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 No.267681[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.



Why did you reuse this pic?


Lack of creativity


I'm always thinking about life.
What is life? Why are we here? Where did we come from? Where will we go after we die? I can't get these thoughts out of my mind…


I keep thinking of suicide but I'm scared, really, call me a fucking pussy but it scares me if there's hell or some other torturous place or if we reincarnate. I don't want any of that shit, I just want to fall in a coma forever. I'm also contemplating on how to do it since if people saw me buy a noose it'd be a little suspicious wouldn't it.


>I'm always thinking about life.
The problem lies on the fact there's nothing else to think about.


There is literal nothing in this life. Only thing you can do is do whatever the fuck you want. Wanna believe in god? go ahead. Wanna be up your ass on philosophers? go ahead. Nothing in this life will ever matter, in a million of years so much will be lost and changed that me telling you this is also pointless. Just live your life please.


>Only thing you can do is do whatever the fuck you want

That's precisely the reason Life is worthless.


>That's precisely the reason Life is worthless

It's the other way around. Life is worthless. Because there's nothing of inherent value (or in other words, "value" is a human construct), the only thing left to do is to do whatever the fuck you want to do as an individual.


So after almost 6 years of avoiding each other while living in one small flat I had an intense fight with my old retard father who was insulting and humiliating me all my life. Mother stood between us, otherwise I would maim him for sure. Yet he still was shouting his typical vomit inducing insults, didn't change one bit from 10-20-30 years ago. I also insulted him in worst possible ways, hurting his ego a lot. Said some really great stuff, extremely humiliating for his worthless ego. Relieved myself a bit. It would take thousands of symbols to describe the levels of fuckery in my family so I'll stop here.
Anyone had similar "fun hours" lately or in the past?


>Anyone had similar "fun hours" lately or in the past?
Arguing with parents is a bad idea when you live on their place and they can legally kick you out. Last time I had "fun hours" with my fathers, he got cornered and used the "eviction and call police" card on me, not fun and not worth it.


Not in my case. Yes, he threatened me, but he's a coward on the inside and will never do anything. He can only scream on succubi and children, throw objects at them and leech them. Also mother beats him regularly because she endured his shit all life too. My family is beyond circus-tier.


i am afraid of it because there's probably nothing and letting go of consciousness seems like the biggest change one can make


>the only thing left to do is to do whatever the fuck you want to do as an individual.

Meaningless garbage existentialists throw around. Just do what you want bro! Like just pick an arbitrary thing. How fucking stupid.

You need to get away from these people.


>Meaningless garbage existentialists throw around. Just do what you want bro! Like just pick an arbitrary thing. How fucking stupid.

No, you know what's stupid meaningless garbage? Losing your time trying to define value and giving artificial value to things. Nothing has value, just do whatever you want to do, or do nothing at all. It's your existence, you don't need external validation to exist.

>Like just pick an arbitrary thing

Exactly. Pick what you enjoy. If you don't enjoy anything then don't do anything. It is not complicated.

Am I wrong for thinking like this? I'm not.


What you're saying is tautological. it's empty. It's utterly vacuous.

>just do whatever you want to do, or do nothing at all.

So do something or don't do something. yeah no shit sherlock those are the only two options.


You both seem to agree that life is empty and meaningless, so I don't really see where the disagreement is.


Then why did you bother making this post?
Typical reddit nihilist.


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Watching other people flourish trying all the self help stuff you've tried, is so disheartening. I'be been meditating since I was 18 downloading torrents off piratebay, and now an acquaintance has started meditating from an app and their life has turned around in a few months. I've had very limited benefit from anything I've tried and continue to endlessly try, while I see others benefit immensely and become much more content. There's nothing else to do but keep grinding all this stuff, but you feel so alone and broken. These are the people who will tell you they overcame depression, they dragged themselves up, and they have had all these life struggles - how can one relate to them?

I'm not angry at them it just shows the different experiences we have, and how some of our natures really are only fit for suicide.


If someone were reincarnated and had to live my life the kind thing for me to do now would be to end it now so that they'd suffer less.


you have unresolved trauma

healing and healed people have a specific orientation towards their actions, its not in the actions alone.


Life is great exactly because you can do whatever you want. It is fantastic because there is no greater, objective value we must surrender to.
Nihilism isn't cause for being depressed and pessimistic but rather it is cause for being happy and optimistic.

On the contrary, having objective reason for existence would be a cause for sadness and despair. If God proved his existence and said you had to do X or you would go to hell then most people would whine about that instead of nihilism. Having objective values and a set way to live would be worse and bleaker than any kind of nihilism.

So what do you suggest instead of existentialism? Be careful what you answer, you'd better not come with some version of the lie/delusion "God told me this and that".

Anti-nihilists are so superficial. They are afraid of themselves. They can't do whatever they want because ohh to what would this lead? We better come up with another version of religion or complex metaphysical system out of our asses that justifies why we can't do what we want! Why would anyone want to live for himself? What a madman! Everyone needs higher reasons and values to justify everything. We NEED God, objective values and morals. Otherwise, ohh. The end of the world.


He or most religious people can't help themselves. I asked my religious nutjob parents who or what would they do or be if god isn't real? My mother says she will be dammed and my dad just wouldn't accept it. It's depressing honestly, man is terrified of true freewill because of how dangerous and overwhelming it could be.


Every person in my life that I’ve seen become religious did so as basically a form of psychotic break after doing some unforgivable/unfixable shit. It’s the exact same neurology as a straight dude with zero signs suddenly trooning out in his 40s. Broken people. It would have been more merciful if they’d died.


It's because I enjoy things that I can't accept the possibity of all things being transient and temporary. What I enjoy, what I think is important, I want them all to be immortalized, to become the fabric of reality and true.
You can keep making sand castles just to have them erased with each new wave if you want, but I refuse to bother at all if that is fate.


Eh at this point, I don't really blame em or my parents. I just let them believe whatever they want to believe aslong as they're happy and can keep a roof under my head. It doesn't matter anyways, religion, philosophy it's all bullshit. We are all on our own now.


Had the realization today upon another failed creative project that I've never actually succeeded at anything I tried to be good at. I was a terrible athlete, I dropped out of school, I never had a career or even decent job, I never got high rank in video games I grinded for thousands of hours, and I never succeeded in making anything good creatively. It's a hard realization that some people just aren't going to succeed at anything in life and I am one of those people. I'm basically a retarded person who is kept alive by society like a pet.


Religion offers easy answers and no thinking is required at all in the process. Meanwhile, there is enough room left in the "unclear section". Like everyone basically just projects their own version of justice anyway (so much for objective morals! laughing out loud) unto God. Everyone thinks God if he exists is their personal buddy. Never mind that the guy they dislike down the street probably thinks the same too. I heard vastly different interpretations about God, life and morals from various priests belonging to the same Church (my family is catholic).

Religion is a slimy thing. It gives you concrete answers (which are lies but whatever) but it also allows you to make up your own head-canon to a degree. This is why some people see in religion something that is left-wing (it's about helping those in need!) and others see it as right-wing naturally (it's about respecting authority, laws and order!). It's one big Rorschach test, you can interpret it any way you want while you still get "official truth and answers" from authority figures.

Religion is for the masses or rabble who can't get into philosophy. And no, I'm not talking about reading philosophy but just simply thinking. Same goes for party politics.

>It doesn't matter anyways, religion, philosophy it's all bullshit. We are all on our own now.

That's also a kind of philosophy in itself. You can't escape philosophy, as long as you think you philosophize.

And if you were immortal then you'd complain about how boring life is after 500 years. What you enjoy and think is important is only important as long as you exist and can derive enjoyment from it. It doesn't matter what will happen after you are gone.

The world is your representation only, as said the (in)famous german pessimist guy. If you are gone the world is gone too.


> I want them all to be immortalized, to become the fabric of reality and true
That's plain dumb because of two things:

1. Whether people will remember you or not as a "great man", it doesn't matter, you are dead. Is being remembered good? I don't think so. We all come from nothing, we should aspire to be nothing. Our death should be as much irrelevant as possible. If you're still remembered in centuries, you betrayed your aspiration to be "nothing".

2. If being remembered and leaving a "legacy" is your main purpose in life, then you're morally corrupt. Your pursuit is born out of ego and materialism. A vulgar pursuit.

I see no wrong in existentialism. It is simple and it is as it is. Call it dumb, I don't care, it works for me and I don't care about who is "correct".


I feel you buddy, I believe that normalfags have some kinda drive they gain from shit like this. Like if a succubus rejects them they go "well I didn't succeed, but just look back at all the great things I've accomplished on my own! I'm sure to make it next time". I have no sort of drive like that, I'm literally useless at every skill I try to learn, wether it be a creative hobby or something athletic or just a shitty daily task. I never saw posts like yours online, I'm genuinely just skilless and never gonna make it anywhere.



> some people just aren't going to succeed at anything in life

That is 90% of people in this planet, but stop and think for a moment: if you had been high rank in video games or finished school, would it had made any difference? At the end, it only matter if you had a good time playing those games.


I thought people needed to be banished to hell in order to feel this immense despair.


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You're in hell.


Most likely we already in it, just not very deep.
And life is meaningless miseryfest even more than usual nowadays.
No wonder people feel it.


Economy is raped by jews, there no such thing as 1rd world now.


Didn't sleep at all last night. I'm pretty sure it's something physiological but doctors keep telling me it's in my head. Every time it happens my gums get inflamed and I start sweating uncontrollably. How is that all in my head?


It feels like someone as lonely as myself is at least owed some kind of special skill or intelligence. What life has taken away from me it has not made up for.


Even if you think "if things were different in this certain way", "if only I had X", it only lasts a short period before the Hedonic treadmill effect sets in. I think it isn't perfectly like a treadmill where no improvement is possible, but it is so incredibly hard to move forward. At least, with mental divergence this is what i experience. I can't sufficiently fix my own mind to do what normal people can. Everything i try to do takes 100x the effort that it would take for a normal person with a normal life. All of society is built for a different type of person.





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man, what's the point in making children if you're like not super super rich.
i'm thinking about neets that had the chance to be born in rich families and how they'll never know the suffering of worrying about the future.. that's the ultimate cozy lifestile.
never having to worry about being a social outcast, finding a job etc.. that's the life man..
the only reason you'd search for a job would be for the experience and for the fun of it, knowing damn well you can quit anytime soon since you're self sustainable.

i'm not an advocate for human extinction, i know 99% of the world's population aren't rich but still i can't understand why you'd bring people on this earth if it's for them ending as wagies aka "enduring life until you die"..


I cried myself to sleep today again


that's good, better than bottling it up anyway


Is it? Sure doesn't fucking feel like it


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im growing,each day,more and more suspicious of people,goverment,even technology and food. im on the brink of paranoia manic episode. i feel everything is out to sap my energy,life,cells and metabolism.


I am addicted to playing this stupid game mindlessly. I hate it but always come back to it. Addiction is a mess.


I know that feel, I play Stellaris, Victoria 2, Europa Universalis 4, Rimworld, Crusader Kings 2 obsessively everyday, and it's been like this for a full decade now. I fucking hate them all yet I always end up redownloading them and wasting the entire day on them, I must have uninstalled each one of those games over 50 times now yet I can't stop myself.


How can I be so gentle, sentimental, meek and wild, destructive, cruel too? In some aspects I possess more loyalty, honor and tolerance than most people yet in still other things or circumstances others would think I'm a demon of some kind.

Being a human is so confusing. I'm confused by myself, how rationality and irrationality, egoism and selflessness mixes together in myself and my actions. The older I get the less and less I understand myself. Yet I can't go full DID either, I feel like all those parts me are me definitely and not separate characters. I'm a fragment but a whole in its solitude.

Does a self even exist? Do I have individuality? I feel like I'm different from others so obviously I'm an individual, I have a self. But still, that self can take on various characters easily.


Why does it seem like everyone around me enjoys life but me?


must have been a favorable exchange rate for pounds in tahiti at the time. that corrugated metal roof is fancy


>The problem is the pride of man

He speaks real truth.


This is going to last forever.


I did more than 5 job interviews this year and I didn't pass in any of them.
I'm autistic. I'm a lost cause.


Don't worry, even normalfags have to do 10+ before getting a job now. The world is just that fucked.


Don't take it personal.
HR departments are not human.


At least you got called for an interview.


I'm super anxious
I'm fidgety and I can't sleep


it just seems like that, I assure you. there are people better off than us for sure but everyone gets a good fucking spanking from life once in a while and normalfags have more to lose than us


Ooooh baby I’m itching for a bit of the ol bullet in the brain


Could be because they accepted their lot in life while you didn't and still get worked up about things.


2 replies already I disagree with so I will add, most people are happier than you. Most people are content living life and can take it one day at a time fine. If you’re sitting there crying that you haven’t got some material thing or social status, you need to change yourself. If you’re sitting staring at people asking how do these people move normally, how do they do things, how do they work, how do they do basic life things - and you suffer struggling with basic shit - they are happier and that stuff is simpler for them.


A lot of people are miserable and keep it suppressed for their family, you just don't see it. The thing about normalfag men is that they lose everything if they have a meltdown about their depression, they lose out on promotions at work, their wife leaves them and they can't see their kids. And then in that situation they just spiral further down until they're that angry depressed alcoholic always yelling at everyone.

A guy I work with had bad health problems and a wife and kids, he seemed to handle it stoically and super well. But the one time he got drunk with me on the way back to the office he just had a wizardchan tier meltdown and a vent about it all.

Some people are happier, some are worse.


A normalfag acquaintance of mine actually recently killed himself and you summed it up pretty good. I don’t like to pry about people lives so I was shocked to learn he had a wife who’d left him, and I guess that’s what finally tipped him. I didn’t like him personally but I still wish he hadn’t done it. Not for a succubus.


A lot, but I’ve met drug addicted homeless who are happier just hanging out with their homeless friends than suicidal depressed retards. Same with alcoholics, people who complain about their lives. Now anyone can be a depressed fuck - it’s not just nerdy introverted losers. But the majority of people are fine and functional.

I don’t know why everyone tries to sell the world as depressed masses crying behind every public moment. I don’t believe it, I’ve met lots of people who moan about everything but are happy enough. There are depressed retards in this world and they got a bad roll of the dice.


For me it seems like everyone ive ever known has been depressed


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Everything around me is breaking and I am too unmotivated to do something about it. I feel like I am moving towards being one of those people with ridiculously messy rooms and abysmal living condition. Everything in this world is constantly decaying. People's life is just a fight against this wave of decay. It takes a lot of energy to break even and keep this decay at bay. Energetic, motivated people can even push back this incoming decay and improve the environment around them. I don't even have enough energy to slow it down. I can feel it taking over my life.


Essentially most people don't mind living. It's only projection on the part of pessimists to assume that everyone hates existence. No. Obviously everyone suffers to different degrees but most people experience pleasures in their lives that compensate for these. So most people wouldn't consider their existence as something negative overall. This doesn't have to do with material conditions, as one can see many happy people among poor people or even people who are worse off in terms of health.

Unhappy/bitter people aren't created by their horrible environment and events that happened to them. They are created by unfulfilled desires. You can be Bill Gates or Elon Musk rich and still you would be depressed if you only thought about how come you aren't god but only a human. Following this logic, even a poor kid in Africa can be happy if he doesn't have unrealistic wishes and demands, if he is grateful for being alive and to have enough food not to starve and doesn't want to be king of the world then he will live a satisfied life.

Materialism is a meme. You don't achieve happiness thanks to external things but if you find peace in yourself.


Happiness in an inner state until a car accident cripples you or you become homeless.


Psychotic mage here sending you some energy. Remember to conserve and cultivate your mana and you'll make it.



Also I like this bit:

>People's life is just a fight against this wave of decay.

I've come to see existence as an interaction of entropy (decay) and anentropy (its opposite). Anentropy is generally a pretty cool concept. Every moment you're alive, you are using the raw powers of the universe to sustain your existence. Even if you hate it all and blow up fuel stations, I think you're badass for embodying anentropy regardless.


Hey if you want to get worked up worrying about this world that is mostly outside of your control then go ahead. Make sure to give us the benefits you received from this attitude later! I don't there will be any though except for making yourself depressed and not being able to enjoy even what you could have enjoyed otherwise.


Do you live in Eastern Europe?


You're probably right. I think such periods are natural in the experience of life.


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I checked the game again (I deleted my character but not my forum account) to see if somebody missed me and nobody did. No private message or anything.
It's a nice reminder that online friends are not real friends.


Wizards, I am at the edge. Russians destroyed the electricity in my country, I have it for like 4 hours a day at best. Rest of the time I sit it my dark room in the dim light of candles, pondering whether I should off myself by jumping or roping.
Computer related activities at least provide certain degree of coping, while losing it all is just too much. If things won't get stabilized soon, I might follow up with heroing myself, there is no hope.


that fucking sucks i hope u have a kindle


The only alternatives are battery-powered devices (maybe there's an old laptop around) or a generator (likely unavailable at this point), but the biggest problem with an unreliable power supply is not being able to use a refrigerator for sure


Do you have any wilderness nearby? I should recommend sitting under a tree of your choice and getting high from the oxygen. Wishing you good luck


how do people enjoy nature when its cold out its already under 20C here


Do you have any books?


yes, but i wouldnt burn them for warmth, they will be there for me in the spring time when the opressive cold has shed itself


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anyone here has had a kundalini awakening?
is it true that it drastically changes your life?
i'm beginning a spiritual journey (as a cope) and i've started looking into kundalini but i dunno, shit seems too good to be true, it's presented as that miracle pill, fishy as hell.. but it's somewhat attractive, costs nothing to try isnt it?


it's demonic shit please reconsider


Any kind of enlightenment of one individual person as described by religious snake oil peddlers is a scam and a form of self delusion. It is like fooling your monkey brain into thinking that your are a very high status ape, next to God himself, because you huff your own spiritual farts. Satori, Awakening, Nirvana, call it whataver you like, seeking it is impossible, because it implies there is someone who seeks, a individual WIZARDNAME, and realizing that there is actually no WIZARDNAME is what that experience could be described as.

If you want to know what ego death feels like, then it is more like you become your skin, your taste, your sight, your hearing and the sense of smell, and the 'I', 'ME - WIZARDNAME' mutates from central part of the life you experience to a distant noise blended with the noises of your surroundings. This feeling is fleeting and the attempts to recreate it fail miserably.


Enlightenment is conditioned flow experience. You just need to sublimate into your object of focus, and the ego shrinks and disappears.


Surrounded by terrible people who are happier than you ever will be. Spending all day trying to improve yourself and it’s worth nothing consider to being functional and normal.


Is it not possible that if someone's environment or circumstance is of constant annoyance that being depress or frustrated is warranted reaction? Even if they desire nothing, nothing but to not be poked, prodded…. humiliated. It is too much to expect everyone to be an ascetic? Even this person might wish to be an ascetic isn't that a unfulfilled desire? People are their environment and circumstance and nothing more and for some it is simply intolerable.
If people were born to live good lives and had the freedom to chose how to live they would be happier.
Most people do not want to be Bill Gates, Elon Musk or God they simply want to have a fulfilling life.


When the weekend hits and the entire site is dead


Strives and shines. You're just too depressed.


The people I'm surrounded by are decent people. Big part of my misery is seeing how I fall short of being decent myself. I am often bitter and resentful of their happiness, of their seeming contentness with life. But more than anything I'm angry at myself.


drinking at my house by myself
but i did socialize today


I post during the week and play vidya during the weekend


Pessimists are 100% right about the inherent shitiness of life. It's echoed in every religion and every philosophy.


Pessimists are right, but so are the others, optimists, as well as those who say it's neither and both. On such a broad schema, pessimism, or its neighbors, are a choice, are faith based, are a-scientific, and unfalsifiable.


Even science relies on axioms, though. Specially the axiom that empirical observation correlates with actual reality, which is also faith-based and unfalsifiable. Philosophy is the exact same way.


Ironically, the few things we can say without any faith are what is immediate to our direct experience, such as the existence of pain and pleasure.


Does the existence of the pain and pleasure imply pessimism? How?

So? Pessimist axioms are few: everything is bad, getting worse, and unrecoverable. Optimist is the opposite. We don't follow science because our faith, we follow science because it's powerful. But we can't deny the faithful, non-secular origins of science, and that the metaphysics required by science isnt scientific, but then again, which one would you replace it with that would be? And it does seem enough athiests and nihilist "do science", that even the metaphysics that gave to it's start, arent required to continue it. The determinism of scientific process is a feature, not a bug, and faith lacks a coherent analogy.


>Does the existence of the pain and pleasure imply pessimism? How?
Not on it's own.

My point is just that nobody can say much of anything before faith. So it's a non-statement. That doesn't necessarily mean everyone's right though, either, just that there's no objective way to say who is.


> nobody can say much of anything before faith
Why? I, personally, take the Buddha/Wittgenstein view of habitual language, we do it compulsively, in a learned fashion, in effect most words uttered, and most thoughts noticed are not essentially meaningful, more like an AI language model recombining a corpus of text. Maybe accidentally some of our thoughts are true to our views, feelings, experiences, etc.
So, if we require a faith, that does seem to be a separate concern, and independent on if we use words.


that sounds smart so i'm just going to agree with you.


a specific Buddhist result from that being true or believed is that conditioning can be changed and by specific practices (meditation) we can introduce new specific habit defaults


Not wanting to be annoyed or humiliated is still a desire and if you can't achieve that desire then it's better to just let go of it.
I don't advocate for abandoning desires of every kind. I'm just saying it's good to be realistic. Don't wish for things that are outside of your reach. Examine your desires and stick with those which are easy to achieve for you and discard those that aren't realistic.

>People are their environment and circumstance and nothing more

You can accept your fate or you can fight against it in vain and suffer pointlessly. Which one do you prefer?


Doesn't matter, only the here and now matters. You are concerned with empty ghosts and phantoms too much.

>Most people do not want to be Bill Gates, Elon Musk or God they simply want to have a fulfilling life.

It doesn't matter what they desire as long as that desire isn't fulfilled it brings suffering with it. You can desire something as basic as eating some apple but if you know for sure you can't ever eat apples then why desire it? Be happy with oranges and appreciate how you at least have something to eat.

I will destroy pessimism in a few sentences, just listen.

1.) Pessimism says that most of life is suffering and therefore existence is something negative. So first, in whose name do pessimist thinkers say this exactly? Why should people think in collectives like "us" or "all living beings that ever existed"? Why can't someone draw conclusions about existence based on his own life only? Why should the rich arab king think life is mostly suffering when it clearly isn't so the case for him? But I could insert any man who lives or lived and who was satisfied with his life. Why should happy people also think that life is mostly suffering? If you rarely experience something yourself then it's like that thing doesn't even exist. What do I, who am happy and some bitter person who hates his life have in common? We are two separate persons with different life experiences.
2.) But before this, pessimists need to answer why suffering is even bad or something to be avoided at all cost in the first place. "It feels bad, duh, retard" So feeling good is all that matters? Then why aren't you focusing on the good parts of life as that would give you more joy and would lessen your own suffering, friend? Because all you are doing is just digging your grave even deeper and trying to drag as many down with you into despair or sorrow as possible. Pessimist philosophy ironically created more suffering people only.


Lmao g'day lad. Why do you like this topic so much?


Mood swang away from depression, I can clean up and talk myself in to more putting things off - dealing with them now. I’m convinced this kind of internal processing is what non-depressed people are discussing when they say they force themselves to do things, that they are using their willpower. Let me tell you - this internal deliberation and will experience is a million miles from depression. Depression strips this from you. I was going to leave the room and leave it for later, but forced myself to do it now - life is easy when your mind is working. Fuck the demiurge


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Holy shit. I've been thinking this about food too. That's crazy.


It's one thing to notice that you have some tendencies, like
specifically pessimism, but what is the other side, the Becoming
of the Being-Becoming duality? If we woke up today as a
pessimistic monster, are we cursed forever? I wonder if people
can even change.


I think every emotion can be conquered except boredom.


Head devoid of thought. Drifting through another day.


Why do you think boredom can't be conquered? Boredom can be quelled easily in my experience. Go for a walk and write what you thought about.


I'm out of money and supplies run low. My income is far from substantial. A sort of grief sits in when the tobacco runs dry, a gentle reminder of my poverty that I can't stand. I wished for riches though the world would never grant them. Perhaps, I never deserved supplies at all.


Wizchan is about discussing the same 10 topics ad infinitum. Pessimism is one of those 10 ever-green hot topics. Don't blame me.

People don't change, they just realize whatever they believed and did all this time wasn't in accordance with their true nature. I believe everything is determined. But that doesn't mean if you are a pessimist now you will be one forever.

Since I've been a NEET I've never been bored. Do you wageslave or study?


Why believe in a eternal immutable essence?



Why not? It seems to me people generally have some habits or character traits since early childhood that define their character.

As much as the buddhist idea of no-self is charming often, I can't accept it fully.


Meditation is often about enduring doing nothing, boredom, sitting with silence and finding peace with it. So you have a whole tradition focused on that if you wish.


Wasting an evening on something that doesn't matter.


A big reason I don't believe in an immutable essential essence is because of how people react to trauma and addiction. It's clear they changed from that, in many cases.


God I can’t fucking stand faggoty niggers these days. All these fruity fucking lowlifes can’t can’t handle the any amount of discomfort. All this censorship and feefee shit is driving me insane. I wanna run outside and call everyone a nigger. I was scream kill yourself from the rooftops. I’m sick of being restrained, I’m sick of being nice. I don’t respect these sniveling shits of human waste, I can’t stand pretending to anymore. Fucking burn them all down.


Is this actually how you feel though? I know you seem restrained and unable to speak your thoughts but i'm curious on why you have those thoughts anyways?


>just learn 2 code so you can get those 6 figures job bros
>just learn 2 invest/crypto so you can get rich and retire at 40 with your returns bro
>I was like you once working a bottom rung jobs but I work my ASS off and suck up to everybody I met and through gumption I am now a successful businessman and you too can be like me
I don't care. I want to be rich like everybody else but all the work to get there is just too much for me. I swear one of these days, when I find the courage, I'll take the plunge and go for an interesting but dumb career choice like indie game dev or boxer or something. I can't sit in an office and take calls. No way. I would kill everybody and then myself. I'll probably fail and fall into poverty and come back crawling to those people who chose sensible career paths to give me a job. But I don't think I have any other choice. I can't be like them. I am too spoiled, entitled and romantic. I need to do this.


Wake up, ask stay the giant box at the front door is, get told it’s a mannequin. The house is full of shit, they can’t keep it clean for more than 12 hours, they have shut piled up everywhere, breaking shit because they knock it over - and they buy a giant fucking mannequin. I wish I lived around functional people.


youre complaining about your own "feefees", look in the mirror


I’ll be specific then, I was playing an online game and got a chat mute cause someone basically baited me into flaming them. I hate having to pretend I’m not mad. People clutch pearls over saying bad words online and it just blows my lid. I’m not even angry about the online censorship, but I was in a party with another person and they asked me what I said to get muted and I told them. And then they got all indignant on me saying I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. Well fuck him, why does he decide what o get to say? Fuck his feelings. It’s bad enough the internet tries to police my thoughts not I have to deal with people doing it too? It was just an insult anyway. People say worse shit on Reddit.

And fucking video games never had this pussy censorship before, you either muted people you didn’t like or left the server. None of these fucking auto mutes that blindly detect no no words because heaven fucking forbid someone is able to express themself.

This is not a regular occurrence for me either. I hardly ever get banned or muted cause I can control what I say and do but I’m just fucking sick of it controlling it. Im sick of pretending and hiding for the sake of other’s faggot little feelings. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I get mad and wanna tell someone to kill themselves, what is the harm in that? How is different from just saying fuck you anyway? Stupid fucking pearl clutchers and their retarded inconsistent morals.


I'm supposed to start chemo soon but I don't really care about living so I keep postponing it.


How can you change to something entirely different, though? You can only change to things that were already within you and got to the surface thanks to trauma.


Well, it wasn't there to surface before the trauma.


Concrete example: if you loose a figure. Does that mean your essence always preempted no-fingerness, or it became your essence once you loose it? If there is a human essence, it must be mostly empty and sparse. Or like a green branch. It's only essence is it's potentiality to grow.


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have been extremely misanthropic unfocused and tired the past week or so. Everyone I try to talk to online I end up disliking and every website feels like it's been ruined, but everything in real life seems 100x worse. Feel like I grew up and was enculturated to some weird historical oddity where there was kind of an online culture but it's just been totally destroyed now, I don't have any one I culturally relate to and everyone is just constantly getting degraded. Instead of playing decent games it's shit designed to degrade you as a human, everyone says how social media bad but uses it anyway, most online discussions are just bots/ai or people who have spent so much time around ads/bots they might as well be bots themselves. Everyone in my family is just totally incompetent and kind of let their life get away from them since I atleast got a decent job and will probably need to support them. I feel like everything socially is going to keep degrading and no guarantee of any stability of job/living situation from work.

Anywhere I go online to try to talk to people now it's all like 18-20 year olds and it makes me feel old and miserable and like a loser, but I don't know where else to talk to anyone. Even games don't have people you can talk to anymore because they are all just on discord now, or playing evil games designed to make you buy loot crates.

No clue what I'm supposed to do, just double down and content myself with anime/jrpgs or hope the internet changes and somewhere not shit arises or what. Things aren't okay and I don't see any way to make them okay. I'm very lonely but anytime I try talking to anyone I either don't like them or just don't have the energy to actually try communicating. I basically haven't interacted with any groups or normal social stuff in person in a decade, a couple small attempts that didn't amount to anything and was just me being weird. don't know if i'm suited for anywhere anymore.


When we were young we had nothing to bond over, so we could bond over anything. Especially media and games


If it got to the surface thanks to trauma then that implies it was there, no?

That example doesn't really have to do with character and self unless that experience happens to be extremely traumatizing for some reason. The reactions are there already within you, if the circumstances are right then they will surface. That's what I think.


Feral children are an example of character based trauma.



Fuck the demiurge




My doing away with myself won't be out of self hatred it will be of self compassion to stop this uneasy needlessly painful life.


It becomes semantic at this point. Change is rearranging parts that were there, but the expression is utterly different. Just because it's built from the same parts doesn't mean each potential concept those parts can express as exists inside of you at the same time.


I disagree that it's semantic, because I changed my view on the essentialist soul due to phenomological inconsistencies, like people changing due to trauma and addiction. There seems to be a limited total potential and you can always fuck it up.


I like how pleasure no matter how nuanced and complex becomes boring but suffering is just as horrible on year 10 as it is on day 1.


i like subtle pains and you can gain tolerance to enjoyment of pain just like you do to pleasure. you just are on a pleasure searching so its amplified


I wanna sleep forever


dont we all


Want to sleep forever? Lift weights until failure. The systematic fatigue will get you to sleep much more, ontop of building muscle.


>just lift weights bro
Shut up.


no. piss off


i wanna find a internet community full of absolute hermits who never leave the house



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The spontaneous suicide is stunning to me. It's incredible that I have endured immense and harrowing despair for a decade. But many normalniggers can't even withstand 10 minutes. Are they really that weak of mind? that easily broken by one injury? If I had a superpower it would be to make others feel as I do. I'd like to see for how long they could bear it.


you'd have to know how long successful suicides planned it out to have a proper comparison. failed group would be biased towards shorter/more impulsive planning…


I’m such a fuckup. Healing a wound on my leg and made progress, then I couldn’t resist pulling the skin off. Took a big chunk of the healed flesh away, blood pouring down my leg. Just because I couldn’t resist doing it while telling myself not to do it. No self control for basic shit.


Kind of hilarious. What did you do with the scab? You should hang it up on a wall.


remember when covid hit and normalfaggots were killing themselves over experiencing 0.1% of what we do?


Mom says I'm a parasite and she is not going to support me my whole life. Why force me into this life of slavery you fucking whore.


because, ook ook, sex feel good, eek eek!


because seggs


Lol. Same.
My mom just said this.


I am frustrated by my life.


Parents are only required to support us until I we turn 12-18 at most. Be grateful for what you've been given, and don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Good luck.


Oh shut the fuck up. Grateful for what? A lifetime of decay, misery and concessions ? That's all life is. Concessions


You can always choose to be grateful for anything pleasant, like not choking to death right now.
>inb4 I wish I was dead
Then do it. Exit bag is cheap and painless.


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I'm not a pro-natalist, I just believe in people choosing how they want to feel, and not living a miserable life. I'm pro-suicide, pro-feeling good.


I don't wish I was dead. I wish I was never born you spiteful catamite


Neither am I homosexual, nor am I spiteful. On the contrary, Wizard, I only wish to see the true strength and capabilities of Wizardry flourish. A little bit of practice and you can change your baseline emotional state, it just takes a bit of practice. Good luck.


You can resent your parents and still have a healthy emotional state. It's some basic logic that parents shouldn't berate their children when they are the ones who purposefully brought them into this world. I don't think they are obligated to support them forever but they really should've considered their kid might be some fucked up loser before they went and had one.


Resent is not a healthy emotional state


Only got 3 out of 4, is there a consolation prize?


And neither is cictimization where it's (always) someones / somethings fault for negative conditions. It's not your parents fault you live un unfulfilling life. That's a joy-stealing belief. Even if you can't always change the world, we have a lot of lee way with our perspective.

They all 4 are unstable states related to ego-dystonic experiences


You know what you're right and I will cede that.

You got 4/4, you're just lying to yourself.


I consider the healthy mental states to be few, and nice: calm, curious, joyful, sympathetic, and compassionate. There are probably others, and mixtures that might deserve there own name. Can you think of other such healthy mental states?


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>Can you think of other such healthy mental states?
No, I'm on /dep/ for a reason. I'll let you know when I find them.


I forgot gratitude, silly


>sympathetic, and compassionate
Take these out and I'll agree. Temporary, strong sympathy/compassion tends to cause people to make terrible decisions that they can't keep up with later on.


You can know joy today. Try the 6R's TWIM.



I consider a clear, calm, non-emotionally coloured frame of mind to be one of the highest experienced virtues. I think its possible to be compassionate and sympathetic without causing harm to yourself or position, though I can't comment on specific techniques. I certainly think they are healthy mind states in many situations, but also can lead to a negative situation if used indiscriminately.


i imagine that me mum would cry herself to sleep if i offed myself
so il probably try to just stick around


You dont buy a noose you buy a rope retard


stop separating "me" from "everyone" and you're instantly freed from all these and can hate with peace.


Healthy mental state is a meme. Why would negative emotions be bad? Because you suffer from them? They are supposed to motivate you to avoid or do things. There is no useless or negative mental state.


this sounds like someone coping with psychological issues


I wanna do heroin before I die


sorry bud, if you're american, there is no more heroin. but fentanyl is close enough right bro? I personally prefer crack myself. go to the hood and cop my neighbor.


I hate having a body so much, and fuck the mind as well.
sweating, pissing, itching, aching! fuck off body!


Wow, sure do wish I was hanging from a fucking pole right about now.
Ready for the weekdays, lads?


good family is p important
coz no one else will be that close to you
so when ur family dies, and ur a wiz, u should probably die too
or drown the loneliness


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I hate existing. We're only at peace when we're unconscious sleeping.


Peace is a choice, I am at peace right now.



Are you me? I have the exact same problem. I'm in my 30s now and feel the same way now that the internet is overrun with zoomers. Everything both on and offline feels foregin to me now, it has for the past few years. I've been living on the edge of society for the past 10 years as it is, so I never felt a big connection to people, but since the start of this decade something feels very, very off with the way people interact with each other now.


>he thinks he makes choices


i make many choices every day, and even meta-choices like new habits.


ur in crusty cum stained PJs

u got a messy room

a relative comes to visit spontaneously

ur palms get sweaty and ur distressed

ur relatives are dressed v cleanly and u never saw their place in a mess

they are so orderly and neat, it's like they control over their lives

meanwhile ur room is a mess, and so are your clothes

orderly, neat, good image, can be seen


disorderly, distressed in social situations, terrible image

ur door wasnt closed so they enter

"wiz, u got visitors, hehehe"

ur wiz head is going wiz bonkers

u strip ur cum PJs off and hurry to find clean clothes

at the same time, u dispose of piss bottles and cum tissues
but they already found their way to ur room

and they look at ur naked body, holding a piss jug with one hand, and cum tissues on the other

on ur computer screen theres loli hentai

now u can rest

its all good

u dont gotta prove urself no more

the truth is out there


Everyone in my small town knows that I'm a coomer. Everyone in my family knows and I have female cousins who hate me and they pretty much told the whole town about me. When I go outside I get stares and shit eating grins from everyone I come across. If there's such a thing as hell, it has to be living in a small town where everyone knows that you're a NEET coomer who spends the whole day jacking it off in his room.


u server a greater purpose in your town

they dont worry about their image as much, when you are around

"this is the bottom image, the worst man in wiz town. all eyes on him. none on me"

its how and why school bullying works

so think of yourself as some kind of wiz saint who saves everyone from anxiety, and have some proud faps


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You could embrace infamy, Diogenes style. Normalfaggots are kinda hypocrites anyway because even though everyone and the entire western culture are pretty much obsessed with sex, if you are a lone man who faps in your comfy room this is LE BAD for some reason.


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I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I’m not sure if it’s just cause I moved home and have to deal with my family or if I’m really just nearing the end of my tolerance. I’m just losing hope that my life will get any better. I’m applying to school and work a part time job, but it feels pointless. Jobs and education are just the busy work of life. I can’t even enjoy the other parts. I can’t tell if I hate everyone or if it’s just those immediately around me. I want a better life to be possible but when I look around at my colleagues and my own life it just seems like a lie. Everyone is stuck in a dead end job or unemployed, it’s impossible to make enough money to live by yourself. And if I have to live with others for the rest of my life then I just don’t think I could bear it. And I can hardly bear the company of myself.


Let's see what happens if you avoid negative emotions.

>when going across the street you don't stop and look to see if a car comes or not because you don't feel any fear (fear is bad!)

>when someone goes up to you and takes away your phone you don't do anything because anger bad
>when you are treated like shit you don't speak up because it's not good to be full of envy and should be happy for other people's success (even if they didn't deserve it)

Negative emotions are helping you to survive and are just as important as positive emotions. To avoid them at all cost would only make you a mindless sheep npc.
The whole healthy mental state meme is the same as the religious or platonic meme about caring for your soul or virtuous behavior above all. There is no healthy mental state, it's just about greedy doctors and priests trying to control you and to steal your money.

>if you are a lone man who faps in your comfy room this is LE BAD for some reason
The reason being that you won't make new white children for the race or you won't be a productive part of the system who wageslaves for the sake of his family. Normals are really just guilt tripping people with this porn/masturbation bad shilling.


Sure do wish I wasn't a retarded fucking nigger fighting an eternal war between his nonsensical instincts, the reality of life, and his own beliefs that he holds above all. If there's a thousand different paths of life a man can take in this world then at least 990 of them will do nothing but give me extreme pain because it breaks the careful balance, and my life is such a retarded fucking mess of spaghetti that I haven't done anything but smash that balance into pieces everyday for years now. I'm tired of feeling agony, I deserve it for going against my beliefs, but in the first place I had never wanted to go against them, and no matter how much I artificially prop myself up and force myself not to go against them it's fucking meaningless because Time Erodes All including my power of will, which leads me to repeating the same fucking mistakes thousands of times over for no gain. I just wish somebody would be kind enough to buy and donate me a fucking gun so I could be over with this shit already.


Reading these threads and seeing 90% of people not getting any reply really shows no one gives a fuck about anyone else. If you want people to listen to you complain you need to pay or be famous.


or make a thread lol


I don't know what to say. That sucks I hope you feel better? Do people want to be consoled or vindicated?


Plenty of us read all the posts, there’s just nothing to say most of the time. The thread has been this way for years.


caring about someone and engaging them are orthogonal. but I will tell you, NO ONE on an anonymous image board cares about you. At best, they tolerate and enjoy your attention.


I read all the posts, I just don't reply to most of it


In top of all the problems I have, I'm getting fat. Just kill me, please.


Just moved to another country and am feeling like I didnt do the right choice, one year ago this was my plan. Move to another country and suicide without a wallet. Not sure about this now…


I believe in you, wiz


That is such an easy problem to solve. Why would you even care about problems that are 100% within your capability to fix? The only ones I don't like are the things I can't do anything about by myself.


Go fuck yourself


Watched the movie Dances With Wolves (I also read the book some time ago). Why do some people feel the need to ruin everything? The white soldiers in the story just slaughtered animals for fun. "Hurr we have gunz boyz let's shoot everything lol" The death of Two Socks really hit me in the heart, generally all his scenes. I think this movie/book could have been perfect if the indian story-line was only a side story in the plot and it would have focused on Dunbar living alone with the animals, with his horse Cisco and Two Socks.

I posted this here and not elsewhere because I haven't been moved like this emotionally in a long while. I got teary eyed watching Two Socks play with Dunbar and almost cried at his death scene. The music was fantastic and the scenery was amazing in this movie.
Seriously, to hell with people like that who feel the need to torture or kill animals pointlessly. I'm not a vegetarian or anything like that but it always pisses me off when I see meaningless cruelty towards animals that behave in friendly ways. People like that are literal subhuman.


not him, but why?


I don't get it.


no one does


I care about a lot of posters, I just have nothing to offer them. It’s almost masochistic to still try and be a kind person online these days, but I assume there’s a few other depressed wizzies who commiserate with others here. I assume they are there silently when I post myself, and I hope people know even without replies there’s wizzies who read the posts and wish you well. Many people want to vent.

If people really wanted us to reply to every response we could, but I imagine most of us don’t have anything to say beyond - yeah I know how it feels.


Care is a type of non anonymous relationship based on giving.


When I hear normies talk about taking care of their mental health I can not understand. I have done nothing to take care of my mental health.
On the contrary I have sought out media that makes me feel worse, Amplifying my negative feelings to their pinnacle. And to do anything else, anything that would make me feel good about myself would feel like lying to myself.


You ever got into Chris morris's Blue Jam? Very bleak and funny sketch comedy. You might like it. Some of the sketches are very /dep/-tier


I'm giving in and trying meds. Got nothing to lose at this point.


brain damage will do ya some good


i see lil bacterias and micro beings on tv doing their thing
eating other things to stay alive

what drives them? what motivates them?
do they even have the capacity to wish for their end?

what does it mean for a human to wish for death

more intelligent = more likely to wish for own death?


Fingers crossed


I think if I had a gun I would not have survived this day.


For the same reason I find it difficult to kill myself is also the same reason I'm suicidal in the first place; perfectionism. What does the perfect suicide look like? How should I feel? What should I wear? How should I behaving leading up to it? What time of day is best?



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I hate my stupid fucking mouth that won't ever say what I want it to say.


Hate that my ugliness factors into my depression. I have this naive belief that if I was more handsome I wouldn't be so miserable. Really, it's not even that naive of a belief - objectively it's probably true, the question is just to what extent would it make a difference. I don't want it to be true, though. I want to believe that my dissatisfaction with life is more thorough, more substantial than just a simple dissatisfaction with my appearance. How pitiful would that be? It's embarrassing to even write out. So many reasons to hate life, so many ways to unduly suffer, so many examples of it on this very website. I *hate* that my ugliness factors into my depression.


You somehow remind me a guy from an anime, can't remember who exactly. Any ideas, wizards?



No. A guy who wanted to kill himself but never found a suitable way to do so.


Sounds like a Zetsubou Sensei episode


do you guys have anyone you can talk to about this shit? I’ve got to therapy before but I always clam up. I even got drunk last night and called my mom but I couldn’t even force the words out of my mouth. I just put on my normalfag face as usual and made brain dead small talk until I hung up. And shouting into the void here is worse.


Unironically AA or a twelve step program. Its simple, formulaic, and they encourage sharing as a form of community. Just go listen a few times to understand the format, and start sharing.

If you arent an alcoholic or drug addict, it might be less impactful but I remember liking it because the formula fit my autismo. Also every group is different, so try out all the local ones if you don't feel love at first.


Nope, all I do is scream into the void. I've got a tightly knit community where everybody has known eachother for 7-8 years that I scream into and occasionally they react to my sufferings, though most of the time it's just a soft ignore.
Sometimes I complain about very specific issues on here in a rational manner and get some replies.


Talking to my mum was a mistake. I could pour my heart out and she would respond with a definitive sounding easily memorized clichés like 'it's all in your head', 'it get's better' or 'it's just hormones'
She always behaved like she knew better than me and she would tell me the way I was feeling was not so bad because people have cancer or live in Africa or something.
Multiple times I said to her I wanted to go to a psychiatric ward as a teen she would tell me I was wrong. And I even started to believe in the things she said. But what I needed was constant care and assistance and a strategy for coping. When I told her I was suicidal she made it about herself "Why are you doing this to me" she said.
I think she took having a son who was depressed and suicidal as some kind of insult against her. She'd like to believe that she is the very best mother in world and she often told me as much while I was growing up as a kid. She was single parent she joined communities on facebook for single mothers where they would congratulate themselves on their strength. She also found reason to gloat about my Asperger's as well. And when I inevitably slaughter myself she too will make it about herself and she will enjoy the attention received. She will probably go to medium and try to disturb my ghost like she does with my nana.

The opportunity for being helped for my depression has long pasted I am irreparably damaged.

My advice would be to examine how thoughtful, loving and capable of understanding you believe your mother to be. For me I trusted mine deeply but in time I have only discovered how little I make of her. I feel like I've been nurtured by a overgrown toddler.

Also I feel déjà vu writing this. I guess I have mommy issues sorry to vent.


Not a head shrinker but
>The opportunity for being helped for my depression has long pasted I am irreparably damaged.
Sounds like a known cognitive distortion of rumination and black and white thinking. Recentlty I watched some show with a mob boss and he had an overbearing mom, and his head shrinker tell him how much power his mom has. He expressses disbelief.


i'm uneducated, braindead from years of isolation and depression, so i hope that my post makes sense
my father is as big of a narcissist as your mother is, starting from indoctrinating you into believe that they are great people only for you to reach adulthood and realize how mentally ill they really are, being dismissive of your terrible mental health to avoid taking blame, single parent that thought of himself as a hero even though he's the reason why my mother left in the first place (she's a terrible person as well), when i confront my father about these issues he would respond to me with "would you rather have been fucked in the ass in an orphanage?", when i tell him that i want to die he tells me "you're just like your mother" because my mother tried killing herself before (in front of me as well), or "you're possessed by the devil, just like your mother!", it's all about shifting the blame away from them
these people are mentally ill, they are legitimate narcissists, the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot nowadays but these fuckers are the real deal, them being mentally ill means that they are not fully responsible for their actions… despite that i can't help but hate him
i wish i was capable of splitting his head in two with an axe but i'm not a violent person by nature
i'm slowly making steps towards cutting off contact with my father entirely and never having to be subjected to having an imbecilic pointless conversation with him ever again, if i fail i'm killig myself, i can't stand the thought of being in contact with him for the rest of my life
there is nothing you can do to save these people from themselves, there is no way to have them understand the amount of irreversible damage that they've inflicted upon you, they're drowning in a pool and if you try to save them you'll only get dragged to the bottom along with them, so i suggest you cut yourself off from her


I kinda just hate myself.


Yeah brother I hate myself too


Reading Sneneca the younger on suicide is refreshing

>life has carried some men with the greatest rapidity to the harbour, the harbour they were bound to reach even if they tarried on the way, while others it has fretted and harassed. To such a life, as you are aware, one should not always cling. For mere living is not a good, but living well. Accordingly, the wise man will live as long as he ought, not as long as he can

>It is not a question of dying earlier or later, but of dying well or ill. And dying well means escape from the danger of living ill.


Thanks for sharing.
>13. Men are foolish who reflect thus: "One person will say that my conduct was not brave enough; another, that I was too headstrong; a third, that a particular kind of death would have betokened more spirit." What you should really reflect is: "I have under consideration a purpose with which the talk of men has no concern!" Your sole aim should be to escape from Fortune as speedily as possible; otherwise, there will be no lack of persons who will think ill of what you have done.

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