Hello fellow wizards

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Hello fellow wizards Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 00:27:17 No.228930

I've frequented this place before but not as much, and I would go on Kohl instead. You've probably heard of it as the "pedo" chan but it's actually a bastion of free speech and the pedos are relegated to their own generals usually. Anyway I'm here to tell you that I'll be getting a helium tank delivered because I think I've reached an impasse in my life. I don't want to get into it since it kind of embarrassing but I made one very very bad decision and I'm afraid my whole livelihood is at stake. It was indirectly created by my father. But it doesn't matter, nevermind it. There are other things that I'm worried about concerning this life like the rise of AI, UFOs (I personally was contacted by one), life being a simulation, etc. Basically everything. It's just alot of things on my mind and also I'm quite a dysgenic human being having autism and irritable bowel syndrome, I don't think I'll be able to sustain myself for long. I also might've had some trauma early in life since I can't remember much of my life either. I know it was inconvenient for most of it, which is probably why I can't remember it. Or maybe, I'm drinking too much and I've lost too many bracrabls as of late. I've been drinking for 9 years straight. I'm currently 30. Don't have any friends or a gf (in fact never had one), I don't chat with my mother or my siblings either. My family divorced early in my life btw.

In truth, wizards, I do want to die. But what prevents me is not knowing what comes after and I have often told this to those on other forums, especially Kohl, but they were not able to alleviate my worries about it very much. Since I feel like I have no choice now I will be trying to go through it when the time comes but I still need to know what comes after. If any of you have any idea please let me know.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 00:37:21 No.228932

It's this cowardice which.. ultimately prevents me, if only I knew what death was exactly.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 00:49:13 No.228933

no one knows what comes after death but some possibilities:
>reincarnation, you just go back into the meatgrinder again and what you did might or might not matter for what your next body is going to be. might or might not be possible to escape the infinite cycle.
>hell, either designed by a deity or just a random chaotic world where your consciousness lingers in god knows what kind of state, and it's forever
>you wake up from the simulation surrounded by the scientists that put you there. life could look like anything but it's most likely better than what you experienced.
>spiritual afterlife, the material world was necessary as a way to teach you something and now you're ready to experience what you're truly here for. might or might not depend on what you did in your life, might require reincarnating N times before (((they))) let you pass.
>nothingness, it's just like before you were born, the most optimistic outcome where the suffering ends

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 00:52:16 No.228934

>>228933
There's also quantum immortality which I'm very afraid of, I just need to know which one it is

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 01:00:48 No.228935

Is there any way we can steelman this

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 01:54:13 No.228936

Being here for Dutchwiz's death was already one too many.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 06:52:47 No.228937

I'm dying soon and I give zero fucks what comes after.
Even the worst case scenario, like Hell or something I can't imagine to be worse than my life.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 14:10:01 No.228939

>>228930
I don't understand what you're looking for

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 15:39:00 No.228941

Funny, I was thinking of suicide right before clicking on this thread, but I guess thinking so much of suicide is not that weird for someone here. Unlike you, I don't actually want to die since the NEET lifestyle is bearable enough for me, but I know that won't last forever, I've seen lots of discussion about Universal Basic Income but it's obviously not happening now that EU countries are rising retirement age. I can't think of anything that would make life worthwhile that will be possible in the future, if anything life 10-20 years from now will get unfathomably unbearable for any person with a three-digit IQ: internet censorship and mass-surveillance, mass migration, normalized individualism and antisocial behaviour, incoming heavy economic crisis and poverty, you name it. It's these things that make me much more scared of life than I could ever be of death, it brings me comfort to know that suicide will always be available and even if something came after suicide it can't be worse than what you might see before it.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 16:30:45 No.228942

>>228939
I'm looking for a guarantee of eternal peace, which cannot be found in this world

>>228941
I'm a NEET myself but I'm not really all that content with existence in general, its even worse if I have to wageslave or extract my time for somebody else. There were alot of questionable, perhaps, supranatural things in my life (of which I have briefly mentioned in the OP) that make me cower in fear of existence. I would rather be out of here than stay here for one more moment. And while these other things you mention in the realm of temporal politics are also scary and not worth to deal with, it is ever more scarier to contemplate what happens after and so this is why I need to find out what happens before I die. I'm currently skimreading Zen Physics by David Darling to see if I can find anything in there that might inch me one step closer towards oblivion. The theory is, if I get enough information about this, maybe I can break the camel's back and finally go through with this.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 18:10:32 No.228943

>>228930
> But what prevents me is not knowing what comes after

some times when I was thinking on it, the idea of not knowing what comes after stopped my thoughts.

> a

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 18:54:44 No.228944

>>228943
Surely we would know intrinsically what comes after since we are made of the same stuff that has been here forever, so why do we have an aversion towards death? Why is this, specifically, intrinsic to us? If all that we are, is basically stardust?

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 18:55:19 No.228945

What is so scary about stardust, this is the thing

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 19:34:56 No.228946

>>228942
>I'm looking for a guarantee of eternal peace, which cannot be found in this world
you'll find peace when you'll die. for now suffer or die earlier

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 19:44:18 No.228947

>>228946
>you'll find peace when you'll die

Is this the truth

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 20:13:01 No.228950

>>228930
Fun fact.
My first audible memories about this world is being told being a human is hard. I remember replying that I, nevertheless, want to be a human. Thing is, my older sibling loved talking about existence and death, so it could have been that.

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 21:00:40 No.228952

>>228947
>Is this the truth
yes

Anonymage 06/24/26 (Wed) 21:35:57 No.228953

>>228930
Turned 30 in May.
Whichever way I cut it I've been on the passive suicide train for a while now I think, not consciously.
I let my body decay to the point where I'm feeling it's irrecoverable.
Funny how I used to think I could never get back to "default" or zero no matter what efforts I'd put in, then got infinitely worse and now I might just be correct.

I don't know what prevented me from taking action. It's not like I wasn't an absolute outcast at all stages of life so I never really had to care about optics.
I wish I knew why.

I also don't want to die. I'm desperate about not wanting to "not exist" anymore even though most here probably hope for such a fate.
I just can't fathom this long line of experiencing things to stop.
Just thinking on it causes some primal sense of panic like you are approaching some sort of void and your body cuts of your mind before it gets too close.

Anyways… Weird that I don't want to die yet I'm not exactly doing anything about it. At this point I have so many ailments from inaction it's not even funny.
Disc slipping/bulging everywhere in my spine causing agony and my muscles are close to if not already in stages of atrophy causing various weird painful sensations and issues one might not even expect.
Why am I like this…

I had one dream where I was certain I died and it was not fun. No thoughts, no sensation, yet somehow still aware. Aware but unable to process or experience. Contradictory. Painful. Not physically, but in some soul tearing way.
I don't want that again.