/dep/ - Depression

no, not anymore. my final cope that carried me over the years was this notion that i could just change myself, figure out how i actually tick and reverse engineer myself into a normal human being. it never really worked out, but there was always this hope that i could stumble on it one day and make everything make sense, like a persistent puzzle. what broke me was realizing that i never had a chance in the first place, that biologically i was predetermined to end up where i am, regardless of my personality or psychology. there was nothing to change, i AM my body and circumstances, my mind is just a mirroring of that. there was no other way i could've turned out. people treat you based on what they see, how you make them feel, and i consistently brought out indifference or revulsion in others. as i grew into my final genetic form, people started openly being hostile to me in public and i was mocked before i could open my mouth. this fantasy that i could just change my feelings and fix everything no longer fit my lived experience. the world was inherently against me and there was nothing realistically i could do to change it. there was also nothing worth living for, as idealistic notions of "love" and "friendship" increasingly seemed to me like banal biological processes, people like you because you help them release the feel good chemicals. the most evil criminals had tons of friends and lovers because they had the right body shape, despite being scum that never had a metacognitive thought in their life, they enjoyed life, people went out of their way to help them because "there was something to them".

i'm all out of copes and suicide really seems to me like the only meaningful choice i could make. either suffer and endure for another 30-40 years until my disgusting body gives out, or i end it when it makes sense to end it. the world is evil and i cannot adapt to it because i'm weak. why shouldn't i just give up and roll the dice again?

>>306871
You hit the nail on its' head. We are predeterministic animals just like all other mammals or apes in nature.

Would you tell a deformed or weak ape if they just work enough on their personality they will get lots of females and sit in hot springs all day instead of the apes who happened to be born with good genetics?

No.

Would you tell a lion born with down syndrome he is going to overthrow the strongest lion in his territory if he is just determined enough?

We need to stop this self-improvement bullshit right here. The vast, vast majority of neurodivergent wizards will never mask to the point normies will accept it.

>>306883
>Dignity Act
Dignity for who exactly?

Well, yes, but not in the specific ways I hope. I have realized that birth is a lottery and you're either born into a bustling metropolis to rich, well-adjusted parents or a piss soaked trailer in the sticks to bums. I'm somewhere in the middle of that. I don't have exceptional talent or work ethic, sadly; I'm just a normal person. We don't live in a world where normal people like me (at least, in America) can expect that hard work will save them, and so I'm still in my childhood home, working a boring, okay-paying job I hate, budgeting for a possible frugal week (or days…) long vacation soon, etc.

I'm straying off the point, but basically, I think that, my poor circumstances considered and how awful I was when I was far younger, I'm doing okay. Growing up I never once thought I could have a casual conversation with coworkers where we gripe over the boss (I don't believe in any of it, I am just making "small talk") but I do this all the time now. Sometimes I feel valued at work. These are things that normies take for granted but I cherish them, even if I generally crave more.

>>308435
Oh, and by 'normal person' I mean I'm likely no lazier nor more talented than anyone else. I don't think "autism" (extreme lack of experience with human beings, ugliness, etc.) really factors into that. My output is similar to other peoples output.

that's kind of hurt reading your thoughts because sometimes I laigh at things and depression comes out of nowhere and the joy I had transform into a bittersweet emotion which is hard to carry because of how heavy depression/sadness is. your post reminds me of that

>Creating art
>Expressing yourself
>Making your kinsmen smile
These are all normal things to enjoy and just about every small children's cartoon has been pounding that in to kids' heads since forever.

>i know and they enjoyed it
i don't want to ruin your peace but i'll just feed you this thought that you should keep yourself prepared for when your brain starts returning to the baseline and thinking rationally again. maybe it'll never happen, but just in case.

>>308427
>>308427
>our brain starts returning to the baseline and thinking rationally again

>implying him finding enjoyment in delighting others is irrational
>implying his happiness is.. a COPE
Piss off.

>>308213
Already happened. This was just the recent one, it's typically my own parents breaking things. My dad especially. Let's say we have a rare playing card, he will pick up and scrunch it up in the process. Purposely bend it to "test it" and it will have HEAVY crinkles. He denies its worth anything. He will sneak into my room whilst im at work and inspect/damage my items. I have a lot of stuff sealed and hidden away because of this. I keep bait stuff out for him to meddle with. The worst part is he is just really that stupid, it's not even malicious. Stupid and ignorant, can't explain anything to him. You could show him how a card is selling for 1,000 dollars and he says its a lie and rips the card up to prove it (didn't happen just an example of what hes like).

>>308214
damn thats concerning about what your dad do to your stuff. did you try to tell him an ultimatum about your stuff like if you ripp my shit again I'll fucking beat the shit out of you? if the beute force doesn't work , I suggest you to buy a safe to put valuable things inside

>>308214
Does he have some sort of condition or alcohol/drug habit? It honestly sounds like a miracle he was even able to become a father.

>>308215
I've tried everything, an ultimatum sounds nice but I am living under their roof for quite cheap. The cheapest other option would be double the rent AND in a closet with no car parking in a dangerous area.

>>308260
Other than being quite dumb and extremely impulsive I don't think there's anything medically or psychologically wrong with him. Some people have no filter and respect of boundaries, he just acts. The kind of person that would blurt out loud in class "OH MY GOD DIDN'T WE HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO?" as the teacher had forgotten to check.

>>305422
>try collecting plushies


Ha. Funny thing is, one can hide a nice box full of fragile stuff right inside that cute dolly's head.

So hey, getting a huge toy bear off some silly lady could save you lots of trouble

>>303176
I've been thinking about buying some of that

>>303176
I wish it were that easy:
> Light skin
> All year round summer hot place
> take Fish Oil and Vit D + K supplements everyday.
> plus other 12 or so supplements more

Still miserable.

Creatine Monohydrate should be supplemented because to get a full working dose one would need to eat an entire chicken dinner's worth of beef. It's vital in the human body's functions that relate to not being unhealthy. I've been taking it for years and I'm very strong and smart and large.

>>307661
That seems like a lot to take in but many men's health support supplements cover much of that in two doses. Ideally much of this shouldn't be supplemented but rather acquired through an actual balanced diet, but that would probably give a caloric surplus for the average NEET.

>>308003


I ask a chatbot (cheap DeepSeek, nothing fancy) to be a decent time-managing coach for me and tell DS some tasks off my head… get a timetable… tell DS some more… get a bigger timetable - bam! Now I have a three hour time-table for tomorrow :)

>>308402
Update: it's done and many more

>>306323
I am a neet but I think it is impossible to truly remain unaffected. What I rather meant is being born, growing up, and living in this society tricks you into believing a certain way of thinking is reality, it gives you this subtle brainrot interacting with these systems over years which is hard to notice, you're entire way of thinking becomes warped and you lose track of what is actually real
hence the normies get filtered

>>306330
I feel like we have a different thing in mind when it comes to being filtered.
If the world turns sour and you lose your neetbux you'll end up in the same spot as we are.
At the end of the day, as a NEET you are just as much if not more attached to the system in this case.
Perhaps I'm completely missing your point, in which case I'm sorry.

>>306267
liberal arts degrees exist for people with a particular passion to have a place to pursue it, and for people with a place at dad's company to have an easy way to get a piece of paper that says "degree" on it. considering it from a career perspective is stupid.

if anything, the practice of treating university as a vocational school that prepares people for a career is historically abnormal, a feature of the centralized nation state trying to mass-produce technical specialists. now that the demand for those is dying out, so is the system of university as a step you take to guarantee a job.
>>306265
the low hanging fruit were picked a lot longer ago than you think. even most of the oft-cited examples of someone "single handedly" changing the world at any time in the past 200 odd years are more often than not about someone spending a decade or two fundraising and eventually getting lucky after burning millions than working alone in a shed.

success in starting a business is almost always a matter of simply being in the right place at the right time, and getting lucky on a risky gamble. you won't find it by just going around and looking for problems, because everyone is out there looking fof ways to make money. you need to be one of the first few to find out, have the right skills and know the right people to get things off the ground before the market is saturated.

as for average engineers and programmers, they're glorified assembly line workers. the real entry level degree to do actually creative technical work is a PhD nowadays, and even that doesn't work out for most people (don't think it worked out for me)

>>306271
>>306296
asking a chatbot for business ideas is the exact opposite of a way to succeed. it will distill the statistically most probable responses, aka the things it thinks people would say, aka the things it has seen people say in situations like yours time and time again, aka the shit that everyone else is already doing or trying to do

you need arbitrage, a competitive edge, something that sets you apart. a business profits because it discovers a shortcut, it solves some problem so much cheaper than the alternatives that you can afford to take a cut. if everyone has already thought of it, everyone has tried it, and it either didn't work or it worked and now they're already there eating your lunch but with an established process and customer base.

>>306744
THIS


One should keep a stash of magazines instead

>>305179
>Now, my whole life is wizardchan-tier simply because some rural-to-city

hedonistic succubus wanted to satisfy her hedonistic desires by provoking my mother to divorce and to away + grab me too = ahaha a young big guy to do stuff with.


Oh, and *her* husband was so frail he… passed away ~10 years ago; go figure.

ya, my shaggy mom had constant suicidal ideation due to my alcoholic white trash dad's unemployed existence, so she completely neglected her cripplingly retarded kiddo

I have thought about this a lot. But when I really start to think about it, I start to blame the school system. It's really pretty unnatural at this point. I remember being a completely different person outside of school and in it. And other people noticed this too. It also happens to me now at jobs, college etc. I am not meant for institutions. Perhaps in a sense o was likely sheltered growing up. I think sometimes that can manifest in these types of personality.

Bump. I don't know about OP, but my mother decided to neglect my emotions AGAIN so she would talk to me like I am not supposed to answer her question like a proper person.

>>308428
Anyway, in her defence: the heatwave got her so I should have shut up. I guess.

I wish you had typed this better, there’s a tad too many errors, but overall, yeah I agree somewhat.

To begin with if we are losers or not, I believe it hardly matters in the way you are mentioning it, we all have our own cognitions, mind you it is true society would consider most wizards losers and failures but they have their own lenses of what “success” entails, and while I consider one should be aware of such lenses and their cognitions that doesn’t mean they should weight on you or that you should judge yourself with them.
Regarding self-aggrandizing wizards, well, yeah I find it to be appalling behavior, but there are people who need to heighten their ego everywhere, be it normies, crabs, faggots, losers, winners, wizards etc, when it comes to wizards though I do believe for some it’s merely a way to cope, probably because they can’t completely detach from those lenses I mentioned before, so they do see themselves (at least to some degree) as losers and they can’t be at peace with that, so they turn to considering themselves, their behaviors and cognitions inherently superior in some way, pathetic behavior to my eyes but well. Mind you some definitely do believe it wholeheartedly and for them it’s not a cope but rather a completely objective fact, how one reaches such a point I’m not too sure, the same goes for racists, I do believe it tends to largely come from a need to cope.
When it comes to your idea about the “überwizard” I consider it really interesting, I myself have pondered about the same before (but rather calling them just “true wizards”), and overall I agree in the sense that someone who reaches such a state of internal peace with themselves, the world, their conditions etc is worthy of being considered different or as you say a “überwizard”, just as you I believe they’re rare, though personally my experiences tell me there’s probably a decent amount of people who are in a sort of middle state between a normal one and a über one, if they’ll ever become a über or maybe even regress to a wizard or maybe even morph into a crab, only time will tell and honestly, I don’t think we can ever truly know at which state someone is, only they know, we can at best do educated guesses.

When it comes to the rest what can I really say, it’s your cognition, I don’t consider myself ugly for example nor do I mind that I’ll never get the success normies speak of, though I can be honest with you and admit I’m a weird mentally ill, rePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>308400
sorry I'm a esl and I write what comes in my mind so it looks like a brainstorm, sorry.
overall, I just need more answers from different wizards. thank you

some feminist propaganda
>so why wizards aren't happy?
your delusions aren't proportional to reality.

>>308398
It depends on the emphasis. I was always racist but I only really leaned into it once my life came apart. It's sort of like how some of the most successful guys with succubi hold succubi in contempt, but they don't have bitter hatred about it like the losers do.

I've noticed normalfags express their racism in more subtle and condescending ways, rather than direct anger.

>>308408
>I've noticed normalfags express their racism in more subtle and condescending ways, rather than direct anger.
I agree

>>307282
>>307321
its over for me. im in outpatient treatment 5 days a week and get drunk everyday after. im paranoid and have the worst obsessive thoughts. now its time for my 3rd busch light

>>307205
>around her because your body starts releasing dopamine,

you wouldn't have that if you knew how to make yourself happy. it is you releasing the dopamine that is already in your body. if you knew how to make yourself happy, you wouldn't need the other person to be the key to unlock your happiness.

i also experienced this when i was younger because i was in school were happiness is 'treated' as a problem and you learn it is better not to be happy. this is the seed of corruption. by training you to be unhappy, you become an emotional puppet. regain your strengh man and unlock yourself through meditation.

I can never enjoy a moment to its full extent. I can never relax. I can never truly feel at rest. I have Tourettic (also known as Just Right) OCD and Pure O OCD, which are the worst kinds to have IMO. CBT doesn't work for these types. And I would rather die than get on meds. I feel like Sissyphus, I am constantly performing labor, every moment of my life. Except unlike Sissyphus I can't crush my head with the boulder. I am my slave and my master. Not even drugs relieve me from it. Sometimes it gets to a point where wearing shoes feels like torture (without any trace of hyperbole) because I sometimes get a compulsion where I need to wriggle all of my toes five times. I inherited this disorder and hypothetically if I were able to get married and have kids I may very well choose not to because I don't want people to experience this burden.
This is hell. I am so exhausted. It started when I was a kid and just rapidly accelerated from there. I didn't know that I was experiencing the last peaceful moments of my life. I never knew peace again. There is no escape aside from death.

>>307273
>I appreciate your understanding Wiz
I don't think I understand OCD. Seems like certain compulsions literally take you over from time to time. Some normie with a healthy brain would probably believe something like this isn't possible or it is exagerated. Going through bizarre mental stuff myself I am inclined to believe OCD is real.
>I can't imagine how awful that must be
I hear a voice in my head which constantly comments on my thoughts, but isn't some kind of dream or fantasy. I have zero control what it says and can't turn it off. I can interact with it like it is a different person. I can clearly sense the difference between my thoughts and these voices. Only other schizophrenics seem to understand how this ruins your life.
>there's no treatment for this other than what they offer for OCD
I don't know what they offer for OCD but antipsychotics don't cure anything, they just tranquilize your entire nervous system.

>>307205
I got three books around the topic of limerence in scientific studies and biography
(Remember this post is not about love but about a out of control brain malfuction based in some type of phenomena so these book are not romantizing anything around this maybe OCD behaviour)

>Smitten: Romantic obsession, the neuroscience of limerence, and how to make love last (International Edition) by Dr Tom Bellamy
Good book with scientific studies and methods to stop go to much insane nuts with limerence sensations or identify it before start, it dont remember but it maybe have some reference to next book guy studies. Very grounding and humanizing.

>Living with limerence: A guide for the smitten by Dr L
Same as the first book but have some have some cited histories of the forum of this dude (living with limerence) that some people write around anecdotes (a lot of times sound like us… why?) Still grounding to this shit experience.

>When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love: A True Story of Overcoming Limerence by Amanda McCracken
I didnt started to read this but its a biography of a succubi journalist that dated 100 men and maintained her virginity into her late thirties (yeah kinda rare how it sound but sound common for some type of fucked up limerence behaviour even for a bitch succubi) but still fucked up experience, i dont have much interest to read it in reality bacause you know. Its like a self-help book based in some reviews, maybe a wizard can get something good from it checking how she was as kid not nurted or something.
I have more interest in a book made by a man experience than a succubi one, but well, you know what i talking (damn feminists)
There's another book about by Dorothy Tennov but i dont get it anywhere.
Maybe there's somewhere a book around man experience but even at reddit sub there's a lot of dudes writing fucked up experiences like mine here.

lol did you abuse drugs as a kid?

>>307567
tried to only got prescribed ssri's
>>307571
no
>>307572
no

Sounds incredibly annoying. I hear voices and sometimes they get aggressive, this just makes me not want to be here anymore. If things aren't going to be comfy and I must listen to this bullshit I'd rather hang myself.
Maybe to solve your problem you have to learn the trick of "not taking things personally", "controlling your emotions"?

>>307557
did you see him?

Once you start getting heart problems you'll look back at how petty and stupid this is OP. I know you realistically think you'll deal with it, but you'll see your old self able to go for long walks without a headache and not being on medication and think "what a fucking idiot for not appreciating what I have".

I basically stopped being angry after I got put on blood medication because I realized what it was doing to me. It's poison.

>>308360
"We find that younger men reported in
creased happiness during the 2000s, despite stagnant wages, declining employment rates and
increased propensity to live with parents/relatives. This contrasts sharply with older men,
whose satisfaction clearly fell, tracking their decline in employment. We see this as suggestive
of a role for improved leisure options for younger men"

One major innovation in the mid 2000s was taking social interactions in general, and
video gaming in particular, online. Facebook, started in 2004, grew from 12 million users in
2006 to 360 million by 2009. Likewise, a generation of new video game consoles introduced in
2005 and 2006 allowed individuals to interact with others online.

https://www.nber.org/system/files/working_papers/w23552/w23552.pdf

It's argued that being chronically online makes NEETs happier, basically.

>>308298
Im more sympathetic to real world fuck ups like a boat crashing into something. There's probably a handful of crew doing the jobs of 5+ people AND carrying morons/lazy people.

Lol must have been funny to see those boomers seethe, but hey atleast those ones SHOULD be in touch with reality and understand what it's like. In my country most boomers retired around the late 2000s 2010s era, only the youngest of them are really still working. Soon as they retired, that's when all of the bonuses and workplace perks dried up. My dad currently works at a place with an entire department of boomers that demand, and get their old bonus (essentially an entire paycheck every 2 weeks) meanwhile the new hires get paid less than minimum wage, something about them being visa holders or something, some legal loophole is being used.

Backbreaking labor being done for 10 dollars an hour by new hire, meanwhile boomer sits in office, doesn't respond to calls and sometimes uses the forklift after insulting them for being lazy, he gets 25~35 an hour

>>308373

yea, it just gets worse and worse and worse,

no one wants to protest, or do unions or whatever , we re basically headed back to labor in early 1900s. Would be more worried but plan is to automate us all out of work.

i knew stuff was fucked when x mas eve and NYE became mandatory work days. Were Boomer sacred off days Forever, now its just , o its just another bla bla , improves productivity, can spend w/ your work family

>>308386
>can spend w/ your work family
It annoys me how transparently bullshit they are whenever they spout crap like this.

>>308403
Work wife