I read it. How old are you (answering approximately is fine) because when I was in 5th grade, people weren't obsessed with sex at all. It sounds terrible. Shit's fucked up.
You mentioned becoming a recluse in 8th grade. I just realised that 8th grade is like a turning point look at these other stories:>>163446>>159947>>158921
(until 8th grade, so something changed?)>>171626
I'm not sure why 8th grade is like that.
Here's my story.
My country calls "grades" years, from Kindergarten, then Year 1 to 12.
Also, I need to note that both my parents had degrading mental health the entire time, my mother plateaued with this, but my father spiralled down. And constantly had explosive rage and anger over anything, on top of being extremely unreliable.
I was bullied so badly in K-6 (Primary) school that I repeated a year, year/grade 2. I'm still angry at the teacher that made me repeat. It wasn't because I was falling behind in grades, my work was good. IT was because I 'wasn't socializing enough'. I had 3 friends, and I was really happy with them. But repeating that year meant that I was basically totally cut off from them because year 3s go to completely different part. GREAT JOB. A kid isn't socialising enough so you CUT HIM OFF from his friends. I still kept in contact with 2 of them after that, because they were good friends. But it was harder. I don't have contact with them now.
Recently, I saw a photo of me when I was 5 or 6 when my grandfather was taking me to school, and I already looked depressed, looking down at my shoes while my sister and grandfather are smiling at the camera. 2 boys tried to molest me (on separate occasions) at that first school I went to.
After that I changed schools, got bullied terribly at the next school, I literally had sloppy dog shit smeared on me. I made 1 friend there, but I didn't keep in contact with them, because I left after that year was done.
The 3rd school I went to was hellish. Pretty quickly all the succubi-in-training started treating me like shit, it was hell. If you've ever been treated this way, I'm sure you can relate. It was more than the normal disdain for someone nerdy. It was extremely malicious. It was like I was made of shit, they wouldn't touch me, any of my stuff, constant looks of disgust, brutal verbal abuse. I tried to kill myself when I was 11 due to this. It got so bad that after a year and a half a teacher did something. After that it basically stopped, but I just wanted them to leave me in peace. I found out it's because shortly after I joined the school someone had spread a rumour about me, but none of them could remember what it was, they just bullied me constantly due to it having become a culture there.
Year/Grade 6 had some light bullying but I was already supremely fucked up by this time.
Year 7 was when highschool started. Bullying continued, especially as these twin boys from my first school were there and they just decided to bully me again. I attempted too. I'd never done anything to them, ever. I'd never really done anything to anyone really. I tried to keep to myself. Soon I just started walking out of class. By year 8 I was walking out of class even more often and spending time in the school library. Half way through the year I stopped going to school. They couldn't motivate me, I was too depressed. I did get out of home, I'd ride my BMX bike to the town library to get away from my crazy parents.
(there's Year 8 mentioned again!)
So I regard year 7 as my last real schooling. There was an attempt at distance education for what would have been grade 9, but that failed because my own father bullied me. Screamed at me for not doing work, when I had done the work. So I just stopped doing it. he couldn't bully me to do it more.
I went to hospital later that year, they said that I couldn't live at home. There were some more attempts to go to school but I'll gloss over those, I left home at 15 to live with some foster parents, but after 9 months they sent me back to my real parents. I then tried again in year 10-11, but didn't complete anything and left school mid way through year 11 to go to a nearby technical/vocational college here we call TAFE. I then spent the next 7-10 years trying to complete courses there and failing every time. The first time I only failed at the end, but I didn't really realise it but I had huge PTSD from all my school experiences. I was actually damaging myself even more by forcing myself to go to this college. (The government also wanted me to go). So each year I'd drop out sooner and sooner, because my anxiety was growing stronger and stronger.
Now I have a crippling traumatic complex around school. I can't go back there, it sends me insane. I signed up for university this year, got accepted for a course that was 3 months away, and became such a giant stressball that I had to drop out with only a month before it started, because in the 2 months up until that point I'd become such a gigantic ball of stress that I was impossible to be around, I was very quick to anger too. I had to tell the university that I couldn't start the course. As soon as I did that I instantly felt relief, but it's taken me over a month to even 'recover' from that. I was in fight-or-flight mode the whole 2 months, complete with nightmares and tension headaches.
School was hell. I'm COMPLETELY uneducated in a time when there's 0 opportunities for people without educations, and I can't even get an education. TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS OF TRYING COLLEGE. FAILURE. Will it take me 10 years to sort this horrible anxiety complex out? I can't even express it; it's just a horrible dread that consumes every waking and sleeping moment when I know school is in the future. I can't even imagine what formally 'knowing stuff' is like.