/dep/ - Depression

>>309000
is your father dead?

>>309013
yeah, i thought i made that clear…

>>309011
>do you get NEETbux in your country

yeah, but it's quite limited and i don't want to deal with all the bureaucracy and having to get an official psych diagnosis. i don't think mom would even let me do it because it would mean having to accept i'm a fucking invalid, she probably still believes i'm gonna grow out of this phase and become a normcuck and get married lol. i'm pretty much done tho, only thing that's keeping me going is some hobbies and the thought of ending it if it gets too much. i've completely given up on any kind of normalcy.

Having totalling retarded and out of touch boomer parents have destroyed any possibility of NEEThood I ever had. Technically I was NEET for nearly 6 months, but during that time I was applying for jobs and had a course lined up at the end of 6 months, so it doesn't count? Every single day my boomer dad would be saying worthless plattitudes. Telling me I'm clearly not asking for the manager and shaking their hands, says they can tell if I'm not going to be a good worker or not. He would stand by the doorway of stores just watching me interact with the manager/customer service people (blocking customers btw) and just scowl at me. Arms folded and grumbling to himself. We must have gone to over 500 locations locally and many places multiple times. He did eventually let up, he didn't want to admit how wrong he was about finding a job. This was all the way back in 2015.

"In this house if you don't work you dont play no video games!!"

"NO WORKY NO EATY"

"YOU NEED TO BE A MAN NOT A MOUSE"

Ironically I work way harder than he ever has now that I have a job. I've pulled 80 hours weeks, once did a 20 hour shift. I'd get home at 2am sometimes and he'd scream at me for being up so late. "I just got home from work dad, I finish at 2" he would grumble and reply that if I had a life I'd be asleep by now so I can wake up in time to go to the ice rink. We don't even fucking have one of those anymore. He also refuses to believe the hours I do, he thinks I'm out partying or something. He knows I do full time work atleast, but he's shown some skepticism as I can't afford a mortgage.. We live in one of the most expensive cities in the world (when accounting wages and stuff). He really is stuck in the 70s.

>>309000
I hate how dumb my parents are with money. My dad is usually ok with the standard stuff, if anything he's great. His shortcoming is getting scammed. He will pay a 5k repair bill on a 2k car. He paid 15k for a fence to be put on our property and I did my own research into it, the fence should have been 1~3k including labour, and people were saying 3k is even quite out there.

Mother is just full blown retarded. She once paid 30 dollars for a supermarket made pizza that just had sauce and grated cheese on top. She also wants to rennovate the house, the house they plan to sell in 5 years and the value is ONLY based on the land. SHe wants to spend around 100k all for it to be torn down. We aren't rich either, we've come into lump sums quite often. Lottery winnings, Inheritence, redundency yet it's all been pissed away. Mother would also spend like 2k a week on clothing and end up giving a lot of it away or selling it for 5 dollars a piece. We should have had enough wealth to live comfortably like royalty

>>309014
I just needed a check.
does your mother date someone?
I hope, if so, that man doesn't get to much annoying to you

My libido reached an all time low due to magnesium supplements, like i force myself to goon to porn once a week yet i still fucking hate it. think i'm gonna quit for good and just jerk off without it if the need arises. Also i think this shit is just poison for your soul and mental wellbeing.

I am not a sensitive young male. I am just a defeated weak male. I am not morally better than my tormenters. I would also try hurt people when I am given the slightest opening.

>>308991
Being energetic makes me feel like i'm falling for something i intuitively know is wrong. I hate it too.

>>309012
I like it better during low libido periods. Getting horny all the time sucks and just wastes me away. I can't concentrate on anything at all. When my libido gets lower I can find at least some time, though not much, to dedicate to something mentally demanding like pet projects or whatever. When it surges up I basically spend all my free time jerking off and doing erratic activities like playing for twenty minutes each game I have until I must fall asleep. And I don't get that much free time anyway due to wageing. I really hate this libido stuff. It really defeats my every notion of rationality, since I basically can't dedicate myself to anything at all because all I do is think about fucking some hot succs from whatever hot anime/manga I watched/read last.

>>309020
>>309012
Thanks for the reminders to take my magnesium pills and to discuss my { libido | gooning}. As for my libido, it's very low. I don't visit sites with "xxx" or "porn" or "[fetish reference here]" in their names. Thanks for reminding me I am not alone in that trait.

>>309026
Society is built on a few Big Lies

I don't understand where this desire to be seen as a victim comes from.

>>309028
there is no desire. society judges your complaints as either valid or not. you are not a victim if you're a wizard. you are a victim if you're brown or female. that's all.

>>309028
it's a self-defense mechanism. by self-victimize yourself, you're telling someone you are weak and not worth being the targets of bad things they want to do to you. it also comes from fear

>>309015
It's "honest" (in brackets).
You can say to someone who doesn't mean to bully you it hurts already hoping civilized people to back off before some kind of a treatening to sue over moral damages arises. Soyboys are especially good at that.

Unfortunately, it does not *deter* bullies. If you are some kind of manipulator who collects evidence for possible lawsuits, you're golden, and so is your lawyer. If you're honestly asking to leave you alone with this victimization of yourself, you're in the wrong… spot.

oaky cafee

>>308046
My ego is very fine, don't worry. You avoided my point though

yea everyone pretends to fit in, that's the God of the normie, social approval.

>Conformity and imitation drives human behaviour

Yeah, read René Girard

>>308903
Before I read an "in-a-nutshell" explanation of his ideas and some of the examples maybe…





…i would like to say I do find myself in the situations when the very feel of being pushed to the limit creates strong emotional feedback within my mind.

>>308903
Thank you for this recommendation. This is fascinating. Listening to a podcast about him. Yes, the theory of desire being mimetic makes sense. As does the idea that the subject of copying becoming a rival. This being a basis of violence. Therefore competitive violence is, for want of a better word, natural or inevitable. Scapegoating becomes the way of attaining stability. Makes sense. One can see it in schools.

>>297753
>How do you guys fight anhedonia?
Have you tried nicotine?

I fight anhedonia with high ABV beer. But I only get drunk on Friday evening. I'm sober the rest of the time.

When I'm drunk (not wasted), I enjoy playing videogames, I enjoy music.

>>301975
>Life with anhedonai feels pointless. No pleasure, no point? Like why do anything. I just end up doing nothing

This.

>>305617
I tried it. It kinda works, but the nicotine burnout was unpleasant and accidently overdosing on velo pouches is worse than any hangover i've ever had

>>297753
Intense exercise in the heat followed ice baths/having icy water thrown on you. It is hard and sometimes I just want to stop because stand up grappling can be temporary hell.

Muay Thai in the heat is fucking fixing me right now. I am not great but endorphins/dopamine/fat loss/muscle mass increase and self esteem from getting better is the only thing so far that has improved my brain so much. Feel myself enjoying music so much more. Just sparring to the beat they play in the gym. Makes me want to shadow box all the time because I just want to get back to the gym.
My biggest regret is not doing this like mad when I was a teenager. Instead I waited until 31.

>>308925
Darn I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.

Are you sure it isn't just survival instinct? I tried to hang myself in january but backed out at the last moment.

>>308977
there are better methods than hanging so no reason to do it that way unless you're in a hurry, the risk of not doing it properly and suffering a slow and painful death or surviving with brain damage is too high

>>308979
still better than overdosing or jumping

I remember seeing that on family guy, the talking dog speaking about having a gun as last resort which gave him comfort. First time I've ever truly agreed with something that's a little taboo. If I had a sure and quick way to die if things ever got too much I'd live a little more carefree. A goodnight switch is how I like to call it. Sure I could just jump off a tall building, but that's really hard to overcome the instinct, and also the natural fear of heights. I've looked down a stairwell that was 18 floors high and I hated the visual and sensation it gave me.

Jews are not human

>>308958
lucky them

We now have an entire storage building filled with cardboard and trash because everyone is 'too important' to deal with it. We could have hired temp workers and this would have been handled in a day tops. On the plus side I get to spend most of my shift alone breaking down cardboard for the next week.

>>308953
That's almost as bad as team building camp, I pray to the stars I never have another one of those. Godspeed anon.

>>308995
I work in a supermarket and the self important floor staff are all the same. Too busy socializing and neglecting actual food health practices. Many of our shelves have actual mold BUSHES. Not just mold, but BUSHES of mold, whenever I've cleaned it (took hours) I'd get written up for wasting time and not putting out more stock because having 500 drinks on the shelf is better than 250 and that means we are losing sales even if only 50 sell the entire day!! Everyone is a dumbass there.

>>308996
Thanks hope it's not gonna be like that. The general culture of my area is very social though. Think stereotypical Philippines or Brazilians. everything must be a party

>>307809
noooo i'm not a succubus i'm not a succubus!!!

>>307810
>noooo i'm not a succubus i'm not a succubus!!!

you are as emotional

>>307765
>normals
aren't people.

>>307804
the blackpill/i-ncel cult is jewish social engineering to force hopelessness in the young male population, which if embraced leads down to two ends:

1. transgenderism (which is ultimately population reduction)
2. suicide (which is ultimately population reduction)

I've noticed this in myself the few times I have interacted with pretty succubi. I feel an instinctive urge to just be nice to them. I imagine everywhere they go they get the same reactions from people and the world they live in must be so wildly different than the one a loner like me inhabits. I'm not that ugly but I'm depressed enough that my grooming is completely shit and I look like shit so I get a taste of the negative side of it from society, and I also get a taste of it going away when I groom and dress well.

It really drives home the point that humans are just shallow monkeys. You can use that knowledge to your advantage to manipulate people like some politician or CEO, but personally I just find it depressing and want nothing to do with it.

>>307294
Wish I had real goals too.
I relate a lot to the randomness, feeling like I'm an edge case a lot of times.

I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG. It's usually something negative, absurdly unlucky and it stacks up to "unrealistic" stories people think I make up.

Like telling a doctors about having physical pains, limping and this whole thing somehow leading me to a psych ward before they ever bother to acknowledge the physical deformity/damage, only after paying for imaging out of pocket do they finally believe me, and EVEN AFTER THAT they still push the mental shit instead every time some new shit pops up. This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE

It happens in positive ways too. Like I'm on the brink of exiting life and all of a sudden I'm given a job far beyond my abilities and tolerated for years despite my many shortcomings and failures in a comfy position that I couldn't ever imagine replicating.

Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.
Overall it's negative, but then great things happen just in time to keep me going….
Needless to say I've been embracing determinism as a result, but the absurdity of the experience makes it hard to believe it is strictly determined and not some random outsider having a grand old time messing with me like I used to with insects in a sandbox as a kid.

Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane and they just hear other words come out of my mouth than I attempt to say.
Then again sometimes the weird unprompted absurdly unrelated NPC like rants from people can be interrupted and somehow they snap back to sanity and give way to what I want. It's very odd.
Wish I was as coherent as some wizards here instead of rambling, but I hope the message is clear enough.

>>308057
okay

>>308743
>Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane

Most are not real. Covid should have proved this to you. And what do I mean by “real”? Having intelligence enough to think independently of others.
And you are not clinically insane. No man authentically mad would ever be discovered self-aware of his own madness.

>I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG.

You’re just smart and very self-aware in a world in which apparently nearly all are not. Any sufficiently caring and self-reflective human will fall into the belief that he’s beset by soulless people wandering through outwardly random environments as an isolated observer. The ancient gnostics even had a term for this and that term is ἀλλογενής, meaning literally “of a different kind”, but translated as “stranger”. Those who have thoughts like those contained in your post really are ἀλλογεναι (strangers) in a difficult world that is not native to the quality of their souls.

>This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason.

I can fairly say: me too! Except I disagree with >for no discernible reason. The reason is quite plain: doctors are indoctrinated; not only “intellectually”, that is in how they understand and treat diseases, but also “personally”, in how they hold the most of their patients in contempt as less than themselves. Doctors (95% of the time) are dangerous prideful psychopaths who look down on their patients while having very little actual curative medical knowledge. You should have known this by your age (presuming here that you are 30+). If I can flatter myself, I already knew to be careful around doctors (that they do not make good decisions and are often uncaring toward sufferers) by the time I was in my early 20s.

>Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.

Here’s an interesting passage out of Plutarch from an essay titled “De Pythiae oraculis (On the oracles of Pythia)”, the subject whereof is the investigation of the truthfulness of the responses given to ancient men who would sue for tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>308747
>the fact that we have free will cannot be reconciled to the notion of a limiting malicious demiurge.
From our perspective/perception and even then only within an extremely limited scope all things considered.
An ant in a terrarium has free will to an extent.

>>308968
>An ant in a terrarium

well that's probably what we are, being that space is fake and we're under water.