>>230119i've been completely alone since 2016. the first two years felt really really bad, and i spent a lot of time raging and having imaginary conversations with my old friends as though i was getting things off my chest. after two years everything psychologically settled, and i started to not necessarily enjoy being alone but it started to feel normal and comfy.
I relish things like finding a secluded spot at a park to smoke a cigarette and eat a donut, a pizza to myself, cooking myself a good meal, reading good literature/listening to music. I found an ecosystem of intelligent blackpill doomers/streamers (some who stream daily for money), and they have hours and hours of content that i can listen to throughout the day. its much more enjoyable than talking to people irl.
I've started to turn inward and away from the external world, and having irl convos with people now feels like a nuisance. Having to acknowledge anybody outside my mind feels like an intrusion on my peace. I had to tell this guy at work that im tired of him coming up to me on his break and forcing me into a 30 minute convo that i have no interest in having.