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 No.285617[Reply]

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.
38 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.289039

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>>286319
Hey (more towards anyone in a similar situation, you might be ded)
>>288954 (me here)
Yeah, it was mostly a waste of time and money. Their initial testing/labs said I was totally fine and they wanted to send me to these comprehensive labs and exams which I seriously doubt they were going be worth the combined cost of an ER visit cost.
I think this terrible case of chronic bronchitis flared up my mild childhood exercise-induced asthma. Makes since why apart from the antibiotics and steroids, the most effective medicication for me was an Albuterol Sulfate Inhaler.

>have unconfirmable asthma

TLDR: An inhaler you could have been perscribed to your local costco for 5 bucks and could have helped your chest/heart pains and breathing issues. That's just my anecdote.
America.

 No.289044

>>289039
not quick acting and not good for close to bed time, but ephedrine is decent for asthmatic attacks ime. i dont have an inhaler and dont have trouble breathing often, but its come in clutch a dozen times this yeark

 No.291399

>>288984
I've never had expectations or a single wish of a person saving me from my life situation.

 No.291401

File: 1713651664515.png (1.46 MB, 1099x1310, 1099:1310, 1688706700038944.png) ImgOps iqdb

I do have some physical and mental problems of course but I feel like above all I'm doomed because I have made 0 progress by 30.

It's just too depressing to have absolutely no source of self-confidence. Nothing I can point to and be proud of and see as proof that I am capable or have potential. And everyone expects me to have life experience by now. And the daily regret… I don't know how to come back from it.

 No.291422

>>291401
Are you still on gluten? Missing it makes miracles in many cases



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 No.291334[Reply]

A bucket list is understood as stuff you wanna do before you die.I want to make a list of stuff TO DO TO die.I have to explain myself now: i'll squeeze this samsaric earth dry of everything I want off it, then somehow meditate my own death.Maybe I'll manifest getting cancer, teleport to another Realm, soul manuall exits the body ,etc
anyways since this is a suicide board- do YOU have a RBL? Whatt's in it? do you rush, make efforts, and sacrifices to get it done as quick as possible so you can finally die?
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.291341

>>291334
I don't know if it's related to what you're talking about but I remember in the last decade during the terror attack wave in europe, there was a dude in local news who killed himself by wearing a fake explosive vest and two fake pistols. He entered in a police station, shouted "ALLAHU AKBAR!" while brandishing his fake guns then got instantly shot multiple times by every officers in the room.

 No.291342

>>291334
Why telling our desires away? Do you wish the world to come and stop you from having them?

 No.291378

>>291334
Manifesting cancer on yourself is a very bad idea, even if you're suicidal.

 No.291409

>>291378
Im willing to listen to you.Please expand upon your opinion.

 No.291421

>>291337
>looks like school shooter
So what if he is? Blast off.



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 No.289465[Reply]

Up to the age of 17 or 18 I consistently felt sad and defeated already, but at least I felt alive, felt live I had a human being agency.
Now I barely feel human. I don't feel emotions, don't have any belief in myself, all my interaction with other people feels like I'm pretending to be someone, while Real Me is just a hollow husk. Consuming content doesn't work, I fail to engage with emotional beats, don't feel rewarded when I engage intellectually into something, it feels very weird seeing myself in the mirror because I think I've completely detached myself from my body after some years of NEETdom. I am capable of some intellectual tasks, but I get drained very fast. Like I can sprint something once in a while, but then I get burnt out and back to rotting, never finishing ever. It doesn't real that I could have an agency or make something or improve my life because I don't even feel like I deserve to be part of life.

Does anyone relate to any of this? Have you managed to escape it?
12 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.289698

Anyway, I never "escaped it", but I found ways to cope and build a small bit of life for myself apart from it. Probably the best thing was to stop lying to myself and stop acting like this society can be reconciled with, and it took me a while to truly embrace what that meant. It is helpful to find some small thing to remain connected, despite the pressure to "out" anyone who isn't part of this demonic beast. They've pushed aggressively to make the purging and counter-purging the only possible world, and it really is stupid that this is what humanity chose. We really didn't have to do any of this, and they won't get the world they want in purified form. But, as long as the bastards can dig in, they will fight an interminable struggle and make us go along with their world, set the conditions we have to operate within moving forward so far as they can - and it's pointless for us to play a struggle to do the same. That just creates more muck and rot.

 No.289717

>>289684
Life is not one of your fantasies. A solution to a problem is not set in stone anywhere. Life would be be a little bit better if more people just said "Well shit, I don't have the answer for you but I wish you the best" and just shut the fuck up after that than the neverending fallacy of "You didn't do X enough". There's a BIG line between teenage nihilist, "woe is me" bullshit and being aware enough about the situation that you're caught in a nasty catch 22. Hope just prolongs suffering, keeps the wound open. I don't care if somebody is too stupid to know when they reached that point or not. You play the hand you're dealt with. I'm tired of society gaslighting what hand we have playing poker. It can be sombering if you accept the fucked up situation and learn to make the most of it.

 No.290256

>>289471
I hate you fucking people. No fucking compassion whatsoever. You just want to feel good about yourself moralizing. Cocksucker.

 No.291299

>>289465
It's been similar for me. Though I was never NEET, I've always been reclusive and thanks to the rona I got to indulge in these habits more and more. I think after about a year of basically not leaving my room and playing games all day, I noticed that I had become dead inside. Before there was sadness, despair and fear at least, sometimes even enjoyment from a good Anime or game. But suddenly I was just completely numb. Like you, I lost any sense of identity, passion or reward from doing things.
For what it's worth though it has gotten a bit better recently. Not much but I can kind of feel things every once in a while, I get angry again sometimes or feel good about doing something, which gives me hope that this condition isn't permanent. I assume it will take a long time, since I have been numb for about 4 years. I'm not sure what changed but I think doing the tiniest things you can manage helps. For example
>you need to clean, can you do that today?
no
>how about you just vacuum?
no
>then what if you just clear up some of the stuff that's lying around so you can vacuum in the coming days?
maybe I could do that
Keep breaking down tasks until it feels like you can actually do them right now. It doesn't feel good. In fact, there's a lot of shame and resentment towards yourself because you feel like such a failure for not being able to just "do the thing". But I think that's what's helped me to at least gain some momentum and shake off some of the rust as it were.

 No.291420

>>289465
Being even weirder than before, despising normals. And fasting to combat somatic diseases, this helped me with my energy issues



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 No.291389[Reply]

When I think about my life and myself it feels too ridiculous to be real.

It seems like everyone does something. Most people, no matter how dysfunctional, have a job. Driving a car is the most mundane thing to most people and yet it feels like something I will never be able to. I sometimes wonder if that might my key to normalcy: get a license to prove that I am not totally inept. The people who NEET at least spend that time with some kind of hobby. But I just pass the time online reading random shit until I get tired enough to sleep. Some suffer from video game addiction but I can't even do something this engaging. Social underachievers at least are able to piggyback off others but I'm totally isolated.

The strangest thing about all this is that I actually have interests and I've read enough self-help advice to get an idea what to do but I just can't do anything. Even something as simple as starting taking Vitamin D pills to fix my deficiency took me years. Other people suffering from similar issues manage to try out different meds and supplements and diets but I'm too lazy.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.291391

oh I forgot I also suffer from physical health problems to add to the feeling of uselessness and low self-esteem

>>291390
aren't most parents like that though? either way once I was 20+ I should have been able figure out stuff myself.

What saddens me is how obviously bad not doing anything is. I can't even really complain about my life because it's just cause and effect. I didn't suffer any injustice. Even if I suffer from focus and energy issues I could have at least done a bit each day… I feel so trapped. Knowing what I should do but not being able to.

 No.291392

>>291391
>aren't most parents like that though?

no, most parents care about their kids and whether they do well in life. i had parents that didn't give a shit but would always take credit for anything i did accomplish. anytime i went over to other people's houses, i was surprised their parents knew things about their life and would take an active interesting in whatever they were doing, like what was happening in school, who their friends were, their hobbies and interests. it was mindblowing that parents would take interest in their lives while my parents just let me rot in my room watching cartoons all day. at the very least, most parents will remind their kids to do things, take care of their hygiene, eat on time, sleep on time, do their homework, help them learn to drive (just having someone sit there with you while you practice and give feedback is major advantage for the practical part at least). i think i asked my mom twice in my life to help me with homework and i quickly learned that i can't rely on her for anything. if i didn't do my assignments, i'd have to deal with the embarrassment of the teacher scolding me so i would always do the bare minimum.

anyway, i'm in a similar boat, no job, dropped out of school, zero life experience, no drivers license, long list of mental illnesses and personality defects. mother expects me to wake up any day now and get married and be successful so she can take credit for raising a good son. its not gonna happen lol

 No.291393

I came to the conclusion that this is just an overall lack of purpose. Many of us had parents who didn't know how to guide us. There is not much purpose left in this world if you can't find it in social stuff because a longing for status and recognition is one of the strongest drives in people and then theres also others who get more traditionally motivated by religion or family. If you can't find purpose in modern social stuff and didn't have parents who provided you with an alternative path then you're gonna feel lost and the only drive might be to survive.

 No.291395

>>291391
>What saddens me is how obviously bad not doing anything is. I can't even really complain about my life because it's just cause and effect. I didn't suffer any injustice. Even if I suffer from focus and energy issues I could have at least done a bit each day… I feel so trapped. Knowing what I should do but not being able to.

relatable. my basic problem is a lack of self control. It's not like I don't know what I should be doing, I just can't make myself do it. This is what dooms me for all eternity.

 No.291418

>>291389
Are you one of those with projector aura?
https://www.geneticmatrix.com/human-design-projector/



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 No.290704[Reply]

It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our horrible daily experience.

Share whatever's on your head. Your latest favorite substance, the hardships of being a fiend on top of being a wizard, favorite drinks, worst drinks, substances you wish you had, drugs you wish you never tried, your experience with withdrawals, etc.

>drinking or using drugs=social interaction

Using/acquiring drugs or alcohol is not inherently social. Compare them to the act of acquiring and eating food, are those inherently social? not really.
25 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.290978

>>290926
>Funny thing is that I live in a country where you can get benzos like fucking candy; just go to a drug store or a pharmacie and they will most likely just give it to you, no questions asked. That's also the reason I use tramadol.
>300-450mg pregabalin since that's also very easy to get here.
Are you Mexican by any chance? I know Tramadol, Pregabalin and a few others are OTC over here, benzos not so much though.

>>290934
Lucky. From what I know Tramadol can either act like a mild opiate or an SNRI. Really depends on your liver.

 No.290983

>>290934
Similar for me. I've taken other opiates and a large number of illegal drugs but it remains the best for me as a regular practical thing. Makes me more productive and feel better at the same time, and no hangover or anything

 No.290990

File: 1712424851846.jpg (211.16 KB, 1920x1152, 5:3, 1684587528027699.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Subb, degenerates? Does anyone know of a legally obtainable psychedelic mimic that emulates the whole brain connectivity effect of this substance?

 No.291041

>>290978
Not mexican, but I live in a latin american country. A lot stuff which is presciption only in the US is OTC here. I can get almost any benzo I can think of, except for maybe midazolam since thats only used for anaesthesia, I think.

 No.291414

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>>290990
Holotropic breathwork does, without any side effect.



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 No.267760[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.
236 posts and 14 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.290521

>>286071
I agree. And even if a peace is built, it can only last in a highly intelligent society where every member is aware of the facts at all times.

The stupider and more easily manipulated the members of said society, the quicker it devolves into anarchy, then arbitrary violence and then groups killing other groups.

There is a reason why fake news are impossible to spread and gain zero acceptance in certain countries, and why they routinely start conflicts and wars in others.

The vast majority of nations consist of utter primitives who can barely read and write. They are literal bonobos and chimpanzees in mental function who just have homo sapiens bodies. It's very stupifying to think of it, but the US is closer to those ape nations than it is to a place like Iceland or Japan.

 No.290531

>>290521
https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/articles/2023-01-27/finland-most-resistant-to-fake-news-report-finds

The most resilient country against fake news is Finland, followed by Norway and Denmark.

The most susceptible countries towards fake news are Kosovo, North Macedonia and Georgia, all very low income and low literacy countries. So it appears you're right.
The US ranks in the lower third of all countries measured. The US is full of retards.

 No.290532

>>290531
>The US is full of retards.
From Mexico and Africa.

 No.290534

>>290532
its a taboo to say, but the average iq in the states is rapidly dropping due to migrants from low intelligence countries.

you have like 0,1% coming in as programmers or doctors on h1b-visas and 99,9% coming in as green card menial labor types

we arent getting a bunch of highly educated critically thinking people from finland, japan or india's elite.
we are getting people from weird shitholes like malawi, burundi and south american failed states where people can just about scribble their name on a piece of paper

 No.291410

>>290534
Op here, shameless self bump.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.288745[Reply]

I am incapable of considering and preparing for the future and it fucks me up.

I didn't have motivation to study in college because I hated my subject and didn't really care about money because all I did was browse the net, watch anime, read manga and play retro video games which you can all do with a cheap laptop. I thought that the future will just get better and we might get UBI and more cheap escapist technology. I never even considered the fact that:

>i will get tired of these things and want more

>i will get sick of consooming and want to create
>my parents will get tired of me and we will get into arguments
>the future will actually get worse because of the economy, global instability and climate change
>neetbux could get reduced, come with harsh conditions or straight up canceled
>my health will get worse as the 20s buff wears off and I might need more money for better healthcare

Now I got tired of video games, internet and anime but these things ruined my attention span so its hard to focus on things that are more challenging and dont give instant gratification.

I want to finally move out but with the current housing crisis it seems impossible.

I have constant anxiety for the future and wish I had money and skills to at least have some mobility and choice and not just be at the mercy of fate.

My back hurts and I need to get a good mattress but no money thanks to the increased food prices.

There is no choice but to prepare for the future and do damage control but the mistakes of the past weigh on me every day. Especially since the mistakes I made were so obvious if I took the time to think for a few minutes and wasn't such an escapist addicted manchild who thought he could hide from reality if he ignored it.
15 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.289268

I would suggest you prepare now. In my 20's I could never have fathomed the severe hardship and poverty of my 30's. Do whatever it is that you can to empower yourself and ready for difficult times, it will help with your anxiety and give you something purposeful to focus on. Things will be so much worse if you put it off, and there may come a point where you cannot turn things around and will be doomed to a very long and difficult life. Pretty sure I dealt with something similar, not sure I would call it blindness as much as obfuscation of the future by the marring of the present.

This may not be of use to you, but you can use post-it notes or similar, put up some reminders around your room and living space, compelling you to take action you know will pay off, and prepare you in some way. You can start very small. I've done this during some rough times and it helped a lot.

On the topic of planning for the future, all wizard should be proactive about dental health, and if you're a poor wizard you will need to have an account or savings for your dental only. Save up a little each month small amounts. Always you need to take care of your teeth, you need them not just for eating, but once you lose your teeth and stop chewing, it does something to your brain deteriorates your mind even more, something to do with nerve stimulation. I can't remember how exactly but it would be easy to chase down for anyone interested.

Use dental floss and brush regularly. Try putting up a special note for yourself somewhere in your room or house, maybe on the back of your door when it's closed, to remind yourself to brush, and not be in extreme pain from dental because of lack of future planning.

 No.289285

>>289265
That was a good read. Too bad I have a fairly bad case of aphantasia, so I have a really hard time visualizing beauty around me. If I want to experience it, I need to pour thousands on updating my ugly wallpapers, furniture and chipped paint.

But I do realize the pursuit of things is in vain and ultimately meaningless.
To me it's just a cope so I don't feel sad the moment I wake up and have to look at decrepit surroundings.

 No.291298

>>288745
I have realized the same thing about myself recently. I simply do not have the capacity to plan for the future in any concrete way. I believe that it has to do with having health anxiety throughout my teens and being convinced multiple times that I was going to die soon, so my brain learned that long term planning isn't worth much in the face of RNG tragedy.
The only thing that motivated me to give up the constant online scrolling was because it made me more miserable than the process of giving it up. The only reason I take care of my body somewhat is because of my afforementioned health anxiety. The only reason I started budgeting is because I've been in the red for a while and it started having immediate effects on my life. The only reason I'm learning programming and OpenGl is out of some weird nostalgic impulse to recreate the feelings of enjoyment I had when playing games years ago. Etc. I have no idea or plan where I will end up in the future. I think it's pointless to try and do so. I just do things because they seem to be worthwhile right now and hope for the best.
>>289265
This was great. I am scared of the day I stop dreaming, the peace and wonder of sleep is often the highlight of my day.

 No.291356

>>288767
I recently admitted to my parents that I think the reason I am crazy is because I developed an anxious-avoidant attachment style in childhood due to emotional neglect. I said that we have a relationship that is essentially like co-workers and that is not emotionally intimate. I don't know if this was a mistake or not. I felt like the worlds biggest asshole and had to fight off the urge to cry because I don't want to blame them as they've not really done anything wrong, they were just introverts who are not emotionally available. Considering I grew up to be the same way I empathize with them. They were actually good to me unlike many wizard's parents, but I still think I am fucked up because of emotional neglect and I told them as much. It's interesting to clear the air about this. I think it makes my parents feel guilty probably and like I said I feel like an asshole. I don't know if it was a mistake or not. My gut screams yes, just keep avoiding, don't get into this sort of shit it's a can of worms but maybe listening to that impulse is why I remain stuck in life.

 No.291408

>>288745
>Now I got tired of internet
How did you even do that? Internet is like bottomless well for me. I just can't stop surfing web, addiction is very strong.



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 No.288108[Reply]

I don't think many of you know where or what is Morocco, basically it's a North african country that is at least probably the best country in Africa since it's atleast self aware of it's occurance and what's happening there but in the economic side it's in fucking shambles, Teachers getting assfucked and treated like subhumans and what's worse is that i'm in college and my only way out is to become a teacher therefore to becoming a subhuman. Ignoring that, As i said Economically it's literally going downhill as the fuel prices are way too higher than what they used to be (9 Dh[0.90$] (2019) - 14.50 Dh[1.45$] (2024)) I can't even afford money to pay for fuel to my bike so i'm fucked and even if i get money the fuel is still atleast half, And the food is also way higher than it used to be and many many items are very high, So it's basically a hellhole, but to make it more than a hellhole. The unemployement rate possibly in Morocco is unfamously known as the worst in possibly Africa since many people after College don't find any Job that fits their status quota, or even to get into McDonalds you need to fucking have friends there just to get there and get treated like a subhuman which in contrary in America McDonalds is a job that anyone can get to easily and even make fun of. And to compare the salary of a Mcdonalds worker in the US with a Teacher in Morocco, It's like comparing an Engineer with a trash collector. Because a fucking teacher in Morocco gets paid 500$ in Average meanwhile McDonalds employee gets 3k$ and still fucking whines in 4chan about his loneliness, a measely fucking 500$ imagine that shit now as something that i'm studying for my 21 years and to get treated like a subfuckinghuman and i don't even know if i'll get that job since it's very hard to get into it and i don't even know if i'll get my degree but just imagine a YouTuber getting paid 5k in one hour while a Teacher in Morocco gets paid 5k in a year.

Now in regards to the Culture, we're way too fucked as everyone is literally diverging into being a thug or a criminal, Everyone is obsessed with the rap culture and they want to be aggressive fucking faggots i hope they all get fucking nuked and get their whole intestines burned while they're alive and survive for days getting tortured by that pain and die like dogs, and in the other side about succubi, Man like me who don't belong or even have that much in Society don't exist, i don't mean it metaphorically but literally unirPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
55 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.291379

>>291362
Damn your birthrates are reaching european levels of bad. Holy fuck you really swallowed the modern way of life no kidding

 No.291380

>>291379
I wonder if the muslim brotherhood type shit has caught on in Morocco

 No.291381

>>291379
A country forced to become liberal that's the consequences of those actions. Fuck man who cares anyways, Feminism ruined everything and Hedonism is leveled to max

 No.291405

>>291366
The universities are of a good level, especially those of medicine, agronomic engineering, civil engineering, etc. Much better than private shit. The health system will have its problems, but in case of emergency it is impeccable, and they treat you like a king. I was admitted to the public hospital for 2 weeks and they treated me very well.

Argentina is a good country, but it has its problems, but the public universities and the health system are good not so much because of the buildings, but because of their professionals. Although perhaps the health system is different in other provinces since here our governor is a doctor.

 No.291406

>>291380
Liberal,modernist parties social democrats and liberal monarchists. The closes is one Moderate islam party with 4 percent.
>>291381
Maybe it will work out different in the islamic context or not. My end will come soon enough. When my home burns and with it liberalism ideals and hegemony it will be a beautiful sight and warmth.



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 No.291315[Reply]

Anyone else just under constant stress/anxiety? I feel like escape is impossible. I'm even on meds and see a therapist & psychiatrist over this shit and it doesn't help.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.291350

>>291349
Do not obey the anxiety. Let things come.

 No.291351

>>291346
I fixed every single problem in my awful rental and spent 8 months of blood, sweat and tears sawing, painting, wallpapering and god knows what.

Then literally 2 weeks later my landlord dies and the place goes on sale.

I don't give a shit about anything anymore. Life clearly doesn't permit me to have nice stuff no matter how hard I work towards them.

 No.291357

>>291351
why would you do free labor and improvements to someone else's property? If it's awful you just move somewhere else, that's the one and only appeal of renting. Let that be a life lesson to never work to improve shit that isn't yours.

 No.291358

>>291357
Not him, but moving costs money and sometimes it's cheaper to improve what you have over moving somewhere new.

 No.291383

>>291357
It depends on circumstances. I will never, ever get a bank loan nor inherit a place to call my own.

I lucked out and got a landlord who said he wont raise the rent as long as I pay on time which I have for 8 years.
An apartment of this size on the free market would cost $600 more a month than what I pay now.

It's an absolute no-brainer to throw a few hundred into making it more habitable.



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 No.280124[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post the saddest images you have/have seen on the internet, it can be drawing or 3D
123 posts and 33 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.290975

File: 1712380390532.jpg (99.73 KB, 800x680, 20:17, 1561488397884.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.290976

>>290863
>>290975
found it with imgops. I think this is the original that thet op's pic was cropped from: https://safebooru.org/images/790/1f7cffc9395ee0483978833c71774f6c51b527b9.jpg

posting a link to the thing since wizadmins want me to disable vpn for the arguable luxury of uploading it here. thanks niggers

 No.291032

File: 1712551328204.jpg (102.13 KB, 603x767, 603:767, 1647076154054.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


 No.291094

>>280124
the anime succubus with amputated limbs and teddy bear in hospital
that shit is just horrible

 No.291310

>>291094
most people don't know the image that comes before that one


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