/dep/ - Depression

If you suffer from depression you probably experienced people calling you lazy or trying to gotcha you by psychoanalyzing that you subconsciously enjoy being miserable and that's why you don't do anything. If you disagree then you will be called in denial or making excuses.

What do you think?

I think someone who is lazy evades responsibilities but will put in effort into the things they enjoy like going out with friends. But if you don't do anything, even let yourself go and can't even be bothered to do stuff others do for fun then to me that's clearly depression.

I feel a lot of regret and hate myself for letting myself go but then when I do think of trying to start doing something like cooking or exercise or reading it feels so difficult because I have almost no energy and don't feel satisfaction from achieving something. I thought I could find a way to bypass feelings and function on logic alone but I don't think it's possible because in the end we are biological beings and need to feel pleasure for motivation.

I'm locked in my room trying to figure out what the point of all this is? Why I was born if I wasn't given social gifts? Even asocial people hang out with other asocial people but I don't have anyone except for three old friends.

I jerk off frequently to relieve the sadness in my soul but that only feeds the emptiness more, I feel so helpless and misunderstood in this world, I would rather die but I dread the thought of pain so I pray to die in my sleep.

In the end this confession will remain here and no one will know who is the owner of these ideas.

Maybe they're right all along.
Whenever im forced to interact with normalfags, it feels like theyre finding me repulsive and looking at me in a sense of disgust or hate. that they sense that there has to be something truly wrong with me that i cannot sense or fully comprehend my self, it feels all the faults about my self that i already can see is confirmed by others, but there is something they sense more about me than my self. it feels all these people who mentally tormented me all these years were right, because they are all living their lives now surrounded by family and friends while im here left to rot in my own prison. theyve won and ive lost, but whenever i try to join their normalfag world just to stop taking so many L's in life, copy their mannerism and speak like them, it comes out as unnatural or forced and i end up feeling exhausted then isolating my self from society even more, because that would never work, they would still be able to see through me no matter what and they can all sense of how much of a loser I am. Whenever i share any of my interests or thoughts it feels like i am humilating my self.

>Dopamine deficiency has been linked to neurodegenerative conditions in the body. If you have symptoms of low dopamine levels, you might feel:
Anxious or moody
Depressed or hopeless
Forgetful
Indifferent about the things you used to enjoy
Unable to concentrate
Unable to sleep
Unmotivated
Uninterested in sex
Withdrawn
https://www.verywellmind.com/common-symptoms-of-low-dopamine-5120239
https://drjockers.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/SEROTONIN_SerotoninDopamine-min-1.png
>Dopamine and serotonin compete for expression in the brain, one tends to dominate over the other
>see also https://wizchan.org/wiz/res/211617.html#217192, high serotonin causes shyness and anxiety
>a high carb diet, IE typical western one for poorwizs, favors serotonin production

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>290006

When I was younger, around 20-25 years old, I was highly driven, motivated, outgoing, hopeful and physically fit. I had even graduated college. Then, the year I turned 26, I destroyed my right shoulder, left leg, totaled my car, dropped out of the trade school I was in, lost my job, became an alcoholic, and was THIS close to killing myself. Obviously I didn't since I'm posting here now at 29. I even went back to school and graduated for the trade and got the "dream job." Also stopped drinking 3 months ago.

However. since that year I haven't felt that happiness I once had. All of the things I had built up for myself were taken away all at once. I used to enjoy doing multiple martial arts, running, swimming, gaming, and learning new things. I just don't get the same enjoyment or excitement out of any of that stuff anymore. I don't know what to do any more. Do I just keep living even though I hate it? Just so I don't make my mother upset that I killed myself? It's just not good any more. Hasn't been for years.

In this thread, we shall discuss everything SSRi-related.

I've tried the following:

Fluvoxamine, Sertraline, and Fluoxteine are SSRIs.

SNRI's:

Desvenlafaxine Venlafaxine

I'm going to talk about each of them and how I feel about them.

Fluvoxamine:

The first two weeks on Fluvoxamine are complete torture; I'm anxious, tired, and have terrible focus due to anxiety and panic episodes.

Sertraline:

When I first started on Sertraline, I had no side effects, it was OK till it pooped out, but it truly works but it can screw with your motivation, plus the weight loss is fantastic on this medicine, I was 78 before taking it, and three months later I was 69-70.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm doing it sort of to enjoy life in the moment outside of my ADHD vices but now what, what to think about, what to fill the empty void with do I force myself to think and be creative or do I let my thoughts flow until I find something I can do but sometimes I find myself dozing off or have some sporadic serges in my thoughts that scare me or make me feel anxious or dreadful almost makes me think there are entities trapped in my thoughts trying to scare me or something. I'm trying to break free from my ADHD not just control it I want to reshape my entire personality to the desired outcome.

I have a very bad prose and poor way of writing so I will write simple sentences, "bullet points" to convey what I mean to say.
I have discovered that the 2 Cups Method truly does work. I believe in dimensional jumping, but not in reality shifting. I have calculated and meditated than under ANY religion, -even materialistic atheism- the best for me is to live 2 ,3 years at full intensity and then die.
I would be treated like a king, my rich relatives would gift me a lot of travels and stuff, my parents would give me early inheritance money. the future is super super grim, better to die happy. I want to choose a religion to devote the last of life to. If Im a great and ardent devotee + expiatory suffering and burning bad sins trough cancer\etc, I'll go to heaven and not h*.
I think my current religion (catholicism) is right, but maybe tibetan vajrayana, or Krsna Vedic path, are true.
please, give me valuable insight or advice.
>tl;dr I can give myself cancer trough magickal means. What do I do to burn family's cash on my fun + go to true religion's heaven after 2,3 years

Health - undiagnosed gastrological problems, lost half my weight, couldn't breathe normally for a year, NAFLD, IBS, schizoid personality, mixed anxiety-depression, all teeth dying, always in pain or unbearable agony or feeling like i'm dying, benzo addiction, exhaustion, inability to function, move, eat, work like a normal person, heart arrythmias, breathing problems, stomach pains, teeth pain, head pain, eyesight problems, heartburn, huge scoliosis etc. etc.

Money - after making a ton of money in crypto eventually I started losing it and giving money away due to depression and suicidal ideation, so after 2 years of psychiatry and therapy i went to the best psychiatric hospital where they scammed me out of 6 figures and said they can't help me. Rest went to physicians for normal health problems, nobody really helped, they misdiagnosed me and tried to treat non-existing conditions, spent a year going from doctor to doctor for my symptoms until i ran out of money, now i'm left with infinite tax debt. Dropped out of school at 18, can't work any normal job due to physical mental social problems and inability to do simplest things, not that anyone would hire me.

Social - my family is insane and insanely stupid, they don't care and won't do anything even if you writhe in pain in front of them, or start dying in front of them. I don't speak to them since years and I would do things to them I'd rather not write about. Never had my own room, and shared a PC with 2 forever unemployed mentally ill brothers till I was 20. Never had a chance to live or function like a normal person. Never had a single relationship, a friend, never felt love in any form for anyone in my family or otherwise. I am socially at a level of a 4 year old.

Oh, I also can't do basic chores and never learned how to function like a normal human being. And I lost all my hobbies and copes since there's no point. So why am I still here, you ask? No reason, apart from my cowardice. I first thought about suicide probably 12 years ago, drowning in my bathtub. But i quickly decided it was just a fantasy and I will do it via train. Nothing's changed, only available methods are brutal and scary and i'm the biggest coward you will ever meet in the universe. But, there is no choice. Suicide started as a comforting fantasy, then a choice, and then a necessity you beg for every day. I hope I manage to die today. There is no point in doing anything or thinking about anything or feelinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.