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 No.258307

Thread for psychotic depression and other psychotic disorders

Had depression for most of my life since elementary, turned psychotic about a year ago. Spiders, voices, etc. Lost all of people I talked to because of it. However the psychosis went away sometime last year, maybe November.

As of late, have had major emotional problems that lead to fantasies of self mutilation. Keep getting worse every day and now hallucinations are occurring and emotions are array. Feelings of derealization and extreme worthlessness. Afraid that I might go into a deep psychosis. It all started with being a bit emotional since 2 months ago and now it's ending up with this.

If anyone else has had psychosis before or thinks they may be slipping into it as well, then post here

Meds are Risperidone, Lexapro and Gabapentin.

 No.258314

>>258307
>Feelings of derealization and extreme worthlessness.
maybe thats because you are worthless needing to take multiple antipsychotics to (not) function.

 No.258316

Yes I’ve had it and I think it ruined my life, it all feels disconnected and strange and I don’t know who I am anymore

 No.258317

>>258307
>Risperidone
I took it a month and i stopped, this drug made me pass out.
I read some studies it apparently shrinks your brain long term.

As normal as it may sound, walking outside and getting sunlight reduce it for me. I don't have any friends but I feel there is something about walking outside and seeing people. Maybe the brain adapts its imaginative power to the actual reality.

 No.258409

I became psychotic a bit over a year ago. Thought I was antichrist and was supposed to exterminate half the world population. I was going to attack my neighbour (because I thought she was an agent) when I ran over the road and broke my ankle. I had a psychotic episode in the hospital and ended up in a psych ward for 10 months. The psychosis went away after 4 months or so, don't know if it was due to meds (probably not) or if it just went away. Right now I'm struggling with anhedonia like never before. I'm hoping that this is going to pass as well, but I'd rather just be dead at this point.

 No.258413

>>258307
If you do drugs, stop. If you drink, stop. I suggest you read into psychoanalysis, it's helped me majorly in understanding myself and what brought about psychosis in the first place. You won't get better, accept that. Learn to deal with your depression and whatever other afflictions you suffer from. If you ever reminisce about your childhood or any time where you didn't feel like this, stop and accept that this is now your reality. For whatever reason this is you, and you need to learn to deal with it. Seriously, a large part of it is not being a little bitch. I had psychosis for about 4 months last year, it was like being in the ninth circle of Hell. I had gremlin creatures with glowing eyes that would rip off my penis with pitchforks everytime I closed my eyes. Plagued by suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Then I just started working out, stopped taking those shitty psychiatric meds, and started reading as much as I could. That's also a big part just read and try to keep your mind active. Also baby steps, work your way up even if you didn't feel shit for one second one day, that's progress. Before you know it you'll be somewhat functional. Start working out, start lifting weights, stop jacking off/watching porn, eat good food, and cultivate your brain. It's an easy enough recipe to follow, just keep at it and everytime you feel like a little pussy bitch just slap yourself and keep going. Dealing with psychosis and schizophrenia as well in my case has actually been a bit of a blessing because I've become a better person through traumatic and horrendous experiences. I wish you good luck.

 No.258414

>>258413
You come off as very institutionalized, but I'm happy you're choosing the functional path, wizard.

 No.258417

>>258414
Actually it's completely the opposite. I was institutionalized before, in a mental ward against my will, and I was prescribed heavy doses of anti-psychotics, SSRIs, and benzos. I was getting handfuls of pills down my throat like I was a lab rat. I'll tell you, pharmaceuticals are just an elaborate scam to make money. Since then I stopped using medication and realized that the "cure" is in yourself and coming to terms with your reality. The institutional thing to do is to numb yourself so severely to yourself and others around you that you become a psychopath and only end up caring about yourself. As a side note, what I wrote above is what works for me. In the end you have to explore yourself internally to figure out how you deal with your shit, which is what I meant when I said psychoanalysis helped me. I never saw a shrink, I just studied books and drew my own conclusions after being introduced to the subject. With the thread topic, I'd recommend reading up on the process of neurosis/psychosis starting with Freud then Lacan. I should also suggest that you doubt every idea they pronounce, and that goes for everything in psychoanalysis. Question every facet of it until you determine whether you actually believe it or not, because to be honest a lot of it is bullshit if you take it a face value and don't analyze it critically.

 No.258418

File: 1651080485268.jpg (81.22 KB, 850x400, 17:8, freud.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>258417
One thing that Freud said that I found very insightful was this: "Religion is the universal obsessional neurosis of humanity. Like the obsessional neurosis of children, it arose out of the Oedipus Complex, out of the relation to the father. Our God, reason, will fulfill whichever of our wishes nature outside us loves." So asides from being like the prototypical crackhead, he had some cool ideas.

 No.258952

I'm chronically psychotic on the schizophrenia spectrum. I take 5mg Zyprexa another 5mg at noon if i'm at work, i also take Cymbalta.
On off days i do drugs that are downers only because stims make me psychotic.

 No.258960

>>258418
that's only cool to a reddit atheist though

 No.259664

File: 1653606611667.jpg (281.41 KB, 1572x1812, 131:151, sleepy.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I like this thread. I don't want it to die so soon.

I was diagnosed schizoaffective some years back and was put on Abilify, along with the few antidepressants I was taking before like Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Really all it is is manic depression except those periods where you're supposed to be happy are replaced with psychosis. Maybe I should take it as a miracle I have periods where I'm somewhat lucid, like now, but at the same time I almost wish I was completely out of it so I wouldn't have to think about how the next episode is going to be. Voices are the worst.

 No.259742

Felt like I've been slipping myself op. I've been on dozens of meds, been on risperdone a few years now but right now just taking hydroxyzine for sleep. I wouldn't say I've ever been depressed just mentally strange and silly. I try to channel it to art though. Z j

 No.259754

>>258960
Amazing insight and good post.

Here's a thought. Schizophrenia is a gradual decline into the most supreme form of narcissism. A schizophrenic individual is one who is morbidly obsessed with oneself. As we develop from our base consciousness as newborns, wherein we understand only our basic needs and are unaware of other's existence besides our own, the hallmark of our development manifests in the shift from this love of oneself. When we're babies and even well into the toddler years, basically we exist for pleasure. Everything exists for the sole purpose of us and we are wholly unaware of other people's needs. From the very moment we're cast into the world suckling on our mother's breast is the first encounter we have with pleasure. In any case, as we grow older, what I mean by the love of oneself shifting is instead of preoccupying ourselves with ourselves, we begin to experience love for the external world. We end up picking up music, getting into books, writing, film, walks in nature, our interests and our passions are what determines are cognitive and intrapersonal maturity. The schizophrenic, however, seems to never phase out of the Narcissus stage of infancy. They fall in love with their own delusion (psychosis). They are so in love with their fantasy that they manifest it in the form of hallucinations and delusions, but the mechanism of our brain protests against this childish fantasy the hallucinations reflect this as a compensation, taking the form of highly unpleasant or morbid visions. Another example of narcissism in the schizophrenic is paranoia. *They're* watching *me". *They're* in *my* walls. It's a relatively straightforward persecution complex incurred by an obsession with the self and inflamed by existing schizophrenic tendencies. It's not the schizophrenic's fault always, there are however some remarkable cases where preexisting conditions aren't at play and the schizophrenic has truly evolved to that stage by sheer narcissism. Typically schizophrenics tend to suffer some form of childhood trauma like sexual or emotional abuse, making them get "stuck" and thus they never really grow out of that phase. You could say children are "schizophrenic" by nature, but it's a normal part of their development and is caused by that very narcissism they unwittingly hold.

 No.259755

>>259742
Now that's pseudoscience.

 No.261539


>>258418
He sounds like a complete rationalist ignorant who cannot even dare to wonder about what stands beyond his nose.

>>258307
If meds are just being administrated without any strong solutions, you better go leaving them, slowly yet as soon as possible.
>think of big pharma's greed
>you're on thin ice

Try the alternative, use your own DMT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzG9QsM-Pw



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