/dep/ - Depression

>>277313
I have hope for the next life after this one. The life in Heaven. But this life? Good luck.

>>277313
baseless positive talk can backfire tremendously, you might get the impression that posters here have negative lives because of their negative attitude but their negative attitude is a reflection of their negative lives and an essential outlet which allows them to keep on living, it's like fighting fire with fire, if you take this away by suppressing true feelings you will obtain even worse results
you are wrong for implying that having depression somehow makes you a failed normalfag, failed normalfags hold the belief that the reason why their lives are miserable is because of their lowly hierarchical societal status which doesn't earn them the external validation required to not be depressed, this mentality isn't held by all depressed virgins, terrible depression inducing life conditions that are unrelated to virginity can affect anyone including wizards
wallowing in your misery is a necessary stage for those who have legitimate reasons for doing so, it's something that you self-improvement advocating retards are incapable of deducing on your own via simple observation
as for the happy wizards, they're probably more content indulging in their passions over wasting time on an imageboard

For myself the idea of being delusion to the extent thinking everything will be ok is a huge lie people tell themselves. Then you have the other extreme like the people here it’s best to just apply yourself and see where it goes if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t just as long I did the stuff I needed to do to get what I want.

As I got older I started to finally pick up on doing things I always wanted to do but never did because I was too depressed and retarded and I did less of the things that I only pursued to kill time. The silver lining to having a huge gap in experiences and personal development is that everything feels new and twice as interesting. I try to not imagine some kind of ideal future but of course I hope for good things even though I have a hard time defining them.

>>277450
Trollpostin tonight aren't we.

There were three months from January 2021 to April 2021, where everything in life fell into place for me.

Prior to those months, I was locked in my room for a full year, I would watch porn, browse imageboards and just chat to people online. Then after watching porn for 8 hours straight, I smashed my computer, the next day I smashed my smartphone.

Things…somehow came alright and my depression went away for the first time since high school. I remember being absolutely bored, bored constantly, but that boredom made me seek out stimulus in the most obscure of places. Like, I made a hobby of making $30 US feed me for groceries for the week so I'd have money to do other things. Yardwork got done, I went to see my elderly relatives everyday, I walked the dog everyday.

My sleep came right. I realized insomnia is the biggest fucking meme. When there's nothing but a barren, empty house, you go to sleep at 9pm and wake up at 5am. And I did, every night, like clockwork, and I woke up perfectly refreshed. Eventually I got a portable DVD player, but DVDs were so rare that even seeking them out I could only find 1 or 2 good ones a week to watch.

…This all came to an end when I was in the process of solving old domestic problems with a neighbor and finally got the police got involved. I landed a female cop who just for some reason sided against me arbitarily and tore into me, humiliating me in the worst way possible. It sounds strange and stupid, but it broke me down and ended that good streak. I went straight to the second hand store, got another computer, and got back on here. Since then I've smashed 5 computers trying to return to those golden 3 months, but I can't.

>>277482
You do not need to break your computer, or your cell phone, make it easier, stop paying for the internet, and television. If you want to use your phone, go out and go to a plaza, a cafeteria, or some place like that. You could go by bike, by bus, or walking, it will really help you, since you will be forcing yourself to leave your house. You also can't see pornography in a cafeteria or in a place like that, so you will lower your consumption a lot.

>>277482
In those good months, you created your own value system. You did not depend on social status to give you meaning. The interaction with the cop was like a shock back to a social-status value system. You need to undo that damage. This will require some self-reflection. Why is it important to you that shitty cops like you? The other anon is correct about removing the internet from your home, but you also need to remove the mental barrier.

I have hope for a better version of myself, I spent years battling severe alcoholism and schizophrenia and isolation, I was a cooked cunt in and out of psych wards for many years. The thought of change and breaking out of this cycle seemed nonexistent at the time and I was on the verge of death, I was fucked with and became a recluse, I still am technically an Hikki/NEET but much worse in the past. Unironic piss bottles and a trash dump of a room, it took rehab, medical professionals, medication and God to remove that trauma from my life. I have regained my sanity through meds its so good to be stable. Eventually it became easier and I got my own place and plan to study soon, but after the brunt of the past subsided I was still left with the lingering effects, I spent months laying in bed doing nothing and smoking cigarettes staining my sheets because I was so depressed. I had a vision from God a couple months ago that this isn't my life's plan and I saw ways to get the improvements, I feel more motivated about life I see a therapist and have a support worker (I was seeing them before the mental change) and I know I can make it if I trust God's plan for my life, if it weren't for him I'd be dead and I never got abandoned. I'll put my all into study so I can have the prospects of a career, I'll make friends and have a fulfilling life separate from the pain. I recently started to build a personality for myself by following current events in news/politics and delve into interesting topics, podcasts and doco's, this helps to expand my knowledge and be a more interesting individual. I'm still alone for now but I haven't given up yet and I'll make something of myself just you wait

"Yet the warrior cannot despair. He has to fight to the last, even
though he has to do it against everybody else and even against
himself and the feelings of his own heart."

>>277526
how old are you?

>>277526
I wish you the best, it's always good to try out new things when you have the drive for it.

It's hard for me to have hope when the things that make me miserable today are the same things that made me miserable when I was 14. It's like nothing has changed more than a decade later. I'm still dealing with the same bullshit problems with the same unchangeable mental cause, except now I'm dealing with the complications of that original problem as it further destroys anything worthwhile in my life.

>>277534
I'm in my mid 20's

>>277542
The only one who might be able to change the situation is you. Check it out, maybe there's something that can be improved by exerting an effort.

>>277546
Thanks for the platitude. Certain types of problems are unsolvable, specifically mental ones. And in order to exert "an effort", one first needs an action or plan, and there is no such thing in this situation.

>>277552
If your problem has a solution, why worry? If your problem has no solution, why worry?

>>277552
Almost all problems except mental ones are solvable. Or so it seems.
>here is no such thing in this situation
I didn't imply that the solution exists, just suggested to look into it again in case you missed some possibilities to improve the shit.

>>277601
>Almost all problems except mental ones are solvable
imagine being this stupid.

>>277606
Indeed.

Basically my problem is I have debilitating social anxiety and I isolate myself to try and minimize the amount of anxiety I have to feel. This strategy has not worked well for me and has limited my options in life, but it's the best I can do. The thing is I have always wanted to be an MMA fighter ever since I found out that professional MMA existed which was like 10 years or so ago. Now I realize it is unrealistic because I am getting old and have never even sparred anyone and I am panicking that I will not get a chance to do this ever in life if I don't immediately get over my issues.

I want to be an MMA fighter because it is the only job I can imagine doing that doesn't make me want to an hero. You can become rich without having to slave or navigate social stuff. All that matters is you get good at fighting. If you win, you prosper. Everything is completely fair with the stakes being equal for both parties. Where else in life are you going to find such a deal? I was exercising semi-regularly with the intent to go to an MMA gym, but as I got closer to trying to make myself go, my anxiety got worse and I couldn't force myself to go and I started fucking up and self sabotaging and stopped exercising. I hate being this weak. I have no doubt I could fight. That does not scare me one bit, yet I am scared of simply talking to other people. I hate being like this and I feel ashamed and pathetic. I hope I can desperately make a last ditch attempt to do this before I get too old. Please dear lord let me have it in me.

>>277738
As of a professional MMA career goes you're most likely not gonna make it unless you are 18-20 years old and hauling ass with training. However you can still get strong and join a MMA gym and you will acquire good skills if you stay on it. The main problem of your anxiety is that you're wasting time, you need to get back to exercising hard and your goal is to visit a MMA gym with more confidence. I think you're overthinking way too much, of course there is gonna be interactions with people but most people don't go to martial art gyms to socialize so most interactions will be focused on the sport itself. Don't worry if you're quiet, many MMA fighters are complete social retards but normals don't care because they are strong and confident, if you are strong and confident then you can be introverted without getting too much friction, just don't be a irritating weirdo who stares at everyone and annoys people, be a stoic strong type who just doesn't feel like talking too much, most people will respect that especially in martial arts environments. Best luck to you, I hope you manage to make the next steps soon.

>>277738
>You can become rich without having to slave or navigate social stuff.

There's ways of becoming rich without risking a brain injury. Plus, not sure how it works, but isn't the money based on popularity? They hype these matches up for months before they start and people need to want to see you in a fight. I guess you don't need much of a personality, but still need social connections. I assume they don't just pick randos off the street to fight.

>>277738
brain damage is going to make your situation worse
being on an imageboard most likely means that you are unathletic + you're starting out really late, competing at an advanced level is out of the question
you still need to socialize in non-team sports since you need sparring partners and trainers

i just keep asking myself: what changed?

if i couldnt change in all these years where would i suddenly get the drive from?

>>277743
Step by step like a domino trail

>>277742
>being on an imageboard most likely means that you are unathletic
I noticed that the few guys who are enthusiastic about sports here are usually fit as well. We had a deadline thread and some guys are quite strong.

>you still need to socialize in non-team sports since you need sparring partners and trainers
That's not a problem since the focus is still on the sport, it's not regular socializing and if you show potential and ambition then most people won't care if you're a quiet guy unless they are complete fags. The good thing about martial arts is that you can prove your own potential without relying on teamwork and social skills are also not as relevant unless you're the type of guy who manages to piss people off with his expressions of complete insecurity. His fantasy of a professional career is unrealistic but he can still go there and make nice progress and even more so since he's confident in his physical abilities.

>>277745
>a deadline thread
I meant to type deadlift and it got corrected lolol

When you've had enough of a game you uninstall it. You remove it. You can try to install mods to keep it interesting but eventually it's just the same damn thing. What kind of mods are worth it? I might install NoFap because what the fuck right, i'm never uninstalling my crap life so mods it is.

I don't believe in a "better" life, im unable to imagine anything like that and doesn't make sense to me.

My problem is with being conscious and being alive itself.