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 No.257894

How do you think about yourself? Other than wizard or NEET. After years of being a NEET I'm basically a blank slate. I assume most people think of themselves in terms of what their occupation or hobby is, like "I'm a teacher" "I'm a student" or "I'm a surfer". Being a NEET that doesn't really apply because you don't have a certain task to occupy your time.

People also seem to identify with certain personality traits they have. Because I almost never interact with people outside of sometimes posting on imageboards I don't really have a good idea of my personality qualities either. I've spent most of my time depressed doing nothing, or just trying to kill time, or myself. Now I feel like I'm basically just a collection of random facts I've read online or in books, and media I've consumed. If someone asked me to describe myself I don't know if I could besides listing my physical attributes.

 No.257895

Well you could also define yourself by your desires. I wanted to be a scientist when I was a kid so were I a neet I would define myself by whatever efforts I try to achieve my desire by.

 No.257899

hatred in the shape of a man

 No.257932

Pro wrestling fans can call themselves marks, smarks, anti-smarks. Also wrestling enthusiasts.

 No.257934

>>257932
Members of the WWE Universe.

 No.257937

I think at the age of 24 I slowly start to realize who I am meant to be. In short, I started tearing down the lies I constructed for myself and my self-image. Now I feel truly myself. I fought against my nature for a long, long time. Tried to be a good, moral, humanistic, christian, unselfish guy (not all at once) but as a loner, someone who stands apart from the community you can't really be "good". The community will always see you as its enemy, even if you don't want to fight with it, because you are different at the end of the day. Not like them. Strange. Weird. Not that I wanted to be a part of society, no. I only wanted to be "good" - but in order to be "good" you have to belong to the community that set down the definition of said "goodness".

I embraced egoism completely. I'm interested in individualistic anarchism, I'm against every ideology that thinks in groups, communities or societies. I don't care about helping others anymore, except for those people who directly contribute to my happiness and well-being. I've shed the skin of the "good, moral" man completely. I pursue the things that give me pleasure and I don't care about anything else. You could say I'm an anarchist hedonist with extremely individualistic tendencies who is interested in esoteric, occult and pagan stuff. Because this is the only ideology that synchronizes perfectly with the wizardly, outsider, lone wolf life. Seriously fuck every kind of community.
But you could say "what would happen if everyone thought like that?" - My answer: I stopped caring. I would rather live a short life full of pleasures, following my passions and living life the way I want it than to live a long, boring, "safe" life under the protection of some society. I would rather NEET until I can and avoid working than to be a productive, useful member of the community. I used to be one of those faggots who cried "degenerate" at every instance but now I wish society was more "degenerate". Because I see now what big hypocrites these so called moral, good, community-oriented people are.
I don't exactly want society to collapse but I want to shape it to suit my needs and to serve me. I want to leech off the system as much as I can while giving back zero.

I feel good now. I feel at peace. Kind of. Ironic. While I tried to deny myself and find inner peace I couldn't achieve it. And now that I have accepted my passions and egoism I feel calm. Fuck stoicism, buddhism, christianity, secular humanism, actually any ideology that advocates self-denial in some way.

 No.258140

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>>257894
I don't accept the premise of identity. You may think this is a contradiction, as the claim "I don't exist" presupposes that very I.

It appears as though our identity is a necessity: if I'm not thinking, who is? At this point we're already deluding ourselves, as though "thinking" were understood or that "I" had the right to lay claim to it. There are other problems: the perception of our self as a unity doesn't physically exist, given we're composited of thoughts, moods, sensations, organs, and memories of the past. This is Kant's transcendental unity of the self, and this superstition has entangled itself not only into every waking moment but across philosophy and religion.

When we will another part of ourselves obeys. There is no necessity of effect in willing, it's a conceit that action follows will: the sensation has become confused with the reality. Similarly, there's no necessity in the so-called law of cause and effect: a mind that sees in causal connections constraint and determinism is simply speaking about itself, and replaces "I" for "process". When we just sit in zazen we find there's neither identity or non-identity, but that these perspectives are as empty as each other.

Knowing this, how do we continue to live? Overcoming it is a monstrous task that would obliterate most people, so we must accept that most people will continue to live in this delusion. That's why I'm telling you, and not someone else.

 No.258141

>>257894
I think of myself as an outsider. All I do is browse the internet all day and only leave the house for food, so I feel very cut-off from the rest of the world. Even in internet communities, I just sit on the periphery and mostly lurk without interacting much with other people.

 No.258958

>>257937
Huh we're opposites sort of
I used to be very individualistic, untameable and amoral, with a sharpness for sensing when people were trying to pressure me into thinking like them or joining their group, usually as someone with lower status than them that they could control. I was mean and I was angry.
It's only in the past few years that I've been doubting that way of life after realizing how much of a negative influence people living without regard for others has on the world and that I've been doubting myself and my assumed correctness, to the length where I began internalizing things I probably shouldn't have.
Currently I'm a little confused and somewhere between the two extremes. I'm still mean and angry, that's an essential part of my character that denying just doesn't work for.
I never really got a good synthesis going.



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