No.270716[View All]
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
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>>269378 No.271874
>>271873>I think I will be living at most 2.5 more yearsSee you next three years.
No.271875
>>271874Maybe. I could flake out. I have severe cardiovascular damage though, so at the very least I'll be punished for larping.
No.271877
>>271875>I have severe cardiovascular damage thoughFrom what? What symptoms?
No.271878
>>271877Yes. Heart palpitations, intense beating, rapidly growing tinnitus, nail clubbing, heartbeat in my ears, I get out of breath just by standing up, taking a shower causes me to go out of breath etc.
You'll probably go "tsch, sounds like you're out of shape" so I'll add the reason I believe all the symptoms are connected: they began after I was put in the cardiac ICU for a few days after I attempted suicide. I never bothered to go to appointments cause I was going to attempt suicide again. I did, it failed, and then I decided to change my mind about the suicide shit.
No.271882
>>271878Panic disorder can have the same symptoms and you could easily have given yourself this from the severe trauma you faced during suicide. Only a doctor will know if it's serious… Heart troubles are something you want to get looked at…
No.271886
>>271878did you change your mind because you dont want to die, or because you want to live, or both
No.271888
I've been feeling incredibly restless. I haven't even watched anything in a few months because every time I try I end up feeling too restless and stopping. I will spend all day scrolling and clicking because of this feeling but can't do anything more involved. It's getting worse too. This morning I woke up and it was so strong I just had to pace around for a while.
No.271889
>>271888i am experiencing exactly the same thing, i also talk to myself constantly
No.271890
>>271882Not going to.
>>271886I don't know. All I know is that if I wanted to be dead, I would be dead. Every day I regret not dying that day. When I was slipping out of consciousness I just thought, "It's finally over." I was happy. But how could I want to die if I am still alive?
I sort of think I'm being punished by a higher power for trying to "waste" my life. It's for that reason that I have made a plan to "trade" it instead. I can't talk about the specifics on the internet or I will become quickly unable.
No.271894
>>271891lmfao let me contact my local organ harvester
No.271929
I should've taken the phrase "ignorance is bliss" much more seriously
No.271937
>>271898most people are stuck for life in the first thing that works for them, going out of the way to try new things is only reserved for elites and people with nothing to lose
No.271943
>>271858I'm tired of rotting. I wish I cared about something.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
No.271945
>>270716Going to be getting a DNR soon. I actually scheduled it before finding out that in my state I need to have a terminal illness or that the physician must believe that resuscitation would be medically futile. (What I read before was that anyone could do it if they want to, but it "isnt recommended") There is almost nothing on the internet about this, so is there any way that I can convince the physician that it would be so? I am assuming they'll be relatively easy to convince with
>I just really don't want to wake up with major reductions in QoL, and my heart's not really up to par anyway.Or such things.
No.271947
>>271276Agreed but don't forget to add hyperinvidualism into the factor as well.
No.271951
Why?
No.271952
>>271951Just do it.
Life is worthless.
No.271953
>>271951Keep going lil' wizbro. You're gonna make it.
No.271957
>>271953What does it mean to "make it"?
No.271958
>>271957Reach the point where your circumstances are acceptable.
No.271963
Want to die
No.271964
Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further, every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
No.271965
>>270716I envy people who still feel emotions. I hate being in a current state of blankness, working out and doing things doesn't even give me joy. What's the point of being alive again?
No.271971
I really hate my mother sometimes. A man can't show weakness. When i talk about taking time off from work because of my burnout/depression i'm met with silence. Those silences i've endured all my life when i talk about my pain. ALWAYS, ALWAYS those silences followed by a different subject. All succubi, whether they bore you or the on the streets are malignant Viper Baal acolytes.
No.271972
>>271971What response were you expecting?
No.271986
>>271971>mom when I was depressed and suicidal >Told me to just hurry up and kill myself to my face>mom when I'm doing well>presents and phone calls asking to come and see her moreI think they just have infanticide instincts towards guys that have fucked up at life.
No.271990
I fucking hate cars. I hate carheads, I hate the culture, I hate how I need to have one to hold a job, I hate how cities are planned around the fucking things.
I'm tired of doing repairs, I'm tired of them breaking down, I just want a decent one that fucking works.
No.271999
>>271990This but luckily my car hasn't broken down (yet). It came with 117k miles and I'm at 129k right now. I've got an oil and filter change coming up and I gotta get new windshield wiper blades too.
No.272001
>>271986She wanted you to kys because she didn't want to have to spend any money on you. She wants presents and phone calls when you're doing well because that way she can emotionally manipulate you for stuff. A lot of female behavior makes sense if you think in the most cynical, selfish way possible.
No.272004
>>271999Let me guess, a Honda or Toyota?
No.272005
>>271990use bicycle. yeah it also requires some maintenance but it's far easier than with cars so you could roughly say a good bicycle doesn't fail
No.272014
>>271986All people are like this. Even if you just limp because you have a sore foot, then evolution has that type of impact - avoid the burden of the weak/sick, become the burden to the strong
No.272031
I am a quadriplegic and will be 27 years old in 2 months. When I was 18 I choked and couldn't swallow, or rather I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hunger. I spent a year on soup and lost many kilos, so many that I reached 21 kilos. When I was 19 years old, my family collected 300 reais to pay for a consultation with a specialist in dystrophy, this consultation saved me because I was prescribed vitamins, there were several, but I only remember the D. By the way, I will send an email to the doctor to thank her for saving me, I thank God every day for having let me be born in this family.
Since then I have been optimistic, most of the time I have managed to be, nevertheless, at the end of 2022 I faced a strong depressive crisis. Since the 23rd of December I wake up thinking that I have to take this drug for one more day, and during the day I have intrusive thoughts, what a shitty life, Lord, why don't you free me from this suffering right now? I avoid thinking about what if, but in those moments it is very difficult not to and I end up rambling, idealising this supposed life.
To tell you the truth, I'm tired of keeping it all in my head, of pretending to my family that I'm fine. But the reality is: why tell them? I am poor, I cannot afford treatment. It's just me, my mother and my sister on a minimum wage and a pension of, if I'm not mistaken, 500 reals. Maybe my family would help pay for a psychologist, it's a possibility, but I don't know if I can break the image of the happy and smiling boy, despite the difficulties they have with me.
No.272032
>>272031Would be a sad story if you weren't a Brazilian. You deserve it
No.272034
>>272032You are nor a real Wizard.
Go back.
No.272035
>>272034I'm a thirty year old virgin NEET, you leave.
No.272049
>>272032Keep in mind that everywhere is going to shit. If you're European, you're likely to end up as irrelevant as Brazil in a couple decades. If you're American, probably one decade.
No.272080
>>272031>I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hungerI'm
>>271664 and have a similar problem. Did it ever go away? I'm currently coping it with it by eating certain foods since I figured out texture is what triggers it. Even ate a little bit of bread by chowing it down then combining it with a spoonful of greek yoghurt. If my brain thinks it's smooth, it just goes right down the hatch but if it thinks it's even a little bit dry or clunky, it just holds back with my tongue. My only hope is being able to train myself out of it but I'm scared it's never going to go away completely.
I'm definitely eating a lot less and it pains me when my family brings food I just can't eat like burgers or hot dogs or anything bready. Not starving tho, but I was in a similar panic mode at first and just refused to eat because it made me anxious. Now I'm calmer but the reflex stays nonetheless…
No.272086
>>271664>>272080learn how to do the heimlich on yourself with a chair and perhaps that will ease your anxiety. ultimately i went on anxiety meds but i used to eat in the mornings or when drunk so my brain wasn't online enough to panic
No.272088
holy shit there are so many layers of bullshit and tedium involved with just living life.