Same here but why are you thinking about that now? Don't you have new problems that overshadow ones that you faced in high school?
It's all the unreleased emotional sress and fustration, the stares,snide remarks and constant sneers has left me filled with regrets and the worst part is I was, too weak and insecure to do anything. At least 37% of the population in urban cities is comprised of souless husks
Go somewhere rural and attempt conversation. You haven’t seen husks yet.
Practice stoicism. I also recommend reading "Subtle art of not giving a fuck". It's a bit reddity in the beginning but has a right frame of mindset.
Also Diogenes and Albert Camus.
Sounds like you're traumatized and your brain keeps reminding you of it. The only real way through it is to disprove what the trauma is telling you i.e. people will always put you down because you're an unwanted loser. You do that through experience, rather than contemplation the idea. One way would be to find a group of people that accept you and treat you with warmth and kindness, eventually you unlearn the unconscious expectation of that put down and social interaction will start to feel normal. Talking to other people (that you trust) about your issues also helps. You'll be surprised when you first open up to someone about something really painful and humiliating and instead of getting put down and mocked, you get this warm understanding and empathy. Those kinds of experiences are what you need to "unlearn" the trauma.
In general, psychological trauma is just significant emotional experiences that leave an imprint in the form of unconscious knowledge, what you instinctively and implicitly know which controls your automatic emotional reactions. There's nothing inherently dysfunctional about trauma since it's just learning, in terms of evolution, these constant emotional reminders would keep you safe from potentially dangerous situations. However, it can also be pretty limiting and painful and not worth the "safety" it brings.
A trauma could be an experience where you felt powerless physically, socially, emotionally and so on, and that leaves you with the unconscious knowledge "I can't deal with X situation" and painful emotions rise up anytime you perceive that situation rise up as a possibility. Usually, there's specific triggers centered around a theme, which you might be aware of or not. Next time you feel this way, simply observe what occurred at that moment, was it a thought, some memory, a person, a group of people. For instance, you might pass a bunch of children being loud on the street playing and you suddenly start remembering all that bullying you experienced. A short-term cope is to be aware of triggers and avoid them, but it's not a real solution in any way.
alternatively study pessimism whilst questioning the philosophy along with some eastern ideas so you end up apathetic while accepting the hell. if you ask me- this chap is still salvageable because he has fucks to give.
this might also mean that you need to do something to make you proud of yourself, I dont necessarily think you need to start making contact with people
Real advice OP?
Stop being a faggot. Do stuff with your life NOW and your past won't have time to haunt you so much. Sit around doing nothing and it will eat away and consume you.
fucking this. OP is in for hell if he keeps being a bitch ass over literally nothing
>insult and mock other male
dude stop caring about literal schoolkids.
You are high in the trait neuroticism, this is common in wizards. Try psilocybin, just one use tends to create personality changes that are relieving for these types of things.
Why do all these hippie tree-huggers think their magic earth hallucinogens magically cure everything? Getting high on some poisonous mushroom isn't going to change your life, there is no magic cure-all medicine in life, anyone that says otherwise is touting snake oil
drug addicts are generally a threat to society, it's why cops target the homeless and niggers
that wiz is right though and if you ever used psychedelics you would know what he meant.
Yeah they can help some, they can also let you experience a terrible trip which may even make you hate the world even more, make you psychotic etc the list goes on. When >>246819
this guy says when it can induce positive personality changes it can very easily fuck up ur brain even more. Why even take the gamble unless ur severely fucked already?
you will be different after you trip unless you only take a small amount. DMT is the one that will right fuck with you.
My trauma stems from past failure in college. I am pressured to pursue this line of work since its in demand but im always reminded of how much i suck at it(partly because of trauma, partly because i actually suck).
What should i focus on in this situation? I'm thinking of giving up but neeting isn't really an option… There are days when the pressure builds up and i can't sleep. I'm so tired and also embarassed.
maybe making a friend online you can talk with openly without fear of being judged could help? a friend can be good for the soul
online friends arent real
You're fucking 22, you don't have a past yet.
t. has never had a real friend online
I'm the wiz you're replying to, psilocybin tends to produce permanent changes in personality from just 1 use. There's plenty of evidence for this, I would even call it brain damage to be honest but so what? Everything is a form of modifying your brain structure, even having a soda. Arbitrarily hating drugs isn't rational since all we are is a particular composition of chemicals that is constantly changing anyway. Sleeping isn't that different from killing yourself.
Kill them all.
You may think things are bad now but they're going to get so much worse.>>246819
I knew a couple of people who tried to fix themselves with the retard mushrooms and other delusion inducing drugs. Each of them turned paranoid, borderline schizophrenic.
I don't mind working with neurotic people but I can't stand having to listen to conspiracy nuts rambling about how the magic substance let them see through the facade and now they know they're imprisoned in a Truman Show style jail or being gangstalked by agents of the quantum simulation administrators or whatever.
Sometimes I'm glad I only ever worked dead end minimum wage jobs because I can just leave when the fried brain druggies get too annoying.
have you done psychedelics?
bad trips are rare and its easy to lower the risk even more with mild prep.
I won't do your retard pills.
>>246898>bad trips are rare
if you are a neurotic anxious mentally ill wizard you will not have a fun time on any psychodelic substance, if youve done these kinda drugs and you are here browsing the /dep/ board that is proof enough that your shit-fungi didnt do anything for you
>>246898>bad trips are rare
dependso n the person. bad trips from LSD and shrooms in usual doses are rare when you know how to mind over matter it but go ahead and do DMT buddy because you get what you are served. >bad trips
stupid term since it is judging a trip as bad because it was not fun in the moment when it can drastically improve your psyche.>>246899
dont do it then, no one should do something they don't want to do. before you die at least pop your psychedelic cherry though
>>246901>before you die at least pop your psychedelic cherry
cut the peer pressure, you're a brainfried retard, don't do drugs, they dont do anything good for you, they make you into an idiot
Holotropic breathwork was based in LSD. But the brain does not get clogged in such ways, afaik.
They'd complain about it
You know what has yo be done. The issue may be that you just did not use terror against terror.
what peer pressure? I told him not to do anything he does not want to do but to die without ever tripping is a shame.
Drugs make people stupid? you are joking are you not because that is ignorant
You probably deserved it.
"you're missing out bro, have sex at least once! it'd be such a shame"
don't cope with the past. let it hurt as it should. however it's time to move on. get into employment or training and start building your life. you're young, you've got this brother.
Live entirely in the present. Live one moment to the next. Do not think about past or future. Learn to enjoy life
taking a pill for few dollars for a fascinating experience with negligible risk, alone in your room. If you reject all worldly pleasures then I suppose you are a very hardcore monk and don't fit in well on this site
i cant suggest anything which is illegal so I will keep my opinion to myself.
Im a little older and feel the exact way too. Best advice is learn to live with your limitations and adapt your life to them no magic cure for this trauma
if you're buying off the street or the internet, there's actually a fairly high chance it's not the drug you ordered and/or it's laced with other shit. unless you do a drug kit test and check, it could be anything.
also, there is a particular kind of retardation in believing colorful and disorienting experiences will somehow re-organize your psyche properly by pure chance. it can be fun if you're into that kind of shallow shit, but real insight is something you reach sober and stays with you afterwards. DUDE I SAW VIBRANT TRIANGLES WOAH and then you come back to your boring ass life with supposed "insight" on the tip of your tongue that you will never be able to articulate and you'll forget in a day.
They were talking about psychedelics. it is very, very easy to obtain safe lsd and mushrooms. You can just get a piece of undetectable paper in the mail from a long-term seller with thousands of reviews.
The rest of your comment is obviously proven wrong by all the experiences that people report, even peer-reviewed scientific studies now show this and back it's psychiatric usecases. I havent tripped for over 5 years now but i vividly remember it; i feel that it was one of the most profound experiences of my life and that makes it true
My point was to demonstrate how stupid the rhetoric of "missing out" is. There's a million other things that YOU are missing out on because you aren't doing them and nothing is stopping you. But it's not a damn shame if you never experience any of it. It's not worth a damn.
Well that's true. It wasnt clear at all that you meant it like that
>>247273>i feel that it was one of the most profound experiences of my life and that makes it true
right, but that's the thing, the feeling of it being profound is just all the chemicals that flooded your brain. it didn't come from an actual profound realization that you could articulate, communicate and come back to any time you want. once you come down, you are not richer in any sense, except for a memory of trivial visual hallucinations and a feeling that it meant something, but alas, all the meaning just disappeared into the pisser next morning.
furthermore, you can extend this to all pleasurable experiences coming from drugs, the fundamental difference between natural pleasure and artificially induced pleasure is precisely the lack of substantiation in the real world. this is why these experiences will always be empty and nothing more than shallow enjoyment.
what you are doing, fundamentally, is confusing the feeling of profound insight for the real thing, like getting tricked by a printed label on a box full of shit. in natural circumstances, feelings are signifiers of meaning, but when you mess with that biological machinery, you don't magically get things out of nothing. which is why drug addicts don't become successful people, just because they can simulate the feeling of elation of succeeding.
>>247318>in natural circumstances, feelings are signifiers of meaning.
very well put
I disagree with essentially everything in this post.
>it didn't come from an actual profound realization that you could articulate, communicate and come back to any time you want
False. I still remember. It has left me with very strong memories and insights that are part of my core worldview. Some things I wrote down and they still make sense. I have a lasting, modified worldview that remains justified and communicable. This is not unusual, as is contained within the results of many studies and trip reports. It is also shown by authors and artists that reference their drug experiences - this is extremely common. Brain scans further show that psychedelics have a lasting effect on the brain in a way that appears to undo damage from depression.
Some things can't be held onto and communicated outside the trip, but that doesn't make it inauthentic. There is no objectively authentic state of mind.
>the fundamental difference between natural pleasure and artificially induced pleasure is precisely the lack of substantiation in the real world. this is why these experiences will always be empty and nothing more than shallow enjoyment.
Why should someone feel pleasure from tasting food, or doing exercise that produces endorphins? You're referring to some sort of 'real meaning' from the real world, but there is no meaning to be found. Substantiation in the 'real world' has no bearing whatsoever on whether the experience is empty. Regardless of drug use, humans have an inner life that determines what is shallow or not to them. You can cut yourself like a teenage succubus and produce endorphins in your brain; that doesn't make that "pleasurable experience" more valid than pleasure from a drug. We are just animals with neurochemistry that is constantly affected by chemicals.
A shift in your state of mind is not unlike visiting a different country. In the end, when it is over, all you are left with is the memory. Your physical life remains the same once you return to your country of origin. But in both cases you experienced life in a modified way, which can allow you to see things that you would have otherwise missed. A fish may not realise it is wet, and what it feels like, unless it has jumped out into the air to see that there is a medium, and provide something to make comparison with. If you had never been cold, then after experiencing the cold you may forever feel differently about being hot
>>247323>Why should someone feel pleasure from tasting food, or doing exercise that produces endorphins?
because there is a difference between eating food and being satiated by it, and taking some chemical that just gives you the feeling of being satiated and full. the end result of the second one is that you end up malnourished or dead, because empty experiences cannot sustain you…
you are thinking like a true reductionist that believes he lives like a brain in a jar, rather than someone who is embodied in the real world and relies on emotions and feelings to communicate truth about his environment in order to survive and thrive.
i won't try to argue about your subjective experience because there is no point, you can always claim things i cannot verify. i won't deny that it feels profound to you, but trust me anon, there's nothing there but your post hoc rationalizations. you felt that way because of an explosion of chemicals that you were lucky didn't fry your normal functioning biological machinery. you can't articulate it beyond pushing others to try some "risk free" drug produced god knows where…