No.208294
>Sure as hell I remember since 14 that I was somehow different from the other kids.
The other kids were convinced at some point, by educational institutions or their peers which echoed them, that it is healthy to live a life in which their happiness is primarily dependent on frequent social affirmation from the masses. How they feel about themselves is determined by how others feel about them. You, at some point in your crucial development phase, either made the conscious decision to "zig" where other kids "zagged", or simply reflected upon how you were expected to behave from them and judged that expectation by how well it fit in to your notions of morals at the time (and it didn't fit well).
When you get down to it, guys like us are the "normal" people. We are the natural state of being, of a human who critiqued and introspected upon his experiences with society and came to decide upon distancing himself from the evident mental disease endemic throughout humanity today. Our happiness is determined by the goals we set and accomplish for ourselves, not by the reaction of observers upon accomplishing them.
You know how some little bits of humanity's great ancestors' instincts, intuition, and habits sometimes reappear in kids born today? Like how those with neanderthal DNA are predisposed to gather and horde resources (for better or for worse)? We wizards have adopted the social wiring from our ancestors who existed in a time when there were only 10 million humans on Earth. To us, everywhere is unreasonably crowded. Too many kids on the playground, too many customers at work… Too many people fucking! Just leave us alone, go back to your own damn cave! That is the wizard condition. We long for the freedom to do what we need to do in order to survive in comfort, without a mass of judgement, infringement, hindrance, or illness of a horde of people. Without imposing on others either. But that's just not easy these days. At least on the internet, if a zone gets too crowded, you can just log off and go watch anime instead. Go play Quake RTX. Go to bed.
No.208296
I just have autism, nothing more to it.
I remember a psychologist being a bit bewildered by me in that I'm pretty far on the spectrum and have massive sensory issues, but strangely can half function in society. I'm face blind to the point Chris Chan is.
No.208301
>>208294>You, at some point in your crucial development phase, either made the conscious decision to "zig" where other kids "zagged", or simply reflected upon how you were expected to behave from them and judged that expectation by how well it fit in to your notions of morals at the time (and it didn't fit well).I actually remember this moment. Around when puberty started to hit and I started understanding what was required of me, I just made the conscious decision to not do it and instead planned my life around being alone with as little social contact as possible. Not sure why, but becoming a normalfag just felt distasteful to me. I never wanted to be normal in the first place. If I had any sort of guidance or connection with people, I probably wouldn't have made that choice.
No.208563
Shit parents who are not normal themselves.
No.209096
Demonic possession.
No.209174
im an ugly schlub, there lies my curse
No.209175
I think I'm just dumb
No.210321
>>208294well said. some of us were rigged from the start. if you didnt enjoy socialisation from nursery and liked lining up your toys for fun, well, i think its safe to say i never was gonna make it. its a bit blackpilled and nihilistic, but the signs have always been there.
then again, you also have society being society.
No.210325
>>208292I remember when I was 4 years old and mother dropped me in the kindergarten. I would go there but I refused to enter the classroom for a month.
The teacher just put a chair for me, outside in the court so at least I can have somewhere to sit while they were attending the others kids in the class.
I would stay in the same chair from 8am to 6pm, observing the other kids.
At 12 yo, I realized I am different than the others in the sense that I cannot socialize (never had a friend for example). This thought shattered my very being and carried me to the pit of depression, as I was longing for some friendship.
Fast forward, at 29 years old, it's kinda the same ordeal. I still have difficulties socializing and never had a friend, it requires inhuman effort for me to put up a facade in order to keep my job.
No.210350
A lifetime of being terrified of being judged, of making mistakes, led to where I am now.
I didn't talk to my crush out of fear of rejection. I didn't go out of my way to make friends, I just waited for people to haphazardly gravitate towards me. I didn't push for greater opportunities, I just took the path of least resistance. In my mind the worst thing that could happen is failure, and being in the spotlight for it.
No.210374
For me it's embarrassing to admit because the reason is so trivial. I'm pretty sure it all comes down to the fact that my parents are emotionally repressed and distant introverts but when I was young they often brought us to the house of a family who had several kids and this family was normie, extroverted, and emotionally healthy. Both my parents worked, so much of my time was spent with these normies. I think I ended up internalizing that something was wrong with me after seeing how the normie family treated their kids vs how my parents treated me. The level of warmth and closeness was totally different. My parents seem to be just going through the motions doing what is expected of them and they seem visibly uncomfortable doing it whereas the normies had genuine interactions. I ended up fearing that I was simply unlikable and my experiences in youth ended up reinforcing this fear. This family moved away at one point in my youth and basically ever since then I have been depressed. I was shy before that and after that it got worse, especially after high school ended and I failed out of college because I was depressed about not being able to make friends (yes, pathetic I know, but it is what it is). Then I just isolated and neeted because it was the path of least resistance and I couldn't get over my mental blocks.
I assume there are a million different paths that can lead you to being an outcast. I am essentially a failed normalfag because I want friends and acceptance more than anything, but my fears of inadequacy and unlikability have held me back. I am too afraid of finding out that no one likes me to ever even try to form friendships in the first place. This creates a state of suffering and longing for something that I know I could have if only I weren't fucking insane and kept defeating myself at every opportunity.
The moral of the story is, if you are gonna have kids as a functionally depressed and emotionally repressed introvert, don't ever let them know that any other way of life exists besides this. I bet if I never got a taste of normalfaggotry I would have just ended up going through the motions of life because that was what was expected of me like my parents did. Although perhaps even that is questionable because I developed ideological resistance to the structure of normalfag society after having been an outside observer for so long. I don't know how to quantify that outlook or what role it has played in me becoming a wizard but it's certainly an obstacle to me ever becoming a normie now.
No.210684
>>208292We are not to care about that. Only failed normies do.
No.210907
>>210374>I was depressed about not being able to make friends (yes, pathetic I know, but it is what it is).Don't apologize for this. I basically did the same thing. Only I just switched schools because my mom was footing the bill. College was a punch in the fucking gut for me. I actually enjoyed high school comparatively. At least a few people I connected with. At college if you were different it was immediate shun. It was fucking less mature of an environment than school before it for me.
No.211000
>>210907I had an odd situation where each school I went to had very few students from my previous school, so each time going from elementary to middle to high school it was pretty much completely new people every time. Only 2 succubi went to the same 3 schools as me the entire way and they were both pretty and popular and best friends with each other while me, being a reclusive protowiz at the lowest rungs of school hierarchy had nothing to do with them. I basically never made friends at either middle school or high school, I just had cordial classroom interactions with people I never got close to or spent time with outside of school. This lack of friendship is what lead me to be depressed from basically age 11 all the way through my 20s. I think each time I failed to make friends, it was mostly just because I held myself back from asking them to hang out with me, but each time I failed to make friends it reinforced fears I had about my own unlikeability. Ultimately those fears may not be rational or well founded but they are too deep set now for me to do much about now.
No.211170
Mother took me with her shopping when I was a kid to the crowded shops and markets a lot in the poor 90s so that might've given that attachment type which I'm lazy now to google. Then spending years alone watching TV when others were in the kindergarten. Already been timid than other kids, hating and despising filth regardless of anyone since at least age of 5. Anxiety since childhood too with only brief disappearances.
No.211173
>>208294>Our happiness is determined by the goals we set and accomplish for ourselves, not by the reaction of observers upon accomplishing them.Idk man. I feel like I just changed real life social interaction to virtual social interaction online.
Am I even asocial if I still spend every day on imageboards talking to other people, even if not in a 1-on-1 face-to-face conversation?
I am not some cool hermitwiz who reads books and engages with his hobby all day.
No.211202
>>210374>>210907same here. with everybody getting with their clique every break, I felt pathetic being alone. and I tried several times making friends but failed.
looking back, I should have focused on my studies rather than relationships
No.211203
>>208292> What's the genesis of such type of people… Like us? I can't speak for anyone else but myself but for me it was a combo of nature and nurture.
That is, I have autism and had a load of fucked up childhood experiences.
Maybe a nerotypical person could have put themselves back together in a normal fashion, but I wasn't normal from the start so add on to that tons of abnormal life experience and the result obviously ain't going to be a normal person at the end of it.
That said in adulthood I feel less like a outcast and more that I just rather not. I don't derive enjoyment from social bullshit. I always feel fake and have to put on a act around other people to avoid negative outcomes. Which is tiring mentally and spiritually.
So it's less that I was pushed out and more that I left because I didn't like what I have to do to be included.
No.211252
>>211172Jesus christ, never heard of this but now i'm thinking i might have it. I've always had bad gyno and a gunt despite not being that fat.
No.211253
>>208292I used to think that people here were like me. shy. introverted but good people at heart. No. as more of your personal information seeps out in your posts you guys turn out to be petulant, irritable dweebs. some of you have issues. i wouldn't trust any of you in real life. you are not my brothers. you are my fellow prisoners