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File: 1634946849955.jpg (88.65 KB, 763x761, 763:761, you corporate pig.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.248976[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.248978

its the worst fucking feeling in the world being 19 and knowing all you have to aspire to is shit jobs, working in a routine that turns life into stale monotony for the next half a century, being at the bottom of scumciety, getting treated like trash and making shit pay. really makes you want to rope just so you dont have to go through all that. if only things were different. if only they could be some other way

 No.248980

>>248978
>19

Why are non-wizards allowed on this site again?

 No.248986

>>248978
Leave this website, there is still hope for you.

 No.248987

>>248986
He should leave, but if he’s here there is no hope.

 No.248989

>>248980
>>248986
>>248987
I think I started coming here when I was 14 or 15. When it’s really over for you, it’s been over for you all your life and it always will be.

 No.248990

>>248989
almost same, I started using wizardchan at 17 now Im 26, still the in the same spot in life as I was at 17 lol

 No.248992

Anyone ever have the experience of procrastinating on a problem and then the problem fixes itself or a solution just kind of falls into your lap? It happened to me recently although the solution was suboptimal. I just felt guilty for on one hand getting lucky and having things work out despite my laziness and also guilty for not trying to get a better outcome when I could probably have gotten a better outcome if I had just put some effort into it.

I feel like life is really hard but also ridiculously easy. Like how much effort does it take to not die? Basically zero if you grew up in a developed country during these times. Whenever good things happen to me I just feel guilty and undeserving. Idk why I can't just enjoy it.

 No.248994

>>248987
Agreed. Some people just know they belong here, even from a young age. I think the wiz experience is an innate thing, rather than age based.

 No.249008

It’s so fucking tiresome. I just spend day after day hating myself and thinking about how much I wanna blow my fucking brains out, and yet I never do. I literally have a 12 gauge shotgun in my closet, and both slugs and buckshot but I never go through with it, I often wonder if I actually even want to die, and these days I am beginning to think the answer is no, but if that’s true why am I consumed by thoughts of suicide constantly? Its the first thing I think of when anything goes wrong, when I remember some cringe shit I’ve done, or when I simply have nothing to distract myself. I am so unbelievably tired and unhappy with the person I am and the life I live, and yet I simply cannot bring myself to go through with it, I fear I am doomed to live out the rest of my days like this.

 No.249010

>>248994
most I noticed is people are either previous crab/failed normalfag or they are wiz from the beginning, most people telling younger people to go away are probably the reformed crabs that don’t get it, I basically knew my life was over since elementary school when I sat alone on the playground eating dirt

 No.249011

>>249008
Sounds like you still have a lot of time to figure it out, so don't rush it. Most of us don't have such a way out.

>>248994
>>248989
I was 100% sure by the time I was 15 and I have been here since I was 18. Its set in stone

 No.249012

>>249010
>I basically knew my life was over since elementary school when I sat alone on the playground eating dirt
you sound like a fucking toddler with that logic
wizkindergarten2021

 No.249014

fuck it, get fucked up and just learn to enjoy the misery. emotions in excess are powerful take risks do whatever you want and none of it matters.
>>249010
it is so much worse to be socially capable but not caring for normalfag shit. you were probably just unable to make people like you- you lucky bastard

 No.249097

I think I feel trapped in my life. I've been in the same place for my entire life doing little to improve myself or prove that I can be a better person. I'm doing the same things thinking that I'll do new things once I finally do that thing or few things that are supposed to change my life but I never do them. In the end, I'm running, no walking, in mud and slipping where other people are on regular dirt. I've made decisions and opinions on things I've never experienced (like the OP's picture) and I don't know if I'll ever get to be able to make genuine opinions in the first place. I'm stuck in my own mind and I can't force myself to change physically or mentally, only emotionally. I keep learning the same things, doing the same things, and living the same life. I have literally been living my same life for six or more years now. Now I'm going to be forced to change that life (26) since my health insurance is going to run out. I feel like the peak example of being stuck in your ways.

 No.249109

I'll be 30 next year.
I think I'm finally at peace with life and death and pursuing virtue.

 No.249110

>>249109
>I think I'm finally at peace with life and death and pursuing virtue.
I like to think I've made peace but I've never been close enough to death to really know.

 No.249113

Is it possible to simply have no interests?

 No.249119

>>249008
suicidal thoughts are just a fantasy of not having to deal with life anymore, it doesn't necessarily mean you really want to die.

 No.249120

>>248978
You could go the NEETbux route depending on certain factors like where you live and how maladjusted you are compared to others in your peer group.

 No.249123

>>248978
If I were 19 I would put everything into learning MMA or boxing and just do that. Fuck slavery, just devote yourself to the martial path.

 No.249124

>>249119
Yeah this is the conclusion I’ve also come to, but god I wish it wasn’t true. I’m so tired of it all, I wish I had the balls to go through with it

 No.249134

>>248978
>>248989
The absolute fucking state of this board.

 No.249153

>>249113
i don't have interests besides consuming media.

 No.249155

>>249153
yeah
sometimes i think I want to do something else. then i do it and think "wow, this is really boring and nothing like how i imagine" then i go back to refreshing the same sites

 No.249157

File: 1635277123109.jpg (71.49 KB, 1080x890, 108:89, shalom.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>249134
>j..just go wageslave you docile little goys

 No.249159

File: 1635281194499.jpg (75.82 KB, 208x418, 104:209, no fuck this.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>249157
way to prove his point

 No.249213

File: 1635397885056.png (144.28 KB, 322x278, 161:139, bunny.png) ImgOps iqdb

i asked my mom some things about when i was little and she told me of one time when i was 3 and put a fork in an old wall socket and got shocked pretty badly.
ive read about the effects of electrical discharges on the brain and interesting case examples, i wonder if thats why im like this.
theres also genetics, my dad is an autist schizo and my mom has adhd. then extreme godawful upbringing.
anyways, i found out i got a pretty bad electrical shock when i was 3, and i think thats pretty cool.

 No.249240

>>248978
That's not the worst feeling in the world.

 No.249241

>>249240
What do you think is the worst feeling in the world?

 No.249242

>>248989
zoom zoom zoom, hey zoom zoom zoom

 No.249243

>>249240
im the guy you replied to, honestly you're right. when i had ocd really bad and was super miserable and never had any release, i remember thinking to myself that the sheer discomfort i was feeling was so great, that it dwarfed any abject feeling i had about a lack of success in life or the loneliness i was feeling. well now i got over ocd and i think i was right, but this feeling i have now is definitely up there as one of the worst

 No.249244

>>249243
One of the biggest differences researchers have found between adults and adolescents is the pre-frontal cortex. This part of the brain is still developing in teens and doesn’t complete its growth until approximately early to mid 20’s. The prefrontal cortex performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control, necessities for being an adult. Without the fully development prefrontal cortex, a teen might make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. Teens tend to experiment with risky behavior and don’t fully recognize the consequences of their choices.

On the other hand, in adults, the frontal cortex is completely developed. They are able to process and organize information. Adults, who are emotionally and psychologically healthy, are able to judge risky behavior and factor into decision-making the consequences of their choices. Teens might rely more on their amygdala, the part of the brain dealing with emotions, whereas adults rely more on their frontal cortex, leading to balanced thinking and behavior. In fact, another part of the brain that is still developing are certain neural networks of brain cells that link the prefrontal cortex to regions of the brain that are less about reasoning and thinking and more about emotion.

 No.249246

>>249244
Ok, so the brain is only fully developed at 25.

Yet some asshats here think life is over at 30. I don't get people.

 No.249254

i got a good job and moved into a nice apartment. felt happy for 2 days, then back to grey

my expensive apartment is now full of empty beer cans, pizza boxes, and empty lube bottles from using my fleshlight every day

 No.249255

due to stress all my hair started to fall out like crazy, and my heart sometimes feels like it's gonna give me a heart attack. depression is killing me lately, this shit is unbearable. now i also started feeling lonely. it just feels like shit gets worse every day, even though i'm already past my limit. i thought that there's no end to this hole a long time ago. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 No.249271

when faced with a problem i just get stressed and scared and try to forget about it by laying in bed or taking a shower and just daydream about what it would be like if i had won the lottery and could be independent and live out my dreams

 No.249292

File: 1635575373391.jpg (166.54 KB, 602x443, 602:443, Genie comp.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>249246
Life is over at age 3 if you have garbage parents who think that they don't need to instill life skills into you.
Nothing comes naturally, a human is a wild animal just like any other, left to it's own devices without upbringing it would walk on all fours and eat it's own poop.
The "human" is an ancient invention passed down from our ancestors.
Undeniable proof: pic related. Genie.

 No.249337

File: 1635627557073.jpg (44.7 KB, 408x604, 102:151, Eryx.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>248978
>>248989
I just want to be around my fellow wizards, there is nowhere to go. 4chan is infested with adolescents. Reading posts made by teenagers on wizchan makes me even more depressed.

 No.249338

>>249337
I feel like it's more depressing coming here in your teens and literally growing up into a grown man still browsing this place. I feel like this site molded me somehow and I can't escape.

 No.249340

>>248978
>its the worst fucking feeling in the world being 19
I stopped reading here. It isn't the worst. You can't even imagine right now how much worse it can get. I was here when I was only a little older than you, back when hotwheels was still around. You can't even imagine.

 No.249345

>>249337
At least I am actually male and virgin and going to stay that way and not some tranny freak or late bloomer normalshitter. Can you say the same? I swear to god 90% of the people who get weird about age are females who just want to hang around guys that are older than them. FUCK OFF

 No.249346

>>249292
Please tell there's a happy ending to that story.

 No.249347


 No.249350

Do you think there's an imageboard or forum, or whatever where people without hope and aspirations gather? Not those who still think that "maybe there's still hope and success for me ahead!" but for some reason browse wizchan. Also at least 30yo so comical edginess does not take place. Also without wanting to tell everyone about their depression caused by lack of succubi attention.
Well if there's such a community, please don't tell anyone about it because there's absolutely nothing to browse without vomiting recently. Keep it safe.

 No.249352

>>249346
She can point at food or her pooper when she wants something, that's all that Genie is capable of.

 No.249354

I just keep breaking boundaries with how pathetic and abject my life gets. Every time I think it can’t get any worse, I am proven wrong. Surely if I keep spiraling out of control like this, I will end up homeless

 No.249362


 No.249364

I think I want to get on antidepressants again, there's a 50/50 chance they'll make me manic and I'll get a little while of having lots of fun and not sleeping much

 No.249367

I've felt incedibly stressed these past months for bullshit reasons, I've discovered that learning new things makes me feel calm and competent, almost like a normal human being.

I've been learning web development using the odin project,I'm just starting but I feel good, I don't know if I will ever escape my shitty situation and get a decent webdev job someday, but the fact that I'm doing something else besides
playing shitty vidya and wondering if I should kill myself feels good.

I wonder if this kind of feeling like a useful, normal human being is what drives normies, if that's so I kind of get it, must feel good to be average especially for someone so below average like me.

 No.249394

I have finally found my passion and my purpose. This rejuvenating discovery has filled me with life. The drive and ambition, this newfound love of life resurgent from the miserable and barren depths of my mind where I thought all was lost… it is a wonderful sensation to feel it all flooding back in. I don’t think I will ever fully get over my depressive tendencies. But it has been greatly mitigated today. I am lost and found.

 No.249396

>>249364
Nice, I have the same relationship with antidepressants as you I think.
Sometimes I think about getting actual bipolar meds but I’m afraid they’d just make me turbo depressed all the time instead of most of the time.

 No.249400

My mom has started banging on my door in the morning and afternoon so I can get up and "live". This is reasonable for a teenager but I am 30 and have trouble even getting out of bed to do anything even if I do want to do something. She has sarted doing this because my younger brother is now not doing anything in life and it is driving me mad. I know there is no point arguing with her so I don't bother and just listen until I can go back to bed but I value my dreams they are such a nice escape from life. I am seen as a contaminate spreading neuorcism among those in my prescence even if I am hidden in my room. I don't know how much I really care about this all since I am fairly apathetic but it is starting to grate me. I have lived in bed for years while etting treatment of all kinds and mom won't accept I just want to try relax.

Any one have tips?

 No.249403

>>249400
bullies usually want a reaction so perhaps you should do your best to make no reaction and then she'll eventually get bored of it

 No.249404

>>249400
I have no idea what your mother is like, so I can't say for sure how to deal with her. Try this >>249403 or make sure to annoy her in some way every time she does this, via argument or some other way if you are aware of any. Obviously don't do the latter if you think that will get you kicked out, so prepare to live elsewhere or just deal with her harassment.

 No.249412

>>249403
>>249404
I don't react but I am retarded or something and annoy her during family talks as I will think of something funny in my head and laugh. I don't do anything there is no point in trying to reason with someone unreasonable and mom wants me to move to a care facility or mental hospital.

When she is yelling at me she acknowledges I am mentally unwell and cannot help it but still gets angry as I am a bad influence on my brother who is now NEET.

 No.249416

>>249396
I'm on bipolar meds and they don't make me depressed, they're pretty good but I miss the mania phases

 No.249485

I just feel awful, I know that i've fucked up my education and I'm too afraid to study. I'm 22 years old and afraid of a fucking math-textbook, god I'm pathetic. Whenever I try to study I am reminded of how far behind I am, I get stressed and feel like an absolute idiot. Worst part is my parents still have hope for me. I honestly don't much care myself as I feel content working my store job, it's the look of dissapointment on their faces after they've given me everything and I still fuck it up that hurts so bad.
I wish I could just make them proud, dad had straight As.
I'm wondering what will hurt them more, me commiting suicide or me keeping this up. Sure, they'd be sad and all about my death but years of dissapointment and shame? Is that much better? I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide of course, so it would be packing up my stuff and moving (I still live with them) somewhere after getting a job out of town and cutting contact.

 No.249486

>>249485
> I'm 22 years old and afraid of a fucking math-textbook,

By this stage of your education, you shouldn't be forced to take STEM classes. And if you're that bad at STEM, you should stay as far away as you can from those subjects and focus on something else.

 No.249490

>>249485
>I just feel awful, I know that i've fucked up my education and I'm too afraid to study. I'm 22 years old and afraid of a fucking math-textbook, god I'm pathetic. Whenever I try to study I am reminded of how far behind I am, I get stressed and feel like an absolute idiot
I am in the self same spot. I feel like a lot of my peers know way more than me and it feels like a lot of the new concepts that get covered in class just go over my head but they already know it. I get extremely anxious thinking about my classes and my grades and assignments and it makes me want to avoid them which just puts me in a deeper hole. I hate college as an institution, I hate having to learn what is mandated in the curriculum and having to prove to the professors how much of a good student you are. The only reason I am here is because you need a degree to get a job now.

Honestly math is my favorite subject because it there is little room for subjective interpretation and you don’t have to talk at all. I don’t love it but looking at all the other options that are available to me I don’t love them either. If you are a wizard and can’t NEET, you either double down and become a STEM slave or do the same amount of work but be poor instead. Like I am not good with people, I’m not creative or talented, don’t have any profitable interests. What other options do I have? Only ones that would have me living from paycheck to paycheck. When thinking about my financial situation and employment in the future as a wizard I realize how fucked I am

 No.249491

>>249485
become a NEET and fall far enough that pride no longer exists.
these are not even problems they are only problems within your mind. embrace being a loser

 No.249521

>>249490
>Honestly math is my favorite subject because it there is little room for subjective interpretation and you don’t have to talk at all.
I used to think the same, I performed well in math before college but some time after I started falling behind so far that recovery is almost impossible.
I only make up for it by performing well in those more loosely defined classes. I am a bit strange (people have said that) but I know how to bluff well. I used to read a shitload of books when I were little because I didn’t have a computer myself so I can articulate myself well in my native language. And by observing people I found what works to get on their good side and what doesn’t. That way I can sound like I know what I talk about, get liked and bluff my way to good grades. My tactic was basically just listening really hard the first few classes, asking “intelligent” questions to make it seem I wanted to learn and get involved. After that I basically just had to keep up the charade whenever the teacher was looking and do Jack shit when not because we hardly had any tests

 No.249522

>>249491
It is easy to say, just like it is easy to say “just too caring about what people think”. In theory, I could walk naked through the town square unaffected by the gaze of others, yet if I were to try that in real life I would absolutely be blushing and staring at the ground. It’s hard to let go of the hope that things will turn out alright, even though I logically know the chance of my life suddenly becoming “good” are practically zero.

 No.249523

Anybody else buying lottery tickets? I know my chances of winning are so impossibly close to 0, but still at least there is a chance. My chances of being successful in life are 0. The lottery is my only way out of this pain

 No.249524

>>249523
buy shitcoins instead

 No.249536

>>249490
>become a STEM slave
Wait until you discover that normos have infiltrated STEM and there are no longer any jobs for us. There used to to be a time when having social skills mattered less than your technical ability, but now it's the opposite.

 No.249548

What do you do in life when you have no ambitions of goals? I've been living with my parents doing doing with my life for the past 5 years besides working a shitty job that doesn't pay good. I don't have any drive of moving up in life. I'm happy just sitting at home non stop playing videos games until I die. However I know that isn't feasible since my parents will die someday. I wish I had motivation to do things.

 No.249549

>>249548
Why would you do that?
You would be only supporting the society/ system that hates you.

 No.249559

>>249549
Not him but a lot of people have responsibilities. Maybe his parents wouldn’t support him if he didn’t work. Mine said I could always live with them as long as I am working towards getting a place of my own which is nice but still means I have to wage.
I think people really should live with their families longer and parents that throw their kids out makes my blood boil. The main expense young people have is rent. If you work full time for just an extra year at home you can save that money (for something like a good deposit on an apartment for rent or a loan with way lower interest. By doing this I pay way less rent than others and have a car that doesn’t break down

 No.249585

File: 1636057154409.png (133.54 KB, 313x408, 313:408, f1a2732fd6c2108246225bdcd2….png) ImgOps iqdb

wonder how many words a day a normal person utters or types. these posts are all the talking i ever do. want to stop talking forever. isolate myself. live in my own world. wish i could show whats inside to others, i think i must be very rare, and wish i were helpful to others, but i give up on interacting with the outside world. that feels like a huge mistake, and turning completely inwards is scary, its denying anything other than you own self exists and recognizing your own freedom. have been very hesitant, but i dont see the alternative. concretely speaking, ill just spend the rest of my life reading a lot every day at home, do nothing else until i have to kill myself. mentally ill, defective, freak. wish i had another chance, that i could start over, wish i were myself but circumstances were a bit different. sorry for making post. i know im bad, but when chest tight i like to talk.

 No.249588

File: 1636067020315.jpg (56.55 KB, 500x500, 1:1, solitude.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>249585
Do you fear silence?

 No.249598

>>249588
Freedom is overrated.

 No.249599

>>249598
So yes, then.

 No.249618

Would it be petty/spoiled/childish of me to commit suicide earlier than intended just because I don't want to do an assignement?

I know this might sound retarded, which makes sense because I'm pretty sure I'm somewhat autistic, but my original plan was to kill myself on December 17th, however I have this group assignement for college, which has to be ready by the end of the month, that is huge, boring, tiresome and stressful, and I barely have the energy to get out of bed and go to classes anymore, everytime I leave my room it feels like I'm holding my breath, and only when I get back to it in complete isolation I can breathe again, it's all too much.

Anyways, normally I'd just not do the assignement, because I'll die anyways, I'm not even studying for exams anymore, so I'm bombing them, the problem is that for group assignements if I don't do my part I screw everyone else in the group over, like I've said this is a big assignement that'll take hours of hard work from everyone, but doing it sounds like torture, and the fear of messing something up and having the rest of the group get mad at me sounds bad too, though they'll get mad anyway if I don't do my part.

I just don't wanna have to do anything anymore, but I don't want to screw other people over, and I don't want them to get mad at me.

 No.249622

>>249618
If you offed yourselves, I'm pretty confident that would actually _help_ your group since they could use that as an excuse and the teacher would be forgiving of the circumstances.

 No.249623

>>249598
What's your response to the text as opposed to the image?

 No.249625

>>249622
I've never thought of that, that's actually pretty smart, thank you for helping me see things from this perspective, anon! Now I can off myself without much guilt I suppose, if they start demanding and getting angry at me for not getting things done I'll just leave to escape hearing all of that without any guilt, I really won't be able to stand it.

 No.249634

The doomsday clock is ticking, I can feel it. I'm going to be homeless sooner than I think. Everyone I know must think (or deduce from the limited amount of information since I am an asocial shut-in) that I am headed for homelessness or destitution.

My parents broke into my shed yesterday and threw the covers off me and woke me up with screaming and threats of eternal damnation and eviction. I personally fear the latter more. They "rehomed" me to this place since they considered themselves too altruistic to kick me out, but it seems they are slowly working up the nerve. Their casus belli is taking shape. Good for them, honestly.

Tick, tick, tick…

I don't feel envy anymore, it's so strange. If I ended up on the streets now I don't think I'd feel anything were I to catch a glimpse of people through the windows of their well-lit, heated homes. Just maybe a numb cognizance that I got mine and they theirs.

It isn't very surprising that things turned out this way. I just hope that whatever comes after, if not the dreamless sleep I wish for, is somewhat peaceful. To those who lie beyond, to whatever master(s) of fate who pulls the strings in this strange puppet show: have clemency.

Tick, tick, tick…

 No.249635

>>249634
don't you think death is preferable to homelessness?

 No.249637

>>249635
Of course.

 No.249653

I always say and do dumb or cringy stuff and only after a while I realize it was stupid. Is it a lack of self-awareness or something?

 No.249658

>>249634
Man, what the hell is wrong with modern parents, why don't they take their kid and try to show them what is there to enjoy in the world and how to live. Instead they purposefully raise a misfit and then have the gall to be angry at him for their own faults.

 No.249661

>>249658
>Man, what the hell is wrong with modern parents

pretty sure premodern parents would be bigger assholes about it

 No.249667

i can't think because of my tinnitus. i can't sleep because of my tinnitus. i can't relax because of my tinnitus.

 No.249674

>>249667
Have you considered its not tinnitus but microwave energy weapons?

 No.249695

I was looking through some old belongings and found toys I used to play with, and it broke me.

I miss being a kid so much, I didn't have depression and suicidal thoughts when I was a kid, all that I had to do was go to school watch some boring classes for a few hours, and then when I got home I had all of the time in the world for myself. Nothing mattered besides videogames, boardgames, cardgames, cartoons, comics, etc. I miss when my imagination was a tool that could keep me entertained for hours, when I was creative and it felt so easy to have fun. I miss having no real responsibilities, deadlines and stakes… expectations to live up to.

Nowadays it's nothing but things to do, everything is so much more time consuming and exhausting than school used to be, and everyone acts as if the world owes me nothing, as if I ever signed up for this. If I decided to not work and became homeless I'd be left to die of hunger on the streets, because that's how the world really is. Of course I understood that the world was imperfect as a kid, but it was so much easier to cope, and I had these weird views of being special somehow, the protagonist, all of my illusions were shattered through time.

Well, whatever, it doesn't matter, not anymore, I've got my date to leave anyways, December 17th.

 No.249696

>>249695
Same, I miss the wonder I had as a kid. I remember certain things as a kid that I thought were scary, or magical, or even just people I looked up to. Now a realize those scary things aren't real, 'magic' can easily be dismissed with simple logic, and people who I thought were awesome are just normal humans and they suck. The depression and boredom I had as a kid, while sometimes bad, was not even close to being this consistently horrible, I could honestly cry on demand just by thinking about things for a moment.

I think the biggest lie throughout childhood/school is that you're 'special' or 'bright', then you enter the real world and find out you're not special at all, and although you might not be a complete idiot, you aren't going to be a doctor or an engineer or something that real 'smart' people do.

The truth really hurts, most people here have the prospect of either suicide, or dying old, alone, and forgotten.

 No.249699

>>249667
medicine really don't care about our suffering

 No.249700

>>249695
I really hope that when you mean "leave" you're not thinking about killing yourself.

Don't let the normies and this fucked up world win.

 No.249701

>>249667
Hello. I am also suffering from this malady, both ears, different frequencies. I know you didn't ask but still, if you didn't know, it's possible to have short periods of relief and masking it during especially disturbing nights.
It is recommended to use at least cheap in-ear monitors with decent isolation and small footprint for comfort.
https://mynoise.net/
I recommend Neuromodulation recording. Low to moderate volume for a few minutes. Try during the day and before sleeping. There are many other presets on that site too.
There is also this channel https://www.youtube.com/c/TinnitusWorks.
And this one for peaceful ambient - https://www.youtube.com/c/SleepTube
All above is what I use personally every day and almost every night.
Other that that it wouldn't be bad to excersise to increase blood circulation (if possible of course) and reduce the amount of stress (can't say I have success with this myself).

 No.249702

>>248976
I was about to have a major crash, stare at the wall from under a blanket for hours and maybe even cry when I realized I hadn’t eaten in four days. I had some chicken and rice and now I feel fine. I swear the average person has 21+ feeling states for emotions, while I have ~3 and have to guess which state of the seven possibilities I’m having.

 No.249980

i hate this garbage world so much
everywhere i go i see trash and bullshit
theres no escape, even in escapism the shiteaters and plebs are endless and disgust is a constant

 No.250113

Medication was working for 9 months, all of a sudden stopped working, now I feel awful

 No.250125

I started taking bupropion 5 days ago. So far I haven't had any effects from it whatsoever good or bad. I've heard it normally takes around 2 weeks for the antidepressant part of it to kick in, but I also heard that most people feel some side effects after the first day on it. The fact that I haven't had any side effects yet has me worried that it won't work. Oh well.

 No.250126

>>250125
that's the babby stuff for normies that soccer mom's take

 No.250128

>>250113
maybe something in your life changed?

 No.250134

>>248976
I felt so good for the past 2 months after quitting pills but out of nowhere I woke up with extreme anxiety that turned everything into shit, I can't eat, I can't work, I don't want to do anything, I just jerk off because it makes it a little less painful in the chest. Will I ever recover? It's been 3 years

 No.250141

>>250125
I am convinced that antidepressants are literally just snake oil that only works because of the placebo effect. Just testing against a control group doesn't tell you shit if your control doesn't give a side effect and your experimental group does. Basically I think the pills just have side effects that people can feel and when they feel something "working" it gives them the placebo effect thus showing slight benefit during studies.

 No.250142

>>250141
I've taken every single one over years, you don't notice it at first but after experience you realize what they are doing and it's not placebo. I compare it to the ignorance of when I was a kid and I didn't realize what the caffeine in soda was doing to me, so my brain came up with the magical solution of thinking any side effect it caused was "random" and unrelated to anything I had consumed

 No.250143

File: 1636988130556.pdf (691.9 KB, Irving Kirsch Ph.D. - The ….pdf)

>>250141
its an active placebo.
Look at the studies I will see if I can dig them up. They are not effective I have even had my doctor tell me it is a meme to make people motivate themselves to fix their lives.
I could only find one of the books I meant to send but it is good.
>>250142
keep the delusion up for your own good

 No.250145

>>250143
>keep the delusion up for your own good
I don't take them because I don't like the effect they cause, there is no delusion other than your ignorance. I already explained why most people wouldn't note the subtle effects that antidepressants have unless they are very mindful and have sufficient first-hand experience.
>I have even had my doctor tell me it is a meme to make people motivate themselves
Doctor's rarely if ever try the medicine they prescribe, so I wouldn't trust your source.

 No.250146

>>250145
Such hostility.
I have taken all these meds nothing helps they make things worse but if the meme works for you good for you buddy. Sources psychiatrists not that they should be trusted anyway.

 No.250147

>>250141
Yes, I came to the exact same conclusion. The side-effects allow users and doctors to break through blind trials, destroying the studies and affecting the placebo effect

 No.250149

>>250146
>if the meme works for you
I never said it helped me, why do you keep asserting this? I said it isn't placebo, that doesn't imply that it helps people. It clearly effects mood, sleep, and digestion, by interrupting your natural balance of serotonin and other neurotransmitters. You can deny that it does anything, but you are choosing to be ignorant.

 No.250152

>>250149
>You can deny that it does anything
In the comment you are replying to, he said "they make things worse", so I don't think he meant to imply that there are no effects at all.

 No.250153

>>250149
>>250152
well sorry for that.
they have all made me so much worse in many many ways. I have had atypical antidepressos also. I am yet to have lithium though but fuck these meds.

 No.250154

>>250152
Calling something placebo implies that it does nothing. Otherwise, I could take a laxative for the intention of curing depression, shit myself later, then claim laxatives are a placebo.

 No.250155

>>250154
I said active placebo brainlet

 No.250157

I don’t feel like doing anything, and it’s not anhedonia. Vidya, anime, and imageboards all seem lame now that I am older. At first when this happened I tried to channel this time and energy into being “productive”. But my efforts were never rewarded. All those times that I have really set my mind towards achieving something, when I really wanted something and tried to go out and get it, my hopes are dashed and usually I end up worse off then I was before. I’ve come to the conclusion that for some people the stars align and they are just in a good position to go out and get what they want. It’s easy for these people to tell me that I am just lazy or not trying when everything is all set up for them to succeed. My experience tells me that things aren’t like that for me.

Even if I could muster up the willpower I once had to keep trying, I would just be digging a deeper hole for myself. I really don’t see why I should try anymore. So I don’t have anything to do and just spend the days idling and lounging around the house. I usually turn football on when it’s playing because it is something nice to space out to when you’re laying on the couch drinking beer. I spend too much time watching it, but it’s not like I have anything better to do.

 No.250159

I wanna drink my sorrows away, but I don't feel like drinking anymore.

 No.250161

>>250159
darkness and solitude are mostly my current scapes…

 No.250164

I fucking love sleeping. I wish I could sleep all day. The most blissful and tranquil time for my mind is when I’m laying in bed or on the couch right before I doze off, and you can feel the bad thoughts get numbed and all your problems melt away

 No.250196

Once as a young kid, I collected a glass jar full of insects and tossed them into my father's bonfire. I found immense pleasure in them sizzling and popping around. Looking back on these moments, I occasionally feel singes and stings of guilt, as if the hell that awaits me in afterlife will torture me similarly. Sometimes, and with my psychology, I am unable of transcending the intrusiveness of my past actions and this causes a lingering depression in me.

 No.250202

I feel constantly anxiety. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall asleep, I feel anxious with only small changes in degrees of intensity. I tried everything. Therapy, meds, drugs, meditation, even black magic riuals. It's an unremovable curse, this kind of living.

 No.250203

>>250196
I understand your thoughts very well. I did bad things to harmless insects a few times as a kid because of irrrational fear of them, got stung by a bee before that, maybe that was the reason. Not a single day is passing without me remembering it nowadays and if there is really an afterlife I will not even beg for mercy. In general a single thought of living things suffering because of humans keeps me awake for many hours at night very often, and these hours are dreadful because I know it happens so often.
To be honest, I dream about this whole planet, it's laws, it's horrors and suffering disappearing without a trace. There is only an unending chaos and torture.

 No.250204

>>250203
I get upset with myself when I pee in toilet and some ant is crawling aorund and gets BTFO. :(

 No.250206

>>250203
Every time you go to a fast food joint, you should pay credence to the animals that were butchered and sliced apart for your next meal. Look up some factory farm vids on the internet and realize just how brutal they are to the animals.

 No.250208

>>250196
I kind of feel bad for squishing lightning bugs but on the other hand it was pretty cool.

 No.250223

does anyone know of books that can help with "deprogramming"? What i mean is those voices that your parents instill in you. The niggling little voices that say "can't do this, don't do that". The internal death stare.

 No.250227

>>250223
thats all on you bro.

 No.250228

>>250227
suicide it is

 No.250235

File: 1637137995297.png (463.43 KB, 450x800, 9:16, 905a258bdea91de6e4513ddcd0….png) ImgOps iqdb

im afraid of myself.

 No.250236

Today I was looking forward to having a relaxing day playing video games since I was actually in a good mood last night. Then I woke up and felt horrible and spent almost the entire day lying in bed almost crying from sadness. I hate myself.

 No.250238

I have 500 dollars left and I am currently experiencing anxiety and depression that stops my normal routine completely. So I can't work and right now I hate my work so… It's really low pay and the work itself is debilitating. I also can't go looking for a new job like this because I can feel that my condition affects my judgement because it's literally pain and I'd do anything to make it go away. Also starting a new job while being depressed is probably not the best idea. So I'm going to see a doctor in a week and hope for something, I don't even know what. I know that meds she gave me last time (escitalopram) kinda worked in a way that they made this pain go away but also something felt off. At least I was genuinely enjoying videogames and talked to people. I can't tell if it was my normal self or not because I forgot what was it like before the first episode and meds. I think I had way too much stress in my past. I also feel like the moment I stopped meds depression started to become worse and worse until I snapped again a few days ago. It's crazy how it affects your view on things. I can't even imagine living like this.

 No.250239

>>250238
it does feel weird being on antidepressants but if they help you then there is a good reason to take them, it sounds like they do the same thing to you as me, it is nice for functional purposes but I stopped taking them because I have the luxury of being able to feel a large range of emotions without consequence right now

 No.250240

>>250239
Yeah I'm thinking that if they made me enjoy and do things then it will be better to return to that condition and then think about my job situation. This was my second time stopping pills and after a couple of months I returned back to step 1 although it's not as bad as it was before. So if you can stop without finding yourself not being able to get out of bed a month later - do it.

 No.250261

How I go to sleep every night:
>Gather up all my anxieties, regrets, stresses.
>Thinking about it makes me want to kill myself.
>Daydream about how nice it would be if I died in my sleep tonight.
>Go to bed continuing the daydream that maybe, just maybe, I'll die in my sleep.
>A B S O L U T E B L I S S F U L D R E A M S
Of course, waking up the next day is an issue, but I've been sleeping pretty well for the past few years with this thought process.

 No.250266

everyone is more successfull than me, they have something going on for them and I'm here alone in my room and been here for years
I can't go to any online community because they all discuss their jobs and brag about their lives, I can't read that. I can't even watch streams to keep me company because streamers talk about how much money they're making, their perfect lives all that stuff. I'm so fucking pathetic holy shit

 No.250267

File: 1637218331496.jpg (42.78 KB, 680x471, 680:471, 2eaa4cee4123fb2517e6fdb2f3….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>250266
It's basically the same thing here. I'm incapable of doing anything with my life, I can't even do basic math or a simple retail job correctly and I'm destined to be an eternal loser to be looked down on and casted aside for the rest of my life. Anytime I hear someone talking about anything successful in their life, even If it's something simple about their job, friends, family, or some minor success etc… I immediately get depressed. The worst part is I'm perfect prey for Normoid NPCs

 No.250268

>>250267
where did it all go wrong…

 No.250269

>>250266
I don't think these people have perfect lives, some of them may be faking it, and even if some people are "successful" now it doesn't mean they will always be.

It kinda reminds me of Byuu, the creator of Bsnes and Higan, he had everything going for him,a great job in Japan, lots of money, a successful career and he was kinda famous too.

He ended up roping after being bullied by Kiwifarms (not even that much bullying though) if someone like him ends up roping what we can expect about the rest of us?

 No.250270

>>250269
He at least had the guts to do it. I don't

 No.250271

>>250269
I thought that guy's suicide was a lie.

 No.250273

Man, why is this depression bullshit even a thing? I don't understand. Is it like a bug in the system? It makes me so fucking angry. Some people just live their lives, sure they get sad or nervous sometimes, sure they struggle like everyone else but they don't get hit by anxiety out of nowhere so hard that every morning suicide feels like a viable option. I can't eat, I can't sleep, everything you think about is negative but just a month ago it was fine. I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it

 No.250276


 No.250279

>>250273
You are not neurotypical. It only gets worse from here for non-NT's

 No.250288

I don't even know why I keep trying to talk with my mom, every time I talk to her to make casual chatting about something (because I have no one else to talk to) we end up fighting, she shouts at me for dumb shit and it all becomes bad pretty quick, I should just talk with her with simple "Yes" or "no" and nothing else.

This is the kind of shit that makes me wonder if I should really kill myself, I don't know what's waiting for me on the other side, but it can't be any worse than this.

 No.250289

File: 1637260983815.jpg (19.83 KB, 480x360, 4:3, hqdefault (2).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>250288
I have a similar juvenile issue with a parent, I'll find myself caring too much about their indifference or outright disdain for me or the subject and I sperg out. Ruins my day when it should've been expected, and it's multiplied by the embarrassment of rapidly approaching 30.

 No.250290

>>250288
I do that with my dad but I’m not angry I just enjoy riling him up

 No.250291

>>250269
Please give me the gist of who that guy was and what secrets did kiwifarms reveal.

 No.250296

>>250291
He was an emulator developer, nothing really interesting was revealed,he got bullied (like very very slight bullying) but since he had mental problems he took it at heart and killed himself, it's all quite retarded really and not worth wasting your time.

 No.250301

>>250288
>>250289
i keep guilt tripping myself to talk to her over and over again, despite knowing that it will go wrong every single time

i wish i could stop caring for once and see how its like

 No.250373

>>248976
I was looking at people I know on facebook again and it made me even more depressed after 5 minutes

 No.250376

>>250373
Everyone you went to school with, all the cousins and people years younger than you are getting married, buying houses and having kids.

 No.250378

>>250376
>buying houses
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You think anyone in my generation can afford a house?

 No.250379

>>250373
how do you look at facebook with an account

 No.250380

Running out of reasons to bother coping. Wish I could become an hero without needing to actually harm myself.
>>250373
>facebook
>people i know
wizchan 2021

 No.250382

>>250380
I agree he's a turbo normfaggot for 1. having a facebook account and 2. stalking people like a crab faggot but
>people i know
Oh yeah how dare a wizard even acknowledge the existence of other lifeforms on this planet.

 No.250383

>>250382
Truwiz only know people who are family from forced interaction. He obviously knows people and stalks their social media and gets sad about not being a normgroid.

 No.250384

>>250380
>>250382
the normalfags have moved to twitter, instagram, snap, discord, etc
Facebook is a wizard platform

 No.250385

>>250384
you're not fooling anyone.

 No.250386

>>250384
>Facebook is a wizard platform
wizchan 2021

 No.250387

>>250386
>not using facebook to talk with elder wizard grandpa and grandma
wizchan 2021

 No.250388

>>250387
Fuck old people. Bunch of senile normgroids.

 No.250389

>>250388
>fuck the only people that genuinely care about me
why so much hate?

 No.250390

>>250389
Old people couldn't give less of a shit about me.

 No.250392

File: 1637427966853.jpg (212.36 KB, 858x1088, 429:544, 1422081377473.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I've been cheating on my online tests for the past year and a half because of the pandemic. I didn't study or even look at the material so I'm completely clueless about everything. And today, just as I was about to cheat again, I noticed the site I used to cheat is no longer free to use. I'm completely fucked. I'll wait to tell my parents next year so at least I can enjoy these last 40 days + christmas without them being completely disapointed in me. I feel like I only have 40 days to live, when my parents find out my father is going to absolutely mad. So I'm going to live these last 40 days as if they were my last, enjoy every moment, and try to only panic at the start of january. In a certain way this fear that I'm feeling makes me feel so alive…

 No.250394

>>250393
get a pet. Will love you more than any human would

 No.250395

>>250392
how old are you

 No.250396

>>250392
How about you DONT tell them the truth? Just tell them you fucked up and promise you do try harder. Best if you actually follow up on that promise. Also you need to be 18 to post on this site

 No.250400

File: 1637442855176.jpg (70 KB, 400x589, 400:589, oba yozo.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>248976
I probably don't belong here since I'm capable of having a normal social life if I put in the effort, hell I could probably even get a date but I'm so fucking jaded from every friendship I've had I almost don't want to bother, I'm tired of pretending to be someone else so people who don't care if I live or die will like me

Might go back into the gauntlet of society again because

>too normie to enjoy places like this

>not normie enough to enjoy interacting with society

 No.250403

I'm genuinely amazed by life.

Every single day I get out of bed with hopes that maybe this is the one day that'll make me reconsider my decision to kill myself in December, that I'm mistaken by thinking this is the way.

However, every single day is worse than the last, and it just does the opposite, it makes me realize even more that my mistake isn't having suicidal thoughts, my only mistake is not having done it sooner.

 No.250404

>>250403
You can always an hero later.

 No.250405

>>250404
Yes, but if I keep leaving it for later all that'll happen is that I'll be forced to experience suffering which could've been avoided by committing suicide earlier.

I have no reason to think that I won't suffer even more in the future, from my experience life only gets worse as the years go by, and every day makes me suffer somehow.

I want to avoid potential decades of unnecessary suffering, and I know how to, I wanted to leave it for later, but recently I have nothing but bad day, it's all too much.

 No.250407

>>250405
> I'll be forced to experience suffering which could've been avoided by committing suicide earlier.
It all goes away in the end. In my opinion once you really do reach the point of unbearable suffering you won’t have to deliberate, you will just act.

 No.250411

I have passions and interests–but unfortunately, it is the fate of those low on the rung such as my self to toil away for a pittance (and like it).

I have things I want to be doing, but the same people who brought me into this material realm and practically enslaved me are now furious that I don't want to continue the cycle (and like it, damnit!)

Everyday my desire to end them (in Minecraft) grows. The thought itself has lost the morbid or taboo edge it once did. Now it's more like an impulse, not unlike the kind one gets when they swat a fly that's bothering them. Kill them and myself (in Minecraft), kill them and myself (in Minecraft), kill them and myself…

Is it really too much to ask for? Just a quiet room to rot away in and an internet connection, no responsibilities or interaction? Really?

 No.250412

>>250405
You really do get stronger in the end.
I went a whole year with a pit in the stomach and a tight chest and a choked throat with clenched teeth. Just waking up miserable everyday unable to breathe proper and sandy eyes.
Even the walk home from work was color grey.

After awhile it just fades into the background and you don't care. I enjoy the trees a lot now.

It's not that it gets better, it's just that YOU get better, and that's all the difference. I'm glad I'm alive, I hope you feel that someday when you take a moment to look at the birds in the trees.

p.s. You getting better doesn't mean you enjoy the normie paradigm, it means you finally just fucking do "it" - whatever "it" is

 No.250413

>>250400
Choosing not to be social when you have the ability is as wizardly as it gets IMO.
You do whatever you feel you need to but being unable to relate with either side is a horrible feeling.

 No.250415

>>250413
Yeah I guess it is wizardly, but choosing not to be social comes at a cost too, it's tiring and painful in a completely different way than being social

loneliness from being alone and loneliness surrounded by people are both terrible in their own ways

 No.250416

>>250415
If you feel lonely that is no good. I am lucky to not know the feeling of loneliness but if you hate being around normies and still want social interaction couldn't you talk to people online?

 No.250417

>>250416
>I am lucky to not know the feeling of loneliness
how so? cat? family? gf??

 No.250420

>>250417
schizoid according to kike doctors.

 No.250424

>>248978
If that was it I’d be happy. Being born with several severe mental illnesses, having worsening sight and hearing, having worsening neuropathy and constant Intrusive thoughts makes me get closer to suicide daily. I know it is inevitable, but the question is when.

 No.250425

>>250424
dont you get it.
I am like you I have serveral + mental illnesses and it jsut does not matter.

WE WONT BE HAPPY.
happiness is a meme.
The person ou replied to must think he woul be happy with money and respect from others but it is always something else. Hell not being mental would make life easier but I doubt it would make it worth living.

The only thing we have to look forward to is dying.

 No.250445

File: 1637518444627.png (145.3 KB, 307x688, 307:688, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

i feel very anxious and when im anxious writing calls me down. yesterday i found the term "twice exceptional". theres an article about it on wikipedia. i feel a lot of fear. im afraid of my health, my countrys future, my finances, i think im not going to make it, no matter what i do. also im very afraid of myself. when i spend a lot of time alone i feel like slipping to the desert of the real, the dark side, i dont want that, i think theres no meaning in being alone, if youre alone you can do anything you want, but i prefer being together and playing by the same rules as everyone else. i feel like i got lost or too behind my pack or tribe, if ive never been one of the group then i wish nothing else but to be. im defective, severely mentally ill, monstrous, a freak, im not like the others, but also i think i have something very useful if not unique. ill spend the rest of my life staring at text editors, reading textbooks and code, without language or music, and the only rationalization behind it is that if i do this one day i could connect with others, be together with others, be useful and contribute, and show things only i can see. and if i fail as i probably will at least i did the best i could. i wish i could start over. i wish i were myself but in different circumstances. i feel immense fear and like im walking through a door that shouldnt be there. like being in the drivers seat for the first time in my life, but the cars falling from a thousand feet cliff.

 No.250449

File: 1637524551239.png (94.47 KB, 351x605, 351:605, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

im very very afraid. falling into a void.

 No.250454

>>250445
>>250449
hope you can feel better again wizzy. being scared is no good for us.

 No.250456

File: 1637528485580.jpg (194.54 KB, 864x854, 432:427, 1621518858956.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I had a bad day before yesterday, but I tried shrugging it off, as best as I could.
I had a bad day yesterday, and I almost broke down, but I tried looking forward to today instead.
Today I'm having a bad day again, and I can't shrug it off anymore, I can't even distract myself.
I don't know exactly what tomorrow will bring, but I know this: It'll be a bad day.

It's all just so tiresome, all of it.
I need to leave before I lose myself.

 No.250459

>>250445
>Yesterday, I found the term "twice exceptional." There's an article about it on Wikipedia.
Do you have the link for it?
>i feel like slipping to the desert of the real, the dark side
What do you mean by this?
>i think theres no meaning in being alone
That's surprising. I find a shitton more meaning in solitude.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
>i wish i were myself but in different circumstances. i feel immense fear and like im walking through a door that shouldnt be there.
This is a guess of mine that's a shot in the dark, but would you say you fall under the Hedgehog's Dilemma?

 No.250463

when thinking about my future and security i get so much anxiety. i am in college and my parents support me, and i know how fragile my situation is. i have no redeeming characteristics and will probably struggle all my life to find work. i will probably make shit pay and live paycheck to paycheck. its just so brutal to be me

 No.250475

you cant prove you have tried things to people
its funny
online people grab some philosphy or mental language and cling to it
this is right and this is the truth
if you live long you try all different philosophies and mental constructions
and if theres no progress to show from it all you can say is "i tried that"
and other people will refuse to believe it for their own mental calm and reasons
before chastising you

 No.250482

>>249097
just get medicaid dude thats what i did

 No.250483

>>249340
at 19 you dont even know real suffering and pain tbh. let him post again after waiting 10 years and being 29. then he will know.

 No.250484

File: 1637604822910.png (174.05 KB, 600x600, 1:1, hare.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>250454
im feeling better.

 No.250485

I just can’t believe how bad I have it. You literally wouldn’t believe it if I told you. I look back at all the things and am just amazed. And how different are they from everyone else! It’s almost something you can laugh at. That’s the only enjoyment I can get anymore, laughing at it.

 No.250488

>>249485
i'm getting my associates degree at 28 right now. parents are paying. i mean its better than nothing. 22 is young.

 No.250489

>>250267
Me too I can't even look at "normies" i hate them so bad i start to think about them in my head and how bad i hate them just cuz theyre happy

 No.250490

>>250270
This. whenever someone suicides i'm always like "how the fuck did they get the balls to do it" i just can't do it and probably never will im too scared.

 No.250509

>Job stacking shelves at the supermarket
>Stacking the cat food and the dog food
>Notice the price on the cans
>stack the food I ate as a child
>Notice that my mum spent more food on the cat and the dog than on me or my brother.

It really hurts.

 No.250513

>>250489
I fucking hate normal people and want to see a catastrophic famine wreak its havoc across the world. Normies got everything handed to them when they were born, while people like me were born disadvantaged and/or had damage done to us that impacted our chances at a sufficient life. I hate them because they have it easy and judge us like we had the same circumstances as they.

 No.250514

>>250513
but then you'd be hit by the famine too.

 No.250515

>>250509
succubi are evil

 No.250516

>>250514
No, the famine happens after I commit suicide. Society needs a couple more decades to continue degrading.

 No.250517

>>250516
>No, the famine happens after I commit suicide
But then you'd never see it happen.

 No.250518

Depression makes impressions on your brain in broken ways. I get a few days every few weeks where my depression lifts, none of the positive things in those days overwrites how awful it feels to do things in normal depression. Things like household chores when I force myself during depression feel like torture, so when I feel ok my mind has this strong aversion to doing them. If I start on a good day and push through the brain shouting no no no then it’s not so bad, but the depression returns and it gets that bad.

Having mood changing messes up the learning and encoding of the brain. You can’t make progress or train the brain like this.

 No.250519

File: 1637688511272.gif (540.57 KB, 220x220, 1:1, imam.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>250516
>after I commit suicide.

Absolutely haram

 No.250520

>set alarm every day for the same time to go and exercise
>every day alarm goes off
>turn off alarm
>don't go exercise

well, fuck

 No.250521

>>248976
All days are terrible for me, but the last few have been even worse, to the point were I almost can't bear it, and my only comfort is knowing that I'll leave soon, suicide is my only option. Still, I'm not leaving just yet, I still have to do a few things before that, and I'd like to make life more bearable to me until the time comes.

Today was so bad that I actually bought some vodka, a bottle with about 1 litre of it. I've never done more drinking because my muslim family is against it, and I still live with them, but I can hide it in my wardrobe, still, I'm a complete amateur when it comes to this, and the few times I did it I hated the taste of alcohol a lot.

I need some advice from people who are more familiar with alcohol, how should I drink this? I know some use alcohol to cope, but a lot of the time they're people that are used to the taste and can drink more easily, but I have a hard time enduring the bitter taste, and how it usually takes away the flavor of what I mix it with.

What's the best way to use alcohol as a coping mechanism for a begginer? Most specifically the 1 litre of vodka I currently have, what should I mix it with? What measurements should I use when mixing? How slow or fast should I drink it? How long should it realistically take me to finish a whole litre of vodka by myself?

 No.250522

>>250521
see if you can get some weed. Alcohol is a terrible drug.

 No.250524

>>250519
Why do people enjoy roleplaying as muslims online now?

 No.250525

I'm in a rut right now. The things I care about, I'm not doing, and I'm waking up quite late. Luckily I go back to wageslaving so I hope that'll bring me back into a normal schedule. I have these ruts that last a week or two and then a period where everything is okay for a week or two. It's not sadness but things just go to shit. Luckily, I've done a lot of things I care about. I'm just facing a different kind of adversity right now.

Give me till December and we'll see how it all goes.

 No.250526

I think I'll just put my head into the noose and let it all go

 No.250527

>>250521
you probably wont be able to drink it straight so mix it with a juice. it depends how drunk you want to get and at what pace you can consume it without feeling sick. you ask a lot of questions that only you an answer because it is different for all of us. alcohol will worsen the depression but is a cope.

 No.250528

Self-deserting avoidants:

>A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last subtype of avoidant patterns. Self-deserting avoidants combine the social (interpersonal) retreating of the avoidant with the ruminative (cognitive) self-devaluation of the depressive personality. These individuals immerse themselves in a surrogate fantasy existence to avoid the discomfort of having to relate to others. They are not, however, unaware of their use of these tactics (unless, for example, they are concurrently experiencing a major depressive episode with psychosis), and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective, and their thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences.


>Waking dreams are displaced by painful ruminations. Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate unremittingly. More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation of selfhood. Some become increasingly neglectful psychologically and physically, even to the point of neglecting basic hygiene. Some plunge into despair and are driven toward suicide, abandoning life as a means of ridding themselves of inner anguish and horror of their own identities. Others regress into a state of emotional numbness in which they are completely disconnected from themselves. In particularly severe cases, the structure of consciousness itself may split or fragment, leaving a regressive disorganization reminiscent of the schizotypal personality. As this process proceeds, self-deserting avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of their frightening transformation.

 No.250536

>>248980
You can gain sentience at any age. A lot of people just instinctively know it's over at 15, 16, 19 and they will most likely be forced either into a life of excruciating servitude for 50 years or suicide.

There is nothing except an inheritance (a non-factor for those not born into rich circles) or some kind of money game win that can alter this fate.

I've known it since I was ~12 and here I am at 31.

Sorry that I have to reference a current 'flavor of the month' normie TV show. But did you not learn anything from Squid Game?
It all really does boil down to money, and how not having it is enough for people to choose death over returning to a life of constant wageslavery with no prospects of improvement.

(The effect only compounds further if you were forced to take out loans like student loans and will never be able to repay them due to low wages despite an academic degree)

People also do get indebted due to desperation, for example taking out loans to gamble on sports, cryptos, luck games, anything they can that gives a glimmer of hope in the future of a life containing other things than sleeping, going to work and repeating it ad nauseam.
(This practically never pans out either)

Now, add to this mix the fact you just know you are not neurotypical since childhood, and it gets confirmed later on by a doctor.
People have shunned you all your life because you are too different. You will never have friends, a family, any meaningful human contacts that don't involve paying for it (like a cashier, barber etc).

Knowing all this is enough to drain the life force out of someone and make them a husk of a human being, a ghost that is barely alive. It's torture. Can you really, really deep down blame this person for wanting to escape literal hell?

I have known and experienced every single thing I have written above. My main mistake was continuing up until 31 and not just ending it earlier. My dopamine levels are now lower than those of a steel-trapped bear in a cold forest. I just get physical jolts of pain from the constant depression and knowledge it will only get worse and worse from this point on. Euthanasia should be legal for us. That, or at least allow us to redeem our lives with a Squid Game like one final test of skill and courage.

 No.250542

its kind of comfortable to know you can commit suicide. like if things get bad, fuck it, you can just bounce.

 No.250545

>>250536
Good post. And I agree with you on the Squid Game thing. It is *all* about money.

I would gladly risk my life at this point for a chance not at millions, but simply at $100k.

I've been on this Earth far longer than you, 46 years. I'm just beyond sick of this shit life. I have wageslaved since I was 20, so for 26 years.
My body and mind are broken, I am un-neurotypical like you, never had a single friend and family is obviously out of the question.

Other wage slaves just mask and cope better and pretend the world isn't hell. I _know_ it is having endured it nearly half a century.

 No.250546

File: 1637728772364.gif (1.96 MB, 500x282, 250:141, kurapika.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>248976
Anyone else just fucking sick of the whole "men should open up more" spouted by succubi especially when they subconsciously ostracize guys for doing it

What's worse is the guys who think "the bros" also have your back, no they fucking don't, that's a bold faced lie and you know it

 No.250549

>>250546
the whole "toxic masculinity" meme is complete gaslighting as succubi select for those exacts traits and then turn around and blame/demonise the entire male sex for their own gross sexuality

 No.250552

Why are you people talking to moids (or other people in general)? Outside of succubi you're forced to interact with (roommates/family, cashiers, maybe coworkers)

 No.250553

>>250548
sounds like crab talk. what is the problem with showing emotions? anyone who will attack you for being sensitive is not worth knowing.

 No.250554

>>250546
why do you care what succubi think? I show my emotions and I’m not ostracized, I’m not trying to impress anyone, that sounds like crab shit

 No.250557

>>250549
Amen. Post of the year.

 No.250558

>>250557
Not really. The normoid cares both about w*men and sex

 No.250559

>>250554
I have never been treated badly for being overly emotional. what is this?

 No.250560

>>250546
It's because they don't know
They'll never know, so once you full for your bait and pour your feelings out, they turn vicious and mock you. It's in their biology, they're really no better than animals. They're designed to hate weakness, they want you to be a cold heartless brute. Either you do that and just become jaded and hateful, or you protect yourself and stay inside.
>>250559
His emotions are probably not that extreme, is near people who tolerate him, or he doesn't care enough to notice people disliking his emotions. The last part is pretty admirable

 No.250563

>>249292
Genie fascinates me.
>Nothing comes naturally, a human is a wild animal just like any other, left to it's own devices without upbringing it would walk on all fours and eat it's own poop.
Mainly because of this. She couldn't even see beyond 10 feet, the width of the room she was forced in, her physicality in general was affected by her treatment. She was afraid of any loud noise because he father would beat her if he heard anything. The nurses that first saw her thought she was autistic before realizing her upbringing. Makes you think that we probably aren't all born like this, we are subjected to treatment that affected us to become this, it was shown that was shown perfectly normal.
Her father didn't think so though, he thought she was born with some disability so went to the extreme and kept her inside a room for first 13 years of his life. He thought he was protecting her, and I believe him. When he was caught, he shot himself and left a note saying "You wouldn't understand". I have seen this behavior, I believe he thought he was actually doing good, because this behavior I have seen done to others, onto me, and I in turn have done it to others more.
Genie was hitting puberty at this time and would make sexual advances towards older men and also touch herself in inappropriate times. Doctors thought this was a sign of sexual abuse but they found no evidence of account of it. Because separated from everyone else and society and culture, that's all we boil down to. Animals who only exist to eat shit and fuck. Removed from everything and our nature still acts up.
It's all a joke really.

 No.250564

>>250560
epic crab rant hombreo.
it isnt healthy to have such black and white thinking. You only make yourself look like an angrty teen doing this.

where are you kids drifting in from?

 No.250565

I'm starting to get really peeved about this "crab" nonsense that certain self-assured posters keep spouting

 No.250577

>>250570
Is it really that incredibly hard to imagine not everyone is consumed by desire for sex or some relationship revolving around romance?

>You never had that choice to begin with, so stop saying it's voluntary.

>You get zero dating app matches from non-bots. succubi look at you in disgust in real life
We aren't trying to hit a sore spot and cause you harm by mentioning the volcel nature we harbor.

We prefer not seeing posts about "lookism" "blackpills" or any other off site crab nonsense.

 No.250580

>>250577
Not the person you're replying to and I don't have energy to read the whole thread.
But wouldn't you say society in general is pretty lookist especially now in the 2020s?

 No.250581

>>250580
> wouldn't you say society in general is pretty lookist especially now in the 2020s?
not sure as I have limited contact with society. Please share your thoughts on the topic as I am ignorant

 No.250584

>>250581
Well, I know for a fact people in my local community have been refused employment where representation of the company is required, because they were overweight or facially ugly.

The company doesn't even deny the complaints on Glassdoor, they just say they are always looking for "dynamic" new employees.
Which is a codeword for non-ugly or fat I guess.

 No.250585

>>250584
I cant have an opinion on this worth any salt but it has always been this way hasnt it?

 No.250586

File: 1637754807995.png (479 KB, 500x489, 500:489, 1637447722056.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>250570
The fact that you can't imagine any lifestyle that isn't shoved in your face by the hypersexualised western media is one of the greatest flaws of crab ideology. You people are too ignorant. Read a history book sometime. Once upon a time there were people who attempted to refrain from sexual conduct, and they were considered amongst the most prestigious of society. Even if the prevailing social mores try to present themselves as the one, true and objective standard, they are wrong.

 No.250590

I dont want neither of this vol/crab shit, but a person on other chan told me it doesnt matter. So im part of the game in spite of not playing it, you fucking bored fucks never grew out of teen maximalism do you?

succubi are too high on maslows pyramid, i got down the earth health shit to worry about.

 No.250592

>>250590
But don't you know that >tee eff double-u no gf and oneitises are totes real problems, OLD MAN?

 No.250598

>>250585
Probably since humans have existed. I mean we are after all animals who merely possess the capacity to talk.

Some of us don't even have the capacity to think so they are kind of still in the fully-animal state.

All animals judge other animals by appearance, size, height etc., it's simply inevitable.

 No.250602

True wiz drops in to smash a crab with wizdom and a mod kills the crab.

Today was a good day on wizardchan.
>>250590
If we did not gate keep these retards will keep coming and coming.

 No.250615

>>250558
i care in so far as they espouse feminist bullshit that can and does harm low status guys like me but okay

by the way i guarantee you probably masturbate at least occasionally so you can stop larping as an ascended 13th century monk for the time being mr truewiz supreme

 No.250616

File: 1637783813833.jpg (815.1 KB, 2500x1250, 2:1, d2640182667e2abde07f5044d5….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

always help others. mistakes are intolerable. believe in goodness. fear. hell. i want to communicate. dont understand people. but i love them. i want to be like everyone else, do things together. i think i have something very special and i want to give it to others, i myself have no use for it. i want to make others happy, i think i can. afraid of myself. i think im doing something extraordinary, and ill fail anyways. very very afraid. i want to try. i want a chance. i wish i could start over. i wish there a god watching over all this. please.

 No.250621

>>250616
God is struggling just like you are.

 No.250622

>>250621
God pulled my pants down and did the Nelson Muntz laugh at me.

 No.250738

have u ever thought of stabbing everyone who walks by?

 No.250760

File: 1637977477066.jpg (1001.92 KB, 4436x3150, 2218:1575, yande.re 46947 chris_barkh….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

dont wanna go. afraid. i think im losing something very very important. dying inside myself. something im supposed to hold on to no matter what. i like taking care of others. like caring for others. like hearing and listening. love people very much. dont want to stop caring. its cool to be gloomy and edgy nowadays, i choose to be merry. but i cant do it like this. its too much. i wish i had been born in better circumstances. then i wouldnt have to kill this part of myself, i think if it werent so difficult, id be able to show this side, and make a point. i cant like this and have to let it go. ill be implacable, impregnable, invincible, incomparable, but ill have lost something very precious and dear. i dont know. i dont want to do this. im very afraid. ill be very efficient but im killing something very nice that could have made a difference. feel like committing an unforgivable sin. but its the only way forwards.

 No.250763

File: 1637978235339.jpg (2.67 MB, 3227x4611, 3227:4611, yande.re 443258 christiane….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

dont know. afraid. dont wanna go. dont want to be a bad person. i like white, its my favorite color. i think thats important. dont want to like black. i wish i could start over.

 No.250768

File: 1637982899963.jpg (179.03 KB, 630x871, 630:871, fun.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i dont know sorry i promise i wont post ever again. i think this is called panic attack. i wanted to talk a lot because i think ill never get to talk with anyone again even though i treasure human connections and i feel like i had something important to say. it feels like theres a loose end. i dont know how else to put it. i think im losing something very very important. i dont know im afraid. i dont wanna go. i wish i could be together with everyone else forever, i wish i could provide for others for eternity, and never let anyone have to worry about anything ever again, because i love people and think everyone is very special. im scared. im scared. i dont want to go. please god. please.

ill be really really awesome. easily one of the best in the whole world. my only limiting factor will be the laws of physics, and thats not much. trust me, in your whole life you aint seen nothing yet. youll be baffled and marvel how can it be possible that someone like me can do these things.

im scared. fear. fear fear fear. im afraid. i dont wanna go. im afraid. god please. please.

 No.250778

>>250768
i just want to say i appreciate your posts, i like the raw unfiltered stream of consciousness, im sorry things suck, i wish the world wasnt so twisted

 No.250788

Guess who's back,
Back again

 No.250790

>>250622
god did that?

 No.250792

File: 1638003096934.png (5.12 MB, 2409x1500, 803:500, __shameimaru_aya_touhou_dr….png) ImgOps iqdb

I have no energy. The first thing I think of after a 10 hours sleep is that I wish I can reset my sleep cycle and sleep again. I spend the rest of the day just feeling sleepy and tired as if I lack sleep. Instead I spend all of my waking hours in front of my computer defaulting to repetitive low effort tasks like lurking imageboards or binging youtube videos because those are the things that put me in a dreamlike trance and make me forget I am actually awake. I don't even play video games or watch tv shows because those requires a modicum of effort and attention. I somehow managed to inconsistently workout on a weekly basis for years now but has still yet to fix my condition. I am addicted to simulating an experience of unconsciousness and I am so tired and unfocused to do anything about it.

 No.250793

Sometimes when depression hits hard I lie in bed unable to get up, every second is filled with extreme anxiety and I have this thought that I'd rather be dead right now and it gives me a spark of hope, like I genuinely feel good for a brief moment thinking about dying because it would relieve me of this pain

 No.250804

This inflation is really killing my neet savings. I haven't slaved since 2017 and I don't have much left, now the big banks are conspiring to fuck me over by printing trillions of dollars and making my money worth less. They did this because their greed caused them to overleverage and the entire house of cards they built would have come crashing down without that so they just printed themselves a bunch of money and pocketed it all instead of losing money like they were supposed to. The rich got richer while my measly neet savings get reduced. Fuck the rich.

 No.250806

>>250528
I once took an MAOI that completely eliminated my social anxiety. I still had avoidant tendencies then. That's when I realized my problems were a whole lot worse than I thought they were. I have basically accepted my fate as a hermit ever since.

btw for any reading this, do NOT take an MAOI, those things can make you crazy.

 No.250817

File: 1638051955709.jpg (29.63 KB, 283x438, 283:438, 1619049037845.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm genuinely starting to think that I might be cursed or something, even though I've always been skeptical of things like this, of anything related to the occult, I can't find any other explanation, it shouldn't be possible for so much to go so wrong in so little time, every single thing I'm somewhat emotionally engaged with has given me nothing but dissapointment for so long, and in the last few weeks it's been just too much. I got to the point where I expect everything to go wrong, and I'm always right.

I've already made the decision to take my own life a while ago, already have a date set for it too, but the thing is, I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% set on this, as miserable as life can be I still wake up every day hoping to have the one day that'll make me reconsider, a good day that'll make me see how wrong I am in wanting to go down this route, and yet every day does the opposite, and something goes wrong, just to leave me no doubt. I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the only thing left to do for me.

I wish I could stop being emotionally engaged to things, I wish I could truly have no expectations, instead of just trying to expect the worst and still being sad and dissapointed when it inevitably happens. I wish I could have no desires, though that in itself is a desire, and consequence of a different desire, the desire to not suffer. Misery is our default feeling, and happiness is nothing but a weak and brief interruption of that, it'd be better if we felt nothing, and that's what I plan on doing, very soon.

 No.250818

>>250817
We may as well be the same person anon, it feels like I wrote this.
You're not alone I can at least say that.

 No.250820

>>250528
I will probably never know whether I really have autism or if it’s just this.


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