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 No.50118

I feel like I've finally hit an impassable wall when it comes to gaming. My actual time spent playing anything has taken a steep nose dive this year and I'm not sure if it'll ever recover. Days, and even weeks, go by now where I don't play anything at all. I also become fatigued while playing far more easily than usual, which is something I could usually endure/ignore, but now I can't even do that. I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle since the beginning of 2014, which is precisely when I'd say gaming started to really sour for me and ever since it's been more a struggle that I force myself to do, versus something I actually want to do for its own sake.

In my case, this has just as much to do with my autism/OCD as it has to do with simple anhedonia/burnout. There's still a gigantic amount of games out there that, as of this moment, I could very easily torrent/emulate and get to playing if I really wanted to. The sorts of games that I'm still interested in and that I still would like to get to at some point. The problem is that I can't enjoy anything and trying to motivate myself to sit down with a game and actually play it feels like pulling teeth, or having to drag my ass to some job I fucking hate. I honestly could care less what the current state of video games are. You see people whinging about it on here all the time, but, personally, I think it's really overblown and it's clear to see how there are still tons of games that come out that are still good and more than decent enough to play and enjoy. In the end, the problem just comes back to me, which is exactly what I'd argue is the case with anyone else who complains about the "state of gaming today" (that being, that it's ultimately their own problem), and the fact that, for me, I can't motivate myself to play anything I actually want to play.

I've been grappling with gaming burnout and anhedonia for a long time now, but I've kept forcing myself to keep at it because there's just nothing else for me to do, aside from watching random stuff like films/anime/shows, which I should really just focus on as a sort of break, or whatever, from gaming for a little while, or for however long it takes, instead of constantly forcing myself along like I need to meet a fucking work quota for the month of games finished. The thing is though is that, while some might think it ridiculous, I'm actually of the firm belief that society will probably collapse, or at the very least become much more unstable, within the next couple years (and even that's feeling generous considering the state of things as of this moment), so I feel like it's either now or never when it comes to any games that I actually want to get around to playing, but I'm too burned out and anhedonic to actually start playing them. Then again, I sometimes ask myself, even if society were to collapse am I really going to be sitting there going, "Aw schucks, I never got around to doing a playthrough of Morrowind, or checking out Bloodborne, or whatever else". I mean, really? Sounds pretty silly and dumb when you spell it out like that and that's what I try to remind myself of when I keep trying to feel like it's a race against time to make the most of all this. Even taking societal collapse out of the equation, we only have so much time in our lives anyway, so each day I fail to make the most of it noticeably stings for me. Even if, "making the most of it", basically just boils down to the games I know I ought to play/finish at some point.

I'm also extremely self-defeating in my gaming habits, even when I can motivate myself to play something. I'll, way more often than I'd like to admit, push myself to finish the sort of irredeemably bad, shovelware type shit that most anyone else would drop after 5 minutes. Some examples of the absolute garbage I've forced myself to finish (I fucking, and I mean I fucking dare you, to look up some of these digital abortions and realize, and very likely cringe as well, that someone like me actually bothered to finish them) purely out of completionism and my OCD would be: Die Young, Immortals Unchained, The Sunken City, Rule of Rose, Cursed Mountain, Phantom Doctrine (did 2 complete playthroughs of this fucking trash since apparently 1 wasn't enough for me), NecroVision, Mulaka, Corruption 2029, ReCore, Blackguards, Mace Griffin - Bounty Hunter, Phantaruk, Unruly Heroes, Where The Water Tastes Like Wine, and many, many others. And these aren't even mainstream AAA games. Just indie trash, or old garbage from a few generations ago. I guess the only thing I can say to explain any of this is that OCD is a fucking demon sent from the bowels of god damned hell to deal with and that I also must be partially insane. Wasting my very limited energy for gaming, when I can already barely motivate myself to play anything to begin with, on what is literal fucking garbage. I've posted about this issue of mine before on here and I don't know how to stop. I just honestly don't know how to stop.

I'm actually grappling with this again right now, as a matter of fact. I played The Surge 2 a number of weeks back and now, as per usual, I feel compelled that I HAVE to finish it. The original was OK, but this sequel is just dogshit. Doesn't matter though, because heyooo OCD demands it be finished anyway. What a fucking curse this is. God fucking damn it. The extra layer of crazy is this. If a game is good or has high production values I tend to feel less inclined to go back and finish it, versus a game which is either mediocre or downright bad, which I often am more gravitated towards finishing over these other, better games that I've also put on hold. Case in point, both Sekiro and Nier Automata are games I dropped last year. Both are still installed on my computer, but I just can't be bothered to go back and finish them, yet I feel more of a priority to finish mediocre garbage like The Surge 2. It's like I've spent so long eating out of the trash can that this is all I know how to do now. So much so, that good or popular games are seen as too much trouble to me, versus games that nobody knows or cares about. I wonder if this comes back to how much I despise most people, since I'd consider myself a fairly strong misanthrope. So much so, that I subconsciously don't even want to play/enjoy the same games that other people do. That might be part of it, but it also just feels like a hassle to actually play a good game versus a bad game. For whatever reason, a good game feels like it takes more effort to enjoy than a mediocre one. Can someone explain to me why I think this way? Because, I gotta say, I really don't fucking get it.

And the most depressing thing of all? Nobody fucking gets this. Nobody. I've never seen anyone, anywhere ever relate to any of these feelings whatsoever. And it's very likely that this thread will prove no differently. Apparently I'm the only human being on the entire fucking planet who's ever felt or struggled with this kind of shit. Goes to show what a special flavor of crazy this all must be when nobody else even knows about, or can even relate with what the fuck it is I'm talking about here.

 No.50126

Some of the games you've mentioned don't seem so bad, although I haven't played any of them. Did you enjoy them? That's the only thing that matters. We all have our guilty pleasures, games we know are mediocre but still had some fun with.


>The thing is though is that, while some might think it ridiculous, I'm actually of the firm belief that society will probably collapse, or at the very least become much more unstable, within the next couple years (and even that's feeling generous considering the state of things as of this moment), so I feel like it's either now or never when it comes to any games that I actually want to get around to playing, but I'm too burned out and anhedonic to actually start playing them. Then again, I sometimes ask myself, even if society were to collapse am I really going to be sitting there going, "Aw schucks, I never got around to doing a playthrough of Morrowind, or checking out Bloodborne, or whatever else". I mean, really? Sounds pretty silly and dumb when you spell it out like that and that's what I try to remind myself of when I keep trying to feel like it's a race against time to make the most of all this. Even taking societal collapse out of the equation, we only have so much time in our lives anyway, so each day I fail to make the most of it noticeably stings for me. Even if, "making the most of it", basically just boils down to the games I know I ought to play/finish at some point.

I have often had these thoughts exactly. I suppose it's probably more common than we would think, and not limited to games of course. I guess that's a natural consequence of aging…

>For whatever reason, a good game feels like it takes more effort to enjoy than a mediocre one. Can someone explain to me why I think this way?

Maybe you're afraid of disliking games that are praised because you'd feel that you're missing out on something and you'd hate yourself for it? Very prosaic explanation, and one you've likely already come up with on your own, I know.

>I wonder if this comes back to how much I despise most people, since I'd consider myself a fairly strong misanthrope. So much so, that I subconsciously don't even want to play/enjoy the same games that other people do

I know this sounds like generic normalfag tripe, but you sound like you care too much about what others may think.

>And the most depressing thing of all? Nobody fucking gets this. Nobody. I've never seen anyone, anywhere ever relate to any of these feelings whatsoever. And it's very likely that this thread will prove no differently. Apparently I'm the only human being on the entire fucking planet who's ever felt or struggled with this kind of shit. Goes to show what a special flavor of crazy this all must be when nobody else even knows about, or can even relate with what the fuck it is I'm talking about here.

Yeah, I used to like collecting trophies and achievements but I moved on now. There was a thread about this very problem I believe, it might still be up. Anyway there are people who are way worse than you (think you) are if that's any consolation.

 No.50132

I get the anhedonia/burnout part, but I don't get the desire to suffer all the way to the end of the game. I have sort of the opposite problem, I drop anything as soon as it gets slightly boring, which means I barely complete any games at all.

Either way, the world isn't coming to an end anytime soon. Everything goes back to normal eventually, it always does.

 No.50133

>>50126

>Some of the games you've mentioned don't seem so bad, although I haven't played any of them. Did you enjoy them?


A couple, yes, but only ever in a small way. Eventually there came a point where they ceased to be enjoyable in any form whatsoever, yet I continued on with them for no other reason than to finish them and to appease my sense of completionism. I've played and enjoyed guilty pleasure type games before, but the ones I listed certainly were not those sorts of games. The issue here is that very often once I start a game it's quite difficult for me to drop it without triggering my rather palpable and unpleasant sense of OCD. If the game is mindbogglingly awful right off the bat, I can usually manage to drop it without much trouble, but even that feels like it only happens every once in a while. If I play for too long, even if that just ends up only being 20 minutes, that's usually when the barbed hooks of my OCD start working their way in and I feel like I now have to see it through to the end.

As an aside, I'm curious to know which of the games I listed that you think don't look so bad? In retrospect, I'll say that a couple of them, (like Phantom Doctrine or Unruly Heroes) aren't so much bad, as just super generic and repetitive. They're mechanically shallow, but they mostly get the job done and had a couple redeeming qualities to them. Not enough to really say they were worth playing, but still. Something like 'The Surge 2' is hardly the worst thing I've ever played and there are even a couple improvements gameplay-wise compared to the original that I noticed while playing it, but I'd still much rather just play something else, or, even more than that, actually just continue to play nothing at all.

>I have often had these thoughts exactly. I suppose it's probably more common than we would think, and not limited to games of course.


Yeah. I think for a lot people the way time weighs on them usually takes the form of other stuff, like getting their act together somehow, or learning some skill, or something like that. Not too many are concerned about which video games they ought to eventually play, but whatever. Can't say I blame them. I'll be the first to admit that someone like me has far and away the more skewed sense of priorities. Besides the media I wish to eventually consume, I really don't care about anything in life. I have no other aspirations or desires to cultivate or learn anything. I exercise regularly. That's about the only "productive" pursuit I actually spend my time on and I'll be honest that I've had the notion for a long time now to get into the best possible shape I can and to make that my new personal goal in life, besides consuming a bunch of video games I've never played before, or just finishing as many as I can, even if they're fucking awful, as if that's supposed to mean anything that actually makes it worth doing.

Eventually, hopefully sometime this year, my families garage will become a sort of home gym that I can use, with a treadmill, weight machine, and maybe even some other stuff too. It's already been renovated, the space just needs to be cleared and for everything to be set up. Maybe once that happens I won't feel so pressed to get back to playing/finishing as many video games as I can. Devoting most of my time to something else for a while and to really start taking fitness seriously could prove very beneficial to helping me uncouple myself from this insane notion that media consumption is primarily a long check list of stuff I have to crunch through, while getting bogged down in games that I don't even to play or spend time on in the first place, even ones I just select at random myself, like in the case of obscure indie games and such.

>Maybe you're afraid of disliking games that are praised because you'd feel that you're missing out on something and you'd hate yourself for it?


You know, I don't often think of it that way, but I guess there is some truth to that. I think it's the expectation of what these games are that fatigues me the most. When I play some random indie game that barely anyone has heard of, it feels like there's less of an investment or expectation of its quality. Whether I actually enjoy it or not is really neither here nor there. I don't know. It's tough to describe, to be honest. Although it's ultimately what has me sticking to random, more obscure games versus stuff that I'd arguably enjoy more and is of higher quality.

You know, I think this tendency of mine actually goes back to my early youth. As a kid, my parents couldn't afford to purchase me video games very often, so I had to rent a lot of the games I played from video stores and the like. The thing is though is that I tended to have pretty questionable taste and would play a lot of either movie licensed games, or obscure AA stuff. I only owned a PS1, but I never once back then played RE, MGS, Final Fantasy, or any of the other more recognizable games of that time. Instead I played stuff like Jedi Power Battles, that one licensed Phantom Menace game, Syphon Filter, Disney's Hercules, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, or just whatever else I could find available at the video store. I also played a lot of stuff like Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Gex, Croc 3D, Jersey Devil, and other 3D platformers of that time. Anyway, I'm not sure what my point is other than to say that maybe being forced to deal with whatever I could get my hands on at video stores instilled in me a malformed sense of taste that continues to haunt me to this day. Or maybe I was just born with it. I don't know. I'd say the PS2/Gamecube era was the one where I seemed the most 'normal' when it comes to this sort of thing.

>I know this sounds like generic normalfag tripe, but you sound like you care too much about what others may think.


Well, in some ways, I guess I do. There are a ton of hyped up games that, right off the bat, due to their already hyped up nature, I have an even tougher time of motivating myself to play. Take for instance DOOM (2016). Haven't played it. I'd probably enjoy it, but I just can't be bothered to sit down with it. Part of that is somewhat due to me not being in the mood for that sort of thing right now, but also because of everybody else having slathered their feces all over it these number of years as being, "OMG, best shooter evar!!!". If the DOOM reboot were just an indie game that came out without much fanfare, would I feel more inclined to play it? The answer to that is, to within a certain degree, yes.

Then again, pinning it down to just being about people overhyping games to nauseating levels feels mostly wrong, since it can all feel pretty arbitrary most of the time. Why don't I want to play Witcher 2, or 3? Too long and it's not often I can muster the wherewithal for sticking with a game of that length. Why don't I want to play Planescape or some other well regarded CRPG? Outdated gameplay and too much reading. Why don't I want to play through the rest of Nier Automata? Wanted to replay Nier first, but got bored, so now both are lost in limbo. Why don't I want to play through the rest of Sekiro? Got bored a third of way through and I feel like I'd now need to begin fresh from the beginning if were to pick it back up which feels like too much hassle. Again, none of this has anything to do with the opinions of others and more to do with me just having my own unique reasons why they'd be a hassle/pain for me to actually play, even though they'd very likely prove more enjoyable if I could just get over the hump of starting them, either again or for the first time, versus playing/settling for some mediocre indie game, or what have you.

 No.50134

>>50133

(2nd part)

Fundamentally, taking everything else out, I feel like playing some games and I don't feel like playing others. The problem is that the ones I don't feel like playing are the ones that I would like to actually play. Sometimes this lines up for me, but just as often I find myself drawn to mediocre or bad games, when they should be in the opposite category of games I don't feel like playing. It's OCD, it's my malformed tastes, it's just the random nature of media consumption. It's like the voice that tells you that, "Hey, this game sucks. I should drop this and play something else I enjoy more", isn't flipped on for me or is, more specifically, being drowned out by my OCD.

Again, take the 'The Surge 2' as an example. In terms of a similar sort of game, I'd rather try out and play Nioh, so why don't I just play Nioh? Because I started with TS2 first and now I'm committed to playing/finishing that instead, even though I'd rather play something else like Nioh. Again, this mostly comes back to mental illness, which is what OCD fundamentally is, unfortunately.

You know, a little while ago, some wizard mentioned SWAT 4 somewhere and, just for the hell of it, I booted it up and played through all of it again. For no other reason than I just felt like it. That's ideally how I wish all time spent gaming was like. Instead of it feeling like a job or something that actually feels near torturous like when I force myself to swallow an absolute turd of a game merely for completionist purposes.

>Yeah, I used to like collecting trophies and achievements but I moved on now.


Me too, actually. Had close to 20000 of the things before I quit. To be honest though, I sometimes wonder if I really did quit. Instead of acquiring trophies, it's about finishing as many games as I can. My OCD just swapped one arbitrary icon/goal with another, one that's arguably just as unhealthy. I used to play some really crappy games just to get either rare or easy trophies. Maybe that habit stuck with me and perhaps explains why I act the way I do even now, still playing random crap just without the trophies as a factor.

>There was a thread about this very problem I believe, it might still be up.


What problem? Achievement addiction? I once made a thread here years ago talking about my former obsession with trophies, but, like I just said, that was years ago now. There was another thread where I talked about my former trophy obsession here (mentioning how I taped a pencil to a rotating fan so I could get a trophy in one of Mafia 2's DLC packs), and, to be honest, I think it might have been with you, but I could be wrong.

>Anyway there are people who are way worse than you (think you) are if that's any consolation.


Well, I've never seen them. Very rarely I've seen others express somewhat similar struggles in /dep/, but certainly not to my extreme. I've heard some horror stories elsewhere about guys who basically killed themselves playing MMOs (going broke and living on the street, or what have you), but it's not really all that comparable to what I've been talking about. I've never played an MMO and I'm actually quite relieved by that fact, since lord knows that, that sort of shit would've done a quite a number on me. Then again, trophies were basically a sort of "meta MMO", just without the possibility of ever interacting with others, at least outside of boosting sessions. If it weren't for my parents looking after me and tolerating my idleness I probably would've ended up on the street too.

>>50132

>I get the anhedonia/burnout part, but I don't get the desire to suffer all the way to the end of the game.


Do you have OCD? If you don't, then it'd be impossible for you to understand. It's sorta like how someone who's never struggled with chronic depression can't really understand someone who does. That's the best way I could put it, to be honest.

>Either way, the world isn't coming to an end anytime soon. Everything goes back to normal eventually, it always does.


Sounds like textbook normalcy bias to me, but still, a catastrophic collapse of industrial civilization does seem unlikely to occur within the next couple years. In the end, 3rd world countries, or the absolute poorest in 1st world countries, are the people and places who will see themselves be deemed expendable and be essentially pushed out of the life raft. Me and my family aren't exactly well off, but even with the enormous instability both occurring now, and which will likely increase further before, at best, it might temporarily relent (maybe creating an additional, business as usual type calm lasting a couple to a few years), we should be fine. Societal collapse is a bit like forcing the poorest off a life raft into freezing cold waters. Only the lowest on the totem pole will be pushed off, which itself inevitably brings the bottom closer for everyone else, until only the most well off will continue to enjoy the benefits of civilization. War, major crop failures, diseases. So long as any of them aren't too bad, society should still be able to limp along and function for the majority for a little while yet. Assuming they're not at the bottom (homeless and no money), or are in a 3rd world country and not already rich.

Even aging itself makes it feel like time is running out, but, again, am I really going to be lying on my death bed thinking to myself, "Damn. I sure wish I'd played more video games and consumed more media." Like before, it sounds downright absurd and laughable when you actually spell it out like that. In the end, it's really just killing time and if it weren't for shit like OCD mindfucking me I would treat gaming exactly the same way I treat anime. Where I could care less what I watch compared to anything else, or how much it is I watch. I'm only interested in watching the handful of things that actually stand out to me and nothing more. Funny how I've sometimes seen wizards express obsessive tendencies when it comes to anime watching, whereas I could give a fuck less, just like they could probably give a fuck less when it comes to gaming.

 No.50141

>>50134
>A couple, yes, but only ever in a small way. Eventually there came a point where they ceased to be enjoyable in any form whatsoever, yet I continued on with them for no other reason than to finish them and to appease my sense of completionism.
I see. I can’t really relate to that, games I find boring or irritating in any way I simply drop and forget them. Sometimes I’ll come back and it will click, most of the time I say fuck it and move on. Many times I tried to get into Resident Evil Rebirth for example but I always drop it after like half an hour.

>There are a ton of hyped up games that, right off the bat, due to their already hyped up nature, I have an even tougher time of motivating myself to play.

Common feeling I reckon. The more I hear about certain games or franchises the less I want to get into them. Take Nier Automata, there’s a combination of two elements that really rubs me the wrong way : the semi-ironic sexual pandering and the pretentious (edgy?) vibes that the game sort of gives off. Same thing with most atlus games like SMT, or even worse; Persona.
Then there are games where you just know they are massively overrated like the Witcher, Red Dead Redemption, Bioshock…

>As an aside, I'm curious to know which of the games I listed that you think don't look so bad?

Necrovision and Rule of Rose. The other ones I had never heard of, I got Phantom Doctrine confused with Natural Doctrine, which is a (seemingly) mostly mediocre japanese tactical rpg with some nice ideas, or so I’ve read…
By the way, is The Surge 2 that bad? I am four hours into the first one and so far am pleasantly surprised. My only problem is that I get lost all the fucking time in that station, but that’s most likely just me sucking massively with directions, especially in sci-fi environments like Prey, System Shock 2 etc. It’s almost comical how bad I am at getting my bearings in games! And in real life too, mind you.

>What problem? Achievement addiction? I once made a thread here years ago talking about my former obsession with trophies, but, like I just said, that was years ago now. There was another thread where I talked about my former trophy obsession here (mentioning how I taped a pencil to a rotating fan so I could get a trophy in one of Mafia 2's DLC packs), and, to be honest, I think it might have been with you, but I could be wrong.

Yes. So that was your thread? I have to admit I ignored it because it hit a little too close to home, even though I no longer cared about achievements, I didn’t want to be reminded of that time I would look up “name of game + trophy guide” before starting a game, although I don’t think it was this bad in my case, but still…
I would remember that anecdote with the fan, so no that wasn’t me, but it’s pretty funny. It reminded me of something I’ve done to grind in Tales of Symphonia when I was like thirteen. I used a large amount of duct tape on a turbo controller so my party would go round in circle on the world map and kill trash mobs to get enough points to spend on NG+ bonus (like, gain more experience, gear carrying over and so on). These stupid tricks are more common than we would think, and relatively harmless compared to the casino-like stuff in smartphone games and CSGO with IAP, crates, trading and all that disgusting crap.

>Well, I've never seen them. Very rarely I've seen others express somewhat similar struggles in /dep/, but certainly not to my extreme.

Just check any achievement hunter community, you’ve got to pity the most dedicated ones. Perhaps this has died down now, I haven’t lurked these kind of places in a very long while. Whatever your situation is now you should be glad this is behind you, I certainly am!

>I've never played an MMO and I'm actually quite relieved by that fact, since lord knows that, that sort of shit would've done a quite a number on me.

Likewise… however MMOs require some social skills do they not? And aren’t the communities pretty hardcore? This is what keeps me away from these games, and competitive games in general. Too many tryhards, too much social interaction, too stressful. I do like Rocket League but in short sessions, and it can be really nerve wrecking. Fighting games and sim/simcade racers are other genres I don’t want to touch with a ten foot pole, the fans are obnoxious and they’re the only ones still buying them so developers have no other choice but to cater to them almost exclusively.

 No.50146

>>50141

>I can’t really relate to that, games I find boring or irritating in any way I simply drop and forget them. Sometimes I’ll come back and it will click, most of the time I say fuck it and move on.


Well, I gotta say, I just really wish I could do the same. For me, this is only applicable to me on those odd occasions where whatever I'm playing is just super terrible. A wildly random example of this for me, one from a fair while ago, would be an indie game called 'Niffleheim', which I played for like 1 or 2 hours, past the point where I'd usually feel forced to stick with a game like that, but then I simply stopped and uninstalled it, since I just couldn't stand how terrible it was to play any longer. And actually another, somewhat more recent example that comes to mind would be Clear Sky, (the second game in the STALKER series). Played a good few hours of it, but the constant gang warfare bullshit was super tedious and the story wasn't very interesting, so I simply uninstalled and forgot about it, just like that. And another example, this time of a rather well known game, that I dropped without much fuss happened to be GTA V. I seem to recall being about halfway through the story I think, according to my stats, but I'd just had enough of it. The characters were unlikable and annoying, the map was boring, the missions were dull. Somehow it seemed downright easy for me to drop. Same thing actually happened with Watch Dogs 2 for much the same reasons, although in that case I only bothered to play it for like an hour before I'd had enough.

I'm not sure what it is about those games that allowed me to be able to drop them so relatively easily, without them in any form triggering my OCD, since I've arguably plowed through many other games that felt just as unfun/unsatisfying for me to actually play. It feels so random and it'd really be nice if I could exercise this sort of indifference to my hang-ups more commonly instead of only once in a blue moon.

>The more I hear about certain games or franchises the less I want to get into them.


Yeah, exactly. It's a pretty sporadic feeling that seems to only apply to certain games for me, like The Witcher 3, or RDR2, or DOOM, or whatever else. To be honest, I wish I could just erase what I've heard about these games, and all their enormous hype, and simply come at them as if they were unknown indie games. I much prefer it when I can just play a game and know next to nothing about it, other than the basics of what it's about it and stuff like that. 'Jedi: Fallen Order' and 'Control' were 2 semi-recent examples of this for me. Games that I only came to realize were hyped/praised only after I had already played them.

>Necrovision and Rule of Rose.


Ah, I see. NecroVision was OK, I guess, but before too long it got to be really repetitive and the action/level design got to be pretty stale as well. The story was fucking bonkers, but enh. Wasn't enough to really salvage the flagging nature of the gameplay. The part where you get to ride a dragon was kind of fun, though. Whole thing just seemed like a half-baked Painkiller mod, to be honest. The expansion was so dull that I, funnily enough, dropped it after only a couple missions.

As for RoR, well, I didn't much care for it and, overall, I'd much rather not have wasted my time with it. In my case, it's a perfect example of the sort of game that I'd of been far better off simply dropping and forgetting about, instead of sticking with it mostly for completionist purposes, despite how much of a slog it was to play for me, while, at the same time, also holding out the slim hope that it might turn around for me at some point, but sadly it did not.

>By the way, is The Surge 2 that bad?


No, not at all. It seems a bit rushed and slapped together in some areas, but overall it actually doesn't seem too bad. Like I said, there are even a couple improvements to the gameplay compared to the original. For instance, you can parry attacks now, which I don't believe was possible in the first one, at least from what I recall. However, the story seems really, really dumb so far, (a really disappointing continuation to the mostly decent story/premise from the original) and the actual setting/game world is a lot less interesting than the first, at least up to the point that I played. Also, maybe it's just me, but it seems as if the graphics have been noticeably downgraded compared to the first one, which kind of sucks as well.

>My only problem is that I get lost all the fucking time in that station


Yeah. Exploration and even finding yourself a little lost is definitely a common trend to these sorts of games. Unlocking shortcuts and finding hidden rewards is one of the things I like most about them. Takes a lot after the Souls series in that sense, which is of course where it drew a lot of its inspiration, being a sci-fi Souls-like and all. SS1, SS2, Dishonored, Prey, Thief, Deus Ex. I'd actually say these are some of my most favorite games and I love that freedom of exploration and sense of verticality to the level design that's present in each of them, even if it can feel somewhat overwhelming at times.

>I didn’t want to be reminded of that time I would look up “name of game + trophy guide” before starting a game, although I don’t think it was this bad in my case, but still…


Yep. I chased after trophies for 6 years straight and for those 6 years, PS3T.org was one of my most frequently visited websites and was pretty much the place to be for me. The best guides were always the ones which were essentially half walkthrough, half-trophy roadmap, letting you know the best places in the game to do what and where, so you'd be assured an easier time and that you wouldn't miss anything. TrueAchievements.org would have guides like that, which I always appreciated having, since sometimes achievements guides would be applicable to trophies assuming it was a cross platform game. It basically became a ritual for me to have the trophy guide next to me in regards to whatever game it was that I was playing. Also to check the specific board for each game beforehand, see the estimated time to 100%, its difficulty, what the online trophies were, if it had any glitched trophies and stuff like that. And you know, I'll be honest, that I even did this stuff for games like Demon's Souls and Dark Souls, which it can be argued significantly diminished the experience they both offered. I didn't much mind at the time, but in retrospect I wished I'd just played them blind, instead of having a trophy guide next to me like always and in doing so spoiling certain aspects of them.

>These stupid tricks are more common than we would think, and relatively harmless compared to the casino-like stuff in smartphone games and CSGO with IAP, crates, trading and all that disgusting crap.


Agreed. I played through Portal 2's co-op campaign locally by myself with just two controllers, simply because I didn't want to use a mic, which is another ridiculous moment of my time spent trophy hunting where I went a little too far just to get a trophy, especially since in that case it really wasn't that necessary, but yeah. At least I wasn't gambling on loot boxes, or getting suckered into micro-transactions and stuff like that, like you mentioned.

But, you know, I guess I kind of was, since I'd often purchase DLC solely for the purpose of maintaining 100% completion in any given game. I actually shudder to think how shit like micro-transactions might've affected me if it had been around when I was at the height of my obsession with trophies, which for me ran from 2008, to around late 2010 (this being the spans of time where I enjoyed them the most), and which then continued, in what more felt like a dreary job capacity, for another 4 years, before I eventually gave it up for good.

>Just check any achievement hunter community, you’ve got to pity the most dedicated ones. Perhaps this has died down now, I haven’t lurked these kind of places in a very long while. Whatever your situation is now you should be glad this is behind you, I certainly am!


It's been so long since I've visited those sites, but yes, you're right. I'd actually completely forgotten about that angle of things. There were indeed many others on those sites who felt just as trapped in what they were doing as I did. In fact, there was one particular post made long ago now from a guy on PS3T.org who expressed how he was finally walking away from trophies and I'd often check back and re-read it every now and again when trophies really started to sour for me, in the hopes that this same thing would eventually sink in for me, which fortunately, while it took longer that I would've liked, it eventually did.

I didn't think I'd actually find the thread again, but after a quick google search it popped up, so here it is for anyone who happens to be curious: https://www.playstationtrophies.org/forum/ps3-discussion/137021-retiring-trophy-hunting.html

But again though, most of this simply applies to trophies. Yet here I am, many years after the fact, struggling with the same bullshit of playing crappy games for completionist purposes, just without trophies as a factor. Even with everything else stripped away, my OCD and other autistic hang-ups remain around regardless, clinging to some arbitrary rule set that even I can't wrap my head around. Like I said, I used to play some pretty crappy games for rare or easy trophies. Maybe I'm just subconsciously drawn to those sorts of games now, or something. I really don't know.

 No.50147

>>50146

(Final bit I couldn't fit in to my last post)

>Likewise… however MMOs require some social skills do they not? And aren’t the communities pretty hardcore?


I would say so, yes. That's exactly why I've never gone anywhere near them. Like I said, the most social/serious trophies ever got were during boosting sessions, which even then were a lot of the time pretty objective oriented to the extent that nobody was there to socialize per se, just follow the rules, scratch the other guy's back, get there trophy and then leave. That was it. MMOs, by contrast, seem like they're pretty damn social from every conceivable angle. Stuff like clans, or raids, or world events, or whatever else, are pretty much all highly oriented towards being social with other players. I was never interested in any of that and it in fact just seemed like the worst thing ever to someone like me, given how anxious I am even when online. I know there are some people who play MMOs "solo", but that just seems really dumb and self-defeatist to me. At that point, just play an actual solo-oriented RPG, instead of one that is primarily built and designed around multiplayer.

Outside of boosting trophies, or grinding out stuff on my own minus boosting sessions, I've never been too fond of multiplayer. I never used a mic and I actually would often play with the sound off during MP matches, with me instead listening to music or other stuff on my nearby laptop. Even with this as a factor, I still managed to get a couple rather tough MP trophies by myself and was usually middle of the road, or even near the top of the scoreboard at the end. I'd always stick to team based modes, since free for all type modes were too anxiety inducing for me. As it stands, I gave up on MP right around the same time I gave up trophy hunting. Like trophies, it's been about 6 years since I last played a MP game. I simply have no desire to compete with anyone, or play against other humans in a competitive fashion. Like you pointed out, people take that sort of shit way too seriously and I just don't have the patience for it.

Co-op centric games might be nice, but I have no one to play such games with. I've sometimes thought how nice it'd be to just be able to play a game like Left4Dead 2, or something, with people whom I'm acquainted with, but alas. I'm out of luck on that front, I'm afraid.

 No.50170

I unironically do all of this. I have no idea why I have an obsession with finishing games i hate or am extracting zero pleasure/enjoyment from. I guess when you are already an autistic shut in, the years of isolation take their toll and burning through backlogs of vidya becomes the sole interest/obession in your life and everyhting else just fades away. I sometimes think of the lives of ancestors and laugh at the thought hundreds of thousands of years of successful reproduction and continuing the bloodline finally ends with me; An autistic manchild who has fully detached from the real world and lives in his own head thinking what games he will play and what order he will play them.

Look I don't really have anything meaningful to say but is was truly uncanny to stumble across this post and see a near reflection of how I behave.

 No.50228

>>50170

>I unironically do all of this. I have no idea why I have an obsession with finishing games i hate or am extracting zero pleasure/enjoyment from.


Really? Well, that's a first. I'm just a bit curious to know, but how many games a year do you finish? Just a guess would be fine. Would you also mind giving examples of some of the games you've endured through? Were they legitimately/irredeemably bad, or were they just stuff you didn't personally enjoy playing, despite them at least still being solid and or well liked games by others? For me, I cringe the most at myself when I'm guilty of the former, since no one should force themselves to play legitimately terrible games, even for completionist purposes. But that's OCD, or just mental illness in general, for you.

>I guess when you are already an autistic shut in, the years of isolation take their toll and burning through backlogs of vidya becomes the sole interest/obession in your life and everyhting else just fades away.


Yeah, that's about how it is alright. So you're a shut-in as well then? I've been a hermit for an extremely long time now, which has definitely given me an equally large amount of time for idleness over these many years. In my case, there wasn't anything else to have "fade away" in the first place, since I had nothing else I ever wanted to do. For better or for worse, gaming is really all there has ever been for me. Nearly as far back as I can remember, I've fallen into the, I guess you could call it a delusional habit of treating gaming as form of validation for myself. Before trophies, it was just finishing games on the hardest difficulty, getting 100% game completion, hoarding my save files as "proof" of what I'd been doing, (I actually still do this last one, I'm afraid to say). I can remember when I was a kid and how sometimes when I'd lose a save file for whatever reason, like due to a computer virus, or a corrupted memory card, how I'd then literally replay whatever the game was at some point just to replace the lost save so it could be re-added to my collection. It's really no wonder why trophies were like crack to me, considering prior habits of mine like that.

Discounting OCD, I still tend to treat gaming as a form of validation and even as a means to maintain continuity with myself, since I keep a list of all the games I finish per year, which leaves at least some semblance of a record for each year that goes by. Each time I finish a new game, even if it's a terrible one, a feeling of accomplishment usually follows, however small or misplaced it might be. It makes me feel like I'm "doing something" with my time and the more efficient I can be and the more games I can finish, the more I feel like I'm accomplishing something of merit. The less I'm able to do this, the more worthless it is that I feel and the more palpable the sense of me squandering my own time. Maybe it's the autism talking, but a part of me still firmly believes this to be so. If it weren't for other concerns like OCD or anhedonia, then I'd probably still be 100% fulfilled just continuing to play and finish all the games I wish to get to at some point. I mean, what else am I going to do with my time? The only other thing that comes to mind, and it's literally the only example of this ever, is to really begin exercising seriously and to start whipping myself into the best shape I can achieve for myself. I'm not really sure what the point would be, since I never leave the house anyway, which basically puts this effort in the same category of pointlessness as simply finishing another batch of random games would be. I'm too anhedonic to do that with any degree of efficiency anymore though, which is why the exercise angle is basically all I'm banking on at this point, in the slim hope that maybe I can revitalize myself and become efficient again in gaming again, or something.

>I sometimes think of the lives of ancestors and laugh at the thought hundreds of thousands of years of successful reproduction and continuing the bloodline finally ends with me; An autistic manchild who has fully detached from the real world and lives in his own head thinking what games he will play and what order he will play them.


Well, I gotta say, the ghosts of my ancestors can all get in a nice long line and start taking turns on their phantasmal hands and feet of kissing my wizardly ass as I sit in this chair for all I care. If anything, the thought of them seething from the afterlife at their "bloodline" finally ending would give me nothing, but enormous satisfaction and a nice, loud belly laugh. I mean, c'mon man, you're worried about shit like bloodlines? Seriously? Your ancestors had the same shitty, worthless muck for blood as every other psychotic ape on this ball of dirt. Just like these gaming habits of mine that I've been describing here, continuing one's "lineage" is just another pathetically made-up mind game that people feel like they're obliged/enslaved to abide by. I've sometimes thought it's kind of funny how that as crazy as some of the stuff it is that I do, I can see the same sorts of bizarre tendencies and rituals present in politics, religion, or most traditions people cling to. What real difference is there between someone who has to touch the door knob five times before they leave to avoid a sense of "doom", versus people who feel like they need to follow a set of commandments to avoid their "doom", or some primitive people in the past feeling like they have to sacrifice 10 chickens, 12 goats, 15 cows, and 5 humans, and that it has to be exactly that amount, and that if we just complete this arbitrary ritual our certain "doom" can be avoided and it'll all be fine. Again, stuff like that reminds me so much of my own obsessive rituals it's uncanny. Except one's called mental illness, while the other one is also mental illness, just shrouded in heaps of tradition and mysticism. Or how about this. The ultra rich, people with billions, upon billions of dollars. Past a certain point, those billions of theirs become nothing more than a scoreboard of points to them. It's not about the money anymore, it's just about seeing the points go higher and higher. Now just swap the money for trophies, either way it's the exact same kind of obsessive, fatal, bordering on insane, addiction. Major difference is that my obsession didn't wreck the entire god damned planet to the point of ensuring human extinction within this century, but, then again, it's not like that's any great loss to begin with.

>Look I don't really have anything meaningful to say but is was truly uncanny to stumble across this post and see a near reflection of how I behave.


Well, as I said, you would seem to be the first, since I've brought up the topic here a couple times before over the years and everyone else who has ever responded has pretty much been the complete opposite to myself, eventually making me believe that I really was the only one who struggled with this sort of thing.

 No.50232

>>50228
>What real difference is there between someone who has to touch the door knob five times before they leave to avoid a sense of "doom", versus people who feel like they need to follow a set of commandments to avoid their "doom", or some primitive people in the past feeling like they have to sacrifice 10 chickens, 12 goats, 15 cows, and 5 humans, and that it has to be exactly that amount, and that if we just complete this arbitrary ritual our certain "doom" can be avoided and it'll all be fine.
Actual religious rituals are not arbitrary, they only look that way to those who have no understanding of religious and spiritual practices, or refuse to even acknowledge the possibility that they do have a superior meaning.

 No.50360

File: 1593088754525.jpg (47.91 KB, 1080x1080, 1:1, 821c74d613d3edaca984f17828….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Just recently I spent close to $300 for what amounts to only a marginal computer upgrade and that, at the end of the day, really only has any bearing on something like improving my PC's performance on especially demanding video games. And I did this, despite everything I've said in this thread so far. How I'm already sick to death with gaming and that autism/anhedonia have only compounded the issue further to the point where it's now basically a dead/highly unsatisfying pursuit. Most days I just sit around feeling miserable while lurking wizchan and the nearly microscopic slice of the internet I navigate, talking with my parents, or sleeping. In the end, I'll barely get any use of this upgrade, just like I've barely gotten any use out of all the other pricey upgrades I've made to my PC over the years. If there was any evidence needed that I'm truly insane/retarded, I think this is it. Throw into the mix that I'm an also extremly high-strung and nervous person and I'm already pretty anxious about eventually having to instal this upgrade when it arrives. An upgrade I'm not even going to make that much use out of anyway.

Just a random aside, but yesterday I helped my parents mow our backyard, pull some weeds, move some potted plants, clear out random clutter, set aside a bunch of stuff for the garbage dump, and other assorted chores they happen to do every once in a while, and I'll admit that I literally got more enjoyment/satisfaction out of doing that sort of stuff versus all of the games I've played/finished within at least the last couple years. That really says a lot, I think. Simply being in the sun for once and feeling the strong/pleasant breeze in the air was certainly refreshing as well. Funny since I eat extremely healthily, have long since developed habits of at home exercise, and take regular supplements (like Vitamin D and probiotics) to offset deficiencies due to my isolation, but none of those things have done much to improve my mood either. I'm not really sure why random yard work inspired such feelings in me. Maybe because I was helping my parents, while doing something hands-on and tangible for a change. Even just helping them throw a bunch of random junk away felt very satisfying in its own way with an immediate benefit/accomplishment. That being, less junk more space. Anyway, I don't know. It was something different. I guess that's all that can be said about it. The most deflating thing about that day was eventually finding myself back in here, sitting in this dusty old room with nothing to do.

For what it's worth, this isn't a post meant to inspire all the self-improvement nuts out there that want to probably say, "See you just need to get out of your room and 'do' something for a change. Video games, anime, and other forms of escapism are childish and pointless.", blah, blah, blah (etc, etc.) I honestly don't know what the point I'm trying to make is. If I started doing yard work everyday, I'm sure I'd come to fucking hate that just as much. Doing it once serves as a form of novelty, a nice little one-off of something different. A window that opens and then shuts. There's no way to replicate the ephemeral quality of something like that with any consistency. All I'm saying is that is was nice to feel while it lasted, before returning to my self-imposed, lifetime incarceration in this room.

 No.50361

>>50360
>I eat extremely healthily, have long since developed habits of at home exercise, and take regular supplements (like Vitamin D and probiotics) to offset deficiencies due to my isolation, but none of those things have done much to improve my mood either.
What you need is an overdose of soft drinks, burgers and candy.

 No.50362

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>>50360
Sounds like you learned that subjective enjoyment of an activity comes from its meaningfulness rather than simply sensual pleasure.

This is why video games are no longer enjoyable to you, because you can no longer perceive any positive meaning in it, compared to something trivial like cleaning your parent's yard and helping them out. Many activities are sensually tedious yet bring the person satisfaction because they are meaningful, they lead towards some higher state of being and contribute to what they find important - like exercise and work, something which a lot of wizzies can't seem to understand.

I'm not saying video games can't be meaningful, but currently they serve no higher purpose to you and you're predictably bored with the medium. Perhaps if you became a lets player or a streamer or you found friends to play with or you started thinking about designing/programming them, it might spark the old fire.

Anhedonia comes from a lack of meaning in life. Not saying you should get a job, but you need activities that you see some kind of potential in. That's difficult when you have emotional problems around leaving the house or interacting with other people or just can't handle failure which makes any kind of learning impossible.

 No.50363

>>50360
>having both parents and living in a house
>free to stay a NEET
>still having disposable money somehow
You have it made, please stop whining. You probably live in fucking america or some other first world country too, I wish I was that fortunate. Stop expecting happiness out of this world and just be thankful that you can be comfortable without having to work to even survive. Then you would get enjoyment out of games again, because they would be healing the wounds of having to work, but then what's the point? You'd just be bringing yourself back up to zero, so you might as well stay at the zero point if you can. Everything must be paid for in this world, stop whining and acting surprised because you don't get to enjoy yourself for free.

 No.50364

>>50363
Also, if you have the money to buy shit you don't need then just buy some weed or start growing your own. Guaranteed cure for being bored and not enjoying yourself.

 No.50365

Wiz what did you buy? I want to upgrade as well

 No.50368

>>50362
exercise is as meaningless, and so are most jobs.

>something which a lot of wizzies can't seem to understand

and neither can most wageslaves

 No.50386

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>>50368
Meaning is subjective. Most people see potential in working out and building careers and find satisfaction in working towards these goals, but to you these things are meaningless and frustrating. My point was that enjoyment and satisfaction comes from doing things you personally believe are meaningful and have potential and that's simply a matter of perception. A couple of years ago, you felt really good collecting all the bing bing wahoos on your nintendo but as you developed you no longer saw any point to it. Video games are basically good at giving you the illusion that these programmed scenes and rules are meaningful and that's where the enjoyment comes, otherwise you're just mechanically tapping on keys, something which gives little sensual pleasure.

If you cannot see playing games as worthwhile, you won't enjoy doing it and that goes for any activity. The trick is to stop being an NPC and question your own psychology so you stop believing your feelings give you an accurate picture of the world. Anhedonia happens when your whole life is empty of meaning, or more precisely when you cannot perceive any meaning in doing anything, usually because of emotional barriers. Figure out what would be worthwhile to you and then ask yourself why you're not doing it and then notice the immediate emotional block.

 No.50387

rumination, banalities and armchair psychology are what /dep/ is for. Please move your discussion there.

 No.50388

>>50387
butthurt about threads and moderation is what /meta/ is for. Please move your discussion there.

 No.50389

>>50388
Mod action is not required, complaining on /meta/ would be pointless.
We have this type of thread every few weeks (just check the cat.). It’s fine to a certain point but it almost always turns into psychological talk and rumination which would be better suited for another board…

This is how you get more or less agressive shitposts such as
>>50361
>>50363
>>50364
+ the ones that were rightfully removed.
This is to be expected, I sympathize with this poster, and his contributions on games are always interesting to read but the posts about moods, depression and the useless advices that inevitably accompany them are really tiresome and not something I visit this board to see.

 No.50390

>>50389
>agressive shitposts
I wasn't agressive and I meant everything I said. Weed is the perfect solution to OP's problem, it's the thing that lets you enjoy things as if you were a kid again. He should smoke up and do some more yard work.

 No.50391

>>50389
>comfort food is agressive shitposting
Fuck you.

 No.50392

>>50389
I'm not sure what you're complaining about when everything is on topic? The OP post is him very verbosely describing his own psychology while playing games, of course you're going to get responses that involve "psychological talk" and god forbid, suggestions and advice.

Should it be on the /games/ board? Well, you can think of every board as just an extension of /dep/ i.e. depression about games, anime, hobbies, music and of course, depression about wizchan itself. Long winded blog posts are the bread and butter of this website.

 No.50394

>>50392
>The OP post is him very verbosely describing his own psychology while playing games, of course you're going to get responses that involve "psychological talk" and god forbid, suggestions and advice.
His last post is only tangentially about games, the main point is more about venting, which is fine to a certain extent. As for the advices they’re always the same rehashed pop psychological stuff you see everywhere that everyone already knows. Basically this post >>50362


>Well, you can think of every board as just an extension of /dep/ i.e. depression about games, anime, hobbies, music and of course, depression about wizchan itself.

I disagree. When discussion about depression and mood swings and so on go too far they should go into the appropriate board. This isn’t depchan.

>>50391
Settle down, I thought you were being sarcastic. Sorry.

 No.50401

>>50394
His last post was interesting because he was on the verge of figuring something out i.e. "I went outside and did something seemingly boring, but it felt good for some reason, it was weird and different somehow". The post you linked was trying to nudge him towards a realization that would explain his experiences and that he would hopefully grow from. That's a lot different than some general pop psychology crap.

To me it sounds like you just got instantly triggered and didn't bother to think about either post and instead just attached whatever was the fitting caricature that you could complain about.

 No.50402

>>50401
That’s pop psychology crap alright.

>The post you linked was trying to nudge him towards a realization that would explain his experiences and that he would hopefully grow from.

Standard self-help speak posted for the billionth time, that helps no one but the ego of the one uttering it. Now if I were to practice some armchair psychology myself I would guess that this poster, in spite of his claims to the contrary (“this isn't a post meant to inspire all the self-improvement nuts out there”) is actually implicitly asking for it. Either way, take that discussion somewhere else please.

 No.50412

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God damn it. I had a feeling I was going to regret posting that. Attacked, attacked, and attacked again. Jesus christ, even here, even on wizchan, people on this site just won't give each other a fucking break, will they? Why can this site be so fucking unforgiving? I'll admit that a thread like this would've probably been better off being posted in /dep/, and a mod is free to move it there at anytime (although I'd actually prefer if you could just lock it), but I can't say that I really understand the overwhelming hostility here. Was my post that fucking inflammatory? Triggered third worlders, self-improvement nuts, and even anti self-improvement nuts. It seems everybody here has a problem with what I said, even though my post was only meant to be its own self-contained thing that I simply wanted to get off my chest and then leave at that, with the slim hope that I might be able to talk with someone who could relate. And to which I'm now fucking crucified for doing. I'll never understand how people can think this website is anywhere near comfy, when bullshit like this happens on a routine basis and everybody unwarrantedly decides to take a nice, large dump on someone for daring to express how it is they're feeling, when what they're feeling violates no rules, nor does it have anything to do with what's generally frowned upon on this site.

I'd also be curious to know whether most of the people now replying to this thread actually browse /games/ at all, but simply saw my post while scrolling through /all/ and decided to fling a wad of their rancid shit at me for it, for the petty, arbitrary little reasons of the kind that have been shown here. I'd wager that's the case for most here.

>>50361

What compels someone to make dumb jokes like this? And it's not even a good joke. You're not being clever, you're just being a complete moron. What exactly is your problem? Boredom, sadism, or simple irreverence? Aren't we both wizards here? Shouldn't we at least show ourselves some amount of slack and basic respect?

>>50362

Look, I appreciate the advice, and I can see your offering it in good faith and are just looking to help, but I didn't ask for it. I know this is an anonymous message board and that me saying so won't stop anyone from posting whatever mean or off-topic type things it is that they want to say, but please just keep it to yourself. I should have the right to say how it is that I'm feeling, without getting inundated with people offering me "solutions" to how it is I should go about "fixing" my problems. I'm doing the best I can, alright? You're the perception guy, right? You should know that it isn't just as simple as doing "that", or "this". I'm also already well aware that everything one does is ultimately only as worthwhile as one happens to feel it is. There's no intrinsic value to anything. Be that as it may, it's near impossible for me to determine what exactly I'd want to do with myself beyond video games, since I have a criminally low level of interest or desire for anything else. What few things I have tried and have managed to stick with, such as exercise, are not all that meaningful or engaging to me either. Like gaming, I keep engaging with it merely as a means to kill time and that's basically it. Yes, you have one off occasions like helping my parents with random yard work, but it's hardly comparable to finding a genuine alternative interest that I'd find a meaningful sense of personal satisfaction in, similar to how gaming once was for me.

>>50363

Yeah, eat a dick. It's not my fault you're in some random third world shithole. And guess what? You still have your arms and legs, don't you? You're not just some random homeless cripple wandering the streets, are you? So even you, living your "oh so much worse" third worlder life, still have it better than other people. Also, just so you know, but, "Be grateful for what you have, you spoiled little brat!!! There are others who have it so much worse than you!!!", is literally one of the most normalfaggot-tier talking points there is.

>>50364
>>50390

Been there, done that. Weed gives me panic attacks, so, hey, lucky you. You can dope yourself up as much as you want without a care. I guess we both enjoy things the other can't have, don't we? So how about we show each other just a little bit more understanding, instead of comparing dicks to who's got it worse? And for the record, you may not have intended for your post to sound so aggressive, but that's very clearly how it came across. Also, if your main takeaway from what I said is just, "do some more yard work and get high, breh", you really missed the point of what I was talking about.

>>50365

I'd rather not say, since I'm sure that would just trigger even more people here.

Anyway, you know what, just lock this fucking thread already. There's no chance for meaningful discussion to take place here, if there was before then there certainly isn't now, and it's essentially descended into yet another self-improvement nuts vs. anti-self improvement nuts clusterfuck.

You want to know what I really wanted from this thread? A guy like this >>50126 >>50141 to talk with. That's it. A person whom I enjoyed sharing a few posts with and who took the time to sympathize with my woes. My mistake here? Not quitting while I was ahead and thinking that if maybe I could bump my thread with another post that perchance I might have another semi-nice talk with someone else. And what do I get instead? All you jackasses coming out of the woodwork wanting to tar and feather me for your own amusement, or to have petty little arguments with each other over your own stupid bullshit.

>>50389

>This is to be expected, I sympathize with this poster, and his contributions on games are always interesting to read but the posts about moods, depression and the useless advices that inevitably accompany them are really tiresome and not something I visit this board to see.


And for that I apologize. I'll admit that, in retrospect, I probably should've posted this thread in /dep/, but, even had I done so, I would've gotten even more of the retarded, insensitive nonsense which this thread has now been flooded with. At least here, I managed to have somewhat of a nice conversation with that other user earlier. I know it's apples and oranges, but at least I'm trying here. When you've got low effort, v-tier threads like these >>50336 polluting the board, does mine really look so bad? I mean, it does now of course, but in the beginning, before this flood of aggressive shitposts, it at least had some merit. Well, I appreciate that you at least see where it is I'm coming from. That's a helluva a lot more than all the users here could even manage as they, like you pointed, twist it into yet another, "here's what I think you should do" crap fest, shilling out their condescending sounding advice that nobody asked for to begin with, or just being rude pricks because they can and even admitting how fun it is for them to punch down on others, essentially making them no different than the most vile normalfaggots.

>>50402

>I would guess that this poster, in spite of his claims to the contrary (“this isn't a post meant to inspire all the self-improvement nuts out there”) is actually implicitly asking for it.


For what little as I'm sure it will probably be worth to say, I wasn't. Having said that, I did have a bad feeling that these people would simply disregard my statement and just post their unsolicited bullshit anyway. What exactly would you have me do to avoid this? Just shut up and keep it to myself on account of these idiots? Well, sorry, but I'm not going to restrict what I say on their account, just as I'm sure they won't despite everything I've said here. This is why this site is such fucking garbage. When a post like mine can't even be taken in good faith and be left alone anywhere here, /games/ or not, and instead becomes the fodder for other people's stupid little games or asinine humor.

>inb4, if you're so buttmad about people replying to you than just go start a blog, or post on reddit, lol.


Apologists for trolling and cancerous shitposts are really the worst types of all. Anyone who unironically thinks this way are the reason why this site isn't safe for wizards to post on anymore.

If a mod could please lock this thread now that'd be great, thank you.

 No.50413

>>50412
Considering you're probably OP and have OCD, I know this is falling on deaf ears, but you should learn to not take posts on anonymous website so seriously.

 No.50414

>>50412
>What compels someone to make dumb jokes like this? And it's not even a good joke. You're not being clever, you're just being a complete moron. What exactly is your problem? Boredom, sadism, or simple irreverence? Aren't we both wizards here? Shouldn't we at least show ourselves some amount of slack and basic respect?
Holy shit, fuck this place with idiots like you.

 No.50416

>>50363
you're born in a third world country with third world problems, OP is born in a first world country with first world problems. everyone has their own, i know it is tempting to say that first worlders have it easy and that they complain for nothing and in a sense it is true, ones struggles are dreams for others, and remembering that is important, it may make you feel a little better about yourself, but will it solve the problems and all the shit YOU're going through? i doubt it.
so yeah, as surreal it may seem to you, OP's problems are real ones, and in consequence shouldn't be denied nor mocked.

 No.50418

File: 1593287541027.jpg (3.07 MB, 2600x2600, 1:1, 1593191723977.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>50402
>Standard self-help speak posted for the billionth time

Oh well, turns out standard problems have standard solutions, but such advice is usually more useful and powerful when you can pair it with a piece of direct lived experience. The poster could have read something similar a 100 times and it wouldn't have resonated without the memory of this simple experience. Like I said, it was a nudge and completely on topic compared your foaming at the mouth. Consider hiding threads if they cause such significant butthurt for you.

>>50412
Of course you were asking for it. You might not like the answers, but this whole thread is just one big call for help, asking for people's opinions, otherwise you'd write it in your diary and lock it with a key, instead you're replying to everyone, even the most disagreeable posters.

>I'm also already well aware that everything one does is ultimately only as worthwhile as one happens to feel it is.


Then why keep pushing yourself to engage in an activity you don't feel is worthwhile? I'm not saying gaming is meaningless, I'm saying you believe it's meaningless and a waste of your time. You probably already know what would make your life worthwhile, but there's a whole bunch of real and emotional barriers in your way and you think you can just go back to games and the sense of purpose that used to give you. You're going backwards instead of developing, something Freud (PBUH), would call psychological regression, nothing short of crawling up your mother's cunt into her womb because the world is too scary (he was quite imaginative).

You can already sense it's not gonna work and even if it does, the price for enjoying bing-bing wahoos again is going a step down mentally. Well, good luck anyway.

 No.50424

Yet another anime spammer with a messiah complex.

 No.50428

>>50424
Yet another strawman caricature because you're too much of coward to reply to my posts. Don't worry, I'll save everyone with the power of magic and friendship!

 No.50437

>>50413

>I know this is falling on deaf ears, but you should learn to not take posts on anonymous website so seriously.


How exactly to accomplish this? I fully acknowledge how ultimately self-defeating it is to write up a huge of wall of text that will equally fall on the deaf ears of others and that only matters to them insofar as having additional ammunition to insult me further. Either way, what exactly is this website good for then? Just a dumb, empty playground for people to make random shitposts or troll one another to oblivion and back? That's it? Look, despite you saying I wouldn't get it, I do get what you're saying and I realize that wizchan is just another anonymous message board at the end of the day and that trying to take it seriously is essentially tantamount to shooting yourself in the foot, but that's still a god awful state of affairs and that, I agree, the more one cares about what people say in crap holes like this, the more it'll only bring them further grief.

>>50414

Well, that doesn't really answer my question. I guess insults and dumb shitposts are all you're capable of responding with. I'm really not sure what else I expected.

>>50424

I'd reckon that it's literally just the same guy. He's been shitposting on wizchan for many months now and his seeming contempt/hatred for the users of this site seems to know no bounds. Or, who knows. Maybe it's that perception guy finally taking the gloves off and stooping to the same level. Either way, this isn't what I come to this website for. To have some smug pseudo-intellectual cunt talk down to and judge me like the most condescending normalfaggot you could imagine, drunk on their own deluded sense of self-importance, lambasting me for all of my supposed faults while they themselves possess about the same level of insight as a fucking gnat. Do the mods even try to ban people like this? Those who wear their dripping disdain for the users of this site on their sleeve and that don't even try to hide it and in fact make a routine effort of showing it at every opportunity?

Also, hey mods. Why the fuck isn't this thread locked yet? You're seriously just going leave this thread open and let blatant rule violating posts like these >>50414 >>50418 >>50391 stand? Just a suggestion, but how about you do your fucking jobs for once.

 No.50438

>>50437
I only said it was falling on deaf ears, not because I don't think you'll listen but because even if you do, it's a hard thing to accomplish. I still sometimes find myself getting worked up over some posts too. But you need to see yourself as an outsider. Don't think "this website is for me, these others are outsiders". Lurking more and just posting less helps. Don't feel obligated to reply to everyone. Don't consider people here (or anywhere on the internet) nice or on your side until they display these things, never give the benefit of the doubt. Also the mods are not on your side either, just think of them as a force of nature, doing as they will regardless of your input or desires.

I know this sounds cold, but it has made my internet experience much better.

 No.50459

>>50386
>Figure out what would be worthwhile to you
Problem is I can't think of anything worthwhile to me

 No.50460

>>50459
Then finding what is worthwhile is your goal.

 No.50475

File: 1593800403543.jpg (764.56 KB, 2360x1774, 1180:887, DQVIII-WorldMap.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>50118
I can't say I have the exact same issue, OP, but one that is similar in nature maybe. For the last, I would say, 15 years or so, I've been playing and re-playing the same cycle of 3 video games over and over and over again. I am incapable of putting more than an hour or just a few minutes into any other games, it just flares this feeling up inside where I shut down until I'm back to playing my game cycle, as I call it. It's a cycle, to be specific, of
>Final Fantasy XII
>Dragon Quest VIII
>Tales of Symphonia
Where I spend maybe a month on each, then a week or two of no video games at all, out of utter frustration. Why frustration? Because I have never finished the games. I have a big problem with restarting games. For example, I'm ready to play FFXII again for the Nth time, right? What do I do? This time, I'm going to play it for a perfect completion file. So I chain Dustia, get good items to make a run for the Zodiac Spear easy, and systematically start completing hunts and farming every possible item. Then I realize, oh shoot, I forgot to get the Small Package at the beginning of the game! I can't get it ever again! So now I have to delete my save file after possibly 60 hours and start over. To make it worse, HP/MP is RNG based which means it takes weeks of resets to get them perfect. A few years ago, I did that and spent months resetting for perfect HP/MP on just a few characters only to find out I forgot that missable item, Small Package. It was smooth sailing and it seemed like for once, I would finally have a perfect file to completion. I've spent at least 13 or 14 years trying to do this with Final Fantasy XII but ONE mistake, one stupid mistake, threw away hundreds of hours.

To continue the cycle, there's DQVIII and ToS, both with fewer missables, especially ToS where there's a New Game Plus. Problem with those is that I just burn out after a couple hundred hours. With DQVIII, you can store 999 of almost every item and it just gets ridiculous trying to farm seeds. Anyway, so I spend a hundred or more hours each game, move to the next, in a cycle, and each time I delete save files because it has to be perfect. Other issues/hang-ups are
>playing the game the way the developer intended, an imperfect file
>spending too much playtime when it could be cut down, often from leaving it on while in the bathroom
>spending too little playtime, feeling like i'm going too fast
And the weirdest reason of all? Totally irrational emotional attachments to certain scenes in the game. You see, I've spent so much of my life (I'm an apprentice still, only 25) playing these three games that certain scenes in the games carry highly emotional, ritualistic meaning to them, or even certain sections.

I HAVE to kill Werewolves in the Giza Plains on Saturdays between 7am and 2pm, nothing else works, and I HAVE to drink a local brand of chocolate milk and eat these bread rolls that are baked at my groecry store. I HAVE to run 4 laps around my house and sprain my right index finger (yes, it's insane, I have to injure myself in a specific way), when I get a Zodiac Spear, either from the Necrohol or from Henne Mines. I HAVE to listen to Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty ballet while I'm playing DQVIII from Peregrin Quay to Trodain Castle, and only from the hours of 10pm to 5am. I HAVE to play the section of Tales of Symphonia from Meltokio to Ozette after chugging 32oz of ice cold black coffee from a red cup and walking to the nearby park at 2:30am.

There are many more scenarios like the above that hold deep significance to me in a way I can't explain. And if I can't fulfill them, I simply delete my progress and move on to the next game in the cycle, repeat, ad nauseum, nearly every day of every week of every month of every year since I was a teenager. I'm trapped in Hell it feels like, I have absolutely nothing outside of these 3 games, which are my only goals in life. If I could fully, 100%, perfectly complete each of them, I could die happier than the richest man in the world but it long, long ago dawned on me that I will never accomplish such fetes.

 No.50480

File: 1593851785139.jpg (69.48 KB, 500x506, 250:253, noteven.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>50475
>Tales of Symphonia
My wizza

>If I could fully, 100%, perfectly complete each of them, I could die happier than the richest man in the world

So what's impossible about that exactly? I have no idea.

 No.50481

>>50475
That must really suck. I wish I could offer some sort of advice but it would surely be completely mundane and unhelpful. I do wish you strength in overcoming your struggles however.

 No.50483

>>50475
I've gotten to the stage where if I find out that the game closes off previous areas to me so I can't 100% them, I just immediately drop the game entirely because I got so sick of going through the same cycle you just described.

 No.50486

File: 1593891346666.png (199.53 KB, 800x600, 4:3, famfrit.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>50480
I love this game so much. I am a wizard because of these games. Who needs friends when I have Lloyd and Genis? I often pretend they're with me when I play, making jokes and pointing out things I could do better. I tend to play as them more than others and am very used to Lloyd's crazy combos and Genis' spells. I also do the same in FFXII and DQVIII, where in FFXII it's me, Vaan, and Balthier. Balthier tends to make fun of me in my head but is ultimately a nice fellow and Vaan is just always excited about accomplishing stuff. I try to keep them in my party always and most often Basch too since they're all "bros" as normans would say. And in DQVIII, it's definitely Yangus and Angelo for me. I kicked Trode out of my party because he constantly criticized me (often, he was the voice of my obsession and anger) and Yangus is just a good guy and Angelo is funny with jokes and lewd comments about the succubi in the games. I have written lots of crossover fanfiction between the 3 games, like where the Summon Spirits of Sylvarant/Tethe'alla going into a cosmic war with the Espers in Ivalice, etc. I stopped writing years ago though because I have to spend more time finishing the games and less doing bullshit like posting on Wizchan but I really needed to tell someone besides my therapist who just phones it in and doesn't care anymore. Also, thank you for that picture, it made me laugh for the first time in a long while.
>So what's impossible about that exactly? I have no idea.
The problem is mainly how I have to do very specific rituals when I play certain parts. As said before,
>Meltokio to Ozette requires drinking 32oz of black coffee and going to the park at 2:30am
>the section in Welgaia requires me to play Genesis' album "A Trick Of The Tail" at 6:00pm
>grinding for seeds for max stats requires me to listen to Elton John's greatest hits album, no time limits though preferably in the morining
>need to eat a cinnamon roll and turkey sandwich before I fight Abyssion, which isn't a bad thing but it's hard to get on short notice
>have to take a nap about halfway through the Ymir Forest and leave the game running for about 4 hours, have to wake up while it's still dark outside
That's about it for Tales of Symphonia. If I mess one of these up, it's game over and I have to restart. It also goes back to my need for a playthrough "as the developers intended" which requires constantly keeping track of my levels, tech usage, EX gems, etc and pretending I am a completely new player doing exactly as the game makers wanted, not over or under quotas. This is very stressful and half way through I want to give up and just do a perfect game and I have been doing this, back and forth, for 15 years now.
>>50481
You too wizanon, be the best you you can be, whatever that you may look like or be doing! I'm not looking for advice, just needed to tell someone besides my therapist who just doesn't give a damn about any of this. I've been on medications and seen psychs, doctors,etc with no help and it's okay, I'll find a way through, if only I could channel this obsession into something less circular and mind-numbing.
>>50483
Great idea. I've done that a few times when I attempted to play other RPGs. I'll do heavy research into the state of missables and I won't even begin to attempt them if they're particularly egregious. For my Holy Trio of games, the issue is only half-compulsion and the other half is irrational emotional attachments to certain places and times. Nostalgia? Might be a good word for it, very self-destructive nostalgia and compulsion.

Oh, I also developed a 13 month calendar system that starts the year I was born. Currently, as of July 4, it is the 6th day of the 1st week of Famfrit. I only started abiding by this system a few months ago because I like the Espers. I'm currently trying to work in the Summon Spirits into the pantheon but it's certainly not one-to-one. I feel like this must have been a problem for the Roman trying to work in the Greeks and Phoenicians.

 No.50728

Are you still there OP? It would suck to see one of the few remaining relatable posters on this shithole of a site go.

 No.50732

Excellent thread, op. I really enjoyed reading your conversation with the other wiz and related to a lot of it, especially about limited time. Had a similar experience with throwing out tons of junk a month ago for my mom as well. It felt similar to what you described as a once-a-year or so thing. Have been procrastinating on games all year, but some techniques help. Your feelings about enjoying games no one cares about hit so close to home, if I accidentally see a normgroid enjoy an indie game I love, I just grow to despise it in a way. Because of that decreasing looking up stuff to zero has been helpful. On the other hand, reading negative reviews of a small minority is nice, recent game being Disco Elysium. This past year, i really enjoyed the higurashi sound novels. I got my mother heavily into them, so it motivated me to finish the last 4 after a year break. It gave me a lot of understanding of potential of that media. It's also a dojin product, so it can hardly be ruined by westerners that want to discuss and share things, other than the steam workshop page that shows up in your library by default. As far as nier automata goes, the cavia games are simply way superior art, and drakengard 1 is like rape of nanking of games. Even the bullet witch, being a kusoge that it is is infinitely more enjoyable than witcher 3 or other nonsense story-game. Thanks for writing, wizanons like you make this place worthwhile, despite everything.



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