/dep/ - Depression

domestos

>>303852
>Your hobby seems all consumerist, and consuming media tend to stop being satisfying after a while.
True. Been there. Sad thing is, me mum saps whatever craft I try - she would stash my tools at different corners of the house because "she puts thing to order!"

That nothingness you feel has always been there, its just humans have this weird useless drive for self given purpose. Life has always been a bread crumb trail leading you in an endless void, Use that depression aka true sight to realize to irrelevancy of everything that exists.

>>303943
when I had my schizophrenic raving I'd never used imageboards or anything else in internet. I didn't feel the urge to come in imageboards and get my dopamine rush of fast answers. I wish I could go back to that state

>>303948
I don't know to what extent I really have schizophrenia anymore. It's become something I blow out of proportion to excuse being a terminally online idiot. It's more of a passtime than a mental illness at this point. If I weren't so aimless, I could almost be a normal generic human being.

Kind of similar situation with me. Mom has chronic, debilitating pain and balance issues so I have become a substitute mom basically. I have to do all the chores, yardwork and cooking now. If dad ever becomes disabled, I might as well rope because I don't know how to repair 20-year-old automobiles and shit.

Are there any other suicide forums than Sanctioned Suicide? I got banned for "fetish content" for discussing hanging yourself while watching porn and jerking off.
Also that entire site is so damned cucked. Got warnings for stupid stuff before.

I was murdered by necrosis and amoxicillin; every part of my body was damaged, and lost cells. This started in 2018 or 2019. Since 2019, I've been too dead to live, but I still haven't managed to escape this horrible deadman prison.

This is what it means to become a devil.

I'm waiting to finally lynch Satan (Jesus Christ). Then I can finally be done with this bullshit.

It's been almost 7 years of my life being over. I've tried to come back from the damage, by always taking good care of myself. But there's no escaping this dead state. I can't give myself the livingness I need to live and be alive. Livingness has been absent from my life for all these 7 years, nonstop.

Satan is one of the murderers responsible.

I really fucked up this time, in fact, wasn't even that bad, but it came on the worst time possible.

OD'd and gave my self brain damage
Severe back and leg pain
No GP will accept me in my area
Next to zero experience with any kind of non-familial relationships
Zero friends or avenues to make them also lacking the drive to want them
No job
<1 month of money before I have nothing left
My place is a fucking mess
Dad wont talk to me
Realising Mum has actually been an awful influence on my life
Grandparents mental decline is really noticeable now

Tell you what lads, that exit bag is looking real fucking sweet

>>303945
with your last strenght, say something nice to Jesus in a final prayer
like
Jesus Christ I want to be useful to you!

>>303564
>Lately I tried a depot that has all amino acids
Care to share what exactly? I'd love to try stuff that works.

>>303658
Of course, I grabbed a random german one (doppel herz) it has:

L-Valin, L-Leucin, L-Isoleucin, L-Threonin, L-Methionin, L-Phenylalanin, L-Trytophan, L-Lysin, L-Histidin and non essentials are L-Arginin, L-Tytosin, L-Cystein.

You can put this into an llm to get explanations..

I've been doing this for 13 days and there is a slight difference… but also my eating habits are very bad and one sided, so it surprises absolutely nobody

>>303659
Thanks. I might find something similar in a DM store or something.

>but also my eating habits are very bad and one sided
Same reason I'm thinking basic vitamins worked a bit for me initially. I guess I was so deprived that anything, even low quality stuff helped.
I'm trying an iron pill now, it has 14mg iron 10mg zinc, 1mg copper(?) 1,4mg B6 some B12 and a bit of folic acid.

Doctor wasn't worried, but my blood iron is constantly on the low end so I decided to take this anyways.
Hope for something notable and that they don't mess with my BP meds.
Was drinking 2-3 energy drinks a day for a decade before and was forced to quit… That had B6 B12 too. Maybe this is the key to salvation.

>>303632
Depending on what you mean by "libido problems" pelvic floor exercises could go a long a way.
That was my issue. Now I can jerk it to doujins all day again if I wanted to.
The desire is lower now that I'm past 30 though. Probably natural + dopamine fatigue.

>>303180
what if i'll buy one too…

>>303659
>Of course, I grabbed a random german one (doppel herz) it has:
>L-Valin, L-Leucin, L-Isoleucin, L-Threonin, L-Methionin, L-Phenylalanin, L-Trytophan, L-Lysin, L-Histidin and non essentials are L-Arginin, L-Tytosin, L-Cystein.
bump

I'm going to start a night shift next week. Is there any way to do night shifts without it wrecking your health? I heard vitamin D supplements help obviously because of the lack of sunlight and such, but how do I maintain a "normal" sleep schedule and a "normal" (normal as far as people like us are concerned) life outside of work?

I'm no wageslave, because my job doesn't pay me so.

Not sure how to feel, I'm on basically final warning however I'm also in a new higher paid position at the same time.

The warning carried over from my other role even though it was one mistake and the new role is basically unrelated. Still, the other two possibilities were getting fired or getting stuck in the lower paid position forever.

I got a call from the boss asking why I wasn't at work (I wasn't scheduled). Boss works on salary and comes and goes 7 days a week (workaholic) and forgets you can't just run hourly employees in and out all day on whimsy. It's still going to count against me for not being at work lol.

>>303925
I have a random guess they expect to keep you "on hook" - as if they're gonna threaten you here or there into doing something anti-OSHA or some other kind of "barely illegal" stuff.

>>303320
Point taken

>>303053
OP's here. I was crossing a small road today. And instead of a comfy walk, I was standing against a SUV that didn't seem to slow down today. I wasn't scared. I merely had a slight of that DO IT!!!1111 /dep/raved rage - which, however, didn't kick in.

I guess the SUV slowed down automatically due to its sensors, it's a modern one.

Oh and the driver had the nerve to just sit in his car for 20 seconds to memorize my face. Good. Time to shave.

>>303053
>performing poorly in school or work
that's 100% me

Being a murder victim could cause that disorder. Thanks for the info! Had issues with that for all of my life.

Fucking hate people who think they have the right to murder.
Fucking hate absurdity, always.

>>303912
oh, soma killa tried to whack me over a 35$ celly.

Good thing I had a knoife m8, they woulnt rob a elementary school boy, they would do some psycho stuff, good thing I had a knoife m8

>>303930
>most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics
I recognize the politics and internet arguments are kryptonite for assburgers. I'm trying to get myself permanently banned from 4chan in order to break the feedback loop of getting constantly datamined and baited. I fall for it every time.

>>303933
>I'm trying to get myself permanently banned from 4chan
Just stop using it

>>303934
Sometimes, a permanent solution to a problem is the only one that will work. It's either permabanned or rope for me.

>>303935
Deciding to not use it is a permanent solution. If anything it's more permanent than a ban because of how dynamic most IPs are these days.

>>303935
You can simply start lurking underground, non-mainstream GPTs like ChaosGPT and such


or straight up launch Gaia LLM on your pc

2 attempted ODs now and both times I bottled it and got hospitalised. Thank fuck my country's health care is dog shit so I wasn't sectioned and can try again when I nut up. I fear I never will and the suffering will continue indefinitely.

>>303725
Nothing. I dunno how a regular hanging would work, even if you grabbed it for a while, would you eventually tire and have to give up?
Anyway, that's how I failed the doorknob, I guess. I don't really remember what happened. I think I panicked as my consciousness faded and got out somehow. Maybe I jerked out or threw my hands up or something. I suppose the people who can do it are the ones really committed, who can go long enough to get to the point where it's too late to try and help yourself. Maybe I wasn't drunk enough.

That was a long time ago and good and bad things have happened to me since then. I don't think I would've missed out on much if I'd been successful, but I'm no longer in a place where I'm suffering enough to try again, even if I still think about it.

I have digitalis and amitriptyline, but here is the kicker: it's in form of injections. Do you think it would work if I ingest them?
Also, what should I take to knock myself out? I was thinking about taking a whole pack of benzoes and over the counter sleep aids.
It would work as a poor man's heart switch, but without morphine. I can't acess other drugs like that. Although, I have oxyotocine, but I dunno how it would interact with other drugs.
I was thinking about adding beta blockers to lower my blood pressure even further.

>>303921
>digitalis and amitriptyline
Don't its neutralize each other effects?

>>303931
Thank you for this image
*side walk*

>>303332
>even if you rationally don't believe in it anymore, just believe its in your self-interest to believe
i'm not a retard so i can't do this

I don't know what to do. I'm around 21 and I go to uni. I've been struggling with porn use and procrastination in general. I'm also not doing too good in uni. One thing is that I just don't have any friends at all for the past 2-3 years. I feel so sad, I just feel like I'm in a deep dark pit I can't get of. The porn use is the worst, I just can't seem to get over it. There was a period around 3 years ago where I was able to give it up for around 3 months but since then it's almost always stuck with me. It's not mastrubation that's the problem, but rather the porn usage, once I start watching it in the day I just can't stop. I don't know what to do at all. I think I would feel much less sadder if I was able to masturbate alone quickly rather than watching porn for hours. On every internet platform I use I'm always a lurker, I've never told people about my problems and I don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm losing myself to all this and I just don't know what to do. There's also the problem of money, I'm not rich, and due to money problems I have to bare some problems that would be solved if I had money. This is also a reason for the depression, and I'm not in a country where it's easy to earn money that is worth it in terms of the time that you spend earning it and that is in the scenario that you're able to find work in the first place which is already a tough scenario. I don't know why I'm typing all this here, maybe it's because this place has people similar to me. Rather than talking to me about how to solve my problems, it would be better if I was able to talk to just someone in general or someone who was able to get to a better place, I already know how to try to solve my problems, but I just can't bring myself to take these steps. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the internet, it's all just a host of things that have been festering inside my head for years, like a bad fridge you don't clean out. I don't exercise either because it is a bit inconvenient for me. I also have a very minor medical problem, but I'm pretty sure it would be solved or at least slightly allievated if I just had some money, that too just kind of depresses me. I don't know how to make progress, I don't know what to do.

>>303636
You sound like me 5-6 years ago when I started uni during the first wave of lockdowns. Was awesome at first, not leaving the house and playing games all day but soon I started exclusively living on the computer. Porn usage went up, just grinding games mindlessly without enjoyment etc. I still deal with porn addiction and procrastination and still haven't finished my degree yet. Similar to you I am somewhat socially isolated and have nobody to talk to about this in real life on a level that goes deeper than self deprecating jokes about "I hate my life I am useless lmao". You say you know what steps you need to take to solve your problems but be careful that you are actually treating the cause, not just the symptom. Porn addiction, like all addictions are often just a coping strategy for unmet emotional needs. Until you figure out what those are (what material do you usually jerk off to, what kinds of feelings are you trying to avoid when you boot up porn etc) you will be powerless to stop the addiction. I had to realize that my porn usage is as compulsive because I trained myself at a young age that my sexuality was a bad thing and that succubi don't want anything to do with it. So porn became the only outlet. Then as I got older and more isolated, other things got added like feeling loved, having someone else take control (especially when IRL you always feel like you're struggling just to survive) and so on. So now I can at least name the things that trigger the addiction and I can try to deal with those. Progress is slow and life goes on. If you are not a normal with a social circle, regular things will be much harder for you. Try to finish your degree if you think it's worth anything on the job market later, even if it takes you longer. I tried getting out of academia and into a job and always got rejected, likely because they just saw a failed student who was too old. So beware of that. Otherwise make up your mind and quit now if you can find an okay job that will bring you stability. But in my estimation, you need to do some deep emotional introspection before you start to act. Godspeed

>>303638
thank you for this

>>303638
earth is not a planet
that is a fake photograph

>>302723
Problem is, that's also "schizo"

bump

>>302696
Just one look at r/schizoid will tell you that a lot of them (mostly succubi and man-whores who sleep around though) are sex-havers. Being schizoid doesn't mean you don't procreate. Hell, some of them even have children of their own.
Anyway, psychiatry is a fake science and words don't have any meaning anymore.

>>302696
Sometimes I think i have AVPD (Avoidant personality disorder) but now, i dont know anymore.
Maybe it's just a anxiety problem or a anxiety disorder, you know the Avoidant part problems.
I dont think I have autism.
>Also
Sometimes i just feel out of place, like a alien lol.

Satan made solo life difficult; gotta defeat Satan to make it easy as can be.
God still needs to become God, via Satan's defeat, so you can have the two you need (yourself and God), once Satan is out of the picture.

Existence hasn't had a god or gods since always, and having God and gods would make it all it needs to be.
Omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence, would solve all problems and make it all easy for everyone and anyone, and for everything and anything.

This planet, and human society, forced a system of dependence, rather than of independence.

This planet doesn't really support independence at all.