get a better job
How did he get AIDS?
Probably from the "abuses drugs" part.
if you are going to kill him stop posting about it on here maybe delete your posts idk but do not leave a trail of intent.
Yeah, but I thought it's usually managed as HIV for some reason. Full blown AIDS is surprising.
What's your job if I may ask. Unless your brother overdoses and dies I don't think there's any other solution other than getting away from the house. Fucking sucks wizzie.
He's a degenerate since as early as his teens and sticks his penis in anything that looks like a female, loves cheap whores etc. He claims he got aids at around 16. He's nearly 50 now
I think I'm fundamentally incompatible with society and people. Everyone else has their own quirks and personality, I'm nothing, a nonperson, not funny, no opinions, nothing to share, so introspective it's painful. When the conditions are right I can just about pass off as a human and engage in generic pleasantries but there's nothing there; just working acquaintances and relationships of convenience, which end as soon as they begin.
I feel like a sim who can only attain at best the lowest resolution level wants like meet a new stranger or play a game, everything else is unobtainable for my deficient, lacking, warped and isolated self. Usually I'm fine with this - fizzling out in a uneventful meagre, safe and comfortable existence isn't that bad when you consider all the humans that died as infants or boys that got conscripted and sent off to die in some war, getting stabbed in the belly or blown up in a ditch before they even reached adulthood. Still I can't help but feel like there's something missing and almost every interaction with people makes me feel more incompatible and broken, there's a whole field of "normal" human experiences I can't access because I got a bad dice roll, and this is so innate to my being it's impossible to change.
I'm torn between wanting to be left alone and simultaneously wanting to engage with people, it's probably some monkey brain survival instinct that's telling me to join the herd or be outcast and die - which is still pretty much true today. I would be "fine" if I won big on crypto or some meme then I could just NEET it up and live peacefully in my bubble with my escapism and hobbies (for whatever they're worth as tainted and molested as they are) but I'm not smart or resourceful enough for working out some niche so I'll probably be forced to engage with society and live a pitiful wagie life at the bottom of the totem pole. This then reactivates my lizard brain, creating all sorts of negative emotions and thoughts, telling me to kill myself for being such an invalid. Yeah you can call me a failed normalfag, unfortunately I'm not one of the lucky few genetic lone wolfs or stoic larpers that has no desire for friendship, camaraderie or belonging, I can ignore it for a time but it always comes back, to me these are the only things that could make working and existing among other people worthwhile, and if I can't attain them then there's no hope - I'll only get older, uglier, more twisted and alienated, doomed to exist in some ethereal pseudo autistic void of melancholy and disappointment, in a world that won't even let losers like me escape into fantasy without cunts ruining it.
So in other words you are normalfag
Good post wiz. Well, not good post – really morbid post, a real shо ga nai
post, but you hit the nail on the head. Shit's fucked.
You just sound like a normalfag who has autism being able to introspect is fundemental to a wizard. By genetic lucky lone wolfs you mean schizoids? you do not realize that by not needing company of others and being schizoid means that the value of nearly every activity is lowered as it relates to increasing your social position etc. It is not gaining something when you are schizoid but missing out on a huge chunk of what makes life enjoyable to the point you do not enjoy it.
The very fact you think that you oculd be happy after winning big on crypto shows how utterly ignorant you are and I suggest keeping it that way because once you look behind the curtain well.. there is no going back.
I keep fucking things up for myself
embracing the rot just laying in my vcave doing nothing not even watching anime gone are the days of escapism.
Nailed it. There are some articulate motherfuckers here I tell you.
Do you have any kind of plan of action, any copes that you can cling to?
my existence is a mistake that shouldn’t happened I’m just a bad genetic mutant and with no talent,strength or intelligence I hope I will find courage to kill myself.
If anything you're the normalfag. You're just like those retarded social workers saying to poor wizards that can't leave their home how pathetic they are and how much they miss out on life. You're the worst kind of person.
>been retardedly raised to be nice above all things
>can't make demands
>when someone calls me out for something I don't do I just stay shut up or apologize
>the other day I went to a doctor and they misdiagnosed me and I was too afraid to speak up and just thanked him and paid him and went away with nothing solved
thats stupid, humans are garbage theres no point to care about being nice to them.>>240895
doctors don't know shit.
1: why are you on twitter normalfag
2: why are you censoring their names?
you are abiding by reddit rules.
I follow car racing and comic book news and it was something 2nd hand I saw
Follow your own advice, vermin
Stupid newfag. Adopt to this chan. Don't censor shit. Retard.
I make up tragic stories in my head and cry in real life. I am crying right now after imagining a story about a mentally ill NEET who slowly loses his sanity and runs off to the forest so he doesn't trouble his parents. Yesterday, I cried after imagining the story of tribal warlords who seek revenge for the genocide of their people.
I'd imagine the wizards among us who are actual losers and not just LARPing are chronically homeless, unemployed and don't have the energy to post here that often. Then the next level up are the NEETs who still live with their parents. They happen to post on /hob/ and the other less active boards here. Then the next level up are the wagies who mainly stick to /dep/ because they hate their very existence. And finally the wizards who are living the dream, are financially successful and post on /wiz/ and /lounge/ for the most part.
Same. I wonder what the underlying utility of this behavior is. Are you an emotionally repressed person?
>>240945>Are you an emotionally repressed person?
I think I am. I try not to show my emotions around other people and am addicted to my computer as escapism from uncomfortable feelings.
>I wonder what the underlying utility of this behavior
Maybe it's just an escape behavior. It's engaging to think up stories and the emotions associated with them is cathartic and pleasurable. A think to note is when I am angry, my daydreaming started to consist of thing like me committing terrorism acts and such. I don't think these sorts of fantasy feel good or serve much utility at all. Maybe I just have an overactive imagination and poor emotional regulation.
Started having schizophrenic hallucinations, like I keep hearing my alarm clock going off and I'm now hearing people talking crap about me despite being alone.
You can get that if not schizophrenic I get all sorts of hallucinatiosn myself try not to worry about it it is really more the psychotic breaks that cause issues and only ify ou go too far into a delusion. If you mention this to a doctor they will push antipsychotics on your and the cure is worse than the illness unless you are seriously schizo
This might be true because the normalfag and truwiz vibes in /wiz/ give me anxiety, /lounge/ is filled with /pol/ content and pron, /hob/ while comfy reminds me too much of how I don't have any hobby. So I'm stuck with /dep/ mostly and it is the best it gets I suppose.
NTA but I think a lot of wiz just do not bother contributing to discussions not out of a lack of capacity or means but because they have no energy and have spent so many years online there is just little point. The wiz who hate on /dep/ come across like normalfags and you can be a normalfag virgin it is not even uncommon.
two days at home and it's already becoming uncomfortable. no brushing teeth, no sun, no showers, no nothing if im not going to do something on the world. and my wrists are starting to hurt from sitting on the computer all day, head and mouth hurts too. plus being in the same house as my crazy brother makes each minute stressful, draining and tiresome. the last couple weekends were better because he was out banging some whore or doing drugs. cant wait to go slave myself again tomorrow.
i cant bring myself to do my chores
it's like that thing that the longer youve been watching tv the harder it is to turn it off, except it's with the computer
I can have just one very simple thing to do and then still not do it day after day despite intending to do it each and every day. Right now it's cutting my hair. It's to the point that normies are giving me looks. Why can't I just make myself do it?
You need chemicals.
You're working with stone tools right now.
Before we have wire-heading these are our metal tools to do the job.
Begin warp waning immediately
You aren't wrong, I drink mountain dew occasionally and my god it makes me work or do shit for some reason.
The Netherlands are a good place to live in (unless you live in one of the major cities like Amsterdam) but yeah, the culture may be more workaholic in nature than that of the US.
I fucking hate postpubescent children, especially on the internet. Puberty is the killer of innocence.
Things were alright before puberty. Then one boy shoots up like a tree overnight. The others follow suit. succubi start getting their curves: some receive nature's blessings in abundance, and from then on are initiated in the ways of the adult world. Then everyone learns what sex is, and a more complex social hierarchy materializes. Those who can't compete are squeezed out. Children can be crafty, sure, but they're nothing compared to the duplicity which teenagers learn to make use of in maneuvering their ever-growing social circles. I hate sex. Sex makes young people go to such lengths for its sake. A child is effectively dead once all their built-in normalfaggot transformation protocols kick in. Puberty is the death of innocence, just as a butterfly's emergence from its chrysalis signals the death of the pupa it once was.
Children can be evil too. Life only cares about passing on of DNA and doesn't care about the hell it creates in between.
>>241110>especially on the internet
Absolutely. I know that every generation goes "oh kids these days" but that was all before internet. The internet has funamentally changed the way human beings operate and think. I see kids 2 or 3 years old with ipads operating them from muscle memory. Before they can even speak they have a direct link between their brain and the internet. The internet as a whole is practically grooming kids; taking the role of friends and family. I tried making a twitter account because I were curious (yes I know, big mistake) and the kids on there all had bios filled with weird pronoun stuff and self diagnosed mental illnesses. I saw one argue with someone alse and they went "umm sweety I'm underage and you made contact first so apologize or I'm reporting you (:".
Have barely slept for 5 nights. I feel barely sentient. Not sure how much longer I can go on. Life has been one hell of a fucking disappointment. Humanity deserves everything it gets. Wish I was low IQ enough or had an NPC personality type so I could brainwash myself into religion and become a monk or something. Anything to escape this perpetual misery
>>240562>Diet, fasting and colon cleansing were the "warp wanings" long ago I explained here.
Read from Suvorin, Ehret and Daniel Reid. I won't explain anymore, it's mostly physical.
And it takes quite a lot of time to have proper results.
I used to bully my bullies… no way out the constant fear I was into everytime.
But why in the world would you want to have anyone else looking like you?
Twitter is such a vile cesspool. It used to be Tumblr but Twitter is both more popular and degenerate than its predecessor. Still can't believe that 13yo gay furries and prepubescents transgender kids are not just figments of my imagination. This is the reality that we live in, and it's only going to get worse.
>>241123>I won't explain anymore
Sometimes I get so bored it becomes almost a sublime emotion. Like something transcendent or other worldly.
Thx man, i have nothing to lose at this point.
You know those news about people that first kill their family members and then themselves? I'm having a a lot of sympathy for them recently.
Was bored so decided to try discord and even imageboard servers were garbage and I know that the good places are not easy to find but I do not want to spend time getting to know people and joining them plus it is a small world. Socializing just does not seem like the effort seriously it is much better to read or do anything else unless you are willing to put in the time to get to know people and establish yourself within a group
>junkie, aids infested, construction worker, brother randomly started asking mom to leave a bigger share of the house for him on the testament (dad died recently and mom is 69)
>mom said he'll then have to be better and help around the house more and stop doing drugs and making hell at any time of day or night
>also tells him to get a house of his own instead of having just a bedroom in his parents house forever
>brother gets mad and starts raising his voice
>brings up that the other day his boss called and asked if he had spent the night out or if he had proper sleep, mom said he spent the night out, and boss didn't take him to work that day
>starts yelling at mom for not lying that he did sleep the night at home and demands her to pay him his daily wage because it's HER FAULT that he didn't work
>I say that if he didn't want that to happen he shouldnt have spent the night out
>he tells me that he was drunk but was good to work and mom should have lied
Should I get this fucker arrested for holding drugs?
I should have done it years ago so that he wouldn't make my dad ill from severe (and I mean severe) stress, depression and threatenings, but since he's already dead I didn't do anything, but he deserves some punishment and he also keeps making hell at home for me and mom.
Make sure he is caught with enough drugs to be away from a long time, otherwise he'll be back at the house in 2 weeks and probably with an worse temper.
People often use the phrase to 'grow up'. Now where I'm 28 I finally start to understand what that means. It basically means to lobotomize your own thoughts and experience. It means to just do stuff and move on and don't think about it. It's the most retarded thing in the world. It means the loss of magic and and the loss of questions about what is going and why we exist. It means to earn money, survive. Now you don't read books anymore, you consume them and forget them. It's pointless to read deep stuff or to be interested in higher knowledge. The only function of that is to waste time.
>work out and starting to feel better about myself
>heard family being angry downstairs about how the local thugs gave them shit
>realize I live in a corrupt, crime ridden shithole and get depressed again
When I was younger I had the delusion of being successful and taking my family to live in a better place. Now I am a mess.
It barely gets more down to earth than this. Could be straight out of a side plot from The Wire.
yes, basically it means to be a wage slave because everyone else is doing it so if you're not doing it they get jealous and hate you because it feels unfair to them, but in reality everyone's life is their own to live how they please, if they didn't want to work they didn't have to. The only thing keeping them in line is the groupthink and collective shaming and snubbing they impose on anyone who falls out of line.
Being a neet doesn't make you special or superior to other people in the way you think. Humans have been wageslaving since ever, in a way or another, it's not a case of "everyone else is doing it so I have to do it too", it's the fact that people need to survive
Anybody worth anything is a halfway delusional loonie.
Going around challenging literally everybody to a sword duel? You must be absolute cuckoo to do that. But it has been done and now that man is immortal.
Where did I say it made me superior? The wage slaves are the ones who care about such things, they are not only working to survive, they are working to "succeed" aka prove themselves superior to others. They are trying to fit into societal ideals that are pushed by corporations for profit so they can attract succubi. I have no interest in such a thing, I just live how I want to. The reality is that you can live a wealthy life by all of human history's standards by being a panhandler on the street today or simply living with your parents or living on bux of some sort. We have had centuries of technological progress that have created immense wealth and productivity. To produce the same amount of wealth that people had just 100 years ago with today's technology would take only a fraction of the time that we currently spend working. My problem with it today is that we're not actually working out of necessity anymore, we're working because of debt slavery.
Think about it, in normal circumstances in the past if you wanted a house you would find a patch of unclaimed land and build a house on it. Once the labor of building the house was completed, you were rewarded with the house, plain and simple. Now the houses already exist, everything has been built out already, but if you want one of them and the land it sits on you have to pay through the nose to get it because all the land is owned and everyone is competing with everyone else to buy it with big multi decade loans given out by banks that do nothing but suck money from people like leeches. The more finacialized the economy as a whole becomes the more people are forced to play by the rules and go into debt for everything they want to buy, this makes them little more than slaves being obligated to work somewhere unless they want to lose their home and all their worldly possessions. It's all so artificial and pointless especially considering the massive problem of global warming that we're making worse by requiring everyone to work flat out exploiting every resource possible to "make it" and "be an adult". I just want nothing to do with it, if you want to go ahead and tell yourself that makes you superior to me, go ahead but I have no interest in doing the same.
This, buy some yourself until you reach 1kg and hide it somewhere where you know he wont be able to find it, I don't know where your from but most places lock you up if you have 1kg of anything, in the meantime get your mom to sell the house and go live somewhere else
Your life would be hell if from one day to the next day suddenly everyone on this planet would decide that they don't want to work anymore. Food, electricity, water, sanitary infrastructure, house services, have fun dealing with that entirely on your own.
I'm definitely not advocating for that, I'm just saying that we're doing a bunch of work that is essentially not necessary and just for luxury and we're doing it all on a completely selfish level with every man competing against one another for wage slave positions on unequal and unfair terms. If the basic question of life is how do we provide everyone with the basic level of wealth to live a happy life there are infinitely better ways to do it than the current clusterfuck but that's not the goal, the goal is to perform our stupid fucking mating rituals because humans are stupid fucking monkeys that are controlled by instinct. We will destroy the environment and make it unlivable for the massive numbers of people we continue to shit out generation after generation. Famine and war is on the horizon again, we have just been living in a small golden age of energy abundance from fossil fuels that has allowed resource exploitation and wealth generation to go up to crazy levels but it's fundamentally unsustainable and will backfire.
Current society does not make sense to participate in. People who fundamentally do not even work and just own things will take the lions share of the profits of your labor so that you have just barely enough to fund a normal and socially acceptable lifestyle as long as you scrape and bow every day working playing the wage slave rat race. In return for this you get all the hedonistic pleasures that modern consumerist society can provide along with all the drunken social interactions with normies as you please. But of course me being here, I desire none of that, so therefore why would I put myself through the stress of working? It's not like people will starve if I don't go tend the fields or something, the world will continue on unchanged. As the pandemic clearly showed only a fraction of the people who work are actually "essential" and surprise surprise it turns out they're all low tier wage slaves and all the rich people just fuck around on the computer in their underwear and pay themselves hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing work that is essentially pointless and unnecessary. The game is essentially rigged at its core and unless you have the traits it takes to play the game and worm your way through all the normie circles you will always be the one being exploited. I'm not about to play myself like that.
I agree with all that but even though I still have reasons to look for a job. I just don't know how to spend my time and feel like my mind and body rot after years of doing nothing. There are people who embrace and make use of the NEET lifestyle but I can't enjoy it for too long nor am I creative. The hedonistic pleasures are important to me as my whole life is based around escapism and the quality of this escapism requires money. My parents are disappointed and I can't move out. It's useless to hate your parents when you live under the same roof as them. Makes things only worse.
The game might be rigged but from a metaphysical point of view it doesn't matter either way. My life should have ended years ago, I was psychotic and often was at the train rails, but I couldn't do it, there's nothing to lose now. If I don't like working either I can still kill myself later.
Fantasizes about beating mom to death with a can of pledge
It's said that those who bear great resentment towards themselves are really just narcissists under another guise. That's true, I think: it takes a real self-obsessed person to ruminate over every aspect and condition of self; raising yourself up on the pillory is self-obsession, plain and simple. When someone who has a death-wish or a grudge against themselves threatens suicide, or invents fanciful hypotheticals ("If everyone within a 1 mile radius could vote to have me drawn and quartered, they'd do it! By God, they would!"), they are showcasing a particularly nasty version of egocentrism – that is, they are unwilling or even unable to admit that what ails them so is not an excess of self-love or self-hatred, but the desire to have the world bend to their whims and woes.
For a number of reasons the real world is becoming more and more hostile towards me, don't get me wrong the real world has always been hostile to me, but in the past few months things have been getting worse.
I wish I could just escape, not really die but escape, put me in some kind of happy slumber that I could wake up once or twice a week to greet my parents or something, I don't like this world, I don't like my environment so what I'm supposed to do? Take the wagie pill and "work hard" to change it? I don't even want to do that because even if I had money I would still live in this horrible world and that's the thing that makes me depressed.
I wish I could get fully immersed in vidya and anime like some hardcore gamer weebs out there, but I don't have neither the money or the proper mindset to get there.
So my choices are dealing with a world that is always hostile against me or killing myself, and honestly the killing myself option seems to grow stronger every single day….
Deleting my posts is such a bitch move by the mods. Fuck the mods.
You the dude from the fap thread or the grudge thread?
feel I have gotten mature I tried to interact with some people online and I just cannot get behind what conversations revolve around anymore as if I have outgrown socializing with others online. Who needs to socialize when you can entertain yourself with media
Yeah. Fuck the moddess and her pet pooper (CCTroon) and fuck Mod Andrew. Fuck anime. Fuck anime ince|s.
What’s up friends, fastidious paragraph and good urging commented here, I
am truly enjoying by these.
This year will be my 10th year as NEET. I'm long gone now
i agree, most of the work done by people is unnecessary.
God I hate breeders so much.
Im going to create life because im a narcissistic asshole failure and hope my kid wont be a mediocre screw up like me. But guess what, you think theyre going to actually support their crotchspawn? NO because hey; tHaTs HoW tHeY wERe rAiSed! Then when their kid ends up a mediocre fuck up with no skills and low paying job that has to live at home, the breeders REFUSE to take responsibility! OR WORSE, kick their fucking spawn, that had no choice existing, out into the FUCKING STREET. OH my kid didnt end up rich and famous BYE BYE. You will never here a breeder admit they fucked up EVER. People should have to get a mental and financial evaluation before being allowed to have kids becuase this shit is just fucking insane to me.
"Go forth and multiply"; the moment I read this was the moment I realized that the God of this world must be evil.
>>241499> You will never here a breeder admit they fucked up EVER.
My mother routinely tells me that she’s a failure of a parent because of the way I turned out.
-see a counselor
-she tells me a list of things I need to do every day
-leaving my room to sit outside for 15 minuets
-talk to family for 30 minuets a day
-stop eating out of the garbage
My family contacted them and told them I eat out of the garbage sometimes (for good reason) and this is menat to be bad behaviour.
I feel so misunderstood I eat out of the garbage because there is good food in there that gets thrown away and I hate waste. Normal niggers treat me like I am an animal.
I'll assume this is a serious post: a counselor will obviously encourage you to adopt healthy habits, and a good measure of health (or, at the very least, one of several metrics) is how far one differs from the baseline. Your habits are not "normal", and thus unhealthy. They elicit disgust from norms (and for good reason, too; you're liable to get sick because bad things go in the garbage, wiz).
Yeah no, stop eating trash. Even if the food looks fine it’s been sitting in the same container that rotting shit has. Just tell them not to throw shit out when you see them going for the trash.
You’re mindset is so hard stuck on college you are seriously considering ending your life over some numbers on paper. College isn’t everything.
No it means to take responsibility for your actions. Which is also why you shouldnt care about what dumb normalfags say or do.
Grow up, its fun.
do you seriously believe this
Yes this is a serious post I could not help but laugh when she was telling me to eat food from the fridge like a human.I truly felt like I do not fit in with normal people when she was giving me a lecture about eating from the bin and isolating myself.
She says if I eat from the fridge and try look after myself I may learn to care about myself but is this true?>>241531
I have never been sick I used to eat a lot of raw meat and rotting food in the past so have healthy guts or something I presume. My family go by the use by date instead of checking the food if it is good. I do not seem to get sick but am careful with what I will eat.>>241532
Can you get some amphetamines to help you wizz? as others have said college is not everything you can change your perspective and be happy with nothing.
Honestly eating from the garbage probably won’t hurt you in the long run, and I don’t see how eating from the fridge will somehow normify you. But still there’s little reason to do so and it’s clearly causing you undue stress as your family keeps hassling you about it.
Same. Even the tiniest responsibilities and expectations just make me too stressed to function. I have no idea how am I supposed to deal with this. How would someone like me ever get any job? I crumble under the smallest pressure.
every bump is like a mountain and the end of the road is never in sight
My sex drive is dying rapidly and it's really breaking me. The last thing I could routinely enjoy is just dying. I look at porn, I feel horny, I even still get a boner, but I just can't will myself to touch my dick. I know the nofap cultists will say this is good, but it's just destroying me mentally.
I wanna make stuff like I used to do as teen but I am too apathetic and low energy now, I used to make games for no reason and they sucked and I didnt care because it was fun, now I open my text editor and just sigh, I think of all the crap I have to do, how no one will give a shit about it, how people already did what I want to do hundreds of times in every language imaginable
it used to be so fucking easy I didn't even have to try, now I don't even care enough to start
I feel this way too except I never did creative hobby stuff when I was younger. My advice? Drink heavily and relax
>>241625>Drink heavily and relax
Out of curiosity how old are you? I used to do that in my early 20s by my mid to late 20s binge drinking stopped being novel and began to take it's toll on my body. Now drinking does the opposite of helping me relax.
28. It takes a toll on me too but not every time
good old weed never let me down. Not only can I relax but I can actually feel pleasure. Alcohol in comparison makes me feel physically terrible.
Weed’s good but it always fucks up my eating habits.
I just returned to school at 24 years old, nothing I ever attempted succeeded and I am sick of failing all the time.
Its really taking a toll on me, I havent had a single success since graduating high school.
If retard normalfags can do it so can you. Don’t give up.
Internet lingo and discussion corrupted my mind to a great deal. I exhaustively started using the internet for communication purposes around 11 years ago, I was 17-18 then. Before my life wasn't great or anything like that but I was kind of more of myself, a person who lives in his own little bubble of a world view and meanings, opinions and semantics. Now, this does not mean much as I obviously was still a child back then. However I came to the conclusion that the very form of communicating online influenced me in a negative way. This is including text, images and videos, from image boards like 4chad where I started in 2010, to forums and reddit and even stuff like comment sections on youtube, and of course porn sites, gore, personal blogs, reading about other people's stories and opinions,red pills and other colors, conspiracy theories, pol, life style theories, reading how people live better life's than me. The internet lets you forget your own life, it let's your own life look meaningless. I am drowning in its hyperspeed of information, there is always another source that let's me know that someone right now somewhere knows more than me, lives a happier life than me, knows the truth about how things work. It's equally pointless to read the stuff of depressed and sick people, how would that better my situation, it only spreads more miserable thoughts in my brain. People apparently know what's good and what I should do better than me who is sitting here with my own past but apparently according to the internet I should just listen to this random guy who knows something I missed out on. And what I mean with the form of communication is that the hyperlinks, never-ending content, endless amounts of people who think they have something important to say or do online, and always updating information about what is supposed to be important right now, what I should consume and what opinions I should held now, all these things never give us a break. There's constantly another f5 refresh button to be pressed and it will with no doubt present new information. All the while I forget why I'm even online and why I care about any of these information because 99.99 % of them are a waste. And yet there are some invasive ideas that infect the mind, especially when it's repeated again and again like all the useless red pills and hollow philosophical memes that spread like a fire and everyone adopts to these stupid ideas like sheep. That is, when they are in vogue. The general topoi, e.g. things that people care about and how they adress certain issues, of the internet seem to work in waves and these change every few years. Right now it seems to be in vogue to have mental illness. No wonder I think when actual children grow up in this swamp, they never knew anything else meaning they never had time to see the world and themselves their untouched by the hyperlinked society.
Very good post. I took the time to read all of it and agree with you fully.
I do wish your text was spaced though, so it would be easier to read for most people, and transmitting your ideas would be more effective.
But all the points in your post are correct.
Well obviously I cant, I am also sick of the NEET life and just feel bored and tired of everything, like I cant be bothered to either study or work or NEET, its just all some tiresome.
I'm trying to motivate you here.
Well then stop trying and rot with me.
>>241863>then stop trying and rot with me
bro that's gay.
I thought you’d like some words of encouragement but if you don’t then I’ll stop.
Transhumanist piece of shit, I hope you die
Despite recognizing all this it's still hard to avoid. The corruption has already taken place. Even though I know better I still will without reason go online. It doesn't help to simply say 'I will not use the computer or smartphone anymore'. What else do I have to kill time during the day?
But I am trying small steps and writing that post helped a bit. This is another instance of laying in bed after waking up where I could do something better like going to the bath and take care. Well I'll stop now. Small steps and getting more aware of what I'm doing and all that stuff
I am not that wiz, dont know why he feeps the needs to larp as me.
Can't see any future in which my life has meaning. I dread what's coming in a general sense (the world, my country) and in a personal sense. Might as well go with a bang, right?
Have you ever thought about what "meaning" should entail? Because in my opinion its just an attempt to rationalize depression.
What, you wanna be famous?
Why do I increasingly feel like this chan is worse than normalniggers?
That would be because it is
What are you doing insulting someone for having a low IQ or not being masculine on fucking wizchan?
The internet is just no replacement for genuine human interaction. In fact it makes it much worse in the long run. That's the price we pay for anonymity and an override of content. This place is probably the best for what it is supposed to be, but yeah… I feel like ever since it was down for a few days it got even slower here. Hell, sometimes I wish it would have just stayed death. Not sure why.
want to be freinds? we are similar
>>242032>want to be freinds?
friendship is a lot of responsibility
You’re so new it hurts.
shit brah my bad, totally didnt realize this was the meetup thread
going to keep this brief
29 years old and have been paying parents $600 in rent a month to 2016 and $800 a month up to now. I have never missed a rent payment.
My parents: treat me as a servant, threaten me physically, threaten to destroy my property, threaten to write me out of their will, spy on me with house cameras
What sort of legal action can I take?
It's hard to just move out when you're property gets threatened in the process.
Why do you have to pay so much?
I only pay $420 in rent to live with 2 roommates.
my parents do the same exact things, what gets to me the most is the physical violence/threats to kill me and the spy cameras. I don't understand why parents do this
Is it their house? If yes, move somewhere else and cut all contact.
It's interesting how every attempt to improve my life fails and drags me down closer to paralyzed depression.
I hope whichever forces control my life allow me to die soon and be annihilated.
i feel like my brain is shutting off and i will collapse. i can't think. i can't do even the simplest tasks. sleepy. want to die. why it's so hard to die?
I fucking hate everyone. And I mean everyone. Every human living and dead. I can’t fucking stand them. They torment me to no end. And when I seclude myself hoping to find peace of mind I find only that I hate myself as well.
the depression is always the worst for me after another failed attempt to improve my life. At this point I've pretty much stopped trying.
Dont like 97% of all Russians dodge the draft because the Army is shit? What are you doing there as an apprentice???
Btw I have a Russian exam this monday and I think I am going to neck myself, still dont know like 60% of the vocabulary.
the last time i remember feeling joy or satisfaction was middle school, over a decade ago. even then it was fickle, short-lived, and intertwined with being pushed into lockers and having my stuff thrown into urinals. please god dont let me wake up tomorrow morning. please god have some mercy on a coward who cant grow a spine enough to off himself.
I hate politics and I hate the overly politicized nature of the internet. I hope everybody who participates in this stupid tribalistic "MY SIDE GOOD YOUR SIDE BAD" nonsense gets their heads flattened by a tractor.
You can't escape it. One way or another they will find you, they will kick down your door, and they will demand you join their side or perish.
I can relate to this, school was terrible and most likely ruined my mental health even more but I felt way more alive back then
I feel like my spirit has been broken that I have to be forced working mandatory overtime because amazon is doing some stupid special for the week, get called lazy by my parents for not wanting to do it, so i'll probably be a yes man and never take a day off for the rest of the year, I hope they'll be happy and I hope I get killed in the job by some stupid warehouse, this fucking life isn't worth it, fuck this man.
I wish I didn't get so negatively affected by mom being mean to me. She was going to fry and asked me to remove the smoke sensor to prevent its siren from going off. I'm short so I couldn't reach it and wanted to grab it with a jump but it fell down and she started screaming about how lazy I am because I didn't bring a chair, how I just lie around, how it's broken (it's not) and how I have to pay for it. Said nothing to my sister of course and then she wonders why I avoid her and doing things in general.
Also fuck the government for forcing this shit since a few years.
>just remove it permanently
That's what I said but if something happened we would be liable.
My mother wasn't able to mentally handle shit as well and she'd have outbursts at me for almost any mistake I made. She destroyed a lot of things that belonged to me including a lot of toys I loved, sometimes not even in front of me which is really weird when I think about it now, makes me wonder if she just wanted to let off frustration or if she wanted to punish me.
Funny enough when I turned out to be the same mental mess as her everyone acted like it's my fault and my mother would get mad at me for behaving exactly the same way as her.
Took a lot of drugs today to try to alter my state of mind so I could enjoy things. Nothing happened. Not sure what to do at this point.
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The void is growing. I feel so hopeless, no path to follow, no one around, nothing. No dreams, no ambitions, not a thing to do beyond self contemplation. I feel like crying though, after all I'm human, the sorrow of all this acknowledging…it never ends.