/dep/ - Depression

I hate having human potential and desire when my brain capacity and mind isn't equipped to have a human identity or experience human things. It's too much to handle and think about when your brain and body can't keep up. Then you have this ounce of hope when a plan comes to mind to do it, but the universe finds some way to ruin it, always. Then I find my self in stupid ass situations where I think I can do it or handle it just to look like an idiot or piss someone off. Why if I'm built like an idiot can't be contempt like an idiot, why do I have this surge of self awareness and conquest why can't it be reserved for actual human beings and not subhuman swarthoid shits we call humans. It's painful. Really painful to live in this contradiction.

Eternal nothingness after death is pure cope.

The universe is infinite and eternal, considering the universe came from "nothing" and that "nothing" still is "nothing". After that established fact, the probability of the heat death of the universe and the universe progressing towards a neutralized state of entropy forever becomes 0%.

It's an impossibility for the universe to expand forever, as repulsive gravity emerges from fields of energy within the universe and this force is responsible for the expansion of the universe. Once these fields of energy and this repulsive gravity decays, the persisting attracting gravitation force of matter pulls the universe back in on itself, eventually condensing into a hot ball of energy made out of all the matter and energy in the universe. This unstable ball of energy that was formed at the concluding end of the universe is the same ball of energy that was there at the beginning, eventually manifesting into the expansion of the universe and our genesis.

The universe is eternal. Life is eternal. The demiurge has us by the wizorbs.

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

i am a high school dropout, have never had any irl friends past people who i would talk to at breaktime as a 7 year old and never hang out with. i have absolutely no talents, hobbies, interests, zero stories or life experiences besides playing video games and consuming media in the darkness of my room.
due to going sometimes years without speaking to other humans my cognitive functions have declined significantly. my social skills are non existent and i have no idea how the world works such as basic concepts like taxes, cars, and money. on top of this i am physically extremely repulsive to the point where i have no mirrors in my home, my horrible looks are a main reason behind why i dropped out of society as i could not show myself without being ruthlessly bullied.

i doubt i will be able to live another 3 years. is there anyone out there like me or am i just next level fucked up?

I first started using the Internet during the early 2000s. I was 12 years old or so, and used it as an outlet to escape and forget about the difficulties I faced in life and school. Been that I was so young, I never told anyone what my real age was, nor did I ever share any important details about my personal life. Naturally, I also never VC'd with anyone, or sent a picture. This mindset has stayed with me to this day, and I still can't think of the Internet as anything but a virtual, parallel world. This is why I'm always baffled by how eager some people are to share personal information online, as though this sharp divide that exists in my mind between "reality" and "Internet" doesn't exist for them.

Whenever I interact with anyone online, I'm never interested in who they are behind the screen. I don't even want to hear their voice, because even VC is too "real" for me: it goes against my notion of what the Internet is.

I had a very shitty life, filled with trauma and mental torment, and the idea of isekai-ing (if I may use that word) into a separate world helps me cope. After all, this was the reason I became addicted to the Internet as a 12 year old in the first place. Yet the line between irl and online only got blurrier as time progressed, which is very alienating to me. Due to a similar reason, I never use my phone for browsing or anything other than phone calls for the most part, because a phone is unlike a PC in that it's more tied to the irl self. I know this is all a delusion, and the Internet is nothing more than an extension of real life, but I wonder if anyone feels the same as I do.

>get back from mental hospital after about 2 years
>excited to tell my NEET loser online friends about it
>they're all normied up. One has even become a gay furry living with Tyrone
>they keep giving me improvebrah advice and telling me I'm too negative
>itsover.jpg
The only people I can relate to now are you motherfuckers. I wonder how many Wizards have done this and left the site. Both these guys were old 28, and 35 respectively.

I suffer from this and I don't know why.

My parents didn't really spoil me. I had mediocre grades in school and no one told I was gifted. I even remember that at a young age I read books like "how to become smarter, how to learn creativity, how to talk to people" because I knew I'm worse than others.

I wonder if it's because I didn't have friends and instead escaped into anime and games where the whole focus is on the main character and everything that happens happens for a reason and any challenge is there to be overcome.

But life is not like that obviously. It's clear as day. It would be incredibly arrogant of me to look at all the people who die in war, suffer in 3rd world countries, lie in the hospital and think that somehow I am special and protected from this.

I guess it's because of consciousness making me experience everything in such an intense way but other people are not less conscious.

Maybe it's because years of isolation I lose touch with life and instead of being concerned with worldly issues like going to my job, coming home exhausted and watch tv, isolation and depression makes me look at life from a distance.

Realistically I exist for no reason, consciousness is just what humans evolved to make better decisions and desires exist to motivate me into action. Yet knowing that it's hard to say no to desire. I'm not religious but I can't help but feel like there is more to life even if it can be explained as a coping mechanism for dealing with chaos and your own mortality.

By Jack London. Picture taken by Miron Zownir in Moscow in 1995 (Radical Eye).

Poet who "maintained to the last his constancy to himself and gentleness toward others" despite his misfortune.

Stuff used to increase by like 1% a year if that.

Now the exact same order costs 20% more a month later. There is absolutely no way this can be chalked up to inflation. This is pure greed.

And no I don't eat there every day, it's my only treat as a poor wagie about once or twice a month. Now I'll cut it down to zero since they just keep gouging the prices up rapidly.