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Disregard Females, Acquire Magic
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 No.228138

Stepped on the scale today and realized that despite the initial "push" from a medical crisis a year ago, I basically regained all weight I lost (minus 5-10kg).
I also realized I've been working for almost 3 years now, going to be 30 the same week I'll hit my 3 years of work too.
3 years… of wages wasted.

I don't even know what the fuck I spent most of it on. It just escapes me.
Still live with mom and all my necessities are taken care of she takes nothing from me.
I had a blessed opportunity these past 3 years to save up for the dogshit future that hit the world now and I wasted it on toys and basically indulging all I couldn't as a NEET with no money.
The worst is that since I'm an impulsive retard I mostly have nothing to show for it either.

Health is even more fucked then ever before since I never took action.
Rather every action that didn't prove fruitful or flat out failed resulted in my absolute surrender for another month or three or six…
Absolutely defeated at the starting line basically.

To get to the point of this thread. Those of you that live a decently structured, responsible and stable life, how?
I barely have a sense of time. Kinda like when I was a NEET, just instead of 12-16 hours of sleeping and then PC stuff I'm forced to work a rather easy, blessed job.
Once it passes I just feel like I'm teleported to the next shift until I get to sleep through a weekend and months pass.
Even chronic pains don't make me act much. What does one even do to live?

The worst part really is that so many years went down the drain and I really have nothing to show for it. Not even memories.
I want to at least look back on SOMETHING fondly when I'm dying someday.
How to become more functional? How does one really do anything long term without a guiding star of sorts? Having some "I don't see the future I'm doing stuff for so why would I bother" sort of thoughts.
I might just be a retarded animal.
Moms health is declining pretty fast too… I should really be doing something. I really should. Wish I cared more I think.

TLDR; if you live a decent life and have long term goals that you worked or work towards, share some wisdom
I want to become something before the inevitable rotting-corpse-staining-floorboard situation in the future.
Hope this isn't too "self improve brah" for this board.

 No.228159

>>228138
I'm in the process of kicking some addictions which took up decent amounts of my day so I had to learn new ways of spending my time. I have some hobbies I neglected that I wanted to pick up again such as the guitar and drawing but I'm still too lazy for that. I recently had some inspiration to want to create a game world for myself. I don't know anything about 3d modelling, game development and so on. So I started doing 15 minutes of either Godot or Blender tutorials every day. I have this hour long tutorial that I've been working on for a week now and I got maybe 15 minutes into it because I always stop and play around with whatever feature he shows off. It's a long and arduous journey but I think I'm slowly starting to enjoy it, maybe. I think the main thing is to start small. Infinitesimally small steps. But to write down whenever you did it with a time and date. Whenever I log my daily session and see all the days I've been keeping at it, it makes me feel a little proud I think. I started doing the same thing with 10 minutes of daily exercise, just some jump rope usually. The goal for now is to literally just get used to doing things that I wasn't doing before so that I can slowly increase the "dosage" and some day get the results I'm looking for. But if you're starting out you need to find the lowest possible amount you would be comfortable to do daily and learning to live with that voice in your head that will inevitably berate and mock you for it.

 No.228193

instead of trying to live for some moment on your deathbed when you can "look back", why not try to focus on the here and now… your daily actions and engagement with it

> "I don't see the future I'm doing stuff for so why would I bother"

this is a key piece. If this is the belief in your heart-of-hearts when you wake up in the morning… good luck getting out of bed with any vim and vigor…

personally im not really at the point of structured life… similarly live at home with basic needs taken care of. Sometimes fall into depressions with weeks/months of gaps in anything productive

for me meditation and boredom can be powerful cus if i sit still, two things happen: i either process whatever i'm feeling (but it can often spiral into rumination…) or I have thoughts about what i want to do… if i'm only allowed to sit and stare at the wall, doing work or starting a creative project finally feels like a path of least resistance. Staring at the wall more than 20 minutes starts to get really difficult and then if you put a task in front of you, the mind will be more likely to instantly engage. Takes a certain discipline and will, though… so often it's just #1. Ruminating about my parents dying soon, fear of being on my own, etc… but that can also be a bit motivating because I'd *LIKE* to be a strong wizard capable of supporting myself…

 No.228194

at some point in your wizarding career, you just gotta stop thinking about those pesky concepts like "the future". you have to accept that "it's over" and really feel it in your body. acceptance feels like unclenching your jaw after holding it for decades. you're not a meaningful player in the normalfag dominance hierarchy, none of it applies to you so just chill out.

your goal should be to find engaging activities that make time fly. losing yourself is the best you can hope for as a relatively content wiz.

 No.228317

>>228138
>Having some "I don't see the future I'm doing stuff for so why would I bother" sort of thoughts.
I might just be a retarded animal.

YOu might be… it's not logical because assuming you had this perspective 3 years ago… well here you are, in the future… the future you didn't see worth bothering for. It'll happen again in 3 years.

>How to become more functional? How does one really do anything long term without a guiding star of sorts?


How do you become functional/discplined towards a goal you do not have?

First you must find the star.

The fact you can write a post like this shows there is an awareness that's looking for a north star. What if your awareness is the guiding star?

 No.228320

Walking helps.

I have a stable job that isn't terrible, all things considered, and I make alright money. Not enough to thrive, but I got food and shelter so I'm alright.

But walking helps. Just get outside and walk wherever you can. Really clears the head.



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