/dep/ - Depression

>>305848
I don't want to go on a super long rant, but yeah I do envy people who have energy and focus to dedicate to something. Even the NEETs here.
When I was NEET for a decade I didn't do anything.
Now I can't even bother watching anime, I lose focus, it feels like effort. I have a lot of stuff I bought and it's collecting dust. (Hobby tools etc.)

Do you sleep well?
I'm going to get checked for sleep apnea once every other ailment I have is fixed.
I'm 99.99% convinced that is it. I have low blood oxygen and heart rate during sleep. My mother once recorded me and it sounds like I'm suffocating/dying even with mouth open.
Sleep apnea is basically a surefire way to get "anhedonia" which people claim here often.
Acid reflux is also a symptom.

Idk how reliable my numbers are, but my galaxy fit3 shows that I often hit sub90% blood oxygen, sometimes 80% and heart rate goes down to low 40s or 40 (it bottoms out at that).
Often have low HR and blood oxygen with a finger clip thing too.

So TL;DR I think you might be onto something with the oxygen thing.
For what it's worth I was born 1 month premature and also C-section. I have no input on the bacteria thing.

>>305849
>I have a lot of stuff I bought and it's collecting dust. (Hobby tools etc.)
I know that feel very well, wizbro. Hard drives, graphic card, tons of Steam games and terabytes of media. But they're just sitting there.

>Do you sleep well?
I'm not sure. There are rare days where I do wake up feeling rested, but I don't know if it was a good night of sleep or something else I did/took. I've caught myself sometimes waking up with my mouth open or dry mouth, but also I never use a pillow.

>I'm 99.99% convinced that is it. I have low blood oxygen and heart rate during sleep. My mother once recorded me and it sounds like I'm suffocating/dying even with mouth open.
>Sleep apnea is basically a surefire way to get "anhedonia" which people claim here often.
Interesting, my dad has sleep apnea but the oddest thing here is he too has so much higher energy levels than me, difference is he eats whatever and whenever he wants, he also has the ability to fall asleep when he wants. Zero insomnia ever. This has more to do with a proper circadian rhythm and sympathetic/parasympathetic and GABAergic system. I'm always anxious.

>Acid reflux is also a symptom.
I only get this when I go overboard with well-known reflux inducers like lemon juice and black pepper or parsley, these are strong bile and digestion(stomach acid) stimulators.

>Idk how reliable my numbers are
Yeah I'd honestly not trust those things, not that they have no purpose but more like they're only useful in hospital settings, for something that just "feels wrong" but you can't quite put your finger on I don't think they help. I remember reading for example during the covid days about the existence of "methemoglobinemia", "hemolysis" and "silent hypoxia" all giving false oximeter readings. I recommend you look up those terms someday.

>with the oxygen thing.
Think of your stomach as a sealed vs open bag of rotting food. They'll develop very different bacterial profiles. What happens when people die, what is the thing that bloats first? The stomach, we're meant to have a constant supply of oxygen. Now think of your cells, your mitochondrPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305848
>>305849
>>305856
It's inexplicable to me how you manage to make such long detailed posts about your personal condition displaying a high level of self reflection more than 98% of normalfags would be capable of yet at the same time complain about tiredness and anhedonic and or depressive symptoms as of you didn't have the drive and energy to do anything which in sum imho hints at the fact that it's much more of a channeling or filtering issue regarding where and how you spend your available energies more than anything else.

>>305857
>yet at the same time complain about tiredness and anhedonic and or depressive symptoms as of you didn't have the drive and energy to do anything which in sum imho hints at the fact that it's much more of a channeling or filtering issue regarding where and how you spend your available energies more than anything else.
You're assuming that I learned or concluded all of this overnight. Firstly if I've learned anything from life, in general, it's that you and me are almost certainly going to be wrong about our takes. That fact is what keeps me digging for answers so I try learning as much as possible, revisiting ideas and just ruminating in general. Secondly
>more than 98% of normalfags would be capable of yet
I mean if your life has gone mostly smoothly, why the fuck would you even care about self reflection? For a loser like myself, it becomes second nature. Think and think and think and think. "Why did this happen? Could it have been avoided?" but repeated over decades. Thirdly I'm in a positive mood right now, I took a 2 week caffeine break that I decided to end today.

>regarding where and how you spend your available energies more than anything else.
Well I know my life story, the same pattern has repeated over it. I bite more than I can chew basically, during college the first and second time I dropped out, first and second job before getting fired, the time I tried learning a new language (twice), the time I set up my desk to start drawing with a tablet and all that I never ever once bothered to use. And more. In between those failed projects I often took long rest periods, months, years even where years felt like days with brainfog, each time things went smoothly at first but I couldn't ever keep up. I really, REALLY wanted things to work out but alas here we are, falling asleep on my desk, or the jobsite despite my best efforts, it's not like I was spending my time back then making long posts about disease and life-success theories… I have little recollection of time between 2005-2008, 2011-2014, 2016-2018 and now 2022-2024. When you know you are alone, have no possibility of having a social circle or network to help you grow, learn and share and also learned that you can't stick to solo hobbies (which as I said I'm jelly of so Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305848
>HOLY FUCK AM I SO INCREDIBLY T. I. R. E. D
relatable
>I suspect strongly that I have really fucking bad biofilms in my stomach due to shitty genetics as everyone in my mothers family suffered from either "depression" or straight up killed themselves or got cancer. Signs of a weak immune system, me thinks.

Also relatable. I wake up every morning and my stomach hurts and I have awful yellow diarrhea. My skin is also paper thin. I assume it has something to do with some sort of gut flora disruption.

My teeth are also shit despite me brushing after every time I eat and doing regular flossing.

>>305809
Without specifics I can't give much either.
I had some horrible things happen, I was also basically anorexic at the time, too weak to fight back, not equipped for what was to come… whatever.
>What did I do to deserve this fate?
Nothing. I hate this so much, but I relate to blaming the self. Culture and everyone around you tells you it's your fault, endless championing of the self, ego of people that don't realize how much they have.

Sometimes I post whole rants here with a pic of a galton board. That's my take on life and to an extent, free will. You are just one of those steel balls, some fall to the side, lower odds, some to the middle. Are any of those on the margins to blame? Are they deserving of praise?

Don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. You did EXACTLY as much as you were capable to the best of your abilities at the time. All that was given to you are genetics and an environment that your genetic "gifts", your biology that it is forced to respond and adapt to.
Again, is the steel ball at fault that it hit the wrong wood peg? Did the steel ball decide its trajectory?

>I can pretend to be happy in moments of fantasy, but my baseline is always depression because I have been robbed so completely.
I'm the same with all emotions except anger/sadness/despair, those come naturally. The rest I only really feel if I daydream of being someone else.
I relate to your post.

>I am 23 years old.
I'm 30 in a few months. You can't undo anything, you can't reclaim the past. Accept what you are and try if you care and are able. Expectations need to lowered. Dreams need to be let go if you had any. It's fine.
It's either that or letting things get worse.
So how will your steel ball react to this peg? Fall into further despair or find some inexplicable sense of motivation and like some movie montage you pick yourself up by your bootstraps?

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305809
The first thing you must understand is that this world is far beneath righteous.
That the innocent suffer, the wicked prosper, and those who call themselves righteous cannot bring themselves to care.

The next thing is that you always have a choice. You can choose to forsake this world, you can choose to suffer in it, you can choose to despise it with all the passion in your soul.
Especially that the absence of a choice is a choice in and of itself.

No emotion is inflicted upon you. You choose to feel it. To accept it.
You can do as you like. Others may pass judgment, but they aren't you. You owe them nothing. Their opinions only matter as much as you let them.

I wish those like us didn't exist. That our sorry state could be culled from ever being. But we do. And all we can do is claim our wretched lives as our own. To be as long or as short, to be as numb or as painful, to be as revered or as reviled as we see fit. To claim as much agency as we can. To gain as much dominion as we possibly can. To spit in the very face of Fate itself.
We live in Spite! And we will live until Spite runs out!

>>305850
If the world didn't want me to be fat why did it make so many delicious things to eat, I'm vegetarian so I try not to make the world worse for other creatures

>>305847
>>305850

Thank you… I don't feel as bad bedrotting now. I remember bedrotting for most of 2019 to 2023. I began drawing recently and it seems to help just a bit. Maybe I should ride around town on the bus, going nowhere… like I used to in 2024.

You will probably live longer if you don't get treatment

>I won't dwell too long on the clinical descriptions -I don't fully get much of it either, still- I got diagnosed "early enough" >will start treatment very very soon but was given a prognosis of 1-2 years ,some wiggle room - or +

Legacy videos? Oxidative? What?
Sounds like trolling to me.

I would use your diagnosis to access palliative care and assisted dying

>I just need advice on things like; legacy videos (don't dvds\ electronics just rot after a while too, due to some oxidative thing?) ,managing Estate Sale whilst alive, any legal shenanigans, to which point to insist on spending time with relatives outside immediate family, etc

IDK ok? I think you pretty much should sell yer house (ASSOMING you're a wizard) and start coach surfing among your relatives filming videos and road trip stuff. And a YT channel maybe.

I am dying too. I am completely miserable and terrified. There is no point, whatever you do you are forced to confront this fear one day. Unless you are one of those strong people who can die or ctb just like that.

>>305834
In STEM majors they typically graduate around age 23–24. That's where I was going.

>>305851
Regardless of the qualification going into lifelong debt is not smart

>>305852
>lifelong
Not really, though.

>>305854
Well, maybe you're just not very smart

>>305855
Enlighten me how studying STEM gets you in a lifelong debt?

>>305824
Murder Drones cartoon
Pomni!
Amazing Digital Circus



Endfield and Arknights, Genshin Impact, Honkai Impact, Honkai Starrail

Oh! Come to think of it, try making lAInvideos with Nano Banana!

>>305713
>Why would you be surprised?

Because 1 hour of texting could be communicated with a 3 minute phone call. I remember some kids would sit there texting from home while the house phone was right next to them.

It was $20 for 500 texts per month back then, and people were burning through them by week 2.

>>305824
It's actually based as shit the corporate sleaze of collectables is dying off. 80s cartoons were glorified toy commercials and our boomer parents were rightly disgusted at the level of brainwashing they achieved over kids. They didn't understand Yugioh or Pokemon entirely, but they had an intuition as to how cynical it all was paying $30 for a deck (that's like $60 in today's money). They begrudgingly used to go along with it.

I remember there was some viciousness and nastiness at school behind it all too. Wealth differences, which were minimal or unnoticed for kids, became exacerbated in a mean fashion when some kids had parents that could dump hundreds into the hobby while others didn't. There was lots of stealing, fights, accusing others of having "fake" cards.

Don't other millennials find it pathetic how much of our nostalgia is tied up to actual corporate products and toy commercials? At least when the boomers were playing cowboys and indians on the playground, it wasn't drafted up in some Hasbro office as a way to fleece money off their parents.

>>305722
My opinion is, our generation should not have been "wired" SO CARELESSLY

>>305826
Yup! Grandpa Joe always could've brought a 3$ "tommy gun" toy to the party XD

>>305661
Yep. Just like faggot op and his obsession with lain, which is one of the many popular "aesthetics" among tiktok teenagers.

Alright, Silly Bean, time to shake off those mental stalkers and *actually* make some moves! Here's your mission, should you choose to accept it. This isn't just about "wooing a gal," it's about reclaiming your life and kicking those inner demons to the curb. Consider this your "Operation: Get Out of Your Head and Into the World" checklist.

Phase 1: Clear the Runway (Mental Prep)

* [ ] Acknowledge the Stalkers: They're there, you know it. But they DO NOT control you. Write down their "greatest hits" – the negative thoughts, the fears, the doubts. Then, next to each, write a *counter-statement* – a positive, empowering truth. (e.g., "I'm not worthy" becomes "I am worthy of connection and happiness.")
* [ ] Therapy (Highly Recommended): Seriously. Talking to a professional about your anxieties, insecurities, and those relentless mental stalkers can be a game-changer. Find a therapist you click with. This is your secret weapon.
* [ ] Daily Mindfulness/Meditation: Even 5 minutes a day of focused breathing or meditation. This trains your brain to be present and to *observe* your thoughts without getting swallowed by them.
* [ ] Identify Your Value: What are you *good* at? What are you *passionate* about? What qualities do you bring to the table? Make a list. Remind yourself *why* someone would want to be around you.
* [ ] Self-Compassion Practice: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Make mistakes? That's okay. Don't beat yourself up.
* [ ] Reframe "Stalkers" as "Negative Self-Talk": This helps you to take control.

Phase 2: Build Your Foundation (Self-Improvement)

* [ ] Physical Health: Exercise regularly (even just walks!). Eat relatively healthy. Get enough sleep. This makes a HUGE difference in your mood and confidence.
* [ ] Social Skills Refresher: Read books, watch videos, or attend workshops on building relationships and conversation skills. Practice makes perfect.
* [ ] New Hobbies & Interests: Find things you genuinely *enjoy*. This makes you a more interesting person and provides opportunities to meet others who share your passions.
* [ ] Dress for Success (Or, at Least, "Not Sloth" Mode): Start paying attention to your appearance. Not to impress others, but to feel good about yourself. Clean clothes, a decent haircut… it can make a difference.
* [ ] Clear Social Media (Optional, but Might Help): Clean uPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305781
>start recording me whenever I react

Use very high-pitched Hz sound that interferes with microphones yet cannot be caught by human ear. I thing there is a device for that.

>a recording of me
AIslop
Your defence line? As a wizard who prolly needs a lawyer over "defamation" at this point? AIslop may be one of the defence lines.

There is a site to slap a Sоrа АІ watermark on a vid.

Bonus points if you add a little АІ filter.

>>305781
Also, check if your given name or surname or both *sound* Jewish and if you have *some* facial features of a Jewish person - say, an Ashkenaz jolly fella. Might be a literal case of anti… well, you know.

>>305781
Sorry you're going trough this, my friendu. I've never been dogpiled or gang-stalked to that extent, but I'd strongly suggest you look into some professional psych help for this kind of situation.

> Back when I was dealt with bullying and some light stalking in school, it was all start by a "friend". I knew his whole family, his issues, his insecurities - and more importantly, his address and bank info. Since I was younger, I didn't know how to ask for help or get even. Honestly, I don't even care anymore, not looking for revenge or anything like that. That scumbag is a total junkie now and is about to get clip*ed by a dealer anyway, lol.

>>305843
Not lie: If I wanted to, I could scrape all ther data online - social midia, pics, inner circle, phone numbers, addresses, banking info - and dup it all on a dark forum. People play good money for that kind of doxx. I could even use AI to cook up some deep fakes to wreck their reputations. I'd start a burner page targeting the top studentes at my high-school and let them spread the word about the absolute filth these people do around town. Of course, I'd have to be smart about it and cover my tracks, 'cause this isn't just fake - it's life-ruining territory – I once wrote this topic in my diary. Hate makes u want to do horrible things. But putting human trash in ther place feels like a full time job.

> Just my story, though. I'm not inciting anything. Like I said: get some professional help. Stay safe out there.

>>305576
Let's just have a laff how both have outlasted krautchan

>>305576
not much curious about it. lainchan users really are fucked up in the head and sure as hell their approach to life is often unwizardly.

>>305314
"You are very smart for your age!"

I remember a teacher telling me this once when I was 15. I still sob whehn I think about it.

>>305590
kek wizbro same story. academically i was one of the most successful students in the history of my school. look where it got me. haven't even a job

>>305576
Lainchan.org has been down two times so maybe you'll get to laugh pretty soon.

I feel like how in nature there are higher organisms like mammals and birds who survive by using oxygen to metabolise nutrients and there are lower organisms like bacteria, fungi and parasites who survive by fermentation, there are people who actually live and others like me who can only "live" which means slowly rotting and fermenting, I will die soon there is nothing left I want to do

Sorry for blogposting. I've been unemployed for 4 months now and my constant fear and stress about work has turned into fear of death and regret about wasted life. I'll have to return to work before summer. Days are passing like hours.

With gold prices at 5k per ounce, I have decided to take up prospecting for gold on public land as my alternative way to escape from wage slaving. Wish me luck.

>>305734
wanna buy a shovel?

>>305734
>>305738

10 years ago, goldwashing near Jamestown (CA) was still a thing (mentioned in some TV show on tourism)

so MAYBE some unemployed wizard from that area still has a chance to try and re-live that 1853 Gold Rush San Francisco vibe.

>>305579
most of us are human pets

My father is braindead who shits and pees all over and my mothers beats shit of him and hates us both lately she keeps saying we should have never been born funny enough she's the only one who give a fuck about us all other is vicious hyenas no one has any compassion for my mental health and this filthy feminist hellhole only cares about female suffering

>>303825
Nope. But I don't do it because my mom is pure evil and would probably use my death as an excuse to farm sympathy from her friends.

I don't care if they'd care but they probably would, though I'm not suicidal, my life isn't too bad right now

But yeah if I had to wage slave it'd probably kill me, wage slavery is unnatural, ideally I'd own my piece of land where I could grow crops and live off the land, it requires little effort

>>305579
>my parents never cared about me yet they will lie and say they do care that i'm gone. fucking evil

I … understand. My parents were kinda from the same field: they would provide me cool material stuff, yet the emotional side of the parenting was not too good.

>>305406
Cooked peas, beans, sorghum, sweet potatoes, are also good alternatives to traditional carbohydrate-heavy prepared pastas.

>>305758
>wizard doesnt know these are also carb heavy

Not really. You can make pasta using pork rinds, bake them gently and cut them up.

>>305763
the point is that these options are not prepared pasta types continent of wheat or arsenic-laden rice. carbohydrate-dense repasts set together from non-wheaten non-rice sources are fine but not always easy to identify or make…and in any case the eating of pig or the skin of a pig is never healthy.

binge drinking recently broke me out of a pretty bad depressive episode.

>>305763
AFAIK, "carb heavy" foods differ in terms of digestion speed though.