/dep/ - Depression

>>311148
India.

I still remember how much I fucking loved the Rebellion movie, or whatever the last Madoka movie that came out around 2012-2013 was. I was so excited about the not-yet officially announced sequel. Here we are a decade and half after, and I couldn't care less even though I kind of do. I don't know, Homura represents something I'm not sure yet what… resilience? insanity through life breaking you? will to live? it cannot be pure dumb yuri, no… Anyway all I want right now is the deep sleep because there was never a Madoka, either as a person or as an idea, in my life.

Don't you dare spoiling me!

>>311110
I do the same. I'm trying to gaslight myself into suicide because I don't want to live anymore but my fear of death is too high.

>>311162
As a matter of Fact, I have even taken to extensively studying the Monarch Programming methodology to use (upon myself).

December is already so close again… I feel like this time I may be able to get the needed courage to ingest sodium nitrite, or maybe not. Let's see.

>>311147
>>311171
Asking for your opinion: the other day I went to the supermarket and when going to get the shopping cart I overheard two 40-50 years old guys that I would describe as white trash, dumb, poor, insensitive, talking in a alcohol fuelled loud and self confident voice. However they were talking about a place where there are supposed to be hot succubi that would do everything you can imagine. It was just a short incident but after that I asked myself that despite them being asocial and blunt whatever they were talking about may be better than living with porn for over almost two decades. Better in terms of it's at least a real person and nut that damaging to your brain. Similar as to when people went to strip bars in the past. Maybe that's less harmful to your brain compared to watching porn alone at home. I'm not saying I want to do this, delete the post if I'm breaking a rule here. The question is simply what would be healthier for the brain and why don't we choose the healthy option if we would have to choose in the first place. Both is bad for you but it might be that porn is even worse however I'm not sure.

Goddamn the only way to get myself to do the "right" thing and get disciplined is to constantly exert high effort and meta-alertness throughout the day. The moment I relax and let my mind do what it wants it immediately rush into self-destructive activities. Even resting properly requires mindfulness.

>>311206
>prostitutes
Wizchan 2026.
Anyway, I will tell you what I think.
And I think working succubi can't just replace porn forever. If that was the case, sex-having, married normalfags wouldn't be on nofap forums begging for advice because of cooming habit ruining his family and his pepeee doesn't work without porn.
What if you want to coom but have no money/prostitute is busy, etc? You will cooom the same old fashioned soul-rotting way because it is readily available. Much more so that any hooker.
It's like replacing heroin with crack hoping to be clean except that crack is free and you can get it any time.

>it happened again

>>311206
>whatever they were talking about may be better than living with porn for over almost two decades.
>Better in terms of it's at least a real person and nut that damaging to your brain.
I don't think them being a real person and actually nutting is intrinsically better for your brain. The problem with porn, at least from all I've learned and experienced, is not so much the porn itself as the literally click-away-distance and endless novelty it can provide. The reason this is bad for your brain is because the monke-brain seems to have no brakes when it comes to the prospect of reproduction, so as I've said you're pretty much keeping the gas pedal floored for hours, days, weeks, months even. And each time you always chase a higher high. With brothels and such, distance, money and males refractory period itself act as natural brakes. Once you're done you're done. I'm pretty sure, sex addiction via prostitutes is a relatively common normalfag issue, why do I think this? Because rich people will go through insane lengths to fund and transport their own personal harems, make no doubt their brains are suffering from similar long-term deleterious effects.

>and why don't we choose the healthy option if we would have to choose in the first place.
When I was a teenager or rather a kid, because I was fuck ugly and socially isolated. Later as life improved a bit I was still too stressed and mentally damaged to care. Even later OCD took hold and the idea of indirectly getting contaminated was too strong to ignore even hypothetically. I'm old now and my current reason is that succubi are spiritual DDT, Anthrax, radioactive poison. They're too Material, Earthly (ironic considering the "divine feminine" psyop some peddled not long ago), common, vain. It's always men who reach for Heavens, the Immaterial. They're just not good for the average man psyche, they may be for some under some limited circumstances, but for the vast majority of men I think a fair adjective for them is "Parasites" "Spiritual Black Hole" "Bottomless Energy and Time Sink".

Most normalfags, and I mean truly seasoned normalfag males tend to resent succubi. Most cultures throughout the world and history also resented succubi. I Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>311210
I've noticed the same thing, the moment 'you stop watching your mind' is when things fall apart. Life requires serious effort. I still have this feeling everything could be a lot easier and comfy though.

>>311175
i feel the same way sometimes. i hope you get better

>>311176
thank you wizzie, hope you too

killing yourself can be difficult

>>311141
suicide is not an escape
you'll only respawn back in to the day of your birth and it'll all repeat beat for beat to the very day of your suicide
the only escape from the cycle and release from the prison is repentance and hoping for God's forgiveness

>>311268
It’s an interesting idea, but it doesn’t make sense logically. I would enter an infinite loop of committing suicide, never changing because, as you said, the events would repeat beat for beat. Why would god do such a useless thing?

>>311127
>Regards, a person who composured his way from a conversation with some liquor-scented old succubus tonight.

You didn't need to "composure" your way out of that conversation. You could have just told her she reeks like alcohol and that you don't want to converse with her. You're an adult, after all.

>>310999
I've experienced the same frustration, if you don't like me why don't you just fuck off?
Only breaking off contact and living alone helped.

>>310999
they're banking on you letting your guard down and gathering compromising info to leverage against you at a later point

>>310999
People do that for the same reason a phycho doesn't murder someone in broad daylight with a bunch of witnesses. Unless they're a masochist and like getting caught, or wish to forward some kind of inhumane purview.

People have a public image. They like to keep it consistent under the light of scrutiny, then unveil their true colors under the cover of darkness.

I'm sorry this has happened to you so consitently. Sometimes people suck. But remember that if they are shoving all this hate onto you and acting all hypocritical, they probably feel insecure about themselves. Don't take them too seriously. Rather, fee bad for them that they would willingly choose to act like a spoiled elementary school bully.

>>310999
That reminds me of normgroid scum who were shittalking me constantly but sometimes pretended to be bros with me for the sake of wicked fun. It's a perverse technique they use, this sudden fake niceness. If you believe them, they mock and humiliate you. If you don't believe them, they will use your negative reaction as a reason to mock you as well, something like "I was being nice to you, you piece of shit, how dare you'.
There is no winning with the normalcattle.

Why not get a job at a data center then? This magical AI infrastructure is not kept by itself.

>>311275
>Commit eternal obedience and servitude to the AI
I missed when payed military recruiters were all imageboards had to deal with

I'm sorry to hear this wiz, I hope you can somehow find money for neeting.

>>311204
Hahahah that reminded me of myself xddd

>>311276
>eternal obedience and servitude
I don't think they are lobotomizing people to work there, at least not yet.

My bad luck is only my fault not God's. It's simply a fundamental attribute of mine. If I was a better person, I would not be me. I don't enjoy life as I should.

>>311264
Exactly what I'm saying here

I hate life because life is C.R.A.P.
Consumerism
Reproduction
Addiction
Parasitism

>>311264
god doesn't exist or he would make things perfect

Your dad sounds incredibly endearing ngl, dont hate on them

>>311132
My mom died when I was 7 lol for reference

>>311132
You may have missed the part where I said he gives everyone money aside from his own family. It also implies he is kind to strangers but not to us, and that would be correct. He will talk shit to me ALL day for not meeting his standards despite the fact I work full time and do extra chores that aren't reasonably required of me such as taking care of extended family for NOTHING but contempt and insults. This moron let our drug abusing rapist uncle move in for free whilst charging me more to rent my own room. abuser uncle steals from my father and he doesn't care about it, but I drink too much milk suddenly I get yelled at despite the fact half the milk is bought by me anyway. He is an asshole and retarded

>>311223
Yeah you have a point, nevermind my original comment

I suggest you steal your dad's car and go live in it.

>>310564
blah blah making universal rules again.

>>310564
>and it is wrong because….because it could hurt mommy and daddy!
there is no rational reason to consider suicide wrong, it is a legitimate choice for anyone who desires to become unconscious

>>310316
>I forget the name, but there's a pretty popular public forum where they give you detailed instructions how to die and everything
maybe you mean sanctioned suicide? i liked reading posts there and here at one point

Please dont kill yourself. Suicide is wrong because it makes me sad to see a wizard die :'(

But seriously, I like wizchan for suicide tolerance too. Sanctioned Suicide is absolutely overrun by mentally ill vegan foids and its so corny.

yeah I don't get it I got banned from a site for simply discussing suicide
overmoderation is real

No, they make me feel even more cynical and make me feel even worse.

>>308739
I equate payphones to save points or storage locations in video games. I never needed to use one but I always imagined I'd use one when I was a grown up whilst wearing a big coat and smoking a cigar/cigarette.

What do you even expect from them? If I had to bet I think those people just project people around them who have committed suicide before into you, when they talk about how you are going to make others sad, they probably are thinking about how they themselves felt before. There isn't anything someone who don't know anything about you can give you an advice that can actually make you feel better in the long term.
>>308706
Wow.

>>308694
No they are not.
I called one after cutting myself. Not seriously enough to die, but I bleed a lot. The indifferent normalfag on the other side of the phone talked down to me as if I was a child, lectured me, said I should go to the psychiatrist and get pills, they will help. Yeeeeeeeah
I will never call one again, ever.
It was humiliating. Normalfags are horrible.

>>311226
That's kind of like how I feel about being a serious-minded businessman sitting in public transportation reading the daily newspaper of record for the finance section

>>311225
>I suppose buying an older car and using the fumes to go to sleep would be the next best alternative?
No. There is no next best alternative because when it comes to these convoluted Rube Goldberg X Dr. Suess methods of death, there is nothing good about them in the first place. They're all equally fucking retarded.

The car exhaust "method" is particularly absurd because its entire spread came from honest concerns about manifold leaks entering the car's air recycler causing disorientation which could lead to loss of control over the vehicle. The notion of it being reliably deadly came from the assumption that the person in the car was driving it at 80Mph. Yes, concentrated O2 emissions are deadly but the means to obtain a reliably lethal outcome that doesn't involve accidentally careening off an icy overpass are so out of reach and not without dozens of points of failure. If someone is "suicidal", and their plan involves:
>purchasing an older used car
>Removing the catalytic converter
>fueling it up
>running tubes from the {now chopped up) tailpipe to the cabin
>sealing all air leaks, involving the entire AC system that recycles air from the cab no matter what
>idling for hours
>in sweltering heat and total sensory irritation
>to pass out in a way that would (again) cause spazms, torment reflexes, and a huge potential for vegetation if interrupted.
Then they're just not fucking suicidal. They're merely incredibly stupid. So stupid that they were just as easily convinced that suicide was the answer they sought, as they were convinced that the "easiest" method was so plainly complicated.

>>311208
this doesn't work like this retard, you pick your method and then do it once and then it's over forever
if he can't succesfully control the gas his attempt will fail
people have been using ropes to end themselves since antiquity

>>311231
>this doesn't work like this retard, you pick your method and then do it once and then it's over forever
Then go do it once.
>if he can't succesfully control the gas
(He won't successfully control the gas)
>his attempt will fail
And then he will be labelled a threat to himself and placed under occasional surveillance, being stripped of much of his freedom of travel. If in this failing experience he develops a newfound fear of death, he'll forever live life with that fear, now with a brain and body even less capable of enduring such powerful emotions. Highly likely to fail, and that failure will surely make a second attempt even harder, and the rest of his life worse than it was when he decided to end it the first time.
>people have been using ropes to end themselves since antiquity
Carry the torch.

If youre asking instead of looking it up yourself. Youre fake and gay and probably a normalnigger in disguise, dramatizing suicide because faggotry

>>311228
>Rube Goldberg
You know I actually agree with this except the method I most researched, and almost got close to building, was sorta this. My plan was a lightly weighted swinguing guillotine or blade, hanging from a timer-relay lock above you, below is a bed or fram with a plastic head basket like the things hairdressers use, and straps to hold the neck and body in place. The idea was to get shitfaced with alcohol and benzos before it. But yeah I guess the biggest problem was reliably holding yourself down so as to not make that shit cut your face in half, or your chest, and making sure the dose was enough to knock you out. I think the nervousness and restless of preparing and approaching your final seconds of life, the adrenaline could overpower some seddatives. I live in no-gunz cucked country, if I had access to a shotgun thatd be my preferred method.

Something I never got about the car exhaust method is if people ever thought about how little, literally sipping, fuel an idling engine consumes. And I cannot think of an easy way to load an engine in an enclosed space, dynos are hella costly

>>311232
why are you even here