/dep/ - Depression

>'m not sure if it is an autistic trait or a consequence of my reclusive life
You pieced together a concise and thoughful paragraph so you're not autistic. You just need totalk more to learn how to talk better. Speaking is like playing an instrument in that you're not going to get better by listening to others play. You need to play yourself. Nobody is born with the ability to speak and if you spend any time among unfamiliar company you'll find that just about everybody has their own quirks and setbacks when it comes to communication. Stop stressing over things like this. it would also help to stop caring about how others may negatively perceive you after hearing you speak, because you really have no reason to give a shit about what randofags think. Just talk.

>and has also totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
There are thousands of musical outlets that don't require singing. Regardless, a significant amount of people who sing well just happen to sound absolutely downy when speaking conversationally.

>>301831
>Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally" or pronouncing certain letters?

Yes. It's hard to describe. It's not a verbal lisp, but kind of like a mental block. I'll be speaking normally and then my brain just hits the breaks and I can't talk. I can force individual words out but not long sentences.

>>301832
>it would also help to stop caring about how others may negatively perceive you after hearing you speak, because you really have no reason to give a shit about what randofags think.
I always thought this reasoning was lacking since the basis of human society is built upon reputation and status (aka what people think of you). But even if you wanted to cope it would seem nigh impossible to really detach from everything. As much as being a hikkineet numbs your feelings you can only really reach a certain level of apathy using some more radical approaches like Taoism

>There are thousands of musical outlets that don't require singing
This is true however I once watched one of those youtube videos that give you some basic exercises to check whether or not you're tone deaf and I failed them so my plan became to do some basic three chord garage punk since that basically requires no skill but necessitates vocals

>>301834
>I always thought this reasoning was lacking since the basis of human society is built upon reputation and status
It's not. Mentally ill freaks are obsessed with status and have systematically purported that it is normal do so. Not caring what face passers-by think of you isn't a "cope".

>I once watched one of those youtube videos
Anyone can make a YouTube video about anything. Just because someone filmed themselves saying something doesn't automatically make what they're saying true. Why are you so quick to trust whatever cretin shows up on the top of the results for a YouTube search? Does he really have anyone's best interests in mind or is he just running his mouth of because he gets payed ad revenue to do so? "Tone deafness" itself isn't a genetic condition or something that must be carried around for life. You can learn the subtleties of different notes just as you can learn the subtleties of a different font on your computer screen, or season for your chicken tendies. Again going back to other musicians, and streamers, and voice-over artists: They need to wear headphones with realtime monnitoring from their own microphone so they can hear themselves. By human design our own voices are muffled from us so that we can still hear things while speaking. The industry standard is to correct this with basic headphones.

>basic three chord garage punk
Gross. Punk music is full of transvestites and other queers.

>>301831
I had that when I was a kid, I got dumped into a foreign country where I didnt knew the language and had to pick it up quick. so of course I pronounced words wrong, couldnt really string a sentence together and was made fun of by local normalfags.
then eventually I learned the language and became very good at reading and speaking and writing.
but that didnt change anything at all, normalfags just found other things about me that they could make fun of and I dont really have much to say anyway so I ended up as an outsider that nobody talks to.

after almost 2 decades in isolation I can barely put a sentence together without stuttering or tripping over my words.

I didn't research it yet but recently the idea crossed my mind to learn talking via AI tools. Like, you can talk to GPT and it tracks your words forms a coherent answer and then you can make a follow up in the conversation. But I guess things like intonation, spontaneous communicative reactions, the missing social and cultural situational context, missing emotional tensions and so on would make it a flawed learning option.

>>301835
>You can learn the subtleties of different notes just as you can learn the subtleties of a different font on your computer screen, or season for your chicken tendies
This is true, and I've been trying to train my ear but I still feel like an idiot every time I'm listening to a guitar solo and trying to envision the score just to look it up later and find out that it was nothing like how I imagined it. I've also been scared of using headphones because I had a miserable ear infection when I was young that brought me immeasurable pain and I've read that using headphones can be harmful in that manner. I've come to the point where I bring my ear next to my computer's speakers when I try to actively listen to a record.

>Gross. Punk music is full of transvestites and other queers.
There is no inherent character to any music genre. You can say that breakcore is for trannies or that black metal is for nazis but in the end it's all just organized sound. I agree it's not the most eloquent genre but if I had the talent to become the next Frank Zappa then I probably wouldn't be on wizchan don't you think?

>>301837
>after almost 2 decades in isolation I can barely put a sentence together without stuttering or tripping over my words
I strongly believe that this has affected me as well. My pronunciation abilities weren't always as bad as they are now, I can't remember anyone pointing it out in elementary school or earlier but after that point is when I started becoming more and more isolated. Now at an older age I have to think of exactly what I'm going to say and how to say it or else I will fuck it up by stuttering.

>>301831
pretty much i have things like that, many years of isolation and parental/family neglected caused it

>>301831
i also ended up forgetting a lot of my native language due to spending most of my life on English speaking Internet, this led to a lot of awkward situations with people in real world.

>>301842
Do you also have your internal monologue in English?

I find the sound of my own voice too loud. It's conditioned me to find speaking difficult by aversive feedback.

You should go check your LDLs and UDLs:

- LDL (Loudness Discomfort Level): This measures the sound intensity at which a person starts to feel discomfort. People with hyperacusis have abnormally low LDLs.


- UDL (Uncomfortable Loudness Level): Often used interchangeably with LDL, it assesses the same threshold of sound discomfort.

>>301850
>I find the sound of my own voice too loud. It's conditioned me to find speaking difficult by aversive feedback.

That sounds genuinely terrible anon I'm sorry you have to go through that. But I'm not sure how measuring those values would help with my issue, since I primarily struggle with monitoring the volume of voice even though I don't seem to notice it although I wouldn't say that it makes me uncomfortable. If anything it just creates uncomfortable situations by association when I have to interact with normalfags.

I don't thing I have trouble pronouncing as much as I have trouble keeping my brain in sync with my speech. It's getting so bad I feel out of practice at talking or holding a coherent conversation that I don't feel like a native english speaker any more. Usually it is just best to pause and collect your thoughts, and speak slowly parsing out your words. But I am sure we are all familiar with people who don't have the patience or tolerance to listen to us like that.
>>301831
>totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
I see people using AI to do this so I wouldn't give up. Try some private karaoke with yourself using songs you like. I found it much more enjoyable than the manual labor that requires my hands.

I talk really quietly, but what I'm saying is usually fine. A lot of the time i'll get cut off mid sentence by normies so that they can say some retarded shit.

>>301831
> I've had times when I think I'm talking normally but people tell me to stop yelling, or other times when I think I'm talking in above average volume and people tell me I'm being silent

>yelling
<I undertand, hyperacousia can be hard to endure

>silent
<please take care of your ear hygiene

>>302506
bump

really: assume your voice is normal yet its either a sensitive guy saying "you're too loud" omiting "for my fragile ears" part…


…or a bloke with dirty ears being semi-deaf

Yeah I got a bad retard lisp, combined with an aspie monotone. i got problems with the S, and especially sticking the tongue for the th sounds.

I got sent to speech class since 1st grade, one of the few places where i got professional intervention for being fucked up. but years of it didn't make a difference.

later on when i tried to be a class clown lolcow, kids thought that i was faking a cartoonish voice, and some claimed to have heard my "real voice". As long as I'm stuck with a retard lisp might as well let them think its intentional comedy. I try to talk like a dumb guy like Patrick Star of Spongebob.

>>303188
I got constantly mocked for my lisp or speech impediment as a kid, it leveled off by high school and was never mentioned by college.

But its not like the problem was ever fixed. Adult still hear the same retard I was in 1st grade. So they make the same internal judgement on me. Just without the mean honesty of kids.

All the shit that attracted mockery and bullying of kids was never fixed, and while adults don't openly acknowledge it, they judge it internally. sometimes they think its an accent or something.

>>301831
The isolation, stress, and nerves you carry around with you can betray you, OP.

When I was younger a few years ago, I remember I used to have nervous tics that came and went: Once, while waiting for the bus after classes at my college, I stood next to a classmate. I had been a NEET for over a year before getting into uni and my social skills were shit even before that. I had nothing to talk about and used to made inappropriate comments trying to be funny. That time, while trying to talk to him (he started the conversation), I had an involuntary movement in my lower jaw. It started to shake, and I couldn't control it. He asked me what it was, and I obviously said it was nothing, but I knew very well that it was something mental.