/dep/ - Depression

>>306485
You dont become okay. You endure it as a form of acceptance. Eventually, your mind will get tired of feeling miserable about it and will move onto happier things. After all, even if you're below average, the process itself is what matters, not how you show up to it.

>>306496
I've already moved on again, as you said. The question is how to stop it from coming back, maybe I don't know how to accept things.

>>306485
That's why you don't watch real actors, never. Make a break and then return only to none real material it will change your life.

>>306485
Accept the pain and despair.

I don't even bother with trying things like hobbies or vidya anymore
even if something makes me "happy", that happiness is fleeting and eventually I'm back at the baseline where I curse everyone responsible for me being born.
all I crave is to go back to the unconscious void where I once belonged in, a void where there's no noise, no thoughts, nothing, not even myself.
being alive is so fucking exhausting man…

>>306382
you ar ethe awareness, not the dark clouds

Y'know I was really good at drawing wacky and absurd things as a kid, I really liked it before school started shoehorning me into doing boring shit on a time limit. The best I can do is this mentally impoverished crap.

I made a wizzard, he is sad, tired and strating to get older

>>306458
The majority of topics.

Sorry for brain damage and bad proofreeding

>>306437
I did, a lot of people actually. Most notably family.
Have a pretty bad family background, don't wanna detail too much, father was abusive, divorce, live with mom.
I permanently cut contact with his side of the family for good reason, not just his actions.

Ended up "forgive and forget" reconnecting 10 years later, but after some time I just cut contact with him again.
My sister reconnected too and since then does anything for his approval, kinda insane.
Either way I couldn't handle the constant drama it caused, or the constant unwanted hour long phone calls or prompts for interaction.
Haven't talked to him for many years again now.

I cut contact with my sister for a year and a half too for the same reason. Reconnected, but a couple months ago just told her to fucking behave, keep me out of drama with mom and family.
I don't care for them really.

I just can't handle the stress of all these pointless, frivolous nonsense they can get worked up over.
Honestly? If I was in my fathers shoes with succubi like this around I'd have been a fucking drunk abuser too.

I can't take repetitive topics, people getting worked up about literally nothing and expecting, demanding you to care. I can't handle gossiping about randoms or family.
I don't care about politics, I don't care about succubi or family. I don't care for shit.
Why the fuck should I get panic attacks because mom or my sister is venting to me about eachother over some perceived slight that once I realize what sparked it I wish I could give them the Bart Simpson treatment… (Since you posted homer)
I don't wanna see 1000 photos or videos about my sisters son either. I don't care.
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>>306458
The few times I got into medieval history here people just disappeared and would rather shitpost about jews and Trump. Makes me wonder how many pseudonormies post here.

>>306437
i can't because not only am i a failure of a man in the biological sense but in the material sense aswell aka a poor fag

>>306505
Only reason I haven't cut contact with the rest of the family as well.
I wouldn't make it on my own.
Not that I hate them, but I'd feel better by myself.

The god delusion is so widespread in the western world, people literally believe an invisible omnibenevolent omnipotent omnipresennt omniscient entity is around them, loves them and most of all speaks to them. Needless to say that nobody ever recorded god's voice, or that the very attributes of god contradict each other. How can you believe in free will while adoring an omniscient entity? How can you believe suffering is justified when god could have created a world without suffering? If a creator exists he literally ignores us and doesn't care about us and actually tortures us if he created the human body. But there is no entity of this kind, there is no deity, there is no creator, we just exist because of unintelligent evolution, we're literally apes with less hairs walking upright. Our existence is a burden to ourselves and to the planet, billions of animals are killed because we deem inferior, endless wars are conducted in god's name, we have leaders of the most powerful nations literally believing fairy tales and enforcing laws against dissidents. We do not deserve this yet our world is dominated by stupidity, arrogance and insanity.

>>306499
1. I don't believe in free will; it's a key tenet of reformed protestantism
2. Because suffering is not actually a problem, you just don't like it
3. I've never spoken to you, because I hold you in contempt - why should God be any different.
4. Consider the worse possibility, there *is* an omniscient, omnipotent being, and He just doesn't care about you personally, but prefers other people based on criteria you will never know or qualify for.

We deserve _nothing_ if your supposition holds. Hairless apes killing and eating to survive, procreate and amuse themselves have no claim to anything higher. Furthermore, it's dubious that there *is* anything of higher complexity than, kill, eat, reproduce in the face of the heat death of the universe and that itself is laughably pointless.

So if there is no higher order, if there is no higher purpose;
1. whatever the egoist chooses to do and enforces on others is the highest order.
2. There is no scheme of assessment that is valid outside of that, except a stronger egoist with more power.

Therefore, the fact that you are ruled by creeds and faiths which you hold in contempt indicates you are so weak that your opinion cannot be enforced.

And thus what you have to say doesn't matter surely.

Wagies, preachers, believers, whatever you want to call the participants in the system of faith (because the creed that $7.50 is worth an hour of life is based, ultimately, on faith in the unseen and the consequences of that belief) are stronger than you - because they are using the system that they cannot defeat to at least satiate the desire to eat, kill, reproduce.

>>306463
I indeed think that monotheistic religion is superior to polytheistic religion.

>>306500
>1. I don't believe in free will; it's a key tenet of reformed protestantism
Without free will there is no point in religion or faith or whatever you wanna call it.
>2. Because suffering is not actually a problem, you just don't like it
Suffering is a problem for those who endure it, religions claim that god is good while living beings have to endure torture.
>3. I've never spoken to you, because I hold you in contempt - why should God be any different.
Religions claim that god wants to save humanity, we're not debating your personal god.
>4. Consider the worse possibility, there *is* an omniscient, omnipotent being, and He just doesn't care about you personally, but prefers other people based on criteria you will never know or qualify for.
If he doesn't care about us then why we should believe in him, I'm glad I'm an atheist as I don't have to mush this nonsense.

>We deserve _nothing_ if your supposition holds.
>it's dubious that there *is* anything of higher complexity than, kill, eat, reproduce
We deserve better leaders to enforce freedom and general wellbeing, instead we have literal apes ruling the world. Humans conceived civilizations to step out of tribalism.

>So if there is no higher order, if there is no higher purpose;
>1. whatever the egoist chooses to do and enforces on others is the highest order.
>2. There is no scheme of assessment that is valid outside of that, except a stronger egoist with more power.
You just described religion! Which is the dictatorship of the stronger(god).

>Therefore, the fact that you are ruled by creeds and faiths which you hold in contempt indicates you are so weak that your opinion cannot be enforced.
Yeah, I agree, I am not someone that can change things and I do not wish to become one, but at least I don't have a Stockholm syndrome. I hold my libertarian antinatalist atheistic view of life as long as I will be able to hold it without getting murdered.

> 2. Because suffering is not actually a problem, you just don't like it

Religious people are actually insane. Thanks for proving this. The only reason why people say this is because they want to feel superiore. They suggest being able to endure more suffering and learning from it which is a evolutionary exclamation surviving of the fittest. Guess what a life full of bullying starving torture being hated and molested by parents and so on and real trouble doesn't make you a better person and God is just laughing in face when you still deem him as omnibenevolent. >>306450 is what God's humour hits hard, he had a great time watching this.

You may want to tune out your algorithms so they don't lead you to hours of doomscrolling.
Other than that the normie strategies of going to sleep early, exercise, eating well and shit help.

Saw a workbook online called Cognitive Behavioural Workbook for Depression online and decided to order it. Will report in a couple of months if it helps.
>inb4 nobody gives a fuck
I will post anyway.
Anyway, most of behavioural stuff is basic bitch advice but it explained in such ways that it makes it easier for me to approach.
Some nuggets so far:
>Sadness is not depression, a normal emotion, a bittersweet one in fact
I feel blue sometimes but it's normal to feel blue. I try to differentiate blues from apathy.
>Action is the best medicine for depression
We all hear "just lift weights bruh" but it's not the only cure for depression. It's a very effective cure, but before that you need to build up your window of tolerance. I decided to start small. I'll go out and walk my dog in park early in the morning or late in the evening when nobody's around. I also want to read more new books and go back to fingerboarding. Fingerboarding is a good hobby because
>Sensory novelty is a good example of behavioural activation
Basically, engaging your senses. Basic stuff like trying a tasty tea or lying down on fresh bedsheets.
Another one
>Novelty helps
If you don't know what to do, try something brand new that you never tried before.
It wouldn't help wizbros with prodound severe depression, but in my case it works. I'm so busy trying new things, I don't have time for feeling blue! And when I start having depressive thoughts, I'll try the cognitive part of the program. Unfortunately, the cognitive part sounds like complete bollocks. I don't know how challenging your negative thoughts could help if they are true. Well, even if I can feel at least 1% better, I'll try to do behavioural activation.

>>302319
My greatest source of depression aside from the shit life and health I created is my inability to take action and clutter that results from it.
In a way the layers upon layers of dust on everything I own represents me.

Lately I've been doing extremely minor stuff on impulse, that arguably wasn't beneficial, but it gave me an insane mental boost.

>minor cleaning
Like dusting, vacuuming, making my bed, putting my clothes away in my wardrobe properly.
Before I had 2 months worth of dust (clumps of stuff, and food stuffs) and random garbage sometimes on my floor.
Had my clothes freshly washed thrown on the floor in a pile next to the used pile.
Last time I changed my sheets was idk maybe in summer.

It really helped, even if it was extremely minor.
Every step, vacuuming, dusting, etc. took me like a whole day to do. I didn't do anything else that day. They were my days off work.
Even though my room is only 2.5m x 5m.
But each day I did something minor like that it felt heavenly and filled with energy.

>throwing stuff away
I guess it's part of clearing clutter. I just threw away 2 bags of clothes I never wear, random gadgets and general junk.
Sure I could have gave it away, but most wasn't worth giving to a second hand store either way. Don't have that much energy from a spark of impulse either.
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Huh, taking a shower always ruins my already horrible days, unless I'm completely delusional about my state. I look horrifying while naked.

normalchan

>>306469
Which part exactly? No homosexuality implied. I dislike everything LGBT related in general, mostly due to aesthetics reasons.

The only reason I'm referencing the NHK guy is because I had a lot of similar events and it still resonates with me in spite of the succubus delusion the MC had.
I'm more than happy to engage further if given more than "you are not a real wizard harry".

In my interpretation the succubus is also just a delusion of his in the grand scheme of things.
Some wizards on here are coming up with tulpas for such purposes. I personally don't favor making such a thing, especially a succubus, but it is what it is.
Can't blame people coping with imaginary friends.

The guy also has one friend that slowly moves beyond him. One mentor like figure that also just there to reflect his stagnation.
His mother supports him, so did mine.
I've ended up trying all the memes including making smut, vidya, MLMs, selling shit I grinded in video games, starting art related hobbies and failing at the starting line. Had a brief mental asylum experience too and eventually ended up a wagie after almost a decade of successful NEETdom.

I don't consider myself entirely dismissed as a wizard just because I referenced an anime you dislike.
People find meaning and comfort in all kinds of things.
I admit some might argue that referencing a now fairly mainstream story in the OP was an even worse offense considering the contents and the show itself featuring a current non-virgin.
Then again the point wasn't "I want to fuck succs in another world" it was about trying to understand what I should even be expecting in family and general human relation dynamics in this god forsaken reality.

Being detached from the world leaves one prone to a lot of magical thinking which I wished to shape into a more pragmatic, realistic frame of mind to navigate the world.
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>>306460
>I went to class, sat at the back and played some games or just slept. Again, only going to college to pretend every once in a while to pseudo-NEET it up for a long time.
>At some point I ended up flat out telling my mom about what I was doing. She was quite shocked, more so that she never really put the pieces together. I mean who goes to college for 7 fucking years?
Interesting, I wasn't aware that there were others who fake(d) going to university in order to fool their parents with the intent of buying a few years of extra neetdom. I've been at it for some time now and I'm surprised at how easy it is with just a few lies and deception. But I guess it's only natural. Higher education doesn't really care about students, unlike high school, and society will not go out of their way to check on a fuckup like me if I'm just living quietly in my room. But I do have to inquire as to how you managed to tell your parents about the situation. My plan has always been to kill myself before they found out similar to what >>306464 said. That being said I have some time left until then so I'm still weighing my options.

>>306481
I can't give specific advice unfortunately. Mostly another blogpost, just read the TL;DR
My family situation is rather poor, father was abusive, had shotguns pointed at us, had to beg him not to slit my moms throat on occasion.
They divorced when I was a young teen so I only really had my mother side of the family to deceive.
This in part enabled me to do what I did.

As I said, my mother being fairly similar to me in personality, full of neurotic tendencies she was completely blind to my flaws.
Even now it's all papered over, like some sort of constant strong self-deception on her part.
The last year of it all I couldn't really keep pretending anymore as my sister at that point was about to move out having graduated herself being many years my junior.

I was in a bad headspace, had I not managed to find a job through something akin to divine intervention I would have offed myself that summer.
The final 1.5 years I've not even been enrolled so things were going to end one way or another, I was about to be forced to start repaying the government for the years of college without a degree.

I ended up sitting down with her and telling her about everything I've done for the past decade in great detail, my frame of mind and lastly my future plans and aspirations, or rather the lack thereof.
She was mostly shocked by how much she willfully ignored, but again nothing major happened as a result. She was fairly understanding, considering her childhood and life was even more fucked.
She was somewhat happy I believe that I was going to be staying with her for the rest of my life pretty much.

You mention parents, plural, it really depends on your situation and how your relationship with them is. Some parents in our extended family took care of homeless/druggie sons, some screwed over their own kids intentionally, some kicked out the stragglers American style.
You might just get lucky telling them everything upfront like I did.

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>>306484
Thanks for responding.
>You might just get lucky telling them everything upfront like I did.
From my understanding, our situations are quite different so I doubt that my parents would accept it quite as easily. My parents weren't particularly abusive (unless you consider the typical scolding/yelling and normalfaggotry a form of mental abuse) and I don't have any traumatic past events that I could use as an excuse to my parents for my failures in life. The honest truth is that I'm a lazy coward and I was given many opportunities that I turned down in favor of mindless self-indulgence and delusions of grandeur. If I had an imaginary audience spectating my life they'd probably say that "I had it coming" or something along those lines.

>Could you sit with your mom explaining to her all this shit while showcasing the website?
Yeah you're correct I definitely couldn't. Yesterday, my mother was scolding me for having no social life despite "living through the best times of my life" so it goes without saying that she wouldn't approve of any hobbies. In fact, she threatened to kick me out and force me to live with my dad (my parents are divorced) because I choose to spend my "leisure time" on the computer.

>I've spent about a years wages (from my own job) on yugioh cards
I used to play yugioh semi-competitively on dueling network so I don't have much familiarity with the physical version but to my understanding the price of card can rise depending on its relevance in the metagame.

>If you are relatively young and only screwed around for 2.5-3 years max, you could fake being extremely burnt out, never wishing to return to college and try to find a menial job, preferably hybrid or work from home.
That's likely what the future holds for me if I don't kill myself within the next few years. My parents still hold relatively high expectations of me (likely due to the fact that I lie about getting good grades and also doing decently well back in highschool) which would make getting a dead end job even more humiliating. I would be nothing more but a walking reminder of my failure and incompetence and that is excluding their initial reaction. My case is similar to yours in the sense that I have no skills or Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>306487
>The honest truth is that I'm a lazy coward and I was given many opportunities that I turned down in favor of mindless self-indulgence and delusions of grandeur.
Definitely share these feelings in hindsight. At the time it didn't seem like it, but this was the key. Though in my case this attitude was more of a defense mechanism of sorts.
I'd also call it insecurity in my case. Had I taken certain opportunities, offers of help etc. I would have had to expose myself as weak, broken and incompetent, so I didn't.

>which would make getting a dead end job even more humiliating.
I mean certainly from some perspective, but if you are ready and willing to end it all, the perhaps consider that this is you being "self-indulgent with delusions of grandeur" again.
Most people, like 20-25 out of a 30 person class end up in some sort of menial position starting out, and a majority stick around.
I've been a cashier for a short time and most people working those jobs were 35-40-45+ people who have been there forever out of convenience.
Nothing necessarily wrong about it.
Adjusting personal expectations to your reality is something you can and should do considering you had already spent so much effort self reflecting.

How your parents will feel about it is for them to deal with.
Though I know it's not that simple, of course.

>My case is similar to yours in the sense that I have no skills or qualifications outside of a high school degree, meaning that my life will comprise of daily suffering and humiliation as I slowly succumb to the various health problems I've developed due to being on my computer all the time.
>I'm not making any attempt to better myself and I'm certainly not doing anything to change my situation which makes the waiting a sort of slow torture of paranoia and fear.

Absolutely spot on. One has a laundry list of obvious causes for ones misery, yet despite being in mental and physical agony one doesn't act in their own self interest for whatever reason.
Paralyzed.
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I used Discord for six consecutive years, and this experience helped me make the only friend I’ve had in my whole life. We will complete six years of friendship in September this year. (Like many boys at a young age, I was bullied, and that messed up my social interactions.)

Maybe you don’t need to join a Discord server to make friends, but you can look for online games that make you interact with people and invite someone to a voice call. If this person is very communicative, he will introduce you to his friends, and “friendship” will become something you build every day. Obviously, everyone has their own limit when it comes to talking to a new person, so it’s natural to have moments of silence.

Friendship is something you need in life. Just one is enough, but it has to be solid.

I have this problem, but I like to think my problem more than being "nervous to talk to anyone and make friends" is that im too adhd, or plainly lazy and dumb, to develop the routine needed to make friends. Thats how it works, no? At least when youre old, and thats the thing, once youre old youre set in your ways, if your ways were those of solitude *and* complacence in solitude, then well, youre kinda truly permafucked in that department. Your brain cannot register new people in your life thus no friends.

And yet it hurts, it hurts so much watching others make connections and friends. But perhaps it is not exactly that what hurts me, but rather the passage of time (completely in vain in my specific case), approaching death with absolutely nothing and no one to show for it.

Oddly I think I make good first impressions, but never goes beyond that because cannot be fucked to care about myself let alone others.

>>301328
Also this

>>301482
>usually about exchanging attention, validation and things like that but if you lack that drive then you won't see the point in it either.
In other words they become energized from socializing while you and I become drained. Its a losing battle.

>The key might be to just find drive in solitude without becoming a rabid consumer or mentally crippled loner, find whatever you're craving in yourself and not other people. 99% of social stuff is just vapor and noise anyway.
Kinda true but again, like it or not socializing expands a groups borders. So your hobby or whatever, will eventually become engulfed by this social monster.

>>302451
>4chong
>succesful
Excuse me what? Do you really believe this? 4chan at this point is a bunch of schizophrenic cliqueish terminally online faggots spamming the same threads 24/7. Literally. Im not being hyperbolic here, its literally the same fucking 100~ people talking to themselves, with 10 of them making 90% of the posts. Why do you think they removed the IP counter?
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>>301659
IRL people are too judgemental. The consequences for acting like a sperg or violating social norms IRL are too high. I prefer the internet where the consequences for fucking up social interactions are minimal.

>>305336
Hey, anon.

I don’t see a problem with sharing my experience with my only friend and how I see this world.

My friendship with him started in September 2020. I was 17, and he was 19.

I met him on a Discord server after he sent a message saying, “Today feels like a day I could put a knife to my neck,” right in the middle of a chat full of dumb jokes about school and love. When I read that, I just replied:
“Hey man, if you want to talk, send me a message. Some feelings hit harder because everything is still too recent, and it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re desperate.”

After that, we started talking about the usual stuff — anime, games, music, and things like that.

Over the years, our contact slowly faded. In a month, we exchange maybe five to twenty messages. Just enough to know if the other one is still alive or doing okay. For most people, this would mean “the friendship is over,” because there’s no real conversation anymore. But I don’t believe that. Friendships don’t die just because they change. They die when both people stop caring that the other exists.

Right now, we talk maybe once every three months. We send long messages about how life’s been going. It’s our way of giving each other a bit of hope in this sad world. I actually like it. We grew up, and the friendship grew up too.

As for my relationship with people in general: when I was a kid, I avoided human contact — not because I was scared or something, but because I just wasn’t interested. Drawing, math, and books felt way more interesting. I was distant from my family back then, and I still am. Maybe bullying affected me more than I noticed at the time.
My psychiatrist told me I have schizotypal personality disorder, which makes my depression worse. It sounds kind of ironic, since I work with culture and events and I’m always busy — sleeping three or four hours a night and working until late.

Going back to being distant from my family: at some point, I started to see human connections in terms of what they’re for. Some people are just there to say “hi,” “good afternoon,” or “good night.” Others notice you, point things out about you, and make you think later. And a lot of people only show up to say weird things that make you uncomfortable. You can’t really avoid any of this — it’s all part of being human.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I feel like I'm too retarded to socialize online. Somehow it requires even more social awarness than IRL. At least IRL people try to act polite and you can gauge their mood a bit, but online it's a different story.
I always get laughed out every online space I participated in, even ones full of fellow socially awkward spergs.

>>306352
too much nihilism coming off you. i went that road as well and now i'm completely dead inside, not even sure how much humanity is left in me. heh.

>>306339
>>306347
>>306349
Either you're newfags or you don't understand why modern day imageboards suck ass. Imageboards used to exist in a larger ecosystem that no longer exists and haven't for a long ass time.

>>306380
everything sucks ass these days, mister old fag

yes but also i could be fucking dead right now by suicide and im not. God gives and God takes away

>>306244
Reincarnation is a top tier cope for this sort of life. I too believe I lived here for too long and now i'm getting shoehorned into a life of monkhood so I go back to who knows where in my own terms.

Seeing inbred witness fucking normies thrive and be promoted to managerial positions at my age (or roughly) makes my skin crawl, and this is not mere plain butthurt. You read and listen to them everyday - they won't shut the fuck up nor stop bragging about it. I don't see how I'm not fit considering the fucking retards they are, but then again, without normalfaggot networking and ass licking in this world for one is hard to come up.

I'm moving soon and I'm planning to save up enough cash to move and be NEET for a few months. I'm nearly there, but unfortunately my job is becoming fucking unbearable. From the time I get settled in at my station until the time I clock out, I'm constantly bombarded with bullshit from every direction. Half the people I work with speak little-to-no English, and dump a bunch of their work on me. I've been given a lot more responsibility (but no extra pay) since I started, so I'm constantly moving, basically doing the job of three people by myself every single day, and it's wearing me down mentally and physically. On top of that, the higher ups have installed metal detectors and will be hiring security guards, as well as taking away our breaks. So soon I will have to get checked at the door in the morning, work for 4 hours straight, get checked on the way to my lunch break and back, work for 4 more hours, then get checked on the way out like a fucking convict. Plus we get shit pay for all of this nonsense. If I can hold out for another month or two, I can spend about 4 or 5 months NEETing and being pretty content, but I don't know if I can really stand this hellish sweat-shop job long enough to make it. I could possibly get another job for a couple months and still be on track more or less, but that's only if I can manage to find something suitable and early enough so I don't miss too many paychecks before I move. Honestly, spending my adult life wageslaving has made me realize exactly why so many people deal drugs, run scams, steal, or otherwise cheat their way through life. Being an honest workingman is a nightmare.

>>303738
Slight update. Thank the heavens I'm still employed in the same place.
I pray for another year or two at least.

>people that start are better at it after 2 months than I am now.
The guy who started half a year or year after me just became my boss last week.
I'm fine with it, he is chill. Hope I can bear the many upcoming changes…

The previous boss assigned some extra tasks to me this month too.
Felt good about it, despite having a panic attack during one of the presentations I had to give to a succubus on video call.
Hope it means they'll keep me around.

>Would I have the energy if I wasn't a wageslave? Did I? I prefer not to answer myself.
Unfortunately I haven't progressed much in the past 4.5 months. I actually regained a lot of weight too. Health overall is not good.
Days just pass by, I work, I turn my brain off for the rest of the day with no energy.
Weekends feel like time travel. Took a 10 day vacation with the weekends and it passed by like nothing.
It's rather scary. Still no real skills or certifications in case I have to find another way to make a living.

>I'm genuinely shocked to see my coworkers do all this while getting an education, having family, children, working towards cars, homes and whatnot with a ton of hobbies and interests that they also pursue.
Still insane to see. Many coworkers are having kids, some I mentioned spawned even more. So do schooling, some moved up to more technical positions.
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I just got a $1 raise.
Funny because I literally spend 25% of the time at work taking a shit (I might have IBS). I guess my job really does have a worker shortage and they're afraid of people quitting. One quit just recently too.

>>306153
yeah I've heard about one story about a cop being denied promotion for "being too high iq"
the hierarchy isn't based on merit and they like to shove it in your face

>>306393
>You literally get to choose what deserves your attention
you're literally a normie without self awareness. desires precede consciousness, and even then your influence on them isn't that big.

>>306405
>even then your influence on them isn't that big.
Projection from someone with no willpower.

>>306414
willpower precedes consciousness, but you're not self conscious enough to see unfortunately

>>306393
>arts and crafts
sounds nice, wish I had something calming
>>306404
this is pure bullshit

You dont hope or yearn for meaning. You discard these things, and pursue what your heart desires without logical justifications for them. Its a principle from ego death, it's helped me in shedding the ego and embrace the self.