/dep/ - Depression

>>307236
>magic is a weird one. i think it falls into the power fantasy category and it's ultimately a way of detachment. meditation and hypnosis, both strategies of detachment.
Meditation just relaxes you and can help you focus, although I’ve read that for some neurotic people with issues, it actually makes things worse. some advanced guys can get side psychological effects with psydodelia things.

Hypnosis can boost your self-esteem or teach you to recognize that certain thoughts are ultimately unnecessary and stupid, and can mess with your health if you dwell on them too much. There are also hypnosis techniques that relax you because they focus your attention and are similar to meditation
some advanded guys into this can do triggers or shift or usa visualization for special things

And magic or ceremonial magic is just a bias, although I read somewhere that ritualism and beliefs can help you cope with shit even if you’re just waiting for regression to the mean, have cognitive biases, or are just playing with placebos and faith.
Some genuinely believe they’re summoning occult forces, others believe in all that manifestation crap, and still others believe that all this stuff about magic, willpower, manifestation, and so on is just a shift in cognition and consciousness.
Some advanced guys say its just meditation and hypnosis and visualization and some psychodrama, hypnosis in a way.
Some CBT techniques are similar to some used in ritual magick, in a way all can be used as the same phenomena to cope and can be healthy if you're not prone to fantasies and bad delusions.

>>307236
> wish i liked myself
I like and dislike myself at the same time. I don't know why I need validation from others

>>307238
>Some advanced guys say its just meditation and hypnosis and visualization and some psychodrama, hypnosis in a way.
>Some CBT techniques are similar to some used in ritual magick, in a way all can be used as the same phenomena to cope and can be healthy if you're not prone to fantasies and bad delusions.
I'm general against fluffbunnies thing and wiccan crap but this succubi in general usa a lot of times psychological and in a way scientific and material jargon that's she know its works around placebos and ritualism so in a way have my respect bacause act more into post-modern chaoism than a lot of assholes channels.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNGp7zNrG2I
So, believe it or not, maybe Wiccan succubi and others anons sometimes use psychological techniques similar to meditation, hypnosis, and psychodrama just to change their behaviour and life the magic thinkin is just beliefs.

What's worse than being stuck in this misery alone is having a brother that you have to watch go down the same path as you and there's nothing you can do about it. Or maybe there is something that can be done but I'm too incapable to do whatever that is.

>>307223
When it's too sunny outside it makes me feel miserable.

how long before wizchan goes into the grave like hotwheels?

>>307164
Heroin overdose is one of my option. But I am so afraid that I am going to get raped and mugged.

Some old boomer doctor lied to the VA about my condition. Pushed the narrative that im lazy and dont want to work. They are trying to reduce my disability from 80% to 60% now and if it goes through i think thats it. Don't ever join theyll destroy your mind and body then rape you with the VA system after.

>>307191
that's one of the most unique ways to pass on, if only i got access to benzos otherwise i wouldn't hang myself

>>307215
How did you get it reduced? Did you try to aim for a higher percentage? I also have a 80%. Had it for about 4 years now. I heard online that if you try increase it and you fail they can potentially reduce it which is why I'm comfortable with 80%. My record shows it's also "Static" which pretty much means permanent. It sucks I still have to be a wagie, but being a NEET forever sounds depressing. Did that for 3 years and gained so much weight and was depressed and suicidal.

>>307173
I know that feel, im struggling with that too, but is it worth ending it over what other people think?
Really?
visualize yourself in the situation
Do you feel physical pain?
If no you can walk off the rest
At worst, get out of the situation if its that bad
Sure beats the hell out of dying in my opinion
>>307171
Understand it for physical pain, otherwise not so much
Yeah certain people live shitty lives
yeah your brain might be made to suffer alot more and feel it more then other people
But if you are dead you cant feel anything at all
Cant feel a good nights sleep and dreams
Cant feel having a cigarette
Cant feel Breathing air anymore

If I could be 4/10 buzzed for the rest of my life I would be. But I'm sick of hangovers and paranoia.

>>307102
Once you have that first drink it's impossible to stop. There is no 'responsible amount of drinking' for people like us. It's best to avoid it completely.

>>307199
That's exactly what big booze wants you to think.

>>307199

That's not true unless you have a physiological addiction to alcohol.

You can stop after a drink or even a couple. You just don't want to.

>>307214
It's chasing the dopamine dragon. And the more you drink the harder it is to tell you've had too much.

are you sure you're not just very horny? go see a doc

Unironically go read the limerence subreddit.

>>307217
>Unironically go read the limerence subreddit.
I've already done that, I have quite a few post from plebbit saved in my bowsers bookmarks that I usually read from that place and maybe can help me.
>Also
The only thing I know is that, in my case, it seems to have happened last year (with a lot of force than other times) because I was so anxious and had so many problems that I wanted to find an escape to ignore my problems even though I wasn't even aware of that shit, my body reacts on its own to any little thing about my LO.
In the end, I told my LO what was going on with me and explained, as best I could, that I wasn't in love or anything like that, I don’t think my LO understand a damn thing. Eventually, my LO removed me from their contacts, though I’m not sure yet (I don’t see their profile picture anymore) Sometimes I start ruminating, though I just realized it happens when I see or hear etc triggers related to my LO (music, things related to my LO, etc.) or prone fantasy love stuff, so I try to stay away from these topic.
I’m reading one of the books on hypnosis and cognitive-behavioral stuff from here, and it helps a little. I guess you have to practice some mental hygiene and try not to think so much.
In some PubMed articles on OCD and limerence, certain techniques from OCD treatment to stopping intrusive thoughts help reduce the issue of limerence a bit.

At least I’ve reached the point where I’ve become aware of this shit and of my LO things; I’ve stopped putting her on a pedestal of perfection and now see her as just another human being—though I don’t think she ever tried to show me her human side, and to me she was something perfect. Of course, that’s just my sick fucking mind, I suppose.
The last time it happened to me was when I was 12 and then again around 16. Since then, I’ve been managing it more or less without knowing what the hell it was, but last year it got really bad.
For a while, I thought there was something wrong with a gland or something in my brain; I even read something about the vagus nerve and the stellate ganglion, but I guess it didn't really get to the heart of what was actually wrong with me.

>>307206
>are you sure you're not just very horny? go see a doc
As I mentioned earlier, I used to think there was something wrong with my brain or some glands or something like that, but I got medical checkups and everything, and there was nothing wrong.
So in way is bacause of anxiety and other problems.
>Also
Right now, I don't have any more of those succubi-LO hardcore 24/7 and rent-free living in my head thoughts that pop into my head every once in a while—basically, she've stopped existing for me (although, as I said, those triggers could still screw me over one day)
I don't know if this shit will start again, but I try not to get involved in romantic or flirty stuff, and I also try to keep my anxiety in check in case it spikes and my body starts looking for something new LO-succubus to obsess over and get carried away with stupid fantasies or too nerveous behaviour
I mean, it's not even like my LO are some fucking supermodels or they have a lot of sex appeal or something, thing just happen.
It's not like other people think like “Damn, I get why he's obsessed” but Its not like i let myself get carried away by obsessions like those crazy people in shity hollywood films, this shit makes feel miserable in general.
>Also
If you want to hear a story, yesterday at college a succubi was nice to me and shared something (what? food) with me, and it gave me a bit of anxiety because of this, I realized she was being nice only because I’d been nice to her first. It’s stupid, but I tried to be polite and aloof at the same time, even though I don’t want to lose what little friendship I might be able to build things like this in some way can turn me paranoid in social situation sometimes.
However, nothing has happened for months bacause i read a lot of crap around this thing of limerence and OCD
Although I think I'm actually happy about this because I feel like I'm gaining some self-control and awareness through all this crap.

>>307012
that makes you brothers doesn't it?

>>307018
I'm schizophrenic not lobotomised

>>306971
>It's hit or miss. It can be extremely terrible or whitepilling.
From your description it seems like I hit the nail on your head. I am not American, I am also based in the European Union. I sometimes buy this fancy Dutch milk at the grocery store, freaking delicious.
>>306973
>If you see navigating the process as some arduous thing and are constantly fretting about psychiatry and meds, you probably are genuinely mentally ill
I think I am being reasonable, they simply replaced the restraints with tranquilisers and keep the worst of the abuse limited to the involuntary committed. It seems absurd to me to voluntarily look for medical help when you are having serious suicidal thoughts.

after being in and out of the hospital for years they set me up with outpatient treatment 5 days a week. i dont really like the group therapy

>>306974
I hope you are being sarcastic.
>>306978
Psychotherapy is as good as a placebo pill. If you want to talk about your issues you are better off trying any online forum or chat.

go-getter wizards that have a dream career and are eyeing that promotion

>>307186
I didn't think people would mind seeing as that's what most of this thread is. I always thought it was pretty interesting reading about what goes on in the lives of other wizards like the guy washing dishes. Of course questions like "What's it like working as _" are good too.

back to office… remote work ended

>>303790
Update: I quit that job. A co worker was stabbed and I decided I'm not risking that. It's literally slightly over min wage which doesn't amount to anything given the stress involved. It's also either extremely boring or extremely stressful. Sometimes I have to stand for 3 hours + straight in the same area directing customers who either don't listen or don't even speak the native languages of my country. Every 10 minutes feels like an hour. When it's not boring is when I'm forced to follow a thief in the store and note down what they're stealing so we can build a case on them, the issue is I'm in uniform so they notice me and often want to fight me. I don't even have a flashlight, and we have "stab" proof vests from Temu that my boss showed me he could poke a hole through with a pen if he stabbed hard enough. He calls himself the John Wick of "company name". I'm out, not sure what I'll do next as it's so hard to find work

>>307224
good call, even if the problem isn't some crackhead attempting to maim you because you caught him stealing a piece of gum, the boredom will. no joke

>Every 10 minutes feels like an hour.

no joke, this would drive you to insanity or at least it has been with me, to the point i just fantasize slitting my throat in front of the workplace or for your case, your local hobo would lovingly do it for you.

hope you find a new job sooner or later wizard

>>307202
>19 is a good age to end it tbh
>life IS truly horrible and depressing
>that type of gaslighting just prolonges peoples suffering
Then I think it would be best if you doused yourself in gasoline and ignited yourself in front of your parents. It's fine, they'll understand, what with life being objectively horrible and depressing.

>>307203
>he was only 19 you sick fuck!! practically a baby!! they know nuffin about life!!

and yet you can join the military and go to war at that age. for all means and purposes, the world considers you an adult at that point. some people don't want to admit it, but your life could already be over at 20. it's not like you're going to suddenly learn some new magic information that changes everything. life could only get worse as your body and mind deteriorate. it's the beginning of the end and it's a good age to decide to opt out.

crawl…

>>307193
This board simply isn't for people who still want to get better. If you still want to recover you probably just have mild depression.

>>307201
Who fucking cares? So what if someone dies at 19 or 80? Why is it a problem either way?

>>307089
>Wish I had the courage to do that.

i like going to cities i have never been to and sleep in my van. it does take some courage and at times it is unsettling and feels dangerous but in rural areas nobody cares and few people are a bother.

>>307179

one more thing i thought of: when i first did it and it felt very scary to me, i would watch dragon ball from the beginning and it would give me courage. seeing son goku never giving up, working on himself, always getting better while remaining pure of heart helped me fall asleep at night.

it sounds ridiculous but it did work.

It's a sign of depression or just bad mental health. Cutting people off is easy, but just makes things worse. It's hard to find people to connect with though

>>306442
>being an animal is annoying
I hate this view of reality, human beings are very different from animals.
>>306462
>people getting worked up about literally nothing and expecting, demanding you to care
I hate this so much, if you show you don't care, they get worked up even harder.
>>306498
>medieval history
Sounds very interesting. Last time I read history was the life of Augustus in Suetonius' 12 Emperors.
>>306875
I wish I could hang myself in the woods, but i'll have to do it at home.

>I even hate my own body for forcing me to eat and wash in order to not completely dysfunction.
This is why you can't protect your solitude.

One can only achieve exile if one can make themselves ugly and stinky. This is why monks shave their heads and wear rags. As long as you care about your appearance and hygiene someone will always care.

If you want to be a hermit even within society, just stop showering and people will leave you alone.

>>306545
i have been banned!

>>306545
It's a fucking addiction and I hate it. It destroyed everything in my life and takes me many hours of my days only to after masturbated 3 times one after other, I feel destroyed and without energy. Many times I wish to suicide myself in that state after masturbate for the low level of energy that I had. Wish the best of luck to everyone trying to left this evilness.

>>307001
Just stop fapping.

I used to be a pretty hardcore junkie, now cigarettes and fapping are my only vices
truth be told, i was mostly jerking off on stimulants, apart from getting high on weed
Stopped because it was destroying my body fast
Cant beat the libido, gotta live with it
>>306880
its hard, but its always something
for me its anime and vidya again now
some people are just easy to get addicted
>>306548
if i can offer you some kind of relief, I was fapping sometimes for days at a time on drugs till my member was red and hurt and i did that often
Everything still works
If you are just jerking off, I think it is highly unlikely you are doing any permanent harm
likely the fear of consequences is damaging you more then the actual fapping
good look anon, im sure youll be able to moderate yourself

i got into trading & finance and it pretty much replaced my addiction
also my taste defaulted back to vanilla

If you're ever able to stand on your own two feet, you'll come to realize that at least the fact that nobody cares about you is freeing, sad but freeing.

>>307156
In his case how is this thought going to help him?

>>305809
>>307152
I have nothing to say to you brother but I feel the same. I relate to this on a deeper level.

hey iam 1.83m and i will get height surgery to make it 1.95m you should KYS now it's over for you

>>305809
>I am 23 years old. You might say that is young. But I have lost the most important years of my growth and development.
yes, but don't worry, that is all still too little compared to the future