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/dep/ - Depression

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I'm between a rock and a hard place in life now. The internet and video games no longer provide the escapism that they did before. To make matters worse I have no desire to work lately and I hate interacting with others, like I'm constantly putting on an act until they leave me alone. I could literally veg out and stare at the ceiling all day at this point. Sometimes I can press on through a combination of drugs but we all know where that leads. There's simply nothing worth existing for anymore.

It's like I'm in a movie where the credits should have started rolling ages ago. The rest of the script is just blank.


At least you can put an act. My act sucks, so coworkers lash out in their twisted passive aggressive fashion.

Not playing victim, but I do also hate any social interaction.

Take a break from internet, then come back


>a combination of drugs
how often do you do drugs? this isn't good, most likely why you feel awful, in a constant state of drug withdrawal


Nothing too serious. I start the day with kratom then sometimes end it with alcohol, helps me put a lid on the emotions that are holding me back. Kratom in particular is good for my anxiety and helps me keep some motivation (I actually recommend fellow Wizards try it, prefer it to CBD but I digress). Both aren't doing my liver any favors no doubt, but life when sober/clean just feels like shit anymore.


>Veg out and stare at the ceiling

hah! I spend 12 hours a day sleeping now and I spend usually 2-4 hours awake staring at the ceiling in my bed. I think we've reached a point where our brains are damaged too much. It's like we're past the event horizon of the mental illness black hole


I consider it a relief that the internet no long has as much pull as it once did. I still hate that I can't completely cease imageboard use. The neural pathway is too strong.


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>download game
>uninstall after 15-30 minutes
dropped games general regugee here. I envy currently playing and the finished games thread, how do those guys commit to a game? I always look for an excuse or nitpicks like 'what a waste of bandwidth'


create your own in-game challenges


Yo, new here.


Yea same dude. I’m 30 and I really can’t see a point to keep going. I genuinely just don’t enjoy existing anymore. I intensely loathe and dread interacting with people because it’s just another person who will judge me somehow because of the lack of cadence in my voice or how depressed I look. The interaction is already doomed to be shitty so I just turn away from it all. The problem is that human interaction is essentially a prerequisite for the attainment of even a low-level existence. Jobs feel like jails and I’ve had 15 of them. I always quit after a few months. It’s simply the icing on the cake of psychological suffering. I haven’t worked in 3 years.

I feel completely empty and exhausted for no reason. I can’t imagine enduring this for another 30+ years


I hate existing but also don't care enough to kill myself either. It's a double-edged sword with no real answer. It is what it is.


>I could literally veg out and stare at the ceiling all day at this point.
same. i hate doing things. like everything is just a drag. i would rather just lay in my bed in the dark and stare at the ceiling than do something. i love to sleep. momentary unconsciousness is the only respite i get from the burden of having to live a life. i wish i could sleep through everything and have no responsibilities.


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I mean you probably can't, video games seems like a waste of time and isn't as fun as it used to be. I remember playing some old games and they always got me so fucking hooked in. Like "The Suffering" about a man who apparently killed his wife and kids and you gotta survive your way out of the prison by killing shit ton of monsters and learning your past. Shit was fun and amazing, nowadays games don't have that much spice.


27yo wizard here. All my copes aren't working anymore too. I fell into a hellish emptiness. Fuck.


25 was the turning point for me. Began to actually "feel" the age in my body too, if only a little. If you don't have much going for you by then shit starts to get a lot worse real fast.


Im in my late 20s


I'm 33 now and honestly, my.life is in a repeating cycle of work and distract.

I'm only delaying the inevitable but hey, you do what you have to do right?


If it's any help wizzie I learnt to enjoy the emptiness at like 29.
I recommend reading the "Daily Stoic". It helped me a bit.


It's a natural progression. Just as your body ages and declines the same happens to your brain. Mental health just gets worse with age.

I have no copes left. I stare at the ceiling a lot because everything is a chore.


Life ends at childhood.


>life ends at childhood
Life does not even begin in childhood, children are too stupid to even know how to think at that age.


When I was a younger adult I basically thought that the only part of life worth living was childhood before you understood mortality, and that basically society should be set up to make that period as nice as possible, and then kill them.
Now that I’m older I realize that it is sort of set up like that, except instead of killing them they sacrifice the misery of the rest of their life to creating the best environment for another generation of that age. I just don’t have access to doing that, so my life is both shitty AND pointless, whereas for most it’s just shitty.


people have kids in hopes that they will make them happy and their own life worth living.
We are sacraficing infants to the ouroboros


Life starts at 30. Before that it's all a jumble of hopes, dreams, emotions and illusions. Only at 30 onwards we can achieve insight, and as wizards, see life for what it is, and separate good from evil, even if only in our minds. No sooner. I pity the young.


I can only hope you’re right.


It is a journey. I've been depressed for exactly 99.99% of my life, it was like looking for a pearl in the ocean, and only recently I feel like I've caught a glimpse of it and can plan extracting it.
Not a single day in my first 30 years of life felt meaningful, I was suspecting myself to be another NPC. Then somehow magically, after a panic attack, it all made sense like never before.


It obviously depends on the person. Some people might waste their youth like us. Some might enjoy their youth so much that everything afterwards seems like shit.
I had a horrible life until about 30 so it was like my life began then. There are things left for me to enjoy and things are great in comparison to the past. But i'm not going to pretend that decades of depression was a good thing, or say lies to myself like that most other people didnt have a fulfilling youth


That goes without saying. After all I'm only in control of myself, you are only in control of yourself and others are etc. etc.
But yeah, we found ourselves here and if we haven't left then I guess we must have thought we're good company for eachother. I don't intend to preach and shame anyone, just wanted to maybe provide an opinion, that there are people in their 30's which weren't themselves with 1 or 2 in place of the three, and odds are we're all a bit alike here.


Why do copes always fall apart? Why can't I just play video games everyday, shut out the world and enjoy myself with a tiny little pleasure? Does everything have to be taken away?


Because coping, by definition, does not remove the source of the problem but treats the symptoms or helps ignore the ailment.


The source of the problem is existing.


It can be solved too.


death is not a solution



How is it not?* Death is the end of your consciousness, no more experience.


>Death is the end of your consciousness, no more experience.
This is just an assumption sadly.


The most plausible one, if not the only one that is plausible.


Because you haven’t solved existence, you just stopped existing instead. It’s like math professor claiming he solved the equation by just ignoring it.


Year after year goes past and the only change in my life is me getting uglier, weaker, dumber, i'm in the process of going out with a whimper. Before i die i want to return to that moment in my life when i failed to do what i feared, the thing that decided my life. But i'm not sure what that was anymore, there are too many things i ran away from in my life. I want to find out if it would have made a difference.


Wish I could veg out and chill. My lizard brain keeps insisting on achieving something while all I can do is coping by learning useless shit with the help of endless energy drinks.


I've never worked out so I've not noticed any loss in strength. But my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be and I don't like looking in the mirror anymore, as my hairline is at the early stages of thinning out and I'm starting to look my age. I fear one day I will look up and hardly recognize that person and wonder where all the time went. Shit sucks.


hooray for wizchud improvebrah for ruining comfy dep thread


Try fasting, or just becoming hungry. It is natural to not want to sit in front of a desk all day. Before, people had great trust in their government and their own ability to help their community or country, but few of us trust our abilities to affect our environment and more importantly we do not know whether or not this change would be good. Especially as a "computer-guy", and even more so if you're working for some tech company which makes apps, phones, laptops etc, since it really does not mean anything to us if these things sell or not.

You go to a job for money, I assume, but people have less trust in that too (at least on this website). You do not have children (I assume) which is why you cannot use it on sinkholes such as education or other forms of procrastination like that. Most things in life, I think, are best when cheap. I mean when you go to a grocery store, the cheapest food you can buy is probably ramen or something like that, but if you increase your budget you can buy staples and vegetables (and salt, pepper etc), and some meat occasionally. Given a bigger budget, you can buy tastier food which makes you eat more, or is less nutritious (junk food), or takes away the satisfaction of making your own food (restaurants). If a man does not have enough time to cook his own food, his schedule is clearly beyond filled. He is overworked. Food is for nutrition, not taste.

If you still have parents who you are on good terms with, maybe they live in the countryside etc, take a leave of absence and visit them maybe. I don't know. Try physical work. I do not mean a treadmill. Or running laps. I mean work which has an effect you can see with your eyes. Not work which affects your body. It can be very simple things, such as putting firewood together, or whatever camping people do. Something like fishing, like in your picture, might work well if you already know how to fish.

>The internet and video games no longer provide the escapism that they did before.

Very natural. Video games were made to be played with friends, at least in my opinion, but if you have friends there is no need for the video game in between. Video chats and all those "party games" are unsatisfying. There is no sense of camaraderie, because there is no shared effort. They are acquaintances, or so has been my experience.

>I'm constantly putting on an act until they leave me alone

You are putting on an act, you are acting like you want to work. It is natural to not want to talk to strangers. We are forced to cooperate, we do not give ourselves the freedom to stay quiet.

> I could literally veg out and stare at the ceiling all day at this point.

Natural. Rather, most people cannot do this because of worry. Your stomach is full, you are well-slept, there is nothing for you to do. Veg out around vegetables, on the grass. There is nothing wrong with this, though it can sometimes feel lonely.

>There's simply nothing worth existing for anymore.

Very few of us feel "needed" in modern society. Our parents are taken care of, we do not have children. We work for ourselves, but at the same time we do not. We work a desk job to get money to buy food and shelter, and then worry about what to do with the free time. Living is easy, but when you're living to make yourself happy, which is such a chaotic thing in modern society (it is affected by how happy you think you are, how happy you think others are, how happy you think they think you are, and so on.) Living is not happy, because living is not an achievement. In fact, with all the news about the environment, war, or whatever they talk about to ruffle our feathers, living is somewhat shameful. We work to buy goods we feel guilty about. But that doesn't matter, we are not "good people", we will put our needs above theirs. So we search for satisfaction in food and drink, but we do not find it. We work for food, but now we cannot enjoy it. You are not hungry.

You will not be worried about philosophical ideals when your stomach is empty. You cannot concentrate on your job or any of those things then. Eating and sleeping, hunting and foraging, living and mating. Existence, that is your achievement.

>It's like I'm in a movie where the credits should have started rolling ages ago. The rest of the script is just blank.

And therein lies your strength. You are not working towards some epilogue, you are not dealing with your coworkers for some cause. Modern life has given you freedom, use it.


Want any advice on fucking with your coworkers? I mean screwing over their lives, not fucking them sexually of course.


Biggest normalfag waste of time post when you could have just summed it p by telling him to read uncle Ted.

>try fasting

You say this as if it will magically cure depression when at best it alleviates some of the symptoms however if you ever fasted long enough and continually you would know that around 4 days after eating last the benefit you feel psychologically will vanish and with continued fasting you get diminishing returns.

You claim he needs to be needed and feel that call to glory in order to value life but as the german sour puss said you can only want what you will and not will what you want.

You claim perhaps aptly so albeit incorrectly in good measure that OP needs to make life harder in order to find it satisfying and hurrah for this is true however friend the hedonic treadmill exists and as someone who has experienced the harsh life as well as the easy life I can tell you that they are both one in the same with stability of either existence bearing the only true meaning.


wellness crap and hollow platitudes, im sure it will help someone some day (besides yourself) if you keep it up


yep can't believe i bothered reading that load of garbage


I can't fucking act around normies anymore. I just can't. This is all one giant game that everyone is forced to play.


I never asked to be born into this shit. Why couldn't I have just slept in eternal nothingness.


Fasting made my depression exponentially worse. The gym meme was even worse, I needed to go to the ER for a panic attack and sliced my wrist there while waiting.

I have never felt more at ease than when I stopped doing those things, ate whatever I wanted normally (without gorging, just normal maintenance calories) and stopping going to a gym I hated going to.

Only people with normal neurotransmitters can get joy from things like fasting or excercise.
For someone whose life has zero sources of joy those two things are simply torture, nothing more.


I feel like void sleep is too good to be true.


there is no evidence to the contrary.
In-fact a living body with a non-functioning, non-thinking brain would be considered by most to be dead, or at the very least not able to think.
your current vulnerable mind's existence isn't evidence for anything except that your brain as it physically exists at the moment you read this post is making neural connections, and firing synapses.
when your brain rots in the ground you will have long since experienced your last thoughts.
there is no evidence for anything else.


yes because being happy, having children, making some money maybe, getting older and dying after doing lots of "normal things" solves my existence???
you sound like someone who must have figured it all out. must be so great to be you, but I'm not.
I see no reason for anything.


I don't have anything figured out, and i'm not suggesting being a normalfag is the solution. All I'm saying is we're alive, so there must be something worthwhile to do while we wait for death.


almost all my time is spent doing things I dislike, I'm tired of it.


>so there must be something worthwhile to do while we wait for death.

thats where you're wrong


>we're alive, so there must be something worthwhile to do while we wait for death.
pure non sequitur


I can't wait to go to sleep today. Possibly forget about my existence for a bit. It's literally the only thing I've been looking forward to, anything for a respite from this meaningless life.

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