/dep/ - Depression

>>311147
Lost the 60 days streak the other day. Shitty month, got drunk three times last week, burned through my dopamine storage and the beast took over once again. Fortunately I learned not to blame myself too much.

>if it's from sheer raw willpower
Thanks but it wasn't. Mostly I felt libidoless and whenever I had my libido, my anhedonia retreated and I didn't even want to goon. Gooning for me is a last resort. It's just the times are hard and I use it often, unfortunately. Or if the libido is so overwhelming it gives me brainfog of lust, a haze of pink rot, but it doesn't happen often at all.

>ike today you got off to 1 big titty anime succubus, each load and orgasm irreversibly brings you closer to horsecock elf futas whispering mommy dom ASMR in your ears
Thankfully I am mindful to what I goon too. I've been on the internet for enough time to know what kind of degenerate freaks gooners can devolve to. That is horryfing. I've been stuck at the same fetish for years with mild variations. Sometimes I get a craving for vanilla fantasies. It's rot anyway but it could be worse. I take relief in the fact I am not one of the ntr sissy goons and similiar creatures destroyed by this addiction.

>22 hours and I don't feel "tired" at all
22 hours of a goon? Damn, that is a lot. Whenver I get flashes of libido, I can do 10-12 at best.

>at filling a hole
But the thing is, I have almost zero social connections. I have my relatives (not immediate) that is it. But there are days, sometimes even a week when I feel just alright, without this 'hole'. And there can be weeks when I feel wretched. Drinking more alcohol, lyrica, consuming porn whataever I can my hands on. It gets me the most - it's unstable fluctiation. It doesn't go away, 30, 60, 120 days of nofap. I read people feel that way for years. Then again most of those nofap stories are for retarded normaltrash who aren't trustworthy.

>I still remember the times I deleted my porn collection, first when I was a teen and it was 10gb, then 250gb, today it's 4tb.

I used to keep a bit of a pornstash, a few collected images/gifs back in 2015 or so. But I can't, for me it's explosive - I relapse, goon for as long Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>311147
>>311171
Asking for your opinion: the other day I went to the supermarket and when going to get the shopping cart I overheard two 40-50 years old guys that I would describe as white trash, dumb, poor, insensitive, talking in a alcohol fuelled loud and self confident voice. However they were talking about a place where there are supposed to be hot succubi that would do everything you can imagine. It was just a short incident but after that I asked myself that despite them being asocial and blunt whatever they were talking about may be better than living with porn for over almost two decades. Better in terms of it's at least a real person and nut that damaging to your brain. Similar as to when people went to strip bars in the past. Maybe that's less harmful to your brain compared to watching porn alone at home. I'm not saying I want to do this, delete the post if I'm breaking a rule here. The question is simply what would be healthier for the brain and why don't we choose the healthy option if we would have to choose in the first place. Both is bad for you but it might be that porn is even worse however I'm not sure.

Goddamn the only way to get myself to do the "right" thing and get disciplined is to constantly exert high effort and meta-alertness throughout the day. The moment I relax and let my mind do what it wants it immediately rush into self-destructive activities. Even resting properly requires mindfulness.

>>311206
>prostitutes
Wizchan 2026.
Anyway, I will tell you what I think.
And I think working succubi can't just replace porn forever. If that was the case, sex-having, married normalfags wouldn't be on nofap forums begging for advice because of cooming habit ruining his family and his pepeee doesn't work without porn.
What if you want to coom but have no money/prostitute is busy, etc? You will cooom the same old fashioned soul-rotting way because it is readily available. Much more so that any hooker.
It's like replacing heroin with crack hoping to be clean except that crack is free and you can get it any time.

>it happened again

>>311206
>whatever they were talking about may be better than living with porn for over almost two decades.
>Better in terms of it's at least a real person and nut that damaging to your brain.
I don't think them being a real person and actually nutting is intrinsically better for your brain. The problem with porn, at least from all I've learned and experienced, is not so much the porn itself as the literally click-away-distance and endless novelty it can provide. The reason this is bad for your brain is because the monke-brain seems to have no brakes when it comes to the prospect of reproduction, so as I've said you're pretty much keeping the gas pedal floored for hours, days, weeks, months even. And each time you always chase a higher high. With brothels and such, distance, money and males refractory period itself act as natural brakes. Once you're done you're done. I'm pretty sure, sex addiction via prostitutes is a relatively common normalfag issue, why do I think this? Because rich people will go through insane lengths to fund and transport their own personal harems, make no doubt their brains are suffering from similar long-term deleterious effects.

>and why don't we choose the healthy option if we would have to choose in the first place.
When I was a teenager or rather a kid, because I was fuck ugly and socially isolated. Later as life improved a bit I was still too stressed and mentally damaged to care. Even later OCD took hold and the idea of indirectly getting contaminated was too strong to ignore even hypothetically. I'm old now and my current reason is that succubi are spiritual DDT, Anthrax, radioactive poison. They're too Material, Earthly (ironic considering the "divine feminine" psyop some peddled not long ago), common, vain. It's always men who reach for Heavens, the Immaterial. They're just not good for the average man psyche, they may be for some under some limited circumstances, but for the vast majority of men I think a fair adjective for them is "Parasites" "Spiritual Black Hole" "Bottomless Energy and Time Sink".

Most normalfags, and I mean truly seasoned normalfag males tend to resent succubi. Most cultures throughout the world and history also resented succubi. I Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

This is what eventually happens to all optimists, life is cruel merciless logic arranged for a futile purpose. Human life is dramatized survival, when you take it too seriously you’ll inevitably meet disillusionment because life is made for lowly undignified purposes not for anything remotely good or superior, instead of believing in anything you should recognize life, from the very beginning, for the evil nothing that it is; realize how unimportant it really is, never strive to achieve anything with that useless epiphenomenon of existence and you’ll never suffer from being a manqué.

>>311234

forgot the image,

ED209 w/ a smiley face, and im sure could be armed if wanted

>>311202
It's even worse for translators of any kind. Ai does what you do in a day in a few seconds. If you don't have a specific, narrow field of knowledge to be a technical translator, you are fucked beyond belief.

>>311239

Its the debate,

should we be sad, cause we never liked work and never had decent jobs, i never did,

or

have a party cause its all goin down

normies aren't in control of their emotions or even thoughts. They are stupid animals who can't reason beyond social norms

>>310999
>>311000
>>311002
>>311008
Try finding a different set of "everyone" and maybe avoid looking approachable.

Regards, a person who composured his way from a conversation with some liquor-scented old succubus tonight.

>>311127
>Regards, a person who composured his way from a conversation with some liquor-scented old succubus tonight.

You didn't need to "composure" your way out of that conversation. You could have just told her she reeks like alcohol and that you don't want to converse with her. You're an adult, after all.

>>310999
I've experienced the same frustration, if you don't like me why don't you just fuck off?
Only breaking off contact and living alone helped.

>>310999
they're banking on you letting your guard down and gathering compromising info to leverage against you at a later point

>>310073
The nature of reality is basically a shattered puzzle whose completition means nothing but you are still forced to take up a piece of it

No, they make me feel even more cynical and make me feel even worse.

>>308739
I equate payphones to save points or storage locations in video games. I never needed to use one but I always imagined I'd use one when I was a grown up whilst wearing a big coat and smoking a cigar/cigarette.

What do you even expect from them? If I had to bet I think those people just project people around them who have committed suicide before into you, when they talk about how you are going to make others sad, they probably are thinking about how they themselves felt before. There isn't anything someone who don't know anything about you can give you an advice that can actually make you feel better in the long term.
>>308706
Wow.

>>308694
No they are not.
I called one after cutting myself. Not seriously enough to die, but I bleed a lot. The indifferent normalfag on the other side of the phone talked down to me as if I was a child, lectured me, said I should go to the psychiatrist and get pills, they will help. Yeeeeeeeah
I will never call one again, ever.
It was humiliating. Normalfags are horrible.

>>311084
I suppose buying an older car and using the fumes to go to sleep would be the next best alternative?

>>311225
>I suppose buying an older car and using the fumes to go to sleep would be the next best alternative?
No. There is no next best alternative because when it comes to these convoluted Rube Goldberg X Dr. Suess methods of death, there is nothing good about them in the first place. They're all equally fucking retarded.

The car exhaust "method" is particularly absurd because its entire spread came from honest concerns about manifold leaks entering the car's air recycler causing disorientation which could lead to loss of control over the vehicle. The notion of it being reliably deadly came from the assumption that the person in the car was driving it at 80Mph. Yes, concentrated O2 emissions are deadly but the means to obtain a reliably lethal outcome that doesn't involve accidentally careening off an icy overpass are so out of reach and not without dozens of points of failure. If someone is "suicidal", and their plan involves:
>purchasing an older used car
>Removing the catalytic converter
>fueling it up
>running tubes from the {now chopped up) tailpipe to the cabin
>sealing all air leaks, involving the entire AC system that recycles air from the cab no matter what
>idling for hours
>in sweltering heat and total sensory irritation
>to pass out in a way that would (again) cause spazms, torment reflexes, and a huge potential for vegetation if interrupted.
Then they're just not fucking suicidal. They're merely incredibly stupid. So stupid that they were just as easily convinced that suicide was the answer they sought, as they were convinced that the "easiest" method was so plainly complicated.

>>311208
this doesn't work like this retard, you pick your method and then do it once and then it's over forever
if he can't succesfully control the gas his attempt will fail
people have been using ropes to end themselves since antiquity

>>311231
>this doesn't work like this retard, you pick your method and then do it once and then it's over forever
Then go do it once.
>if he can't succesfully control the gas
(He won't successfully control the gas)
>his attempt will fail
And then he will be labelled a threat to himself and placed under occasional surveillance, being stripped of much of his freedom of travel. If in this failing experience he develops a newfound fear of death, he'll forever live life with that fear, now with a brain and body even less capable of enduring such powerful emotions. Highly likely to fail, and that failure will surely make a second attempt even harder, and the rest of his life worse than it was when he decided to end it the first time.
>people have been using ropes to end themselves since antiquity
Carry the torch.

If youre asking instead of looking it up yourself. Youre fake and gay and probably a normalnigger in disguise, dramatizing suicide because faggotry

>>311228
>Rube Goldberg
You know I actually agree with this except the method I most researched, and almost got close to building, was sorta this. My plan was a lightly weighted swinguing guillotine or blade, hanging from a timer-relay lock above you, below is a bed or fram with a plastic head basket like the things hairdressers use, and straps to hold the neck and body in place. The idea was to get shitfaced with alcohol and benzos before it. But yeah I guess the biggest problem was reliably holding yourself down so as to not make that shit cut your face in half, or your chest, and making sure the dose was enough to knock you out. I think the nervousness and restless of preparing and approaching your final seconds of life, the adrenaline could overpower some seddatives. I live in no-gunz cucked country, if I had access to a shotgun thatd be my preferred method.

Something I never got about the car exhaust method is if people ever thought about how little, literally sipping, fuel an idling engine consumes. And I cannot think of an easy way to load an engine in an enclosed space, dynos are hella costly

i dont want to draw ponies anymore

Chara my Waifu makes a mess

>>311217
looks good. i can see you got hit with the quality nerf of reverseing after canvas size edit :b
i wish you hadn't deleted your other drawing after i called it overdone and lame.
it was only the "owo" shit text you provided that i disliked. You draw very nice.

>>310743
whats ur drug of choice?

>>310942
Tramadol and synthetic gorilla

It's simply impossible to understand what hallucinating is without having experienced it at least once. This isn't for everyone, some people kill themselves while or after hallucinating.

>>310746
I've seen a lot of posters talking about friends and desire for romantic interest. Hell some even talk about previous encounters, I thought this site was way more strict. I've been on a break for like 5 years from this place ever since I got far too busy with work

>>311017
This country doesn't do that. They'll take one look at my fathers history and automatically charge like 2k a month for insurance. Old people here are more retarded than the usual world population. He'll also sign up for anything. He has had a netflix subscription for 10+ years now because he wanted to watch ONE movie ONE time. He's kept it ever since and never used it again.

>>311019
There are so many shitty people who become parents, I can't stand it. Wouldn't you want to be cool with your own fucking blood? It's crazy. Even if you were a normie they would still find shit to get mad about, I'm sorry you're also going through it.

>>311059
"smile and dance, MONKEY!" is how I internalize it. Family has fights all the time but force us to post happy pictures of us.

>>311089
Sounds like a bad combo. Lots of weird men grew up in a time where they were able to get succubi pregnant and just did so because I guess it was the thing to do? Knowing full well they weren't built to have a fmaily or raise someone. I would never make children even if I could, how cruel it is to them. I must live on my own and follow my routines

>>311119

yea, i avent spoken to my emmm Dad, in a couple of decades, could be dead for all i know,

but ill probably never get an explanation for why someone who knew never wanted to work made a kid.

and neets will say yea awesome neet,

and i always say were your parents neets , reply errrrrrr Noooo

i was never taken to a dentist, never taken to an eye doctor, never taken to a doctor, etc….

i almost went into foster care,

i despise m mental case dad,

Your dad sounds incredibly endearing ngl, dont hate on them

>>311132
My mom died when I was 7 lol for reference

>>311132
You may have missed the part where I said he gives everyone money aside from his own family. It also implies he is kind to strangers but not to us, and that would be correct. He will talk shit to me ALL day for not meeting his standards despite the fact I work full time and do extra chores that aren't reasonably required of me such as taking care of extended family for NOTHING but contempt and insults. This moron let our drug abusing rapist uncle move in for free whilst charging me more to rent my own room. abuser uncle steals from my father and he doesn't care about it, but I drink too much milk suddenly I get yelled at despite the fact half the milk is bought by me anyway. He is an asshole and retarded

>>311167
tell this to your doc, hell help you

>>311168
The doctors are insane.

>>311188
no

>>311167
being sick or damaged is really bad for you
doctors cant do much either

why do you care? It's not like anyone else will see it. My suggestion is that you hop on fin, you won't notice the libido side effects

What's the main reason you want to kill yourself wiz?

>>311173
I'm a weak person who can't handle life

>>311175
i feel the same way sometimes. i hope you get better

>>311176
thank you wizzie, hope you too

killing yourself can be difficult