/dep/ - Depression

>>305927
My neighbours have harassed and talked shit about me and my mother for 3 years straight now too, God knows for long they've actually done it before I started to notice. They have great social standing so they effortlessly spread shit about me, basically turning me into an even more of a pariah.
You won't find any peace until you move out and take note of what made you gain those nicknames in the first place. If your new neighbours notice that you're lacking on one of the many developmental milestones like driving they'll begin to tease you and scalate until you give them a real reason to stop, being on your own emboldens them.
I'm sorry anon but if you can't move out your only options are violence or to endure, don't even try to reason or find out why they're still doing it, animals don't think like that.

NGHHHH IM NOT TAKING IT IM GONNA GET MY RVENGE

>>305953
BASEDBASEDBASED

>>305929
Call the police for harassment immediately. This is a real crime in almost every country you go to and I've seen people get killed over less. Don't hesitate. Pull out your phone, record the harassment and report it to the police or call them on the spot.

>>305932
>I was too autistic to realize it back then. Now I just try to get out of where I am quickly if I see them.
Same story. Once I started doing this, I couldn't believe I hadn't been doing this before. Felt like unlocking a new skill in a video game

My father is braindead who shits and pees all over and my mothers beats shit of him and hates us both lately she keeps saying we should have never been born funny enough she's the only one who give a fuck about us all other is vicious hyenas no one has any compassion for my mental health and this filthy feminist hellhole only cares about female suffering

>>303825
Nope. But I don't do it because my mom is pure evil and would probably use my death as an excuse to farm sympathy from her friends.

I don't care if they'd care but they probably would, though I'm not suicidal, my life isn't too bad right now

But yeah if I had to wage slave it'd probably kill me, wage slavery is unnatural, ideally I'd own my piece of land where I could grow crops and live off the land, it requires little effort

>>305579
>my parents never cared about me yet they will lie and say they do care that i'm gone. fucking evil

I … understand. My parents were kinda from the same field: they would provide me cool material stuff, yet the emotional side of the parenting was not too good.

>>305829
my parents idea of "parenting" was to constantly inflict these petty torments. I was just thinking the last day how unthinkable it is for me to want to hug my mom. I've long cut off all contact. my life was like a game of running away from gross people

>>305809
The first thing you must understand is that this world is far beneath righteous.
That the innocent suffer, the wicked prosper, and those who call themselves righteous cannot bring themselves to care.

The next thing is that you always have a choice. You can choose to forsake this world, you can choose to suffer in it, you can choose to despise it with all the passion in your soul.
Especially that the absence of a choice is a choice in and of itself.

No emotion is inflicted upon you. You choose to feel it. To accept it.
You can do as you like. Others may pass judgment, but they aren't you. You owe them nothing. Their opinions only matter as much as you let them.

I wish those like us didn't exist. That our sorry state could be culled from ever being. But we do. And all we can do is claim our wretched lives as our own. To be as long or as short, to be as numb or as painful, to be as revered or as reviled as we see fit. To claim as much agency as we can. To gain as much dominion as we possibly can. To spit in the very face of Fate itself.
We live in Spite! And we will live until Spite runs out!

>>305850
If the world didn't want me to be fat why did it make so many delicious things to eat, I'm vegetarian so I try not to make the world worse for other creatures

>>305847
>>305850

Thank you… I don't feel as bad bedrotting now. I remember bedrotting for most of 2019 to 2023. I began drawing recently and it seems to help just a bit. Maybe I should ride around town on the bus, going nowhere… like I used to in 2024.

Im not sad about anything, but im MAD… MAD AS FUCK

>>305951
How come? Don't leave me hanging lol

>>305937
The only cope we have is denial, whether that's belief in an afterlife or, what I do, just trying not to think about it. I probably won't die tomorrow anyway, right? That's how I sleep at night. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by worrying about death, no secret knowledge or esoteric wisdoms, only the endless abyss. Not that you just stop yourself from thinking about it when it's bothering you. Eventually the fear trained me not to look there anymore, so maybe it just takes time. Thankfully I'm pretty content with my life, but I figure severe pain is the one thing that would make me wish for death. I'd hope so at least. My wish is that, in our dying moments, we reach some kind of acceptance. I've seen people die though, and the only emotion I could sense was fear, so we probably aren't that lucky.

I believe life is limited and one-time only, then it is the afterlife forever. no re-rolls or extra time. Souls also go to an "appropiate" place depending on good and evil and you don't get to decide.

>>305937
a miracle going your way
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/PEb537ywgHM

The living should be concerned with what they know, which is life. Death we know nothing about. Logically it’s just a limit notation to mark the end points of what belongs to life. We don’t know death by itself but only for what it appears to be from the perspective of life, it’s not a concept of something specific for us but a concept of a brink of knowledge. If you’re materialistic then you come to the conclusion that you found but then again as a materialist then you lack the fantasy to think about the unimaginable.

>>305956
Life can be shared. But all the knowledge one gets from death, its private and kept to yourself. Maybe there is an afterlife, but you cannot share the truth about death with anyone. It's a deeply personal reality that you must experience for yourself.

>>305955

>Do you know how frustrating it feels when you have been trying something for a long time, someone else starts and they eclipse you in short order?
It feels terrible

I know exactly how you feel and I want to tell you, I was in the same spot but I learned quickly. I realized, very early on, that I can only succeed if I fix things on my own terms. Something in my mind just refuses to cooperate if I adhere to a 'correct standard' set by others, I must have total control over the medium I'm working with and I must be the one to set the architectural rules. Because when you're that independent and you play by other people's game, you'll always lose for being outside of it.

With gold prices at 5k per ounce, I have decided to take up prospecting for gold on public land as my alternative way to escape from wage slaving. Wish me luck.

>>305734
wanna buy a shovel?

>>305734
>>305738

10 years ago, goldwashing near Jamestown (CA) was still a thing (mentioned in some TV show on tourism)

so MAYBE some unemployed wizard from that area still has a chance to try and re-live that 1853 Gold Rush San Francisco vibe.

>>305724
How old are you? I've been unemployed now for 8 months now. All of my fear and stress is about working and having to get another job. I have no fear of a wasted life, I would be content spending the rest of my living playing video games in my moms home. Not much fear of death, mostly a fear of health problems. Some fear of hell.

>>305946
why are you afraid of a arbitrary system created to keep humans docile? you think there's any form of justice in a world where everyone spawns with different stats and disabilities while others spawn perfectly and go to heaven to play music with a bastard addicted to eating foreskins and who killed his own som as sacrifice to himself?

Wild how on here 6 years ago during a depressive episode I tried to kill myself through freezing myself to death. I drove up the mountain with two bottles of vodka. This was during covid lockdowns.

I had a change of heart and was terrified and praying to god as I was driving back down. As the road was that slippery and I was sliding all over the ice.

It's wild to think that if I crashed and got stuck I probably would've died. I purposely went with no mobile phone and was only wearing a shirt and shorts.

I posted about it the whole time on here hysterically and got laughed at as a troll/attention seeker/whatever. I wanted to die at the time and was in pretty deep depression and terror.

I'm older now, I still feel suicidal but it's more in a "one day" sort of way. I've had a few cycles of getting close and then freaking out at the last minute.

>>305916
>I tried to kill myself through freezing myself to death
Your body would start shivering out of control, it is a terrible way to die.
>I drove up the mountain with two bottles of vodka
Alcoholic coma sounds much more comfy.
>I purposely went with no mobile phone and was only wearing a shirt and shorts.
Scary.

>>305022
Is "Gunshot of head" like a basic handgun to the head?

>>305920
reminder to never EVER shoot yourself on forehead like media bastards show it will fuck your face but you will still be forced to live by normies

I have expired SN extored but afraid to do it asleep my brain is a piece of gargabe and I rarely sleep peacefully I think it would be better for me to do it while awake to avoid being stuck in the labyrinth of my mind

>>305877
This, trying to grasp the mannerisms and thoughts of a god using human intelligence is inherently paradoxical since humans will always be weighed down by their biological burdens and mortal limitations. If you were a good you wouldn't care about pleasure and suffering or any human notion for that matter.

>>305894
otoh think about how bad op feels. here he brought something he thought was enlightening thoughts and now he has to face my cynical responses.

ironically such responses were what killed me inside so i guess i'm just returning to the world what i received from it or whatever.

now i kinda feel like a bad person, guess i'll go ruminate or something

>>305874
You're essentially describing a gnostic position – that we are by origin gods wrongly bound into material shells by some lesser deceiving demiurgic deity. "ει θεος: you are a god" is one of the original pythagorean dicta cluing the young learner into the knowledge that he is a mortal god entrapped inside an aesthetic counter of true reality, or what we in modern language call a "simulation".

>So perhaps I would deliberately choose limitation and pain, not out of cruelty toward myself but out of a search for novelty and significance

You're attempting to form reason for the suffering of our human lives. I applaud that, as it is not easy nor in any way logically intuitive. For my own part I have no strong answer. Even the traditional four-way theological parting of – good god (theism), idle god (deism), no god (atheism), evil god (gnosticism) – seems explanatorily incomplete to me.

>would be to abandon omniscience, to step inside a fragile and limited perspective.

This is thematically similar to plato's dialogue "Meno" where knowledge is said to be latent (that is, "hiding") in our transmigrating souls but still susceptible of being teased out to its original fullness by a competent teacher. The pythagorean concept of metempsychosis also qualifies this notion of our lives being broken up intervals between which we are bound to make connective sense.

>In that state, eternity would blur into stillness. Without risk, loss, or change, pleasure would lose its meaning and collapse into a constant background noise. You would exist, but never move forward, never discover, never grow.

This reminds me of some character's answer in morrowind (a computer game about gnosticism fitted to a narrative stage of knights and medieval times) touching on the question of why Lorkhan (the elder scrolls' version of the demiurge) created material reality (tamriel) and his answer was something like “because he found the peacefulness of the aedric realm to be unexciting and dull”. This then graduates into the familiar problem of whether the demiurge himself is evil or not…and I think in original platonism the demiurge was never assigned a clear moral color of good or evil (which accounts for why plotinus attacked Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305874
>If I were living inside a virtual simulation as a kind of player inhabiting this world, I would start wondering whether the point of the simulation might actually be to experience suffering


The Great Filter Theory: there is something that kills life on every other planet save for ours, but not the universe.
We're *put* here into this uncozy simulation to see if The Great Filter lies somewhere in our lifetime.

So far, Stanislav Petrov is the only just-a-human hero credited as the literal saviour of the world

there are a couple of "ideas" like aliens, new age, simulation and so on which is just fake religion in disguise. I believe Seraphim Rose wrote a book about this

Delved deep tonight and found myself really seeing no point to living.
Suicide becomes reasonable.
Everything is utterly shallow and meaningless.
No relationship holds any value.
Looks are 99% and the last 1% "personality" is just a bit of noise that isn't all that different person to person.
Personality is worthless, every person is essentially the same on the inside. Maybe 20 different personalities max per gender.

>>305921
So you see no point in living n account of the fact that you're too ugly to get sex for free?

>>305923
I don't even think relationships would do anything.
We're all ending up like South Korea.
Everyone is going to chase having the same face and body, endless plastic surgery.
And it's all going to be the same couple of dozen "personalities".
People aren't any more unique than animals.

This is why the elite is coping so hard with occultism.
It's all a cope for how meaningless everything is.

>>305924
It is meaningless, yes. But who cares if it's meaningless? A meaningless world means a care free world to me, be who you want to be, or don't, its meaningless right?

I have a Discord server with 5 other accounts. All 5 are me. I've been talking to myself across these accounts for about 10 years and now the server has a million messages. Discussing things that have never happened. Enjoying friendships with people that don't exist. Sometimes I get up and walk around the house "talking" to them and "going places" and it's always a genuine shock when I realize, oh, no. It's just me here. I'm so lonely.

I hate my job. Jobs are a blessing in this economy but most of my coworkers despise me. It's because I'm "too quiet". I've had several people tell me I'm the quietest person they've ever met – that's a common thing for me. But I don't want to talk because I don't do anything. What is there to talk about? And I don't do anything because I don't want to. I hate this city, this state. I realize I've desperately insulated myself against reality all this time… I do the bare minium to get through it unscathed. I try not to absorb any outside information. I've been telling myself, "I'll live my life when [x] happens!" But is [x] ever gonna happen?

I'm 27 soon. The economy gets worse and worse. I have about $19,000 saved but apparently that won't last me any time at all in a nicer city. I'm so autistic that I can barely pass phone screenings when I do get them. It all comes back to money. I feel guilty that I ONLY have 19k saved despite living at home still. I guess I do pay rent and help with bills and buy groceries but I feel there should be more money??

I'm picking up art again… Having wrist pains because I lack an "ergonomic" setup. I don't want to spend more money to buy that. God damn it I have to start considering student loans too. Not too in debt but there is DEBT.

All over the place but I just needed to be sad for a bit. I don't have anyone to talk to. Nobody gives a shit. Why should they? I swear I try. I got a degree that I thought was solid (CS), I'm trying to "upskill" and get a cert because my current job isn't teaching me anything (I've been here for 2 years at this point). It just feels like I have to be Superman to get anywhere and it's so frustrating