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File: 1651887928401.png (2.19 MB, 1125x754, 1125:754, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.258810[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

 No.258813

i'm majoring in liberal farts just to make my parents happy

 No.258816

>>258813
Your shit's fucked and I can tell from that one sentence

 No.258820

>>258813
This has never ended well for anyone that did that.

 No.258821

I rent a room in a flat with 4 other people. We work opposing shifts so when I am at work, they are at home; when I come back home, they are at work. It's really good that I have a house to myself during the week, but there are problems on weekends, when we don't work because then I have no choice but bump into them in the kitchen or corridor. Sadly they are also turbonormies and would blabber aboyt uselwss shit all the time. Usually after work (second shift) they sit in the kitchen or outside and talk about shit with no end. They would start right after 10pm and would finish at like 1 or 2am. On weekends its even worse because they are all out there since 8 am till 3-4 am, because they have to have a party with loud music, beer and obnoxious behavior. Today I bumped into one of them and he said he's doing barbecue outside (like right outside my window) in the evening and that I am invited to come. There are going to be even some of their friends. I have three choices right now:
1) go there, sit in silence because no social skills and anxiety around people, feel awkward and finally become a target of jokes and possibly bullying
2) decline, sit in my room while everyone outside knows that I am there and I will become the butt of jokes, they could probably still try to take me outside to join them and then Scenario 1
3) just get the fuck away while I still have time and spend a night roaming streets, but its supposed to be raining, or rent a room in some hotel but then I have to spend a significant portion of money I've been saving up to be able to neet it up in the future

I am most inclined to choose the third option

 No.258826

File: 1651918059194.jpg (767.53 KB, 1600x967, 1600:967, 1629963487001.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Everything is a grim reminder of my failure to produce what I want. An omen to the loneliness that I've so carelessly incited. The world hath wrought me horror. And still, always my head hangs with the burden of the treasonous. And by no power of my own is a wicked will done upon the earth. I wept and exhibit penance. I grow weary and have grown thin on patience with the world.

 No.258827

>>258826
For a “failure”, your writing is quite beautiful. I don’t think I could write like that on a good day, let alone when I’m feeling rotten.

 No.258828

>>258826
You are a genius.

 No.258830

The biological effects of depression are kind of crazy. The body reduces energy to the brain as well as digestive systems- I only put two and two together when after periods of serious depression I would take giant shits after not pooping much while I was depressed, then it’d be normal until next depression period. When my brain starts coming back online I now predict accurately when my digestive system goes back to normal too.

I don’t think the causality is opposite that digestive issues are causing depression, tried a lot of stuff stuff since I heard about how important the gut was years ago.

What a degenerate thing depression is.

 No.258831

>>258821
Choose the third option.I made a mistake of doing first and second option before and I regretted both, try to stay away from normals as much as possible.

 No.258832

>>258821
Holy crap you have it bad, I'd rather be homeless or kill myself than live with 1 let alone 4 normals.
Hang in there I guess

 No.258833

File: 1651931803787.png (376.67 KB, 1851x499, 1851:499, TDotSoD.png) ImgOps iqdb

so depressed, i always look at this beautiful gem of writing when i get down

 No.258834

>>258831
>>258832
Anxiety took the worst of me, and since they have been all busy around the house I haven't come out of my room since morning in order not to bump into them. Now the barbecue is ready and they are sitting there eating like one meter away from my window. I hear all the conversation and since I can hear them, they can probably hear me as well, so now I am trying not to make any noise so they won't remember about me.

Damn, just as I wrote that above, one of them came to me to say that everything is ready and I am free to come. He's the nicest of them, quite chill, so after I bullshited that I am busy making a website for a friend (lol) he didn't really push that I go. I hope they won't bother me anymore but still they didn't start drinking and I already know I can forget about going to toilet or kitchen for the next few hours. My anxiety is still through the roof and will be for the rest of the day.

 No.258835

>>258834
Just go talk to them. Even if it is just to troll them, some esoteric knowledge is pretty traumatizing to delusional normalfaggots.

 No.258841

>>258835
nope. Have you ever been in an informal situation (that is not school or job) with some random normalfaggots you don't even know or know them barely? For me it's always pure hell. I don't usually talk first, so at first would be a silent listener. But the questions would begin. "Why didn't you come out to us for so long? Do you have a gf? why not? What do you do alone here all day? Why don't you have a car? Why are you so quiet?" It's not going to be pleasant. And you know, whenever someone talks to me, I am just like a deer in the headlights. Adrenaline starts pumping and I start sweating, my hands shake, blood comes to head so my face is all red. I start stuttering and words that come out of my mouth don't follow any grammar so I often don't make sense. Just when I notice that what I said is just a pure nonsense, the volume of my voice automatically goes down and I often end sentences in weird moments. There is no sense in going there, because I either become a target of jokes at worst or just bring down the mood for them and feel awkward myself at best. Right now they watch some car racing, so it's all good I suppose

 No.258842

>>258841
Yeah normalfaggots program you to feel shame if you don't behave like them. If you actually voice opposition to their norms and values they'd just think you're a toxic personality or find some other way of demeaning or removing you from their world. It's important to not be a screaming idiot who says racial slurs or anything like that, but you don't have to abide by their criteria of a social person. I'm cringe as fuck around people and I just don't care about following their rules. They are stupid and selfish people who don't really deserve to be comfortable.

 No.258843

>>258842
I am not assertive enough, sadly. I'd rather flee than fight back. There is a reason why I am on this board after all.

 No.258845

>>258843
because you are not interested in sex

 No.258858

>>258830
Yeah I'm 30 and feel like I'm 70 sometimes. I'll put on deoderant and then 5-10 seconds later forget if I put on deoderant or not. Or I'll take some medication and then forget if I took it or not a few seconds later. My brain is already rotting while I'm young. I'm definitely planning on killing myself when I notice some serious cognitive decline, there's no way I want to be a Alzhemier's or dementia patient at 60.

 No.258859

got no wizfriends

 No.258862

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I'm slowly descending into pure depressive insanity. I really have no where to vent except for here.

Keeping all these thoughts and problems to myself is making me descend into insanity.

 No.258863

Life is a tragedy we experience fresh every day. We go to bed after processing the tragedy and wake up to a experience it anew again.

 No.258864

>>258863

I go to bed thinking I finally conquered my demons, but then I reawake into hell.

It truly is sick.

 No.258867

>>258864
They are conquered when you are unconscious. Sleep is beautiful.

 No.258868

The only thing that gave me pleasure was nightwalking, but it doesn't work anymore. It's also not safe, especially when you live in Brazil.

 No.258869

File: 1651971763426.jpg (363.42 KB, 843x1232, 843:1232, Evening Shower at Teradoma….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>258810
Nice OP pic

 No.258873

>>258810
Can't think straight and for some reason brief euphoria was accompanied by an irrational urge to cut my throat open and escape, or do something with that energy. now I'm just plain old depressed again

 No.258875

>>258873
Were you raped or something as a child?

 No.258876

>>258875
No, why does my post make you think that

 No.258880

File: 1652018318586.jpg (113.48 KB, 736x736, 1:1, 1651489059313.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

You guys remember that mlp song "a true true friend"?
it appeared in my YT feed and i thought about it.
me not having a friend is not news but i realized a thing.
i don't think i would be able to help a friend in need.
i don't think i would know how to, i would probably stutter, i can't even keep eye contact with people.

if i can't be a true friend, it wouldn't be right for me to have one either, that would just be using him.
why did the world allow someone as weak as me to happen.
God, what is this life?

 No.258881

>>258833
>concluded that fascism failed as an ideology seeing as they lost the wars
>as a communist
extremely retarded post all over, but that part was especially hard to read

 No.258883

>>258881
Ok, China and Russia both have communist blood and are some of the most successful modern superpowers. Germany and Italy are both so traumatized by fascism that they are metaphorically gaping their assholes to be fucked by invaders.

 No.258884

>>258883
>Russia
>successful modern superpower

 No.258885

>>258884
I think it's general knowledge to understand Russia as a prominent figure as a nation. They also aren't ashamed of their masculinity like Germans or other victims of fascist rule.

 No.258887

>>258880
Not all of us have to be Pinkie Pie. If anything, the world needs more Snuffkins like you.

 No.258888

>>258883
Germany and a lot of other countries in the west are indeed completely fucked because of this. They are overrun by retarded violent immigrants while their own people are getting cucked into this weak mindset by neo liberal faggotry

 No.258893

>>258863
The line between tragedy and comedy is really thin, though.

>>258881
Well okay, communism sucks. But you can't deny that fascism is a failed ideology too. It relies on blind militarism way too much and this tendency tends to be counter-productive in the end.

>>258858
How do you spend your time? Overuse of imageboards and addiction to masturbation can wreck your brain easily.

 No.258895

File: 1652036608771.jpeg (240.6 KB, 967x1196, 967:1196, BAB99715-10BD-4DFC-A0AD-A….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>258810
I’ve been on venlafaxine for a bit over a week now off of someone here saying it helped them. It helps anxiety I guess, but it also has me sleeping 10-12+ hours a day and being super low energy. I think I’m going to drop it and go on an SSRI that worked for a few months a few years ago.

 No.258901

I'm so fucking angry at my parents cultivating learned helplessless in me.

>What, YOU think you can just apply for a job and people will hire you, it doesn't just work like that. I think you'll find it's harder than you think

>What, you think you'll just find an apartment, in this market?
>Living in a boarding house? You'll be bullied by niggers every day, you're living in fucking lala land

What the fuck was their problem

 No.258903

>>258901
"family" is just a word in the dictionary. People are uniformly shit

 No.258904

>>258901
lol that's actually pretty good. better than that "just shake the manager's hand" bullshit.

 No.258905

>>258901
That's how I think tbh

 No.258906

>>258901
I never thought about this but my parents do exactly this. They simultaneously bully me for doing nothing while saying how hard everything is

 No.258920

>>258904
They're both bullshit.

>It's simplistic and easy, you put in no effort and you get everything given to you

>NOOOOO, you can't do ANYTHING, everything is hard and everyone is a monster!

Or you could just help your fucking kid get a license, help him make a CV and get a job. Or just do nothing, just do absolutely fucking nothing and leave him be. That's certainly better than this learned helplessness I spent a fucking decade trying to shake.

 No.258921

File: 1652063844617.jpg (18.21 KB, 476x250, 238:125, teen-suicide.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Unless I'm fucking something, I'm going to be a literal nothing.

But I will slam this door before I leave, I swear to god.

 No.258922

>>258901
There's got to be some psychological term for this, when someone dominant in an abusive relationship purposefully keep the less dominant one down solely so the dominant one can maintain their ego. To have someone and something to lord over.
>>258921
>I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
https://kurtcobainssuicidenote.com/kurt_cobains_suicide_note.html

 No.258925

>>258833
>don't listen to people
This. As for reading materials, I think philosophy is far more valuable than reading Hitler's failures, though history is important too.

 No.258926

>>258901
This. Now try doing anything when parents like these are virtually your only source of human interaction for over a decade. I never had a fucking chance

 No.258938

File: 1652106304965.png (3.23 MB, 3000x1500, 2:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

i will kill myself.
i wish to reincarnate after i die. i wish to draw and program a lot in my next life. i wish i will go to a nice university. i wish i will have a chance and be myself.
i wish i could start over. i wish all the problems that made it impossible were never there.
im afraid of death. i dont want to die. im afraid of the void. i existed and i wanted to show what i can see and make nice things for others.

 No.258940

>>258938
>if i make it, im sorry for everything ive ever done and said so far. im sorry for having been so ugly. i dont know. im sorry. i wish i could communicate
>i dont know i know im a retard but i like to think someone will read this and feel something. i like to think its like a message in a bottle. i dont know sorry.

 No.258941

>>258938
>>258940
With you gone the threads won't reach bump limit as quickly so that's a minor convenience, thanks chap

 No.258956

Everyone is stuck in their own obscure private traps.

Even if some of us were to share our circumstances, it would be so obscure and personal that it would be hard for others to relate.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this. The walls are closing in, there are no options left. I have to chose between suicide or keep enduring this hell like existence.

Suicide is the only solution and answer to my problem.

 No.258957

>>258925
Philosophy may worth more than reading stuff related to Hitler but that's not saying much. Philosophy is extremely overrated. And in lot of cases it does the exact opposite of its aim, it makes people dumber than they were before reading/learning it.

I read philosophy for entertainment and I don't consider it any more noble than reading some deranged anon's post here.

>>258956
Wiz, suicide doesn't solve anything. You will just reincarnate again here. To escape and ascend to a higher realm you have to endure this life with patience and strength.

 No.258962

>>258957
>suicide doesn't solve anything. You will just reincarnate again here. To escape and ascend to a higher realm you have to endure this life with patience and strength.

This is my biggest fear and the reason I don't commit suicide atm.

I fear once countless years roll by, I'll just spawn in this hellhole of a planet again.

At least this round I have a healthy body even though everything else is shit, plus I managed to luck out and be born into a first world country and have neetbux.

 No.258963

>>258957
>Wiz, suicide doesn't solve anything. You will just reincarnate again here. To escape and ascend to a higher realm you have to endure this life with patience and strength.


The white light is a reincarnation soul trap.

 No.259045

>>258962
Indeed, you should be careful. You can ascend after enduring your hardships with a brave soul. Good luck, wizzie.

>>258963
I read some parts of your thread and it is stupid. Ascending to higher realms or reincarnating here don't have anything to do with evading some white light or not. It is an automatic system. If you lived your life fulfilling your divine, cosmic purpose than you can go higher. If not, you go down one level.

 No.259049

File: 1652203477285.png (187.94 KB, 640x360, 16:9, unnamed.png) ImgOps iqdb

man i get so frustrated and butthurt trying to learn something or follow tutorials
ive wasted so much time and will continue to waste time because the act of doing is so alien to me i just get fucking angry at the first obstacle
theres nothing else to say except "just dont get angry bro chill hehe" but its not like im some normalfag who has a support network and gay little activities and fun things to do on the side, its just me and a wacom tablet

 No.259054

>>259045
>I read some parts of your thread and it is stupid. Ascending to higher realms or reincarnating here don't have anything to do with evading some white light or not.

Not going to reply beyond this but people need to stop picking and choosing what parts of NDEs they like and ignoring the rest. There's plenty of horrifying implications from NDE but new-age brickheads ignore them for personal convenience.

 No.259056

File: 1652212783260.png (266.65 KB, 520x390, 4:3, unknown.png) ImgOps iqdb

You will never be a pirate

you have no ship, you have no treasure. You're a gym member who can't pay his dues

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your teammates are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your scallywag appearance behind closed doors.

TWNBAP

 No.259063

There's really nothing to really stick around for anymore.

Everyone is so fucking ugly and it fills me with absolute disgust having to look at and witness all the ugly people around me. Their faces and condition are so disgusting.

The landscape is disgusting, ugly buildings everywhere.

The media currently being produced is no different. Everything is so forced and ugly, like it's all made just to squeeze as much profit out of it as possible. It's disgusting, not entertaining.

There really is no reason to live in this hellscape anymore. It's gross.

 No.259064

File: 1652242184898.gif (24.49 KB, 850x228, 425:114, 1651496192151.gif) ImgOps iqdb

It's over. Pic related. It's over, it's all over.

 No.259068

>>259064
how original. i mean it's gonna be right some day but you could dig up similar predictions every other month

 No.259069

>>259064
>wojak
>/pol/
>stupid nazi larping
>…on /pol/
pathetic. you are scum. please die faggot.

 No.259075

Life can be really great actually. Today helped my family to put away the firewood we bought and it was so tiring, the sun burned my head, I felt like dying and killing myself after one hour. My body ached all over and I was reminded how horrible life can be.

Then my father saw I was getting tired and sent me back into the house. I took a shower, drank some ice tea and now I feel like in Heaven. Life can be so painful and yet soo good, it is quite amazing. Maybe we suffer because this way we can appreciate pleasure and the good times much more.

 No.259077

>>259075
spoken like a good, grateful goyim/slave!

 No.259078

>>259077
>>>/pol/

 No.259088

File: 1652307123203.jpg (1.06 MB, 1920x1080, 16:9, jojo s5 e26.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259063
I feel the same - ugly buildings especially, it's basically an insult to life itself having these gross structures sitting around permanently shitting up the place, never mind people actually live and work in them, like sims with red environment bars surrounded by stinky old plates. It almost makes me want to be an architect but it's probably a meme field full of pretentious turds and I'd end up some wagie helping design functionally ugly trash. That's the only thin silver lining of 90% of everything being lame or malicious crap, it makes me want to make my own stuff, problem is I lack the skills and resources, I'm trying to learn to draw but it's hard.

 No.259100

File: 1652328478930.jpg (39.38 KB, 659x608, 659:608, 1597114162305.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>studying medicine abroad far from home and friends
>get really lonely and schizoid by 2nd year
>have breakdown and want to quit and go back home
dont know what the fuck im gonna do anymore , on the one hand I wanna have a good stable future but on the other hand im suffering a lot studying a hard subject completely on my own without any support network

 No.259102

>>259077
How's your girlfriend

 No.259105

>>259100
why in the fuck would you study medicine? Absolute stupidity

 No.259106

>>259100
go away

 No.259108

>>259105
I don't blame him, our economy is going to hell anyways in America and we can't afford to have shit anymore. Being a doctor would be useful if civilization falls.

 No.259112

>>259105
medicine is cool. not everyone wants to be a coder monkey staring at the screen all day.

 No.259116

>>258833
>Do not listen to people
…so I shouldn't listen to that guy either?

 No.259213

>>259116
don't listen to anyone except me and my advice is to just do whatever the fuck you want if you can.

 No.259219

>>259105
If he's in a 2nd or 3rd world, you either have to be a doctor or a programmer to make any decent livable wage. So makes sense from practical viewpoint

 No.259224

All right, I'm done with philosophy. I could cut porn and masturbation out of my life, I can do it with philosophy too. What a disappointment and waste of time.

Should have watched some movies instead or read some comics but nooo, I had to delude myself that I would find some enlightening thought in occultism, philosophy and politics but all I found were massive hypocrite dicks with ego problems who never really lived what they preached.

I am done with this intellectualism and letting it poison my life and thoughts with problems that have nothing to do with my life at all.

 No.259228

File: 1652560686114.png (55.22 KB, 537x152, 537:152, clown world.png) ImgOps iqdb

>reading article about some 4chan poltard who did a mass shooting at a grocery store
>see pic related

fucking clown world

 No.259237

>>259228
Why'd she do it?

 No.259251

>>259237
I did a quick search and all articles just copy each other mentioning her friends said "she was struggling".

 No.259258

>>259100
Reject the world. When such mindset grasps me I fantasize about going full stardew valley somewhere else lost from modern civilization

 No.259267

>>259100
You'll go partly insane, but learn to become your own best friend. Chat with yourself, argue with yourself, work on making yourself laugh and your loneliness will decrease dramatically.

 No.259280

My parents are arguing about how I can't get a job.

I want to disappear.

 No.259282

File: 1652662278455.jpg (132.62 KB, 1448x2048, 181:256, __yana_original_drawn_by_c….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i wish to reincarnate. i wish i had another chance.
i wish i had a childhood, i wish i had an adolescence, i wish i could have grown, i wish i could have shown whats inside me, i wish i could have shown what im like, what i am. i wish i could have been myself, i wish i were free.
i just wanted to draw a lot, and read and learn a lot, and write, program and make a lot of things, every moment of every day. i wanted to share whats inside me, or at least have it for myself.
im not afraid of death, but theres something inside me and i dont want it to end.
i dont know, i dont know how to express myself. im sorry.

 No.259283

im so fucking ugly, sometimes i think i look decent and by extension be able to enjoy existing but im only fooling myself, i actually look stupid and will never look how i want and so can never be my proper self without being a self conscious anxious mess. if i cant be happy with myself and how i look theres no reason to do anything else because its all layered on a broken foundation, therefore everything in life besides my computer screen is unavailable to me and i should just not bother/die.

 No.259285

I stopped focusing on the fact i didn’t want to be alive for the last year and i think that’s why everything got worse. Without actually acknowledging my real feelings i was lost in a haze again, completely ungrounded. I was reminding myself every morning that i I wanted to die and why i couldn’t when i was making tiny progress. I never stopped being averse to consciousness i just stopped identifying and placing it in a context.

 No.259286

>>259282
I am afraid of death, I'm afraid of what you personally desire, I just find that funny. If you really could press a button to reincarnate on this planet would you really press it? What is life on this planet? It's horrifying to me.

 No.259287

It would be cool if I could cry.

 No.259301

First post ITT
I miss you all you bunch of niggers

 No.259302

>>259283
wear a mask

 No.259314

I find it amusing how the suicidewatch subreddit has given up. It used to be full of activists and people wanting to help many years ago. I guess they've been ground down and given up. Most of the suicide posts there now just get people agreeing. It was never a subreddit I found much value in considering it's people normally complaining about specific problems, but it's an interesting decay.

 No.259316

>>259314
What part of the platform hasn't been given up on. Any semblance of genuinity has fled the sunk ship years ago.
Generally this era of internet is marked by passive consumers. Ineffective, impotent against the greater rabble. We no longer have a world wide web comprised of group meets. But one of billions of voices shouting indiscriminately into the cacophony.

 No.259333

When you put your hand in cold water, eventually you will adjust to the temperature. If you put it in warm water, then back in cold water, it will become twice as cold. The other day I had a good day, and afterwards I feel 10x worse. I was adjusted to my life and just had no particular strong emotions, now I feel strongly sad again.

 No.259334

>>259333
What was the impetus for your good day?

 No.259335

File: 1652860796059.jpg (224.36 KB, 1280x857, 1280:857, -5359578007100045839_121.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

One far acquaintance killed himself by leaving gas open. His house was barged in after neighbors noticed the smell and his absence. Could've blown the whole thing if someone light a cigarette. No notice on the door unlike in Hana Kimura (exit bag) or Dutch wiz cases. Though if he had that in the morning-evening time, he could've been stopped.

On the news, 76-year old pensioner was taken alive from cold water after a bystander noticed him jumping from the bridge. Thus, he notified the passing patrol car.

 No.259339

File: 1652891919970.jpg (66.19 KB, 650x500, 13:10, 1572034594992.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259302
unfortunately that meme is over with, i rarely see anyone with a mask anymore so i would just stick out more
i wish i lived in some fantasy scenario in which masks and veils and all that good stuff were default and accepted beyond muh virus muh religion or people were just indistinguishable skeletons

 No.259351

>>259283
why do you need to look "good"? your vanity is very succubus-like, you shouldn't give a fuck about what you look like, especially as a wizard, since you're not looking to attract any mates (i assume), even when it comes to male normalfags their most valuable asset is not their looks (unlike succubi) but rather what they have to offer in terms of practicality
if you are being tormented by intrusive thoughts centered around this theme you should atleast aknowledge that these thoughts are irrational

 No.259356

>>259351
To be fair, vanity does matter slightly…only in the job seeking process. Just to not die of hunger. Nothing too special either, just basic hygiene.

And basic hygiene is precisely what depression cripples.

 No.259358

File: 1652903583803.jpg (154.03 KB, 800x1067, 800:1067, dirty-movie-theater.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

the few jobs i had all gave me this feel
is it universal to every job in existence?
all i ever heard about are comfy jobs where people shitpost at work or watch movies and play games

 No.259372

The internet is so unbelievably shit.

 No.259373

>>259372
Yeah, it really took the turn for the worst.

Everything being produced is just shit.

 No.259401

I'm just trying to break loose from this shitty reality, no escapism works anymore, and now it seems like the only solution left, apart from suicide, is to abandon technocratic society altogether, moving somewhere distant, where there's no internet, no shiny buildings or hollow modern age people, and 'reset' or rather 'mend' my mind, body and spirit, rediscovering what it is to live. Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible on my own, since, imo, eternal solitude is no more humane way of living than wageslaving on meds or drowning in vodka, but truly connecting to somebody is just painful - every time I get closer to anyone, it starts to hurt, and as the dread dawns more on me with each passing day, anxiety kicks in, shortly followed by panic attacks and then depression, at which point I just flee and quit everything, disconnecting from as much of reality as possible for a long period of time. After having some rest, my morale is restored and I feel somewhat good for a while, keeping all to myself, some time passes and it starts to feel like something's wrong with my life again, then the cycle repeats itself. Seems like there's no way out.

 No.259402

File: 1652993465863.gif (1.98 MB, 500x500, 1:1, 1646648600025.gif) ImgOps iqdb

i'm living through the darkest time of my life right now.
i shouldn't come here for the time being, anything imageboard related too. these places are too toxic for the fragile minds..

goodbye my fellow wizards, i wouldn't call you good compagny but you were all i had for the last years.
take care of yourselves, and i hope you'll find what you're looking for in this life, i really do.

 No.259408

File: 1653031029308.jpeg (156.66 KB, 1920x1200, 8:5, Ecuc6FF.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

I really really dislike people. When I think about it, they're pretty much responsible for the majority of my suffering. I simply can't feel safe around them. And since they're everywhere, I can't feel safe anywhere.

It really clicked for me recently just how much of a terrible mistake the internet was. When people talk about the death of privacy, they complain about government surveillance and companies selling our data or whatever, but that's not even the biggest problem. It's a smaller symptom of a bigger problem, and that problem has a worse symptom: The fact that cameras are quite literally owned by everyone everywhere, and that they can record and post anything online for anyone else to see. This is massive. It's why I feel so iffy when I see these public freakout videos people tend to post. Someone makes one mistake in public - sometimes not even in public, and suddenly the entire world is ridiculing them for it. This just shouldn't happen. The internet has a way of taking issues that would have been smaller in the distant past, and escalating them into things that are way bigger than they have any right to be. Something that would have concerned a community now concerns the entire planet.

I think about quitting the internet alot. I don't really regret having used it all this time, it's probably made me less naïve, but it's also had a net negative effect on my life. And yet, I can't help feeling that even were I to turn my electronics off and never go online again, I wouldn't be truly unWIRED, because the world is already online. The real and online worlds are no longer separate anymore. All it would take is a single mistake in public, and some smug asshole with a camera to be forced back into that world.

 No.259410

>>259402
Godspeed little doodle.

 No.259411

Just another bad day in a series of bad days

 No.259416

>>259402
see you tomorrow

 No.259417

>>259408
>>259401
What is with all this anti-tech mentality here? You guys know I hope that you aren't forced to read other people's comments on the net and to be on social media shit? Why don't you just use the internet to get what you want then be done with it?

Technology and the internet aren't the problems, they are actually very amazing things. The problem is society and humanity and especially the culture we developed for ourserlves.

Human culture was always horrible, even before the internet and before technology. Retreating from this shit won't solve your problems, as every part of the Earth is populated and owned by someone. The problem is with people, not with the machines we use.

 No.259428

>>259417
You are right, people are the problem, and internet brings out the worst in them. The web, just as real life today unfortunately, is just overflowing with degenerate, harmful content, that you could never filter out completely. I'm tired of coping with yet another painful thought every time I see a slightly suggesting post. Or a meme. Or an ad. It's unavoidable and the result is always the same - pain. Unfortunately, it's impossible to just unplug your router and be done with it forever, for as the other wiz stated, everyone is [wired] nowadays. That's why I want to try retreating somewhere far away, I've actually lived like that for a while and those were probably the most peaceful months of my life. The only thing I'd really miss quitting internet is the music.

 No.259432

File: 1653077295762.jpg (96 KB, 736x736, 1:1, 1649868037147.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259428
You can simply just use the internet for music while you relax and stop caring about stuff. All I do is smoke, listen to music and sleep everyday, don't care if it's a waste of time, its the only thing that gives me peace in this world now.

 No.259433

File: 1653077745006.jpg (713.62 KB, 1919x1199, 1919:1199, 9vzyoGc.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259417
As I said, I dislike the fact that the internet has effectively rendered privacy null - as a very private person. In theory, anyone can record anything and post it online for anyone else on the planet to see, and this deeply disturbs me, on principle. Because this power is in the hands of an evil species. If I were to put it another way: Before the internet, isolated events could only be seen by those physically present. Now, they can be seen, if someone chooses to record them, by anyone on earth. This has the potential to be used for good, but also for incredible evils.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svGAQJYIRqQ
As funny as this video is, I hardly think it's fair to him that millions of people have seen this one event and mocked him for it. We're only humans, our actions shouldn't have consequences this massive. I'm also worried about schoolchildren these days being recorded by bullies and posted online - immortalized - for their peers to laugh at. That kind of thing has only been made possible by the internet.

 No.259434

>>259432
Wish I could just stop caring, really. Anxiety's a bitch.

 No.259438

>>259434
Iktf. Might just fill my brain with chemicals and see if it makes me care less.

 No.259444

I sometimes forget I used to be funny. I never really had close friends at school but I had friends who thought I was funny. At university I had a few friends who thought I was funny, they would tell me people didn’t like me but they thought I was ok and laughed at my stories. It was my only real redeeming feature - it outweighed my wizness that made lots of people dislike me.

I haven’t been funny in a long time. At least 10 years. Even when I talk to people online I sometimes remember I used to make people laugh. I never offered more than that and didn’t make close online friends, and now I’m even less. I often forget it was the case. I don’t remember what I even used to say.

It’s strange to remember there used to be more to you even when it was a tiny thing. It’s just decay.

 No.259450


 No.259455

>>259444
I can relate to this partially, mostly in the defining features of the psyche being shed out cause of depression.

 No.259466

Sick of seeing expensive cars and expensive new sterile houses everywhere. Where does everyone get their money? Probably exploiting other pricks.

Fuck you, rich pricks.

 No.259467

>>259466
You live in a gentrifying city too? Watching my part of the city turn from a dumpster fire to an expensive as hell place where I couldn't dream to afford to live has been pretty surreal.

 No.259468

>>259467
There is literally new houses popping up everywhere, but the prices of housings are still going up.

It literally doesn't make sense.

 No.259481

>>259428
People are shit both online and offline. I guess what you mean is that online people can hide who they are and talk shit freely without consenquences. But that is on forums and chans so really, if you are sensitive then don't visit places that might trigger you?

The internet is a very good thing because everyone can access stuff for free quickly if they look in the right place. I think it has way more positive points than negative ones.

Sounds like you are just oversensitive and have a problem with humans generally, not with tech or internet.

>>259433
What you mention is actually a good thing. Nowadays police or security guards or anyone will think twice before starting some shit because everyone has smart phones and can video them freely.
So yeah you can be tracked across the net I guess but you are deluded if you think some people are interested in how you or me or other wizards spend their time. If you are a nobody most likely nobody will bother you.

>bullying

What is the difference if 100 kids laugh at some kid or the whole net? Cyber bullying is extremely overrated.

 No.259482

I try to push my depression and anxiety deep inside and forget about it.

Listening to Radiohead usually begins the process of accepting my situation.

 No.259489

Sucking on a fudgesicle trying to feel better about myself

 No.259491

>>259489
those are great, my favorite chocolate based frozen treat

 No.259501


 No.259502

I really need to stop being an asshole to my parents, especially my dad. He tries his best, but I act hard on him for no discernible reason. It makes me feel bad after, too

 No.259504

>>259502
I do this too and don't even know why I do it but it makes me hate myself and want to die

 No.259506

File: 1653185808937.png (81.42 KB, 300x225, 4:3, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>259502
I try my best to be nice to my parents but I think I've seen how I've worn them down and had a negative effect on them. I get frustrated at my mother and I'm not an asshole but I'm dismissive of her and struggle to hide my negative reactions. I'm wearing down her self confidence and making her feel useless I bet. I do a lot to look after her and help her which I hope offsets it, and go out of my way to compliment things she does when I'm not so mentally broken, but I see the negative effect too.

 No.259525

>>259502
I can relate to a degree. I'm not an asshole but i rarely even talk to them now and it's because of how bad i feel about still living at home/how my life has turned out. My parents are good people who tried their best and i feel sorry that they somehow still ended up with two fuck up kids.

 No.259526

>>259502
>>259525
'trying their best' is a meaningless statement. Everyone tries their best but in our case their best wasnt good enough. It's not their 'fault' either because they were raised by their parents to become who they are too. There is no blame.

Personally I feel that i dont want to talk to my family anymore. I'm still trying to understand myself and what my childhood did to me. I cant just keep making huge sacrifices on my own happiness for them. I feel that they are not my responsibility and it's better for everyone if im genuine and do what i want. If I had a child i wouldnt want them to make sacrifices for me. My mother had children because she wanted someone to take care of her when she's old, but i have always felt disgusted by that and won't play along with that game.

 No.259549

It's just an endless cycle of trying to get my foot in the door, fucking up opportunities handed to me, sliding back to square one, and wondering how it could have gone differently. Each time it gets a little harder to try again and the consequences for failure get worse and worse. Things slowly fall apart around me, in some sense literally, and I don't have the means to help any of it. I just watch it get worse.

 No.259564

File: 1653350242360.jpg (58.27 KB, 500x487, 500:487, Hyouka Fuwa.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I've barely the energy to feed myself day to day. I'm starving, but don't feel like doing anything about it. I just want to go back to sleep, but I already had been for 14 hours. I just want today to end already, but tomorrow won't be any different.

 No.259569

>>259564
I like your post. I can't explain why. I want to say because it encapsulates a certain state of being so well, but I don't know. I'd say good luck to you anon, but I don't know if you want that.

I remember after a major depressive episode reading posts about people complaining about being addicted to X. Where X is videogames or fapping or whatever. The post would inevitably end with the implication that they wanted to be rid of such desires. I'd get so fucking mad at those posts. I felt like I wanted to find those people and scream, "Be careful what you wish for!"

I'm not sure if I ever got "over" that depressive episode, or if I just got "used to it."

 No.259571

>>259569
>I'd say good luck to you anon, but I don't know if you want that.
Thanks Anon, and no worries; you're well meaning. I hope things improve for you, as unlikely as that may be.
>I'd get so fucking mad at those posts.
Honestly, me too Anon; I wish I had something like that. Anything would be better than mindlessly staring at a wall all day.

 No.259574

Sometimes when living is too much, I imagine dying. Every time I do, it feels like this weight being taken off my shoulder. It's gotten to the point where I use it as a regular coping mechanism. I'll be at the grocery store, the anxiety will be too much, and I'll imagine someone coming in and shooting me–then the anxiety is gone, and I can move on.

 No.259575

>>259574
Would that be your ideal death?

 No.259576

I see people's awww compassion for animals and I think maybe humanity isn't all bad.

But then I remember the only two species humans like, are the two subgroups of carnivoria, canines n felines. wolves, tigers, lions, foxes, all subcateogories.

humans admire the predators, the carnivores. the only animals almost as bloodthirsty as us. picking on innocent herbs who never did anything to them.

All the flags and symbols of human power, the lion, eagle, wolf. carnies.

so love of cat and dogs isnt a sweet thing, but just a tribute to man's bloodlust

 No.259578


 No.259580

>>259574
Sometimes to get to sleep I imagine a doctor giving me a terminal illness diagnosis and getting euthanised.

 No.259582

When i was younger i always imagined neets would be like they were in NHK but it's only like that if u live with abusive parents that scold you for your decision.
I only feel dread when i get scorned by them, without them NEETdom is heaven

 No.259584

>>259575
No. Ideal would be *snap* you're just instantaneously gone.
>>259580
It is a wonderful sleep aid.

 No.259585

I have descended into alcoholism once again. Nothing else brings relief. I am starting to accept I will die in the next 15 years from either alcoholism or obesity. Non existence is starting to terrify a little bit less.

 No.259587

A young lad who was blissful to the world, This young lad was respected and was blessed with friends in his childhood. Before it become crumbling down, As this lad transferred schools at the age of 9. As soon he entered this school, he realized that the people their looked at him with eyes of disgust, Sicken by the lads existence they were. The lad was filled with misery. This young lad thought he was at fault for his misery, he gave and loved his peers but only to be used for his good nature. He was a lad who was taught morals by his parents. These morals were futile in the end. He could not phantom the things he was feeling, he was a prisoner to his heart. After years being of this lad being delusional about morals. At the age of 16 he suddenly realized that the things his parents told him about life were lies. He started to despise the world with all its being. As he grew and grew the memories of despair that he sealed started to arise once again. This man does not have a job, he does not have a girlfriend. Yet he does not even have any friends. Stuck in the cycle of torture for the rest of his life, he cannot do anything about this no more.

This young lad was me

 No.259588

>just bought pregabalin
what am in for

 No.259589

>>259588
Comfyness and relaxation as long as you can avoid dependency.

 No.259590

>>259589
i wonder if this drug is capable of blocking the survival instinct like alcohol (seemingly) does. would be a useful thing

 No.259593

File: 1653407986526.jpg (1.1 MB, 1346x2084, 673:1042, b008d56fa4af037ebcc1352547….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259587
>This young lad thought he was at fault for his misery, he gave and loved his peers but only to be used for his good nature. These morals were futile in the end. He started to despise the world with all its being. Stuck in the cycle of torture for the rest of his life, he cannot do anything about this no more.
the person who is punished for being good will surely despise the world for its betrayal, but if the past is a penalty for being good that places your own nature before the circumstances that determined this punishment (from the false convictions you were taught), and the result of that act is to become seemingly imprisoned in this torment

 No.259604

>>259585

If you are not medicated and don't have a history of mental illness, try psicodelics, far better than alcoholism to deal with this shit life.

Been a psychonaut can be an interesting experience.

 No.259606

File: 1653437192712.jpg (1.32 MB, 2560x1920, 4:3, Capybara_portrait.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259582
>All the flags and symbols of human power, the lion, eagle, wolf. carnies.

Nah, capybaras are pretty popular because they're mellow herbivores and cute.

 No.259615

Does anyone else dread waking up?

Whenever I wake up, there is a tightness in my chest and an overwhelming sense of worry and dread. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know in the morning after I wake up, I will be thinking awful thoughts in a stake of complete fear and panic.

I just want it to end.

 No.259623

>>259615
My worries and tensions escalate during the night time and I wake up feeling dread.

 No.259629

File: 1653481712482.jpeg (382.25 KB, 2500x1300, 25:13, 1*S6RfbHdsLvjOzgl0dWhzgA.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259615
I know exactly what you mean.
>Wake up
>See dirty flat
>Realize how old I am
>Realize father will soon die
>Realize how deep in the shit I am given the long period of inactivity
>Realize that my peers left me behind
>Think of the solid chances I didn't take
>Have a moment where I see my current fucked up self through the eyes of my old self and get a panic attack
>Fully wake up and manage to disassociate

I have this once every 2 months or so.
At least I'm not taking drugs.

 No.259630

>>259629
As I 29 years old neet who have never worked a single day in his life I feel the same.Life is passing and we’re just watching , doing nothing.Everything I use, even my clothes are same from 2014 I’m in deep stagnation unable to improve and escape this suffering.I don’t know what the future will bring but I expect its gonna be really nasty and cruel to me and this stagnation is eventually will be end but probably gonna be desperation and suicide

 No.259633

>>259576
Predators hunt other animals because they are hungry. It is just that. You claiming they are bloodthirsty and whatnot is beyond stupid. If you were hungry and could only eat meat you would kill eventually too.
>picking on innocent herbs
Those innocent herbs kill and bully each other and other herbs I hope you know that? There are no good beings in the meaning that you understand "good" as.

Living is about conflict. It is only natural the strong conquers the weaker. You can't exist without hurting other life forms.

>>259629
>>259630
Why get overly upset over something you don't want to change or can't change? Just accept your fate and enjoy what good life has to offer.

 No.259636

>>259630
I keep telling myself I'll soon go to a temp work agency because they take everyone. Can't bring myself to it though.

 No.259647

Does anyone else feel serious depression, suicidality and disassociation without the social anxiety and insecurity? It seems like for everyone else they come as a packaged deal

I don't have any self hatred and I'm not socially anxious. I don't really hate myself, or spend my time thinking I'm useless or whatever. I just have mental anguish and pain, substance abuse problems and generalized low functioning. I can be around normalfaggots and make small talk and come across as fine. I generally don't care what they think of me.

I really don't know why I'm so miserable all the time. My life has been a cycle of brief moments of functionality where I get jobs, do well, get praised, get my finances under control. Which then contrast with horrific benders and misery where I get arrested, get institutionalized and have my finances fall apart.

 No.259653

>>259633
>You claiming they are bloodthirsty and whatnot is beyond stupid
What he probably meant is that people should stop admiring evilness and brutality while hypocritically pretending that they are good. But yeah, the world is built on hypocrisy and lies, you don't have to explain this too
>You can't exist without hurting other life forms.
Yeah, life on earth is beyond evil and futile, thanks for reminding. That's why it would be a good thing if someone or something would finally crush this planet

 No.259655

>>259633
>enjoy what good life has to offer.
What good?

 No.259657

>>259647
Arrested…? Why?

>It seems like for everyone else they come as a packaged deal

Anxiety has dominated my entire life, and I dont have the skills to make small-talk. I think we are a lot different.

I have periods of months/years where I dont have depression (apart from occasional episodes). Many years i I had both anxiety and depression. On timescales of hours or days it can come in waves where anxiety and depression go back and forth. They naturally work together but dont always go together.

Anxiety is my core problem but if im alone in bed with no immediate threat then i can think deeply in depression about the consequences of the anxiety on my life. Then when there is an immediate threat the anxiety takes center stage as stress hormones flood the body.

 No.259659

>>259653
But it isn't evilness or brutality if a lion kills some animal to eat it? That's what I mean. It is a natural process and if he doesn't kill then he will starve to death and the ecosystem will be thrown into disharmony.

I don't think life is either evil or futile. It certainly is beyond humanity's moral values but that tells us something startling about our ethics and moral values if anything, not about life in general.
You shouldn't let your compassion and pity to rob you of your vitality and joy in life. Pity for everything that suffers quickly drags you down into the hell of depression.

>>259655
That is for you to figure out. I don't know what you are interested in or what you enjoy or used to enjoy before you had depression.

For me though, I realized that many things we take for granted can be seen as good things in life. Basic, everyday things. I don't think much is necessary in order to enjoy life but maybe that's just for me.

 No.259666

>>259659
>It is a natural process and if he doesn't kill then he will starve to death and the ecosystem will be thrown into disharmony.
If something is natural doesn't mean that it's not pathological. If it wasn't so, there would be no need for human beings to build societies with complex political systems in an attempt of containing the very nature of man, it would be meaningless to create religions that would disguise the reality of life away.
Millions of creatures can die in a rampant forest fire, the cause of commencement of which can be completely spontaneous. Natural or not, the end result of such an event is still going to be demonic.

Also isn't it's the same very nature which forces me - as same as with some of the other low value representatives of hierarchical species - into "the hell of depression"? With all it's culling mechanisms and with the "be competent or be whipped bro"-wiring and a not so competent set of genes it provides us with. I wonder about that. I wonder if you can be at least relatively in harmony when you are like this, when the world is like this, when it is clear that things get so much worse with time. If you can avoid society, maybe it's achievable. Not everyone is lucky enough though.

 No.259669

>>259666
Fighting against nature or hating on it is a waste of time and energy. That poor lion is hungry and he wants to eat. He sees some animal he is supposed to eat, so he kills it and eats it. It's not like he does anything bad morally, he is fighting for his survival. Who are we to judge an animal based on our false and anti-natural and unrealistic moral system??

>there would be no need for human beings to build societies with complex political systems in an attempt of containing the very nature of man, it would be meaningless to create religions that would disguise the reality of life away.

These are unnecessary and meaningless already. Always been that. Most people don't profit from the existence of society significantly. Groups are created in order to ensure that some privileged circles get what they want. It is about the preservation of some dynasties and the well-being of them, not about all of humanity. Of course they made up religions and herd morality to tell us that we need civilization or we would be cruel evil beasts and animals! They make us fear ourselves and our desires. Anything related to egoism is a big no-no in society.

Whether it is a forest fire or a predator devouring a weaker animal, how can it be wrong if it is natural? The problem is with our perception of things, because we were brainwashed by morals and expectations that are completely anti-nature.

About depression, I am pretty sure it is tied to the air of corruption we breath in day after day thanks to our crap culture and society. Change society and many wizards here would be cured of their sorrow and bitterness. Nature is a complex thing, beyond morals. Nature gives us diseases and hunger and pain but it also gives us food, cures and pleasures. Nature whips us one day and kisses us on other days, so to speak. Ultimately we are the products of nature and it is for you to decide what you feel towards it.

 No.259679

Scrolling through Youtube just makes me depressed.

I don't have an account, so all the videos it recommends me are just disgusting normie shit. The comments are also just an insult to injury.

 No.259682

>>259679
I go through the same thing. I feel like I have to construct my own, personal, weird 'anti-Youtube' by blocking trending and recommended tabs, using weird filters to get search results I actually want, using a fucking list on Notepad to check subscriptions–most days I am beside myself wondering how the fuck people can deal with the website.

 No.259685


 No.259686

I code as a hobby. Once in a while I venture outside my padded room. Out into the social coding world (read: github). Half the time I throw out a random coment on some guys project. I get my head bit off.

One time I extended a random gusy project. And he got all fucking paranoid and immediately changed the license on this repo to an more restrictive one. Like woah dude fucking chill. You left a comment in the code saying "wtf is this" and I was like, hey this actually means such and such. And his reaction was immediate schizo mode.

Whatever. He forked that from an abandon project himself anyways and tried to take ownership as if it's his work. Fucking retard. I dialed back to the fork point and wrote my own implementation to the original code base.

I don't understand why people share their code publicly and act so hostile. What gets me is the guys whose social coding accounts are same as their professional work identities.

Is that how professional coders are. I mean how many dicks do I have to suck to get a coding job but these guys professional profiles are asshole mode.

 No.259687

File: 1653751105571.jpg (169.09 KB, 900x1125, 4:5, pdp-tan.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>259682
>using a fucking list on Notepad to check subscriptions–most days I am beside myself wondering how the fuck people can deal with the website.
i rarely use the web interface either. you can use https://www.youtube.com/feeds/videos.xml?channel_id=id to get a channel's rss feed, where id is something like UC1mpDUINwet2IdDBQ3_sSSw

>>259686
everything put up should be bsd-2 or public domain, but yes it's funny people take their social status more seriously than the quality of their software

 No.259708

normies are setting off fireworks already. how you holdin up burgers?

 No.259716

>>259502
fuck parents. mine basically forced me to be a slave and so have many others no clue how anyone can love their parents.

 No.259718

File: 1653818045352.jpg (171.26 KB, 900x1000, 9:10, 1653607417738.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I've come to realise that being ostracised in early childhood has a far more profound effect than I'd imagined. After being told: we don't want you, we don't like you, you're not like us throughout school, you've learned to avoid the crowd, expect ridicule and to be shunned. Normgroids will tell you to meet people, attend social gatherings, but they've never experienced being chastised for simply being. It just now dawned on me why I'm mortally afraid of people.
It's like the experiment with the cat that got food whenever it pushed a button, but then the function of the button was changed to electrocute the cat. A once pleasurable, at least innocuous activity, now became horrifying. The cat afterward stopped reacting altogether, wouldn't even eat food and starved to death.
There you have it pretty much, nowadays everyone will ridicule you for your "lack of social skills" ,whatever that is supposed to mean, and ostracise you all the same.

 No.259719

>>259718
same my upbringing was very unnatural and bad i was bullied horribly and had a shy timid personality and it affect me in adult life plus i have no goals never did thats another seperate problem

 No.259722

>>259669
>These are unnecessary and meaningless already. Always been that. Most people don't profit from the existence of society significantly.
Those are big words. Would you reject the society's help if you'd get sick with some horrible disease that can only be treated with modern medicine? Because that's the nature for you, it doesn't provide you with a morphine ampoule and has zero concerns about how you die.

>About depression, I am pretty sure it is tied to the air of corruption we breath in day after day thanks to our crap culture and society. Change society and many wizards here would be cured of their sorrow and bitterness.

Depression is universal among social animals. The purpose of low status males is practically to be a beating bag for the rest of their pack.
It's not really different in humans, except that we can have policies that would restrict such behaviour. But the wiring is still there to detect your position in social hierarchy and to determine your serotonin levels according to it.

>Fighting against nature or hating on it is a waste of time and energy.

It's not about hating, it's more about opening your eyes and realising that the whole thing is corrupt, brutal and meaningless. How can something that was designed by braindead crude forces be anything but this?There's some liberation in this.

>how can it be wrong if it is natural?

If you have problems with empathy, maybe it's not wrong.

You can keep being darwinistic and romanticizing nature of course. Some people like to romanticize war. Usually, they are the same people who actually never experienced what it is like to be on war, never met with its brutal dynamics.

>they made up religions

I don't think humanity, especially in the ancient days, would last very long without religions and "herd values". Without these things, there would be absolutely no arguments against killing your neighbours, stealing their resources, and ultimately just ending your life. Humanity itself would just collapse and maybe die out.

>we need civilization or we would be cruel evil beasts and animals! They make us fear ourselves and our desires.

And maybe they're not wrong, we are slaves to our bodies and our desires can be destructive

 No.259724

Is anyone else completely sick of rich people?

Like, even people on SSI live better than me. People with SSI can get apartments for free, free food and free money, while I slave away and have to live like a fucking donkey.

I'm just sick of it all. It makes me sick. I'm just a fucking donkey.

 No.259733

>>259722
Yes, I rejected society's help when I was sick with a painful illness. (Related to gallstones.) I wouldn't have gone to a hospital on my own free will, I was forced by my family. Apparently I could have died.
But aside from that, the morphine ampoule and other medicines are created too using what nature gives us. It's not like medicine just pops out of thin air suddenly. Again we see the balanced and complex image of Mother Nature, Gaia. She gives us pain and she us gives us medicines too.

And by the way, hospital treatment isn't free in most places. I lucked out though because my hometown decided to pay my medical bills for me since I don't work.

And who is considered a low status male? In civilization it is anyone who doesn't have as much money as others. While Nature doesn't care about money, the competition in Nature is much more just and balanced than in civilization. In a civilized society as an asocial weird guy we obviously start from a disadvantage when compared to others.

I don't see Nature as corrupt or meaningless, the brutal part I agree with. Then again, civilized life is brutal too but in other aspects.

I have problems with this hypocrite or oversensite empathy you and others display. Existence is about devouring those who are weaker than you. You do it too day after day, crushing bugs and destroying lower life forms, most of the time without even realizing it. If we are to have morals at all then we should build our morality to mirror real life and Nature. And we shouldn't cling to these anti-natural idealistic morals that have no real ground at all.
It's not about romanticizing Nature. I'm just trying to be objective here. Nature has a dark side but a kind and gentle side too. I want people to understand this.

>religion and herd values

They are meaningless and I will tell you why. Because you overestimate the evil of humanity and our ability to do harm. Humans couldn't wipe out humanity itself even if they tried. I can see the destruction of our species caused by Nature in some form or another, not by us. The whole "let's save the planet from humanity! and let's save us from ourselves!" is just arrogant narrative to enforce how "strong" and "capable" humanity is. We can't harm Gaia in any significant way. We can't even self-destruct with grace and nobility. We are a very weak species that may be different from other animals in certain ways but ultimately we are failed animals. Humanity isn't capable of great cruelty and evil anymore, at one point it may have been in ancient days but those days are gone.

>killing your neighbours, stealing their resources

We still do these, it is just called "just war" nowadays.

>And maybe they're not wrong, we are slaves to our bodies and our desires can be destructive

If you don't follow your own desires then you are forced to follow the desires of someone else. It is exactly civilization that is harmful, because it raises generations after generations of weak individuals and slaves who can't do anything besides wageslaving and obeying orders.

 No.259736

I'm getting to a very dangerous point where the only thing that makes me feel good is thinking about finally ending it and finally leaving this mortal coil behind.

I just want it to end. I just want to go out in a blissful opioid overdose into the abyss. I've read what the survivors of opioid overdose have said. They say it's complete bliss up until the moment your unconscious. When they were saved they said it felt like a deep sleep, but just before this deep sleep, they were at peace, in a blissful trance.

That is the way I want to go out.

 No.259743

No fast food places were open, so I had to dumpster dive for some pizza and bread sticks.

The bread sticks were still warm. Not bad.

 No.259747

>>259743
wizpill me on dumpster diving. Every dumpster I see outside of shops is padlocked at nights

 No.259752

I'm starting to give up automatically. I find myself abandoning chores, work stuff and even my hobbies while I'm doing them, sometimes even at the start. I'm using internet less and less and lying on my bed more and more. I'm so tired. The only thing I hope is that I'll eventually stop caring about the intrusive thoughts in my mind so that I can rest in peace.

 No.259759

>>259736
I agree with you on everything you wrote, thats also what I desire for a while

 No.259762

>>258810
I somehow have gotten a job. I haven't worked in over a decade and when I did work it was some part time silly nonsense job that wasn't important at all. Now I somehow got my resume accepted at a highly technical job where I have 0 experience in. They say, "Oh! We'll train you!" but something doesn't feel right. I have no choice if I want to avoid homelessness though, so I guess tomorrow I start this highly technical job and hope it goes well and they don't discover I'm a retard. This is all very puzzling because I mentioned multiple times in the interview I'm a 0 experience applicant but they still wanted me on board. Must be desperate or something? I dunno. I hope I don't get bullied too much, I break down crying like a baby when that happens and it not only will bother everyone there, but it bothers me for years to come with embarrassment and shame. I will be homeless and feeling embarrassment from 'that last job'. Damnit life is just hell.

 No.259766

>>259736
>>259759
Haha, that's not a dangerous point at all, you have a long way to go. You are in your period when you idealize suicide and death. But that is just another escapism, wiz. It isn't different from other kinds of escapism normals engage in. Realize it.

>>259752
When I was like you I used sleeping pills to sleep more, I hated being alive so much. But being depressed gets old too with time. You will get tired of it and will seek out new things and states of being to entertain yourself.

 No.259768

Anyone else have an inferiority complex and no self-confidence? I can't see myself interacting with people because I have nothing to offer. I'm too unappealing and stupid to socialize with anybody. People will see how much of a shitty person I am if I get to know them better. I don't believe in myself at all. I have things I want to do with my life but I can't see myself ever accomplishing them. It's so paralyzing - I just isolate myself and avoid everything.

 No.259777

My depression and inability to improve is finally starting to lead to health problems that could kill me. I know I’ve tried so it will be a pure death despite everyone around me thinking I didn’t. My mother will know too. I’m waiting for the world to take it out of my hands and kill me.

 No.259787

File: 1653978814658.jpg (693.82 KB, 757x939, 757:939, dogsnguy.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My perma neet online friend from the other side of the country just got kicked out and is now either suicided or homeless. Its been a month. Unlikely to ever hear from him again. He was a true wizard, though not a frequenter of this place. Rest in peace brother.

 No.259789

Every morning I have a really tough time waking up. Everything just feels terrible. I don't drink. I remember that quote from Winston Churchill that goes, "I feel sorry for people who don't drink, because when they wake up in the morning, that's the best they're ever going to feel," and it makes me curse Churchill under my breath.

 No.259790

>>259789
Just drink alcohol

 No.259800

>>259789
just smoke weed. getting a good high sometimes makes my whole day.

 No.259806

>>259787
Rest in peace.

 No.259812

>>259789
wizkid detected

 No.259822

>>259762
I recently got my first "job" that's actually a summer internship that was only successful because of my parents' nepotism. I'm aware that I'm incapable of finding a job off of personal merit and that this is literally the best I can do, and it's a decade too late. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. Good luck wiz.

 No.259853

>>258810
fuckme fuckme fuckme
I had a solid three or four day stint where I didn't feel like shit throughout the day and I didn't feel dread or anxiety before sleep. The slightest hope developed and was dashed away when I tried to sleep tonight. I just had random intrusive thoughts repeatedly that normally aren't that bothersome but were horrifying tonight for some reason. I started shivering and shaking and I can tell I've grown thanks to therapy since it didn't implode into a full blown panic where I puke, but I'm pissed that I came close. Getting a day or two of hope is the worst. I was dumb enough to think things could ever change. I'm so tired.

 No.259878

File: 1654212730554.jpg (27.32 KB, 640x360, 16:9, chauvin.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

mtn dew and haldol

 No.259879

Even wizchan feels full of normalfags. Working a job? can't relate at all

 No.259888

>>259879
I know that feel. That's just how it is, even on sites welcoming to shutins and neets you cannot expect us to be the majority. It's a bit like these forum for mentally ill people, the most active posters are still relatively normal, the serious cases just don't bother participating or don't use these places at all.

 No.259891

>>259879
Same, 29 yo eternal neet here , even thought of working sounds impossible to me.

 No.259900

>>259879
I wish I could be a NEET but it's impossible to get NEETbux where I live and my parents wouldn't allow it. You're only a normalfag if you choose to work when you don't have to.

 No.259917

>>259879
I don't judge people who have menial/bad jobs, you have to eat.

But these "wizards" with high paying jobs, good body, that claim to be approached by succs daily (and reject them) and overall good lives? yeah no I don't believe they belong here.

 No.259986

File: 1654455359011.png (563.94 KB, 634x449, 634:449, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

There's some weird ass assumption that the internet will be some sort of equal sorting hat, that everybody has a voice so it's representative. The public social sphere and public web spaces are just the same as real life, they filter what they want to see and believe. Abusive normalfags get the thrill of social rushes and the losers don't have the energy to defend themselves or endure it, and so withdraw from the spaces. Being a fucked up retard doesn't make you compassionate and patient either, there's no magic home. It's a shitty world and those at the bottom just suffer more struggling at the basic steps often alone. Suicide seems so beautiful.

 No.259987

>>259986
why does a fat guy just sitting near a succubus, make the news?

 No.259988

>>259987
Homeless son of some famous person

 No.259990


 No.259994

The consequences of sedentary living have caught up with me. I have virtually all the symptoms of diabetes and can hardly sleep anymore, where I used to easily sleep for 8-10 hours I can now barely manage to get an extremely restless 6, a change that happened practically overnight. Feels like I could drop dead any day now. I was hoping I'd be able to reach wizard status proper before I went but it looks like life won't even allow me that.

 No.260005

>>259994
If you can get blood sugar under control you can often make quite a recovery back to normal if you are pretty young. You might even just be prediabetic. Probably need to go to the doctor though.

 No.260009

>>259994
Just become depressed enough that you lose your appetite

 No.260010

>>259879
it's not wizchan that's full of normalfags, it is who wizards are the normalfags all along
once you realize this all the flaws of wizchan make sense

 No.260085

It's no surprise I came out the way I am, I can look back at all the miserable formative experiences I had which shaped the mess I'm in today and it all makes perfect sense. The problem is I'm stuck with this, if I was a regular person it would just be pull yourself up by your bootstraps and have new experiences to overwrite the old ones, but I can't do that, my own particular set of self esteem and appearance issues (that I have from feeling like an ugly worthless retard for a decade) prevent me improving my situation or going out into the world and trying things. The obvious "answer" is to stop caring, plenty of people are ugly and nobody cares, but that's not good enough. I'm stuck in limbo waiting till I'm ready and I never will be, so I'll just continue wasting my life. All those experiences I had as a barely sentient child shaped who I am now with my fucked up perspective - and this is only layer one, even when I feel okay about myself I don't know what the fuck to even do with my life. I'm so fucked.

 No.260086

>>260009
I lost 20 pounds this way. I just didn't give a shit whether I'm alive or not so I didn't eat.

 No.260107

File: 1654711272735.jpg (331.78 KB, 1070x1000, 107:100, __yana_original_drawn_by_c….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i cant kill myself for practical reasons. ll be stuck in this planet a little while longer.
i wish i could communicate, there are so many things i want to say.
i really hope i can reincarnate after i die. if i could be born again, id spend all of my childhood and adolescence quietly in my bedroom studying programming, mathematics and computers, go to princeton, get a phd in math, and spend the rest of my existence making things and working on projects. i didnt get to in this life. if reincarnation is impossible, i wish there will be something after death at least, a different type of world, where a soul can be free.
theres no point anymore, its really over, but im going to do something anyways. i will break away from this world and make my own. no one will see it, but it will exist. i dont know, its very lonely, its a different world and theres only me there, but im completely free.
i dont know, im very lucky to be myself, but also im very sad that i couldnt fulfill my role. its over. i want to say something, but i cant touch it. i want to scream. i could have screamed with things like programming or drawing, but i have words only. i could have proved i exist, i could have been helpful, and shown you extraordinary things. but i only have words. i dont know, sorry.

 No.260145

File: 1654775620801.png (1.09 MB, 778x1100, 389:550, 7e500abdcedd5e9ce5b8176bad….png) ImgOps iqdb

There's a certain sense of impending doom in the air, as if society was close to collapsing.

 No.260148

>>260145
If you live in the western world, then I doubt that your feelings are wrong in this matter.

 No.260154

>>260148
>>260145
its not going to collapse. remember the rich people don't want to lose their lavish lifestyle. dont be foolish. the elite have an army of slaves (the general public) working for them why would they ruin it?

 No.260155

>>260154
Nobody is truly in control. It's like a huge wave heading towards jagged rocks. Some people manage to stay afloat before hitting the rocks while others are already drowning. Societal collapse is not an uncommon occurence in history and we haven't seen the last one yet.

 No.260156

>>260155
Do you think a society will be self-aware enough not to kill each other and destroy what they built all the fucking time?

 No.260158

>>260156
If you take your time to study some history and why collapses happen the answer is no. We're currently going through a mass extinction event, if it's man made or not, doesn't matter at this point. The impact on agriculture is going to be massive and it's going to be ugly. If Earth was a perpetual thing and we had infinite resources then maybe humanity could get its shit together but it's not infinite and several resources modern life depends upon are in fact rapidly reaching depletion. There's going to be fundamental changes on energy production and consumption and there's going to be conflict over depleting resources. This is the fundamental problem humanity face since its beginning and it's not going to change. Ultimately everything we build depends upon depleting resources. Conflict and collapse is inevitable.

Right now the richest country on the planet can't even solve something as simple as having a stable water supply. In fact it only increased its water consumption. Its neighbor has one of the biggest freshwater supplies on the planet. If it gets bad enough old alliances crumble and conflict arise. This is what history shows over and over again. This is a Demiurge's world, don't expect anything else. Only hope is not to live long enough to suffer the consequences of our folly.

 No.260160

>>260156
They can when they're ruled by a proper aristocracy not infected by bourgeois (and the like) values. The problem then is that it tends to get infected by degenerate outsiders.

 No.260161

>>260158
>Right now the richest country on the planet can't even solve something as simple as having a stable water supply
>Its neighbor has one of the biggest freshwater supplies on the planet.
Are you talking about China and Russia?

 No.260162

>>260161
Richest as in largest GDP. I'm talking about US and Canada, but that was just one example of many problems around the world that will likely become a lot worse in the future.

 No.260173

>>260158

Sounds like something that can be solved by banning golf courses, not a real issue.

It's more like the famous "let them eat cake" of the french revolution. Poor people are struggling to get food and water, while rich assholes are wasting massive amounts of water to play with little balls egoistically shitting on the little guy and rubbing it on their faces.

That could blow up eventually, but if you take all mayor revolutions, like the french, Russian, China, etc. it takes millions dead of literal starvation and war before people rise up. It's amazing how much abuse societies will tolerate until they do.

The global resource crunch is going to kill hundreds of millions of people in poor overpopulated places like India and Bangladesh, the West will be fine. The american continent has vast resources and little population in relative terms. Plus the West has money. You are going to see something like what happened with vaccines in the pandemic. The rich countries are going to pay a premium and hug all the scarce resources for themselves and the poor countries are going to get fucked and they don't have the armies to do anything about it.

It's as simple as that.

 No.260177

>>260173
It's not simple at all. Don't take offense but you clearly don't have an understanding on these issues like I do. I can tell when you say something naive like the American continent has vast resources when countries like the US right now in 2022 is already completely dependent on importing several resources used in domestic and military industry like rare metals. It would love to import water as well but Canada refuses to sell it because they're not idiots. So much for your deluded idea of the West like an unified block. Nations will turn on each other when things get bad enough. This is a historical truth. Not to mention Western countries are facing a rapid change on their demographic makeup and it's going to be a very different place in 50 years than it is now, you have to be completely blind not to take into account this trend and understand it has vast and permanent consequences, for politics, economy and everything else. Middle class is already shrinking and this generation is the first to be poorer than the previous one. It's 2022 and already over 40% of families in the US can't afford rent. Poor countries are already not willing to sell basic commodities. Recently India banned wheat exports because they too can look at the numbers and it's not good. So much for 'paying premium'. You'll be seeing this more and more in the future. You think about armies but recent history showed modern Western armies are more expensive than they're effective with the fall of Kabul to the Taliban regime. Look at eviction numbers in the US. Look at inflation. Look at income stagnation, look at trends on wealth gap. This is just the top of the iceberg of course, I would have to write you an essay but I'm not going to do that, instead do research for yourself, read about the MIT society collapse study and several others being dones att. There's a wealth of material out there written by people way smarter than me, besides, I don't find this topic fun or entertaining to talk about so I'll stop here.

 No.260178

>>260177
So excited for the water wars!

 No.260181


 No.260191

>>260177

You are confusing capitalism with dependency. The US is not dependent on anything, it's just cheaper for them to import stuff from shit countries like China.

They are the second producer of rare metals on Earth and Australia is the 4th. Regardless of that, USA already had that problem with many products during WWII and they simply replaced them for others by investing money to research alternatives. They don't bother to do it now because there is no incentive to spend money and time on it.

Same with water, you can take water from the ocean like Israel and Saudi Arabia does, it's just far more expensive to do so, but if water becomes scarce mountains of money will be invested on it, mass production engaged and price will go down exactly like it happened with solar panels in the last 20 years.

All of Latin America produces nothing but food and America doesn't buy from them because it subsidizes their own shit. Argentina and Brazil alone can feed the whole continent and USA produces more than them, but right now they are wasting the soil producing soy beans for pigs in China. Push comes to shove, China will suck it and that soil will be used to grow food that will go to the west. On top of that fucking tiny Netherlands is the second food exporter in the planet using high tech to grow food in green houses.

>Look at income stagnation, look at trends on wealth gap


Again you are confusing capitalism with scarcity. The west already faced the same issue in the great depression. It's a distribution problem, not a scarcity problem. Rich people are being assholes and hugging all the resources. If the shit hits the fan like it did during WWII the problem will be solved fast the same way it did in the war effort.

>Not to mention Western countries are facing a rapid change on their demographic makeup and it's going to be a very different place in 50 years than it is now


That is a good point but is bad for Europe but not for USA. They don't have the aging problem that Europe, China and Japan have.

> Western armies are more expensive than they're effective


Don't be silly. They destroyed whole countries like Irak, Libya and Syria in weeks from the other side of the planet and they took over Afghanistan for 20 years and left because they wanted to. USA was conducting military operation is 7 countries at the same time during the Obama admin. A shit country like Russia can't even take over Ukraine that is next to it's border and the USSR only lasted 10 yeas in Afganistan, another country right next to them with all the benefits in logistics that that implies.

Nothing comes even close to western armies. China is so corrupt that has a massive problem because all the ranks up to general are for sale so people pay to get promoted to general and then they steal from the state by illegally selling equipment in the black market and doing overpricing and selling lower ranks promotions to recuperate the investment and get rich. As a result of the massive corruption all their equipment is shit, and all their ranks are filled not based on merit but in corruption. Russia had the same problem, they could not even fuel their armor because they stole the money and buyed shit cheap Chinese tires that burst under stress in combat and charged the government for first class tires. They did the same with all their equipment, that is why they don't even have fucking encrypted communication or could not achieve air superiority in Ukraine. Their whole army is hollowed out by corruption. That's what happens in all shitty third world countries. In first world countries, they usually steal 5% in bribes for contracts, in shitty third world countries they steal 20%-60% or even more, that is why nothing works on those countries.

 No.260192

>>260191
>They don't have the aging problem that Europe, China and Japan have.
Do they? How much of that is because of immigration?

 No.260194

My mom says I look like a grown man now, I'm almost 25. She said I looked like a kid just a couple of years ago.
Hold me wizzies, I'm not a wizkid anymore

 No.260196

>>260191
I'm not confusing anything, you see, the current system is dependent on trade. You don't need the end of resources for a societal collapse so of course I'm talking mainly about the system and short-term changes. I guess we at least both agree that the current system relies on the delusion of perpetual growth and is bound to collapse? Resource depletion is a problem now that is going to affect trade (hence the system) and for that alone is relevant, but it will be a more serious problem in long-term if environment predictions are correct. The change is going to be enormous and collapse will happen everywhere, but that's long term (year 2100 models). For a collapse to happen short term, you just need agressive change on trade, which all countries today are completely dependent on for their economy to work, things getting too expensive for most people and an increase in poverty. Those things are already happening and right on track. Again, I'm not talking about human extinction, I'm talking about societal collapse. Many collapses happened in the past and still here we are. More collapses will happen again in the future. The MIT collapse model which I suggested you to read is based on a problem of logistics, which is where the collapse is going to happen. Doesn't mean we're going extinct, it means systems will change and life for everyone will be a lot worse than it is now. Plus all the deaths in vulnerable communities like you said, etc.

And no, Kabul fell because the US lost. It didn't want to leave, it just got too expensive and now there's a multi trillion dollar debt for that alone, on top of escalating inflation, so it's an even bigger loss than just a military one, it effectively made things worse for most people. So again, more expensive than they are effective. More effective would be to actually defeat the Taliban and not leave with a 5+ trillion dollars in debt for a generation that can't even afford rent to pay. Guess nothing comes close to western armies, except religious fanaticals with soviet rifles on pickup trucks.

As for what you said about China, I don't think you know anything about it, no offense. Your comments sound like the parroting I hear sometimes. There's a lot of fears about Chinese hegemony, which looking at their industrial output, numbers of registered global patents (recently outranked the US, becoming first for global patents) and other relevant numbers alone is very much granted, but there's a lot of attempts to paint it in one way or the other. It's a hot topic so there's a lot of nonsense been said about it. Same thing with Russia invading (or liberating, bias pending) Ukraine. Lots of parroting and disinformation about these issues so I won't comment on them att.

As for the US not having an aging issue, since I was talking about a demographic and cultural change, I suggest you check the census bureau's statistics for race and age. Caucasian population is aging and having less births than deaths. In fact it will become a minority in 30 years in absolute numbers. I don't remember out of the top of my head but the white population in the US is already a minority in the ages 18 and younger bracket. You can do the research yourself if you're interested.

Also I said I was not going to talk about these things but you wrote a careful response to me just the same so I felt like making an effort to respond once more, but I dislike talking about these things, though again I recommend the MIT study mentioned earlier and the stuff being written in a response to it, because honestly, you're just wasting your time reading what I wrote instead of reading what the people behind the research wrote. It's a curse on imageboards it seems, every time I write something based on a paper or study, I get people focused on replying to my garbage instead of reading the actually interesting stuff for themselves. Anyway, I'll read your response if you choose to write one but I won't be responding again. Have a good one wiz, I'm going to play some games now and forget the world exists.

 No.260197

>>260194
Mine says I'm handsome. Mothers are not a very good judge of character.

 No.260198

>>260197
Mine says I'm intelligent. They're not very good at judging anything relating to their kids.

 No.260199

>>260197
Mine too! She says I'm very, very handsome, as does my grandma. Only two persons who have ever said that.

 No.260201

>>260191
>Don't be silly. They destroyed whole countries like Irak, Libya and Syria in weeks from the other side of the planet
those campaigns were predicated on force projection by carrier groups. as aircraft carriers are entirely legitimate military targets, with no risk of collateral, all those carrier groups would be immediately sunk with nukes in an actual conflict

 No.260205

>>260191
You’re literally one of the most delusional persons I’ve ever seen online, and you’re in for a rude awakening as America further continues its descent into a third-world shithole, which it already is in many places.

 No.260206

>>260194
Just took a selfie and yeah, I can see it. Still look youngish, though but not like two-three years ago. Also, I think I'm balding.

 No.260208


this tower then that stands here

shall be built and fall again

for any stone that stains this land

will scorch my skin and bone


as the sky turns red and dark

i know where i will be

i'll be where knowing where i am

will give me no relief


to sit or stand

to jump or run

no matter what i do

whichever way i dig or climb

the suffering will not soothe


then surely if i know this well

that there will be no halt

one step back and two steps forth

that i will be with gold

 No.260253

File: 1654964428143.png (11.33 MB, 4096x1554, 2048:777, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

i cant do it since its pointless. i just spend every day covered by blankets and hugging a pillow on bed in a dark bedroom with the windows and door shut. i barely feed myself. i spend all my time wishing i had another life and imagining what i would do. i like imagining and remembering. it hurts knowing i can only have these things in my imagination, but i have to imagine them because theres no other way to have them and theyre all that matter to me.
all thats left is death. theres an obstacle in the way but i think i will get to kill myself soon. im very happy ill die. im glad this ugly existence will be erased.
i dont know, but theres something inside me and it cant have death. i want to scream. i dont know, a lot of things happened, ive been drugged by heavy meds since i was 5 or so, and my family is all mentally ill people. i wish there were a god watching over all this. if theres a god, please give me another chance. please let me try. please let me be. i just wanted a normal childhood, i just wanted free time to spend my entire early life studying like crazy, and go to a nice university, i could work it out from there. i dont know, thats all i care about, god, please let me have my childhood back, please let me be myself, please give me a chance to grow. i hope i can reincarnate after i die, i want to try and see how far i can go. i want it to be real, i want to feel the world around. i want to show whats inside and what i can do, i want to be free. please.
i dont know, theres something i want to say, i want to shout it, but i cant touch it. i wish i could show it. i dont know im sorry.

 No.260276

File: 1654992726046.png (19.63 MB, 6000x2500, 12:5, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

its so comforting knowing this existence will be erased. no matter what happens, i have to die at some point, and this nightmare will be over.
i wish to start over. please god, please let me be.

 No.260278

File: 1655004260601.jpg (6.18 MB, 5830x2492, 2915:1246, __original_drawn_by_astero….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

want to scream but i dont know how to explain myself or communicate.
i wish there were someone, like a god, watching my life as i grew up. i wish someone had watched over the hell it was every moment. it doesnt matter that every moment of every day was torturous, i just wish it didnt stop me from getting where i should be.
i dont know. i wanted to have spent all my childhood and adolescence reading textbooks and practicing what i learned, i wanted to have spent tens of thousands of hours quietly studying in my bedroom, obsessively studying programming, mathematics, computer science, computers in general, every instant of the day. and go to a nice university. that would be just the start, i could have worked things from there, and shown what kind of thing i am, i wanted to be useful and fulfill my purpose. i wanted a chance to be free.
i dont know myself. i wanted to learn more about myself. i wanted to find out everything i can do. i wanted to explore this world. i love this world and the people in it. and explore myself. i wanted to be myself. i wanted to show you what i can see. i wanted to show whats inside me.
i dont understand why i was born. i had a purpose but i did not fulfill it. i feel like i was born to be free but i got this s**tshow instead. its the same as not having existed at all. but i did exist. ???.
i dont know what happens after death. im very scared of death. i hope its not the end and that i can work my way out of there. i dont know how to explain it, but i think i have something in me that can get out of any situation, no matter how bad it is, and its good at bringing order to chaos, and organizing things. and it never gives up. nothing can stop it. so if i cant do anything about this life, it must mean theres something after death. i hope so at least. if theres a god, ill confront them, and nag them forever until they let me try again. i really want to reincarnate, and live like i think i was supposed to live.
i dont know, im going to die soon anyways, so i dont care what anyone thinks, so i might as well say it. i dont know, i think i was sent here to build things and to help. and show you things you cant see. and give you the world.
im very happy ill die. this life was a very humiliating experience. humbling. im happy no one will remember me. and i wont have to feel pain anymore.
i dont know sorry. i dont know sorry, im just a very shitty creatured, unhiged freak. i dont know, i just want a second chance a lot, i wanted a lot to have lived, im very lucky to be myself, i feel very privileged to be myself, im so lucky, but equally unlucky because i didnt get to live it. this was worse than being aborted. i wanted to live, to be, i dont know. i dont know. there are a lot more things i wanted to say. but then the post would be too long. i dont know im sorry. im sorry.

 No.260282

Why are people afraid of death? Death is the only hope to ever escape the hell that is life.

 No.260284

>>260282
Because are instincts makes us afraid, if people didn't fear death, we wouldn't be born would we? Everyone would just kill themselves and not reproduce. I envy people who can break their instincts and kill themselves, they have such strong willpower.

 No.260289

>>260282
Death is one of the things that I most strongly desire, and have for a very long time, but when I stare at it seriously and up close I start to feel fear, even if nothing in me has changed.

Lately my heart has been acting up more than usual, and I'm like, "whatever, the sooner I die the better". But when strong palpitations have been waking me up in the middle of the night I do start to feel a kind of strange, irrational fear in those moments.

 No.260292

File: 1655045389346.jpg (306.63 KB, 900x637, 900:637, f7a3b56691eb2c9af2622a4431….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>260278
>i dont know. i wanted to have spent all my childhood and adolescence reading textbooks and practicing what i learned, i wanted to have spent tens of thousands of hours quietly studying in my bedroom, obsessively studying programming, mathematics, computer science, computers in general, every instant of the day.
how would you organize your ideal computer architecture? would you have a bunch of stacks, just an accumulator, everything mapped to memory, or something else?

 No.260297

>>260145
The only good thing about it is how angrily improvebros react to the news.

 No.260298

>>260297
Do they? Sounds like an even greater opportunity for them to shill whatever survival and self-help scams they know of…

 No.260299

>>260298
I've never seen that kind of person shill survival stuff personally. I've just noticed a lot of people do the whole "THE WORLD DOSEN'T SUCK, YOU SUCK! TOUCH GRASS, HIT THE GYM, HAVE SEX, MOST PROSPERS TIME IN HUMANITY" type shit everywhere stuff like this is gets discussed. Comes off more like a need to flex on "losers" rather than shilling a scam.

 No.260304

File: 1655067607338.jpg (112.76 KB, 750x1086, 125:181, ae41c0fd55a9c0e0f2d2355766….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

recently I noticed I have irrational self-confidence/cockyness/bravado
I feel I could take on a russian swat team bare-handed,like I could beat the whole UFC roster
I know this is delusional bullshit but since i stopped fapping I feel so overly confident, im sure it will put me in trouble,sooner or later.

 No.260322

>>260304
>I feel I could take on a russian swat team bare-handed

Lot of folks getting cocky about Russia after the Zelensky fiasco. They aren't as weak as you all think

 No.260323

>>260322
did you read ALL my post?
I myself admitted its my own rambling delusion

 No.260341

When you live with your parents you can never command any respect from them. They can bully you and make snide comments and if you reply back they just pull the "You live here for free and don't work" card. checkmate NEET! You have no value because you don't work!!!

at some point being homeless would be better

 No.260343

>>260304
t. leave the niggers to me

 No.260364

at the base level you seek to live and seek not to die
all your hopes and fears are aligned with this
you can choose to disobey this base level or be aligned with it

the difference between the two is, that if you are in a rat race where the first rat gets to live and the other rats die, you would feel either guilt or be guilt free by reaching the goal

i want to feel guilty
that is the extend of my disobeying of my base level desire to stay alive

to a suicidal wizpal that made it hard for me to live, i would shut the door
choosing to disobey my base level here, means that i want to feel bad for shutting the door

maybe we can all disobey the base level in this way, a bit
i would hope that whatever wizpal would shut the door on me, says im sorry after the door closed
thats enough

 No.260365

I feel so empty inside.

I'm on the verge of tears constantly.

 No.260366

>>260365
i love you

 No.260368

I thought i overcame my suicidality but years later here i am again

it's like being transported back through a portal into a nightmare world where everyone is a fucking demon

 No.260370

>>260368
you're safe

 No.260373

File: 1655239324168.jpeg (285.71 KB, 720x662, 360:331, out.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>260366
Mom, please, don't embarrass me in front of all the other wizards!

 No.260374

>>260373
Wizards of all people would appreciate a loving mother.

 No.260375

>>260373
>>260374
you stay right here with mommy where it's warm and safe

 No.260381

>>260322

Well, sure as fuck they aren't as strong and all the crabs on the internet that jerked off to Putin's shirtless picture make them to be.

Something that was obvious when you take one look at their laughable military budged and their GDP that is smaller than Spain or Italy even before the sanctions.

 No.260403

>>260341
its different for me anon i have tons of respect here. but thats because i work for their business and am one of the people keeping it running.

 No.260410

>>260403
one time I worked for my parents and they didn't even pay me. if it were up to me i'd never visit them except on christmas and maybe their birthday

 No.260411

>>260374
why? all mothers birthed their wiz into this dystopian nightmare hell without consent

 No.260416

I'm just tired of it all.

 No.260419

>>260416
what are you tired of

 No.260420

>>260419
I would tell you, but I don't want to out myself on this gangstalking website

 No.260424

>>260420
Tired of paranoid schizophrenia, then?

 No.260430

File: 1655370334092.jpg (154.42 KB, 1200x1572, 100:131, aeck.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>258810
I just want something to kill me already, I don't wanna talk to anyone in real life or my parents, I just want to rot and disappear, this life stopped being fun years ago.

 No.260438

>>260430
Are you are the stage where it's almost kind of fun to pretend and daydream that you're going to die in your sleep/not wake up tomorrow when you go to bed?

 No.260458

Anyone else live in an apartment?

There is literally no privacy anywhere. Everything you do can be heard by other people. I can't even play online video games anymore because I can't use the mic.

I cannot autistically speak to myself anymore and I can't yell or scream when I'm feeling frustrated.

I just have to sit here in silence, suffering silently like a little cuck. I just want to die.

 No.260459

>>260458
and why cant you do these things?
what about them hearing you stops you

 No.260460

>>260459
It's called common courtesy.

 No.260461

>>260460
o
in my apartment floor everyone is loud all the time
i appreciate both things, loud apartment floor = i can be loud, silent one = silent = nice

 No.260462

>>260458
Just stop giving a shit. You can make noise as long as you aren't unreasonably loud.

 No.260463

File: 1655423885078.jpg (60.65 KB, 405x393, 135:131, 23523.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>260458
I do. Wish you were my neighbor wiz, I'm very silent myself, always use headphones and make sure to do things as silently as possible. To be honest I do this out of my appreciation for some aspects of chan buddhism that put emphasis on existing in silence but it sure comes in handy when living in an apartment. I think you can learn to appreciate your silence.

I've lived in buildings most of my life so being silent is just something you pick up.

 No.260474

File: 1655434802058.png (183.99 KB, 368x381, 368:381, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

It's not getting better, it's all getting worse, and my actions are failing to improve anything. Aaaah!

 No.260514

Anyone else feel like everything has been corrupted through the overbearing presence of cellphones and the internet?

Now I have to worry about being recorded, having pictures of me plastered on the internet forever, having to record personal videos for my employer, having to upload all of my sensitive data, having my every move tracked by the government and trillion dollar corporations.

It's all so tiresome. Everything has been corrupted by this normienet. There is no escape anymore.

 No.260558

>>260514
There is an escape. Go offline. Nobody forces you to be here.

I like how connected everything is now. In fact I'd like it to be more tight. Most of the time it is normals who complain about muh precious privacy and other dumb shit. Well, I say fuck privacy. Privacy is the reason our capitalist hellhole exists. We need more community and less privacy.

And also I don't understand anti-tech drivel because sometimes you people complain that the internet and technology alienated people from each other but other times your problem is that people got closer to each other. Now what is the problem exactly?

 No.260560

>>260558
>There is an escape. Go offline.
Not an actual escape, tbh. The hellhole isn't just in our screens, it's the whole world. It's computers that actually allow us a brief, temporary escape from that if you keep away from most internet sites and focus on the things you legitimately like such as music, video games, anime, visual novels, downloading books for free, etc.

 No.260561

>>260558
> he doesn't know
ironic your use of "normals"

 No.260562

>>260560
Take your schizo meds and go to sleep. We will talk about this tomorrow.

 No.260563

>>260561
Unfortunately, I do know about your retarded theories and anti-tech bullshit, one can encounter it way too often on chans. And guess what? Still retarded and you people are still hypocrites no matter how many times I have to read your Ted-tier bs.

 No.260564

>>260563
> I don't understand
> I do know
Make up your mind

> retarded theories

Read an actual paper book once in a while. Perhaps some research studies too.

> Ted-tier bs

Imagine basing your world view on imageboard schizo posts.

 No.260568

Anyone else struggle with being(moderately)over weight?
I try to fast and eat less,then I do excercise…which makes me even hungrier.
its a loop I dont know how to escape

 No.260569

>>260562
There's nothing schizo about saying that the world out there is a hellhole. It's why some of us went full hikki.

 No.260585

>>260564
>Make up your mind
It's not me, it is you people who need to decide already why you hate technology so much. Do you hate it because it alienates people or because it shits on your privacy? Decide already.

>Read an actual paper book once in a while. Perhaps some research studies too.

Oh that is real intellectual of you. Upvoted.

>Imagine basing your world view on imageboard schizo posts.

Says the moron who fell for the anti-tech generic meme crap.

>>260569
I re-read >>260560 and yes, I agree. I was tired and didn't read it properly before and for some reason I thought you meant that computers rule our world like the Skynet from Terminator lol
I mean that "there is an escape" to the guys who are complaining about the internet..on the internet itself. Hypocrite faggots.

>>260568
I'm a proud overweight or FAT person. I'm 175 cm and weigh around 110 kg. However, I know about losing weight, there was even a time when I was around 48 kg. The key is: don't eat. That is it. Seriously. It is a matter of willpower and motivation. Eat once a day and make sure you mostly eat meat, vegetables, fruits. Or you could try eating a little multiple times. Whatever you want. Don't eat dinner, no matter what you do. Drink a lot, I recommend water, milk, tea or orange juice. If you are hungry then go drink something, that will make your stomach feel like it is full for a short time.

Honestly though, I don't think it is worth it to lose weight if you are a wiz, unless it is absolutely necessary because you are some whale.

 No.260587

>>260585
>Eat once a day
Probably the easiest and most effective way to lose weight and keep it off. It's effortless once you develop the habit after a few days or weeks of doing it, and it's VERY difficult to eat enough during that one meal so as to consistently gain weight across time.

The only problem that normalfags tend to have with it is that socializing tends to get in the way since some of the most common things to do together with others involve going out to eat somewhere. But I don't think most of us have that problem.

 No.260588

>>260568
It’s really just a matter of pushing through it anyway. I’ve lost and gained 80ish lb a handful of times. My body seems to “want” to be about 20lb overweight and throws up a ton of urges to overeat if I go below it. I’ve more or less given up.

 No.260631

Another day of doing absolutely nothing.

 No.260632

File: 1655647583819.gif (2.07 MB, 640x484, 160:121, bouncy whooper.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>260631
Isn't it grand?

 No.260633

File: 1655648511480.png (29.89 KB, 128x128, 1:1, 1634578938820.png) ImgOps iqdb

>have manboobs
>people come up to me and touch them and make fun of me for it
>don't want to spend 5k+ on surgery
>losing weight doesn't make them go away

 No.260635

>>260633
Who is walking up and squeezing your manboobs anon. What the hell. I also have gyno but it's very mild but it still causes my nipples to poke out of all my shirts. I end up taping them down or wearing baggy clothes

 No.260636

>>260635
>Who is walking up and squeezing your manboobs anon.
coworkers at my shitty job i hate
what kind of tape do you use?

 No.260639

>>260636
Just plastic tape, band-aids, or masking tape.

 No.260640

>>260587
But normals don't like starving though. Yes, it is the most effective way to lose weight quickly. I remember my sister tried to diet the normalfag way (exercise, eating healthy stuff, eating many times during the day) and I pretty much ate pizza and hamburger and never exercised but still lost more weight than her, because I ate less overall than her. It was funny. What she lost by exercise she got back by eating dinner, lol

The negative side of this is that you will be tired, cold and sleepy lots of times.

>>260588
I don't care either anymore. I just eat what I feel like when I feel like. It's not like people treated me any better when I was thin.

>>260633
>>260636
What? Why don't you slap or punch the idiots in the face? They won't approach you next time, trust me. Be more aggressive a little, for God's sake. Otherwise you won't ever be left alone.

 No.260645

>>260644
of course it's a college kiddo that makes this post lmao

 No.260646

>>260633
I also have manboobs and I was riduculed a lot in back in the day brings me sadness sometimes

 No.260647

I decided that I'll tackle my computer addiction today and I've been on my pc from 9 am to 3 am. I am a junkie.

 No.260648

>>260647
What else is there to do but sit at your computer

 No.260649

>>260648
Read books and shit

 No.260650

>>260639
>>260636
just start lifting heavy…like ,HEAVY.
embrace bloatlord mode, you wont be aesthetic but no one will want to mess with you no more

 No.260651

>>260650
>just start lifting heavy…like ,HEAVY.
what do you mean, like low sets, low reps, high weight?
>embrace bloatlord mode, you wont be aesthetic but no one will want to mess with you no more
yeah, i was kinda thinking of doing this, just bulking a ton, but also working out frequently and building as much muscle as i can. that way, they might have jokes about me but they won't say them to me i bet

 No.260652

>>260633
Me too, from puberty, even despite being very skinny. I look average for the most part, but this one thing makes my body look overall hideous and I feel like puking if I catch a glance of it in some reflective surface and it just destroys any semblance of confidence I tried to muster in public.

 No.260653

>>260652
>it just destroys any semblance of confidence I tried to muster in public.
same :(

 No.260656

File: 1655675972116.png (815.48 KB, 839x951, 839:951, 1642452322871.png) ImgOps iqdb

I'm broken and I need to get this off my chest, because it's something that makes me feel silly, but at the same time it's not like I have much control over it. I don't have any sort of emotional maturity, I didn't develop it properly because I started getting depressed and miserable right about the same time I was transitioning to adulthood, I'd even go as far as saying that my current self is less emotionally mature than my teenage self, I still feel like a kid. When I look at the people around me, they feel all sorts of emotions, but they seem mostly content with life, and only get really devastated when something genuinely horrible happens, like someone they love passing away, for example. I, however, seem to completely break with the slightest inconvenience. I might lose at a video game I'm playing, I might have to endure a team I support losing a match, I might mess up and become stressed when trying to park my car, I might feel guilty over a dumb family fight about nothing important, I might overthink about a social interaction that went mostly well. All people deal with small things not going how they'd like, and yet they keep going just fine for the most part, while to me all kinds of stress, no matter how small, functions as a trigger for my suicidal thoughts to hit me with full strength.

When I wake up, it's like I already get off my bed with so much emotional baggage, that I'm essentially a cup of water that's completely full, one more drop and I'll overflow completely, making a mess that's gonna make me feel guilty, especially when I try to clean it all up. A day where everything goes as I plan is not a good day, it's merely tolerable, since nothing went wrong, but if anything does go wrong, it turns my already bad day into a miserable one, and it essentially kills my day since I sort of stop functioning properly, I simply start begging inside of my head for the day to end, even though I know tomorrow won't be any different. I don't really know where I'm trying to get at here, I just want to understand what exactly is wrong with me, why it is that I can't handle any sort of disappointment or struggles in general, I wasn't always like this, but now I can't snap out of it. I also feel somewhat resistent to positive emotion, perhaps because I surround myself with negative thoughts and pessimism, but to me it was always a matter of having some sort of defence mechanism, if you're always miserable and always expecting things to go wrong, it shouldn't hit you so hard when it does, and that had worked for me, at least for a while, but now it's not working anymore, it's hitting me so hard all of the time.

 No.260668

File: 1655688647574.jpg (354.79 KB, 1157x1600, 1157:1600, XsooLcOfskI.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>260656
I understand; I feel like I was born incorrectly and cannot consistently handle the stresses everyone else can.
>I simply start begging inside of my head for the day to end, even though I know tomorrow won't be any different
Very relatable. I feel like I'm telling myself this every day.

 No.260712

>>260668
>>260656
Same. I don't have much to add. Your posts lay it out better than I ever could.

 No.260734

File: 1655776357925.jpg (9.66 KB, 200x240, 5:6, e6e.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i can't enjoy calm rainfall anymore without alcohol.
Ever since i got a job and moved into an appartment (which happened 3 months apart) 3 years ago, i haven't been able too.
it bothers me man, i used to love it as a kid/teen.
I get drunk on wine every 3 days or so, just like half a bottle of 750ml/14vol (i'm almost underweight thin so it's not nothing)

 No.260995

>>260368
>it's like being transported back through a portal into a nightmare world where everyone is a fucking demon
That's how it feels to wake up in the morning

Only death will set us free


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