/dep/ - Depression

>How are you supposed to know if you just have mental illness or if you are disabled by that mental illness?
If you're cognizant enough to ask this, then you're very likely not mentally ill. The entire prospect of 'mental illness' is not being able to introspect and be concerned with ideas related to your own capability or the consequences of being placed in an uncomfortable situation. You can try to claim some sort of social disorder such as social anxiety, but that's a learned disorder not inherent to some sort of physical ailment of the brain, so the government might not care. Don't fall for the "I'm forever helplessly mentally ill because I don't particularly enjoy being in crowded places" ruse. By all means fake it to get out of jury duty, but don't willingly lower your own expectations of yourself because some memelords online have convinced you that you're braindead in spite of you proving yourself able to communicate functionally.

>>306061
Never go to the psych ward or be blatantly honest with a therapist. These people are quick to deem you mentally adjudicated (incompetent) and will fuck you over for life.

Just because society socially ostracizes you doesn't mean you're mentally ill necessarily; it's a negative feedback loop.

All they'll do is gaslight you and project onto you. If you do need to seek out help from them, attempt to be as relatively neurotypical and politically correct in a nuanced way as possible, and pretend that their shit advice is somehow a groundbreaking revelation of self-awareness.

>>305994
I'm a Christian and I don't get why you connect my view with buddhism and paganism. St Aquinas describes the souls of evil people as wanting nothing more than meaningless torment even saying the tears they shed in Hell is because they can no longer torment good people.
This judgement by Christ is still involuntary and permanent and could be seen as punishment by some people.

Back when I was 14 or so, I had a following idea: consciousness halts at the moments of your death, but if you cannot remember your dream because you dont wake up, there is no dream then. So the last thing you feel is the feeling that stays with you. Forever.


Death row convicted people have it easier than anyone else, drugged into not feeling a thing and such.

I reduce it to numbers. I really shouldn't, quality of life should be the goal even if I die this week. I guess the thought is having thousands (or maybe 10's of thousands) of days left on the planet is plenty of time to see interesting things and challenge the mind.

you're in pain, so your self preservation instincts are constantly on high alert. you definitely sleep ok, eat ok and don't overly exert yourself, so that's what keeps things running. i don't know what you're trying to cope with

>>306000
Oh! Nice round number!
Please tell more on St. Aquinas part of the question

move the hell away for the love of magic. you've nothing to lose anyway. one city or another is all the same for somebody like you. there'll be your peace, or as much as a modern day wizard can have

>>305928
>not even worth thinking about
t. never been called names in his entire life

i can't believe some people have such low self awareness as you do. not bothering about shit is a decades long process of internalizing complex self knowledge and even then it's only a conscious construct that has to continuously keep the unconscious in check.

>>305927
yes bully memories still haunts me after more than a decade.

>Being me
>got a job
>everything is ok for the first time in my entire life
>speak to coworkers
>after some months coworkers begin to act WAY too familiar. like, a lot

>begin to throw shit at each other, me included

>one of them point out a delicate situation about me not going to work past week

it hurts
he laughs
everyone laughs
i fucking wish him to shut the fuck off
got so much shit inside me so I cant figure a way of resolving this withouth violence

my instincts are telling me to throw a punch as revange for all those years being bullied in highschool
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>306098
1. You probably should switch your current job to night shifts.
Your excuse: "traffic jams finally got me".

2. If fails, switch jobs, but only once your "night shifts" plan failed.

Your excuse: "past jobs was about night shifts. Unfortunately, the windows get too much sunlight in the morning and I just cannot sleep from all the light and heat."

>>306098
>my instincts are telling me to throw a punch as revange for all those years being bullied in highschool

You probably can try and switch careers also. I mean, I work as a solo warehauser.

what the fjck is that

>>306108
Not fitting into society brings a lot of practical problems with it which can be intolerable. If you can NEET it up and somewhat insolate yourself from other people, you can be fine, but you will be reminded every time you go outside that you have a target on your back and you will be surprised to see that literal strangers will go out of their way to bully you for no reason. Getting a job or moving up is impossible because your apparent Otherness is so obvious to other people that they will either consciously or subconsciously aim to put you down in your place and not allow you to exist in peace.

Make no mistake, alienation can be quite intolerable. It's not an abstraction, it's very much real. The hivemind can detect you and you will have problems having any kind of life at all.

Dead internet theory.

>>306120
Have you noticed how many new nonsensical threads are being made, then readily abandoned by the OP? It's a simple, yet insidious tactic, they've been using it on 4chan for decades. It worked amazingly well as you can tell.

I'm only going to end myself when shit gets real bad. I intend to waste all my money first, might just NEET it up until I can't live anymore. I did spend some time homeless, and it wasn't fun like I thought it was (I was autisticly dressed in armour and a sword wandering the streets and woodlands)

I'm a NEET so I have to continue living with my parents. I'm a turbomanlet at 165cm and having to attend the social outings in the last few years have been painful. I spend ninety-nine percent of my life in my room, but the times I do go out I witness the world I was supposed to be a part of. If I had to do that every day, I would kill myself which I think is known because I'm not pressured too much into getting a job.
It never gets easier on my psyche knowing everything was stolen from me because of something as simple as growth hormone. I wish, I really do wish, that I could blame my failure on my own mistakes - it would indicate that I had enough control over my life at some point. Instead, my entire life is a show theatre.
I teeter between feeling nothing at all, and feeling complete revulsion and anger at my abhorrent unnatural state.

>>305744
I know exactly how you feel and I know what the cause is for me: inflammation. My whole body remained in an inflamed state from eating plant matter and carbs for years in the past, preventing me from growing, being healthy, being happy. I lost 7-8 years of my adolesence doing things I could've stopped. I could've eaten better. I could've said no. I was 166cm aswell for several years but I'm 169cm now after making some improvements, but I feel that it's all too late. I'm 23 years old.

The past was an act of robbery against me, I know everything that I lost, all my dreams, my time, the happiness, the opportunities, they are all gone permanently. There is nothing that can be done to compensate for them, nothing that can be done to replace them. I suffered emotional distress and pain from abusers, on top of poor habits built from the kind of environment I was forced to exist in, just to lose the most crucial opportunities forever. I'm angry, I'm angry at my family for giving me garbage to eat and abusing my metabolism, I'm angry at myself for being so weak, I'm angry for being poor. I'm angry.

chillax dudes yer never gonna compete with the 181cm chad no matter how hard you try if you're not 182cm which i for one sure as hell am not. it doesn't destroy your *whole* life, only a part of it. you still can earn money enough for spell ingredients

>>298779
Uh yes? Autism means you are pathologically socially retarded and that destines you to be a loser unless some insane level luck happens to you.

>>305744
I hated NEET life so much, to the point I somewhat prefer being a full time wagie. After 18 my parents would nag me nonstop, wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me to look for jobs in the morning. I was already going too. Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am. I was ready to end it all. I've estranged myself from my entire family now aside from my parents as I live with them, and we've come to terms now. Hopefully there are no future hiccups, but I'm sure there will be.

>>306044
Why react to "wait wait wait" in welcoming tone?
Assumption. Throwing a thought-preventing pattern to that "wait wait wait" gives higher social credit

>>306004
That picture of the little succubus praying to an arranged set of crosses made of soda boxes always gets me thinking. It's such an uncanny combination of cultural artifacts, having this child mentally calling for the image of a dead Iron Age religious leader while kneeling in front of canned high fructose corn syrup. The soul-sucking fluorescent lights in the background and the commentary of the mother, who no doubt brainwashed the child to this behavior, talking as if somehow praying to Jesus was the succubus's own idea, create a jarring image that makes my head spin. And of course, every single vertical surface is covered in ads.

Then I start thinking this is all happening due to the gravitational collapse of enormous clouds of dust, molecular hydrogen, and helium into stars. Balls of ionized gas ongoing nuclear fusion, burning light elements into heavier ones. And here we have a small terrestrial pile of galactic debri orbiting around a big pile of burning hydrogen, with this child calling for a man long dead. Not the greatest minds in the world could invent a tragicomedy of such monumental, bizarre proportions. What is all this fucking stuff? It doesn't matter how much you study chemistry, physics, mathematics, biology. It doesn't matter how much you think you know. When you look at the world seriously and completely focused, everything is so fucking strange.

>>305596
Self employment would be ideal but it's harder to effectuate in practice than it sounds in theory. You need to do quarterly taxes, submit a business plan, register trademarks (if applicable), figure out how to sell your stuff and how to do stuff like withold sales tax for people. Most of that stuff can be handled by paying people for a service but then you need to have income. Depending on what you do you may also have other regulatory requirements like insurance/bonds that also cost money and therefore require you to be making money effectively. The last and most unfortunate part is that no matter what you do, you cannot get money from people without interacting with those people somehow. Even if you just do an email customer service with internet shop you will still have to answer their questions and deal with all the bullshit that the broken people will try to pull on you.

>>305982
You probably can say no though unless the labor market in your country is really fucked up. Just make up some excuse that you already have plans.

>>305835
In most places, dust is all that's left in the rivers, but you can still harvest the dust. You spend all day panning stuff until you get black sand mixed with gold dust then you spend another day picking the tiny bits of gold out of the black sand manually. It's shit work but I think I have figured out how to get my living expenses to practically zero by living in my car on public land. I bought an EV with this in mind so that I can charge at free chargers and spend zero dollars on fuel. My only expenses will be phone/internet and food. I calculate I should need to find approximately three quarters of a gram of gold per week (3g a month) to sustain this lifestyle. Also, despite being shit work, it sounds to me to be infinitely preferable to slaving for normalfags.

In my opinion you absolutely need to suppress the physical pain before anything else, because I know it makes life unbearable

Second, I would suggest to find a way to disappear from your family

>>306111
can't with this extreme tinnitus
can't enjoy my miserable NEET life anymore
can't read manga, watch anime
doctors said it'd go away
6 fucking goddamn months in

FUCK SCIENCE

>>306115
>What do you think happens when we die? I think you have to choose to make yourself subject to him when you exit your body, by entering the tunnel of light.
I really can't say what happens when we die. I try to prepare myself mentally and spiritually for that transition, but of course it's exceptionally difficult to do so when I don't know for certain what specific experience to prepare for. As far as the 'tunnel of light' goes, I don't put much stock in it as there has been countless near-death experiences documented throughout the years, and while there is some similarity and overlap with people, it mostly just varies. Everything from 'tunnel of light' to 'pure darkness' to 'greeted by loved ones' to 'it's all a simulation', it seems each experience is unique to each individual.

>I wonder how this trap works on people who don't love anyone. Maybe the buddhists are right and being attached to anything in any way is a trap
I guess I'll find out. I learned to be exceptionally suspicious and distrusting at a very young age, and as such I have never cultivated a deep meaningful bond with anyone in this life. Moreover, I have spent my adult life learning about the many lies and schemes that created modern civilization, and each day I become more capable of seeing through those lies. If the god of this world truly is a master of deceit, than I hope to be a formidable adversary to him and his devious tricks.

>>306104
As obvious as it is to say, normalfags are retarded. Whenever I hear normalfags talk about their views on life or the world, there's always this willful ignorance about the state of things, their so happy to bury their heads in the sand and act like things aren't that bad. So when you express your discontentment with life, it's like grabbing the back of their neck and trying to pull their head out of the sand. They will resist you and any negative sentiment you give, sticking religiously to their ignorance because it's comfortable, and the more you express your discontentment and continue to expose them to uncomfortable truths, the more they will hate and shun you for it. Seeing this shitty world as shit is simply logical, but most people are not particularly logical sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>306115
I stopped believing in life after death after I realized that the self doesn't exist as an eternal holistic thing. There can't be an afterlife because nothing can get transferred to an afterlife.

>>306118
Try getting super-cheap headphones that look like Air Max ones. And a bunch of cotton buds to carefully pick ears
1. They would cover your ears.
2. Your ears would get warm
3. Your ears will get so warm they'll start sweating
4. And that's when you start cleaning your dirty ears from all the dirst your ears have accumulated.

My pick is Hoco W35 MAX

>>306076
Just found out hydrogen sulfide can be manufactured through drain cleaners and garden sulpher powder.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comments/1f4hbxf/slashs_tragic_stepdaughters_cause_of_death_at_25/

Seems to be a reliable and common suicide method.

I just need a reliable delivery mechanism now. A way to hit myself with a 1000 ppm dose for instant unconsciousness and death, in a way that doesn't get anyone else killed from the poisonous gas accidentally.

>>306072
Just drink a whole bottle of vodka in one go.
I know a guy that did that at a party as a challenge, then he went to bed and never woke up.

Please guys don't kill yourselves. You are capable of more than you imagine. Please at least give Jesus a chance in your lives.

>>306082
we don't serve false gods

Amerilards are so fucking lucky, imagine being able to just dome yourself whenever you feel like with a glock you got for free with your happy meal and chicken nuggies from McD's.

reverse it once and for all! NO HALF MEASURES AGGHGHRHRHRHRH

>>306039
R U sure it's not lithium?
(While lithium is toxic, they use lithium to treat anxiety… I think.)

>>306039
i like :3

Eat lead

Moved to >>>/b/1033227.