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File: 1673313656997.png (1.54 MB, 771x1234, 771:1234, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.270716[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>269378

 No.270720

I posted in the last thread that I'd been pretty much doing nothing but sleeping. I think I'm gonna stop doing that now. I had one of the most intense dreams I've ever had. I think I saw what my actual soul looks like, my deepest essence. The things I saw were so beautiful unlike anything real. But it was terrifying at the end. It's hard to describe but it was so realistic, vivid, and felt like a very long time passed. I started wondering where I was and how I got there. Then my body tried to jolt awake, but it was like my soul was still tethered in that realm. Ended up in this weird semi awake state where I couldn't move, felt like my mind and soul being torn apart I was screaming very loud for help. I've had sleep paralysis my whole life but this was definitely in top 3 experiences.

 No.270730

>>270720
Life would so much simple if we could just sleep, wake up for a few minutes after 10 hours or 10 years to remember we're still conscious beings and then go back to sleep again.

 No.270732

This world is fucking pathetic.

 No.270733

So I have some Monero.

Do I just basically get fentanyl off the darknet, then snort the fentanyl?

Will this kill me? Will I also be high as fuck?

 No.270735

>>270720
I've had somewhat of a similar dream where I found myself in an all white space and felt that I was being swallowed into this all white space. It was strangely peaceful which felt wrong so I instinctively panicked thinking I would die. I struggled with all my might to break free, I awoke and saw a brilliant orange in my minds eye.
I'm not sure why would would choose to stop sleeping as much as you had been. I want a dream like that again.

 No.270739

Just kill me.

 No.270740

I just want to get entertain, thats what get me out of the depression. now that im banned from 4chan, the only thing i can do is post here its fucking slow holy shit how could this website be still alive?!

 No.270804

>>270716
I am back being a neet after I working for about a year, working was tiresome and annoying but at least every day I woken up feeling angry at the world meanwhile now that I am back neeting I can only feel apathy and depression

 No.270845

File: 1673519631712.jpeg (16.35 KB, 238x454, 119:227, cruc caesar.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

I hate atheists but sometimes I really struggle to keep having faith in god
makes me want to become a closet atheist and even keep giving some donations to the church because the building and statues are so beatiful

 No.270849

Anxiety attacks are killing me, I can barely do anything without having constant fear of doing something wrong or that someone is spying on me.
They are getting so bad that I struggle to leave my room

 No.270854

After spending time away from people and information about the goings on of the world, the world looks even shittier when you look at it lol. Amazing.

 No.270857

Can't believe I'll have to keep up with this shit for 60+ years
I need to kill myself

 No.270858

>>270857
Exit bag is painless, cheap, hard to revive, effective means of suicide.

 No.270862

Going to the nearest river to drown myself. Goodbye, /dep/

 No.270863

>>270862
>he didn't take thee supplement pill

 No.270867

File: 1673555468864.jpg (140.16 KB, 640x480, 4:3, ami_using_a_computer.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>270716
Why do normalfags hate male virgins so much? Leave me the fuck alone I didn't even do anything to you

 No.270868

>>270867
1) Man fears what he doesn't understand
2) Normal fags have an entire ideology, personality, and asperational system handed down them from large, only needing to tweak a few things and they assume all are like this. They will be astonished anytime someone does something that the majority don't see as a part of their life goal, and intentionally forgoes what they see to be crucial to their development and identity.
3) Sex based puritanism where succubi's desires must be repressed and concealed to stave off negative consequences (succubi will raise a bastard, but less men will – society sees it self as needing the 2-or-more-parenting-figures ideal because the less people that love and care for children, the more likely they realise we live in a nazified prison.)

 No.270871

I'm going to start drinking liquor again. Fuck this world.

 No.270872

>>270871
Based I relapsed on liquor a month ago and got a gallon in my freezer

 No.270874

>>270872
Yeah I used to drink a ton of
Luksusowa vodka. I stopped because liquor straight up made me not care about participating in life. I would skip work, not because I was hungover, but because I didn't give a fuck about it. I'm done with trying.

 No.270880

>>270868
> negative consequences

the negative consequences of succubi having free sexual choice are more along the lines of few men will find a mate and will become violent. it's a well reproduced finding that polgynous societies are violent shitholes, look at the middle east and africa.

 No.270883

I have that feeling we get when we leave the house and feel we have forgotten something but can't remember what.
It is a constant feeling that distracts me and renders me unable to enjoy anything fully.
I get the impulse to walk around to search for it or open and close something as if I will find what I am looking for, I search within myself but find nothing, I ask God and receive only silence. I feel that upon dying I might see behind the curtain and find what it was I was looking for, there is only one thing left to do.

 No.270884

>>270874
I got like that during my drinking days too. Glad you quit

 No.270888

>>270883
sounds like ocd

 No.270890

>father is home
>he blasts the news and sportsball on TV loudly while simultaneously using his phone to mindlessly scroll through the most asinine garbage videos on facebook, at full volume
>father is away
>now brother blasts his shitty gen Z mumble rap wigger music while singing along to it like a faggot
i don't know which is worse

 No.270891

>>270890
Why cant you just fritter your time away like them?

 No.270894

>>270891
i am, but it's difficult to immerse yourself into a video game or a movie when you have all of this racket going on in the background

 No.270897

>>270894
IEM and active noise canceling. But I sympathize. I walked a lot more when I dealt with that.

 No.270906

>>270871
>>270872
Alcohol is the nectar of the gods. All you have to do is be moderate. It can make life so much more fun and interesting.

>>270874
Drinking some vodka right now. Hope you start drinking again, wiz. I drink to you too.

>>270845
>become a closet atheist and even keep giving some donations to the church because the building and statues are so beatiful
I'm quite sure that's how most religious people are too.

Have you considered other religions or spiritualism? I consider myself a pagan and it works fine for me. I can serve multiple gods at once and there is no fixed dogma or commands. I make up things as I go along.

 No.270907

>>270906
>so much more fun and interesting.
The fun felt on alcohol isn't a real fun, it's a cringe larpy fun

 No.270914

Currently drunk in my room. Long weekend. I'll fill it with vodka.

 No.270916

>>270907
>cringe and larpy in one utterly pointless expression
Zoomer detected. This is for 30 + years olds only.

 No.270918

>>270916
I completely agree

 No.270919

Weed is so much better than alcohol tho.

 No.270920

>>270919
true, but it's not like they are mutually exclusive.

 No.270932

Kek I went through 3/4 of a 750 of vodka in a night. I haven't had liquor in 3 years after swearing it off. I ate a good meal and drank water so I feel ok this morning.

 No.270938

It doesnt get better, it only ever gets worse and at some point you wonder why you didnt kill yourself when it first came up to you.

 No.270940

have you guys ever listened to opera? I have never listened but recently I learned of nessun dorma. It made me cry and i feel embarrassed because it it. it wasn't a self pity cry like in the sad loser uni days, but one where i still felt conscious and rebuked myself for being a big baby. I couldn't stop until I turned away and listened to something else.
this isn't normal right.

 No.270944

>>270940
It's normal to cry, you can ask yourself "this isn't normal right?" when you no longer have feelings.

 No.270945

>>270940
I went and saw the tristan project.

 No.270948

>>270940
Yes I like opera, my favorite is Porgy and Bess. I just listened to Treemonisha and Thus Spoke Zarathustra

 No.270957

>>270940
Nietzsche was addicted to Carmen

 No.270971

My mom still gets upset with my drinking. I'm 30, and have a job. I contribute to the house. I do drink every day, but I'm not loud or aggressive. I drink alone, and go to sleep. I don't even bother her why is she so upset about it lol

 No.270975

>>270957
yeah and he died due to being a weird normalfaggot sex haver dont mention the bearded faggot

 No.270976

>>270975
He had sex? I did hear he used to go to brothels but he never had a chance with a succubus he wanted to be with and died alone with her nazi like sister. Overtime Hitler even grew to like Nietzsche work and boom all hell went loose kek.

 No.270978

I am not interested in engaging with this stupid fucking world.

 No.270983

Just watched this vid, it's so sad and melancholic, especially the blairwitch and silent hill footage. I'm an early 80s kid, so i went through this.

 No.270985

File: 1673801835081.jpeg (152.24 KB, 1458x1080, 27:20, C9656514-9441-4D9A-B482-6….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>270716
Fuck whoever was calling me nuts for panicking when someone revealed they tracked down my address by sending a “gift”. They showed up banging on my door yesterday and wouldn’t leave until the police made them.
And fuck whatever piece of shit let someone they didn’t know in the building. What the fuck is the point of living somewhere with security when it’s full of retards that will buzz randoms in?

 No.270989

>>270907
It feels real to me and that's all that counts. What would be real fun according to you or others? Doing something social with others or chasing succubi?

>>270919
Weed is for normals if you live in a country where it's illegal to get. I mean, you need to have some kind of connection and social life to know who would sell you some of that stuff, no? Meanwhile alcohol is legal pretty much everywhere except for some muslim hellholes.

>>270932
Yes, the key to avoid hangovers is:
- drink with moderation obviously
- make sure you eat both before drinking and after drinking
- drink water after drinking alcohol

I like mixing vodka or rum with tea or some juices. It gets you in the right mood quickly without having to drink a large amount of it, like in the case of beer or wine.

>>270940
Tried it a couple of times, not my favorite and never will be most likely. I like some purely instrumental type classic music sometimes but overall I'm not an intellectual so I prefer music that's not so boring. It's just like how I read classic books from time to time, like Victor Hugo and such but I can mostly appreciate modern stuff like books written in the 20th century and onward. I also tend to avoid drama and poems if I can. I don't like the theatrical and pretentious style, if you can express something in a few words why overplay it? Yeah, I'm not into that kind of art, I prefer prose.
Talking about music, to calm my autism I'm listening to different variations and pitches and slowdowns of the San Andreas theme. Been doing this for a week now.

>>270971
I'm in the same situation except that I'm a NEET and I only drink every two weeks or so. My theory is that our mothers and in my case my sister too don't want us to grow up. They want us to be their little kids always. Drinking alone is something that's alien to females. Succs drink in parties and such but they don't understand why anyone would want to drink alone. They don't understand how hard life can be for people like us.
That or they just don't want us to become alcoholics. Where I live, it's a tradition for divorced males and single males to end up as alcoholics so maybe that's it.

>>270976
> I did hear he used to go to brothels
Yes and why do you think people go to those places? There are some Nietzsche stories about he played the piano in the brothel while the other males were having fun but that's only one story. That doesn't mean he never paid a whore in his entire life. He died from STD ultimately so yeah, he definitely had sex, probably with more than one whores.
He tried to marry Lou Salome but he was rejected, on a side note.

 No.270992

I wake up and stay lying in bed for hours till it's time to sleep again. I don't have the will to do anything.

 No.270997

Having to be awake for like 16 hours a day is way too much. After a couple hours, my dopamine is already drained for the day. Then I keep waking up after like 6 hours and can't go back to sleep

 No.270999

The only jobs I can get are jobs which almost nobody wants due to being both demanding and low paid positions, and then I get treated like garbage anyway. People shit on other people who have low status jobs just as much as they shit on NEETs, it makes no difference. If there's lots of people around in a work place, at least one is going to try peacocking and find some fault with what I'm doing to show off.

 No.271016

mother brought a cat now everything smell like cat food and cat shit. I think owning animals is wrong, it's humiliating both for the pet and owner. There is something very narcissistic about it. The human likes that the helpless animal relies on it for food and they love talking about their pets and showing them to others.

 No.271032

File: 1673885626070.jpg (7.55 MB, 1661x3051, 1661:3051, Francisco_de_Goya,_Saturno….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Anyone else wish that things were different? I keep fantasizing about the life I could/should/would have had. I feel like I died and I'm not living in a bad dream. I'm a 20 year old KHHV HS dropout working a min wage job druggie loser. I just want to be a hopeful kid again even if my childhood was hell.

 No.271033

>>270989
I don't really drink anymore but I used to be a borderline alcoholic getting blackout drunk every 8-15 days. I think you're a intellectual Anon, you're certainly smarter than me.

 No.271034

File: 1673887108478.gif (2.13 MB, 800x450, 16:9, d41586-018-06610-y_1610993….gif) ImgOps iqdb

Shut down a web server I've been using for 14 years today. Letting go of any lingering hope that I'll need it in the future, and all the memories of trying things, work, or projects that didn't lead anywhere. Letting go of the little future orientated action I once had. Small silly things that feel bigger than they are.

 No.271036

>>271032
Life has become totally surreal for me. I keep expecting to wake up and have to get dressed for class or something. Like I'm going to open my eyes and be in middle school again somehow. I haven't been to school in 2 decades.

 No.271039

>>271032
Fantasizing about what if scenarios is poison. Hope is poison. Delusion is poison. Dreams are poison. On this topic I agree with buddhists. Concentrate on the here and now. If you are fantasizing then don't do it with yourself but daydream about video games or other entertainment you consumed. Always make a clear line between reality and fantasy.

Try to accept your fate and circumstances. You can't fight against your fate, real life isn't some anime. Try to feel good in your skin. As a min wage job druggie loser dropout. It's your life, you know why things went the way they did for you and why you made the decisions you did.

>>271033
Getting blackout drunk sucks. It kind of defeats the purpose of drinking, which is to feel good. Well, I hope you get back to alcohol with moderation, wizza. It's not a bad thing if you handle it carefully. It can brighten your days considerably. After all, what else is left for us to do but to try to enjoy our days to the max? Carpe diem and all that.

 No.271050

>>270989
So Nietzsche was just a horny failed normalfaggot who failed to marry a succubus he loved and died of STDS while going insane? God why does life have to always sound so underwhelming and disappointing. His work sounds pretty good, just hated how he ended up later in life.

 No.271055

Why didn't the demiurge allow us to realize all which our fantasy is capable of just by thinking of it? Like superpowers and such. He gave us consciousness and mental abilities to show us how insufferable incapable and powerless we are.

 No.271057

>>271055
Because his peers the Archrons feed on negative sentient vibes

 No.271129

File: 1674004802217.png (551.91 KB, 1680x1050, 8:5, All they know is how to go….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>271050
>So Nietzsche was just a horny failed normalfaggot who failed to marry a succubus he loved and died of STDS while going insane?
I mean if you want to view it through the lens of wizchan post-2014 I guess?

I find it grating that normalfags, particularly celebrities, who quote and/or have pieces of art by people who, if they were alive they wouldn't give the time of day to.

 No.271130

My glasses broke and I can't see clearly past 30cm from my face. I hate having to rely on a flimsy object to participate in the world.

 No.271139

>Driving home
>Having chuddy thoughts of anger, wanting to hurt people, etc
>usual hating self
>See little rat thing on the road
>It's not getting out of the way
>Stop, get out to flick it off the road
>It's a tiny baby bunny
>It's overheating on the pavement and is just limping along
>scoop him up to move him off the road
>next minute he's in the van with me, just lying hurt in the passenger seat
>call him a lucky fuck, and tell him he's getting evicted as soon as he's healthy and strong
>find he's covered in scars, I figure a cat has dragged him from his nest
>get all protective of him, make him a little bed in a shoebox with a shallow dish of water
>manually make him piss like the guides online said by stroking his belly
>give him leafy greens, hay and a bit of carrot
>heat up milk and then start trying to nurse him with an eyedrop syringe, but he was too sore to even suckle on it.
>he's just lying there hurt most of the time, sometimes he'll spring into action and run around, but 98% of the time he'll just lie there
>next morning he's crying for his mommy
>Take him into the vet, the succubi were all awwwwww
>they see him and immediately know he's too far gone, but take him in
>tell me he has head trauma and has to be euthanized.

I have so much paternal instincts and I didn't even realize it. I'm still lowkey hurt about it.

 No.271140

>>271139
Chuds are not full of anger, but love. They always strike out because of a perceived threat to society, and whenever they do strike they demonstrate an obsession with various injustices they perceived on the news and such (like murder of children by immigrants).
You're just feeling impotent because of mass societal demoralization.

 No.271145

>>271140
Pretty sure they’re just internet retards

 No.271153

>>271130
I can't see clearly past 6 in. I've been thinking about getting lasik surgery but my eyesight usually gets a bit worse every year or two. I want to wait until it stabilizes before I try getting rid of my glasses once and for all.

 No.271154

>>271139
Almost stopped reading thinking you were going to run it over. That's very nice of you, always remember that bunny, always remember your empathy, don't let the world crush it. Hang in there anon.

 No.271178

I want an apology from my mom for having me.

 No.271188

File: 1674091710866.png (28.28 KB, 1024x600, 128:75, 1623392864527.png) ImgOps iqdb

talking to my online friend on voice (wow what a normalfag) and he just straight up ignores what i said and moves on
fucking pissed me off, rude cunt
i would prefer an honest "i dont care" but no, instead a complete dismissal of my person, like im not even worth the breath, and i consider this person a very close friend

my dad told me a few months ago he saw his buddy in a shop and said hello, the guy completely blanked him like he didnt even know him, even though he goes visit him regularly, like what the fuck

all this to say just a reminder you (me) are ultimately very much alone in this gay earth, nobody really gives a fuck, for better or worse

 No.271222

I feel like an artist imprisoned in another's painting

 No.271226

>>271222
How does it feel to be an artist?

 No.271229

Drank a pint of 100 proof vodka last night. At work right now. This is brutal as fuck.

 No.271230

File: 1674145754568.png (478.8 KB, 640x800, 4:5, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

im such a fuckup
no self control
you know the deal
same old
same old

 No.271243

>someone offers me something for free
>say no
>thing actually would have been beneficial to me

Every time. Why am I like this?

 No.271244

>>271032
my life is nothing but one big regret

 No.271247

I was very productive today. Then I had an argument over the phone with my mom and I cried afterwards when my grandma asked me what happened.

Literally cracked open a cold one to relax and unwind after running errands all day and now I feel like shit again. I'm just not allowed to be at peace with myself.

 No.271248

>>271243
you don't want to feel like you owe them something

 No.271255

File: 1674182038711.png (285.69 KB, 489x348, 163:116, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

I deserve to die
If a man can't get better after decades of trying
Then there's nothing worth saving in there

 No.271260

Cursed a guy out this morning. I was on my way to work, heavy traffic. Cars everywhere. He honked at me while I was at a yield sign, trying to force me to drive into a perpendicular street with backed up cars. I put my car in park, got out and stared at him in his car. I yelled at him to wait his god damned turn. Asked if he wanted me to drive into the cars, didn't he see the fucking traffic. He didn't honk again or say anything. It felt so good. I'm not a badass, but as I get older I can tolerate less and less of this shit. I was just trying to fucking get to work jesue

 No.271261


 No.271262

>>271261
I saw red for a minute or two. I'm typically pretty disinterested in asserting myself, but I cannot tolerate being picked on. Recently, in the past two years, I've learned that people tend to back down if you're aggressive with them. I have few stories like this. It probably helps that I'm pretty tall.

I was at a gas station a few months ago, and there was nobody at the register to check people out. They were busy in the back doing something.
I wasn't standing directly in front of the register, because there was nobody there, and I didn't want to pressure the employees to help me. Who cares. I'll wait an extra minute while they finish up.
Some guy behind me drew my attention, and told me that I "needed" to move up to the register and I pointed out the him that I fucking didn't "need" to because THERE WAS NOBODY AVAILABLE TO HELP. THERE WAS NOBODY UP THERE. I asked him didn't he see that there was NOBODY THERE BECUAUSE THEY WERE BUSY. He just kind of went "umm oh okay". What was I supposed to do, make them have time to check me out? Demand their attention? Fucks sake leave me the fuck alone.

Stupid bitches instigate altercations and then clam up like pussies when you respond.

 No.271263

>>271260
My hobby is driving around and yelling at people to kill themselves. I've gotten in chases and stuff so I stopped telling other drivers to shoot themselves in the head, I keep it to pedestrians. It's fun!

 No.271266

>>271260
If you did that in burgerland you'd probably get shot. Family member of mine yelled at someone in an adjacent car and the dude pulled out a gun and started screaming.

 No.271272

I'm feeling negatively feelings strongly

 No.271275

>>271266
I'm not surprised. A large chunk of the US population is severely mentally ill yet they aren't institutionalized, they're forced to fend for themselves in the private market.

Probably the same reason why USA has more school shootings and mall shootings per year than the rest of the world combined several times over.
The population on average is severely ill and deeply hates each other.

The lovely result of unlimited liberal free markets.

 No.271276

>>271275
I'd say it's rampant multiculturalism, drugs, and materialism. Well, same thing as liberal free markets in retrospect.

 No.271278

>>271262
Learning to be reactively aggressive is useful. When I'm not weak and depressed I respond to other drivers aggression with aggression, most human communication is just emotions there's no content to it.

 No.271289

File: 1674243898749.png (662.41 KB, 1132x781, 1132:781, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

When you're such a dysfunctional retard in the real world
You aren't going to make much progress in the spiritual world
Same skill sets. Any insight from being a loser and seeing suffering without protective narratives is limited, when you haven't got the energy or mental clarity.
The billionaire who decides to become a monk after his daughter dies in her sports car will achieve more than retarded fuckup niggahs trying for years.
We just the human trash dawg.

 No.271293

>>271289
Spiritually it doesn't matter as long as you give your best and as long as you put in honest effort.

 No.271300

>>271289
I think there are different kinds of dysfuntional retards. When I practiced a radical poverty and disattachment to possessions I was still diysfunctional but happier.

 No.271302

>>271289
>The billionaire who decides to become a monk after his daughter dies in her sports car will achieve more than retarded fuckup niggahs trying for years.
and you base that on????

 No.271303

Shitty day at work. Got chewed out by a doctor because a failover I had no idea about didn't work. Time to drink alone until I fall asleep. Like always.

 No.271304

I took the day off and i dont even have the energy to clean or do laundry

 No.271306

>>271016
i agree i think owning pets is immoral. rescues or feeding wild animals is fine but should be illegal to sell animals

 No.271312

I want to quit my job. I have enough support and money to live. My boss pissed me off today. Chewed me out, even though I volunteered to drive somewhere and fix an issue. Although, I raised my voice and told him that he was being innapropriate. I was the only one who volunteered. I worked 2 hours past quitting time. When things stared looking up he apologized to me. Makes me sick, he's just like everyone else. If I quit I'd really hurt the company. Just want to spite that fag

 No.271348

>>271289
> We just the human trash dawg

Yep literal human trash here. Inferior at everything and 80 iq brainlet even.

 No.271353

theres actions that you do to avoid suffering. like drinking water, eating, tending to hygiene just enough so that you dont feel bad
people have diverse needs, a child needs a specific toy or else the child feels excluded or left out, therefore suffers
then theres people who praise surplus actions, actions that dont directly work against suffering, but that are seen as necessary anyways
they have to convince people that these actions are necessary
and this is how social pressures are formed - people with retarded ideals create new needs

i propose a new philosophy: surplus action rejectionism
in the philosophy, you see the act of touting surplus actions as a source of suffering in itself, and therefore as something that you have to combat

t. surplus action touter

 No.271378

>>271262
you seem insecure if a honk made you that angry. just fucking ignore the loser or maybe flip him off at most. getting out of your car is just crazy and you could get shot doing that anyway

 No.271387

>>271378
He was trying to make me scared and lurch into traffic and I'm "insecure" for calling him out. Dude just fuck off. I was just trying to get to work.

 No.271439

I turned 25 this week and I have literally nothing to show for it except for a pile of trash in the basement I live in. I'm the same person I was when I was 15 and when I was 5. I can feel my brain rotting in my fucking skull as the time passes, I can't recognize my own face/body in the mirror and I don't know why. I spend literally the entire day daydreaming about being another person but recently what once we're vivid dreams now are like TV static in my head because I can't even imagine myself being happy, I can't imagine myself doing anything with my life but waste it. I don't know what to do anymore because I always thought I'd be dead by the time I turned 20. I'm just going through life on autopilot waiting to die. I'm not even in control of my own body. Fuck it

 No.271462

how often have wizards ghosted someone irl / gave someone irl the cold sholder
i did it 3 times in my life against very annoying people, and it was always effective
however, i could see in their reaction to it that they were questioning their worth as a human being afterwards
so im probably reaping bad karma
i wonder if theres a way of rejecting annoying people without the existential crisis they go through

 No.271463

>>271387
you're insecure i used to be there years ago.

 No.271464

>>271462
I ghosted people and I never regretted it because they treated me like shit, you gotta be more confident in your decisions, it's not your fault if they are annoying or otherwise toxic and it only hurts their self worth because they are self-centered retards who can't possibly understand why you don't think that they are such great people

 No.271466

>>271462
never irl but i did it many times on the internet
i can't wait to ghost my family, i trully cannot, i hate them so deeply

 No.271467

>>271462
Ghosting is a major theme in my life. Social interaction makes me extremely uncomfortable and, unfortunately, many people have found me likable (and many unlikable as well). When people give me their phone numbers or visit it usually sends me into a death spiral. There was one point when an older lady started helping me quite a lot (she happened to know about a past suicide attempt) and would regularly pick me up and made plans for the future to– I suppose– inspire me, but it led paradoxically to an intense dread at all hours of the day. I attempted suicide in earnest to escape from the prospect of seeing her. I survived, and I have made sure never to speak with her again. It makes me feel terrible because I cared about her. For some reason I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of someone caring about me, and thus I typically attempt an escape.
Whenever a social situation is inescapable, as in the case of familial interaction, I (mostly unconsciously) put on a persona; in some way, this persona forms an ablative protection against social interaction, although I do not have much insight into the matter. The personas allow me to far more easily interact, although "maintaining" them is an excruciating task that eventually gets to the point that I have a constant feeling of impending doom. This leads, of course, back to ghosting people. My impulse to ghost is so strong that being around family is a horrifying undertaking and at all times I wish to be parted from them. That doesn't mean I don't care about them or anyone else, I care very deeply, I just want to ghost them.

 No.271470

>>271439
whatever man, you should aknowledge that all life is worthless, even the greatest of accomplishments are going to get buried my time and dust, the greatest of inventions and the most impressive of wealth, sure those things may yield great pleasure in the moment but ultimately they get swept off the face of this reality, maybe this fact will make you feel better, maybe it will not

 No.271471

>>271462
There's nothing that makes a normalfag seethe more than being ignored. I've done it so much.

Basically I don't really feel compelled to talk to people I don't like. I don't know why I have to? If you're a shitty person I'm happy to just politely keep my distance.

 No.271473

I lighlty slapped my aunt's ear cuz she got real annoying. She just lives with my parents. Should I feel bad about this?

 No.271474

>>271473
yeah that's elder abuse stop being a bitch

 No.271476

>>271474
I mean it was my brother eho started the fight then she chimed in and got caught in crossfire. It was ultimately my ape normalfag brothers fault

 No.271483

I found my old reddit posts from two years ago by googling around. During that time I was a total shut-in (like I am now, again).

Just going by my prose and jaggered writing, I could tell that this lifestyle is negatively affecting me cognitively. I need to get offline and sort this shit out.

 No.271487

Work in 2 hours. Drank all weekend, and I can't really walk. Fuck my life I can hardly get out of bed.

 No.271490

>>271483
you dont need to go offline, but you definitely shouldnt stay home for multiple days in a row
voluntarily go outside, for a walk, try to chat up strangers, something like that
very important, otherwise your brain goes down the shitter

 No.271513

>>271490
>try to chat up strangers
wizchan 2023 going beyond my wildest expectations

 No.271514

>>271513
this board is nothing more than r9k 2.0 at this point

 No.271519

>>271514
There's not even 50% of the daily posters this site had 5 years ago and at the same time there's an influx of all kinds of new posters who haven't been here for long. Wizchan won't ever be the same unless mods enforce rules very strictly.

 No.271522

>>271519
I'm one of the few 30+ year old posters that have been here for a long time and the biggest issue is the actual moderation. They are actively destroying the site. E.g. still can't even post on /meta/ with VPN, they have randomly banned me before for comments that dont even come close to breaking the rules like they just clicked the wrong reply or something, while leaving other obbiously rule breaking posts. Must be a complete dumpster fire behind the scenes

 No.271523

>>271522
They literally delete any posts containing criticism saying "criticism only on /meta/" and then not letting people post there. It's hilarious they're at that point of damage control

 No.271525

>>271522
>>271523

My guess is that there's not even an actual "team" behind the scenes, maybe it's just two people for all we know, that would also explain the poor moderation in general. Theres threads about doing stuff with friends and posts about feminism or people getting insulted as crabs just because they don't agree that succubi are all such great people and you get called a poltard if you state that porn is bad. There's a lot more rule breaking going on of course.

Wizchan had several admin switches over the years and it's obviously not the same staff it had some years ago.

I also think that the no VPN rule on /meta/ has been established to keep things under control since its all such a clusterfuck now.

 No.271527

>>271525
I've been a moderator for forums before (different style of place); you quickly get to the point where your brain is tired from processing text for months from a moderator point of view. They must just be burnt out and not capable of caring about their 'job' anymore, just doing bare minimum and keeping servers running. Should just shut the site down at this point i'd say

 No.271532

>>271525
I don’t believe anyone who complains about getting banned because hardly anyone gets banned, unless you’re confused with a long term troll permaban are unlikely. Mods have their biases but meh, most people get warnings.
Moderating sites for a long time gets you seeing patterns that can be wrong because you will have a handful of dedicated trolls, so you occasionally ban someone thinking they’re them - especially if you’re tired of dealing with them.
VPN ban in /meta/ makes sense when half the posts were trolls trying to wind people up. There’s hasn’t been many 300 post threads since the vpn ban. Being a moderator of a community that attracts obsessive retard trolls is tedious, people who have never done it complain and whine are oblivious to the dynamics that evolve. trolls using 1000s of ip addresses and spending hours each day spamming isn’t uncommon if they get emotionally attached to rivalry with the mods.

More generally, the public facing moderation team have said they don’t actually agree with the wizchan rules and would make them laxer. But there’s more trolls ranting about mods than there are genuine users, so it’s hard to take a position. Running sites with retard trolls is a tedious headache though.

 No.271533

>>271513
>>271514
>haha yeah bro mental degeneration from isolation is totally cool

 No.271534

brooo being isolated is the best thing since pancakes
t. lives with parents who make them pancakes

 No.271554

>>271522
How much of the mod team is even 30 and over?

 No.271555

>>271532
I've been banned once for the lamest reasoning but the most asinine thing they do is delete posts that are within the rules but don't conform to whatever they're feeling that day.

 No.271556

>Mods, site userbase etc
There's clearly a very small number of people who mostly obsess on controlling /wiz/. If you shitpost outside of North American hours it'll be there for nearly a day. Every aspect of this site is cancerous from the users to the culture to the administration. erase /b/ and most of it'll go away. Might get all the traffic but it's turning the site into a stupid larp for kids.

 No.271558

Not gonna lie, it's probably not just me who's in the way of my happiness. It's society, and not just for me either. How many people would have lived perfectly happy lives if not for society? A lot of people die because they feel useless because they're programmed to feel useless without a job or if they don't fit into society's expectations. It's a broad stroke, too. You could fit a lot of different problems people from the broad term of "society". Sometimes, I feel like if it all goes to shit even more than it has now, I should be prepared to go into the woods or something. Even just living frugally somewhere cheap could work.

 No.271561

>>271558
>You could fit a lot of different problems people from the broad term of "society".

It really all boils down to modernity, with every generation things get more confusing and difficult while the working world also turns to pressure and slavery even more. People also slowly go nuts because all the media we consume sucks the dignity out of everything.

 No.271567

>>271561
I don't think humanity can last long being in a society. It's becoming way to stressful for everyone and overwhelming. We are simply still animals just like every other creature on earth. We literally sit in front of computers screens and go on phones so regularly we forgot our humanity.

 No.271580

File: 1674638358836.gif (250.31 KB, 425x498, 425:498, lain-serial-experiments-la….gif) ImgOps iqdb

I never feel good or okay and I am chronically empty/dissatisfied regardless of external circumstances

 No.271582

>>271561
Modernity is a result of industrialization.

 No.271585

>>270716
Not even weed makes me feel good anymore, it just feels a little good for 5 seconds and rest of the time i'm bored and depressed. God nothing gives me joy anymore, not even drugs.

 No.271587

I cannot take this much longer.

 No.271588

>>271582
We all know who was right about industrial society all along

 No.271589

On the topic of modernity; this video always cheers me up, such a simple and beautiful life my soul longs for it.
https://youtu.be/xOnNWJ_GNwA

(I know it is an advertisement but the content is worthy)

 No.271590

>>271585
For how long have you been smoking weed?

 No.271591

Life is way too long

 No.271594

>>271585
Same here but I get way too suicidal when I take a break so I have to keep buying it anyway

 No.271608

>>271590
Just a year now, i'm sadly a chronic user too. Being sober feels worse sometimes.

 No.271623

I’ve posted the same thing in this thread maybe 20+ times over the last number of years, when my depression lifts is always mind blowing. My body becomes easier to move, I can do things for a couple of days, normal anxiety that responds to mental language, the experience of “willpower” where you can dismiss mind easily and push through things.

No matter how much I write or record the experience of non depression you can’t remember it during depression, and it’s a surprise every time that I seek you share with this thread.

 No.271624

>>271623
Sounds like you are bipolar.

 No.271625

>>271624
People comment this here, but it’s more a unipolar depression experience. These kinds of disorders have very vague diagnosis criteria, for example I technically have bipolar because I’ve experienced mania once a year or so for a day or so. Feeling invincible, being able to dismiss all external pressures, energy pulsing through veins.

Going from not being able to shower for weeks to being able to clean the house calmly and aware isn’t mania, just depression to non-depression. Mind starting working and memory working isn’t mania, so most of my life isn’t bipolar it’s just unipolar depression. It doesn’t really matter, I’ve tried all the therapy techniques for bipolar to little success and can’t get pills unless I do some extreme negative thing that enters me in the mental health systems. So labels don’t matter much.

 No.271626

>>271625
I'm the same as you. It really doesn't matter if most treatment options doesn't work. All you can do is live and accept the pain, i'm with you though man, you will never be alone with those feelings. I heard predictions that psychiatry will have stronger and better pills in the future. If those don't work, i'm offing myself, too tired to live anymore.

 No.271653

God, I'm so depressed. Please, take my life in my sleep.

 No.271657

I'm a quadriplegic and I'm tired of this routine of waking up and being on the computer, I really can't take it anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of pretending I'm fine, I think I need therapy but I'm too poor to afford it.

 No.271664

Life really keeps on getting worse. I was finally in a place of contentment and then…this happens. I develop the most retarded kind of problem imaginable: a fear of swallowing/chocking.

Almost choked a piece of bread last week and ever since, I developed this tongue involuntary reflex where I push against food and can't swallow anything solid. It's like some fear of swallowing/chocking and I get this anticipatory anxiety before I try to swallow. I tried drinks, sauces, all kinds of tricks, but it's really hard to get food in. Been eating pudding cups and yoghurts. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with it at all and don't eat the entire day. I tried scrambled eggs this morning and some bites I can do it, other times I panic again. Takes me like an hour to finish a plate and eating below my maintenance for calories so I'll definitely be losing weight.

I don't know how to fix it. I'm scared this is permanent. I've got other anxieties and phobias and they're pretty much lifelong. I can avoid people but I can't avoid eating…

 No.271665

>>271664
That's really adorable, wiz. I'm sending you a telepathic wizhug right now.

 No.271666

>>271665
How is it adorable? I somehow keep acquiring more and more mental problems. And this shit is no joke, I will never be able to eat normally again. There is no cure, just cope like all mental illness.

 No.271667

sounds like being afraid of swallowing pills but much worse, maybe it will pass.

 No.271670

>>271666
dont mind this identified poster

 No.271672

>>271666
Because you're a tender and sensitive wiz that got throat-violated by a piece of bread. I'm here to comfort you.

 No.271673

>>271667
Yeah, it's exactly that. I had that pill problem since I could remember, but that's one swallow and you could get through it when you needed to. But imagine every bite being like that, every time you sit down to eat a meal that isn't smooth pudding.

I doubt it will pass because it's now a conditioned response and every time I sit down to eat and have trouble I just reinforce it. And even just thinking about it reinforces it.

At least I'll finally lose weight…all it took was an eating disorder.

>>271672
Fuck off, retard.

 No.271674

>>271664
just drink more water, people only choke on things because their throat is dry

 No.271675


 No.271676

>>271675
Thanks. It seems the root of the problem is my attention. Now that I think swallowing dry food is dangerous, I'm always monitoring my tongue and chewing. And the more distressed I get, the more I anchor my attention in that area and start doing it "manually". Ugh, the old famous "don't think of a pink elephant" paradox.

How fucked up is it that this could just hit you out of the blue. I was just getting used to demiurge's hellish world and he throws another curve ball, spoiling one of the only things I have left.

 No.271678

>>271673
It may be unfortunate to hear but you have already been telepathically hugged. No take backsies.

 No.271679

I will chew your food for you and regurgitate into your mouth for you wizzie <3

 No.271686

I am intensely uncomfortable with having a body.

 No.271706

How the fuck do you even care about anything, a little thing, if you are supported by your parents with money and material basics? Like, why do a thing? Why turn a finger? It's entirely pointless anything but laying in your bed.

 No.271707

File: 1674868693754.png (2.26 MB, 3000x1500, 2:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

please help me god. please help me god. i dont know what to say. im in the abyss. ive been here my whole life. 24 years of pointless struggling to get out of here. i dont know if theres an exit. i want to get out of here. i think at least ive definetely given up on killing myself. ive realized that there are things i love too much, inifinite suffering is worth it if it means a tiny chance to do the things i want to do, so i wont kill myself. i want to draw a lot, i want to read a lot, i want to make a lot of things, i wish i could do so forever. i want to go up, i want to go up forever. ill do anything. so please god give me a chance. please let me try. i dont think ill make it. its not looking good. everything points to death. i dont know i cry a lot, i think i might be among the people who cried the most tears in the world. im a freak. im worth less than toxic garbage or radioactive waste. but im very lucky to be like this. im the worst, but i feel very privileged. im broken from birth but in the most useful way. i feel a lot of power. i dont know. i think my mind is going blank. i cant stand this horror show anymore. i feel like im activating a defense mode that i wasnt supposed to touch. im afraid. i dont know whats going to happen. i wish i had the same chances as everyone else. god please help me. please.
i dont know. i wanted to say something. but im not good at words. and i can never express myself in any language. so i give up. i dont know. im just very scared.

 No.271709

File: 1674871690175.png (176.82 KB, 605x623, 605:623, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

shit nigga
the demiurge got me hooked on that sensuality
im weak as fuck
shit
need a noose for my fat ass
need to quit this shit

 No.271733

File: 1674953023069.jpg (67.1 KB, 495x591, 165:197, 1623612237335.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I feel so retarded and exhausted. I'm addicted to Discord and 4chan to the point that I procrastinate playing a game. I just want to be in a coma for a at least 2 weeks or so to reset my brain at this point; nothing can cheer me up anymore - Anhedonia has consumed my soul. I'm addicted to Plato's cave, wasting away in front of a blue light screen accomplishing nothing but the slow degradation of my brain and body.

 No.271734

>>271733
Really strange the minute I wake up and see posts like this makes me feel not really lonely. It's absurd how you think the exact thoughts I think everyday, I just wanna be asleep for a month and i'll be fine.

 No.271735

>>271734
It's not that strange if you think about it. We have more or less the same minds that react very similarly to our environment. We probably have in common our rejection by normalfags which causes us to retreat to online spaces until our brain rots to the point that we can't enjoy anything. You may think your situation is unique but there are no doubt millions who have lived almost exactly the same life.

 No.271739

I've tolerated following the path of least resistance to one of the worst ways a man can live. I feel pretty gung-ho about rectifying this at 3am, I have to hope I still will when I wake up.

 No.271747

http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html

This is a horror story. I know family who love this story and find it so 'hopeful'. I do not understand these people. Ffs, the protag gets reincarnated as a female Chinese peasant. It's fucking horrifying. Just one step below Roko's Basilisk. With each passing day, I find the notion that death is just a void to be more and more pleasant an idea.

 No.271761

it's so difficult to be a stupid perosn. I think intelligence would help me with depression, contrary to popular belief. it took me years to realize that I should take vitamin d. people who are more well-read and intelligent are always ahead of me even in terms of dealing with feeling awful 24/7.

 No.271763

>>271761
Wait until you find out about regular exercise!

 No.271772

File: 1675060516653.jpg (127.28 KB, 789x792, 263:264, 67.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I woke up

 No.271773

>>271761
I share your sentiments.

 No.271775

>>271514
always had been since 2012

 No.271776

>>271763
I have no idea how average people manage to sneak in time for a full workout in between work and family and w/e else without burning out. I have to treat self-improvement like a day job to get any results out of it.

 No.271777

Fuck my life I don't want to go to work.

 No.271778

>>271761
most people don't take vitamin D and are doing ok enough. these stories about deficiencies being so widespread in the general population always seemed overblown to me

 No.271779

>>271761
Intelligence sucks in one way when you’re depressed - you know the theoretical solutions or potential things you could create, but in practice you struggle to do the most basic things. The gap between mind and action is unpleasant.
But for everything else low intelligence sucks balls. I live with my retarded sibling and them struggling to understand basic shit while being aware of negative emotions and the negative social interactions sucks. Being confused and mentally ill fucking sucks.
Intelligence isn’t that useful if nothing works either, aka vitamin d etc.

 No.271781

File: 1675082979380.png (605.01 KB, 1150x647, 1150:647, Understandable.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>271777
Attached is for you.
>>271778
O.k., I'll bite because I haven't read about this at all, what is the vit D thing all about? What's the current research for it? Also, WHICH vit D are we talking about (I've seen labels in the grocery store that specifically mention D3)?

 No.271782

>>271781
I’m not posting lots of details. Vitamin d3 is just the most easily absorbed version of vitamin d.
Vitamin d is normally produced by the skin when in contact with sunlight that contains uv ( depending where you are in the world, winter plus/minus a few months won’t help you produce vitamin d). Thanks to indoor lifestyles most studies show large parts of the population are deficient, and in places like Norway it’s linked somewhat to winter-depression as they can be deficient in winter.
It’s considered important and it’s a cheap thing everyone can take to maybe feel better, alternatively you can sit in the sun in shorts and no T-shirt for an hour a day in non-winter. Milk and grains are normally fortified with iron and vitamin d as well, if you’re African or something you produce less vitamin d in cold climates with less sun so probably should supplement.
Studies show general population benefits and sometimes individual benefits and people saying it cured some issues.

 No.271783

>>271772
Yeah… iktf wizbro

 No.271785

File: 1675102193270.gif (631.19 KB, 512x384, 4:3, f8d.gif) ImgOps iqdb

God I hating remembering other people exist

 No.271793

Meditate for 3 hours
Getting ready, wew, participating in the world is a real test
Just keep this same energy
Deep breath
You can keep your focus and cool
5 minutes later and I’m fucked up
Mind on a swivel going maniac mode
And I can’t deal with it
Back to trying
Nothing else to do
With a messed up brain

 No.271798

why do I only notice the negative?

 No.271799

>>271798
I'm like this too. Could be a symptom of sociopathy. Praying to the Archangel Jophiel helps me overcome it. You gotta try to be more positive. It's hard but it can be done

https://www.learnreligions.com/meet-archangel-jophiel-124094

 No.271803

I think there is value in rolling with the punches of natural selection.
Someone can represent a that to you, your well-being, your comfort, your quality of life, etc. Without you being able to do much about it.
I think people are quick to reach for copes. Mental gymnastics, distractions, answers that will soothe the feelings of helplessness and interiority.
I think it's bad to be desperate, and it's good to be grounded in reality.
If you are in a prison cell with big bubba, then your well-being and continued existence is dependent on him feeling like sparing you. He's a threat to you. Period. There's no further text in the story.

 No.271804

>>271803
Threat*

 No.271807

>>271793
I think the core worth of meditation, is to have quality relaxation
When you're strained mentally, you want to relax and do nothing else.
But relaxation mediums come with different grades of quality.
Immersive meditation can shorten the time it takes to wind down, and do stuff again

It sounds like your problem is not relaxation.
It sounds like you need to struggle some more with your issues, and learn about them and your emotions.

Meditation will not grant you a protective shield against your own issues

 No.271817

Got that feeling
Wanting to die

 No.271821

I have vague memories of being picked on in kindergarten. I don't want to claim that I was bullied because bullied is a strong word and I really can't recall these memories that well considering I had to be 5 years old at the time. I have memories of sitting in a table surrounded by 3-4 other children and they would take turns pinching my flesh. I would cry but nobody would listen. I remember being the crybaby of the class and the teachers got sick of me crying all the time and scolded me for crying. I don't remember why I cried so much. I remember telling my mom when I got home that I was picked on. Eventually my mom talked to the teacher near the end of the school year. I remember thinking that she acted too late and that she should have saved me sooner. This would mean that I've been picked on for a long time though I don't remember if that's really the case. I recall the teacher that was normally angry at me for crying was now making a show of reprimanding the ringleader of the kids who picked on me. I don't remember if they stopped.

 No.271843

I despise creation, i hate god, i hate it all. It's just a grind with no point to it. Abomination;

 No.271848

Try to focus. Cannot focus.
Too many years wasting away.

 No.271858

>>271848
Take it as a sign you're not interested.

 No.271873

>>270716
Hello Wizards.
I'm at the end phase of my life. I think I will be living at most 2.5 more years, and that's a stretch. It depends on how things pan out and whether I can save up enough money to complete my primary goal. Being at the epilogue, I feel as though I want to call a hotline and tell them everything. I thought about this a lot for years– not whether I should call, but why I want to call in the first place. Why, when I do not want to change, and I will regardless die? I know how it would go; I tell them everything, I go in-patient for a few weeks or, if they take me seriously, months. I decide to lie about everything and tell them "I'm alright", and then I leave. Nothing changes.
I suppose it's as if I'm a bomb about to burst. I just want to relieve the pressure…

 No.271874

>>271873
>I think I will be living at most 2.5 more years
See you next three years.

 No.271875

>>271874
Maybe. I could flake out. I have severe cardiovascular damage though, so at the very least I'll be punished for larping.

 No.271877

>>271875
>I have severe cardiovascular damage though

From what? What symptoms?

 No.271878

>>271877
Yes. Heart palpitations, intense beating, rapidly growing tinnitus, nail clubbing, heartbeat in my ears, I get out of breath just by standing up, taking a shower causes me to go out of breath etc.
You'll probably go "tsch, sounds like you're out of shape" so I'll add the reason I believe all the symptoms are connected: they began after I was put in the cardiac ICU for a few days after I attempted suicide. I never bothered to go to appointments cause I was going to attempt suicide again. I did, it failed, and then I decided to change my mind about the suicide shit.

 No.271880

File: 1675414029444.png (1.27 MB, 1288x919, 1288:919, 1653079565853.png) ImgOps iqdb


I can't explain how lonely and depressed I am anymore. Everything feels unreal, like a endlessly copied simulation about nothing, repeating forever, burned into the retinas of my eyes. There's nothing left to live for, all media is inherently soulless consumerist garbage at its core despite my addiction to it. I'm afraid to live and I'm too pussy to kill myself (yet). I wish I could focus enough to read books or something but that's also just another form of escapism and one that requires magnitudes of mental effort to concentrate on for hours without getting bored and distracting myself. I want to live, I have to, but I don't even know where to start. Join the Army? Go to Prison? these are options but I'm far too timid to even seriously consider them. I'm a rotten husk of a real person - one that never stood a chance.

I went to a local park recently and was on the verge of tears from the black and white melancholy of my surroundings and life. I'm just a spectator in life without any purpose. My childhood was marked with abuse and now I'm an adult that should be dead.

 No.271882

>>271878
Panic disorder can have the same symptoms and you could easily have given yourself this from the severe trauma you faced during suicide. Only a doctor will know if it's serious… Heart troubles are something you want to get looked at…

 No.271883

File: 1675423992997.png (440.5 KB, 600x450, 4:3, 1674602703650317.png) ImgOps iqdb

Welp, I thought things would be different, but sadly, I am here again.
How did you wizzies do these last years? This decade has been quite rocky for me

 No.271884

File: 1675424165561.jpg (69.43 KB, 960x687, 320:229, 67f98bb6c00f2bcc4669b451e3….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>271880
I feel exactly the same wiz, I just stare at the sky and ponder existence. I feel so empty and bored, I just don't feel anything anymore. I simply exist just to consume and pay taxes at this point, I don't even talk to anyone anymore…

 No.271885


 No.271886

>>271878
did you change your mind because you dont want to die, or because you want to live, or both

 No.271888

I've been feeling incredibly restless. I haven't even watched anything in a few months because every time I try I end up feeling too restless and stopping. I will spend all day scrolling and clicking because of this feeling but can't do anything more involved. It's getting worse too. This morning I woke up and it was so strong I just had to pace around for a while.

 No.271889

>>271888
i am experiencing exactly the same thing, i also talk to myself constantly

 No.271890

>>271882
Not going to.
>>271886
I don't know. All I know is that if I wanted to be dead, I would be dead. Every day I regret not dying that day. When I was slipping out of consciousness I just thought, "It's finally over." I was happy. But how could I want to die if I am still alive?
I sort of think I'm being punished by a higher power for trying to "waste" my life. It's for that reason that I have made a plan to "trade" it instead. I can't talk about the specifics on the internet or I will become quickly unable.

 No.271891

>>271890
selling organs?

 No.271894

>>271891
lmfao let me contact my local organ harvester

 No.271898

File: 1675455675812.png (237.26 KB, 547x393, 547:393, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

Tempted to start doing audio diaries again. It's frustrating that after all these years I still can't find people who can describe their experience as an older depressed loser in a way I relate to? People who have tried lots of things with little success. How are they so rare.

 No.271929

I should've taken the phrase "ignorance is bliss" much more seriously

 No.271937

>>271898
most people are stuck for life in the first thing that works for them, going out of the way to try new things is only reserved for elites and people with nothing to lose

 No.271943

>>271858
I'm tired of rotting. I wish I cared about something.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 No.271945

>>270716
Going to be getting a DNR soon. I actually scheduled it before finding out that in my state I need to have a terminal illness or that the physician must believe that resuscitation would be medically futile. (What I read before was that anyone could do it if they want to, but it "isnt recommended") There is almost nothing on the internet about this, so is there any way that I can convince the physician that it would be so? I am assuming they'll be relatively easy to convince with
>I just really don't want to wake up with major reductions in QoL, and my heart's not really up to par anyway.
Or such things.

 No.271947

>>271276
Agreed but don't forget to add hyperinvidualism into the factor as well.

 No.271951

Why?

 No.271952

>>271951
Just do it.
Life is worthless.

 No.271953

>>271951
Keep going lil' wizbro. You're gonna make it.

 No.271955

>>271951
Why not?

 No.271957

>>271953
What does it mean to "make it"?

 No.271958

>>271957
Reach the point where your circumstances are acceptable.

 No.271963

Want to die

 No.271964

Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further, every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

 No.271965

>>270716
I envy people who still feel emotions. I hate being in a current state of blankness, working out and doing things doesn't even give me joy. What's the point of being alive again?

 No.271971

I really hate my mother sometimes. A man can't show weakness. When i talk about taking time off from work because of my burnout/depression i'm met with silence. Those silences i've endured all my life when i talk about my pain. ALWAYS, ALWAYS those silences followed by a different subject. All succubi, whether they bore you or the on the streets are malignant Viper Baal acolytes.

 No.271972

>>271971
What response were you expecting?

 No.271986

>>271971
>mom when I was depressed and suicidal
>Told me to just hurry up and kill myself to my face
>mom when I'm doing well
>presents and phone calls asking to come and see her more

I think they just have infanticide instincts towards guys that have fucked up at life.

 No.271990

I fucking hate cars. I hate carheads, I hate the culture, I hate how I need to have one to hold a job, I hate how cities are planned around the fucking things.

I'm tired of doing repairs, I'm tired of them breaking down, I just want a decent one that fucking works.

 No.271999

>>271990
This but luckily my car hasn't broken down (yet). It came with 117k miles and I'm at 129k right now. I've got an oil and filter change coming up and I gotta get new windshield wiper blades too.

 No.272001

>>271986
She wanted you to kys because she didn't want to have to spend any money on you. She wants presents and phone calls when you're doing well because that way she can emotionally manipulate you for stuff. A lot of female behavior makes sense if you think in the most cynical, selfish way possible.

 No.272004

>>271999
Let me guess, a Honda or Toyota?

 No.272005

>>271990
use bicycle. yeah it also requires some maintenance but it's far easier than with cars so you could roughly say a good bicycle doesn't fail

 No.272010

File: 1675696178519.jpg (1.31 MB, 2480x1429, 2480:1429, b1e570621967a483cba1e6054f….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>271990
I love cars but normalfags took all the joy out of them over the last century. With some exceptions in manufacturing and materials science cars and computers are examples of technological regress and degeneration in our time, as you're experiencing

 No.272012

>>272004
Toyota :p

 No.272014

>>271986
All people are like this. Even if you just limp because you have a sore foot, then evolution has that type of impact - avoid the burden of the weak/sick, become the burden to the strong

 No.272031

I am a quadriplegic and will be 27 years old in 2 months. When I was 18 I choked and couldn't swallow, or rather I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hunger. I spent a year on soup and lost many kilos, so many that I reached 21 kilos. When I was 19 years old, my family collected 300 reais to pay for a consultation with a specialist in dystrophy, this consultation saved me because I was prescribed vitamins, there were several, but I only remember the D. By the way, I will send an email to the doctor to thank her for saving me, I thank God every day for having let me be born in this family.

Since then I have been optimistic, most of the time I have managed to be, nevertheless, at the end of 2022 I faced a strong depressive crisis. Since the 23rd of December I wake up thinking that I have to take this drug for one more day, and during the day I have intrusive thoughts, what a shitty life, Lord, why don't you free me from this suffering right now? I avoid thinking about what if, but in those moments it is very difficult not to and I end up rambling, idealising this supposed life.

To tell you the truth, I'm tired of keeping it all in my head, of pretending to my family that I'm fine. But the reality is: why tell them? I am poor, I cannot afford treatment. It's just me, my mother and my sister on a minimum wage and a pension of, if I'm not mistaken, 500 reals. Maybe my family would help pay for a psychologist, it's a possibility, but I don't know if I can break the image of the happy and smiling boy, despite the difficulties they have with me.

 No.272032

>>272031
Would be a sad story if you weren't a Brazilian. You deserve it

 No.272033

>>272032
t. mutt

 No.272034

>>272032
You are nor a real Wizard.
Go back.

 No.272035

>>272034
I'm a thirty year old virgin NEET, you leave.

 No.272049

>>272032
Keep in mind that everywhere is going to shit. If you're European, you're likely to end up as irrelevant as Brazil in a couple decades. If you're American, probably one decade.

 No.272080

>>272031
>I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hunger

I'm >>271664 and have a similar problem. Did it ever go away? I'm currently coping it with it by eating certain foods since I figured out texture is what triggers it. Even ate a little bit of bread by chowing it down then combining it with a spoonful of greek yoghurt. If my brain thinks it's smooth, it just goes right down the hatch but if it thinks it's even a little bit dry or clunky, it just holds back with my tongue. My only hope is being able to train myself out of it but I'm scared it's never going to go away completely.

I'm definitely eating a lot less and it pains me when my family brings food I just can't eat like burgers or hot dogs or anything bready. Not starving tho, but I was in a similar panic mode at first and just refused to eat because it made me anxious. Now I'm calmer but the reflex stays nonetheless…

 No.272086

>>271664
>>272080
learn how to do the heimlich on yourself with a chair and perhaps that will ease your anxiety. ultimately i went on anxiety meds but i used to eat in the mornings or when drunk so my brain wasn't online enough to panic

 No.272088

holy shit there are so many layers of bullshit and tedium involved with just living life.

 No.272090

>>272080
In my case it's got a bit better, but I can't eat red meat, only chicken or fish, the meat crumbles, although I don't eat fish for fear of the bones. I usually have smoothies in the blender and sometimes I eat normally. I also take my time eating as I chew a lot before swallowing.

What helped me get my confidence back was doing swallowing exercises that I found on Youtube, check out this channel for more exercises. Do you eat your meals with mindfulness?


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