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 No.248976[View All]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
196 posts and 18 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.250521

>>248976
All days are terrible for me, but the last few have been even worse, to the point were I almost can't bear it, and my only comfort is knowing that I'll leave soon, suicide is my only option. Still, I'm not leaving just yet, I still have to do a few things before that, and I'd like to make life more bearable to me until the time comes.

Today was so bad that I actually bought some vodka, a bottle with about 1 litre of it. I've never done more drinking because my muslim family is against it, and I still live with them, but I can hide it in my wardrobe, still, I'm a complete amateur when it comes to this, and the few times I did it I hated the taste of alcohol a lot.

I need some advice from people who are more familiar with alcohol, how should I drink this? I know some use alcohol to cope, but a lot of the time they're people that are used to the taste and can drink more easily, but I have a hard time enduring the bitter taste, and how it usually takes away the flavor of what I mix it with.

What's the best way to use alcohol as a coping mechanism for a begginer? Most specifically the 1 litre of vodka I currently have, what should I mix it with? What measurements should I use when mixing? How slow or fast should I drink it? How long should it realistically take me to finish a whole litre of vodka by myself?

 No.250522

>>250521
see if you can get some weed. Alcohol is a terrible drug.

 No.250524

>>250519
Why do people enjoy roleplaying as muslims online now?

 No.250525

I'm in a rut right now. The things I care about, I'm not doing, and I'm waking up quite late. Luckily I go back to wageslaving so I hope that'll bring me back into a normal schedule. I have these ruts that last a week or two and then a period where everything is okay for a week or two. It's not sadness but things just go to shit. Luckily, I've done a lot of things I care about. I'm just facing a different kind of adversity right now.

Give me till December and we'll see how it all goes.

 No.250526

I think I'll just put my head into the noose and let it all go

 No.250527

>>250521
you probably wont be able to drink it straight so mix it with a juice. it depends how drunk you want to get and at what pace you can consume it without feeling sick. you ask a lot of questions that only you an answer because it is different for all of us. alcohol will worsen the depression but is a cope.

 No.250528

Self-deserting avoidants:

>A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last subtype of avoidant patterns. Self-deserting avoidants combine the social (interpersonal) retreating of the avoidant with the ruminative (cognitive) self-devaluation of the depressive personality. These individuals immerse themselves in a surrogate fantasy existence to avoid the discomfort of having to relate to others. They are not, however, unaware of their use of these tactics (unless, for example, they are concurrently experiencing a major depressive episode with psychosis), and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective, and their thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences.


>Waking dreams are displaced by painful ruminations. Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate unremittingly. More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation of selfhood. Some become increasingly neglectful psychologically and physically, even to the point of neglecting basic hygiene. Some plunge into despair and are driven toward suicide, abandoning life as a means of ridding themselves of inner anguish and horror of their own identities. Others regress into a state of emotional numbness in which they are completely disconnected from themselves. In particularly severe cases, the structure of consciousness itself may split or fragment, leaving a regressive disorganization reminiscent of the schizotypal personality. As this process proceeds, self-deserting avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of their frightening transformation.

 No.250536

>>248980
You can gain sentience at any age. A lot of people just instinctively know it's over at 15, 16, 19 and they will most likely be forced either into a life of excruciating servitude for 50 years or suicide.

There is nothing except an inheritance (a non-factor for those not born into rich circles) or some kind of money game win that can alter this fate.

I've known it since I was ~12 and here I am at 31.

Sorry that I have to reference a current 'flavor of the month' normie TV show. But did you not learn anything from Squid Game?
It all really does boil down to money, and how not having it is enough for people to choose death over returning to a life of constant wageslavery with no prospects of improvement.

(The effect only compounds further if you were forced to take out loans like student loans and will never be able to repay them due to low wages despite an academic degree)

People also do get indebted due to desperation, for example taking out loans to gamble on sports, cryptos, luck games, anything they can that gives a glimmer of hope in the future of a life containing other things than sleeping, going to work and repeating it ad nauseam.
(This practically never pans out either)

Now, add to this mix the fact you just know you are not neurotypical since childhood, and it gets confirmed later on by a doctor.
People have shunned you all your life because you are too different. You will never have friends, a family, any meaningful human contacts that don't involve paying for it (like a cashier, barber etc).

Knowing all this is enough to drain the life force out of someone and make them a husk of a human being, a ghost that is barely alive. It's torture. Can you really, really deep down blame this person for wanting to escape literal hell?

I have known and experienced every single thing I have written above. My main mistake was continuing up until 31 and not just ending it earlier. My dopamine levels are now lower than those of a steel-trapped bear in a cold forest. I just get physical jolts of pain from the constant depression and knowledge it will only get worse and worse from this point on. Euthanasia should be legal for us. That, or at least allow us to redeem our lives with a Squid Game like one final test of skill and courage.

 No.250542

its kind of comfortable to know you can commit suicide. like if things get bad, fuck it, you can just bounce.

 No.250545

>>250536
Good post. And I agree with you on the Squid Game thing. It is *all* about money.

I would gladly risk my life at this point for a chance not at millions, but simply at $100k.

I've been on this Earth far longer than you, 46 years. I'm just beyond sick of this shit life. I have wageslaved since I was 20, so for 26 years.
My body and mind are broken, I am un-neurotypical like you, never had a single friend and family is obviously out of the question.

Other wage slaves just mask and cope better and pretend the world isn't hell. I _know_ it is having endured it nearly half a century.

 No.250546

File: 1637728772364.gif (1.96 MB, 500x282, 250:141, kurapika.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>248976
Anyone else just fucking sick of the whole "men should open up more" spouted by succubi especially when they subconsciously ostracize guys for doing it

What's worse is the guys who think "the bros" also have your back, no they fucking don't, that's a bold faced lie and you know it

 No.250549

>>250546
the whole "toxic masculinity" meme is complete gaslighting as succubi select for those exacts traits and then turn around and blame/demonise the entire male sex for their own gross sexuality

 No.250552

Why are you people talking to moids (or other people in general)? Outside of succubi you're forced to interact with (roommates/family, cashiers, maybe coworkers)

 No.250553

>>250548
sounds like crab talk. what is the problem with showing emotions? anyone who will attack you for being sensitive is not worth knowing.

 No.250554

>>250546
why do you care what succubi think? I show my emotions and I’m not ostracized, I’m not trying to impress anyone, that sounds like crab shit

 No.250557

>>250549
Amen. Post of the year.

 No.250558

>>250557
Not really. The normoid cares both about w*men and sex

 No.250559

>>250554
I have never been treated badly for being overly emotional. what is this?

 No.250560

>>250546
It's because they don't know
They'll never know, so once you full for your bait and pour your feelings out, they turn vicious and mock you. It's in their biology, they're really no better than animals. They're designed to hate weakness, they want you to be a cold heartless brute. Either you do that and just become jaded and hateful, or you protect yourself and stay inside.
>>250559
His emotions are probably not that extreme, is near people who tolerate him, or he doesn't care enough to notice people disliking his emotions. The last part is pretty admirable

 No.250563

>>249292
Genie fascinates me.
>Nothing comes naturally, a human is a wild animal just like any other, left to it's own devices without upbringing it would walk on all fours and eat it's own poop.
Mainly because of this. She couldn't even see beyond 10 feet, the width of the room she was forced in, her physicality in general was affected by her treatment. She was afraid of any loud noise because he father would beat her if he heard anything. The nurses that first saw her thought she was autistic before realizing her upbringing. Makes you think that we probably aren't all born like this, we are subjected to treatment that affected us to become this, it was shown that was shown perfectly normal.
Her father didn't think so though, he thought she was born with some disability so went to the extreme and kept her inside a room for first 13 years of his life. He thought he was protecting her, and I believe him. When he was caught, he shot himself and left a note saying "You wouldn't understand". I have seen this behavior, I believe he thought he was actually doing good, because this behavior I have seen done to others, onto me, and I in turn have done it to others more.
Genie was hitting puberty at this time and would make sexual advances towards older men and also touch herself in inappropriate times. Doctors thought this was a sign of sexual abuse but they found no evidence of account of it. Because separated from everyone else and society and culture, that's all we boil down to. Animals who only exist to eat shit and fuck. Removed from everything and our nature still acts up.
It's all a joke really.

 No.250564

>>250560
epic crab rant hombreo.
it isnt healthy to have such black and white thinking. You only make yourself look like an angrty teen doing this.

where are you kids drifting in from?

 No.250565

I'm starting to get really peeved about this "crab" nonsense that certain self-assured posters keep spouting

 No.250577

>>250570
Is it really that incredibly hard to imagine not everyone is consumed by desire for sex or some relationship revolving around romance?

>You never had that choice to begin with, so stop saying it's voluntary.

>You get zero dating app matches from non-bots. succubi look at you in disgust in real life
We aren't trying to hit a sore spot and cause you harm by mentioning the volcel nature we harbor.

We prefer not seeing posts about "lookism" "blackpills" or any other off site crab nonsense.

 No.250580

>>250577
Not the person you're replying to and I don't have energy to read the whole thread.
But wouldn't you say society in general is pretty lookist especially now in the 2020s?

 No.250581

>>250580
> wouldn't you say society in general is pretty lookist especially now in the 2020s?
not sure as I have limited contact with society. Please share your thoughts on the topic as I am ignorant

 No.250584

>>250581
Well, I know for a fact people in my local community have been refused employment where representation of the company is required, because they were overweight or facially ugly.

The company doesn't even deny the complaints on Glassdoor, they just say they are always looking for "dynamic" new employees.
Which is a codeword for non-ugly or fat I guess.

 No.250585

>>250584
I cant have an opinion on this worth any salt but it has always been this way hasnt it?

 No.250586

File: 1637754807995.png (479 KB, 500x489, 500:489, 1637447722056.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>250570
The fact that you can't imagine any lifestyle that isn't shoved in your face by the hypersexualised western media is one of the greatest flaws of crab ideology. You people are too ignorant. Read a history book sometime. Once upon a time there were people who attempted to refrain from sexual conduct, and they were considered amongst the most prestigious of society. Even if the prevailing social mores try to present themselves as the one, true and objective standard, they are wrong.

 No.250590

I dont want neither of this vol/crab shit, but a person on other chan told me it doesnt matter. So im part of the game in spite of not playing it, you fucking bored fucks never grew out of teen maximalism do you?

succubi are too high on maslows pyramid, i got down the earth health shit to worry about.

 No.250592

>>250590
But don't you know that >tee eff double-u no gf and oneitises are totes real problems, OLD MAN?

 No.250598

>>250585
Probably since humans have existed. I mean we are after all animals who merely possess the capacity to talk.

Some of us don't even have the capacity to think so they are kind of still in the fully-animal state.

All animals judge other animals by appearance, size, height etc., it's simply inevitable.

 No.250602

True wiz drops in to smash a crab with wizdom and a mod kills the crab.

Today was a good day on wizardchan.
>>250590
If we did not gate keep these retards will keep coming and coming.

 No.250615

>>250558
i care in so far as they espouse feminist bullshit that can and does harm low status guys like me but okay

by the way i guarantee you probably masturbate at least occasionally so you can stop larping as an ascended 13th century monk for the time being mr truewiz supreme

 No.250616

File: 1637783813833.jpg (815.1 KB, 2500x1250, 2:1, d2640182667e2abde07f5044d5….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

always help others. mistakes are intolerable. believe in goodness. fear. hell. i want to communicate. dont understand people. but i love them. i want to be like everyone else, do things together. i think i have something very special and i want to give it to others, i myself have no use for it. i want to make others happy, i think i can. afraid of myself. i think im doing something extraordinary, and ill fail anyways. very very afraid. i want to try. i want a chance. i wish i could start over. i wish there a god watching over all this. please.

 No.250621

>>250616
God is struggling just like you are.

 No.250622

>>250621
God pulled my pants down and did the Nelson Muntz laugh at me.

 No.250738

have u ever thought of stabbing everyone who walks by?

 No.250760

File: 1637977477066.jpg (1001.92 KB, 4436x3150, 2218:1575, yande.re 46947 chris_barkh….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

dont wanna go. afraid. i think im losing something very very important. dying inside myself. something im supposed to hold on to no matter what. i like taking care of others. like caring for others. like hearing and listening. love people very much. dont want to stop caring. its cool to be gloomy and edgy nowadays, i choose to be merry. but i cant do it like this. its too much. i wish i had been born in better circumstances. then i wouldnt have to kill this part of myself, i think if it werent so difficult, id be able to show this side, and make a point. i cant like this and have to let it go. ill be implacable, impregnable, invincible, incomparable, but ill have lost something very precious and dear. i dont know. i dont want to do this. im very afraid. ill be very efficient but im killing something very nice that could have made a difference. feel like committing an unforgivable sin. but its the only way forwards.

 No.250763

File: 1637978235339.jpg (2.67 MB, 3227x4611, 3227:4611, yande.re 443258 christiane….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

dont know. afraid. dont wanna go. dont want to be a bad person. i like white, its my favorite color. i think thats important. dont want to like black. i wish i could start over.

 No.250768

File: 1637982899963.jpg (179.03 KB, 630x871, 630:871, fun.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i dont know sorry i promise i wont post ever again. i think this is called panic attack. i wanted to talk a lot because i think ill never get to talk with anyone again even though i treasure human connections and i feel like i had something important to say. it feels like theres a loose end. i dont know how else to put it. i think im losing something very very important. i dont know im afraid. i dont wanna go. i wish i could be together with everyone else forever, i wish i could provide for others for eternity, and never let anyone have to worry about anything ever again, because i love people and think everyone is very special. im scared. im scared. i dont want to go. please god. please.

ill be really really awesome. easily one of the best in the whole world. my only limiting factor will be the laws of physics, and thats not much. trust me, in your whole life you aint seen nothing yet. youll be baffled and marvel how can it be possible that someone like me can do these things.

im scared. fear. fear fear fear. im afraid. i dont wanna go. im afraid. god please. please.

 No.250778

>>250768
i just want to say i appreciate your posts, i like the raw unfiltered stream of consciousness, im sorry things suck, i wish the world wasnt so twisted

 No.250788

Guess who's back,
Back again

 No.250790

>>250622
god did that?

 No.250792

File: 1638003096934.png (5.12 MB, 2409x1500, 803:500, __shameimaru_aya_touhou_dr….png) ImgOps iqdb

I have no energy. The first thing I think of after a 10 hours sleep is that I wish I can reset my sleep cycle and sleep again. I spend the rest of the day just feeling sleepy and tired as if I lack sleep. Instead I spend all of my waking hours in front of my computer defaulting to repetitive low effort tasks like lurking imageboards or binging youtube videos because those are the things that put me in a dreamlike trance and make me forget I am actually awake. I don't even play video games or watch tv shows because those requires a modicum of effort and attention. I somehow managed to inconsistently workout on a weekly basis for years now but has still yet to fix my condition. I am addicted to simulating an experience of unconsciousness and I am so tired and unfocused to do anything about it.

 No.250793

Sometimes when depression hits hard I lie in bed unable to get up, every second is filled with extreme anxiety and I have this thought that I'd rather be dead right now and it gives me a spark of hope, like I genuinely feel good for a brief moment thinking about dying because it would relieve me of this pain

 No.250804

This inflation is really killing my neet savings. I haven't slaved since 2017 and I don't have much left, now the big banks are conspiring to fuck me over by printing trillions of dollars and making my money worth less. They did this because their greed caused them to overleverage and the entire house of cards they built would have come crashing down without that so they just printed themselves a bunch of money and pocketed it all instead of losing money like they were supposed to. The rich got richer while my measly neet savings get reduced. Fuck the rich.

 No.250806

>>250528
I once took an MAOI that completely eliminated my social anxiety. I still had avoidant tendencies then. That's when I realized my problems were a whole lot worse than I thought they were. I have basically accepted my fate as a hermit ever since.

btw for any reading this, do NOT take an MAOI, those things can make you crazy.

 No.250817

File: 1638051955709.jpg (29.63 KB, 283x438, 283:438, 1619049037845.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm genuinely starting to think that I might be cursed or something, even though I've always been skeptical of things like this, of anything related to the occult, I can't find any other explanation, it shouldn't be possible for so much to go so wrong in so little time, every single thing I'm somewhat emotionally engaged with has given me nothing but dissapointment for so long, and in the last few weeks it's been just too much. I got to the point where I expect everything to go wrong, and I'm always right.

I've already made the decision to take my own life a while ago, already have a date set for it too, but the thing is, I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% set on this, as miserable as life can be I still wake up every day hoping to have the one day that'll make me reconsider, a good day that'll make me see how wrong I am in wanting to go down this route, and yet every day does the opposite, and something goes wrong, just to leave me no doubt. I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the only thing left to do for me.

I wish I could stop being emotionally engaged to things, I wish I could truly have no expectations, instead of just trying to expect the worst and still being sad and dissapointed when it inevitably happens. I wish I could have no desires, though that in itself is a desire, and consequence of a different desire, the desire to not suffer. Misery is our default feeling, and happiness is nothing but a weak and brief interruption of that, it'd be better if we felt nothing, and that's what I plan on doing, very soon.

 No.250818

>>250817
We may as well be the same person anon, it feels like I wrote this.
You're not alone I can at least say that.

 No.250820

>>250528
I will probably never know whether I really have autism or if it’s just this.


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