I've been sober for 2 months. After drinking for 8 years straight. Im tempted to begin drinking again in hopes of becoming so miserable that I just kill myself. This is so stupid
I feel like drugs and alcohol is a form of self-hatred. If you are drugged and drunk all day, it's not you, you're a completely different person, and apart from that your problems and worries fade away for a moment.
>>277276> If you are drugged and drunk all day, it's not you, you're a completely different perso
Today I only had 2 beers from a 12 pack I bought some days ago. Planing on binging the other 10 next week, albeit I'm starting to get bored while drinking. What I usually do is listen to music while driving around on GTA San Andreas or walking around Skyrim or Minecraft but I'm starting to get bored of always doing the same while drinking. I tried watching movies while drinking too but I get even more tired of it. What are some fun stuff to do while drinking? Give me your best ideas.
>>277279> I tried watching movies while drinking too but I get even more tired of it
Same, I become inpatient and just want to get smashed ASAP, this distracts me from the movies.
>I get even more tired of it. What are some fun stuff to do while drinking? Give me your best ideas
Crying while listening to your favorite saddest music.
Anti depresants make it hard for me to cry anymore though I teared a bit last week hearing a song that reminded me of better times.https://youtu.be/WTCryF1J54Y
Alcohol by itself has its peak, it's hard to enjoy it past a certain point unless you start mixing it with other substances. If you're bored I'd advice you to mix it with cannabis, or with low doses of opioid/benzos if you want to build your tolerance for something stronger and longer-lasting.
I wish I didn't throw my vape away. I was panicking about getting "addicted" but I suffered 0 withdrawals when I quit cold turkey. I miss it.
3 tallboys in the sun is nice. Then 30 mg edible. That'll get you crosd faded for sure.
it has been 6 years since i posted on this board. well I am finally detoxing from alcohol after 2 years of getting drunk every single day. I was also doing some other stupid research chemicals which aren't as addictive as booze anyway, so it was kinda easy to kick em off.
I tried doing this a month ago by tapering off and got myself to survive on 2 beers/day, but I lasted only 10 days at most, then I eventually got back to old destructive regimen. so this time I decided to go cold turkey after I got stupidly drunk a couple of days ago, which made me feel like utter fucking garbage.
said what scares me now is becoming a different person; being lucid makes everything bland and unengaging. I'm not a teenager anymore, I've talked with dozens of people online over the years - mainly anonymously but also with ppl i've met on online games - played hundreds of videogames and watched hundreds, maybe over a thousand of movies and shows. same applies to books even if not as many and I can't read them anymore do to shitty attention span. so how am I now supposed to enjoy doing those things as much as I did when i was a young apprentice? I remember playing single player videogames when I was sober a bunch of years prior to falling back into booze spiral again, and i could last a 1-2 hours tops. Watching movies is a bit better but I have to spend HOURS to find something interesting that I haven't already consumed.
doing physical activity is the only thing that makes me feel less miserable but, same as drugs, it becomes an addiction: you become hooked to the dopamine highs and it turns into a routine just like popping pills or downing beers when you are an alcoholic; you end up doing that just to feel normal.
people say working out and becoming fit is a healthy habit but I can say that in reality it's just another addiction that maybe isn't as physically harmful as doing drugs. i read about many fitfags and athletes become opium addicts and junkies at some point. perhaps not in their 20s but once they start hitting their mid 30s they start fucking up (implying they weren't already hooked on steroids and painkillers)
doing things in moderation isn't an option for someone like me, I've tried it plenty of times; I begin doing shit in moderation and then end up becoming a fiend in a heartbeat.
this is like the 4th time I quit alcohol so I know how withdrawals work, but i really don't see any light at the end of the tunnel now. I don't even know why I'm doing it aside from the fact that I gotta see my mother soon and I don't want her to see me in this miserable state. oh yeah and also mood swings were becoming a huge problem lately /vent
I'm not really asking for advice or anything as these may just be the withdrawals kicking in, but if some over 30 wiz has some wisdom to to share it would be appreciated
I have around 150-200mg of the half gram of heroin I got from onions. I was planning to kill myself via Heroin OD but I'm too scared to do it so I'm just taking heroin incrementally. I'm so scared and alone.
Back when I was an alcoholic (would drink half a bottle of vodka every week or 2) I would just listen to DSBM and shoegaze while sitting in my room.
half a liter of vodka a week isnt alcoholic though…
I think there are degrees of alcoholism. You got people who drink every single day and then you got the "once or twice every week" type of alcoholic. I think it's a problem regardless because even if it's only half a liter per week it's still damaging your organs and could be considered an addiction. Just my opinion by the way, not like I'm an expert or anything lol
I picked one up on the way home, hit it and slept easy for 9 hours. Man that felt good.
whats the longest you stayed awake on drugs?
i find that strange tbdesu. nicotine never did anything for me other than make me jittery and hyperfocused for, like, a minute tops.
Yeah it's mediocre really but anything that makes life slightly more tolerable is worth it. If I could get other drugs I would
Many years ago when I had a job I was able to buy modafinil and phenibut online. These things improved my life greatly.
I've been broke and unemployed for a long time and feel I could get my life back together if I could just get these legal(ish) drugs again. So I use all my practically-nonexistent motivation and energy to list a few things from around my house on Ebay.
Then within a few days to a couple weeks I finally have a few bucks in my bank account.
And it won't be quite enough to order any of the modafinil or phenibut that I want to save up for.
But it will be just enough for me to blow it on shitty gas station kratom and benzedrex inhalers, which keeps me comfortably watching TV with my mom for another week, until it runs out.
Then I have a panic attack and hide in bed for days. Until I eventually muster the power to emerge from the covers and try finding more old junk to sell on Ebay.
And it happens again: I don't get quite enough to order what I want and so I waste it on kratom and benzedrex again.
I feel trapped and hopeless. Modafinil helped me quit benzedrex a long time ago, unfortunately I only had so much of it. Just one 200mg modafinil pill in the morning and there are no urges or cravings for benzedrex the rest of the day, and I accomplish more on modafinil anyway, even though it's not as fun. I need help but I can't afford help.
A few weeks ago I remembered hearing that some people abuse Gabapentin and then I remembered that my mom had a lot of it since she usually chooses to skip her medications.
In a week's time I went through two months' worth of her Gabapentin pills. Read that you should "stagger the dose" so I would swallow 2 pills every half hour and then just keep doing it over and over and over. It was enjoyable but now I can't have any more for another month when her prescription can be refilled.
I also found that she had some real old methadone pills from long, long ago. I really enjoyed those. Just took a few and, at my tolerance, I was feeling comfortable and pleasant all day long, just about. Wish I didn't go through them all so quick.
She also has a small box with Narcan that they sometimes give to her with her monthly pain pills. The kind that goes up your nose. I wonder if there's any way to get any enjoyment out of that?
Alcohol withdrawal is something serious, most hardcore alcoholics can't just quit cold turkey or taper off of it. You're a hopeless wizard, you very likely won't be able to succeed in your attempts, that's the truth. You will keep "tapering off" on and off, over and over again. Benzos are used for alcohol withdrawal, it helps soothe withdrawal symptoms, this must be done under medical supervision and this is probably your safest route
Personally, I've abused many substances for years, mostly downers, some more deadly than others. I'm addicted to the feeling of high, not to the substance. Replace alcohol with a less deadly substance. Cannabis edibles are perfect for me, they hit hard, last lots of hours, they help me relax and have fun and the effect just goes away with minimal physical repercussions (mental health is worse though).
>>277325>I'm so scared and alone.
You're on this thread with us. There's probably a few wizards drinking or using while lurking the thread.
Enjoy the heroin, do not attempt to OD on it. Start educating yourself:https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Heroin
It's like $5 a pill for Adderall now. And similar drugs are just as expensive. I'm not doing meth, don't bother recommending it.
I wish I were into downers.
>>277393>I wish I were into downers.
Why are you not into downers? They last longer than uppers and your mental health is slightly less worse in comparison to uppers.
Tell me more about modafinil and phenibut. What does it do for you? I recall that those are stimulants of sorts. Does that help if it looks like you’re having anxiety from panic attacks?
>>277398>Does that help if it looks like you’re having anxiety from panic attacks?
Modafinil in my experience would be bad for panic. It accelerates parts of the brain used for communication and visualization which could just make your imagination run wild and find more reasons to freak out. It also greatly inhibits sleep and resting so you lose the out option of just relaxing until the fears go away.
If you have anxiety do not take modafinil. Made mine much worse and I had to discontinue it.
Modafinil is meant to treat narcolepsy, it mainly keeps you awake. It is stimulating as the other anons said, but in my personal experience, the stimulation was barely noticeable. For me, it just kinda made me focused on whatever task I wanted to do, made me want to see it through and not put it off. For me personally, it was a very subtle feeling. Like, I would not actually *feel* it like I might feel a cup of coffee. But my mindset would just naturally shift into a more productive mindset.
As the others said, it can make anxiety worse, and I'll add that it's not the magic "limitless" pill that some web sites pretend it is. But for me, it made a big difference. It made me WANT to do the things that I want to do, and made me NOT want to procrastinate, and made me follow through and finish things as if it were second nature to me.
Phenibut isn't really a stimulant, it's kind of a anti-anxiety thing. People online will talk about taking huge doses of phenibut to get high, it can make you feel kinda drunk if you do that. But I just took the normal doses.
My anxiety is so severe that I can't even answer the phone or make a phone call. I can't even look at my emails. Often I even avoid looking at wizchan threads that I've posted in because I get so nervous. Sometimes I'll be glued to my chair, too anxious to even open my laptop to play a video game. And there's no logical reason for all this fear, I know that, but the fear is so intense.
But phenibut helped me to just, kinda… delete these fears. After it kicks in, I'm able to just do things that I want or need to do, and the idea of being afraid of them just doesn't occur to me.
tl;dr none of these are magical cure-all drugs. but in my experiences, they provide a big benefit to me, and if I could just exercise a little self control for a while, I'd be able to save enough money to buy a little bit of them.
want to add that armodafinil and modafinil had different effects on me. With modafinil giving me anxiety and armodafinil giving me mild focus and making me much hornier.
ritalin is just better though for focus and it doesn't make me horny.
I've been a downer and THC fiend for many years plus I'm a psychiatric patient.
Methylphenidate/Ritalin has helped me turn my life around. Because I have recurring severe depression (not my only diagnosis though), using Ritalin for treatment-resistant depression was an actual feasible choice. I feel motivated to achieve things, focused and my mood swings are more tolerable in the mornings, and some of its effects sip into the afternoon. The rest of my day is more tolerable because I get shit done in the morning and early afternoon.
Do not abuse Ritalin, you could be sabotaging a medication that could turn your life around, talk to your doctor about Ritain. The Ritalin high has its peak at low doses, it's not like taking more than that will get you more euphoric or sharp (you will feel more agitated, tachycardia will be more obvious though). I only take 10mg on my wagecuck days in the morning and that's it. Every single night I take weed edibles, even while abusing cannabis every single day I'm seeing the benefits of Ritalin.
I don't have the money to afford healthcare.
What can I take for anxiety? I straight up asked my psychiatrist for benzos but of course he said no lol. Even if I try to calm my mind rationally I have this weight on my chest.
Don't take meds and just suck it up until you can handle it. If you have anxiety and take meds to counter it you're just gonna be a drugged up weirdo in public.
Drugs are for normalniggers.
A few days ago my mom got her monthly oxycodone prescription refilled. Last month I swore to myself that I wouldn't take any of them but I already have taken a good amount. If I take the right amount I get buzzed enough that I can make myself do things and get some stuff done, without knocking myself out on the couch. I keep thinking "I'll just take enough to feel good and then I'll get my shit together" (I'm >>277379
). But then I inevitably do nothing and, in my drowsy-dreamy-comfy state, I think "it's okay, I'm only human, maybe this evening or tomorrow I'll try again".
Waiting for my coke dealer to get back to me. I mostly want to be sober because I hate waiting around like this.
If my eye doctor says I am a "glaucoma suspect" would that qualify me for some of that "medicinal mary jane" as the kids call it?
Pretty sure you'll just be given a supplement stack. Reefer strains the eyes and inhibits oxygen flow so it would do more harm than good.
where do you live?
Stop replying to him, he's a known flooder. He's taunting you, report for ban evade. Constantly has his own thread on /meta/.>>277691
Don't mix uppers, just take a single upper that works for you on therapeutical/low doses. Try different uppers. Anxiety is inside your head, its severity depends on you. I've learned not to care about others and my anxiety has significantly improved, try doing the same.
Regular exercise. Long distance running alternating with full body workout, at least five days a week.
I rotate Guanfacine, Modafinil, Armodafinil, Caffeine, Nicotine. None of them do much but when I switch them up it adds some novelty to my day.
I can't blame him, honestly. I just came from 4chan and the boards here are dead. The only fun thing here seems like flooding since the newest threads are more than a day old.
>the boards here are dead
I wonder if this is a joke or if I am just that out of touch with the world. To me wizchan still feels like an active board. I can come on here two or three times a day and see lots of new posts across the site, and I don't even look at /b/. If I even try to use 4chan I get anxious, loading up lots of threads in different tabs, only for some of them to get full of hundreds of replies before I even finish reading one of them.
I mean these are image boards, discussion boards, pseudo-forums. These aren't chat rooms. It's not supposed to move a mile a minute!
Being a fiend sucks. I'm obsessed with the feeling of being high, when I'm high I feel minimal emotional pain, nothing else works for pain. My habit punishes me financially, physically and mentally, every single day. I'm 100% aware of the consequences of my habit, I can't do anything about it though, life is considerably harder when not using.
I'm angry and stressed all the time, I forgot how to relax. My fight-or-flight response easily gets triggered.
I avoided shrooms for a long time because I thought I enjoyed acid/tabs more, but lately I've been taking shrooms just about every week and I've been really enjoying it.
I've been smoking a lot more weed, too.
I'd like to stop drinking as much alcohol, that sbit is poison that ruins my sleep schedule.
I found enough dimes and pennies lying around my house that I can afford to go to Dollar Tree and buy a box of pure DXM pills. At my body weight and tolerance that's enough to make me feel good today.
But it's so hot and my car's AC doesn't work, I'll have to take a shower and I feel so depressed I don't even wanna do that.
I could take DPH pills. I got hundreds of those. I've never done a big delirium-inducing dose and don't want to. I've read that taking between 100-300 can make music sound better but any time I try anything in that range I just fall asleep after an hour.
Back when I worked retail years ago, I could take a 1st-plateau dose of DXM and function pretty normally. Then after a couple hours, if I had a cup of coffee, it felt a lot better than coffee usually feels. I kinda was hoping to feel that way again.
How did I ever get this pathetic? My entire day is spent trying to gather up a $1.37 and after hours trying to do that, I am too lazy to hop in the shower and drive on my empty gas tank to the dollar store. What would other rock-bottom wizards do in this situation?
please stop doing drugs it's not going to end good for you. Read your posts, you're going insane.
Well unfortunately, your post appeared about 3 minutes after I got back from Dollar Tree and had already downed the 15 DXM pills. But oh well, you know what's one more day wasted on kiddie drugs? Besides most people online would say 15 15mg DXM pills would barely produce any sort of high anyway…
I have to get so high on weed to even feel any kind of emotion other than lethargy and anger it's not even funny anymore.
Don't get high on deliriants, that's some serious advice. You're better off chasing any other high. Opioids? Worth risking a visit to ER for. Meth? Worth risking a visit to ER for. DXM? Not worth it.
DXM is not a deliriant and is definitely worth it from time to time. 15 pills is only 225mg though which isn't enough to trip. More like being slightly buzzed off alcohol. You're supposed to take at least 20, better 30.
Mommy's Gabapentin prescription got refilled today.
I take some, wait a while, take some more, wait a while. I feel like nothing is happening. I take a little more.
Then when I think I feel nothing, I stand up to go get something and then I feel "whoa, I feel something".
I love that feeling with any of the shitty drugs I can get my hands on. When I Feel like nothing is happening, but then upon standing I realize "it's working".
Feels so comfortable and O.K. I take a little more and tell myself "I will take advantage of this temporary freedom from anxiety and depression, I will do things I am afraid of and usually avoid, so that I can fix my life". Of course, I won't. I'll just watch TV with my mom.
I like to drink coffee with my Gabapentins. I get a little bit of the old "jimmy leg" due to the coffee and keep shaking my leg and foot while I'm at the computer.
Then I cease my foot tapping and the nerves in my legs feel a little like they're vibrating and it's quite comfortable.
I love the way it makes my extremities feel. I guess that's why it is prescribed for "nerve pain".
Doesn't she notice you taking them?
I don't think so. Maybe she does notice and just doesn't care. But I don't think she knows.
I think I got too excited aabout feeling so O.K. and I took too much. Now I got that weird "derealization" or "depersonalization" feeling. I never really understood the difference between the two.
I had to make some soup for my mom to eat for lunch. And it felt more like I was just observing through my body's eyes as my body cooked the soup all on its own. I'm more like a running commentary in my body;s head, but it runs on autopilot and all I do is observe through its eyes.
I wish I could feel this way all the time.
I kept eating Gabapentin pills all day yesterday to keep the drunk-like feeling going. Didn't really feel "good", but it was nice not caring about anything for a while. And stumbling around my house was kinda funny. At some point in the early afternoon I sat down to listen to an anime OST and accidentally fell asleep for a couple hours.
Later in the evening I took around 250mg of DPH along with the Gabapentin pills. I don't know why; it's not a high enough dose to meet the Hatman or anything. But swallowing 10 off-brand Benedryl pills seemed like a good idea at the time.
The Gabapentin eliminated the awful restless-leg-syndrome that DPH usually gives me, and eliminated any pains it sometimes causes in my chest. It seems like a pretty good combination actually. I played Road Rash on a Sega Genesis emulator for an hour, then stood up and it was so hard to move my body. And I could barely speak to my mom, I stuttered a lot and it felt like my mouth was full of marbles or something. I randomly would hear knocking sounds, like someone knocking on a door or a window, but I knew it was my imagination.
My memory is very fuzzy at this point. I remember sitting down to let myself fall asleep, but I remember doing weird things. Two or three times I went to the kitchen to make instant ramen noodles in the microwave, but after the microwave beeped, I would open it up and find nothing inside and get confused. Then I would realize, I didn't put anything IN the microwave; I just turned it on and left it empty.
At some point I did go to sleep and was woken by my mom because she needed to use the bathroom. I have to help her to and from the bathroom. I remember having an argument with her about the placement of a trash can, but I have no idea what we were so angry at each other about.
When I got up this morning and opened my laptop I saw that I apparently looked at a lot of porn, too, though I have no memory of doing so.
Well, today I've been swallowing Gabapentin like candy once again, and tonight I think I'll use more DPH, between 300 and 400mg. Working my way up. I actually enjoyed it when I think about it and I want to do it again.
Armodafinil makes me so relaxed and easy-going but it fucks up my sleep schedule if I take it every day. I wish I could get an alternate treatment for my ADHD
I've been using around 350mg of DPH once or twice a day since writing this post. I can't explain what I like about it. I mean, objectively, it's just a bunch of negative side-effects. Maybe it's just better than being sober. It's kinda amusing to think that I'm so unhappy with life that making myself slow and stupid is preferable to living it.
I'm surprised to find that I enjoy listening to music on DPH more than I ever did on DXM. On DPH the music sounds more clear and crisp, I can hear instruments and vocals that I never even noticed before.
It feels kinda like there's some yellow or amber filter applied to my vision. Everything appears to me as if I'm looking through slightly dingy glasses.
This morning I swallowed 450mg of DPH.
About 2.5 hours in I saw a wasp flying around my living room. I have a huge phobia of wasps. People say "just leave them alone and they won't bother you" but they're just fucking wrong. For one he invaded MY HOME and is thus a hostile party by default according to the NAP. And even if I sit down and ignore a wasp, it always ends up coming at me trying to pick a fight. Fuck wasps.
Anyway, when I saw the wasp, I got a rush in my gut. The fight-or-flight response that I am familiar with upon seeing things I am scared of. But this was different from usual. Since I was also in an anxious state due to the DPH, the rush was so intense that I felt like I might pass out, vomit, cum, or a combination of the three. It felt kinda good, but also made me nauseated. My pulse spiked from like 80 to 120 in two seconds. I entered some kind of primitive combat-mode, crouched and ran to the bathroom and armed myself with a flyswatter and a can of hair spray.
I tried to stay low to the floor while quickly shuffling around, my eyes darting all over trying to locate the enemy. So much adrenaline, I was twirling the flyswatter around and speaking aloud "c'mere little bastard, come out you little shit".
He began flying in a circle around me to taunt me. I pointed the hair spray up and sprayed the chemicals in his direction. I can tell it got him because now he was REALLY mad and was actually flying straight at me. At the same time, the aerosol that I sprayed upwards was now falling down into my eyes. My eyes were on fire but I didn't dare close them. When he got close enough I sidestepped out of his path and sprayed his ass from like a foot away. It was finally enough to freeze his wings and he fell to the floor.
The fucker actually tried to scurry under the couch, and he did, but I jammed my flyswatter under there and wildly flailed around until I pulled him back out into the open. I then screamed and started smacking him dozens of times, even after his guts were splattered around where his corpse once was.
After my victory, my phobia came back over me and I was practically paralyzed in place, just staring at the dead beast. It took about 10 minutes before my body relaxed enough that I could walk away from it.
I had humored that possibility when I first noticed the wasp, and had kinda hoped it was my imagination. But wasps frighten me so much that I just couldn't risk not hunting it down.
Later in the day its remains were still on the floor, so either I made the right choice, or I've damaged my psyche with shitty drugs to such an extant that I am possibly hallucinating 24/7…
Realistically though I think I'm going to need to increase my dose by a few hundred more milligrams before I start having the fun hallucinations.
Not a wise idea wiz. Do yourself a favor and kick the habit now, DPH becomes a slippery slope to hell with no guarantee of full recovery. While the dysphoria might be alluring (especially for someone with self-destructive tendencies), you won’t regret switching to a safer dissociative. Assuming you’re convinced DPH is justified because it’s accessible, consider research chemicals. Or better yet, another means of escapism.
If cognitive or memory issues plague you now, expect to receive them tenfold. They’ll hit you before you know it, and you’ll give up anything to reverse them. Reminder, there’s nothing romantic or melodramatic about a decline like this, only malaise.
If by any means you’re still not discouraged, look into reports of those unfortunate enough to have gone down this road. Just my two cents, hoping you reconsider.
I welcome the unsettling, gloomy world into which DPH transmogrifies my surroundings.
In all of my time on this planet I have always perceived the world around me as a dark, depressing, and hostile place. I've never felt welcome in this universe.
But the DPH warps my environment into one which validates my perception of the world and myself.
In some ironic, convoluted way this actually makes me feel welcome.
A vile, disturbed freak like me belongs in an equally vile and disturbing dungeon. This is the only way to set things right. I deserve far worse. >>278256
Coincidentally you posted this just as I was writing this post. Could this be a tangible example of synchronicity??
Where’s my eldritch abomination “waifu”?
I've read about nicotine apparently lessening the delirium-like effects of DPH. I've even read that caffeine can lessen those effects too. Maybe that's why even at 550mg I don't really hallucinate much. I know what hallucinations are like, I abused Benzedrex for nearly 4 years, almost on a daily basis, and would go days in a row without sleeping. But pretty much any time I take any kinda of substance, I always drink coffee with it. It's just a habit/tradition/ritual for me. Maybe the caffeine is protecting my brain (though it's no doubt damaging my body too!)>>278278
I've heard of that VN but that's about it. I've lost most interest in japanese media through the past 7 or 8 years of my life.
Funnily enough, when I did watch anime regularly, I was a huge fan of mahou shoujo anime. I liked the childishness and positivity and it made me feel good inside. But the rate in which I've died inside must have overcame any healthy interests I once had.
I like to listen to the soundtrack of Boogiepop Phantom when on any substance. The anime that ran in the year 2000 I think. I just looked it up and apparently they made another Boogiepop anime a few years ago. I never even heard about this. Even when I was obsessed with mahou shoujo anime, Boogiepop Phantom was still one of my favorite shows.
The past decade, as I developed my "interest" in drugs, it's as if I subconsciously began to actively avoid my real interests. The Me from 8 years ago would have been excited about new material related to his favorite shows. The Me of today makes sure to avoid all exposure to the things he loves.
been sober for 3 1/2 months
fuck alcohol, especially if you have mental illness, that shit drags you down and rips you apart and steals your soul and identity and replaced it with a disgusting husk
Did you ever get DTs early on after quitting?
When I was a kid my dad had DTs a few times. I remember one time after midnight, some cops knocked on our door because they found my dad wandering the streets. Apparently they tried to talk to him, but he shouted at them because he thought they were witches, and ultimately he got arrested.
Why are coke dealers so absolutely ass? Every single one. Fucking unreliable pieces of shit; how hard is it to keep an appointment, or at least let me know what is going on? You'd think I asked the guy to write a treatise on political philosophy or something. Ugh.
I'm 4 months sober from drinking every day for 8 years.
I basically agree with your description. It is, literally, a nightmare.
I sincerely hope I never go back to drinking, and if I do, that I quickly die.
I knew an old man named "Bobcat", who would loiter outside of a liquor store I went to.
He had been banned from it for some reason. I'd wager he was about 70, and had been drinking forever. I can't imaging how terrible it must be, at that age. Because years ago, when I was 25, I could barely stand it.
This morning at around 6AM I decided to take 600mg of DPH.
After 2-3 hours, I was standing at the toilet, struggling to piss (a side effect of too much DPH). While trying to get a stream going I began whistling a tune from some anime that was on my mind. But after whistling about 5 notes, I couldn't remember how the rest of the song went. So I just ceased whistling.
Seconds later, I heard whistling from somewhere in my house. It was the same song I was just whistling, only it began right from where I had left off and it finished the song for me.
And even now, close to 6 hours after I took the DPH, I still sporadically hear the same whistle from somewhere nearby.
I think this is the first DPH hallucination that really stuck out to me. Gave me goosebumps all over. Other hallucinations I had prior to this weren't too noticeable. But to be honest I already have minor hallucinations all the time, usually seeing things in my peripheral vision.
So I have 0 means of getting illegal shit in my neck of the woods, so I'm stuck with getting shit like Delta 8 THC vapes and edibles at nearby vape shops. They're ok, but sometimes I wish I could get my hands on the shit that'll make me forget how shit life is. Alas…
I was 'ill' monday and tuesday, because of 'smotach flu'; yeah, you know why.
I started drinking at 8am, and after a little breeze, its'z booze time again.
Yes, I'm ready to rot away =)
Drinking couple days a weeks is a breeze compared to being drunk constantly, that is for months, or one time in my case, 1,5 years.
I'm 34. Life's beem gray and ill since I was 15-years old or so.
So to say, all this is preceding this: two gigs in A; seven months in the soils of the bread country.
What can I say.
Why am I still alive? Had not my current empolyyer calld me in (year ago), I'd been there.
Bought some research chemical based off ritalin. Feels alright, kinda like a weak amphetamine without the nervousness or desire to jerk off all day. I can see myself taking it when I want a break from amphs.
Bought a bottle of gin and put it in the fridge. My brother noticed and said: "I see you bought gin, go easy on it, be careful". I'm 25 years old for God's sake, been drinking since I was 16 and my family still can't get over the idea that I drink alcohol and I know how to drink properly. When will they start treating me like an adult? Why is everyone around me so condescending? I'm so fucking tired of everyone asuming I'm a big retarded baby, holy shit. Leave me the fuck alone!
You ever heard "Anger born from worry"?. Well what you're experiencing is condescension born from worry.
They make you forget how shit it is for like a week, if you do it everyday. There is no easy way out.
>>279139>>279139>When will they start treating me like an adult? Why is everyone around me so condescending?
i don't want to be negative to you; but likely never.
they are boomers and so the words have no meaning.
it's not that they think you are a kid; they just give you the same respect as they would a kid.
if you won the lottery tomorrow; their respect for you would change over night. because you have money which they respect.
just tell them you are pre-retired and you earned it. mock them right back
Taking a tolerance break from cocaine. The end of the day when I can be alone and do lines is the only thing I look forward to. It's the only thing that makes me halfway interested in anything.
Sometimes I regret dropping Naruto and anime when I was younger. Maybe I'd have made lifelong weeb friends if I'd stuck to it, cgdct is nice but it's not a 'unified' so to speak fandom like narutards.
I get that, but you could always get back into it. I mean if you really want to, all you have to do is google for an anime, and watch it.
Going to an AA meeting tomorrow evening. This has to stop.
You will feel even more miserable, forcing yourself to be around normies.
Has anyone done IV coke before? I shot crystal meth about 20 times in 2018, and never had any real issues (with infection), but I've never shot coke before. Any tips?
yeah. normies are likely the trigger for your addiction in the first place. go someplace positive or the last place you had positive memories of.
regular needle use is rolling the dice each time.
it's hard to explain but it sort of makes you disconnect from human identities, for example when I was on it I could easily think of another person as my mom and then my brain would completely feel like that person is my mom, I could also make more objective judgements about myself, I couldn't recognize myself in a mirror, I could tell myself I'm in another city or country and I'd just believe it and it'd feel nice, on higher doses the world gets distorted, you might feel taller or shorter, I've also experienced variable time dilation where I could make things move in slow motion, the highest doses are completely incapacitating and basically you'll just be in a lucid dream type of state
Thinking about ordering some acid again. Year ago I had a psychedelic summer, dropping tabs every two weeks. Maximum dosage I went for was 225ug. What a wild ride it was.
I enjoy the level of introspection it gives and the ability to actually pay attention to the world around me - to feel awake and alive, gives back the sense of interest in everything around you you had as a child. You can understand what people say and not just hear them talk, for example. Playing videogames feels as fresh and fun as it was in the childhood.
However, the downside of it that every bad feeling feels x10 bad. You understand how unnatural your and unfortunate your life is, how shitty the food you eat is, how dirty your apartment is, how disgusting the flesh feels. Which is not pleasant at all. Which kinda stopped me from buying acid, though I had opportunity to do so.
Thinking about getting it. Perhaps I'll try microdosing this time, haven't done that.
Until now I've gotten by using Kratom and sometimes phenibut, but I feel like big K fucks up my dopamine real bad, it is pretty much like nicotine withdrawal in terms of 'nothing is fun, everything is a chore' but without wanting to sleep all day - that would be a blessing. I just stare in my screen like a zombie all day, waiting for the withdrawal to subside. Plus tolerance is a bitch, had to eat 10g of that nasty leaf everyday to get the effect I had from around 4g just two months ago. Taking a break now.
Yeah, I just really don't want some kind of crazy infection. I didn't even cook my meth, just used to shoot it. But I was crazy back then. Idk if I have the balls anymore.
stick to snorting it. also, good quality meth is unironically safer than cocaine IMO
ketamine is the bees knees. Feels like you're on top of a cloud just melting into whatever you're sitting or lying down on and you're brain and vision gets all funky, venture into strange places within your mind that are life like like you're really there. One time I was shocked that the night of adventure I had wasn't real and I had been lying on the floor for only an hour at most and the Sun never even went down. I reckon it's probably effective for loneliness, you'll make imaginary friends. Very good for depression too, one dose could alleviate depression symptoms for weeks, I don't know what it is but you feel amazing afterwards. Fuck I want some K
Ketamine fucking sucks, It's just dissassociative beer. There's nothing fun here to do besides do more and it's expensive as fuck. I have no idea why people LARP that shit "cures depression" it does fuck all except make everything barely dreamy and it tastes like shit and feels horrible too. I'm sick of snorting drugs it's so fucking horrendous snorting drugs.
I'm on ketamine rn.
Ketamine experiences vary wildly. It's like a completely different drug depending on your mood and how much you take. I had one bad experience (when i was suicidal), some very nice experiences, some heavy psychedelic experiences, some chill and fun ones at low dosages. It can enhance music hugely, or feel like a superior type of drunkenness with no negative health effects or hangover. It does generally help depression just by breaking me out of my mental loop/routine. Very powerful tool when used correctly
I remember snorting a ton of ketamine in a hotel room when I traveled to attend a funeral (is it rule 3 to talk about paying respects to the recently departed in person?). I picked up a gourmet burger and fries meal from a nice joint across the street from where I was staying and watched MDE's Tissue Box, among other YouTube videos, back in my room. Drug experiences while on a prominently cynical mindset have helped me take life a lot less seriously. I was sinking into the bed giggling about how pointless and stupid everything is. I found that the hotel had its own television channel discussing all the amenities they can provide and generic affirmation about how good of an experience staying there is. I couldn't stop laughing about how dumb of a concept it was. It was like a perpetual infomercial or cult brainwashing. Join the Marriott family. Join us.
I think the only negative experience with similar drugs I ever had was when I took shrooms the first time. After that, all the strong stuff has been contemplative in a positive way, at least I think so. I couldn't finish that burger. The ketamine made me more aware of all the sodium in the meal and it tasted so bitter. The drip might have contributed to that a bit, too. I like random memories like that coming back up, even if they sound completely mundane. I like to remember my emotion in those instances.
Yeah, I'm too pussy anyway. I actually believe you. With meth, which I have more experience with, I never really compulsively redosed. I'm getting better at it with coke, because I DETEST staying up until 3am, but it's really compelling to redose for no just reason. Also, I never really felt high on meth. I felt like I was just operating on a really high level, like I could get stuff done. I definitely feel spun up on coke, and way, waaaayyy more unfocused.
psychedelics can alter neural connections in your brain. so it could be goid therapy for some anons.
That's how meth made me feel too, just more productive and aware of how much more productive I was and not so much 'high' so to speak. Had bad experience with cocaine and vowed never to touch again. As long as you know and respect the substance and your limits you'll be fine. Don't forget to stay hydrated
Alcohol is the closest thing there is to the devil in this world. I just want to quit.
Alcohol tastes awful. How do you deal with it?
Doesn't it also make your stomach hurt?
I don't think it tastes bad, and yes, sometimes it messes with my stomach, but it's a compulsion. I am compelled to drink. I've had hangovers where I had to remember to breathe, I was so disoriented, and in so much pain, but here I am. I just want to stop.
Gave up alcohol a few years ago. I smoke weed most days, now. I prefer weed highs over getting drunk>>279382
when I'm high, I promise to finally start writing when I'm sober, even if it's for my own amusement. I lose whatever motivation I had when I sober up, and I'm too "zoned out" when high
I also do not understand it. It is clearly poison and makes you feel that you have been poisoned. Why not just do weed which has almost no side effects besides dry eyes/mouth?
>>279805>just do weed which has almost no side effects besides dry eyes/mouth?
You're so ignorant but that's to be expected from an imageboard poster
so you have no answer to him. sounds about right for an only alcohol guy
>>279807>if you don't like weed then you must be an alcohol guy
You're so dull and stupid but that's to be expected from an imageboard poster
Report this user >>279811
if the same flaming taunting response with exactly the same words keep happening, it's a known flooder/flamer. The same loser that got butthurt about the Verizon IP range ban.
i don't know how to report, but its clear its a bot or a person turned into an NPC
What are some good drugs to use while masturbating?
Is meth any good? Any others?
Masturbating expert here. My favorites were
Any slow release Amphetamine. Dextroamphetamine works best in my experience.
Never did meth. I avoid that shit. I find the best thing with jerking off is to take a slow-release stimulant and just edge for a long time. Instant-release stimulants wear off too fast, then you have to take more, and then you build up a tolerance quicker.
Weed is great if you can get the right dosage. It's very tricky to get it right. Better than stimulants. Way better
Armodafinil made me super horny but it did not improve the feeling of jerking off.
I got it amazing one time. Like a full body orgasm. it was nuts anon. just nuts. I couldn't get it to happen again. Didn't want to experiment either because weed doesn't appeal to be otherwise
>>279878>Masturbating expert here.>Never did meth
masturbating on meth is unbelievable. Feels better than the peak of sober cumming nonstop for 12+ hours. It's so irresistable you can be all swollen and bruised and know you risk damaging yourself but it feels so good that you still cant stop
Taking meth doesn't make you a jerk off expert. It takes years to hone the craft, edging for days, practicing pelvic floor exercises. The path is long, deep, and very sticky, and few make it to enlightenment.
On my way back from work, a bus driver behind me honked at me for no reason. We were stopped at a red light, the light turned green, I went forward, and he honked. I looked out of my back window, and he kind of shrugged at me, as if to say "what are you doing"? I think I'm a pretty careful driver. I got out of my truck for about 5 seconds, and screamed something like "fuck you you fucking faggot leave me alone". It felt kind of good. I'm not a badass, but it really brings my piss to a boil when people mess with me on my way to, or from work. Indignation is a weak spot for me, and always has been. I just want to get home without issue.
It doesnt make you an expert, but experience with it is a prerequisite for an expert
I've gotten drunk pretty much every day for 8 years. It is a nightmare. I can't imagine how people keep this up for decades without literally going insane, or just roping.
Why do you do it then? I don't understand. Just before drinking you must see it as a good idea? Is it that you state of mind is extremely variable, so at some times you see drinking as a stupid behavior and other times as a logical behavior?
It is a compulsion. I am alone. I cannot take my right place in life. I am compelled to drink, and the compulsion is irresistible. Before I know it, I'm at home drinking. And, without being dramatic, it leads to demonic thoughts, especially when I sober up during the night. I don't know what else to tell you.
Yeah, smoking crack just doesn't cut it anymore.
where is the muh weed guy to bitch at you?
seems he doesn't care about any other drug use. especially how toxic and harmful this drug use sounds
alcohol dude is sour grapes over weedwizzies being able to have fun and laugh while high while he's crying in his room alone lmfao 🤣
exactly compared to all other drugs it has better benefits to negatives.
>>279908>It's like I just don't think, and then am drinking.
This makes sense to me actually. Often I do things without understanding why I do it. I am dissociated and alienated from my self. I don't know who I am. I feel that we had a successful communication, which is rare for me>>279942
There is a valid point here against alcohol. So many better drugs to be addicted to
I just need some meth and then I'll be fine.
People like you make the victims of the crimes users of that shit commit……sort of homicidal in a defensive sort of way
kind of like when you stab a man in the face while he's trying to strangle you
you can get some on the sunshine coast from a bloke named james he could be in his 40s or his sixties depending on who they send. ask ode
I just want some meth to have a little fun with and take the edge off. Chill man.
I'm incredibly rich and successful.
I love drugs because when you first start taking a new drug the novel experience gives a temporary reprieve from boredom.
Once you get used to it, it becomes boring and I crave a new one.
Booze is worse
T. Former alcoholic whose mother is killing herself with wine
T. Guy who replaced beer with weed
yes booze is by far the worst drug. it will only give you benefits or make you feel happy when your young and with friends.
it causes so many health and social problems you might as well be drinking poison.
i think the reason people cling to booze, including that lame muh weed poster; is because booze is the only normie accepted drug.
tell a normie you drink everyday and they are fine with it. tell them you use any other drug daily and they think your an addict. this includes cigarettes but that is another can of worms.
so booze addicts are still clinging to the hope that they are; or should; be normal
The effects probably differ between individuals. Everyone including normies just told me that youre gonna be extremely depressed when it wears off because it throttles down your dopamine or serotonin production in a very noticeable way.
but if your normally depressed then that is no big issue.
depression is caused by not having positive events in your life. the drug high will replace that.
>>280029>but if your normally depressed then that is no big issue.
depression is caused by not having positive events in your life. the drug high will replace that.
Not at all and this is a very dangerous approach to drugs like MDMA because it doesnt matter if youre already depressed or not. Already persistent depression just makes the negative side-effects even worse if anything.
MDMA basically drains your "happy hormones" all at once and gives you very unnatural and intense feelings of euphoria, thats why its called ecstacy as well. Afterwards those receptors in your brain are producing it even slower for some time however so if you are depressed and that chemical stuff is already stunted for you it will get even worse. You can't "replace" normal feelings of content with the high of drugs like MDMA (aka molly) because no person on earth feels like they are on molly even when they are happy. Also this whole "happy" thing is a naive way to look at life, no one is actually happy all the time except for short moments. Also MDMA can be highly additive depending on who takes it and thats why so many people including famous rappers end up dying from seizures after taking too much.
I did mdma twice. It was incredibly interesting and i didnt even have a hangover at all. Avoiding these fascinating things means limiting your experience of life, for no rational reason other than propaganda. Your post is full of pseudoscience; psychiatry is completely fucking trash and the neurochemical model of depression is debunked
Most people just have afterglow without hangover. Hangover and depression afterwards comes from normies being at parties and drinking alcohol at the same time. Alcohol is a much harder drug than mdma and literally destroys the brain
Samefag who wants you to do MDMA
I am only the last 2. Not like i made any effort to hide it, posting at the same time. The first one you list directly contradicts what I wrote. Retard
>>280031>Not at all
yes it is. if you suddenly win the lottery or a boomer admits they were wrong; you are going to feel happy.
Next time you do exactly what provoked him to honk. Just staying in place or driving really slowly pisses these people off more than any word you scream can do. I did this in the city at night where some retard really wanted to drive 50 in a 30 zone and I took it down to 20, he lost his mind and overtook, driving about 60-70. The probability is higher a police car or speed camera will fuck his day up than me doing anything but staying in my lane. Do you see how subtle you can manipulate these people into overreacting? Its a joy.
wtf are you even rambling about lol
Iunno, if you feel an intense need for that half liter to get through the week, then i'd say it counts.
Fentanyl is literally the worst drug. It hardly gets you a euphoric high and it makes you puke your guts out.
I'm moving on over to meth.
Finally been off opioids and meth for months, not due to choice really, more that I just couldn't afford them because I've been completely broke. Checking account has only had around $0.52 in it for this whole year; have scavenged through my entire home and only have a few pennies and a bunch of Canadian nickels.
I was constantly high on some kind of opioid and usually meth almost every single day. For years. Now I'm finally thinking, "what was I even doing BEFORE I fell into drug addiction?"
I am remembering who I was 5~ish years ago. I am finding my backlog folders on my computer of anime and manga and games I wanted to watch/read/play all those years ago. I found a box under my old bed of spiral notebooks where I actually wrote drafts of short stories.
I was such a different person. I loved mahou shoujo media. I adored the happy, positive, uplifting, childish, colorful stories and adventures. I wanted to write fiction of a similar nature. I remember how I wanted to make fiction that could somehow magically encourage or cheer up anyone, in any life situation.
A stupid and impossible goal, of course. But that's who I was back then. Over the past 5 years I legitimately completely forgot my old goals, falling into a world of pleasure-on-demand chemicals and masturbating and sitting around getting nothing done. I was once a person of hope and passion. I once was a person who actually tried to pursue his goals.
I now sit around listening to the mahou shoujo anime OSTs that I collected all those years ago. I listen to them and cry, feeling the childish joys these things once inspired in me, and the despair of realizing how I destroyed myself and wasted some of the prime years of my life on self-indulgent-and-destructive chemicals, and the defeating knowledge that if I just tried, that I could somehow pick up where I left off and become the positive, encouraging, joyous person I once wanted to be… while also being afraid, petrified, paralyzed, and just in complete despair over all these feelings and terrors and just… everything.
I just don't know how I feel right now. I can't understand it or explain it. I don't know if I want to die or if I want to cry or if I want to somehow crawl out of the pit I've dug myself into or if I want to dig deeper or, or, or I just don';t know.
I mean, It's amazing how different I once was. I once was in love with happy and colorful fictional worlds of fantasy and magic and joy. How could I become THIS? This waste of space? This waste of human spirit? I have a soul, right? I once did, clearly. Do I now have a soul? Did my soul leave me? Do I still have it? Is it damaged, can it be healed? I once was a person with hopes and dreams. I legitimately had PASSION and SPIRIT. Now I am a drug fiend who every day thinks "is there some place in this house that I have NOT searched for loose change? Maybe if I search the garage again, or my mom's closet, maybe I'll find some cash that someone hid and forgot about…"
How could this possibly happen? I am two different people in one body. WHAT IS THIS HOW DID THIS FUCKING HAPPEN? Why can't someone or something SAVE ME? WHY IS THIS FUCKING SHIT WORLD THIS FUCKING SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT SHI SHIT SHOIT SHIT SHIT GOD WHY
I can't fucking cry anymore, I have been crying so much, I can't cry anymore but I keep crying. WHY IS THIS SHIT FUCKING SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK ME FUCK IT ALL I CAN"T DO THIS ANYMORE GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY GOD WHERE ARE YOU FUCK FUCK FUKC FUCK IT FUCK SHIT I can't cry ANYMORE FUCK
Seems to me like you're going through turbulent healing. Being able to have strong negative emotions means you're still capable of strong positive ones. Your state isn't permanent, try sleeping it off, sleep is the little gift, death is the big gift, life is fine, just receive gifts.
How the fuck are you alive with 52c in your bank for over 7 months?
>tfw looking at this sequence of posts presents my future
>>280071>I now sit around listening to the mahou shoujo anime OSTs that I collected all those years ago.
what are your favorites?
My mom and sister have been supporting me. And they've worked everything out so that I can't steal cash from them anymore. Like, they never bring any cash into the house AT ALL. My sister doesn't actually live here and my mom is on social security income.
In the past my mom would withdraw some of her SSI as cash and keep it at home, and for many years this was okay, but for the past couple years I was kinda stealing it from her hiding places, because I am an evil addict who will do anything to feel good for a few minutes.
Years ago I had a job even while being an addict, and after quitting I had some savings. But I blew through all of it a few years ago and started mooching off my family.>>280099
The OST of Nurse Angel Ririka SOS (I think the OST is called "Heart Aid", technically) is my favorite. Nurse Angel Ririka is also my favorite anime of all time, I have been in love with it ever since I first downloaded it back in 2013 and I will love it for the rest of my life, I have no doubt of that. It's nothing special, I guess; most people won't really see it as any more than another magical succubus anime. But it came into my life during a terrible period. It was the only joy I had during that time and I feel like it saved my life. This was before I had ever even thought about trying any kind of drug!
I also really enjoy the soundtrack of Flower Witch Mary Bell. It's a really childish anime, I think most adults in the west would feel embarrassed to admit enjoying such a thing. The music is very uplifting and soothing. Especially the track "Watashi! Mary Bell". Makes you feel like a little kid being reassured and cheered up by a loving mother-figure.
(((I wanted to attach this particular song but the file size was a little too big, so I uploaded it to catbox instead, if that's okay: https://files.catbox.moe/j7rc2k.flac
I'm not sure if one would consider it a literal mahou shoujo anime, but I also enjoy the OST of Revolutionary succubus Utena. I especially like all the tracks that play during the sword fights, which use choral music or something like that. I've really been meaning to rewatch Utena. It's such a memorable anime yet I only watched it one time. Whereas I've seen Nurse Angel Ririka over 10 times (I haven't actually watched Ririka in the past drug-addled years, either, but in the past I watched it several times a year because of my love for it!)
Heh, some people are like "let's love Lain!" and some people worship Haruhi or Madoka/Madokami, but I'm like "Let's Love Ririka!" in my heart.>>280086
I did get some sleep. It was the result of taking a bunch of gabapentin throughout the day (gabapentin that I stole from my mom's supply, so I'm still not COMPLETELY 100% clean of all drugs, I guess (but in my defense, I only get a hold of her gabapentin for like 2 or 3 days each month, so I only abuse them for… well, 2 or 3 days of each month! And I only use about half of her supply…)) I was desperate for some kind of feeling other than the suicidal sadness I was experiencing, and ultimately it lead to me passing out while listening to my mahou shoujo soundtracks.
But, you're right, I did feel better upon waking up. Have a headache from the gabapentin and probable dehydration but emotionally I'm not in such a bad state anymore. Rambling about my favorite anime OSTs feels good. A few months ago I think such rambling would make me long for the past and enter a depressed hole of wishing-for-death and self-hatred.
I felt like giving a few examples from some of the other soundtracks I mentioned, Utena and Nurse Angel Ririka.
I *think* this track was used in sword-fighting scenes in Utena. I especially like this one around 47 or 48 seconds in, when the chorus stops moonspeak and just go AAAAAHHHHH, AAAHHHAHHHHHH etc: https://files.catbox.moe/jfvnzs.mp3
As for Ririka, one of my favorites from the soundtrack is the "Flower of Life Suite": https://files.catbox.moe/7136sn.mp3
Around 3:25, a harp breaks the silence and introduces a slightly-shorter rendition of Ririka's henshin-theme, which plays every time she transforms into the Nurse Angel. Something about the trumpet's sound always makes me tear up every time I hear it. Literally every single time I hear it.
Her normal henshin-theme: https://files.catbox.moe/sy1zm4.mp3
I love Ririka so much. I don't think anyone will ever share my love for such a regular mahou shoujo anime. And I guess that's okay. Maybe it's just for me and me alone. Maybe it's finally time I watch it again. Maybe she will save me again, like she did 10 years ago in 2013, when I was just 20 years old.
Sorry, I know this thread should be about drugs and such and not me and my old anime interests, but I just can't help myself, it's the only thing keeping me from planning a relapse (my mom gets her oxycodone prescription refilled tomorrow and a large chunk of my mind is thinking about stealing parts of it).
I love Nurse Angel Ririka so much. Back when I had a job and before I had fallen into drugs… back when I actually had money to spend on things, I remember buying the manga series from Japanese Amazon (it was only like 4 volumes I think). I couldn't read it, of course. I actually contacted a translator from 4chan and I was like "I'll give you $1000 to translate this for me". It was just going to involve buying another set and shipping it to him, and just having him send a text file of a page-by-page, bubble-by-bubble translation of it for me.
I wasn't expecting a full scanlation or anything like that. But instead he turned down the money and asked me to join his scanlation group as a typesetter. I knew nothing about such work but they were going to teach me from the ground up. I would still have to buy another set of the manga for one of them to scan, but I was willing to pay that relatively small expense if it meant learning a fun skill, as well as translating the manga that lead to my favorite anime of all time.
Unfortunately, well you know, like lots of wizards, I'm very awkward and avoidant and don't socialize too well. It was fun learning how to edit raw scans in photoshop and gimp, and my teacher was very strict and I liked that because it meant the end product looked really good. But after they released the first chapter, my social problems just lead to me ghosting all of them. I regret it to this day. That could have lead to something good and given me an enjoyable skill. I don't even know if they continued to work on the Ririka manga beyond that first chapter. My anxiety has made me too afraid to even look it up, even all these years later.
Can you believe that? I love Ririka so much and yet I've been too afraid to even use google to see if the manga has been translated. And I've been afraid FOR YEARS. FOR YEARS I've been afraid to simply perform a google search.
I've started drinking again, and woke up at 3am unable to walk properly. I know it's ataxia. It feels like there's a heavy weight on on half of my body, when I try to walk, that you cannot ignore. It's the weirdest thing and is really unpleasant. I've been through it 100 times, so I just laid in bed, but alcohol withdrawal is really the strangest thing. I don't even complain to myself anymore because It's happened so many times.
stop mixing everything if you are experimenting. isolation is necessary to test results.
try tumeric root extract. it is great for joint pain and inflammation.
incoming crying and actually my pain is different. wah wah.
then seethe. if you care, try new things until you get a solution
im not experimenting, the combination works for my pain it just makes me into a zombie which i was saying in my post that its actually kind of a relief because i dont have to think about anything
on the tumeric root extract i will try that see if it helps some never heard of it even though i did try the herbal route before
You know, in previous years; I'd actually be able to find a way to enjoy sobriety.
But with the little fuckers' constant presence; I'm just like,
"WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL HALLUCINATING WHILE COMPLETELY SOBER!?"
1+ year benzo addiction and broke, psychiatrist told me he wont prescribe me xanax, they wont help you taper off instead wait to get epilepsy and die. good thing i never planned to stop taking.
Psychedelics be like this
but they have too many benefits. they help your brain to form new neural connections.
so all the depressed anons should try it instead of jewish pharma drugs. it might improve your mindset. then you can work on solutions
>>280324>Bro trust me, illegal drugs are better than legal stuff doctors shill
post your hook nose
Post skin tone, nigger
>>280333>racist but trusts jewish medical establishment, especially after scamflu
hook noses will say anything to try and influence the group.
but nothing can change your ugly nose that you see everyday
Jews use illicit drugs to control the weak of mind. Post skin tone, nigger
Lmao niggers crack me up, especially when they pretend they're fitting im
Had a hangover today that reminded me why I quit alcohol. Holy shit that was painful. When a hangover is bad enough, I get the sense that it touches the deepest part of me, maybe my soul. I'm not spiritual, but my hangovers always have a vague spiritual aspect to them. They are just so painful. Can anyone relate to that? I'm planning to go to an AA meeting tomorrow. The last time I "quit", I told myself I'd rather kill myself than begin again, and I thought I was serious. And here I am.
I am tired of needing substances to feel anything other than apathy.
Don't worry, eventually the apathy will bleed through every drug.
post your hook nose
post your green orc skin
my parents asked me why i started drinking while reminding me how i am 30 and jobless and living with my parents
all i do is sit alone at the computer
how do you not add 1 + 1 together here. if anything the question is how i stayed sober all that time
You're right, I know. I'm halfway there. Drugs would be too easy an escape.
Caffeine is so good. You can try all the amphetamines and weed and research drugs but I always come back to caffeine. Nice boost every day, negligible withdrawals, zero long term side effects. It's a 10/10. I love it. It even feels different based on how you consume it.
Yeah yeah, I know it's not some DEXMETHYLISOPROPLYPHENIDATE-4MPH-TBH-LOL but it's great anyway.
lucky. it's usually awful for me. there were some months where i had a cup each morning and my sleep was never as good, i had severe headaches within a few hours if i missed the dose, i was more anxious, and the positive effects mostly disappeared.
caffeine has no effect on me
kek I'm a national merit scholar and I do iv meth. and I do hate my shitty life. I want to just get it over with and die already.
As far as blackouts go, upside down peanut butter jars are pretty good.
national merit scholar?
you get a good grade in the pre-SAT of 10th grade
I know that it's stupid and harmful and that anytime anyone anywhere so much as hints at the idea of inhalants, everyone immediately says 'noooo don't'. But I decided to try a can of hairspray.
I tried spraying a washcloth until it was pretty wet, and tried putting it up to my nose and mouth. Tried breathing in and out normally. Would try breathing deep and holding and then exhaling.
Tried tightly holding one lair of the washcloth (rather than folding it up) up to my open mouth, spraying into the wash cloth, while inhaling through my mouth at the same time. Exact same results, nothin'.
Not even any discomfort or bad feelings. Just zilch nada zero nuthin.
At least when I used to masturbate while doing breathplay on myself, I would feel a euphoria for a few minutes after finishing.
I just don't get inhalants. I love drugs, but If I'm going to ruin my body with chemicals I'm gonna get the best bang for my cardiomyopathy.
If you want euphoria there are plenty of better drugs.
I huffed gas from the tank of my dirt bike about 6 years ago, three or four times and it made me feel aggressive, like I wanted to push stuff around and "heavy", like I was burdened by weights for about 10 minutes. Not fun, but it definitely had an effect. Some people only need a change in perception and I'm guessing they're the ones huffing gas.
I'm doing mad wax dabs
I have done a ton of MDMA and I'm very right wing. These are the same people hypnosis works on
I just want to die. Fuck this shit.
My coke dealer moved far away. I think it's for the better. The come down just spiritually destroys me when I go overboard. It's just too hard, harder than IV meth by far. I'm also pretty sure I'm the type who'd spend tens of thousands on it, until the last penny.
Turns out life is harder than I thought it would be.
Does anyone have ideas of calming things to listen to at night? I can't stand the silence and surely I can't be the only one with this issue.
It’s so strange what the mind gets addicted to. I started vaping nicotine last year, did it every day, and then recently decided to stop and had zero problems just put it down and haven’t touched it in a month. No cravings. I’ve tried drugs and never got addicted to them even the time I smoked hash every day for a month in a weed coma. Never got addicted to alcohol despite going to hospital once when I passed out drunk in the street. But then food I’m addicted like a bitch and fat as fuck, same with porn, no self control. Brains are fucked up.
I watched Microcosmos on a heroic dose of LSD. Very nice documentary with virtually no narration.
When watching porn/masturbating, the brain releases the same chemicals that smoking meth does.
Suppresses appetite and puts you in a euphoric trance with addictive repetitive behavior that you can't control.
I have always heard that porn addiction mimics cocaine addiction on the brain but coke and meth are similar enough. Scary stuff
I did some crazy shit to see porn when I got offline. You have no idea how severe the dependency is once you go cold turkey.
My cat died this morning. I'm alternating between swallowing DPH pills and inhaling hair spray through a wash cloth. After several hours I've consumed around 500mg of DPH and must have used half a can of hairspray. But I am still feeling the bad feelings that I am attempting to stifle.
Just get another cat and stop giving yourself brain damage.
sorry about your cat but playa get it together
How was the process of you getting diagnosed cirrhosis?
I had 10 years of heavy substance abuse and accessory alcoholism, I've steadied over almost 2 years, starting checking myself with doctors. Just had an abdominal ultrasound, still waiting for results (apparently my liver is slightly shiny at 29, still not officially diagnosed with fatty liver).
I developed ascites and one of my lungs collapsed due to all the fluid in my abdomen. I went to the ER and was diagnosed and had the fluid drained, was in hospital for about 6 days.
If you're urine starts looking like orange soda, stop drinking. Good luck on your ultrasound m8.
Have you tried hhc? It a cannabonoid that is a lot less paranoia-inducing than normal weed, at least for most people, for me its perfect to „turn the brain off“
I love concerta. Without it I find life pretty boring, but I can sense the light edges of stimulant psychosis on the horizon. It's very disappointing to me to know I'll eventually have to quit.
It's like every time life shows a little bit of promise it slams the door on your fingers
What's the duration like? I've read reports of it lasting 12h+
Many of the thousands of negative effects from smoking dope last a lifetime.
The effects of not smoking dope also last a life time.
>>281636>>I also remember that tribes.org forum about pedos who were bugchasers and intentionally were killing themselves with the worst possible drugs
Damn wtf can I get a QRD?
My go to high is mixing an opioid, a benzo and hard liquor, I can speak for opioid+benzo+liquor high. Oral user, prescription stuff. It's slightly less lethal than dangling with stuff like fent or heroin, learning damage control is necessary to survive this.
I quit it last year at 28 (now I just eat cannabis edibles), had an insane abuse during the pandemic. Surviving it broke me, I'm an entirely different person. I completely lost any sense of hope and I always expect the worst outcome. Yesterday I had a bunch of nightmares, I dreamt I was getting mugged at gunpoint. I'm always watching behind my back. The list goes on. Long-term abuse permanently warps your perspective of life. Everything becomes distorted, aggressive and sharp.
The high itself feels like heaven, you're half dead feel while having an orgasm in all your body and peak can last hours. Pain becomes irrelevant to your body, even emotional pain. The high is significantly stronger than the pain of a broken bone.
>>281661>Long-term abuse permanently warps your perspective of life. Everything becomes distorted, aggressive and sharp.
Reminds me of getting on the train in my city once, in a pissy mood I spotted an empty seat at the back and briskly walked to it before anyone else could take it. Had my phone in my hand and sat down.
Dude sat in front of me whipped around and death-glared me, then stared at my phone, then stared at me. Slowly turned back around and didn't look at me again the rest of the ride.
He probably thought I had a gun or knife or was walking fast and sitting behind him to do something to him. "Distorted, aggressive, and sharp." He looked drawn-out and tired and had one small paper bag in his lap. Maybe he just got out of prison.
Anyway that guy's life perspective was not what it once was, I'm sure. So I understand what you're talking about, in a second-hand way.
>>281679>some doctors in the usa use outright heroin for long hours-continued sleepless days
That doesn't make sense, it's not a stimulant, it's a painkiller and would more likely make you fall asleep
Cocaine loses its euphoric effects very quickly, and you're just left with it's ability to keep you awake. It does keep you awake, but you're kind of in a privative state. You just react to things. Thinking clearly is extremely hard, and doing pretty much anything is very unpleasant.
I meant "primitive" ffs
I've only ever been a pot smoker so I luckily am able to get my drugs legally from the store so no I'm not part of the drug scene. I can confirm however that people who work sleepless jobs love stimulants like coke. I used to work on a ship and my boatswain would tell me all the time about how everyone on fishing vessels were all coke addicts so they could work 24/7 during the on season.
>>281683>able to get my drugs legally from the store so no I'm not part of the drug scene
From a dealer in an alley or a dealer in an air conditioned business, you're still buying drugs and supporting their productions. You're even worse than those in "the scene" because you're now buying taxed and processed stuff to the benefit of big pharma and not Joe Nobody who just needs some money for car payments.
yeah but I don't have to have an "in" and skulk around some shitty bar to try and find a dealer, they just have a big sign that says they sell pot now. Go be holier than thou elsewhere.
I think alcohol has actually made me retarded.
bro I have fallen asleep on the toilet on GHB
Slept on my arm so long it didn’t work for an hour or two after waking up.
does anyone have that image of a dirty deskboard with tons of heroin mini-ziplocs branded "knock out king"?
These reports are either bullshit or you read them wrong, the duration of an hhc-high is usually much shorter than a thc one.
dang, imagine being a NEET and free to destroy your body and mind whoever much you like for a couple of years before dedth
>>281837>for a couple of years before dedth
kek, it's been over a decade and I'm still alive and healthy as a horse. Done over 30 different kinds of drugs too, the trick is not being a complete retard when it comes to drugs I find that helps a lot
>>277271>some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts.
You don't consider yourself anything, you are an alcoholic or a drug addict objectively. It doesn't matter what you consider.
>>280541>Caffeine hath zero long term side effects
I happen to disagree, this is why:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd_iSPucKBo
Caffeine is a stimulant, which breaks resting cycles of deep bodily tissues.
this guy is pill salesman, not a researcher or a physician
As part of my quest to be the strongest virgin alive, I'm going to begin taking trenbalone in partial doses. This in conjuncture with nootropics and a supplement and diet routine that keeps my body loaded with everything it needs, I think in no more than 3 years I will be strong enough to rip my own head off in front of an assembly of schoolchildren.>>280496>What the actual fuck happened to me?
You trusted a society that hates you.>>282052
Everything he said in the video was true though.
liquor store needs to open
My LSD order should arrive in a few days, but now I am becoming anxious. Last year I had a lot of positive experiences with it, but also few terrible ones. Might see what microdosing does, although using it once in three days sounds like nothingburger.
Without alcohol i cannot fathom how the depressed individual navigates life, it must be truly horrific. A toast to all of us, who are cursed to walk this shithole earth in a life of suffering and sadness.
I recently got diagnosed with minor liver disease due to alcohol and prescription pill abuse. If you're long-time users like me, I advice you to get a complete routine check. If you drink scan your liver for fibrosis, etc.
Even if you're suicidal, you're better off not getting sicker than necessary, heavy use is a big burden by itself.
NEETbux coming next week, I'll blow it all on alcohol, heroin and smokes. It's so nice that you can buy drugs on the streets easy in my area. Also nice to be on NEETbux but I am sure there's going to be a day where I'll be forced to either stop drugging or find a job but for now I'll cope for as long as possible.
Maybe try some lsd? I heard shrooms are more introspective and heavy on the head while lsd allows you to enjoy shit more. I've been somewhat depressed until yesterday. Took 140ug lsd tab and it was great, feel refreshed and at peace with myself.
Just don't do it when you feel like utter shit. try to get your mood to neutral at least and let go negative shit.
>>281964>any of you guys ever ended up in a BAD part of town
I go there every other day. It's not really a hood or anything but it's a pretty bad place compared to the rest of town. People there sell drugs open on the streets you can get speed, xannax, heroin, weed, all kinds of pills it's pretty impressive honestly the only problem is the price. If I have money I go there and get heroin, weed or speed. After years of buying I even started to know which dealers were legit which were fake since it's very easy to get scammed there trying to buy drugs.
The whole part of town isn't all that dangerous too fortunately it's possible to get robbed but as 6'3 white man I've never had any problems other than street nigs walking wide trying to bump into people looking for problems but I still carry a knife just in case. Either way I am buyin drugs having a knife with me won't be any worse.
>>282961>Feel like I'm missing out on normie life>Take mushrooms>Contemplate how Saint Computer has given me all for basically free>Love Computer
I have been doing this weekly for 2 months now.
Keeps my mind away from the filthy dirty 3d reality and into the Good and Cool PC world for atleast half a week. I plan on MKUltraing myself into the perfect Machine state long term.
One Day I Will Be Computer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZxTcixbfE8&ab_channel=XH
my last words will be a beep code
You can't be completely independent from everyone and everything, you are a physical being interacting with the external world for sustenance and are shaped by it.
But I will be when I merge with Computer and then All is only Me.
I can't quit drugs. I am able to get off them for weeks or months but I always come back because I have nothing else. Nothing bring pleasure or joy to my life other than drugs.
I'm a total fucking addict and I don't see any way out of it. thankfully what I'm addicted to isn't meth or heroin.
Why would you ever quit drugs?
I've been coding on amphetamines for years and never increased past the "middle" dosage by scheduling correctly.
They're just tools.
Mostly because I'm afraid of somehow losing access to them, either from lack of funds or else, and I don't like being addicted to anything. It gives a feeling of lack of autonomy.
Also, they mess with my sleep. I'm also a stimulant lover.
had a bad acid trip the other day. It sucked. Made me crave to carve my arteries and let the blood flow so I could disappear forever. And yet there was this dread that dying is impossible and I will wake up again, perhaps even in worse reality. Jesus, what a hell trip that was.
Tell me about it lad
Sounds like an average Thursday morning for
>>283682>And yet there was this dread that dying is impossible and I will wake up again
felt worse than usual
From the 13th to today, I have consumed 270 gabapentin pills. Each one was 600mg of gabapentin.
That's 12 days of swallowing gabapentin pills like they're candy or something.
That's an average of 22.5 pills a day.
That's an average of 13500mg of gabapentin a day.
The prescription label instructs the user to take 3 times a day, which would be 1800mg a day.
I'm gonna miss those pills, can't get anymore for 3 months!
Welp, back to the good ol' DPH! At least now I don't have diarrhea anymore!
How nice is gabapentin?
Did close to 300mg of ritalin, if not a bit over. Feeling good and coming down.
yes, addictions are self-harm.
Sometimes I buy a couple 40s or tallbois and get smashed while watching star wars or playing guitar. I can't drink hard liquor anymore because I used to go through a couple liters a week for a couple years and I hate it now.
I used to drop a benzedrex tube in a can of monster for a good buzz but they recently lowered the dose of propylhexedrine and its not worth it anymore. It was good for playing guitar or video games if you can resist the urge to jerk off. It also makes you feel like total ass the next day.
I tried edibles but I'm one of those unlucky bastards that can only smoke weed or dab because edibles do nothing. That shits also expensive.
Sometimes I just chug a bottle of cough syrup and disassociate for a few hours, but my tolerance is going up and I need a break.
I thought about buying heroin to off myself but I know I'd be tempted to try it first.
Currently I'm just smoking tobacco and chugging coffee every day because they're dirt cheap and I never run out, though I might try ketamine or something if I can find it.
not that wiz, but it feels kind of like a more interesting opiate and gives really refreshing sleep. I would probably use it more often but I noticed that it raises my heartrate for quite a while after a dose so it sketched me out too much.
heroin withdrawals. I can't explain how I feel, everything hurts and is scary.
Not illegal for long, anon.
DXM is fine if you can actually control yourself. It's a pretty nostalgic and fun experience IMO, but it's not something you can do every day and feel fine. So many idiot teenagers either binge on it or take something with acetaminophen, CPM, or some other gnarly shit, then everyone freaks out when they fuck themselves up.
Always wait 1 week per plat between doses, use DXM only products, and don't trick yourself into thinking this is some kind of "limitless" style drug. I've seem idiots go psychotic on this shit, or act totally oblivious when they can't take a piss because of urinary retention from binging and then blame the drug because they can't do their own damn research.
just cant stop drinking wine to save my life
I can’t stop smoking weed.
I'm not that guy but I did DXM first time yesterday and it was a life altering experience. I took pills that have pure DXM, about 10x 30mg, and I had crazy closed eye visuals. I've been smiling like an idiot the entire day today. I can't and won't do this anytime soon, that was truly a rough but good experience.
I want to be a gutter drunk again.. lying in a pile of clothes and garbage, cigarette butts strewn about, just grinning with a half gallon in my belly, making a fool of myself and getting rehab threats … that's what I wanna do. But of course I don't drink daily anymore. Responsibility is a bitch and a burden, huh?
[Last 50 Posts]
Germany is illegal in Cockfighting. This is a sexual enhancement drug that gives you huge cums and rock solid penises. By patent law, they can't sell the these pills as a jizz aid with these ingredients without paying royalties to the person that owns the patent for their use for such. So they were tested on roosters, found that it doesn't immediately kill them, and then sold as "cock fighting" pills which nobody has a patent for the ingredients being used for and is also an adequate euphemism for having a big hard boner.
A lot of stimulants, opioids, and legitimate medical care can be bought in the form of animal products. Fentanyl for example used to be something you could order online as a bovine tranquilizer, becoming a controlled substance after people started using it to kill their roommates. You can buy testosterone for bulls and pigs that has varying effects on human men. Even antibitoics can't be bought over the counter without a prescription, but chemically identical and just as safe versions can be bought for aquariums from any pet store.