/wiz/ - Wizardry

Stepped on the scale today and realized that despite the initial "push" from a medical crisis a year ago, I basically regained all weight I lost (minus 5-10kg).
I also realized I've been working for almost 3 years now, going to be 30 the same week I'll hit my 3 years of work too.
3 years… of wages wasted.

I don't even know what the fuck I spent most of it on. It just escapes me.
Still live with mom and all my necessities are taken care of she takes nothing from me.
I had a blessed opportunity these past 3 years to save up for the dogshit future that hit the world now and I wasted it on toys and basically indulging all I couldn't as a NEET with no money.
The worst is that since I'm an impulsive retard I mostly have nothing to show for it either.

Health is even more fucked then ever before since I never took action.
Rather every action that didn't prove fruitful or flat out failed resulted in my absolute surrender for another month or three or six…
Absolutely defeated at the starting line basically.

To get to the point of this thread. Those of you that live a decently structured, responsible and stable life, how?
I barely have a sense of time. Kinda like when I was a NEET, just instead of 12-16 hours of sleeping and then PC stuff I'm forced to work a rather easy, blessed job.
Once it passes I just feel like I'm teleported to the next shift until I get to sleep through a weekend and months pass.
Even chronic pains don't make me act much. What does one even do to live?

The worst part really is that so many years went down the drain and I really have nothing to show for it. Not even memories.
I want to at least look back on SOMETHING fondly when I'm dying someday.
How to become more functional? How does one really do anything long term without a guiding star of sorts? Having some "I don't see the future I'm doing stuff for so why would I bother" sort of thoughts.
I might just be a retarded animal.
Moms health is declining pretty fast too… I should really be doing something. I really should. Wish I cared more I think.

TLDR; if you live a decent life and have long term goals that you worked or work towards, share some wisdom
I want to become something before the inevitable rotting-corpse-staining-floorboard situation in the future.
Hope this isn't too "self improve brah" for this board.