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 No.257378

Every single day I wake up and want to die, the only reason im alive is solely to appease my parents. I have 0 reason to be alive, I dont enjoy anything whatsoever, I literally live to distract myself. Whenever I do anything like watch anime I get intrusive thoughts, basically I just live with these fucking thoughts 24/7, these thoughts make me miserable, and I have to reassure myself over and over again to give myself temporary release. Near the height of my depression I developed delusions that my brain was being experimented on my agencys like an idiot. If my parents were dead I think I'd just shoot myself in the head, im tired of waking up. There is barely anything in my life that brings me joy. And to make matters worse I've only just begun my adult life, im 19 and in university and my life is unbearable, each time I walk around I just feel like jumping off the ledge to my death. It was as bad as it was when I was isolated at home browsing r9k and blackpill fourms. I dont even fit in r9k, its mostly just normalfags there. Soon im going to see a psychiatrist to get an ssri, last time I took one it didnt help but I had significant anxiety back then and had stomach aches all the time, while now Im a bit calmer so hopefully they will help me get rid of the thoughts. I cant believe I have to endure another 10 - 20 years of this FUCKING LIFE. I just cant cope anymore.

 No.257380

>>257378
>r9k and blackpill forums, university
fuck off normalfag

 No.257385

>>257380
How am I normalfag? Wizchan started off from r9k, one of the boards here was called /v9k/, and blackpill fourms are filled with outcasts. fuck you faggot

 No.257386

OP, what have you tried in order to change this? You environment, routine, diet. etc?
>Soon im going to see a psychiatrist to get an ssri
Are mind-numbing drugs your first solution? Everyone who has gotten on these has a story to tell about how it made them anxious, physically lethargic, and even less capable of enjoying things. From who or where did you get the idea that SSRIs were a solution to depression? From the people who sell and prescribe them, I'm guessing. Was it from R9K, the board you admit is full of ill-meaning normalfags who may wish to misinform you?

So you're confident that chemicals can change your perception. That's good because that should open up the idea of changing your chemical balance to recover your capacity for happiness. You're in a cortisol spiral. Stress hormones have taken command, and upon realizing their effects, you become more stressed which releases even more destructive chemicals. SSRIs can not block cortisol and many other afflicting chemicals to any substantial effect. With every dose your body develops more stress receptors to counteract the sudden drop in absorption, leaving you more susceptible to the stress hormones in the future.

The proper chemical solution is to force your brain to produce and release the feel-good hormones. You're never too far down to do this until you've altered your brain with drugs. Go for a walk in the sun, in the moonlight. Experience the world in its calmest states. Physically exert yourself and eat whole natural foods, and reward yourself with whatever junk food makes you happy when you do something proactive. Your current cortisol levels will accelerate physical development. Exercise your brain by challenging your mind with problem solving. Go on a learning spree, about anything from using certain software to studying arcane histories. If seeing your parents happy makes you happy, then do things to make them happy. If not, cut them out and focus entirely on yourself. Seek adventure and new ideas, try creative hobbies. Do new things with no rhyme or reason. That used to be the whole point of schooling, back when depression levels were at their lowest.

A healthy body, proper diet, challenged mind, and detachment from downtrodden influencers will put you on the path to recovery. Liberate your body and mind from all that change your perception of yourself, especially drugs and people who want to manipulate you. ESPECIALLY these "Blackpillers" who don't believe things can get better. You're way too young to lose hope in having dominion over your own emotions.

>>257385
That was nearly a decade ago. This site has changed, while R9K has remained mostly the same. The average R9K user of today has no home here; only those fed up with R9K's self-loathing, >tfw no gf, lookism, and succubi worship should lfind this place.
>blackpill fourms are filled with outcasts
But why are they outcasts? Because they romanticize helplessness as some sort of revolutionary act and aim to change the world by spreading their vile worldviews. Wizards may be sad or happy, full of hope or dreadful beyond recovery. But we unite in our disinterest in changing the ways of normalfags, for better or for worse. "Blackpillers" make it a hobby to drag others down to their level of disgust, which explains why so many of these self-proclaimed blackpilled outsiders have been showing up here recently to preach about how their despair is the only true despair, and that we should all wallow in it.

No sad Wizchan native wants others to be sad.
Blackpillers get a boner thinking of making others sad.
Call yourself sad as much as you want, race to the bottom against other users if you chose, but don't go trying to convince us Wizards that we ought to be sad as well. That would make you no different than the normalfags who found home on R9K making fun of the virgins and bringing them down for personal amusement.

 No.257387

>I'm 19
Stopped reading there.

I FUCKING WISH I could be 19 again, now matter how awful you think it's gonna be way way worse when you're 26 like me, you will remember those days as the best ones of your life when you are as old as me.

Do yourself a favor and get out and live, do something, you don't want to stay here.

 No.257388

>>257387
im 27 and i agree. 14-20 were the best years of my life. now its torture time, all the time.

 No.257389

>>257387
What did you do (or not do) to make your suffering persist for so long? That would probably be helpful to OP? What do you think you could have done to feel better by 26?

 No.257391

>>257389
there is no help.
you get more responsibilities, you get poorer, you get increasing general malaise with age, you get more disappointment and disillusionment, you get more mentally ill with the isolation, you get humiliated and slowly lose any family members because they're disgusted by your childishness and having to pay for everything for you which isn't permissible anymore after 21+, you get more retarded, you lose interest in most things or don't even have the time to do them anymore, and then you die alone.

it's only downhill and everyone is headed for the worst.

the only "help" is pills that turn your brain off, or batshit insane copes that could meet the diagnostic criteria for delusional disorder. like the guy in this other thread claiming age and isolation don't cause any damage lol. >>257361 just go to /pol/ if you want to try out the detachment from reality copes where you think god made you homeless because he thinks you're awesome or something.

They're expediting the poor one thanks to the ukraine LARP and even wizards with rich parents will probably be affected, so that's cool. the poor one will come sooner than the others thanks to events outside of your control. the price of everything under the sun increased rapidly. i eat shitty salads that cost $14 from a fast food restaurant. i only survive thanks to shoplifting.

 No.257396

>>257387
I am the same age and don’t think that’s true. 19 sucks, you are already set in your ways unless you make a big change with a lot of effort, I’d rather go back to 12 so I can actually make a real difference, 19 is too late, at least at 26 I don’t have to figure anything out anymore and no one is bothering me about being retarded

 No.257398

Get on my level noob I’m 29 and I did not go out SINGLE time in last 7 months because of my intense hatred of succubi and so many things and I’m neet for 2 years.I’m only alive because I’m a coward and can’t kill myself painlessly.

 No.257401

>>257398
top most pathetic crab comment, not going outside because of succubi, wow…

 No.257402

>>257386
>From who or where did you get the idea that SSRIs were a solution to depression?
I dont only have depression, I have OCD. Extremely horrible OCD that I cant stand. When I was depressed I loved it compared to having intrusive thoughts blast through my head 24/7.
>Stress hormones have taken command, and upon realizing their effects, you become more stressed which releases even more destructive chemicals. SSRIs can not block cortisol and many other afflicting chemicals to any substantial effect. With every dose your body develops more stress receptors to counteract the sudden drop in absorption, leaving you more susceptible to the stress hormones in the future.
Yeah I've been experimenting with meditation, it helps, also I have started smoking to relax myself. The nicotine makes me relaxed and go from being stressed to calm sort of. I chose to look for SSRI's because there is no way to cope. I've tried going for walks that type of stuff barely helps me.
>but don't go trying to convince us Wizards
You sound like a truwiz larper. I hate blackpillers mainly because they are sort of unrealistic, but they are way better the feminist you guys shill for.
>>257387
How is wanting to kms everyday fucking amazing, if it gets even worse fuck, I already feel like that when I look back on the days were is 16.
>Do yourself a favor and get out and live, do something, you don't want to stay here.
Like what, all I get are negative thoughts around me, there is nothing for me to fucking do. I dont enjoy anything.
>>257388
Its still torture for me at this age, fuck.
>>257398
If I could be a neet I would.
>>257401
Fuck you, this is wizchan a place for outcast virgins, calling people is pathetic is what normalfag redditors do.

 No.257403

>>257402
>they are way better the feminist you guys shill for
Who's shilling for feminists??

 No.257414

Ayy, young wiz, I know those feels. The best solution is basically raping your mind. You have to force yourself to do things or enjoy things until you will enjoy things actually. I'm talking about anime and such, not working or studying to be clear, those things always suck. Can't you go NEET? If you feel you can't bear it anymore there is no point in forcing yourself to do normalfag stuff. Drop out and NEET as long as you can while giving the middle finger to the future, that is as good as it can get for people like us.

>the only reason im alive is solely to appease my parents. I have 0 reason to be alive

>If my parents were dead I think I'd just shoot myself in the head
Haha, no you wouldn't. The "parents" excuse is as old as wiz culture probably, we oldfags know that if you haven't killed yourself yet then you most likely won't do it. I'd advise you to get rid of this cope. Either kill yourself or learn to enjoy life. If you don't want to kill yourself that's fine too.
Don't rush things so much. You don't need a "reason" to be alive, you can just take pleasure in the small things or can learn to enjoy how absurd existence is.

>r9k and blackpill fourms

Don't go near them, I'm serious. If you want to whine or vent then use this board instead. While the atmosphere is still self-destructive here the quality is much higher overall. Being here on this site is a step in the right direction.
> im going to see a psychiatrist to get an ssri
No, you aren't if you want actual solutions and not to be just some drugged npc. Don't ever trust psychiatrists or psychologists, wizkid. They are normals and they don't know anything aside from what they learned in uni between two parties. You need to solve this on your own, you can do it. You know yourself, you know your history, you know what your problems are. Don't let some normalfag psychiatrist to influence your thoughts and emotions, their only purpose is to make you into a puppet who will wageslave and breed like a good slave.

>>257386
Good post! So good to see other enlightened wizards here.

>>257387
>everyone is the same as me
No. For me life between 14-20 was way worse than it was in the last 5 years. I am 25 and I'm feeling great. Teenage years can cause the worst despair to some. It is when people try to figure out who they are or what their roles are. It can be very horrible.

>>257391
>everyone is the same as me (again)
Don't drag others down into your pond, please. I understand you hate yourself and your life but that doesn't mean life should be horrible for everyone. We come from different backgrounds and families. Everyone is heading towards decay, doom and failure but we can learn to enjoy the ride. Also, thanks for quoting my post from that other thread, friend.

 No.257415

>>257414
>Everyone is heading towards decay, doom and failure but we can learn to enjoy the ride.
yeah, exactly as i said. delusional disorder copes where you think god is doing you a favor by making you homeless.

go to /pol/ if you want to learn how to be like this guy.

 No.257424

I have OCD too. Used to be really bad, like destroy my life bad. It’s gotten a lot better. I always try to help out my OCD bros.

First off, what is your OCD like? One of my symptoms was contamination OCD. I went to a therapist for years and it didn’t help a bit. I ended up getting on jewpills and reading about REBT and doing exposures myself and got over my contamination fears.

Honestly, the thing with real mental illness is, it never goes away. You are going to have to deal with this for life. Now it will get better, because OCD gets way worse when you reinforce obsessive beliefs with compulsions, but the intrusive thoughts don’t really go away and you are gonna have to watch out for them so you don’t reinforce them. It’s gonna feel like you’re syssyphus pushing the boulder up the hill only for it to fall back down again, every single day.

Jewpills help but only if you are doing your exposures and therapy. If you just get on them and don’t change your behavior, nothing will change.

Also, don’t listen to regards like >>257386, ocd is a real mental illness unlike meme depression and meme anxiety. Something is wrong with your amygdala and there are specific ways you treat it.

 No.257432

>>257403
My bad, I thought you were the guy who mindlessly hates on crabs, I know their horrible and try to drag everyone down with them, but I still feel bad for them.
>>257414
>You have to force yourself to do things or enjoy things until you will enjoy things actually. I'm talking about anime and such, not working or studying to be clear, those things always suck
I dont know if this would work because of my OCD, I basically get thoughts like "Im a subhuman coping with anime", "only 2d succubi like you because 3d succubi think your ugly mutt" etc. Really I dont even want a gf, im repulsed by succubi, and the idea of having sex doesnt make me feel better.
>Don't go near them, I'm serious. If you want to whine or vent then use this board instead. While the atmosphere is still self-destructive here the quality is much higher overall. Being here on this site is a step in the right direction.
Yeah im tired of 4chan, basically filled with normalfags, racebait bullshit, discord grooming and basically very cancerous shit. I feel jealous of the Japs, because in their own chans like 5channel most men their are virgins and are not typical normalfags.
>Haha, no you wouldn't. The "parents" excuse is as old as wiz culture probably, we oldfags know that if you haven't killed yourself yet then you most likely won't do it. I'd advise you to get rid of this cope
Yeah I was coping, its just that life is so unbearable at some points. I wish I could just play video games 24/7 and be high. Instead im stuck in a computer science degree because of my parents.
>Can't you go NEET? If you feel you can't bear it anymore there is no point in forcing yourself to do normalfag stuff. Drop out and NEET as long as you can while giving the middle finger to the future, that is as good as it can get for people like us.
I cant, thats the worse part, I dropped out of school and did some sort online schooling crap but I asked my parents if I could quit and do nothing, they said no and looked at me like I was trash. My family tries to guilt trip me as well.
>You don't need a "reason" to be alive, you can just take pleasure in the small things or can learn to enjoy how absurd existence is.
I'll try. I sometimes enjoy reading manga, and even visual novels if I turn down the voices of the characters.
>No, you aren't if you want actual solutions and not to be just some drugged npc.
I've researched my OCD condition, its not a meme mental illness, I've been coping without any drugs for a year, its gotten better but its still there. There are actual surgical procedures to help with OCD. When I was depressed It felt like something I could easily cope with, OCD is literal hell on earth compared to it. It seems as if a lot of people got some benefit from ssris when they had ocd not just depression. Im definetly going to try it, since I have no other solution for intrusive thoughts other then to play video games 24/7 which i cant do. And I have absolutely no idea on how to become neet and get money off my parents. I know we have centrelink benefits but there hard to get, my plan is to finish the degree and find a part time tech job to do, and eventually save up enough money to live in a small apartment or find a house somewhere far away from the city.
>Don't let some normalfag psychiatrist to influence your thoughts and emotions
Oh I won't, even if they could i'd be impressed, how the hell are you going to convince me to talk to succubi that are all boring uninteresting cunts?
>>257424
>I have OCD too. Used to be really bad, like destroy my life bad. It’s gotten a lot better
I was stuck with my thoughts for 3 months and I had stomach aches and wanted to die every waking minute of the day. I didnt even know it was called OCD at that point.
>First off, what is your OCD like?
Like an asshole in my head who knows my insecurities and keeps insulting me, no matter what I do unless its some mindnumbing activity where im actively concentrating like playing a difficult game that requires concentration.
>ou are going to have to deal with this for life. Now it will get better, because OCD gets way worse when you reinforce obsessive beliefs with compulsions, but the intrusive thoughts don’t really go away and you are gonna have to watch out for them so you don’t reinforce them. It’s gonna feel like you’re syssyphus pushing the boulder up the hill only for it to fall back down again, every single day.
Goddamn it, I see post on the ocd subreddit about how their intrusive thoughts went away, but I really just want to get to a point where they do go away I dont care if I need surgery.
>Jewpills help but only if you are doing your exposures and therapy. If you just get on them and don’t change your behavior, nothing will change.
Yeah ill do all those things. And yeah ill definetly see a psychiatrist to help with my ocd, also do you enjoy things now? Did you neet out or become a wageslave?

 No.257487

>>257414
Your posts here seem so much more amicable than the ones on the other thread.

 No.257511

>>257415
Take your meds for your paranoia, nobody mentioned /pol/, God or being homeless in any way.
/pol/ is worthless after you are 18, it is good to roleplay as the nazi when you are a teenager but after that if you are some kind of wizard you will realize that /pol/ isn't for you. Their values are still normalfag values, they value family, succubi, sex, friends, having a good job, etc. It is a place for weird or obscure normals.

>>257432
The only real or serious mental problems are schizophrenia, paranoia, severe autism or things related to them, the rest are really overrated by mental health specialists because they need a market, a "target audience", otherwise they wouldn't have as many patients. Wiz, you are a young man in his prime, you have to understand this. You are full of sexual energy and energies of other sorts, waiting to be released. You need to occupy yourself with things you are interested in and things that will tire you out. I was never a fan of physical exercise but maybe you could try it out, doing push-ups, lifting weights, etc. And I'm not talking only about your body. You have to engage your mind actively too with things. Read or study something you are interested in because clearly what you study now doesn't make you too passionate. Like you said
>I have no other solution for intrusive thoughts other then to play video games 24/7
so you see, if you do something you enjoy then the problem is solved.

You need to tire yourself out in every sense of the word, you are in the most active and productive period as a man, the 20-25 age is when men are in their prime. Masturbate regularly too, make sure you do this. Occupy your body, mind and thoughts and there will be no more OCD or not as strong as it is now. Like I said previously, you kind of have to rape your own mind.

>I asked my parents if I could quit and do nothing, they said no and looked at me like I was trash. My family tries to guilt trip me as well.

That is because they think you are a functional person and they are kind of right because you can participate in higher education. If you want to convince them then you will have to show them that you are incapable of the normalfag life. Drop out if you hate it that much, you are wasting your time only.

>>257487
I'm a complex character. But I don't think I was provocative or offensive in the other thread, it's just people here often take it as some kind of aggression when you try to give them advice.

 No.257527

>>257511
I think depressed people are trapped in a deep, dark hole that is very hard to get out of and they will reject a lot of the advice given to them. I actually think depression can sometimes resolve itself, without the help of a "licensed professional" or some stranger online, no offense.

 No.257566

>>257527
It happened in my case too, one day I woke up and decided I had enough of being depressed and wanted some change. I know depressed people usually don't listen to advices but whatever, I like sharing my thoughts and experiences here.

 No.257582

>>257566
Do you have many normalfag friends or are you living the complete wizard life?

 No.257583

>>257378
i know what you mean, i used to have intrusive thoughts as well besides suicide it was just awful shit like my family being murdered or me being raped by my family, pedophilic and zoophilic thoughts, and i had absolutely no control over this shit. constant 24/7 from the second i woke up to the second i fell asleep, sometimes even in my dreams, it was horrible. i strongly recommend not taking ssris/antipsychotics, i was on both and heavy doses, made everything much worse. you will feel better if you just work out, try out mindfulness (active meditation and reading about what youre feeling). sounds like a meme but for real, weights saved my life i started lifting a year ago and have gone nonstop since then, my life is completely different. you can buy a cheap set of dumbbells to start then once youre strong enough you can go up to a barbell and just take out every thought on that fucker. once you start hitting the gym your life will probably be much much worse because your thoughts and your brain are fighting against you. but you just need really strong willpower and drive to just power through it and try to be atleast somewhat happy. if there was ever a point you didnt feel like this, get it out of your head that you're gonna go back to that. you probably will never feel 100% normal again, but it does get better thats all i can say. good luck wizziw

 No.257584

>>257378
i take a 1 - 2 grams of alpha-gpc to stop my intrusive thoughts. doesn't make me enjoy life, but it helps

 No.257609

>>257378
I have disgusting intrusive thoughts too, I ordered some lithium orotate.
Will see if it shuts them off.

 No.257610

>>257584
>>257609
Might as well pop a gram of soma at this point.

 No.257619

>>257582
I have zero friends. The only socialization I do is with my family and when I come to this place. That is all.

 No.257636

>>257619
Perhaps I judged you too harshly. Thanks for the advice friend.

 No.258838

>>257402
Intrusive thoughts come from repression. I had suicide inducing intrusive thoughts that focused on homosexuality/transsexuality/raping friends + family/murdering randoms/insulting people during conversations, and so forth. By saying that "I can have these thoughts and nothing will happen," I accomplished three things. First, I reduced the immediate stress of feeling them since now I was willing to face them. Second of all, I began to attack a thought-issue that is fundamental to OCD: equating thoughts and behaviors. Rather than say "I can't rape my professor shut the fuck up brain" I would say to myself "I could rape someone, that is true, but I choose not to." Now I am in control of my behavior and thoughts, rather than fearing my thoughts and behaviors. Third, this process resulted in less repression, leading to fewer intrusive thoughts overall. The thing which you DO NOT want to do, face the possibility you could kill yourself/rape someone/murder someone/be a pedophile/be gay/be transsexual, WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO, you must say "I COULD but I choose not to." By accepting the possibility, you remove abstract imperatives such as "I must not do X" and instead make them choices "I do not want to do X." If the intrusive thoughts are more about random events that could happen, like someone you care for dying horrifically, the thought response becomes something along the lines of "I will deal with it IF it happens" or "I can't control whether it happens" RATHER than "I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT."

I write this after seven years of intrusive thoughts of shifting variety, always changing whenever I could deal with the previous type of thought. I finally have been cured, with my above advice the result of a year of CBT/DBT. My father also had OCD and had to resolve it in similar fashion.

 No.258839

>>258838
Again with pathologizing normal behaviors. The intense fear, shame, or disgust you experience from your brain considering raping or murdering someone is the very thing that keeps you from doing these things. If you intrinsically didn't have intense fear or disgust associated with the thought of acting on raping or murdering someone you would be a psychopath. Sometimes people do drugs and act on these thoughts but that doesn't really count. You actually have to have a crazy mind to organically act on stuff like that.

 No.258840

>>258838
But if the fear you get from these things cripple your functionality in the world, then I could see how that could be called a mental illness. But then again even normalfaggots are really deranged from all of the villain-worship movies they watch so they obsess over their "grindset" or whatever retarded shit mainstream culture feeds them.

 No.259546

>>258839
It's not pathologizing normal behaviors. It's just accepting the thoughts will come but you need not act on them, ultimately reducing them anyway since you're not repressing fears.
>>258840
I agree, that's the point of calling it mental illness. People (normals) tend to forget "disorder" usually means "unable to function properly in society" or some similar thing if you aren't going to a quack doctor. For OCD you have to spend at least an hour a day doing compulsions related to the thoughts, or have it otherwise destroy professional/academic/social pursuits. If you're just a little uncomfortable, then it isn't a disorder. It's just normal.

 No.259616

>>258838
I used to have intrusive thoughts as well, not so persistent and frequent, but helped mentally saying I don't care and distancing myself like it's another person problem, just mind my business and keep walking.

 No.259617

>>259616
Btw, I have suicide intrusive thoughts too, but theses comforts me, so it's harder to go away, but I know I do can.



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