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 No.287879

As someone on the A cluster of personality disorders, life is very unmanageable and diminishing
i remember before my illness i was a different person, i used to not care much, i was pretty alpha.

Currently in life i've been more of a victim to my surroundings, admittedly because of me, but also because i'm an easy target.
I've increasingly become envious of cluster B more specifically dark triad or these days it's updated. I exclude BPD and histrionics those aren't beneficial (my sister has bpd)

I've done drugs to alter myself, i watch gore, i don't respond much to shocking imagery because of shizoid tendencies i have, but i do have feelings. I'm kind to animals etc.
My problems in general are of a social nature, i feel fine by myself, but anything with other people is no fun at all, i don't like people.
I would call myself a nihilist and a misanthrope but also a coward, i understand anxiety, i wish i would wake up as a genuine psychopath.

It sounds edgy and you can suggest i should top myself, but hear me out, in our society psychopathy is very beneficial, it's almost a cure all.

psychopaths have reduced connections between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). The part of the brain responsible for sentiments such as empathy and guilt, and the amygdala, which mediates fear and anxiety.
the neuroscientist James Fallon, he himself is a psychopath and he discovered this by reviewing scans of criminals brains. Abuse and bad upbringing is the difference between a pro-social and antisocial one. But also genetics. NOT solely upbringing.

I was always interested in psychology, if i was smarter i would've have studied it with criminology, it's just interesting. I'm not glorifying murderers, in a sense i think people should pay for their crimes.
All of this is meaningless anyway, but i just came to the conclusion in order to break the cycle of a abuse, the abused becomes the abuser, psychopathy CAN be the answer in certain situations.

Lobotomy, brain damage, drugs, callousness and exposure to violence, killing animals, it can all amount to advancing the spectrum of psychopathy. I guess i'm just a weak individual looking for a way out.

 No.287888

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>>287879
I put even less stock into the idea of personality disorders than I do the rest of the "scientific" field of psychology. They're a label psychologist weaponize against anyone who's problems aren't immediately resolved by blatantly obvious advice and psychoactive medication. Their diagnostic criteria are so vague and diverse that there isn't a single person on the planet who doesn't fit the mold for at least one of them. I was diagnosed with Borderline in my early 20s and now that I've gotten older and mellowed out I'm sure there's a different box I fall into.

I don't think I have empathy, or at least not very much of it. It's not really the boon you think it to be and is probably the reason I'm here. Empathy is what allows you to connect to other people, and to do so without it is impossible. Growing up it felt like everyone else instinctively knew all the rules governing social interaction and I just had to learn them purposefully, like there was a day in class where they taught everyone this stuff and I just missed it or something. I was bullied my entire school life and never had any friends because I just had no concept of how to interact with anyone, looking back I probably deserved most of it.

I feel like I've gotten better at this sort of thing, I generally know the right things to say, the right things to do, and the right emotions to show to not come off as a complete weirdo, but even then it's all fake. Every interaction is a performance and any sort of friendship or relationship is pointless and hollow because it's not between you and them, it's between them and a character you've created for them, so I just don't bother. I've accepted that I will never experience any form of closeness. Someone incapable of empathy is just fundamentally repulsive to most people on the same kind of instinctual level as something like cannibalism or incest, someone mimicking it even more so. I'm sure there are probably some benefits if you're very ambitious or criminally inclined, I just don't think I've ever experienced any and other than that it's a very sad way of being.

 No.287892

>>287888
But I have a really hard time believing normals connect with eachother because they have empathy…
>Growing up it felt like everyone else instinctively knew all the rules governing social interaction
I think this is true but it has nothing do with them having empathy or not. They're just better at following social norms unconsciously.

 No.287899

>>287879
I don't really understand the text, what exactly are you looking for? what is the problem?
>i feel fine by myself, but anything with other people is no fun at all, i don't like people.
Being a psychopath is a solution for not liking people?

 No.287901

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>>287888
Becoming a psychopath would make you even more of a lost soul.
What are you exactly looking for?

 No.287907

>>287892
I don't think other people connect solely because they have empathy, I was just explaining how the lack of it is the reason I cannot, or at least the reason that I haven't. I think it's possible I could connect to someone if I were to act naturally and that person were to accept me, but I would never do so and I don't think such a person even exists.
>>287901
That's the point I was making, and the opposite of the one OP was making. I'm not looking for anything, if I ever was I've given up. Just sharing my experiences of lacking empathy with OP.

 No.287914

>>287899
No what i'm trying to articulate is that i've been victimized enough.
I want to break the cycle of abuse, in order to rise, i need to become part of what antagonizes me.
A psychopath feels little to nothing.

 No.287921

I’m not a psycopath in official sense but I believe literally everyone is a psycopath and have no empathy to some people which they deemed as evil or some things which could be considered cruel could be tolerated by some beliefs.Like as example I hate succubi and when I see things like succubi getting tortured or murdered I don’t feel empathy but I feel bad if its a man that experience those things so I just believe empathy is just selectively applied not to everyone or everything

 No.287932

>>287921
In a general sense i'm indifferent to murder or suffering of humans, i would even say i wish harm on those around me, like i mentioned though i like animals.
There's serial killers that grew up killing animals, like cats for example, that's something i wouldn't enjoy doing. I'm not a psychopath.

I envy those that are dark triad though, if i could turn a switch i would 100% consiously say i would like to be a psychopath.

I would describe myself as paranoid and anxious, that's no fun trust me.

 No.287941

>>287922
What is a bhl?
>>287932
I think that you just want to be strong so nobody harms you, intimidating so people is scared of you, and in case of somebody harming you, since you are strong then you can fight back, is that what you want?

 No.287950

>>287943
Tell us what is wrong with American liberalism in unemotional language

 No.287967

>>287964
>confine everyone who disagrees with them in state run death camps is disturbing to say the least.
Nazis did it too though

 No.287972

>>287969
What source did you get this from

 No.288030

>>287941
i'm not worried about physical assault

 No.288031

>>288030
Then what do you want?

 No.288036

>>288034
The sad fact is cops are just goons and have no obligation to protect regular people. I don't think I've ever actually seen a cop do anything besides pull over drunks and speeders. Much more realistic to move someplace with decent gun and self-defense laws (and ideally no people of a certain complexion).

 No.288037

>>288031
to be in control, to be numb, to be fearless, to be without guilt remorse or conscience

 No.288040

>>288037
Your options are.
Getting lobotomized
Leaving your tower to gain experience and strength, you harden yourself this way.
Drugs, i don't know what kind.
Maybe there is a fourth one, seek it yourself.

 No.288041

You know mental illness are fairy tales made up by some Jew a century ago, right?

 No.288042

>>288041
psychopathy is scientifically proven to be factual

 No.288043

>>288040
drugs yes i've asked various sources still haven't figured that one out
Lobotomy turns you retarded, experiences would've turned me into a serial killer years ago

 No.288044

>>288042
Bullshit. You can't scientifically prove if a person feels empathy or not. It's an opinion.

 No.288046

>>288044
>psychopaths have reduced connections between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). The part of the brain responsible for sentiments such as empathy and guilt, and the amygdala, which mediates fear and anxiety.

By reviewing brain scans certain cases of psychopathy CAN be prove, look up james fallon neuroscientist

 No.288047

>>288046
Fuck off. How many "psychopaths" did they scan?

 No.288048

psychiatric disorders is like a contemporary humblebrag cult

 No.288049

>>288048
*are

my bad, didn't mean to type in ebonics

 No.288055

why are threads like this so common now? is it the zoomers looking for a way to feel unique or something? how about stop defining yourself with arbitrary terms and theories created by professors with a cushy life and nothing else to do?

 No.288056

>>288055
Are the zoomers in the thread with us right now?

 No.288111

>>288048
>>288048
how so i hate being mentally ill it's torture, there's nothing to be humble about, it's a disease

 No.288113

>>288111
i was also going to reply but i dont think it's targeted at real mental illness. there are plenty of people that flaunt their supposed diagnoses like boy scout badges.

 No.288131

>>288056
well, yeah

 No.289527

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSfatU8z9Vg&ab_channel=PsychopathyIs
this gives you an idea as to why someone bound to negative emotion would want to be a psychopath

 No.289531

You'll find people online throwing labels of narcissist personality disorder and sociopathy left and right. If someone doesn't like you, you're a "gaslighting" narcissist.

 No.289534

>>289531
usually when you don't like someone you don't go into a psychotic bend on trying to get at that person and ruin their lives/reputation
Insults and not liking someone is normal even talking behind their backs if you're that way, but taking calculated steps and using manipulation tactics isn't normal behaviour.
You can't seriously label someone online as a psychopath or a narc because it's just words on a screen, you don't really know me nor do i know you.

 No.289535

>>289531
also FIY narcs don't gaslight, they believe their lies unlike sociopaths and psychopaths they DO use gaslighting tactics

 No.291382

>>288047
a lot it's literally part of their job

 No.292290

>>289531
Well, that could be a perfect way of revealing theirselves as such…

 No.292297

>>292290
psychological projection is very real, but irl psychopaths and narcissists especially, will most likely think there's nothing wrong with them because psychological labels are for "crazy" people

 No.292687

>>287879
>my problems in general are of social nature
>anything w other people is not fun at all
Please do not take that as a problem. You are just on a way towards better types than those you are used to frequent
>envy of cluster B
Why? Such creatures are only to be caged and tortured, when not merely frustrated by stonewalling
>psychopathy is very beneficial
That's mostly due to some others doing nothing to make it fail, while the cattle falls for the tricksters.
>psychopathy can be answer in certain situations
Well, sometimes fools are to be paid with their own coins, aren't they? Just be sure they do not know where it came from, to stay safe yourself.

>I am cluster A

Come on! This site was designed for you. What are you ruminating so deep to not be shared with these comrades?
>easy target
So they are. The trick is to not be seen, while attacking always critical points in such a way that they may never recover. I think you are just being too merciful towards someone around… cluster B hates something the most: to be shown impotent and endangered publicly, without knowing what to do.

>>287888
I was also bullied. Until decided that it was me the one to put the rules while discarding normos away due to their foolishness and vanity. It worked better as I went on improving details about it.
>probably deserved most of it
Maybe, but not under their hands.
>I know what to do to not come off as a weirdo
You still care about normies' POV, ashaming me as you are totally governed by their stupid mindset and I pity you.
>closeness
I do the opposite. I exploit myself as a weirdo, the thing is they will always get it as an insult since it makes obvious how despicable they are, which leads into bullying… which needs to be answered with more stonewalling or rather a fight/run response, usually given with sound cruelty and trickyness when it comes to be a fight, for their denial towards letting you be yourself is unforgivable, something you get to know better the more you start tasting it against the normies' vile values.

I do experiment closeness, but usually when I do use my schizo sense of their filth in order to openly unmask their hidden issues or engaging psychologicla warfare against them. They still dissappoint me, but anyway…
The only way to connect with them is to directly hit their values, to critically expose and compare mindsets… unlike you do, trying to look normal to avoid rejection. Don't you see that it is not feasible to connect with what doesn't exist? They are all wearing masks, projecting on us.

>>288037
Guilt of what? Of harming others' feels?
The best thing to do this is to overcome inside you those very same weakness you fear to tick in them.

>>292297
Never mind. It's not what cluster B types think, but about how much frustrated, exposed and corralled they need to become, for the sake of everyone else.

 No.292713

The research on dark triad shit shows that they're perpetually unsatisfied with life and suffer from boredom more intensely than everyone else. The people with the light triad are the ones more satisfied with their lot in life.

The poor impulse control that usually gets packaged results in drug abuse. And because they think they're "special", they ignore all the bad aspects of their drug abuse and live in a lala land of thinking they're immune to the worst effects. This is especially common with bpd succubi who go from pretty and pristine to toothless meth addicts within a decade.

Their intrigues often fail because they're not as smart as they think they are. You can see this with Kiwifarm weens doing little gayops on retarded individuals that often blow up in their faces. The bad ones perpetually burn through jobs and really are only found in high risk, dangerous industries with high staff turnover rates. They get fired, burn through relationships and just keep on starting over again and again.

ASPD is heavily correlated with low intelligence. The "le smart ones don't get caught" is a cope because juvenile delinquency happens before they get smart and is when most are detected. The prisons are filled to the brim with ASPD tards that test between 80-95 on a test. It's a dummy's disorder.

>>289527
When given a podium and interest, they love to play up their disorder and make out there's no downsides. It's part of the need to feel superior and impressive. ASPD people have a tremendous amount of negative emotions. They're perpetually jealous and sensitive to criticism. You know the old people that put razor blades and screws through slides on kids playgrounds? That's them when they get old and close to their death, they're so vindictive and jealous of kids they just want to destroy their health.

 No.292953

>>292713
You're probably right about how they downplay the negatives, it's part of their disorder.

 No.292965

>>287879
((Personality disorders))



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