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 No.251737[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.


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i will be happy someday i guess


Religion has one thing that is very consistent across all spiritual tomes. The world is shit. The bible says it. The quran says it. The buddha says it.

It seems like the ancient people were all in agreement with our lot but somehow that wisdom was lost


I blame rampant materialism
Idiots became convinced stuff made life legitimately better instead of just distracting from suffering


This might not be the right thread for it. But I'm really fucked up about how my neighbor can just box my car in with his car, parking on my property, and there's nothing I can do about it in this country.

I get all the paperwork and go to the cops and they're like "lol no, it's a civil issue. And if you tow the car away we'll charge you". Tow companies now refuse to tow cars away in this situation because the liability laws are so fucked up in this situation. The tow company told me that this happens to hundreds of people a year and it fucks so many people over. I have to spend money going to court to get this sorted.

I'm really jealous of people that live in the United States. In countries like New Zealand and Canada you can get fucked over so hard by the absolute scum of society and the government punishes you for it.


Same, a bunch of government-protected thugs turned the front of people's houses into parking lots for a nearby mall. Now, you have a street where driving a car leaves you with maybe a 5 cm margin of error before you scratched somebody bike and they threaten you for money. The residents and non-residents are running out of parking space too so everybody park in front of somebody else's home. You need to be able remember which cars belong to whom and ask him to move the car every time you need to exit or enter your own home. You also need to pay the thugs protection money.


This is much more complicated than that. Yes, religions have a side that says the world is shit but! They also have that part where "it is God's world and we were created by him so everything is for the better, even pain and suffering serve a higher purpose". In my view, religions are responsible for this stupid optimism we have nowadays. Buddhism also teaches basically that the problem is with you if you suffer, because you let the world influence you and your inner peace. Most of religions and philosophy has been pretty much bullshit made to pacify dumb normals with their lot/position in life. Nowadays it isn't religion like christianity they use for their shit-tier optimism, but new age neo-buddhism/eastern religions or stoicism. Dude, if you suffer, it's like because you let negative thoughts into your head! :^) God, I hate stoicism and buddhism the most probably, it is like they were made by the biggest normalfags ever.

And no, it isn't materialism, actually most materialism usually leads to pessimism. Child-like belief in things that don't exist but should because they are nice is the root of many people's optimism.


the world isn't shit, and Christianity doesn't think so either. remember the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve used to live in blissful ignorance and just spent all day basking in the glory of their Creator. it is only when they ate the forbidden fruit (symbolic of the discovery of agriculture) that we became self conscious and things went to shit.

Our world, that we created, is shit because our society makes men bad. people in society are unhappy and imbalanced because of the mismatch between civilized life and human nature, which is inherently good. civilized life takes away the true freedom we once had and exchanges it with inequality, envy, and self consciousness.


Human nature is not inherently good. If anything it’s inherently bad.


Parking is so messed up.

One of the biggest problems in cities is finding a place to park your car overnight.

If you leave it parked over night, you could get a ticket or they try to tow away your car by putting an "abandoned vehicle" notice on your car and if you don't come back to your car in time, it gets towed away somewhere.

It's completely stupid. Cities are stupid. There is not enough parking for anyone.

It's even worse in the winter because snow and ice can build up. It's just so dumb.


Christianity thinks it's shit, but not because of God, instead it blames humanity. You can't blame the supreme bastard known as the Creator, oh god no, it is man's fault, the fault of the creation that…creation is bad! Not because of the Creator, nu-uh! This is the biggest problem with any religion that is monotheistic.

The world is objectively shit unfortunately, I mean look at all the diseases and horrible shit that happens in nature. I agree with you that civilization was a mistake, we would be better off with innocent and stupid mankind than with the civilized asshole that is the trend nowadays.

This mentality is pushed exactly by those who benefit from the existence of civilization the most. (duh) Human nature is actually quite good, if you raise them well when they are kids. We have/had so many bastards because they weren't educated properly, because civilization is pretty much rotten to the core. It is all about what you show kids - love and respect for your fellow human or that it is okay to be selfish and to pile up wealth/resources you don't need yourself.


>love and respect for your fellow human or that it is okay to be selfish and to pile up wealth/resources
And which one of these is human nature I wonder. Cause before civilization, there was never any conflict of course, no sir. Just a bunch of gatherers sitting around making daisy chains.


Earlier I felt the alcohol delirium withdrawals for the first time in two years. I felt terribad again. Full on fugue. I feel like I am fallen all the way off the wagon and the only option now is a slow taper. I hope I am okay…


Sleep problems still continuing.
Fell asleep with relative ease tonight. As usual, woke up after an hour or two. Couldn't go back to sleep.
Dogs still barking endlessly into the night. Not sure if I never noticed before because I didn't have this much trouble sleeping, but they seem to bark every night for at least two hours or so. It's not constant barking and (usually) not very long, but it feels like it's timed just right so that they start barking again as soon as I forget about them.
Tried putting in earplugs to combat this, but I don't think I've quite figured out how to put them in correctly yet. Once they expand, they start sticking out of my ears a bit. Might be normal. They worked for maybe 15 minutes or so, then I could hear the dogs again, even through the earplugs. Is it because I didn't put them in properly? In any case, sleeping with them is uncomfortable. Ears felt stuffed. Felt good when I pulled them out.
Left shoulder hurts again. Feels uncomfortable when laying on it. Too bad it's my preferred laying position. Pretty sure I mess it up by constantly shuffling around in bed. Funny how you can hurt yourself doing that.
Something could probably be said about my tinnitus as well, but I'll spare you those details.
Woke up at about 1 am. Was 2:30 when I decided I wasn't sleeping the night. Just couldn't get to sleep. 3:20 as I'm writing this. Is this a bad decision? Two nights earlier I spent *5* hours laying in bed without falling asleep, so I doubt staying in bed would've done much good. Luckily I don't have to wake up at a particular time, but I'm going to uni and want to have a somewhat normal sleep schedule.
Mother says I should take benzos when I can't fall asleep. Maybe I should've done that instead of giving up on sleeping. Thoughts?
On good nights, I will wake up two, maybe three times throughout the night, but be able to fall back asleep, or at least be in a semi-sleep state. On these night I might get 4-5 hours of sleep, even though I'll spend around 10-11 hours being in bed. Maybe I actually get a bit more sleep than I mentioned, but it's sure not the full length of time I spend in bed.

It didn't use to be this way.


Tried going back to bed. Remembered that at some point I decided that in situations like this where I fail to fall asleep at the appropriate time I should still try to get some sleep, even if it's going to be an hour or two. How weird is it that in situations like this my go-to response is to give up on sleeping for the night?
Anyways, went to bed shortly after writing the post above. Felt sleepy enough, but as the minutes passed got less and less sleepy. Then the dogs started barking again. Is this some kind of joke? Now that I'm not in bed they're silent. Soon enough mother will wake up, and when that happens I _definitely_ won't be able to fall asleep. I don't know why, but I can't seem to sleep unless I'm in total silence. Kind of ironic given that I mentioned having tinintus.
Anyways, I'm not sleeping tonight.


Just embrace it wiz, the world is such a fucking piece of dogshit, i don't blame you for anything, i'm high off my medical cannbis all the time nowadays because everything feels for painful for me.


It's not about conflict, if anything pre-civilization people could defend themselves against those who tried to exploit them. But civilization itself is built around exploitation, it is like a pyramid scheme and if you are the lowest in the pyramid like most people, then it just sucks. Giving up your freedom to people you don't even know and trusting them to protect you and make decisions that will benefit you..isn't this pure insanity?


Noble Savage is a total myth. Pre-civilization people were slaughtering and enslaving each other. I guess people in the past were just decapitated by a stone axe instead of "exploited". Just fuck off


> if anything pre-civilization people could defend themselves against those who tried to exploit them
What the fuck makes you think that?


trying to kms by dehydration the first 5 days were absolutely horrid now its still crap but eh not much worse then everyday life im soon to be on day 10 and i doubt this will work i dont even feel bad just lightheaded if i wanted to i could still go on a run :/ i lost like 12% of my bodyweight so far i dont intake any water so idk i read its supposo take like 14-20 days i hope that wont be the case i am just sitting in my room not doing anything but still i used to drink 7+ liters of water a day not to mention all the other crap that contains water anyone got tips on how to speed this shit up ? or some better method


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i dont know i dont get gloomy people im very cheerful even though im like this but i cant do it. i dont know ive really decided on suicide and its really over for me, its just a matter of time, my life is over, i just spend every moment of my day wishing i could start again, imagining the sort of person i wish i had grown up to be, fantasizing about the things id do if i were i free. i dont know i lurk imageboards and people talk about phones and girlfriends and videogames, i dont get it, if i had another life id spend all my time drawing and studying things like maths and cybersec. i dont know im not supposed to cry, ive been told if i cry even just once more ill be sent to a mental ward no questions asked, but i like thinking about things like drawing which makes me want to cry. i really dont get why people dont like work and things like that, the world is so nice. i dont know i wish i had a chance, i dont want to die, i love life very much, i dont know i just want to say i like life and there are things i think i could be awesome at but i cant do it because of several realistic and practical problems, i just want to say i wish i could start over, i wish after i die that i could be reborn as myself but that things werent so difficult and i could try. i dont care about feeling in control of my own life or anything like that, i just wanted to draw and program a lot and write a lot of proofs. i dont know ill die anyways like i never i existed so ill just say what i really think, i just love drawing programming and maths a lot. and i wish i had spent my life with those things instead of the hell ive been through. i dont know i like those things so much and it makes me so happy and glad to be alive when i can show something to someone that i can see with my minds eye. and im happy when i can see the world through others peoples eyes too. i dont know i like daydreaming about what if i had another chance, but i dont even know what kind of person i would turn into or how id psychologically develop if i had a chance, i dont know i love life so much and i wish i had lived too. it just felt like asphyxiating to death in an invisible glass cage and watching everyone have fun on the other side while trying to break the glass. i dont know id do anything for another chance. i wish i could have shown whats inside, i think its endless, and shown that i care about others. i dont know sorry for making a post. sorry.


I just suddenly got very miserable, I can't sleep and I'm crying. The bitter pains of better times feel so heavy - unconscious consumption is my only home. I feel fine when appropriately submerged in things that make me forget what a twisted incongruent sad shell of sentience I am. I have nothing else and I can't exist as anything else. I'm living on borrowed time until everything becomes too much. I'm sorry.


Are you still eating other things? You might be getting more water than you think from food.


But why not just code and proof? Is it not fulfilling or is something keeping you from doing it?


bpd succ?


no, that's erogebro


Me too wiz. Always high on my medicinal cannabis too escape this shitty dumb world. Althought i need to take t-breaks every few weeks so i can still get high again.


>I guess people in the past were just decapitated by a stone axe instead of "exploited".
Then stop whining about wageslaving and embrace the slave life. Your choice. Imo, death in battle is better than slaving away your whole life for rich assholes.

The gap between people was less enourmous pre-civilization. You could just fight/kill whoever was your enemy or steal things from those who had more. Nowadays, everything is so protected by law enforcement you don't stand a chance. Civilization is for normalfags who can work together and can adapt to the society they live in, for us lone wolves it is suffocating, plain and simple.


I wouldn't say normies, in general, hate me. I'm beneath bothering to hate, even if their actions towards me, if thought out and mediated would only be done towards one you hate.

Its like steeping on an ant.

Or a better example boiling a lobster alive. If actually meditated it would only be done out of extreme hateful sadism. But it is beneath hate.

Basically these are actions that if thought out would only be done in hatred, but done to beings not worth thinking about.

So in that sense I do feel normies hate me, the fact that I'm too low to enter their consciousness doesn't make their treatment less hateful.


Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I am going to cry. Tears want to come out but they dont. It seems like it has probably been a long time since I cried. Im not good at remembering. I kinda just stare away into space. Every time I breath it feels so unreal. My eyes don't focus right. Why am I writing this. Do I want somebody to read it? Is there anybody to read it? It feels like nausea this feeling, but without the sickness.


We read it and we (the consortium) believe you are undergoing a mental breakdown from isolation and some other unspecified mental ailments. Present yourself at the Civic Hall at 0800 hours tomorrow for evaluation and, if applicable, neurosurgery. Good day.


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I am quite young at just 22.
I didn't explicitly say that it's impossible, but just that it's difficult and a catch 22, and I am not optimistic about it getting better for both the stated reasons and my depression giving me a pessimistic outlook.

My life has been like this for a decade now.
I have no hobbies, I enjoy little to nothing, everything I tried to do I gave up because I didn't have the discipline and passion to go through with it properly.
I am extremely incompetent, inattentive, forgetful and naive, my memory is full of stupid and childish and ignorant things I did that shouldn't match my age.
I'm incredibly insecure about my value as a person because my life has been filled with failure, I was bullied in school and had neglectful parents that constantly rubbed it in about how they want me to make it and not be a burden on others.
I dropped out of college because I kept forgetting stuff I learned in the past semesters and I couldn't keep up with the lost knowledge piling on as semesters came and went, and I also couldn't really stomach online classes after corona started last year because I can't focus.
I am extremely anxious about aging and getting older, neuroplasticity falling after 25 making it much harder to learn things, a gap in my resume making a return to education or employment more and more difficult, time goes by too fast and things change too slowly for me if at all.
I just feel incredibly stupid and incapable of learning how to better myself.
I was tested and I don't have ADHD, this is all either my natural intelligence or depression-induced cognitive decline at work.
Meds didn't help me really, therapy didn't help me either, I am currently on the waiting list for a stay at a mental hospital to see if I can get better there, though I am scared of going there because of my social anxiety.


>no friends
>no hobbies
> shitty job I can't quit, gets shitter every day, long past unbearable
> everything I used to dream of shattered, after being rejected by Unis multiple times
> nothing I used to love doing brings me joy anymore (I'm talking vidya, any type of entertainment consumption really)
Everything I do is wait as time passes, every day is literally the same as the one before

I've tried a lot of shit suggested to "get out of depression". I tried working out, even saw some results, but then it became a chore and I slowly stopped doing it
No new hobby I picked up ever felt fun, even if I forced myself to do it for a while, it just didnt grow on me
Tried getting in touch with old friends, no one "has time" to go out with me.

That's it, basically. Life is too bleak the way it is now to be worth living


What's the difference between anhedonia and depression?


The latter is not as obscure, so when you're making a social media post you should open with the second one so people (friends, family, dog, coworker, lolyeah) know what you're suffering from.


there is none, depression is a made-up meme illness to sell pills in US

should of just taken fish oil supplements and gymmaxxed to get rid of your low-energy


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I wonder if anhedonia isn't just nature's cue. Like she's saying, "You've come to see what all you've come to see. It's alright, you can leave now." A gentle way to say to let go.


Anhedonia is more a symptom, and depression more of a mental condition in itself. Anhedonia is usually a symptom of depression.


What exactly do you think would happen in the US in this situation?


In the US you can just put a sign up saying "Vehicles will be towed/clamp" and then do so. Or in some states if a certain amount of time passes it becomes abandoned and you can just claim it and scrap it yourself. Or you could charge them for tresspassing.

It varies by State, but you have so many tools at your disposal there.

Also I work construction and just a few days ago in this country a bunch of squatters were downtown in a building that was being renovated. They didn't waste any time, there were 5 cops doing the smash and enter to chase them out. So they look after the upper class rich cunts with their property.

In New Zealand an old man bought a house, and the previous tenants from the rental just sqautted in there and refused to move. He had no legal means of evicting them, and wasn't allowed to even switch off the utilities because of "human rights" laws lol. It's a fucked country.


I'm so sick of everything, everyday feels like a war against the whole world without a single ally on your side.


Incorrect. Anhedonia is nature’s way of saying “get out of your comfort zone, you’ve been doing the same thing everyday”.


I don't hate happy people. I hate people with energy, with motivation, with drive, with extroversion. They are completely alien to me. I literally couldn't even if everything was going my way. I feel like another race compared to people around me. It's sickening.


>brain throwing a tantrum like a toddler instead of allowing peaceful life of simple routine because its a fucking pussy and knows lack of stimulus will make it rot
Makes me not wanna respect it out of spite, but that would suck too.


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It's not getting better ahahaha


what manga is that? Can't find it on reverse image search


Large up all my virgins out there! Whoop whoop


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I have nothing to motivates me.
I don't have the energy to live.


I get terribly anxious and unnverved when people start using slang words and "hip" language. It's even worse when I'm browsing a forum or chatroom related to a somewhat nerdy interest; it's like my brain is overloading with memories of all the other times I've tried to bond with people over similar interests and failed because they, of all people, found me repugnant as well. When everyone's anonymous/pseudonymous it's easy to drop my guard and pretend, if only for a while, that I'm among "real" outcasts. I'm not sure how to remedy this problem since it seems to stem from a profound lack of self-esteem and insecurities which I can't (or won't) address head-on.

What's more likely is that "hip" affectations, such as the kind that young people adopt, forcibly remove me (by way of triggering repressed memories) from my near decade-long self-imposed isolation and bring me back to high school. If they invented a machine that could wipe entire years from your memory I'd be running to get in line.


Clarification: I become unbalanced seeing others within the same subculture form bonds with each other at a rapid pace; it is an acute reminder of my status as an eternal outsider.


Guys guys guys, i truly innerstand that being a depressed human for a significant amount of time feels extremely shitful. Honestly, i know how it feels to be an outsider..even in your own household. To feel like you don't fit in is to feel like the pleasure and satisfaction of having a relation between you and another being will never happen. The physical and mental solitude we experience feels draining and miserable. I'm not going to tell you the stupid "giving up is never an option" shit, but i can say that Nothing Ever Lasts. What they call "depression" is just a physical state where you're whole body is basically saying that it's tired of living like this. An anti-depressant doesn't appear shit into your life, everything remains the fkn same. They're just emotion pills. Medication is the downgrade of humanity. Endure and actually feel you're emotions in order to slowly ascend. Want change in your life? Take risks. Thats the fastest way to have change and experience something new. You've already been thru hell and back so why not?


how old are you? Its never too late to start coding, wizard


Not that wiz, but after I gained a ton of passive knowledge in Python I'm completely stuck on where to even start with creating something. I tried to create a program to organize my movies into folders but that failed tremendously let alone learning all of the other packs like tkinter.


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is this a clip from adventure time or something


I've been filling up HDDs with porn for the past 5 years.

I want out.


The world is truly going to shit, in all forms, politics, videogames,culture, everyday I watch news and I end up thinking that I don't want to be here in 2048 when it gets much worse knowing that it's a dystopia already.

But on the other hand I see that civilization is very close to collapsing beautifully and I will be happy to see that.


if you have a problem with such a basic program then you definitely dont have 'a ton of knowledge' by any metric, no disrespect intended


Anyone here have ADHD? I can't start tasks even if they're easy. I'll think about them for weeks but never do them.


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i turned 23 yesterday i am capricorn but i think it would have been better if i were born under pisces or aquarius
its too late ive given up on everything feels like being in a swamp at night surrounded by crocodiles and snakes and sinking and there are time bombs strapped on my body. all i can do is close my eyes and try to think of nice things.
i think quantum computing is so cool its like what computers were in the 60s algorithms are described every day its a niche i think i would fit right into. i like to imagine being a paper writing machine and connecting the dots between various theories and being a prolific writer even as a student. i like to imagine discovering algorithms that would otherwise take several decades to be discovered and contributing to ai and cryptology. physics is so cool i wish i were a witch sometimes and i believe in magic and isnt there anything more withcraft-like than quantum physics !!!! physicists are like magicians but i guess chemists and mathematicians and other professionals are too i guess.
i dont know its really over all i do is daydreaming and listening to music and viewing images that for some reason pull on my hearstrings, i wont do anything im just trying to get the courage to jump off a bridge but i know when i die its really over so i want to imagine, living happy fantasies in my head for as long as possible before the eternal cold of death. i dont know the world is so beautiful and im so lucky to be born, i appreciate the tiny things, i think the cracks in the wall and the flies theyre all beautiful too and life is a gift. i feel free like i can create meaning. i dont know i wish i were free, i think i would use my freedom responsibly. i dont know i wish i had my childhood back, i wish that so much you have no idea. i wanted to be the best best brightest student and i wanted to read hundreds of books through my childhood and be really wild with my brain so people would call me a monster and be scared of me but in a good way. because i love other people so much and want others to be happy, i think altruism and kindness and freedom are the most important things, if my self esteem werent infinitely low then i would wish i were everyones friend i really wish that but i think i wouldnt deserve it so i dont. i like the arcadian the bucolic and pastoral. im so happy. i think in many ways i havent developed past my preteens and theres some good in that.
i dont know i just wanted to express i feel a clusterf*ck of things
im a very bad person bad bad bad boring and ugly person, i dont know most people dont care about others but theyre good people but i care about others and want to be a good person but i turned out very badly. im sorry for talking i know i shouldnt talk. sorry. sorry.


People like you and me are finished, I should have learned programming seriously when I was 15, now I'm 26 and I know shit and it's way past the age to learn for real, I will be a failure forever.


None taken - I've come to the same realization. Despite the books I've read and hours of tutorials I've seen on youtube I guess programming just isn't for me.

Yup it definitely seems that way. I'm 29 and the only subjects I can still learn new things in are the ones I studied when I was younger and what I graduated in. I'll probably end up having to be underemployed for the rest of my life.


>i think it would have been better if i were born under pisces or aquarius
If you don't believe in Santa Clause or the Tooth Bunny there is no reason why you should also still believe in Astrology.


I got hold of a very cheap (5 bucks or sth.) 1-month-subscription for my favorite porn site at the beginning of this year. I never paid for porn before and never started collecting it since I probably would have ended just like you, but since it's basically the site catering to my fetish I wanted to have a clean, high quality collection from there and downloaded basically everything onto an extra HDD. The internet could go down forever and I would have no problem fapping to this humble collection for all eternity.


I think some people do just not have a brain for programming, I have seen it. However, it is possible you just weren't learning or being taught in the right way for you. Watching tutorials and reading books is no substitute for solving 'first programming course' problem sets yourself and googling or reading notes for each step that you get stuck - I found that much more enjoyable than passive learning, and the only effective way to really learn. Sometimes you may have to seek multiple different learning resources until there is one that works for you. None of this is a sign that you're defective, it is normal, especially in the beginning breaking down the most difficult barriers


my family got a dog but they REFUSE to play with him or walk him or do anything with him. they basically ignore him and I have to take care of him.

why do normalfaggots do this? It's like they live in a different universe


>when I was 15, now I'm 26
You still have 4 years left of your 20s. Trust me, it's in your 30s when you can't absorb any information anymore.



Oh man, I remember printing out a bunch of stickers with a QR code that linked to this video on youtube. Posted them all around town.

This is bullshit. I started college at 26, got my degree at 30.

I can say that absorbing information is a bit harder in your 30s, but that is simply because you already learned what you cared about and stop giving a shit about new things after a while. Well, that is how it was for me, at least.

The biggest factor I would say is your physical health. I was able to absorb information way easier when I drank a lot of water and worked out nearly every day.


>drank a lot of water
I don't get why everyone make such a big deal out of this, as if it makes such a big difference besides making you have to go urinate all the time.


The trick I believe is to follow a plan from start to finish. If you follow every chapter of one of those "beginner to expert" udemy courses for example and ingage in programming discord groups whenever you have a doubt, you should be fine. If you rather read you could also download a full guide, however it's importante to finish what you start.


If the world won't end next year then my future is poverty and hunger.


sadly it probably won't. hope you can maintain some level of comfort bud.


I started learning programming at 30, now I'm 33. I still can't understand a single thing of what people are discussing in programming or computer forums, but I created a program to calculate moving averages of stocks, and then one to do some calculations and choose stocks daily, values for entrance and exit, and at least until now it's paying for my living.

I first tried javascript course on khan academy (terrible, don't bother), then John Keyser's How to Program video classes that I downloaded (began Python, really helped me, but got lost halfwaythrough, it gets very advanced), then I read Brookshear and Brylow's Computer Science (pretty good, introduced me to several concepts and has many exercises that are generic as in not belonging to a specific language), then did the two basic introduction to programming on Python OCW (not sure if first one added much compared to what I had already learned, but second one is introduction to data analysis, and I think some exercises depend on preprogrammed parts that don't work anymore). In all of them I tried all exercises very hard and googled only when I really couldn't anymore, even it it meant giving up for the day and trying again the day after. Still for the programs I created I had to google all the time. I think the idea of "following a plan" is propably the most accurate.

Then I also tried O'Reilly's Machine Learning from Scratch and had to give up because I just wasn't understanding anything.


only until savings last, which shan't be too long. My mind is already gone and I don't think I'd even be able to sell my posessions efficiently to make it last longer.


do you make enough to save? i'm 32, i'm not sure if it's worth the shot.


Yes, but I try very hard to keep my spendings to a minimum. I live in a third world shithole and spend a little under our minimum wage. I put the remaining money in riskier assets in a one-shot-type attempt of a better life.


I think I'm about to start the programming journey. I'm not sure if 32 is really too old but it's encouraging that you started at 30 and you're now making a living out of it.
Do you have any advice for someone who's starting? What languages do you believe are more profitable?


The only one I actually know is Python, it's definitely the most accessible and easy to use. It has already been said on the thread, but do try all the exercises in the material, don't try to just passively acquire the knowledge. You will use google a lot, either for the documentation or to find answers on stackexchange, don't feel bad for doing it if you need to.



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i dont know. i think its over so i might as well say what i really think. i think i had a purpose to serve, to shine a light on others path, and lift others through. i think im really different, its beyond being "off the curve", its something completely different, im really lucky to be like this, honestly i dont think i deserve being like this, it shouldve been someone else. things others find very difficult, its all very natural and easy to me, i can see in an instant things others might take many years to see, or maybe things they cant see at all. so it feels like i can fly when everyone else is grounded. to be frank it feels like i have some cheat codes to real life. but my life sucks a lot, sucks so much it makes up for all the ways im lucky. its like being a fish out of water. or a bird ten thousand feet under the sea. i dont know i just wish i had lived, i wish i could have tried, i really hope i can reincarnate when i die, i was supposed to be helpful and show answers to some problems. and to be fair i wanted to be a little free, i wanted to show what im all about, what i believe in, every way im different, even small things like talking about anime ive watched i wanted to do that too. i dont know to be frank i feel like i have the energy of a million stars in my chest, i feel like i could be infinite and want to give that to other persons, but life was very difficult. like there are things i cant even talk about because they would get me banned from wizchan, things that happened when i was very very little and scarred me for life, and everything snowballed from there, every day something happened, if i told you you wouldnt believe it, it was really hell and i wish no one else will ever have to feel like i did. i dont know i just wanted to say i felt like i was different from others in a very good and amazing way and wanted to give that to others but couldnt, wanted to say i feel like a white hole (google it on wikipedia) but i was just surrounded by the dark. wanted to say i felt very special and am proud of myself even though i hate myself a lot and am thankful for it but sad because ill just die like i never existed. i wanted to live, experience things, do things my own way, i wanted to be happy too, and make a very very big difference like i think i could have.
in other news my mom says she might get me a cat because im so depressed. she says she will decide on the name by herself but still ill give the cat a name of my own. if its a male ill call him hitler (after the little busters cat, not the dictator) and if its female ill call her maple (also a cat). ill call the cat hitler or maple whatever the official name is. maybe something else. like if its a white female with blue eyes then vanilla. osama is the first backup name for a male.
i dont know if theres something i wanted to say but couldnt because i cant find the words then it doesnt matter anymore im really done i think. im very sorry for posting i know no one cares but im annoying. i dont know sorry, sorry a lot.


I don't want to be alive another year.


Me neither, brother. Me neither. I hope I die in my sleep tonight.


stretch it out as much as possible man. you can make cheap ramen a lot better with a small amount of additives like kimchi or tiny amount of meat or egg.


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i dont know sorry for making another post i dont like standing out and ill probably be b& im probably already shadowb& anyways but i dont know im on the edge. i spend all my waking moments crying. please lord please lord let me go back. please lord give me a chance. everyone has a chance. i just wanted one like everyone else. i was drugged and battling lions every day, its not my fault, there were a lot of things, the more i learn about myself and the more i think about it the worse it looks, i dont know please let me go back, please let me a child, i didnt get to be one, i want to be 5 again, i want to go to school for the first time, i want to learn, i want to explore, i want to be myself, i want to try my best, i think i could have been an artist and mathematician out of this world, i think i have both amazing talent and dedication like no one else. im on the verge of being sent to a mental hospital because i cry too much and ive stopped eating and drinking, please lord please let me start over, i want to explore my own mind, i want to let my brain go wild, i want to be free, i want to create endlessly, i want to show others im really weird but in an awesome way, i think my brain is wired as a perfect supercomputer and a fountain of youth for creativity, it feels like my sub or un conscious is like an ocean from which i can fish as many ideas as i want, there are schools and schools of fish of all colors and coral reefs that stretch forever, anything i want i can imagine it, while most people struggle with it or have to make a conscious effort to think. i dont know i dont understand people who say this world sucks and everything is bad and they want to die, i want to live so much, i love this world so much, i dont know i wish i could express how much pain i feel, i wish i could express the size of what i feel like ive lost, i feel ive lost something the size of the whole universe or maybe bigger. i dont know i just want to start over, i want to wake up as myself in slightly difference circumstances in this era so i can have a chance to show everything i believe in, i want to start over nothing else. i dont know im sorry for making a post i wish other people would post a lot more so it would like my posts are very few and dont make up a significant amount of the thread. im sorry.


play Warframe. it cured my Depression it can cure yours too. my favorite build is um i forget. but play warframe at least 200 hours


Always drink your own tears. It's therapeutical
> it feels like my sub or un conscious is like an ocean from which i can fish as many ideas as i want, there are schools and schools of fish of all colors and coral reefs that stretch forever, anything i want i can imagine it, while most people struggle with it or have to make a conscious effort to think
try holorenic breathwork
>i wish i could express the size of what i feel like ive lost, i feel ive lost something the size of the whole universe or maybe bigger
Sometimes you must stop chasing the rabbits until they get into your grind by theirselves.


try it with egg and thai peanut sauce. soooo good


Have you upped your sigma grindset recently? This could be the root of your dissatisfaction with life.
Also, consider what >>252396 has suggested. It could be the warp holding you back…


I think I'm done with wizchan.


No more lies…


what a class A ironic shitpost
fuck off


LJL @ this aul rotter here


Wake up today actually feeling pleasant instead of stressed and depressed for the first time in a long time. The difference? The weather is actually cool instead of the usual tropical heat and new year holidays means people aren't working and screaming at each other throughout the day. That's it. I have been feeling like shit for a years and all it takes to make me wake up thinking the world is beautiful is having the appropriate temperature and noise level. I hate my fucking sensitive body and mind. I should seriously think about moving to the countryside or something. This is the kind of feeling that humans need to feel when they wake up. I shouldn't be robbed from this just because I like in some third world hive colony.


If eroge didn't "cure" him, I don't see how Warframe could.


I can't function if someone isn't taking care of me. I am a manchild retard and there's nothing to be said.


Was fun to have coping mechanisms. Shame they don't last.


most of my problems would go away if my greedy, selfish, narcissistic mom died


Every day that goes by I find myself wanting my time to be over. I'm tired of thought and motion. I'd like to stop, please.


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Going in to my thirties struggling to do basic things still
Year after year seeing people succeed from worse positions
And they just needed to push and try
Cycling through endless pieces of knowledge
You're so alone when you spend years trying
And still failing
People suggesting things youve tried
Nothing to say to anyone or to do
Just continue failing
Until suicide sets us free


I don't know what to do. I was having a perfectly fine day, and then a few hours ago I just fucking crashed and wanted to die more than anything else. Why does my brain plot it's own destruction? Why can't I just hold onto normalcy. I swear I must be becoming bipolar or some shit. I just can't stop it anymore. I'm done trying. I'll take the jewpills I'll go see the srhinks. I'lb esedated just anything to rid me of this living nightmare. I'm sitting here on the 11th storu just trying to find the strength to jump but I know I can't. I don't want to give up, but it feels like every other part of me does.


I've accepted the fact I'm never going to be able to kill myself. It's too hard and I'm too mentally weak. I'm stuck here until something kills me.
I just want it to be over already.


>currently cutting and drinking cheap vodka+diet coke
>haven't cut in years
>look down at the scars on my thighs from 6-7 years ago
>think about how I haven't changed at all in that time and I'm still the same shitty person I was back then
I'm a shit person and I deserve my shit life. I wish I could atone for being a shit person but I cant. every interaction I have with someone is negative and I'm a burden on everyone I meet. Everything i touch turns to shit.


How’s the cafe?


Is it possible to not gather enough concentration and energy to formulate a simple coherent sentence let alnone post? I used to write long posts and used to care about theoretical questions but now all I do is vegetate and be exhausted at everything that could be only a little bit complicated.


You may be depressed.


Witch infiltrator


Who are some good, real youtubers, who know the score in life?
I like Inmendham, Sam Hyde and Itsagundam (althought the latter isnt very wizardly)


Yesterday was my 33th birthday. Everything is so tiresome, I don't want to keep going. This might be my last year of misery.


today was my 34th, you'll be all right


None. If you tape yourself and upload it to the internet you are nothing more than a clown.


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If I ever had it. I lost it.
I think the only thing left for me is to attempt an absolute dopamine fast and forcing myself to a different lifestyle.
I don't think it will work since my soulless state begun after forced dopamine fast, change of surroundings etc.
I dunno wizzies, how to unring a bell.



Does being a manchild mean I can still get SIDS?






I don’t know if it’s the masks but it seems like people are smirking at me more. Outside world hostile again, it hasn’t been for a few years.


Can't bring myself to watch the EVA movie.


If its your property,you can surly modify it,like … placing spikes


I am from the cursed realm and I am wondering among humans. I am alone here and others can’t help me.



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I fantasize about waking up as a highschooler again, walking into class and then slaughtering each and every one of my classmates in minecraft i fantasize about setting off pipe bombs aka TNT, rememeber this is Minecraft in a crowded pavillion and watching all the normal happy well-adjusted ordinary folk get blown into chunks [/spoiler] in Mincraft[/spoiler] i fantasize about walking up to the cashier who turned away from me in disgust while giving a warm smile to every other customer, grabbing him by the hair and slitting his throat i don't think you can do that in minecraft but the point stands

oh sorry these are supposed to be for depressing thoughts not uplifting ones

it's all so funny now. i cannot stop smiling


I have been beginning to think about humans and their interactions - how it may be just boring. I have been described as having autism by my parents and (((qualified psychologist, so so attractive succubus I was blushing infront of her))). I think my disinterest in interacting with people is justified, with Normies in their whole potential for interactions with all the potential human interaction mapped out. Would I bother walking into a pub or anywhere and try to chat, no.


It all just seems to be about posturing over one of another of their self esteem that's mainly it.


I really like this image, mind if I save it?


not the person who posted it but the source manga is chi no wadachi, by same person that did aku no hana


I'm right out of booze again. It's like I never secured the financing for it all, suffering through every moment of near poverty. To think I could be sitting here on heroin - those days of wealth are long gone, and with them my happiness.


I have been positioning myself in this nothing in which I feel truly myself for years, and I occupy myself with the constant exercise of unknotting my ego, the game doesn’t come without charm, and after all, it does not cost a thing, maybe it costs only those smoky ideologies which I am happy to lose, being saved through the indifference is a novelty that is not accessible to succubi and children.
A serene indifference is the source of urbanity, the man who is consummated and possessed by his desire is nothing but a slave, a master isn’t moved and doesn’t feel any stir, like the Greek philosophers had already understood.


it never gets better…


Very nice wizard meme, sir.

Highly good stuff


Sorry you posted an illegal meme but I feel you


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Finally realized that I'm just terminally retarded. I'm incapable of higher-order rational thinking and any attempts at crafting solid, well-thought out arguments are bound for failure, as are my ventures into "philosophy" and other intellectual pursuits. The only reason I haven't succumbed to, as one poster puts it, "featured on Oprah!"-tier books about vibrating crystal energies and chakras and whatnot is because reading bores me. The most I can do is regurgitate talking points from other sources, but when it comes time for critical thinking I stumble and fall, as always.

I don't think I ended up on this site because of some tendency for free-thinking, or because my intelligence set me apart from my peers. It was just difficult to fit (force myself, really) into any other spaces.

I am a peon, a yokel. A golem. Just another mook. One of the unwashed masses. I simply do not have the mental machinery to do anything useful. When I try, it's embarassing. My mind is a blunt instrument, but any attempts to hone it are fruitless. It's starting to make more and more sense why all the power and decision-making was consolidated among a chosen few throughout history (the aristocracy, the educated and the well-off); many of us would hurt ourselves if we did anything besides till the fields and die on battlefields (or whatever the modern equivalent is, mopping the floor at Wendy's and going to the pub on Friday)



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I came to similar thoughts about emotional stability and the minority that truly maintain endless vitality and acting independent of environment make up the royal supreme class. With enough failure you are more accepting of yourself in a failed majority that lacks the things you struggled for.


at least you are not chris chan


Which one? If its the rebuilds then, I did enjoy the last one more than the previous one. They also finally put some good music back into the franchise.
It would solve many peoples problems if there was a real impact, then even cowards like me would be forced to cease existing.


I don't think I can take much more of this aimless clicking. All day I just scroll and click, scroll and click on the same handful of websites. I lost 10+ years of my life to this shit.


Maybe you should get a job.


I have a job that isnt remote and I still do the clicking and scrolling. I don't think I was meant to be normal.


What is the point


Same, yet I don't do anything to change


My way of getting out of it was

Week 1
>Every day I do something else for one hour a day, it doesn't matter what or if I make progress, as long as it is one hour

Week two I added another hour, and another hour. Until I got my computer time down.


It definitely helps to have a hobby you actually have interest in. Once you do that the internet becomes more of a tool to support your hobbies rather than a timesink.


dear anon, this >>252850 guy has a point
life only has meaning when you give meaning to it: have goals in your hobbies! what do you want to achieve today in $VIDYA_GAYME?? no??

what else can we do? reframe whatever hobby you are interested in as INTERESTING! get outside and learn about it, or inside and /cozy/ and think about it!

how do you think people have taught themselves about the world before school taught everyone? well, books
people stuff books with a great amount of information!

ever try to read the Bible? like, Gideon's Bible or ANYTHING LIKE IT? nevertheless, it's dense. whom begat whom begat whom begat they did anything; we must introduce his history, the timeline(-ish), the era, even fashion.

people do not understand the gift they have inside of the spooky skeletons underneath. the heart is obviously the most important; goddamn nervous system and brain.

if you have a dream, go out and do it. I personally advocate to go out and do positive things, and not bad or harmful (I see you, Mr. wannabe suicide; I did it and failed - hope you pass because I love you and wish not that pain on ye.)

gents, whip out your willies and fuck a gal; honies, ya'll know what to do with it. oh, don't be coy. I know what you want, you dirty fucking degenerate. deny her your precious bodily fluids; but give her the time of her life. even if it means not taking her clothes off. it counts as positive interaction and working towards i.e. a gf for you nogf'ers.

nonetheless, I do not care for succubi, nor men. not asexual; I am what the kids would call super-straight? don't get me wrong, a dick is for playing with, but thanks, I know how to use it better than you ever could.

no succubus has made me cum. no; they don't need a damn map, I just can do better than they can at a nice consistent orgasm and ectasy. succubi like to use the male orgasm as an excuse because of well, pregnancy. nonetheless, it's swallowed and it's over; or you did an oops. she can just stick that goopy shit inside of her pussy and make you a daddy, honey. oh, gimme child support:)

gooning is the future, my friends
find a loved one and teach them the way if you cannot find it
gooning is love
gooning is life:)


anon, fucking tl;dr
because I Like your face, I might tell you something like I love you; but we must first have our third date…
nonetheless: you (and I) both need more experience in life
we are without close trusting people that we can say that we enjoy, praise, and love. trust is a river, one that only may be conquered by mutual love and sincere communication (which can be very subtle!)

learn how to love yourself; find a way to express whatever this is you're feeling. someone has hurt you in a way that is unimaginable to me. something that my heart will never understand. nonetheless, I might call you friend, anon:

we are not so different, you and I.
being a part of the spectrum and general mental defects crowd is a bitch!
look man, I had to go to school with literal retards, some smart enough, some even genius, some malformed and all fucked up. life isn't nothing but a box of chocolates; quit eating the shit ones.

it's a gift, life. words. meaning. thoughts. hearts, heartache. I have a long lost heart with a post-it note for a reward. uh…

I can only diagnose or almost reach you, but I can't touch you.

if you're still ITC, plz respong


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i dont know i wish i could say a million things but it would be like discussing religion on the internet, a lot of text and wouldnt change anyones mind.
to be very brief i felt like i was special, like i had a purpose, that i was supposed to follow a path, and be together with some other people, but i couldnt. i felt very free like no one could imagine, but also as a prisoner.i wanted to show beautiful, incredible things. thats it.
i dont know im very scared of death, i know im here and all these things within me are real but ill die without ever being able to communicate what they are, it will be like none of it ever happened, i just wish i could somehow start over, i wish that immediately after i die ill wake up as myself when i was 5 years old having forgotten that all of this happened so i can try again and do what i think is right. i wish i could have been myself, you wouldnt believe me if i told you everything i can do and everything i can see. i dont know i wish i could express what its like having something that feels bigger than anything else inside you and not being able to share it or pursue its possibilities. i wish i could explain all the things that go on in my mind every instant. i dont know i know theres nothing to be done about it thats why im talking about it. its wasnt my choice that things ended up this way. i dont know i cant find the words to describe what its like. im sorry, i just wish i could start over, i just wanted to live my life and i think i could have been so happy and make others happy. im sorry. im sorry. sorry. sorry.


Lymph node on my neck has swollen to like golf ball size. Got to wait a week or so to see if it fixes itself normally, but maybe this is something that will do me in.


If reality is infinite, you or someone close enough to be functionally you with similar enough genes, life patterns and outcomes, is bound to exist again. Best of luck to them, lets hope they make it, are making it or have made it.


Infinity means anything can happen, not everything will happen.

So much woowoo bullshit from people not understanding.


Sooo much woo woo bullshit in this population I'm so sick and tired of it wiz. You have what psychiatrist call vulnerable narcissism. You're not special, just socially inept and upset about it. You can't express what's inside you because there's nothing unusual there, just emotions of discontent from your miserable lonely experiences. You don't need to start over, you need to get over yourself, stop obsessing about being unique and maybe start paying some attention to anyone else's feelings besides your own.


>maybe start paying some attention to anyone else's feelings besides your own.


I hate when you have an actual disorder and normies take their own experience of something adjacent to your disorder and try to act like it's the exact same thing. For example normies just say "oh just get to know people better then your social anxiety will go away". I feel social anxiety when interacting with my own family you fucking douchebags.


This is why killing yourself is pointless. We're all immortal and trapped for infinity.


You see it even on this site. "Mental illnes is not real dude. That's just a jewish label to take your money.". "You are depressed? That means you're a narcissistic crab, not a real wizard like me.". None of us ever had any access to consciousness that's not our own but people act like they know how everyone think and feel.


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It is a disorder just not what you like to think it is.


Pointing out that the guy posting hysterical rants about how he's supposed to be super Jesus but the world forced him to be a loser in some vague way is a narcissist isn't why people are calling you a retard. That's obvious.
People are calling you a retard for suggesting that the solution to a personality disorder is "get over yourself and start thinking about other peoples' feelings". Your normie dad probably gave you better advice than this where you were 12.


This one is vague webmd horseshit

This one got me down 100%.


Guess he should just try harder to be super jesus then. My mistake. You're right any empathy or decrease in self-obsession is never the answer.


I'm a different person not talking about what you're talking about. I just don't like it when normans treat depression and social anxiety disorders like the sadness and social anxiety they experience. I agree with you on the vulnerable narcissism thing. I am one myself.


Me too. Well, except for the emotional manipulation bit.


Sounds a lot more like schizophrenia than narcissism, honestly.


The part that actually struck me was having little interest in the emotions of others, causing an inability to genuinely love.


>You're right any empathy or decrease in self-obsession is never the answer.
Telling someone suffering from pathological narcissism (presumably for most or all of their lives) to "just get over yourself" is just as worthless dudebro-tier advice as telling a depressed person to just stop being sad.


He didn’t get it the first three times, just stop trying to reason.


If someone is exceptionally introverted and shy, well duh, they would be sensitive to criticism and have a neurotic personality. They would also likely experience self-shame and suffer from anxiety/depression/etc.

The narcissistic traits are concentrated in points 4, 7 and 8. You should withhold the narcissism diagnosis until the poster exhibits overt narcissism symptoms, or you might accidentally misclassify shy, lonely and overly sensitive people, who are only preoccupied with their inner experiences for lack of other things going on in their lives.


He's not trying to reason he just wants to whine. That "My pain is so special and unique and no one can understand or offer simple advice!" meme gets really old when you pass 30yo. Human emotions aren't a complex enigma and understanding psychology does help. Getting out of your own head and focusing on other people in some constructive way is how you cultivate empathy intellectually and learn about your own toxic behavior. The difference from "just stop being sad"is exterior influence of others. But by all meams brude, sulk, and call everyone that suggests to do anything otherwise a retard. This place really does seem infested with younglings these days.


You really showed em with that facebook wojak.


Let the man put his wojak at once!
This antimemetic issue is not even in the rules…

Introverted and neurotic I find myself wiping my ass with anyone's critics to me.

A thing you should know about modern psychology, they will mix truth with lies, mark the sane as mad and tell that solutions area ggravations… sometimes


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>He's not trying to reason he just wants to whine
There's times for whining and times for fixing. Realistically giving advice over the internet is unreliable; you cannot diagnose anyone's problem from an online post. Especially not personality disorders which are unreliable even when applied in the correct setting with interpersonal relationships as a subject of change.

A wiz can't go to work, come home, crack open a beer, and say "this sucks" anymore. It's only becoming socially acceptable to rage and be angry these days, as if it's any different.


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It all sucks, life is stupid but regardless we are here. So I don't see the harm in trying to make the best of it anyways and encouraging other wizards to do the same. There's literally nothing else to do, besides die. I don't recall intentionally trying to maximize suffering being the creed of loners. Humility and self-awareness can make some difference.


I call this a cope.
>cope is strong with this one
Yeah bro, you're coping.
>too much cope indeed

>Just as I am with wizchan not allowing wojaks to be summoned.

I beg you to reason about it, this is getting out of hand


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Relax you'll get there.


Massive imposter syndrome. If you were really as "retarded" as you say you are even just typing out these few paragraphs would be a colossal struggle.


Good one to just assume anyone who is depressed and shy is actually an undercover Machiavellian chessmaster toying with people's emotions and has zero capacity for empathy. That is actually gaslighting bullshit, fyi.


I feel like I walked into a 4chad thread. What the fuck happened here?


I was being a tad hyperbolic. I meant that I can't engage meaningfully in most discussions on this very website.


Okay so I'm a piece of shit at my 30.
How do I stop?
>which often stem from childhood mistreatment
Guess I need to kms and hope for better odds next time?


My fucking redneck family is trying to give me the old up by your bootstraps shit.
They've been talking about me for like an hour, about my future and goals.
I wish they'd realize my only goal is to eek out an existence in this shithole and then die. I don't want anything, I don't need anything I just want to rot.
I swear the fucking trauma of being a factory wageslave must be generational because they really try to keep that shit rolling.


If I were you I'd meanwhile offer myself to do every single housechore around, to make as much time as possible.

Are you 30 or more by a casual?


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i wish nothing happened in vain, that all human tears ever shed will be forever engraved in the halls of time, that all people who hurt others will one day have to look at everything they have done and that they can apologize from the bottom of their hearts. i wish everyone were free, that everyone could do whatever they want and live in their own worlds without any fear of consequences. i dont know, something like that.


I achieve wiz status this year. I've told them I plan on getting disability, I'm just building up a case history in therapy first.
But apparently that isn't a good life by their standards.
I don't give a shit about life to begin with, I'm just wasting time until it's over.


>I swear the fucking trauma of being a factory wageslave must be generational because they really try to keep that shit rolling.
It's the only way to cope. Lifelong wageslaves need to believe that wasting their entire life putting nuts on tires for eight hours and then coming home to watch television is just what life had to be and not a choice that could've gone differently. The alternative is ending up completely crushed under regret.


Why does anything even exist?


Will + Meaning




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white hole.


delete this.


I'm glad I got the ending where I kill that monstrous bitch, I refuse to get any other ending.


Turns out it has become a large abscess that's gone yellow with the puss trying to explode out. Just an infection I guess. I will see what the doctor says.


Depends if they take personal accountability or not. Only they know if they truly feel any empathy for others or not. Wanting to be super jesus isn't sincere care for people. It's just egomania.


Ah yes, brilliant piece. I quite frankly enjoyed the Bloom ending.


Best end 'cause humanity gets destroyed and everyone turns into Lovecraftian monsters. I always love those kind of happy endings.


Saya no Uta doesn't actually say anything.


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it says many things like being able to see the world differently and what matters is what we are not what we look like and it somehow explains things you could not comprehend and its about overwhelming the world and becoming everything and what does it mean to be crazy, how can we just blackbox some features as craziness and say "thats crazy it just is ok!!" and not try to understand it even though theres a logic to all things. but i guess like a white hole youd be stuck forever in the event horizon and never make it inside. i mean lets suppose you were fuminori but you were never braindamaged, when saya first appeared youd be like youve always been. would you still fall in love with her and support her. id like to think id be able to do that. also it reminds you white dresses are the best. white is the best color even lily satou says so even though shes blind.

i really dont know what to do, should i stay at home and just stare at anime succubi all day and then die, should i answer my calling and go to academia and write things decades ahead of their time, or do i get a cintiq and draw things like the heterochromatic twins drawn by toosaka asagi on a daily basis. i have to choose only one my brain doesnt work like that and it would be inefficient to do many things. i think the first option reflects my hopelessness, the second objectivity, and the third is communication.

in any case i feel like doing something extraordinary. i really cant express how i feel but ill just say i feel an ocean of stuff.

sorry for posting, if i make another post this month go ahead and ban me or give me a warning for spamming.


Feeling so hopeless, not even imageboards and youtube are making me happy anymore. I started to sleep a lot more now, like 10-12 hours a day. Sleep is the only thing that still makes me happy.


I likewise have taken the sleepingpill. I've been going to sleep at 6 or 7 in the evening and sleeping 12 hours. If I could I'd make it 18 hours.


Cherish it. I feel like my brain is finally catching up to the last corner of enjoyment I have in this world and my sleep has gone down in quality. Some nights I can't sleep at all. I hope it kills me eventually.


I dream too much of the past. Wake up hammered by nostalgia.


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I swear to god, one of these days standing next to the traffic as I usually do I will take a step in front of a semi-trailer or something like that, it will be without thinking, an automatic impulse, almost biological, just take a step towards eternity.


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i wish i could be myself. im different. feels like theres a galaxy of things inside me and i want to show it. i love the world and i love others. i wish i had freedom.
i wish i could express myself. i wish i could start over.


Are there any good drugs that can make it easier to cope with SA?
Been a NEET for a while, used to drink on the job before that.
I've realized I can't stay like this forever, I've got to try something.

I think I'll try going to a shrink. Is this a completely retarded plan?
Using a drug to zombify myself to deal with a job or something and then very slowly trying to get off the drugs?

I really want my own place and to be free.




The Brain— is wider than the Sky—
For— put them side by side—
The one the other will contain
With ease— and you— beside—

The Brain is deeper than the sea—
For— hold them— Blue to Blue—
The one the other will absorb—
As sponges— Buckets— do—

The Brain is just the weight of God—
For— Heft them— Pound for Pound—
And they will differ— if they do—
As Syllable from Sound—

Emily Dickinson, c. 1862.


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Propanolol sort of works. The risk of physical dependence with benzos is too high.


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Gotta say, getting real sick of these early 20s pretentious ass weebs thinking they're some wholly unique 1 in a million individual, tormenting the rest of us with their walls of diarrhea.
Feels like I'm running into these types so often lately, they always gotta attach an anime succubus to their every post or use an anime succubus avatar and typically are thinking of transitioning into a tranny or already in the process.

I honestly wish there was some way to really enforce a 30+ only rule to this website. These delusions about uniqueness can only be held by a young mind, living long enough will ensure this world will crush any self delusions out of you.


There's not a lot of them, it's a few people who just post a ton.


nobody reads this guy's (?) words salad tbh


I know that's probably the same poster. I'm mostly just ranting due to an influx of those types of people showing up all across the internet lately and seeing them pop up on wizchan of all places just pisses me off more.


That guy is clearly VERY mentally ill.


if he was very mentally ill, he would be unintelligible. He's just a depressed fuck with too much time on his hands and a penchant for anime and the dramatic. I don't mind him using wizchan as a blog though, everyone needs someone to talk to, even if that someone is the void that is wizchan.


I agree. All the depressed fucks should leave /dep/, the depression board.


The only post remotely suggesting he should stop or leave is >>253082


You all wouldn't mind if he did, though.


I've noticed the quality of the posts has dropped even further. It went from a quality board to being garbage spewed on twitter all day.


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Suffering through shitposts is never without aim or purpose. It makes us stronger or richer in experiences. Without suffering through shitposts life would be boring.


I honestly love reading his unfiltered schizo thoughts and the waifus are pretty.


Fucking 10/10.


Agreed, but I suppose they prefer the walls of diarrhea currently up on display in the /lounge/ politics thread, rather than the self-obsessive schizophrenia-flavored anime-style kind. Different strokes, I guess.


I like them.

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