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File: 1671031765501.png (128.6 KB, 850x400, 17:8, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.269378[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>267681

 No.269383

File: 1671038162166.jpeg (7.41 KB, 310x163, 310:163, téléchargement (8).jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

how can artists can recover after this?

 No.269384

>>269378
Feeling optimistic today, love youwizanons

 No.269386

>>269384
I love you too

 No.269387

I'm feeling depressed, had to quit working for the day. I could get fired, my behavior is being noticed. I've been struggling with symptoms lately a lot.

Wagecucking sucks, I need my wage to get out of the hellhole I'm living, but I can barely do my job when I'm like this.

 No.269392

im so deeply unhappy, its quite amazing

 No.269394

>>269384
Thanks, wiz. I hope your positive mood can continue and lead you good fortune and happy days.

 No.269398

>>269394
Being in a good mood isnt always easy, but the habitual practice makes it easier all the time. I also hope you find good days and fortune ahead.

 No.269399

>>269386
❤️❤️❤️

 No.269412

Note to self on the next playthrough
- put more points into charisma

 No.269413

Being a NEET fucking sucks
I'd rather be wage slaving. At least I'd be doing something productive. But no one wants to hire me.

 No.269414

File: 1671114890811.jpg (50.12 KB, 410x410, 1:1, Tsubasa.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>269413
>Being a NEET fucking sucks
>I'd rather be wage slaving. At least I'd be doing something productive. But no one wants to hire me.
Both sucks. Maybe an Argentinian professional footballer would serve the purpose.

 No.269417

>>269414
Being productive is highly overrated.

 No.269418

File: 1671118090672.gif (1.69 MB, 498x278, 249:139, tenor.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>269378
Honestly for the first time in many years, I feel somewhat content and calm with life. Not caring about anything anymore or turning off my brain helped me a lot. I hope all you wizs will be okay

 No.269419

being neet fucking sucks
being wageslave sucking fucks

 No.269422

I need to make sure I have a pack of "self care"(I cant describe how much i hate that term..i rot myself if i could)+ (((hygiene))) that fits unto a cargo pants pocket.
What do I buy?
>nail Clippers
>something for beard and head shaving..a metal old-style shaver? In mexico they use it for shaved head shaving
>some type of soap for clothing+anti-dirt, anti-Fungal bucket baths

 No.269423

>>269422
tweezers to pluck eyebrows into shape

 No.269425

>>269423
I have a deep-seated, almost murderous grudge against any and all sorts of grooming. I abhor HAVING to Pluck my unibrow and nose hair. I would always brush teeth,,because of health,but if it werent for my job,I would let all my hair run wildly troughout my body…same with letting the nails go unClipped at will.

 No.269442

>>269419
>>269413
What's wrong with being a NEET? It's the best possible kind of life.

 No.269446

>>269413
I work in a warehouse packing and moving boxes all day. It's not the worst job, but never, even on my best day, would I consider it 'productive' in the slightest. Wage-slaving in general is rarely productive, and even when you do happen to work a job that produces new things, it's usually just a new brand of mostly-useless crap to be shamelessly peddled to the general public. Sure, you could try to argue that making money is productive, but that argument only holds up if you're putting that money towards something truly worthwhile, not just working 'to survive.' Being a NEET isn't always a dream, but I would personally take it over wage-slaving any day of the week. I miss being a NEET.

 No.269447

>>269446
Yeah. I worked in a postage warehouse once and you'd walk in to an empty warehouse, the belt would bring 1000s of boxes, and you'd put them in delivery routes. Every night, thousands of boxes, walking miles moving them around. Working with unhappy people doing it for decades. Like you can say yeah I did a hard days work, lots of normans like to say "i earned my money", or some story about how you're helping people get their stuff. But when you're ground down and tired in pain it doesn't hold up much.

 No.269449

I don't get the glorification of ASPD on the internet with le patrick bateman shit, it's miserable. ASPD runs in my family and because of it few of us really talk to each other, it's literally more common for family members to not be speaking to another family member than anything else. My uncle never even turned up to his own mom's funeral because my dad was there, just shit like that. A good portion are addled out on psyche meds, another portion on drugs, some are in prison.

I just spent today with my dad and he had a breakdown about how he's leaving across the country. He was basically in tears because me and my siblings are falling apart like him and his brothers did and he doesn't know what to do. I told him that trying to have everyone working at his company while also doing nothing about the family Machiavellian backstabbing was going to lead to this, but he didn't want to hear it. Years of "now now, we're family. don't fight" has lead to things escalating to the point where most of the family isn't coming for Christmas.

Yes, they are good at business, both my dad and uncle run their own businesses. But it's bewildering to me to have the one family that's basically entirely fallen apart.

 No.269450

>>269449
Literally me.

 No.269460

File: 1671214587848.jpg (7.07 KB, 251x234, 251:234, 1379024502666.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I feel sometimes that like, each person is born with a certain amount of compassion and overall positive emotions, some are born with more, some are born with less, myself I feel sometimes like I was born with none. That aside, though, I think that people have certain resistance to negative things that can exist in the life of someone, the more life grinds the person down the less enthusiasm there is to be alive and living in general. We see this happening many times with people who are older and have lived maybe fulfilling lives, maybe not, they become recluse and don't care that much about things anymore. Basically, waiting to die, instead of actively searching new people, new experiences and the like.
It's like a bunch of gears, people are born with perfectly new gears, and each individual life are so different from eachother that sometimes those gears are ground down to a certain point and eventually they become less efficient or maybe stop working entirely. I feel like the gears I was born with have been ground down over some things that happened in my life, I loved too deeply, I felt too many emotions, I'm no longer that much more enthusiastic about life nowadays. I'm not even that old but I feel mentally like an old person, I don't see being part of the world as something that could lead to exciting things, I don't even consider most things within my reach to be very exciting, there's not many things that can make me happy so there's no motive to try and change the way that I am.
I feel like some of the issues that I might have, would need so much care and attention, and even then there's no guarantee that I might end up feeling better about things.
It's just like, why bother putting so much effort towards someone like me, when there are other people out there who are perfectly happy and healthy in every sense of the word? I don't even want to be someone anymore, I want others to live lives that are good and fulfilling, maybe I could feel a little bit happy about their happiness, but for someone like me trying to get those things, I just don't care that much anymore. The value that I have wouldn't even justify the amount of effort required to make me functional, I'm not one of those people who could do many things in life and that it would benefit everyone if I lived a good life.
It doesn't even matter, I not only don't care about taking part in society with people, but I also actively encourage the idea of someone else taking any position that I might occupy, because I'm really not a kind of person that exceptional in any way whatsoever. People fear stuff like being forgotten, I'm embracing it entirely, so much so that I don't even want to put effort into doing anything because it is meaningless to me. Everything is so depressing and temporary, everything people indulge themselves in is only because they exist in a certain time, everything relevant is only relevant momentarily. This entire mentality that people have where they want to leave a lasting impression on the world because they're scared of being forgotten is so pathetically out of reach that sometimes it's funny. Everything changes, this entire idea about going out there, being someone, changing the world, leaving your mark on the world, it's like some mass delusion that people feed themselves so they feel like there might be some point to living life, but it's all so dishonest and pointless, so hard to reach, that even thinking about it means that you are out of touch with reality.
I know it sounds defeatist and like I'm making excuses to just sit around and do nothing, but that's not what's happening here, I am going to go out there, find myself a job and work, but I'm not going to have some naive outlook on life where I demand certain things from the world that when put into perspective of how things really are, might be very unreasonable and illogical. I'm just going to find some job and then work my entire life away, not giving a single fuck about how people might perceive me, or the expectations of the world, because it's a pointless thing to do.

 No.269461

>>269460
Take your antidepressants, bro, there's a lot of them.

 No.269464

>>269461
Who the fuck would even benefit from me being happy? The only people in this world who might even remotely care about my happiness are my parents, the rest of the world doesn't give a flying fuck. And why should they? I'm just taking up space for someone who might be better than me in every way imaginable. We're completely disposable every single one of us, it's cold but that's just how life is.

 No.269466

>>269442
i'm tired of punching myself, i was punching myself in the head for months but had to stop because of cognitive impairment
i despise myself and i need to self-harm in order to remove excess stress
cutting is the most tempting alternative

 No.269467

>>269464
Literally who cares about being disposable? Just live for yourself and stop whining. You don't have to be loved by anyone in order to feel satisfied. Fuck the world with a BBC.

>>269466
Why do you hate yourself?

 No.269468

>>269467
Wow, so, wait, you mean to tell me that these ideas of belonging to a group, which is the very definition of society, and giving back to these people who belong to a group, ideas that are forced into your brain from an very early age, and the very reason some people manage to make a lot of money due to being able to be receptive to this idea and basing the entire worth of their entire lives and everything they do because of this, is something I shouldn't care about?
You're telling me that quite literally every single achievement that you can benefit from through society, things that quite literally could even be said to matter more than the life of an individual itself, the idea that neglecting yourself is a good thing if it means progress through something people like to call dedication, as the struggle of an individual is completely put aside so that these contributions can benefit people who aren't the individual, is something that I should just completely put aside, and according to you, live for yourself and stop whining?
Every single thing in the world is associated to these ideas, everything you consume is influenced by these ideas, things you buy, things you eat, products you use, the very keyboard I am using to type this post is quite literally a product that someone else spent time developing, creating an image behind the product, been trying to influence the minds of an average person through the benefits this product had over others, and you're telling me to put those things aside?

thanks for the help there, really meant something to me

 No.269471

>>269468
Yeah, stop caring about all that. Are you some teenager with delusions of grandiosity? Why do you care if normals worship you or not? If you had it in you then you would have done something spectacular already. As things stand, you are beating yourself up over nothing.

>things that quite literally could even be said to matter more than the life of an individual itself

Nothing matters more than your life, you idiot. Stop giving a shit about a society that hates you already. Who cares who created laptops or who used electricity first? Has nothing to do with me. I don't sit down and pray some Thank You prayer to them every single time I use these things.

I don't even know what is your problem and you probably don't know either. Yeah, you are no Einstein, big deal. Now do something you actually enjoy.

 No.269473

>>269471
You make it sound like I want to be something special, like I have ideas of being better than people, which is completely missing the point because as things are right now, there is nothing in the world I desire more than just fitting in. I don't give a shit about being special, I don't want to be exceptional, I want to be either average or just above average, manage some sort of social network where I can talk to people and having a stable job where people consider me as an individual that actually has something to give to the world. It's the complete opposite of what you're saying, being worshipped first requires you to actually put yourself out there and doing things, if they succeed, then more doors open to being more successful, I've not even as much as reached the point in my life where I have achieved anything, be it small or big. I just cannot fucking stand being put aside by the whole world, as if I was something lower than dirt, instead of actually belonging to the group that not only makes things happen, but they also enjoy themselves and live life to the fullest extent while doing it. Things shouldn't have been the way that they are, if it ever reaches a point in your life where you feel like just being alive is eating away at your very soul, then clearly there is something very wrong. I have a burning desire to be one of them, but it just feels like it is out of reach for someone like me. I beat myself up about it because there were points in my life where I actually belonged, but things changed and eventually I became as inept as I am today, and it kills me to think about.
I don't want to be special, I want to belong like everyone else does, live a normal life doing normal things, being productive, having a sense of obligation and fulfilling that just by nature and not feeling like you are putting effort into it. Stuff that I have spent my entire life so far depraved of, which shouldn't even have happened to begin with. The only thing I can do at this point in my life is try to live life second-hand through others where I can listen to how they're doing well and so on, it gives me hope even if I'm not experiencing those things myself. It's not like there's something or someone keeping me down, I'm living a shit life because of myself and there's nobody else to blame. Hence why I spend so long thinking about things that could maybe lead to something even remotely productive that makes sense, it's all my fault for being this way, people have managed to overcome so many different problems in their lives and belonged to the group, there is no excuse for me to fail as much as I do other than just maybe not being capable of anything else.
I feel like I'm stuck in this shit situation for the rest of my life, all the while there's a lot of other people living their lives not even thinking about some of these problems that I have. Again, I'm going back to the idea of being disposable, there's absolutely no reason at all to try and improve my life when there are so many other people out there in the world perfectly able to do everything I struggle with without even putting effort into it, and that really kills me, not even out of jealousy, but just the fact that they are able to when I can't. I live apart from these people and I don't want that. I can't even fit in with people who are different either because they actually want to be different and have learned to accept that they are, I can't even take that seriously because some of them are actually proud of not belonging. It's retarded, this life is no life with dignity, it's a mistake that should be corrected, a problem with no solution that just has to be ignored until it goes away because there is nothing else to do.

 No.269486

When I dispose of myself it won't be out of despair but out of compassion for myself and wanting to save myself from future torments

 No.269494

File: 1671297189081.pdf (2.1 MB, Matthew Ratcliffe - Experi….pdf)

>Experiences of Depression is a philosophical exploration of what it is like to be depressed. In this important new book, Matthew Ratcliffe develops a detailed account of depression experiences by drawing on work in phenomenology, philosophy of mind, and several other disciplines.

 No.269508

It's a massive cliche, but I feel like everyone but me is extremely retarded, and I don't enjoy it.

 No.269509

>>269508
I sometimes get blindsided by how stupid some people can be, especially people that I thought were smarter than me. I spent five minutes trying to explain how nominal price and real price can differ over time to someone who runs a business, and they didn't get it at all.

 No.269511

I got diagnosed with genuine depression and anxiety some years ago when I was a NEET, and even took antidepressants for a while, now since I got a decent job that is not so bad and I have some money I haven't felt depressed, sad or wanting to kill myself as before.

Maybe…just maybe depression is just realizing that your life is objectively shit and being sad because of that, that shouldn't be a mental illness, but a normal response to having a shitty life.

 No.269512

>>269511
I'm so uneasy with existence my body doesn't belong to me it's heart beats on it's own it's totally contingent on other phenomena like the sun or beholden to other people. It's the same for other people but my discomfort is totally circumstantial it's because I am me. It is my place in existence to be this way and I hope that it is my place to join others who have died by their own hands. Not depressed just at odds with everything.

Having money or a home of my own would make me more stable in a physical sense but I wouldn't feel comfortable.

 No.269517

>>269508
If you seriously follow values of intellectual honesty and thoughtfulness you just suffer as the world only pretends to value it. They value it in a way they like the idea but in practice they don’t want the downsides or to do the unpleasant emotional work.

 No.269518

>>269517
Yeah, I know. It's not just something I can stop doing, unfortunately. It's like this fundamental aspect of who I am that's embedded in me.

 No.269519

I feel that I am being suicided. Every being seeks to preserve its own being I should not feel suicidal if not for external causes that deny my own being suffocating me. Its clear to me that most factors outside my own being wish to deny me and they probably don't even know it consciously. I'm not angry even if I wanted to take revenge it would only make things worse for me and I could be ineffective, it's just natures way of telling me to make room for others. But how does this impossible self yet exist?

 No.269520

File: 1671387613859.jpg (65.94 KB, 477x440, 477:440, ff3068faf8e6eb9d9e4c2d484f….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I don't know who I am. I feel like i'm losing myself all the time and it scares me so much. Everything hurts so much. I can't get humanity out of my head and i'm scared. I want to forget everything. I want to forget everything. Just let me forget everything. I'm dying. Make it stop. Leave me alone. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's not real. They're not real. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know who to be. I don't know. I don't want anymore. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. No more. No more. No more. Please stop. please stop. Please stop. Please stop. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get. Stop. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Go away. Leave me alone. You're all wrong. It's all wrong. Die. Leave me alone. Wrong. You're wrong. I don't understand. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it.

 No.269521

So stupid. So stupid. So utterly ridiculous. So sloppy and messy and dumb.

 No.269522

>>269520
It's okay wiz, it will be over soon. It takes a long damn time but your pain will finally end as much as mines. I realize you can't be fulfilled in this world no matter what you try, did everything I could improve myself and fucking nothing came out of it.

 No.269524

>>269522
I don't want it to end either… But I don't actually know what I want. I'm just so sad that this exists. When I die, the pain will continue on in others, and that fact makes me want to scream my throat hoarse. This world is some kind of existential nightmare. I can't express in words, or in art, or in actions how much this existence is repugnant to me.

I don't know. I'm just saying words. But I hate saying words, because people hold me to them, when really I don't know what I think either and i'm scared that they'll convince me that i'm someone i'm not, and I don't even know what i'm saying. I'm sorry.

I'm glad the pain will end, I guess… Yours will end, and mine will end, and everyone's will end. aHahaha, that's good at least. This is dumb.

 No.269525

I'm so stupid.

 No.269527

I obsessed with reading about suicide and fantasizing about it.

This quote would describe me:
The obsession with suicide is characteristic of the man who can neither live nor die, and whose attention never swerves from this double impossibility. - Cioran

 No.269528

File: 1671392274816.jpg (159.85 KB, 1400x1400, 1:1, 7481488610784_XXL.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>269524
I understand wiz, you aren't dumb. What you say is reality, existence is a troubling matter but all we can do is try to maybe laugh at the absurdity? This world just seems so crazy and laughable when you try to make sense of it, I might aswell just enjoy my time as much as I can. It's all we can do now.

 No.269529

>>269473
You need to evolve past the stage of being a failed normal. The normal life isn't all sunshine and happiness either, it has its own drawbacks. Similarly, the wizard life has its own pleasures too.

Being productive, belonging to society, these are overrated. Why couldn't someone enjoy living a destructive life? There need to be antithesis for the thesis of normals: we are the antithesis, the vaccine for the virus. Don't force yourself to live a life that isn't meant for you.

>>269524
Yeah, you really don't know what you want and who you are, that is your biggest problem. Instead of getting worked up over this, just settle with something that you think is correct and stick with it. It won't be perfect but you need to have some form of a personality and personal philosophy at least.

 No.269531

>>269529
I only have one belief. I want people to not suffer. Other than that, I don't want to be anyone. I really, really hate the idea of being someone. I want to be nobody. I hate identity.

I don't know, i'm sorry. I shouldn't by writing this garbage.

 No.269532

>>269378
If I don't move away from my parents house until I'm 25, I will kill myself. I'm 21, my plan is to find a job, earn enough money to buy a car, to pay six months of rent and then leave here and be a wagie alone. I realize how my abusive parenting is the source of all my major problems in life and how I will eventually commit suicide because of them. I just hope I resist living this life until I buy the car, but if I've resisted for 21 years, I guess I'll do it for more 4 years.
That's all

 No.269533

>>269532
If they're so bad just kill them via gas leak or fire and inherit the house or get settlementbux

 No.269536

>>269531
>I want people to not suffer.
Do you care about normals suffering? I don't. I don't have anything in common with them and they are harmful to me. So their suffering is fun to observe.

 No.269544

>>269536
by hating those which have inflicted damage upon you, you are doing nothing more than allowing them to do even further damage to you, even when they cannot do so anymore

 No.269546

I hate the feeling of waking up
Why can't I die in my sleep?

 No.269547

>>269532
i'm in the same boat as you except i'm a year older

i'm using my mother who divorced my father and remarried to fulfill my plans, she hates my father's guts so i've been saying derisive things about him to her to get on her "good side", i convinced her to rent me a flat so i can get away from my father (i'm currently living with my father), she's oblivious that i think of little of her as i do of my father

hopefully i will be able to reach a level of productivity that i never have before in my life, if this ends up being the case i will credit it to not having to be subjected to my father's tiresome mental breakdowns

this is natural for me, even if i considered my parents to be individuals of good quality, i still would have pursued the path that i do now

could never stand being part of a family, or any group of people, i find it extremely stifling and limiting of one's freedom to bear an identity that has been forced upon me (exarcebated by living in a gossipy rural town), i wish to become as anonymous as one possibly can in our society

i wish you luck and i hope you wish me luck aswell in undoing years worth of stress-induced brain damage

 No.269548

I feel good after waking up for a minute, then I remember who I am. God damn this life.

 No.269561

>>269548
I pretty sure I'm having dreams about suicide because of how frequently I think about it. I wake up and it's my first thought. Thinking of suicide has replaced waking up and feeling immense despair and horror, so I guess it's a remedy.

When death is in our power we are beholden to nothing, and thus I have no anxiety since I can always exit on my own terms. The only thing which bothers me now is: "Why do I have to be me" and I think the answer is so that other don't have to be me. It's a thankless burden, I am a silly organism.

 No.269562

>>269532
>>269547
You're doing the right thing and need to escape. I left when i was 28 and cant believe how much better it is to be alone. I couldnt even comprehend the depths of damage that was being done to me everyday i was still with them

 No.269566

>>269544
Forgiving is a cope of weak and impotent people. By forgiving you don't really solve anything but try to forget about reality.

Hatred is natural, healthy and contributes to one's vitality.

 No.269568

>>269536
I won't answer that.

 No.269582

My family are the dirtiest most ghetto ass ignorant fucking people imaginable,they leave food all over the house for days at a time until it gets moldy,leave trash and dirty clothes on the floor,and leaves her cat shit filled litterbox in the middle of the house so the living room smells like cat shit.I cannot live with them anymore but I can't get a job or money to move out so I guess I'll just hang myself fuck it.

 No.269594

You all disgust me. Fuck humans.

 No.269595

>>269582
kill them

 No.269600

>>269594
Put your pants back on, that’s just post fap regret.

 No.269601

I feel ancient at 21 and to think some people live 80 years or forbid more. It sickens me to think that maybe I will live twice my current age how miserable that even more tedium, torments and torture awaits me. I would not like to relive my 21 years accordingly I don't want more.
Hopefully I am one who finds the courage to end it on his own terms.

 No.269603

Haven’t told the demiurge to fuck off recently. Fuck off demiurge.

 No.269604

>>269562
Can confirm, I recently moved out at 22. There's a housing crisis where I live so I really thought I was going to be stuck with my nagging mother for the rest of my life.

 No.269606

>>269601
I'm 21 too and we are in one hell of a fucking ride. I sound like a middle age man nowadays and i'm afraid of how I'll be like when I reach middle age. I'll probably suicide by then if shit gets really bad.

 No.269614

Goodbye.

 No.269626

>>269614
Did you shoot yourself?

 No.269665

You people are crazy for being able to cope with all this social interaction without losing your sanity. Interacting with people online makes me want to kill myself.

 No.269666

File: 1671638402800.jpg (788.44 KB, 1500x2304, 125:192, Luna.(Gpd).full.2979366.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

The whole social thing is just so weird. It's like it exists on a higher layer, completely detached from actual reality. And the more in tune with the social thing you are, the less in tune you are with yourself and actual reality. Honestly, I think it makes people absolutely disgusting. The more I socialise, the more disgusting I get as well.

I think that people who do this constantly and enjoy it are beyond my understanding. That's just weird. You seem like a different species from me. I don't feel like I can really relate to you. I just feel detached from all of that. I don't even know how to put it, but if you've inserted yourself into the social schema world, you seem more like a stock character than an actual person to me. Yeah, I guess I find identity weird too. Anyway, I don't get what i'm saying and it's dumb, and it's even dumber to post it, so i'll shut up now.

 No.269667

Oh, and you what I hate most of all? The social thing biases my reasoning, and I hate that more than anything. My lack of bias is the only thing about myself I like, and if I can't even do that right, and if I can't even get the right answers about things, then i'm worthless. When ideas enter the social domain, they're suddenly charged with all this emotion, and bias, and all this ugly, terrible stuff. I prefer to keep it purely abstract. I find it easier and more efficient that way to get to the right answers. But the fact that the social world adds bias and emotion to my brainscape… I fucking despise that.

 No.269668

So the obvious question is why I engage with people at all then. And the answer is I don't really know. I feel unsatisfied, and I feel like enagaging with the masses of people will resolve the feeling, or that i'll find an answer.

Maybe that's just called "loneliness", and whatever you call it, I hate it. This is the biggest waste of time I could possibly think of. This is so disgusting that I can't even put it in words. Well, whatever. I'll get over it eventually, I hope.

 No.269669

>>269665
>Interacting with people online makes me want to kill myself.
Interacting with people online makes me want to hit F5 button until some generous kind wizzie hits me with a you.

 No.269670

>>269669
Indeed? We're very different people.

 No.269672

>>269670
i don't interact with other people on a deeper level.

outside of coworkers with whom i limit the discussion to work only (i've done the opposite long ago and i ended up bullied, now i only talk about work), i don't talk to much people.

this place is an outlet for me to express myself with other old virgins.

 No.269673

28 here. It never gets better. A lifetime of misery and concessions.

 No.269674

>>269672
It makes sense. I get it.

Still, personally, I find even this disgusting and wish I would stop doing it.

 No.269675

how many wizchan users actually offed themselves
because it seems everyones scared of doin it, including me

maybe something fucky needs to happen to push you over the edge

 No.269676

>>269675
none, only normalfags are able to suicide, wizards lived in misery all their life

 No.269677

>>269675
At least 1 person might have offed himself

 No.269678

>>269677
the dutch guy?

 No.269679

>>269674
>Still, personally, I find even this disgusting and wish I would stop doing it.
i am curious why ?
you find the interaction meaningless ?

 No.269680

>>269679
Yes, it's meaningless, but it also makes me stupider and more worthless and terrible. I don't want to get identity gangraped in the social schema world. I'd rather just be detached from everything.

>>269666
>>269667
like i said about it here

 No.269694

>can't get job without work experience or a car
>Can't get work experience or a car without a job
Cool

 No.269695

>I did 500 shoulder shrugs(with my 25 kilos bar)
>in less than 7 minutes
I feel…empty. not accomplished or strong,just…empty. is THIS what it meant to do 500 weighed reps? a shitty less-than coffee break time?

 No.269698

File: 1671668510279.png (121.9 KB, 438x503, 438:503, fb131635bda2e9ec8cb66f0ba2….png) ImgOps iqdb

This isn't strictly a depression thing, really more of a rage thing, but today at work my fat lesbian nigger boss spent nearly the entire day blasting her shitty rap music so loud I could hardly hear myself think. In an attempt to blow off some steam I spent the whole drive home screaming "NIGGER" until my voice went hoarse. I hate niggers so god damn much.

 No.269717

i thought i saw a thread here not long ago with anons talking about coping with hating life through imagination/imaginary worlds
i realize i've always done that sort of thing, usually just imagining myself doing more interesting things in some fake fantasy world or sometimes as a character in some show i've watched or game or something
it used to just be when i was lying in bed but i realized i was doing it at work earlier when i had nothing to do
life is boring

 No.269718

>8 months worth of wages to remove wisdom teeth

 No.269719

>>269718
his teeth and wisdom … gone

how will you be able to share new wisdom now ?

 No.269722

>>269718
What. My dentist did mine for $200 a tooth

 No.269724

>>269722
It's one of the best dentist in town. My parents keep insisting me to do my surgery with him so I'll just make them pay lol. If they want me to use my own money I'll definitely go for this fresh graduate chick that charge a quarter of the money. Apparently it's a tricky situation or something since the root is curved and it's very near my nerve. I also live in a third world country so wages is shit here. In USD he's charging 500 dollars a tooth.

 No.269727

For about a month now I live in constant darkness, both inner and outer. Living in a war torn country is highly unwizardly, since I have electricity for about 6 hours at best in short 1,5h bursts every 4 hours. It is cold, dark and boring. I'm very tired.
Moreover, I see so much religious thinking in my countrymen it is astounding. This war for them is like holy battle of God vs Devil, soldiers are the martyrs, venerated by all, the West is Heaven, Russia is the devil, russian army - demons, EU is the promised land, where we will go after Victory, sort of apocaliptic second coming, will arrive. There are sacriliges - doubting Victory, not donating to the holy cause of martyrs, pessimism itself is a blasphemy now. Donating to the military, doing volunteer work is like having an indulgence and being invincible to sin. The president is like a mouth of God, which is the US. Criticizing him is like spiting on an icon. All men treated like primordial sinners and viewed as unclean, sinful, those who need to atone by being on the frontlines. Those who are move on to the venerated category of those free of sin. Any criticism of that and you are a heretic with everything that entails. All while the clergymen are corrupt as fuck and no one in the upper classesw actually cares about this pseudo religion aside from the flock. It is surreal, like being put in a giant Jonestown, where we drink the Kool Aid forever.

 No.269751

>>269378
What are alone living wizzes eating on Christmas?
Thinking of buying bacon, eggs, sausage, potato salad, chocolate,

 No.269765

>>269727
I feel sad for you Ukrainian anon but I feel this war won’t last much long. Lets hope Ukraine will find peace and prosperity in the future.

 No.269768

There's no way that most people experience the amount of brain fuckery that I do
Everyone says that work sucks and that they feel anxious at times and this and that but I'm not buying that it's on the same level that I feel

 No.269769

nothing is enjoyable anymore no music no video games scroll imageboards all day everyday until i get so sick of absorbing all of this worthless information that i kill myself everything feels sounds and looks off must be derealization or something i feel so hollow and empty i remember how i used to read posts about this as a kid and not really understand it but now i truly do

 No.269770

The mental block on doing productive things is so fucking weird. I’m not having to stab myself, I just need to shower and clean up. So I struggle for a week to do these tasks, while able to consume online infi and so on. All while reminding myself frequently I shouldn’t be doing this, and try to talk myself to do it.

And then one day my mood flips, and I can do chores like it’s nothing. Doing it is just like breathing, no mental resistance, no need to try and talk my mind into doing it. A switch just flips and these thoughts that I should do it connect to actions instead of nowhere

 No.269776

I am a piece of garbage

 No.269782

>>269770
same for me

 No.269793

>>269727
>EU is promised land
No offense to you, you seem nice and all, but I really don't get this fucking shit as a eu nigger, not literally. For me I don't see why ukranians are holy people. They can go to hell for all I care, or at least as much go to hell as any other land we fight war with. I despise my country for taking these people safe. USA can go to hell, England can go to hell, and especially central EU like germany, france and italy. Ukraine and russia can fight all decade long, I dont fucking care, but why do we have to intervene this homeland battle? Fuck this fucking shit.

 No.269794

>>269793
Contractual obligations to join the fight, as NATO, because every EU/NATO aligned country sees that if it escalates much, they may be culpable to fight too. Its cheaper to care, before you have to care.

 No.269808

Everything is so fucking inane

 No.269813

>>269793
>>269794
Was drunk when I wrote that. However I don't think you're correct. There is no proof that the Russian war would take over NATO territory and Ukraine is neither eu or Nato. Therefore I think we are only helping these people because they are white, christian, adapt western values, much more than people from other crisis countries like Africa and Syria. It's a cultural argument why we help them, not a geostrategical one. But that's hypocrisy and double standards. Russia and Ukraine have a war based on their specific history and people's heritage, USA exploits this to make money and establish their global superiority while the eu gets cucked and their citizens are suffering or will suffer more.

 No.269816

>>269813
I don't support this insanity and honestly can't blame you for not giving a fuck about this circus. However, I just relayed what how my countrymen see this war. They treat it as a religion, since no one really follows christianity aside from religious holidays once in a while. There is no USA as an separate entity, there is only globohomo cabal.

 No.269818

what if suicide is a positive experience and like anything in life you just need to give yourself a push and see for yourself

 No.269832


 No.269833

>>269832
when did the word filter stop breaking links?

 No.269842

>>269833
the site seems to only care about the number at the end
https://www.psypost.org/2022/12/cumcumcumfuckcrabs-64572

 No.269847

Find a new film about suicide
Search the ending to make sure it doesn’t end with “find meaning mannn embrace suffering” as if it’s a new concept
I guess it might not
Ruined the ending but I can’t watch another film
That ends in that lecture

 No.269860

Think I've almost reached the point where waking up is more terrifying than death.

 No.269865

>>269511
Right on the money wiz. Often times if you're depressed it's your brains way of telling you that you're not doing something fundamental that you should be doing or vice versa. It's hard for many people here to realize it, but it's the truth.

 No.269908

i feel physical pain when im around people now
and i dont say this to sound edgy or cold
it literally hurts to be around people

i think its a self esteem thing

 No.269909

>>269908
sounds like anxiety rather than depression.

for a while, i had the fight or flight instinct always activated and it hurted to be around people, since my body was screaming to get out before they eat me.
needless to say, i was bullied by said people.

one thing helped me and it was a plant called rhodiola rosea, it has the ability to reduce the main stress hormone cortisol.
xanax and other benzo didn't help in this regard but numb my brain away.

 No.269917

>>269909
>Although Rhodiola rosea has been used in traditional medicine, there is no high-quality clinical evidence of its effectiveness to treat any disease.[5][6][7] The United States Food and Drug Administration has issued several warnings to manufacturers of R. rosea dietary supplements for making false health claims about its safety and efficacy.
sounds like bullshit

 No.269918

>>269917
why don't you look for the studies instead ?
i hate spoonfeeding … https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19016404/

 No.269919

i find nothing enjoyable anymore, even the things i used to find fun are no more.

i don't know how to get out of this state, i am not even a cumbrain.
even masturbating feels more painful than anything.

any wizzies who got out of this state ?

 No.269922

File: 1672006045896.png (518.75 KB, 495x705, 33:47, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

I really don't want much in this life. I don't sit weeping about some life I could have lived, I don't dream of having some dreamlike existence. All I want is the mental stability to maintain my hygience, to do my chores, and work some shitty job if I need to. I want the basic mental stability that all this philosophy, psychology, and shit would actually work and create a resilient brain that can endure and manage emotions. I would take a little cheap hobby like drawing, gaming, or bird watching as a bonus.
BUT ITS TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK ISNT IT
ITS TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK FOR THE BASICS

 No.269953

>>269919
do you wish that you were doing something else when you try to enjoy things, perhaps something that you consider to be more productive?

 No.269957

>>269953
>do you wish that you were doing something else when you try to enjoy things
no really
i just don't enjoy doing things
i think it's called anhedonia

 No.269960

>>269957
Anhedonia has the worst mental illness you can have. Imagine having so much youth, time and life and you simply don't want to do anything with it. I feel like when I turn 30, i'm gonna regret doing nothing but I have no urge to fucking do anything? I'm stuck in a loop and can't escape, what the fuck is this hell?

 No.269962

>>269960
sometimes it helps to realize that there is no escape so you might aswell make the best of what you have, the most frustrating thing to me about anhedonia is that i always think about what life would be like without it, sort of like a prisoner who's incarcerated for life constantly thinking to himself and trying to imagine what life would be like if he was free

 No.269963

File: 1672093652211.jpg (184.88 KB, 750x988, 375:494, pdompbui6jh61.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Cancerwizard here. If anyone remembers me, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma several months ago and have just finished my first round of treatment (of 12 total), my second round starts in 4 days.

I want to speak something dear and powerful to my heart to any wizard suffering. Anyone who crawls through each day in a numb void, senseless and almost disoriented, PLEASE appreciate your fucking life. I would reach through hell and eat dog shit to get back to my old NEET life as a despondent hikkikomori. Chemotherapy rips you to pieces. I have never experienced anything so horrid.

Please please holy shit appreciate your health. Appreciate you don't have fucking cancer. Appreciate that you don't have to go through chemo. Jesus christ. I have never experienced joy in my entire life, but if someone told me my cancer were cured and I wouldn't have to go through any more chemotherapy, I would jump for joy and dance and scream "Hallelujah!".

 No.269966

>>269960
you need to power through and get a degree or something you can leverage on to have a living.

being poor is another kind of struggle.

i have this anhedonia too, and i understand it's hard but you need to power through and get a degree.

 No.269967

>>269963
Hang in there wiz, you'll make it. You're absolutely right, we should never take our health for granted.

 No.269968

>>269963
I'm so sorry wiz, had family members that died of cancer, I hope you make it wiz, I hope everyone here does, this fucking world wasn't kind to any of us, but as long as we stay alive we can fight to improve our situation, even if only slightly.

 No.269969

>>269963
>>269968
Also I wanted to add that you're very brave for going through this and I don't mean it in the fucking normies sense of "omg so brave!", you actually have balls and a will to live to endure this, I would have killed myself the next day after receiving my diagnosis, I'm such a fucking coward.

 No.269970

>>269963
Life is worthless. Kill yourself. Why go through the suffering?

 No.269971

I honestly think my porn addiction has done more psychological damage than the psychosis I've gone through. I bounce back from basically every stress and psychosis within a week, but my edging porn addiction shit can leave me in a bad mood for like a month if I try to go cold turkey.

 No.269972

File: 1672106799115.png (1.13 MB, 1060x1500, 53:75, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

ill turn 24 in some 72 hours. ill be 24 and my life hasnt started yet. i havent left zero. i dont know anything. im practically the same as i was born except with very basic knowledge about how the world works and an already old broken body. i dont have a future. i read things about the future of the world and my country and its scary. im pretty sure ill die in a very miserable way, in poverty, maybe starving on some alley, without ever fulfilling any of my dreams. i just want a lot of free time to learn math and how computers work. i want a lot of time to learn things my own way. i want to read hundreds of very thick books, maybe a thousand or more. i wish i could be a neet for several decades to learn as much as i can and spend the rest of my life making things and making money and working on projects and writing papers. i really wish i could draw one day, in my own way, i wish i could study art and maybe music. i genuinely believe im the person who likes drawing the most on the whole world, even though ive never gotten to draw. i wanted to study a lot when i was a child and i wanted to be myself and build my future but i didnt get to, i rolled an awful start at life, now as an adult its too late but ill try anyways. i dont know, i dont know why im wasting my time typing this, i know i cant get through what i feel, i know im too different for any of this to make sense to anyone, no amount or combination of words can express what i feel, i guess i just remembered ill turn 24 and i wanted to use that day to start over and let go of old habits like this one. im afraid, im afraid, im afraid. i like being alone, i feel an awesome energy build up inside me and the more time i spend alone the more of it builds up, and its so scary that i have to engage in old distracting rituals like this one to not be overwhelmed by this energy but ill stop doing that and let it take over. i dont know. i believe in god, i love god, and i feel like ive been created for a purpose, but i also feel like god abandoned me, forgot about me, i feel like i could have a tribe but i got lost from it. ill do everything i can, ill do what im supposed to do but i think it wont be enough. im very proud of myself, im very proud that i existed, i feel extremely privileged, im completely broken and ugly, im a freak, im defective, but in an useful way, certain things that are very difficult or even impossible for everyone else are very easy for me, and im very proud of what i can see, im very lucky. i dont know. ill try. if i fail, i wish i had another chance, i wish i had a chance like everyone else did. i wish i were free. i dont know. this is just a very sleepy meaningless rant. i dont know what else to say. i wish i were good at words. i think this entire post is completely meaningless because i couldnt express what i mean.

 No.269973

>i know im too different for any of this to make sense to anyone,
Probably at least 30% of this website feels the same way. Pretty much you just have symptoms of ADD.
A webpage and video that may be of interest to you:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_Genesis

 No.269974

>>269971
I've been struggling with porn addiction very badly too. You need to view sex as only for reproduction ONLY and just try to consume wholesome media and work on your mind a little. It's so very hard to quit but it gets a little easier the more you do nofap. Don't let your mind wander and try to keep your days busy

 No.269977

Death is the answer for me.

 No.269979

I simply don't enjoy living.
What the fuck am I alive for? There's something that Schopenhauer calls "will to life" that makes me keep going despite not enjoying life.

I should just go to the nearest river and drown myself. I don't know how to swim. In 5 minutes I'd be dead.

 No.269980

>>269979
Schopenhauer says you will fast to death in a state of will-lessness
Schopenhauer says that killing by drowning would be an assertion of the will.

>This kind of suicide is so far from being the result of the will to live, that such a completely resigned ascetic only ceases to live because he has already altogether ceased to will. No other death than that by starvation is in this case conceivable (unless it were the result of some special superstition); for the intention to cut short the torment would itself be a stage in the assertion of will.


When I read this "no other death than that by starvation in this case conceivable" I was pretty taken a back. I wouldn't call myself a completely resigned ascetic but truly I can't conceive of killing myself by any other method expect through my own stomach. How does this guy know this stuff? Although If I were to get a cut or cancer or something I probably wouldn't fight it which would be a type of suicide.


Schopenhauer on suicide
https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/arthur-schopenhauer/#:~:text=During%20his%20journey%20he%20had,which%20the%20pilgrim%20presumably%20died.

 No.269981

File: 1672131292889.jpg (44.69 KB, 506x252, 253:126, 2022.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

2023 fuck fuck FUCK
I can't keep going. every day is just pain.
everyone I need to interact with (job, family etc) hates me

maybe I'll do the whole kiss myself thing. I'm more worried about not. I am an objective failure at life by any measurement except as a "currently profitible slave", maybe
everything is basically the same, but steadily getting worse. I'm 31, this is just pathetic.
pic from exactly 360 days ago
I'm so stupid and every day is just suffering

 No.269982

>>269979
if you read Schopenhauer you should graduate to reading Nietzsche, the will to power. he affirms life rather than rejects it

 No.269985

>>269982
Don't you need to have read a bunch of other literature first before you can read Schopenhauer or Nietzsche

 No.269987

>>269985
Just pretend you understand what they are saying and you won't have to.

 No.269988

>>269987
>>269985
>>269982
>>269980
>>269979

>schopenhauer said suicide is the cool shit, it's the affirmation of the will the WILL

fuck schopenfraud

you want to live, not die. that's why you are still here !
you know it's true but you don't want to admit it to yourself, bunch of cowards hiding behind philosophy.

i don't care what schopenfraud or other frauds said, i want this anhedonia out and the answer is not in any of their century old selfhelp books.

 No.269990

>>269988
Thanks for the gaslighting

 No.269991

>>269990
didn't mean to gaslight, sorry wizzie.
i'm just tired of philosophy, it didn't not provide me answers. Except frustrations.

 No.269999

My experience seems 95% negative with 50% of it being highly negative. Am I really living for the 5%? What the fuck is wrong with me.

 No.270000

>>269999
yes, nothing wrong

 No.270001

yey, my get!

 No.270007

>>269999
I'm in the same condition, but that 5% is just neutral, no part of my life is truly positive

 No.270010

File: 1672196556441.png (723.04 KB, 640x828, 160:207, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

Sitting there trying to find some esoteric knowledge to cure your depression and function as a human being, what a joke of an existence.

 No.270014

File: 1672206691172.mp4 (1.71 MB, 1280x720, 16:9, video.mp4) ImgOps iqdb

"On the count of three" is an OK suicide movie. Two dudes decide to kill themselves, they agree to have 1 last day. It has a few good moments to relate to. Needs a trigger warning for you retards since it has some woke comments.

Spoiler for how it ends : One kills himself, one chooses to live. Not preachy about living though.

 No.270047

>>269971
>>269974
Don't fight the desires, just give in. It feels so good. Why deny yourself this ecstasy, this raw pleasure? Porn is the best thing in the world. I wish I could rot away in constant nonstop masturbation. That would be some death, wouldn't it?

>>269979
You are alive because very likely you don't have it in yourself to kill yourself. Most of us are like that, welcome to the club. Better get used to living a shit life.

>>269982
>>269985
>>269988
>>269991
Philosophy is quite meaningless in this teams mentality. You read Schopenhauer, oh you are playing in his team, are you? Or you are a nietzschean, man, nice identity there too…It's like football.

Rejecting life, embracing life - it doesn't matter what you do. You will suffer either way. A lot. Philosophy is only good for giving a frame or structure to fiction you want to create. Every piece of art conveys some message, even if the message is there is no message. Philosophy on its own is a joke and like a wild horse without anyone to direct it. It goes everywhere and is all over the place. That's why even these wise philosophers like Schopenhauer or Nietzsche had contradictions, many contradictions in their philosophies. Philosophy is the whore of art and that is her rightful place in the grand order of things. It should be used to interpret art or to create it only. It's impossible to interpret real life so you better give up on that now. You will end up changing your views and philosophies as quickly as your socks when you try to reach some solid conclusion about anything.

tldr watch more anime/fiction and read less philosophy

 No.270078

>>270014

Interesting premise, watched it only for that, but it was lacking. I have the feeling it could have been something special in the hands of better writers.

To give it some credit I did actually watch it until the end, which I have not done with a movie in quite a while. The topic of suicide is just interesting to me now since I'm about to rope soon.

 No.270087

>>270078
Yeah one must appreciate the scraps.

 No.270093

>>270047
>Or you are a nietzschean, man, nice identity there too…It's like football.

 No.270095

>>270078
>The topic of suicide is just interesting to me now since I'm about to rope soon.
I remain really interested in the Mayan goddess Ixtab. Supposedly a goddess of suicide? It really got my brain going, and thinking about what if everyone was completely on board and O.K. with suicide. What would society look like?

 No.270110

ahaha I almost convinced myself that my anguish has purpose ahahahaha oh no non ahaha

 No.270116

Why do I suffer so much?
What did I even do to deserve this?
It doesn't make any sense at all, I should have been happy but I am not. I spend time thinking about my life and the things that happened, trying to make sense as to why I am depressed constantly, and none of it adds up. I have no reason to be unhappy, but I keep being unhappy.
It's like I did something very terrible and I am paying for it, when I didn't even do anything.
I feel like I deserve to be happy too, just like everyone else out there, but I can't for some reason.
It's like I am asking for so much when all I want is to not feel like shit constantly, it's not even unrealistic it's just normal. I just want to feel normal and not bad.

 No.270118

>>270116
iktf, I feel like garbage every single day, I've tried exercising, eating healthy, fasting, keeping a strict routine, none of it works, I just feel awful every day and I can only briefly distract myself with video games and movies and laying in bed

 No.270119

>>269963
https://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=490FCEC22D07B48422FEA209D0613780

I haven't broached this topic yet. Most polacks in the archives suggest intensive fasting and a parasite cleanse. Sorry ya got it wiz make a blackpowder shotgun for the big trip

 No.270120

Fasting feels good and is worth an attempt (multiple) but it isn't a cure.

 No.270121


 No.270123

I need another drug cope, alcohol isn't working anymore. Hangovers at 30 are too brutal. I used to buy research chems off the clearweb in 2016. Stims and fent analogs but of course they had to fuck that up.

 No.270124

File: 1672433820818.png (9.04 KB, 552x108, 46:9, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

lol

 No.270125

>>270123
do phenibut. Makes you a normie and as addictive as major drugs but doesn't give you brain damage

 No.270126

>>270125
Can I buy it on clearweb?

 No.270127

>>270126
I would assume since normies everywhere online are taking it. Have not researched the sourcing

 No.270137

>>270123
I replaced beer with alcohol. I'm lucky I live in Canada, because I can just pop into a dispensary

 No.270138

>>270137
>I replaced beer with alcohol.

 No.270141

>>270138
You have excellent reading comprehension. I'm impressed

 No.270142

>>270141
But anon, isn't beer already an alcohol? Thereby making the sentence completely nonsensical, thus the purpose of pointing and singling it out?

 No.270143

>>270142
Shit I'm the retard, then. I thought I said "beer with weed"

 No.270160

I drastically want to change my life but I'm in the middle of a chronic pain flare up where making a sandwich causes serious problems. It's soul crushing to be in this situation and see no way out of it.

 No.270164

I just want everyone dead.

 No.270165

File: 1672467258124.jpg (87.7 KB, 785x471, 5:3, -2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.270166

File: 1672469898536.jpg (73.6 KB, 800x600, 4:3, p.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

This world is immutably, exhaustively, infuriatingly retarded. An endless cascade of inane, grating noise, that means literally nothing. What people choose to focus their attentions on is so blatantly absurd, it defies reaction. And it's always the same. One person is invested in X, and another invested in Y, and both are equally inane, and arbitrary. The key word is 'arbitrary'. All animals - though humans most disappointingly - exist in perpetual arbitrarity. To me, this world feels essentially incoherent, it is arbitrary. I am arbitrary myself, but not to the extent of others; Others who I cannot possibly understand. Understanding other people is beyond my reach. I do not know how much truth there is to this, but at least it feels like I am fundamentally at odds with nearly everyone. That something foremost, or axiomatic, differs between me and them, that creates an impassable ridge. Or more like they don't even have something foremost beyond their irrational whims. Though i'd wager i'm not the only one who feels that way.

I am simply too smart - or, more likely, too foolish - to feel satisfied living an arbitrary life. I am at perpetual odds with the concept of human identity, and the reason is because of my disdain for "arbitrary". Identity is, generally, an arbitrary thing. It is because it is. You are the way you are because it struck your fancy, and it struck your fancy simply because it did. Not for any deeper reason, but because you are the way you are. And so i'm eternally disconnected. From understanding myself, and from understanding others.

I can understand the simple, concrete things, and nothing else holds substance to me. I can understand being stabbed, and eating a burger - and that is much of the extent of it, because the rest of it is all arbitrary. Stupid, I might even say. Did I succeed in saying what I meant? I doubt it.

So it just tires me. People and their stupid opinions. They always have something to say, always with such confidence, and it is always inane. Where the only reaction I can muster is "You seriously care about this garbage? Why?" Details bore me, and i'm always amazed that they don't bore others.

Whatever. I said some things. Make of them what you will. I'm sure it would piss me off anyway.

 No.270167

>>270166
To use an example, crabs obsess over sex for basically no reason. I'm probably not alone in thinking "Why do they care about something so shallow and meaningless this much. Who cares?" Extend that attitude to literally everything - everything bar intense suffering - and you arrive at my general disposition towards life and other humans.

 No.270169

>>270166
You are not neurotypical, that's what has made you feel different to 'normies' since you were a child.

You have aspergers/autism in some form of the scale

 No.270170

>>270169
Be that as it may, it's a bit of a pointless observation.

>different to 'normies'

It's everyone.

 No.270171

>>270170
Well, you still have infinitely more in common with the average wizard here than with a typical normie.

Probably 99% or 100% of people here are on the AS scale as well

 No.270173

>>269972
happy (late) birthday and hope things get better for you wiz

 No.270174

The year ends, monday is close, work will start again. I have no peace. I'm already exhausted, stressed and mind fogged by the idea that my solitary days will end. Things will go bad. I know that next year I'll probably be in a psychiatry. Or worse. This is hell.

 No.270175

I want to morph into slime and seep into the cracks in the floor

 No.270176

>>270175
Spend some time under your bed, I've never been a slime myself but I assume the emotional effect must be close enough, or at least the closest you'll get.

 No.270177

>>270176
Sadly you forgot that slime has no consciousness so it's in vain.

 No.270178

>>270177
I did say it's the closest you'll get.

 No.270181

i didn't even realize that it's new year's eve until firecrackers and fireworks started going off in my neighbourhood, it's a good feeling honestly, becoming more and more detached from humanity as the years go by

 No.270182

>>270178
Fair, worth a try after all.

 No.270184

>>270171
Ugh, the notion makes me cringe. I don't think I have words to express how much I despise the lot of you. But I hate myself too, so it's not so farfetched.

 No.270185

There must me more to life
really the sun rises and falls each day? That's bullshit fuck that. Fuck mathematics, fuck making sense of things. There must be so much more to existence this is all so simple everything makes too much sense. I don't want to know anything, I want to believe in randomness and magic.

 No.270186

I am in a perpetual state of disgust towards everyone and everything.

 No.270187

>>270185
I have sort of the same feeling. Which is why I find media like Alice in Wonderland appealing, where there's no coherent logic or sense to it, and the entire point is that you can't understand it.

 No.270188

Or stuff like yume Nikki. Or Serial experiments lain, remember 11, and SCP's, where the emphasis is placed on trying to understand things, but those things are so far beyond the scope of common sense that they continuously baffle any attempts to do so.

 No.270189

>>270185
>>270188
You should read some lovecraft, and look up goedels incompleteness theorem. The world is an interesting place, you just need to go out into it.

 No.270191

I had a dream recently where I was in a different body which felt familiar and in a room that felt familiar. But upon waking up and remembering it everything my body, the room was all white. But I knew something else which a human cannot make sense of was there in that realm. It was like unloaded textures in a video game. I want fresh eyes! fresh ears! totally incomprehensible new sensations, I want to be renewed.

I understand that the world can be an interesting place certainly it has felt mysterious and intriguing when I was younger but my curiousity has been satiated. Yes Yume Nikki, Killer7 etc are strange, but they are strange is such a normal way!

I feel now that the strangest most nonsensical thing I could do is kill myself, but even this is so predictable! Well it's worth doing once.

 No.270192

>>270191
For my part, I call this my desire to "ascend", but by that I essentially mean nothing concrete. I get really bored of my own preoccupations, and with the concreteness of things, that I just want to create some kind of deviation. I'll always be me, and that's boring. I'll always be human, and that's boring. 2+2 will always be 4, and that is boring. It's like an obsession to me. Like the feeling of being trapped in the present and wanting to grasp the past or future that is infinitesimally close, yet eternally out of reach.

Occasionally I wake up, and it takes me a couple seconds to remember where I am. That feeling is so angelic. Euphoric. As long as I don't remember, it may as well be wholly new. To be reborn, to shed yourself and your ego, and emerge a new person experiencing new things for the first time. Or some such.

Instead, I try to reach that state through self denial instead of seeking. I want to forget everything normal. Forget about every notion that my ego has accumulated for all of it's existence. I hate identity, and I hate social schema's, and I hate narratives, models, and blablabla. I keep trying to get those things out of my head.

I dunno, i'm rambling. Sorry. I personally think it's a really pointless kind of desire. It feels congruent with the inherent yearning, or "will" that is never satiated, and eternally searching for something more. Eventually, I gave up on the concrete, and began to obsess over the incomprehensible and abstract.

I still think it's kind of pointless. The problem is dissatisfaction, and that problem will be solved when I die.

 No.270193

>>270192
I agree it's a pointless desire it feels like throwing a tantrum and God is just pretending he doesn't notice until I settle down.

 No.270195

File: 1672533210712.gif (217.82 KB, 256x192, 4:3, matt.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>270165
>>270166
Yo, R11-fan and negative utilitarian guy, what's up my man? You feeling sad and confused? Well, don't we all from time to time? You are taking things way too seriously, my niggah. Chill, dog. Careful with that alienation thing my dude, in the end you might end up despising everyone and everything even though you supposedly set out to reduce the suffering of everyone and everything like a neo-Buddha.
>>270167
You don't argue with the patient, he is always right. If crab-san decides he values sex and wants to obsess over it then for him sex is something that's worth to obsess over.
>everything bar intense suffering
One could ask you the same: why do you obsess over intense suffering? Do you want to suffer? Or want to see others suffering secretly? Your vehement avoidance of any kind of suffering can stem from repressed sado-masohist urges.
>>270184
Never mind what I said above, now you are starting to sound more honest. Did those repressed emotions finally come to the surface?

>>270185
>Fuck mathematics, fuck making sense of things. There must be so much more to existence this is all so simple everything makes too much sense. I don't want to know anything
Start studying philosophy and nothing will be simple anymore. You won't know anything for certain after reading a couple of philosophy books.

 No.270198

File: 1672537796442.jpg (30.84 KB, 480x533, 480:533, 6122aa2ddf80e29080ecbebc78….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>270195
>You are taking things way too seriously, my niggah. Chill, dog.
Go choke on your own ballsack, you gaslighting piece of shit. You don't even know me, so I don't know where you're getting your retarded list of assumptions from. How utterly worthless can you get? Boring, boring, boring.

>set out to reduce the suffering of everyone and everything like a neo-Buddha.

What kind of retard thinks that's practical?

>now you are starting to sound more honest.

I'm always honest. Did you think I liked people? That's on you for making a completely retarded assumption. Especially 'people' like you who are actively going out of their way to harm me and be as annoying - and stupid, really - as possible. You're a freak. Just another among a general mass of lame, predictable freaks, of all kinds of fun and wacky variations! You're like a supermarket brand bottle of coke. Yuck! I despise you.

>You won't know anything for certain after reading a couple of philosophy books.

Who reads philosophy (except of the most recondite kinds)? Anyone with an iota of common sense has already entertained most significant ideas set forth in philosophical texts. They don't need to be told about it by some old man in excessively verbose and obtuse formalized language.

 No.270199

>>270198
>toxic neg-value poooster leeches the memeral content out of yet another post

 No.270200

>>270199
The fuck does this even mean? Speak english you fucking tranny.

 No.270201

>>270199
Actually, before that, off yourself.

 No.270202

>>270200
>>270201
I'm pooooosting

 No.270203

>>270202
You're one of those normalfag scum who bullies people and then acts like you're the victim when they defend themeselves. You're not new. I've dealt with people like you my entire life. So tough shit. I'm not going to shut up until you back the fuck off.

 No.270204

File: 1672542024517.jpg (137.22 KB, 800x498, 400:249, 1520471941200.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Ladies, Ladies.. Please! It's New Year's eve! Put away your differences and celebrate the quickly approaching day of rapture.

 No.270206

>Mentally ill
>Rent out my spare rooms to get by
>When I was at my lowest, this NEET shut kept by me when everyone else left due to me being a wreck
>He's the adopted kid of some oligarch family in the country, he was born with a golden spoon in his ass and alternates between renting and smoking weed and returning to his parents Christian mansion
>his parents are Pentecostal type strict, him having unterschicht genes in him means he hates the strictness.
>Got along well with him years ago the first time he lived with me. I didn't care that he went on facebook and made a complete ass of himself, or the time his drug dealer beat him up for missing payments.
>When I never left my room, he kept paying payments without me reminding him, unlike normalfags that exploited my problems and just didn't pay me unless I bought it up
>he was chronically insecure to the point where he barely left his room too, he was drug fucked to the point of barely being able to use a mop
>Years later, we've both got better, burning through jobs and alternating between NEETing and not NEETing
>I remember how good he was as a flatmate and get him back, even pick him up from his current place and helped him move in
>The other guy he was living with didn't even say goodbye or acknowledge him (early signs something was up)
>He had a job in some corner store that gets one customer every hour
>he literally does borderline nothing at his job, maybe an hour of actual work in a shift
>he doesn't have his past insecurity
>starts demanding the house gets set up a certain way
>When I of course tell him no/get fucked as a reply, he becomes most arrogant and haughty person around I've ever seen, starts gloating that he works and is functional and I'm "just a loser that sits on the computer all day".


I was a bit blindsided by it honestly, if only because I assumed he was a good person who stuck by me at my lowest. Turns out insecure shut ins aren't necessarily nice because they're good people, they're just afraid of you. They just don't have the capacity to be shit. He recoiled in pain when I set the date for him to move out and quickly backtracked and apologized, practically begging and saying "no no, I really want to live here", but he doesn't realize it's permanently over for him, as soon as it suits me he's out of my life. If blatantly insults me like that again I'll throw him out of my house right then, of course. But even if he doesn't do anything wrong, I don't think you can really come back from that. I can't even bare to look at him, I just treat him as if he doesn't exist.

 No.270209

>>270206
Sometimes being "the bigger man" means letting people walk over you. I don't know, I've not been good with or to people, but I would maybe give him a pass this once. He's somebody you've been able to empathize with plenty in the past, no? People like this are very rare for wizards to find. How long have you known him?

 No.270213

>>270209
he's the landlord, renters are flies. Only thing he has to worry about is the kid wrecking his place, the kid clearly has disdain for him and revealed his true feelings

 No.270215

>>270198
I like your honesty mate, you seem pretty cool and I wanna hear more from you. I know you probably hate me and think i'm a scumfuck too but I like how you lash out at people, i'm sick of people too nowadays and the bullshit this world gives me. It's so annoying and most people keep obessessing over sex too the point I have a headace, something so basic people have millions of years ago people talk like it's the most holy fucking thing ever. I fucking hate sex talk and I hate most people too, I hope you do well in the future wizzie.

 No.270217

>>269378
>>270206
>I'm "just a loser that sits on the computer all day"
once he said that, i think there is no point in showing empathy.

 No.270219

Here come the negative thoughts. Every day. Have to silence them with alcohol when the store opens….

 No.270224

>>270206
It's good that you have enough self respect to kick him out even though you're financially dependent upon him for your neet lifestyle. I hope you find someone else who is also tolerable before you run out of bux.

 No.270235

File: 1672597500207.png (361.76 KB, 450x1092, 75:182, young_geese.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>270198
So butthurt because I id'd you, are you now? It's painfully simple to recognize your posting, considering there are around 10 regular posters on this site, myself included. You always praise or post pics from the same 5 VNs you like and masturbate to all the time. I've been following your trail across this site and making a nice a psychological profile from the data I gathered. Your hostility towards me is unwarranted, I can assure you. I never lie, especially to a fellow wizfriend. You may hate me freely but I feel no hatred or negativity towards you at all. I like you if anything. You are entertaining in a clumsy way, you remind me of my younger cringe phases I went through. You are like a little wizbrother to me.

>What kind of retard thinks that's practical?

Now you care about practicality? I thought that didn't matter but only how reassuring the idea is to you personally.
>Especially 'people' like you who are actively going out of their way to harm me and be as annoying - and stupid, really - as possible
I'm a boulder that by carrying around you get stronger. I'm the devil's advocate and a shadow, the true self. By confronting me you can purge yourself from the errors in your philosophy and character. You should be grateful to people like me.
>You're a freak. Just another among a general mass of lame, predictable freaks, of all kinds of fun and wacky variations! You're like a supermarket brand bottle of coke. Yuck! I despise you.
That's nice, thank for you for the compliment. Though what does that say about you, exactly? That your biggest nemesis is a loser like me? Hmph. Alternatively, think of me as future you coming back in time to give you a scolding and slap on the butt.

>who reads philosophy…

I see, I see, you are in the phase of "I'm smarter than everyone who lives or existed ever!" currently. It's a common young wiz phase. But underneath your arrogance lies a crushing sense of inferiority and envy-resentment towards intellectuals who are superior to you. There is no shame in learning humility and your place in the order of things. One man can only think of a limited amount of ideas by himself. You develop your thoughts and views through interaction with others. There is nothing to be ashamed of, even the great sages of humanity learned from each other all the time.

 No.270237

Please stop fighting, it reminds me of my parents divorce.

 No.270239

>>270235
>considering there are around 10 regular posters on this site, myself included.
gotta be more

 No.270240

>>270235
I must die. Things are only allowed to be worse and worse and worse and it never ends and no matter how much you fight the world will laugh at you for daring to want to feel better so I should just die this life is completely meaningless it's always been that way i know but whatever i don't want to feel worse and it well get worse

make it stop make it stop it's never going to end it's never going to end

 No.270241

it never ends it never ends it never ends make it stop please just make it stop it never ends it never ends i dont get it i dont get it make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop

 No.270242

>>270240
>>270241
Calm down, take a deep breathe and relax. Yeah the world sucks right now and fucking gas prices are going up again(Jesus christ why again) but you may never know, something so great will happen that it will change society and how we live forever. Us people never give up, we must always keep fighting no matter what we face, i'll stand by with you brother, I hope you are okay.

 No.270243

The Depper protocol to stop (you) from roping- SOON

 No.270244

>>270242
It doesn't matter. it's hopeless and i can't get people out of my head. i just want to get people out of my head but everything reminds me of the world and people and i can't do anything without hurting so it needs to end. i cant be me because then i remember that the world hates me and wants me dead and it makes me feel bad for being me and existing so everything hurts and i want it to stop but it will never stop

 No.270245

>>270244
>makes me feel bad for being me and existing so everything hurts
Healing by fasting. I am not telling this just because having read about it, I was like this 24/7 and I insist: healing by fasting. Fast, rest and back again, and it goes softer with time. It is a physical thing in the brains and it works like this.

 No.270246

>>270244
I don't think I can help you. No one can anyways but yourself, you don't have to be alone and suffer with your thoughts man. Humans are sadly social beings that need some sort of social contact anyways, otherwise why do you even post?

 No.270248

File: 1672621280641.gif (86.81 KB, 228x304, 3:4, ino.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>270239
Naw, it's around 10 people who post here daily I think. There are many more lurkers and tourists or cross-posters who only come here once in a while.

>>270240
Little brother, I'm in the mood for some jazz like that too, right now. This world is a very carefully crafted torture chamber for people like us. There is no escape and better abandon any sort of hope.
I'm in the middle of another period in my life when I'm horny all the time and it drives me crazy, no matter how much I fap or don't fap I suffer either way. Sexuality is the root of evil, I tell ya. It makes you act like some wild brute animal. It's extremely confusing how most people don't see anything wrong with sexuality.

I just don't want to exist this way. I don't know how life should be exactly but not like this certainly. My one and only satisfaction comes from enjoying art and entertainment. To be an observer only and not participating in the current of life - that is my wish. If you are just some ghost consciousness without a body then it is perfectly fine and you can enjoy life (or death or whatever that would be). I want to abandon my body and live only in the spiritual realm. But of course, I'm much too pessimistic about asceticism and other naive practices like that. So I'll just have to suffer on and on in this material realm, in this imperfect body that is full of impulses I reject on a mental level but can't fight in reality.

The only thing that brings me joy in real life is the suffering, despair and destruction of normals.

>>270242
Hope is a false illusion that only begets more suffering. Better to just try to accept things as they are than to expect some miracle that won't come.

 No.270249

I wanna die

 No.270252

>>270245
i dont know what you mean by healing by fasting.
>>270246
>I don't think I can help you.
you're right
>you don't have to be alone and suffer with your thoughts man
No i have to because that's the only time I don't feel like screaming. i get lonely alone but at least it's not as bad

that's why i need to try and forget. my brain keeps torturing me by reminding me of everyone who keeps hurting me and i keep trying to hope others can save me but nobody can save me. they can only hurt me more and it happens every time like clockwork. they deny everything about me and and make all of my thoughts and feelings feel wrong and then my existence feels wrong and it hurts to be myself.

Sorry, what a stupid pile of shit i posted. goodbye. i just need to forget. shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT THE FUCK UP

 No.270254

I don't see any goal in this life. Expensive cars? Hot succubi? Seems boring.

It's gay to say, but think vidya unironically ruined my brain. This world is just so ugly, boring, and disgusting.
Literally how could anyone design a reality to be more boring than this? It feels like I've been playing some empty game like Minecraft my entire life. The world is so bland and soulless.

Wizards, what's your dream in this world? What would you like to do if you could?

 No.270257

I keep getting banned on 4chan for posting ebin wizard memes on /x/
like for real..

 No.270258

File: 1672635966262.jpeg (52.48 KB, 800x562, 400:281, Yunoose.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

First day of 2023 and I learnpeople who I thought were my friends and respected me don't want me around anymore.

I'm a talentless bum living a dead end life because I just didn't have the talent to succeed at anything. At least I see, in 2023, that I am truly nothing destined for nothing.

 No.270259


 No.270260


 No.270261

>>270258
Now were these real people or internet people? If they're internet people, then don't let their opinions on you hold you down. Even after many conversations they can never really know who you truly are. All it takes is one disagreement to enter them into a spiral of hatred that turns them against their friends. Maybe you disagreed with them about an anime, and their failure to respect your opinion at them time snowballed in to disgust. Not all people are like this, but in my years of being a retard on the internet, I've come to expect that as the status quo for guys who hang around in live chats all day. Preppy highschool clique drama, not worth a single synapse of attention.

If they're real people, then shame on them for not trying to work things out instead of outright tossing you aside.

 No.270262

>>270261
This is a group I effectively created, cultivated, and made into what it was, but they don't care about me or want anything to do with me. I can't do anything right on my own, because I just don't have the talent and always come up short no matter how hard I try.

 No.270263

>>270262
Yeah as someone socially inept you probably wanna avoid dealing with groups of people at all, too easy being left behind.

 No.270265

>>270262
What is this Internet group? Are you a collective of Internet Mormons?

 No.270266

and now i have scoliosis bad enough that it bothers me. i never felt so miserable. why can't they take me to some isekai pink world where i would just live happy measured life in solitude cultivating my garden and reading books? i hate this world.

 No.270267

>>270262
I feel ya man, I'm going through something very similar myself.
Basically been part of a community I hold dear since the beginning. But more recently I've come to the realisation
I've just been forgotten and ignored. I'm not sure why this rejection hits me so hard, but over the last few years this has just made me more and more sick. I want to grab ahold of my head and just rip it in two. I dream about it then wake up in the middle of the night and just scream and scream until I'm hoarse, and a dozen other things too. And to make matters worse it's just an analogy really for irl. As much as I feel rejected by this online stuff, it's even more so I feel rejection by the irl people I thought as friends.
I'm at the point now where I truly have nobody.

 No.270268

>>270266
I remember getting light scoliosis from working a construction job as a teenager and then my doctor saying, "don't worry, it's normal".

Nigga my spine wasn't like that six months ago.

 No.270276

>>270258
your first rejection wizzie boyo ?
welcome to the cool outcast club

 No.270281

>>270276
>first
nah I've been for a long time, just this community hits different because I made it.

>>270267
At least we have here, kind of.

 No.270289

>>270267
>>270262
Countless times i am reminded that normals are truly do not posses spark of humanity at all.
They are truly something else, something abominable and vile.

 No.270290

>>270281
>nah I've been for a long time, just this community hits different because I made it.
I can't help but not feel empathy as I just have a hunch it's gotta be some kind of sonic vore diaper community or some shit by default

 No.270293

>>270290
Not him, but why would that make it any different?

 No.270294

File: 1672710756367.png (108.51 KB, 370x308, 185:154, mateys.png) ImgOps iqdb


 No.270328

Just drank a bottle of champagne and fapped to some good porn. Life isn't so bad at times. We all need some vices in order to not live some dull ass existence all the time.

 No.270337

>>270209
It's been a few days and he'll likely get a pass if it doesn't happen again. Time wears things down so I'll eventually stop giving a fuck. But the thing is, he's likely to do it again, so it's going to play out like I said.

You know what the big cause of this was? He was out of drugs for a few days and was withdrawing. He was trying to sell his shit to buy more weed, that's how desperate he was. As soon as he got his baggie dropped off he became childlike and super polite again. I seriously overestimate people. It's just absolutely pathetic.

People on wizchan seem to think there's a comradery that exists between no-life virgin wizzie loner, but there isn't. I've lived with a few now because I'm usually desperate to rent my rooms out, and the same petty dramas play out here. I spend most of my time in the bedroom and do most of the cleaning and it still happens somehow. I don't know why my lifestyle enrages people so much. Two years ago there was this middle aged guy who tried yelling at me about how I was "a rat in a cage" and how I've clearly got problems. It's like, who gives a fuck? Leave me alone and let me do my own thing.

It's always the same

>Your place is shit

>You're awkward to live with
>I hate it here

It's the same narrative of complaining but refusing to leave. It plays out every time and I just don't get it. I tell people when they turn up that I basically play games and browse the internet all day, and they can do shit in the lounge idgaf, and it's still not enough. I don't charge a bond and they're free to leave without warning, and they still act like I'm holding them prisoner.

 No.270340

I wish I was just some normalfag so much. I really don't see the point of caring on anymore. The only reason I don't just kill myself is because my mother would be devastated and I love her more than anyone in the whole entire world.

 No.270343

I cannot believe how much I hate every single thing.

 No.270346

>>270337
>there's a comradery that exists between no-life virgin wizzie loner, but there isn't

we are all crabs in a bucket

 No.270348

I wanna inject heroin into my veins

 No.270349

>>270337
weed withdrawal does tend to make you an asshole.

 No.270364

I need help and advice on wether I should ,and if its really a good idea,to convince my parents of this:
>Selling their apartment (they one they put on rent,not the house we live in)+ all 3 of us adopt an ascetic lifestyle so we can save 80% ,or more, of each of our income + Invest the income.
My idea is that,since theyre getting old, they may die soon, I myself can die any day altrough im not old…well,we should get to have clean fun,fulfill lifetime dreams.etc
Here are the stats.
>both of them put together,each month,earn enough to buy a mid-tier car
>I make enough,each month, to buy a mid-tier motorbike
>Under my direction and administration,we could survive for a few years upon 20% of the total combined household income
>In a 5 year plan of long-term, careful,low-risk investment,putting 80% more each and every month + the apartment sell:we could have a nice chunk of money

is this reasonable? Am I going schizo?

 No.270365

>>270364
going?

 No.270366

>>270364
Don't sell anything, keep the apartment

 No.270367

>>269460
Hold on to something my friend, your life right now has no meaning, find a hobby, and do some relaxing sport like swimming. But even with all that you wrote, it's clear that you want to progress in some way with the work. But I recommend that you study a trade, like carpentry, blacksmithing, basic mechanics, or something like that, and dedicate yourself to that, you will grow both personally and professionally.
Go, and try to get a part-time job, and the rest of the day enroll in a course to do some job, that's what will give you money and satisfaction. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but you need it, you need a superior entity for all the things that motivates you to keep going, and that god can be money.

He studies, works, and earns a lot of money.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3RwBB_V46I

 No.270370

I failed my drivers test again.

 No.270372

My parents decided to split and I obviously live with them. Yesterday my father left the house without telling me anything.

I have no one to carpool me now. I'm glad this jerk won't be around anymore, this fuckwad won't be around making my life more miserable every single day with his retarded permanent loud noise. I'm actually shocked because taking care of both parents is now considerably more difficult and both have ailing health. That's my only concern, I don't give two fucks about my relationship with parents.

I'm trying to figure out how to take advantage of this situation while distancing myself as much as possible. I'm not used to being alone with my mother, I actually get along with her better than with my father, and I mostly ignored my mother because my father was right next to her most of the time.

If you've been through this shit, any advice is appreciated. My main concern is I don't know how to use public transport or routes and I have to know now. The only value in keeping a neutral or friendly tone with my father is acquiring the few shit he has when he dies, and I'm not even interested. There's value in having a neutral/friendly relationship with my mother, specially because I'll have to take care of her ailing health by myself.

 No.270373

I have moved my bed to a shed at the end of the garden. There comes a peace with being physically away from people, compared to being in a room where they are the other side of the wall. No hearing people talk about the Norman world, I left my technology and internet in the house ( using it now ). It’s cold and the wind is noisy but with thick duvets you don’t feel it. Some Buddhist monks talk about how one needs to be away from people because the mind is always on edge when you feel presence near you, the mere possibility of social incursion to your mind prevents finding peace. Maybe 50 feet is enough to get that. just information for my wizzers.

 No.270377

>>270235
We got a badass here

 No.270379

>>269378
I'm sick of ever album I like, I've watched ever good movie & TV show I know, and I've played to death the only game I've ever enjoyed (TF2). In the past 4 days I've spent ~6 hours on pixelplanet + audiobook. What now, just twiddle my thumbs?
>>270372
What's the longest you've been away from your parents? Mine become harder to tolerate once I had been away from them for some time. Anyway, man, I can relate to how you feel, and I admire your looking-after of your mother, despite your relationship with her.
>>270373
This is an interesting post, thank you for submitting it. There is a lot of truth to it.

 No.270383

>>270379
>What's the longest you've been away from your parents?
Years, I'm actually used to living by myself. Started living with them again during the pandemic around 2020.

>Anyway, man, I can relate to how you feel, and I admire your looking-after of your mother, despite your relationship with her.

Honestly I don't mind as long as my retard father is away. The only reason I was willing to abandon both was because my father was around, and my mother is considerably more toxic with my father around. Heck, it's not the first time my father leaves.

> and I've played to death the only game I've ever enjoyed (TF2)

TF2 is my favorite game too but steam locked me out of my account and I don't know how to get it back, I'm not from US so calling steam customer support is complicated and I don't have the original e-mail I registered with. Got thousands of hours in the game. I settled for Overwatch, I already had the game and it kinda resembles TF2.

 No.270385

I sleep. A lot. In fact if I'm not at work it's more or less how I spend all my time. I just sleep. I sometimes reach 15 - 17 hours of sleep in a day. Usually on my days off. The rest of the time I just eat or use the bathroom or shower, then I lay back down and go to sleep. Strangely I dont feel any less tired really.

 No.270388

>>270385
It's a serious problem, don't you try meditating, listening to quiet music, or something like that while you sleep?

 No.270392

I have everything I wanted and hoped for and still want to die

 No.270393

I feel so uneasy all the time nothing soothes my being, not music, warms baths or comfortable blankets nothing works. I feel like I have a sword dangling over my head. I wish it would just fall on me.

 No.270398

>>270377
Even among wizards there needs to be alphas/leaders and betas/servants. I'm a natural born leader, don't blame me.

 No.270402

>>270398
There is no "among" wizards. For all you know most of the people you 'discuss' things with could be bots.

There is just a wasteland of an imageboard with no other purpose to it than to ease loneliness.

 No.270404

File: 1672943538424.gif (47.35 KB, 100x147, 100:147, R.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>>270402
It's not that hard to distinguish between bots and actual people. I know the writing styles of at least 3 or 4 different posters for sure.

There is a community here, even if it is a community of competition and fighting. We are competing in different ways than normals but dick-measuring contents are still regular on wizchan.

>with no other purpose to it than to ease loneliness

Speak for yourself, I don't come here to ease my loneliness, I had times when I was banned for long periods and I was doing fine watching media. I come here to seek out worthy opponents and to fight them, to assert my dominance over others. I like arguing with others and to feel the hatred of others towards my person.
I'm the überwiz. For a wizard is something that must be surpassed, it isn't the end stage of development but only a step in the long road towards enlightenment.

 No.270406

>>270398
> I'm a natural born faggot, don't blame me.

 No.270407

>>270404
>he is literal, unironic keyboard warrior
What a faggot.

 No.270413

>>270406
>>270407
You envy my assertive and aggressive, manly qualities, don't you? It's all right, every community needs average joes or betas like you.

 No.270436

File: 1672965090116.mp4 (12.96 MB, 1280x720, 16:9, get real.mp4) ImgOps iqdb


 No.270441

Finland bros how legit is this article?:

https://apple.news/AihNl-xYuRKe2358nHNAumg

 No.270446

>>270441
Not Finnish but I'll offer my two cents because my country (New Zealand) is always conspicuously around the top ten of those world happiness/freedom/development indices that get put out. Despite the standard of living here being very mediocre by firstie standards.

The "happiness rating" is bullshit, because when you look under the covers they always load those things as being biased towards a more socialist and egalitarian economy.

The article bullshit smug humblebragging, the sort of thing the psychologist in the article insists they don't do. We have the same types here bragging about how superior our country is to Australia and America for the same bullshit reasons, insisting we're just so much more humble and down to earth. Those nordic countries have some of the highest anti-depressant rates in the world and their suicide rates aren't exactly the best.

 No.270456

>>270446
>New Zealand
>superior to America

New Zealand is literally piss poor compared to the US. Literally nobody in the US would want to live in New Zealand because it's an overpriced shithole with crappy wages.

 No.270459

>>270456
It has a higher HDI, much lower crime rates in all accounts and virtually no niggers. I would say a lot of americans could only dream to live in such a decent place.
>crappy wages
haha infuriated wagie. Did amazon fired you yet? Because it will.

 No.270464

File: 1673015083417.png (1.54 MB, 1600x1139, 1600:1139, Cardcaptor Sakura 2.png) ImgOps iqdb

cutesy anime triggers my harm ocd and i have no idea why, i have constant intrusive thoughts about punching myself, objects and other people
what makes me believe that this is the trigger is that when i tell myself that i'll stop watching this type of anime the thoughts are still there but they are not as severe, certainly not severe enough for them to be accompanied by physical sensations
this is so stupid, can't even enjoy some simple-minded anime in peace

 No.270468

>>270441
First point is absolute bullshit. It is the opposite, finnish people are very aware and jealous about other people and their money. The other points are true relative to other places.
I think Finns are happier because they are given independence at an earlier age. They don't have to pay for university and are given loans for living costs, so almost everyone can move out of the family home when they are like 18 years old and most do.
Parents also don't act so much like helicopter parents. It's normal for 8 year old children walking around the streets alone. The cities are also walkable with access to nature as the article says, which makes a big difference

 No.270473

>>270388
I just accept it. I'm pretty sure the reason for it is my physical health. I had asthma and weak lungs even as a kid. I've always been rather weak and sickly. For over 10yrs I chain smoke, my lungs are beat up and my circulation is probably horrible. That's most likely why I am always so tired. I'm kind of tall and I dont think my lungs and heart are working well enough to keep me properly warm and respirated. So as a result I'm exhausted 100% of the time. I dont mind it too much, sleeping is way better than being awake anyways. I will probably be like this the rest of my life. I will sleep as much as possible and only be awake when I have to (work, eating, etc).
>>270393
I relate to this. I rarely feel at ease or comfortable. Always I am anxious and uneasy. The only thing I found that works for me is use of opiods, but that causes all sorts of worse problems in the long run.

 No.270474

>>270254
My dream is pretty straightforward and actually achievable, although maybe I lack the traits and circumstances to achieve it, it is certainly theoretically possible and not even too extreme.

Basically I just want my own place on earth, somewhere isolated with lots of land and nature. I want a huge stack of books, I want some instruments, microscope, telescope, 3D printer, a computer.

Basically what I want is seclusion, freedom, and the tools necessary to explore my interest and hobbies undisturbed. If I have that I would be satisfied to live out the rest of my life in that manner, so long as my health holds up at least.

But of course such a thing would require money and skills to sustain myself. Getting there is actually unlikely for me, but it isnt something so abstract or absurd as to be impossible.

 No.270476

>>270337
>People on wizchan seem to think there's a comradery that exists between no-life virgin wizzie loner
Well said. The only thing loners have in common is that we posses some trait or traits that make us unable to connect with other people. That's where the similarities end. As I get older I see it even more clearly, when I was younger I might have had hope of there being some "bond amongst outsiders", but now I doubt such a thing actually exists. It is good to be realistic in this regard and set your expectations accordingly. Ultimately all have is yourself.

 No.270481

>>270459
>virtually no niggers.

We literally have the same 13:50 crime rate, except with a certain polynesian demographic instead of an african one.

>>270456
You'd be surprised at how many people here shit on the States and extrapolate the worst of Appalachia for the entire country.

 No.270492

>>270476
Think of it like an antisocial club and then you realize how ridiculous it is to expect kinship from posters here.

 No.270493

File: 1673030719942.png (203.56 KB, 1800x623, 1800:623, imageboards are not your h….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>270476
>>270492
I'll just keep posting this i guess

 No.270497

>>269413
both suck. i hate being neet because of all the anxiety of the future, but when youre working its just as bad. either way sucks so idc anymore.

 No.270498


My neeting time is done for. I lived on the 'allowance' my dad have been sending me, but it is over now. I have a useless English degree, so no employment other that the basic shit. I have several bleak choices. Either I try and pick up some abhorrent retail job where I will be forced to juggle through five tasks at the same time while expected to do them all well all receiving pathetic crumbs for that barely enough for living.
Or I can try joining the army, since I live in Ukraine and they practically hunt men on the streets to give mobilization notices and probably wouldn't turn someone willing, even flawed as I am. I would get payed good money (compared to average pay), but they would send be for training away from home and then possibly into action, where I will probably meet my end.
Or I can do nothing, try to leech off my relatives for another month, but it is humilating and unreliable too. They have been pushy as to why I haven't found a job yet, not realizing it is war times and economy is fucked beyond repair, plus with refugees flooding in, taking everything for themselves.
Ah, life. What joy it is to live.

 No.270500

>>269419
just being alive sucks in general thats the key lol. doesn't matter what you do i realized.

 No.270501

>>270498
i only have a associates in business and have to get a job this year as well, i'm 29. most i can make with this dumb degree is like 40k a year and still be poor.

 No.270503

>>270501
It is probably not much, but at least you won't starve. It is a shitty feeling to not have anything to eat.

 No.270505

File: 1673034221158.jpg (93.79 KB, 868x703, 868:703, grand theft wizchan.JPG) ImgOps iqdb

>>270476
>>270492
>>270493
Wizchan is an arena for the outcast and those who left society behind. Only the strongest survive in this virtual battlefield of the damned. The weak get mindraped and triggered and fly back to social media or mainstream chans.
We have it all: to-be serial killers, spree killers in the making, wanna-be terrorists, petty criminals, autists, schizos, generally mentally unstable and crazy people of all kinds, hermit and monk roleplayers, hardcore nerds and otaku, self-destructive people who just wait for death, masochists, sadists, drug/alcohol/masturbation addicts, nazis, communists, anarchists, burned out and hollow wageslaves, eternal NEETs, self-taught philosophers, fedora tipper atheists, hardcore fundamentalist christians, wannabe muslims, pacifist buddhists, etc Wizchan users vary greatly, there are saints and demons here quite literally. All of us brought here by dissatisfaction with society, the world and life. All strive to be the ultimate super wiz. Only one can remain.

 No.270506

>>270505
Wiz Royale

 No.270516

>>270505
>Only one can remain.
But then who will reply?

 No.270522

>>270468
>Finns are happier because they are given independence at an earlier age.
yet if youre male and reach 18 you get conscripted or go to prison, great freedoms
literal slave caste shit

 No.270523

>>270516
Schizo wizard will reply to itself out of delirium. Schizo wizard will inherit the board.

 No.270550

Sometimes I really wonder if this is hell. Everyone is a psychopathic, selfish asshole. They'd step over your corpse to get a raise or a promotion. Waging for this fucked up society that hates men. Just to barely earn enough to survive. Covid the bioweapon was deployed against the population. The jabs are probably even worse. The water is poisoned, the food is toxic, the air is polluted. The only time I can remain even a bit optimistic is if I don't have to go outside for a while. The moment I have to go back to work or interact with the outside world I'm reminded how hellish this existence truly is.

 No.270552

>>270516
The last one gets to win the prize of gaining the balls to finally commit suicide so wizchan's natural end goal is to have 0 posters. Wizchan was always created for the purpose of self-destruction. Just like us.

>>270523
Which schizo? There are quite a few here. You mean the guy who rants about wanting to learn about computers and always apologizes?

>>270550
Hell was pictured after real life considering religions are anti-life. So Heaven is always some idealized fantasy while Hell is reality. There couldn't be a more fitting punishment for religionfags all over the world than to make them repeat this earthly life ad infinitum.

You could also look at it this way, hundreds of years of idealism has indoctrinated people into false hopes and having way too high expectations concerning reality.

 No.270554

>>270552
>the guy who rants about wanting to learn about computers and always apologizes
I don't know who you are talking about and I skim all every day. If it's not some smarmy apology, I don't see what is wrong with being that way. I think a lack of humility is a big problem for many.
Also, I was just making a dumb joke.

 No.270562

>>270554
Yes, I think everyone with an above room temperature IQ knew that you were referring to this theoretical final wizard.

 No.270579


 No.270580

>>270552
>You mean the guy who rants about wanting to learn about computers and always apologizes?
i wonder why he always apologizes profusely

 No.270599

>>270552
He's not a schizo.

>>270580
Shame and low self esteem.

I mean, I thought it would be obvious. Anyone who's dealt with mental illness is familiar with what it's like.

 No.270600


 No.270601

File: 1673132618444.jpg (258.02 KB, 1000x789, 1000:789, qU0X27jyoPoIVDpeGfRG2_61Pz….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I think that all anyone has to offer me is alot of meaningless noise that gives me a headache. The world needs less noise and more silence. The words of people are like empty calories; junk food; the sound of a TV you left on playing in the background. A meaningless, grating thing. You fail. You said the wrong things, or you spoke without function. So it was noise that didn't need to exist, and now the world is every so slightly louder. I'd call it the definition of obnoxious. I too am obnoxious – and most obnoxious of all is the notion that someone is reading these words, and coming to their notions.

But what can I say. I find human obnoxious and I find the concept of existence obnoxious. This entire thing, down to it's roots, is sooooooooo obnoxious. God, it makes me feel sick. An endless succession of annoying, grating, lurid sense data. I don't even want to rationalize about it it's that annoying. I'd rather take no approach to it at all. I'd rather the nuisance just disappear. I want no part in it. I want nothing to do with anything or anyone. I want silence. Silence that my brain is oppugnant to. The noise doesn't cease when I close my eyes, or sleep, or through escapism, or abstraction. It may in death.
I address this to the entire universe: Please shut up.

 No.270602

I'm pissing myself off. It feels like i'm losing track of something, and my only hope of keeping it is to keep me in me. There is no place for me in anything external, and I keep making the mistake of extending for it.

I hope I can keep myself to myself in the future. I belong alone. I never want to see or hear of anyone else ever again. If I do that, maybe I won't lose track of whatever it is I think i'm losing track of. Other people will kill me if I expose myself to them in the slightest. In more ways than one. I'm certain of it. Once I forget about external things, i'll be able to think clearly.

And in any event, shut up.

 No.270657

The head librarian is a total control freak when im on the pc. She tapped on the glass telling me to use the one outlet to charge, and made a huge fucking deal because i put my bag on the empty seat next to my station. Im reporting her on monday

 No.270658

>>270481
Are maoris dangerous?

 No.270660

File: 1673200556966.jpeg (51.83 KB, 405x720, 9:16, krishna close up.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

My biggest wish\prayer for my Country is that all politicians and non-State political actors become fanatically anti-contraception overnight.
we unironically need a Class of nofap celibate men leading the rest of us,enforcing the crudest punishments on condoms users,contraceptive pills,etc.
How do I DREAM of the day thousands of mobs troughout the Republic make public,huge,bonfire of p-rn magazines ,set fire to s/x shops.

 No.270667


 No.270701

My life sucks yet I keep going
I don't have the balls to commit suicide

 No.270707

>>270667
Because he can't enjoy masturbation, being a crab and all that he feels envy and bitterness that prevent him from enjoying any kind of sexual content. Resentment mentality.

 No.270717


 No.270844

File: 1673519575833.jpeg (16.35 KB, 238x454, 119:227, cruc caesar.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

I hate atheists but sometimes I really struggle to keep having faith in god
makes me want to become a closet atheist and even keep giving some donations to the church because the building and statues are so beatiful


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