/dep/ - Depression

in truth practically every single person who attempts and fails regrets having ever done it. Life can get better wizzies, the more you spend looking into that dark mirror the worse things will seem to you

>>310295
>Life can get better wizzies

I hope so wiz.

>>310295
any advice you'd be willing to offer?

>>308555
Nearly all snacks taste different now. Chocolate bars taste off; sodas don't taste quite right; even old brands of potato chips taste different.

>>303919
maybe his depression would ease up if he realized he was under water in a created environment?

there are some expensive specialists called urologists which you can try I guess

>>311164
i feel like i suffer from flaccid penis syndrome but yeah

it some vessel not getting into dick problem type stuff

>>311167
tell this to your doc, hell help you

>>311168
The doctors are insane.

>>311188
no

>>311106
My "plan" around your age was to get a part-time job or something to reintroduce myself into society and "sort myself out". I had such a shit time in college when I was 18/19/20 (basically just walked around like a ghost, went to lessons and never spoke to anyone) that I decided not to jump back into education until I was a real boy who was happy with himself and ready to be a social busybody who might actually be accepted by people, otherwise it's gonna be another hellscape alienation ghostmode simulator.

I didn't do it in the end. I'm 29 now and have a part-time job but have no idea what I'd study and think I'll be too old soon. I've heard normalfags say going back to school really "upped their social game" (*pukes*) but then they're normalfags so of course it would.

In any case I would start low-level, maybe volunteer somewhere, find somewhere you're accepted and treated like an actual human by people, and you'll start feeling better, and can work from there and maybe pursue further education. It's not easy, I have no advice, I went on some course and they gave me a job, pure luck. But they treat me well and my hypothesis that social isolation completely ruined my life in my teens was validated. I have moments of belonging which make me want to pursue things because being treated well and held in mind by people lifts the depression blinders enough to consider doing things, at least temporarily, sometimes.

Unfortunately I think the damage is done for me because I was isolated so long, but I can see how getting a good social start in adolescence is a major key to living a "proper" life and achieving things. Without that base, whether that's friends, family, whatever, I think it's very hard for a person to motivate themselves to do anything, because there's no people so no context and no future. Maybe not if you're a sigma lonewolf schizoid elite sas operative battlewiz impervious to social needs like a sim with a defunct social bar, but that's probably not you, as much as we'd all like it to be.

I think I was fucked over by my narcism learned in school together with that I shouldnt try too hard and just study last day because it always worked. I uni I fucked myself over once I noticed I was good enough in first semester and then stopped trying hard because things will work out somehow. The narcism is like a brainbug together with my laziness and slop addiction made it impossible to spend my time well, plan ahead or giving a fuck. And when I noticed things arent going well I just became more miserable, constantly comparing myself to others and trying to nitpick how I am better to find a reason why I shouldnt work harder. And I cant force myself to work I cant convince my subconciousness that I should or else Ill just search for distractions.
Im 24yo still in uni now and hope I can somehow find a job and fix my grades.

>>311165
I think you hate learning things you dont care about

>>311182
We are rooting for you friend.

>>311183
forced to learn things you don't like

i'm not too proud of the drawing by the way

Phone drawing, drew in wrong thread.

Sad at a graveyard

>>311103
can you email me? i am altfordiscordhaha@gmail.com

>>311135
i thought about it

>>309776

labels dont help, they hinder. they are used by people to dismiss the problem and abandon responsibility, which likely is the only path to healing. you don't have depression, you have something way more specific, personal and complicated. when you call it depression, you let yourself be seduced by the diagnostic language; it's often hollow promises and the undignified preemptive certainty they hide behind. i say do the oposite: describe your condition as crude, unhinged, precise and accessible to others as you can. your name about your condition should be so easy to understand that when you tell it to someone who has no idea about it, understands it the first time you mention it without having to ask fir details.

"i thought i had to fart the other day but i actually shat my pants with liquid shit a little" now that's how i talk about my most recenr condition, without shame! not using this ridiculous gatekept medical language.

>>309783
so i have a very specific, personal kind or depression, that is actually a bit comorbid with my overall inclination to being anxious?

>>309788
>so i have a very specific, personal kind or depression, that is actually a bit comorbid with my overall inclination to being anxious?

i can never know what you have because i can't feel what you feel so what could my opinion possibly be worth. nothing. i can look at your approach though. when you tell me with your chest sticking out all proud and identified: "i have depression!" then i don't know how that feels like, that tells me nothing. the term is like a shotgun and hits everything, you want something that only hits what you actually have precisely. you know the term is too much of a blanket term to be useful by the fact that you would receive 100 different answers if you asked 100 depressed people about their condition and not the same answer 100 times.

calling it comorbid and anxiety is at least a step in the right direction but you are once again committing what i in my pieced-together understanding of mental health believe to be a mistake: you just repeat medical labels as if they meant anything. what i believe to be way better would be to invent/sculpt/compose/craft/sketch a way to describe what is actually going on so that when a kid in the park asks you what is wrong with you, you could tell it in a way that makes sense to the kid and then the kid in the park might have a way better idea on what to do about it then any doctor ever because the kid did not have it's humanity pranked, whipped and tortured out of it in medschool.

most importantly though, bothering to be precise about it will give you better ideas on what to try to make things better and the most healing the most helping will be what you do to yourself, not what will be done onto you by others. don't wait to be rescued, nobody is coming, you do the rescuing.

>>309791
You are amazing in a way, but you sound like you may (or might) have paranoia

just stop thinking about 'other people'

You're not going to get helium. Balloon helium, and even commercially available industrial helium is mixed with enough air and oxygen to keep you well alive. They also need a license to acquire in most places and it won't be shipped to a home address; only to a business with an adequate handling license. A slow release of gas would cause an ice buildup on the tube. You would also need a costly regulator as the minimum pressure released from a tank would blow off any tubing completely. You would need to completely seal the bag around your neck, and once you enter a hypoxic state your body will instinctively begin flailing and reaching for your head to find an obstruction (you see this with losers who film their own self-hangings). If you pass out, your body will release oxidized blood from your spleen and you'll probably still be alive for hours trapped in a danger-induced nightmare from which you can't awaken. The tanks will empty and you'll come through with serious brain damage.

You're welcome. I know you weren't really planning on killing yourself (because if you were you would just jump in a pool with rocks in your pockets) but it's important to debunk these bullshit infographics that creeps online use to troll depressed people in to thinking there's a suicide method that's somehow easy and not terror-inducing.

If you want to die, build a charcoal gasifier and don't ignite the gas. It produces pure carbon monoxide. Will kill you easily. One breath from the pipe and you're dead.

>>311084
What about N2? Thats been documented as working and is recommended in the peaceful pill handbook.
(I dont recommend this method anyways op if you want to do it just blow your brains out (but dont do that because suicide is retarded IMHO))

handling gases seems messy to me unless you are already skilled in it, my personal preference is the rope

The sense of physical disintegration is intense lately. My teeth are eroding like sandstone under acid rain. The ache in my head never goes away. I often jolt awake panicked and gasping for air. It's hard to imagine living another 30 or 40 years like this.

Chronic pain , when that wave of aches hits you. It can be so intoxicating, the pain , only the pain remains. I'm in withdrawal so i can expect +1 more year of waves and windows. What's behind it? I fear i'll never make it. I'm going back

Anyone else feel like they live in the Boomer World Order? In New Zealand you go to the cafes and its nothing but giga rich boomers living it large on $40 breakfasts, all the serving staff are indians. Meanwhile there's like a 20% youth unemployment rate and entry level single bedroom rentals are like $400 a week. Minimum wage is $740 after tax mind you.

I feel like the only thing propping up consumer spending is the liquidation of elderly wealth. We are very poor here now.

>>311172
Dude you live in New Zealand so that's hardly going to be representative of other places - it's a given that young Kiwis have to move to Oz to find work

I'm on the other side of the planet and even I know that fact of life

>>311172
I'd rather be poor in New Zealand that poor in this shithole that also wants me dead. Cafe? Nigger I can't go out to buy groceries, the pigs and the mtnnappers lurk around the corner. Appreciate what you have you kiwi

What's the main reason you want to kill yourself wiz?

>>311173
I'm a weak person who can't handle life

>>311175
i feel the same way sometimes. i hope you get better

>>311176
thank you wizzie, hope you too

>>311136
What would you do if you can actually go back?

>>311137
Enjoy society and the world being way better than it is right now & work on my autistic passion projects without being replaced by AI

Spent $70 on sex toys I'll never use but still got because total surveillance state is coming or something and wasted 12 hours not even edging proper but just browsing fetish related websites Again Award

Please God Please!!! M E R C Y

>>311040
>>311041
>60 days free and now my goose is begging to be chocked to h-games.
60 days is a good number, brother, specially if it's from sheer raw willpower. But
>my moment of weakness. Everytime I lose a streak I feel horrible for a week or so.
I am 90% sure that with addictions, regardless of their type, they have a "kindling" component similar to sedatives withdrawal. It's not even about the sedatives themselves, but something about the way Glutamate acts on your neurons, and memory or habit reinforcement. Willpower is more scarce than it seems. It's just fucking brutal, and kinda happens with depression too, just like today you got off to 1 big titty anime succubus, each load and orgasm irreversibly brings you closer to horsecock elf futas whispering mommy dom ASMR in your ears.

>And yet 60 days of nofap don't really bring much into my life. It's a carousel -
>I am either horniest ape in the jungle or completely impotent wretch with total anhedonia. Sometimes I am stuck in between, like today. It's hellish.
Exactly, when I am not in this gooner trance I'm just completely dead inside as well. I think people underestimate the actual physical toll these sessions have on the brain and body, even when you don't actually cum it's like having the gas floored 24/7, like right now I've been awake for 22 hours and I don't feel "tired" at all.

>>311041
>I feel I lose some piece of myself. Then again, when I was younger I didn't feel like that.
Quite literally there are only so many things that can make up a persons character, as we get older and lose hobbies and energy, that's how the process goes indeed.


Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Took a short nap and a few pills of l-theanine and like 15g of glycine and tea. Feeling a little clearer now. It's really frightening how hard the dumbfucking rationalizations take hold of your mindspace "yeah sure bro it's ok if you buy that, you're not going to use it right, RIGHT??? why buy it then? uhhhhh just because okay!?" holy fucking shit just kill me already

>>311147
Lost the 60 days streak the other day. Shitty month, got drunk three times last week, burned through my dopamine storage and the beast took over once again. Fortunately I learned not to blame myself too much.

>if it's from sheer raw willpower
Thanks but it wasn't. Mostly I felt libidoless and whenever I had my libido, my anhedonia retreated and I didn't even want to goon. Gooning for me is a last resort. It's just the times are hard and I use it often, unfortunately. Or if the libido is so overwhelming it gives me brainfog of lust, a haze of pink rot, but it doesn't happen often at all.

>ike today you got off to 1 big titty anime succubus, each load and orgasm irreversibly brings you closer to horsecock elf futas whispering mommy dom ASMR in your ears
Thankfully I am mindful to what I goon too. I've been on the internet for enough time to know what kind of degenerate freaks gooners can devolve to. That is horryfing. I've been stuck at the same fetish for years with mild variations. Sometimes I get a craving for vanilla fantasies. It's rot anyway but it could be worse. I take relief in the fact I am not one of the ntr sissy goons and similiar creatures destroyed by this addiction.

>22 hours and I don't feel "tired" at all
22 hours of a goon? Damn, that is a lot. Whenver I get flashes of libido, I can do 10-12 at best.

>at filling a hole
But the thing is, I have almost zero social connections. I have my relatives (not immediate) that is it. But there are days, sometimes even a week when I feel just alright, without this 'hole'. And there can be weeks when I feel wretched. Drinking more alcohol, lyrica, consuming porn whataever I can my hands on. It gets me the most - it's unstable fluctiation. It doesn't go away, 30, 60, 120 days of nofap. I read people feel that way for years. Then again most of those nofap stories are for retarded normaltrash who aren't trustworthy.

>I still remember the times I deleted my porn collection, first when I was a teen and it was 10gb, then 250gb, today it's 4tb.

I used to keep a bit of a pornstash, a few collected images/gifs back in 2015 or so. But I can't, for me it's explosive - I relapse, goon for as long Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>311110
Where does this pic come from?

>>311148
India.

I still remember how much I fucking loved the Rebellion movie, or whatever the last Madoka movie that came out around 2012-2013 was. I was so excited about the not-yet officially announced sequel. Here we are a decade and half after, and I couldn't care less even though I kind of do. I don't know, Homura represents something I'm not sure yet what… resilience? insanity through life breaking you? will to live? it cannot be pure dumb yuri, no… Anyway all I want right now is the deep sleep because there was never a Madoka, either as a person or as an idea, in my life.

Don't you dare spoiling me!

>>311110
I do the same. I'm trying to gaslight myself into suicide because I don't want to live anymore but my fear of death is too high.

>>311162
As a matter of Fact, I have even taken to extensively studying the Monarch Programming methodology to use (upon myself).