/wiz/ - Wizardry

Thread dedicated for those who are practicing abstinence. Share the changes you experience in your journey of self-control and celibacy as you reject porn and masturbation. What you’ve learnt so far about yourself. Your struggles with self-control, and what you expect to accomplish. The numbers of days you plan to go without it and why.

I plan to accomplish at least 5 months without wasting my seed this year and that time I’d squander watching porn I want to use it to improve at digital painting and become better at japanese which have always been goals of mine.

Disregard porn and destructive habits, acquire magic

I've reached a part in my meditation where I'm found having conversations with beings but everything is such a blur that it's difficult to get details on them or what happened. On one of my shifts at work I took a small nap on my desk having a conversation with a being in my half baked dream, it was the most I've felt connected to anyone, by the way it was going it was as if I was somewhat more well spoken but after I woke up, there were parts of that could be remembered but it was gibberish non sense/remember it differently Or I forget it entirely. I get god doesn't discriminate but is it possible our build keeps us away from being connected. I'm not smart, and have bad memories.

Holy shit, got this really awful epiphany in the middle of the night, I'm a 30 years old man that never had sexual experience, by now, a man at my age has like maybe 14 years of sexual experience and relationship experience under the belt. I know, sex isn't everything, but still, it dawn on me that I never had some (in theory) fundamental aspect of human experience, or something. Honestly, I just don't know if I'm either sad, mad or just don't care. Feels like a door has closed to me.

Let's start with this interesting one I just found:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YBC_7289


Previous thread: >>192836

I got my hands on the satanic Bible. I want to ask any wizard frens if I can learn magic from the book or not.

I want to share my experiences of having an inner monologue and somewhat losing it later on.

For most of my life up until I was 17 I had an inner monologue. This was almost constant, always some kind of monologue occurring in my head. It was almost a little bit overwhelming, and while I was not diagnosed, I'm 100% sure I had OCD. Would constantly check stuff even though I knew it didn't have to, repeating things in my head to calm anxiety etc. - textbook OCD.

I remember at my "peak" I scored 128 on the Norwegian Mensa IQ test on the first attempt. Not saying that means I had that high IQ, but I'm mentioning it because nowadays I can't score more than 100-110 on the same test.

Anyways, when I was 16-17 there was a lot of fucked up personal shit I don't want to mention, but it was out of my control. I did not use drugs and I wasn't particularly irresponsible, not more than others at that age anyway.

I had gone to the doctor because I was experiencing fatigue. This was shown to be linked to low vitamin D (though it was had more to do with my home environment). The first day I took this supplement, my inner monologue quieted down. It was still there somewhat, but not as active. The next day I took the supplement again it was even quieter. I think I took for a month until I stopped because I didn't feel like myself, inner monologue was basically gone. Even though I stopped it did not return fully. This was compounded by the fact that I decided I needed to lose weight, so I did lots of water fasting, not eating for 2 days at a time. While fasting does provide some benefits, it is not recommended for someone who's brain is still developing. Malnutrition can have permanent effects on your development, which it did in my case. My inner monologue was basically completely gone at this point.

After awhile I actively tried to quiet my brain down because I had such an awful home environment, I would just watch YouTube videos with sound on full blast so I didn't have to hear what was going inside my head or in my living area (family issues). This was right before turning 18.

Ever since, things have not been the same. This was 5 and a half years ago, and things have never been the same again. I do not think as quickly, I don't "get" or understand things as quickly. Like if I read a text or hear someone say something, I may have difficulty understanding it (reading comprehension). This was almost never the case before. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm a 18 year old KHV. Not having any social interaction and not being able to enjoy youth is weighing on me a lot. I'm past the stage of dreaming with finding a girlfriend and more into a state of apathy. I can't interact with other people, I'm socially anxious and etc etc.

I'm working on myself and (sucessfully) trying to lose weight. But still, it's pretty dark inside my room. The light coming from my window, showing people my age, dudes and gals having fun hurts my eyes.

Did your social anxiety ever get better?

The main reason we are wizards. As kids they thought we would grow out of it. But did it ever get better for you?

it is a legit curse that i thrash against every day. But it never leaves me. I did martial arts, sports, had jobs where i basically just was just barely able to act normal enough to not break down. Anyone could take advantage of me, ruin my week with an insult and i know it and it tortures me everyday. I often wonder what faculty actually controls it. But i never find answers. I am convinced i am oppressed by god or some other universal powers that be like nature. It's ruined my life.

Is anyone else bothered by how much importance people place on sex?

I can't think of any other desire that you can satisfy entirely by yourself at no cost. And once you satisfy it you don't crave it anymore and might even feel disgust (aka post nut clarity/shame).

And yet because of sex people choose to ruin lives of others and their own, to ruin their health, to spend tons of money, to ruin relationships, to feel depressed and what affects me the most as wizard: also taint media with their horniness. Video games will have clearly cumbrained character design that looks stupid if you are not horny and if you criticize it you get called gay or a succubus. Movies have pointless sex scenes. They can't even comprehend people not being obsessed with sex 24/7. Imageboards are full with coomers shitposting and bitching and not getting laid.

Does no one else see how pointless it all is?

Mine is a spell of archane fire. Sometimes I like teleportation spells, but I find those diffcult to cast.