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I haven’t been able to consistently leave the house for the past 8 years, you know how people say “things get easier the more you do them”? Well it’s the complete opposite for me, the more I am involved in a public place such as trying to get an education the more the paranoia builds, until I can’t take going there any more. I am 26 years old an I have never had a job and I have no education beyond highschool and some random college classes I managed to get through with heavy medication.

Is anyone else like this? I am not even depressed I am just extremely scared about being outside, the thought of even leaving my front door sends thoughts of neighbors peeking at me, recording me, taking notes on me, etc. I can’t bare it


I guess I'll say what "NPCs" have told me all my life. Nobody gives a single fuck about you enough to care about doing any of that. You are not special or noteable. You haven't accomplished anything. You aren't an active political radical. Nobody gives a fuck about you, Andrew.


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do you really want to get out? what is out there for you?
the way you describe how much your condition is stopping you from getting out more sounds like you could apply for bux, live out life trying to take it easy while avoid society.
if applying for bux seems like a big step possibly go through counseling, depends on the country but they could be nice and somewhat understanding, and get through all the bux redtape for you.

take it easy wiz good luck


I’m trying to get the bux but I’m not sure if it’ll go through, I don’t live in a very bux-friendly place, I am mostly afraid of the future, if I don’t have any way to support myself then life will become even worse, I don’t want to go outside it is the most painful thing ever


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Anxiety and paranoia can escalate to truly debilitating shit like schizophrenia. You are still playing on easy mode but that could change any day. Watch yourself.


I've only had mild psychosis so far, I don't think I'm predisposed to full schizophrenia, or maybe it's just because I haven't taken illegal drugs because I don't leave my house. But yeah I stopped telling my doctors about my paranoia because I dont want to take antipsychotics, being basically a lobotomized vegetable isn't really a cure


And as an addition, I just think about the things that run through my head when I'm outside, they just can't be true

So just one fear that keeps me out of my front lawn for instance, it's that the neighbor across the street, 70~ year old man, (I feel) is sexually interested in me, every time I see him sitting on his porch I just feel like he is waiting for me to come outside, when my parents make me walk to get the mail I go by and I start sweating and look at the pavement and I can just feel his eyes glaring at the back of my head, I've refused to do certain chores on occasion because of this but I don't even want to tell my parents because they'll think I'm crazy, one of the worst things now is it seems like whenever I arrive back home from places he's going back in to his house like he's done with something, I tell myself it doesn't mean anything, but my lizard brain says he's doing it on purpose

I really don't want to live in fear like this


all in your head, wizkid, don't let your parents think your crazy


It's really scary being paranoid. In my case, Internet use was the thing that ultimately set me off and made me lose contact with reality completely but I had had a long history of odd beliefs and paranoia, interest in supernatural, conspiracy theories, notions that we might be living in a simulation, etc. that fueled my disease. A big warning sign is when it begins to seem like everything you see, read or hear seems to be talking about you or is in some way connected to you. Watch out for "ideas of reference". This can evolve into complete madness. Good luck to you. I had to be forcibly medicated at first. I'm not trying to scare you but you should know the signs.


Did you read The Grape Cure? I once read it was used to alleviate schizophrenia…


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I would love so much you people shared more of these things.

Together we may slay some eldritch madnesses apart.


>you know how people say “things get easier the more you do them”? Well it’s the complete opposite for me
when a person has never had a mental illness or has kissed a succubus before, i instantly make a mental note that they are gonna be complete retards about some things and to discard anything they say about that


what do you want shared


You almost found the truth but you ended up lobotomizing yourself…


The root cause of social anxiety is always either a lack of social skills and experience that would afford you confidence (like any other task) and/or its a maladaptive identity that one is deeply flawed and unwanted and so on.

The first cause is more common and easier to solve since social anxiety gradually goes away the more you push yourself to deal with the social world and its complexities and develop an intuitive sense of how to navigate it and get what you need. This type of anxiety is just the normal side-effect of dealing with a problem space (survive and get your needs met in a social environment) that is important to you that you cannot properly wrap your head around in a meaningful way (yet).

The second cause is much more complicated and while more experience might improve your situation in the first case, in this case it might drastically make it worse. The more you fail or interpret ambiguous social situations negatively, the more evidence you have to support your "flawed" identity and the more ingrained it gets. Even if you behave in a socially competent way, there is still that "itch" that its not enough and that people harbor deep dislike for you. The paranoia makes sense when you know you are deeply flawed and expect people to react to you in a certain way i.e. being recorded, humiliated and/or simply disliked and hated. Even if people are nice to you, with your deeply flawed personhood, it is very difficult to believe that this is genuine.

The solution is still more experience, but just a different kind that might be difficult to get in every day situations. Namely, you have to be presented with significant emotional experiences that disprove your flawed identity and usually, people don't go out of their way to show this to you. For instance, a cashier will not provide this kind of experience, nor will your mailman or co-worker or even friends in most cases. A therapist might be able to do this, but since your relationship is based on a monetary transaction, this is often not enough.

The complexity of your identity is determined mostly by the web of significant experiences that have formed it and support it in the present. If you were treated terribly, bullied, made to believe you are flawed by several people who you were emotionally attached to (parents, siblings, "friends") then "undoing" the damage will require about as much positive experiences, if not an entirely radical re-interpretation of previous experiences (for instance, showing to yourself that the way people treated you was a result of their bad character and intentions, rather than as evidence of your faulty personhood).


It is desire, wanting… what makes us nervous and pathetic.

Embrace thyselves and forget what It is not for thee. Do not try yo seduce neither be seduced, for this how I stopped from being awkward to make normies feel awkward before.

Do as it is done to you. Do not chase to adapt, rather let others understand it is them who must adapt to you. Life became easier to me after so.

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