/dep/ - Depression

>>301518
You're describing well what I'm going through right now. I made the Wellbutrin thread. I'm convinced that this is better what I had before but I realise that this doesn't change or improve the situation, you just get used to it more. Real change of circumstances would be necessary for real internal change, but I really don't know what to do other than keeping what I got.

I live in a constant state of dissociation. Not sure how to stop at this point.

>>301592
>I live in a constant state of dissociation.
Care to elaborate?

>>301602
you don't know what dissociation is?

>>301604
Dissociation from what? From reality? How intense is it? Is it only dissociation from the information gathered by your senses or do your thoughts also seem alien to you? I've experienced states where even my thoughts seemed to be coming from an external source. Simply saying dissociation does not communicate much.

>>301588
>Some guy will press criminal charges on me tomorrow
What have you done?

>>301588
I don't have as much exprndable cash as when I first posted that, but the offer still stands if you haven't left yet. The fact you've been posting makes me think you don't want to kill yourself but rather feel forced into it out of circumstances. This is the most avoidable form of suicide. Not too late to reply to me. I can't work miracles but at least know there's someone here who will try.

>>301595
What do you want to offer me oh mighty wizard? You are half correct, i am forced by circumstances, the other half is that I hate everything in this world and living. Only reason I suffered unbearable agony so long is that I'm a coward that's afraid of doing anything at all, otherwise I'd obviously be long gone years and years ago.

I have a feeling this poster is a troll, i have seen a thread here several months ago that's very simlilar to this one

>>301599
Why not just flee to another country or something?

>>300719
Constant pain can be interesting observation. If you observe it, try to understand it, you can find a way to accept it and be okay with it, but also - explore it's depths. I don't bother with dentals, since feeling teeth rot can be so entertaining. Eventually they stop anyway, so it's only temporary distraction.

>someone called my favorite cooking anime shit
it's over

Hey wizzies, I got a cheap, accessible, and high success rate method for you
Long Drop Hanging
Get a tow rope from harbor freight, autozone, etc. terminated with a loop at both ends. Get one with at least a thousand or two lb strength, to account for the shock force. $15-$30 depending on length (see below) and location. I'm using the 20ft 6000lb recovery strap from harbor freight.
Find a high place with something strong you can anchor the rope to (rock, concrete pillar, sturdy tree trunk, etc). Choose the anchor carefully as there will be a lot of force on it. Make sure the length of the rope will leave you above the ground at the bottom.
Loop the rope around the anchor and pull the other end through and tight, then push the loop at the free end back over itself to make a loose noose.
Put the noose around your neck, tighten, and jump. Anecdotally it may be more effective if the knot is in the front or side of your neck vs the back.
Thaf's it. Old execution manuals used complicated tables to compute how high the drop should be to avoid decapitation but still break the neck, and numbers were in the 7-9ft range, so I suggest overshooting that with a 20-30ft rope, especially after using a few feet for fastening it. You should probably plan for decapitation to ensure success. If you care that much about family, first responders, etc. you're still too attached to this world to follow through.
Benefits: backup of a drop if the rope/anchor fails, cheap (vs eg gun), plausibly deniable materials (vs eg inert gas)
Drawbacks: more difficult site selection than fall from height due to anchor requirements, not free, can't be done inside house, messier body than poisons
Stay tuned for results when I test it later.

>>301593
In lieu of a livestream, check the obits in Charlotte, NC for Liam Roeth.
I'll be sure to post again if it doesn't work, so that there's a negative confirmation signal as well as positive
yes yes, I shouldn't be posting here, but I thought the datapoint would be appreciated

>>301593
useful post, thanks

>what to do in this state?
Go outside. Get a hobby.

>>301575
You're accusing OP of being American despite the fact that OP is clearly using European decimal format.. maybe you should do shot you're self

If you could receive euthanasia peacefully you wouldn't be terrified of dying

One of the prominent right to die advocates stated that bag methods can cause claustrophobia and additional uneasiness. INXS frontman killed himself using doorknob method which could make person into a vegetable if not done properly/stopped by others or survival instinct kicked in. When I tried prison towel method, my eyes started feeling as if they would pop out, so I stopped. Only despair.

>terrified of die, too tired to live
Then rest up and do things to give you enough energy to live.

i used to swear a lot when younger

I have posted soyjacks/derivatives several times.

>>301528
I have been using Facebook a lot lately at first it was to use Marketplace but sharing normie-tier memes with peers helps socializing.

I also feel guilty of using Gemini AI for completing a homework assignment.

>>301553
This made me laugh

Apparently I took it too far by posting a scary AI chicken video on /b/.

So what should I get Satan? A sacrificial goat or a portrait of Trump?

Beware the man who was always told by others he was a useless loser, for he will act in anger to prove them wrong.

>>298758
What about 25
26
27?

>>299806
Why are you trying so fucking hard to sound british?
And no , it isn't true he acts out of anger , most of the the time he will remain a loser and doesn't seem to take it personally because who gives a fuck about people's opinion?
We all die whether we fail or succeed.
Seethe & cope .

>>300185
there's nothing british about that
it's just high register

>>299323
For not replying to >>299326 I can tell you're a real one.

Thanks Wiz

>>299849
A wizard should know Bysshe Vanolis

"Whence come you in the world of life and light
to this our City of Tremendous Night?"

"I wake from daydreams to this real night."

"For their woe broods maddening inwardly"

Ive tried so many medications from antidepressants to anti-psychotics, all that shit fried my brain even more and made things much worse, I'm not trying or taking anything ever.

Just like every other time everyone warned me something would be a bad idea, this was a bad idea thinking I could live with my partners

My mum is still a domestically violent aggressive psycho. Guess I got to figure out a place to live asap while figuring out the mental health and trying to keep this stupid job.

>>301499
That stuff doesn't have lasting effects if you stop tho. Unless you stop abruptly without tapering down, then you can get brain zaps

>>301566
>That stuff doesn't have lasting effects
sexual dysfunction, dystonia, akathisia, tardive dyskinesia, gastroparesis, rebound psychosis, dementia, tinnitus, diabetes, PR prolongation, cancer…all of this for literally a placebo/lobotomy effect, psychiatrists are INSANE

I have been forced to take a sum of six antipsychotics and antidepressants since childhood. I think it has given me slight mental retardation.

>>301571
You were poisoned as a child and those who poisoned you need to be killed. As a man, nobody can force you to do anything, so stop taking their poison.

Since my mom retired there is like 100 times more stuff to do for her around the house than compared to when she was working. She is always somewhere around the house, but not in her room.

Got all my energy zapped again, its gone, need to get my own place

I described the feeling to myself as if you are building a giant house of cards, and it looks pretty amazing, and then someone slams the door open, screems "DINNER!" in your face, doesn't see the house of cards, but a messy room with cards lying around everywhere.

Tomorrow you will start building that house of cards again, and the same thing will happen, and so on.

>>301525
I say this for years, never happens, part of the reason my mother zapps the energy out of me and I am unable to do anything. Don't even want to go to toilet anymore because she is there. She is one like those Resident Evil chracters that stalk the hallway forever.

They are happy, when I'm miserable. That's 99% of the time.
When I'm happy, they are miserable. That's 1% of the time. And I feel so free and like an actual human being, once in a while. Similar to when they are not here, or I am not here. I can think, I can plan, I can do.
I wish them more misery, so I can be happy… for-ev-er.

>>301490
Brother I'm not a debugging output, I'm a self-aware being just like you. Atheism only means that there is no god, nothing worthy of praise, a creator can still exist within atheism but he would not be a god.

>>301512
The point was not that you or myself are not self-aware. I know that I am self-aware, and I assume (without proof) that others are self-aware because it would be difficult to go about my life otherwise. The point I was trying to make was that this self-awareness may not be anything more than a debugging output whereby the body can experience what is going on "under the hood" as it goes about its business. It may simply be a byproduct of how the mind operates rather than the actual process of operation itself. By attempting to dissociate from this debugging output, one can experience relief from the suffering caused by our subjective interpretation of this degugging output (this is the essence of Buddhist beliefs as I understands them).

As for your point about atheism, this is more of a semantics debate but if you are willing to concede that some creator may or may not exist but that he would not be a god that should be worshipped then I agree with you.

>>301514
how do you know there's anything "under the hood" and that, if there is such a thing, it's something utterly different from what you call your (self) awareness or mind?

>>301522
I may not have elucidated what I mean by "under the hood" very well. I was simply referring to subconscious processes which are carried out regardless of whether or not the self is aware of them. It is obvious that many biological functions are entirely subconscious and cannot be directly controlled by conscious thought like the rate at which the heart beats. It may be possibly to indirectly control this to some extent but I will get to that shortly. Going back to the topic of subconscious processes, even things that are normally thought of as deliberate actions are subconscious to some extent. As I type this, my mind somehow knows where every key is located on the keyboard and I can type this out without looking at the keyboard and deliberately moving each finger over every letter. I know the order of the letters of the first row of a QWERTY keyboard and can retrieve that knowledge at will. I do not, however, consciously know where all the letters are but I can retrieve them in a roundabout manner by imagining that I am typing something out. For instance, if I wanted to know where the letter 'X' was, I could imagine typing out the word "Xylophone" and seeing where my fingers want to go (bottom row, left side). If I wanted to consciously exert some control over my heartbeat, I can change my breathing or think of things that would normally make me frightened or anxious to increase the rate at which my heart beats. I cannot, however, directly control my heartbeat. There is some kind of process going on under the hood that automatically responds to stimuli and causes physical changes in my body and this occurs regardless of whether or not it is deliberately induced. This occurs at higher levels than core biological functions. Note how people respond to hearing certain words or phrases. Are they deliberately and consciously changing their facial expressions and body language? Obviously not.

So the question is not whether or not there is anything going on under the hood, but to what extent the biological machine that is the human body is controlled by processes that the self or consciousness that one identifies with is unaware of or is aware of but cannot control directly (processes that are going on "under the hood").

>>301426
Collecting karma points?
Do you believe in it?
I don't make any assumptions about the afterlife, but I still believe it's worth trying to be a good person, if only for the feeling of self-righteousness and a clear, unburdened conscience.